Sex&Dating
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Editor’s note
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
JACOB SLABOSZ editor@dailyillini.com
Sex and dating are both an integral part of the college experience for many. Your time away at school is often ripe for self-exploration, questioning and discovery.
For many of you readers, this selfexploration may involve your sexuality, attractions or identity.
For that reason, it was highly intentional that for this edition, the staf at The Daily Illini placed a heavy emphasis on the LGBTQ+ community and other often unexplored sectors of the dating world.
In a heteronormative sphere, it can
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be difcult for those who don’t “ft the bill” to fnd a partner and, even more so, a genuine connection.
To add fuel to the fre, we’re currently living in a time where the rights and freedoms of people in the LGBTQ+ community are threatened.
Following the recent inauguration of the 47th president of the United States, the waters have become troubled, and the future landscape is scary to many.
In a climate where the romantic futures of many seem to be uncertain, it feels wrong to cast a blind eye over the fact.
With all that being said, it’s more important now than ever to be accepting of others, curious about foreign concepts and ready to learn about others’ perspectives.
This edition is not only flled with informative pieces and looks into the
great questions of the dating world, but we took the liberty to include some less serious pieces — namely, the quiz on page 19.
For this edition, we explored many communities and groups that have previously gone underreported. I hope we succeeded in creating a space wherein everyone feels safe, seen and accepted.
The Daily Illini and Illini Media Company are full of nothing but acceptance and support for members of all communities and individuals of all identities. While reading this edition, I hope you can fnd something you resonate with.
As a closing remark, I impose a cliché: Be safe in your escapades. There are resources scattered throughout campus and the surrounding area, and I implore you to use them.
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ON THE
COVER
Two women connect in the backseat of a car, showcasing queer intimacy and sexuality in a way that alludes to the contents of this edition. Featuring various diverse stories, the Sex & Dating Guide highlights conversations about sexual health, dating experiences and more.
JAMES HOECK & MATT STEPP THE DAILY ILLINI
is our Sex and Dating Guide! This issue is themed around all things sex and — you guessed it — dating in ChampaignUrbana! This issue is packed with dating advice, stories on dating apps and features on all kinds of dating styles students follow on campus.
students to navigate challenging consent conversations
face pressure to ‘find their person’ in college
love in a hopeless place: Realities of queer
mixtapes to playlists: Music’s place in modern-day
the CU | Canoodling with coworkers is out for
WRC empowers students to navigate challenging consent conversations
SENIOR BUZZ REPORTER
MARIANA QUEZADA mquez3@dailyillini.com
Consent is more than “no means no.” Navigating the nuances of consent can feel murky for college students, especially when education on the subject falls short.
Thankfully, the conversation around consent has evolved in the last decade, allowing for open discussion, especially with younger generations.
Within the University, these evolving conversations are supported by resources that equip students with tools to understand consent better and build healthier connections.
In particular, the Women’s Resources Center has taken strides to ofer safe spaces for students to learn about not just consent but sex education in general.
One example is the First Year Consent and Relationship Education program, which is mandatory for all frst-year and transfer students.
“FYCARE came because students asked for it,” said Nora Peterson, associate director of Prevention at the WRC. “They wanted a space to learn more about how: one, to be safe, and two, to create safer spaces on campus. So, it came about through student activism.”
Many benchmarks of progress at the University have been achieved thanks to student activism, namely the establishment of the WRC.
“We’re here because students want us to (be), so we take that responsibility and that commitment really seriously,” Peterson said. “So student feedback and student participation in creating our programs and identifying needs is something that we do in every service.”
According to its website, FYCARE workshops focus on the dynamics of sexual assault, ways to support a survivor, understanding consent and campus and community resources.
Student facilitators involved with the
WRC lead these interactive workshops.
Alyssa Schramm, senior in LAS, is in their fourth semester teaching FYCARE.
“As I was learning about these warning signs of violence, particularly relationship violence, I came to terms with the fact that I’ve experienced some of those things,” Schramm said. “It was somewhat distressing, but I went up to the facilitators during our break, and I told them what I was experiencing, and they were so helpful, so kind.”
Schramm became involved with the program after their own mandatory session as a freshman, citing the welcoming environment of the facilitators as a motivator to join the team.
“That’s the personal motivation that led me to become one of the facilitators,” Schramm said. “Firstly, hoping to decrease rates of sexual violence but also to be a source of support if anyone was in a similar place as I was in that workshop.”
Schramm, who identifes as nonbinary, stressed that the WRC’s services are available to any student regardless of their gender identity.
“I reiterate that so many times in the workshop because I think that a lot of students might hear Women’s Resources Center and be like, ‘Oh, that’s not a space for me,’” Schramm said. “But it’s absolutely not the case; we have such a wide range of things we do.”
Consent is often imagined through a narrow, heteronormative lens — an assumption that erases the realities of a campus as diverse as the University of Illinois.
“I don’t want our ofce title to be a barrier if someone who is non-binary experiences violence but feels like they can’t come into our space,” Schramm said.
Recognizing this gap, FYCARE introduced “afnity group workshops” last fall, a move Peterson describes as a way to meet students where they are, fostering conversations that resonate across diferent communities.
“Afnity groups are meant for students
with specifc identities, who, if they feel more comfortable having these conversations with other people who belong to those identities, they can,” Peterson said. “We had really positive feedback from facilitators and participants, and that’s something we’ll continue to explore for future versions of the workshop.”
Though far from perfect and continually adapting to an ever-evolving social landscape, the University has made progress in setting a standard for conversations about consent, supported by resources like the WRC.
opening insight into the complexities of navigating consent within the University’s richly multicultural environment.
The center also ofers the GUARD program for Greek life organizations.
According to Fraternity and Sorority Afairs, at least one initiated member per every 35 members of the chapter’s total size attends this program.
“We do these workshops by request, frequently by student RSOs or Greek chapters, even departments sometimes,” Peterson said. “GUARD is a sexual assault prevention program, so there’s a lot of discussion about consent within that as well.”
This is an important push compared to other universities, which might not have these expectations in place for Greek organizations.
Celeste Tomaselli, senior in LAS and FYCARE facilitator, shared her gratitude for learning and teaching about consent since coming to college. Like Schramm, she found a safe space in the WRC to talk about her own experiences.
Tomaselli said it’s crucial to note how any type of unwanted sexual contact, whether it’s sexual harassment, oral sex or coercion, all contribute to the umbrella term that is sexual violence.
“It was really validating to know that sexual violence and even sexual assault isn’t just rape,” Tomaselli said.
To become FYCARE facilitators, students must complete the course HK112: Sexual Violence Prevention and Practice. During the course, Tomaselli found an eye-
“We talk a lot about cultural competency and how everyone’s cultural background is going to infuence not only some of their decision-making but also just how they view boundaries and what consent might mean to them,” Tomaselli said.
Many students may not be aware of services ofered by the WRC, like the confdential adviser program. This provides a private space for students who may have experienced sexual violence to seek support without being required to fle a formal report.
“Students might feel lost and not exactly sure what the next steps are,” Tomaselli said. “So with a confdential adviser, you don’t have to report any sexual violence to the University; you just talk through what happened and choose what next steps to take, if you want to or not.”
Ultimately, fostering a culture of consent requires individual efort and institutional support.
It’s more than going through a checklist of policies or required programs — it’s about creating spaces where open, honest dialogue is encouraged and where everyone feels empowered to advocate for themselves and others.
“Sexual violence prevention at the end of the day is culture change,” Peterson said. “It’s up to all of us to make the culture that we want. It’s not us sitting in the ofce, right? It’s all of us deciding together.”
RIKKIE GUNAWAN THE DAILY ILLINI
Students face pressure to ‘find their person’ in college
REYANNA PAUL paul34@dailyillini.com
People often present college as the perfect opportunity to enter the dating scene, but fnding your soulmate can feel like fnding a needle in a haystack — if they’re even there in the frst place.
Many undergraduate students rush into relationships due to social pressure and the fear of missing romantic opportunities.
According to speed-dating studies on undergraduate students in the National Library of Medicine, “people’s choices about whether to match with a particular target were not calibrated to their romantic standards and ideals.”
Instead of fnding people who ft the
bill, eager young romantics often pick a person from the bunch and shoehorn them into their ideal picture of “the one.”
Emma Darbro, senior in LAS, teaches FYCARE, a mandatory workshop to help educate frst-year students about consent and relationships. She shared that FYCARE emphasizes building healthy relationships and encourages students to explore their preferences and interests through other means, like RSOs.
“I think that college is the time for exploration,” Darbro said. “You’re surrounded by a lot of people with a lot of diferent perspectives, backgrounds and interests.”
Darbro also works in a healthy relationship lab in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies.
The lab focuses on why people start and stop dating, how relationships
change over time and how diferent factors impact relationships, according to Darbro.
Her lab work also afects how she approaches the pressure students face in the college dating scene.
“Someone once told me that if we are to believe in this premise of there being one right person or ‘soulmate’ for us, they are, statistically speaking, probably not in Champaign,” Darbro said.
Dating apps open the gates to fnding partners within a certain distance. There are options galore for anyone determined to comb through the cornfelds for their soulmate. Hopefully, their soulmate is also on dating apps.
The results of a 2021 NLM research study survey conducted in the United States underlined the infuence of dating apps in modern-day dating culture.
While people often associate dating apps with casual sex, students frequently meet their matches with love as a top motive. This pushes the narrative that college students are keen on engaging in serious relationships.
Social media tends to coerce students into long-term relationships, even when they may not be ready.
According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, approximately 33% of social media users who are single and looking for a relationship claim that seeing relationship posts on social media makes them feel worse about their dating life.
“If you’re going to date, it should be fun, and it should be easy,” Darbro said. “It doesn’t just have to be about fnding a partner; it can also just be about meeting new people.”
From country to country: 4B movement reshapes today’s feminism
She discusses how the concept of political lesbianism became included in the 4B discourse, introducing the idea of rejecting heterosexuality as a political statement.
No sex. No dating. No marriage. No children. These are the four pillars — or “B”s — of the initiative South Korean feminists have dubbed the 4B movement.
The “B” in the movement’s English name derives from the Korean translations of the four tenets: “bihon” (no marriage to men), “bichulsan” (no childbirth), “biyeonae” (no dating men) and “bisekseu” (no sex with men).
While the social movement has existed in South Korea since around 2017, it surged in popularity in the United States following Donald Trump’s win in the 2024 presidential election.
Jordan Pascoe, George A. Miller visiting professor, studies feminist philosophy, breaking down the origins and social implications of the movement.
“I think what’s interesting about the 4B movement is that it comes out of a number of strains of things that were going on in South Korea in the 2010s that have since sort of been replicated in the U.S.,” Pascoe said.
In 2016, a 23-year-old woman was stabbed to death by a man in a public restroom in Seoul, spurring feminist discourse in South Korea on femicide — the genderbased murder of a woman by a man.
The Escape the Corset and #MeToo movements also emerged in the late 2010s, drawing attention to the sexual oppression women face regularly in South Korea.
“We call it the feminism reboot,” said Seowon Choi, graduate student studying political science at Seoul National University. “Those two movements are intertwined with each other.”
Choi’s research surrounds the idea of democratic backsliding in South Korea, specifcally branching of into political lesbianism and the infuence of Monique Wittig’s feminist theory.
“Some feminists who practice the 4B movement wanted to practice political lesbianism,” Choi said. “Some people even considered if there would be any possibility of being a lesbian or not, and that sparked the discourse on political lesbianism.”
While feminism in the U.S. has been received with relative tolerance, the feminist movement in South Korea is consistently rejected and placed under attack.
“In Korea, the word ‘feminism’ became a dirty word, and it is a slur that is used to insult women,” Choi said. “It feels so bad that, even in university, I didn’t really feel safe talking about feminism.”
Choi closely observes feminist movements in other countries. She acknowledges that South Korea views the seemingly mundane concept of “girl power” as incredibly radical.
“Anti-feminism is surging, and I feel like it is diferent from the United States,” Choi said. “In Korea, there are men who believe that there is no gender inequality. They believe that gender equality has been set up, and they also believe that it is irrational to support feminism.”
Choi views the 4B movement in South Korea as centered around keeping women safe.
She sees pushback against the feminist movement as South Korea’s denial of the injustices women face. In contrast, Choi views it more as an “anti-woke” sentiment in the U.S.
Pascoe tracked and studied the #MeToo movement as it spread to countries outside of the U.S. She looked at how diferent sexual cultures led to various interpretations.
“Americans are really kind of myopic,” Pascoe said. “We often think what’s happening here is how it is everywhere.”
Pascoe frst noticed an uptick in the 4B movement’s popularity in the U.S. when Senate Bill 8 passed in Texas.
Also known as the Texas Heartbeat Act,
it “prohibits a physician from performing or inducing an abortion after a ‘fetal heartbeat’ has been detected,” according to the Texas State Law Library.
“As soon as this vision of forced reproduction came to national consciousness, there were defnitely women talking about 4B as a potential strategy for response to this,” Pascoe said.
Pascoe came of age during the Clinton administration. She recalled former President Bill Clinton’s afair with Monica Lewinsky as a formative memory for her initial understanding of feminism.
“There’s this article where a bunch of the top feminists in the world got together and had lunch to talk about Clinton and Lewinsky,” Pascoe said. “All of them are basically, like, ‘I don’t know. I think it’s sexy,’ which is bonkers to think about now.”
The 4B movement and other modern feminist eforts reject fraternizing with men as a key pillar of their cause. Pascoe grew up when that message was reversed under the same cause of women’s rights.
“That’s how ascendant this idea of prosex, pro-hookup culture feminism was when I was young, and to me, that was the dominant strain of feminism for my college years,” Pascoe said. “If you were a feminist, you were out there hooking up and having sex because that’s what they taught us in ‘Sex and the City.’”
A sophomore in LAS who wished to remain anonymous hopes to pursue a career in law and politics. She considers the divisiveness and polarization of politics in the U.S. and how the 4B movement feeds that narrative.
“I think that’s the root of a lot of the issues that we’re having right now,” the student said. “While I understand where the movement is coming from, it’s not something that I see value in for me because I’m going to need to kind of understand both sides to a coin, even if I don’t agree with it.”
This student identifes as a woman who dates other women, saying she struggled with dating men out of compulsory heterosexuality rather than attraction.
She condemns the commercialization of queerness in the media as a detriment to queer identities. She believes the 4B movement is feeding into that commodifcation.
“It’s kind of marketed as this super easy second option where, if you don’t want to deal with men anymore, you have a backup choice,” she said. “But it’s not a backup choice for me. It’s just a truth about who I am.”
Although not explicitly mentioned, her description of sexuality being a choice aligns with political lesbianism.
Pascoe references “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,” an essay by lesbian feminist poet Adrienne Rich, as a way to characterize the diference between lesbian existence and lesbianism.
“Her argument is basically that the patriarchy makes heterosexuality compulsory in all these ways that do damage to women, and the way to resist this is through what she calls lesbian existence,” Pascoe said. “Which is not lesbianism. It’s not being queer. It is deciding to orient most of your solidarity, most of your resources and most of your relationships to other women.”
To the anonymous student, the 4B movement challenges the line between lesbian existence and lesbianism in a way that harms queer rhetoric.
She also feels that the 4B movement fails at holding men accountable for the actions these women are battling against.
“I think that this also ties into the fact that the 4B movement is not the biggest thing,” she said. “I don’t think it does hold men accountable; it just isolates them from hearing a left-leaning perspective.”
The 4B movement undeniably opens an avenue for discourse on queer culture and feminism worldwide.
Whether it makes Choi feel safe in South Korea, inspires Pascoe’s belief in the younger generation or challenges the anonymous student’s queer existence, the 4B movement is a critical examination of the breadth of feminist movements internationally.
NFinding love in a hopeless place: Realities of queer dating
icunn2@dailyillini.com
avigating the dating scene — especially for broke, preoccupied college students — is challenging. Limited time, competing attentional demands and the quality of one’s dating pool are potential explanations for the stress that comes with fnding your way in the world of dating on a college campus.
These challenges only scratch the surface of what makes dating complicated for some students, however. Queer college students — and queer people in general — face a myriad of unique challenges in the dating scene.
HOOKUP CULTURE, ‘THE APPS’
While hookups know no sexuality, they are a hallmark of the LGBTQ+ dating experience.
Many queer students, especially gay men, fock to so-called “hookup apps” like Grindr, Scruf and others. Often resulting in a relationship that is nothing more than a hookup.
Recent University graduate Asif Ali found navigating hookup culture as a gay man in Champaign-Urbana challenging.
“Sometimes, it does feel like everybody is just looking to hook up, and it kind of gets difcult to just date for dating’s sake,” Ali said.
The widespread emphasis on casual sex and the hookup apps that commonly facilitate it have given rise to problematic behaviors.
“Sometimes, dating apps can make it easier to connect, but they also show you the worst side of people,” Ali said. “Sometimes, they’re anonymous, and they think that they can get away with saying
some really of-handed s--- … It’s fne to have your preferences, but it’s not OK to be racist on your profle.”
Ali said while he has experienced racism on dating apps, most people do not subscribe to that culture of bigotry.
“That very small minority is just very loud about it,” Ali said. “I think there are way more chill people than we realize. And to be fair, they’re not going to be on Grindr because Grindr kind of sucks.”
QUEER SPACES
LGBTQ+ students have dedicated spaces to meet and mingle with other students who also identify as queer. These include student organizations, the University’s Gender and Sexuality Resources Center and local queer hangout spots.
Najah Terrell-Walker, junior in Education, founded one such student organization: the Black Queer Collective, also called BlacQ.
Terrell-Walker, who identifes as a lesbian woman, began looking for community in cultural houses and queerspecifc places but found it difcult to be herself in those spaces.
“I’d be the only person in there that looks like me,” Terrell-Walker said.
She took on the challenge of creating a space that celebrated the intersection of Black and queer identities. In doing so, she met her girlfriend of one year, who now serves on BlacQ’s executive board alongside Terrell-Walker.
“(In) spring 2023, I was the president,” Terrell-Walker said. “(My girlfriend) came along with her friend because she was also feeling the same things I thought — she would go to other LGBT groups but would be the only Black woman there.”
Terrell-Walker soon found that her RSO would clear the way for a love connection of her own.
“She just kept attending (BlacQ meetings), and then she became vice president,” Terrell-Walker said.
After summer break, Terrell-Walker’s girlfriend returned to campus, and they began dating.
Alongside their own romances, TerrellWalker and the BlacQ executive board have helped other Black and queer folks fnd friendships and romances away from the hustle and bustle of nightlife and dating apps.
“I know a couple of people that have met their partners through my club,” TerrellWalker said.
THE DATING POOL: ‘I FEEL LIKE IT’S THE SAME 50 PEOPLE’
Possibly the most stark diference between dating as a straight or queer person is simple: There are signifcantly fewer queer people than straight people.
Consequently, queer folks have a more limited dating pool. An estimated 22.3% of Generation Z self-identify as LGBTQ+, according to a 2023 Gallup poll.
Although more than 1 in 5 is a robust increase over other generations — which sit around or below 10% — it refects a serious challenge for queer folks looking for love connections.
“For a person that might be coming to a campus town like Urbana-Champaign from Chicago, or maybe D.C., (they) might fnd (dating) much more difcult — because the population is much smaller, the dating pool is much smaller,” Ali said. “Honestly, I kind of feel that way now, too, because at the end of the day, I feel like it’s the same 50 people.”
While statistics show there are certainly more than 50 LGBTQ+ students at the University, some still feel they become trapped within a cohort of their peers.
“We were just talking in my club how all the (masculine) women in our grade — it’s like three of them,” Terrell-Walker said. “Everybody is like, ‘Where are the studs?’”
Additionally, the tight-knit nature of queer friend groups can add yet another level of frustration to building new romantic relationships.
“I think just everyone knows everyone,” Terrell-Walker said. “Stuf from freshman year came back to sophomore year, and … I thought I was done with that.”
COPING WITH HETEROSEXISM, HOMOPHOBIA
It’s no secret that queer people sufer everything from intolerance to violence because of their identity.
It may come as a surprise, though, that C-U — which is by most accounts a progressive, accepting community — is not an infallible LGBTQ+ safe haven.
“The amount of times my boyfriend and I have been called ‘(the f-slur)’ on Green Street is — oh my God — unexpected,” Ali said.
Naturally, queer couples have to make calculated decisions about where and when they express their afection.
Terrell-Walker said she and her girlfriend are aware of the potential consequences of showing public displays of afection on and around campus.
“We are just very aware of our surroundings,” Terrell-Walker said.
Despite instances of overt homophobia, gay and lesbian students like Ali and Terrell-Walker have persevered and found themselves in long-term, committed relationships.
“For me, I didn’t give a s---,” Ali said. “I was like, ‘I am going to be queer — loud and proud.’ I don’t really care, and I won’t let incidents like these stife me.”
BRITTNEE PASILLAS THE DAILY ILLINI
From mixtapes to playlists: Music’s place in modern-day relationships
diferences.
Pgzmeans2@dailyillini.com
olitics, children, food and, most importantly, music are some points of connectivity determining compatibility and aligned perspectives in a blooming relationship.
While dictating one’s interest in someone based on music taste may sound silly, it is a very real deciding factor prevalent in the University’s student body. With streaming services such as Spotify and Apple Music releasing their yearly wrapped in December, listeners found an outlet to post their music taste. This allowed students to “swipe up,” bond over shared artists and identify taste
“If someone said they liked Juice WRLD, it would be an instant ick,” said Dionicia Fabian, freshman in LAS. “My ex had Juice as his number one artist, and every other man I’ve met since him who liked Juice WRLD has been a psychopath.”
While drawing the line at some artists, other taste preferences can make people appear more attractive. Music tastes can create a perception of someone because of the types of people typically associated with listening to that artist.
“Led Zeppelin would make me fall in love instantly with someone,” said Gianna Jaronik, sophomore in LAS. “I feel like men who like Led Zeppelin are manipulative in a cool way.”
However, Jaronik said there is a stigma
with having an obscure music taste as people become more pretentious, especially when someone asks her to “name fve songs” to prove she likes an artists.
This is why something as simple as music can become integral to a relationship.
“The depth in a taste of music is very important to me,” said Margaret Paty, freshman in Engineering. “I have a lot of respect for people who listen to a lot of diferent things.”
Paty, who listens to a wide variety of musicians, fnds it difcult to meet someone with the same range. Music has become a lifeline with the introduction of wireless streaming, making that bond so important.
“I listen to music every day to do anything and everything,” Fabian said. “To share that with someone is great. Without it, it feels difcult to connect because they won’t understand.”
Even though having an identical music taste is not essential, aligning with the artists that are important to someone can provide an instant connection, Paty said.
Want to read more about music in relationships?
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ISEX&THE CU
MANAGING EDITOR
LILLIE SALAS lmsalas2@dailyillini.com
Canoodling with coworkers is out for 2025 o ut
date everyone — especially in a closedof environment like a college campus. You always want to remain a sought-after commodity.
love window shopping. To peer through the glass panes of a storefront and think of a day when I might be able to aford that something or another flls a fantastical need within myself to dream.
This window shopping philosophy I’ve created expands beyond the multiverse of retail. As a single woman who is a lover of all and everyone, I window shop constantly. Not for material things but for love.
I have found that since I was little I approach each new setting as an opportunity. To this day, I enter a new place with a little burning question in the back of my mind: Are there hot people here?
I know it sounds stupid, and I shouldn’t be wasting space in my precious mind palace fguring out who I am attracted to in any given sphere. Believe me, I tell myself that too.
However, I have realized it’s not a big deal. Having little crushes everywhere I go gives me a drive unlike any other.
Comparable to a drug, I think having a crush stimulates those same parts of people’s brains. Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel most people with love in their hearts scan the area for potential suitors when introduced to a new environment.
Is it a coping mechanism for being bored? Maybe. Am I looking for attention? Possibly. Am I beckoning myself to get back out there? Eh. Who knows!
I personally don’t want to do all the shadow work to fgure that out, so I continue to have little crushes wherever I go.
Like Hozier said in a song one time: “And so I fall in love just a little, oh, a little bit/ Every day with someone new.” I guess we’re both romantics.
However, dear reader, one must be very strategic and careful. Personal strength and will must be in play for this lifestyle. You don’t want to go everywhere and
After perusing through this style of fnding a partner, there is one place I have banished from my big book of dating in 2025: the workplace. Beware! Dangers beyond mortal comprehension lie beyond the reception desk as you enter the coworker realm.
I am no stranger to dating in the workplace. For some time, it was my biggest red fag. I will say that my workplace is a social one, and I consider my coworkers to also be my dear friends. We all go out on the town together, we break bread during meal times and we are there for each other when need be.
It’s not a strange thing to start developing feelings for someone, especially after spending hours together every day.
This can blur the lines romantically, though. Coming into my workplace, I heard stories of yore, romantic prophecies telling of success from people who came before me.
“Oh! So-and-so started dating, and they’re still living together with a lovely cat in their one-bedroom apartment in a faraway land.” How spectacular! This sentiment gave me hope for my future.
Right now, you might be screaming at this article as if watching a horror movie. “No, unsuspecting girl! Don’t go any further! You will die!”
I’m sorry to say it: I have dabbled in workplace romance. Let me say it was not a pretty sight. Between texting them to turn in a story after they had just left my living quarters, it ended up complicating a lot.
It got even more complicated when I decided I didn’t want to be with them anymore. I truly believe some people should be admired from afar — like precious china, not to be touched! Well, I was like a bull, and I touched it all.
After I broke up with this person, they were very bitter. This is obviously to be
expected, but things weren’t as clean or mature as I had hoped for. After that breakup, I entered the workplace with a weird aura. There was a lingering sense of dread and annoyance from both parties.
This is typical, and I believe it could have been handled better on both ends. Still, this would not have happened had I heeded the warnings sooner.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “But my coworker is so cute, and I want to date them,” the best thing for you is probably not to date them, unfortunately. Although, sometimes you gotta do it once to learn.
One must acknowledge that dating in the workplace can be dangerous. There is more at stake than to gain in most situations.
Careful deliberation should be used when pursuing the coworker of your dreams.
Although my previous relationship didn’t blow up in my face horrifcally, whisperings of the failed attempt still linger in the hallways of the University YMCA.
If you value your career in that workplace or you want to rise through the ranks, maybe don’t pursue a coworker. All in all, things get a lot more complicated, and social settings get a lot more awkward.
The “you hurt me bad” eye contact across the table from your former-partnernow-coworker during a meeting is frankly a weird vibe I don’t wish upon anyone.
Still, the triumphant tales from beyond are true in some cases. I know a lot of lovely couples who are still kickin’ it from their 9-5 days together.
However, I know even more abandoned love stories who now can’t be in the same conversation without wanting to bash eachother’s heads into a wall — not my personal coping style, but it has been done!
Dear reader, don’t let me or some desk work stop you from fnding the love of your life. You must trust your instincts in these trying times. Just remember, there is a world outside of your cubicle waiting to be explored.
Campus Resources
MAAIKE
maaiken2@dailyillini.com
MCKINLEY HEALTH CENTER
The McKinley Health Center distributes various on-campus resources for students, including numerous free sexual health items. Alongside treating illnesses and providing physical check-ups, McKinley is a valuable resource for anyone in search of no-cost sexual health supplies.
Contraceptives Plan B
Pregnancy Tests
WOMEN’S RESOURCES CENTER
The Women’s Resources Center offers multiple sexual health resources to the student population, from material items to workshops and advising sessions. All students are welcome to stop by on weekdays from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Sexual health materials
Confdential advising Survivor resources
GENDER & SEXUALITY RESOURCE CENTER
The Gender & Sexuality Resource Center provides services targeted at queer people on campus to create a space of inclusivity and acceptance. Like the WRC, the GSRC is run through Student Affairs and is a great communal space for students to utilize as needed.
Consultations and referrals
Discussion series Resources for transgender students
Unconventional first dates spark romance in CU
sg94@dailyillini.com
marypp2@dailyillini.com
Going on first dates is awkward enough — why pull teeth getting coffee or seeing a subpar movie when you could try something new?
Champaign-Urbana may have a reputation for being chock-full of cornfields, but there are some fantastic hidden gems if you’re willing to get out there and think local.
We have taken the liberty of creating a list of ideas for unconventional first dates at four C-U stops. After that, it’s up to you!
MIDDLE FORK RIVER FOREST PRESERVE
A 40-minute drive from Campustown sits a beautiful spot in Central Illinois where you can see the night sky without the light pollution of campus.
Middle Fork River Forest Preserve was designated as an international dark sky park by DarkSky, a nonprofit concerned with combatting light pollution, in 2018.
The park is a conservation site where the night sky and nocturnal environment are protected by the Champaign County Forest Preserve District. It is the only park of its kind in Illinois and one of just 154 across the country.
The 1,700-acre preserve has over eight miles of trails, swimming, fishing
and the Harry L. Swartz campground with 65 campsites.
For amateur or avid outdoor enthusiasts, a date night at Middle Fork will leave your potential partner starstruck.
THE KITTY CRIB
The Kitty Crib, a newly opened cat café nestled on North Market Street in Champaign, is run by the volunteers of Moore’s Rescue Ranch.
You can have a drink with some feline friends from 4-7 p.m. on Mondays and noon to 4 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays.
With a $5 entry fee for students and $7 for adults, The Kitty Crib ofers an enjoyable experience for “cataholics” without breaking the bank.
If you fall in love with the cats more than your date, no worries! All cats at
the lounge are adoptable, so you’ll have someone to go home with no matter how the date ends.
ROSE BOWL TAVERN
Dubbed “Urbana’s home for music and drinks since 1946,” Rose Bowl Tavern is a fantastic spot to see live music of all genres.
Weekly trivia nights and jazz jams on Wednesdays are just a glimpse into the vast music and entertainment offerings at this treasured tavern.
It regularly features local musicians, comedy groups and seasonal performances every day of the week.
You can find something new and eclectic any night, creating a promising environment for a date that will hopefully be just as engaging as the entertainment itself.
Social media complicates college relationships
SENIOR FEATURE REPORTER
FELICITY ABBOTT
fabbott2@dailyillini.com
As if college relationships couldn’t be more difcult, social media adds an extra layer to the problems students face while searching for love. Inauthenticity, distortion of reality and unhealthy boundaries are some of the problems that social media can exaggerate in college students’ romantic relationships.
Attending a school with over 35,000 undergraduates may make it overwhelming for students to meet others in person, but social media provides a unique opportunity for students to connect with their peers.
Marisa Peacock, professor in Media, believes using social media to discover romance is just another tool for people to utilize and should not be stigmatized.
“You fnd the person you want to be with however you fnd that person,” Peacock said. “There are no right or wrong answers.”
Despite meeting her partner of 17 years through Facebook, Peacock still recognizes that social media introduces new complications to fnding romance.
A survey carried out by Pew Research reports social media is the top reason parents believe it is harder to be a teenager now than 20 years ago. They accredit social media with creating idealized lives that make teenagers insecure about their own experiences.
On her podcast, “Moments Podcast,” social media infuencer Lexi Hidalgo spoke about her experience on social media as both a consumer and an infuencer.
“It is hard to say this without sounding hypocritical, but somehow we need to take a step back from social media and the superfcial view of a perfect life,” Hidalgo said. “I love this concept and I love to share my highlights throughout my life, but what we need to remember is that behind the screen my life is so not perfect.”
Social media is one of the many vessels
that infuence how people perceive the world. When people choose what to post on their social media, they create a certain narrative surrounding their life — with varying levels of authenticity.
“We put on social media what we want people to see,” Peacock said. “We don’t put the s---ty stuf necessarily, and as a result, it warps our perception of what reality is.
“If we only see people telling us the amazing things that they do, well, then we’re going to think that everything they do is amazing … It distorts our reality of what is normal.”
While Peacock acknowledged the difculties that social media brings, she also pointed out that creating relationships was complicated prior to the introduction of social media. Social media only enhances the complexity of forming relationships by creating unrealistic standards.
Campbell Coker, senior in FAA, acknowledged that social media creates unrealistic expectations for students. It also creates a new platform to share and celebrate diferent identities.
“Anyone who is not comfortable with their sexuality can fnd ‘ideal’ heterosexual couples online and wish to be like them,” Coker said. “However, I honestly think social media has made gay couples more visible, making them more acceptable in society.
“As someone who grew up in a smaller midwestern town, I didn’t have LGBTQ+ couples to look up to, but with social media, I have found them.”
However, a lot of popular media pushes certain norms and traditions that can be harmful to students who do not conform to these rules.
“As a queer woman, I see a lot of discourse about the speed of which lesbian couples move,” Coker said. “There is the term ‘U-Haul lesbians,’ meaning women are wanting to move in together and be ofcial quickly after meeting.”
A lot of opinions surrounding this stereotype circulate social media, which can make it difcult for women to fgure
out their own stances on relationship pace.
“Sometimes it makes it hard to trust the pace of my own relationships because of the opinions on everyone online,” Coker said. “Thankfully I am in a healthy relationship now and have no doubts, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled a little.”
Peacock also spoke on the dangers of trends like the “tradwife” trend, which romanticizes traditional gender roles in familial and romantic relationships.
“It doesn’t show every second of the day,” Peacock said. “It doesn’t show the labor-intensive; it just shows the nice image afterward.”
The tradwife trend continues to give social media users a skewed view of a traditional lifestyle, which can make it difcult for college students to discern the romanticized lifestyle from reality.
Even after a relationship is formed, the use of social media while in a relationship brings up a whole slew of complications.
For starters, when students enter relationships, is it appropriate to “hard launch” their relationship? Is it better to complete a more mysterious “soft launch?” Do people delete pictures of their exes?
There is always a delicate balance between sharing your authentic life on social media while also maintaining your privacy, and this balance becomes even more difcult with relationships.
Social media can also worsen unhealthy boundaries between romantic partners. Several social media platforms enable students to track their partners’ locations, watch their ‘Snapscore’ rise as they send Snapchats, stalk Instagram followers and much more.
“When my partner doesn’t want to share their location, it gives me pause,” Coker said. “Are they going somewhere they shouldn’t? Are they doing something I wouldn’t like? But I think it’s important to remind myself that trust is important in a relationship.”
While unhealthy relationship boundaries have always existed, social
media makes it even easier to obsess over and try to control minute aspects of a romantic partner’s life.
“These are not social media problems,” Peacock said. “These are relationship issues that can be exacerbated by social media.”
It can be hard for college students seeking relationships to avoid the stress of social media or navigate romantic relationships without social media.
According to Pew Research, almost half of teens reported being online almost constantly. This statistic has increased by 24% in just a decade.
Despite the growing usage of social media, it is important to remember how unrealistic social media can be and its exacerbation of existing boundary issues.
“I think with the infuence of so many couples on social media, there is a desire to be like them, but it’s important to remember that every relationship is
Consent and connection: Exploring non-monogamy
STAFF WRITER
NINA ATHANASOPOULOS aka10@dailyillini.com
Consensual non-monogamy refers to a style of relationship where all partners consent to having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people. An estimated 3% to 7% of North Americans are currently in a CNM relationship, according to a 2017 metaanalysis published in “Current Sexual Health Reports.”
According to Maggie Palmiero, graduate student studying psychology, CNM is consistently confused with unethical, nonmonogamous practices — what many refer to as cheating. The distinction between the two is essential.
“Non-monogamous is not an identity,” Palmiero said. “(The label) is most frequently used by people who are not practicing ethical non-monogamy, but instead by people who are trying to have a non-monogamous relationship with a partner or partners who are not interested in non-monogamy.”
Rather than a term that people identify with, “non-monogamous” describes a relationship. These relationships do not exist in a vacuum either. Someone who engages in a monogamous relationship at one point in their life may choose to be in a CNM relationship at another point.
“It’s more benefcial to me to allow myself to grow, rather than confne myself to whatever type of relationship Western media has decided relationships are supposed to look like,” said a student in LAS who opted to have their identity remain anonymous. “It’s not about which is better for onlookers; it’s about being true to myself.”
Not only is non-monogamy on the rise, but some research suggests monogamy is not as common in humans as one might think, and non-monogamous relationships can have benefts.
A 2005 study used an evolutionary perspective across cultures and found
that people have not evolved solely for long-term mating, and non-monogamous mating patterns could be the preferred sexual strategy in humans.
This is not only true for humans, as nonhuman animals also engage in a diverse selection of mating systems.
“The key thing to realize is that the egg, by defnition, has the capacity to build an organism,” said Justin Rhodes, professor in psychology. “That means that an egg takes lots of energy. But a sperm is tiny; it really has just DNA. So herein lies the beginning of the asymmetry.”
Rhodes suggests, biologically, it makes more sense that animals engage in polygynous behaviors, in which a male animal has more than one female mate. This is because it takes far less energy for males to reproduce than females due to the energy an egg requires.
Alison Bell, professor in integrative biology, said there are
for example,” Bell said. “One basic idea is that monogamy might be favored when it’s really hard to fnd a mate.”
Some other hypotheses include monogamy evolving due to the demands of parental care and the likelihood of reproductive success.
Like humans, many non-human animals thrive simply from having bonds with other individuals unrelated to sex.
“There are other reasons why individuals might come together and even form bonds with one another that are independent of sex,” Bell said. “Maybe they have cooperative defense or cooperative food fnding or something like that — there are lots of benefts of being in a social group and even being bonded to other individuals that don’t necessarily have to do with sex.”
All of this raises the question: If nonmonogamy is so common in nature, why is there such stigma around
being sexually risky or unnatural. This is called the halo efect — a cognitive bias that makes certain ideas seem more positive than alternatives.
Whether this stigma is conscious or not, many people in CNM relationships perceive this stigma. Sometimes, it can be as simple as receiving only a plus-one to an event.
The important part of decreasing this stigma is education and making conversations about non-monogamy more common. Finding community, being honest and being yourself are at the forefront of these kinds of conversations.
“Not for everyone, but for some people who are nervous about their relationship structure or to talk about it, it might not go as badly as you might imagine,” Palmiero said. “I would always say, do whatever you want and radically accept the consequences.”
To swipe or not to swipe:
All is fair in LOVE and CODE
WRITER
JESSIE WANG
jessiew4@dailyillini.com
Online dating is now the most popular way for people to couple up, according to researchers at Stanford. With the four biggest players — Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and Grindr— having a combined revenue of almost $2 billion in 2024, the potential for proft and love lies at our fngertips.
On the front end, the apps appear straightforward, usually following a gamifed model introduced by Tinder in 2012: left for no, right for yes. If two people both like each other, then a match is made. But behind the scenes, how do these apps determine compatibility? And what does this technology mean for relationships and love?
MACHINE YEARNING: THE ALGORITHMS BEHIND THE APPS
“We’re using algorithms to make decisions about partners, whether we realize it or not,” said Liesel Sharabi, associate professor of human communication at Arizona State University. “Our choice of a romantic partner, especially a long-term romantic partner, is one of the biggest choices we’re ever going to make.”
Sharabi, who received her doctorate from the University in 2015, said most dating app algorithms are akin to “black boxes” because they are proprietary.
However, she infers collaborative fltering is a common method used to identify potential partners. Collaborative fltering works by recommending people based on other users who have similar tastes, Sharabi said.
If this sounds familiar, it’s because dating apps are not the only platforms that use collaborative fltering. Take streaming as one example.
“So you’re on Netfix, you watch a movie and it’s going to recommend other movies based on what other people watch next,” Sharabi said. “Dating apps are kind of doing the same thing. You like this profle; you might also like this other profle.”
Another compatibility algorithm originates from chess. The Elo rating system was frst introduced to calculate the skill level of a player relative to the rankings of their opponent, but Tinder has used Elo to match users with others in a similar “league.”
In chess, the rating gap between the two parties dictates how many points are won or lost in a game.
According to Chess.com, “Since a much higher-rated player is expected to win, they do not receive a lot of points for a victory against a player rated much lower. Their opponent also does not lose a signifcant amount of points for the defeat.”
Tinder — which claimed to retire its use of Elo in 2019 — ranked users on desirability rather than skill.
are not always the most transparent about that — part of the reason is that it’s how they make money … and another reason is that they don’t want users gaming the system.”
At its core, dating apps sufer from success: Creating couples simultaneously shrinks the apps’ user base.
“Online dating is a really tough business because you lose users when they’re unhappy with the experience, they’re dissatisfed, but you also lose users when it works really well, and when they’re very happy, and they end up in a relationship,” Sharabi said.
Cobb found in her research that many people interpreted a sparse profle as indicating “a lack of efort and a lack of commitment to fnding a romantic partner, rather than being about privacy concerns.”
Despite the popularity of dating apps, there appears to be a recent decline in their use, with more turning to hobbies or activities such as running clubs to meet other singles.
Additionally, an individual’s belief in the accuracy of an algorithm to determine compatibility can infuence their behaviors, even if the algorithm’s impact is placebo.
“People’s beliefs about what these algorithms are doing also really matter; so even if they did nothing at all, believing that an algorithm is efective in matching you with somebody can actually make you behave diferently,” Sharabi said. “It can become a self-fulflling prophecy where you orient towards partners diferently, and that alone can lead you to better outcomes.”
In a 2023 Pew Research study on online dating, most American adults were skeptical (35%) or unsure (43%) if the computer program used by dating sites or apps can determine if two people will eventually fall in love, with only 21% believing the algorithms can predict future romances.
BEYOND THE BITS
In the same study, Americans are also divided on whether online dating is a safe way to meet others, with most supporting background checks before someone can make a profle.
“What it’s doing is taking information about your preferences about a partner … as well as the tastes (of) people like you, and it’s using that to ofer up recommendations,” Sharabi said.
“On Tinder, ratings work similarly, with a right swipe from someone desirable having the greatest impact on a user’s score, just as a win against a Grandmaster in chess would matter more than beating an amateur player,” Sharabi said in the Harvard Data Science Review.
DEBUGGING THE HEART
Assessing the efcacy of these algorithms poses a challenge. According to Sharabi, one reason is that the incentives of the dating companies may be misaligned with users’ best interests.
“It’s incredibly difcult because, frst of all, we don’t know exactly what (dating apps) are doing,” Sharabi said. “Platforms
“It almost seems like there’s some nostalgia right now for meeting face-toface,” Sharabi said. “I think a lot of people are feeling burnout and frustrated with (dating apps).”
Research backs Sharabi’s observations as nearly 80% of adult participants in a study by Singles Report said they felt some level of emotional burnout from dating apps.
Artifcial intelligence, integrated into new features such as profle suggestions, message responses and interactive coaching, is also changing the online dating world. Sharabi noted she is unsure of its impact or reception by users.
“I don’t know to what extent the platforms are going to kind of embrace all of this, or if it’s going to lead to … (people) just meeting in person, because you can no longer trust anybody on dating apps because of AI,” Sharabi said.
Match Group, which holds the largest portfolio of online dating platforms, announced an increased investment in AI features, with an unnamed AI assistant set to release in March 2025.
Match Group’s subsidiaries include Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid and Match.com.
“Technology’s role in our dating lives is not going to go away, so I think we’re at a point where it’s kind of up to us to fgure (it) out,” Sharabi said. “How can we actually make this a good experience for people and something that’s connecting us instead of driving us further apart?” STAFF
While pursuing the perfect match, users have to sacrifce personal information, which can lead to privacy concerns between users, according to Camille Cobb, professor in Engineering.
“It would be nearly impossible to use a dating app without revealing your sexual orientation, without thinking a little bit about your own gender and disclosing some of that, and then for health issues that are potentially relevant to sex, like sexually transmitted diseases or infections,” Cobb said.
Los Angeles Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle
Edited by Patti Varol
JOHNSON
108 Quality of good politicians? 115 Homer’s “neighborino” 117 Biomolecule in some vaccines 118 Palette shades
119 Actor Rickman
120 Talent show host
122 “They were with me all day,” e.g.
124 Quality of good architects?
129 Red Sea republic
130 “The Birds” actress Hedren
26
27
28
29 Puts into
31 “Curious”
32
33
59 Like some romance novels
60 Playroom detritus
61 Grape also known as shiraz
62 Is more efficient, in a way
64 Have a bond with?
66
68
69 Formicarium
70
76
79
8 Pronoun pair 9 __ Marino
99 Desert north of the Sahel
100 Innocent one 103 “Modern Family” dad Dunphy 105 Point __: Northern California cape
131 Check, as a cake for doneness, e.g.
132 Composer Satie 133 Reek 134 Sneer at
Move like a fish
Volleyball fixtures
10 Basis of many a popsicle stick joke
11 Reverent poem 12 Prepare to shine in a bodybuilding contest?
13 Mary Anning find
14 Participated in a Renaissance sport 15 __ or nothing 16 Inconsequential 17 Slip by 18 Crunchy salad toppers
Not completely
__ paratha: Indian flatbread
Friendly prefix
1 Lego brand for younger children 2 Typos 3 Sibling statistic 4 Pixar fish 5 __-ray disc 6 “Poetic Justice” rapper Kendrick 7 Ghana’s capital
37 Quittin’ time letters
Taxi alternatives
Discarded Apples?
“You can __ that again”
Camera shop purchase, briefly
46 Slip by
48 Like Galileo and Fibonacci
50 “Madama Butterfly” setting
51 “Not if __ help it!”
52 PC adventure game
53 Old Pontiac model
54 Verbal spat
55 Optic solutions
56 Pump or clog
57 Framework for Indian classical music
58 On any occasion
63 Judgement of Paris pot-stirrer
Revert to a previous version
65 Northern European capital
67 “Close this popup” key
68 Puts a sail back up
71 73-Down exports
72 Feeling after a deep breath
73 Northeast Indian region
74 “It’s Magic” lyricist Sammy
75 “Well then, fine”
76 “If I may ... ”
77 Motion opening?
81 Hot water holder
82 Grammy winning rapper Lil __ X
84 Joel and Ethan of Hollywood
86 Valedictorian stat
87 “I didn’t catch that”
88 “I like your thinking!”
92 Suckers 93 Skeptic’s laughs 94 Skeptic’s question
95 Activate at a designated time
97 “Thanks, Captain Obvious!”
101 Post-op ward 102 Battleship groups
104 Whopper maker 106 Last song at a concert, often 107 “I watched that already” 108 Shreds at the edge
109 Sound of the sea?
110 “Spider-Man” films director Sam 111 Meaty jelly 112 Trotting noises 113 “Smack!” 114 Long mushroom
Classroom furniture 121 Outward manner
“Paddington” voice actor Whishaw 125 Mkt. debut 126 First aid training, for short
Brooch 128 Sleep acronym
MINI CROSSWORD
AM I GAY??? Take this QUIZ to find out!
MANAGING
LILLIE SALAS
lmsalas2@dailyillini.com
1. Why are you taking this quiz?
A) I stumbled upon this quiz while reading my favorite independent student-run newspaper, The Daily Illini.
B) I love quizzes and want to learn more about myself!
C) The dusty corridors of my psyche yearn for answers. I’m not sure why.
D) I think I might be gay, and I only trust The DI to tell me so.
5. Circa 2014-2016, which YouTube infuencers were you most likely to watch?
A) Zoella/SevenSuperGirls/Smosh.
B) PewDiePie/Jacksepticeye/Markiplier.
C) Good Mythical Morning/stampylonghead/MatPat.
D) Dan and Phil/Connor Franta/Troye Sivan.
9. What is your favorite musical?
A) I am not a huge fan of musicals.
B) “Hamilton”/“Wicked”/“Hadestown.”
C) “Les Misérables”/“Falsettos”/“Cabaret.”
D) “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
Let’s get one thing out of the way — if you saw this quiz and its contents piqued your interest, signs are already pointing to yes.
Tally your score!
A= 1 pt.
B= 2 pts.
C= 3 pts.
D= 4 pts.
My score: ____/40 points
2. Where do you go for a fun café beverage on campus?
A) Starbucks.
B) Espresso Royale.
C) Brewlab.
D) Cafe Paradiso.
6. How many houseplants do you currently own?
A) I don’t own any houseplants.
B) I have some succulents!
C) I have a few houseplants and love them!
D) My apartment is a jungle.
10. How often do you question your sexuality?
A) Pretty much never.
B) Only when I see a really hot queer person.
C) Every few weeks, something throws me into a spiral.
D) Every day, I wonder if I should kiss members of the same gender.
10-15
STRAIGHTY-STRAIGHTSTRAIGHT. Go listen to “212” by Azealia Banks to culture yourself.
This quiz is a fun and silly exploration of queer culture on campus. We are aware that no material item can determine someone’s sexuality, but it sure is fun to pretend that it does.
3. On a Friday night, where can you be found?
A) Illini Pubcycle.
B) At the bars.
C) Consuming media at home with warm lighting.
D) Deep in Urbana at a house show/house party.
7. What type of car would you drive?
A) A(n ugly) Cybertruck.
B) Some form of Jeep.
C) A(n adorable) Prius.
D) I do not drive/I prefer not to drive.
21-25
You have a cool wardrobe and you appreciate the arts. Sexuality is a spectrum, so who knows!
16-20
Your pinky has nail polish on it, but that’s it.
maaiken2@dailyillini.com
4. When you walked past Victoria’s Secret as a child in your local mall, how did you react?
A) I didn’t really react.
B) I observed the treasures.
C) I started sweating profusely and turned my attention away.
D) I looked away and made it a big deal. Even covered those eyes!
8. What shenanigans did you get up to in high school?
A) Model UN/Debate Club.
B) I was an athlete.
C) Yearbook/Newspaper.
D) I have a checkered past as a theater/band/ choir/art kid.
BONUS POINTS!
If you played softball or ran cross country, add FOUR points to your end total.
31-35
You could be queer in some capacity. You might be in the closet, and you might be asking a lot of strange questions to yourself late at night. Seek advice.
26-30
You might have dyed hair. Let’s do some soul searching!
35+
There is really a high probability that you are very gay! Celebrate good times!
ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR
QAASIM
JATOI
qjato2@dailyillini.com
Dating at the University is a bit like trying to fnd an open table at the Grainger Engineering Library during fnals week — sometimes you get lucky, but usually, you fnd yourself awkwardly circling, wondering if it’s even worth the efort.
Between casual situationships that fzzle out and the slow shift towards serious connections as students grow older, dating here is anything but simple.
One can’t help but wonder: Is this just the natural progression of college life, or has the fast-paced, always-connected culture shifted how people defne and pursue relationships?
HOW DOES IT HAPPEN?
When starting a relationship, mutual friends often play a central role. Reagan Boeder, junior in Media, said many of the relationships she’s seen — including her own — have come from introductions through shared social circles.
“I think that most people are meeting someone to date through mutual friends,” Boeder said. “That’s how I met my boyfriend and how my friends have met their partners as well.”
Mutual friends aren’t the only way students connect, though. Many students turn to nightlife and social events to meet romantic partners, according to Maggie Connell, junior in Business.
“I feel like most people meet at the bars and parties through friends of friends,” Connell said. “There are defnitely challenges with alcohol being involved, as sometimes people can get the wrong message across when it comes to being intoxicated.”
Connell acknowledged bars and parties can create opportunities and challenges for meeting people, but Boeder said the appeal of these settings starts to fade as students progress through college.
Romance at UI: It’s complicated
“Meeting people at the bar or a party is something I’ve seen hugely decrease as we’ve gotten older,” Boeder said. “Freshman year, everyone went out to meet people, but now it seems like we’re going out more to just hang out with our friends.”
INTENTIONS: CASUAL OR SERIOUS?
Relationships at the University often lack clear labels, and casual situationships dominate the dating scene.
Defned as “a romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship,” situationships ofer fexibility but often lead to hurt and confusion.
“People don’t commit to a dating relationship as much anymore,” Connell said. “They just kind of hang out for a while until one person gets fed up.”
This lack of commitment, Connell believes, stems from the feeting nature of college life. With major life changes on the horizon, many students hesitate to settle into long-term commitments.
Boeder added that while casual relationships are prevalent, not all students stick to that dynamic. Some students are open to pursuing serious relationships, especially as they approach graduation.
“I think it’s a mix of both casual and serious,” Boeder said. “You can defnitely
made getting to know him much easier and more fun.”
Boeder pointed out another challenge of dating in a tech-forward point in history: Constant communication through social media can create unrealistic expectations.
“We now have 24/7 access to people, and I think it can make dating more toxic,” Boeder said.
fnd both on campus, but motivations vary. Academic stress and uncertainty about our futures defnitely play into that.”
FINDING LOVE IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY
Dating apps like Tinder and Hinge are everywhere, ofering students an easy way to connect — but they come with their own challenges.
Connell argued these apps, and social media as a whole, might complicate rather than simplify the process.
“Having online relationships isn’t typically sustainable, and most fzzle out or end badly due to the lack of in-person interaction,” Connell said.
This trend mirrors a broader shift in how people connect. A 2019 Stanford study that drew on national survey data found couples meeting online increased from just 2% in 1995 to 39% in 2017, becoming the most common way heterosexual relationships begin.
This result surpassed introductions through friends, work or social settings like bars and parties.
Having meaningful, in-person interactions with a dating partner can make all the diference, according to Connell, who said it’s been a crucial factor in her current relationship.
“We both valued the in-person time together with our busy schedules,” Connell said. “We would go to dinner, cofee or some sort of actionable date that
Safety is also a concern when using social media and dating apps to meet new people. Meeting someone in person after connecting online can be risky, according to Boeder, especially when you don’t know much about them beyond a few texts.
“I’ve heard of some pretty scary frst dates that my friends have been on,” Boeder said. “It’s just a reminder that you don’t know someone because you’ve been texting for a couple days.”
ADVICE FOR THE MODERN DATER
Navigating the dating culture at the University requires patience, according to Connell, as not everyone is looking for the same thing, she explained.
“Don’t think that everyone you meet is on the same wavelength as you and will want a relationship,” Connell said. “Most people, when they get to college, just want to mess around and meet as many people as they can.”
Boeder suggested looking for connections through shared interests or trusting friends for introductions.
“Meeting people with similar hobbies is awesome,” Boeder said. “And if your friends want to set you up with someone, I say go for it.”
No matter how challenging the process may feel, Connell reminded those in the dating scene to remain patient and optimistic.
“This is a huge school, so if it feels like you’re just having bad luck with meeting the right partners, keep moving on to the next, and you’ll fnd the right one with time.”
RHONE TATHAM THE DAILY ILLINI
Students navigate benefits, drawbacks of dating apps
In the past, Friday nights were all about frst dates — getting ready in your cutest outfts, doing your makeup and hair and hoping the date would lead to the potential love of your life.
But more recently, Friday nights are for gathering with your friends, endlessly swiping profles and checking for matches that never seem to lead anywhere.
With situationships, hookup culture and never-ending talking stages, what is the point of dating apps? Is it a way to form meaningful connections or just another form of fun and experimentation?
Two widely-used dating apps among college students are Tinder and Hinge. Tinder encourages people to swipe right or left to like or dislike profles. Hinge allows users to like individuals based on a lengthy profle that includes written prompts, voice notes and pictures.
Kaylie Tribble, senior in LAS, has used both Hinge and Tinder — not necessarily to date but more as entertainment. She saw the apps as a joke, something to play around with alongside friends without taking them too seriously.
Similarly, Josie Liu, junior in Media, got both Tinder and Hinge three years ago because “Why the hell not?”
“I wouldn’t go on the dating apps looking for an actual serious relationship,” Liu said. “I just kind of play hot or not or smash or pass. I would defnitely say it’s fun as long as you don’t take them too seriously.”
According to Liu, the main diference between the two dating apps is that Tinder is used mainly for hookups, while Hinge can be used to fnd more meaningful connections.
A student sits on their couch and scrolls through Tinder, a massive platform for online dating, which is the preferred dating app for many University students.
“I have met some people who I’m genuinely friends with now, and I feel like the conversations you have on Hinge are a lot more genuine just because it’s much more limited to how many you can like versus Tinder,” Liu said.
If you’re looking for a meaningful connection on dating apps, Tinder and Hinge ofer options to share and view others’ dating intentions, whether for something fun, a short-term fing or a long-term relationship.
Cora Dittmar, sophomore in ACES, has had Tinder of and on for the past year. She said that when looking for a potential match, other than looking at dating intentions, there are specifc profles she avoids entirely.
“Avoid the frat dudes,” Dittmar said. “If there’s a frat picture in their profle and they’re not like drop-dead gorgeous, I’m like, ‘No, thanks.’”
While lasting connections can be hard to fnd online, Liu understands
why people resort to the apps rather than meeting people in person.
“I defnitely think that meeting people in a more traditional setting is preferred,” Liu said. “It’s nicer, and it seems more natural. However, it’s … just really hard to do that — to fnd those spaces (where people are) comfortable meeting people (in) and talking to them outside of a classroom setting.”
Though it may be easier to meet and talk to people online, dating apps don’t fully replicate real-life interactions, and there are some drawbacks of meeting someone on apps without knowing how they act in person.
“People just speak diferently on text versus in real life,” Tribble said. “You may think that you’re going to have a great conversation because you guys have so much in common and you talk so well on text, but then you get in real life and … it’s kind of weird, the vibes are of.”
Transferring the chemistry from
online to in-person can be difcult — and often, it doesn’t even get that far. Great conversations one day can lead to silence the next, and somebody you think you clicked with you’ll never hear from again.
“It’s just easier to ghost people online,” Tribble said. “I think it can defnitely hurt, especially if someone is already afraid of rejection — it can hurt them even more. But I think, to a certain point, you can get numb to it.”
Tribble doesn’t see this numbness as a good thing — instead, it’s one of the reasons she believes dating apps often disconnect people.
Sharing a similar perspective, Dittmar also thinks dating apps hurt people when forming meaningful relationships.
“The way it’s set up, it’s not really built to foster long-term relationships or meaningful relationships; it’s more of like guys who just want one thing,” Dittmar said.
Though dating apps have a bad reputation, Liu believes they are a normal part of modern dating. However, the stigma surrounding them leads people to view them as a last resort.
“I think people kind of look down on it,” Liu said. “No one wants to have those apps. No one wants to meet their partner on a dating app … I feel like nobody wants to talk about it, but everyone’s on it, so where’s the correlation?
“Get over your embarrassment; it’s fne.”
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ANH-KHOI PHAM THE DAILY ILLINI
Racial fetishization — not a form of flattery
COLUMNIST
HAILEY CHO
hhcho2@dailyillini.com
It is an agreed-upon fact by women in their 20s that the dating scene is bleak. Add in the intricacies of romantic prospects trying to fetishize your existence, and the pool of acceptable options becomes even smaller. Conversations that start normally quickly progress into microaggressions, and you can fnd yourself headed back to square one.
The hypersexualization of Asian women has been present for much longer than the existence of technology. The Page Act of 1875 was one of the frst instances in which the concept of an “immoral” Asian temptress appeared. The law essentially barred Chinese women from immigrating to the United States under the assumption that they were prostitutes.
This rhetoric was expanded in 20thcentury like “Miss Saigon” and “The Good Woman of Setzuan,” where Asian women were either extremely sexualized or painfully submissive. Throughout these shows, one constant holds true: these women exist to please others, not themselves.
The insistence that racial preferences are somehow diferent than fetishization is undeniably ignorant. Any reason that one might prefer a specifc race is no doubt rooted in stereotypes that emerged from racist tendencies years ago.
environment where racism can run rampant. These semi-anonymous sites make it easy for users to send racist and degrading messages.
While most sites provide a way to report inappropriate behavior, it’s fairly easy for rule-breakers to create another account with diferent contact information.
Many platforms also allow users to flter out their preferences based on race or ethnicity, a process known as “cleansing cyberspace.” This opens up the perfect opportunity for users to rank various races based on fetishization and stereotypes without consequence.
While it may seem extreme to police people based on their dating preferences, it is important to
For example, Black and Indigenous women are often projected onto controlling images like the promiscuous “Jezebel.” Black men are also often portrayed as hypersexual or violent in the media — qualities that can be traced back to settler colonialist ideals like eugenics, used to control bodies of color.
Biological racism reflected in fetishization is not coincidental.
Dating apps create an online
people of color can lead to signifcant dehumanization and violence.
In the 2021 Atlanta spa shootings, a white man attacked three diferent spas and murdered six Asian women. When questioned about the attack, he blamed his sex addiction — diverting blame onto the very women he killed.
These attitudes are also present throughout the incessant U.S. militarism in Asia and the Pacifc Islands, where American service members have historically exploited sex trafcking.
Cases such as the murder of Jennifer Laude — a transgender Filipina woman who was drowned by Marine Lance Cpl. Joseph Scott Pemberton in 2014 — are far too common. Although Pemberton was found guilty of
homicide, former President of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte pardoned him in September 2020.
Even in the past year, U.S. military personnel stationed in Okinawa, Japan were accused on several occasions of sexual assault. The youngest of the alleged victims is under 16 years old.
It’s easy to reduce fetishization to a practice whose only consequence is ofending its recipients. However, the truth is that it’s just another way to modernize racism into socially acceptable terms.
Instead of guessing someone’s ethnicity or describing your type in shades of skin, it might be more efective to ask them their name.
Future educators discuss lack of sex education requirement in Illinois schools
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
MAAIKE NIEKERK
maaiken2@dailyillini.com
High school health class is a staple of the American education experience. While at least one semester of health is a requirement for all Illinois secondary students, sex education is not. Per the Illinois State Board of Education, sex education is optional within Illinois school districts. Schools are not required to provide sex education, and if they do, parents may choose to “opt their student out of instruction,” according to the Board. If Illinois schools do choose to teach sex education, they must align with the National Sex Education Standards. Currently in its second edition, the 70-page book of sex education guidelines covers everything from being able to discuss gender ex-
pression and stereotypes by second grade to accurately defning federal health care laws in eighth grade.
However, this may not be the sex education you are familiar with. Jada Jacobson, sophomore in Education, recalled a diferent and less informative curriculum.
“Most of the health and sex ed classes were just like, ‘Don’t do drugs,’ ‘Don’t drink alcohol,’” Jacobson said. “It wasn’t really much about having sex, it was just kind of, ‘Girls get periods, this is what happens to boys through puberty.’ But when you get to eighth grade, most of the girls have already started going through puberty, so was that even helpful?”
Alicia Morales, junior in Education, missed years of sex education and health courses with other students who were also selected for the “advanced” program.
“It just meant we had higher math
scores, realistically,” Morales said. “But they never gave us health … My class did not have anything like that until eighth grade, but the other kids did. That was interesting. My teacher had to teach us everything, from ffth grade through eighth grade, in one year.”
Health class curriculums, which also include subjects such as mental and emotional health, hazardous substances and healthy relationships, can be adjusted to give less time to sexual health.
Learning about sexual health and various types of contraceptives is part of a typical comprehensive sex education curriculum.
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Relationship advice: Reasons to give, take it OPINION
COLUMNIST
ISABEL NOURAHMADI inour2@dailyillini.com
Aquote constantly reinforced in my household is, “Tell me who you’re friends with, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Since the value of friendship has been emphasized throughout my life, I have always taken my friendships seriously. I’ve always felt like friends were my second family. For this reason, I tend to take these moments more personally whenever there is a disagreement. While I have small disagreements with my friends about minor topics, I noticed a particular tension whenever a romantic relationship was the topic of conversation.
Friendships are hard work when there are only two people involved. There is a lot of efort below the surface to make a friendship long-lasting. These eforts can become more restricted once someone gets a partner.
In a friendship where both parties are single, you only need to be mindful of each other’s boundaries, but in a friendship where one or both people are in a relationship, there needs to be more mutual respect for each other’s actions. This dynamic of time devoted to a friendship — compared to a relationship — is often the basis of your friend’s opinion about your relationship.
When reading that, some might think outside opinions are unnecessary, especially in relationships, because what works for one person might not work for the other.
While this philosophy applies to things like work, I believe advice and an outsider perspective are the most important factors in relationships because friends can see the whole rather than the sum of its parts.
If you are concerned about a relationship your friend is in, it can be a difcult situation to approach. You may feel worried
about bringing up something you see as a problem out of fear that your friend will be defensive or confused about these critical — but true — comments.
This decision ultimately feels like a beall, end-all situation. The two possible outcomes are to say something and risk your friendship or continue to let them see an unhealthy relationship through rose-colored glasses.
While it can be scary to vocalize your true thoughts to this friend, it is the best decision that someone can make. Although being honest can make it seem like you’re putting the entire friendship at risk, staying silent could mean losing a key foundation of friendship — honesty.
No matter the length of time that a friend has been seeing someone — talking stage, situationship, ofcially dating, etc. — when you feel like something is of, communicating this disruption is so important. Friends might often need to hear external advice as
reassurance of feelings they already have.
As someone who has been unhappy in a dynamic with another individual, having negative thoughts about the person or how they are treating you is uneasy. Hearing that there is a recognizable problem can encourage someone to face their problems rather than ignore them.
Navigating friendships amid a relationship can be overwhelming. However, if all friends are maturely communicating their feelings, then both parties can understand their respective perspectives.
Even though unsolicited advice can be bothersome at times, this advice from friends comes from them wanting the best for you. Nothing that happens in your relationship necessarily directly afects someone else’s day-to-day.
If someone wants to help you work through your problems related to your romantic life, then this is truly an act of platonic love.
Dating apps turn courtship into attention economy
COLUMNIST
RAPHAEL RANOLA rrano2@dailyillini.com
Who doesn’t want a “meetcute” — to meet a future partner under novel or cute circumstances that can be recounted at dinner parties or random TikTok street interviews?
There’s something to having the story of your meeting be as compelling as the relationship itself: a chance meeting at a bookstore discussing Haruki Murakami, a shared glance across a crowded subway car or a conversation sparked by a mutual love of jazz at a local record shop. Sure, you could meet folks through matchmakers or places like school or work, but the art of meetcutes and serendipity seems almost lost today. Our generation’s desire for organic interactions reflects a bygone age where public and social spaces were fertile grounds for organic connection. Today, those spaces are dwindling.
As college students, we have the unique benefit of being surrounded wholly by adults our age with similar experiences, a luxury that only a fraction of us will ever have the privilege to enjoy. The reality our forebears built for us — the rise of remote work, suburban sprawl and the decline of traditional social institutions like churches, clubs and neighborhood associations — have all reduced opportunities for organic interactions. With technology’s growing influence on our daily lives, it becomes clear why many now turn to dating apps to find connections in an increasingly fragmented world. Have dating apps killed the meet-cute due to their cold, unfeeling algorithms?
There’s no doubt that they’re efficient and solve a problem that only a massive societal overhaul could fix. For one, dating apps reduce “search costs”
associated with finding a partner. In economics, search costs refer to the time, effort and resources expended to find a suitable match.
Our friends Tinder, Bumble and Hinge create platforms that streamline the matching process through sheer volume, with filters for preferences, proximity and shared interests. These apps create what economists call “two-sided markets.” They engage two groups: people looking for partners and people offering themselves as potential matches. In theory, these distinct groups provide each other with benefits. The more users there are, the more valuable the platform becomes. This mismatch happens when the seeker’s feelings are not reciprocated by the potential partner — just like in real life. Dating apps also rely on “economies of scale” to continue functioning — having critical mass so that you’re likelier to get that match, and the dating app does its job. Similarly, they rely on “network effects,” where a good or service becomes more valuable when more people use it. The success of the platform depends on keeping both sides active and engaged. Apps like Instagram and Twitter rely on an algorithm whose stated purpose is to generate screen time and keep you engaged with content they tailor to your feed, knowing you’ll interact with it. However, the stated goal of dating apps is to help users find lasting relationships, which doesn’t exactly align with engagement. In a perfect world, the dating app would pull from its broad pool your ideal match who enjoys Murakami, subways and jazz records and send you on your merry way. Yet, in doing this, the app quickly loses a customer.
Instead — to maintain profitability — dating apps must prioritize user engagement, which often means encouraging behaviors that keep their users
A student sits in bed and scrolls on Tinder, a massive platform for online dating that is the preferred dating app for many U of I students.
swiping rather than pairing off.
Features like the endless scrolling emblematic of all modern-day apps and in-house dating app originals, such as algorithmic matching and super likes, maximize time spent on the app rather than improve the quality of matches.
Certain user experience aspects, like swiping, make being on the app a satisfying pastime, ignoring the stated goal of finding a match altogether.
How many of us can say we just “play Tinder,” casually looking through potential matches to pass the time? It turns out that when you “play Tinder,” you represent a market failure.
Dating apps want you to succeed, but it’s only their second priority. Their first will always be engagement metrics.
The attention economy rules the digital landscape, and our generation must reckon with it as more and more institutions — like meet-cute infra-
structure, for lack of a better term — are replaced by apps on our phones.
How do we get out of this? I don’t have the answer. But using dating apps is ultimately a choice, and the numbers are hard to beat.
Pew Research Center reports that 3 in 10 adults have used a dating app. With numbers like that — and perhaps some persistence — maybe finding your ideal partner on Tinder is just a matter of time. But for those who want a traditional matching experience, you’re not alone. More and more people are recognizing the benefits of having real-world spaces where people can meaningfully and organically interact with each other.
Maybe finding and committing to these will take more time, more diligence and, more terrifyingly, putting yourself out there.
But who cares about efficiency when you have a good story?
