The Dartmouth Mirror 9/20/13

MIR ROR

SEPTEMBER 20, 2013

LET’S (CONSTANTLY) TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY ! // 4

FINDING THE ENERGY // 2 PUT IT IN THE BOOKS // 3 MIND THE GAP // 6

MARGARET ROWLAND // THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF

2// MIRROR

EDITOR’S NOTE

The American poet William Cullen Bryant called autumn “the year’s last, loveliest smile.”

We at the Mirror are inclined to agree. Having missed Hanover fall last year for study abroad programs, we’d almost let ourselves forget that this is actually campus at its most beautiful. And there’s nothing like being a college senior surrounded by flushing leaves and plummeting temperatures to make you realize that everything has an expiration date.

The good thing is that we’ve finally realized that the finite nature of experience is exactly what makes it precious. When you’re young, things are new, time crawls by and you take every exquisite moment for granted. Now we fall in love with people, places and things knowing they won’t last forever, but treasuring them nonetheless. Freshmen, so what if you can’t get into frat basements yet? You’ve got years to dwell underground — your first Hanover fall is begging you to come out and play before the subzero temperatures banish us from the Green. Get a foothold in Dartmouth outside of the Greek world and explore new things, including this week’s Mirror, where we examine the media’s fascination with college hookup culture, go along on wild gap years and read some of the latest books from Dartmouth faculty’s best and brightest. It’s a tired phrase but time does fly. Luckily that’s no cause for despair. Who among us hasn’t wanted to fly?

Happy Friday! Make it count.

follow @thedmirror

MIR ROR MIRROR EDITORS AMELIA ACOSTA TYLER BRADFORD EDITOR-IN-CHIEF JENNY CHE PUBLISHER GARDINER KREGLOW EXECUTIVE EDITORS DIANA MING FELICIA SCHWARTZ

OVER HEARDS

FINDING THE ENERGY Courtesy of Dartmouth College

By MAGGIE SHIELDS The relationship between Dartmouth and “Green” is intricate, steeped in tradition and ever-changing. Green is our school color.

The Green is a central figure on campus, and even our mascot. But these days “green” is also synonymous with the movement toward sustainability, which many campus organizations have embraced in full.

Despite Dartmouth’s commitment to green, the College consumes 4.5 million gallons of No. 6 fuel annually, a heating resource The New York Times called “the cheapest but also the dirtiest fuel available.” That’s 80,000 metric tons of greenhouse gas emissions. No. 6 fuel provides 80 percent of Dartmouth’s energy. Last spring, several Dartmouth groups organized a campaign to decrease campus’s reliance on No. 6, which leaves significant amounts of harmful residue when it burns. While alternative energy options like solar power would be difficult in Dartmouth’s climate, less damaging alternatives are available. Sustainability Office intern Sam Parker ’15 suggested natural gas as a strong, viable alternative.

“Natural gas is the easiest to convert to,” she said. “But it would involve some infrastructure changes.”

Even natural gas, however, would likely leave many activist groups disappointed. The drilling of natural gas, also known as “fracking,” is a hot political issue. Ideally, Dartmouth would switch to a network of different energy sources likely consisting of natural gas and biomass.

Since 2007, Middlebury College has made consistent progress toward a 2016 carbon neutrality goal by reducing No. 6 fuel consumption and switching to biomass and wind energy. A similarly varied energy profile would reduce Dartmouth’s ties to the volatile No. 6 energy market, as well as its environmental impacts.

The ultimate goal is a complete switch to renewable sources, though Dartmouth’s climate limits the viability of solar energy. Although the price of solar panels is decreasing, a lack of consistent year-round sunlight means that solar alone isn’t a sound investment.

’17 Girl to ’14 Girls: Are you in the same cluster?

Blitz overheards to mirror@thedartmouth.com

It is, however, an important piece of the puzzle. Since 1995, photovoltaic panels in Cummings Hall have converted solar radiation into electrical power for the Thayer School of Engineering. A project in progress at the heating plant will install several solar thermal panels to preheat city water, and the College has considered installing a wind generator.

Dartmouth has significant potential to move forward and improve institutional sustainability, but we’re not starting from zero. Many campus buildings have been renovated with high-efficient heating and cooling systems, light bulbs have been switched to fluorescent and LED alternatives and new buildings on campus are LEED-certified. Fahey-McLane residence hall features a ground source heat pump that provides some of the building’s heating and all of its cooling.

The push for community sustainability is only as strong the community’s commitment.

In dorms, students who never see energy bills may be more inclined to leave lights on and air conditioning running. A drive across campus could easily be replaced by a walk. It’s not a new message, but environmental improvements requires a widespread and consistent commitment.

In addition to College buildings, Greek houses and off-campus living options are all part of the network. The Green Greek interns are working with several houses to improve insulation in fraternities and sororities, according to Sarah Alexander ’14, a Sustainability Office intern.

“A lot of houses are interested because they have to pay their own electricity bills,” she said.

Most importantly, students need to be activists about this issue. Alexander said she encourages students to use the forums available to them to express their concerns with Dartmouth’s use of No. 6 fuel.

“Go to your dean,” she said. “Talk to your professors. Right now we are at this awesome decision point where [College President Philip] Hanlon is coming in. The board has heard about

’14 Girl: A boy once told me I would be the ultimate SWUG. I’m not sure whether I’m out to set him right or wrong.

it. It’s about keeping up the momentum that we started in the spring.”

That spring momentum included a campaign from the EcoReps, a group interested in sustainability, who made a video about Dartmouth’s energy use, Seamus Bellew ’16 said.

The administration has proved an important ally for student sustainability concerns. The Sustainability Office works closely with Facilities, Operations and Management on energy efficiency and supply. The administration has been enthusiastic about switching to No. 6 fuel because of both cost and sustainability.

Sustainability director Rosi Kerr said that student involvement and concern about the issue makes the administration more receptive.

“It is very helpful to know that there is student support and that students care about this,” she said. “It makes a big difference.”

The start of a new year and new leadership marks an important opportunity for those invested in sustainability. Hanlon has made it clear that he plans to meet with student groups and hear about the changes they want made on campus. It’s worth noting that the presidential vehicle is a Prius — potentially good news for environmentally conscious campus groups hoping to get Hanlon’s ear.

Being “green” means a lot of different things at Dartmouth, and green energy and energy efficiency are quickly becoming part of that identity. The College’s reliance on No. 6 fuel remains a disappointment to those hoping for less caustic alternatives. The visible and passionate effort of many student groups, however, and the administration’s willingness to explore the options means there may yet be hope on the horizon. Kerr said she hopes the Dartmouth community can take a leadership goal in college sustainability.

“Switching off No. 6 would be good but it doesn’t make us leaders,” she said. ”How can we construct an energy future that leads?

There’s the next big idea.”

’17Girl in Collis: I think I’m going to train here and work my way up to Foco

’17 Girl in Foco: Can I take two cookies?

’16 Girl: I feel like a ’50s housewife with a veneer of sexual bravado.

’14 Boy: The OC moved my emotions like no other piece of art ever has.

MIRROR //3

TRENDING @ Dartmouth SPORTS BEES They’re swarming Collis porch. We’re not having it.

PUT IT IN THE BOOKS

NEEDING A THIRD JIN LEE //THE DARTMOUTH STAFF

With professors both teaching and researching, students have the opportunity to assist and inspire. BY MIN KYUNG JEON Yesterday in my government class, I listened with horror as what I initially deemed an original piece of analysis disintegrated into a confused jumble of embarrassing fillers and rambling sentences. My flushed face tilted downward, I secretly seethed at myself and mar veled at my professor, who casually, yet gently refuted the faulty premise of my argument.

This single episode of mortification (because trust me, there have been many more) is a gross exaggeration of my deficient public speaking skills, but the account reveals my dwindling confidence around Dartmouth’s brilliant faculty members. From a classics professor my freshman year who employed an astonishing range of idiosyncratic, often incomprehensible lexicon, to my current English professor who never ceases to amaze me with his extremely insightful lectures, I have felt entirely over whelmed by professors’ prowess in their respective fields.

So one can envision how pleasantly surprised I was at hearing from professors that their students’ input in class frequently provides fodder for their books and research. I have begun to entertain, and perhaps even believe, the idea that no matter how idiotic a student’s comment or question sounds, it may become food for thought in the mysterious minds of professors.

Native American studies professor Bruce Duthu said his book, “Shadow Nations: Tribal Sovereignty and the Limits of Legal Pluralism,” uses the conceptual framework of legal pluralism, in which multiple systems coexist in a territor y, to advocate for a more “robust” form of tribal sovereignty for Native Americans. Duthu spoke about his frustration with the constraints of traditional federal laws, which tend to constrict rather than protect tribal rights.

Two students helped Duthu with his research for “Shadow Nations” after taking his “Native Americans and the Law” course. Using undergraduates for research largely depends on the nature of the faculty member’s work — in his case, the pool of research assistants was somewhat limited since Dartmouth does not have a law school and undergraduates usually

do not possess specialized legal knowledge.

Teaching undergraduates nonetheless constitutes a unique “source of enlightenment,” Duthu said. Juggling undergraduate teaching and his own research comes more easily because he truly enjoys teaching.

“I don’t think any of us would be here if we didn’t love the classroom,” Duthu said. “For me, the classroom is a great opportunity to bring new ideas and have my students critique them.”

Working with undergraduates prompts him to carefully inspect his legal concepts and arguments to ensure that they are understandable to the non-specialist audience.

Eric Schildge ’10, one of the two students who worked as Duthu’s research assistants, said he focused on preliminar y research to explore diverse theoretical and practical implications of legal pluralism for native peoples.

“One of the best things about Dartmouth is how professors are so willing to involve their undergraduate students in their research,” he said. “That is probably less common at larger universities that have established graduate programs in these disciplines.”

Computer science professor Thomas Cormen said his newly published work, “Algorithms Unlocked,” attempts to make the subject of algorithms as accessible as possible to those without a computer science background. A student suggested three titles, one of which Cormen ultimately used.

He reflected positively on his previous experience of hiring undergraduates as research assistants. While composing the second edition of his widely used textbook, “Introduction to Algorithms,” he hired two students to help him update the instructor’s manual during their off-terms. The students did such a great job that he decided to list them as coauthors of the manual.

Economics and public policy professor Charles Wheelan said the two books that he published this year, “Naked Statistics: Stripping the Dread from the Data” and “The Centrist Manifesto,” have completely different orientations.

While “Naked Statistics” is in the same vein with his previous book, “Naked Economics: Undressing the Dismal Science,” because both works seek to reach a wide audience of laypeople by transforming complex topics into understandable material.

By contrast, “The Centrist Manifesto,” borne out of his policy experiences, calls for a third moderate political party, which would adopt the best policies and platforms from Democrats and Republicans and subsequently integrate fiscal responsibility, environmental responsibility, social tolerance and commitment to economic opportunity.

“A lot of people describe themselves as fiscally conser vative and socially liberal,” Wheelan said. “Neither party delivers that.”

Because he has only been teaching at Dartmouth full-time for a year, Wheelan did not have any students assist him with research for the books. He plans to hire undergraduates as research assistants, as he has already done with his upcoming book on monetar y policy.

He added that his books often originate from issues that he explores while teaching.

“I find that ever ything I do in the classroom circles back to the kinds of books that I write,” he said. “To me, it’s all a seamless continuum.”

Biology professor Ryan Calsbeek co-edited “The Adaptive Landscape in Evolutionar y Biology” to celebrate the 80th anniversar y of the theor y of adaptive landscapes by influential geneticist Sewall Wright.

The edited volume contains chapters written by a group of scientists on the ways in which populations of all living things evolve to adapt to their natural environments.

Because his laborator y continually studies evolutionar y biology, all the undergraduates working in his lab have in some ways contributed indirectly to his book. He added that teaching prompts him to stay up to date with the most recent research and findings in the scientific community, including recent works by his colleagues.

“That’s why being an active scientist is so important to being a capable teacher,” he said. “One really informs the other.”

Does anyone know an 11 that’s easy but also interesting, the prof is really good and there are fun people in the class.

I’m not picky.

SEARCHING FOR ’17S

We know you’re not in the basement asking for line and waiting at the bar so where exactly are you in the evenings?

Rumors of an EBAs colonization and late-night Russell Sage book clubs abound. Your class is an enigma.

WHITE CHAIRS The inauguration of a president is a new experience for some of us. For others, this is the second or third time we’ve seen the Wentworth Cup change hands.

LINES There seem to just magically be more people at DDS locations during the first few weeks of term.

HANLON

MARGARET ROWLAND// THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF

By JAKE BAYER

In a sweatshirt and jeans, P slips into the cafe to meet me. She pulls sunglasses off a face that is tired but empowered. We’ve arranged to meet in person, on her campus, but she’s requested anonymity because of the frank nature of what we’re discussing: her sex life as a college undergraduate. Like many women her age, P is increasingly comfortable with “no strings attached” sexual relationships. In fact, I suspect she’s come directly from a tryst to meet me this morning.

Truth be told, there is no P. But magazines, newspapers and online sites from The Atlantic to Jezebel would have you believe that she and her cohorts are scampering around college campuses nationwide, unchecked and sexually liberated, transforming the face of coed relations with every one-night stand.

As female undergraduates outnumber men on many college campuses, notably at large public universities, many writers have observed the shift toward a more casual sexual environment for women.

Most journalists embrace the premise that “courtship” has changed and young adults are eschewing “traditional relationships” in favor of the casual. These commentators then try to determine how and why things have changed so dramatically.

The most common explanation is that women are more focused on careers and success, rather than securing a long-term significant other.

United in their fascination with hook-up culture’s existence, writers remain more divided on its implications. Hanna Rosin’s feature in The Atlantic argued against claims that said culture is harmful and degrading to women, framing it instead as an “engine of female progress.” Rosin writes in direct opposition to Caitlin Flanagan, whose book “Girl Land” sees 21st century relationships as an affront to women’s privacy and freedom.

It’s not entirely surprising that articles about sex on campus keep getting written year after year. Sex sells anywhere, even more so amongst young men and women preparing to take over the world from boardrooms to baseball fields. But in the eagerness to slap a trend analysis on a tawdry tale, nuances can be sacrificed and facts given a glossy veneer.

The elephant in the room is Kate Taylor’s New York Times feature, published in July. The ode to sexual relations at the University of Pennsylvania dictated this summer’s talk about hookup culture, but also garnered its fair share of criticism.

Most complaints boiled down to a certain type of article which

tries to apply a broad generalization to an impossibly diverse demographic, in this case American college students.

Jezebel’s Kate Dries decried an attempt to use a few anonymously quoted sources as a stand-in for an entire swath of the population. Tracy Moore, also of Jezebel, pointed out a lack of exploration into the way socioeconomic status interacts with sexual habits. One could extend this complaint further: you’re hard-pressed to find an article about sex on campus that delves into race, ethnicity or sexual preference.

The relationships explored are consistently heteronormative. The specific realities of individuals are saved for profiles; trend pieces are told in broad strokes.

At Dartmouth, some of those realities match the story told in The Times and elsewhere. Some don’t.

“I had a long-distance relationship a lot of last year because there weren’t a lot of great options here for me,” Gabriel Barrios ’15 said. “In some ways, that avoided the whole hookup cycle here, which is nice.”

While many of the students I spoke with and those cited in the articles discuss the benefits of a no-strings-attached attitude, the desire for something more traditional and definite hasn’t left our minds or hearts. It is just something to do later on.

“It seems like it is the workload and schedule system that keeps the scene pretty casual here,” Kristopher Jorgenson ’16 said.

But The Times has us there too: “The End of Courtship,” Alex Williams’ much-shared article, sang the swan-song of post-graduation relationships as well. Williams’ women now find themselves approaching 30 without a substantial long-term relationship, and are stressed about the hookup culture that bleeds through after college.

Somehow these articles consistently get away with more than most when it comes to a grounding in truth. Take the fact that the hookup culture itself isn’t leading to more sex. The New York Daily News cited a recent study from the University of Portland, which found that 18 to 25-year-olds reported no having no more sex than their demographic in previous decades.

Clearly, writers like Taylor can’t avoid the scrutiny their pieces generate. Sometimes, critics just want to know what the point is of it all.

“As an old friend and fellow Penn alum wrote to me, ‘Have STD infections been on the rise?’”

Penn graduate Logan Levkoff wrote in The Huffington Post. “‘Are there more incidents of unintended pregnancy on campus?’ Perhaps a provocative piece

about Ivy League women and sex attracts New York Times readers, but sadly, it misrepresented the accomplished, strong and smart women that I know as Penn students past and present.”

Part of the problem is that these essays, framed as exposes of a phenomenon almost no college student would blink twice at, reflect some very real sentiments that can be lost in melodrama. However much the writers may exaggerate the promiscuity and lack of intimacy, love at Dartmouth and other campuses still remains frustratingly elusive. Ambiguity has put more stress on both men and women than our libidos anticipated.

“I am just jaded by the whole experience here at this point,” a female ’14 said. “I want a guy to ask me on a date and start there instead of drunk in a basement.”

So female ’14 does see an “End of Courtship.” But she is female, anonymous ’14. She could be P on a down day. What she’s not is legion: her opinion is that of one college woman, not all. But we shouldn’t expect to see an end to sexposes anytime soon. Times writers come and go; hook up culture never dies.

ALI DALTON // THE DARTMOUTH

6// MIRROR

MIND THE GAP

Courtesy of Singer Horse Capture

Freshmen and upperclassmen alike take advantage of full years to travel, work and explore prior to matriculating. By ERIN LANDAU Jack Brown ’15 stepped off the plane from Boston to Vancouver, relishing in his newfound sense of freedom. Having arrived at the starting point of his solo bike ride down the West Coast, Brown couldn’t wait to begin his first journey in a year full of post-high school adventures. After collecting his bags and setting up his new collapsible bike, Brown rode confidently out of the airport and onto Route 1, with the wind at his back and the glittering Pacific Ocean as his guide. But as clouds brewed on the Oregon horizon, Brown realized he forgot to pack any form of mapping device and had no clue how to find the closest camping sites on the frontier.

For weeks Brown participated in what he called “guerilla camping,” setting up his small one-person tent behind high schools and recreation centers, praying to avoid detection and sheltering himself from the infamous Canadian rain. Riding the lonely trail, Brown struggled to maintain his motivation, eventually experiencing a moment of epiphany during which he knew he had to keep pushing through to prove to himself he could finish. Describing this as one of the most profound moments of his life, Brown said his gap year experience helped him understand his capabilities and get to know himself on a deeper level.

The gap year is frequently one of those terms you hear in college fairs and pretend to consider for a few weeks, daydreaming about foreign countries, exploring the world and finding yourself and independence away from the influences of parents, friends and school. While the gap year has always been popular in the United Kingdom and other countries in Europe — 50 percent of students in Norway take a year off before returning to school, according to the Nordic Institute for Studies in Innovation, Research and Education — it is only now gaining popularity in the United States.

Much of Brown’s experiences during his gap year, which he also spent on an organic farming program in New Zealand, echo the years spent by other Dartmouth

students traveling the globe in search of self-discovery before entering four more years of strenuous education. Common themes within these benefits include gaining a sense of confidence, getting to know oneself better, discovering independence and simply taking a break from a grueling American schooling system.

Skye Herrick ’17, who had long planned to live in a French speaking country and work in a developing country, spent several months working as an au pair in France.

Another seven weeks living in Tanzania gave Herrick just the independent experiences she was searching for.

“I lived out of the country for eight months, I flew to Africa by myself, and when I got home I felt like I could really do things that had previously seemed intimidating or overwhelming,” she added.

Jonathon Katzman ’17, who spent six months studying abroad in Beijing, said his trip taught him independence and time management skills, beneficial in any college setting.

“Mentally you learn a lot about yourself.

It’s important to get outside your box and experience something different,” he said.

“Especially as a little kid, I never thought I would study abroad in China.”

Katzman was able to channel different parts of himself he did not know existed while away, especially with regards to his communication skills. Describing himself as a “staunch American patriot,” Katzman said he learned to accept and converse with those he would usually disagree with wholeheartedly. This new skill set led Katzman to pursue his gap year studies further at the College.

“This term, I am even taking two classes having to do with China, one being a continuation of the language and a class on Chinese history,” he said. “I wanted to know why so many ordinary Chinese people have the mindsets that they do.”

Rianna Starheim ’14, who grew up on a maple farm in upstate New York, said her gap year in India exposed her to a range

“

I have a much more open view of people from other countries. Before I left I had this idea, like most American have, that we think we’re the best important country in the world, but that doesn’t mean our culture is the most important.

SINGER HORSE CAPTURE ’17

of beliefs and cultures that she would never have experienced otherwise. After graduating in a class of 16 in an “extremely conservative” environment, Starheim said she studied abroad to live at a new pace.

While in India, Starheim attended a high school in a slum and attended classes in Tamil, which she had never spoken before.

She also worked in an orphanage during the swine flu epidemic of 2009, describing it as one of the most transformative experiences of her year.

“One girl Priya who was four years old got it, and it was very treatable but heartbreaking because she got really sick and ended up dying,” Starheim said. “I think that sort of changed my life a little bit.”

Most students agreed that Dartmouth is extremely supportive of gap years, facilitating the process by providing a simple waiver to sign for deferral and requesting to remain updated on students’ progress throughout the year. ’17s especially expressed feeling that taking a gap year made them more prepared for college and the challenges of living away from home, leaving friends and taking rigorous classes.

Singer Horse Capture ’17, who spent a year in France, said she has a slight headstart on figuring out who she is.

“I have a much more open view of people from other countries,” she said. “Before I left I had this idea, like most Americans have, we think we’re the best important country in the world, but that doesn’t mean our culture is the most important.”

Outside of the apartment that Katzman’s host family lived in, a couple who sold homemade dumplings on the street.

Katzman frequently sought out the little cart after a long day and talked to the couple about moving to Beijing, Chinese politics, American culture and everything in between. Not only did Katzman notice his progress in the language, he realized that he was sharing a cultural experience, relishing the life of the city and getting the best of everything his gap year had to offer.

MIRROR //7

COLUMN

WHAT HAVE WE DONE? IN CASE SEANIE CIVALE AMANDA SMITH YOU WERE WONDERING By

COLUMN

AND

By

KATIE SINCLAIR

They say first impressions are lasting.

But rather than using this introduction to impress upon you our senior year thoughtfulness and wisdom, we’ll cut to the chase. We are heavily flawed. Hopefully that’s made clear by the title. What Have We Done seemed to fit because if we’ve learned anything in the past three years, it’s that we are pros, champs and all-around bosses...at messing up. We are the elusive defective Dartmouth student.

The question “What (ON EAR TH) have I done?” has become the unfortunate mantra of our college careers. We’ve hummed it to ourselves watching professors sign withdrawal cards, sung it loud as our planes touched down in study-abroad countries about which we knew nothing and beat ourselves over the head with it after our worst failures of romantic tact.

Cataloging our blunders began during the winter of our freshman year. At the height of the doldrums, we started a blog meant for our eyes only as a way to write and vent and keep in touch during terms spent away. We had been best friends for three months, but in those days a lot of things, including our status as college students, felt like they would last forever. So, rather than writing a research paper and a lab report, we sat on a tie-dye beanbag chair in Fahey-McLane eating Cinnamon Toast Cr unch and marshmallow fluf f sandwiches and wrote our first blog post to imaginar y readers about SAD-induced depression and the perils of the Freshman 15(00). We titled it “For When Shit Gets Heavy (And You Do Too).” It was wildly popular amongst its two-person readership.

By the end of the term, we would secretly chronicle a bout with pink eye, backto-back all-nighters, sobriety and lack thereof, general irresponsibility resulting in the repeated loss of important personal identification items, paper title-writing, a condescending cop on the night shift, turtlenecks, shower singers and stalkers, to name a few. The blog was our way to tackle the misadventures on which we embarked while stumbling through the arctic tundra that is Februar y in Hanover.

It helped us swallow the massive pill that is Dartmouth College and keep laughing when the going got rough.

But freshman year came and went.

(Beware of this, ’17s. Don’t let it happen to you.) We got busy with all of the things that college sophomores get busy with,

and the blog dwindled to a post ever y eight months or so.

This summer, together in New York City, we reread it. It feels as sentimental as it is stupid, familiar as it is naive. Yes, we have learned. And we’ve even grown up a bit too, despite our earlier belief in our own timelessness. We have collectively trotted the globe, dyed our hair, cut it off (with nail clippers...do not do this), lied about our identity, had EBAs delivered to a tree stump, spent off-terms together and apart, seen death and felt unequivocally, wholly alive. And now here we are three bumpy years later, still standing. Still stumbling. Still screwing up a lot more than we care to admit.

We’ve found that, crouching at the starting line of the final lap of college, most of our peers fill their bucket lists with stuff they wish to do and see before they graduate. And some senior columnists of Mirrors past have given the greater Dartmouth community their final words of wisdom, divulging the many honest, smart things they have learned in college. We’ve admired them for three years, waiting for the heavens to part and shine this same wisdom down upon our bowed heads. Hanover’s raining more than ever, and we’re still waiting.

So for you, we will now abandon the wait and accept the inevitability of fiascos abound in the next nine months. We’ll give you the uncut and unedited (just kidding we love our editors) retelling of the rollercoaster ride that is our final chapter in Hanover. We cannot guarantee wisdom any more so than we can sobriety. We also can’t always guarantee we’ll hit our deadlines. As of now, all we know for sure are the basics. We’re Dartmouth students (though that clock keeps ticking). ’14s (forever). SWUGs? We’ll see. Mostly, we’re just two college seniors dealing with the fact that the end is egregiously near and we have no idea what that means. We like to write, we like to laugh (once so hard that it resulted in the Pants-Wetting Debacle of 12S), we like each other and we like you.

We signed off on all of our old blog posts as one of our favorite hilarious historic BFF-duos who turned messing up into an art form. So we will continue to do so now. Stay tuned, friends. There’s always more to come.

Yours, Lucy and Ethel

In case you were wondering, the inside of the storage shed for biological samples at the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center smells suspiciously like a frat basement. When I first walked in there, unaware that I was breaking the safety protocols, since the shed may also have had killer toxic mold, the smell reminded me of home. And you know there’s probably something wrong with you when a shed full of pickled polychaete worms and parasitic barnacles brings back fond memories, but that’s the truth.

My mission in the storage shed was a simple one: to de-mold and repack some of the samples that had been collected 10 years ago and were patiently waiting for some scientist to come along and analyze them. It’s nice to know that in the “real world,” people are forgetful too and collect trinkets that may someday be useful to someone, even if they’re not sure exactly how.

I can commiserate with the moldy glass vials and jars packed away in storage. At Dartmouth, you get pretty good at packing and unpacking. I have friends who can deconstruct a whole room in a little under four hours. At Dartmouth, you get good at hauling your stuff to the basement of Mid Mass or New Hamp, though alas, as I learned last spring, Ripley Woodward Smith does not have the luxur y of storage. You get good at doing your laundr y at midnight the day before your noon coach leaves and praying that your twin XL comforter is dr y enough that it doesn’t collect mildew while you’re away. You get good at pretending that basement flooding is a threat only for the hapless freshmen who stashed their stuff in the River and that there is no possible chance that any accident could wipe out all your wordly goods. You get good at putting your life at Dartmouth on hold while you travel the world or intern at some prestigious firm.

You get good at hoping that ever yone will leave a place for you and remember you when you get back.

One of the things I’m excited about for senior year, besides getting to see all the people I actually like in the same two-mile radius for the first time in two years, is never having to move again. Moving sucks.

Packing is worse than unpacking, because at least when you unpack you sometimes experience the joy of rediscovering that awesome purple tutu you thought your roommate stole for Alpha Chi semi.

So here goes my proposal. Ever y week we’ll go unpack some storage sheds. I’ll find you some random facts, some errata,

some long-forgotten footnote. Now would be a good time to divulge that “Tristram Shandy” is one of my favorite books.

Digressing as a form of progression will be this column’s motto. If you’ve read the book, you’ll get it. If you haven’t, go find an English major and ask them. Or Google it. Or just ask me. I’m on blitz a lot. On the surface, my column will probably have nothing to do with life at Dartmouth, but it will doubtless be ver y deep and thoughtprovoking and make you consider things in a new light. And if nothing else, you’ll learn something.

Returning from the figurative storage shed to the literal one, I can now address the myster y of the eau de frat. Using my astute reasoning skills, I was able to deduce that the smell was not due to all gross things smelling like frat, but rather because we use 70 percent ethanol to preser ve our samples. Ethanol is an interesting molecule. If I had actually taken organic chemistr y, I could talk to you about the difference between things that end in –anol and things that end in –ene, but I haven’t, so I can’t. Ethanol is interesting as a preser vative and cleanser, but it’s more interesting as something you can actually drink.

Distillation of liquids, like most useful things, was invented by the Chinese and the Greeks. Distillation of alcohol was first documented in Salerno, Italy in the 12th centur y. I find it somewhat ironic that the same liquid that is used to preser ve scientific samples (minus the poisonous stuff they throw in there so people won’t drink it) is also what people imbibe to erase all memories of what happened last night.

The “drinking at Dartmouth” phenomenon has been addressed in several outlets, so I won’t go into it here. I will say this, though: in my experience, some of my best times at Dartmouth have involved consumption of alcohol, but also some of the worst.

So when you begin your Friday night of frolicking, tr y and party like its 1199.

Think like a medieval monk in Salerno.

This stuff took a long time to make, it’s the late 12th centur y, and we just figured out how to make it, so please go easy on it.

Also, you’ve learned a lot of cool stuff this week, and it would be a shame to forget all of it. I bet you (premeds and chemistr y majors excluded) didn’t know the chemical formula for ethanol, did you?

Next week we shall exit the storage shed and move into the larger world. I’ve already addressed how fascinating specimens can be preser ved — it’s time to go out and collect some more.

8 // MIRROR

ASKS

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF FALL? Members of the Mirror staff share the moments they love the most about the fall in Hanover.

I love hiking while the leaves are changing, but perhaps more importantly, Collis serves pumpkin baked goods more often!

-Lindsay Keare ’16

I love seeing couples all bundled up, sipping hot cocoa and sitting on the benches on the Green and around town. Maybe these people are just friends or siblings or don’t even know each other but I like to imagine they are falling in love in the crisp air.

-Mary Liza Hartong ’16

The leaves are pretty, but the leaf peepers are truly beautiful.

-Lily Fagin ’16

The combination of warm afternoons and chilly evenings makes for the perfect weather for running outside by day and cuddling with friends by night.

-Min Kyung Jeon ’16 Slowly watching every ounce of healthy color fading from my skin.

-Natalie Van Brunt ’16

MARGARET ROWLAND // THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF MARGARET ROWLAND// THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF