12. Focus on who you are, what you believe your purpose is and set some goals

I think you know which one nets the best results; Empathic. Now if this area is a challenge for you that’s okay just always remember where you have to return to if you fall off the wagon and start to ignore someone of your mind is somewhere else when someone is speaking. You might keep or make a friend by doing so.

12. Focus on who you are, what you believe your purpose is and set some goals

I retired from public education in 2004 to pursue work as a consultant, writer, and college instructor. I will admit that it was and is nice not to have to get up with the moon and be out of the house before sunrise. However after I retired I still got up with the moon I just didn’t have to anymore, I choose to. As a matter of fact since I retired I don’t think there have been 10 days in seventeen years when I got up in the morning and I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do. Early in my retirement I frequently left the house to do in-service training of teachers. When I wasn’t doing training I was writing or soliciting. I have been a college instructor since 2000 and have written graduate courses and have often taught on weekends. I have kept busy. I enjoy walking, exercise, and challenging myself with new tasks like jumping rope or working on my balance.

Now why do I say this? Well it’s good to have something to do every day for sure but more importantly it’s good to know what you are going to do, how you are going to do it and how long something will take. This is known as setting goals, and with every goal there are objectives. The objectives are the baby steps we take to reach our goals every day. We also have to

figure out what we want to do and why we want to do it. That’s purpose. We all, have a unique design we just have to discover how our design fits into our job or career. In other words what motivates us and what are our gifts that we can use to make a difference in our own life and the lives of others. Once this is discovered the moon won’t be as daunting in the morning and we will always have a reason and a purpose for waking up.

If you are having trouble discovering your gifts and your unique design I am including here a motivational gift inventory: See Below

1. I consider myself to be a thinker, creative, and enjoy coming up with new ideas no one else has thought of. I tend to be a loner, and sometimes I feel people have a hard time understanding what I say. I think a lot about money. I enjoy making it, and like to give it to others who need help or are doing something worthwhile. I do not like people to know too much about me. If someone crosses me, I shut them out and find it hard to renew the relationship.

2. I consider myself to be a thinker, but enjoy giving ideas to others. I feel I see the whole picture when talking about something. I enjoy coordinating a complicated project. If a challenge is supposed to be impossible I believe it can be done. I enjoy being involved in many things at the same time. I am accused sometimes of being more concerned about getting the job done than the people doing the job. I enjoy working but sometimes have to get moving. I become angry or indignant when things do not go my way or when I have a

Understanding what emotionally drives you and others is a key to building positives relationships and for lifelong success. Each person is motivated in different ways. When we develop the skill to look at life through the eyes of another person we become more tolerant of their behavior and understand our own responsibilities in different situations. Underline any phrase or complete

sentence from all of the paragraphs below which describe how you think or feel.

conflict with people. People sometimes react to my explanations feeling “I think I know it all.”

3. I consider myself to be a thinker but a scholar is more like it. I enjoy studying and accumulating information about a subject. I feel I am very thorough, more than most people. I get frustrated when I cannot understand something. I feel that most people are not very smart and are superficial in the way they go about understanding something. I like to help others understand something if they really want to learn. I do not accept most people’s explanation of something. I tend to be skeptical of their conclusions and suspicious of how they arrived at their conclusions until I can study and examine it for myself.

4. I consider myself to be a thinker, but enjoy convincing other to think my way. I believe there is a logical way to work out a problem.

Most things seem black or white to me, right or wrong. People seem to react to me because I say a lot of things very direct, and sometimes am accused of being blunt. I need to know “why” to everything. I do not enjoy joking around or making small talk. If two people aren’t getting along, I want to get them together and work out the problem. I enjoy being in control of the situation. Once rules are set down, I like to follow them to the letter, and sometimes

considered inflexible. I feel I can see through people’s motives whether they are right or wrong.

5. I feel I am a sensitive feeling to other people’s feelings. It is important to me that people are honest. I am dependable and a hard worker, but like to work in an atmosphere where everyone is getting along. I will make an effort to do things or say things in a way that if possible, will not upset a person. I am accused sometimes of talking too long to explain what I mean. When I get upset, I am prone to “break” away rather than intensify the problem. It is hard to tolerate people who have hostile or harsh attitudes or are insensitive to other people’s feelings. I enjoy solving problems in a non-conflicting way.

6. I am a good worker. I enjoy doing things for people who are sincere and appreciative of what I do. I enjoy pleasing and helping others. I tend to commit myself and volunteer for more things than

I can do. I like knowing the details for exactly for exactly what and how a job needs to be done.

Sometimes I am accused of being a jack of all trades. Once I know how to do something, I do not like to change to another way. If I don’t know how to do a job I would rather not do it than do it wrong and have my boss be unhappy with my work. I get disgusted with people who do not get along. I would rather quit than be in hostile environment all the time. I get great satisfaction

from making a list of things to do then getting them done. I do not like to sit around and talk all the time. I would rather be “doing” something. I usually read the instructions first before I try something new. Once I know how to do something I rarely forget how to do it.

7. To a degree I feel I am a combination of all of the above. I am very action orientated. I have to see something happen. I enjoy seeing projects and results. Too long a dry spell without anything happening and I have to fight discouragement. I feel I am good at working with people on a one to one basis. I have a strong sense of confidence, which is sometimes misunderstood as egotistical. I am very involved with a person or people working with me on a common project. I am a good motivator of people and like people to rally around me. I have very little time to be side tracked by problems. I would prefer that we ignore them and push on unless it is interfering with what we are doing.

Discovering Your Gift

After highlighting or underlining the phrases and sentences which you most identify with, one paragraph will seem to stand out. If more than one paragraph is heavily underlined, the one furthest down the list (the higher number) is most likely your gift.

Change is not easy it’s hard so go slow. Work on one item a month and do it for a year. Then do it again the next year. You will change and it will be for the better. Anything that is worth having isn’t easily gotten. So persist and don’t give up. No one likes to change. It’s too tough to do. If you have any bad habits (you know, smoking, or excessive drinking, eating, or spending) then you know what I’m talking about. You wake up in the morning realizing that you have sworn off cigarettes and are on a diet and almost feel depressed knowing that you can’t have your coffee and a Marlboro this morning. Oh, we will quit, but it may take lung cancer or an oxygen tank before we do. Change, you see, is painful; very painful. Sometimes it requires a series of epiphanies before complete change takes place. Change is very incremental and it will sneak up on you. A pound a month is a twelve-pound weight gain at the end of the year. By the way, it was fun eating what you wanted, when you wanted it. Now, to lose it, it’s not quite as much fun. Change takes a leap of faith, knowing that if you stay the course and watch what you eat, you will slowly lose those few pounds that you gained. It hurts. It requires patience and the knowledge that you might revisit old behaviors from time to time. To help you out I am going to give you an assignment. For each one of the twelve items discussed in this book I am going to give you one thing to do to get started, sort of like a jump start. You may say great idea or make an adjustment and use the idea as a springboard for your own. Either way, any effort no matter how big or how small will always be rewarded.

Be accountable to someone. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier than you normally do. Then have your spouse or partner tell you to put your feet on the floor. If you live alone have a friend call you as a reminder. Remember to put your feet on the floor.

2. Do 5-10 Minutes Of Exercise Before Going Into The

Shower

Decide on 2-3 exercises you would like to do. Maybe walking in place, some push-ups, or have a few dumbbells in your bedroom. The trick here is to remember this is an activity to build consistency and to incorporate some exercise into your day. You can do more exercise later if you like. Doing something everyday can have benefits over the long haul. 10 push-ups can change your body in a year if done consistently.

3. Eat Healthy

Pick one meal a day and decide that you are going to make a healthy choice. As an example instead of a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast have a bowl of fruit or oatmeal. If you are hungry put the fruit on the oatmeal. Have one good calorie meal a day. .

4. Do Something Nice For Your Spouse, Your Children

Or Your Parents

You could make this a family game if you like. The question will always be what is mom or dad, going to do today, and for whom. This is a great example for children and when they are old enough they should be participants; this can help remove any idea of entitlement.

5. Do One Household Chore, A Small One

It’s not what needs to get done. It is what is in your purview that you could do. It could be as simple as carrying something that’s sitting on the steps upstairs and not leaving it for someone else. Just try and remember if you see it you own it.

6. Start Writing Letters To Your Children Your

Spouse or anyone of significance (Birthday Letters

Especially)

If a letter is too much, just start by writing a short note of thanks or appreciation. Often as a family or even as an employer we can forget at times what others do for us and take it for granted. Those that cook, clean, do dishes, or laundry probably does so out of love for others so let them know how much you appreciate their actions.

7. Stop Multi Tasking: Stay Focused On One Thing At

A Time

Start developing an understanding of the power of one, and by this I mean one job or task. Too often when we multi task we never complete anything because there is too much on our mental bench. Then as we observe the wreckage of unfinished jobs or chores our excuse becomes: “I would have finished this if only I had more time.” Well, everyone has 24 hours in a day right? Make one job the important one, and get it done.

Try to realize what you lose by not doing this, and that’s the trust of others. Doing this speaks more about your character then the character of the person we are gossiping about.

9. Read something inspirational; Anything

This works well with rising early, and doing 5 minutes of exercise. If you think about it in 30 minutes you took care of the physical and spiritual dimensions of life and have set the stage for a productive day.

10. Practice Self Control

Very simply here just ask yourself if you want something or need something. If it is something you want you probably don’t need it. All excess usually involves, eating, spending, or habits such as smoking or drinking. No one needs to smoke, and those who drink alcohol in excess need to answer the question; am I thirsty or depressed.

11. Start Listening To understand:

Try to work on just staying quiet and at times say nothing. Things that people say usually don’t require a response or an opinion. Words need to be fitly spoken, measured, and seasoned with salt; too much seasoning can cause a misunderstanding. Often where there are many words there are many problems.

12. Focus On Who You Are, What You Believe Your

Purpose Is And Set Some Goals

Before you go to bed at night always ask yourself; what am I going to do tomorrow, and how you can be a blessing to someone else. Determine your belief system and review it mentally every day. This will keep you focused on who you are and keep your words lined up with your actions. This is integrity and consistency.

About Jim Burns

Since 1977 Jim Burns has been working with students who have learning disabilities and behavioral problems. He has over 40 years of experience working as an administrator, teacher, college instructor, and a seminar leader. He is committed to helping administrators, parents, and teachers establish standards of excellence and to help them build successful relationships with their staff, students, and children. He has written and designed The Bully Proof Classroom, a graduate course that is offered at The College of New Jersey and La Salle University in Pennsylvania in partnership with The Regional Training Center in Randolph New Jersey. This course is endorsed by the New Jersey Education Association. Jim was awarded the degree of Doctor of Humane Letters in recognition of his work

in the area of anti bullying. He has also written several books on the topics of student behavior management and classroom climate. “Anti Bullying 101” is a great resource for teachers, administrator, support staff, and parents as it provides permanent help in dealing with unruly behavior and can be used as part of any anti-bullying program.