The Dartmouth 2/13/18

MIR ROR 2.13.19

SELF LOVE 'PRIME TIME' FOR WHAT? |2

THE HEALTHIEST ATTITUDE TO TAKE | 5

JUST KEEP SWIMMING |6 BELLA JACOBY/THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF

2 //MIRR OR

Editors’ Note

‘Prime Time’ for What?

STORY

MICHAEL LIN/THE DARTMOUTH SENIOR STAFF

Love Valentine’s Day? Or do you hate it, proclaiming it to be Singles Awareness Day instead? Unfortunately, Singles Day already exists, and won’t happen until later this year — on Nov. 11 (11/11, get it?). Chinese e-retailer giant Alibaba has held Singles Day, a major sale event, for the past 10 years, with $1 billion dollars being sold over the site in just the first minute-and-a-half this past year. Alibaba might be on to something — you may be lonely, so how about a new watch? Singles Day, while not explicitly about celebrating being single, parallels the commercialism of Valentine’s Day in the States. Bouquets will be frantically ordered last-minute online, chocolates will be cleared off the shelves of CVS and restaurants will be packed with couples trying to enjoy an intimate meal with dozens of other couples sitting a few feet away. Even though so much time, effort and money is put into the day, maybe the hype is worth it — perhaps it reminds us to show our appreciation for our loved ones, a reminder that shouldn’t necessarily be needed, but possibly, it is called for to take a little time and appreciate one another and ourselves. Gift or not.

follow @thedmirror

2.13.19 VOL. CLXXV NO. 133 MIRROR EDITORS NIKHITA HINGORANI CAROLYN ZHOU ASSOCIATE MIRROR SARAH ALPERT EDITORS NOVI ZHUKOVSKY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ZACHARY BENJAMIN INTERIM PUBLISHER VINAY REDDY EXECUTIVE EDITOR AMANDA ZHOU

By Josephine Kim

You should really finish up that “It’s such a luxury to be able to “Even though their per capita problem set, but you should also choose what you want to do ... I income is lower, by actually quite show up to that social event you think in the broad scheme of things, a bit, compared to the U.S., their planned. You should turn in that that education will allow you to perceived quality of life is higher internship and job application choose your path ... I’m making because they’ve got that balance,” ASAP, but you should also be enough to support myself this year, she said. Perhaps, our generation is sleeping more to manage your but I’m able to make that decision experiencing a natural, reactionary health. The pressure creeping over based off the fact that I love what push-back to the idea of working your shoulder. To work? Or to play? I’m doing. I was able to choose this crazy hours for better pay. We feel Are your 20s and job,” Sabol said. this battle between “work” and 30s your “prime “I’m making I n t e re s t i n g l y, “play” may point to something more years?” Work now, enough to support Sabol also significant. play later? Work has observed “Quite frankly, you are not hard, play harder? myself this year, the differing defined by your job,” Rose said. But With the but I’m able to experiences some many of us may have been implicitly c o m b i n a t i o n of her peers taught our lives as a series of of internal make that decision have had shortly achievements, she observed. What is and external based off the fact after graduation. the alternative to living our lives as a e x p e c t a t i o n s “Yeah, a lot of my series of achievements then? that I love what I’m weighing on you friends who are In her book “The Power of and the dizzying doing.” doing work right Meaning: Crafting a Life that whirl of “shoulds,” now, they’re not Matters,” Emily Esfahani Smith ’09 you may not even passionate about, wrote that you must create a narrative find the head space -MADISON SABOL ’18 they don’t like it, or from the events of your life. In 2017, to ask yourself they feel like they’re she gave a TED talk reinforcing these questions. compromising on this concept and provided this You just go. If you live to see their values or something to do their example: many of us find purpose another day, you continue to move work,” she said. “But, they view in our work because that is how we along. For some, anxiety and “hard it as a means to doing what they typically contribute and feel needed work” comes and goes like a cloud really love to do. And I think there’s in society. However, there is a flip above your head; for others, they different responses side to staking all form more of a perpetual haze. to that.” your meaning “I have a number How can we begin to make sense of E c o n o m i c s into your work, of students our “prime time” years? I decided professor Marjorie as disengagement to ask a few individuals for their Rose pointed to a jumping from at work or insights. related idea. “Your finance to u n e m p l oy m e n t Madison Sabol ’18 is currently generation, by the very well may working in the Sustainability Office time you hit 30, consulting to happen. It is at Dartmouth. She collaborates will have changed nonprofits, just important, then, with students on projects to help jobs more than to find a balance trying a number make our campus a greener space. probably previous between the two As a student, she created the g e n e r a t i o n s , ” of different things to truly achieve a “Green2Go” reusable takeaway she said. “I have before they’re 30.” meaningful life. container program that we now a number of If your life use at Class of 1953 Commons students jumping is not just a list and The Courtyard Café. While from finance to -MARJORIE ROSE, of events, then she enjoys her job and the benefits consulting to perhaps your life’s ECONOMICS that come with working in a college nonprofits, just “prime time” is setting, Sabol shared that she trying a number PROFESSOR not just a war zone had to intentionally consider her of different things between working other passions, like farming and before they’re 30.” and playing, and education, alongside her desire to Now, it seems people are interested which wins out. Maybe your 20s support herself financially at this in gaining as much experience and 30s are the actually the “prime point in time. as possible in different fields, in time” to do something else. Like “Being a farmer, in general, addition to pursuing more flexible Sabol, maybe it is about identifying and in the United States, is really working hours, having more time your luxuries and treasuries, in difficult financially and can be very off and achieving a balance between order to make the spaces around burdensome,” she said. “And so, personal and work life. Of course, you better while doing what you when I think about pursuing that career changes are not always by love. But the process of crafting any career path, that seems even more choice. Yet this trend is revealing of story alternative to the mainstream risky to me, because there’s not a the evolution of what a “job” means. one will take time. Smith makes an huge security net there.”

In Rose’s generation, a “job” meant effort to point out that this is not an She explained that there are a long-term 30-, 40- or 45-year easy task. But, at the end of day, I many professions that she could have career at one company. Perhaps that personally take Sabol’s words to chosen to draw in more income. security is the natural sacrifice for heart: However, after many conversations shuffling in as many experiences and “Continue to seek out community with all kinds of people, from career path explorations as possible. and be with one another and rely mentors to Vermont wine and Rose said that she had a on one another,” she said. “Don’t cider makers, she reflected on her conversation about work-personal be afraid of asking for help because Dartmouth education and how lifestyle balance with her college thinking about the future in isolation it has allowed her to think about graduate daughter, who has been is terrifying, but thinking about the the future, especially in contrast to working in New Zealand for the past future [with others] makes it a lot people of her parents’ generation. four years. less daunting.”

MIRROR //3

Sing Your Heart Out: A Pump-Up Playlist STORY

By Novi Zhukovsky

Valentine’s Day is either an excuse to go on a romantic date with a significant other, a time to gather a group of gal-pals and watch sappy rom-coms, or a reason to treat yourself to that overpriced box of assorted chocolate truffles. Whatever you are planning for Valentine’s Day, I just want to remind you that it is also a time when we can show ourselves a little extra love. Here is a list of my top seven self-love anthems that you can jam out to on any day of the year.

6) “Scars to your Beautiful” by Alessia Cara With this song, Alessia Cara manages to create a fresh, new take on the classic self-love anthem. Though more of a ballad than a #banger, this soft and emotional tune will make you want to grab the hand of your best friend and tell them how flawless they are. It promotes self-love and positivity without overdoing it.

And Alessia Cara’s down-to-earthbut-confident vibe only adds to the effect.

7) “Perfect” by P!nk We all know P!nk: singer, mother, UNICEF ambassador and antibullying advocate who was able to make her way to the big stage from her humble beginnings of flipping burgers at McDonald’s. The fact that she was the one to propose to her husband only adds to her clout as a strong female force. Basically, this song makes you feel like you can be as badass as she is. It’s the perfect song to play when you’re feeling, as the song puts it, “less than perfect.”

This tune embodies everything a self-hype up song should be. And it’s catchy.

5) “Run the World (Girls)” by Beyoncé This is the ultimate female empowerment song. It is a perfect banger for anyone who’s just damn sick of the patriarchy — especially during a holiday that can generate stigma about being single. This song makes you feel like nothing in the world can stand in your way while also promoting strong female comradery, both of which we could all use a little more of. Also, it’s by Beyoncé. Even just listening to her voice makes me feel a little bit blessed.

4) “Shake it Off” by Taylor Swift

Okay, I know that Taylor Swift has become somewhat of a controversial public figure lately, but come on. You know you like this song — don’t deny it. Unreasonably catchy and with an empowering message, “Shake it Off” is a winner. This song is guaranteed to put you in a better mood — and it might just make you stand up and shake it off.

3) “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera This song is a more subtle version of a self-love anthem. Christina’s heavenly vocals coupled with her raw and vulnerable lyrics could bring a tear to any dry eye. This song is sure to make you cry, but it will also make you stand up taller — and hopefully, feel a little more beautiful.

2) “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson Arguably the most successful singer to emerge from American Idol, Kelly Clarkson has been producing jams since 2002. “Breakaway” is no exception. Play this song at a party and I guarantee everyone will start singing along. The song was also featured in Princess Diaries (arguably

ARYA KADAKIA/THE DARTMOUTH STAFF

Music can cheer you up, especially if you’re going through heartbreak.

one of the best movies of all time), giving us even more of a reason to love it. Blast this song on repeat and you may just spread your wings and learn how to fly.

1) “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child “Survivor” is one of the best goto-karaoke tracks and the greatest

self-love anthem of all time, handsdown. “Survivor” has everything you could ever want from a feel-good, I’m-a-strong-independent-(insert relevant pronoun)-song: amazing vocals, a clap-along beat, inspiring lyrics and of course, Beyoncé. It’s the perfect tune to blast in the shower when you need a little extra pep in your step.

4// MIRROR

Learning to Say No STORY

By Christina Baris

We’ve all experienced the absolute exhausting.” It’s a joke, but it’s also joy that results from cancelled plans. painfully true. I’ve discovered that Maybe that time you once allotted for needing to be universally liked isn’t your club meeting can now go toward just tiring — it’s colossally stupid. Any that coveted extra hour of sleep, or opinion that’s even worth having isn’t you can get one episode further in going to be supported by everyone, your latest Netflix so what’s the binge. But what use of trying to happens when "I constantly find please everyone? c a n c e l l at i o n s myself calculating To put it bluntly: incite more joy in search of than the activity which exact steps I being likeable, itself ? If you’re need to take in order we risk losing always excited individuality. And to make everyone about cancelled yet, I constantly plans, it might happy, and sometimes, f i n d m y s e l f be time to ask calculating which one of those steps is yourself if you exact steps I really should’ve saying 'yes' when I need to take in had those plans would really rather order to make in the first place. everyone happy, The cause of not." and sometimes, this problem is a one of those steps very simple, twois saying “yes” letter word: “no.” It’s pronounced the when I really would rather not. In doing same way in multiple languages, yet this, perhaps I succeed in pleasing others there is something about this word — but have I made myself happy? that makes it so difficult to say aloud.

Being disliked isn’t a strictly negative So, in the spirit of self-care, let’s discuss concept. Individuals who change the some of the reasons why it might be world are not the people who everyone hard to say no and why it’s important liked — they’re the ones who stood by to overcome this fear. their beliefs despite opposition. They’re My fear of saying no probably stems the ones who mastered the art of saying from my annoyingly intense need to no. be liked by pretty much everyone I I also fear saying no due to my hatred meet. Last year, when watching a John of confrontation. “No” is usually not Mulaney comedy special (a pastime the answer people want to hear and that I highly recommend to literally sometimes leads to arguments that everyone), I came across a quote that could have been avoided with a simple was just a little too relatable: “I need “yes.” There is a misconception that everyone to like me so much. It’s “no” is indicative of laziness. However,

“yes” is oftentimes the real path of least resistance. When I’m too afraid of disappointing people, I say yes. It’s the easy thing to do, but it’s not always the right thing. “Yes” prolongs problems, making them briefly disappear only to show up later in full force. As an avid procrastinator, that is a recurring theme I know all too well.

The desire to be “accomplished” is certainly not foreign to any Dartmouth student. Naturally, we pile on activities to discover new interests, pursue current passions and constantly remain busy. If I’ve learned anything during my first term at Dartmouth (besides the fact that chocolate covered espresso beans are not a viable substitute for sleep), it’s that being busy does not always result in instant happiness. Although I hate idleness, too much activity only results in stress and a lack of sleep. In order to maintain sanity, it’s necessary to learn when to say no.

The fear of saying no also aligns perfectly with the fear of missing out, or FOMO. Currently, FOMO is amplified by social media’s reign on our perception of the lives of others.

When I decide not to go out, my feed is flooded with Snapchat and Instagram pictures that highlight only the best moments of the night. Immediately, I begin to question my decision to stay in.

That same mentality applies to saying no. What will I give up by saying no?

What’s the opportunity cost? I’ll never miss out on anything if I never say no — but how sustainable can a lifestyle like that really be?

By saying no, we gain control.

However, we must consider not only aspirations. what we say, but also how we say it. In Highlighting the importance of college, we lose the ability to use the saying no should not disregard the age-old excuse of “my mom said no.” importance of also saying yes. It’s Let’s take a minute to appreciate the completely necessary to step outside beauty of this excuse: it’s versatile (just our comfort zones. But we must say yes try to name a situation that this excuse for the right reasons. Is your “yes” an doesn’t work for) and very hard to argue excited offer to try something new, or against (oh sure, you might be able to is it merely a fearful attempt to avoid convince me to change my mind — conflict? but are you really going to oppose my Self-care has wrongly become mom?). Yet this excuse is also a lame synonymous with Lush facemasks attempt to deflect blame and avoid and candlelit baths. To truly take care guilt. It’s not even remotely assertive, of ourselves, we must first understand and — if we’re being honest — it’s ourselves; to overcome our fears, we probably not true (did you even ask your must first notice them. Sometimes you mom?). We should be held accountable need to ask yourself if you really want to for our own actions. Part of growing up go out this Friday night. Do you actually is changing “my have the time to mom said no” to "We should be held add another club “I’m saying no.” to your schedule?

This distinction accountable for our Will you complete highlights that own actions. Part every favor that is we are in control asked of you out of of growing up is of our lives and sheer compliance? changing 'my mom decisions.

It’s really great to Saying no can said no' to 'I'm saying help others, but also be a sign of sometimes you no.'

This disti ncti on confidence and also need to help determination. highlights that we are yourself.

People who really D o yo u r s e l f in control of our lives know what they a f av o r a n d want also know and decisions." acknowledge your what they don’t own limitations. want. Learning Stop biting off that you don’t like more than you can something can be chew by learning just as valuable how and when to as learning that you do. While “no” say no. Soon enough, you’ll be replacing may sound like a missed opportunity, the joy of cancelled plans with the joy it can be used to focus your goals and of a properly balanced schedule.

MIRROR //5

The Healthiest Attitude to Take STORY

By Katherine Cline

Self-care at Dartmouth is 11 and 2 happens to the best of us. hard. Your roommate has sexiled I’m here to help you live your best you three times during the past life. weekend, and you’re not excited for My advice is to give yourself a Valentine’s Day. Midterm grades break. The weekend just happened are rolling in, and now you’re and you’re all tired out. Take reflecting upon your life choices a day off! Does your class have (why didn’t you put an NRO on pop quizzes? Maybe. But what that class again? Oh yeah, because are the chances you have one apparently you can’t NRO more tomorrow? Technically, going out than one course). Remember that on a Wednesday when you have person you swore you were going a presentation on Thursday is to grab a meal with when you saw not a bright idea on paper, but I them in KAF line Week 2? How’s personally think it’s stress relief. that going? It’s so cold that you Self-care. get brain freeze just from walking Cut toxic people out of your life. between Collis and the Hop. There is nothing quite as healthy EVERYONE IS SICK. as isolating yourself from others.

(This is not an A “friend” exaggeration. If "Self-care, man. You're d i d n’t l a u g h you don’t know at your jok e someone who’s doing your best. You this morning? currently sick stood up a friend for Cut them out, and sniffling, you don’t need lunch — I mean, it subsequently t h at t y pe of giving you high happens to the best of neg ativity in blood pressure us. Sometimes you just your life. Your every time they mom called come too close, need to put yourself and told you then as a PSA first." that “you’re not I’m letting you taking school know that you seriously” just are the sick one. There is a reason because you decided to take your no one has offered you a sip of their third two-class term? Cut her out. drink lately. Whenever you try to That’s toxic behavior right there. give people a hug, they awkwardly Your professor gave you a grade intercept it with a weird fist bump. equivalent to the effort that you put For the love of God, please don’t in instead of the grade you wanted? cough on my laptop.)

CUT THEM OUT. Self-care.

A literal blizzard is happening, Take care of your body –– it is and chances are professors are not your temple. What makes you feel canceling class (tragically). You good? Novack sushi and late night haven’t been to the gym or your mozz sticks are protein and essential group project meetings in a week fats, so I think you’re doing great. and have no intention of rectifying The gym is a that. That one petri dish. Who girl texted you "Emotional awareness knows how to ask if you many people is key to taking care of had the reading have sneezed for class like a yourself. Do you feel or vomited on week ago and like crying? Go to the that treadmill? you still haven’t It’s probably responded (have stacks. Everyone there healthier for fun avoiding eye is crying already." your body contact for the to avoid the rest of the term). g er m s th ere When’s the last than it is to time you did laundry? Scratch that, work out. Is lying in your bed for when’s the last time you washed the 14 hours straight technically a yoga clothes you’re wearing right now? pose? Sure, why not. Is your caffeine Honestly, it’s ok. Self-care, intake biologically unsustainable man. You’re doing your best. You and medically unsafe? Well, I’m not stood up a friend for lunch –– I a doctor, but heart palpitations and mean, it happens to the best of cold sweats seem normal at 8 a.m. us. Sometimes you just need to put Plus that one muffin you had seven yourself first. So what, you turned hours ago 100 percent absorbs some in an essay late. A week past your of that caffeine. Self-care. extension is not that bad. Ok, ok, Science (ugh) says that moving so it was technically a Canvas post, around is good for you, so do that, but hey I’m not going to shame I guess. I’m pretty sure that half you for that. two hundred words the work out is getting into workout is longer than most people think. gear. Take a brisk walk (read: Pulling two successive all-nighters meander slowly) around Occom and then sleeping through your 10, while occasionally stretching so it

looks like you might begin to jog at Everyone there is crying already. any moment. Don’t do it during a Are you ang ry? Throwing a nor mal hour temper tantrum when you might is not immature, "Cut toxic people out see someone it’s a healthy y o u k n o w, of your life. There expression of because there’s is nothing quite as your feelings. nothing worse Okay, maybe healthy as isolating than making doing it in e y e c o n t a c t yourself from others. the middle of wh e n yo u ’re your exam was A 'friend' didn't laugh pretending like distracting to you might try to at your joke this others, but it’s physically exert morning? Cut them not like you’re yourself. Do it responsible at 1 a.m., when out, you don't need for your own there is zero that type of negativity behavior and chance anyone how they impact in your life." w i l l s e e yo u o t h e r s. S e l f pretending to care. work out. SelfK now care. what you’re thankful for. Some Emotional awareness is key to people might call it bragging. But taking care of yourself. Do you you and I both know that verbally feel like crying? Go to the stacks. cataloguing your AirPods and

Apple Watch is just you trying to be your best self. Also, be creative.

You can add to this list things like, “I’m super grateful that that one guy I was in a class with two terms ago has finally stopped waving at me.” That’s reasonable. Self-care.

Technology is the curse of our generation. Turn your phone off every once in a while. Except wait — hold on, does that mean no WiFi? Oh my God, what am I supposed to do the whole time? Disgusting.

Okay, new plan. Look at your phone, but refuse to acknowledge texts or emails. It’ll be like you’re not on your phone, without all the boredom. Self-care.

Take or leave any of my advice.

But I suggest that you take care of yourself, however you might do that. Valentine’s Day encourages us to demonstrate our love for others.

Luckily, we have every other day of the year to demonstrate our love for

6 //MIR ROR

Keep on Swimming: Trajectories of Confidence STORY

By Alexa DiCostanzo

This isn’t another article about self-esteem levels would be decent. the Dartmouth “duck syndrome” (Maybe there’d be healthy room for trope that’s been discussed half to improvement.) By the time senior death. We get it! Kids here want to year rolled around, students would put up a good front. The best front. have triumphed over numerous They want the Goldman Sachs unspeakable difficulties, scaled job, the place at a top med school, proverbial mountains and realized the hot significant other who will they were actually pretty capable become their individuals a l u m t ro p hy who would do spouse to have “By nature of its just fine in the s u p e r g e n i u s , brevity and vagueness, next stage of Dartmouthlife. In short, [the duck syndrome green-clad I anticipated narrative] provides no most students’ babies with.

Okay, wait. insight into the stories confidence Maybe the last l e ve l s w o u l d one is only my — no grittiness of have increased fantasy. biography — unique to steadily over the T h e years — which inividuals.” truth about may be less confidence at indicative of life Dartmouth is and experience more nuanced than the image at the College than it is of growing of a duck paddling frantically up in general. Instead, the stories underwater. That motif embodies of women I spoke with depicted the pressure consuming the lives journeys that took them from of so many young people here: cruising comfortably at flying pressure to maintain high grades, altitude, to down in the gutter, to a competitive social life and five- back up again and all the pit stops mile-long lists of responsibilities. along the way.

But this metaphor is, at best, The first woman I spoke to was unsatisfactory, and, at worst, an Elle, who told me she arrived at unintentional form of erasure. college with a reasonable amount By nature of its brevity and of self-confidence. Elle, whose vagueness, it provides no insight name has been changed to protect into the stories — no grittiness of her privacy, was 18 years old, ready biography — unique to individuals. to leave behind a toxic high-school There is simply no room in the relationship and start anew. By all image of a duck for themes like accounts, she had moved past the gender, class, sexual violence and ubiquitous adolescent confidence racism to manifest in all their brutal issues that plague all of us at poignancy. I spoke to three women some point. Upon her arrival at whose stories elucidated how the Dartmouth, however, she perceived duck metaphor fails to capture the an immediate shift in thinking. In intricacies of individual accounts. light of her interactions freshman Before I interviewed anyone for fall with older male students on this article, I expected the trajectory campus, some of those past issues of student confidence to follow slowly started to resurface. a predictable, straightforward “It was not always in explicit narrative. Before starting school, ways, but the demeanor of [male

students] would make me feel that my appearance was all that was important — not my personality, not my intelligence, not my feelings,” she said. This triggered for her something of a mild obsession — frequent trips to the gym, counting calories — that occupied her mind more with each passing day. “More and more I would be aware of how my figure looked. And that wasn’t something I’d done since middle school,” she said.

Elle spoke about how she perceived there to be a palpable gendered power dynamic at Dartmouth, different than what she’d experienced at home, or in big cities around the East Coast.

“It just isn’t the same scale [as it is at here]. I’ve never been objectified anywhere else the way I’ve been at Dartmouth,” Elle said.

She described being catcalled, harassed, coerced into sex and photographed without permission.

“A lot of body comments,” she recalled.

Receiving unwanted attention at Dartmouth is more difficult than it is at other places, she added.

“You’re amongst people who are more likely to be a part of your future, who are more likely to cross your path on campus — literally,” she said. “If you’re like I was, violated, your very first term, you’re going to see that person every term you’re on campus until graduation. And that has been a really hard thing for my own confidence and mental health.”

Concerning her own trajectory of confidence, Neca Chinchilla ’20 explained, “Dartmouth has made me more cynical. I don’t always assume the best of people. A lot of people here are kind of racist — inadvertently, or intentionally.”

She mentioned it is particularly

difficult to advocate for herself as a black guys don’t hook up with black woman of color. “[At Dartmouth] girls,” she explained. “White girls I feel less assured. When I go back are like, this idea of beauty [men home, I feel like I’m a whole other of color] want to have. Even if it’s person,” Chinchilla said. not what they find attractive, it’s We wondered aloud why that just what they think they should was. find attractive.”

“My acting professor had an “Since being [at Dartmouth] idea about people putting on a front I’ve learned to just stop caring, at Dartmouth, and in life,” she said. really and truly.” Jada shrugged.

“Dartmouth encourages it because “It kind of started happening [we value] the things that bring you senior year of high school, and merit.” Chinchilla believes that coming here, at this point I don’t students’ reluctance to show their really care what anyone else says, true selves stems from fear. “People or what anyone else thinks. I’m just don’t show their interiority because trying to do me.” She said she felt it’s not always valued here. I think her confidence had increased since that’s what makes a lot of people arriving at Dartmouth. self-conscious. You’ve got to have The turning point for her all these big accomplishments,” occurred freshman fall, the first she said. Perhaps because concrete time she went out and witnessed achievements are so prized in this the interactions between people environment, she suggested, it is trying to hook up. “I just realized less important to discover and talk that nothing had changed [from about things that you enjoy, and high school], and that I had to be things that make you happy. This, better, to deal with this again. I in turn, sometimes makes it more realized that I came to a place with difficult to connect with others. the exact same issues, and I can’t Jada Brown ’21, who was born let myself succumb to that.” She and raised in Jamaica, reflected on sighed. “Being a thick black girl on how she developed her own sense of this campus is rough. I’ll say that equanimity. “Growing up, I always much. I never stop feeling that way. thought of myself as a confident I’ve never not felt it.” person.” As a high school student, So what is confidence? According she moved from to Brown, a home to attend confident person The Hotchkiss “I just realized that is someone who School, a nothing had changed isn’t afraid to boarding school be themselves in [from high school], in Connecticut. every situation T h e r e , s h e and that I had to be possible — the e x p e r i e n c e d be better, to deal with b e s t v e r s i o n something of a of themselves, culture shock. this again. I realized without fear “I had never that I came to a place of judgement. b e e n a ro u n d Elle told me a with the exact same so many white confident person people in my isses, and I can’t let is someone who life,” she told myself succumb to is comfortable me, laughing. with who they “ I n Ja m a i c a that.” are, while everyone is recognizing from different their own -JADA BROWN ’21 c u l t u re s a n d imperfections. we’re all a Chinchilla melting pot, so even the idea of suggested that confidence has to race was something I never had do with strong convictions — to to deal with before coming to [the believe one is right, regardless of U.S.].” whether or not they actually are.

After attending a high school By the end of each interview, all with 10 black students in a class of three women expressed positive 170, Dartmouth seemed positively arcs in their own self-perception, diverse in comparison. Still, both although the road to that point institutions are elite New England has been anything but easy. I said schools, which means issues tend I didn’t want to harp on the faithful to carry over from one to another. duck metaphor, but to some extent “There’s an idea [at Dartmouth] it is useful and catchy and speaks that women of color aren’t pretty, to some truth. However, the details and that it takes a specific type of of what occurs underwater deserve black body to be attractive on this our attention. They serve to remind campus,” she said. “On a campus us there is much more we can do to where the ideal standard of beauty guarantee some ducks don’t need is blonde, skinny and white, even to paddle so hard.

MIRROR //7

Going the Distance STORY

By Yuna Kim

With Valentine’s Day right difference of me being in the States around the corner, love is definitely and her being in Spain,” Taylor in the air. As people make plans said. “It’s really important to me, for this upcoming Thursday night though, to always make it known — whether that entails finding a to her that I’m still there and that I special someone in a frat basement, am making a conscious effort to be having a romantic dinner out a part of her life.” with a partner For Samuel or perhaps Tabrisky ’22, c e l e b r a t i n g “It’s really one particular a n o t h e r important to me, aspect that made annual Single’s maintaining his though, to always Awareness Day long distance with friends make it known to relationship more — some will manageable was her that I’m still find themselves the fact that his there and that I am wrapped up in girlfriend was able c o n v e r s a t i o n making a conscious to visit Dartmouth over the phone, several times per facing the less- effort to be a part term. According than-ideal but of her life.” to Tabrisky, being unfortunately able to see her and inevitable spend time with reality of a -JEFFREY TAYLOR ’21 her in person was long-distance what made all the relationship. difference.

Especially in “Being able to be a classic college campus setting, with [her] in person when she visits where hook-up culture and one- reminds me that I really do love her night stands often dominate the a lot and that I really enjoy being scene, being in a long distance with her,” Tabrisky said. “The most relationship can pose a number important thing for me is being able of challenges. For Jeffrey Taylor to see her face-to-face, and I think ’21, the most challenging aspect the one thing that has made long of his relationship thus far has distance so much easier for us is been maintaining solid, consistent that she’s been able to visit me fairly communication with his girlfriend, often.” particularly on days that were busy On the other hand, Taylor for both of the two. He shared, shared that he was only able to see however, that even on those days, his girlfriend a handful of times per he made a mindful effort to give her year. Despite this, however, Taylor, his daily support from across the who had been in several longglobe. distance relationships before this “The biggest difficulty has one, shared that this time around, definitely been days when we don’t the distance actually proved have a lot of time to communicate, to be much easier than he had especially with the time zone anticipated. He attributed this fact

to the immense trust he had in his the activities I was involved with,” said. “For example, although partner, which was not the case in Zhong said. “I think one reason it’s great to have my girlfriend’s previous relationships. my breakup might have happened support in my bodybuilding goals, I “I’ve done long distance two or is because I was so focused and know that at the end of the day, it’s three times now, and every other involved at school, and I came to something dependent solely on me time I went into it with a chip realize that my and my repetitive on my shoulder because I didn’t relationship wasn’t “I came to dedication, fully trust my partner, whether I making me as which is really was willing to admit it or not,” happy as all the realize that my rewarding.”

Taylor said. “Now that I’m in a opportunities here relationship wasn’t Another critical long distance relationship with at Dartmouth making me as form of self-care someone who I completely trust were.” shared was the act and who I know is the one for me, it One unanimous happy as all the of re-evaluating completely changed my perspective conclusion reached opportunities a relationship, on distance. I went from swearing by all those who particularly when I’d never do it again to recognizing had experienced here at Dartmouth it isn’t quite going it as something very doable and l o n g - d i s t a n c e were.” the way one might enjoyable.” relationships one have predicted.

Not all, however, have the same way or another was Zhong had insight idyllic experience as Taylor. Rosy the importance -ROSY ZHONG ’22 into this type of Zhong ’22, who decided to end her of taking care of situation, sharing previous long-distance relationship, themselves and advice with anyone found it was difficult for her to pour finding healthy, who may find time and effort into the relationship, meaningful ways themselves in the especially after becoming more to grow and same boat. invested in her life on campus. improve individually outside the “I think it’s okay to commit to Further more, relationship. a long distance relationship and she shared that “I think the one For one, Taylor later come to realize that it isn’t when she faced that by going exactly the way you thought thing that has made shared struggles with setting serious it would,” Zhong said. “It’s okay to her partner, long distance so personal goals decide that what’s best for both of she devoted much easier for us is for himself, he you at the moment is different than herself even was able to find what you had thought previously, more to her on- that she’s been able great joy in his and it’s especially important to try campus activities, to visit me fairly own independent to adapt to your new situations and leading to a selfcommitment to environments.” often.” fulfilling cycle of his aspirations.

So whether you’ll actually be difficulty in her “A major with your partner this Valentine’s relationship. key to keeping Day, snuggled up alone while on -SAMUEL TABRISKY ’22 “I’ve always yourself happy the phone, or whatever else the been the type when you’re in holiday might bring, one thing of person to get a long-distance is clear: above all, prioritize your easily excited relationship — own happiness, self-awareness and by everything aside from the well-being. After all, as cheesy as it around me, so other person, sounds, the most important person last term I had a lot of fun meeting of course — is having your own to love this Valentine’s Day — and all these new friends and loving all personal goals to reach,” Taylor for all those after — is yourself.

YUNA KIM/THE DARTMOUTH

8// MIRROR

Treat Yourself PHOTO

By Divya Kopalle