Invisible Tigers

Mary Walker

Amelia always needed earbuds when she left her home. The world was too loud and too chaotic for her to process. Her whole life felt like she was being hunted by tigers. With her earbuds, she could control the chaos; she could control a small part of her world, and that was enough to keep her together in public. Today she needed to make an emergency run to the supermarket- she had a head cold, and needed decongestant. A simple in and out, with no fuss. She went out to her car, took a stabilizing breath, and turned on the engine. The clock in her car read 3:23 PM as she listened to the afternoon radio host discuss downtown traic. “Looks like the afternoon rush has creeped up early on us, folks! Congestion in the lower area of the city is expected to put you back about 30 minutes. Hope you aren’t on your way to an important meeting! Haha, well, here’s today’s top ifty… with no commercials!” Amelia felt her stomach sink; she hated traic. All those people on the road, especially tailgaters, gave her a pit in her stomach. She steadied her mind and continued on the way to the supermarket. A rundown blue sedan followed close behind her almost the whole way; even in the congestion with all its frequent stops. She only breathed a sigh when they turned into a drive-thru, leaving her behind. The tension in her shoulders grew as she turned into the parking lot, and she searched for a spot. Her preferred spots were far away from the doors; in her mind there was less chance of a crash, or some creep trying to abduct her. She shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts of what could go wrong just in the parking lot. She did a quick checklist in her head of everything she needed for her trip: phone, check. Cross-body bag, check. Keys, check. Earbuds…earbuds? This was bad. She forgot her earbuds? How? She always had them with her. The thought crossed her mind of just coming back another time but her sinuses persisted against the idea. Amelia had no choice- she had to go into the store without her line of defense. Immediately she was hit with multiple diferent sensations. The sound of carts rolling and clanking against one another. The consistent, erratic beeping of the checkout aisles. The smells coming from the deli section. Her brain tried to process it all at once and it made her skin crawl. Amelia once again brushed

against her pocket, hoping her earbuds would magically appear in her pocket; no dice. She was already on edge, her nerves keeping her on her guard against invisible tigers and she hadn’t even gotten past the self-checkout. Without wasting time, Amelia walked at a brisk pace to the pharmacy section of the store. She knew she was on a strict time limit before she couldn’t take it anymore and she wasn’t going to leave empty handed. She heard some teenagers laughing over in the toy aisle; she had to remind herself it wasn’t at her expense. A large group of people wandered at a snail’s pace in Amelia’s path; her irritation rose, and she pushed past them as politely as she could muster. Each step felt like walking through thick mud, yet her pace kept consistency. At last, she arrived at the pharmacy section. She made her way to the cold medicine and grabbed her decongestant. The irst half of her adventure was over. All that was left was to get out there and return to the quiet and the safety of her car. At this point, her timer was close to zero. The walls of the store began to close in on her: the tigers were getting closer. Everything became louder and harder to ignore. Every conversation had equal space in her mind, along with every clunking footstep and every nauseating smell of cheap perfume and cigarettes she passed. All her senses were under attack, and she knew the time she had left was short: she felt her throat begin to tighten and her eyes begin to burn. She needed to keep herself together for just a few more minutes. She approached the self-checkout and every sound felt like a slash to the heart. The plastic bag she placed her decongestant into felt numb in her hands. She felt disconnected from everything happening around her as she left the store. The trek back to her car felt like an eternity. With no haste, Amelia unlocked her car and got inside. She set her decongestant in the passenger seat, and started to take of her bag to set alongside the decongestant. The tigers inally pounced on their prey. She struggled to pull her bag over her head, the strap getting stuck on the hood of her sweater. All at once, Amelia exploded into a maelstrom of expletives and rage, directed at no one but herself and the bag. She threw her bag to the side, letting it fall to the loor. She gripped her steering wheel as shame came over her for her outburst. She let herself cry, pressing her head to the wheel, the sensation of the leather bringing her back to the world around her. Once she felt she was ready, she turned on the engine and began her next journey to home, leaving today’s tigers behind in the parking lot.