The Dartmouth Mirror 01/15/16

MIRROR 01.15.2016

OFF FLEAK | 2

THERE’S A SNAP FOR THAT | 3

SOCIAL MEDIA THERAPY | 4-5

TTLG: PELLOWSKI | 8 Shuoqi Chen/THE DARTMOUTH STAFF

2// MIRROR

EDITOR’SNOTE

OFF FLEAK: FAMILY AND TECHNOLOGY

By MARY LIZA HARTONG & ANDREW KINGSLEY

Happy Friday once again, Mirror readers. You, like us, are probably plummeting into disbelief and chagrin that we are already halfway through January. Maybe like Caroline, you’ve already given up on 16 of your 17 resolutions (the only successful one being to keep a daily gratitude journal, which is rapidly becoming illegible). Or maybe like Hayley, you completely forgot to make resolutions and are still in denial that is already 2016.

What better way to forget about failed (or nonexistent) resolutions — or anything stressful, really — than scrolling through social media? It seems to be the ultimate coping mechanism these days for Generation Z (or even millenials and Generation X). Lots of homework? Stalk people’s profiles on Facebook. Relationship troubles?

Scroll through your Instagram feed. Editor’s note to write?

Now’s as good of a time as any to post a funny yak.

Why are we so addicted to social media? Does it actually hurt our self-esteem, inevitably making us compare ourselves to the carefully selected and filtered photos of our friends and classmates? Will Hayley ever get 300 likes on a Facebook profile picture like her peers???

When discussing the theme for this issue, Caroline instantly went into a passionate tirade against social media, describing how much she disliked the superficiality of Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat — and her absolute loathing for LinkedIn, which she vehemently described as “a place to publicly brag about your resume”. After she took a deep breath, she said to Hayley, “By the way, what are your Instagram and Snapchat usernames, so I can add you? I think we’re already connected on LinkedIn. ” Hayley looked at her in confusion. “Wait, didn’t you just say you hated social media?”

This week’s issue explores just that — the “why” behind social media and whether participating in the hype is better than just unplugging completely. Happy reading!

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R MIRROR MIRROR EDITORS HAYLEY HOVERTER & CAROLINE BERENS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF REBECCA ASOULIN

PUBLISHER RACHEL DECHIARA MAYA PODDAR EXECUTIVE EDITORS ANNIE MA

“Ugh, my family is so stupid and old-fashioned,” laments Aaron Fleak after spending New Years back home in Arkansas. “What losers! They wouldn’t know a hashtag from a hashbrown, BuzzFeed from a buzz cut or a sepia filter from a Brita filter.

I’m surrounded by animals.”

Aaron’s mom, Sharon Fleak, bursts into Aaron’s room without knocking. Knocking leads to privacy and privacy leads to mischief, as Sharon likes to say.

“Aaron, honey! I just set up my LinkedIn. I have to say, a lot of handsome young men have been looking at my profile,” Sharon beams.

“Wait, what? Mom, you’re 55 and married. Why are they messaging you?”

“Oh you know, they’re harmless.

They just say things like, ‘I want you to glaze my donut’ and ‘#$*@ your &#*$.’”

“Mom, that doesn’t sound like LinkedIn…” Aaron frowns.

“Honey, I know business has changed a lot since I was your age. It’s an online world. I get it. His resume was just a picture of his ding-dong.

And it wasn’t a Little Debbie Snack Cake, I’ll tell you that. Maybe I should post a picture of my—“ “Stop! Stop! Give me your phone!”

Aaron grabs Sharon’s iPhone 2 from her mom jeans. “Mom, this is Grindr!

You can’t use this!”

“What? Sweetie, the internet is for everyone. Martha Stewart always says, ‘Preheat your oven to 350, surf the web, and your cookies will be a golden brown!’”

“This is for gay guys looking for quick sex. Not for flower arrangers like you.”

“But I did notice a networking option at the bottom under ‘Looking For.’ One gentleman said he was looking for a nice, pink rosebud. I have plenty of those at KaBloom.”

“Mom, I’m deleting this. I’ll set you up on the real LinkedIn.” “Before you do, just tell the nice man his rosebud arrives tomorrow.

He ordered it express shipping.

After you’re done, you need to help grandpa with his Amazon. He’s been having trouble purchasing his new walker.”

’19: “My bed is a haven of cleanliness.”

Female student in KAF line: “I’m SoulCycle withdrawal.”

THE NEXT DAY Aaron logs onto Facebook and sees his newsfeed flooded with his grandpa Jason Fleak’s recent statuses.

“New walker.”

“New walker for me.”

“Give me a new walker, internet.”

Aaron calls his grandpa urgently.

Hid grandpa picks up.

“Is this the Nigerian prince again?

I sent you the checks last week. But don’t cash them ‘til the end of the

“Now son, you’re 20.

There are no such things as trolls.”

-AARON FLEAK’S DAD

month. My pension money doesn’t kick in until then.”

“Grandpa it’s me, Aaron.”

“That’s what the Nigerian prince said!”

“Listen, you’re not using Facebook right.

It’s not Amazon. They’re different websites. One’s for photos and the other is for buying stuff when you’re too lazy to go to a store.”

Grandpa updates his status: “The Nigerian prince says I’m using Amazon wrong. And he didn’t ask for money this time. He’s growing up.”

“Grandpa, please stop posting.

You’re using Facebook. Go to Amazon.com, and buy your walker there.

I just sent you a blue link. Click it.”

Grandpa updates his status: “See ya later slow pokes. I’m heading to the Amazon. See you in three months. I hear it’s rainy there.”

Grandpa updates his status: “New raincoat for me.”

Aaron hangs up the phone and the desire to educate his elders.

THE NEXT DAY Aaron walks into his dad’s office.

He breathes easy knowing his father, Ashton Fleak, a Google employee, surely knows how to navigate social media.

“What’s hangin,’ dad?”

“Oh you know, just looking up some things on Google. You know, my employer?”

Aaron chuckles warmly, reassured by his father. He returns to his room and checks his Twitter feed. He laughs at a series of tweets from last night: “Strip clubs near me.”

“ATM near me.”

“How to get rid of suspicious rash.”

He notices the handle @Ashtonoffun and drops his phone in shock.

He’s about to knock on the door, but remembers his mother’s motto and instead barges in. “‘Sup son? What’s goin on?”

Ashton asks nervously, dropping a tube of ointment.

“Not much. Hey have you checked your Twitter feed lately? I think someone is trolling you.”

Ashton stands up and chuckles, putting an ointment covered hand on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Now son, you’re 20. There are no such things as trolls.”

“What? Look, dad, someone tweeted about you going to a strip club last night.”

Ashton pauses, then mechanically says, “Yes. Yes. Someone has been trolling up my feed. Let me just delete that.”

Ashton updates his Twitter feed, “How to delete your Google posts.”

“Dad, you just did it again. This is Twitter, not Google. How do you not know what Google is? You work there!”

“I just do the Doodles,” Ashton admits bashfully.

“Noooooooo!” Aaron cries out, which rouses him out of his nightmare. He looks around his bedroom in a panic. All is back to normal.

“Phew, it was all a dream,” Aaron says, relieved.

“What was?” asks the Nigerian prince, who is sharing Aaron’s bed.

Aaron faints.

’18: “What’s DARTFIT?” “You know those people running miserably around the track? That’s DARTFIT.”

One frat bro to another: “GO FLIP ANOTHER TABLE. THAT’S RIGHT, ANOTHER!”

’19: “Why does it smell like vitamin C in here?”

’17: “The best kind of Pap smear is the unsurprising kind of Pap smear.”

MIRROR //3

THERE’S A SNAP FOR THAT Maddie and Maggie investigate whether Snapchat causes FOMO STORY

BY MADDIE BROWN AND MAGGIE SHIELDS

To snap or not to snap? That is always the question. Waking up with bed head — not to snap (okay well maybe just to friends #wokeuplikethis). Morning KAF line — definite snap. Thursday night rager at Bar Hop — add a filter and snap that to your story ASAP! Snap what you want when you want and it will disappear in just 24 hours. Although snaps disappear after a few seconds, can they have long term effects on your mental health?

Snapchat, a photo and video messaging application that was founded by two students from Stanford University and was initially released in September 2011, has gained massive popularity in the past four years.

Current Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel said that over 100 million people use the app daily.

In October 2015, a 15-yearold girl wrote a viral article about how Snapchat made her feel awful about herself. She described how she would ceaselessly check Snapchat to find out what her friends were doing, and then feel excluded or depressed.

She argued that Snapchat amplifies the fear of missing out, often abbreviated to FOMO. Interestingly, that same month, a study from the University of Michigan came out claiming that Snapchat actually lead to greater satisfaction than other forms of social media.

So who do we believe — the opinion of a 15-year-old girl or the results of a scientific study?

Does Snapchat create social anxiety or does it enhance one’s mood? We talked to some Dartmouth students in the library to find out their take on the social media’s effects on the psyche.

Dartmouth students use Snapchat to document their everyday lives and to stay in touch with friends who are experiencing life outside the Dartmouth bubble whether they are globe-trekking, crunching data at their finance jobs or relaxing at home.

Penelope Williams ’16 described her go-to snap.

“I mean honestly the times I snap most are when I’m home with my bird,” she said.

Daniel Reitsch ’16 explained that he likes to use Snapchat with friends who are especially entertaining and weird because the photo and video features leave room for creativity.

“It’s a good way to connect with my weirder and more outspoken friends,” Reitsch said.

“Not necessarily with words

— more like funny images and people that view my stories that creative drawings.”

I met like once or twice and Aleena Vigoda ’19 agreed somehow exchanged Snapchats that following funny people on with,” Gallen said.

Snapchat was a good use of the For that reason, many stuservice. dents had strong opinions about “The two people who I follow posting to their stories. Reitsch religiously are two kids who just was adamant about the fact that post the funniest things,” Vigoda he never viewed people’s stories. said. “I’m not super close to “I usually just see what gets either of them but every time sent to me,” he said. “I don’t they Snapchat, I like get all my want to spend more time looking friends together. It’s just them at all of these different stories being stupid.” and going out of my way to While other Dartmouth check on different people. I get students may not be as creative enough of that through Facewith their snaps, they still use book.” the app to communicate with Since everyone can see your friends about the monotony of story, Guo said that she felt stotheir everyday lives. Sitting in ries were often of people doing Novack Café working on classfun things and partying rather work, Clara Guo ’17 explained than studying. She speculated that she uses Snapchat when she that students with these posts felt is bored. really comfortable sharing that “I really only snap like three part of their life, whereas she or four people consistently so chooses not to post to her story. they get to see “Somethis part of my times at par“I mean honestly the day,” she said as ties I’ll post times I snap most are to Snapchat she gestured to her pile of work when I’m home with because evand KAF coffee. erybody else my bird.”

Vigoda said is posting that using Snapto Snapchat chat is an easy and I have to -PENELOPE WILLIAMS ’16 and enjoyable make it clear way to procrasthat I was tinate. there too,” “It’s a nice she said. way to kill So would time,” she said. seeing other Because people partystudents use Snapchat when they ing and having fun make some are bored, students felt that it students feel like they are misswas a more accurate representaing out? tion of their day-to-day routine Reitsch expressed the opposite than other forms of social mesentiment. He felt that Snapdia. Hannah Gallen ’19 said that chat allowed him to live vicarishe likes that she can see what ously through events happening is happening during someone’s around the world. whole day through Snapchat.

“Personally I haven’t felt “I think Snapchat is a more any FOMO from Snapchat,” accurate representation of He said. “What’s cool is they everyday life because people are have updates from a different posting little clips of things that city around the world. It’s cool happen throughout the day — it to feel like you are on the other can happen at any time,” Gallen side of that phone in that city at said. some festival.”

That being said, there is a Others feel that Snaphuge difference between sending chat can create or exacerbate a Snapchat of you studying to FOMO. Zach Schnell ’18, who your friends and posting it to chooses not to use Snapchat, your story. If you post it to your said that the act of not having a story, there is the potential that Snapchat or not viewing snaps the attractive classmate from could potentially create a sense your first-year seminar or that of FOMO. mostly forgotten person from “[Without Snapchat] I’m your hometown might see your backed into a corner where sudsnap. denly everything is happening Gallen said that people whom on Snapchat,” he said. “Sudshe does not know well somedenly everyone’s lives are only times view her Snapchat stories. available for 24 hours if you “I have a lot of random want to see them and there’s a

rush to get into the app if you don’t have it.”

Williams purposefully doesn’t look at people’s stories, saying fear of FOMO contributes to that decision.

“I don’t look at people’s stories enough to get FOMO,” Williams said. “That’s part of the reason I don’t do that, that’s just asking for trouble.”

Vigoda siad that she did not really feel any sense of FOMO from Snapchat, noting that if she saw something fun she could easily go to that event because Snapchat is happening in real time. She said that she felt that Snapchat is often a less distorted form of social media because people posted bad photos of themselves and Snapchat filters are less built-out than those on Instagram and Facebook.

Williams said that other social media sites like Facebook construct less realistic images of people’s lives.

“Since you can go back in time in Facebook, not that I would ever do that, you can look at theoretically someone’s whole life on Facebook,” she said.

“But in reality they’ve deleted everything that doesn’t appeal to them or that they think wouldn’t appeal to other people. I would be more worried about FOMO from Facebook than Snapchat.”

Gallen also noted the differences between Snapchat and Facebook.

She said that posting a story to Snapchat feels temporary.

“It’s less of a big deal than posting something on Instagram — it’s gone in 24 hours and there’s no permanent record of everything you’ve ever posted,” he said.

Williams agreed that the short-term availability and casualness of Snapchat creates a less intense atmosphere than other forms of social media.

She said that because people are constantly snapping, and since it is nearly impossible to keep up appearances all of the time, there is less pressure associated with using Snapchat.

As to whether or not Snapchatting detracts from the enjoyment of a situation or event, Williams said that the brief amount of time required to take and send a snap shouldn’t detract from the enjoyment of one’s experiences.

“I think as long as you are not Snapchatting the whole event, it’s such a short thing it should be fine,” Williams said.

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4// MIRROR

Social media therapy:Reaching out for help onYikYak STORY

By SAMANTHA COOPER

In our current culture of technological reliance and instant gratification, Yik That being said, Yik Yak’s immediate response rate can be, at times, crucial Yak, the anonymous posting app, has quickly become one of the primary tools to helping depressed individuals. Disturbingly, I have witnessed a number of through which college students share and receive campus-related news.

Yaks in which users threaten suicide. Though a social media app might seem As more and more Dartmouth students make checking the app a thoughtlike a strange and counterproductive place for such outcries, it’a not entirely less habit, we seem to grow less affected by what each post is actually expressing. surprising in the context of our technologly-based world.

Amidst trite jokes and wry observations, a disturbing number of Yaks contain Though some Yik Yak users will tell individuals threatening suicide to talk admissions of loneliness, depression, and doubt. Just in the past few days, casually to a more reliable source (as they should), simply being heard and acknowlscrolling through the feed, I saw three Yaks encompassing these sentiments. One edged could be key to preventing desperate actions. While a suicide hotline said, “Anyone else here have literally no friends?” Another: “I feel so alone.” The might clearly be a more focused resource to utilize at such times, we can’t other (which was quickly removed): “I sometimes wonder if I would be better off ignore that people will naturally turn to the tools they have experience using — dead.” in this case, Yik Yak. Though sharing such emotions might grant students Vasquez spoke about the tragic and even disturbing “I feel like in general, people nature of these actions. momentary comfort, the anonymous nature of Yik Yak would seem to prevent individuals from gaining truly “It’s scary to think that some people might feel like they get a lot of positive feedmeaningful or practical solutions to their concerns. can only turn to Yik Yak in a time like that,” Vasquez said. back. People say you’re not “That they don’t feel like they have friends they could talk What, then, can account for the app’s growing popularity as a sort of virtual, collective diary? And more alone, explain the resources, to.” importantly, do these anonymous — and sometimes When perusing Yik Yak, I have often wondered myself desperate — pleas for empathy actually benefit students upvote the post, or say, ‘I’m what these desperate students do after posting. Do they in need? follow the advice of commenters, and schedule an appointhere for you.’”

One possible explanation for the sheer prevalence of ment at Dick’s House? Do they address their issues with a Yik Yak confessions lies in our generation’s preference friend? for immediate attention. Since the internet gives us Casual users like me may never know the answer, due to -LUISA VASQUEZ ’18 instant access to information, goods and even potential the app’s anonymity. romantic partners, it makes sense that we would crave This anonymous nature of Yik Yak itself is interesting in similar efficiency in our need for compassion. And at that it seems to increase the app’s popularity. first glance, access to instantaneous support would seem Julieta Feltrin ’17 and Carolyn Lee ’18 both said they to be a good thing. think the app’s anonymity contributes significantly to its Luisa Vasquez ’18 corroborated this, saying that prevalence. posting on Yik Yak can be a positive way to receive im“If you talked to someone, you could probably get the mediate help and advice. same immediate feedback as you would [on Yik Yak],” Lee “It could be a good outlet, if that’s what the person said. “I think it’s the anonymity that makes it popular.” wants at that moment,” Vasquez said.

Feltrin expressed a similar opinion.

No longer must one wallow in anxiety as he or she waits for an opportune time “If you wanted a quick response, you could also talk to your dean or a to talk with a friend, or even simply summon the courage to have an honest discusDick’s House counselor,” Feltrin said. “It’s because it’s anonymous — no one sion with someone. Having an ostensibly reliable source of support might also will know who you are.” discourage students from experiencing further feelings of loneliness, especially if While having one’s identity protected could to free users to talk more openly, they find that others share similar sentiments. it also ensures that any guidance offered will be non-specific. For this reason, it Treeman Baker ’17, who said he reads Yik Yak occasionally but does not post seems that, while Yik Yak might positively affect one’s feelings, it does little to on the app, said that when he does see cries for help on Yik Yak, responses have remedy the underlying crisis. been largely compassionate.

Lee echoed this statement, claiming that while Yik Yak might be good for “Mostly people would try to be kind and offer support,” Baker said. “venting,” the app can fall short in terms of providing genuine help.

Vasquez said that she, too, has seen mostly caring responses.

“It does little to solve the problem; it helps [people] get stuff off their “I feel like in general, people get a lot of positive feedback,” Vasquez said. chest,” Lee said.

“People say you’re not alone, explain the resources, upvote the post, or say, ‘I’m Yik Yak posts dealing with feelings of depression might actually serve to here for you.’” further isolate those in need, because a selective group of people is responding, Yik Yak’s near guaranteed speedy responses, however, could also rob users of and thus the posts might be met with judgment. Baker said that the occasional the desire to seek more sustained forms of help. After all, most mental health harsh response is likely due to exasperation rather than genuine mean-spiritedproblems require serious work and self-reflection. Kind words from a well-meaning ness. stranger might lift one’s spirits at the time, but they can only serve as temporary “Yes [I have seen harsh comments], but I think it’s probably due to frustrarelief for problems that often require a much more long-term solution. tion that they can’t really do anything to help in real life,” Baker said.

MIRROR //5

Vasquez expressed a similar sentiment, specifically speaking to instances in Feltrin said in such instances, if the people are real, she hopes they follow which people post on Yik Yak about being friendless. her advice to seek help and speak with their UGA. “I feel like when it’s about friendship, people can tend to make really snarky

comments,” Vasquez said.

These responses about the potentially apocryphal nature of desperate posts The nature of these posts also speaks to the continued stigma surounding can suggest an ironic — perhaps even dangerous — disconnect between the issues of mental health, despite all the increased attention paid to these issues app’s casual atmosphere and the serious nature of some posts. on our campus in recent years. Perhaps in some instances people feel as though Not all Yik Yaks that express sentiments of isolation, however, are as dire as there is no one to whom they can confide, or simply don’t want to bring up the ones previously discussed. Many yakkers attempt to combine humor with such a topic to friends in fear of feeling awkward or embarrassed. expressions of loneliness, particularly when discussing a lackluster romantic Vasquez said some of the resources for those with mental health concerns life. Though many casual viewers of Yik Yak bemoan these posts as desperate might not be quite as immediately available as a response on Yik Yak would be. or attention-seeking, their seemingly harmless nature might be indicative of a “[The other resources] might not be as accessible as people want or need in more detrimental trend in the romantic lives of college students. moments of dire need,” Vasquez said.

It is often stated that hook-up culture reigns supreme on Another interesting — if not disturbing — question is the campuses everywhere, but such an environment grows all the “I wonder if they’re extent to which Dartmouth’s competitive atmosphere can also more problematic when the scene goes digital. It is not uncontribute to the frequency of these desperate outcries, and the real or not. If they’re heard of for some Yik Yak users to (perhaps jokingly) request popularity of Yik Yak at Dartmouth overall. College students hook ups with other anonymous users or to vent frustrations a real person or it’s often wrestle with the need to appear socially successful and about their sexual desires. some kid having a having an active social life becomes all the more important at Due to the app’s nature, it is doubtful that anything real a school small enough to make everyone’s private life public ever comes of such requests, so the purpose of these yaks fun time to see who knowledge. Though I have yet to find one Dartmouth student might merely be to seek some semblance of positive affirmawill respond.” who is truly free of anxiety or the occasional doubt, these feeltion or share frustration. ings are often masked under a façade of carefree sociability.

Baker said he thinks the purpose of these posts is more In our college culture, admitting personal weakness is sadly to “get a reaction” and perhaps express solidarity more than -JULIETA FELTRIN ’17 often equated with failure. Yik Yak’s anonymity allows users to anything else. He said he doubts anything actually results admit their concerns without attaching their name. This could from these, but it is possible. be arugably be an advantage of the app: people can be honest.

“I’m guessing not, but who knows?” Baker said.

Lee said this can certainly be a beneficial aspect of the app.

It would seem to me, as well as the Dartmouth students I “Everyone at Dartmouth seems to always have it together,” have interviewed, that Yik Yak posts expressing loneliness and Lee said. “So it is nice to know that there are other people in depression are a somewhat inevitable side effect of our modthe community who don’t.” ern college environment. While such posts might have some Vasquez said that she can see the benefit of Yik Yak in that it can encourage very real benefits to individuals, they should clearly never be anyone’s primary people to see that they are not alone in their distress and can even help them method of dealing with personal anxieties. feel unified with the rest of the Dartmouth community.

Feltrin and Vasquez both spoke to the multitude of resources at Dartmouth However, as aforementioned, ultimately, these people are only a little better for struggling students, that all would likely result in more tangible and sustainoff because they are not receiving the individual help and attention they need. able solutions than Yik Yak. There is also the question of the seriousness of both posts and responses on The sheer prominence of these yaks leads one to wonder if today’s colYik Yak. Of the people I interviewed, all claimed to be just “casual users” on lege students are really more depressed than ever, or are just simply expressing Yik Yak, preferring to scroll through posts in dull moments rather than write healthy fears in an increasingly visible — but perhaps, less than ideal — forum. any comments.

The answer is certainly hard to evaluate, and the anonymous nature of Baker said he’s seen posts expressing loneliness and isolation, but doesn’t the app complicates such analysis, yet I am inclined to believe that our ability think the majority of yaks are serious. to communicate honestly with people in real life is very much at risk. When “I think it’s more about making a joke that will get attention,” Baker said. talking to someone face to face, empathy and understanding are more readily Feltrin, who is an undergraduate advisor, explained that when she has available, and conversations are able to be truly healing. Furthermore, expressresponded to comments about loneliness on Yik Yak once or twice, she has ing vulnerability can strengthen relationships — providing a source for trust, wondered if the concerns were genuine. comfort and honest discussions in the future.

“I wonder if they’re real or not,” Feltrin said. “If they’re a real person or it’s While technology has clearly broken many barriers in our personal lives, it is some kid having a fun time to see who will respond.” important to recognize and remedy the accompanying complications it brings.

Shouqi Chen/THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF

6// MIRROR

Through the Looking Glass:

Path to “Pigeons” COLUMN

B y Aaron Pellowski

In July 2014, I was spending my third straight summer in Hanover. I was working as a teaching assistant for “Classics 4,” helping with a digital mapping project in the art history department, editing an educational website’s mythology curriculum, kicking off research on my thesis and avoiding the contemplation of the spectre of adulthood which had by this point fully sunk its teeth into my unrelenting existence.

One morning, I got a call from one of my best friends (whom I’ll call Joey) informing me that the father of another of my best friends, Jerry, had suddenly passed. Both of them were in the BostonCambridge area for the summer. I took the last $50 I had in my bank account and grabbed the Dartmouth Coach to go ride out to Boston and be with him and his family to sit Shiva for his father. The mood on the train out to the small town where Jerry lived was sad but friendly. Joey and I talked about what we were doing; I mentioned I was working on a searing, insistent and unscrupulously pedantic thinkpiece about Humans of New York , a viral facebook photoblog often abbreviated as ‘HONY’— that I find insufferably phony.

He told me that recently he and another friend of his, under the influence of certain recreational botanicals, had come up with an idea for a satiric foil to Humans of New York: Pigeons of Boston . I thought that was the best idea I’d heard all month and I committed to making something of it. Later that week, I started drafting a series of demo posts, featuring high-resolution images of pigeons I’d pulled off the internet. In the photo’s caption, an interviewer would ask “Have you ever done drugs?” and the pigeon would respond: “Yes, once.” The interviewer would follow with, “And?” and the pigeon would explain,“Well now I’m a pigeon.” Most of them were just re-hashes of successful canned jokes I liked to use in small audiences of my familiars, made marginally more ludicrous coming from the mouth of a pigeon.

Unexpectedly, the Facebook page blew up. Or at least it ignited and smouldered for months on end. At some point I realized that I had more on my hands than a top five yak, especially when the followers grew to be in the thousands (and then tens of thousands), and I was getting interviews published with the likes of Boston. com , The New York Observer and The OdesseyOnline . It wasn’t anything like a viral sensation, but it was a unique chance to do something I never had had the platform to do before.

Among my more unsuccessful sideprojects were those that tried to leverage my newfound publicity for charity. I’ve tried to sell shirts, mugs and other household detritus to fund cancer research. Yet since my followers are typically college students and thus more apt to pay out in likes than in dollars, the profit margins were

COURTESY OF AARON PELLOWSKI

Aaron Pellowski ‘15 recounts the inception of his Pigeons of Boston Facebook page.

always minimal. I wrote and published a world — honestly it’s not even the funniest book with funding from Kickstarter, which or most successful parody of Humans of made enough money to donate a modest New York. But I think that it’s been both a amount to an individual in the Hanover pleasant and fulfilling experience for me, community, but factoring in the time and as someone who has very little to offer the effort I put into writing the book, I might world, except some better-than-average as well have just worked at a taco truck jokes. over winter break.

The inception of Pigeons corresponded More valuable was with a time in my the experiment of findDartmouth career “The inception of ing out what people when I was experiencfound thought-provoking Pigeons corresponded ing increased anxiety and amusing. My forays over whether I’d ever with a time in into other social media done anything that forums, like Bored At mattered. As my good my Dartmouth Baker, even at their most friend and associate career when I successful, were limited Teddy “Crazy Eddy” in what they could tell Henderson often likes was experiencing me about humor, given to say, “What art increased anxiety that the audience is so Man that thou doth skewed and specific. over whether I’d ever consider him?” You Now my challenge was go to class, you read done anything that to creatively satisfy the the chapter, you write common funnybone the essay, you hand mattered.” of twenty thousand it in, you get it back, people at once. With you elicit an “oof ” an endeavor like that, an “ah!” or an “eh” four sentences can take and that’s it. No one four hours to craft. At ever reads that essay the same time, I tried again, no one would to avoid using sexist, racist, transphobic, want to. You can only hope that one day homophobic, misogynistic, etc tropes as it will be uncovered by your overzealous crutches as much as possible. Although biographers who will push it to the public it is likely impossible to completely scrub eye in a book later picked up and listicalthe residual traces of those -isms from ized by 2050 BuzzFeed: “Top 12 Craziest anything American, and regardless of Moments From Noted Politico-Conceptual whether there can be jokeforms that Bassoonist Aaron Pellowski’s Essay on explicitly invert and flaunt social malaNew Testament Household Codes: Tradidies for progressive purposes, I wanted to tion & Oppression.” And that’s only if “prove” that you can still be funny in 2015 you even have biographers. without doing so at the expense of others, All people are obligated to find a way even if it means a lot of sex, drugs and to make a difference in the lives of the poop jokes. people closest to them. Making a big For the past few months, the Pigeons difference for a small number of people page has been dormant, and since I’d is both the duty and the opportunity of rather go out at the zenith of my populara good person. What not a lot of people ity, Seinfeld-style, I might keep it that way get to do is make a small difference in the for good. It’s not the greatest thing in the lives of many, and only a tiny few make

a big difference to anyone. Pigeons of Boston, with its modest notoriety, hit that middle band of accomplishment, precisely because I could see that my work, however vulgar, facetious, goofy or insulting, was making hundreds of people laugh. Compared to all the tests I took and papers I wrote that never made a difference to anyone, getting a lot of people to laugh feels like a real, personal accomplishment, especially when I read the comments or get messages from people who say they love the page and read it out loud to their parents, or I meet a stranger at a party and they’re like “That’s you?” And even if I never accomplish anything ever again, biographer-worthy or equally middling, it’s enough to slake my existential thirst to be more than a bug on a leaf on a twig on a log in a hole at the bottom of the sea.

I’m the twig now.

For good or for evil, the power of social media is to take the calculation of what will receive public attention and balloon that middle variable known as “reach.” A message doesn’t have to be groundbreaking, appealing or viral to get out to a lot of people and affect them in real time.

Yet, for every person who likes one of my Pigeon posts and gets a little late-night rise out of the mock-sentimental image of a bird smoking weed and eating pizza pockets with his two years-younger adoptive son — there are literally ten thousand people liking some inane, millennialpandering HONY post and consequently becoming worse people.

Oh well. Before social media, the definition of futility was digging a hole to China. Now it’s trying to dig a hole to the bottom of the ocean: not even your first scoop can make a difference against the waters closing in around your efforts at all times. That’s a metaphor folks. Figure it out while you’re still in college.

Aaron Pellowski is a former member of The Dartmouth staff.

JOE KIND: A GUY

SAM’S LITTLE LARKS

This past weekend was the first time in for me to move on from this subject. But my four years here that I ate more of my it really is remarkable that only now have meals in town than in FoCo. For people who I begun to truly challenge the boundaries know me well, this is a big deal! Until this created by my on-campus meal plan. Selffall I used a good 17 or 18 of my 20 weekly imposed structure, yes. But still — and this mealswipes in FoCo. Many of my friends is the final comment I’ll make on the mateven call me “FoCo Joe,” though that nick- ter: as irrational as it is, the downtime with name was actually conceived as the title of friends over burgers or beers (or both) feels my long-standing column on Dartbeat, the so necessary. online blog companion to the print version Over the course of the six-week break, of The Dartmouth. Humor me while I self- my close friend’s D-Plan changed. She can cross-promote, and use fake words while be spontaneous, my friend, but this left me I’m at it — FoCo Joe chronicles my creative stunned. endeavors as a wannabe dessert chef in I initially could not comprehend why.

Dartmouth’s most family-friendly cafeteria. As hard as it is for me to resign myself to Indeed, FoCo’s vast collections of eats and her absence, it is not my place to underdrinks ought to satisfy everyone, in my humble stand but simply to support. It will hurt to not have her around to opinion. Meals are often complain about things, my favorite parts of my like I tend to do in my days here: if not for the “Meals are often my faspare time. I now have food, then for the company. Not that I am opposed vorite parts of my days half the amount of time that I expected to have to any quality solo meals upstairs, or even in the here: if not for the food, left with her here in forbidden dark side. I am then for the company.” Hanover. Yet one more reason to look forward just advocating strongly to the spring. I worry a for spending quality time bit that I will watch what leisurely with friends over she does through social a meal or a coffee. media with a furrowed So in some ways my brow and a sense of exfirst full weekend back on campus was not too different from my clusion from the party, as most of America usual time spent with friends — just that felt while watching the Golden Globes this the locations of my social activities changed. past weekend. But history suggests that I will These days my social interactions are pretty be promptly filled in once we reunite. I have one-dimensional, yet I have a feeling that nothing to worry about. It’s not like there I will continue to leisurely drift away from will be many happenings that she will be FoCo as the term drags on. Not because I missing this term, based on prior winters... have an issue with FoCo — trust me, I am Not to say that there is nothing I am lookmore than content there. It might be that I ing forward to in the near future. Thus far will allow myself to say yes more often to my I am excited to find myself challenged by friends’ requests. It might also be a sign of my classes and my professors. My workload my impending ascension into the real world. feels especially steep, with two hard courses Cafeterias are not conveniently located in for my major and a third for a distributive the real world, to my knowledge — let alone requirement ­— a reality that is somewhat located anywhere, because I don’t think they difficult to accept knowing how many of my friends will be done with classes in eight exist in their truest form.

Maybe that will be my job for next year weeks. Alas. In even less time I will conclude — founding a startup that facilitates a new the saga that is my collegiate swimming chain of cafeterias located in the heart of city career, for better or for worse. And then and centers all over the continental United there’s always the prospect of coming one step closer to a job offer, which has proven States. Better than food courts, I tell you!

Call it a preparation for an afterlife of rather elusive, as the Career for Professional sorts. FoCo is comfortable, but I wonder Development’s newly personalized email if there might be such a thing as too much subject lines remind me. Let’s just hope my last three years have sufficiently prepared me instant gratification.

I have no need to eat beyond the options for my last winter here. Worst case scenario, offered on campus. And I am sure most of I wither away over at Molly’s or Salt Hill. these readers (assuming it is plural) are ready Hopefully friends will save me.

SAM and SAM TOO are solving a mystery.

COLUMN

By Joe Kind

COLUMN

MIRROR //7

By Sam Van Wetter

SAM: I found that piece of paper I was looking for.

TOO: When?

SAM: Throughout the last three years.

TOO: You found an important piece of paper?

SAM: I located it.

TOO: So you know where it is?

SAM: I reconstructed it.

TOO: Like legos?

SAM: Like a memory.

TOO: What memory?

SAM: Freshman fall.

TOO: All of it?

SAM: The end of it.

TOO: What about it?

SAM: Do you remember where I left my bike?

TOO: Did you get flat tires?

SAM: No. TOO: You can’t bike right now.

SAM: Okay?

TOO: It’s snowing.

SAM: I know.

TOO: So you don’t need your bike. You can’t use it anyway.

SAM: But that’s not why I need it. A different bike.

TOO: What bike?

SAM: Freshman fall bike.

TOO: Are we reconstructing? What about the thing you found?

SAM: We’re getting there.

TOO: Reconstruct me. (A flashback dances before their eyes. They watch their freshman fall selves, baby-faced and self-motivated.)

SAM: Remember that class I took on primates in Victorian novels? I checked, they don’t offer it anymore. It was one of those classes that was a layup until the department realized it was a layup and they thought about making it harder but decided to just stop offering it instead. It met like once a week and had a different professor every couple of classes and it seemed like they never really talked to each other about what they were teaching. I had no idea what was going on. One week we had to title pictures of Jane Eyre represented as various monkeys and then the next week we were writing, like, critical theory discussions of colonialism in Dickens.

And then the final was a self-directed movement and light show. (SAM moves, apelike, through fog and lasers.) Anyways, I didn’t quite have myself together, you know. And I was knitting, remember that sweater I never finished? There are some really cool connections between the industrial revolution and chimpanzee group practices.

TOO (The memory quickly dissipating.): I’m

losing the thread.

SAM: Sorry, sorry. (The memory reappears.

SAM is sitting in a darkened room. A Skype chat window is projected onto the white board.)

One class we Skyped with this lady, she was incredible. She talked about how monkeys think about the sky. Anyways, she kept mentioning this author who wrote this poetry, weird poetry Like word collages. But she said this thing about him that I wrote down, actually put down my knitting needles to write down because I liked it so much. It seemed to be everything about what we’re missing. She said, or she said he said, or one of them said, and she reiterated something like…

There is a long pause. SAM seems to be thinking or, perhaps, hemorrhaging.

SAM: “That complete a lack.” That’s what she said, what I wrote down. “That complete a lack.”

TOO: You have no idea who this woman was.

SAM: I wrote it down.

TOO: So it’s in your notes? From freshman year?

SAM: Exactly.

TOO: And your notes are…?

SAM: (The memory reconstructs.)The bike I had was one of those bikes with a big basket in the front and the back so I just kept all my school stuff in there. And I remember I taped a ziplock to the bottom of one of them for important stuff. So I put those notes in there. And so they’re probably still there.

TOO: And the basket is where?

SAM: On the bike.

TOO: Which is?

SAM: I was hoping you might remember.

TOO: You think it’s still out there?

SAM: I’m positive.

TOO stands abruptly.

TOO: Well, let’s find it.

SAM: I don’t know where it is.

TOO: Reconstruct.

SAM: I’ve tried.

TOO: Well, we better act fast.

SAM: Why? TOO: It’s snowing.

SAM: And? TOO: The plows will come. The snow piles will grow. Buried will be all abandoned bikes.

SAM: This will be impossible. It’s been years.

If I haven’t found it, how would I this term? So much time has passed.

TOO: This term is different.

SAM: How? TOO: This winter, we won’t leave it as “That complete a lack.” Come on, let’s go find your bike.

To be continued.

8// MIRROR

THE D RUNS THE NUMBERS: SOCIAL MEDIA ON CAMPUS

2%

of respondents don’t use social media.

75%

Which forms of social media do you actually use?

of respondents check social media more than 10 times per day.

26%

of respondents said that their self esteem has been negatively impacted by Snapchat.

78%

of respondents said they present a realistic image of themselves in social media.

How many times per day do you check social media?

75

50

25

0 Don’t use social media

Which forms of social media have ever negatively impacted your self esteem?

1 to 3

4 to 6

7 to 9

More than 10