Michaelmas 2015 Issue 8

Feminism in college:

Baroness Lawrence:

Should women-only events be supported in Cambridge?

The UK police force needs significant reform

→ Comment, p.16

www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

Cavendish Lab to get £75m funding boost Government money will help fund development

T

he government has announced plans to invest £75 million into the University’s Cavendish laboratory, as part of the Spending Review. This donation will be matched by the University.

The funds are hoped by the University “to transform the Cavendish, helping maintain Britain’s position at the forefront of physical sciences research.”

The money will be used to build a new Cavendish Laboratory in West Cambridge. The new complex of laboratories will serve 1,000 staff, students and visitors and feature teaching, research, library and administration space. The complex is planned to open in 2020.

This will be the third laboratory to hold the Cavendish name, originally named after the scientist who discovered hydrogen. It was in the first lab that Crick and Watson discovered the structure of DNA. The vice-chancellor, Sir Leszek Borysiewicz, said of the new funding from the government: “This is fantastic news. The Cavendish is and will serve as a national asset, to the benefit of research both in Cambridge and across the UK.’’ He continued to say that “this announcement demonstrates the government’s commitment to regional and national scientific growth and innovation. It presents a major opportunity for us to create a worldleading facility in the heart of the greater Cambridge high-tech cluster

Recipes, decorating tips, and making a Bridgemas miracle

→Interviews, p.14

→Part 2 Special

The

26 November 2015 Vol. 17 Michaelmas Issue 8

Stevie Hertz News Editor

The Bridgemas Special:

Cambridge Student

English tuition fees are world’s highest Elsa Maishman News Editor University fees are higher in England than anywhere else in the world, according to a new report from the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.

The study details average tuition fees charged by public institutions in the academic year 2013/14, in relation to the proportion of students who benefit from public loans, scholarships or grants at bachelor’s level.

England had the most expensive average tuition fees, at just under £6,000, once scholarships and grants have been accounted for. However, English students’ investment tends to be repaid in higher graduate wages.

The United States was ranked second, with fees of just under £5,500 (although this data is from 2011/12).

However, these figures only apply to public universities, while many leading American universities are private.

The report also compared the percentage of students in each country who benefitted from public loans, scholarships or grants.

In the UK, 91.6% received support, whereas in the US it was 85.3%, and across major government scholarship programmes in Australia the figure was 87.4%. Switzerland had the lowest percentage of students benefitting from public loans, scholarships and/ or grants, at only 7.9%. However, the associated average tuition fees were just over £670.

The report notes that since 1995 the UK has moved from a system of low tuition fees and ‘‘underdeveloped’’ student support systems to one of high tuition fees and ‘‘significant’’ public support to students.

Nevertheless, nine out of ten graduates in England have an average of more than $30,000 in tuition loan debt – about £20,000.

and deliver a step-change in physical science research capability in the UK.” Similarly, the head of the Cambridge’s Physics department, Professor Andy Parker, commented: “This funding allows us to continue the tradition of innovation and originality that has been at the heart of the laboratory’s programme since its foundation.”

Anthony Bridgen, a second-year Natural Sciences student commented: “It’s nice to see the government investing in science at a time when there seem to be so many cuts...

However, that this money is going to somewhere like Cambridge which is already so well funded, one could question whether their allocation priorities are right.”

Alongside the funding for the Cavendish, the funding review also announced that a new Enterprise Zone will be created in Cambridgeshire, and for the first time, postgraduates will be able to get loans for their tuition and maintenance costs.

They will also offer maintenance loans to people studying for parttime degrees and tuition fee loans for those taking second degrees in a STEM subject.

However, while former Cambridge City MP Julian Huppert praised the decision, the current MP, Daniel Zeichner, focused on other aspects of the budget, particularly replacing research grants with loans.

The original Cavendish laboratory was founded in 1874 on the New Museums Site. It is currently under This year’s Footlights Pantomime ‘Robin Hood’ opened last night.Turn to pages development to create an access route. 4-5 of Part 2 for a look behind the scenes.

Image: Chris Williamson Editorial Comment page 15 →

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26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

News

Editorial Team 26 November 2015

Volume 17 • Michaelmas Issue 8 www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

Editors-in-Chief Jack May Freya Sanders Art Director Alice Mottram News Editors Stevie Hertz Elsa Maishman Deputy News Editors Will Amor Catherine Maguire Tonicha Upham Theo Demolder Investigations Editor Colm Murphy Deputy Investigations Editors Anna Carruthers Olly Hudson Features Editors Magdalen Christie Sammy Love Anthony Bridgen Interviews Editor Chase Caldwell Smith Comment Editors Amelia Oakley Julia Stanyard Grace Murray Columns Editor Audrey Sebatindira Food & Drink Editor Lucy Roxburgh Books Editor Jemima Jobling Music Editor Olivia Fletcher TV & Film Editor Anna Bradley Theatre Editor Tom Bevan Fashion Editor Jessie Mathewson Lifestyle Editors Maddy Airlie Isobel Laidler Sport Editor Paul Hyland Deputy Sport Editor Jack Ranson Social Media Manager Sydney Patterson Chief Sub-Editors Charlotte Furniss-Roe Megan Proops Sub-Editors Dikshali Shah Josie Daw Urvie Pereira Directors Jack May Freya Sanders Colm Murphy Sam Rhodes Jemma Stewart

The Cambridge Student takes complaints about editorial content seriously. We are committed to abiding by the Independent Press Standards Organisation rules and the Editors’ Code of Practice enforced by IPSO, and by the stipulations of our constitution. Requests for corrections or clarifications should be sent by email to editor@tcs.cam.ac.uk or by post to The Editor, The Cambridge Student, Cambridge University Students’ Union, 17 Mill Lane, Cambridge, CB2 1RX.

One student took to an alternative means of transport for a latenight amble around town A Cambridge Diary

Martin Bond is a professional photographer. His project A Cambridge Diary, where he posts a portrait photograph from Cambridge online each day, is his own labour of love. It is now in its sixth year, with nearly 2,000 photographs and counting.

A Cambridge Diary pictures feature every month on the front cover of Cambridge Magazine; they are the pictures behind the Cambridge Literary Festival and they are seen by thousands of people every day. Follow @acambridgediary on Twitter or like A Cambridge Diary on Facebook.

tcd

• tcd@tcs.cam.ac.uk •

ROBERT PALMER

THE BLUE RATIO

The tail-end of the last academic year saw a vast proliferation of student media outlets in a way that hadn’t been seen in Cambridge for almost a decade. Naturally, this Diarist has been as keen as any to monitor the upkeep of these new, shiny outlets. One of them, Blue Specs, is fortunate enough to enjoy a sleek new website, with a dedicated page for its extensive editorial team. In a spare moment, this Diarist greatly enjoyed calculating the ratio of editors to articles published this term, which currently stands at 13:8. Youth clearly isn’t everything in the cut-throat media world.

NOT WITH A FIZZLE

It is with a respectful and amicable nod that this Diarist wishes Varsity all the best as it celebrates the release of its 800th issue since its foundation this week. While the full scale of the celebrations is yet to be made apparent in the print copy, this Diarist understand that the editor, Tom Freeman, spent time in the University Library rooting

through the archives to find such gems as irate 1960s letters on the imminent decriminalisation of homosexuality, and a 1950s editor who announced his engagement (while a second-year historian) on the front page. However, with advertisements flying around for

fresh blood to fill Freeman’s other role as editor of The Cambridge Globalist, and such worthy and informative front-page headlines of late as ‘Breakfast at Trinity’s’, this Diarist sincerely hopes he keeps his eye on the prize for a glorious editorial finale.

A tale of two hacks

The contest for the presidency of the Cambridge Union Society (pictured left) has begun in earnest, with the usual diaspora of Facebook events, profile picture changes, and backroom messages to supposedly influential persons.

The membership’s choice for Easter 2016 will be between Charlotte Ivers, former Tab editor and Union grandee, and Sachin Parathalingam, former (demoted) Tab co-editor and Union grandee. With such editorial pedigree, this Diarist anticipated beautifully formatted manifestoes, and pitches devoid of any typographical (or other) mishaps.

It was thus with disappointment that this Diarist read of Sachin Parathalingam’s experience as “former Preisdent [sic] of The King’s Affair”, and of Charlotte Ivers’ commitment to “a Union that never shys [sic] away from controversy”. It would appear that these Tab alumni have thus truly flown the (obviously typo-free) nest.

Front page: WIKIMEDIA, SOUTHBANK CENTRE, ALICE MOTTRAM

3

The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

News

The “growing” uni pay gap Official figures show average salary for university employees is £41,146, while the top earners get over £600,000

Tonicha Upham Deputy News Official figures released this year reveal that the average salary of people working in higher education was £41,146, for 2013/14. The average pay rise was 0.8%, compared to 1.9% for the rest of the workforce.

This information comes a week after an investigation by the Tax Payers Alliance revealed that six employees of the University of Cambridge earned more than £300,000 in 2013/14, while over 5,000 further education employees earned more than £100,000.

The general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, Mary Bousted, commented, “We are concerned about the growing gap in pay between lecturers and those in management positions and those running universities.

“While some top managers are earning six-figure salaries, increasing numbers of lecturers are being put

and ensure that students receive highquality teaching.”

According to the Universities and Colleges Employers’ Association, the salary of a vice-chancellor is about six times the earnings of a lecturer.

Last week, a Cambridge University spokesman commented “staff are paid within an agreed framework and the remuneration described by the figures include employer’s pension contributions, one-off payments for taking on extra responsibilties as well as salary.”

An anonymous academic has also criticised the low salaries paid to academics at Oxford and Cambridge

Universities in an anonymous article rather than entry-level positions.

The academic argued for better pay in The Guardian.

The Oxbridge academic cited for those holding academic positions research stating that the average non- at Oxford and Cambridge Universities on the basis of the considerable wealth of both institutions, workload, and the “This is not the best high cost of living in both cities. way to attract the best One second-year student at lecturers” Pembroke, who intends to pursue a career in academia, said: “It is professorial salary for an academic at immensely unfair that the opportunity Oxbridge is £45,000. In comparison, to work at two of the best universities the average university salary is in the world should be so heavily £48,460, or £50,000 for Russell Group restricted by wealth.

“Especially given the inordinately universities. These are higher than total national averages as they include high house prices in cities like only senior academics and professors, Cambridge, work as an academic STUX

at top universities for those who do not come from affluent backgrounds is becoming less and less possible.

This is not about an expectation that academics should be awarded with extortionate salaries, but simply a question of whether or not they are being paid enough in relation to their work and to the costs associated with the city they have to live in.”

However, another student felt differently, commenting: “Of course

0.8% Average payrise for a university employee, compared to 1.9% national average the work that academics do is important, and difficult, but the focus on the salaries of people who are already earning £45,000 is crazy – Addenbrooke’s is facing a shortage of staff, possibly because the cost of living is having such a big impact on those who would otherwise be able to work in Cambridge.

“Academics are not the only part of the problem. We need to look for solutions which take into account the salaries of everyone, such as those who are yet to be paid living wage, and address the issue of the high cost of living in Oxford and Cambridge.”

£41,146 Average salary for a British university employee on zero hours contracts with insecure terms of employment. This is not the best way to attract the best lecturers

Cable cars for Cambridge

Pressure on Uni to apologise

Colourful suggestions to mitigate the congestion crisis in central Cambridge have included a plan to build cable car lines instead of bus lanes.

The novel idea comes from businessman Sir Michael Marshall as part of evidence gathering for the new City Deal project. The project aims to reduce congestion in Cambridge.

The cable car would run between the park and ride on Madingley Road and Newnham.

Sir Michael Marshall is a prominent businessman and a member of the City Deal assembly.

He said that the project was a oncein-a-lifetime opportunity, and that no idea should be off the table.

This project seeks to develop infrastructure within Cambridge,

Following the removal of the ‘Dear World... Yours Cambridge’ video featuring David Starkey last week, pressure has increased on the University to apologise for his role.

The video was removed after an open letter signed by students and academics accused Starkey of racism, following his comments on Newsnight in 2011, when he said “the whites have become black... a particular sort of violent, destructive, nihilistic culture has become the fashion.”

Dr Malachi McIntosh, a fellow at Kings who launched the open letter, commented to The Cambridge Student that “the next and biggest step is for the University to apologise for its selection of Starkey. Once that happens the case is closed. If it doesn’t

Will Amor Deputy News

including the key issues of transport and housing, to ensure the long term economic growth of the city. A more sober plan put forward to tackle congestion is to introduce a new ‘smart’ traffic light system. The new traffic lights would create ‘integrated traffic management’ capable of keeping traffic on the outside of the city during times of great congestion.

This is the second time cable cars in Cambridge has been suggested by a businessman; previously, Peter Dawe, an entrepreneur from Ely, suggested the suspended transport method.

London famously installed a cable car on the Greenwich Peninsula, sponsored by Emirates Air Line, which attracted controversy after it emerged that only four people used the service operated by Transport for London in their daily commute.

The idea comes from Michael Marshall as part of the evidence for the City Deal project

Stevie Hertz News Editor

“The biggest step is for the University to apologise for its selection of Starkey”

happen the damage still remains and the threat of something similar taking place still lingers.”

Similarly, CUSU BME Campaign commented that “As happy as we are that public pressure worked to such a degree, the removal of the video feels like a partial victory.... We feel [an apology] is necessary and are therefore still pushing for signatures and asking the University to admit their mistake and apologise for it.”

A University spokesman said last week that David Starkey was “one of a number of alumni who wished to participate in the film to demonstrate their gratitude and commitment to Cambridge. We appreciate that he is an academic who has made controversial statements in the past. However, in the video he was representing his affection for the University and its values.”

4

26 November2015 • The Cambridge Student

Investigations

Apathy, anger and division: What has CUSU or GU ever done for us?

Colm Murphy and Olly Hudson Investigations Editor and Deputy It is a well-entrenched cliche to say that Cambridge students don’t care about CUSU. As the current CUSU sabbatical officers look to reform the institution, we examine the problems that this union faces.

While difficult to precisely measure, disillusionment with student union representation is clear, as The Cambridge Student revealed two weeks ago.

Only 32% of finalists were satisfied with their student union last year, which is the

“CUSU means well and are becoming more and more relevant to university life” lowest figure since records began in 2012.

In fairness, last year’s sabbatical election saw the highest turnout since record began, as current president Priscilla Mensah beat ‘joke candidate’ Milo Edwards for president. Over 4,000 students voted.

However, last year CUSU Council was forced to appoint delegates itself to the National Union of Students annual conference, where national student union policy is decided, after the popular vote backed re-opening nominations.

Mensah ran on a platform calling for reform, and told TCS that the new team are “fostering a relationship with students who hadn’t engaged with CUSU in the past”.

CUSU Council, the primary democratic body of students, is currently the focus of some controversy. It recently passed a motion calling for the Tompkins Table to be scrapped.

This was attacked in the student press; The Tab described it as “Marxist”.

The Council provides the link between JCRs, MCRs, autonomous campaigns, and the CUSU executive committee. It decides CUSU’s policy, and its minutes are regularly uploaded to a website everyone can access.

Yet turnout for CUSU events such as CUSU Council remains poor, with many JCR presidents and external officers failing to fulfil their constitutional roles in representing their colleges.

Not a single motion could pass at the first meeting of term as turnout was not sufficient for a quorum.

Mensah has recently sought to challenge any JCRs who do not send delegates to CUSU Council with CUSU publishing a regular list of attendees in order to ‘shame’ absentee colleges.

Speaking to TCS, CUSU Coordinator, Jemma Stewart said: “Personally I find it difficult to hear complaints of policy passed through CUSU Council that it doesn’t represent student opinion when student

representatives do not make use of their power in attending and voting in Council.

“That being said I acknowledge that Council isn’t the best structured or appealing event and that there’s work to be done in encouraging attendance other than democratic responsibility.”

Many students claim that, if the activities of CUSU and the link between CUSU and their college bodies were made clearer, than they would take greater interest.

One student who spoke anonymously to TCS, labelled CUSU “toothless” when it came to issues such as the living wage, rents and voter registration.

They added: “CUSU means well and are becoming more and more relevant to university life, but still struggle to carry the clout that most universities’ SUs do”.

This is a problem that CUSU themselves are the first to admit as a pitfall of the collegiate system. For many undergraduates, college JCRs remain the first point of access for student politics.

In addition, CUSU is one of the few student unions that does not receive a large block grant from the University. The 2015– 16 CUSU Budget states that the University provides £93,518 in unrestricted funding.

In comparison, for the year ending 31 July 2014, Leeds University student union received £2,046,990 in unrestricted funding. In the same year, the union was one of only three unions to score over 90% in the National Student Satisfaction Survey.

CUSU, ultimately, is the sum of its parts.

Therefore, participation of JCRs and MCRs is key if it is to represent student opinion.

Representatives from these bodies, in addition to the Women’s, LGBT+, BME and Disabled Students campaigns, make up the votes of CUSU Council.

The 2013 GU accounts were 536 days overdue A motion that was recently brought forward by the president of Trinity JCR, Cornelius Roemer, called on CUSU Council to bring more internal motions.

CUSU’s current plans to oppose the government’s axeing of maintenance grants, and its proposal to allow universities to raise tuition fees in line with inflation, will rely on the willingness of JCRs and MCRs to carry the campaign forward.

CUSU Access and Funding Sabbatical Officer Helena Blair is constitutionally obliged to support the NUS’s ‘#cutthecosts’ campaign, opposing the scrapping of grants, while recent meetings have taken place on the issue with local MPs including Labour’s Daniel Zeichner (Cambridge) and the Conservatives’ Heidi Alexander (South Cambs).

CLOCKWISE

Nonetheless, concerns persist within CUSU that if the current lack of engagement through JCRs continues, the consultation process due to take place with the wider student body will be of limited effect.

With the arrival of Lent Term, CUSU will again begin the process of electing full time sabbatical officers for the coming year.

In addition there will be elections to Cambridge’s NUS delegates for National Conference in April of 2016. The NUS remains another bone of contention for many students with perceptions often less than positive.

We should not forget the Graduate Union. Even by Cambridge student union standards, the GU has had a terrible last few years. A president, Arsalan Ghani was ousted by a vote of no confidence in 2012, after £1,000 went missing.

“The GU costs us £1,500 per annum, which we feel is a rip off, frankly.”

Last year TCS exclusively revealed that the GU had been deregistered from the Charity Commission register due to overdue accounts. TCS can reveal that the GU has finally now submitted the overdue accounts for 2014 and 2013. These were 171 and 536 days late respectively.

This revelation was followed by a badtempered GU presidential election, which candidate Eric Royal Lybeck subsequently called “corrupt” and challenged the decision. He was initially declared president, but a “miscount” meant this result was retracted.

The GU currently still does not have a president but by-elections are ongoing, CUSU Coordinator Jemma Stewart told TCS: “As Returning Officer for the Graduate Union President By-Elections, I’m pleased to confirm that we have three candidates in the election (alphabetically)Chad Allen, Richard Jones and Re-Open Nominations. Voting is underway and I look forward to the possibility of a filled CU president post by Monday.”

Both Allen and Jones’ manifestos promise to oppose any merge with CUSU. Allen states: “Transferring representation of grads from one body which struggles for relevancy to another (dominated by undergrads) fixes nothing.” Jones talks of “protecting it from takeover by CUSU.” Richard Jones was GU President 2013-14 and stood in last year’s disputed election.

This term, St Edmund’s CR disaffiliated from the GU, with their president Brendan Mahon saying: “The GU costs us £1,500 per annum, which we feel is a rip off, frankly.” Clockwise from top: a 2012 protest by the NUS in Central London; CUSU Additional reporting by Anna Carruthers Cambridge students last year against Government cuts; a 2010 ‘occupation’

5

The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

Investigations

The student union problem

FROM TOP: ANDREW MOSS, SANDY RUSHTON, MATT DINNERY, WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Jazz hands and “rank hypocrisy”: the terrible image of the National Union of Students Colm Murphy Investigations Editor The National Union of Students has, for a number of years, been well known for stumbling into media storms and backlashes, even recently provoking a reaction from the prime minister.

Back in 2010, there was a vehemently negative reaction after two executive NUS members pressured Durham Union Society into cancelling a debate about multiculturalism, which featured British National Party members.

Some members at the time accused the NUS members of threatening violence.

Wes Streeting, who was NUS president at the time, and is now a new Labour MP, was forced to go to Durham and apologise in front of 300 students for this “monumental cock-up”.

However, an anti-NUS campaign for “free speech” was launched and, as a result, Durham briefly disaffiliated in reaction to the controversy. However, Durham reaffiliated once again the following year.

Disaffiliation is sometimes called for at UK universities, although it rarely succeeds. Birmingham, Stirling and others have voted overwhelmingly to remain

Daniel Cooper said there was a “stranglehold of ‘identity politics’ on the student movement” affiliated in the past few years.

Last year, it seemed that Oxford students had voted to disaffiliate, after the ‘Believe in Oxford’ campaign emerged victorious against the union.

However, the result was annulled a month later as over 1,000 votes for the leave campaign were believed to have been rigged. The NUS called this suspected malpractice “disappointing”.

The NUS is frequently criticised for the actions of its delegates at conference.

In addition contentious motions have attracted backlashes.

In April 2013, several delegates cheered and applauded the death of divisive former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, culminating in a furious backlash on social media and a contrite statement from the president Liam Burns.

In October 2014, the union made national headlines after it, technically, failed to pass a motion condemning Isis.

Concerns were raised with the wording of the proposed motion, particularly about Women’s Campaign’s ‘Reclaim The Night’ in 2014; a protest organised by perceived “Islamophobia” according to black students’ officer Malia Bouattia, and of the Old Schools buildings over the Coalition’s raising of tuition fees.

it was rejected in a vote.

One of the proposers of the motion, Daniel Cooper, called the move a sign of the “stranglehold of ‘identity politics’ on the student movement … the idea is widespread that if a liberation officer opposes something, it must be bad.”

A new motion was later taken to the National Executive Committee to, in the NUS’ words, “specifically condemn the politics and methods of Isis and offer solidarity for the Kurdish people.”

This year, the NUS released reports showing high levels of sexual assault at universities In March of this year, a motion at the NUS Womens’ Conference drew mockery with its ‘jazz hands’ procedural rule.

It also attracted criticism from prominent feminist journalist Helen Lewis, of the New Statesman, for reaffirming its ban on Julie Bindel and calling for “zero tolerance” of cross dressing.

Lewis described this particular motion as “extraordinarily conservative”, but a student LGBT+ blogger later disputed her claim that the motion prevented queer drag expression by pointing to an addendum.

NUS campaigns can also be subject to heavy criticism.

Just before the general election, many attacked the £40,000 ‘Liar Liar’ campaign directed against the Liberal Democrats: revenge for their 2010 tuition fees u-turn.

As recently as June, the NUS NEC affiliated with the controversial BDS campaign, which has subsequently called for a boycott of Israeli universities and recently attracted the public support of ten Cambridge academics.

An Oxford delegate who voted in favour of this was later criticised for “duplicity” by fellow Oxford students.

This academic year, the NUS has released reports highlighting the prevalence of sexual assault at universities, which prompted announcements of a new taskforce from government minister Sajid Javid.

CUSU Women’s Officer Charlotte Chorley called this a “great step”, but it has received criticism from some public figures, particularly by columnists such as Ella Whelan in The Spectator.

Whelan said the NUS’s survey was “poorly evidenced”, and that “free-thinking women” should ignore this “moral panic.”

In September and October, the NUS was accused of working with the controversial

Islamist civil rights group Cage, in a campaign opposing the counter-terror legislation, Prevent, which would affect the choice of who universities are allowed to invite as speakers.

They passed a motion which suggested that they would work with the group in the anti-Prevent campaign in April, but later denied that they would have anything to do with Cage.

Nonetheless, the NUS then invited leading Cage figure and former Guantanamo Bay detainee Moazzam Begg to several events.

Prime minister David Cameron said that this “shame[ed] the organisation”.

The group Student Rights, who campaign against campus extremism, heavily criticised the union for this, calling it “rank hypocrisy.”

President Megan Dunn later publicly stated that the NUS, though it would be campaigning against the legislation for “freedom of expression”, would not “ally” with Cage because any alliance would not be compatible with NUS policies on “antiracism, anti-fascism, and how we define anti-semitism.

“I will not work with Cage, the NUS will not be working with Cage and there will be no NUS resources used to work with Cage.”

These incidents have contributed to the

£40,000 The amount spent on the ‘Liar Liar’ campaign against the Liberal Democrats overall negative perception of NUS. One student told TCS: “The NUS is so dominated by a small-group of hard-left crazies that most normal, moderate people feel completely alienated and excluded.”

A recent vote at Oxford University has seen the parody ‘Oh Well, Alright Then’ group claim an unlikely victory on a mandate opposing the current leadership of the NUS. Another student who had previously attended NUS National Conference was more positive, telling TCS, “there was a really great, energised atmosphere”.

However, the person added: “I got the feeling it was sort of an ivory tower – motions that were all very well and good, but how are they going to be implemented?

They didn’t seem to be actually acting on the real needs of students”.

6

26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

College Watch

Images: Jessica McHugh

Caius

Magdalene

Selwyn

Medwards

Naomi Clarke, a third-year music student at Gonville and Caius College, has written, recorded and released a charity Christmas single in aid of Save the Children.

Around 50 fellow students aided Clarke with her debut recording, entitled ‘Christmas is Here.’

Some provided backing vocals, while others are featured dancing in various locations around Cambridge.

The single can be viewed on YouTube and is available on Googleplay, Amazon and on iTunes for £0.79. Clarke’s online JustGiving site, separate to proceeds from sales, has so far gained £500 in donations.

Speaking to The Cambridge Student, Clarke said: I ‘‘ just want to do something to add a little happiness to the world at the moment. On a large scale, donating can affect lives in ways I hadn’t even thought of. And on a small scale, if I can just bring happiness to people for two minutes of their day, it‘ll have been worth it. That’s my main vibe. ‘‘Plus I really think we need a new Christmas song, and this one is catchy as hell.’’

The Magdalene College Facebook group has reportedly gone into ‘‘overdrive’’ this weekend, as the heating failed during a particularly cold snap in Cambridge.

An email was sent to all students, in which Georgina Rose, the College’s new accomodation coordinator, explained that the boiler in student accomodation in Bridge Street broke over the weekend, and there was ‘‘some confusion’’ over who needed to be contacted. The ‘‘Clerk of Works’’ has now been duly contacted, and has assured students that the boiler has been fixed.

Comments on the aforementioned Facebook page included complaints that ‘‘Two duvets and two blankets and a hot water bottle just doesn’t cut it anymore... it is the worst.’’

Concerns were raised by students that the heating in College rooms was being turned off overnight, making both falling asleep and getting out of bed in the morning unpleasant.

Georgina Rose clarified that the heating ‘‘comes on in all buildings at 6am, stays on throughout the day and turns off at 11pm, as specified in the Accomodation Handbook.’’

Students at Selwyn have organised a petition on Facebook to raise concerns over the arrangements for storage for international students at the college. Led by the JCR’s International Officer, the petition hopes to achieve an increase in the space allotted to international storage and to make the College financially liable for any damage to property stored there.

At the time of writing, over 100 students have commented on the Facebook group, effectively signing the petition.

The group includes a photo of a cramped storage room, which was criticised in the main post for being “virtually inaccessible.”

Comparisons with other colleges were made, in particular to the generous conditions offered by Newnham College and Peterhouse where over 120kg of free storage is afforded to international students over the holidays.

A fourth-year student at the College told The Cambridge Student that ‘it is commendable that the JCR is taking action on a longstanding issue. Hopefully the College will recognise the desperate need for change.’

Murray Edwards Feminist Society has held a breakfast in solidarity with Trinity Feminism, following a backlash against their women’s breakfast. The Facebook event encouraged women to come to Medwards Dome to eat breakfast and “support women across the university who are not in as fortunate a position as we are in Murray Edwards to have such a fantastic female support system.”

The page stressed that creating women’s spaces, such as through a specified breakfast, “is not an impingement on the rights of men.

In fact, it isn’t about men at all. This event is about acknowledging the exclusion of women from Cambridge for centuries, and celebrating the historic steps taken in the long road to equal gender rights and opportunities.”

The page signed off with the popular slogan “Coco Pops and conquering the patriarchy.”

Alice Mottram, who attended the breakfast, commented “It was good to see Murray Edwards supporting the women of Trinity, especially considering we celebrated the 60th anniversary of the foundation of our college just last year”

7

The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

News

Paying off student loans early can save graduates £20,000 Theo Demolder Deputy News New analysis by The Telegraph has shown that paying off your student loan early now could save you a significant amount of money in the long-run due to increasing interest on the loan amount.

Those who pay off the loan over 30 years will end up paying £20,000 more than those who pay it off over 17 years, due to interest.

However, considering that loans are written off after 30 years, paying off early may not be necessary. One second year student, Julian Sutcliffe, commented on this, saying that “although it may be cheaper to pay it off early, it’s far better to just pay it off at the minimum level because there’s a fairly decent chance you won’t pay it all anyway”.

However, as interest rates rise in relation to graduate salary, for those earning top figures, it may be worthwhile to assume you will pay it all back. Those earning over £41,000 pay interest of over 3%, while those earning £30,000 pay at least 1.35% (both rates also rise with inflation).

In addition, currently even relatively small voluntary contributions of £50 each month could ultimately save over £8,000. However, this may easily change if the inflation index used to calculate repayments raises from its near-zero level.

Alongside new research into interest rates, plans are currently underway to freeze the starting salary when paying back loans becomes compulsory and increase the rate at which loans are

paid back. If the salary is frozen, in real terms it would become lower over time, due to inflation. Currently the rate of repayment is 9% of the amount earned over £21,000.

However, the Business Secretary Sajid Javid commented last month that the repayment rate may well rise, so graduates pay off their loans more quickly.

Although currently graduates only pay the 0% RPI plus interest, if inflation were to rise to the 4% level seen in 2011, anybody would need a salary of £52,500 or more to pay off more than just the interest on the loan, if paying the 3% interest rate for salaries over £41,000.

Those who pay off the loan over 30 years will pay more due to interest

Will Tilbrook, an English student at Pembroke, commented: “Having the burden of a significant debt as an 18 year old is bad enough, let alone feeling under pressure to pay it back quickly as well.” He added: “I would much prefer to save for the future, rather than feel like I’m paying for the past.”

A spokesperson from the Student Loans Company said to The Telegraph: “Customers wishing to make voluntary repayments can do so in a number of ways. Debit and credit card payments can be submitted at any time online. Voluntary payments are non-refundable once received by the Student Loans Company.”

ED BRAMBLEY

Following a month of protests, pressure is increasing on elite American universities and colleges to combat racism on campus.

Events heightened this week, as portraits of black Harvard Law School professors were defaced with black tape, following a protest on campus in solidarity with other black students across the country.

As racial issues came to the forefront across the country, students at Princeton University in New Jersey took part a in 32-hour sit-in at the president’s office. They were protesting the name of the ‘Woodrow Wilson School of Politics’.

Wilson, president of the United States of America between 1913 and 1921, attended Princeton but also

Cambridgeshire police increase vigilance after Paris terrorism Police controls in Cambridge have increased following the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. Speaking to Cambridge News, Superintendent Nick Church, of Cambridgeshire police, said: “we are constantly reviewing our policing approach and especially now in light of the recent terrorist attacks in Paris … we have increased our police patrols to offer reassurance to our communities and to be in a position to respond immediately to any change in circumstances.’’ Church also appealed to the public to “exercise the usual level of vigilance”. In his autumn statement, George Osbourne announced that he will no longer go ahead with proposed cuts to the police budget, which were set to affect Cambridgeshire.

CUSU Council votes to back student divestment campaign On the night of Monday 23 November, the Cambridge University Students’ Union (CUSU) Council passed a motion extending financial and political support to Cambridge’s divestment campaign led by the student society Zero Carbon. The Council voted to apportion funds from the CUSU Council Free Budget to hire a coach to London for student protesters to take part in the March for Climate, Jobs and Justice on 29 November.

In the case of the 4 November banner drop on King’s, Clare and Garret Hostel Bridge for which one student protester was sanctioned and expected to receive a fine, the Council voted in support of a fundraiser to cover the student’s financial penalty. The divestment petition has currently reached 2,000 signatures.

Oxford: Up to half of museum specimens ‘‘wrongly labeled’’

Racial tensions set alight across Ivy League Stevie Hertz News Editor

NEWS BULLETIN

introduced segregation into federal government departments.

The University has agreed to consider renaming buildings named after him.

Similarly, at Yale tensions have erupted in past weeks following an email from the University’s Intercultural Affairs Committee asked students to avoid wearing “culturally unaware and insensitive” costumes on Halloween, particularly those involving feathered headdresses, turbans or black face.

However, one Yale faculty member responded saying that she was “frustrated” by the advice, citing restrictions on freedom of speech.

Following this, this week, the president of Yale announced a series of steps the University will take to support minority students, including creating a “prominent university center” for

Portraits of black Harvard professors were defaced following a protest on campus

studies of race and ethnicity.

Elsewhere in the Ivy League, racial issues are also at the forefront of university policy. Brown University, in Rhode Island, has similarly declared that they will spend significant amounts of money to combat racism.

The University will spend $100 million “creating a just and inclusive campus community”, and add issues of race and ethnicity to teaching and research.

These protests in the Ivy League come after the president of the University of Missouri resigned earlier this month after students protested that he was not doing enough to address racism on campus.

Among the protests, which included hunger strike, the American football team pledged not to play until the president resigned, costing the University $1 million a game.

Research from Oxford University and the Royal Botanic Garden in Edinburgh has found that as many as half of specimens in natural history museums are incorrectly labeled. As there are over seven million known species in the world, the inaccurate labeling has been put down to sheer volume. Another concern is that lots of species are very similar and difficult to distinguish, meaning that in all naming there is a chance of error.

Field researchers often collect specimens and then send them off to museums to identify and catalogue, which is why the same species are often misidentified.

The research team has recommended that museums move to DNA analysis to categorise specimens as this is less prone to human error.

Work begins on new £2.8m University boathouse in Ely Work has begun on the University’s £2.8 million new boathouse in Ely. The money for this new build has been raised over the past eight years, as a combined effort from Cambridge University Boat Club (CUBC), Cambridge University Women’s Boat Club (CUWBC) and Cambridge University Lightweight Rowing Club (CULRC).

On its completion, predicted for October 2016, the four-bay, two-storey boathouse will be able to house 50 rowing boats. It will also feature a kitchen area, crew and coaches rooms, and two spacious changing rooms with shower facilities.

8

26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

News

Undergrad caught cheating New University partnership with hospitals and GSK faces Court of Discipline

Stevie Hertz News Editor

An undergraduate has received a mark of zero after they were caught cheating in an exam.

The Court of Discipline met on 28 September to consider the charges.

The student in question pled guilty to using their phone in an exam.

The student had brought his phone into an exam, and used it in a toilet break to log on to the CamTools page to obtain revision notes. This was against Regulation 6 of the General Regulations for Discipline, as they had used “unfair means” in an exam.

In the style of a true courtroom, “witnesses were called and crossexamined”, while the University advocate detailed the nature of the case and the defendant’s representative spoke on their behalf.

When deciding upon a sentence for the student, the Court considered the student’s character, their remorse over the act and the personal circumstances.

As there was no clear premeditation, the only action taken was to reduce the student’s paper’s mark to zero, rather than a more severe penalty.

At the student’s request, only senior members attended the hearing, with five academics sitting in judgment in a private hearing.

Earlier this year, in January, a former graduate student was stripped of their degree after being caught cheating, and ordered to apologise to the person they plagiarised from. They pled guilty to using another person’s results for their Master of Research project.

However, they were allowed the possibility to resubmit their project after rewriting and retaking the exam.

In June, an investigation by Channel 4’s Dispatches revealed that in the past four years, more than 58,000 undergraduates have been investigated for cheating. 40,000 were disciplined and 400 were expelled from higher education. It is believed cheating is becoming more common due to sites writing essays for payment.

An expert on cheating and senior lecturer at Birmingham City University, Thomas Lancaster, commented to The Guardian at the time “The vast majority of students of course are completely honest but I’ve seen estimates of £200m a year going through these sites... There’s a lot of people out there. What we detect is only the tip of the iceberg.”

One Cambridge student commented on cheating at university, saying “Of course cheating is awful, but we need to talk about the stress that’s pushing these students to cheat so much.”

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Focus will be on testing on patients rather than animals

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In a toilet break, the student used his phone to log onto CamTools

The University of Cambridge has announced a new partnership with pharmaceutical firm GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) and the Cambridge University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust.

The partnership will involve a ‘‘more targeted’’ approach to testing medicines in patients. Previous testing on animals and in labs has found difficulty in actively identifying new targets and measuring the impact of new medicines on disease.

The partnership, announced on Monday, will aim to deliver new medicine to patients within the next 10 years. It also has an end goal of testing new medicines on patients rather than on animals or in labs.

Patrick Maxwell, Regius Professor of Physic at the University, said: “Our collaboration with GSK builds on the strengths of each partner to create a relationship that is far greater than just the sum of its parts. It gives our academics access to the technologies and molecules that only industry can provide while giving GSK access to the world-leading research knowledge at Cambridge, delivering valuable impact for both partners.”

So far, this three-way partnership has led to collaborations including

pre-clinical and clinical research projects, post-doctoral appointments, drug discovery workshops and a Knowledge Exchange Programme.

Paul-Peter Tak, head of immunoinflammation at GSK, commented that this partnership will be ‘‘a great opportunity for us to combine our drug development expertise with the research skills of the academic scientists based at this world leading hub for life sciences research. Centred around our own clinical trials unit located within the city’s main hospital, we’re perfectly placed to work together to translate cutting edge early stage science in to innovative new medicines.”

In the near future, the partnership will aim to collaborate on their respective programmes focussed on Africa, and on the search for new medicines for tropical diseases.

The University has come under fire in the past for its partnership with the pharmaceutical giant AstraZeneca, which has been criticised by students and members of the public for its links to animal testing.

A second-year Peterhouse student commented: ‘‘it is clear that hospitals in Cambridge need extra support and I hope that this partnership will be able to provide that.’’

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9

The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

News

New efforts to close gender gap One third of universities have introduced outreach activities encouraging boys to apply Lili Bidwell A third of universities are carrying out outreach activities to tackle the gender gap in applications, according to the Office for Fair Access.

Data from UCAS shows that in the 2014/2015 application cycle 96,640 more women than men applied to study at university.

The gap has grown from 84,240 in 2011, prompting UK universities to introduce outreach programs aimed at encouraging men to apply. The activities include taster sessions and talks with role models and mentoring through local football clubs.

According to Alan Smithers, director of the Centre for Education and Employment Research at the University of Buckingham, the difference begins at GCSEs. He said: “girls tend to do much better than boys at GCSE and are more likely to go on to A-level.”

The 2014 GCSE results showed that the females A*–C rate was 73.1% compared to just 64.3% for males.

However, boys continue to outperform girls in Maths by a small margin, whilst girls achieve much better grades in English.

Research released earlier this month, has also shown that the greatest disparity is amongst students from disadvantaged areas. The research, by the educational charity the Sutton Trust found that women from deprived

backgrounds are “much more likely” to apply to university than men. Only 29% of white boys from poor families took A-levels.

A study by the OECD, an economic organisation, found that amongst students who struggle, boys are 50% more likely than girls to fall short of basic standards on reading mathematics and science. It is suggested that this is because girls read more than boys, something which is essential to school performance.

The National Literacy Trust has found that only “1 in 4 boys read outside of class every day,” something which is clearly negatively affecting their academic achievement.

96,640 more women than men applied to university in 2014/5

The director of Fair Access to Higher Education, Professor Les Ebdon, told The Guardian, that difference in applications is part of a long-term trend in OECD countries. “There are particularly stark gaps in some courses – for example, there are significantly more women than men studying primary school teaching, and 60% of law students are women,” he said.

“Conversely, there is still much to do to encourage young women to study Stem [science, technology, engineering and mathematics] subjects.”

One female student commented: “it’s great that we can recognise where outreach needs to be done, regardless of the gender of the student.”

CITY OF STOKE ON TRENT SIXTH FORM COLLEGE

A petition was launched last week to campaign for the addition of a fulltime disabled students’ officer (DSO) to the CUSU Sabbatical team.

The petition needed 350 signatures before Wednesday 4 December in order to be able to change CUSU’s constitution via referendum.

The petition asks for a Universitywide vote on changing the CUSU constitution to create a full-time Disabled Students’ Officer role.

The petition states that in order to challange the ‘‘deep institutional problems’’ within the University, the Disabled Students’ Campaign needs a full-time officer.

The petition lays out several plans for the proposed full-time officer, including campaigning for the Disability Resource Centre to receive more funding, pioneering a shadowing scheme for disabled students, and

Oxford Dictionaries declare emoji as word of the year Oxford Dictionaries have chosen their word of the year for 2015, which is a ‘Face with Tears of Joy’ emoji. This is the first time the word of the year has been non-textual.

The symbol was chosen as their research showed that 2015 saw a huge increase in the use and discussion of emojis, while this particular emoji was the most used worldwide.

In the UK alone, it constituted 20% of all emojis typed.

Runners up for the position include ‘Brexit’, (the British exit from the EU), ‘they’ (referring to a person of nonbinary gender) and ‘on fleek’. This is not the first time Oxford Dictionaries have courted controversy with their choice. Their word of the year 2013 was ‘selfie’, referring to the popular style of photographic self portrait.

Harvard students sign ‘honor code’ promising not to cheat Students at Harvard are to sign an ‘honor code’ promising not to cheat, plagiarise or make up false information. This follows an infamous exam in 2012 as over 100 students were investigated and 70 disciplined.

An ‘honor code’ is already common practice in a number of US universities and colleges. Astute cinema fans might remember a scene in 2010 film The Social Network, where the Winklevoss twins appeal to the president of Harvard about Facebook based on Standards of Conduct in the students’ handbook. Had Zuckerberg been required to sign an ‘honor code’ when he enrolled in 2002, perhaps the twins would have been more successful at winning compensation for their site.

Oxford plays catch-up to Cambridge on startups

Calls for full-time disabled students’ officer Elsa Maishman News Editor

NEWS BULLETIN

campaigning for tutor training to be expanded and made compulsory, as well as being extended to Directors of Studies and other teaching staff. The role of the proposed DSO is compared to that of the women’s officer, in terms of working with the committee.

Founded in Lent 2010, the Campaign was revived in Lent 2015 after a hiatus and has a mission of ‘‘uniting and representing disabled students throughout the University aiming to fight inaccessibility for all disabled students.’’ The Campaign is lead by the executive, elected at quorate open meetings. The current Disabled Students’ Officers are Robert Corbyn-Smith and Jessica Wing.

The petition attained the necessary 350 signatures early this week, but will be accepting any additional signatures until the morning of Friday 27 November.

In a recentstatement to The Cambridge Student, CUSU’s sabbatical

“The needs of disabled students must be taken seriously

officer team commented that: “The sabbatical team wishes to withhold judgement out of respect for the work that has been done by and the autonomy of the Disabled Students’ Campaign, particularly whilst the petition is still being circulated. We will be meeting with them later this week to discuss.”

A second-year student who identifies as disabled commented to TCS: ‘It’s immensely important that the needs of students with disabilities are taken seriously. Having a sabbatical officer with lived experience will help, and will mean that there is a more conscious consideration of a group who are generally under-represented.

There are often discussions about our lack of representation, which centre around the fact that as fulltime students we don’t, owing to our various situations, have the ability or the energy to mount a sustained campaign to get our voices heard.”

A careers society based in Oxford has launched a new programme to help high tech startups succeed. The programme is called Accelerator, and is based on the Y Combinator company founded in California. For a percentage of equity in the start up, the programme will offer finance and advice to new businesses to encourage their growth. This is the first such scheme run in the UK, however Cambridge has been able to commercialise its research effectively over the past 20 years without such a system. Thanks to this, the culture of technology start ups has led Cambridge to be known as the Silicon Fen, referring to Silicon Valley in California. Unfortunately, there are no geographical features in Oxford to siliconise.

Parents angry that ARU provides services to students Anglia Ruskin, Cambridge’s ‘other’ university, provoked the ire of parents as it revealed that it is closing a nursery to use the space for a student lounge instead. The nursery was being used by 13 parents who were also students at the institution, and by 23 parents from the local area.

It provided affordable healthcare as each place was subsidised to the tune of £5,000 by the University, costing £205,000 annually. The building will house an area for students from June. However, local parents are outraged that the University wants to provide services for their students rather than subsidise childcare.

10

26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Features

The Bridgemas Story* * as imagined by Sammy Love Features Editor

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matter once and for all. Three wizened fellows were sent to Jez, offering gifts to lure the students back: the services of a bedder who would keep their rooms clean, a maintenance department on call to fix broken heating and so on, and the establishment of a body called CUSU who could defend students’ rights in future, to avoid such drastic measures. The students rejoiced at their victory, but did not realise it was all a ruse – the cost of the bedder would for evermore be used as an excuse for rising accommodation costs and CUSU would prove to be a useless body, incapable of bringing real change.

Yet every year on 25 November, students across the University still celebrate what came to be known as Bridgemas, in memory of Jez and his fellow students who spent several days living under the bridges of Cambridge. Their act of protest should serve as a beacon of hope for any of you poor sods sitting, freezing cold, in their uni room today, wondering why they’re paying over £3,000 a year to share one toilet with twelve people.

ike Christmas, it is important one should remember the true meaning of Bridgemas.

Many years ago, there was a young man named Jeremy, but all his friends called him Jez. His love of carpentry saw him accepted Three wizened to Cambridge to study engineering, but fellows came upon arrival to his college he was told there were no rooms available for him because bearing gifts the accommodation department had messed up.

He went round all the neighbouring colleges trying to find space but just as he was about to resort to Girton – where there were plenty of spare rooms – he was told that his college had managed to find him a spot.

But the room was in appalling condition; there was mould in the corner of the ceiling and it was home to an abundance of wildlife, including a scruffy looking mouse and a swarm of ladybirds. His complaints to the accommodation office were ignored and when he saw how much he was about to be charged to live in such horrendous PAULIUS MALINOVSKIS conditions, Jez decided to take matters into his own hands.

He stormed out of college and headed to the river, where he bought a punt for less than a term’s rent and moored below Magdalene Bridge. He vowed he would live there to take a stand against hefty accommodation bills. Soon, other students flocked to the scene, also outraged at their terrible and unreasonably priced accommodation. It was not long till one could find students camped in punts under every bridge in Cambridge!

Worried that the national newspapers were starting to take note, the university dons had a frantic meeting to end the A stable would be more appealing than my accommodation

Eight nights of (illegal) candles: Hanukkah away from home Stevie Hertz

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ecause of my parents’ interesting mix of religions, we celebrate a fairly ridiculous amount of winter holidays in my house, including Christmas, Hanukkah and Thanksgiving. While most of these are just excuses to eat ridiculous amounts of food, for me it has always been Hanukkah which stood out in this busy festive period.

It’s always felt quite personal to us, as we were one of the few (or really only) families in the neighbourhood who celebrated it.

Also, we open celebratations at sundown each night for eight nights, saying prayers, lighting candles and opening a present.

We also eat alot, as we fry everything to celebrate using oil.

Although there is a risk that this can

I might force my friends to come and watch as I light a menorah

drag out (and requires significant present maths), it means that we make an effort for one week every year to see each other every night, spending time together as a family.

Of course, if you no longer live with your parents, seeing them every night for a week can be pretty difficult. For the first time, this year I’m missing most of the nights of Hanukkah, as I’ll be in Cambridge, and not at home.

Although candles and frying food are theoretically banned in College, I am tempted to force my friends to come eat donuts and watch as I light a menorah, so I can continue to celebrate.

There’s certainly something very magical about spending time with the people you love as the sun sets in a room lit up with candles. Maybe that’s why I like going to Formal so much too.

Christmas tradition Sammy Love and Magdelen Christie Features Editors

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f you find turkey a bit bland maybe you’d like to try this South Africa Christmas delicacy – deep fried caterpillars! Greenland also has some nice hearty winter dishes to warm your cockles such as Kiviak. Simply stuff 500 auk birds into a seal skin, leave to ferment for seven months and enjoy.

If that doesn’t take your fancy you might feel more at home in Japan. A successful advertising campaign in 1974 has resulted in KFC becoming a festive favourite there, with sales 10% higher on Christmas Day compared with the rest of the year.

Christmas isn’t a holiday we usually associate with ghosts and ghouls but in other countries it certainly has some spooky connotations.

For instance, in Norway, any brooms in the house are hidden away on Christmas Eve so they can’t be stolen by witches or evil spirits.

Similarly in Austria, children are warned about the horned Krampus, who during the Christmas season will beat naughty

2

26 November 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

Culture

A long and generous Christmas: One student’s charity single

Dorota Molin

NAOMI CLARKE

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or Naomi Clarke, a third-year Music student at Caius, Christmas has kicked off early this year. Even during the warming sun of August, she was sitting at her desk, listening to her favourite Christmas tunes. Yet, for Clarke, early Christmas doesn’t have to be irritating or intrusive. Unlike the commercial early Christmas which tries to claim your purse, Clarke’s Christmas is a project of giving. On 23 November, just over a month before Christmas Day, her brand-new charity single ‘Christmas Is Here’ will be released on iTunes, Spotify, Amazon and Google Play, all in aid of Save the Children.

Clarke told The Cambridge Student, “From what I knew, this had not been done in Cambridge previously. Plus it couldn’t seem like a more obvious thing to do, considering the terrifying events in the world around us.” I ask whether this initiative is also linked to a broader interest in music production or composing, “I’d quite like to go into music production, so trying my hand at this was great fun.” I request a sneak peek backstage, and a glimpse at those who made the project happen.

“First of all, there is Cat Stiles, my right-hand woman.

My lyrics whiz was Sam Rhodes. Jack May gave me the inspiration in the first place. Myles Eastwood was the one who initiated me to the ins and outs of a recording studio.

As cheesy as it sounds, I also need to mention my supportive family. The ladies who, within a three-hour session, recorded the entire backing track, are: Polly Furness, Ellie Walder, Eloise Pederson, Sophia Cruwell, and Cat Stiles.” But I feel that the main element is still missing so I ask explicitly. “Yes, the lead voice was sung by me”, she adds, as if in a side note.

One of many great moments in the ‘Christmas is Here’ Charity Single music video, on YouTube Music covered, we can turn to the question of fundraising. Having listened to Naomi’s ideas, I am relieved that we need not dread a reincarnation of Band Aid. She reassures me that she really didn’t want the song to come across as patronising. On the other hand, she also wanted to avoid shallow, cheesy lyrics.

She decided to donate to Save the Children as she finds their mission worth supporting. They are involved with the refugee crisis, but also committed to helping people in their everyday lives. For example, they provide shoes for children

walking to school. According to her personal conviction, what holds the key to a more peaceful world is education.

Practically speaking, Naomi would love to raise at least £500, a sum which will be matched by the government.

Her aspirations go further: “Available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and Google Play, the song is also technically running for the Christmas Number 1!”

Cover Illustration by Hannah Taylor

Word of the Week: All about neologisms Some words sadly don’t make it to the mainstream.

This column gave some of them their day in the sun Jess Payn Columnist

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ou might be disappointed with this week’s word. It’s not particularly unusual and, alas, you probably know what it means. If not, I can reveal that I have been concerned all this time with neologisms. Words that are not so much new as yet to be accepted into mainstream language.

Of course, we should know all about neologisms because it’s a process we’re fascinated by in this modern age of ours. We are hugely invested in the process of coining new words and phrases, thinking up portmanteaus and verbal novelties every day. ‘Selfie’, ‘MAMIL’, ‘grexit’, are all terms which we have recently invented – tadah! – and which miraculously have gathered enough momentum to push their way into the OED, asserting their claim to official word status.

Today, word-making is an activity for everyone. We Cantabrigians have a whole assortment of invented words, by which the rest of the country would be at least slightly puzzled (Bridgemas being an obvious example). Online there are communities of people determinedly engaged in neolexia (neologism’s synonymous twin), sharing their innovations on blogs and forums.

Given that this issue is Bridgemas-themed, I could tell you a few of the festive neologisms that a peruse through the various forums has revealed: ‘sledentary’ is a favourite, denoting that state of being so bundled up in warm winter clothing that you are actually unable to move. And ‘Santastrophe’ represents the misconception that your small child will enjoy being handed to an enormous bearded stranger in the interests of a Christmas photograph (when

the reality is that they begin to bawl).

Should you be in need of some more archaic neologisms, however (if that’s not a paradox), I shall reveal to you the secrets of this column of weird words: uncovering my sources, I can set you off on your own quixotic journey of logophilic discovery to perhaps provide inspiration for some neologising of your own. My most emphatic recommendation is the Grandiloquent Dictionary. It’s full of wonderfully quaint words as ‘quiddler’ (a person who hangs around wasting time at work and making conversation with people who are working), ‘quidnunc’ (a person who always wants to know what is going on), ‘qualtagh’ (pronounced ‘KWOL-tok’, denoting the first person you see after leaving your house) – and then many more, should you venture beyond the ‘Q’ section of the dictionary!

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

3

Culture

Spiders and Cyclopes: Intellectual procrastination Anna Bradley TV and Film Editor Guilt and procrastination: two things that almost always go hand in hand. But is it really necessary? True, if your go to distraction is The Vampire Diaries or I’m A Celebrity…

Get Me Out Of Here!, maybe you’re on thin ice, but there is more to television procrastination than meets the eye.

Documentaries, the news, anything vaguely related to your subject – these are all viable options when you need a time-out. The BBC in particular has all sorts of interesting offerings – just last week the selection ranged from a relaxing meditation on the wildlife and habitats of the Far East with Wild China to a study of how dinosaur skeletons were interpreted in early historical cultures (Dinosaurs, Myths and Monsters). Watching documentaries ELL BROWN

is just another type of learning at the end of the day and, if nothing else, it will give you plenty of essential trivia for University Challenge try-outs. Did you know that one of the highest living permanent residents on earth is the Himalayan jumping spider, living as high up as 6,700 feet? Or that the mythical figure of the Greek Cyclops was probably inspired by elephant skulls?

You could even argue that it’s essential to take a bit of time out to watch things like the news: Cambridge is notorious for sucking its students into a library-centric bubble. Keeping up with what’s going on outside Cambridge helps give a bit of perspective and also might save you from blunders when you eventually venture into the wider world,

especially for job interviews.

Then of course there are the programmes that are tenuously (or maybe legitimately) linked to your subject – and not just Grey’s Anatomy if you’re a medic. A quick YouTube search will often bring up something relevant and maybe even fun. Temptation here is strong, it’s quicker than reading a book but also far more difficult to cite. Good luck explaining that your best idea for that essay came from a shady half an hour documentary you found on YouTube.

Then again, maybe these shows are the most dangerous of all: without that niggling feeling of guilt, who knows how much you’ll end up watching. Pick up the remote, if you’re feeling brave.

VIGE

DULLHUNK

Bridgemas books: The perfect gifts Olivia Gillman For your landlord Whether your landlord is a private party or your college, the likelihood is that you’ve irritated them somehow.

Perhaps you overload your bin, keep mildly unsafe electrics stuck together with duct tape and sentimental attachment – or refuse entry to maintenance during lengthy lie-ins. Really, though you’re a decent person - and your landlord needs perspective. This Christmas you can give it to them in the form of Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre. A landlord houses a mad woman in the attic. She wails at night, burns down his property, and convinces the love of his life to evacuate the premises permanently. Ultimately, you’ll probably only be doing one of these things during the tenancy.

For the Facebook-over-poster Whilst A Beginner’s Guide To Relevance would make an appropriate gift for this ear-batteringly vociferous friend, the title we’re suggesting for profundity is Orwell’s 1984.

This individual will post online about all the contours of their toothbrush and self-loathing. You hide their posts from your newsfeed in a bid to like them, but somehow their words always creep back in front of you. With surveillance increasing in the modern world, remind them that one day they might not want to be watched quite so much, and give them 1984. Offer a box set of Channel 4’s Big Brother 2000 – 2010 as optional warm up (omit the Channel 5 era – it’s rubbish). Deliver on a drone and embellish with holly.

For your hot lecturer Leaving them the Karma Sutra as you leave for vacation may earn you a restraining order. But what you can

anonymously place in their pidge is allusions to their body’s warmth through clear efforts to cool them down. After all, health and safety is an important life skill. Our Life on Ice

by Torvill and Dean is currently in stock at Waterstones and a compelling read. Otherwise there’s The World of Ice and Fire (more ambiguous) by George R. R. Martin. For your gift-giving finale there’s The National Fire Protection Association Guide to Portable Fire Extinguishers – because this professor is so sizzling you may just have to ask them to extinguish the fire in your soul. Failing that there’s the Love Actually DVD. Or a studied silence until graduation.

For your friend who wears ironic tees They’re a hipster. But they’d never say the title. It’s tacky to them. Like when your mum obliterates the intended meaning of the word trendy by telling you you look ‘trendy’.

Last week this one did a trip to The Grafton Centre which fused a Primark sweep with a foray into the reasonably priced vintage store there. Here they acquired new garb: a Jurassic World logo tee and Star Wars track pants. They’ve seen neither film series. They actually have looked quite cool recently, so you wish to reinforce their self-image whilst reminding them of their true identity as it should be expressed. To classify your mate accordingly, make sure to purchase them the new, ironic Penguin adult-comechildren’s text: The Ladybird Book of the Hipster.

For your way-more-grown-up amigo We all compare ourselves to friends. And there’s always that one who has, or is set to, obtain what middle class society desires from them way earlier than you: the mortgage, the wedding, a sense of self-accomplishment. And ultimately: their own lodge in Scandinavia. You could tell this one from

an early age because they owned lots of Cath Kidston, or were always in the long term relationship with the carefully selected richer one at youth group. They cuddled in the corner but never discussed bedroom activity publicly as that would have been gauche. You can only help them to celebrate their prosperity with a book about chopping Scandinavian fire wood for their fireplace. You slip in Noel Clarke’s Kidulthood underneath for contrast.

For your needy friend In 2015, Earth finds itself with the most self-help guides that have ever been available on the planet. Guides and their potential human matches are listed as follows. Tolle’s The Power of Now provides a new Bible for the ardent historian. Whilst Mindfulness for Beginners by J. Kabat-Zinn has been written for the Shia LaBeouf in your life, Seneca’s On The Shortness of Life is great for an immortal relative. A classic, Why Men Marry Bitches by S. Argov, will shock your timid friend. Counter-balancing this, Why No More Women Will Marry You by Barack Obama is artfully written to placate Donald Trump. A Self-Help Guide for The Serial SelfHelp Guide Addict is a new title currently in development through the CUP. For the literature student, PhD or professor They’ve already read seven times more than you have so there’s no point in even trying to catalyze their frenetic reading energy any further. For this one, provide a grounding staple of modern society: The Argos Catalogue.

Note: As with any particularly stilted episode of Made In Chelsea, some references have been constructed for the purposes of entertainment. Merry Bridgemas.

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26 November 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

Culture “Everything is huge and ridiculous. I made myself a little rule that whenever I’m ordering fabric to order 5 metres more of everything... you just never know... The scale of the show is fine when you have a big team of people to work with; having to think of ways to up the ridiculousness of some of the costumes is easier when you have a team of people to delegate things to. The Dame’s costume is how I got roped into doing panto but I can’t actually tell you anything about it. [The producer frantically shakes his head]” Agnes Cameron, Costume Designer

“I wanted to make a set that was even bigger and more complicated than it was last year and I think we’ve managed to do that. The biggest challenge has been working on a flying section, something that I’ve never done in theatre but it’ll be totally worth it; we’ve got everything on this set and I’m really excited to see it all finished.”

Jack Swanborough, Production Manager and Technical Director “We’ve got a large number of radio mics and quite a few intricate bits sound-wise so it should be challenging. The show is looking great and if I do my job properly you won’t even know I was there.”

Alan Egan, Sound Designer

“My role is to assist the stage management team to make sure the props are original and whacky as possible. Having more people involved as assistants in the painting this year is harder to organise but a lot more fun in terms of socialising; you don’t find yourself painting the same umbrella in your room at 2am! There is so little space in the ADC so there’s been a lot of lugging stuff around Cambridge but we have some pretty cool props coming along which I’m sure the audience will notice.”

Lian Wilkinson, Head of Props

“Over the summer I worked with the writers Raphael and Eleanor and we wrote seven of the ten songs in five days.

I’ve never composed a whole show before and it was such an intense and crazy process; I knew from the start that I wanted the music to come alongside the lyrics and every song came about a little differently. Panto is one of the most exciting things because it is completely made and created by the people here – it’s something that didn’t exist a year ago and won’t exist next year. Everyone involved wants to make something beautiful, funny and original.”

Toby Marlow, Composer

Story Tom Bevan Backstage photography Amelia Oakley Dress rehearsal photography Chris Williamson With thanks to all involved with Robin Hood

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

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Culture “If I do my job properly you won’t even know I was there”: Behind the scenes of the historic Footlights panto

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he Footlights pantomime is the largest, most popular show of the Cambridge theatre calendar and is, for many, a must-see part of their Bridgemas celebrations.

This year’s production of Robin Hood continues the rich history of offering a freely creative platform to some of the University’s finest and most controversial comic writers and actors. In 1980, Stephen Fry trod the boards alongside Hugh Laurie and Emma Thompson; Mitchell and Webb met in a Footlights panto in 1993; and David Baddiel was responsible for the now grossly outdated lyric “a weekend in the country is quite a lot of fun / if you’re pillaging a village or ravishing a nun” in 1985’s version of this classic Sherwood Forest tale.

While the humour itself may have changed, the relative quality of the productions remains. A prestigious production that doesn’t take itself too seriously, who

knows which cast members will be household names.

And yet it is the directors, production team, backstage crew and creatives involved in the show at varying points from its conception right through until closing night who make it such a spectacle. With the majority of the script and score written over the summer, plans are drawn up for the always ambitious set whilst the 60 or so backstage crew get to work towards the middle of term.

As opening night came ever closer, producer Greg Forrest gave me a personalised tour of a crowded ADC backstage area where props were being painted, costumes put together and lots of wood and paint sat ready to finish off an impressive array of top-secret backdrops.

It was a frantic yet impressive sight, and I spoke to a few of the people busy with last minute preparations on what it is like to be backstage on such a big production; for which all too often the actors take the credit.

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The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

Lifestyle

Have yourself a me STEVIE HERTZ AND ALICE MOTTRAM

Bring on a Bridgemas miracle Gemma Rowe

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s we crawl towards the end of Michalemas, it may be time to take stock of what we’re most grateful for: the friends who keep us sane in this crazy Cambridge bubble. The friends who commit to watching an entire series on Netflix, rationed over the term so that you can have a treat post-dinner and pre-library; the friends who listen to you complain about your workload week after week – so we’d like to suggest some ways of returning the favour and letting those Camrades know you care: Chocolate snacks in their pidge It doesn’t have to be chocolate, but a mini pidge-sized snack is always welcome, because who doesn’t love getting post, especially when it’s edible?

Doing the washing up Living with people can be difficult and intense, seeing each other day after day, looking at the kitchen bench piling up with dirty dishes. This should be a rare treat, but if you know that your flatmate is battling multiple deadlines as well as a creeping cold and relationship problems, then cut them some slack and fill up the sink. It doesn’t really take that long and your friend will be eternally thankful.

Going to their show Almost everyone in Cambridge has a friend involved in theatre – in all likelihood, you probably have several. Their involvement may only register with you peripherally; you only notice that they’re less available for tea breaks, or that when you do see them, they’re a strangely wired kind of tired.

But so much effort goes into these shows, and chances are it means a lot to the friend taking part, so even if they’re just a small role, or it’s taking place at Girton, make some time to go and support them.

Giving the club queue a miss The Cindies queue at the end of term is absolute carnage: if you’re not serious about getting sweaty to cheesy tunes, go home. As in, actually go home. If your friends aren’t that fussed about it and it’s just you as keen party of one, ditch the madness, get some sustenance from Van of Life and head back to someone’s room with all the alcohol where you can actuallly hear each other talk. It’s cheaper, and far less likely that you will lose your group to habitual Cindies creeps.

Planning a work schedule for them Even at the end of term – sometimes especially at the end of term – work can pile up until it becomes this terrifying, unscalable mountain that is too scary to begin contemplating climbing. When this happens to a friend, you need to sit them down, get them a cup of tea, and crack out the highlighters.

Because you’re not mired in the work crisis, you can assess which tasks they should prioritise (a main one being sleep that they probably won’t allow themselves) and make a realistic schedule for them in pretty, friendly colours. We’re here to remind our friends that although work is a big part of our life here that is worth doing well, it isn’t everything. As Leslie Knope, that queen of positivity in Parks and Recreation, says: “We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work. Doesn’t matter, but work is third.”

Deck the walls: Quick and easy decs Louise Campbell

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o this is Bridgemas, and what have you done? This being Cambridge, those stolen hours from work time might be few, so here are some decorating tips so that even if you can’t find time to splurge on a big Bridgemas dinner, you can still get your room/ work space into the festive spirit.

The Grafton centre houses two Christmas decoration hubs: Poundland, where you can get as many miles of tinsel as you need for next to no pennies (perfect for hanging from the mini trees in Market Square) and Primark, which could provide you with a cheap and cheerful stocking to hang from a desk drawer (an excellent spot to keep your snacks to hand).

If you aren’t keen on spending money, but you still have some time on your hands, you could make your own advent calendar. The excitement of waiting until December might be too much for you, or perhaps a shared chocolate one will cause a fight amongst flatmates. However, just for the five days of Bridgemas, between 25-30 November, you could get a large piece of paper, one of those A3 presentation types, and print off pictures and then put paper coverings over them to create advent doors – alternatively, Tiger has advent clothes pegs and string for £2 if the paper method feels too taxing. You might want to go with cute animals (a previous issue of The Cambridge Student may come in handy), photos

of you and your friends from the term, or personally, I think topless Idris Elba is the Bridgemas gift that keeps on giving.

Finally there’s a real use for all those books you’ve been stocking up and not reading – a Christmas book tree (if I was better at my job, I’d be able to make a witty pun on leaves and livre, but it’s too late in the term for that kind of magic).

Pile them up, wrap some fairy lights around them – Primark or Amazon are the best price range wise – and may all your decoration choices be bright.

MADDY AIRLIE

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

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Lifestyle

erry little Bridgemas Yule love these biscuits Kate Bell Ingredients: 350g plain flour, plus extra for dusting 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda Zest of one orange 100g butter 175g soft brown sugar 1 free-range egg, beaten 4 tbsp golden syrup fruit-flavoured boiled sweets in different colours tube ready-made white icing (optional) narrow ribbon Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.

2. For the biscuits, mix the flour, bicarbonate of soda, sugar and orange zest together in a bowl.

3. Rub in the butter until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.

4. In another bowl, beat together the egg and golden syrup, then pour this mixture into the flour mixture and mix to make a smooth dough, kneading lightly with your hands.

5. Crush the sweets using a rolling pin.

6. Roll the dough out on a floured work surface to about 0.5cm thick, then cut into shapes using a Christmas themed cookie cutters. Transfer the biscuits to baking sheets lined with baking paper.

7. Cut out shapes in the centre of each biscuit, making sure you leave a thick edge all around the biscuit. Fill the hole in each biscuit with crushed boiled sweets.

8. Make a hole at the top of each biscuit using a drinking straw so that you will be able to thread a ribbon through it later. Bake the biscuits in the oven for 10–12 minutes, or until golden-brown.

9. Remove the biscuits from the oven. While they’re still warm, check that the holes are still there – if not, push a straw through again. Do not remove the biscuits from the baking tray until they have cooled because the boiled sweets need to harden.

10. Once the sweets have hardened, lift the biscuits onto a wire rack with a palette knife and wait patiently for them to finish cooling.

11. If you like, you can decorate the biscuits with piped white icing. Thread ribbons through the hole and hang from the tree.

Christmas in a bowl: Bridgemas Risotto Amy Carmichael

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orn of a love for risotto, and a wish for a Christmas dinner but no oven and no tickets to Christmas Formal, my staircase cooked this together last Bridgemas. It was a resounding success, the beginning of a tradition for many Bridgemasses to come, and so it seemed selfish not to share. If turkey, Brussels sprouts, roast (well, fried) potatoes, parsnips, chestnuts, sage and cranberry go so well together on your plate at Christmas, why shouldn’t they go together in the most Christmassy risotto ever?

This is not a recipe to be tackled by yourself – much like a true Christmas dinner, you’ll need multiple pans and at least three people chipping in to bring it all together, which makes for a fun Bridgemas evening of collaborative preparations and a delicious but unique Christmassy meal.

Ideally, you want one person on rice stirring duty, another on veg boiling, and a third on frying, plus lots of singing along to Christmas music. We cooked triple this amount for our staircase last year, but I’ve scaled down the recipe so it’s a bit more manageable and serves four, with some leftovers for Boxing Day of course. If you’re veggie or vegan (I am), it tastes just as yummy without the turkey, since there’s so many flavours going on in there!

Ingredients: 1 onion 3 tbsp olive oil 2 cloves garlic 400g risotto rice 50g brussel sprouts 100g parsnips/carrots

500g diced turkey breast (optional) 18 sage leaves 2 glasses white cooking wine 1L veg stock 50g chestnuts 50g pre-boiled potatoes 4 tbsp cranberry sauce (for garnish)

Method: 1. Dice the onion and crush the garlic. Peel and chop the vegetables into bite-sized pieces.

2. Cut the turkey into smaller chunks if desired.

3. Shred 10 of the sage leaves.

4. Cut ‘X’s in the chestnuts’ shells and cook them in a dry pan, covered, for 20 mins, shaking occasionally so they don’t burn. Peel the chestnuts and chop into small pieces.

5. In a large pan or wok, fry the onion and garlic in olive oil until the onions are translucent and soft.

6. Stir in the rice and add the white wine, turning it down to a low heat. Once the liquid is absorbed, add four ladles of stock. Keep adding more stock when most of it is absorbed and stirring until all stock is added and the rice is creamy.

This should take about 20 mins.

7. 10 minutes after first adding the rice, start boiling the Brussels sprouts, parsnips and carrots in a different pan.

8. At the same time, begin frying the pre-cooked potato chunks and (optional) turkey pieces.

9. Once everything is cooked, add the sprouts, parsnips, carrots, turkey pieces, and chestnuts to heat through.

10. Stir through the chopped sage, dash of olive oil, and salt and pepper to taste.

11. While the risotto mixture is heating through, crispy fry the 8 sage leaves for a minute in the now-empty frying pan.

12. Serve the risotto, and add fried potato chunks, a tablespoon of cranberry sauce and two sage leaves to each portion as a garnish.

If you’re feeling experimental, you could stir through some sage and onion stuffing for a full Christmas taste. Enjoy with mulled wine, Christmas pudding, mince pies.

LUCY ROXBURGH

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The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

Lifestyle Secret Santa: Dos and don’ts Dear perfect stranger Helena Baron

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t’s official: Christmas is here! Term is finishing, the Santa hats have reappeared and with them, the joy of Secret Santa. Most of us struggle to buy family the right present, never mind people you possibly haven’t known for longer than eight weeks. Yet, the challenge has been set: you have £5, seven days and one brain – can’t be too hard, right?

Think again: within those constraints you must hit the right amount (and type) of fun, preferably keeping it festive, but also avoiding the completely useless.

To help you with what is probably the hardest assignment of this term, here’s a rundown of some basic rules that will help you survive this season’s Secret Santa: Never buy a body-care set. Please, please avoid any shower gel, shampoo, body lotion. Not only could your Secret Santa have some unknown allergy, but this gift doesn’t even pretend to be original. Trust me, they’d prefer a gift token.

Always check if said person has their ears pierced before buying them earrings. If you don’t do this you will be found out and you will be judged. The same goes for food that they might not eat and clothes that might not fit them.

Never push the humour too far. If you don’t know this person, they probably won’t share your sense of humour, so maybe give the signed photo of your own face a miss as a present idea, however hilariously ironic it may seem.

Last but not least, always keep it a secret. Obvious, I know, but always disregarded anyway.

So, in light of this invaluable advice, here are some safe bets to fall back on should all imagination flee your mind:

Fluffy socks: fun, season appropriate and quite frankly the best invention ever, these are the perfect gift for anyone who is hard to buy for because everyone loves a fluffy sock!

A piece of jewellery with the appropriate birthstone: often very simple but also elegant, this type of jewellery adds a slightly more personal touch (of course, it does rely on you putting in the effort to find out their birthday, so maybe only the very adventurous should attempt this).

A new purse: the options are endless here, and no one ever has too many purses. Make it a bit more personal by adding a little something inside of the purse as a surprise – rings, nail polish and mini makeup samples are perfect for this.

Maddy Airlie Lifestyle Editor Secret crushes: we’ve all had them. Be it over brunch in college, or in your faculty library, there you are behind your plate of bacon or your fort of books when you glimpse them, those beautiful people you will never actually interact with, and yet who attract you from afar. Maybe they have a nice face, or a forceful way of typing; maybe you only fall for guys with glasses or girls with messy top knots; or perhaps it’s the laptop glow hitting their harrassed faces or a cheeky trackies and flip flops combo. Whatever your pleasure, it is now time to announce that love, anonymously from the pages of TCS, because if you can’t say it at Bridgemas, when can you?

DORUNE VIA YOUTUBE

A detox mask: no matter who you are, Christmas will bring at least one heavy night of partying – this gift is bound to save someone a lot of explaining when they turn up to Christmas dinner without the bags they should have from the night before.

Gloves: a staple of any winter wardrobe, gloves make great gifts for both men and women. Available for a range of prices, they’re perfect no matter how limited your budget.

College mugs: enable your friend to avoid washing up one more time, something all students appreciate.

Happy shopping, and an even happier Bridgemas!

JESSIE MATHEWSON

Dear Bearded One, I felt we once engaged in strong eye contact in Caius library. You look like you’re up for a laugh, a pint, a good time – blink twice for yes and once for no. Eye like you

To the man who wears the red turtleneck sweater on North Front 4 of the UL, I feel like we made a connection this term as we’ve both suffered with coughs and colds. Fancy a warming cup of cocoa and chill? Hot chocolate

Dear blonde second-year in the Classics library, You are too distracting to sit opposite. I wish I were your shitty biro so you’d bang me on the table every time I stopped working. Pent-up lust

To the brunette girl in the Seeley library, I enjoy watching you power through your weekly reading list with sultry control. Maybe you’d like to give me a spank with one of those heavy tomes you handle with such ease. Hardback lover

Dear two legged person, We’ve been flirting all term. Sometimes I time it so that when you’re coming out of your room I just happen to be wandering past. Yesterday you actually spoke to me.

You even stroked my hair. I wish I could talk back. And were bigger. And were not the college cat. Because then I’d definitely take you out. Paws for thought

To the supervisor with whom I am having the most intense love-hate relationship, You make my prose sound like a lyrical ballad when you sarcastically read it out in that disparaging way; you make my heart melt when you carelessly whip out a lemon drizzle and eat a slice, without offering me one; you stir me with your continual references to dead white men. You can do better than those dead white men. We’re young.

It’s legal (I think?) Let me drizzle your lemon. Please. The only romance I’ve had all term is with the college cat.

Lemmeon you

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

9

Lifestyle

Wardrobe of an academic butterfly Jessie Mathewson Fashion Editor

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s one of Jonathan’s friends summarised, his style is: “18th century English vicar - well, maybe 19th century. Those coloured dyes would have been hard to get in the 1700s. But definitely a vicar.” This seems to me an apt summary of Jonathan’s style - as long as you like your vicars flamboyant, in the British sense of the word (ie not too flamboyant).

Jonathan’s secret is charity shopping: hardly a secret, but his wardrobe is a good example of successfully pulling together a vintage tweed jacket with a classic shirt and, in seasonal spirit, a well-chosen Christmas jumper (or two).

As a Peterhouse rower, river wear forms a central part of Jonathan’s wardrobe, from his all-in-one rowing gear (yet to be adapted as a fashion statement, but we wait expectantly) to the boating blazer.

The centerpiece, however, has to be the chinos. He may only have one pair of jeans, but Jonathan’s range of chinos is so extensive that he’s able to colour coordinate according to the different colours assigned to eventing days at Henley.

Shoes also form a significant part of his wardrobe - so much so that when I ask how many pairs he has with him this term, he’s unable to tell me! Each pair is stored neatly in the original box, wrapped in tissue paper. A particularly shiny black pair actually bear the name ‘aristocratic loafer’.

Need I say more?

It seems that accessories are important to Jonathan: as well as shoes, he has an extensive collection of scarves, a pocket watch, and strong opinions on hats. Besides his straw boater, he owns a felt top hat, which he sported at Peterhouse May Ball last year. The benefits of felt as a material are clear to him - “A felt top hat can be worn with a morning suit and an evening suit. So you only need one - I mean, two top hats would be a little extreme.” (Cue Overheard in Cambridge post).

The ultimate meal deal battle Sainsbury’s is superior

The only place to buy a meal deal is Sainsbury’s. At just £3, the three item meal deal is a steal. With sandwiches and salads included; a personal favourite given my vegetarianism is the falafel wrap. Carnivores are catered for too with a surplus of meat-based choices. Adding in a snack – obviously the carrot batons with hummus – the deal is no longer just a snack but a fully-fledged lunch. Picking up either caffeinated coconut water or an Innocent smoothie, the deal has a total value significantly above the measly £3 I will pay at self-checkout.

Anyone who says that the Boots meal deal is better is plain wrong. Boots is not a place you buy food. It is for hair grips, prescription medicines and photographic gifts. Some might say that there is more on offer, but my confusion over what is included in the deal resulted in a stressful shopping experience not eased by the ridiculous queue to pay.

Between the anxiety over choosing items of high value and making it through checkout without an unknown item in the bagging area, meal deals are an art. They need to be left to the experts, and with over 140 years of grocery-selling experience, Sainsbury’s are clearly the superior supplier. Alice Mottram

Boots is best

The Boots meal deal is an uncontested hero of the student diet. Upon discovering this pharmacy’s diversely stocked fridges, I quickly abandoned any prior lunch time loyalties.

As a vegetarian, you might think my choices would be limited. Yet what Boots excels at is variety. Everything from pasta salads, triple sandwich packs and sushi have teased my lips; accompanied by a dazzling array of cakes, fruit, yoghurts and crisps and washed down with full sized smoothies that make Sainsbury’s miniature counterparts seem like the punchline of a really poor joke. There is even a whole section dedicated to an indulgent Jamie Oliver concocted upgrade, as well as a surprisingly delicious low calorie range.

An issue I take with Sainsbury’s feeble offering is layout.

Regular priced mains are sat carelessly alongside meal deal items which are usually of lesser quality; both confusing and demoralising the penny counting deal hunter. Indeed, the only issue with Boots’ meal deal selection is the sheer amount of well organised choice that the customer must spend time to oscillate over. For a mere 29p more than the supermarket’s fickle alternative, a lunch break at Boots can be endlessly more varied and fulfilling. Tom Bevan

LUCY ROXBURGH

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The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

Lifestyle

Check(olate) your calendar Lucy Roxburgh Food and Drink Editor Let’s be real: an Advent calendar doesn’t have to be expensive to be good. Any form of chocolate that is acceptably classed as breakfast for a month will make us happy, and all of these do that job perfectly whether they cost £1 or £26. The hardest part is deciding between them all (and, of course, being restrained enough not to open every door and eat the entire thing on 1 December).

Frozen Advent Calendar £1 – Advent calendars don’t need to break the bank. We want the chocolate and we’re not so fussy about pretty decoration or cocoa content – part of the Advent calendar joy is the slightly weird plastic taste of the chocolate. Also, for some unexplained reason Poundland is also offering a deal where you can buy 36 of these for £27 so you could have an entire Advent calendar a day well into 2016.

Thorntons Continental Calendar, £10 – if you’re bored of the repetitiveness of plain chocolate in calendars (life is tough) then maybe this is the year to branch out into a truffle calendar. This offering from Thorntons contains pralines, mousses and truffles of dark, milk and white chocolate for all of your complex chocolate needs.

Hotel Chocolate Advent Calendar Truffles for Two, £26 – if you’re in a relationship and want to be reminded of this daily, this is the calendar for you. If you’re single and have money to spend – hello double chocolate. This is also perfect if you are making up for all those years your parents made you share an Advent calendar with your siblings.

Truffle flavours include Mulled Wine and and Pecan Gingerbread to be properly festive all month long.

LUCY ROXBURGH

Listings Thursday 26 Youth Workers Workshop @LGBT History Month Showcase.

Queen’s College, 4.30pm.

The State of Human Rights in the UK: a conversation with Angela Patrick, Director of Human Rights Policy at JUSTICE. Trinity College, 5pm.

Friday 27 Alternatives to the City: Careers outside of Commercial Law Q&A Panel. Law Faculty, 6pm.

Christmas with the King’s Men. King’s College Hall, 8pm.

Saturday 28 Cambridge Vegan Fair. St Paul’s Church, 10am.

Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Calendar, £1.50 – if you lack the willpower to buy a bar of Dairy Milk and not eat the entire thing in one go, this is the calendar for you. The coldest and darkest December mornings can be improved when they start with Cadbury’s.

The Cambridge Affordable Vintage Fair. Guildhall Market Square, 10.30am.

Milkybar Advent Calendar, £1.50 – milk chocolate not your bag? This calendar is purely white chocolate to give you a super sweet start throughout December.

Indian Classical Arts Society presents Strings of Kashmir – Santoor recital. Clare Hall, 7.30pm.

Protest: Keep the Street Lights On. The Green Coffee Company, 5pm.

University of Cambridge Philharmonic Orchestra Winter Gala with CU Ballet Club. Wesley Methodist Church, 8pm.

Lindt Advent Calendar, £6 – Lindt has mixed it up this year with a calendar containing their truffles, ‘snowdrops’, squares and of course their instantly recognisable Christmas classics – the gold wrapped reindeer and Santa.

Love Actually screening. Christ’s College, 9pm.

Sunday 29 Club night: Turf x Backtracks. Cindies, 10pm.

Where’s Wally Calendar, £8 – the game might get boring by 24 December, but the chocolate won’t.

Wednesday 2 December Gender Agenda Launch Party. 17 Mill Lane, 7pm.

Montezuma Organic and Vegan Advent Calendar, £9.99 - if you’re looking for an ethical Advent calendar to stick to your dietary morals, this is the one for you. This also wins for the prettiest Christmas design.

Compiled by Isobel Laidler

Culinary Dreamin’: Geekin’ out again It’s easy to be choc full of passion

when it comes to chocolate-making Hetty Gullifer Columnist

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et’s face it; everyone at Cambridge is a geek. It might be early medieval history, the effect music has on monkeys, obscure lost languages or the principles of quantum mechanics. Cambridge is the one of the few places you’ll sit down to lunch and find a group of 20-year-olds from all different backgrounds discussing social impacts on the arts in the 19th century, and to be honest, I love it. That’s why I feel this is the place to explain my latest obsession, chocolate making.

Through the years I’ve got more interested in making chocolates. Not only are they interesting to make and can hold a lot of flavour and texture in a small bite, but they are also are the perfect thing to give to anyone. Who doesn’t like chocolate?

To take it to an even geekier level, I’ve taken to creating chocolate versions of some of my favourite books, operas, songs, plays and places. Messiaen saw music in colours? I see the world in chocolates, apparently. Confused? Here are a couple of examples.

Don’t Let’s be Beastly to the Germans by Noel Coward For those of you unfamiliar with the great comic song writer and playwright of the 1920s, Noel Coward was famous for his satire and light-hearted view of society in the early 20th century. So a white chocolate shell is drizzled with colours of white chocolate in the German flag and filled with a stolleninspired ganache, almond flavoured, studded with pieces

of marzipan and brandy soaked figs. This celebrates Noel Coward’s fundamental message in his wartime piece: that German culture did some pretty great things for them even if they were at war with them.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley As this story is less about an evil monster and more about about bitterness, human error and apotheosis. For this reason I made a bittersweet chocolate. A dark chocolate shell decorated with green and red to represent an apple, layers of chilli and mint ganache and crunchy bitter cocoa nibs.

If I can’t geek-out in a Cambridge University newspaper, where can I?

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

11

Lifestyle

Bringing Italy to Bridgemas Isobel Hitchen Homemade Christmas presents always go down well. Edible ones go down even better! They look like you’ve put a lot of love and effort into them, but in reality they are fun to make and much cheaper and less stressful than running around the shops. This year I’m going for an Italian theme, to bring some new flavours to a classic Christmas.

Amaretti This wonderfully simple amaretti biscuit recipe goes down a storm – so almondy and Christmassy! Plus, they’re gluten and lactose free, so suitable for almost everyone. For presents, you can wrap up a portion in wrapping paper, paper bags or cellophane and tie with a ribbon to decorate.

340g ground almonds 340g caster sugar 4 eggs, whites only 30ml amaretto liquor (eg Disaronno, or use almond extract) 1. Preheat the oven to 170ºC. In a large bowl whisk the egg whites until firm. This is much easier to do with an electric whisk if you have one, but if you’re in college then you can still do it by hand, and you can almost call it exercise to justify stuffing your face full of biscuits afterwards.

2. Gently fold in the sugar and almonds. Don’t dump it all on the egg whites at once though, or you’ll knock the air out and ruin all the effort you put into whisking them.

3. Add the amaretto liquor and fold in gently until you have

a smooth paste. If you don’t have Disaronno lying around, take your mixing bowl to the college bar and order some shots!

4. Lightly grease a baking sheet with butter or oil and line it with baking paper. Use two teaspoons to make little mounds approximately 2cm apart. They’ll spread a bit whilst cooking so don’t squish them in.

5. Bake in the oven for approximately 15 minutes until golden brown.

Arancello

In keeping with the Italian theme, for my extra special friends I also made bottles of ‘arancello’. It’s basically an orange flavoured limoncello-like liqueur and it’s even simpler to make; a posher version of the classic sweets in vodka! The orange and almond combo with the amaretti biscuits is perfect, and recalls a delicious Italian Christmas.

trying to avoid as much of the white pith as possible, as this makes it bitter. The more peel, the less time you have to leave it. Spices, such as cinnamon sticks or cloves can also be added whole for extra mulled Christmas flavour.

3. Leave for at least a week, shaking the bottles every day – the longer the stronger.

4. Next, strain through a fine sieve, muslin, or a coffee filter (paper towel breaks too easily).

5. Make up a simple syrup by dissolving sugar in water.

About 500ml – 1l of water and 200g of sugar per bottle of vodka you use (depending on who’s drinking it and how strong you want it!). Once the sugar is dissolved and the orange strained out of the vodka, just mix them together.

6. Finally, decant into bottles. I bought some from Wilko, but equally you could reuse old bottles for an extra ecofriendly present.

LUCY ROXBURGH

Cheap vodka Lots of oranges Spices (optional) Water Sugar 1. Split the vodka into more bottles so you have space to add the flavourings to it.

2. Wash the oranges in boiling water, then with a sharp peeler take off the top layer skin and add it to the vodka,

Dilemma: Knitwear or not wear?

Jessie Mathewson Fashion Editor

I

t may only be November, and you can resist it if you like – but Bridgemas is here. Term is nearly over, Christmas Formals, Secret Santas and end of term events are popping up faster than your Hermes account can deal with, and it’s finally acceptable to order a festive themed drink when you grab your pre-lecture Starbucks (I’m going to mention the egg-nog latte and leave it at that). Even the weather is feeling distinctly Christmassy – and this cold snap means one thing. We need to talk about knitwear.

That’s right: the Christmas jumper. I get it – it’s still November. And although the University might be geared up for its own pre-Christmas celebration, the rest of the population might question an early display of festive

enthusiasm. At home I try to hold out until December – as soon as I’ve unwrapped the first Advent chocolate, seasonal knitwear is fair game. But in Cambridge, when is it acceptable to surrender to the Fairisle snowflake knit that’s beckoning from the bottom of your jumper drawer? To put it simply – can I wear my Christmas jumper yet?

I’ve seen so many jumpers popping up already that it’s hard to resist. If you’re anything like me your Christmas jumper will have been waiting, neatly folded and coyly inviting since the start of term. I’ll make no pretence, Christmas jumpers are the highlight of Michaelmas. And don’t even get me started on hats, gloves and scarves!

Writing this article was too much for my attempted

stoicism. It’s time for my retro robin jumper to be released on the world once again. Even if it is November.

Bridgemas is the perfect excuse to give in to temptation a few days early. Whenever you choose to let the Christmas spirit into your wardrobe, there’ll always be someone ready to groan with disgust at – but ignore it.

Terrifyingly, it’s now week eight. Term has gone by quicker than I’d have imagined possible, and as usual the looming holidays are to be greeted with a mixture of anticipation and terror. How have I done so little in eight weeks? If you know this feeling, then cut yourself all the slack you can – a wearable piece of Christmas spirit is a good place to start.

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 26 November 2015

12

Lifestyle

College marriages: ‘Til graduation do us part MADDY AIRLIE

IZZY EDWARDS

Freya, Innocent and Cammy – Robinson In my college, proposals came thick and fast from about week four of Michaelmas. But not for me. Soon there was no one left. I propositioned a fellow English student and good friend repeatedly, but he maintained he “didn’t believe in the institution”. His disgust at the idea is captured in the picture below. I was always convinced it would relent, but Marriage Formal came and went. By May Week I was desperate. In the end I attached myself as secondary wife to a beautiful and lovely Medic couple, and now we have very clever children, so all is OK. ALICE ZANGHI

Rosa and Toby – Downing Our engagement was fraught with drama. My husband Toby was cast off by his intended in favour of a Natural Scientist and an engagement sung by the College choir (which never happened after all). Heartbroken, he decided to ask me but alas, I was already well on my way to getting engaged to another man. Conflict, debate and pedantic questioning ensued before he proposed with three rings on the closing night of my first play in Cambridge. Here we are tying the knot last May. TOM GRIESBACH

Amelia and Joe – Jesus We got semi-engaged, drunkenly on the freshers’ bar crawl.

Then we were ‘betrothed’ until he found an appropriate way to propose. Then one brunch he decided he’d had enough, let’s just go to the college chapel – where there happened to be a man rehearsing for a harpsichord concert that evening.

That’s romance.

AMELIA OAKLEY

Landi and Maddy – Clare Having rushed up to her attic room following the promise of good gossip, I arrived to find my now-wife kneeling on the floor. She had Seasons of Love playing (Rent being one of my favourite musicals) and was holding a pinboard decorated with a photo of us alongside other best friends from throughout history (highlights being Miranda and Stevie, Rapunzel and Pascal, and Virginia Woolf and Katherine Mansfield). Somehow I still had no idea what was going on until she started speaking, then I finally twigged.

The greatest decision of my life was saying yes and our years as wifey and wifey have made me happier than I could ever have imagined. Thank you, wifey, I don’t know where I would be without you.

SAM HOBSON

Tom and Nadia – Selwyn I married one of my best friends. I met her in Freshers’ Week, and shared many Van of Lifes and drunk walks home with her, and we have been really close ever since. During Michaelmas, I kind of forgot all about having to get married until before long all my own mates were. I completely panicked, put on a tux, went to her room, and, with Etta James’ ‘At Last’ on in the background, romantically proposed with chocolate brownie (always a way to a woman’s heart). A year on we are still happily married and now have two amazing grown-up kids, pictured far left and centre right.

Stevie and Jonny – Peterhouse My college husband and I have what some have called ‘an inappropriately close’ relationship. We currently live together and are worryingly middle-aged – we have been known to cook, eat and wash up entire meals in silence while listening to Radio 4. Perhaps even more worryingly, my (biological) parents now automatically buy Groupons for four people. However, we’re still very different people – he remains unamused by pink cocktails.

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The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

Features ELLY HUMPHREY

Unusual Christmases at home with family “We have a curry for Christmas instead of a roast dinner. People think it’s weird but curry is clearly superior in every way” Anthony, Caius “Every Christmas Eve our parents made us clean our shoes and leave them at the foot of the bed to show we’d been good so that Santa would come” Adam, Christ’s “My mum got sick of cooking for everyone so now Christmas Day entails a family trip to McDonalds” Isabel, Trinity “As a special Christmas treat we have croissant butter pudding – it’s like an upgrade of bread and butter pudding” Wafaa, Christ’s PAUL JOSEPH

Tell me this isn’t more appealing than some dry turkey nonsense “My mum always tries to make us leave a few presents to open on Boxing Day. It always ends up with a minor argument and a placatory box of chocolates.” Maria, Pembroke “A staple of our Christmas meal is fried chicken.” Jasmine, King’s

ns from around the world KOHELET

children with sticks while the good children will receive their presents from Saint Nicholas. Seems like a better incentive than just getting no presents at all.

In Argentina the main Christmas meal is served on Christmas Eve, often late at night, at around 10pm. Given the heat, the meal is often served outside or on a barbecue. The traditional pudding is panetone, which is eaten as Christmas is toasted in.

A traditional Nigerian Christmas meal includes a number of different meats, providing a welcome variation on your classic turkey. These include beef, goat, sheep or ram.

Ukrainian Christmases involve a Christmas version of ‘trick or treating’, but rather than shouting at the house owner and threatening to egg their house if treats aren’t forthcoming, you sing them carols and receive treats.

Known as ‘koliadky’, this is usually done in groups around the neighbourhood.

Before the carol singing, however, the Christmas meal is served, with 12 dishes to represent the 12 disciples of Jesus.

“We celebrate Christmas on 7 January. Ukrainian life.” Kat, Murray Edwards “We usually have a Chinese takeaway on Christmas Day. Forget pigs in blankets, it’s all about the prawn crackers.” Becky, Murray Edwards

Christmas in Cambridge Magdalen Christie Features Editor

A

Cambridge Christmas might be better known as Bridgemas, but what actually happens during Christmas season in Cambridge?

A staple of many people’s Christmas is the Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols from King’s College. This was first held on Christmas Eve in 1918, planned by the new Dean, an ex-army chaplain who believed that the Church of England needed something more imaginative and engaging for Christmas. The service was first broadcast in 1928, and has been broadcast every year since then, even during the Second World War, when the stained glass and all heating had been removed from the Chapel, and the location could not be given for security reasons.

Another lesser known tradition is the Grantchester Barrel Roll, held on Boxing Day and dating back to the 1960s. Four teams compete from Grantchester in the

race, which lasts 40 minutes and involves the exciting action of rolling a barrel along the road in front of you. The prize giving takes place in the Rupert Brooke pub.

More locally, the Bridgemas celebrations around the University include many college Formals, featuring as many paper hats as you can fit on your head, and the Footlights pantomime. College chapels hold candlelit carol services, and the streets are lit up with tacky and cheerful Christmas lights.

The only possible downside is the strange period of non-Christmas activity once you return home and have to wait for the actual Christmas Day celebrations in December.

ADAM W

12

Features

View From...

A failed

sex-ed

class Susanna Worth Columnist

L

et’s talk about sex. Or rather, I should say, let’s talk about the things that people don’t talk about when it comes to sex.

I recently sat with an assortment of English students from my college, each an undergraduate from a different part of the UK (and each a little bit merry from the society-funded wine). We took turns disclosing the varying ways in which sexual education had been taught at our corresponding schools. Each of us expressed a different way in which the teaching had failed us, scarred us, attempted to indoctrinate us, or made us never look at a banana the same way again. It was clear that an adequate education of sex and sexual health was something our teenage years had been severely lacking in.

We live in a society which which created pornographic gifs, possible to find on every internet streaming site, of a blonde white woman being repeatedly and graphically penetrated over and over and over again. How is this same society not also capable of breaking the taboo of talking about contraception and sexual health with friends and family, or providing a proficient education of the two in your adolescent years?

The aforementioned gif coincidentally accompanied my Friday night watching of the incredibly excellent Easy A, a film in which Emma Stone’s sharp and smart Olive lies about losing her virginity and pretends to sleep with a gay classmate to stop him being bullied. The consequences address the double standards affixed to male and female sexuality. While the film and the gif promoted very different ideas about sex itself, both presented a highly sexualised (and utterly fictional) version of the female body to be interacted with visually, through the medium of a screen.

Have we become over-exposed and perhaps even numb to the very act of sex itself?

With 24 hour access to a wealth of multimedia directly related to the ins and outs of fucking, the dos and the don’ts, the availability of awful Cosmopolitan articles explaining where you should be shoving an ice cube, pornography to suit every preference, and an NHS directory of sexually transmitted diseases, have we become over-exposed and perhaps even numb to the very act of sex itself?

I’m not saying that everything on the internet should provide a quick introductory guide to intercourse, an outline of the importance of consent, and offer information of how to obtain the morning-after pill or a free chlamydia test (both of which can be acquired by a quick trip to your friendly GP). What I’m saying is that perhaps we could do with some education to help us realise that what we see on our screens is not always true to real life.

Furthermore, it would be great if my dad didn’t feel he had to awkwardly ask me if I was “using protection” over dinner. And if the conversation about ‘‘who you went home with last night’’ was less interested in scandal than it was with consent. And at the end of the day, what is the harm in being clued up for when you hook up?

26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

A week in the life: Santa’s elves* *as imagined by Anthony Bridgen

and realise they’re late for a lecture.

Monday

Today is the day. Thank goodness all this extra work is over, making all that prosecco was such a bore. I mean that is literally all that any of these people asked for. Alcoholics.

Ugh these freaking Oxbridge students and their Bridgemas, way to double our workload guys!

I mean as if our schedules weren’t busy enough with Santa driving us like slaves making these ridiculous little wooden toys for Christmas. Who even wants any any of this sort of junk anyway!? Santa is so out of touch these days, it’s like he’s still in the 19th century, tin soldiers for goodness sake.

It’s about time someone more up to date took over…

Wednesday

Thursday

It made it all worth it, seeing their bleary-eyed hungover looks warms the cockles of the heart. Serves them right for wanting two Christmases.

Friday

The work is never over. Some of the others have left, Santa is really cracking the whip now. He won’t let the rest of us leave, damn these shackles. It’s time Tuesday ‘Twas the night before Bridgemas, all to end his reign of terror, all we want is was quiet. The students lie collapsed at our freedom (and Maltesers). their desk over essays and equations, Saturday so peaceful. That is until they wake up We’ve made a plan, we’ve checked it

No one saw Timmy again

twice. Next time he comes to check the production line, Bob will spray fake snow in his eyes, then Larry will wrap tinsel round his legs. Once we’ve got him trapped, Rudolph has agreed to carry him of to some atoll somewhere.

It’s hardly surprising, he works that poor reindeer to the bone. Flying to everyone’s house in one night, it’s just plain ridiculous.

Sunday

This is it, today is the day, we’ll finally be free of the tyrant! I signal the others to check they’re ready but then I see a shadow loom behind me, Oh god it’s him, I hope he didn’t see. “hello Timmy” he booms, that awful voice sends shivers down the spine and I know he knows.

No one saw Timmy again.

TRAVIS

The Students’ Favourite: Christmas lights Anthony Bridgen Features Editor

I

t’s coming up to Christmas, but Bridgemas is already here. Mulled wine, eggnog and mince pies abound and adorning our already beautiful city are Christmas lights galore. Here are one student’s favourite festive illuminations...

Rose Crescent

At this time of year, the often raucous home of Gardies is transformed into a veritable feast for the eyes. In addition to the fairy light wreaths adorning the lamp-posts all year long, new, more grandiose, street-spanning banners of light appear. The central star of these is most apparent, penetrating the eye with both its striking shape and bright white light, it puts one in mind of a cold winter’s morn with snow lying crisp and fresh upon the firm, frosty

ground. The antlers on either side, eminently christmassy, worn as they are by proud male reindeer in the mating season. Arguably one of the most attractive displays in Cambridge, if these don’t fill you with Christmas spirit then I don’t know what will.

9/10

PETER CORBETT

The animated snowflakes are perhaps a little tacky

Green Street Cambridge’s particularly quirky habit of writing street names in illuminations is quite marvellously exemplified by those of Green Street (A.K.A. Sainsbury’s Avenue). They are a bold, dominating presence looming over one’s head, impossible to miss. The animated snowflakes are, perhaps, a little tacky, but we will forgive this in our Christmas zeal. Along the length of the street are strung lights, zigzagging across the street rather like a necklace, the bulbs bright white as pearls. They are not the most welcoming, casting a rather chilly glow across the street, I would recommend a warmer bulb to really bring out the character of the street. Good effort, but no cigar.

5/10

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The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

Features

Student Spotlight: The political societies Behind Cambridge’s Anthony Bridgen Features Editor

T

he event of the year for politicos, the debating and political societies social is meeting of great minds at Fitzwilliam Formal and represents the culmination of weeks of hard work by the president of the Fitzwilliam College Debating Society.

We arrive a little early, port and wine in hand, black-tie donned ready to get into some serious political discussion over our three courses. First port of call: check who you’re sitting with.

When it turns out that the Wilberforce Society (TWS) would be our company for the evening, I admit, I have to

ask my fellow committee members what said society do. Now to mingle, I quickly locate some people I know – I mean talking to strangers, who actually does that?

As words like ‘Corbynomics’ and ‘pig-gate’ were being flung around, the gong rings, then it’s time to eat and meet my conversation for the evening, but not before a cheeky committee selfie…

I settle myself opposite three charming members of TWS, and talk quickly turns to the classic introductory chat: “What college are you at?”, “what’s your committee position?” etc.

I finally ask the obvious question,

I realise I share a love of Icelandic music with my fellow Green supporter

RENNETT STOWE

“what does TWS actually do?”. An awkward silence ensues, followed by some muttering. Finally someone steps up and mentions policy papers, but I am left none the wiser.

Finally, we turn to politics. I discover I’m sat next to a fellow Green, a brief conversation about the relative merits of Natalie Bennet and Caroline Lucas ensues. Thus ends the political part of the conversation. At this point, most of the wine and port is gone, the main has been consumed and talk has turned to joint ownership of a tank and the relative merits of Greenland and Iceland, at which point I realise I share a love of Icelandic music with my fellow Green supporter.

I begin to feel very hipster as I start suggesting more Icelandic music to him.

The meal over, the toasts given, we stumble back to town for an evening in Clare Cellars. The port continues to flow, and the increasingly absurd committee selfies continue to be taken. The evening is cut short for me as I’m informed that I have to row the following morning (now I remember why I didn’t row last year).

Though I never got to party in Fez, the evening was a good one. I realised that people can be both interesting and interested in politcs. It’s an odd and awe-inspiring feeling, sitting in a room with future leaders.

Student Chat: “What do you love about TCS?” With applications for section editors for Lent Term still open, we catch up with this term’s TCS Team:

“Headlines. There is nothing more beautiful than a perfect headline.”

Elsa, Emmanuel

“Stories about swans and sex”

“Making dirty jokes in print”

Stevie, Peterhouse

Magdalen, Murray Edwards

“Spending hours of ridiculousness in the office and somehow producing half decent content.”

Amelia, Jesus

ALL IMAGES: MAGDALEN CHRISTIE

“People who’ve never been involved and then produce brilliant writing.”

Grace, Girton

Campaigns: The BME Campaign Mariam Ansar Columnist

T

here have been quite a few things that have happened this Michaelmas, and there are quite a few things which are in the process of happening.

As is the case with any liberation campaign, I think you spend a lot of time analysing university structures, planning important events and projects, and hoping that whatever you do – whether it be a talk, a workshop, a petition – has some kind of significance in the wider world. You hope that you manage to make someone think differently. In an ideal world, they come away wanting to offer solidarity to your cause. But, ultimately, there doesn’t seem to be a unanimous way of determining the success of an event. Usually because in these spaces success can mean so many different things.

In light of all this, the BME Campaign and its supporters managed to organise events for Black History Month earlier this term. More recently, our campaign against the use of David Starkey in the ‘Dear World...

Yours, Cambridge’ video was partially (we’re still waiting on that apology) successful.

What we try to do is listen to the concerns of BME students and act accordingly What we ultimately try to do is listen to the wishes and concerns of BME students and act accordingly. We hosted a total of 10 events for Black History Month. These ranged from creative to political proposals. The hosting by FLY of up-and-coming film director Cecile Emeke was a great success, while a new BME filmsoc, ‘Life In Colour’ was also established.

In addition, through panels and events such as ‘Why Is My Curriculum White?’ and ‘The Fact of Blackness and The Burden of (Mis)representation’, we improved on Cambridge’s previous scattered events for Black History Month and asserted a non-white presence within the university. With our campaign against the use of Starkey in an access video, a simple petition by Dr Malachi McIntosh in the English Department went a long way and also showed the collective standpoint of BME staff and students at Cambridge. It shows the power of a common goal and concerted effort. Such work must be commended and celebrated.

Yet, there will always be more to do. There has been talk of campaigning for the image of Jan Smuts (a vocal supporter of apartheid in South Africa) hanging in Christ’s to be taken down, asking for more people of colour to be featured on reading lists, sensitivity training for porters, tutors and Directors of Studies, and simply holding more events to discuss issues like cultural appropriation. The role of the BME Campaign is to keep articulating why these things are important and why they deserve to be talked about in a place as unfairly aligned to ‘tradition’ as Cambridge. We try our best to not be a passive presence.

So far, I think we’re doing pretty well. The issues of racism that control what we learn, the way we’re talked about and to permeate the BME experience at Cambridge.

If anything we do or present changes something, structural or individual, it definitely makes a difference. It definitely feels worth it.

14

26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Interviews

Sophie Labelle: Trans activism via comic strips Chase Smith Interviews Editor

S

ophie Labelle, with her bright pink hair and Quebecois accent, had a lot of intriguing commentary to offer on trans issues this weekend, when her European tour brought her to Cambridge for a talk hosted by ‘Make No Assumptions’, the CUSU LGBT+ Trans Awareness Campaign 2015.

Labelle, a Canadian activist, is best known for her web comic, ‘Assigned Male.’ The fictional comic features the life of a young trans girl, whose witty personality and sharp comments have attracted a large following.

Why did Labelle choose the comic as her medium for raising awareness of trans issues?

“Well, I’ve always been interested in comics. I’ve always used [them] to express myself, especially at that time when I started being seen by therapists for my gender expression. It was really a way to get a bit of self-esteem out of it, because with all those psychiatrists following me and trying to treat me – it was really hard. I kind of got through it by making comics.”

We move into a more general, but poignant, discussion of trans issues.

“Well, when we’re born, the doctors look at our external genitals. They guess our gender, and sometimes they get it right, and sometimes they get it wrong. And then we spend our lives

explaining that they got it wrong.

“Contemporary issues [deal] a lot with the fact that we need to stop seeing the obstacles that trans people face coming from within them. We often see trans-ness as a sickness – it’s always coming from ourselves.

“But in fact it’s society that creates those barriers. We exist, and our existence should be enough to [demonstrate] that not all girls have a vulva and not all boys have a penis.”

I ask if she thinks there’s been

“If I am a girl then my body, whatever it looks like, is a girl’s body, since it’s mine.” positive change over the last few years.

“It’s really hard to tell. I mean if you’re rich and white like Caitlyn Jenner then maybe [it’s] more positive, there’s more opportunities for some trans people, but coming from a working class [background] and working a lot with communities, like support groups in Montreal, I feel there’s still a long way to go.”

I ask about the vocabulary we ought to use to discuss trans issues: “Well, it depends [on] who is talking. Trans people have all the rights over the vocabulary they use to talk about their own experience.

“I’ve been working with trans

children, and I’ve been trying to develop this message of body empowerment. I feel there are expressions that we should ban [from] media vocabulary. I don’t mind if trans people use [certain] expressions to talk about their own experience, but expressions like ‘being born in the wrong body’ – I mean you don’t say that to children. If a child is disabled, you [would] never say that they have ‘the wrong body’. It only says that there’s certain types of bodies and you cannot escape this.

“If I am a girl then my body, whatever it looks like, is a girl’s body since it’s mine.”

What can cis allies do with regard to trans issues?

“Being aware of gender assignment at birth is something. And educating themselves: many people in trans communities are already busy enough surviving. We don’t have time to educate people. I spend a lot of time just answering questions on my web comics page, and people take it [for] granted that it’s trans people’s job to educate on gender issues.

“That’s one of the many [reasons] I created this web comic: it was to give a break to trans people. My comic is first aimed at trans communities because there’s this goal to empower through giving tools, even though they might not be perfect. I just try to create as many tools as I can.

SOPHIE LABELLE VIA THE ASSIGNED MALE FACEBOOK PAGE

Baroness Lawrence: We must reform the UK police SOUTHBANK CENTRE

YAO TANG

Tom Bevan

I

n 1993, 18-year-old Stephen Lawrence was murdered while waiting for a bus in London, in what became arguably the most high profile racially motivated attack in UK history. Since the fatal stabbing, Baroness Doreen Lawrence has been a tireless campaigner for police reform.

And after a public inquiry into her son’s death in 1998 found that the ineffective handling of the case by the Metropolitan Police Force was largely a result of institutional racism, she has been at the forefront of public debate on public trust in law enforcement.

Speaking to us after taking part in, remarkably, the first ever Cambridge Union debate to discuss the role and conduct of the UK police force, Lawrence was as energised as ever and ready to make some divisive statements about the state of policing in this country. In light of well-documented police brutality in the United States, I began by asking if people of colour on this side of the Atlantic can feel protected by the authorities.

“There’s so much dissatisfaction

about the police amongst young people [of colour] these days and the only real reason that the UK is safer than the US is because the police here don’t carry guns.”

Presumably referring to the disproportionate number of stop and searches carried out on young black and Asian men, she continued: “it doesn’t matter what race you are; there

“Police officers need to remember – when they put their uniform on, they are still one of us.” is always an element of criminality within each community and it is completely wrong to tar a community with one brush. But the police do that, here and in America.”

Following the recent ISIS attacks she stressed that the police have an even “bigger role” in securing the safety of young British Muslims who seem to be at a greater risk of hate crimes. “You don’t want to isolate these people,” she asserted. “You have to bring them in and show support across society”.

But how can the institutional racism of the police continue to be challenged?

Home secretary Theresa May recently commented that forces in Britain were too slow to recruit non-white officers, and for Lawrence positive discrimination is one way of beginning the route towards fairer policing. “This [positive discrimination] is one way of getting to a point where we have chief constables who are black and ethnic minority. As long as you have to rely on your senior officer to put you forward into a higher role, it doesn’t matter how qualified a black police officer is. It just wouldn’t happen.”

Overcoming the subconscious bias which she thinks prevents well– trained black officers reaching higher ranks is surely no easy task and is one step of many on the way to reform.

And her impassioned closing remarks demonstrate just how much anger the Baroness feels about how slow the progress has been since her son’s death: “Really, police officers need to remember that when they put their uniform on they are still one of us; and they should not think they can step outside of that and break the law.”

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The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

Comment

David Cameron really has his work cut out for him over Syria Amatey Doku Columnist

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n the wake of the recent terrorist attacks in Paris (which I wrote about in last week’s column) France has led the way in stepping up its military offensive against IS in Syria. Their main target has been the city of Raqqa, currently held by IS, joining US and Russian air strikes in the region.

Last Friday, the UN Security Council bolstered their resolve by stating unanimously that IS constituted an “unprecedented threat to international peace and security” and called upon its member states “to take all necessary measures to prevent and supress its terrorists acts”.

It is against this backdrop that the prime minister plans to bring back proposals to extend British military action in Syria back to the House of Commons. And this time he wants to make sure that he wins.

George Osbourne, speaking on the Andrew Marr Show at the weekend, said very clearly that the government would not call another vote on the issue unless they were completely sure that they would be successful, describing another defeat as a “publicity coup for ISIL” that “would send a terrible message about Britain’s role in the world”.

In 2013, the government was defeated in a vote in parliament soon after it was widely reported that the Syrian president Bashar al-Assad

had sanctioned the use of chemical weapons against his own citizens in rebel held territory. Then under Ed Miliband, the Labour party, after tabling their own amendment which also failed, refused to support the government’s proposition for air strikes and put a stop to the UK aiding America and France in the conflict.

One cannot predict how such a vote would play out today before seeing the actual details of the proposal but the early signs are there. Labour are divided on the issue, between a leader who is known for his reluctance to support military action and several Labour shadow cabinet ministers who have said in private they would be willing to support action if a

The UK would have only a “marginal effect” militarily in the ongoing conflict convincing argument was presented.

The success of the proposals lies with the government’s ability to persuasively answer the many reservations put forward in a recent Foreign Affairs Committee report on such an intervention. The report highlights that the UK would have only a “marginal effect” militarily in the ongoing conflict. The situation is further complicated by the number

of international actors in the region (including Turkey, Saudi Arabia, France, Russia and Qatar) fighting on different sides and with different aims.

Nothing demonstrates the complexity and fluid nature of the situation more than the fact that as recently as 2013 it was Assad who was considered the main threat in the region and the target of the proposed air strikes. While the report understands that it is now in Britain’s interest to see IS defeated, it does also say that no action should be taken until there is a “coherent international strategy that has a realistic chance of defeating IS and ending the civil war in Syria”.

So the prime minister has his work cut out for him. He must move carefully politically at home in order to gain the necessary support from the House of Commons and avoid the humiliating defeat which the government faced last time around.

However, even if successful, Britain – and indeed all the other parties involved in this complex conflict – must work with a long-term strategy and endgame in sight and must fight with an understanding of the complexities of this situation. Failing to do so runs the risk of perpetuating the war, killing and displacing more innocent civilians and exacerbating one of the world’s worst refugee crises for decades.

DENIS BOCQUET

Editors: Jack May & Freya Sanders Founded 1999 Volume 17

Keeping track

Our student unions must be watched in the long-term Our investigation spread this week (‘Apathy, anger, and division: The student union problem’, p.4–5) is an in-depth analysis at student unions, both in Cambridge and further afield – with a look both at CUSU and at the National Union of Students.

With the long-term memory of the student body often not stretching beyond a year or two (at best, three), it can be hard to take a zoomed-out view of these large-scale organisations, and consider their real impact.

In CUSU’s case, the verdict can be hard to return. With sabbatical officers changing year on year, it often feels as though it is impossible to judge the success of the union, as its officers change just as they are starting to enact change.

This year, for example, has seen record lows in student satisfaction in Cambridge with their student union, and yet these figures only truly reflect on last year’s officers. As President Priscilla Mensah said at the time, the sabbatical officers must be judged on their record come June 2016.

That being said, we must look beyond the one-year cycle, and ask why CUSU has consistently, repeatedly, and impressively failed to excite the student body to any significant and wide-ranging extent.

The case of the NUS is slightly more complex. To many students it is known only as a provider in discounts in such high-street stores as Topshop.

However, it is in reality a ferocious and deeply committed campaigning organisation, and while this fervour should be commended, the question must be asked as to how democratic an organisation it is.

With most of its campaigning decided via motions at its conferences, delegates for which are chosen on a campus-by-campus basis, we must look at who attends these conferences. In recent years, Cambridge’s delegates have been student union insiders, elected on microscopic turnouts.

While this does not invalidate the commitment they show, nor the work they do, it does mean that the levels of democracy present in the institution may not be as high as they could otherwise be.

Until the NUS can show that it has what can be considered genuine democratic structures, that actually reach out to all students, and not merely to activist insiders, it cannot realistically claim to have the credibility to launch such radical and politically charged campaigns.

Strong union representation is vital for students – both locally and nationally. Thus far this year, CUSU and its officers have shown that they intend to put their historic mandate at last year’s elections to good use, and this newspaper will hold a critical eye to the union come the end of the year.

As for the NUS, it may still have a long way to go.

For richer, for poorer

More bursaries are needed to redress the balance The headline statistic may indeed be a surprising one: proportionally speaking, university fees are higher here than anywhere else in the world.

However, UK state fees are obviously still lower than those at elite private universities, such as the Ivy League.

Nonetheless, the call must be continued to be made for ever more bursaries, grants, and scholarships to UK universities, to match public universities across the world.

On a Cambridge level, one hope might be that much of the financial reward from the Dear World, Yours Cambridge campaign will go towards

supporting further bursaries for students less able to afford the steep costs of a university education.

This is not only good for access, but will further improve the standing of the University, thus attracting an ever higher calibre of student.

It is wise to avoid hysteria on the fees subject. For the most part, financial support is available, the terms of student loans are still relatively favourable (unless further changes are enforced by the government), and the financial burden on the average student over their lifetime is not crippling.

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26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Comment

Should women-only events be supported in Cambridge?

Yes – It’s important to allow women to celebrate on their own terms Sriya Varadharajan

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his week, the seemingly mandatory social justice conversation in Cambridge has been about supposedly exclusionary spaces, as the uproar over men being left out of the Trinity Women’s Breakfast is quieted by the clarification that it was apparently a misunderstanding all along.

All students were invited to the complimentary breakfast provided by Trinity College which was then followed and commemorated by the taking of a photo of the female and non-binary students in the College to celebrate 40 years of equal entry, at least in name.

Although the breakfast has been deemed exclusionary, discriminatory, and sexist – in a striking lack of appreciation of the concept of systematic oppression – the photo, significantly, went ahead with apparently no vocal protest, which would have been ridiculous. If it included men, it

would be a record of students at Trinity in November 2015, for no apparent reason.

Like other events held to mark significant points in women’s history, it is held comparatively sacred; through this photo the current women and nonbinary students at Trinity College are both marking a significant moment and taking part in one themselves, providing a symbol for future students to look back on as part of the history of women at Trinity.

The breakfast, though, is only breakfast.

It will not be marked, except maybe in the memories of the students who woke up early enough to attend it. If it had remained ‘exclusionary’, it would have provided – to use a phrase that antifeminist cynics are continually rolling their eyes at – a safe space for women and non-binary students to make connections within their community. This is not created by the exclusion of men; rather, it is created through their shared experiences of misogyny and their shared history of

Women are still silenced and spoken over by men

activism and survival which, by its nature, cannot include men, in both political and intensely mundane ways.

Women were not admitted into any male spaces in order to combat misogyny as a political statement. Women were admitted into male spaces so they could have the same experiences as men, the conversations over breakfast about lectures and Bridgemas and the weather. Women were admitted in order to allow them entry to an area of life from which they had been banned, and merely living in this area is symbolic of this and a cause for celebration.

So-called ‘exclusionary’ spaces are a means of allowing this, in a world where women are silenced and spoken over by men. It is time we stopped neglecting the celebration of women and non-binary people surviving in a patriarchal world, because to celebrate women’s history and the endless possibilities for us in the future, and ignore this, undermines the point of celebrating at all.

No – The genders should come together to celebrate the lives of women Ben Freeman

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ll that has been written about women by men should be suspect, for the men are at once judge and party to the lawsuit,” wrote François Poullain de la Barre.

I take this quote as my point of departure because I want to be clear: I am on the political left, I am a man, and I consider myself to be a feminist – I believe in gender equality. Please feel free to find this and me suspect, though. In writing this, I do not want to insult women in any way, and nor do I fail to recognise the great gulf of inequality which exists between men and women, and the struggle which continues today against sexism and inequality.

I do, however, wish to show that men can be feminists. The exclusivity of some celebrations of women at Cambridge implicitly assumes that men are unhappy that women can attend Cambridge. Why should men who are feminists, men who agree unreservedly with the idea of educational equality, be denied the opportunity to celebrate with women?

Throughout history, there are scores of men famous and otherwise who have worked for sexual equality.

Enlightenment thinkers like Diderot satirised objectification, Poullain de la Barre wrote on women’s rights, and Mark Twain was a proponent of women’s suffrage. These are merely three examples, but they demonstrate a wider movement

towards male feminism; towards a desire to eliminate gender inequality.

I do not mean that men are more important than women in terms of the advancement of women’s rights. Generally, men have held back progress. Speaking in such general terms, though, helps nobody, and it is this division between women as the protagonists and men as the antagonists in the narrative of the history of progress which provokes disagreement.

The foolishness of this division can be seen with a simple example: women only events would tolerate the presence of Katie Hopkins, a woman who has actively written against feminism, and not tolerate

Inclusivity will establish a far more cohesive university

the presence of any man who, like myself, considers himself a feminist. It is politics and opinion which divide and radicalise us far more than gender.

It is exactly this gender-based exclusivity which caused women to be so disrespected, so ignored, and so discriminated against in the past. I do not see the lack of men at a breakfast or dinner as a great injustice, but inclusivity will establish a far more cohesive society and University. It shames our forebears that women were denied equality for so long, but it is a joy that now, men and women share this fantastic education. Let all genders come together in a spirit of mutual remembrance and celebration.

HORACE KO

In defence of Me Tom Richardson

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’m not a vegetarian. Honestly, I’m not hugely interested in animal welfare.

But I’m proud to have co-sponsored the recent motion calling for Meat Free Mondays which passed Sidney Sussex JCR in a packed-out open meeting, by a margin of more than seven to one. It’s a small step which we hope could launch a uni-wide movement and make a huge difference.

Launched by Paul McCartney in 2009, Meat Free Mondays is hardly the assault on carnivorous freedoms a vocal minority at Sidney portrayed it as. While meat-eaters can currently enjoy three options every meal-time, seven days a week, vegetarians are left with one, which at Sidney not infrequently amounts to a spring-roll.

To add insult to injury, the often inadequate vegetarian option consistently subsidises, via the compulsory Kitchen Fixed Charge, the far more expensive meat options, with meat prices rising 10% above inflation since 2007.

Meat Free Mondays, while certainly not achieving parity, would at least help halls to improve their vegetarian options every day of the week, and attract alienated vegetarians, and meat-eaters like me who don’t want rich red-meat seven days a week, back into the fold they have long since abandoned.

Far more importantly, Meat Free Mondays would help improve the health of everyone in Sidney and beyond. A 2010 Oxford University study has shown that limiting meat consumption to three days a week could prevent 45,000 deaths a year, and save the NHS £1.2 billion.

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The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

SARAH ACKERMAN

We need a CUSU Disabled Students’ Officer to take the next step to eradicate disablism Tula Geliot

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eat Free Mondays Reserving one day for vegetarian foods would help people achieve this, removing the temptation of a steak in favour of a cheaper, more nutritious meal which could provide as much protein as any bulky rower would ever need, from lentils, chickpeas, cheese or any one of a number of alternatives.

Of course, some meat eaters don’t care about their health, but they should at least care about the health of the planet. The UN has stated that meat-production accounts for 14.5% of global greenhouse emissions, a proportion larger than planes, trains and cars combined. Deeply inefficient meat production, alongside driving 80% of the deforestation of the Brazilian Amazon, contributes to the malnourishment of 800 million people worldwide, with 12kg of grain necessary to produce 1kg of beef.

Alongside cutting demand for meat, the adoption of Meat Free Mondays would be a powerful symbol of solidarity with those for whom it is an unattainable luxury.

But Sidney’s move alone will have a negligible impact, and all colleges must join the movement. Other universities, including University College London and Wadham College, Oxford, have successfully adopted it, but an institution as large and esteemed as Cambridge introducing it university wide would be a huge achievement, both in cutting meat consumption on a large scale, and inspiring others to join the movement worldwide.

So please, if you care about vegetarians in college, health, the environment or those in dire poverty, propose a motion to your JCR. Based on Sidney’s experience, there’s a big appetite for Meat Free Mondays.

Comment

isabled students are severely underrepresented at our University. From inaccessible colleges and faculty buildings to poor mental health provisions, a huge amount of students are suffering under the Cambridge conditions, with their health exacerbated by the fact that these deeprooted institutional issues are largely unchallenged. With that in mind, a petition has recently been launched by the CUSU Disabled Students’ Campaign calling for a referendum with the goal of appointing a permanent sabbatical CUSU disabled students’ officer. By creating this position, the utterly unfair challenges that disabled students at Cambridge University face will be rightfully addressed and hopefully eradicated.

From the CUSU Women’s Campaign’s Mind the Gap survey (2015), we know that 43.3% of students (of all genders and none) felt that studying at Cambridge had a negative impact on their mental health, and a third reported a negative impact on their physical health. Furthermore, The Big Cambridge Survey (Cambridge University Students’ Union, 2014) revealed that disabled students, especially those with mental illness, reported to have a poorer quality of student experience than their peers, and disabled students experienced “significantly” poorer welfare

support in their colleges.

The CUSU Disabled Students’ Campaign plans to offer adequate and specific training for MCR and JCR disabilities officers (or equivalent) as one of many methods in improving support for disabled students at Cambridge, but this vital development rests largely upon the successful appointment of a full-time sabbatical CUSU DSO. Disabled students also reported that they were overwhelmingly affected by prejudice from other students. Such prejudice is directly related to a lack of understanding of disabilities and what it means to be at university coping with a health condition, which our prospective CUSU disabled students’ officer will be able to address and combat in their centralised position.

Currently, the CUSU Disabled Students’ Campaign is run by unpaid (and wonderfully hardworking) Cambridge students, who are simultaneously wading through their own degrees. This is an inordinately demanding task. CUSU and JCR welfare officers, many of whom are disabled themselves, have also reported feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of their positions as the vast majority are dealing with specifically disability-related issues which should be dealt with by an independent DSO. Welfare officers offer excessive amounts of their personal time in order to support

A huge amount of disabled students are suffering at Cambridge

disabled and non-disabled students alike, to the extent that the greater number of them end up ill from being overworked and undersupported. Naturally, this means that inadequate time, focus and resources are given to disabled students.

A sabbatical DSO would relieve welfare officers of their currently impossible workloads and will also be able to provide support to those of them who need it.

The Disabled Resources Centre is unable to make up the shortfalls that occur in the absence of a permanent DSO position, due to being underfunded and economically dependent upon the University itself, which in turn makes it less inclined to challenge the institutional difficulties imposed upon disabled students by the University of Cambridge. Such institutional difficulties are perpetuated by the University’s traditionalist approach to learning, which directly puts disabled students at a disadvantage, for instance, due to online lecture notes being a rarity, lectures being unrecorded and course structures inflexible, in the event of a health crisis occuring.

An independent force in the form of a CUSU DSO is the fundamental step towards defeating the structural disablism that is still occurring within the foundations of our university.

Tula Geliot is the Girton College disabilities and mental health officer.

Bridgemas is ruining Christmas for all of us Louise McCarthy

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very year Christmas starts earlier and earlier – it feels as though you’ve barely unpacked from your summer holiday before the shops are blasting Christmas music and Pret is selling a ‘seasonal’ Christmas sandwich.

But for Cambridge students, the scourge of Christmas arrives a month earlier, disguised as Bridgemas. This festive holiday is primarily celebrated by getting very drunk, going to Cindies wearing a Santa hat, and then having to go to a supervision the next day with glitter still in your hair and suffering from the worst hangover you’ve had all term. Is it any wonder that most of us would rather endure a second Week Five breakdown?

I’ll start with the most widely acknowledged tradition of all: Christmas formal. Perhaps the most highly anticipated event in the Michaelmas calendar, it books out weeks in advance. Good luck getting into the same one as your friends if you didn’t all book in together on your first night back in October. This is an event usually organised by the mother hen of the friendship group: a multiple person group

SARAH ACKERMAN

chat was probably involved. However, the time has come to be frank: Christmas formal is just a disappointing, dry turkey version of your mum’s Christmas dinner.

The best you can hope for is that you’ll be too drunk by the time the meal comes to notice that half the plate is brussel sprouts and you didn’t get a pig in a blanket.

That is, of course, if you even make it to Christmas formal: you might be left unable to leave your room, reduced to a gibbering wreck by the stress of buying a Secret Santa present for that person who lives at the end of your corridor, but who you’ve only spoken to twice – and one of those times was to bitch at them for using your saucepan and not washing it up. Buying presents for people you actually like is difficult enough; presents for those whose disappearance would take you a few weeks to notice is nigh on impossible.

And then the most cruel twist of all: you arrive home, collapse onto the sofa – fully intending not to move for a week or two – and your parents produce the Christmas decorations. “We waited for you before we decorated the tree!” they declare joyfully, and you realise that you have to go through the whole circus again.

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26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Sport

The Puzzles Column Football – The future 1.

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Paul Hyland Sport Editor

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ector Bellerín, a right-back once of Barcelona and now of Arsenal, has hung up his boots and swapped the Emirates Pitch for the rather more unfamiliar surroundings of Sacred Heart Primary School in Islington. “Hola. Me llamo Hector,” he introduces himself, “Soy defensa. ¿Y tú?” A group of enthralled school children, many of them bedecked in Arsenal’s home strip, do their best to introduce themselves to him in his native language, Spanish.

In the space of 45 minutes, Bellerín 8. has taught them the basics. Some of them are even able to tell him what their favourite position is to play on a football pitch.

It’s an unlikely combination of football and language learning that has been hit upon by Arsenal Football Club, who launched their Community Department in the 1980s with the aim of engaging their North London community in projects across sport, education, social inclusion and health.

Arsenal’s League and Cup double winning season of 1997/98 led to the Down foundation of the Club’s education 2. Time keeper, and provider of 24 days of chocolate programme, the ‘Double Club’, which goodness which starts this week (6,8) uses football to motivate school pupils 3. ‘__ Ballad’, from Eminem’s 2000 release The to improve their literacy and numeracy Marshall Mathers LP (4) skills. In 2006, a partnership with the 4. First name of the main character in the Footlights Goethe-Institut London and UKPantomime, featured on Part 2, pages 4–5 (5) 5. Funding allocations, about which George Osbourne German Connection, combined with the small matter of a World Cup in spoke earlier this week (6) Germany, created the opportunity to 7. Norse earth goddess (3) replicate this model for the learning 8. Idiot (3) of German, and later other modern languages. This exciting addition to

by Charlotte Furniss-Roe the Double Club programme enabled

the club to take advantage of the immense linguistic diversity in their squad and kick off one of the most fascinating community initiatives set up by a football club. Since then, Arsenal Football Club have promoted the learning of languages as varied as Portuguese, Spanish, Italian, French and German, in classrooms up to Year 9 level.

It’s a devilishly simple idea. The workbooks that Arsenal, together with their specialist language partners, develop and provide to schools appeal to children by the inclusion of the famous faces they would normally recognise from the pitch. A standard school Spanish textbook will follow a faceless character called Pedro in his quest to get to the post office. Not so here: in Arsenal’s workbooks you might find yourself helping forward, Alexis Sánchez, to the Emirates Stadium in time for the big game.

Crossword Across 1. See 2 down 5. Informative teaser on the back cover of a book (5) 6. Male ‘companion’ to a young woman – maybe even French and attractive (4) 7. Putting on a play (7) 9. Ruby anniversary of women being allowed into Trinity College (8)

Oxford Women’s Rugby strip Paul Hyland Sport Editor

Sudoku C

Solutions from Volume 17, Michaelmas Issue 7

ambridge’s rivals have taken a break from their preparations for this year’s Varsity Match to get their kit off in the name of charity.

Braving the winter conditions, the

by Thomas Prideaux Ghee Oxford Women’s Rugby have released a naked calendar in aid of the charity Beat, which aims to promote positive body images and provide support to those suffering with eating disorders.

“The calendar shoot was fun for the whole squad,” the captain, Carly Bliss, commented to the Oxford Mail, “Knowing we were raising money for our club and for such an amazing charity spurred us all on to brave the chilly October afternoon.

“The shoot did take some time as we wanted the photographs to be technically accurate from a rugby point of view.”

Technically accurate they are. The

women’s team are presented in actual match situations, to present themselves first and foremost as serious athletes.

Hellen Lamb, Club president, told the Oxford Mail: “The message Beat promotes really fits with the positive body image and confidence that we promote at OURFC Women. We have

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The Cambridge Student • 26 November 2015

Sport

of language learning? Cambridge tennis celebrates early success Children are even treated to videos of the club’s playing staff teaching the basics of their own native languages – introductions, numbers, colours, clothes, before taking the lesson outside for a sport session where they will be expected to put their newfound linguistic abilities into practice.

A simple idea it might be, but sometimes it’s the simplest ideas that work best. In 2013 Arsenal and their Double Club German partners teamed up with German TV station, Deutsche Welle, and Bethnal Green Academy, to make a documentary in which eighteen pupils learned German through the help of the scheme.

Funding from the Goethe-Institut London facilitated a once-in-alifetime trip to Berlin for these young people, many of whom had never travelled overseas before. Through the programme’s links with UK-German Connection, an inner-city school of

Berlin, not too dissimilar in profile to that of Bethnal Green Academy, was identified as a partner school for the visit. Pupils from both schools had much in common, be it religion, their love for football, or as more is the case these days, their obsession with social media. Programme coordinator, Steve Eadon, speaks enthusiastically about the project: ‘The impact of the trip was fascinating. Through travel, language and integration with like-minded young people in another city – not to mention their sense of belonging to this football-based project – these pupils had their aspirations raised.

They were speaking candidly about their futures, some of whom were keen on the idea of returning to Germany to study at university. It’s not often you’ll encounter 18 teenage boys practically begging their teacher to introduce German to the school’s curriculum, but it happened during this project.’

ARSENAL FC

Jane Coombs

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ambridge tennis has faced some tough challenges this term. But the teams have battled hard to come through some exciting matches, with both Blues teams taking part in some deliciously tight fixtures in the BUCS Premier Division. Who said tennis was a summer sport?

With two wins and a draw this term, the Women’s Firsts are sitting comfortably in the middle of their league, whilst the Men’s Firsts are looking to push on and improve results in Lent term after a disappointing start to the season.

The Men’s Seconds have had an especially successful term, reaching the top of their division. The Women’s Seconds – despite being unable to play as many fixtures this term as hoped – have been extremely successful and are looking to build on the progress they’ve made for the rest of the year.

The Men’s Thirds are continuing to

train hard, and have also introduced team fitness sessions. The newly created Men’s Fourths and Women’s Thirds have allowed for a greater strength and depth, in a bid to match Oxford’s impressive squad.

The club itself has been in existence since 1881, and accordingly it is one steeped in tradition. Before the Second World War, Cambridge players went on to win 28 Wimbledon Championships.

Legends of Edwardian-era tennis include Anthony Wilding, who, after graduating from Trinity with his blue in 1905, went on to win 114 outdoor titles, including 8 from Wimbledon.

Then there were the Doherty brothers, Laurence and Reginald, of Trinity Hall, who both achieved fame as World Number One’s.

One of the more notable traditions that has survived until the present day is the club’s bi-annual match with Oxford against a joint Harvard-Yale team, as they compete for the Prentice Cup for the men and the Seabright Cup for the women.

The current players try their best to do justice to the club’s illustrious past.

Despite difficulties this year finding indoor courts, the Blues captains – Monika Kondratowicz and Gerald Wu – have been working hard to maintain a professional training programme, proving useful in some of the recent gruelling three-set matches.

Even away from the court, the club has been busy evolving. The website has been completely redesigned by team player James Gunn and the club is active on Facebook and even Instagram.

As the teams have one of the latest Varsity matches of all sports, in early July, the road to face Oxford is indeed a very long one. Once Easter term arrives, the excitement of grass court practices revives the team as they intensify their training in the last stretch up to Varsity.

The teams have been impressed so far by the new recruits, and hope very much to compete hard in Lent term and beyond.

Should sport take a stand against terror?

Sophie Penney

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espite security concerns in the wake of Paris attacks, all matches in the French League and Cup went ahead, just without the away supporters. French police had decided that they could not guarantee the security of such a large number of fans.

What a pity. As we saw at the match between England and France, sport can be an opportunity to unite and show showing solidarity against terrorism. This was a chance denied to French away supporters. The police took the decision, they said, on security second-year who plays for Emmanuel grounds, but it strikes me as being College Women’s Rugby team, said: much too cautious. While I accept ‘This seems like a great fundraising that the police are there to protect drive for a really good cause. I was pleased to see the team getting stuck into some actual rugby manoeuvres, rather than just standing around looking pretty. It’s a shame, but while all-male naked sports calendars, like that of the Warwick rowers, can get away with publishing 12 photos of highly-toned heartthrobs looking cheeky and occasionally standing near a blade, their all-female equivalents must be presented as strong sports players in action or risk being dragged into objectification by the oppressive weight of the male gaze.’

The move coincides with a serious step forward for the sport, as this year the women’s Varsity Match will take place at Twickenham for the first time.

p for naked charity calendar not used Photoshop in the calendar to enhance the girls’ bodies aesthetically, to emphasise that these are real rugby players who simply enjoy playing the game.’

It’s an initiative that has been warmly welcomed by members of the women’s rugby community. Elsa Maishman, a MAXWELL HAMILTON William Lyon-Tupman

their people, excluding thousands of supporters from the match could be seen as a defeat in the face of the recent attacks. It’s an impossible balance between safety and principles.

There is something odd about playing with reduced spectator numbers. Imagine, half the stadium forcibly emptied, yet the match still going on. What if all the spectators had been banned? Is there any point in playing a match with no one to watch it?

In theory, yes there is. The sport is the very basis of the spectacle. But that’s just it: there is an entire spectacle around it, that’s its original purpose.

There are league standings, ticket sales, club revenues, and loyal fans. It

all adds to the sense of occasion that has taken a back seat in light of such security measures. Players are icons, brand ambassadors and children’s heroes. A game of football is far more than just a game, and denying spectators the right to enter a stadium is ignorant of that very fact.

The French football league is a highly prolific one. Supporters locked out on the street instead of cheering on their heroes in the stands is a fact unfitting of a competition with such a status. It becomes distanced from the highlysupported league it is part of, and is reduced to the level of a random kick about. A random kick about that has implications for the standing of one of Europe’s most prestigious leagues.

VLADIMIR VARFOLOMEEV

Sport

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26 November 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Paris Dispatch: Should sport take a stand against terror? → p. 19

www.tcs.cam.ac.uk/sport

ABOVE: WIKIVOYAGE

This week the men’s badminton team took on UCL and achieved a deserved 5–3 victory. Read below for more.

Image: William Lyon Tupman

William Lyon Tupman

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Cambridge Essex

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he Blues started with a 21–16 victory in the doubles and a 14–21 defeat in the first singles match.

Hackett and Hepburn won their first doubles match easily, and pulled ahead with a second win at 21–18.

Gray’s efforts in his matches were valiant, but suffered two successive losses at the hands of a quick and well-coordinated opponent. Another doubles match began, and Jenner and Gray were defeated 21–11.

Cambridge rallied, and edged the fourth doubles game 22–20, before UCL replied with a 21–13 of their own.

Will suffered two consecutive defeats at 14–21 and 12–21 in his singles match.

When Hackett and Hepburn took back to the court, their energy in the face of tiring opponents helped them on their way to back-to-back 21–12 wins.

Chris and Tom weren’t as lucky as their teammates, losing 11–21 but then winning 22-20 before losing 13–21. Though it was not enough for UCL, as Cambridge were rewarded with the 5–3 win they deserved.

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Stuart Cummings

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depleted Cambridge squad made the short trip to Essex in the first round of the BUCS Trophy, and Cambridge took the front foot. Coley won the first-face off, and after a nice passing move the ball found Pete Baddoo, who fired home to make it 1–0 before the ball had touched an Essex stick.

Essex showed some early intent, but their shots were comfortably dealt with.

Two more first quarter goals from Müskens and Wedlake put Cambridge 3–0 up. The second quarter followed suit, with longpole defender Ed Wigley collecting a ball and running the length of the field before firing home. Essex pulled one back, with a low shot that snuck beneath the keeper. New boy Hal Evans also got on the scoresheet for Cambridge after a well worked move. 6–1 at half time. The final quarter was all Cambridge, with Tan and Evans scoring another goal each and Baddoo grabbing a few more. In the end it was a very comfortable victory as Cambridge progress to the last 16.

Cambridge

Women’s Football

Cambridge UCL

Men’s Lacrosse

Men’s Badminton

Deserved wins for Cambridge against strong opposition Nottingham Trent

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Gerda Bachrati

W

ith a place in the quarter finals of the Midlands Conference Cup at stake, the Cambridge women found themselves a goal down in the first ten minutes before they had come into the game. Rising to the occasion, Ceylon Hickman later picked out Katheryn Savage on a run, who slotted well past the goalkeeper to equalise at 1–1. Cambridge dominated the rest of the half, creating a host of chances that the Trent keeper did well to save, until Charlotte Bull managed to take advantage of a defensive mistake moments before half-time and rifle a shot into the net. 2–1 to Cambridge at halftime.

The Nottingham team had their backs to the wall in the second half, as Katheryn Savage collided with the opposing ‘keeper who made a last-ditch save.

Savage was unfortunate to hit the crossbar, but the third was sure to come, as Bull collected the ball on the left and shot across the goalkeeper for 3–1. Trent’s counterattacks in the last 15 couldn’t prevent Cambridge from progressing.