MIRROR 5.15.19
LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES 3
Q&A WITH LYNN LOBBAN 4-5
PRIDE FOR MORE THAN A MONTH 6 BRIDGET MA/THE DARTMOUTH
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Editors’ Note
Q&A
DIVYA KOPALLE/THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF
Dartmouth students come to campus from all over the world: from places with beaches, mountains, forests or lakes. For four years, we share the same views at Dartmouth. We share the smooth waters of the river and the soft grass on the Green. We also share the staggeringly long lines at KAF and the squeaky tables in Novack at one in the morning. We share the good and the bad. No one loves Dartmouth all the time — even the people who seem happiest on the surface. We all have different experiences here, built partly from our experiences before arriving on campus but mostly composed of what we’ve done with our time since arriving in Hanover. We’ve built different worlds for ourselves with different horizons. With so many different experiences, it seems not just stupid, but selfish not to take the opportunity to learn from each other. It is selfish not to acknowledge what it means to love Dartmouth and what it means to hate it and why both feelings are valid in their own right. This week, the Mirror asks you to broaden your horizons. For our part, we bring to you stories about LGBTQIA+ students searching for acceptance, an art exhibit that humanizes migrants, one of the first women at Dartmouth’s experiences with misogyny and more. For your part, we ask that you continue searching for more stories and experiences that differ from your own. You have only so much time with the Dartmouth students around you: Learn from them while you can.
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5.15.19 VOL. CLXXVI NO. 38 MIRROR EDITORS NIKHITA HINGORANI KYLEE SIBILIA ASSOCIATE MIRROR SARAH ALPERT EDITORS NOVI ZHUKOVSKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF DEBORA HYEMIN HAN PUBLISHER AIDAN SHEINBERG EXECUTIVE EDITOR JULIAN NATHAN
By The Dartmouth Staff
East coast or west coast? Josephine Kim: West coast. Christina Baris ’22: East coast for sure. Sarah Alpert ’21: East coast all the way. I need my four seasons. Yuna Kim ’22: West coast for sure. Novi Zhukovsky ’22: East coast. Nikhita Hingorani ’21: Neither. South coast! Divya Kopalle ’21: West coast because we all know I’ve been here too long. What’s your favorite view at Dartmouth? JK: Occom Pond. CB: There are so many pretty places on campus, but honestly my favorite view is my friends. Is that too cheesy? SA: From the center window in the Tower Room out onto the Green. YK: This is a little outside Dartmouth, but biking around Hanover is absolutely gorgeous. NZ: A short KAF line. NH: The view of campus from fourth floor Fairchild. DK: Short KAF line lol. What is your dream travel destination? JK: Jerusalem. CB: Thailand. SA: All of Italy! YK: So many places, but the next place I want to go to is Amsterdam! NZ: The Maldives, but the islands are slowly sinking because of climate change. Hopefully I’ll be able to make it before they totally disappear! NH: Mykonos. Or Hawaii. Huge island gal. DK: Australia. Would you rather be nearsighted or farsighted? JK: Nearsighted, no one can see that
far away anyways, right? CB: I’m already extremely nearsighted, so I guess I’ll stick with that? SA: Nearsighted, not that I have much of a choice in the matter. This way I can rock contacts or glasses and it feels almost fashion-y, even if I’m actually slave to my eyes drying out or squinting till I get a headache. YK: Probably nearsighted, as I am now. NZ: Nearsighted because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see when I read or write. NH: Farsighted. I hate waking up and not being able to see anything clearly. DK: Nearsighted. What’s your favorite weird snack combo? JK: Popcorn with olive oil and pink himalayan salt with dark chocolate. CB: Popcorn and chocolate-covered cookie dough bites — best moviewatching snack. SA: Chocolate-dipped pretzels dipped into peanut butter … less weird than innovative. YK: Cheese and chocolate ... is that weird? NZ: Mozzarella cheese sticks with mustard. NH: Hot Cheetos and cream cheese. Don’t knock it ’til you try it. DK: Peanut butter on hash brown sticks is surprisingly good at Foco brunch. Where’s the furthest you’ve been from home? JK: Cusco, Peru. CB: Milan, Italy. SA: China. YK: Visiting Korea! Although Korea does feel like a second home. NZ: The Middle East, probably. NH: Johannesburg, South Africa.
DK: I went to West Leb once. What’s one thing on your Dartmouth bucket list that you haven’t been able to do yet? JK: Water activities in the lake or river. CB: Ahh! So many things I’ve yet to do! Definitely want to take advantage of the New Hampshire fall and go on a hike during peak foliage. SA: Any of the challenges! YK: The 50 ... we’ll see if it actually even happens, though. NZ: Polar Plunge! NH: Go on an actual sunrike. Whenever I’ve tried to go on one in the past, the weather would never be cooperative, so I would get to the top of a mountain only to be greeted by a sad, cloudy sky. Hopefully I’ll have a successful one this summer. DK: Go on a DOC hike.
On the Other Side: ‘Look at Me in the Eyes!’ Exhibit STORY
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By Arianna Khan
By now, you’ve probably seen presentations sponsored by La Casa. the faces that gaze out at you from According to Álvarez’s website, the front of the he intends for Stacks as you “I think we are in a the exhibition pass through first to depict very difficult political floor Berry. If reality without you’re like me, and social moment m an ipulation , you might have right now” beckoning stopped briefly observers to look in front of one the subjects of or two of the -JILL BARON, LATIN his photographs photographs to directly in AMERICAN STUDIES look back at them the eyes in and wonder, LIBRARIAN order to better “Who are these understand them people?” As it and recognize turns out, that’s precisely the point. them as familiar, fellow human The photographs, which together beings. In his artist statement, form Jorge Carlos Álvarez’s tellingly titled “Photography as exhibition “Look at me in the eyes! an Antidote,” he characterizes Face to face with people on the other side of migration, which is so often treated as the wall,” capture spontaneous images invasive, threatening and unnatural, of Mexican and Central American as a shared impulse common to life people and migrants. A recent talk everywhere. and reception with photographer He writes, “I invite you all Álvarez accompanied the display as to approach my exhibition as a a part of the “Understanding Social bridge to reconcile and re-think Justice, Approaching and Embracing of migration as a concept of Diversity” series of discussions and indomitable movement.”
Jill Baron, librarian for Romance “What are their stories? Where are vividly, ‘This is what is happening, I Languages and Literatures and Latin they from? What are the circumstances marched with the migrants in their American Studies, helped bring that are governing their lives? What caravans and this is what I saw,’ the exhibition of Alvarez’s work in are the circumstances that govern then your view of the whole thing is Baker-Berry Library to life, working our assumptions about their lives? I totally different.” with Álvarez mean, it’s complex. Clara de Greiff recalled Álvarez’s and La Casa “What are their It’s layered,” Barron initial response to her request for to turn their said of the questions pictures of migrants at the border. vision for the stories? Where are that may come to He claimed that he was tired of exhibit and event they from? What are mind when viewing seeing picture after picture of people into a reality. the exhibit. crossing the border and did not want the circumstances She described She also spoke to showcase what the media had Á l v a r e z ’ s that are governing about her own role already been showing to the whole exhibition as a their lives?” in the process of world. Instead, he offered a new celebration of working on this proposal, which is the exhibit we see human beings, exhibit and event, today: a collection of photographs proposing that -JILL BARON, LATIN stressing that it in which the audience can just stand it encourages is important to in front of a face, look right in his an encounter AMERICAN STUDIES her to encourage or her eyes and realize the humanity between its LIBRARIAN dialogue on campus that still exists. subjects and its about broader Álvarez’s creativity seems to have audience that issues, including paid off. Baron recounted that many makes the lives of the people in the immigration and social justice. of the questions he received during photographs more visible to viewers. “I think we are in a very difficult his visit to Dartmouth centered Ultimately, she said, the exhibit political and social around the accomplishes this by provoking moment right stories of the the curiosity of its audience and now,” Baron said. “I think this individuals in challenging any preconceived “I feel like my exhibition helps give his photographs notions. role is to, in the — people ways that I can, a more personal just wanted try and really raise look at the people, to learn more consciousness about them. faces and lives of about these issues Ian Reinke ’22, and bring it into groups who are often who noticed the these spaces where demonized by public exhibition while we can otherwise passing through figures.” shelter ourselves.” the library one María Clara day, shares this de Greiff, livecuriosity. He -IAN REINKE ’22 in advisor for La explained the Casa, echoed important role Baron in emphasizing the need to that he feels the exhibition plays. encourage this dialogue. Specifically, “In light of all the anti-immigrant she believes in inviting active rhetoric and growth in antiparticipants to talk about issues immigrant sentiment, I think the like immigration and share their exhibition helps give a more personal experiences with the Dartmouth look at the people, faces and lives of community. She put this belief groups who are often demonized by into practice as she organized the public figures,” Reinke said. “Understanding Social Justice” And he makes a good point. series. Álvarez’s exhibition serves as a “I think that there are many ways powerful reminder that migrants are to approach it,” Clara de Greiff said. human beings, just like us, and must “You can read it. You can listen to the be perceived as such. We have much news, but when you have someone more in common than the border SAM HYSA/THE DARTMOUTH STAFF coming here and telling you so that divides us. Jorge Carlos Álvarez’s exhibition showcasing portraits of migrants is located on the first floor of Baker-Berry Library.
Q&A with Lobban: One of the First Women at Dartmouth 4// MIRR OR
STORY
By Sarah Alpert
In 1968, Lynn Lobban became one of the first seven women to attend Dartmouth. Recruited by the theater department, Lobban spent her time at Dartmouth trying to prove her worth in a daunting sea of men. In the process, she became a brother at Chi Phi Heorot fraternity and participated in the Parkhurst Takeover, Dartmouth students’ anti-Vietnam War demonstration. To Lobban’s frustration, the College did not allow her to complete
her Bachelor of Arts degree at Dartmouth because the College had not yet for mally ratified coeducation. After finishing school at Elmire College in Vermont, Lobban moved to New York to become an actor, singer and dancer. I had the opportunity to speak with Lobban about her experiences at Dartmouth when she visited campus to discuss her recent memoir, “One of the Boys: Surviving Dartmouth, Family,
and the Wilderness of Men,” with English and creative writing professor Jed Dobson’s class ENGL 55.12, “Dartmouth Fictions.” In her memoir, Lobban describes how she came to college seeking refuge from her alcoholic and abusive home only to experience date rape during her first summer at Dartmouth. Looking back on her experiences with alcoholism and assault, Lobban encourages women to trust their own power and to tell their stories,
even if it seems terrifying at first. As an honorary member of the Class of 1969, Lobban and her women classmates will return to campus on June 7-9 for their 50th reunion. What were you feeling when you made the decision to be one of the first seven women at Dartmouth? LL: Well, I wanted to get out of the women’s college I was in, Elmira
College. I was not happy, and I came in thinking that men ran the world. With the thought of being at Dartmouth with so many men, I thought that if I could be one of them, then I could be powerful too — I could conquer the freaking world. I wanted to be like them. Power was very seductive. Not to mention, I was a hormonal teenager … I also loved the Hop; I loved the theater. They brought us into the theater because they could make use of us. I n yo u r 2 0 1 4 D a rt m o u t h Alumni Magazine feature, "One of the Boys," excerpted from your memoir, you talk about rushing Chi Phi Heorot fraternity. On bid night, you asked the guys to treat you as if you were a man, too. In the end, did you ever find it possible to feel like "one of the boys"? LL: No. I mean, I was delusional; I see that now. But I kept the fight going. I directed the play, and we won the play contest. Then they wanted me to direct the Hums, whatever the singing competition is. But I didn’t know how to do that, for one thing, and I didn’t want to fail. I felt like they wanted to make use of me, and obviously I wasn’t going to go on road trips. I mean, I was a woman, and that was never going to happen … I felt like they wanted to keep us in the theater department, because a lot of guys — and maybe most — didn’t even know we were here. But I just wanted to strike out and be really a part of things, you know? But again, I was kind of delusional. Were there times when you were uncomfortable in the fraternity? LL: Well, no, because I was so out to be a brother, I wouldn’t even date any of them. Sex or anything like that was off the table. So I went dateless for quite a while.
COURTESY OF LYNN LOBBAN
When you describe participating in the Parkhurst
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Takeover in the DAM story, you mention "crying like a girl"and use an image of being helped out of a back window like "an 18th-century woman over a cloaked rain puddle." After trying desperately to fit in with the guys, why did you use such gendered metaphors to depict your moment of weakness? LL: At the time, I wanted to be brave enough to carry it through, because I was also so political and anti-war. I just wanted to go the distance, like the guys. Thinking very black and white, the opposite of that, to me, is being totally taken care of, or feeling like a woman who has to be taken care of and treated like a precious object. God forbid she step in a rain puddle! But emotionally, there was just no way I was going to go to jail. I felt trapped in the prison of my alcoholic home, so the idea of being actually imprisoned was not good. After Parkhurst, you begged to be let back into the College. Near the end of the piece, you describe how you pleaded to the administration, "Am I not just the prettiest and most clever girl?" What was that moment like? LL: I really felt a pat on the head, like the College was saying, “We’re not ready.” I wasn’t really being “realistic.” You don’t just go from exchange. Four years later, they fully a male college to boom, like that, matriculated women in 1972. It took overnight. But in that moment four years — the natural progression when I told them I wanted to stay, of things, I guess. But by that time, I really could not see any reason personally, I had quit school when why I was not as equal, as good or my mother died and moved to New York to dance. I as worthy as any was free. man. I said that "I wasn't completely pathetic thing, cast out; they were As one of the too — “What’s trying to find a way to first seven wrong with us? women, do you You marry us!” keep me here — but it feel like you — as if being had an impact married to one wasn't equal!" on pushing of them is the Dartmouth highest you can toward that next step? achieve. LL: Well, it was a beginning. When I When do you think Dartmouth spoke on a panel with other women from this period at Dartmouth, there was ready for women? LL: I think it probably happened was this whole controversy because the way it needed to happen. After the other women didn’t want to call me, there were 30, I think, and themselves an “experiment.” But then 60 and then more of a formal we were an experiment! They were
COURTESY OF LYNN LOBBAN
going to see what it was like to have women around; what’s wrong with being an experiment? Experiments can lead to good things. When I was here at Dartmouth, I was writing letters to my advisor at Elmira, and I went through those letters as I was writing my book. It turns out Dartmouth was willing to let me stay to bypass the B.A., because they couldn’t work that out, and instead let me stay for the Master's of Fine Arts. But that wasn’t good enough for me; I wanted to be treated like the guys. When I saw that in the letters, I almost fell off my chair. I wasn’t completely cast out; they were trying to find a way to keep me here — but it wasn’t equal! It's been many years since you were a student at Dartmouth, yet our school is still far from perfect. What advice can you
offer to women at Dartmouth done to me is what kept me from today, in terms of how we can being fully out in the world. It continually push for gender kept me keeping a secret, with the equity and safety from gender- shame that’s involved in all cases of based violdence on campus? sexual assault. I think that’s what it’s LL: The alcohol and drug use have designed to do. I think that women to be addressed. People are not just need to tell their stories out loud, acting rationally; because being we need more "As for gender equity, a f r a i d i s wh at awareness, more what women need was intended. people speaking Speaking out is out. It’s not a to focus on, as I not so scary. I’m macho thing to do, is our power as amazed at how binge drink; it’s powerful women women." an a—hole thing are. Cease fighting to do. There’s everything and no self-care in everyone. That it. As for gender doesn’t mean that equity, what women need to focus you don’t take action — it just means on, as I do, is our power as women. you stop playing their game. Because I’ve been thinking that when they theirs is a competitive game. say that rape is not about sex, it’s about power — actually, it’s all This article has been edited and about power. The abuse that was condensed for clarity and length.
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Pride for More than a Month STORY
By Ryan Ellis
Bright rainbow lights illuminated Dartmouth Hall in brilliant colors last month for Pride, a reminder of the importance of inclusivity on campus for members of the LGBTQIA+ community. While such grand displays of solidarity with queer students are a step in the right direction in terms of fostering an accepting, supportive community, the lights also serve as a reminder that for many students on campus, Pride is more than just a month long. The lights symbolize the fight for self-expression, comfort and respect — a daily reality that continues long after the spectrum of colors returns to its standard white. Many of us take advantage of the fresh start college provides, and for LGBTQIA+ students, this new beginning can provide the opportunity to express themselves more openly. Everyone has unique experiences prior to coming to Dartmouth, but for John Fulton ’21, the experience was mostly positive. “My parents are very accepting. They don’t care at all,” Fulton said. “I didn’t really address my sexuality until the summer after my senior year of high school, but I was never really uncomfortable with it.” Ian Reinke ’22 comes from a slightly less receptive environment. “I grew up in a very conservative part of the midwest — a small town not bigger than Hanover but very Middle America,” Reinke said. “A lot of people were very religious; a lot of people were very not open necessarily to outside influences … And so, when I was growing up, I was a lot more comfortable with myself, but I didn’t see there to be a reason for me to come out.” Nathaniel Stornelli ’21 described their home experience as more troubling. “In general, my experiences before coming to Dartmouth were a little bit complicated, but a little bit negative,” Stornelli said. “I wasn’t out as nonbinary in high school. I didn’t really talk about the fact that I was queer in high school because I was a little worried about the people around me.” Stornelli grew up in a similarly
conservative suburb and added that they didn’t feel comfortable being out as non-binary until they had the opportunity to reinvent themself at Dartmouth. This is one aspect that all three students had in common: Each saw in Dartmouth an opportunity for growth. “I know that some people go through a coming-out process while they’re in college, but I knew that I wanted to go into college just being open and not having to go through that awkward [process of] making friends and then coming out,” Reinke said. “I know for a lot of people that’s an important thing because it’s a comfort issue, but for me I just wanted to go into college and be completely open about it.” Stornelli likewise looked forward to a chance to embrace their sexuality and connect with other LGBTQIA+ students. “I knew I definitely wanted to be more involved with the queer community than I was when I was back at home,” they said, “and I figured that when I got here, I’d get a better idea of how open I’d want to be about things and how much of a community there was.” Each of these students has now spent a full year or two at Dartmouth. When reflecting on how they feel the larger Dartmouth community interacts with the queer community on campus, many people’s responses were positive. “I’ve had a much more positive experience than I’ve ever really thought it would be, to be honest. People here do not really care about sexuality, or they don’t really consider it,” Reinke said. Stornelli also felt that many of the people they’ve met at Dartmouth have been kind and open-minded. They said that they have been pleasantly surprised by the community here and have made friends in a lot of positive circles. Stornelli, as well as the other students, pointed to a number of communities on campus that have been especially supportive and accepting of their sexual identities. For Fulton, these communities include his rowing team and fraternity.
“I’m on the rowing team, and that was one of the first things where I was like, ‘Oh, I wonder if they’ll be fine with it,’ and no one cares, which has been cool,” Fulton said. “I’m also affiliated, and my fraternity has several other gay guys in it, so that’s been a really cool environment — to just be involved in Greek life but also not have it be a stereotypical super-heterosexual rah-rah frat boy-type atmosphere.” Reinke cited his involvement with the Dartmouth College Democrats as particularly empowering since he has been able to participate openly in discussions and politicial activism that had to do with LGBTQIA+ issues. Stornelli, said they found their home at Amarna. “No matter how I might change or how I might feel — if my gender changed from day to day or if I came in with a new name one week or another — knowing that the people [at Amarna] still love me and accept me and would do everything that they could to make sure that I felt at home, that was definitely the community here that taught me that it was okay to be me,” they said.
While all three students describe their experiences at Dartmouth positively in terms of support from their peers and comfort with expressing themselves, they each acknowledged the need for improvement to better normalize and validate Dartmouth’s LGBTQIA+ community. For Fulton, one way in which Dartmouth could improve would be to curb the dominance of the “super heterosexual male athlete vibe” that comes as a side effect of frat culture. The pervasiveness of this heteronormativity, he suggested, can make it difficult for some people who may not fit into the masculine stereotype or who may express themselves in different ways. “Ultimately, I think Dartmouth caters to one group of people really well, and then if you don’t fall into that category it can be hard,” Fulton said. “So, I think Dartmouth could be better by catering to a larger array of people.” For Stornelli, the way in which Dartmouth provides for the needs of trans students is a primary concern. “I definitely think that Dartmouth needs to be more conscientious about
having gender-inclusive bathrooms across campus and making sure that not just bathrooms but gender-inclusive changing areas [are available] — making sure that trans people feel safe here,” Stornelli said. Stornelli also acknowledged the improved consciousness with respect to pronoun preference around campus but reiterated the need for continued efforts to make sure queer students feel both comfortable and respected in their daily lives. Overall, it seems that Dartmouth has worked to provide an environment for LGBTQIA+ students to openly express themselves, seek personal growth and find welcoming communities. Perhaps this can in part be attributed to the general aura of exploration and personal expression prevalent on college campuses. Or maybe it reflects the general warmth of Dartmouth students. However, there are also clearly still improvements to be made. The future — for LGBTQIA+ students hoping for a chance to explore themselves and broaden their horizons here at Dartmouth — will require continued work from all of us.
MICHAEL LIN /THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF
MIRR OR //7
TTLG: Home, Here TTLG
By Anna Staropoli
My phone categorizes every photo in a similar way; it was less of a place I’ve taken by its location. I have that could become mine and more of photos tagged Hackettstown, NJ that a space defined by the moments and feature my dogs in my kitchen, photos milestones I knew in theory. Like most tagged Rome and Florence from my freshmen, I had clear expectations for study abroad and off terms, photos my Dartmouth experiences. I wanted tagged Norwich from all those Gile to run 19 laps around the bonfire, do sunrikes and a whole album of Lake the polar plunge, learn how to ski Morey for the countless laps I skated and wear flair. Back then, college was last term. simply college and Dartmouth simply But then I have the photos tagged a space — an institution from which home. Home. When I click on the I’d graduate in four years, figure tag, I get to see pictures of a snow- out where I was heading in life and saturated Sanborn Library at 7:55 hopefully make some lifelong friends. a.m. and a just-beginning-to-blossom But there’s a difference between Occom Pond on my rollerblading place and space. Geographers define route. I see the wild forsythias I pass space as the idea of a tangible outside the Fays, the masterpieces location, a yet-to-be specified place. my friends create on the Molly’s Space is college as a whole, a tablecloths, my roommates watching generalized Dartmouth. Space is the “Jane the Virgin” in our living Dartmouth I knew before I found my room. Four years of taking photos home here. in Hanover have deluded my phone Unlike space, place is defined on into believing a smaller scale. that Dartmouth It represents an is, in fact, more “Unlike space, place is accumulation of a home than defined on a smaller o f s u b j e c t i ve my actual home. experiences, W i t h scale. It represents s p e c i f i c graduation less an accumulation of qualities and than a month subjective experiences, individualized a w a y, I’ve memories that thought about specific qualities distinguish one home a lot lately. and individualized setting from the It’s impossible not next. Jumping to when it feels memories that into a frozen like there’s this distinguish one setting lake or singing constantly ticking the alma mater from the next.” clock telling me are not why I my time is almost no longer see up; the future Dartmouth as is almost the now. But it’s difficult the school advertised online and in to imagine starting over when brochures. Those experiences are Dartmouth is my everyday and all certainly not why I now see this school I know about next year is in the as so much more than I could have abstract. I’ve set in motion plans imagined. to live in a new city — Palermo, Take the Green, for example — Sicily — but imagining my life a hallmark symbol of Dartmouth there goes no further than visions that made freshman fall Anna feel of cobblestoned streets and intimate as though she was stepping into a cafes. I know postgrad life will storybook or playing before a green broaden my horizons far more than screen. During orientation, I never I can currently predict, but in these could have predicted how my own last, nostalgia-ridden weeks, it’s hard memories could and would overwrite to envision anything more than what the space to become more than a stock I know and experience right now. photo. But the Green has become Before college, I saw Dartmouth sophomore summer picnics after
days spent in the river; scavenger hunts with a team I’ve now had the chance to lead; a waiting grounds for the only time I’ve ever done the Lou’s Challenge; snow angels in the middle of finals; a gelato date with a one-term fling. The Green is walking a lap with my friends Carly, Isabelle and Katharina this past Homecoming, staring at Baker and wondering how everybody else around us still had so many more memories to make. You see, contrary to what the label on my phone tells me, the moments I’ve documented that are so quintessentially Dartmouth are not the ones that have made me feel most at home. They are not the moments that have widened my worldview nor are they the moments that have taught me how to understand both Dartmouth and myself. Rather, the memories that have transitioned my Dartmouth from space to place are the ones I couldn’t have predicted when I thought about college in the abstract, the ones my phone can’t even begin to categorize under just one heading. Photos don’t capture the Green I’ve come to know, nor do they consider stargazing outside McLaughlin with Carly after a late night in the library or skating to the Jonas Brothers with my teammates. I don’t have documentation of all the times I’ve gotten KAF at 8 a.m. and did more chatting than studying; the moments I’ve scanned Sherman for a table and happened to run into seemingly everyone I know; the times I’ve overstayed office hours by talking about Jane Austen for far too long; or all the nights I’ve spent laughing instead of sleeping, catching up with my best friends, entirely too giddy to let the night pass. No home is perfect, and mine is no exception. At times, Dartmouth has not only felt like a place I have no reason to inhabit but also a place I resent, a place that doesn’t let me breathe. I remember the countless times I’ve hurried across the Green during midterms, keeping my head down as I passed, but could not avoid, somebody from my past. I remember
COURTESY OF ANNA STAROPOLI
feeling confused after rush, like my Greek House should not define my identity, and heartbroken sophomore winter, as though Dartmouth was closing in on me. I remember the burn-out after sophomore summer and the anxiety attacks of last spring and all the times I’ve felt sleepy, stressed, lonely, lost. But I’ve found a silver lining within all the imperfections that have made my home a little harder to love. In the hour before we left for our last figure skating competition, my cocaptain took me on a spontaneous Ice Cream 4 U trip because she knew my emotions had gotten the best of me. When I had a breakdown in the library a few weeks ago, my boyfriend sent me a comforting text and stayed with me long after I finished crying. Just this week, when I talked myself into a tizzy before my thesis presentation, terrified of letting my friends, family and professors hear my
fiction for the first time, all the people who have made Dartmouth home promised they didn’t even notice my legs begin to shake. They promised they loved my project simply because it came from me. When difficult moments happen in real time, it’s hard to think of them as products of finding a home here. But the moments that have made me feel my lowest are also the moments when the people I’ve come to associate with home have reminded me how lucky I am that Dartmouth is no longer just a space. Imperfections and anxieties have made my Dartmouth stressful, frustrating and disheartening at times but have also reminded me that it is just that: mine. Soon, Dartmouth will no longer be my physical home. But regardless of where I go and who I meet next year, I’d like to think it will remain my place long after my phone decides to tag a new one.
8// MIRR OR
Far, Far Away PHOTO
By Michael Lin