funny pages

THE FUNNY PAGES

Comics by Dan McConnell

COMICS AND NOVELTIES

by ron evans

PRODUCTS THAT DISAPPOINTED

The mother of all comic ad disappointments. Harold von Braunhut, was an American mail-order marketer and inventor who had the big idea to sell brine shrimp eggs as pets. He was inspired by the success of the Ant Farm. Mad Magazine cartoonist Joe Orlando gave us all visions of tiny humanoids that would probably worship us like a god. What we got looked...different. But hey, Sea Monkeys were so popular they even went to space! One of my favorite childhood memories is when my older brother ordered this “Footlocker” packed with 100 Army Men for the crazy steal of $1.98. When the decidedly small foot locker made of card stock arrived we all gathered ‘round as my brother opened it. The laughter my mom and I let out upon seeing these tiny and FLAT army men was only matched by the glare of disappointment radiating off my brother’s face. Actual thin-ness above.

Men’s mags going all the way back to the 1940s had back page ads offering vinyl partners - air sold separately. None of these ads ever showed the blow-up horror show that would actually be arriving at your door for obvious reasons. The earliest ‘sex dolls’ seem to have come from France (duh) around 1908. Apparently Hitler approved purchasing dozens of them for his troops to help combat the syphilis outbreak. What a world. Inspired by a previously existing gizmo toy, the Wondertube, X-Ray Specs promised (ok, hinted at) the ability to see your own skeleton. Or maybe even to peek through your teacher’s clothes (actual ad from a 70’s Boy’s Life Magazine). The effect was little more than a migraine-inducing blurry fractal outline as pictured above. Interestingly these were created by the same genius who brought us the Sea Monkeys. The Disappointment King.