Michaelmas 2015 Issue 1

Should we abolish colleges?

The Fringe

Fashion Shoot

Their provisions are vastly unequal – time for reform?

Thespians of Cambridge, Overheard in Edinburgh

GANT’s autumn season: a new take on an old look

→ Comment, p.13

→ Part 2, p.6–7

→Part 2, p.10–11

The

06 October 2015 Vol. 17 Michaelmas Issue 1 www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

City blackout condemned as unsafe

Cambridge Student

Frontbench role for new MP: the first five months Anna Carruthers Deputy Investigations Editor Five months ago Labour’s Daniel Zeichner defeated the Liberal Democrat incumbent, Julian Huppert, by a narrow 599 votes. Since then, Zeichner has opposed the Welfare Bill, supported Yvette Cooper in the Labour leadership campaign and became Shadow Minister for Transport.

Zeichner laid down a clear marker in his maiden speech to the Commons, describing Cambridge as a “tale of two cities” in which 12,000 people are earning below the living wage and average rents are double the national average. A self-described socialist, he was one of 48 MPs who rebelled against the Labour whip and opposed the Welfare Bill.

This stance has not been welcomed by everyone. One third-year historian, who wishes to remain anonymous, told The Cambridge Student: “I think he’s a trade union slave and total arse.”

Prior to his election, Zeichner served as a political officer at UNISON for 13 years. Zeichner has previously defended the Labour Party’s relationship with the unions, saying to Cambridge News it prevented politics’ domination by “an ever-shrinking circle of middle class people.”

However, this socialist attitude did not translate into support for Jeremy Corbyn, but rather Yvette Cooper. On a joint visit with Cooper to Microsoft Research, Zeichner highlighted her focus on “high skilled jobs, productivity growth and new opportunities for everyone”.

Yet when Corbyn was elected, Zeichner was appointed as Shadow Minister for Transport. The Cambridge University Conservative Association issued a statement arguing that such a position was bad for the city.

Continued on page 4 →

Council to extinguish streetlights after cuts Elsa Maishman Deputy News Editor

S

tudents and JCRs across Cambridge have condemned plans to switch off lights on Cambridge’s streets between midnight and 6am from 1 April 2016.

Due to government cuts, the county council must save £100 million over the next 5 years, £272,000 per year of which will come from the switch-off.

The presidents of several JCRs have opposed the plans, including Murray Edwards, Trinity, Newnham, Trinity Hall and, reportedly, Jesus.

Pembroke’s president, Will Popplewell, said it would “increase the danger towards students”. President of Cambridge University Students’ Union Priscilla Mensah told The Cambridge Student that CUSU will be working with students to campaign against the proposals, as “this costcutting endeavour exposes students to unnecessary vulnerability when students should always feel safe in this city.’’ Daniel Zeichner, Labour MP for Cambridge, has also urged the council to reconsider the plan, which he called “terrible for Cambridge”.

However, the county council do not regard this proposal as a threat to public safety, based on “the evidence supplied from other local authorities” suggesting “no increase in crime or accident levels” after similar initiatives.

Partial night lighting has been introduced by more than 60 other councils. A member of the Cambridge City Centre Policing Team suggested to TCS that it is net circumstances, not lighting alone, that encourage crime, and said they were “not personally

concerned about the proposal to turn off certain street lighting overnight.’’

Rumours that the University of Cambridge may step in and pay to keep the lights on in student areas remain unconfirmed, and a spokesperson stated only that the University “is committed to the safety of its students and will work with local authorities as appropriate as their plans develop.’’

A spokesperson for Cambridgeshire county council said: “We have already saved £218 million since 2009 and if we do not find further ways to save money we will have to make deeper cuts from services such as frontline social care looking after the most vulnerable in our society.” They say they “absolutely understand” concerns and are speaking with councils to find “local solutions.” They continued: “At the same time we are looking at using LEDs to save money ... and our PFI contract saves us £1 million a year.

Further engagement with the public will start soon.” The streets on which lights are set to be turned off include routes between clubs, bars and student accommodation, such as Trinity Lane, Grange Road, and Chesterton Lane.

Following a series of sexual assaults in November, The Tab launched a nearly 2,000-strong petition asking for better lighting in parks and green spaces “to ensure that when we walk through Cambridge at night, we feel safer and more secure.’’ The organisers were subsequently outraged to learn that the county council were already working on partial lighting plans.

Editorial Comment page 15 →

Trolley in hand, hair on point, the new year begins

Investigations pages 4-5 → Image: Tom Dorrington Editorial Comment page 15 →

2

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

News

Editorial Team 06 October 2015

Volume 17 • Michaelmas Issue 1 www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

Editors-in-Chief Jack May Freya Sanders Art Director Alice Mottram News Editors Stevie Hertz Catherine Maguire Deputy News Editors Elsa Maishman Will Amor Tonicha Upham Investigations Editor Colm Murphy Deputy Investigations Editors Anna Carruthers Olly Hudson Features Editors Magdalen Christie Sammy Love Anthony Bridgen Deputy Features Editor Lottie Limb Interviews Editor Chase Caldwell Smith Comment Editors Amelia Oakley Julia Stanyard Grace Murray Columns Editor Audrey Sebatindira Food & Drink Editor Lucy Roxburgh Books Editor Jemima Jobling Music Editor Olivia Fletcher TV & Film Editor Miriam Shovel Theatre Editor Tom Bevan Fashion Editor Jessie Mathewson Lifestyle Editors Maddy Airlie Isobel Laidler Sport Editor Paul Hyland Social Media Manager Sydney Patterson Chief Sub-Editors Charlotte Furniss-Roe Megan Proops Sub-Editors Thomas Saunders Sam Raby Directors Jack May Freya Sanders Colm Murphy Sam Rhodes Jemma Stewart The Cambridge Student takes complaints about editorial content seriously. We are committed to abiding by the Independent Press Standards Organisation rules and the Editors’ Code of Practice enforced by IPSO, and by the stipulations of our constitution. Requests for corrections or clarifications should be sent by email to editor@tcs.cam.ac.uk or by post to The Editor, The Cambridge Student, Cambridge University Students’ Union, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB3 1LB. Letters to the Editor may be published.

Letter from the Editors: Welcome to The (new) Cambridge Student Jack May & Freya Sanders Editors-in-Chief We’d like to extend a warm welcome to all our readers – whether you are a dedicated fan of The Cambridge Student, as yet uninitiated, or anything in between. Welcome to the first issue of the freshly redesigned TCS. The seeds of this redesign were planted long ago, inspired mainly by the remarkable professionalism of the students we have worked with over the course of our TCS careers. They have come from all corners of Cambridge; what tied them together is ambition for the paper, and dedication to it.

The resulting high-quality output has gone far beyond what could or should be expected of a student publication.

We wanted our new design to reflect, honour and perpetuate this tradition.

The new TCS is sharper and cleaner.

It’s simple, in order to let the incredible words and images of our contributors do the talking. Its underpinning principle is consideration of you, our readers: we want you to be able to yield maximum enjoyment with minimum effort. In these days of online gratification, print still has a lot to say; we have focused on readability in order to let that fact shine through.

Our biggest change has been the creation of our supplement, named after the second part of tripos, Part 2. This 12-page pull-out sits between pages 10 and 11, and incorporates Culture, Reviews and Lifestyle.

Whereas the old TCS had individual pages for sections such as Books, Music and Fashion, the new TCS takes a more holistic approach: our

Part 2 team have worked together as a unit to produce a supplement that is visually stunning and buzzing with content that is sharply focused on the experience of being a Cambridge student. It reflects the cohesive nature of our team, and our commitment to entertaining and informing every member of the student body.

Focusing on readability, we’ve made the new TCS sharper and cleaner Though Part 2 is separate from the main paper, its aesthetic principles guide Part 1. This can be seen in our new investigations spread (pp. 4-5), in which we exhibit TCS’s reputation for outstanding investigations.

The spread combines the highquality in-depth analysis we are known for with the beautiful visuals we exhibit elsewhere in the paper. In the coming term it will be the perfect medium to communicate the variety of exclusive, intricate investigations we have lined up. It’ll be an incredibly exciting space to watch.

Finally, old fans will see plenty that is familiar in this issue. As editors, we are incredibly lucky to have a host of outstanding predecessors. Without their work, TCS would not be what it is today, and we have recognised that work by preserving the best parts of what makes TCS what it is. Our core values endure: TCS is unique in the amount of ground that it covers.

tcd

• diary@tcs.cam.ac.uk •

Keep it in the family

KEEP CLEAR

CUSU may be ‘in crisis’, but in the forecourt outside the Student Union’s new offices on Mill Lane, a more pressing ‘issue’ awaits. A delivery of 60 bundles of the latest issue of Varsity, which is – as we’re so often told – the independent student newspaper, were left somewhat nonchalantly in an archway under a small blue plaque for the duration of the day. What did the mysterious blue plaque say? ‘Emergency access – Keep clear at all times’. Perhaps Cambridge’s stalwart publication would do well to realise that ‘independent’ doesn’t mean you can ignore all of CUSU’s edicts.

THREE TIMES AN OFFICE

It’s not just a new design that’s shaking the core foundations of The Cambridge Student. The newspaper said a sad goodbye to its old offices in the New Museums Site in June. Cramped, grotty, and with levels of natural light to rival Harry’s cupboard under the stairs, the editors were naturally excited for the move. A shame, then, that

In the 32 pages of this issue, there is an incredible variety of articles: a gorgeous fashion shoot (P2, pp.1011); a hilarious insight into the theatre scene of Cambridge (P2, p.5); comment on how successful Cambridge’s first year of consent workshops has been (P1, pp.16-17); an interview with the creator of another student media outlet, Students of Cambridge (P1, p.14); plenty of material that freshers will find useful, from a debate on whether or not to try rowing (P1, p.19) to a tongue-in-cheek guide to the using the University Library (P2, p.3); and a lot for those whose early days at Cambridge are a distant memory. And that’s just a snapshot.

We have both been deeply impressed and somewhat humbled by the hard work we have seen the new team put into this issue over the past few days.

They have seemed professional in their drive and their results.

We estimate that there are at least 100 students who have made this paper possible – from photographers to writers, sub-editors to former Editors-in-Chief. We’d like to thank each and every one of them.

Those who pick up the paper are part of the incredible network of people who contribute daily to TCS. We hope you like the new design as much as we do. If you’re interested in becoming more involved in that network, come and say hello at the CUSU Freshers’ Fair. Don’t forget to tell us what you think of the issue: it was designed and created for you.

J. NATHAN MATIAS

this diarist learns that the move has been postponed for the third time, and that the paper is currently being produced from a small (but gloriously well-lit) room, almost big enough for a quarter of the editorial team. All the while, the soundtrack to

the experience is provided by drilling around five metres away from the newsdesk, and the odd staff member coming in and crushing more fengshui office-based dreams. Until the final move, intimacy – and a certain ability to bear with – reigns supreme.

A new term at Cambridge means the arrival of a new Termcard from the Cambridge Union Society. Whilst we’ll be the first to admit that this is perhaps the most formidable lineup in years – and certainly the best in the average institutional memory of a Cambridge society (circa four days), the card is not devoid of quirks.

The last debate of term sees the society’s President debating with his own cousin on tabloid journalism, with the rather sheepish admission that “his surname is probably the most interesting thing about him”.

Meanwhile, the Editor of Cambridge’s own red-top finds himself doubling up as the Society’s Speakers Officer. This Diarist can’t help thinking how much fun it must be to commission a story celebrating your own work. The spider’s web of this most ancient and esteemed University seems to be spun rather tight. Was it ever thus?

Front page: JIM LINWOOD, JOHANNES HJORTH, TOM DORRINGTON

3

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

News

Union ‘‘proud’’ of diverse termcard

Ethnic divide in tripos Firsts but no state-private gap

Tonicha Upham Deputy News Editor The Cambridge Union Society has announced its termcard for this year, revealing an extensive line-up including Yoko Ono, A.C. Grayling, Katie Hopkins, Naomi Wolf and Vivienne Westwood.

This line-up, which also includes Jerry Springer, Paddy Ashdown, and George Galloway, offers a wide variety of debates, the first of which will argue ‘This house believes Oxbridge is a finishing school for the privileged.’

Other debates include: ‘Pornography is inherently oppressive’, ‘The LGBT movement should be split up’ and ‘Tabloid journalism is bad for Britain’.

The Reverend Jesse Jackson is set to debate whether the American dream is

colour blind, whilst former Cambridge MP Julian Huppert will return to debate the topic of designer babies.

Union president Oliver Mosley has said that he hopes to announce ‘‘several more’’ speakers in the coming weeeks. Anna Smith, a second-year MML student and member of the Cambridge Union said of the termcard: “I think the choice of speakers is to be applauded for its variety. I like that they’re tackling current ideological issues, as these seem bound to lead to a thought provoking discussion of ideas which may be unexpected or even unpalatable to many.” The Union is running its open week until Tuesday 13 October.

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Results from 2015 exams show that the type of secondary school attended has little influence on the likelihood of getting a First. 20% of students who went to a comprehensive school before coming to Cambridge received Firsts, a figure only slightly less than the 24.5% of their privately educated peers.

Meanwhile 22.3% of students who attended state grammar schools received Firsts.

The similarity between results was also true among students who got Thirds, as 1.5% of previously privately educated students were awarded them, close to the 1.7% of former grammar school students and the 2.6% of comprehensive students.

A second-year student at Pembroke College who had previously attended a comprehensive school commented: “It is encouraging to see that educational background makes little difference to the overall outcome amongst students as a whole. Obviously, attending a private school increases a student’s chance of gaining a place at somewhere like Cambridge…

However, the fact that there is little variation in achievement based on whether or not a school was feepaying suggests that the playing field is far more level once we get to university than might previously have been believed.”

However, while previous school had little impact on results, ethnicity did.

21.9% of white students and 27.2% of Chinese students received firsts in 2015, while only 9.9% of students who self-defined as black or black British with African heritage did. Similarly, in 2015, only 7.5% of Bangladeshi students received Firsts.

This trend was also true among students who received thirds: 5.9% of black or black British with African heritage students were awarded Thirds, three times the percentage of white students.

In response to this news of the continuing gap, BME Campaign Committee member Lola Olufemi told The Cambridge Student: “It’s important when looking at the stats to acknowledge that race really does play a role in academic success; from overt instances of racism from professors and academics to more subtle instances of unconscious bias in interviews.

“BME candidates are less likely to be middle class and privately educated and therefore more likely to be unfamiliar with the style of writing and speaking that Cambridge applauds, this of course affects their attainment.

“British born BME students are carrying twice the burden of their white peers.

“Students of colour are reminded almost on a daily basis that this was not an institution designed with them in mind, that translates into lower attainment through no fault of their own.”

Deloitte joins other firms to hide the university of applicants Anna Carruthers

Deloitte continues to sponsor the Cambridge Union and court Cambridge students

Deloitte has announced that it will now hide applicants’ university and school history when hiring. They aim to remove any “unconscious bias” from their application procedure and thus improve their diversity of social backgrounds.

As well as hiding information, the professional services firm will also use an algorithm to highlight contextual information. These include attendance at an under performing school, so that a candidate with lower grades will still be considered if they were performing higher than their school average.

The new techniques will be used next year, affecting around 1,500 graduates and school leavers.

Chief Executive of Deloitte UK, David Sproul, argued that such changes were needed if the business wanted

employees with a wide range of perspectives.

Deloitte is not the first company to remove information pertaining to education. Pricewaterhouse Coopers will no longer consider A-Levels and Ernst and Young has removed its educational requirements. Previously, recruits needed either three B grades at A-Level or a 2.i at degree level.

However, Deloitte continues to sponsor the Cambridge Union and court Cambridge students. One student commented: “The new application process will favour intelligent candidates that are good in an interview situation – this will benefit Oxbridge candidates and may allow Deliotte to argue that Oxbridge graduates prove themselves best for the job even when put through a blind application process, validating such a high number of Oxbridge graduates in the firm.”

4

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Investigations

Refugees, rebellion, and cyc Continued from page one...

CUCA said: “Zeichner has proven himself a poor advocate for Cambridge in his first few months. In accepting a junior role in Corbyn’s hard-left opposition, he has set himself against the enterprise and business which is so vital to the economic success of this city.”

Zeichner’s new portfolio will allow him to focus on cycling and public transport, the former a major concern of his Lib Dem predecessor. Liberal Democrat leader on the city council, Tim Bick spoke to TCS on what Huppert’s legacy means for Zeichner: “As a city councillor I am willing Daniel Zeichner to be an effective MP for the good of the whole city. Julian is a hard act to follow in terms of getting things done for Cambridge.” Bick cited the City Deal, transport and local education investment as Huppert’s achievements, adding: “It’s certainly early days for Daniel, but the city does need more than anti-government rhetoric from its MP.” Julian Huppert himself spoke to TCS about Zeichner’s first five months, saying: “It’s always going to be hard to judge a successor, and certainly it is frustrating to see many of the things I worked on and championed are now making slower progress.” He did praise Zeichner for “continuing my work supporting cycling” and for voting “with my Lib Dem colleagues against the Tory’s Welfare Reform and

599 Daniel Zeichner’s majority over former MP Julian Huppert in the 2015 election Work Bill – it was a disgrace that Labour as a whole abstained from this.”

Huppert added: “Opposition is important”, arguing that an opposition MP has to try and achieve things as well as simply oppose the government. “Daniel has to decide whether he wants to relax in the comfort of opposition, or strive to put in the extra work needed to actually

7 May Elected as MP

change things ... I hope he will rise above lazy oppositionalism, and seek to make a real difference in the five years he has.”

Huppert’s supporters during the election celebrated the former MP’s constituency work: he apparently took on over 30,000 pieces of casework. Phil Rodgers, local blogger and Lib Dem member, told TCS that he thought Zeichner had “got his casework operation up and running” and had made a “fairly steady start.”

One anonymous student said: “I think he’s a trade union slave and total arse” Lewis Herbert, leader of the city council and Labour councillor for Coleridge, was positive: “Daniel has made a real impact in his first few months as our new champion for Cambridge” and “It is of great benefit to Cambridge to have the Council leadership and our MP working as a team.

4 times Zeichner previously failed to get elected to Parliament “He has spoken regularly in the Commons, and asked searching questions for us all. He is focusing much more on bread and butter issues like local funding.”

Zeichner has also displayed a keen interest in changes to student finance and the plight of further education institutions.

He used his first question at PMQs on 9 September to question why “the average sixth former has lost almost 20% of their funding over the last five years”, highlighting that the education budget for 16-19 years old is unprotected. He also criticised the maintenance grant cut in the recent budget; almost 8,500 Cambridge constituents currently receive one.

These criticisms are supported by Rory Weal, Chair of the Cambridge Universities Labour Club: “Just two months after becoming an MP, Daniel Zeichner defied the Labour whip to vote against the

Tories’ punitive welfare bill which will push thousands of children into poverty.

It showed that, in Daniel, Cambridge has elected an MP who will always unequivocally put the needs of the most vulnerable first. Since then his stances on the refugee crisis and on nuclear weapons have shown him to be a parliamentarian of real conviction, whilst he’s also done a top job of holding Cameron to account – specifically when he grilled him on further education cuts ... Our Club is proud to have campaigned for him.” The Cambridge Student Liberal Democrats were unavailable for comment.

The refugee crisis has dominated Zeichner’s output as well as the nation’s headlines. As well as speaking at the Cambridge refugee rally on 5 September, Zeichner tabled a motion in Parliament to discuss ideas such as the Voluntary Homes Register. Dreamt up by the Ten Thousand Homes campaign, the list would allow individual households to register an interest in housing refugees. Clear ties to Yvette Cooper’s own council-based policy can be seen. Herbert claimed his “early call” on the refugee crisis has “attracted wide support in the city.”

Given recent news of the convicted Libyan sex assault soldiers looking to seek asylum, Zeichner’s questioning of Armed Forces Minister Penny Mordaunt seems timely. He asked why the full inquiry of the incident has not been made available, why

Jezza sweeps Cambridge as

Olly Hudson Deputy Investigations Editor Cambridge’s left was swept up by Corbyn’s juggernaut campaign, during his visit to Cambridge last month.

Echoing similar scenes of Corbyn rallies in other major cities, at Cambridge’s Great St Mary’s Church on 6 September over 1,000 local residents clambered to get a seat, while Corbyn addressed the overspill crowd outside. Cambridge City councillor and early Corbyn supporter Kevin Price addressed the meeting, while Trinity fellow and local councillor Peter Sarris publicly backed him. A poll from the Anglia Ruskin Labour History Unit

2 questions asked at Prime Ministers’ Questions since his election locals were not informed of changes to the walk-out policy at the time and pushed for a government apology to Cambridgeshire residents. The soldiers, Khaled El Azibi, Ibrahim Naji El Maarfi and Mohammed Abdalsalam, committed the assaults in Cambridge city centre last year, while stationed at nearby Bassingbourn Barracks (see page seven).

11 June Backed Yvette Cooper for Labour leader

8 June Maiden Parliamentary speech: Cambridge is a “tale of two cities”

9 July Highlighted impact of scrapping maintenance grants

20 July Rebelled and voted against the Welfare Bill

26 August Joint visit with Yvette Cooper to Microsoft Research

5

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

Investigations

cling: new MP’s first months Corbynites hold huge rally in city centre 70023VENUS2009

in September indicated that Corbyn had majority support among councillors in Labour’s 150 most marginal seats. Mary Beard and History fellow Lucy Delap also tweeted their support.

The atmosphere in Great St Mary’s was “electric” Membership officer of Cambridge Universities Labour Club, Luke Warner also spoke at the rally, while CULC member Cleo Newton worked on the campaign itself. CULC previously encouraged Zeichner to nominate Corbyn, though he offered his support to Yvette Cooper.

Warner now tempers his early enthusiasm

with quiet caution. He told TCS: “We are yet to see whether Corbyn can exploit his social media presence. We have to wait ... [until] the next elections come around before judging his record.” A YouGov poll for The Sun put Corbyn on the worst ever incoming personal ratings for a Labour leader, at ‘-8’ points. Ed Miliband had ‘+26’.

Blogger Phil Rodgers told TCS that Corbyn received a warm welcome, saying the Great St Mary’s atmosphere was “electric”.

He added that some evidence suggests “young people are more enthusiastic about Jeremy Corbyn ... Cambridge has quite a youthful demographic.” Since Corbyn won, the Cambridge constituency Labour Party has gained over 300 new members.

CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITIES LABOUR CLUB AND RICHARD NICHOLL

5 September Spoke at the Cambridge refugee rally

Cambridge: A rebellious political maverick?

Colm Murphy Investigations Editor It wasn’t that long ago that Cambridge had a pathological obsession with politics. This is perhaps a reflection of the preoccupations of journalists. Still, the recent tight election victory of Labour MP Daniel Zeichner over popular incumbent Liberal Democrat Julian Huppert dominated our newspapers and Facebook feeds for weeks. But those who think that Cambridge politics stopped on 8 May are mistaken. Consider the rapid rise of Jeremy Corbyn, whose summer campaign was impressive in Cambridge.

Freshers will quickly realise that this city has a “relatively unusual” political culture, in the words of local blogger Phil Rodgers – one that, superficially, suits Zeichner. The city is unusually young, liberal, wealthy, and ‘Guardian-reading’, partly because it’s dominated by large universities. There are pockets of Conservative and UKIP support, and the countryside is full of Tory strongholds. Moreover, Cambridge University certainly has its fair share of Tories. Nevertheless, the city has had Lib Dem and Labour MPs since 1992 – and a Labour-controlled city council. It was one of the very few seats in the country to vote Yes to the 2011 AV referendum. It even has tripartite liberal-left dogfights, such as in the student-heavy council ward Market – recently won by the Green Party with 1,147 votes, only 7 ahead of Labour and 13 ahead of the Liberal Democrats.

Liberal bias manifested itself in the refugee crisis. Cambridge was one of the most outspokenly pro-refugee cities – a recent rally was attended by hundreds, addressed by Zeichner, and boasted representatives from Labour, the Lib Dems, and the Greens. Consider also the upcoming EU referendum. For many, the EU’s name is mud; in Cambridge it almost seems the complete opposite. Zeichner is pro-membership – and the main parties at present are expected to be campaigning on the same side, even though these local politicians (some of whom are Cambridge academics) can be bitterly opposed to

each other in the normal swing of things.

However, Euroscepticism does exist in Cambridge, especially after the recent Greek tragedy. Zeichner will have to deal with sceptics inside and outside his party.

This is all relevant to students as well as Zeichner, in two respects. Firstly, some are themselves intimately involved in the cut and thrust through volunteering. Labour benefits from the Cambridge Universities Labour Club, which has a reputation for having the “most tireless activists I’ve ever seen in my life”, in the words of Varsity’s exPolitical Editor Richard Nicholl. However,

Some students are deeply involved in the cut and thrust of local politics the Lib Dems are claiming a fightback, and have their own dedicated group (Cambridge Student Liberal Democrats).

The student Greens were rapidly building an activist base before May – although their future remains debatable post-Corbyn. We should not forget the student Conservative Association. It campaigns less, but runs many speaker and discussion events.

Secondly, as well as a looming EU referendum that will almost certainly interest students, there are council elections this academic year. The councils (city and county) have real power over student life, as can be seen from our front page story. Traditionally, students have an extremely low turnout in local elections, although Rodgers hopes that “we’ll see more students getting engaged.” For the upcoming elections in May 2016, the impact of an incumbent Labour MP and council are unknown variables. So too is Corbyn: he could play very well in Market seat but very badly in affluent Labour-Lib Dem swing seats. Rodgers, himself a Lib Dem member, predicts that Corbyn will be “bad for the Labour Party”, but doesn’t rule out a positive impact in the local elections.

Still, he told TCS to watch for a potential Lib Dem “bounceback” from their coalition lows, like their dire 2011 council results.

9 September Used PMQs to ask “What has the Prime Minister got against sixth form colleges?”

7 September Called for a National Voluntary Homes Register to aid refugees

10 September Requested an apology and further explanation for the events at Bassingbourn Barracks RICHARD TAYLOR VIA YOUTUBE AND SEAN_HICKIN

6

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

College Watch

Images: Hannah Taylor (above), Jessica McHugh (below)

Fitzwilliam Peterhouse

Tit Hall

Caius

Personal space and ‘boundaries’ may become a thing of the past for Fitz students. Delayed building refurbishment at Fitz has led to a critical shortage of accommodation, and consequently students have been asked to share rooms to make way for the incoming freshers. The Senior Tutor stressed in his email to the student body that this arrangement is only temporary, and so students only share if they volunteer to do so. Only returning students have been asked to share so that the freshers do not have to compound the embarrassment of Freshers’ Week by cohabiting with a stranger.

Changes have been made to the events laid on for freshers to ensure that, despite the housing fiasco, they have a smooth introduction to their new college. The JCR was consulted in September regarding a possible housing shortage for Michaelmas, and its President Alex Cicale has praised the volunteer undergraduates for their sympathy with the college’s position. Those students who are displaced will be reimbursed.

130 years after Peterhouse’s Hall became the second public building in Britain to have electric lighting, online payments for food have been installed. For the first time, students will now be able to check their balance and even book tickets for Formal Hall online, replacing the previous pen and paper systems.

At Peterhouse, students are required to eat in the hall, which is famously and pithily known as ‘the oldest secular building in Western Europe still used for its original purpose’, so the new option to check their spending has been welcomed by students.

As one second year commented, “it’s so invigorating to see Peterhouse enter the late 20th century. It shows there’s hope for us all”.

Peterhouse’s library is also succumbing to creeping modernisation, exporting their catalogue to the Cambridge University Newton Catalogue and for the first time allowing clear plastic bags to be taken in, although all food and drink will continue to be prohibited.

Trinity Hall has introduced a sexual harassment policy to its Student Handbook for the first time. The guide to College life and policies, distributed to all undergraduate and graduate members acknowledges, in Section 7.2, that sexual harassment may occur by physical, verbal, written or electronic means.

This is the next in a wave of sexual harrassment policies. Unwanted sexual comments or invitations, wolf-whistling, catcalling, stalking, persistent attempts to request dates and behaviour that “creates a degrading or hostile educational and working environment” are listed as examples of sexual harassment.

Kelsey Granger, a fourth-year undergraduate at Trinity Hall welcomed the college’s explicit definition of sexual harassment, praising the handbook’s thorough delineation of inappropriate behaviour. “Otherwise, people only tend to think about sexual harassment in the most extreme instances and they don’t consider that it encompasses a range of behaviours”.

Caius has replaced nine of its Victorian gargoyles with modern replicas. The replacement gargoyles are notably about an eighth larger than their ancestors.

The decision to enlarge them is an effort to protect them against Cambridge’s notoriously poor weather and twenty first century pollution.

They weigh a hefty 250 kilograms each, all hand carved out of stone. The originals had been known to fall down onto the street, once in the 1970s almost hitting a law fellow at the college.

One third year student commented; “it’s very exciting to see Caius making a concious effort to revitalise its architectural fabric, but it would be nice if the building works weren’t so loud”.

The new gargoyles are part of a long term restoration project at the college which has led to the narrowing of the already lean Trinity Street, as well as noise and disruption for residents.

The building under restoration was designed by Alfred Waterhouse, who was also the architect of the Strangeways Prison in Manchester.

Will Amor

Stevie Hertz

Catherine Maguire

Will Amor

7

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

News

Libyan soldiers convicted of sexual assault seeking asylum Anna Carruthers Three Libyan soldiers who were jailed last year for a number of sexual assaults in Cambridge have been released and are now known to be seeking asylum.

Khaled El Azibi, Ibrahim Naji El Maarfi and Mohammed Abdalsalam were among 300 Libyan cadets receiving military training by the Ministry of Defence when the attacks occurred. Failings in base security allowed the men to steal bikes and cycle ten miles into Cambridge city centre on 26 October 2014.

“None of this would have happened if the MoD hadn’t taken a gamble with people’s safety” The sexual assaults took place in the Market Square area that night at around 10.30pm, and involved one woman on her own and two together.

The offenders were jailed for between ten and twelve months but have all now been released into the custody of immigration centres. The grounds on which they are claiming asylum have not been revealed.

The solicitor of one of the women affected, Richard Scorer, expressed his dismay at the news: “It’s difficult enough to recover from a situation where you’re set upon by a stranger and sexually assaulted.

“But if you have to do that in the knowledge that that person has now come to this country and is trying to build a life here, I think that is very, very, very difficult to deal with, and completely wrong and unacceptable.”

One second year historian did not share this view, commenting: “If they do legitimately fear persecution on return to Libya, then they should gain asylum.

“They have served their sentences and, assuming they are remorseful, should be allowed an opportunity to reintegrate.”

Speaking to the Daily Mail, MP for Cambridge Daniel Zeichner stated: “It does seem possible that these people may not be sent back because it is not safe for them. None of this would have happened if the MoD and Secretary of State for Defence hadn’t taken a gamble with people’s safety by letting these people out unsupervised.”

(Further reporting on page four).

When they first arrived, the Libyan

troops were only allowed off the base small number who claimed asylum.

At the time, Prime Minister David in part of supervised trips, but these rules were later relaxed. They were Cameron stated that none of the soldiers involved in the attacks should “Assuming they are be granted asylum. remorseful, they should The Home Office, which explicitly does not comment on individual be given an opportunity cases, said: “Those who break our laws to reintegrate.” should be removed from the country at the earliest opportunity and we will seek to remove any foreign national reinstated after the sexual assaults.

Following the attacks, the MoD offender who receives a custodial returned all Libyan soldiers based at sentence for a criminal offence.”

The Libyan soldiers were in the Bassingbourn to Libya, apart from a

UK to receive basic infantry training under a 2013 agreement by the G8 countries.

The aim was to support the newly formed Libyan government following the fall of Muammar Gaddafi in 2011, by training 7,000 troops amongst the European partners.

Up to 2,000 cadets were trained at bases in Britain.

According to the MoD, the chosen soldiers had undergone immigration, security and medical checks prior to their arrival.

VICENTE VILLAMÓN

Cambridge prepares for 50 refugees Tonicha Upham Deputy News Editor Following the government’s recent announcement that 20,000 Syrian refugees will be resettled in Britain over the next five years, Cambridge City Council has announced that the city will take in 50.

In a statement released last week, the City Council’s leader, Councillor Lewis Herbert, said: “We are committed to helping Syrian refugees and we have communicated that to central government.” The Council believes it can accommodate only 50 refugees, and it is planned that should they arrive in stages in order to avoid overburdening key facilities in Cambridge.

The city council has already prioritised the recruitment of foster families, as unaccompanied children will make up one of the priority groups for resettlement. Planning is also in place for how key facilities such as schools and healthcare can cope with the specialist needs of refugees.

Students and locals have also been working to provide assistance for Syrian refugees. St John’s and Emmanuel are currently holding a collection to support refugees.

Efforts in support of those affected by the situation in Syria have been largely praised. One second-

year student at Pembroke, who wished to remain anonymous, was positive about the collection being held by St John’s and Emmanuel, calling it “well-publicised”. However, they were doubtful about the Council’s ability to resettle 50 refugees: “This may be very difficult despite the good intentions, as it is known that Cambridge has a high level of homelessness.”

A second-year at Emmanuel agreed, telling TCS: “I appreciate that the Council already has several homeless families to deal with, and that there’s no point accepting refugees if you can’t offer them a decent standard of living or an improvement on what they left behind. However, 50 refugees over 5 years is not enough for a city of this size or wealth. There’s a lot of goodwill towards refugees amongst the people of Cambridge, and it is up to the council to harness that and come up with a way of helping more people in need.’’

Cambridgeshire county council has said “The county council is working closely with district councils and the local housing authorities to ensure that any families placed in Cambridgeshire have access to education and any other services it provides.”

The St John’s and Emmanuel collections for Calais will run until 10 October.

Lewis Herbert: “We are committed to helping Syrian refugees”

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9

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

News

CUSU rejects mismanagement reports Stevie Hertz News Editor CUSU has come under fire this week, after a “CUSU in Crisis” splash in Varsity stated that they had sought a bail out from the university due to lack of funds. The student union have rebuffed this, arguing that it was instead merely a “restructuring [of] the funding the University provides to CUSU” and calling it a “non-story’’.

The fall in income came after a contract to publish The Guide to Excellence, a history of CUSU, was terminated. It was expected to generate £40,945. CUSU’s total income in 2013/2014 was £696,843.

However, in a statement released on Monday, CUSU said that cancelling the guide “was a pre-emptive decision, actively made” so as “to cut ties with a publication that compromised its widening participation efforts.”

Varsity had reported that CUSU sought over £100,000 from the University, based upon analysis of the minutes of a meeting of the Council Committee for the Supervision of

Student Unions in June 2015.

CUSU has said the Varsity story, which was later picked up by the The Tab, was a “misrepresentation” and changes were “a solution that allowed the CUSU team at that time to maintain its ethical interests, as well as redefining how the University invests in the students’ union.”

CUSU also used their statement to defend their financial management, citing that it has ended a fourth consecutive year of surplus.

However, Varsity reported that the minutes of meeting mentioned that its “support for this request should be regarded as exceptional” and that it “would not expect to support any application for emergency funding”.

The extra funding was needed to provide essential student services, including the second Student Advice Service officer.

The Editor of Varsity, Tom Freeman, subsequently released a statement to The Cambridge Student: “No judgement of financial mismanagement was implied. Varsity

CUSU called the splash a “non-story”

stands by the accuracy of its story.”

He said it revealed “a significant and unexpected financial black hole that threatened to jeopardise the services CUSU provides.” He added that a denial by the CUSU President of any financial mismanagement was in the original article, as well as “statistics illustrating CUSU’s growing reserves... evidence which Varsity sourced itself for balance.

“Her statement fails to address why the Committee says it would struggle to have confidence in future budgets, including the suggestion CUSU would not be in a position to take out a loan.”

In his annual address to mark the beginning of the new academic year, Vice-Chancellor Professor Sir Leszek Borysiewicz has stressed the importance of partnerships, to pursue the University’s aim for the “betterment of society”.

Marking the fifth year of his vicechancellorship, Borysiewicz stressed the University’s tradition of ‘building connections to the wider world’.

“If we are now a ‘global’ University’, said Borysiewicz, ‘it is because we have shown the will to establish the strategic partnerships – both here and abroad – that allow us to confront some of the most pressing global challenges.”

The Vice-Chancellor praised the

relationship between the colleges and the University for creating a centre of learning “that distinguishes Cambridge, and ... attract(s) some of the world’s best students and staff ”.

Borysiewicz further alluded to the University’s research strengths, praising the collaboration between AstraZeneca and the University to create more than 80 PhD scholarships and lectureships over the next five years to develop medicines in crucial areas such as oncology and neuroscience.

The VC also noted the role of the University in the wider region, highlighting the success of the University of Cambridge Primary School, a three-form entry school which opened last month.

He affirmed the University’s desire CAMBRIDGE ASSESSMENT VIA YOUTUBE

River manager confirms swan eggs are not in danger Swan eggs will not be destroyed, the river manager of the Cam has confirmed.

Conservators were advised to prick swan eggs or pour paraffin on them to avoid chaos as eggs hatch during May Bumps. Swans and their eggs are generally relocated for the duration of May Bumps.

However, following a petition and national news coverage, river manager Jed Ramsay announced his opposition to the proposed culls,.

A second-year student supported this announcement: “I’m glad the scheme isn’t going ahead. I’d much rather see swans on the river than rowers – why did no one threaten to cull them?”

Free speech magazine banned from Oxford Freshers’ Fair

COLM MURPHY

Vice-Chancellor: Cantabs ‘‘serve society” Catherine Maguire News Editor

NEWS BULLETIN

“The creation of knowledge is a shared project”

to ‘work with partners across the East of England to continue to attract jobs and investment to the region.

He also spoke at length of the University’s philanthropic partnerships, praising a variety of scholarships and initiatives which attract ambitious and talented students to “serve society through academic excellence.’’ He cites research into biodiversity, legal reform and the ethics of genetics as key areas that have been sustained by such partnerships.

Whilst acknowledging the challenges facing the higher education sector, including the abolition of AS Levels, the VC highlighted the increasing diversity of the student intake, noting the 30-year high in the number of state educated and ethnic minority admissions to the University.

“The University has come far over the centuries and we would not have achieved as much as we have were it not for the partnerships we have forged”, concluded Borysiewicz.

“But we must recognise that we have the responsibility to go much further to tackle the many problems that beset society.

“To achieve these ambitions we need partnerships with like-minded and supportive friends, who share our values and are equally ambitious for change and betterment of society.

So together, through partnership, we can and will make a difference to the world of tomorrow for the benefit of all.”

The Oxford University Student Union (OUSU) has banned the distribution of a controversial publication at its Freshers’ Fair, over fears that some of its content would cause offence.

No Offence, founded to promote free speech and provoke debate, grew out of a popular Facebook group called Open Oxford, and accepted articles for submission throughout the summer.

However, OUSU wrote that the publication would not be distributed to new students, based on regulations stating that OUSU reserves the right to remove any materials that may cause offense. It is understood that No Offence will continue to have a stall at the event.

Council to propose memorial for Pink Floyd member Cambridge city council has proposed a £10,000 grant for a memorial to Pink Floyd member Syd Barrett.

Barrett, who grew up on Glisson Road and Hills Road in Cambridge and attended Cambridgeshire High School for Boys (later Hills Road Sixth Form College) was encouraged to take an interest in music following the death of his father in 1961. By 1964, Pink Floyd was founded, and would be one of the country’s most commercially successful bands. Barrett left Pink Floyd four years later.

Calls have mounted for a memorial to Barrett, who died in 2006. In recent months, an online petition received over 1,500 signatures.

Singing lampposts art installation at Anglia Ruskin Nine “singing lampposts” have been erected on Young Street, outside the medical facility building of Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge.

The streetlights are designed to respond to the heartbeat of those who touch them, and will play music of a child singing in time with their pulse.

Unveiled on Thursday to mark the completion of the medical facility, the lampposts were created by artist Michael Pinsky.

Their intention is to “refer to the essence of human life and health, vocal harmonies and childhood”.

10

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Features

How to make friends and not alienate people Sammy Love Features Editor

F

inally, your Freshers’ Week is here!

It probably feels like forever ago that your other friends left for uni, and these last few weeks spent nervous and alone at home probably haven’t left you well-prepared for the intense social bonanza you’re about to experience. So let me refresh your memory of the essential etiquette you’ll need, to make more friends than you know what to do with.

The most important thing is to get involved and be keen. This can mean doing everything on the freshers’ timetable and joining every society there is, but it can also mean just making an effort to chat to the people on your corridor. In a few weeks it won’t be socially acceptable to strike up cheerful conversation with the person sitting next to you in lectures, but for now, make the most of the fact everyone is looking for a new best friend. There’ll be some people you chat to in Freshers’ Week and never speak to again, but it’s worth making the effort to get to know people; you never know who you’ll click with.

On a similar note, it’s a good idea to get people’s phone numbers as soon as you can; likewise add everyone on Facebook. It can be hard to do this in a non-creepy stalker way, but the sooner you can keep in contact with people around college the better. It’ll mean not having to head to hall or lectures alone and ensure you’ll be kept in the loop about social events.

Don’t hit refresh Samantha Louise

I

remember my Freshers’ Week as though it were yesterday; clearly I didn’t drink enough. The worst thing about it was the terrifying sense of the unknown, but perhaps for some of you, this was actually the appeal.

Now there’s nothing new to look forward to about Freshers’ Week; what’s exciting about visiting the same four grimy clubs we’ve been to a thousand times, the only difference being that the queues will be twice as long and the inside twice as sweaty? For others, all this talk of Freshers’ Week may only bring up repressed memories of awkward conversations and drunken attempts to impress which only ended in humiliation. One thing is for sure; it serves as an unwelcome reminder that we are now Cambridge veterans, meaning it’s about time we buckle down and focus on building successful futures for ourselves. Gulp.

But re-freshing needn’t be a depressing experience. Much like May Week, this is one of the few chances we have to enjoy Cambridge without the stress of a million deadlines; going out is a lot more fun when

A slightly more specific piece of advice is that it’s probably best not to talk endlessly about your ‘gap yah, dahling’. If it somehow comes up naturally in conversation then by all means let us enjoy one of your exciting tales, but nothing alienates people like shoving your authentic Masai wall hanging down their throats. Mainly because it makes us insanely jealous.

Four freshers had incidents of the bowel variety after our college bop Constantly making an effort can be exhausting, but the easiest way to battle through is to accept that you are going to catch a severe case of freshers’ flu and feel like death. Inevitably this cold will linger for the rest of term, but hopefully you’ll have time to recover over Christmas.

The most effective way to protect yourself from becoming a social pariah is to know your limits. Don’t be pressured into doing something outrageous just to impress people; 90% of the time it’ll backfire and you’ll never live it down. Freshers’ Week is especially prone to such episodes of humiliation due to the copious amounts of cheap alcohol knocking around. Heed this advice unless you want to end up like the four, yes four, freshers’ who had embarrassing incidents of the bowel variety after our college bop. True story.

EDWIN LAND

you don’t have a 9am lecture the next day and finding time for dinner with friends is easier when you don’t have to schedule around packed timetables.

Even if you didn’t enjoy your own Freshers’ Week, things will be completely different this time around. Now the week is about spending time with friends and catching up after a long summer away, not going clubbing with a group of sweaty strangers and trying to get to know each other over the sound of the ‘Circle of Life’.

One of the most exciting things about Freshers’ Week is obviously the fresher’s themselves. Even if creeping on freshers isn’t your thing, it’s equally entertaining to watch your friends’ failed chat-up attempts.

It is also extremely likely that at least some of the new freshers will be mildly interesting, so look forward to making some great new friends.

Even if you think you’re too cool to actually hang round with them, undoubtedly the best thing about having new people around is that you can expect an overload of Facebook friend requests guaranteed to make anyone feel like a rock star.

So even if your own Freshers’ wasn’t an overwhelming success, make the most of all the free time – and the excuse to get stinking drunk again this year.

Part 2 2

Playlist: Take me back to summer

3

Taking on the UL: A freshers’ guide

The Cambridge Student 06 October 2015

8

Your college room with a view

The New Heritage A modern twist on classic style in Gant’s new range

2

06 October 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

Culture Playlist: Take me back to summer

Interview: Lucy Rose

Petros Fessas

Jade Cuttle

After spending the majority of his summer in the United States, Petros reminsisces about the time he spent stateside by compiling a colourful, sometimes melancholy, playlist of the songs that accompanied him throughout his travels in one way or another.

x-Bombay Bicycle Club backing singer Lucy Rose sings sweet high notes that melt, merge and mesmerise. We caught up with her in July as she was releasing her second album Work It Out. Lucy and her band are set to kick off their UK tour in Manchester on 19 October 2015.

‘New Person, Same Old Mistakes’ Tame Impala Tame Impala began teasing Currents, the album from which this track is taken, in March, with their mammoth lead single ‘Let it Happen’. With hindsight, I still think it is a masterfully crafted opener to the band’s controversial new phase tainted by more synths, less guitar and what one might call a good old build-up and climax à la-EDM, at around the five-minute mark. By the time Currents finally landed in mid-July, I was in Boston for summer work. It monopolised my listening time for most of July: obsessively consuming was a way of paying reverence to Kevin Parker’s finite perfectionism – most clearly demonstrated in this particular gem.

E

A restless positive energy ripples through Work It Out in a departure from Like I Used To. Is this a reflection of how things have changed for you?

It doesn’t have to be sad songs all the time. The first record was written at a certain time in my life when I was growing up, working out who I was. A lot of this new record was written on the road when I knew what I wanted to do, had a clearer vision and it was happening. The fun element comes from feeling really fortunate and excited about the future, trying to make people feel good and forget about all their problems at the same time. Happiness is still as important

an emotion to convey. ‘Our eyes’ is different. It’s lighthearted, but still means a lot.

Your tour begins this month, how was the last one?

It was a rollercoaster. I was worried that no one would buy tickets as I always expect the worse. The greatest gigs are

“It doesn’t have to be sad songs all the time. Happinness is still an important emotion to convey.” when they really go for it, rather than just clap. The feeling is contagious, I feed off the crowd. It’s quite cathartic – I wrote ‘Shiver’ when I felt so alone so to be in a room full of people singing the lyrics with me is quite overwhelming.

To read the full interview go to www.tcs.cam.ac.uk JUSTIN HIGUCHI

‘Multi-Love’ Unknown Mortal Orchestra Finally growing weary of Tame Impala, I began looking through recent releases I had overlooked. The turn of Currents towards psychedelic dance rock had prepared my ear for Unknown Mortal Orchestra’s Multi-Love, from which the title track is perhaps a standout (alongside ‘Can’t Keep Checking My Phone’). The record is made up of quirky, upbeat, foot-tapping tracks but admittedly, it won’t get you jumping out of your seat either. Maybe the vocals and the guitars give it a drowsy, sleepy quality or it could be due to my dread of the rush-hour train-squeeze to and from my lab, for which Multi-Love was my constant companion.

‘All That’ Carly Rae Jepsen I’m a sucker for comebacks, reinventions, revivals – you name it. The conscious effort at re-marketing and the reshuffling of collaborators which provides a breath of fresh air (and maybe a new haircut). In All That, the re-branding works perfectly for Carly Rae Jepsen who is, indeed, the perpetrator of ‘Call Me Maybe’. Here she is working with Dev Hynes, whose catalogue is growing more impressive every year. Their chemistry results in a slow-burning eighties ballad that (despite my choice of vocabulary) sounds whole, organic and intimate.

A lab technician may have found me playing this loudly while bent over some cell cultures ‘When You’re Smiling and Astride Me’ Father John Misty J. Tillman, the drummer for Fleet Foxes until 2012 and a solo singer-songwriter, released his second album as Father John Misty, I Love You, Honeybear, in early February. He has a knack for detailed, autobiographical lyrics with a good serving of honesty and humor, while his voice reminds me of Sufjan Stevens. This song is a heartfelt blues jam (“I can hardly believe I found you and I’m terrified by that”) that a lab technician may have found me playing loudly on my phone while bent over some cell cultures in a noisy sterile hood during my last few days in Boston – already fed up of the summer internship which I had started straight after exams and by now, very much beginning to long for a taste of real summer.

Listen to the rest of Petros’ playlist on www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

Review: Morrissey’s ‘List of The Lost’ Carl Wikely

T

he ego is a funny thing. History can testify that a large one has been necessary to create great art.

However, this air of confidence also leads to the knowledge that wordy length can be tempered so quickly by deft literary (or musical) skill.

I find myself disquietingly agreeing with Daily Mail columnist and serial Thatcher-phile Quentin Letts in recognising that the first few sentences of Morrissey’s List of the Lost are promising ones. The plot itself boasts bleakness, poignancy and wit, but also bears a worrying similarity to Morrissey’s outlook, minus the demons.

Rarely is a book so imaginative that it bears no resemblance to the author’s own life, nevertheless Morrissey’s endless rants on Churchill, Margaret Thatcher, junk food, and so much more prove to be self-involved, tangential egotrips. However, the absolute worst exploration of his own ‘creativity’ manifests itself in the deeply trouubling ‘sex scenes’. Unfortunately, Morrissey’s descriptions of a “bulbous salutation” and a “barrel-rolled” breast accross a “howling mouth” are (ironically) impossible to swallow, and quite distinctly unsexy.

Morrissey’s indisputable way with words can be heard in classic songs such as ‘How Soon is Now’ and ‘There is a Light that Never Goes Out’. The List of the Lost, however, reads like a poor attempt to create a novel from the festering ashes of rejected lyrics.

The prose bears more resemblance to an indigestible breezeblock than a deliciously humorous attack on the

It reads like a poor attempt to create a novel from the festering ashes of rejected lyrics world, which was quite overtly Morrissey’s objective.

NME asked, “Is it wrong to rubbish a first-time novelist?”

In this case, it is only right. I almost failed to finish this book – which is less than 120 pages long.

Someone needs to convince Morrissey to take a step back and objectively view the terrible feat he has carried out. Since he will inevitably reject any criticism, I urge you: do not buy this book.

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

3

Culture Taking on the UL: A guide for freshers Freya Sanders Editor-in-Chief

T

he University Library is not an easy beast to conquer. With its nooks and crannies, and unfathomable classmark system, it can seem daunting to the uninitiated. Never fear, fresh ones, this quick and easy guide will take you through the basics, one step at a time. Work through them gradually and ultimately you shall triumph.

Step One: Finding it Difficulty: Easy At 49 metres tall, the University Library is the tallest building in Cambridge. Its massive, phallic, redbrick tower looms over the city and can be seen from many of its streets. If you can’t spot it, you probably should’ve gone to Specsavers.

The easiest way to approach is either to cross West Road from the Sidgwick Site, or from Burrell’s Walk (the lane that connects the Backs to Grange Road). Unless you’re a Clare fresher, of course, in which case you are probably enjoying living under its perpetual, intimidating shadow.

Step Two: Getting in Difficultly: Medium The first thing to contend with when entering the UL is the revolving door: neither its space nor its pace will be your friend.

Its four wings are unexpectedly small, so hold your breath as you enter and pray that no one follows you too closely; those wings then move at an unexpectedly fast pace, so finish your prayer with a plea that nothing of your person or your belongings gets trapped in the damnable contraption.

After anything from half a revolution to several, you should pop out into the atrium. Do not be disconcerted if several elderly fellows are looking on with derision at your attempts to enter. Breeze past them to the reception desk, where you can buy a clear plastic bag, which are required so that the staff can check you’re not trafficking anything illicit in and out of the building, evidently a serious problem among the dodgy types who tend to frequent the UL. These bags might seem extortionately priced at 20p, but they are sturdy enough to survive anything from a hurricane to the ravages of exam term, so do not grumble.

Once you have managed to purloin your stylish regulation UL bag, head to your left immediately to deposit your nonregulation undergraduate bag in the locker room and make sure you remember your locker code. Leaving your phone and purse in your locker might aid your attempts at Step Three…

Step Three: Doing some work Difficulty: Hard In the UL, there’s a spot for everyone, but you may have to experiment multiple times to find your ideal working environment. Like Hogwarts, it is impossible to discover all of the building’s secrets.

If the only thing that spurs you into working is being surrounded by people silently judging you, head straight on once you’ve climbed the stairs into the Reading Room. But a

computers. Study it with a frustrated frown for some time, then give up and ask for help at the information desk. Once you have some exceedingly complex directional instructions, it is a race against the clock to follow the instructions before they escape your memory. Fly, fresher, fly, and fair fortune be yours. You’ll get there eventually. Unless your book is in South Wing Floor Six. In that case, just forget it.

JARRED DOLL

If you can’t spot it, you probably should’ve gone to Specsavers word of caution: if you have a severe case of freshers’ flu, it might be advisable to steer clear, unless you happen to enjoy the feeling of a hundred eyes burning into your skull every time you sniff.

If you’re more of a solitary worker, head to your right and climb a couple of flights of stairs: the North Wings tend to be fairly deserted. However, they do have a view over the tea room, which can bring on very premature lunch breaks, and therefore the need for one or two tea breaks in the afternoon.

If you’d prefer a desk with a view, the South Front has some spectacular ones. If you find the prospect of seeing approximately half of your Cambridge acquaintances cycling past unwelcome, however, perhaps don’t consider this option.

Once you’re about settled, it’ll be time for lunch – and you’ll be so enchanted by the wonders of the Tea Room that by the time you’re out you’ll only have 15 minutes before your supervision, so you’ll have to dash. Return for a second visit in order to revisit Step Three.

FREYA SANDERS

Step Four:Taking out a book Difficulty: Fiendish Step Four should only be attempted after multiple successful visits to the UL. It will take you off the beaten track, and probably far out of your comfort zone.

Find the classmark of the desired book on Library Search before your visits. If you use the computers at the top of the stairs you will inevitably not have a pen handy, and so will attempt to remember the classmark, and then will forget it halfway through your mission and be back to square one.

With a vibrant post-it on which the classmark is indelibly inscribed clutched in your hand, proceed to the map next to the

Five reasons you should be making time to read Jemima Jobling Books Editor

It’s good for you We’ve heard it a million times before, but 24/7 screen-staring is not ideal. After an eight-hour stint in the library with only the dim glow of your laptop for comfort, set aside half an hour before you hit the hay to give your eyes a treat.

Settle down for some well-deserved, well-needed escapism; bookish therapy will help you keep your cool. Ditch the brainaching Sartre or the mind-boggle that is Plato for the whimsical world of Austen or the delicious grit of Welsh and relax.

It’ll make you seem intelligent because who doesn’t read a casual bit of Kant of a Tuesday afternoon in Starbucks? Brush off your newfound inferiority complex and banish your insecurities, musty hardback in hand, by exuding intellectual chic. You may

be feeling like your brain is dribbling out of your ears, but with a copy of Madame Bovary to hide those ever-growing eye bags, everyone will be convinced that you’ve got it together.

That being said, small victories are key. Seriously, don’t waste your time trying to catch up with that one ridiculously well read person (every college has one) who drops casual Wilde quotes into everyday conversation. I recall a time in the most naïve moments of my first year when I picked up a copy of War and Peace thinking that if only I could read it before next week, I might perhaps gain an ounce of respect from my supervisor.

Instead, why not try some short, more manageable books that still pack a punch – Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a good one, and you’ll read The Turn of the Screw by Henry James in a midweek lunch break.

Arts and humanities students – it will actually help you academically! Speaking from experience, there is nothing most supervisors find more delightful than an essay with a

couple of literary references dropped in – you’ll illustrate your point more easily while impressing your professor with your academic prowess and extra-curricular interests. So pick up that book you bought this summer that’s now gathering dust, and let yourself have this small pleasure. Killing the birds of work and leisure with one stone – who knew such miracles existed?

At this point I’ll try to convince you that it’s fun! There are so many literary worlds out there to explore, thousands of new books to read and the constant stream of intellectual ramble that’s thrust in our direction during term time can lead us to forget. We need to remind ourselves once in a while that not all books are hideous, intimidating tomes. Dust off that secret bookworm lying somewhere buried deep within and embrace it.

CCAC NORTH LIBRARY

I

n the small hours of your first all-nighter, in the deepest, darkest depths of your first essay crisis, reading for pleasure may seem like a far-fetched and distant dream. But fear not, fresher, for herein lies your excuse, and the top five reasons you should be making time for reading.

4

06 October 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

Culture The Cambridge Calendar: Your guide to Michaelmas 2015 Isobel Laidler Lifestyle Editor Theatre, concerts and club nights are just some of the many activities on offer for freshers, finalists and everyone in between – here’s what’s happening in this term.

October 6–7 Freshers’ Fair, Kelsey Kerridge Sports Centre 7 Student Night, Grand Arcade 9 First Clare Ents, Clare Cellars 10 Massed Choirs Matinee, King’s College Chapel 15 Arcsoc Bauhaus Metal Party, Fez 17 Cambridge Vintage Fair, Guildhall 17 Broadway at Trinity, Trinity College Chapel 17 The Union Ball, The Cambridge Union 18 Itchy Feet, Lola Lo’s 23 Newnham Smoker, Newnham College 30 Arcsoc Turf night ‘The Metamorphosis’, secret location 30 Halloween weekend, Fez

seier+seier

Avoid these boxsets: They will ruin your term

W

e’ve all done it: glanced at the pilot episode of that American sitcom everyone’s raving about and found ourselves, 13 hours later, having completed season one… only to find there are four more season. It’s a ritual that no summer holiday would be without, but come term time it’s dangerous. Fortunately, we at The Cambridge Student have banded together to create a list of the four TV shows most likely to ruin your term. Steer clear of them at all costs until the next vacation beckons, or they will prevent all academic success, replace all forms of real-life socialising and, to conclude, ruin your term.

New Girl New Girl begins with teacher Jess (Zooey Deschanel) moving into a loft with three guys she’s never met before.

Now it’s about to enter its fifth season, so there are almost 100 episodes to catch up on, and you won’t want to stop. New Girl is built for the binge watcher: there are long-running jokes (including the endlessly complicated but hilarious drinking game True American), a classic will-they won’tthey relationship, and an adorable cat called Ferguson.

What more could you possibly want? Grace Murray 30 Rock The problem with 30 Rock is that you start off watching one episode, and end up watching the whole show, and then end up living the whole show; it takes over your personality and your inside jokes, as well as your first-year exam term.

However, I would be lying if I said that Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin and night cheese weren’t beautiful additions to my life. Charlotte Furniss-Roe

Grey’s Anatomy Now entering its twelfth season, you’ve got 250 episodes of Grey’s to power through if you start now. That’s over 160 hours of the best romanticised insight into surgeon life, Meredith and Derek’s on-off romance (think Ross and Rachel, but so much better) and medical dilemmas.

Warning: once you get attached to a character there is a high likelihood they will be killed off in the most heartbreaking way imaginable. Lucy Roxburgh

There’s plenty to deal with: backstabbing – literal and metaphorical – a lot of nudity, some classy lingerie and a chicken Orange is the New Black There have only been three seasons of Orange is the New Black, an original series from Netflix, but there’s plenty to deal with: murder, bitching, backstabbing – literal and metaphorical – a lot of nudity, some classy lingerie and a chicken. Hence why this show is so intensely distracting.

The characters are so real that any viewer gets thoroughly invested in them; even when the show’s a bit slow, you can’t stop watching, because you need to know what’s going to happen to the people you’re rooting for. What’s worse is that the show’s based on a true story, which means that even when you’re not watching it, you’re wondering what’s real and what’s not. Intense Wikipedia stalking invariably ensues, and not of the kind you can even remotely relate to your degree. Avoid at all costs. Freya Sanders

An open letter to Woody Allen ALAN LIGHT

Jovan Singh Powar November 1–30 Trans Awareness month 5 Fireworks, Midsummer Common 20–4 January The North Pole ice rink, Parker’s Piece 25 Bridgemas 28 Cambridge Vegan Fair, St Paul’s 29 Mill Road Winter Fair, Mill Road 29 Backtracks Club Night, Cindies

seier+seier

December 3–4 The Fairbairns Cup, Jesus Boat Club 4 Selwyn Snowball, Selwyn College 5–12 Varsity Ski Trip, Val Thorens 10 Varsity Rugby, Twickenham

D

ear Sir, I regret to inform you that I will not be seeing your latest cinematic venture, Irrational Man. This is a result of the growing disquiet I have begun to feel over the last, oh, 20 years.

My problem is not that you’re weird. You’ve always been weird. But you’ve become weird and not very good. Your repeated casting of women half your age as your love interests was always troubling, but in Manhattan it was paired with great chat and impeccable shot composition. But now you’ve thrown the pot plant of cinematography out of the window and the only furnishings left in the room are twenty pairs of identical glasses and the elephant of child abuse.

There are actors who appear to be ageless: Keanu Reeves, Patrick Stewart. I see that you’ve realised you’re aging like a banana that’s on fire: badly. You have tried to circumvent this problem recently by casting Owen Wilson as yourself. This is not ideal, as while Wilson is sufficiently smug, he’s not smug in quite the same way as you. You see, you have a New York East Coast intelligentsia smug, whereas he is the epitome of the West Coast beach bum smug. I expect off camera he spends time staring into your eyes trying to understand your soul. It’s all right though, at least you’re not Quentin Tarantino’s special brand of ‘I can use the N word’ smug.

So in summary, instead of seeing Irrational Man I will be, I don’t know, going to lectures. I’ll probably have work then and won’t have the time to do the Editors of TCS a favour by padding out their entertainment section.

Yours halfheartedly, The Lobster You Didn’t Catch

My problem is not that you’re weird.You’ve always been weird.

But you’ve become weird and not very good.

GAGE SKIDMORE

Emma Stone should be shocked at having been cast twice

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

5

Culture

Welcome to the cabaret: What to see Introducing Cambridge theatre

Tom Bevan, Theatre Editor, reveals which shows he’s most looking forward to seeing this term.

Elinor Lipman

S

o what did you think guys? “Yeah it was nice, just not sure about the bit where you hit someone with a giant polystyrene dildo.”

While the myriad of strange tasks it entails may not enamour you to your nearest and dearest, (my mum stopped seeing any play I was involved in a long time ago), Cambridge theatre is an excellent place to do some nutty things. And here is some advice from a well-meaning second-year to help you along the way.

Firstly, use Camdram. Although it might seem to be common knowledge, I didn’t know about it for a while so there’s no harm in me putting it out there. It’s a very useful website where you can get information on vacancies in upcoming shows and a list of credits with all the plays you’ve done. You will most likely stalk yourself after searching for Simon Bird and Eddie Redmayne.

As someone who has lost count of the amount of rejection emails in their inbox, don’t be a wuss. If you like acting, ELINOR LIPMAN

directing, producing, lighting, designing or any of it – if it feels like it keeps you even the littlest bit saner, then you must go for it. Keep trying and applying and eventually someone will think you are actually not rubbish and you will have a magical and fun experience in the realm of student theatre.

That said, do remember exactly what it is you’re doing.

Student theatre. Watch out for the people who will only talk to you if they deem you talented enough. Cambridge is plagued by people who, surprisingly, haven’t managed

Your gran doesn’t give a shit if you know everyone at the ADC bar to find self-esteem in working themselves to the point of neuroticism through academia. You will find them dotted about everywhere the sun touches in this library town and as you learn how to deal with them, don’t be that dick.

Remember that your gran doesn’t give a shit if you know everyone at the ADC bar, she’d much prefer you to actually be a nice person.

Why do people say break a leg before you go on stage?

Because every play has a cast. Do crack a joke, and do bring extra food. Humans are essentially animals (science!) so appeal to primeval instincts by providing snacks to cast mates who will unceasingly repay you with affection, making the late night get outs and never ending tech runs bearable.

Food is the key to making theatre friends. And trust me, you will want to engage with the insanely talented clusterfuck of bombastically creative people you will meet on the Cambridge theatre scene.

Busting the myths in Oxbridge fiction

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ou can be forgiven for thinking that your time at Cambridge will be just like Brideshead Revisited. Forgiven, even, for holding out a little hope. Who wouldn’t want to lounge in sunshine filled punts, reading T. S. Eliot in “the city of aquatint”? (Alright, so that was Oxford, but Cambridge is better, OK?) What Evelyn Waugh forgot to mention was that most of your time here won’t be spent drinking champagne at luncheons, nor eating strawberries at the side of the road.

Charles Ryder, Waugh’s semi-autobiographical protagonist, may be a naive middle class lad struggling to fit in amongst an Etonian elite, but he is nonetheless more privileged than most Cambridge undergraduates are today. Thankfully, that Oxbridge is disappearing, albeit slowly. You’ll soon be in lectures, and the rose tinted vision of Cambridge you once held will be fading like fiction. That is, until May Week, atleast. Alice Mottram TEADRINKER

A

bawdy romp through the darker facets of all-boys boarding schools and the elitist university clubs of myth and legend, Stephen Fry’s The Liar is a somewhat woefully accurate portrayal of much of Cambridge life. Indeed, you will meet an Adrian Healey, an insufferably intelligent and irritating unflappable guy who will breeze through supervision grillings with elegant ease. And you will meet a Professor Donald Trefusis, an ancient and smarmy academic who will intimidate you with their quips in Latin and faint odour of expensive wine. But Fry’s debut novel won’t leave you completely hopeless. Its amusingly spot on descriptions of the UL – “it strained up like a swollen phallus, trying to penetrate the clouds” – and all-too-familiar existential crises – “do I really have a place here?...Why read books and try to puzzle things out if it all ends in the same way?” – provide light and relief to any Oxbridge student. Jemima Jobling DUNCAN HULL

The Comedy of Errors 13 - 17 October, Corpus Mainshow Fresh from a three-week tour around Japan, the Pembroke Player’s production of Shakespeare’s comedy should delight.

Pippin 14 - 17 October, ADC Mainshow “We’ve got magic to do”, the chorus declare at the opening of this stunning show. They’re not wrong. Having had an excellent run at the Edinburgh Fringe, it’s returning to Cambridge to inspire existentialist crises and giggles.

My name is Rachel Corrie 27 - 29 October, Corpus Lateshow The press release asks, “why did a 23 year-old woman leave her comfortable American life to stand between a bulldozer and a Palestinian home?” I, for one, am keen to find out.

Sweeney Todd 10 - 14 November, ADC Mainshow Cambridge University Musical Theatre Society made me go ‘eeek’ when they announced their Michaelmas show, and the Demon Barber of Fleet Street really shouldn’t need any introduction. No meat pies for me, please.

Toucan 20 - 24 November, Corpus Lateshow After the success of their show Pelican, this comedy quartet are returning with a brand new hour of laughs.

Robin Hood 10 - 14 November, ADC Mainshow The renowned CUADC/Footlights panto is a must-see.

Book now to avoid disappointment.

F

aulks’ psychological thriller-cum-murder mystery, Engleby, set in part at an “ancient University” (it’s definitely Cambridge) in the 1970s, with its themes of isolation, misogyny and drug abuse, paints a pretty bleak picture. Luckily I have one very good bit of news for you: this isn’t the seventies and times are, slowly but surely, changing. The drug culture, while undoubtedly still here, is definitely less opium-based than portrayed in the novel (unless I’m just moving in the wrong circles.) Being from a working class background, like Engleby, no longer automatically makes you an outsider, and the University seems to be increasingly engaging in egalitarian principles, rather than paying lip service to them with scholarships. Attitudes towards women have moved on a little and blatant misogynists like Stellings seem, thankfully, to be a dying breed. And we haven’t, to my knowledge, had any murders recently. Alan Beaumont PUNTING CAMBRIDGE

6

06 October 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

Reviews The directing of the shrew Tom Bevan Theatre Editor

F

resh from a summer of touring around the US, CAST’s Taming of the Shrew is set to be the show to catch this Freshers’ Week as it arrives back home to the ADC. The Cambridge Student caught up with the show’s director, Kennedy Bloomer, to discuss life on the road, and why she’s thrilled to be back in Cambridge.

Could you tell us about how you creatively approached such a classic piece?

Updating the play from a potentially distancing Jacobean period and aiming to help [young American] audiences engage with the archaic and alien language, we decided on a 1980s England setting, allowing audiences to be able to identify the recognisable era of bright, block colours, big hair and electropop. The music and fashion of the era immediately create recognisable stock characters, allowing you to easily distinguish the age and class of the characters.

How was the show received in the US? Really well! We weren’t sure how far

different regional UK, and in some cases European, accents would be understood [when] performing in some pretty gigantic theatres which seat over 1,000. However, we worked really hard on articulation and projection of the language, so the actors could always be heard and followed.

Did the show develop much on the road?

The show changed a lot! I love getting feedback and was intent on trying out new things to keep the tour fresh. The nature of our version has meant that the actors can experiment quite a lot ... and it has been an amazing experience watching the show develop from the previews.

And are you looking forward to bringing the show back to Cambridge?

We are excited for different reactions to a problematic play and to create a buzz of discussion. You should be extremely excited about the wedding scene and be prepared to come and have a laugh and a good time.

To read the full interview go to our website.

JOHANNES HJORTH

Pippin

Fringe: Business as usual?

Jamie Rycroft

I

t’s become a bit clichéd to say that the Edinburgh Festival Fringe is busy. There were over 3,300 shows performing this year, all clamouring for your attendance. I’ve experienced first-hand the exhilaration and exhaustion of trying to make a show stand out from the crowd, but I think This is Business managed to do just that – whether it was intentional or not, I couldn’t say.

The show caught my eye with its surreal programme description, which abstained from superlatives, comparatives, or even adjectives. Instead, it just said “business, business, business” 93 times. Our cast and crew wandered over to a tiny back room of a piddling pub and waited for it to begin.

And then continued waiting. After about 15 minutes it was apparent that whoever was meant to perform wasn’t turning up,

and the venue’s staff indeed confirmed that the show would not take place. But rather than tell us to clear off, we heard possibly one of the most glorious sentences to drunken ears: that the stage was ours for the next hour to do what we liked.

I genuinely have no idea whether This is Business was an accidental masterpiece or an elaborate work of performance art exploring what an audience does when forced to construct their own entertainment (in our case, we made a karaoke bar). Either way, it was one of the most enjoyable nights I had, which lets you know that you can spend incredible amounts of energy trying to bring joy to people’s lives, or can cause amusement by attempting nothing at all.

Isn’t that a cheering thought?

Thespians of Overheard in Tom Bevan Theatre Editor

E

very August, hoards of Cambridge thespians journey northwards to experience the delights of Edinburgh’s massive annual theatrical explosion, the Fringe. We asked some of those who made it back in one piece to tell us about their time on stage, on the streets and in the stalls.

There was blood. Lots of blood. Good blood, bad blood (including Taylor Swift) and even some ugly blood. As soon as the bows had finished, the stage was rushed with mops, wet wipes and grovelling apologies to anyone in the front row who had been – until moments before – wearing white.

It was a thrilling experience to be able to tackle such a bizarre play with a team who were both playful and committed. I only wish that there had been more blood...

Greg Forrest, Director Titus Andronicus

Living in close quarters with 20 other people for a month is surprisingly beneficial for your Fringe performance (but not for general hygiene). By the time we began performing Pippin, we were so in tune with one another that we were comfortable with improvising, ad-libbing and making small changes to the show, which was vital to keeping the energy up through the run.

Yasmin Freeman, Actor Pippin

It’s a crazy, manic place in which anything goes, and at any hour Edinburgh is fabulous – a magical Cambridge theatre microcosm in which shouting at strangers on the street is completely normal, sleeping under a cardboard box on the Royal Mile is

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

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Reviews

Titus Andronicus

The latest from Lana Del Rey – ‘Honeymoon’ Jack Whitehead

A Female Personality of the Year

Cambridge, n Edinburgh

JOHANNES HJORTH

perfectly acceptable, and going to see more than four shows a day is not only absolutely fine, but actively encouraged.

I only wish there had been more blood Amelia Oakley, Producer Midnight Café I have never seen such a concentration of eccentrics per mile, which was entertaining but endede up making me have to speak louder to make myself heard over the people bellowing hip-hop Shakespeare quotes or prancing around as an avant-garde fox.

They made the Scots who were running past, buckfast in hand, look normal which I suppose is quite a feat.

Charlotte Furniss-Roe, Flyerer I found Edinburgh more detrimental than good, at least in the short term. I admit that

I learnt a lot, and that will likely serve me well later in life, but not necessarily about theatre. Poor organisation and foresight meant it became an ordeal and not the exciting experience it could have been.

Anonymous actor Edinburgh in August is one of my favourite places in the world – a crazy, manic bubble in which anything goes, and at any hour.

Elsa Maishman, Audience Member Obviously, mad stuff happens in a house full of actors. We woke up to find our neighbours in the block of flats had left us a note saying: “The back green is for all of us to enjoy. Picking up cigarette ends from the lawn is a trial. Having to pick up used condoms is a real imposition. Please dispose of your rubbish with consideration.”

Jack Needham, Actor A Midsummer Night’s Dream

s Del Rey moans “I will never sing again”, halfway through ‘Swan Song’ on her latest album, it’s hard to imagine there aren’t people out there hoping she follows through.

The latest offering has certainly split opinion, some seeing it as a repeat of her last two records, which failed to live up to the heyday of her infamous Video Games EP, and others seeing it as a refreshing turn that signals a new phase in Del Rey’s work, with some of her best tracks on it to date.

Yet while the latter might seem optimistic, it would be unwise to dismiss this record outright. Move past the extended vowels and there is certainly some substance lurking beneath the saccharine.

The singles released prior to the album fitted comfortably into the mixed bag of Del Rey music. While the album’s title track offered up intriguing levels of subtlety and mystique in equally sugary amounts and set a precedent for the general ‘sound’ of the album, the disposable instrumental on ‘High by the Beach’ and lack of the usual lavish aura (which makes her music believable in the first place) failed to impress, a feat for any track underscored by the nullifying qualities of 808 beats.

‘Terence Loves You’ flipped impressions back with its delicate saxophone nuances (which figure again on one of the record’s

best tracks, ‘Art Deco’) and (dare I say it) semi-emotional singing, as well as the delight of speculating just who the fuck Terence is? But then ‘Salvatore’ undid any melodic finesse, topping it with such excellent lyrical moments as “la da da da da, la da da da da, ice cream” (skillfully rhymed with ‘limousine’ nonetheless).

So did the full release continue this tendency? In a word: yes. In a few more words: yes, but it’s not all bad news, as

There is certainly some substance lurking beneath the saccharine Honeymoon is her most promising full length album to date, bucking several trends that previously dwarfed the redeeming features of her music. The album has a noticeably increased consistency of feel than her previous releases, most likely owing to the fact that she worked (for the most part) with only two producers, rather than the usual six or seven. It’s not exactly her “purest album-length expression” it has been hailed as, but it’s a step closer to it.

6/10

Sam Smith new hit neither shakes nor stirs Laura Robinson

T

ypically, Bond songs aim to do two things: they emulate the Bassey-esque, big band, classic style, or try to break the mould with something innovative.

Sam Smith is guilty of the former, and he manages to do an OK job. Smith’s offering, ‘Writing on the Wall’, doesn’t seem to have a clear idea of where it’s going; as a friend commented to me, it feels like three different songs stuck together. That might explain why it feels long, despite being shorter than Adele’s own take.

‘Writing on the Wall’ doesn’t quite fit all of the qualifications for a good Bond song.

For starters, it doesn’t even reference the title of the film. The absurdity of having to force a rhyme with a title like ‘Goldfinger’ (‘coldfinger’, anyone?) is part of what makes Bond songs so great: they can’t

take themselves too seriously. It’s not like Sam Smith even had a difficult one – there are loads of things you can do with Spectre (protector, collector, ejector…

Bo Selecta?).

In fact, Smith’s Bond song is completely devoid of the element of silliness that is so characteristic of the Bond tradition.

The song is just too soppy and emotional.

Indeed, it’s this sense of fun which defines the franchise – think of all those one-liners that 007 comes out with at ridiculous moments, like seconds after throwing a villain over a mountainside (“he had no head for heights”). Unfortunately, this lack of light-heartedness makes ‘Writing on the Wall’ less Bond and more bland.

4/10

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The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

Lifestyle

Your room with a view With the dawn of a new academic year, those of us with great ballot-topping views are intensely smug

Newnham

Downing

Gonville & Caius

Jesus

Magdalene

Clare

Christ’s

The lucky residents are, clockwise from top: Megan Proops, Jemima Jobling, Sebastian Constantine, Maddy Airlie, Miriam Shovel, Colm Murphy, Jack May

Starve a cold, feed a freshers’ flu

Cupboard staples

Jenny Chalmers

Chris Tan

A

fter a week of meeting new people, going out and adapting to a student diet of wine and pizza, Freshers’ Week can easily end with the infamous freshers’ flu. Since ‘you are what you eat’, it makes sense that good foods can help you stay healthy. Our immune systems require the whole range of carbs, proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals but a few small changes can help you sail through Freshers’ unafflicted by the lurgy.

as many as possible. Transform your salad into a complete meal by adding carbohydrates (such as brown pasta, or couscous if you need something quick), protein (grilled chicken for carnivores or falafel for vegetarians are both low in saturated fat), and healthy fats in an olive oil dressing.

Maintaining your mental health is crucial: if it makes you happy, then bake a cake

Eggs are a rich source of both protein and healthy fats, plus key minerals such as iron. Plus, they are easy to cook even in the most limited of gyp rooms. If you are lucky enough to have a hob, poach or fry some eggs, but if not, then try scrambling in the microwave. Eggs are done once the white is cooked, but keeping the yolk runny maintains the highest levels of key nutrients. Serve alongside some wholemeal toast for an extra boost of B vitamins and fibre (even better if it includes vitamin-packed seeds), and spinach for calcium and iron.

Snacks are the easiest way to have a healthy boost. Hummus is high in anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids, has loads of protein, plus a whole bunch of minerals thrown in for good measure. Keep a pot of hummus in the fridge for when hunger strikes – try dipping in wholegrain pitta bread, or bonus points for fresh crunchy veg (think carrots, cucumber, peppers).

Vegetables are cheap, colourful, tasty and packed with vitamins and minerals. Adding a side salad to every meal is an easy way to pack more into your diet. Different vitamins and minerals are different colours, so ‘eat a rainbow’ to get

Cake may not seem like the healthy choice, but maintaining your mental health is crucial for a strong immune system.

So if it makes you happy, then bake a cake – it will be both healthier and tastier than shop-bought varieties.

B

efore university, I could ‘cook’ a grand total of one dish. But, once in college, cooking became therapeutic: something tactile to counterbalance an unashamedly cerebral university. Carefully selected staple ingredients can save you when you’re hungry, tired and need food fast but the fridge is bare. You’ll never need to reach for the Domino’s menu again.

Wine is a no-brainer. A splash of red is great for marinating beef while a drop of white can be used to cook chicken or fish. The best part of cooking with wine is, of course, that you can drink the leftovers.

Onions and garlic boost any savoury dish. Stir-fried vegetables, stews, soups and omelettes all benefit from that little extra depth of flavour that onions and garlic bring.

Ginger and lemongrass may seem an odd and impractical choice but together they add instant flavour to a stir-fry or can make an easy, aromatic tisane when boiled with honey.

Potatoes: mashed, roasted, baked in cream for a dauphinoise, or a jacket potato piled high with cheese, baked beans and lots of melting butter. They may be heavy to carry back from Sainsbury’s, but more than earn their place in the cupboard.

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

9

Lifestyle

Finding peace of mind

Well there goes the career in politics...

Emily Chadwick

Maddy Airlie Lifestyle Editor

D

ear freshers, I hope you’re ready for the onslaught. Prepare for an inexorable feeling of inadequacy as you go from star pupil to starkly average, trying to meet deadlines and still maintain a social life (and very occasionally, sleep). University life can be stressful, and Cambridge is known for its high-pressure atmosphere. Could mindfulness be the answer to our prayers?

At its core, mindful meditation is about living in the present moment. Forget the baggage of your past, the worries of your future, and experience the moment you are in with all your available senses. You have to detach yourself from

Download a free app There are lots of apps on the market, the most well-known being Headspace. It’ll give you 10-minute guided meditation sessions before reverting to paid monthly subscription.

Alternatives include Stop, Breathe & Think, which allows you to choose your time limit, and is free.

Don’t dismiss mindfulness as a hippie fad – it’s not a quick fix

Take up yoga Like meditation, yoga focuses on awareness of your breathing, and makes you more conscious of what your body is doing.

the thoughts that pop into your head, and watch them sail past you like ships at a harbour.

Not to be dismissed as a hippie fad, the practice of mindfulness is now scientifically accepted as an effective tool for combatting stress and anxiety, as well as improving focus. It seems our Buddhist friends to the East really have something here, and they’ve got thousands of years of practice to back it up.

Unfortunately, it’s not a quick fix. It takes time to master, so here are some less committed options to get you going:

Listen to an audiobook While I prefer Stephen Fry’s versions of Harry Potter, there are more up-to-date options on iTunes or Amazon too. A great way to switch off before bed.

EMILY CHADWICK

JASMINE KALOUDIS

Colouring Once upon a time it was just what you did when you were waiting for your meatballs at Frankie & Benny’s. Now, it’s acceptable to colour again, as long as your book has the word ‘adult’, ‘stress’, or ‘mindful’ on the cover.

Go to a meditation class in Cambridge The Samatha society runs free sessions in Clare, and the University now offers free meditation classes through the Mindful Student Study. Classes will run in Michaelmas for eight weeks. Find out more on the University website.

N

ever Have I Ever – the drinking game that reveals all you want to know about your friends – and perhaps some things you don’t. See how many you can tick off of our Cambridge edition.

PUNTING CAMBRIDGE

PUNTING CAMBRIDGE

Never Have I Ever...

Tried to get with my college dad (more than once) Been engineer pennied twice with bottles of port Had a one-night stand on Jesus Green with a stranger

MARIA SANCHEZ PRADA

Urinated in Magdalene Fellows’ Garden Wandered around town in nothing but my gown Played Sardines in the UL

STEPHANE GOLDSTEIN

Broken up with someone in a college chapel Given my supervisor an inappropriate compliment Puked during evensong

Culinary Dreamin’: Feeding my passion Somewhere between a five-year-old’s admission and a night on Tinder, my life-plan flashed before my eyes Hetty Gullifer Columnist

I

t’s that conversation we all hate. The one where every important life choice you’ve made so far suddenly comes sharply into focus. “So, what do you do with a music degree?”

Then comes the response you know won’t make anything any better.

“Go to cookery school.”

“Ha, ha; what do you actually do?”

I’m afraid to say that the poor man at the end of that particular Tinder conversation never got an answer.

Yes, I am the proud recipient of a degree in music from King’s College, Cambridge. Why shouldn’t that mean that years of ‘finding myself ’ – which mostly consisted of singing with Caius – leads to me following my dream of going to cookery school?

It all started around age five. My mother’s a brilliant woman. She has achieved the lofty heights of professor at a university that can’t be named, but she is not a good cook. In fact, she comes from a long line of the culinarychallenged: my grandma keeps her plates in the oven. My dad is not much better.

Despite his equally high-achieving academics, he still can’t find the cupboard in which the cereal bowls are kept in our kitchen. On the other hand, when asked at pre-school what my favourite subject was, I replied, without missing a beat, “Lunch”.

It set the precedent for a lifelong obsession with food. I went through a phase of baking a cake every evening for a year until I perfected the Victoria sponge – although I think my GCSE teachers would have preferred it if I’d spent the

time perfecting my physics revision instead.

Some culinary results were more successful than others.

Highlights include the discovery of the chocolate truffle recipe in 2004. Lowlights: the attempt at fusion food in 2005 – FYI, egg noodles and cheese sauce are not a good mix.

Gradually I took over the kitchen at home, which led to my precocious 16-year-old self walking up to Raymond Blanc at a book signing, as only a pretentious teenager can, and asking for work experience.

Imagine my surprise when he said yes. More work experience followed, but that’s another story.

My parents, academic as they are, insisted upon a degree.

So, tick box, degree done, cookery school here I come!

Watch this space.

(Actually, read this column; but you get the gist).

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Lifestyle

Clockwise from left: Bleecker Twill Check Shirt (Crisp Blue) £90, The Perfect Oxford Shirt (Soft Yellow) £80, The Perfect Oxford Shirt (White) £80, Multi Striped Lambswool Crew Sweater £115, Tailored Salt and Pepper Pants (Antracit Melange) £150 Opposite: Tailored Salt and Pepper Pants (Dark Brown) £150, Winter Shores Turtleneck Sweater £110, Riding Pants £125, Tartan Flannel Boyfriend Shirt £85, Alpaca Pencil Skirt (Cobblestone Melange) £110, Jacquard Jacket £125, The Perfect Oxford Shirt (Pale Yellow) £80, The Perfect Oxford Shirt (Capri Blue) £80, Braid Print Shirt Dress £145 Cover image: Jason Soft Mélange Twill Jeans (Graphite Melange) £125

06 October 2015 • Part 2 • The Cambridge Student

The New Heritage

The Cambridge Student • Part 2 • 06 October 2015

11

Lifestyle

GANT: Heritage hallmarks matched with the modern With the launch of the Diamond G range, GANT leaves its beach style behind – the brand is shaking off the sand and heading back onto campus. Founded at Harvard in 1949, classic American university style has been central to GANT’s image from the start. Here, TCS styles the new range with a Cambridge twist: all the sophistication of heritage with a fun, modern feel.

Head to our website to see all the pictures from the shoot. You can read about our day at the union, and how we got inspired by GANT’s new direction, preppy autumn trends, and our wonderful models.

For anyone else obsessing over that stripy jumper, you can find GANT’s Cambridge store in the Grand Arcade – it stocks all the clothes used in the shoot.

The Grand Arcade student night on Wednesday is the perfect excuse to visit.

Photography Tom Dorrington & Jenny Chalmers Direction Jessie Mathewson & Jack May Models Levi Broderick, Lola Olufemi, Abbi Brown, Chris Jammer, Robbie Taylor Hunt,Toby Marlow, Fenella Chesterfield, Ru Merritt

11

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

Features

The tourist trap: Your guide to steering clear of the crowds John Williamson

I

f you haven’t noticed this yet, you soon will: tourists love Cambridge.

Its quaint, quintessential englishness seems unrivalled in its ability to attract the souvenir-loving, selfie-taking masses.

There are many things you must learn about dealing with them. The most important thing is to never, under any circumstance, agree to take a tourist’s picture. Once you’ve said yes, they have you, you will be trapped for an age, snapping away at different angles, distances, directions, some will even gaily stroll onto King’s lawn and try to get you to do the same… Similarly, you will have to stop politely pausing and waiting as they spend five minutes taking posed shots on King’s Parade, as much as you may resist this in a brave attempt at courtesy, you will soon realise that it will take half an hour to traverse the street if you do so.

The ultimate jackpot for any selfrespecting excursionist is a student in a gown, upon sighting such an unwary individual, most-likely an unsuspecting fresher who in a fit of innocent excitement at possessing such a marvellous accessory has decided to parade it unwittingly, they will swoop upon them like a mighty eagle upon a kit (traumatic memories anyone?), demanding selfies and asking to borrow it. Many a first-year has been lost to such voracious frenzies, never more to be seen.

My final words of warning go to those of

ANASTASIA PICTON

us who roam upon the wheeled beasts, be it two or one (unicyclists, you know who you are), tourists do not comprehend the concept of moving vehicles, to them roads are just extra-wide pavements which you have no right to be on. They’ll walk out in front of you, pause to take a photo, be dissatisfied with said image, adjust their camera or perhaps pull out a dreaded selfie-stick and take another. Oh, and none of them have any form of control over their children.

ZYLLAN FOTOGRAFIA

A fresher’s guide to the most common and pernicious subject stereotypes Anthony Bridgen Features Editor

Y

ou’ve just arrived at university, meeting new people, making new friends, the question will inevitably arise of “what subject do you study”. Your reply will label you for the rest of your university career, because of course, each subject comes with its own set of stereotypes, not all of which are wrong…

In my first year alone I have been accused of being a philosopher by a stranger, based purely on having gone for a late night peregrination and of being a historian because of the way I dress. In fact, I’m a natural scientist, leading us into our first cliche of the day, that is, scientists have no fashion sense. Whether you be engineer, chemist or mathmo, I suspect you’re expected to be wearing a fleece, ratty jeans and trainers, I however can dispel this myth, many of us do in fact wear chinos of all things! Some even know the difference between a Chukka and a Chelsea boot dare I say.

Speaking of scientists, you will inevitably discover that mathmos are amongst the most reclusive of us, going out only in

the dead of night and avoiding potential danger (i.e. conversations) like the plague.

We forgive them this thanks to their frankly terrifying and unknowable competence at knitting, or should I say maths. Physicists however are the ultimate geeks, their talk of quarks, leptons and bosons a mystery to all us uninitiated, upon overhearing one of their conversations you realise a Babel fish is a must.

Having insulted the sciences sufficiently, let us consider their mortal enemies, the ever arty students of the humanities, Everyone knows it but they’ll never admit it: the englings get it easy. They may have to read a book once in a while, perhaps field an essay if the feeling strikes, but the rest of their time is spent acting, writing poetry and any other cliché you can think of. Deep down we all want to be them, but console ourselves with a smug smile at thoughts of their lack of career prospects.

Harder working (marginally), are the historians, a strange breed, who will always have some form of historic metaphor or analogy to inject into conversation.

If surrounded by a group of historians, commonly known as a confabulation, try

to steer conversation away from anything that may draw them into discussion of their subject, which can quickly take hold and like a triffid will soon spread. Asnacs are a splinter group of historians, devoted exclusively to study of a particularly obscure period of time, if you want to make one happy, know what their acronym stands for.

The most rigorous of the humanities students, the lawyers, work hard enough that one is tempted to call them scientists.

Commonly held as the most clique-y of subjects, they move in packs, leave none behind and admit only a rare few outsiders into their ranks.

Lastly we have the most mysterious of us all, those who study, well… no one really knows precisely what, that’s the theologians. We know it’s to do with religion, there has even been rumour of supervisions with vicars, but there our knowledge ends.

So, whatever you study, know that you will be judged by it. But fear not, the wise will see through these superficial fallacies and like you for who you are. These individuals will become your best friends.

JONAS BENGTSSON

12

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Features

Settling in – despite Marriage and child-rearing: A crucial an inconvenient, poorly timed part of your Cambridge experience identity crisis Sammy Love Features Editor

Audrey Sebatindira Columns Editor

D

espite a total lack of homesickness and an inurement to environments like Cambridge, an inconveniently-timed existential crisis left my Freshers’ Week (and most of Michaelmas) a mess. Like the majority of people, I’d looked forward to reinventing myself in this new place packed full of cool, interesting people. Unfortunately, my efforts to do so left me questioning who I was in the first place and, more importantly, if I was even capable of being cool or interesting. I ended up spending most of my first term indoors, watching and re-watching A Single Man, and calling up school friends at all hours to have them convince me that I did, in fact, have a personality.

This crisis was exacerbated by the general otherness that came with being one of only three black people in my college, in my year. Not to mention the fact that the first friend I managed to make during Freshers’ dropped out a week later, leaving me with only one other person with whom I spoke on a regular basis. And I’m sure I bored her most of the time considering I was (more or less constantly) preoccupied with what it means to be a human being and interact with anything outside of oneself. Watching everyone else form their niches at what seemed like lightning-speed, I felt like the odds were against me.

I ended up spending most of my first term indoors, watching and rewatching A Single Man But things worked out, as they always do. Tatum, the friend who dropped out, dragged me along to the Women’s Campaign freshers’ squash a few days before she left. There I met one of the founders of FLY, the network for BME women at Cambridge, who invited me to their meetings where I’ve since found some of my closest friends and a welcome reprieve from being a minority in my college. Eventually, my school friends stopped answering my midnight calls (so understandable) and I was forced to set aside my questions on the human condition and interact with people in my college. And, for reasons I’m still not sure I understand, they found me interesting, invited me to things, and generally proved that my worries were unfounded and that I’d wasted a month cooped up in my room.

So the advice I’d give to any fresher with questions about the nature of the self or general social anxiety is to try and get out of your head. Freshers’ is scary. But everyone’s in the same boat, and, though they’ll hide it well, everyone will be just as anxious as you are about reaching out and forming relationships. If I could go back, I’d strike up conversations with everyone I meet, and leave the deep thinking to the philosophy students.

Head to www.tcs.cam.ac.uk for the rest of the ‘Settling In’ column series!

Highlights include: TCS Interviews Editor Chase Smith encouraging freshers to embrace their quirks; Cambridge alumna Dipsikha Thakur describing her experience as an international student; and Olly Hudson giving some advice for LBGT freshers.

A

fter a long summer of results stress, results celebrations and excited uni preparations, you’re finally here in Cambridge.

There’s undoubtedly thousands of questions going through your mind: will the work be too hard? Will your room be alright? Will your neighbours be as weird as they seemed during your late-night Facebook stalking?

But one of those questions is about to be answered: who are those strange people excitedly declaring themselves to be your college parents? The college family system is something you’ll come to grow fond of, even though now it probably seems very weird and slightly creepy.

Over the course of your first year a special bond will grow between you and another person in college, prompting one of you to take the leap and deliver a heart felt proposal.

Congratulations, you are now college married! This qualifies you to be assigned fresher children to look after the following year, when as wise second-years you will be in a position to offer good advice to others. Ha. Now college marriage can be a wonderful thing, but as with regular

families there are certain lines that must not be crossed.

The golden rule of college marriages is never date your college husband or wife – the logic being that if you break up your college marriage will be super awkward. Most colleges hold fun college-couple events like marriage formals or Hunger Games competitions and you want to be able to enjoy these with someone you actually like. As someone seven months into dating her college husband, I feel we should move swiftly on.

Don’t accept the first proposal that comes your way if you’re not sure about it. You don’t want to end up married to someone you never speak to again after first term. More importantly, if you end up marrying the wrong person, you could end up college divorced. Yes this actually happens, and yes I know someone who is on their third college marriage. Don’t let it happen to you!

It’s also worth putting some effort into making your proposal interesting; don’t approach your victim whilst they’re brushing their teeth and casually suggest you may as well get married. Make it something you and your pal can laugh about later – it’ll

Thou shalt not commit incestuous college relations

also reduce your chance of rejection.

Get some prosecco or candles; perhaps a Haribo ring; maybe even serenade them. Use your imagination!

Finally, don’t commit college incest; although, if you’re fortunate enough to be assigned a super-hot college sibling/ parent then please go ahead.

So, be assured that even though it’s scary leaving home, a new family awaits at Cambridge.

BRIANNA LEHMAN

On turning 20 and thus being old

Magdalen Christie Features Editor

N

ext week marks the completion of my teenage years. On Wednesday, I’m turning 20. For a (fairly) fresh-faced 19–year-old me, this feels like a big deal. Gone are my years of adolescent fun and frolic, and now I must become serious and responsible.

Aged seven and looking past the boy bands and denim explosion of the noughties, I thought that by the time I was 20 I’d have it all figured out.

If not world famous for something fantastic, I’d at least be utterly grown up and wise. But now, being here at that age that once seemed so far away, I realise two things: my seven year-old

self was idealistic and unworldly, but my current self isn’t actually doing too badly. Maybe I’m not quite at the level I imagined all those years ago, but goals change, and perspective changes.

I find myself starting my second year, about to enter my second decade, and in a very happy state of mind.

Looking back on the first two decades of my life, a lot has happened. I grew my hair. I made a friend. I learnt how to speak. I made a few more friends.

I realised that I prefer cats to dogs (!) and I made big decisions, like subject choices, university destinations, and which phone case to buy (I went for an unusual gold design).

WEIBKE

It’s difficult to plan your future when you’re not even sure where you’re going for lunch

What will happen in the next 20 years? The way things are looking, I’ll probably have to work for around 30 hours a day for the next 70 years if I want to be able to buy a house by the time I’m 45. It seems, from what the barrage of emails from the Careers Service declares, that the decisions I make now will most likely affect at least the next 20 years of my life. It’s a real challenge to try to plan your future when you’re not 100% sure of your present.

If you too are turning 20 any time soon, celebrate with me! I will be accepting free drinks all night and all day. If you’ve yet to get to this grand old age, keep going and have some fun.

If you’ve passed this milestone already, congratulate yourself and get on with enjoying the next 20 years. As Virginia Woolf wrote, “Once she knows how to read there’s only one thing you can teach her to believe in – and that is herself.” If you’re reading this, you’ve obviously achieved the first thing, Start believing in yourself as you face the trials of being 20.

13

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

Features

The life and times of a Cambridge graduate Anonymous

M

y name is R– B– and I only recently graduated from P– College in Cambridge.

Having led an intrepid career as head of my college’s recreational mixed Hunger Games team, I am now seeking to transfer those skills to a career in journalism.

This will be no mean feat – for while my family is providing rent free London accommodation, we have zero connections (due to my parents’ frankly dull life choices) apart from a second cousin working for Milkround.

Monday: The interview

I have an interview for an internship at The Observer. My interviewer, Peter, sits across from me. He scans and discards my CV. I realise I misspelt ‘CV’ on it.

“So Cambridge?”

“Yeah Cambridge.” Shit, that was too flippant. “I mean, yes Cambridge but not like wanker yes wanker Cambridge.”

“Right. College?”

“P-. Your college?”

“Bristol.”

He picks up another sheet.

“I found this article you wrote for a student newspaper, ‘T—‘; ‘Ten Best Ways to Procrastinate from Procrastination. You list wanking off in the library as number seven. (A Pause) Maybe try Buzzfeed?”

I left the interview with a feeling Peter had seen my unique vision.

‘anti-Cambridge’ and not give my privilege a fair shot, I decided to form a back-up plan. I went to see my old pal Lily to do a spot of networking.

Ironically, I found Lily in a “found space” in Putney, where she was directing a devised piece of theatre.

Lily had left Cambridge with 36 CamDram credits, so we’d all expected her dad to help her take the arts world by storm. Her devised piece was a reworking of Othello performed as a comedy, while also exploring the gender binary. I was surprised to see that most of the black–clad actors and the producer were all from Cambridge as well.

“Well we just thought, you’ve got to make your own chances, got to get your name out there”, Lily clicks her fingers at me, as her actors pretend to be chickens in the background.

“Like you R–, you can’t just apply for jobs, you’ve got to create a YouTube channel, self-publish a Kindle novel; are you even on Tinder? Get on Tinder, it’s how I get my name out there to the professionals in the industry.”

“We’re hoping to do a tour to Berlin with the piece, and then head up to Edinburgh Fringe Fringe. Yeah, the ‘Fringe Fringe’, it’s on the edge of the Fringe in the Scottish Highlands.”

“We’re actually doing a Kickstarter if you wanted to donate?”

Sunday: The lunch

I head over to see my parents on Sunday for lunch. Conveniently, I’m also living at their house at the moment, so it was a short trip.

D: “How’s the job search going R–?”

M: “Maybe you should give up with Wednesday: The networking

By Wednesday, worried that The this whole journalism thing? It’s more Observer might turn out to be of a hobby, isn’t it.”

She left Cambridge with 36 CamDram credits – she’d take the world by storm

I take a break, and see if anyone has got back to me about what May Balls they’re going back to

M: “Perhaps you could apply for a job in marketing?”

D: “Isn’t your cousin Maisy in social media?”

RB:”No dad, she’s just on Facebook.”

Behind the Campaigns: Make No Assumptions Robin Cumming Columnist

Sunday: The crisis point

By Sunday night I’m really starting to get worried about not hearing back from Peter. I decide to wait and give them a call at 2am – I want them to know I’m willing to work all hours. In the meantime, I’ve decide to spend the evening improving my CV. After a good 15 minutes of work and making tea, I decide to take a cheeky Facebook break, and see if anyone has got back to me about what May Week balls they’re going back to. I’ve also got a message from Lily: “Hey, thanks so much for popping by on Wednesday! Was fab to catch up!

In case you were wondering, here’s the kickstarter I mentioned: bit.ly/223894 Any pennies you could give us would be so helpful but no pressure. Much love XX.” Fuck Lily and her Kickstarter. I message Elliot – who didn’t graduate because the lucky bastard had a fourth year – and tell him to get us John’s tickets this year instead. I’m in the middle of sending over the money when my mum walks in with a cup of tea.

“Mum can you knock? I’m a professional now, you’ve got to treat me like a lodger, even if I don’t pay rent.

Wait, mum no rent, right? Thanks for the tea.”

I really need to find my own place. I send Elliot the money and plan to start saving. Even though I don’t have to get up in the morning, I decide to get an early night before the hunt continues.

KATE HISCOCK

M

ake No Assumptions is a campaign run by CUSU LGBT+ and a number of transgender students at Cambridge University to educate and raise awareness of trans issues amongst the student body and to press for trans-inclusive change in Cambridge’s colleges, departments and social venues.

It was conceived back in Michaelmas 2014 by Nate Dunmore (then the CUSU LGBT+ campaigns officer) and myself. Soon after, we were joined by Em Travis, who went on to become campaigns officer.

At the start of 2015 (before Caitlyn Jenner’s transition and Aydian Dowling’s campaign) awareness and good media coverage of trans issues was very low. We decided to raise awareness through posters, and built a website of information to back them up.

We also needed to be more active in pressing for

Society is harsher for those who occupy multiple oppressed groups change. In my role as trans rep, I saw a lack of inclusivity – from tutors not using the right pronouns, to students not being able to use the bathrooms in social spaces. The stress of these small issues is cumulative and becomes a significant burden. Moreover, there is a very real risk of more serious trouble – harassment on the street and from club bouncers, just for a start. It’s worth mentioning here that the difficulties trans people face often intersect with misogyny, racism, homophobia, and non-binary erasure.

Society is much harsher for those who occupy multiple oppressed groups.

CUSU LGBT+

The Make no Assumptions team is creating an intersectional response to a University-wide issue As our team grew, so too did the campaign’s scope. We sent out material to every college, pub and club in central Cambridge. Sadly, we didn’t really get a response until PhD student Charlie Northrop got the dress code changed at St Catharine’s. Then the national media sat up and listened. We’re now looking to work with the local LGBT+ charity Encompass on change in local businesses, and re-structuring our efforts to promote change in colleges using more personal engagement.

The response among students has been fantastic though, with people from all walks of life engaging with us. We’ve given panels at a couple of college feminist societies, which have turned into some really productive discussions; this is something we’re looking to do more of in the future.

Want to get involved?

Why not take a look at our website (www.makenoassumptions.org) or get in touch via email at cusutranscampaign@ gmail.com.

To read the full article, head to www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

14

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Interviews

American in the corner: Talin Tahajian on poetics Chase Smith Interviews Editor Poised on her seat in the appropriately edgy Indigo Coffee House, Talin certainly looks the part of the poet, her fingers laced around her coffee mug as if in deep thought as I sit down across from her. Her reputation precedes her: poetry credits from Best New Poets 2014 to Columbia Poetry Review to name just a few, her authorship of half a split chapbook, and her semifinalist position in the 2015 Boston Review Poetry Contest, among other achievements uncountable.

I’m curious about where this all began. Did poetry just come to her? “Oh my gosh, no. I didn’t really do much with it until [my] family friend saw some of my work and was like, ‘This is really good, you should submit it.’ She told me about Cricket: it’s a young kid’s magazine. And so I submitted this poem and it got an honourable mention in one of their contests and I was like, ‘Oh my God I’m famous!’ And it was, you know, all uphill from there – no just kidding.”

She points out that the publishing scene is difficult to break into for new writers: “In the publishing world it’s a snowball effect, like something happens, and then you get recognition so then something else happens, and then it just rolls and rolls.”

The first step, it seems, is by far the most difficult. She points to alternative

magazines – like PANK where she was first published – as key for ‘emerging’ writers. For Talin, PANK offered her the big break she needed: “I got my next two pub creds within two weeks. Like once you have [poems] published, then suddenly people will just start picking you up. People will be willing to look at your work. It’s political, completely.”

Talin is happy with her status as an ‘emerging’ writer – “It’s a nice place to be. It feels like there’s a lot of space to fill. Your poetic style changes over time. You’re always gonna have a poem that you’re like, ‘That’s the best thing I’m ever gonna write in my life.’ And then [when] you have something new and you look back at that, and you’re like, ‘Wow that’s shit’, that’s when you know that you’re better.”

And her own style? “Oh my God. I’m too young to have, like, a style. I think your style changes a lot with place. I wrote the last poem in my chapbook here in Cambridge and it had a bit of a different flavour than the rest of it. Style’s not only [about] how you’re writing or the type of poem. I think it’s more about the language that you’re using – your ‘sink’ of diction is gonna change.

“For instance, last year, or a year and a half ago, my imagistic go-to drawer was oceanic imagery, and now it’s a little more urban, more clubbing – a little more rats in the walls as opposed

to fish in the sea. And there’s always been dead birds. I have never come away from the dead birds.”

Then comes the big question – does she feel poetry is still relevant today?

“The big question is who reads this? It’s like the phrase ‘only poets read poetry.’

I think that’s kind of true, but also just not… Poetry is doing something, and you know because it’s still in the New Yorker. There is a place for it and there’s still a Poet Laureate. So much of the popular prose these days – like flashfiction for instance – that’s essentially prose poetry. Poetry is popping up in

strange ways – there’s poetry on the five, six years. There’s a few names that tube, poetry on the metro. I think it you hear over and over.”

But when I try to suggest that she pops into our lives more frequently might join that legacy, she chuckles, than people recognize.”

“Oh my God, no. I’m American, I don’t “And there’s always been count. I just like do my own thing in the corner. They’re like, ‘Oh, the weird dead birds. I’ve never come away from birds.” American…’”

Her plans for the future embrace In terms of Cambridge specifically, all sorts of dreams, from a Master of she remarks that “There’s this little Fine Arts to publishing a full-length legacy of poets at Cambridge, like not collection of poetry.

But through it all, her thoughts are even when you talk about real poets that went [here] like hundreds of years on her art: “There’s a lot to happen – ago – like student poets within the past there’s a lot left to write.”

VLADEB

Awkward eye contact: The creator of ‘Students Of ’ XHAO !

Chase Smith Interviews Editor Not many students at the age of 19 can claim to have a trademarked logo – but Joe Binder is one of the few. His project ‘Students Of ’, the Facebook page embedded in the social media scene of the University, has in a single year branched out to a total of 15 universities, from Oxford to Rome to South Carolina, attracting a combined total of over 17,000 likes and each week, 100,000 individual visitors.

Seated across from me in St Edward’s passage, too engaged even to touch his plastic cup of water, he tells me about the power of the portraitcaption medium. “I think it’s extremely empowering that you can provide this platform to anyone. All you need is somebody to run it with a camera, and it means that without having links to big journalistic platforms, you can have your voice heard.”

Joe explains to me why he chose to expand ‘Students Of ’ from one university to several. “So, the first expansion was to Oxford. And I think it was a point where we featured a ‘Black Lives Matter’ campaign at

Cambridge, and I mean it went viral – within hours it reached over 20,000 people. It was at that point I realised that it didn’t have to be just about silly stories about romances and nights out, but it could be used as a central platform for different university activities. [To] freshers [and] people before they go to university, it’s like an alternative prospectus.”

This year Joe will be delegating many of his tasks, taking a more managerial role as the project expands. Last year “a lot of the time posts would become

“They were like, ‘Who the hell is this random guy pointing at me?’ We ended up speaking.” transactions instead of conversations.

The beauty of this project is that I get to speak to random people and get to know them in a very short amount of time, but in some ways I couldn’t really do that towards the end of last year, because these posts became – not a chore – but a transaction, in that I had to get them from being on the ground, [to] taking a photo, and [then]

onto the page. But now, I’ve got more people helping me out: it means that when I speak to people, I can get stuck in and actually learn about them.”

I could not resist the essential question – how does he go about selecting people to interview? “I have very strange ways of getting people’s attention. I remember I was interviewing with somebody and I got somebody else’s eye contact, and I just pointed at them, and [said], ‘You!’ And we all just burst out laughing. And they were like, ‘Ok, who the hell is this random guy pointing at me?’ and then we ended up speaking.

“It really just depends on the the vibes that I get from people when I walk past. Sometimes, if somebody catches my eyes, I’m very likely to walk 30 metres away, realise I should be speaking to them, and run back. And that looks a bit creepy, but…”

There’s no chasing involved this time, though, when with characteristic ‘Students Of ’ flair, he ends the conversation by turning the camera on me. He snaps a shot, finishes the interview, and heads off to conduct a few of his own.

15

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

Comment

Why Cameron’s short-termist EU strategy won’t work in the long run

A

Clubbing together

Cambridge must unite to stop the lights going out

Amatey Doku Political Columnist s the proposed referendum on Britain’s place within the European Union looms, it is becoming clear that part of Cameron’s strategy will be to find ways to renegotiate the movement of people within the EU. However, serious questions must be asked about the long-term implications of a strategy which could see unemployed EU migrants in the UK barred from accessing any support from the state.

Cameron has set himself a huge challenge. There are numerous potential areas for reform within the EU which he could propose to European leaders.

However, it’s strategically vital that Cameron comes back with something tangible, something that the British public by and large see as a significant enough reason to persuade them to vote to remain within a reformed EU if they were inclined to vote otherwise.

This appears to be the reasoning behind going after EU migrants and restrictions on the free movement of people within the Schengen Area.

New figures show that in the year ending March 2015, net migration to

Editors: Jack May & Freya Sanders Founded 1999 Volume 17

the UK had reached 333,000, a 28% increase since March 2014.

In the context of this and a growing global migrant crisis, in which Cameron sparked controversy by referring to migrants fleeing their troubled homelands as a “swarm”, appearing to take control of the number of people entering the UK would make up for his failure to reach the “tens of thousands” limit he set for himself before the 2010 election.

It’s vital that Cameron comes back with a deal that the British public see as significant Writing in the Sunday Times, home secretary Theresa May argued that the free movement of people should be clarified to mean the “freedom to move to a job” and not used as an excuse to claim benefits.

Attempts to restrict EU migrants or their benefits has proved to be a nonnegotiable red-line for many European leaders. The free movement of workers is a fundamental principle at the heart of the EU. But Cameron’s focus on

benefits, and his line that EU citizens should pay into the system for a period of time before they are entitled to get anything out of it, is a nuanced attempt to reduce levels of immigration in order to placate the right of his party.

Or perhaps, in his more euphemistic language, a way to ensure that those coming to the UK are here to work and not simply to claim benefits.

However, if Cameron is successful in his renegotiation, Britain will remain a part of the EU and he will have limited the access that newly settled EU citizens have to welfare support.

Serious questions will then have to be asked about the damaging social costs this could have in the long run.

Children of European migrants growing up in poverty, if their parents find themselves unemployed, may underperform in the school system and find a life of low aspiration and unemployment greeting them when they leave school. Ironically, the social issues this would create would give, in the long term, the ammunition the Eurosceptics need to push for Britain to leave the EU once again.

But Cameron will be gone by then, so he probably isn’t too fussed.

DFID

There are very few moments in Cambridge politics – whether it be student, council, or parliamentary politics – when the stars seem to align. Thankfully, the issue off the council’s decision to switch of streetlights in several key areas of Cambridge is one of these. It can often be difficult to consider the effects of plans announced months in advance, but it is crucial that the switch-off planned for April 2016 is thoroughly and forcefully opposed.

As ever in such cases, the crucial balance is between the facts and the feelings. There is a worrying trend on all sides for one or the other to be taken as absolute. It is such that there are some who say that the statistics do not support the argument that crime is increased in darkened streets, and that opposition to the moneysaving measure is based on complete nonsense and factually indefensible.

Meanwhile, advocates in of keeping the lights on argue that what is most important is that people feel safe walking home at night, and that there are no areas (certainly not areas as significant as those due to be affected by the proposed changes) in which citizens do not feel safe.

The key is the balance. Of course, we must listen to the facts. This city is proud to boast one of the most academically rigorous universities in the world, and we should not shy away from the corresponding intellectual duty. We have to take seriously the reality of life in a local area under austerity. Local councils have taken huge hits in the Conservative and coalition governments’ attempts to ‘balance the books’ at almost all costs. We must

accept that many of the services we have come to expect from our local councils are no longer sustainable at their current levels of largesse.

At the same time, Cambridge is a hotbed of activism, radical thinking, and new politics. It is a city in which students from both universities, and from local sixth-form colleges, are forming action groups, writing radical zines, and challenging the status quo at every time. As such, we must take on board their arguments, and consider that those arguments in the past that have seemed most radical are those that have become most commonplace in decades to come.

In this instance, what is perhaps most alarming is that protection from sexual assault on the way home by decent lighting is considered radical.

It is not radical to demand that the state – and, in its local iteration, the council – follows through on its core duty to keep its citizens safe. We must demand better service and greater care from those elected to represent us, and we must be clear in our desire to work together to protect those most at risk from these changes.

On such a crucial issue, a newspaper like The Cambridge Student must support wholeheartedly the petition launched by our colleagues at The Tab, and college JCRs – whether affiliated or otherwise – must be willing to be taken under the campaigning wing of CUSU. With an active desire to work together, and the intellectual capacity to see the balance between rigorous attention to facts and the moral urgency of how people feel, we can take this misguided and ill-considered plan head-on, and win.

O Danny Boy

Can Zeichner resist the pipes of Westminster?

Our investigation this week is a chance for us to hold our new MP, Daniel Zeichner, to account. It’s tempting for new MPs to think they can evade criticism in the first years of their term, particularly after the Fixed Term Parliaments Act. At such an early stage, it’s difficult to judge what the legacy of this new

MP will be, particularly with the distractions of the Labour leadership election and conference, but his work on student grants, cycling, refugees, and Bassingbourn suggests that Cambridge might dare to hope for five more years of passionate, localised advocacy, if he can resist the siren call of Westminster infighting.

16

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Comment

FEM STEM: Who should be improving female participation in the sciences?

Amelia Oakley Comment Editor

A

ll that is needed to reveal the stark gender inequality which dominates the sciences at Cambridge is a momentary glance through the 2014 Undergraduate admissions statistics. In 2014 there were 6,174 applications for science courses by males compared to a mere 3,706 female applicants. The disparity is stark, but unsurprising. As recent research from Cambridge Professor Dame Athene Donald reaffirms, the underrepresentation of women in STEM subjects is decided long before the process of applying to university: it is something which mars each and every stage of educational development.

In Donald’s opinion, “There are people who think what children do at four is irrelevant to their A-Level choices, but I’m not so sure … If they have always just played with dolls – and dolls in a stereotypically female situation, such as worrying about hairstyle or making tea – then how can they imagine themselves as engineers, or chemists?”

So if this issue begins in early childhood as Donald suggests – long before Cambridge or university are understandable concepts for these children – whose responsibility is it to lead the drive for change?

Cambridge prides itself on its outreach and access scheme, and as a world leading educational institution surely has an obligation to combat this incredible gender imbalance and improve participation rates.

Our University cannot pass off the fact that 63.2% of successful 2014 STEM applicants are male as a coincidence, or the result of some kind of bizarre natural selection: this is an unjust consequence of inherent educational sexism.

However, it would be wrong to suggest that our access scheme is currently well suited to or at all geared towards tackling gender imbalance. In fact, the pursuit of gender equality in education takes the form of a cavernous black hole when it comes to the access scheme; a black hole that features only one shining, yet sadly faltering, light: the Women’s Access Campaign, a campaign which suffers from a lack of publicity as well as a damaging focus solely on colleges in which there is a great disparity in admissions between the genders, rather than the University as a whole.

Indeed, even the access scheme in its conventional aim of improving numbers of state school applications has its limitations, particularly in its potential to encourage female applicants. The greatest issue facing the scheme is that there is little to no consistency across the colleges in terms of the quality of access provision; varying size of link areas, school relations and enthusiasm of committees mean that access can significantly lack efficiency and

effectiveness. The current access scheme is far from perfect, and this year must take on the additional incredibly difficult challenges of tackling the abolition of both AS-Levels and maintenance grants. If we were to overload the access scheme with the added responsibility of heading the Cambridge campaign for greater STEM participation by female students, we could in fact damage the University’s effort to widen participation as a whole.

Rather, encouraging both female STEM participation and in turn applications to sciences at Cambridge need to be considered as a separate issue to the Access Campaign, and needs specific and well considered attention.

We cannot forget that the gender imbalance in STEM subjects is not isolated to state schools, and therefore the access scheme is not best placed in terms of having the necessary contacts or networks to facilitate real change.

What is needed is a dedicated organisation of scientists, gender equality campaigners and access workers to collaborate on a scheme which works with female students.

We need to adopt a gendered approach of positive discrimination in order to oppose this fierce gender binary. In my experience, mixed-gender taster sessions and practicals simply aren’t the best way to encourage female participation in the sciences as the trends that exist in schools and discourage girls from taking up STEM subjects are also damagingly present in these sessions.

However, it’s also impossible to rely on a series of taster sessions or summer schools organised by Cambridge to solve the issue of STEM participation. This educational

Universities cannot swoop in at Year 12 and expect to solve years of imbalance

gender imbalance starts in school and it is there where the issue must be tackled head on. Cambridge cannot be a constant in the lives of school children at each stage at which these gender norms and divisions are enforced and affirmed but primary and secondary schools are. It is these schools that ultimately steer the direction of the GCSE and A-Level choices of girls and thus these schools that will determine the future of STEM participation. Therefore Cambridge and other leading universities must establish initiatives which work in collaboration with schools and children of all ages on a permanent, not fleeting, basis.

Day trips and impressive fire-based science demonstrations for female students are all well and good; but it is consistent reinforcement that will show girls that they belong in STEM subjects and that they have a worthwhile and valued position in science that needs to be achieved.

Universities cannot swoop in at Year 12 and expect to solve years of imbalance created by a schooling system which remains fundamentally dominated by gendered stereotypes, toys, and subject expectation.

We need to establish solid, long-term projects with schools which recognise the need not only to work temporarily with visiting groups, but more importantly to build a permanent relationship with the school itself and provide training for staff to eradicate traditional expectations of the conventional (male) STEM student.

Gender-focused access work is, it seems, the sole solution to the incredible gender imbalance in the sciences. Like any good scientist knows, collaboration is vital, and our universities simply cannot do it alone.

XIAOYE CHEN

Dr Ben Pilgrim giving a demonstration at the Corpus Christi all-female STEM summer school

One year on: Ha workshops actu Elli Wilson Girton Women’s Officer

A

fter much discussion and a smorgasbord of comment pieces last year, relatively little attention has been paid to consent workshops in the run up to the coming freshers’ week. But this represents a victory for those of us who have worked hard to implement the workshops, rather than a sidelining, as conversations about consent become more mainstream at Cambridge.

Most colleges are running the workshops this year, many of which are compulsory, so it seems that they are becoming an accepted and hopefully regular feature of freshers’ week. This reflects a long-overdue recognition by the University and students that sexual assault and harassment are unacceptably commonplace, and suggests a tentative willingness to confront and discuss the problem.

While such signs of an attitudinal shift are most welcome, it is imperative that consent workshops are not seen as merely ticking a box, but are viewed as part of a wider conversation on sexual violence.

With a problem as complex and endemic as this – including institutionalised sexism, racism, homophobia and transphobia – discussion needs to be sustained.

Talking alone is not enough to achieve

17

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

GARRY KNIGHT

Comment

Should we abolish colleges?

Yes – the college system limits access to adequate student welfare Julia Stanyard Comment Editor

A

s any Cambridge prospectus will proudly tell you, the collegiate system is one of the most distinctive aspects of our university life, something that sets us apart from the vast majority of British universities. The underlying assumption of this argument is, of course, that the Cambridge system is inherently better in some way or another: it is this which I intend to question.

Many key aspects of student life are dictated – or at least strongly influenced by – which college you attend. This includes everything from welfare to accommodation, food, finance and supervisions. Consequently, colleges have a huge ability to influence the quality of student life, for better or for worse.

This non-centralised organisation naturally and unavoidably throws up arbitrary disparities between how students at different colleges experience university

life. On a financial level, for example, there are dramatic variations in rent prices between colleges, as TCS investigated earlier this year. A financially struggling student at one college may have the option to choose a lower-priced room, whereas a student at Girton has no option but to pay one of the most extortionate rents in the university (£1140 termly residence charge), as all rooms in the College carry the same price tag. I struggle to see how this system can be construed as anything other than grossly unfair.

Access to certain basic facilities also varies hugely: for example, while many colleges provide students with quality cooking equipment, students at colleges such as Caius do not have this privilege.

This can be merely irritating for students who need more flexibility than the restrictive system of hall provides, but a downright nightmare for those struggling with eating disorders.

The academic side of things is by no means a saving grace for the college

These aspects of student life are far too important to leave to this haphazard system

system. While some argue that a collegebased director of studies is essential, is there any reason why this responsibility should not reside within the faculty?

Moreover, there is notoriously variation between colleges in the provision of extra supervisions and deadline extensions.

These aspects of student life are far too important to student welfare to leave to this haphazard system, and should instead be the concern of a centralised University body. The possibility that two students could be struggling with precisely the same issue, yet receive different support and guidance to resolve this issue purely due to the college they attend is not only illogical, but in many ways abhorrent.

In a week in which new students are arriving, it is time for our University to think about whether existing systems and precautions are sufficient to fulfil its duty of care. In my opinion, the archaic, disjointed and occasionally ridiculous college system cannot provide for students in an equal and unbiased way.

No – reform, rather than abolition, will remedy college inequality

ave the consent ually worked? T

Chase Smith Interviews Editor

the urgent change needed, which is why many JCR Equality Officers and the CUSU Women’s Campaign are striving to introduce and improve college harassment policies, and campaigns like Cambridge for Consent have sprung up. Discussion is a vital component of any movement, but we need action too. Consent workshops should be recognised as on the same continuum as events such as Reclaim the Night: they do not exist in isolation but work together to create an environment where the silence around sexual violence is broken.

I am proud to have been part of the efforts that have put Cambridge at the vanguard of consent education, but we cannot be complacent.

Consent workshops should be regarded as just the start of a broader initiative that seeks to make the University a safer place for everyone. In order to achieve this, the support of the wider university community is essential: we must all recognise that we can play a part in ending campus sexual assault and that our responsibility does not end once we have spent an hour or so discussing consent.

Yes, let’s normalise consent workshops but let’s not leave at it that: let’s make their introduction the beginning of the end of rape culture at Cambridge.

he main argument levelled against the colleges of Cambridge – that they foster inequality through an uneven provision of opportunities and services – is a legitimate concern.

However, the blame does not lie with the college system, but rather the lack of University-wide standards for managing that system.

The University calls the colleges ‘autonomous’, and this affords them a traditional degree of independence, including the ability to directly admit undergraduate students and to manage their own students’ supervisions.

Meanwhile, the faculties administer

lectures and other modes of teaching across collegiate divides, and the University glues the system together in a kind of academic confederation, awarding the BA degree to all undergraduate students.

Banishing the college system would throw this system of interlocking parts offbalance. Welfare provision, for example, is available at both University- and collegelevel, through the University Counselling Service, individual college nurses and mental health specialists. It is frankly not acceptable that colleges provide unequal health and welfare facilities, as no student should be kept from receiving fundamental help due to a lack of provision.

However, the solution is not to abolish colleges, because this would outsource

The key is to standardise requirements for welfare provision across colleges

MEG PROOPS

all welfare provision to the University Counselling Service.

A familiar nurse or mental health counsellor in college, who is responsible for a much smaller and more intimate community than the UCS, is arguably more accessible than a service which often is plagued by waiting-lists in the busy Easter term. The key is to standardise requirements for welfare provision across colleges. While this may curb the traditional independence of colleges, it is a fundamental step to reducing inequality between the institutions.

Similarly, disparate rents charged between the colleges can result in hundreds of additional pounds paid for accommodation. No student should be charged more by virtue of being at one college rather than another, but again, the solution is not to remove the college system, but to create a standard practice across the University.

Colleges break down the population of the University into smaller and more accessible groups of a few hundred students who share a common identity.

While rents may be problematic, other differences – in terms of social life, vibe, and identity – are positive.

The key, then, is to maintain the personalised side of the college system while introducing stronger standardization across fundamental services.

We must not destroy the system that is already in place, but create University-wide standards to manage that system.

18

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Sport

Rebecca Hirst on women RWC: A Surfei and sport in Cambridge L Sam Rhodes

ast week, I posed the question of what the English rugby fan is to do once our team has inevitably and gracelessly made history by becoming the first World Cup host to fail to exit the group stage. Now, it seems, the answer is obvious: rabidly support any team facing Australia, besides perhaps Wales. Should these two teams happen to meet in the final, there is simply no hope but to start watching Rugby League.

Of course, bitter spitefulness is not the only traditional recourse of jaded England fans. They could take solace in questioning the skills/intelligence/ ancestry of Stuart Lancaster (probably

If you’re an Australian, please bring the mockery

WILLIAM LYON TUPMAN

be a shame to lose that dynamic.”

However, that dynamic isn’t always ebecca Hirst, the Cambridge and positive. I ask whether the women’s team Tranmere Rovers midfielder, is one have the same access to facilities as the of a generation of women whose men’s, starting with the club stadium, route into football has been tortuous. “I think there’s still the expectation that if a “There were times last year girl wants to play football she has to be able when men’s college teams to compete with the boys.”

Accepted by a local boys’ team at the age were playing on better of six, and joining Tranmere at the age of pitches than the women’s nine, she has experienced football on both university first team” sides of the fence, something she credits with making her a stronger player: “You Prenton Park. “We train at Prenton Park,” have to work on your strength and ignore she shrugs, “not on the pitch, but on their a lot of nasty comments. That’s where a lot training facilities. They’ve given us a couple of girls get their mental toughness from – of opportunities to play there, but it’s more having to prove themselves and having to of a special occasion when that happens. want it as much as everyone else. I think it’d At least being allowed into Prenton Park in

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the first place is a sign of progress.”

I wonder if it’s the same at Cambridge, between the college and university teams.

“I don’t think we have the facilities we could have, to be honest. There were times last season when the men’s college teams were playing on better pitches than the women’s university first team.”

I point out that this year the men’s Varsity Match was hosted in Cambridge United’s Abbey Stadium, and in previous years has taken place at Oxford United’s Kassam Stadium, Fulham’s Craven Cottage and Crystal Palace’s Selhurst Park. Where, then, is the women’s Varsity Match hosted?

“Our Varsity Match this year was just in a field,” says Hirst. “It wasn’t a bad surface, but it certainly wasn’t the sort of place where people would go and watch a football game.”

“Coaching is another problem. We had a PhD student who gave up his time to coach us, but it’s hard to juggle that with a PhD. I’m sure that’s the case with all of the other Cambridge teams, apart from maybe rowing. We had an extremely good player as our captain last year who used to play for West Ham. She had to take on a lot of the coaching responsibility. She stood up to the plate, but you can’t do that and a degree at the same time. She won’t be playing this year because she’ll be a third-year.”

Hirst’s suspicion that this is true of other Cambridge sports is not misplaced. Whilst the Cambridge women’s team are coached by students, the Cambridge men’s team are coached by professionals. Men’s Firsts head coach, Jez George, is Director of Football at fourth-division Cambridge United.

In a year when the Boat Race has for the first time become the Boat Races, and the Women’s World Cup has enjoyed unprecedented coverage, why is nothing being done to change sport at Cambridge? ‘‘Last season,” Hirst explains, “a couple of girls expressed frustration at co-operative difficulties with the men’s Blues’ committee.

I think the Cambridge tiredness, finding it hard to find the energy to force the issues if they aren’t going to be prioritised.”

Varsity rugby and other sport Paul Hyland Sport Editor

I

t’s a big year for Cambridge rugby.

Picking up where the Boat Race has left off, this year’s women’s and men’s Varsity matches will not only take place on the same day, but at the same venue. The Cambridge women, fresh from a 47 to 0 mauling of their Oxford rivals this March will get the chance to repeat the feat at Twickenham, turning out at the home of rugby for the first time in their 29-year history. Meanwhile, the men will be hoping to become the first Cambridge team since 2009 to lift the trophy, thrashed 43 to 6 in their last outing. Want to come and roar our men and women to victory? Tickets are on sale now and prices start at £28.

Tickets are on sale now and prices start at £28

19

The Cambridge Student • 06 October 2015

Sport

it of Australians unfairly), every decision ever made by Romain Poite since he reached the age of seven (less so), and also where on earth all of these Australians in Cambridge have come from. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it is usually Australia. Experiencing English defeat is a profoundly painful process at the best of times, and it is made no easier by the sudden presence of large numbers of grinning antipodeans. There are only so many times you can bring up the last Ashes result.

To make matters worse, many of them appear to be genuinely slightly apologetic for embarrassing the hosts so emphatically on Saturday night. While the final death knell for England’s tournament rang in the 79th minute when Matt Giteau went

over to put the visitors up by 20 points, the nadir of my Rugby World Cup came not with the hoots that greeted David Pocock’s every move, but with the gently consoling shoulder-pat offered by a passing Aussie as I eventually fled from the pub.

As such, if you’re an Australian, please bring the mockery. Be brutal; deride Robson as a man promoted so far beyond his talent that even his prodigious work ethic eventually could not make up the difference. Abuse Dan Cole and Joe Marler for their entirely limp scrimmaging efforts, and chortle at Tom Youngs’s futile attempts to throw a ball in a straight line. But please, as the remaining weeks of tournament stretch ahead, don’t cut us any slack. I’m not sure I could take it.

LAND ROVER MENA

Should you try rowing at university?

No – it’s no one’s idea of fun Charlotte Furniss-Roe

I

t lures you in with the promise of romantic dawns cloaked in auroral mist – you are the ultimate hedonist, seeking out the authentic Cambridge experience and to reach the only sort of masochistic nirvana that doesn’t involve a dodgy-looking basement. You won’t be the first fresher to fall for this but if you’re thinking of starting rowing, think again.

After the initial enthusiasm of making new rowing bezzies there will come a point in your rowing career in which you realise that you are devoting hours of your life to pulling on a piece of wood again and again. And again. This is no one’s idea of fun. In fact, the only thing worse is the fateful day on which some Boat Captain will bark orders at you to climb onto an ‘erg’ and ‘push down with your legs’ until you push all the air out

You are devoting hours of your life to pulling on a piece of wood again and again

of your lungs, to the soundtrack of tinny pop hits of the mid- to late 2000s played over a terrible speaker in a wooden hut, with some ridiculously short person who’s never been through this ordeal in their life shouting chirpily at you.

If you last through the Full-MetalJacket-style first few sessions then you will be forced to tackle another uncomfortable truth. Usually when stash time comes around in a society it’s a joyful time, with the soft inside of a new hoody and more t-shirts to sleep in.

With rowing, you’re forced to buy a humiliating item of clothing that is essentially a human condom with holes sawn into it. And to think you have to pay for the privilege of having all your flaws broadcast to the world. Freshers, consider yourselves warned – if you want to fulfil your hopes of the riverside Cambridge experience, try punting with a picnic.

RACHEL CLARKE

Yes – everyone should get involved

ts to follow this Michaelmas Can’t get there? Don’t worry - the Varsity Match makes its debut on terrestrial TV this year, so you can catch the whole thing on BBC2.

Women’s Varsity Match 11:30, 10 December 2015 Men’s Varsity Match 14:30, 10 December 2015

Women’s First Football Team 14:00, 14 October 2015 University of Cambridge Women’s 1st vs University of Lincoln Women’s 1st Fitzwilliam College Sports Ground, Oxford Road, CB4 3PH

Support the men and women of our sports teams this Michaelmas:

Men’s First Basketball Team 17:30, 21 October 2015 University of Cambridge Men’s 1st vs University of Leicester Men’s 1st University of Cambridge Sports Centre

Women’s First Hockey Team 17:00, 14 October 2015 Cambridge Women’s 1st vs Cardiff Metropolitan University Women’s 1st Wilberforce Road Sports Ground

Women’s First Netball Team 16:30, 21 October 2015 University of Cambridge Women’s 1st vs University of Worcester Women’s 1st University of Cambridge Sports Centre

Laura Robinson

R

owing is the biggest sport in Cambridge, which means there are endless opportunities to make friends – and good friends too.

You see the same eight faces (sometimes sleepy, sometimes grumpy, mostly sweaty) every day, so it’s hard not to form some attachment to them. The other girls in my crew are some of my best mates in Cambridge, although this wouldn’t stop me from pushing them in at times.

As a form of exercise, rowing is actually pretty hardcore. It engages all the major muscle groups, plus it’s seriously cardiovascular (yes, that’s the technical term for it). Outings, ergs, circuits: a rower in a college first crew trains more often than someone who plays a university sport.

So you can freely indulge your penchant for VKs and Van of Life and still be in shape to

“It’s just embarrassing if you haven’t at least tried”

get the guns out come May Week.

Missing out on rowing would be missing out on something that is just such a big part of the Cambridge experience. Hours can be passed with friends making ‘boatie chat’ over dinner: erg schedules, weather forcasts. When people find out you’re at Cambridge, they will expect you to row, so it’s just embarrassing if you haven’t at least tried it once.

Finally, don’t go thinking it’ll get in the way of your studies. Contrary to popular opinion, rowing often improves your productivity. It cuts out the time you would normally spend procrastinating and forces you to get out of bed in the morning.

And why would you want to be anywhere else? Being on the river – which, in good weather, can be one of the prettiest places in Cambridge – also gives you time away from work, which everyone needs every now and again.

20

06 October 2015 • The Cambridge Student

Sport

Sam Rhodes:

KERRIE_

Why I can’t stand sympathy from Australian Rugby fans, p18–19

www.tcs.cam.ac.uk/sport

JACK TAVENER

A few sports you might not have thought of trying Paul Hyland Sport Editor

I bet you didn’t realise you can play American football here. The territorial sport of gridiron is the most popular ball game stateside and is starting to make waves across the pond since the BBC started broadcasting football’s showpiece event, the Superbowl, in 2008.

Four years later, American football became the latest sport to be officially recognised by British Universities and Colleges Sport. This is a great opportunity to throw yourself headfirst into one of the biggest new phenomena in British university sport.

The Cambridge Pythons are arguably one of the most inclusive sports clubs in Cambridge. The team is completely mixed, so no one is excluded on grounds of gender.

You don’t even have to have played before as most players pick up the sport when they start at university and have a wide range of experience in different sports.

Training takes place three times a week which is a great opportunity to let out all of the stress of essay writing! The Pythons are the current champions of their division and you can even get a Half Blue for joining the team!

To find out what all the fuss is about, visit the team on their Facebook page (facebook. com/cambridgepythons).

Callum Church

Ultimate Frisbee

Do you want to get involved in sport, but don’t fancy getting out of breath? Is your idea of training giving your mate a nod and asking, ‘Bar?’ and hearing him say ‘Bar!’?

Then playing college pool might just be for you. The Cambridge pool scene is one of the best social scenes at the University. It doesn’t matter what your ability level is, and we don’t even have regular training.

We just play for the sheer fun of it (and the booze!).

This year there were 33 teams (consisting of six players each) across all of the colleges, so plenty of opportunities to get involved.

We spend the year invading other people’s college bars for matches, which are the best of nine frames. Think of it as an informal swap. You’re always seeing new bits of Cambridge and meeting lots of new people along the way. When essays start to feel like same old, same old, getting involved with pool keeps providing you with something new.

And if you find you’re a dab hand with the old pool cue, we have a Varsity team so you can test yourself against the best pool talents British universities have to offer.

Fancy giving it a go? Have a look on our website for information on your college team and keep an eye out for our tryouts.

Hope to see you soon!

Mixed American Football

College Pool

Ryan Wilson

The clue’s in the name. You’ve thrown a frisbee before; but this is the ultimate way of doing it. Want to get some exercise and just have some fun? Go for it. Want to play at international level? You can get there within a few years. The goal is ultimately simple. Like American football, you hurl the object towards runners heading towards an end zone. Unlike American football, contact is discouraged. The game doesn’t even have a referee: we don’t need one. It’s widely considered the friendliest university sport.

The Strange Blue team represent the University and are one of the most successful teams around, boasting GB mixed, women’s and men’s players. College league lets you interact with these players at a recreational level. I discovered, having marked what appeared to be a wizard with a frisbee for ages, that I had in fact been up against a member of Cambridge Ultimate (CUlt)’s World Championship Team. Two terms in, I was already meeting people like him, learning a lot on the field and becoming friends.

Want to see if frisbee is as cool as I say?

Come to Jesus Green 10 October 2pm-4pm and 11 October 11am-1pm with a pair of studded boots (preferable) and enthusiasm (absolutely essential).