【Still Here】 Sulong! Anniversary Zine (July 2021) by FAKE zine

Stories by survivors, for survivors

Compiled by: Sulong! Philippines June 2021 Thanks to FAKE zine Cover Artwork by: Gabrielle Anne L. Uy Images used belong to their rightful owners

About Sulong! Message from the Chairpersons Submissions I fear and I name ANGELA LANUZA Nalaman ko sa ngiti mo PATRICK A. MORA The innocent abuser JASMINE CRUZ Grief ALYSSA ARTETA Just like the moon ALYSSA ARTETA indestructible ALYSSA ARTETA ABEGAIL PERALTA VALERIE NARR Sopalireart SOPHIA REJUSO

The Dear Survivor Project Dear Survivor Letters Acknowledgements Editorial Team Take Action

Sulong! Philippines is a non-profit and nongovernmental youth organization that refers victimsurvivors of sexual violence and harassment to free legal advice, psychological aid, and other services. We also advocate for the eradication of genderbased violence and the emancipation of women and LGBTQ+ people in the Philippines and world. Formerly known as Project Sulong, we launched on June 29, 2020 as a four-person project that provided free legal and psychosocial relief to victim-survivors of sexual violence and harassment. The project was meant to respond to the context at the time, in which the country saw multiple stories and reports of sexual harassment and assault in circulation. In particular, we drew inspiration from the student-led anti-sexual harassment movements in educational institutions, which translated to lobbying and community debriefing efforts.

Upon reflecting on what we can do to help, we created and mobilized a network, albeit a small one then, of partner clinics, volunteer lawyers, and women’s rights organizations to refer victimsurvivors to professional legal and psychosocial aid for free. We also launched our donations-based Survivors Solidarity Fund, which we use to finance operations. Now, Sulong! Philippines is an independent, nongovernment, non-profit organization with a large member base, a wide network of partner individuals and formations, and a big vision for the future. A member organization of the Southeast Asia Feminist Action Movement (SEAFAM), and recipient of the Women Empowerment and Support Community Pillar Award from the Philippine Mental Health Association, we proactively move towards a safer country and world for all.

FOREWORD The past year was a time of reckoning. Halfway through 2020, many student victim-survivors spoke their truth on social media, facilitating the dawn of multiple anti-sexual harassment movements across schools. Here, our core group of four at the time found a purpose: to aid our fellow students in their pursuit of recovery and justice. Thus, we launched Project Sulong, and on our journey we’ve made many decisions: to expand our services, to become a full-fledged organization, to partner with a feminist Southeast Asian alliance, and beyond. Time and again, Sulong has been called to do more, to be more, as the crippling injury to our community of women and LGBTQIA+ people so requires. A year later, we’re still here. Still fighting. Still in full bloom.

What started as a temporary relief effort became an organization and eventually a home -- not only for four people but for over a hundred. Here, we are all familiar with the goal of attaining recovery and justice, and the fulfillment of empowerment for us, our members, and our requesting victimsurvivors in the battle against the patriarchy. Sharing this sentiment as victim-survivors ourselves, we aim to extend a hand to those in the dark and help them overcome this journey bravely. After all, Sulong was a child of both pain and peace.

Generally, zines have been an elective source for art that was disregarded by established press and mainstream media. Zines offer a unique chance for connection and understanding, and this is precisely what Sulong means to accomplish with Still Here. Our zine is made with hope of an undertaking that sends a feeling of community, a feeling of being heard, something that everybody — particularly victim-survivors — needs during these trying times. In this zine, victim-survivors were urged to submit their own pieces, giving them power over their own stories, their own bodies, and their own experiences. The world may have attempted to quiet them down, yet they rise, with their self-told accounts of healing and resistance. With powerful, compassionate pieces, Sulong wants to bridge victim-survivors to the larger community that cares for them, listens to them, and is ready to fight with them towards a safer space for all. We wanted to create a collection of art and writings that will make victim-survivors feel that we are still here, and we are with them towards their search for recovery and justice. Sulong promises to continue amplifying the voices of victimsurvivors, and staying true to its name. Even when systems of profit orientation and male domination hamper the pursuit of women and gender minorities across the globe, we will push on — unrelenting, uncompromising. Like a lotus, a symbol commonly used in gender justice spaces, we will continue to fight and bloom, even in the murkiest, muddiest waters. For Sulong, as an organization, there is no other way to go but forward, and together.

We aspire to serve our community for as far and long as we can. We are nowhere near our finish line and we know the journey will not be easy, but we will persevere and continue to fight for the safe spaces we all deserve. In doing so, we are requesting your continued support to aid more victim-survivors of sexual violence, until there is no more hiding and fear. Donate to the Survivors’ Solidarity Fund at bit.ly/SurvivorsSolidarityFund; volunteer to be a member of Sulong at sulongphilippines.org/volunteer; or follow us on our Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram platforms to stay engaged. We hope that many years from now, as we work towards a world where there is no more impunity for sexual predators, you will still be here, with us. Just like this first year.

For recovery and justice, Aleijn Reintegrado Co-Chairperson Hannah Mae Tubalinal Co-Chairperson Maruh Bonto Secretary-General

Espada ang pinakamanlupig na sandata sa mundo ng laman. Kumikiskis at dumadampi sa mga pagkakataong nagsasalubong ang mga dingding ng espasyo. Tumatarak sa mga nabibihag na laman na pawang mga nilalang na walang taglay na espada. Silang mga tampulan ng nag-aalab na damdamin. Ito ang balangkas ng isang karanasan kung saan ang inukit na mukha ay iisa ngunit minsa’y ‘di kinikilala. Kung saan ang konsepto ng labanan ay hindi maaaring malupig ng may armas ang may armas.

Nang iniwang bukas ni ang isang karanasan, kumawala ang mga alaala at pakiramdam niyang hindi tumutugma sa kahulugan ng normal na isip. Kaya gumawa siya ng isang pinto na kasing tayog ng papel para isara na ito. Mas madali kaysa sa pagbabaon sa hukay ng limot. Tingin niya kasi sa isa o dalawang pagkakataon, kahit tatlo siguro, ay bunga lamang ng kanyang imahinasyon na pilit yumayakap sa kanyang realidad.

“Lu...Lucky,” tawag ng nauutal na si Pagpasok na pagpasok sa mismong plataporma ng Guadalupe station ay dinapuan agad ng kanyang mga mata ang kaibigan. Nakapila sa ikatlong hanay ng mga sasakay sa tren. “Lu...Lucky, kanina pa ki...kita tina...tawag eh.” Naglalakad ng matulin si Jolo papalapit sa nagbibingian o parang tuliro na si Lucky. Kaya naman pinitik niya ang tainga ng nakayukong kaibigan. Napatingala ito agad sa pagkagulat at nakita ang nagaabang na nakasinging mukha ni Jolo.

“Aba sumasakay ka rin pala ng MRT! San’ punta mo?” pasigaw na sambit ni Lucky. Hindi namalayan na sing lakas na pala ng kundoktor ang kanyang boses buhat ng suot suot niya ang mga musika sa kanyang tainga. “Meme-ron kasi akong pa...pasok. Ikaw di...di...din ‘no?” tanong ni Jolo habang naghahabol ng hininga. “Wala. May kikitain lang. Tsaka panghapon ako.” Natigil ang usapan ng dalawa ng malamang papalapit na ang tren. Bukod sa maingay ang pagdating nito, sumasabay pa ang pito ng mga guwardiya at tunog ng mga karaniwang anunsyo sa istasyon. Gaya ng normal na kalagayan ng tren, mala sardinas ang hitsura ng mga sakay nito. Mga nagnanais makarating sa destinasyon sa pinakamabilis, pero di marangal, na paraan. Bumukas ang pinto at isinuka ang mahigit sa limampung pasaherong kumaripas ng takbo. Nag-uunahang makalabas ng istasyon para maiwasan ang pagpila muli. Sinubukang pumasok ni Lucky habang nakabuntot sa likod si Jolo. Dahil nasa bandang dulong bahagi ng pila, kinailangan nilang mag-astang payong at ipilit itiklop ang mga sarili para umabot sa loob at magkasya.

“U...u...uy, oks k...k...ka lang “Next train na lamang po ang mga hindi makakasakay,” malumanay na anunsyo sa radyo sa loob ng tren. Sumarado na ang mga pinto at unti-unting gumagapang muli sa riles ang tren. Nagwagi ang magtropa. Naisiksik nila ang sarili hanggang gitnang bahagi ng tren kung saan ang “safe zone.” Doon ay hindi sila madadala ng agos ng mga pasaherong papasok at palabas habang nakatayo at magkatagiliran. Nang magsara ang mga pintuan ng tren sa Boni Avenue station ay nagsimulang mailabadbaran si Lucky. Biglang naging magaslaw at para bang gustong magtatatakbo sa loob ng bagon.

ba? Gusto mo munang bumaba?” Napailing lamang si Lucky at pinagpatuloy ang pagsiksik papunta sa direksyon ng pintuan. Noong una’y kinakabahan si Jolo sa kaibigan pero hinayaan na niya ito. Tantsa niya’y naiinip lang si Lucky.

Mabilis na ang kabog ng dibdib ni Lucky. Kutob niyang tinututukan siya ng armas. Pinagtataka niya lang ay kung paano nakakalusot ang ganito. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata at inipon ang pakiramdam upang siguraduhing siya nga ang biktima ng taong nasa likod niya. Inaabangang muli ang pagatake nito. “Lu...Lucky,” bulong ni Jolo. Pero sarado pa rin ang mga talukap ng mata nito. “Lu...Lucky.” Kasing tigas ng bakal. Kasabay ng paguga ng bagon ang pagdaplis ng armas sa puwit ni Lucky. Ani mo’y iginuguhit sa kanyang likuran ang isang mensahe na hindi mawari. “Lu...Lucky.” Kasing tapang ng tubig na sumasampal sa apoy. Nararamdaman niyang pilit ibinabaon ang isang hugis gamit ang puwersa ng nagbabanggaang espasyo. Ipinaparamdam ang bagsik ng naglalaway na nilalang. “Lu...Lucky.” Kasing lakas ng boses lipunan sa mga pagkakataong nagsasalita ito para sa akin. Dahandahang humiwalay ang sandatang humalik sa kanyang katawan. Huminto ang panunutok. Tumigil na rin ang paggana ng kanyang utak at pakiramdam.

I’m whole, I’m me, I keep my tender broken pieces elegantly together, and that’s what makes me “she”.

I still cry, I still die, I still feel, I still grieve. But I have learned to do it all with grace, that’s why you can’t see a trace of grief on my face.

And some days, I just sit and stare at the wall, rewinding the memories of my past, realising how far I’ve come while it’s just the start. From learning to stitch a piece of cloth, to stitching the broken pieces of my heart, from falling for someone else, to falling for my own heart, from faking a smile, to gladly embracing my scars, and smiling with happy tears and a warm heart. How I’ve become loyal to my present rather than my painful past, how just like the moon, I had phases too

The world kept breaking your heart, and here you are—still soft, still loving, don’t make mistake it for weakness darling. How strong of you, to maintain your magic, in a world where everyone loses their essence. How strong of you to still keep pouring love in a heartless world, to still keep wishing the best for others, to still stay generous in a selfish world,

how strong of you to stay kind in this mean world.

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Dear Survivor The ‘Dear Survivor’ Project was an online initiative we forwarded to connect with the hearts and souls of the victim-survivor community. It was first launched in December 2020 and then again in June 2021 as a space for victim-survivors of sexual violence to send anonymous letters of support to each other, perhaps even to themselves.

The initiative emanates from the belief that like a message in a bottle, letters have the power to evoke comfort and safety not only to those who receive them, but those who cast them out with hope that they will reach someone and be heard. The letters we’ve received from all over the country vary widely: some are encompassing like a long essay, short and sweet like a haiku, and multilingual like a friendly conversation. But all are whispers and well-wishes that come from the same heartfelt place. All carry the power to reinstate agency, enlighten, and empower. All can illuminate us in these dark times of isolation and separation from community. We believe that the letters we’ve decided to publish in our First Anniversary zine can serve as our outstretched hands to the community. They are our longed-for warm embraces. Palms on the shoulder. Fists and candles in the air. It is our hope that these Dear Survivor letters, the literary and artistic hearts of our victim-survivors, and the hands and minds that have put this zine together, all come together in reaffirming our undying truth: We Are Still Here. We are not alone. We all have a place in this world. We stand in solidarity with each other. We are the victim-survivor community, and we are so much more.

Your presence makes our world of darkness become this illuminated and joyful setting. You bring in an aura of hope - a hope that allows those who have survived such pain know that they are not alone in this fight. Know that your story is one that will never be silenced. I am one with you, and all victim-survivors, as we continue to demand accountability. I stand with you in your fight for justice, restoration, and healing. You are loved, beyond words can explain. Love, An ally, ready to rally with you

“Your strength knows no bounds.” You are loved and admired by the people around you. Always remember that what happened to you will never be your fault. Brighter days are coming and I want you to be prepared for a better tomorrow. I am proud of how far you have come. Keep on going, my love. Cheers to more days of healing. I am here for you. We are here for you. You will never be alone. Love, A fighter, like you

I used to feel guilty for crying. Although I had no control over what was stirring inside me, I felt this overwhelming sense of shame when my heart would break; I’d do everything to conceal my pain from the outside world. I hope you know that it is no crime to allow yourself to feel. You don’t always have to put up a brave face. It’s okay. Let your guard down and cry, scream, rage - whatever it may be. Struggles are a part of this long journey. Being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness. Gloomy days are unavoidable. We need to allot time to just be with our emotions. And when there is a light that tries to peak its way through your greyed-out windows, let it in. A little shine and glimmer of optimism will go a long way. Love always, A fellow victim-survivor

I’ve always admired roses. Not the red ones, but instead, the black ones. They always held some sort of elegance. People used to tell me that such flowers symbolize death and mourning but I never perceived them that way. Black roses have such a spell-binding story behind them, where their petals and roses collide and weave a beautiful story of pain and blossoming. The world will be filled with many, many thorns. Along the way, we may get scratched-up and have these wounds on our souls and bodies. Pain is a part of the process, but it will not win this battle. There’s this beautiful quote I remember from a song entitled, ‘Dinggin’. It goes, ‘hindi tayo magsasawa pagkat, magmamahalan.’ Love and strength prevail. They always do. In the end, we will always bloom — I promise you this.

Padayon, mahal. I may not be with you physically but I will always support you mentally. You are more than what you think you are. It's okay to take small steps; it's okay to fall countless times and stand up again. It's okay to feel sad and regain that strength again after a challenge. You don’t fail every time you fall, because I know that you are trying to heal. And just by trying you are winning. For justice and recovery, Sulong, your safe space.

I feel hopeless sometimes; I feel like I am not worth being someone I can be. I feel like I am suffocated in this noisy world full of judgement. But all I knew was just a part of this world, just a small part of this society. When I found Sulong, I found the hope and strength to forgive myself for believing that I am not worthy of something. To you, who's reading this, please know that Sulong is one of many people who support and love you. Many care for you, and I am one in a million people in this world that support your process of healing Love, Your safe space

Take it slow. Don't be harsh on yourself, love. I used to feel so guilty when I took things slow, or when I rested for a while. But I promise, being not okay while facing your problems isn't a good thing for you. The best love you will ever receive is the love you give yourself, as you choose you, first. Be that someone that loves you. Self-love is difficult. It may take a while to heal, but small progress is still a progress, love. Take it easy, my dear.

Healing takes time. Mahal, when things get rough, and your cries create a river, and all you want to do is just to disappear, always remember, "It's okay not to be okay." Never be too hard on yourself, and always know that you are loved by so many. Being sad may hit too much, but it takes a lot of time to process and heal. I hope you'll heal from the things you don't talk about, but talking to a friend or to us, may be one way to unleash the sadness and anger you are feeling. We are here for you; I am always here for you. We will be your safe space. There are many of us that support your road towards finding inner peace. Always remember that healing takes time. You are stronger than you think. You are loved.

You are strong. Going through a lot was hard, and overcoming it was truly brave. You are stronger than anyone because you are a fighter. You fought those days you thought you couldn't, and you stood up to those thoughts that brought you harm. You are strong throughout this process of healing. Trust the process as life will go on for you and your healing. You are important to us; I hope you know that.

To you, who went through it all. Recovery is not linear. Getting back up can be a struggle sometimes, and may feel like an endless cycle. But you don’t have to go through all of this alone. You have gone through a lot, and surely you’ll go through much more. I hope you know that we believe in you. No matter where you are in your healing journey, we will be there to see you rise from every fall. And until the time comes that you’ll be able to fly free, we’ll be here to hold your hand. Kapit lang, Mahal. Hindi ka namin iiwan.

It's okay if you don’t have long-term plans yet. Get through things day-by-day; take things one step at a time. Some may say that you’re taking too long, but they haven’t lived your struggles. Your presence is more than enough. You are enough. What’s more important is that you’re here, and you’re surviving. And one day, when things are better, it will turn into something more. Because hidden in you is more potential than you can ever imagine, like a seed that is being planted on the ground that will bloom when they’re ready. Take all the time that you need, love. You deserve all the time in the world to take care of yourself first.

There’s strength in your efforts to fight back against your oppressors, but I also hope that you also take moments to rest. You’ve struggled so much that you may have forgotten how important it was for you to just breathe and be in the moment. To be vulnerable and feel all of those emotions. Your feelings and overall well-being are important. You are important. You don’t have to be strong all the time; you’re also human. And for someone who is also struggling, sometimes we just want to be held.

Dealing with the aftermath will always be an uphill battle, and you can only be strong for so long. Let us be the shoulder you can lean on. The pit stop before the finish line. We will be your home away from home. And you can always come back.

I would like to remind you of how far you’ve come and how brave you have become now. In this letter, I would like you to hold your hand close to your heart. There are a lot of things in life we can't forget. Every once in a while, such thoughts linger around like they just recently happened – big time. The hazy smoke. The run-ons. The darkness. Once, you were trapped but I am really glad that you are now free. I’m just like you - going on and surviving, even after it all. Every day is a new day to prosper from yesterday’s. You are a winner; those scars show your bravery. As they say, never give up; please never do so, okay? Look around you and see. Look at the mirror and see how exquisite you stand. I realized that being seen is more important than being loved; here’s what I mean. The eyes are the mirror of the soul and I strongly believe in that. Sometimes a person can love you so much but cannot see what pains you, how you really feel, and how difficult it is. More than appreciation, being seen for how you are doing, is empathy. They recognize you and all the things that you carry along. That is why I really want to tell you this – I SEE YOU. You are worth everything. Don’t let darkness creep around you. Here are the sonnets that sing praises to your bravery.

More than words,

Aya

Still Here

SULONG’S FIRST ANNIVERSARY ZINE in partnership with FAKE zine would not have been possible if not for the following individuals and institutions: Heights Ateneo The people behind THE FIRST SULONG! COMMUNICATIONS WORKSHOP SERIES (May 20 - 22, 2021)

Resource Speakers Zoë De Ocampo Regine Cabato Ninai Chavez Bianca Lariosa Makó Micro-press Workshop Comittee Sabrina Basilio Angela Lanuza Jason Christopher Paz Isabel Novicio Suzette Mamangun Liane Balasta And to our beloved Sulong! members, donors, partner service providers, allies, and most of all, the victim-survivor community. This is all in honor of you. For recovery and justice!

editorial Sabrina Basilio is a freelance writer, educator, and cultural worker. She holds a BFA Creative Writing degree from Ateneo de Manila University and a Loyola Schools Award for the Arts. She has been a fellow for the UST National Writers Workshop, PHILSTAGE’s Semiotics of Playwriting Workshop, the Ateneo Heights Writers Workshop, and the Virgin Labfest Fellowship Program. She currently manages publication strategies for several non-government and cultural organizations catered to children’s rights, agrarian reform, and animal welfare.

Jason Christopher Paz is a former Literary Editor of The Heraldo Filipino, the official student publication of De La Salle University - Dasmariñas. Under their term, they have spearheaded two Literary digests entitled ‘Palad’, with one volume winning an Award of Merit at the 7th Philippine Student Quill Awards organized by iABC Philippines. They held several workshops on creative writing specializing in fiction, poetry, prose poetry, and creative nonfiction essays. Aside from being one of the Deputy Directors of Content for Sulong Philippines, Jason is also currently a volunteer writer for Metroscene Magazine.

Angela Lanuza is pursuing her degree in BFA Creative Writing and is also the incoming Associate English Editor for HEIGHTS, the official Literary and Artistic Publication of Ateneo De Manila University, where her work has been published as well. She has been a fellow for the 26th Ateneo Heights Writers Workshop. She is also a current Show Development and Media Research Intern at Cut! Print.

team Podcast Network, a women and queer-led network that seeks to amplify diverse voices. Alongside her creative pursuits, she is a fervent advocate for women's rights and children's rights, manifesting in her involvement as: a Deputy Director for Content at Sulong! Philippines; a former Community Welfare Deputy at TUGON, an organization that shares time, love, and warmth with child survivors of abandonment and sexual abuse; and an intern at Spark! Philippines, an NGO that champions the political, economic, and social empowerment of youth and women.

Isabel Novicio is a current senior high school student of the Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) academic strand at Miriam College Nuvali. She was recently accepted as a mentee for the US-based Women of Color in STEM Mentorship Program. In addition to her love for Science, she has continued to pursue her passion in the literary field. Aside from actively overseeing all social media management at Sulong Philippines, she serves as a writer at Dear Asian Youth, a US-based youth-led organization that publishes works promoting intersectional activism amongst Asian youth.

Liane Balasta is currently a BS Interior Design student from the University of the Philippines Diliman and a part-time freelance illustrator and multimedia artist. She has won several awards for Editorial Cartooning and has qualified for the Laguna Regional Schools Press Conference (RSPC) as the Head Cartoonist of her high school's official student publication. Today, she continues to sharpen her design skills and advocate for safe spaces as one of the Deputy Directors for Creatives at Sulong! Philippines.

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editorial Suzette Mamangun is a second year student taking up BS in Tourism Management at the University of Santo Tomas. She has been a creative volunteer for the KinaBOOKasan Literacy Program and UST Hiraya. She has participated in various workshops such as Project Lily 2020: Cultivating a Safer Space Society and was one of the Workshop Committee heads of Sulong’s Creatives & Layout workshop for zine-making. She is currently one of the Deputy Directors for Creatives at Sulong! Philippines.

Gabrielle Anne Uy is a freshman of BS Information Technology Entrepreneurship at the Ateneo de Manila University (AdMU). In her high school years, she pioneered several gender equality and sexual orientation awareness events and has produced various publication materials as a creatives member of youth-led organizations. To this day, she continues to pursue her love for graphic design as Sulong's creatives officer and her passion for writing as the research and content assistant head for Statera PH, a youth-led organization advocating for gender equality.

Alyanna Del Rosario is currently a senior high school student under the Accountancy, Business and, Management (ABM) academic strand at Ateneo de Davao University - Senior High School (AdDU SHS). She has been a part of the creatives team of the Upcycle MindaNOW and Kaayo PH and a literary writer of Tulay, the official Filipino school paper publication of AdDU-SHS. She is currently one of Sulong's creatives officer.

If you wish to contribute to Sulong’s efforts in bridging victim-survivors of sexual violence to free psychosocial and legal aid, you may: 1. Donate any amount through bit.ly/SurvivorsSolidarityFund 2. Refer us to an organization or school that can help us expand our network or services 3. Send us a partnership proposal through exrel.sulong@gmail.com 4. Follow us on our social media channels

5. Visit our website http://www.sulongphilippines.org for more information For recovery and justice! Sulong! Philippines