THE EYE YO U R LO C A L L I FE S T Y L E M AG A Z I N E
January 2012 NO. 31
contact@theeyemagazine.co.uk www.theeyemagazine.co.uk 01642 759064
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Top Stories From Redcar & Marske:
Celebration Of Achievement Redcar & Cleveland College recognises student achievements.
101 A New Number... ...with a 999 ring to it.
Children’s Section
Funs, Games and a competition for children.
New Year Resolutions There to be broken.
Photograph “Snowy Blast” Supplied by Debbie Stogden www.debbiestogden-photography.co.uk
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Welcome to the New Year Edition of
“The Eye Magazine”
In This Month’s Issue How to get back at your bank Page 8 Great facts to take into the new year Page 12 Nissan Qashqai - Funky styling & great features Page 16 Survival guide for driving in Newcastle Page 24 New years resolutions for Boro fans Page 30
Plus Much More... Follow Us on Facebook The Eye is delivered monthly to over 13,250 homes in Redcar & Marske.
A New Year With Much Better Prospects! Stepping back twelve months certainly brings back some seriously unhappy memories. In the previous year the area had taken a real battering in terms of unemployment and we’d suffered one of the most severe periods of wretched winter weather for years. Just as disastrous for some of us was the fact that ‘Boro looked to be heading towards a genuine relegation scrap. Fast forward twelve months and things are so much brighter on all three fronts. Employment prospects have become infinitely better since Thai firm SSI agreed to buy the Teesside Cast Products plant in March this year. Perhaps the best aspect of that news came in the form of a statement from Win Viriyaprapaikit, SSI’s president. He said that the firm was ‘very excited to be here, were determined to ensure that the 170 year heritage of steel making continued and they had plans in place that would ensure younger people could learn from the experience and carry on as the next generation of steel makers.’ Weather-wise, we’ve enjoyed a couple of moderate months, and that’s been great news for the retail industry in particular. Last year’s snow meant long periods of inactivity from the buying public and that – along with the current financial difficulties - led to poor annual figures. Let’s hope local businesses have benefitted from the decent weather and the Christmas rush has been good for them. Finally let’s take our hats off to the wonderful job Tony Mowbray has done to turn ‘Boro into genuine promotion challengers. Again, finances have made his job so much harder but despite having to offload several of his major players he has turned things round superbly. We’re all hoping another genuine striker arrives in the transfer window, but more importantly, let’s also hope we can hold on to the current squad. It is inevitable that some of them will be targets for the Premier League ‘vultures.’ So, for 2012 let’s all hope the good news continues. In the meantime may we wish you all a very, very Happy New Year. The Eye is published by Media Eye (NE) Ltd, Unit 205, Innovation Centre, Corfu Way, Kirkleatham Business Park, Redcar, TS10 5SH. Tel: 01642 759064. Whereas all care is taken to ensure that advertisers adhere to advertising codes of practice and are of good standing, the publisher accepts no responsibility for any statement, error or omission in any advisement or editorial matter. Advertisements have been accepted in good faith but this does not imply that the advertisers have The Eye magazine’s endorsement and no guarantee can be given by The Eye. Whilst we make every effort to identify the copyright of photographs, the lapse of time invariably makes it impossible to credit individual pictures. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the prior written permission of the publisher © The Eye. The content and opinions expressed in articles published in The Eye magazine are those of the contributor and are not necessarily the view of the publisher.
The Eye_133 x 189mm 07/12/2011 09:52 Page 1
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
Break through into something new Improve your career and job prospects now!
Gain the skills you’ll need from our wide range of courses starting in January, February and March 2012.
Visit our website for our January Prospectus www.cleveland.ac.uk 01642 473132
www.facebook.com/redcarcollege PAGE 3
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Celebration of Achievement The recent Celebration of Achievement Awards at Redcar & Cleveland College saw students recognised for their achievements and endeavours whilst at college. Amongst awards handed out by hosts Karen and Steve from Captial Radio, was the prestigious Further Education Student of the Year award, which was presented to sports student Nicky Askew. Nicky, who took the decision to return to college after some time out of education to further his career, successfully completed his course before spending time in the USA working as a soccer coach. He is now studying for a BSc in Sport and Exercise (Applied Science) at Teesside University and continuing his work as a coach in football development classes in Middlesbrough. During his time at college he balanced the needs of his studies alongside a part time job to fund his course and he is now hoping to develop a career in the industry as a coach. He said: “I’ve always had a passion for sport, but an injury meant that I stopped playing football and took a job in an unrelated area. After doing this for a while, I realised how much I wanted to work in sport and took the decision to go back to college to get the qualifications that I needed to do this. “Coming back to college was daunting at first, but having had time away from education made me realise how important it is to work hard and gain good grades, which was something I tried to pass on to my fellow students. “Taking the course at Redcar & Cleveland College has opened up so many PAGE 4
FE award winner Nicky Askew with College Principal Gary Groom opportunities for me and it’s fantastic to be recognised for my achievements.” Gary Groom, Principal of Redcar & Cleveland College, presented all the winners with their awards on the evening. He said: "The students have all worked extremely hard to make it into the nominations and the winners who we have recognised have proved themselves to be outstanding in their chosen subject areas. "The college works hard to inspire all of our students and we are extremely proud of the achievements of all our winners and nominees." If you’re thinking about studying part-time then visit our website www.cleveland.ac.uk to download a copy of our new January prospectus.
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
New year’s resolutions – there to be broken! According to a recent nationwide study by ‘City Socialising’ 73% of people will be making at least one resolution this January, with women being the most likely to vow to make changes to their lives. The survey also created a list of the most popular resolutions and it’s the nature of those resolutions that makes them so interesting. That’s because the more obvious things like stopping smoking and drinking less lie much lower on the list than you would think.
resolutions men appear to have more resolve as 20% claimed they kept theirs for a year or more compared to just 15% of women, many of whom (29%) admitted sticking to their resolutions for an average of just 3 months.
At number one on the list was the fairly unspecific desire to “enjoy life more.” Coming a close second was the inevitable promise to “lose weight or go on a diet.” That’s weird, of course, because considering most people’s attitude to food and drink the second choice would surely doom the first to failure. How can you enjoy life more by eating less?
The top resolutions were as follows: 1. Enjoy life more (34.4%) 2. Lose weight / go on a diet (24.4%) 3. Get fit / start exercising (22.3%) 4. Learn something new (22.2%) 5. Find true love (21.6%) 6. Get a better job (18.7%) 7. Save money (18%) 8. Pay off my debts (16.2%) 9. Take a trip (13.6%) 10. Reduce stress (10.6%) 11. Spend more time with family (10.5%) 12. Quit smoking (5.6%) 13. Drink less (5.3%)
Even more strangely, one of the most popular male resolutions was found to be “to find true love”, which came only fifth on the list for women. But overall, “finding true love” and “learning something new” beat more mundane plans like “saving money” and “paying off debts.” Another interesting fact that came out of the survey was that despite more women than men being shown to actually make
Londoners came out top for greatest resolve with 20% stating they usually stuck to resolutions for over a year, compared to 15% of those questioned in Manchester and 13% in both Brighton and Bristol.
So what is your New Years Resolution for 2012?
Test your general knowledge 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. PAGE 6
Who was the first British winner of the Eurovision Song Contest? Who is the current manager of West Bromwich Albion FC? What colour is Tinky Winky in the Teletubbies ? Which is Britain’s largest castle? What is a pangram? Whose middle names are Charles Lynton? Who played Harold Steptoe in the iconic ‘Steptoe and Son’ TV series? What is a water moccasin? Who was the founder lead singer in Led Zeppelin? Which is the world’s only venomous mammal?
Answers on page 28
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
How to get your own back on your bank Over the last couple of years banks have taken a real hammering with director’s bonuses, exorbitant charging to the less well-off customers and dreadful customer service all coming under the spotlight. Much of that criticism has been left to the media but an 86 year old woman in New York sent the following letter to her bank manager as a more personal protest. He obviously had a sense of humour because he was so impressed with the letter he sent it to The New York Times. They subsequently published it. It’s a piece of genius. Enjoy! Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. (I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.) You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways and the following will now apply. I noticed that whereas I answer your telephone calls and letters personally, when I try to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/ her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, and at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/ she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: 1. To make an appointment to see me 2. To query a missing payment. 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home 7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required and this will be communicated to you at a later date.) 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While any of these may, on occasions, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. It is with regret that – having once again followed your example - I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
From now on, I - like you, therefore choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. As a consequence my mortgage and loan repayments will, from now, no longer be automatic but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less Contract which I require your chosen employee prosperous New Year? to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, Your Humble Client but in order that I know as much about him or PAGE 8
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
We wouldn’t like to play Scrabble with this bloke!
Every now and then we get something sent to us that makes us wonder just how much spare time people have on their hands. This is a typical example. It’s a series of absolutely fantastic anagrams that are so appropriate it makes you check twice to make sure all the letters have been correctly used. Mind you, we wouldn’t like to play Scrabble with the bloke who wrote it! PRESBYTERIAN: THE MORSE CODE : A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the When you rearrange the When you rearrange the letters: letters: letters: BEST IN PRAYER HERE COME DOTS I'M A DOT IN PLACE ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
ELECTION RESULTS : When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS NO MORE Z'S
Sudoku There is really only one rule to Sudoku: Fill in the game board so that the numbers 1 through 9 occur exactly once in each row, column, and 3x3 box. The numbers can appear in any order and diagonals are not considered. Your initial game board will consist of several numbers that are already placed. Those numbers cannot be changed. Your goal is to fill in the empty squares following the simple rule above. Answers on page 28
PAGE 10
MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
EYE on our flickr group
By Steve Crown By Simon Gaunt Just a small selection from our flickr group. Thank you to everyone who has contributed to our group. See more local photographs on our website www.theeyemagazine.co.uk
Wish you were here... Visit us for all Tourist Information Redcar tourist Information Centre 24 High Street Redcar TS10 3DR Tel: 01642 471921
Saltburn Tourist Information Centre Saltburn Library Windsor Road, Saltburn TS12 1AT Tel: 01287 622422
Guisborough Tourist Information Centre Priory Gound, Church Street, Guisborough TS14 6HG Tel: 01287 633801
Photographs supplied by Mike Kipling, Bob Mitchell at Profile Gallery
this is Redcar & Cleveland PAGE 11
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Great facts to take into the new year. Sad as it sounds, one of the most interesting things about my personal Christmas this year was discovering a really informative piece that managed to answer a load of the sort of questions that have probably never actually been asked, but probably would have been had anyone thought about it! In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb' Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language. Coca-Cola was invented and marketed as a medical elixir and was originally green. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
It is impossible to lick your elbow. The cost of raising a mediumsize dog to the age of eleven: £10,120.00 The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Mark Twain’s ‘Tom Sawyer.’ The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David : Hearts - Charlemagne : Clubs -Alexander, the Great : Diamonds - Julius Caesar If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
They were all invented by women
The only food that doesn't spoil is honey
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on
bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight' It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. In English pubs, ale was originally ordered by pints and quarts.... So in old England when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down. It's where we get the phrase: 'mind your P's and Q's' At the same time pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice. And finally, at least 75% of people who read this will by now have tried to lick their elbow! Are you one of them?
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
101 – A new number with a 999 ring to it… Across the whole of England & Wales a new police communication service is being established which will allow people to make non-urgent calls to their local police force 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The new service (set to be available across the entire country by the end of January 2012) will see the introduction of a brand new police telephone number. When making non-urgent calls to the police (such as reporting non life-threatening crimes) 101 will be the number to call. When connected, you will be automatically be transferred through to your local police force who will be on hand to deal with any
New year humour
It’s a well-known fact that January is the most depressing month of the year, not only because all the Christmas festivities have now gone but also because it tends to be the coldest and darkest month of the year. We thought we would therefore cheer you all up with this little group of gems. If you can’t break out into a smile with some of these there really is no hope for you! A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the children up, one by one, holding them to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice PAGE 14
problems you may have. All 101 calls will be charged at a flat rate of 15p regardless of the length of the phone call and a translator will be available for anybody who may require one. The local council will continue to handle issues such as vandalism, fly tipping & noise distraction as usual however the new 101 number has been added for people to report non-urgent crimes such as theft, minor traffic incidents, drug use & dealing & property damage. All urgent crimes should still be reported using the 999 number as usual.
that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, ‘You must be in Year Four.’ “No, love” he replied. “I’m riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15” Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From the Daily News comes this story of a Middlesbrough couple who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the car park. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching. The auto mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
PAGE 15
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Nissan Qashqai – Funky Styling, Great Safety Fea And Competitively Priced. For our car review this month the Nissan Qashqai was selected because despite its funky 4x4 styling it is competitively priced, resale values are strong and some impressive refinements and exceptional comfort add considerably to its appeal. The self-styled motor industry watchdog ‘What Car,’ in fact, claims that the Qashqai makes a brilliant family car because ‘it is roomy, comfortable, refined and affordable to run. The king-of-the-road driving position is another plus point, and standard equipment is good.’ Performance-wise the entry-level 1.6-litre petrol engine develops 115bhp and the 1.5-litre diesel 104bhp. The stronger 128bhp 1.6 diesel is better, and if you want more punch, there's a 138bhp 2.0 petrol or a 148bhp 2.0 diesel that's only available with an automatic gearbox. In all there are 25 different versions available so there is bound to be something that suits all your requirements. Performance-wise the Qashqai’s chunky tyres and supple suspension means it floats serenely over poor
surfaces at any speed, though there’s a bit of a body lean through bends. The lean, however, is progressive and the steering weighty and direct. The Qashqai is in the Ford Focus price bracket and offers practicality more familiar with an MPV. The boot’s standard capacity is 410 litres, compared to the Ford Focus (385 litres) and Volkswagen Golf Plus (395 litres). It expands to 860 litres at window level and, with the rear seat down, a huge 1,513 litres. There is also a cooled glove box, which has enough room for 15 normal-sized cans of soft drinks. Space isn’t a problem for the taller passenger thanks to the high roofline and large amounts of leg-room. All-round visibility is good, while steering is light for tight parking. The diesel versions are obviously the cheapest to run in the range with the 1.5- and 2-litre range averaging 52.3mpg and 40mpg respectively. The 2-litre model emits 184g/km of carbon dioxide meaning an annual tax bill of £165. The 2-litre petrol emits between 199 and 204g/ km of carbon dioxide putting in tax band F resulting in a £205 contribution to the Government. Safety factors are impressive with the Qashqai awarded the best ever
DID YOU KNOW that you there are many more local stories and news available online on our website Keep upto date with local news and stories, poems by local poets, view photographs by local photogr Visit www.theeyemagazine.co.uk or google “Redcar Eye” PAGE 16
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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CELEBRATING
50 YEARS OF TRUST
www.stokesleymotors.co.uk PAGE 17
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Gardening Tips for January Essential Jobs Checklist For January
Clean and sharpen mowers, shears and other tools Mulch around fruit trees and established plants Protect phormiums, cordylines and other tender plants by wrapping them with bubble polythene or horticultural fleece Keep an area of your pond ice-free Don’ t forget to leave out food and water for our Native Wild Birds Clean out your greenhouse wash down hard surfaces
Flower Garden
Tidy up your borders if you didn’t do it in the autumn and put the debris on the compost heap. Mulch between trees and shrubs, to improve soil structure and fertility. You can use manure if your soil needs feeding up. Phormiums and cordylines need to be protected from severe frost and snow – tie the leaves loosely together and cover with horticultural fleece or bubblewrap. If you are planting a new hedge, prepare the site before planting by digging it over and adding homemade compost or manure. This is a good month to put a fresh layer of bark around plants, this helps to keep plants insulated in severe weather. Seed is now available, its always a good time to stock on these to avoid disappointment
Vegetable Garden
Dig over new plots and leave roughly dug to allow frost to break down the large clods. Empty out your compost bin over the vegetable plot this will allow the elements to break down large pieces naturally.
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THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
Green House
Hygiene is crucial in the winter greenhouse; otherwise grey mould may infect over-wintering plants. Pick off old flowers and dying leaves and dispose of them. Don’t over water plants. Open vents during clear days to allow airflow. Clean down any and all hard surfaces to kill and stop any infections. Clean off any standing snow from the greenhouse to avoid collapse.
Going Green
Start saving all used egg shells, these form a very environmentally friendly way of deterring snail and slug damage to plants in the summer months. Remember even in winter put kitchen waste such as potato skins onto the compost heap.
Fruit Garden
Prune blackcurrants and raspberries. Plant new fruit trees.
Containers
Even in winter containers of winter bedding such as pansies and ivies may need watering in dry conditions. If you have tender specimen plants protect them from the cold with fleece or bubble pack. A lot of people loose expensive plants such as Boxwood and Bay trees this is not due to the weather but lack of water so don’ t forget to check every two weeks.
Lawns
Take the opportunity to check over your lawn mower and trimmer and clean them. Arrange to have the mower sharpened if necessary. Ensure the last of any late falling leaves are cleared to avoid a build up of pests and disease. PAGE 19
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
It’s not really fair when you’re a blonde That statement about blondes having all the fun may well be true but unfortunately for them they are also subject to numerous jokes that suggest that having blonde hair indicates a low level of intelligence. While not wishing to take advantage of that perception we have discovered some lovely little stories attributed to fair haired people and we thought we’d share them with you. Two blondes were going to Disneyland and while driving on the Interstate they saw the sign that said Disneyland Left. They started crying and turned around and went home. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one said to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooo, can you see Florida ?' A blonde drives her BMW into a garage and tells the mechanic it’s not working properly. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly and he says ‘No problem, just crap in the carburetor.' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you!' There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.' An attractive young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor, 'show me.' The redhead took PAGE 20
her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed. She then pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, ‘you have a broken finger.’ A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
Turn your dream dress into reality! The launch of Eliza Jean in December was a great success. One month on from the opening,proprietor Jackie Rugg is delighted with the response and encouragement she has had. It fulfils her passion for dressmaking and is a welcome addition to her established clothing,bridal and evening gown alteration business. At Eliza-Jean Jackie can make your garment either from a pattern, drawing, picture or idea provided by you. You can supply your own fabric or Jackie and the team can source it for you. Your garment will be fitted specifically for
you. The making process will require two or more fittings which will be by appointment to ensure you get their undivided attention. There are samples of the teams workmanship in the shop for you to see before you commit to commissioning a garment. As the business grows Eliza-Jean aim to stock a number of ‘off the peg’ garments for that last minute party. ‘Fund-raising Fashion Show’ Jackie is holding a fashion show as part of a fund raising gala in aid of the Raising
THE CLOTHING ALTERATION COMPANY High Quality, High Speed Clothing Alterations & Repairs. We Shorten, Lengthen, Re-Style, Replace Zips & Much More!
Quite simply, we make things fit!
SPECIALISTS IN BRIDAL & EVENING WEAR Open: Monday-Friday: 9am - 5pm | Saturday: 9am - 2pm
17 Station Road, Redcar
(01642) 774444
www.clothingalts.co.uk
Ghana charity at the Sacred Heart school,Mersey road Redcar on the Evening of February 2nd. First prize in the raffle will be dress designed by Eliza Jean. Further details about the fashion show,raffle and prize can be obtained from the shop. As valued customers, your input would be greatly appreciated into what type of garments you would like to see Eliza-Jean stock. Please feel free to pop in and have a look around.
Where your dream dress becomes reality
ELIZA-JEAN Exclusive clothing
Occasionwear Prom Dresses Bridemaids Dresses Christening Gowns Evening Wear Stage Costumes Dance Costumes Goth & Steampunk Basic Daywear & Much More! We can make your garment either from pattern, drawing, picture or idea provided by yourself. You can bring your own fabric or we can source it for you. Your garment will be fitted specifically for you.
01642 774444
17 Station Road, Redcar PAGE 21
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
New year humour (continued) The doctor said to Joe after examining him, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.' Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for but felt he had no choice but to go under the knife because the pain was driving him slowly mad. When he left the hospital after the operation he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he still felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, though, he realized he was now a different person who could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.' The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 - long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, but how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit and it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?' Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.' Joe was surprised, 'That's right, but how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years.' Joe tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?' Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.' The salesman said, 'Let's see...Size 36. Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.' The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.' New suit - 200 pounds. New shirt - 36 pounds. New underwear - 6 pounds. Second Opinion - PRICELESS
A man writes his wife a letter:
“To My Dear Wife. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be upset - I shall be home before midnight .” When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: “My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a mathematics teacher at our local college and would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Mathematics, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: “18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.” Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. PAGE 22
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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PAGE 23
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Survival guide to driving in Newcastle We are pretty sure the Highway code is just as appropriate in Newcastle as anywhere else but some recent experiences show that ‘Geordie’ drivers seem to have invented their own rules. Here are just a few examples. 1. Either forget about indicators altogether or simply leave them flashing all the time. For more dramatic effect, use the opposite indicator to the direction in which you are actually about to turn. And when someone is waiting to come out of a side street that you are turning left into, on no account should you use your indicator. This really irritates even the most patient person. 2. On roundabouts, cut across the front of the other cars behind you. This denies them any possibility of overtaking you and really upsets drivers. Another excellent ploy is to approach the roundabout in the left lane if you are turning right and the right lane if you are turning left. Always remember, the road was built purely for you and no one else. 3. If someone in front of you on a roundabout forgets about rule 2 and gives you space to their right then overtake them and cut abruptly in front of them at the exit.. If possible, time this action so they simply run out of road. Wear ear muffs, though, because you’ll experience lots of horn blowing on this one. 4. Talking of horns, use yours as much as you can. This is particularly effective in the more rural parts of the city. People in small villages just love the sound of horns late at night or very early in the morning. 5. Amongst narrow village streets, of course, you must never slow down for anything, especially blind corners. Just blow your horn and keep going at the same speed. If you really want to be irritating, obnoxious PAGE 24
and arrogant copy Jeremy Clarkson’s ploy and buy a horn which produces a high pitched sound that even penetrates the best possible double glazing. 6. If you meet someone on a narrow road or country lane make sure you speed up so they are nearest their exit. That means they have to reverse to accommodate your passage. And let’s be honest, that’s only right because it’s your bloody road, not theirs! 7. Disregard pedestrians. If they can’t afford a car they are beneath you and worthy only of contempt. You can really emphasize this contempt on zebra crossings when you force them to run for safety. The same thing applies to cyclists. Anyone who wants to ride something you have to propel yourself is really, really beneath contempt! 8. Do not, whatever happens, slow down as you approach a roundabout, especially if your view is hidden by bushes and trees. No one else should be on your roundabout, anyway! 9. And finally, remember your own basic rule that the roads were built purely for you. If you pull out in front of someone else or cut them up on a roundabout and they get angry and blow their horn at you, you, in turn, are entitled to shout, scream, wave your arms and make signals at them with an extended finger. 10. Engine revving and wheel spinning is acceptable here too. They will not understand that they, who have just been cut up, are completely in the wrong because it is, after all, your road – not theirs! You must educate them by using rule ten as often as possible. It’s your road, not theirs. We suggest you don’t follow the example of the ‘Geordies’!
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
this is Redcar & Cleveland PAGE 25
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Children’s Food Word Search
Find the Christmas words in the food word search grid. Words can be forward or backwards, vertical, horizontal or diagonal. Circle each letter separately, but keep in mind that letters may be used in more than one word. Words to find: APPLE BEANS BROCCOLI CARROT CELERY CEREAL CHEESE CORN CRACKER FRUIT LETTUCE
MEAT MILK PASTA PEANUT PICKLE RICE SOUP TOMATO TUNA WATER
Visit our web site to see the completed word search www.theeyemagazine.co.uk
Children’s Colour-in Competition Colour in the Penguins for your chance to win a prize. The best pieces will be published in our next edition of the EYE magazine. All entries are viewable on our website www.theyemagazine.co.uk Send your completed picture with Your name, Age, Telephone number and address to: The Eye Magazine Colour-in Competition Unit 205 The Innovations Centre Kirkleatham Business Park Redcar TS10 5SH PAGE 26
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
Colour-in Competition December Results
Thank you to all the children (and parents) who sent in their coloured-in Father Christmas’ to us last month. Here is our favourite.
Novembers Winner Charlotte Lisle, Age 8 From Redcar, Recieves her prize and a certificate.
Congratulations! To the this months winner: Emma Wright, Age 5, From Redcar Visit our NEW website to view the all the other entries at : www.theeyemagazine.co.uk
Children’s Maze
Help Redcar’s Emperor Penguin catch his fish by helping him through the Maze!
View the completed maze at: www.theeyemagazine.co.uk PAGE 27
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
Beef And Vegetable Broth – Warm and satisfying. Throughout January last year we were all arriving home from work frozen stiff and looking for something to warm us up. So just in case this year throws up the same sort of weather we thought we’d introduce you to this great way to welcome your family home. It’s a great combination of seasonal vegetables, beefy goodness and satisfying warmth. They’ll love you for it. Ingredients • 2 ozs butter • 1lb ground beef • 3 small onions • 16 ounces of chopped tomato • Salt and pepper • 3 medium sized carrots • 6 cups of water • 3 medium sized potatoes • 3 sticks of celery • Half a cup of small shell pasta • 2 Tablespoons of soy sauce Method • Melt the butter in a pan, add the beef and cook gently, stirring with a fork. • Add the onions, tomatoes, salt, pepper and water. • Bring to the boil then transfer to a slow cooker for an hour. • Add the vegetables and allow to cook for at least a further two hours. • When the family is due home transfer to a normal pan, stir in the pasta shells and soy sauce and cook on a medium heat for a further 15 minutes. • Correct the seasoning to taste, test the pasta to make sure it’s tender and serve hot with crusty bread. Gorgeous! All our recipes and more are available on our website www.theeyemagazine.co.uk
Solutions
1. Sandie Shaw – Puppet the letters of the alphabet on a string 6.Tony Blair 2. Roy Hodgson 7. Harry H Corbett 3. Purple 8. A snake 4. Windsor 9. Robert Plant 5. A sentence containing all 10. Duck billed platypus
How well did you do? Tell us on facebook or tweet us @theeyemagazine or #redcareye PAGE 28
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
recycle update
thank you for your support Christmas Tree Collection
Green box
Dormanstown, Kirkleatham & West Glass bottles, jars, cans, tins & empty Redcar - 11th January aerosol cans. Dunsdale & Yearby - 11th January NO full or part used aerosol cans, broken Marske & Mickledales - 12th January glass, plastic containers or other metals East Redcar - 18th January New Marske - 20th January
Blue bag
Winter Suspension of Garden Waste Collections 2011 - 2012.
All types of paper including; newspapers, magazines, books, catalogues, phone Please be advised that this service books (any) & junk mail. will be suspended for winter months NO shredded paper, wallpaper, and no collections will take place envelopes or wrapping paper. during December 2011, January 2012 & February 2012. Green waste collections will resume on 1st March 2012.
White hessian sack or clear bag
All plastic bottles, beauty product tubs, clean yogurt, butter and ice cream tubs, clear plastic trays/punnets, clean noodle pots & all types of cardboard. NO take away fast food boxes.
Green garden waste bin Grass cuttings, leaves, dried or dead owers, bark, hedge trimmings, wood shavings, vegetarian animal waste only, NO tea bags, coffee pods, fruit & veg peelings, any type of cardboard.
Failure to comply will result in non collection For further enquiries please visit our wesite
01642 774774 www.redcar-cleveland.gov.uk
Vegetarian animal waste Rabbit, guinea pig, hamster waste & bedding can now go into the garden waste bin. Rat, ferret, cat or dog waste must not be put in the garden waste bin.
Timetable for household waste recycling centres Winter opening times DUNSDALE 1st October - 31st March Mon-Fri 8am-12:30pm Sat-Sun 8am-5pm WARRENBY 1st October - 31st March Mon-Fri 1pm-5pm Sat-Sun 8am-5pm
Please note
Permit Scheme now in operation for vans and trailers at both centres
this is Redcar & Cleveland PAGE 29
THE EYE MAGAZINE - ISSUE 31
New Year Resolution Suggestions For ‘Boro Fans With the print industry rightly demanding time off over Christmas there was an extremely early deadline for this month’s edition. It was therefore almost impossible to comment on ‘Boro’s current situation as they’ve played several matches since we went to print. Hopefully, however, we will still be within touching distance of the automatic promotion places. Instead, we have decided to appeal to you ‘Boro fans to make the kind of New Year resolutions that will hopefully benefit both the club and yourselves. Here are the five we hope you take up! 1. Go to More Matches and rejoin the ‘Red Army.’ This is obviously aimed at the fans that would rather spend their Saturday afternoons enjoying a few pints in almost any Middlesbrough pub while watching the match on Norwegian channels. We know finances are tight and we know that sometimes the entertainment level dips a bit but if you are a true ‘Boro fan the only way to fight your corner against the rest of the world is to be able to say ‘I was there.’ It really counts! Football is much better viewed in a big crowd and only you can affect that at the Riverside.
3. Join a Fantasty Football League and see how difficult the job really is! Computer games are now socially acceptable and give fans the opportunity to see how easy – or difficult – it is to run a successful football team. Let’s be honest, you have the entire Premiership at your disposal and the great thing is that – unlike real football situations - everyone has exactly the same amount of money to spend. If you fail you only have yourself to blame. That means you are your only critic. Try the same scenario with millions watching and then understand what Tony Mowbray lives with twenty four seven. Not easy, is it? 4. Stop Caring about Footballers’ Private Lives. Who cares that high earning footballers manage to attract exceptionally good looking women just because they have loads of money? What most of those women are doing is still classed as the oldest profession. Are you listening Abbey Clancey?
5. Stop believing you “Could do Better Than That” One of the most irritating comments you overhear at a football match is the fat guy with his overstretched football shirt claiming 2. Stop Blaming Referees. 2011 was a that he ‘could have scored this one or saved year dominated by controversial refereeing that one.’ No, he couldn’t. He would have decisions, but the fact is referees are not been lucky to get within twenty yards of it! If biased. There is no conspiracy. There is no you’re a football fan it probably means you’ve cheating. They are simply men doing a very played the game at some level yourself and tough job. It’s all very well for three men sitting if you look back on those freezing cold, wind in a television studio to replay an incident five battered, rain sodden Sunday mornings when times, with different camera angles, and for all you wanted was to hear the final whistle everyone at home to see this. But a referee and get to the pub you must surely realize doesn’t have that luxury. They have to make the hard work, dedication and natural skill on-the-spot decisions using only their eyes, that sets the professional aside. So no, fat and those of their assistants. If and when FIFA boy, there is no way in the world you would allow technology to be used to assist officials, have saved ‘that one’ and even less chance then you can criticize a referee for getting a you would have scored ‘that one.’ So do us all decision wrong because he’ll have ignored the a favour and resolve that in 2012 you’ll keep tools at his disposal. But until that happens your big mouth shut unless it’s to actually a referee wrongly awarding a decision is no cheer on your team. It’s the only worthwhile different from a player missing a penalty. They contribution you can make and will be aren’t cheats, they just made a mistake. appreciated far more than your ridiculous rants. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL! PAGE 30
THE EYE MAGAZINE - JANUARY 2012
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Plus + now its only £15 for visitors OR £10 with a member per round Visit the Golf Shop for ALL your golfing needs or treat yourself to a gift voucher Private Functions Catered for including: Weddings & Christenings etc. Claire Harvey: 01642 465 265
Specialist in Quality Teaching classes for Ladies & Gentlemen with pathways to Club Membership & Pro Level Golf Pat Smillie & James Kraus (PGA Qualified) Tel: 01642 452730
Wilton Golf Club, Wilton Castle Redcar, Cleveland, TS10 4QY.
www.wiltongolfclub.co.uk PAGE 31
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The EYE is published by Eye Media NE Ltd (01642 759064) and printed by Acorn Web Offset (01924 220633)