The Comet Magazine - January 2022

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE everything will be fine

THIS issue

thecometmagazine@gmail.com

crossword..................................PAGE 7

MEXAKITSCH...............................PAGE 8

WRITE ON THE RIVER ....................PAGE 12

SETH GARRIDO.............................PAGE 14

RAYMOND MALMSTEAD................ PAGE 18

TINY CUPBOARD GALLERY.............PAGE 20

SMUT TOONS................................PAGE 24

ART BEAT.................... ................ PAGE 30

THE ORGASM GAP..............................PAGE 31

MEME OLD GRINCH....................... PAGE 32

JAN COOK MACK...........................PAGE 34

FUNNY PAGES.................................PAGE 36

january 2022

editor: Ron Evans

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Skylar Hansford, Kay Kenyon, Lindsay Breidenthal, Holly Thorpe, Bill Griffith, Christopher F. Hart

Seth Garrido breakin’ hearts on stage. Photo by Michael Bloom

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

Show of hands - who kind of loves it when the holidays go away? I don’t mean in a “bah, humbug!” sort of way. Just...feeling like you can exhale and get back to some normalcy. Whatever the fuck that is in 2022. From the looks of it, part of that normalcy is going ahead with bigger events like concerts and conventions that had been iffy for a while there. It seems in spite of this new wave of, what I like to call, Omni-Taco-Cron - the plan is to simply keep forging ahead, well-masked and hopefully well-vaxxed. So we will likely be expanding the events pages soon. Although I can’t help but feel I have written those words before...

By the way, does anyone remember Omni Taco in the old Wenatchee Mall? I feel like I reference it a lot and no one seems to know what I’m talking about. But I recall it being surrounded by 70s amber privacy glass with elements of tiki in its decor. The food was more in style with Taco Time than authenticoagain, from what I remember. As I was writing this sidetrack, I needed to stop and take this to Facebook. I found quite a few people who remembered it the way I do, and even a couple folks that worked there. I wasn’t able to find who owned it, or if it was chain or a one-off. One former mall employee said Omni was bought out by Taco Time but I couldn’t confirm that anywhere online. The post brought out lots of nostalgia for the tiny mall that was later converted into a strip mall. It also reminded me of things I had long forgotten about. Like the Apple Blossom carnival being in the back parking lot before they moved it to Riverfront Park. The faux barn entrance to the Hickory Farms shop. The caramel smell from the candy shop wafting through the cigarette smoke clouds lingering in the air. The very smell of my youth.

My quest for more information shall continue, and if you have any insight into who owned Omni Taco (or where any of that groovy 70s decor ended up) please reach out to me. This is the kind of hard hitting investigative journalism you’ve come to expect from The Comet. I’m on the case.

I have no idea where I was going originally but oh well. It was never gonna be more important than tacos.

Happy Trails, Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

“Oh, hell yeah I remember that place. That’s where I met Guaco-Molly. She was spicy, that one.” Taco-Bot and Taco-Bot Supreme by Ron Evans

CORY "DAMN YOU" CALHOUN'S

Puzz e Corner

CROSSWORDS & MORE MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE COMET

THE1st PUZZLEOF 2022'S "MEGA-META" EVENT!

Happy new year, aka the year of the "mega-meta" event! What's a mega-meta? It's basically an extra contest that ends in November but if you want to enter it, you can get started right now! Here's how it works: throughout 2022, solve the 6 planned meta puzzles like normal. If you choose to enter the mega-meta contest before it ends, use any or all of 2022's meta puzzle answers to solve it

What might the lucky winners receive? Cool mystery prizes, plus a custom 21x21 crossword made for you by me! Get full entry and contest details at tinyurl.com/2022megametarules

On to 2022's 1st meta crossword—which has a special guest star! (Really!) If you've never tried a meta crossword before, give it a shot—and note that entering to win this puzzle doesn't obligate you to enter to win the mega meta. For a chance to win this month's mystery prize, keep reading—and remember, it's OK to use Google if you need help! HOW TO ENTER: 1. Solve the crossword below. 2. Solve its meta puzzle (instructions at tinyurl.com/corymetas). 3. Email just the meta puzzle answer for the hint (don't send the solved grid!) to cscxwords@gmail.com by 12am PT, January 24, 2022. (One submission per entrant, please.) We'll randomly pick a winner from the correct entries, and announce the winner and puzzle answers in the next issue. Good luck!

"SPECIALGUESTSTAR"

HINT # 1: Themetaansweris an8-letterword.

ACROSS

1. Mani-___ (salon offering)

5. Free TV ad, for short

8. Sympathetic syllables

11. Sault ___ Marie

14. Bunches of flowers

16. Student's worry, often

18. Declare again

19. More regretful

20. "Disgusting!"

21. Carmen of "Baywatch"

22. Social media message

26. Electric guitar hookup

28. Toy retailer ___ Schwarz

29. Special instruction, part 1

33. WWII's turning point

36. IKEA’s homeland

37. "As if!"

39. Periods

41. Tool with teeth 42. Special instruction, part 2 46. Bowl over 47. K-6: Abbr. 49. Install, as tiles 50. Shortly 52. Sincere 54. Special instruction, part 3 57. Remote targets?

59. "Quiet!"

60. “Othello”villain

61. Bailey's Irish Cream, e.g.

65. Kylo Ren portrayer Driver

68. Organize

69. Angrily stop playing a game, in modern lingo

74. Deceive

75. Move one’s funds between accounts

76. NYC time zone: Abbr.

77. Hosp.workers

78. NBC sketch show, briefly

79. Musician Amos

DOWN

1. Cheap beer with hipster cred, for short

2. Fair-hiring inits.

3. "New Rules" singer ___ Lipa

4. Mental figs. averaging 100

5. Drink garnish

6. Play on Netflix or Spotify

7. Reason to use an inhaler

8. Seat in ancient churches

9. Who’s Afraid of Virginia ___?

10. Distribute, like jam

11. Diamonds or clubs, e.g.

12. Seating section

13. "Closing Time" band Better than ___

15. Charging-cable type

17. Black-and-white square read by a smartphone

22. Out of style

23. Stand-up comic Patton

24. Kebab requirement

25. “Undecided” on a sched.

27. Beer or ice cream measure

30. Even so

31. Hydroxyl compound

32. Parking place

34. Lawrence of ___

35. Zig-zagging off course

38. Flimsy

40. Melee

43. Neon, e.g.

44. Ophthalmologist's study

45. Conclude

48. Shared

51. Yellowfin tuna

53. Made smooth

55. Statistical diagrams

56. "Shucks!"

58. Tea sweetener

ANACROSTIC CHALLENGE

62. Camera diaphragm

63.

66.

Some wines

Instructions @ tinyurl.com/coryanacrostics

CLUES: ANSWERS: CLUES (cont'd): ANSWERS (cont'd): Surround

Descends

"It's beyond me!" '

67. Of Mice and ___

70. Historic D.C. thoroughfare that the Dumbarton Bridge is part of: Abbr.

71. Flying saucer, briefly

72. Suffix with cash or hotel

73. Prefix with cycle or pod

SOLUTIONTOPREVIOUS CROSSWORD

FATPHOBIA PRAWN

ECOHORROR AUDIO

ATTENDANT IDONT

ROAN ISIS ERGS

SNL OLD CLE ADO

EVA PLAN TIF

XBOXES EELS INA

RESERVATIONDOGS

ASC FETE MAINST

YEA EGOS ERS

GRR DAM ADE BBB

OINK SIBS PRAY

WOOED ZEITGEIST

NUDGE ELABORATE

SSSSS SANDDUNES

SOLUTIONSTOPREVIOUS DOUBLEANAGRAMCHALLENGE

Themeofnewwords:Bodyparts. FEARING -A= FINGER, BREATH -B= HEART, DANGLE -E= GLAND, VERILE -E= LIVER, BELLOW -L= ELBOW, LINKS -L= SKIN, BINARYY= BRAIN LeftoverlettersA,B,E,E,L, L, and Y anagraminto EYEBALL

I CRAVE FEEDBACK! Thoughts? Suggestions? Lemme have it. CSCXWORDS@GMAIL.COM

FEATURING:@mexakitsch

CREATOR OF (NON-EDIBLE) FOOD SCULPTURES, LAMPS & CLOCKS.

By Kay Kenyon

Ihave been writing for 20+ years and I finished my first novel when I was no longer exactly young. So my first piece of advice could be start young, you’ll be glad you did. But you are where you are (as any Buddhist can tell you) so I won’t include that one.

Although I have over fifteen novels published, I did once stop writing for fourteen months because of general disenchantment with the writing life. Then I found my way back with a little help from my friends. I am now on page 308 of the first book in a fantasy trilogy. So, ups and downs in the course of my career, ups and downs. How, oh how, to keep chin up but not lead with chin.

Here are seven things I’ve learned:

1. Be on the page.

It helps to be at ease as you write. Striving for perfection, worrying about how it’s going, are all taking you away from the page you are on and your creative flow. Just be there.

2. Trust but verify.

Trust your story instincts. This is especially helpful if you’ve studied and practiced the craft for a few thousand hours. Say two-three years. Your mind has been composting story material, and it is there for you. The corollary: Submit your work regularly. Let the marketplace give you feedback. It is a necessary discipline to engage with readers this way.

3. Know yourself.

Decide what kind of thing you want to write. And if your writing is going to be a hobby or a career. Also, there is a continuum of approaches from literary to commercial (AKA from little compensation to income you can mostly live on.)

If you are writing primarily for yourself, that’s good. If you aspire to a writing career, you’ll need a big commitment and

a range of skills including (I am sorry to say), marketing.

4. Reach out to others.

The writing life is easier with other writers. Learn from people who are further along on the journey. Help other writers with a full heart. Find your circle of writers who can offer feedback and encouragement. Rinse and repeat.

5. Let go of success.

This is a tricky way of saying don’t let your ego jerk you around. I considered making this my number one principle, but I didn’t want to scare you off. Be gentle with yourself. Practice gratitude for what you have (hint: the page) and calm the grasping at recognition. I don’t want to overstate, but actually your ego can eat you alive plus ruin your life.

6. Don’t ask.

Don’t wait for the right writing mood to visit you. A steady, day-by-day good writing mood usually only happens after you’ve accumulated 4 or 5 thousand hours of writing. (Or maybe 5.2 thousand hours.) Meanwhile, aim to write 6 days a week. Get at least half a page each time. You are practicing. And--the good news is--you are creating at least three pages a week. So don’t ask if you feel like writing, because the answer is often: Nope, not at all.

7. Use a light touch.

Acceptance and patience in your Real Life and in writing will ease your journey. When the writing is not going well, know that this phase will pass. Unfortunately, that is also true when the writing is going well. So we don’t want to obsess about things that are so temporary. The writing life is full of ups and downs. The secret is to be in the middle, neither up nor down. Because creative fields like writing have wild swings of fortune and can result in matching mood swings in the author. A steady center, holding yourself and others lightly, is--I just realized--my number one piece

of advice.

Photo by Melody Kreimes

About Kay Kenyon

Kay has written over a dozen traditionally published speculative fiction novels. Her books have been shortlisted for the P.K. Dick Award and the John W. Campbell Award. She is a founding member of the Write on the River organization and lives in Wenatchee with her husband, Tom Overcast, and her cat Winston. You can find her at www.kaykenyon.com.

Coming up next...

Jan. 19: WOTR and NCW Libraries NCW Writers Group. Every third Wednesday, 4-5 p.m., held virtually

Join NCW Libraries and Write on the River for an inclusive writers’ club for writers of all ages, skill levels, genres and interests. The NCW Writers’ Club is a virtual writing community created by local writers, for local writers. This club is designed to connect people and artists, discuss the craft, ask for advice and share resources. Meetings are every third Wednesday from 4-5 p.m., with an optional social hour afterward.

Wenatchee librarian Nik Penny and Write on the River board member Holly Thorpe will host the club virtually on Zoom. Inperson options may be added in the future. All NCW Libraries virtual events are free and open to the public. Find more information at ncwlibraries.org

Jan. 22: “Intro to Experimental Writing” workshop with Matt Sullivan 10 a.m. to noon on Zoom

Write On the River presents “Let’s Get Weird: An Introduction to Experimental Writing” with Matt Sullivan at 10:00 a.m. on January 22, 2022. This workshop will be held virtually over Zoom. In this generative, participatory workshop, writers will look at (and play with) some approaches that they can use to upend traditional notions of story, such as structure, form, and language. Cost to attend is $30 or $15 for Write on the River members. Learn more about the workshop and reserve a spot now at writeontheriver.org.

To learn more about Write on the River, become a member, or register for events, visit writeontheriver.org. Membership is $35 per year, and offers free or discounted access to all WOTR events. Questions? Contact info@writeontheriver.org. C

SETH GARRIDO’S DEBUT SOLO LP

works so well in bringing this authenticity to your eagerly awaiting earbuds. Read on to learn more about Garrido and the making of this album. And if you are reading this with some hesitation because you don’t like country music — stay with us. There’s far more going on with the album, and in the head of this local gem of a musician.

First things first, tell us a little about your history as a musician.

I grew up in a pretty musical family and I decided at about age negative four that I wanted to do music for my life. I went to CWU to study saxophone, took drugs, hung out and listened to records with my friends, and a mere 12 years later, decided college was maybe not the right thing for me. In that time, I played with a great little jam band called Open County Jo, and when I moved up to Leavenworth ten years ago, I began play with Patrick Foster and the Locomotive and The Hoyer Brothers, playin’ sax and singing harmonies. After those bands both became mist, I decided to learn a whole heap of classic country songs and start to get out and play my own thing.

Where do you get off having that much soul for a white boy? Wait, are you… what ARE you?

I am a product of Auburn, Washington, the undisputed epicenter of everything SOUL. I am, most decidedly, a white boy.

By Ron Evans

Nationally touring country musician Jason Hawk Harris (formerly of The Show Ponies) once dubbed Seth Garrido “Wenatchee’s Best Kept Secret.” Garrido opened for Harris at a 2018 performance at RadarStation, and he clearly made an impression. Well, the secret may be out now that Garrido (as Seth Garrido & The Long Relief) has released his first solo LP, Heavy Handed Heart. A

soulful collection of original tunes that are a bit eclectic in style (or even genre) but still consistent, cohesive and…well, perfect if you ask me. Now, I’m not a music critic but I know what I like. And this album has been on heavy rotation here at Comet Headquarters and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

I’ve seen Garrido perform live around town for several years now (solo and with other groups like The Hoyer Brothers) and

it’s always a great show, but you never know how stage presence, vocal tone — or whatever that magical shit is that some people just naturally have — will translate in the studio. In this case, it translates beautifully.

In a sea of squeaky, auto-tuned or otherwise ‘fake-sounding’ voices in the world of modern country/folk, Garrido easily stands out with a very authentic and genuine voice. And the production of this album

The kids these days love their genres and subcategories. Your interests and musical styles seem pretty eclectic - bouncing effortlessly from country, funk and smoky pool hall jazzy ballads with hints of gospel. What would you file your LP under in a record store?

I suppose this first effort is pretty much an outlaw country record with a little bit of deviation. The next ones might be some-

“Really, the most successful songs seem to be the ones that come out all at once like some sort of demonic possession or stigmata. It’s hard to take credit for them, frankly.”

Album art by Juliana Marquis

thing totally different, I just happen to have been on a pretty heavy 7 or 8 year country kick leading up to this sucker.

The cliche question that I always wanna know the answer to - what are some of your biggest influences?

Willie is probably the thickest one in recent years, and John Prine, then probably Merle Haggard and Greg Brown, but I’ve spent a lot of time with Ani DiFranco, Aretha, Indigo Girls, They Might Be Giants, tons of jazz players, various weirdo classical stuff, etc. It’s a mess up there.

As someone who seems to live for the stage, how was the lockdown year for you? Did you write a shit ton of stuff, do some live stream shows or just take it easy a while?

I did end up doing a lot of writing, for sure, and a ton of little videos and streams, which was actually really fun. I think knowing it was my only real outlet made recording stuff for social media pretty exciting; I was pretty motivated. I wrote probably half of this album during the lockdown, and ended up putting up videos… kind of all the time. I was also learning to play my favorite songs from when I was 11 and just putting them out there, etc. This next phase of impending doom doesn’t strike me as so terrible, assuming folks will still hit up the ol’ Venmo for my online blabbering.

Tell us about the new LP. Is this group of performers an official band or was it an assembly of session players?

The band was an assembly made for the record, but I pretty much assembled all of my good buddies who also happen to be the best players I know. All of whom have their own really great projects, and I knew they’d all get along and kill the music, and that that would facilitate more playing as a group when the world came back.

I hired Skyler Mehal to play guitar, Dan Taylor for piano, Norman Baker for bass. Norman brought on the drummer for his band, Jake Evans, when my original drummer couldn’t do the project, and that ended up being an incredibly fortunate turn. I also was super lucky to get some pedal steel on the record from Bill Patton, over whose shows I drooled in the early 2000’s.

We also have some Hammond Organ from the absolute legend Joe Doria, and some guitar from my old friend and current Lil’ Smokies guitarist, The Right Reverend Matthew Rieger. We’re really hoping to get some shows going here early in the new year.

The album sounds fabulous and the production seems perfectly suited for the material. Where was it recorded/ mixed?

Thanks, man! The producer was Brandon

Busch, with whom I had worked previously on the Hoyer Brothers and the Patrick Foster records. He’s a master with a great ear and incredible gear, and we recorded pretty much everything live over a weekend in Fremont at Rare Earth studios, and then did some vocal tracking at Brandon’s studio in Northgate. Brandon (Sound Media Productions) did all the recording and mixing. The mastering was done by Rachel Field (Resonant Mastering). A very Seattle-heavy affair.

What formats is it (will it be) available in?

As it stands, it’s available on Bandcamp (sethgarridoandthelongrelief.bandcamp. com) for streaming and purchase, and each and every streaming service you can shake your earlobes at. We’ll have CD’s before too long and after that, I’d sure love to do up some LP’s, but they’re mighty expensive to produce, and my understanding is that there’s a pretty lengthy queue to get in if you wanna work with any of the major vinyl producers. So that’s a ‘fingers-

Photo by Doug Jongeward

crossed and the creek don’t rise situation.’ If anyone wants any other formats, just hollar at me, we can get something figured, I bet. Laserdiscs and DAT tapes by Fall.

Artists are a funny bunch, and rarely satisfied - which I suppose is part of what keeps them creating. How satisfied are you with the finished LP now that it’s out?

I mean, of course I’m not totally satisfied, but I think it’s a pretty good collection of songs. I think I’ve got some pretty amazing players playing them, and I don’t think you can ever expect more than that. I think it’s a fairly accurate representation of what you’d get if you came and saw us play. I’ll take it.

Will there be any kind of tour to support the album? If so will it be full band or solo shows?

I play all over the valley all the time, but there’s no tour booked as we speak. Not even CD release shows with the band, yet, but those will happen sometime relatively soon. As far as touring, I sure would love to bring these fellas out with me, and if all goes very, very well a full band tour might just happen. But it’s more likely I’ll be slinging these songs by myself or with one or two of the guys for the next little while, and hopefully we can get rolling hard enough to get the band out on the road a bit. Whenever I do get full band shows moving, I’ll surely put the word out on my Instagram and Facebook pages (links at the end of article).

Talk about your songwriting process. Do you tend to go through phases of writing to get a collection together, or are you pretty much writing all the time?

I’m constantly catching little lyrical inspirations, which means every notebook in my house, and the, “notes,” and, “voice recorder,” deals on my phone are filled with one sentence ideas, and I generally have no idea what melody they were once attached to. Those do turn into something some of the time, like, the latest song I wrote, which I like pretty well. I got the last line of it on a walk one morning, and that line bounced around trying to be something for like 5 months until I finally smacked my own ass and made myself just go out in the woods and write the damn thing. Being a kind of lazy space cadet doesn’t tend to lead to efficient songwriting, but eventually, you sometimes get something a little shiny. Really, the most successful songs seem to be the ones that come out all at once like some sort of demonic possession or stigmata. It’s hard to take credit for them, frankly. The ones that are hard to write? I’ll take those. I mean, I’ll take the easy ones, too, I guess.

Some of your writing schemes are pretty damn tricky. Fun to sing along to - after the 300 listens required to learn it. Are you usually starting with lyrics written out in rhythm and rhyme or do you start with the basic skeleton of the melody and lay the words over it?

300 listens! You are by far in the lead, my friend... Words are usually first, but they kind of come in melodic form, or at least

the rhythm is apparent right away, then the rhyme scheme kind of reveals itself as my brain flushes the topic out. It has happened where I have the music first, but my brain doesn’t work that way nearly as well.

Do you have a routine or dedicated space for sitting down and fleshing things out once the songs start taking shape? No, but I spend a lot of time telling myself that I should.

Close your eyes and imagine your idea of the perfect scene/situation for your music to be playing in the background. What do you see?

Lots of people of widely varied ages in a comfortable place, something like a coffee house mixed with a brick and dark wood bar room. That’s what my closed eyes said. I kinda wanna play little theaters. We’ll fight it out.

The Comet 8 Questions:

Favorite Band: They Might Be Giants

Favorite Artist: René Magritte

Favorite Book: Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

Favorite Movie: Bringing Up Baby

Favorite Quote: “I was very religious as a child. When I was a kid, I used to pray every day for a new bike. Then I realized, the Lord and his wisdom don’t work that way, so I just stole one and asked him to forgive me.” ~ Emo Phillips

Item You Can’t Live Without: I don’t need any of this stuff, and I don’t need you!

I don’t need anything! Except this. This ashtray, and that’s the only thing I need

is this. I don’t need this or this, just this ashtray, and this paddle game. The ashtray and the paddle game, and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddleball and this lamp. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need, too. I don’t need one other thing. I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well, what are you looking at? Whaddaya think I am some kind of a jerk or something? And this, that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and this chair.

Dream Collaboration: There’s a trombonist and composer named Ryan Keberle who’s been writing some incredible stuff the last little while. It’s fun to put something together with him.

Favorite Destination: End of the Icicle.

LIVE: Every Sunday, 5:00-8:00 w/ Rib @ Yodelin Broth Co. in Leavenworth

1/8 @ Lagunitas Brewing in Ballard

1/15 @ Twisp River Pub

w/ Older and Wiser

1/18 @ Icicle Brewing Co. in Leavenworth

1/22 @ Wenatchee Convention Center

w/ Junk Belly

1/29 @ Patterson Cellars in Leavenworth

Facebook: sethgarridomusic

Instagram: sethy_the_body C

Photo by Julie Istvan

RICK GUIDICE’S GROOVY CONCEPT ART FOR NASA

BY RON EVANS

In 1962, just four years after its formation, NASA started an art program conveniently called The NASA Art Program. The initial plan was to commission noble (and exciting) portraits of NASA astronauts and employees — an idea conceived by NASA Administrator, James Webb. The program also curated works for conceptual art and, essentially, Space Race propaganda. The organization needed to sell the public on the idea of funding space travel, and what better way to do that than with dazzling images of Space Age life in the not too distant future. Dozens of renowned painters and illustrators were hired to create this idyllic sci-fi and cinematic vision of a groovier life out there among the stars, just waiting for the taking.

Artists like Norman Rockwell, Robert Rauschenberg, Annie Leibowitz and even Andy Warhol were all hired into the program over the years. But for my money, Rick Guidice was the creme de la creme. His slick, sleek illustrations for NASA have lived on as covers for albums, sci-fi books and movie posters for decades. Interesting to note; anything created for NASA (and all government agencies) is typically in the Public Domain, so they can take on a whole new life of their own.

Guidice was a freelance artist mostly working for advertising agencies (in the Mad Men era) which is how NASA discovered him. They loved his work so much that they kept him on the payroll for 15 years. Art directors at Atari were so impressed with Guidice’s space scenes they hired him to design many of their cartridge labels and boxes which furthered his impact in art and pop culture well into the 1980’s.

Shockingly, NASA had the foresight to hold onto many of these original works and they can be seen at NASA Ames Research Center in California and The Smithsonian in Washington DC. That kind of reverence was incredibly rare for commercial illustration work at the time. C

FOUR WRITINGS

BY RAYMOND MALMSTEAD

The Drifted Wood

So... they are spread out like bones: ribs and femurs, eye sockets and vertebrae, in various stages of decay, Some smoothed and enveloped by dune sand, Big ones like beached whale carcasses, closer to the water Small ones like recorders, toy guns and little fish. Following the high tide line, I search for one

For you, or someone I knew One that has an eye, a smooth handle, Could fit in the hand And remind me of this day in the sand

Pineapple Express

I’ve always liked the billowy night clouds from which the silky moonlight spills Giving me chills in its recollection (hold still please) of twisty tree limbs, wispy kite winds, frisky tail feathers, fur upended. Trust in me, I’ll only smile when I’m dead. And the killdeer and the quail startle at my footstep, I’m so obtrusive to the music of the Pineapple Express. Straight from Tahiti, (mmmm baked ziti)

To eat off your breasts and smell your sighs.

Just in me. Shut your eyes.

The Undercurrent

At dawn, the light has shifted, the rooster calls and the train’s whistle, have become crystalline, like the reflection off distant sandy shores

I can hear the sea from here, it’s long withdrawing roar

As the sun hints at its glory, so the sea whispers at her story Of depths and movements yet understood And perhaps Always a mystery.

Corn Moon Part I

The twin birch trees do chatter

Their leaves like ocean sprays

Fall and rise and fall again

And recede to the breath of this Nights’ breeze.

The corn moon, orb of candy and Heavenly delights

Does conduct this earthly symphony.

Frogs hold tempo

Leaves on strings

And my quickening pulse.

corn moon part two:

There! you hear the crickets near the creek. As tuxedos in the orchestra pit

Come to the window!

Sweet is the

Sound

that travels far on nights like these

A rumble of a Harley on easy street

The neighbors

On their porch

as the light fades and they talk in water tones

What has become of you?

Where are you now?

Your light is equal to the western skies!

And Bats arrive! At the corners of my eyes!

Dizzy, I am lost in your refraction.

EVERYTHING IS FINE.

BY VERUCA SALTY

CW: neglect, childhood trauma, codependency.

Is helping others something I do because I genuinely enjoy it? Sure. Is it also a trauma response from not being loved as I needed growing up so now I use “helping” as a way to feel important, valued, lovable, worthy, etc? I mean, yeah. Do I sometimes feel deep rage and resentment when I give and give and give and don’t magically receive the love and credit I feel like I deserve from being such a helpful person? Also yes.

Enter: codependency. This is something I’ve grappled with my whole life. Growing up with mentally unwell parents with no sense of emotional health (or boundaries)...is going to cause some problems. The issue is, love is supposed to be given freely. Especially between parent and child. A child should not have to earn love or acceptance.. it should

be standard if you want to raise a child with any amount of emotional or mental health. But love and acceptance were not a given for me growing up. I learned to do more, be more, try harder, act certain ways in order to receive the love that I so desperately needed.

Cut to me as an adult. I overextend myself, I give without limits, I people please and do what I think others want me to do because that’s how I learned to get my emotional needs met; that’s how I learned to receive love. I thought I had to always be doing more, behaving better, biting my tongue, putting everyone else before myself. This unfortunately isn’t sustainable, so there’s always that inevitable crash and burn. My burnouts might look different than yours but it’s basically the point at which I can no longer ignore my own needs. For me that looks like me realizing I’m absolutely exhausted and then immediately becoming furious with whomever I have been overextending myself to (whether they were asking me to or not). Suddenly I go from world’s best helper to

“this is all your fault and you don’t appreciate me and I’m fucking out of here! Do it your damn self!!!” Something like that. The problem is that the person I’m helping almost NEVER asks me to help to the extent that I am. They don’t expect me to give of myself until I’m bled dry. Also they almost never give me any kind of indication that they are planning on or willing to give back in the same capacity - because guess what, all of these expectations are only in MY HEAD. Damn it. So I fly off the handle about how unappreciated I am, undervalued, taken advantage of, etc, and the poor soul who is receiving this backlash is completely sideswiped.

This is a really uncomfortable realization about myself, because well, I’m the asshole in the scenario. I’ve been sitting with it for a long time and finally I’m ok with acknowledging and accepting it. Boundaries weren’t a thing growing up. Neither was a sense of control in my own world - my parents were explosive and/or completely emotionally unavailable. My world was all about walking on eggshells

and flying under the radar. I didn’t learn to take control of my own life in any healthy ways. So I use “helping” as a way to (try to) manipulate people into loving me the way I want and need to be loved. And I can tell you with great certainty… that it doesn’t work. But you know, the first step to recovery is acknowledging the problem or whatever. Now that I understand what’s happening, I have to ask myself all the hard questions like, “am I doing this because I want to or am I doing this because I’m wanting something in return?”

“Am I here to help or am I here to try to prove that I’m worthy of the same kind of love and support that I’m offering?” So, here I sit, owning my shortcomings and apologizing profusely to the people I’ve hurt along the way (myself included). This is not easy work, but it is the work I must do in order to nurture better relationships in my life; in order to raise healthier little humans than I had the chance to be.

Onward and upward friends. C

The Codependent Sea by Ron Evans

By Ron Evans

In an undisclosed house around midtown Wenatchee there dwells what has to be the area’s smallest art space (prove us wrong), The Tiny Cupboard Gallery. Owner/curator Cynthia Peterson recently purchased a 1936 home that came with a mysterious tiny cupboard along the baseboard of the kitchen floor. Her pondering on what the hell it was for (her best guess was for an old gas valve shutoff access) quickly became: what could she do with it? That’s when Peterson was hit with the notion of commissioning work from an artist pal of hers,

Shannon Headrick, for monthly pieces — created at the exact dimensions of the tiny cupboard. And while the resulting mini-gallery isn’t open to the public, Peterson holds a monthly “reveal” of the new pieces on her Facebook page as they are added.

I have waited until there had been an entire year of Tiny Cupboard openings before featuring them in The Comet, and with January’s entry “Happy New Year!” Peterson and Headrick have reached that mile marker.

Peterson: “At first, I was going to send

Shannon boxes to fill with her amazing art. But then all my pretty paper boxes got ruined in a basement flood, and she started having her own ideas about how these might come together — using stuff she found or sourced. Lucky for me. Her ideas were MUCH superior! Looking back, I see that Shannon had brought an idea to life within two days of first discussing the project.”

Originally from Seattle, now retired and living in Astoria, Oregon with her husband and three little dogs, Shannon Headrick was up for the challenge — and she was the perfect fit (pun intended) for the

unique little space.

Headrick: “I love all kinds of mediumsglass, metal, clay, paint, paper, magazines, vintage dolls, beads, bone and more. When Cynthia moved into her house she told me she had a little cupboard in her kitchen that was begging to be something. I was very excited when she asked if I would be interested in creating some art that she could reveal each month. I believe that is when I thought I could make the month the theme. First needed was the size of cupboard

11”x9”x3”. I loved having a compact

April: Knock Knock

Tiny Cupboard Gallery owner/curator Cynthia Peterson through the looking glass.

March: Crow Moon & Mars

February: New Beginnings

space to create for. I would look up different facts about each month and some piece of info would bring an idea to me and that would spark other ideas. Most of the pieces have the birth flower, birthstone and zodiac sign.

I love things thrown together, I love different textures, things that seem mismatched yet meshed, I believe everything matches. Some people think my art is creepy or weird, I make it with love no matter how dark it seems and I find it all comforting.”

Headrick does not currently sell her work online but she’s considering it for the future. And on the topic of the future, the Tiny Cupboard Gallery looks to be continuing into the new year. Peterson will be working with multiple artists in this second cycle. So perhaps a year from now we will have a whole new collection to show off.

Peterson displays all the past pieces of the Tiny Cupboard Gallery in a small room in her basement. So if you’re lucky enough to get an invitation to her next cocktail party, you may just get to admire the small works in person. C

Cynthia Peterson and Shannon Headrick at their “favorite” place, RadarStation.

May: Happy Birthday with Full Flower Moon

July: The Doghouse

August: Clowning

September: Fire Harvest

October: Boo!

November: Grateful

December: Peace On Earth

January: Happy New Year!

June: Gemini

SATURDAY, JANUARY 8 AT 5 - 7PM

Winter Wine Walk - Icicle Ridge Winery

SATURDAY, JANUARY 8 AT 10AM - 4PM

NCW Bridal Premierè 2022

Town Toyota Center

FRIDAY, JANUARY 21, 2022 AT 7:30 PM

Pink Martini featuring China Forbes Numerica Performing Arts Center

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2021 AT 7

PM Holiday Dreams-A Spectacular Cirque Show

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20, 2022 AT 7:30

PM – 10 PM “It’s Only A Play “ Riverside Playhouse

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22, 2022 AT 8 PM

The Dusty 45’s & Devils Gulch & the Missionaries

Wanna plug your kickass event? Send it our way at thecometmagazine@gmail.

“The future always looks good in the golden land because no one remembers the past” - Joan Didion, Some Dreamers of the Golden Dream.

Warm greetings, you luminous animals! This is the 3rd consecutive column and events list The Comet has printed as an effort of the fledgling Arts Alliance - a non profit formed to connect and support creative endeavors in NCW. We’re on the ridge of a new year, looking across an expanse of possibility and expectation that feels a teensy bit intimidating, honestly. It is reassuring to think of the progress the Alliance made in 2021 to lay the groundwork for what comes next, including writing bylaws, a business plan, and a grant application.

The next months will be focused outward as we seek relationships that turn ideas into action and flesh out the role of what we hope to be a collective effort. First up for January is board recruitment and getting the ball rolling towards collaborative efforts like monthly events, studio tours, pop-up theater, workshops, speakers, etc. that connect artists and communities around the area. Many of you have asked how you can get involved with the Arts Alliance (thank you!) and have asked to be kept in the loop with the newsletter and/or emails more specific to board recruitment PLEASE let us know here: Wenatchee. arts.alliance@gmail.com

This list is geared toward proposal, exhibit, and performance opportunities for artists and related community events. It is a work in progress and will only get better with input from our community. Contact the Alliance if you have info about: venue or studio space, public art, funding, education, critique groups, etc.

JANUARY OPPORTUNITIES & DEADLINES

2nd - 4th - Music Theater of Wenatchee: Auditions for ‘Wizard of Oz’, the 2022 Apple Blossom Musical at Numerica Performing Arts Center

3rd - Shoreline Short Film Festival: dead-

line, see artisttrust.org for info

1/12 - Confluence Gallery, Twisp WA: entry deadline, group show, ‘My Ancestors Taught Me, Origin Stories’

1/12 - Bellevue Men’s Shelter: request for quotes (RFQ) for mural design submission, see artisttrust.org

1/15 - 3/15 - Steppe Poetry Journal, call for submissions for the Shrub-Steppe Poetry Journal, closes March 15

1/27 - City of Edmonds: On the Fence: Temporary Public Art Installations / Calls & Submissions, see artisttrust.org

1/31 - Sarah Spurgeon Gallery at Central Washington University: 2022 INTERSTATE: A national juried exhibit where I-90 meets I-82

Exhibit Dates: March 31—April 23, 2022, artisttrust.org

JANUARY EVENTS

1, 8, 15, 22,29- Punch Projects, Thorp WA: Artist in residence, Justin Gibbens drawings, paintings, and taxidermy collection, every Saturday 12-4pm

WVMCC - Environmental Film & Speaker

Series: The Winter’s Tale 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM

FIRST FRIDAY 1/7

Robert Graves Gallery - 45th Annual Member’s Invitational Exhibit and Sale Collapse Gallery - Father, Daughter show, works of Jan Cook Mac and father

Lemolo - Len Harm

Cafe Mela - Thom Chott

Two Rivers Gallery - Martha Flores and Larry Gay

MAC - Yellow House, Hanna Rice and Leah Crosby, 5-7pm, Jan.7- 28

1/12 - Collapse Gallery - Life Drawing Session (bi-weekly) $35, 5:30-7:30pm 1/15

- WVMCC - Martin Luther King Jr. Multicultural Fest, 10- 3pm

1/15 - 3/15 - Confluence Gallery (Twisp WA): Filthy Little Pictures

1/19 - NCRL & Write on the River - NCW Writer’s Group, (virtual) Meetings are every third Wednesday from 4-5 p.m.

1/25 - NCRL - My Story, (virtual) true stories from our community, 7-8:30 pm

1/26 - Collapse Gallery - Shrub Steppe

Poetry Podium, open mic, 4:30-6pm - Life Drawing Session (bi-weekly) $35, 5:307:30pm

1/20-22 & 27-29 - Music Theater of Wenatchee : ‘It’s Only a Play’, 7:30 Matinees 1/22,29 - at 2 pm

FEBRUARY

2/1 - City of Olympia: Percival Plinth Project 2022, call for Sculpture, artist trust.org

2/27 - Gallery One (Ellensburg): ‘Undomesticated’, Nat’l Juried Art Exhibit

LINKS TO VENUES AND RESOURCES

*MAC- Music and Arts Center on the campus of Wenatchee Valley Community College https://ad-wb-wvc01.wvc.edu/academics/art/macgallery.html

*North Central Regional Library- https:// www.ncwlibraries.org/online-resources/#

*Write on the River - https://www.writeontheriver.org/

*Collapse- Collapse Contemporary Gallery https://www.collapsegallery.com/ *Gallery

One- https://www.gallery-one.org/

*WVMCC - Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center https://www.wenatcheevalleymuseum.org/ events/

*Shrub Steppe Poetry - https://shrubsteppepoetry.org/

*Icicle Center For the Arts https://icicle.org/ find-events/

*Confluence Gallery - https://www.confluencegallery.org/ ,

*Methow Arts - http://www.methowarts.org/

*Cafe Mela- https://melacoffee.com/

*Mighty Tieton Warehouse - https://www. tietonarts.org/events

*PAC- Numerica Performing Arts Center https://numericapac.org/about/news/ *Two Rivers Art Gallery- https://2riversgallery. org/

*Wenatchee Valley Symphony Orchestrahttps://wenatcheesymphony.org/ *Punch Projects and Gallery - https://punchprojects.org/

*Shoreline Short Film Fest link https://filmfreeway.com/ShorelineShortShortFilmFestival

The Winter’s Tale at WVMCC

Figure drawing sessions at Collapse Gallery

Justin Gibbens at Punch Projects, Thorp

Martha Flores at Two Rivers in Wenatchee

By Skylar Hansford

It’s known as the orgasm gap, the pleasure gap, or orgasm inequality — and it’s the term coined to describe the disparity in orgasms between couples. Studies have used orgasm inequality to measure and show sexual satisfaction among different demographics. And while a satisfying and healthy sex life can’t be measured purely by how many climaxes people are having, studies have found that there is a considerable difference between the number or orgasms between men and women in heterosexual relationships.

The disparity isn’t just found between heterosexual couples however. It has been found that lesbian and bisexual women have significantly more orgasms than hetero women. Similarly, there is an orgasm gap between women when they’re alone versus when they’re with a partner. A recent study found that 39% of women say they’ve always climaxed when masturbating, compared to 6% during sex.

Another study conducted by Durex (yes, the condom company) found that 20% of women said they don’t orgasm, compared to 2% of men. Three out of four women said they can’t achieve orgasm during sex. And while 30% of men said they thought the best way to help a woman orgasm is through penetrative sexual acts alone, more than half of women pointed to clitoral stimulation as a way to make them climax. Researchers from the Archives of Sexual Behavior assessed the sex lives of over 52,500 adult Americans and found that the group most likely to always orgasm during sex were heterosexual men. 95% said they usually or always orgasm. 65% of heterosexual women said they usually or always orgasm, the lowest of all of the demographics studied.

According to Dr. Laurie Mintz, while writing about the gap for Psychology Today, “the orgasm gap is a cultural problem.”

The orgasm gap has been attributed to a number of things — almost always based

in knowledge (or lack thereof) about the human body.

Understanding your own anatomy is fundamental to knowing what you like and feeling empowered to show a partner how to achieve it. As an example: typically, the clitoris is presented as something that people either can’t find or don’t understand. However, a YouGov study found that confusion surrounding the vulva is shared by all genders, while locating the clitoris isn’t so much of a problem. When asked to label a diagram of a vulva, 58% of people couldn’t describe the function of the urethra. 47% didn’t know what the labia was and 52% didn’t know what the vagina was (or that there was a difference between the vagina and the vulva). Some used euphemistic responses such as “lips.”

Another contributing factor to the orgasm gap, which is also largely responsible for the lack of basic sexual/anatomy information — we don’t talk about it. And we tend to shame those who do, or tell them it’s inappropriate to talk about. We shy away from talks about sexual health and wellness because it’s still considered largely taboo. We’re afraid to be spotted leaving “adult stores.” And while we struggle to figure out what to teach in school as far as basic anatomy, we overlook how many adults would benefit from continued learning about how to have good sex — not just learning about safe sex.

If we explore our general prudishness around sex and orgasm talks we begin to see another type of “gap” appear. The staggering number of advertisements (in print and on television), aimed at those with a penis, that we are inundated with daily versus the lack of the same type of ads aimed at those with a vagina. Think about it… it’s incredibly common to be watching regular cable TV and see multiple ads for erectile dysfunction medication — making note in said advertisements to “ask your doctor if you’re healthy enough for sexual activity.”

Can you think of an advertisement like that aimed at those with vaginas that wasn’t a birth control ad? Which is more about safe

sex than helping to have a fulfilling sex life.

Dame Products is aiming to change all that. Dame, a women owned/founded sex toy company (whose products are almost exclusively aimed at those with a vagina), said they aim to “close the orgasm gap.” And they’re doing it in a big way: by suing, and winning their lawsuit, against the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority.

Dame was founded in 2014 by two women — one a certified sexologist, the other an MIT engineer. Together they developed the Eva, a hands free clitoral stimulator, and it became the most crowdfunded sex toy in history. In 2016, the Fin (another clitoral stimulator product) was the first sex toy allowed on Kickstarter. And in 2019 Dame filed a discrimination lawsuit against NYC’s Subway system.

In the lawsuit, filed with the US District Court of the Southern District of New York, the company said it had been in negotiations with the MTA since July 2018 on approving its ads to be posted throughout New York’s subway stations. The advertisements were going to include a range of vibrators and other sex toys in various shades of blue, green, pink, and burgundy with headlines like “91% of men get where they’re going while 60% of women… don’t.” But in December 2018, the MTA unexpectedly denied the company’s request, citing new additions to its advertisement policies as seen on its FAQ page. “The MTA Advertising Policy prohibits any advertisement that promotes a ‘sexually oriented business,’” the page reads, noting that “advertisements for sex toys or devices for any gender fall within this category.”

This came as a shock to the company, who had at that point spent approximately $150,000 of its limited resources to incorporate the MTA’s feedback, submit revised advertisements, and order additional inventory, all in reliance on the MTA’s representation that it would accept Dame’s materials.

The company submitted various rounds of edited advertisements to the MTA, but the final version was ultimately rejected, labeling Dame as a “sexually orientated business, which has long been prohibited by the MTA’s advertising standards.”

Not subject to this same rejection? Similarly suggestive advertisements for dating websites or products/medications aimed at people with a penis to help them have an easier time getting an erection. Dame argued in their suit that the MTA had a double standard when determining which ads were too provocative, calling out sexually provocative campaigns from companies like Roman and Hims, which included photos of cacti in the shape of penises.

“Sexual pleasure is a critical part of wellbeing. Denying Dame advertising space stifles our ability to articulate the value we bring; to innovate and develop products for female sexual pleasure; and enforces sexual shame as a societal norm,” said Alexandra Fine, CEO of Dame.

After three years, MTA recently announced its settlement with Dame, confirming that Dame’s “Get In Touch With Yourself” campaign will begin appearing in New York subways over the next few months. Helping to normalize the conversations around sexual pleasure in general, but more specifically, helping to break down the taboo of talking about sexual pleasure when it comes to the vagina VS. the penis.

Coinciding with this settlement, Dame announced its new Clinical Advisory Board where its medical advisors will weigh in on product development, hardware designs, workshops, etc. Noting that this will make their offerings “the first doctor approved” pleasure products on the market.

Dame products can be found locally in Wenatchee at For The Love Of It, NCWs premier source for all things intimate. Skylar Hansford: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA. C

BY RON EVANS

You may have noticed (hard to escape it, really) an insanely popular meme making its rounds this holiday season. One featuring a rather big-bootied Grinch standing in the middle of the Leavenworth Lights event. The first one I stumbled across had the tagline “The Grinch has no business coming through with all this cake.”

Made me laugh.

Then I saw a few more. And eventually I discovered that I knew the human who was under all that Grinch cake! Wenatchee’s own Katie Renggli — she was hired by the Leavenworth Chamber of Commerce to don the now-infamous costume and walk around town during the festival. I had to reach out to Renggli and see what was

behind (sorry) this meme and to find out what it’s like to see yourself going viral.

When and where were you at the time this Grinch photo was taken?

It was December 4th in Leavenworth right outside of the Loft on Front St.

What’s the story with the big- bootied Grinch costume?

The costume belongs to the Leavenworth Chamber of Commerce and the reason why the booty is so big is unknown. They’ve had the costume for a few years and it looks extra large on me because it’s about 5 sizes too big for me. I had to pin the elastic as tight as it could go and Jerry Rig some suspenders just to keep the bottom on. The pants portion is very heavy, especially when wet from the snow.

Do you know who took this photo seen ‘round the world?

I don’t know the guy who took it actually. He was a tourist there to see the lights. Edit: The Comet traced the original post back to a Facebook profile by Danno Hanfling who claimed he took the photo.

When did you first realize this image of you had gone viral?

I had a friend of mine say people on her feed from Pennsylvania had reposted it. Then I decided to check Twitter and saw how many likes and shares it had. (Being picked up by) Tosh.0 got me though. That made me realize how viral it was.

What are some of your favorite versions of the meme?

My favorite one is “there ain’t no way the Grinch is sneaking up on Whoville with

those things clapping” and “The Grinch who stole Thiccness” is classic.

Also check out this photo (facing page) Dan Meece took with his go pro! I call it the ass heard ‘round the world.

Unfortunately, we can’t just have fun (thicc) things without assholes showing up. Sounds like there was an alarming amount of groping and harassment following you around in Christmastown. “So much so that they hired my boyfriend Domingo to be my bodyguard. People would come up and grab my butt. I had people push and shove and try to pick fights with me. And I had a kid shoot me in the face with a wooden gun.”

Ugh. It’s a mean world, Mr. Grinch. C

The ass heard ‘round the world. Photo by Dan Meece

FATHER & DAUGHTER: THE EARLY WORKS OF JAN COOK MACK & W. ROLAND COOK

This Friday, Collapse Gallery in Wenatchee is holding an opening for an exhibit of early artwork created by renowned local artist Jan Cook Mack and her father, Roland Cook. Here’s what Jan Cook Mack says about the show.

I started to paint landscapes on site immersed in the pastoral subject of Vermont farms. My Dad was painting geometric patterns on canvas while he was designing and fabricating a flat screen TV. Roland, helped to build the equipment I needed to run a hand paper making workshop. When he set this up, he asked if he could also make some landscapes, which he did and they began to sell through art dealers we shared.

Ran Ortner wrote “Art is not a skill contest...Art is an honesty contest. If we can be intimate and candid in a courageous way, we will start to connect to the universal.”

When I paint on site, I like to carry a few canvases that have a wash of color across the field that can be painted on. Like a wash of blue that looks like sky. And this is dry so you can start painting clouds onto it. It’s too hard to paint clouds on a white canvas. And to paint cows in a barn where you want to start with the white shapes, I want to start painting on a colored field again.

Opening reception: Friday, January 7 from 4-9pm Collapse Gallery 115 S. Wenatchee

THREE POEMS BY E.E. CUMMINGS

VENICE

In a sunset glowing of crimson and gold, She lies, the glory of the world, A beached king’s galley, whose sails are furled, Who is hung with tapestries rich and old.

Beautiful as a woman is she, A woman whose autumn of life is here, Proud and calm at the end of the year With the grace that now is majesty.

The sleeping waters bathe her sides, The warm, blue streams of the Adrian Sea; She dreams and drowses languorously, Swayed in the swaying of the tides.

She is a goddess left for us, Veiled with the softening veils of time; Her blue-veined breasts are now sublime, Her moulded torso glorious.

The pity that we must come and go—! While the old gold and the marble stays, Forever gleaming its soft strong blaze, Calm in the early evening glow.

And still the sensitive silhouettes

Of the gondolas pass and leave no track, Light on the tides as lilies, and black In the rippling waters of long sunsets.

THE NEW MACABER

The pleasant graveyard of my soul With sentimental cypress trees And flowers is filled, that I may stroll In meditation, at my ease.

The little marble stones are lost In flowers surging from the dead; Nor is there any mournful ghost To wail until the night is sped.

And while night rustles through the trees, Dragging the stars along, I know The moon is rising on the breeze, Quivering as in a river’s flow.

And ah! that moon of silver sheen! It is my heart hung in the sky; And no clouds ever float between The grave-flowers and my heart on high.

I do not read upon each stone The name that once was carven there; I merely note new blossoms blown And breathe the perfume of the air.

Thus walk I through my wonderland While all the evening is atune, Beneath the cypress trees that stand Like candles to the barren moon.

TO WAR

The music beats, up the chasmed street, Then flares from around the curve; The cheers break out from the waving crowd: —Our soldiers march, superb!

Over the track-lined city street

The young men, the grinning men, pass.

Last night they danced to that very tune; Today they march away; Tomorrow, perhaps no band at all, Or the band beside the grave.

Above, in the long blue strip of sky, The whirling pigeons, the thoughtless pigeons, pass.

Another band beats down the street; Contending rhythms clash; New melodies win place, then fade, And the flashing legs move past. Down the cheering, grey-paved street

The fringed flags, the erect flags, pass.

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS

1) A dentist in Italy that was trying to avoid getting vaccinated went to some pretty extreme measures in an attempt to circumvent his vaccine mandate... It’s reported that the man did THIS to try to get out of the shot so he could keep practicing dentistry:

A) Had his ALREADY VAXXED brother go in with HIS ID to get a second jab

B) He told the nurse he was late for surgery and asked for the shot to go

C) Tried to bribe the nurse with free veneer work if she forged his vax card

D) He tried to get the shot into a prosthetic arm he purchased and wore in to the clinic

2) Alfred Hitchcock, known for his before-his-time horror movies, revealed in an interview once that he really was only truly terrified of ONE thing. What was his unusual fear of?

A) How fish can breathe underwater

B) Eggs, of any kind

C) The thought of sitting in complete silence with another individual

D) People who smoked in movie theaters, despite being a smoker himself

3) A 39 year old Tennessee man was apprehended by police back in September... But not before he gave officers a little chase. During the car chase, unexplainably, he briefly paused his chase to do this:

A) get out of the car at a stoplight and run a chinese fire drill

B) Stopped his car to hop out and gently pet a kitten

C) Pulled over to throw fresh turds from his pants towards pursuing officer’s cars

D) Cut off his own penis and threw it out the window

4) Umbrellas weren’t widely used around the world until the 16th century... But even then they MOSTLY.....

A) Were made of heavy leather that made an average umbrella weight about 20 lbs

B) Were really ONLY used by women

C) Cost more the average person would bring home in two months of pay

D) Only came in the color brown

5) You have 206 total bones in your body. Of that amount, 52 bones (roughly 1/4 of all your bones) are located here:

A) Hands

B) Head

C) Spine

D) Feet

6) A new study has shown that THESE people tend to spread COVID at a much higher rate than the average person...

A) People who are frequently affected by allergies

B) People with type O Blood

C) People who don’t brush their teeth regularly

D) People who frequently speak loudly

ANSWERS: 1 - D) He tried to get the shot into a prosthetic arm. 2 - B) Eggs.3. D) Cut off his own penis and threw it out the window. Yep. 4 - B) Were really ONLY used by women. 5 - D) Feet. 6 -D) People who speak loudly.

January 2022 Horoscopes!

Happy New Year! Or at very least... We Made It! We survived the shit storm that was 2021. Congratulations. Please enjoy these New Year’s Resolutions based on your sign.

Aries - Your goal is to allow things to happen in their own time instead of throwing a fit when something doesn’t instantly work out or go your way. Patience… that’s the word.

Taurus - Your resolution is to love yourself as you are. You don’t need crash diets or Jane Fonda workout tapes. We like you just the way you are.

Gemini - Write a play, start a band, try your hand at painting, take up lost wax casting, maybe pay off your debt, buy a farm, build a tiny home, MY GOD you’re ambitious.

Cancer - Stay in the present moment. Sure, it’s fun to dwell and brood and spiral about everything that used to be and everything that never was, but try giving it a rest this year.

Leo - You resolve to shine brightly this year, but not SO brightly that you burn every god damn thing down around you. Good luck!

Virgo - This year you’re going to *try* to let someone else be right. It’s going to be hard, but you can do this.

Libra - This year you will MAKE A CHOICE. Any choice. Just one. You got this.

Scorpio - Your word for the year is: forgiveness. It’s going to feel very counterintuitive, you little vengeful rascal, but I believe in you.

Sagittarius - You’ll be working on impulse control this year. You don’t need those thrift store Levi’s or that tattoo that came to you in a dream or to start a new career on a whim. Resist the urge, Sag.

Capricorn - Your resolution is the same every year - to really fine tune that emergency kit so you have everything you need when society eventually collapses. Always best to be prepared!

Aquarius - This year you’re trying to reel in that extremism. Find some balance and nuance. Life is not all or nothing aquarian, there’s a lot of in between.

Pisces - This year you resolve to FINISH something. Anything. Just finish it. Your project. A thought. A sentence. Please. Anything.

1.The Big Lebowski 2.The Shining 3 Roadhouse

Gremlins