Frank M. Wanderer
The Biggest Obstacle to Enlightenment How to Escape from the Prison of Mind Games? EBOOK AVAILABLE AT AMAZON’S ESTORE WWW.CONSCIOUSNESSBOOKS.CF All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronical or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrievel system, without permission writting from the publisher. Publisher / Editor: Ervin K. Kery (www.kerypublishing.cf , ervin.kery@gmail.com) Author: Frank M. Wanderer (c) Frank M. Wanderer (dr. Ferenc Margitics), Ervin Kery ( Ervin Keresztes-Kato), 2014
The Ego The Ego accompanies the Seeker along the first segment of the Journey. In the following we intend to discuss this, as being familiar with the functions and games of the mind with an Ego is indispensable for identifying whether we are on the right track. What is an Ego?
That is the first and foremost question. Ego is we ourselves, the person we see, think and feel ourself to be. Ego is the central figure of our personal history, based upon the past and looking into the future. Ego is the deepest dream of the Consciousness. A sign of awakening is when we realize that the state when we identify with our Ego is of very low order, very poor, and there are more significant mysteries behind our existence. How Did the Ego Emerge? At birth, we are all innocent; we do not have an Ego. Our Ego emerges as a conditioning from our parents, culture and the society we live in. Ego is the result of a cultural hypnosis, the result of a common entrancement when, as a result of our upbringing, we believe that we are what our parents, teachers, priests said we had to be. The truth is that we are the embodiment of Life, we are born into this world as a result of a miracle, and later we are lost amidst the multitude of teachings and dogmas. After identifying with our beliefs and convinctions we forget who we really are, who the person born in us into the world in order to experience existence and get acquainted with all the teachings. It is necessary that an Ego emerges in us, otherwise we would not be able to separate ourselves from our environment, our individuality would not develop, though these are important for the Consciousness in its process to wake up to itself. Ego is therefore a social product, a cultural hypnosis, programmed into us by those living around us, by telling us in our childhood who we are, what our name is, how to behave well, how to meet the expectations of others. As a result of an unconscious process, we start to identify with
this artificially created center, our mind with an Ego, that is, our Ego. The Ego is a Small Part of the Personality If we wish to understand how the Ego works, we must not disregard the fact that Ego is only a small part of our personality. Ego is a part of the personality, and its content comes from our sensory perceptions and memories (our life history and knowledge and experience gathered throughout our life). Ego is the thinking, feeling and sensing part. The part of our Ego we show the external world is termed by Carl G. Jung as Persona, the acting personality. That part of the Ego is foregrounded when we are in the company of other people. That is, in fact, the collection of our masks. A large part of the personality is constituted by the unconscious Ego, termed by Freud as the instinctive Ego. That is where out most basic instincts (eating, sexuality etc.) are found, and also the part of the personality described by Carl Gustav Jung as the Shadow. The ”Shadow” is shaped and developed by society, almost simultaneously with our role playing personality. Children, when they wish to meet their parents’–and through them, society’s–expectations, begin to develop these masks. These masks are like what environment shapes them to be. Rejecting certain stimuli offered by the environment triggers the disapproval of our teachers, so the intention to reject stimuli is suppressed. That is how our ”shadowpersonality” develops. It does exists within our personality, but our education relegates it into our subconscious. Freud believes that the third important component of our personality is the Superego. It comprises the social values that the culture in which we grow up finds important. In the course of a long and complicated process these values are incorporated into our personality and manifests as the ideal self (the person we would like to be). These values become
integral, inner parts of the personality, and surface as opinion and convinction. The findings of psychological research suggest that more than 90% of the functions of the personality are unconscious. Large parts of the Instinct-Ego, the Persona and the Superego are unconscious. The functions of the Ego are also largely unconscious. The Ego is responsible for the integrity of the personality, for our inner well-being. This is no small task for the Ego, as it is constantly bombarded by unconscious expectations from the Instinct Ego and the Shadow, attempting to influence its behaviour. It generates anguish in the Ego (that is, in ourselves), manifested as discomfort (we do not feel all right). The Ego wishes to escape from the anguish, so it uses also subconscious mechanisms. Such a mechanism is, for instance, projection. The Ego projects the unacceptable desires and features coming from the Shadow and Instinct Ego onto others (e. g. I am not aggressive, you are aggressive). These subconscious, protective and anguish eliminating projections are the foundations of several of the mind games to be discussed later. The Womb From Which the Ego is Born: Identification The Ego develops in the course and process of identification, by our identification with our thoughts, emotions, body etc. As a result of the indetification process we believe that here we are this Ego, this mind. In the previous chapters we saw that the mind, the Ego within it, and the things we identify with, are shaped by the society in which we live. Consequently, entirely different types of Ego have developed in various cultures in various parts of the world. In most people, the term “consciousness� identifies with that socially conditioned Ego. At a number of people this
identification is so powerful that they are unaware that their life is governed by a socially conditioned mind. Those who are able to go beyond that identification with the mind recognize this state of being socially conditioned, and are also able to leave the social conditioning behind. Such a person will not identify with the mind but, increasingly, with the Consciousness (the Witnessing Presence). The Presence shall, therefore, control the mind to an increasing extent and will be manifested through the tranquilized mind.
EBOOK AVAILABLE AT AMAZON’S ESTORE WWW.CONSCIOUSNESSBOOKS.CF The Games Rooted in the Deepest Levels of the Mind The Ego-dominated mind plays its games in daily life, and creates the characters and scenarios necessary for the games. The content of such a scenario is determined by the individual’s environment and upbringing, that is, the culture in which we grow up. As a result, entirely different scenarios are created in the various cultures of our Earth. At the beginning of our journey, as we have seen previously, we identify with these scenarios. The scenarios provide us with the sense of a solid identity. The patterns of thoughts fixed in the scenarios are manifested in various mind games during our daily life. In the course of our journey leading to Consciousness, our objective should not be creating a positive character, and thus a pleasant scenario, but finding the Existence behind every scenario. The first step is examining the scenarios,
these conditioned thought-patterns, in the light of Consciousness. Let us first examine some of our most extensive mind games that are rooted deepest: Ambition Ambition is perhaps the comprehensive mind game, providing one of the deepest roots of Ego. An elementary endeavour of every Ego is growing: to be “more”, larger and powerful. They strive to be higher and higher in the hyerarchic structure of the world, conquering more and more territory. The individual’s ambitions grow and grow, reaching larger and larger areas. Ambitions are planted in a child by parents and teachers. Parents tend to think of an even yet unborn child as someone who is going to achieve the parents’ own’s unfulfilled ambitions. With the educational means of reward and punishment, children are conditioned to excel among their peers, to be the best, strongest, most beautiful, etc. When the children meet the parental–and thus the social–expectations, they are rewarded, when not, they are punished. They therefore soon learn to be ambitious. These ambitions, though based upon the past, always aim at the future. All through our lives we pursue illusionary objectives, spurred by various ambitions. Naturally, it is not impossible to satisfy an ambition, but it is immnediately replaced by a thousand others, as there are so many areas of life where we have not yet reached our ambitions. That is how we chase senseless goals all through our lives until we die, when we realize that everybody leaves this
world empty-handed, even those who lived their whole lives chasing mirages of past and future. Look into yourself to see what is in you now! See what ambitions are driving you along on the sea of life and in what direction? The Seeker in every moment spent awake faces two alternatives: a choice is to be made between the ambitions stretching between past and future, or the quiet, simplicity, purity and emptiness, full of vibrating life, of the present. It is, however, only the latter that brings to the life of the Seeker the Witnessing Presence!
The Mind Game of Becoming Something This mind game is closely associated with the life-long pursue of ambitions, and reveals the mechanisms of ambitions. The Ego at all times strives to achieve something. The mind creates a mental image, an ideal about it. An ideal means that you are still not what you are supposed to be. The Ego projects that idealized image into the future, and reveals the way leading to the goal. That image generates a permanent stress, tension and anxiety in the life of the Seeker. If the Seeker achieves the desired goal, or abandons it as unattainable, immediately finds a new one, an even more ambitious, or one that is easier to achieve, and another one, and so it goes until death, or the moment when the Seeker realizes the futility of the whole process. We are therefore constantly on the road, straying from one mental image to the next, and identify with these images, and derive our identity from the images. When we start dealing with spirituality, our mind creates an image that we need to implement if we are determined to be
successful. The image means that we need to find Presence, through the way the mind imagines it. The essence of this ideal is to be permanently conscious, to be Present all the time, in all details of our life. The Ego, is however, aware that for most people it is an impossible venture, so the Seeker often has a sense of selfaccusation and self-depreciation, as the ideal image is impossible to achieve (the Seeker is not spiritual enough). This state of mind is, eventually, a good foundation for the mind game of guilt. In the course of our Journey we need to realize that we do not need to become anything, because we are already in possession of the characteristics that we have been looking for so far, pursuing an image projected into the future. All we need to do is shift our focus of alert and conscious attention from the edge (Ego) to our center (witnessing Presence). The mind games impede us in that process! The “I Want Even More” – Mind Game From all this it is easy to see that the Ego-dominated mind will never be satisfied, as it longs to achieve more and more in life. The individual wants to be rich, when they are rich, they want power, when they have power, they want fame. When material wealth no longer satisfies them, they begin to seek “spiritual wealth” and so forth. Once an objective has been achieved, a sense of relative satisfaction may follow, but sooner or later anxiety returns and the chase for more and more starts again. This mind game takes the Seeker into a psychological time frame, as the goal to be achieved is projected into the future. In this way Now, the Present moment is reduced to a moment necessary for achieving the goal, and the vividness and beauty of it is lost.
The Seeker is, however, able to suppress the voice of the Ego: "I no longer listen to this nonsense, your pretension! It is not an illusory Self that I want to reach. I want to find my real Self!" As a witnessing Presence one is able to observe these games of the mind and is also able to overcome and laugh at it! What more does one need than what is offered by the present moment? Once you have learnt how to dissolve in the present moment, and you are able to enjoy it, you will have no problem in disregarding the empty chit-chat of the Ego, the mind! The “I am Important” – Mind Game The Ego-dominated mind, way of thinking is, in the majority of the cases, able to make us believe that we are important, even if only as a small part of the great universal consciousness of mankind. Our soul shall live forever, and the death is only a necessary station in the process of a new birth. Our soul develops eternally, every bit of new experience is another brick in the wall of the church of eternity etc. Why is the Ego-dominated Mind Able to Make Us Believe That? It is partly because the contents of the Ego consists of the knowledge gathered in our life (read, heard). The individual who has never read esoteric books or attended esoteric lectures has an Ego with an entirely different content and uses different ideas as a comforting source (e. g. let us eat, drink, make love, as we only live once, so Carpe Diem). Another reason is that the “primeval memory” lives in everybody. The “primeval memory” is from our own, long forgotten internal center, and in most cases it is just a subconscious desire, a constant anxiety in the soul of the
Seeker. Ego provides a form to that unconscious desire by directing it to a false objective. The false goal is the idea of becoming perfect together with the Ego. The Ego, naturally, intends to achieve it in the future, since we need to develop so much before achieving the goal. This is a sincere endeavour of the Ego, but it is impossible to achieve it on the level of forms and shapes; it is not possible to make the forms and shapes eternal. We therefore must not allow this mind game to deceive us. From the aspect of Existence we are really important (in that we are not mistaken) in our individuality, as we provide space for the Consciousness to wake up to its own existence and flourish through us, through our own form. Perfection is, however, not to be sought in the future, as we are fully capable of experiencing it here and now, if we abandon ourselves into the present moment and allow the pleasure of Existence take us with it. The “I am Special” – Mind Game Every human being is convinced deep inside that he/she is special. In the course of the Journey the Ego keeps whispering into the ears of the Seeker: "You are special, you are great, better than the other people!” Often the Ego does not declare it so openly, but the desire to become special is there in every Seeker. It is well observable in the behavior and actions of the Seeker; all these are aimed at making the individual better and different from the rest, to emerge from the average. When you believe that “I am special, more special than that man over there,” be aware that it is only the game of the mind. That feeling reinforces the Ego to a very large extent.
The reality is that every single person is individual and special. There has never been and will never be another person on the Earth like you! You must not forget that when you think of yourself as special–you really are–you should think of the other people in a similar way. Everybody is special you meet during your life, everyone who has lived and lives on Earth. This recognition reduces and eliminates this mind game.
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The Tricks of the Mind Reinforcing the Ego The mind has dominated our life for such a long time that we have forgotten that it is only one of the means of Consciousness that has started an independent life as a consequence of our identifying with it. The Consciousness erroneously identifies itself with the mind, which has in turn acquired a great power and intends to preserve its independence and dominance. To that end, it uses Ego-reinforcing psychological strategies in order to sustain the separate Consciousness. In the following, some of these strategies are discussed. The Mind Game Generating Guilt During your Journey you would like to bring the Presence into your daily routine, so you are trying to spend as much time in the state of the witnessing Presence as possible.
That is a noble effort, but alas, it is soon experienced that it fails day by day. The question arises, ”What is the reason for the failure? Why can I not spend a longer period in the state of Witnessing Presence, when I want to? It is surely because I am not good enough, and I am unable to make the required effort. I am unsuited for such a noble task!” Such thoughts inevitably generate guilt and remorse. The guilt may, after a time, become so overwhelming that the individual gives up the desire to live in the Presence in order to avoid the negative emotions that come with the guilt. This is an extremely dangerous mind game! Why? It is to be recognized that the negative emotions and the guilt that comes with it is not a part of the Consciousness, it only belongs to the mind! The Ego –and so guilt as well–is a social product, created by the expectations of the parents and teachers as a part of the mind. How? A small child’s adaptation to the external world is supported and sustained by the parental expectations. Whenever a child meets the parental (and so the social) expectations, the child is accepted, rewarded and loved. Otherwise some sort of a punishment or rejection follows. In order to avoid retaliation, the child will unconsciously meet the expectations. As long as the child is small, the expectations appear as external stimuli for the child. The child behaves well, because mum (or dad) should not be angry, should love him/her. As the child grows up, these external expectations undergo a complicated psychological process and become internal ones, and create the foundations of Ego. At that time children no longer behave the way it is expected by the society because they direct environment so
desires, but because it generates an inner good feeling in them. When they do not behave in accordance with these social expectations, they experience guilt. That is how external social effects become parts of the Ego. This mechanism follows us all through our lives. At one point of our Journey we meet the teachings of an awakened teacher, and internally we feel that this is what we have long been looking for, we want it to be a part of our daily routine. We are thus able to create some internal expectations regarding how we are able to do it, what the fastest way to incorporating Presence into our life may be. We are, however, unable to meet the expectations, so guilt appears automatically. Be aware that this is the work of the Ego, a game of the mind! What can we do with that guilt? Several things are to be taken into consideration. One is that we have been living identified with the Ego (on the edge) so long that we have drifted too far from the center (Consciousness, Self, Presence). It is therefore not possible to get back to the center overnight (the possibility is there, naturally, as the center is within us, but we do have to make the effort to reach it). The progress on our Journey towards the Witnessing Presence initially requires efforts from us. There is an important maxim that applies to that effort: every step in the right direction takes us closer to our own center. It means that moments add up and reinforce each other. There are inevitable occasions when one temporarily drops back into the Ego-dominated state, and these cases are also followed by a sense of guilt. Once we have understood the mechanism of the emergence of guilt, and bear in mind what has been discussed above, we need to realize that in such instances guilt is not justified!
On our Journey, we should not dwell on the guilt emerging because of dropping back to Ego-dominated state; instead, we should celebrate that we are in the state of the Presence!! When one is able to rejoice about these moments, instead of worrying about the next possible dropback, then the positive periods will be more and more frequent in our lives. We therefore need to be patient with ourselves, and look upon our sense of guilt as Witnesses! The “You Are Worthless”– Mind Game When our environment does not confirm that we are special, and in our childhood we often heard from adults that “You can’t even do such a simple thing!” or “That kid is so clumsy!” or”This kid must have two left hands!,” then our Ego begins to whisper into our ears things like "You are average, you are below the average" and even "You are worthless!". This mind game also serves to reinforce the Ego, but here complaining is the Ego-reinforcing strategy. Complaining, blaming others or the circumstances or ourselves lead to negative thoughts that arises and reinforces pain. The result is guilt or anger against other people, which in turn boosts the Ego. If we are able to bear in mind that nobody is average, and no such thing as the average person exists, we can prevent this mind game from taking over. That it is not true, and you know at least ten average people is something that is only suggested by your Ego. In fact everybody is special, and everybody should be approached that way. In this way it is possible to destroy this mind game! The “It’s Not My Fault!” – Mind Game
The Ego likes blaming responsibility on other people. The Ego judges life by the specific situation. It is always somebody else who is at fault: a wife or husband, parents, children, colleagues, the boss, the economic situation, life itself etc. When such a person intends to reach the Presence, he or she will believe that at the moment change is not possible. Maybe later, in the future, when circumstances are more advantageous. Then they may try to live more consciously. These are, however, only excuses, so that the person does not have to face the truth: "I am responsible for myself, and nobody else is!" From the very moment of accepting the truth that "I am responsible for my own suffering, and nobody else is!," the person will be able to put an end to the sufferings and leave the spell of this mind game behind. The Comforting Mind Game The contents of the Ego is the knowledge put together during the individual’s earlier personal history, what he/she learnt from parents, teachers, schools, from the books read and movies saw. This knowledge is, however, mechanical, as it is not derived from direct experience but from the thoughts and ideas of other people. The mind, when playing its games, relies on that knowledge in order to comfort and lull the individual. The mind is pleased to answer the great questions of life for you: "Yes, your body will die, but your soul is immortal!! Do not worry, you will come to no harm, you will surely get to heaven after your death." Depending on the religious upbringing one receives (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist etc.), this mind game
alleviates the person’s fear of death with tales about the afterlife or, if the person is spiritual, with those of the immortality of the soul. The mind is pleased to supply advice and comfort in every situation. But these are dead, empty words, as they are based upon other people’s knowledge, writings, which those other people inherited from yet other people. When you really want to find the answers to the great questions of your life, you need to look for them deep in yourself. Do not answer from memory, as all such answers will come from your mind, from your dead memories! First you must face your own reality in the present, here and now! If you fail to do that, if you do not obtain first-hand experience from it, there will be no deep, far-reaching changes in you. You must make the Journey along the road, nobody is able to do it for you! The Ego-dominated mind always aspires for something special, and rejects ordinary things. When the mind is interested in spirituality, then it will long for secrecy and mystic experience. On its Journey, in the Present and in meditation the mind is looking for such experience. This very desire prevents us from getting anywhere, so on our Journey we are getting farther and farther from our center, or go in circles around and around at best. There is nothing special in the Present and in the meditation. The person simply submits to the present moment. The individual is present, without any desire for something special and mystic. This is the ordinariness of the Present, without anything special, mystic or mysterious, it simply exists!! One should live through one’s life from moment to moment, and allow
things happen the way they want to happen. Abandon yourself into the Present! Be consciously present in every moment! “The Future Will Be Different”– Mind Game In our Journey we have all experienced some pleasure and joy, and we would like to experience them again and again in the future. Similarly, everyone has experience suffering, and we tend to project these sufferings into the future, as we wish to avoid such situations. In this way, we all have a vision of future. Our own personal future is therefore is the patched, improved, modified version of our own past. Those who decide to live in the Present, must leave their past behind. Once past has been left behind, future also disappears! What is left then? The actual moment, the Present! Living in the here and now means that we are able to get rid of time and suffering! The “I Want to Be Like Him (Her)”– Mind Game On our Journey we carry the desire from our childhood to imitate others. Learning by imitation is one of the most elementary methods of integration into society. We utilize this method from early childhood. That is how we learn to speak and learn to use various tools etc. Later, adults guide us consciously: "Be like your father, brother, the boy/girl next door, your classmate etc." Then we consciously begin to imitate others. Even later the process becomes integral, and we start to make efforts to match images and idols created by our own. We thus become imitations ourselves, continually staring at our ideals to be achieved in the future, or our mistakes of the past that prevented us from achieving our goals. In the
meanwhile, we simply do not take notice of the present moment. That is exactly why the mind plays this game with us. If we live in the Now, in the Present, we accept ourselves the way we are, and give up making futile efforts imitate others, to be imitations. That is the only way of stopping this mind game!
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The Author Frank M. Wanderer (Ph.D, Prof. of Psychology, consciousness researcher, writer) The awakening of the Consciousness leads us from our own personal history to the pure space of Consciousness. There we experience the Miracle, and all personal histories become insignificant. Despite this, I would like to present a few pages of my personal history to the reader, as every journey on the road starts with a personal history. That is the only way it may start, there is no alternative; that is the only way leading to the awakening of the Consciousness, the appearance of the Miracle. Since my early childhood, I have been interested in the Miracle, the mystery of human existence, the mystery that
summoned us from the Nothing, and the mystery we are destined to solve in our life. I still remember my beloved mother’s astonished face when, after some of my questions, she turned to the others: “Now, look at that, what that kid is asking!” The questions did not stop in the later years but, as I did not find appropriate partner from whom I could expect answers, the questions mostly remained within the walls of my room, and I myself attempted to find the answers. My motivation became even more powerful after the following adventure: I was at the elementary school (12 years old), walking home from school and suddenly I experienced the Miracle, the completeness, the experience of the unity with the Self. At that time, naturally, I was not able to describe it that way, but the sense of unity and happiness was what I experienced. That experience did not result in my lasting awakening, it faded away after a while, but it left behind a burning wound, a real sense of want. At the same time, it showed me the way where to look for it answers to my questions. There was a long way to go to the second awakening. The first awakening made me start dealing with esoterica and find books on the subject. Leaving the years of childhood behind, in my adulthood I became intensively interested in human soul, in the work of the human mind. As a teacher and psychologist I have met a lot of people, and had an opportunity to study the ”normal” operation of human ego, and also its functions that are considered as not normal. I turned the pages of innumerable books of personal histories, trying to find the cornerstones that give the dramas and ecstasies of these personal histories meaning and sense.
I eventually found that cornerstone in the Miracle, in the awakening of the Consciousness, which demonstrated the futility of these personal histories and at the same time it showed the treasure to be found in them. The personal histories are futile from the aspect of the awakening because we identify with our mind and we allow its unconscious functions to control our life and steer the boat of our life in one, and some time later just the opposite direction, depending on the actual desire or ambition dominating our mind. That is how page after page is filled in the history of our life until the last page arrives, and we realize the futility of all that happened before. Our personal history may, however, have a very profound meaning if we become more wakeful and alert to these mind games, and recognize the Miracle, the wide open spaces of the Consciousness that is beyond our personal history. That pure consciousness was what I experienced as a child, and that is what I found again as a result of my regular meditation exercises that I had started a few years ago. We must therefore wake up from our identification with our personal history, so as to be able to find our identity in the Miracle, the mystery of the Consciousness, instead of the world of the forms and shapes. http://the-awakening-of-consciousness.blogspot.com Contact me at margif61@gmail.com
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