1
2
3
4
5
BY DR. COREY GUYTON
Reboot Your Relationship THREE WAYS TO REBOOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
As a relationship coach and a married man, I can certainly say that most relationships will have a stretch where the energy is low, the connection is not as strong, and the fire is barely lit. Although this reality is perfectly normal, it should not become a habit. The bad news is that if this behavior remains constant and becomes the norm for the relationship, then the couple may feel the relationship is no longer valuable and they may part ways. The good news is that if this behavior is present, but the couple makes intentional efforts to reboot their relationship, then the relationship can be saved and can thrive again. I would like to offer three love tips to help you reboot your relationship.
The Action of Love
6
Famed Gospel extraordinaire Kirk Franklin wrote a song titled Love. In this song he states, “Love, a word that comes and goes, but few people really know what it means to really love somebody.” This is sometimes the case in relationships where the word love becomes only a word and not an action. Love was intended to be much more than the pronunciation of four letters; it was meant to be displayed through actions.
Love is showing genuine concern for your special person. Love makes your significant other a priority. Love is being attentive to their cares and concerns. Love is consistency. Love is making an intentional effort to give them reasons to stay, and working diligently to avoid giving them reasons to leave. If you learn to incorporate the “action of love” into your relationship, the natural outcome will be a powerful connection and a thriving relationship.
The Power of F lirting
If your relationship is a bit bland and needs a little spice added to it, try to incorporate flirting. Take a few seconds to think back to when you first met your significant other. Think about the little flirtatious gestures you did that made them blush. Then, think about the little gestures they did to make you blush. Are those flirtatious gestures still a part of your relationship? If not, why not?
Many times when the fire is not burning the same in your relationship, it is not that your feelings for each other have changed; instead, it is more about your actions changing and you are no longer doing the little things that attracted you to each other in the first place. So let’s discuss ways you can intentionally flirt to reboot your relationship. Flirting can occur in many different ways such as role playing, love taps, playing footsie, sending random seductive text messages, or saying little statements that causes your significant other to blush. A rule of thumb for many relationship coaches is that you must treat your relationship as if you were in the
beginning stages of dating, because a major component of dating is flirting.
Be Adventurous
Monotony is a silent killer when it comes to relationships. Understand that as your relationship grows in time, the chances of you falling into a standard routine increases. If you want to reboot your relationship and have an intense connection, you have to break the monotony and change up your routine. This can be accomplished in a number of ways such as diversifying your bedroom activities, randomly going on dates, taking spontaneous trips, or trying an activity as a couple that is outside of
your normal comfort zone.
It is also important that you both learn to appreciate some of the things the other person appreciates. Even if you feel that you do not like the hobbies of the other person, give them a try. Think about a song you heard for the first time and hated it, but after hearing it a few times, you began to like it. This is similar to many of the things that your significant other likes; if you give them a chance, you may begin to like them, resulting in you creating a new avenue for you both to explore together. The overall goal is to find similar interests so you can come together and bond, hopefully resulting in you adding a spark to your relationship.
Dr. Corey Guyton is a nationally known relationship coach, author, speaker, and family man. He has been a featured relationship expert on many radio shows and magazines, along with speaking at several colleges and conferences around the country. You can contact him at www.coreyguyton.com, coreyguyton@gmail.com, or Instagram: @drcoreyguyton.
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
In observation of World Glaucoma Week March 6-12, here are some statistics that readers should be aware of, courtesy of the advocacy group Bright Focus at Brightfocus.org. • Blindness or low vision affects 3.3 million Americans age 40 and over. • Open-angle glaucoma is three to four times more common in African Americans than in non-Hispanic Whites. • In the United States, the major type of glaucoma, called open-angle glaucoma, strikes African Americans and Hispanics at higher rates than other ethnic groups.
Dr. Ladel Lewis
FADE TO BLACK
Glaucoma’s Effect on the Black Community Imagine having a faulty wire connecting your cable outlet to your television. That’s the equivalent of experiencing glaucoma. According to WebMD, Glaucoma is a silent condition that causes damage to your eye’s optic nerve (the cable that carries visual information from the eye to the brain) and gets worse over time. This often inherited degenerative disease is commonly associated with a buildup of pressure inside the eye. Without treatment, this irreversible disease can produce total, permanent blindness within a few years. Generally, glaucoma most often occurs in adults over age 40, those with extreme nearsightedness, diabetes, hypertension or with a history of prolonged steroid use. However, it occurs more frequently with African Americans at an earlier age and with greater loss of vision.
Glaucoma.org states glaucoma strikes earlier and progresses faster in African Americans. Moreover, the risk for glaucoma is 20% higher if glaucoma is in your family. Statistics show that blindness from glaucoma is 6 to 8 times more common in African Americans than Caucasians and Blacks are 15 times more likely to be visually impaired from glaucoma than Whites. But, unfortunately, a survey done for the Glaucoma Research Foundation found that 16% of African Americans are unfamiliar with glaucoma. What can we do to defeat this quality of life thief? A common remedy is the use of medical (and often, recreational) marijuana. However, according to Henry D. Jampel, MD, MHS, a practicing glaucoma specialist, the benefit smoking marijuana has on eye pressure only lasts 3-4 hours,
meaning it would have to be smoked 6-8 times a day, thus impairing the ability to function. The best remedy is prevention. Get a complete eye exam which consists of the five proper eye tests: Tonometry (inner eye pressure), Ophthalmoscopy (the shape and color of the optic nerve), Perimetry (complete visual field test), Gonioscopy (angle in the eye where the iris meets the cornea) and Pachymetry (thickness of the cornea). Following the doctors’ orders and getting your eyes tested will definitely lead to a healthier set of peepers! Cheers to seeing clearly! A native of Flint, Michigan, Dr. Ladel Lewis is a Senior Research Strategist and partner at Meaningful Evidence LLC., a research consulting firm based out of the Washington, DC Metropolitan area.
15
16
17
by Joseph B. Washington
av·er·age (adjective): not out of the ordinary: common
D
oes the above word describe your life or existence? Everyday millions of people describe themselves as being average. In fact, what they are saying is that their life is nothing other than ordinary: typical, common, normal, and pretty much just like everyone else. It is instilled in us through our society to be like everyone else, but who is the person or group of people that is setting the standard for “average?”
18
If average is so great, why do we have dreams, visions, and fantasies about how certain areas of life could be better? It is not that average is great; it is that average is easy, and it’s convenient. When we give up, average makes us feel better. When we fail, we’re not settling, we’re just doing what everyone else is doing. Besides, you can’t beat the system…No one will
give you a break…There is just too much red tape, and achieving aboveaverage is hard work and definitely not worth the headache…One person cannot make a difference…
The list of clichés that we use to support our average existence could go on forever. Society grooms us for mediocrity, and we have the excuses to prove it. Your question may be, ‘well if not average, then what’? Sure, you wish some area of your life was better, but is that realistic thinking? Here are a few tips to break “average” thinking.
Stop selling yourself short.
First of all, don’t believe the hype! You are more accomplished than you think; and you have more potential than you’ve reached.
Identify the “average” areas in your life. Identify what it is you want to change about your “average” existence, and lay out a plan to put that change in motion. Write down your plan!
Don’t reach for what is better, reach for what is best!
Stop thinking small. If you’re going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think BIG!
Examine extraordinary people.
Wikipedia defines positive psychology as a recent branch of psychology that “studies the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive.” Positive psychologists
“
Tired of feeling that there is more to life than being average? You can invoke change in your life by reading Joseph B. Washington’s book Let Average Go. In the book, Washington takes on all the above concepts and more. The book presents seven Turn Keys in which Washington explains the importance of their use and development.
Consider what Average Breakers believe:
Average is the top of the bottom; or the bottom of the top. Average is what many people settle for. Average is what keeps most individuals stuck in the mire of mediocrity and prevents them from excelling and pursuing their goals. We are teaching America this formula for climbing the ladder
of success in every aspect of our lives. We are challenging the citizens of our nation to ‘Let Average Go’ by:
Adopting a Positive Attitude Valuing your Time Enlisting the Help of a Mentor Reading Daily Anticipating Opposition
“
seek “to find and nurture genius and talent,” and “to make normal life more fulfilling.” By examining extraordinary people, you can identify how they changed their lives.
Tired of feeling that there is more to life than being average? You can invoke change in your life by reading Joseph B. Washington’s book Let Average Go. In the book, Washington takes on all the above concepts and more.
Guarding your Goals Empowering your Belief System “Let Average Go” will encourage people to take a moment and reflect on who they are; where they are in life; and where they want to be. “Let Average Go” will help teenagers, adults, children and seniors change their minds, their attitudes; examine their capabilities—and reexamine their possibilities. Are you an Average Breaker? Begin your journey today!
Joseph B. Washington is the author of the best-selling book, Breaking the Spirit of Average. Joseph is also the founder of a new movement for women which he started in honor of his mother called, “Running on a Broken Heel.” He is the President and CEO of Average Breaker LLC, in Atlanta, Georgia.
19
BY LISA A. ROMAIN, Ph.D., NCC, CATC V
RECOGNIZING AND RECOVERING FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE D
id you know that if victims stay in abusive relationships, they often blame themselves? Domestic Violence is the leading cause of injury to women--at least three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the U.S. every day. Women who experience domestic violence during their pregnancy directly affect their unborn child, and a child who grows up in an abusive home often becomes an abuser themselves. Victims stay because their partner has good qualities and they believe and hope their partner will change.
20
WHY DOES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HAPPEN?
WARNING SIGNS OF VIOLENT TENDENCIES
Domestic Violence is a pattern of learned coercive behavior that is purposeful, deliberate and has the goals of establishing and maintaining power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence is defined as physical assault, battery, sexual assault including intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, minimizing, denying and blaming, using children, economic abuse, male privilege, coercion and threats.
Ask yourself these questions:
CHARACTERISTICS OF A BATTERER
Answering these simple questions can help save your life.
Someone at risk for being a batterer has low self esteem, unrealistic expectations, a violent background, is insecure, has difficulty coping with stress, is unable to verbalize and differentiate feelings, has difficulty solving problems without violence and the inability to accept responsibility for their behavior.
In the beginning, everything seems to go smoothly--you are getting along and getting to know one another. Then one day, things start to change. This is the start of the cycle. Initially, tension starts to increase and soon turns into anger. Along with the anger comes the blaming and arguing. Soon victims experience hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, verbal abuse
• • • • •
Did the person grow up in a violent family? Is force or violence used to solve problems? Are drugs and alcohol being used? When a person is angry, are people afraid? Has this person had previous violent relationships?
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
and threats, threats of violence involving weapons or objects, and sexual abuse. Finally, the “Honeymoon Stage” or the “Calm before the Storm” may decrease or even cease to exist over time. The batterer may deny violence, using excuses such as alcohol or drug use, and give apologies and promises that “this will never happen again.”
WHO GETS HURT BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate-everyone gets hurt. Studies have shown that the youngest child is most affected, exhibiting behavioral problems. Boys who grow up in homes where domestic violence exists are emotionally unavailable and have unhealthy views of women. When abused women are focused on their survival, they neglect
the needs of their children, thus setting their children up to be domestic violence participants. When violence occurs in the home, children are confused about what they have witnessed and how they should interpret the situation.
IF YOU ARE ABUSED, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
If you find yourself being abused, please get help. Don’t be afraid to tell a friend or family member. Staying at a battered women’s shelter and protecting yourself with a restraining order are vital next steps. For additional resources, contact the local Police Department. Two other numbers to know are the D.V. Links Hotline (888) 385-4657 and the National D.V.Hotline (800) 799-7233.
Dr. Romain is a full-time Professor and Counselor at Palomar Community College. She also teaches Human Services, Psychology and Business courses at the University of Phoenix. She is an organizational psychologist, business owner and consultant in private practice. Email her at coxromainpsychologicalservices@gmail.com, call (951) 698-HOPE 4673, or visit www.coxromainpsychologicalservices.com.
21
22
23
24