034 thefightmag1113

Changing Changinglaws lawschanged changedtheir theirlives lives Changing laws changed their lives

TheThe recent recent Supreme Supreme Court Court ruling ruling on on thethe Defense Defense of Marriage of Marriage ActAct ledled Greg Greg andand Peter Peter to take to take a serious a serious look look at their at their The recent Supreme Court ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act led Greg and Peter to take a serious look at their investment investment planning planning needs. needs.

TheThe rapidly rapidly changing changing legal legal landscape landscape meant meant it was it was crucial crucial thatthat they they worked worked with with investment planning needs. The rapidly changing legal landscape meant it was crucial that they worked with someone someone who who waswas knowledgeable, knowledgeable, so they so they turned turned to Wells Fargo to Wells Fargo Advisors.

Advisors.

Our Our Financial Financial Advisors Advisors who who have have thethe someone who was knowledgeable, so they turned to Wells Fargo Advisors. Our Financial Advisors who have the Accredited Accredited Domestic Domestic Partnership Partnership Advisor℠ Advisor℠ (ADPA®) (ADPA®) designation designation areare well-versed well-versed on on thethe current current setset of challenges, of challenges, Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor℠ (ADPA®) designation are well-versed on the current set of challenges, so Greg so Greg andand Peter Peter walked walked away away with with a solid a solid plan plan andand confidence confidence in the in the future. future. so Greg and Peter walked away with a solid plan and confidence in the future.

Let’s Let’s talktalk about about your your long-term long-term investment investment planning planning needs. needs.

Because Because when when people people talk, talk, great great things things happen. happen.

Let’s talk about your long-term investment planning needs. Because when people talk, great things happen.

To find To find oneone of our of our ADPA-certified ADPA-certified Financial Financial Advisors Advisors in your in your area, area, visit visit wellsfargoadvisors. wellsfargoadvisors. com/adpa com/adpa today. today.

To find one of our ADPA-certified Financial Advisors in your area, visit wellsfargoadvisors.com/adpa today.

Wells Fargo Wells Fargo Advisors Advisors is the istrade the trade namename used by used twobyseparate two separate registered registered broker-dealers: broker-dealers: Wells Fargo Wells Fargo Advisors, Advisors, LLC, and LLC,Wells Fargo and Wells Fargo Advisors Advisors Financial Financial Network, Network, LLC, LLC, SM SM LLC,SM SM Wells Fargo is the trade name by &two separate registered broker-dealers: Wells Fargo Advisors, and Wells Fargo Advisors LLC, Members Members SIPC,Advisors non-bank SIPC, non-bank affiliates affiliates of Wells Fargo ofused Wells Fargo Company. & Company.

Accredited Accredited Domestic Domestic Partnership Partnership Advisor Advisor and ADPA and ADPA are service are service marks marks of theofFinancial College the College forNetwork, Financial for Financial Planning®.

Planning®.

SM SM Members SIPC, non-bank affiliates of Wells Fargo & Company.

Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor and ADPA are service marks of the College for Financial Planning®. © 2013©Wells Fargo 2013 Wells Fargo Advisors, Advisors, LLC, Member LLC, Member SIPC. All SIPC. rights All rights reserved. reserved. © 2013 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC. All rights reserved.

TM

THECONTENTS

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

COVER STORIES AND FEATURES INTERRUPTED 18 LIFE, Tragic Deaths in WeHo

18

22

26

& HIV 22 ACUPUNCTURE Poke Owner Russell Brown

30 24

BOUNDARIES 24 PUSHING Interview With Joe Komara AND PROUD 26 OUT The LAPD wants You ARE FAMILY 30 WE Adoption Pointers LIVES 31 CHANGING “Kidsave” Saves Lives FREE 34 BREAKING Transgender Author Kaitlin Sine Riordan TO THE FUTURE 37 BACK Will & Grace, The Golden Girls CHEATING 38 CYBER Dr. Omar Minwalla TO THE CLOSET 40 BACK Michelangelo Signorile Revisits Outing

ON THE COVER

MAIN PHOTO: JOE KOMARA. PHOTO BY NICK CLARK. UPPER LEFT PHOTO COURTESY OF MIGUEL TOPETE. UPPER RIGHT: PHOTO COURTESY OF LAPD.

DEPARTMENTS 12 THE TALK Sean Hayes,Wanda Sykes 15 THE STATE Salt, Light & Lies 16 THE CITY Transgender Awareness Month 20 THE ROSTOW REPORT Dolphins Behaving Badly 21 THE EPIDEMIC World AIDS Day

40

28 THE PROFILE Dr. Shahin Ghadir 32 THE LAW Domestic Partnerships 36 THE BIG DAY Wedding Tips 42 THE EVENT Palm Springs Pride

31

44 THE CALENDAR Events, Groups

34 4 T H E F I GH T | N O V E MBER 2013

37

38

46 THE FINAL FIGHT Rob Smith

THEEDITOR

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

l World AIDS Day takes place once again next month, on December 1. This year’s theme is “Shared Responsibility: Strengthening Results for an AIDS-Free Generation.” (See “The Epidemic,” on page 21).

HIV continues to be a major global public health issue, having claimed more than 25 million lives over the past three decades. The day is an opportunity for public and private partners to spread awareness about the status of the pandemic and encourage progress in HIV/AIDS prevention, treatment and care in high prevalence countries and around the world.

For more on how to get involved visit: aids.gov.

Also in this issue: Paulo Murillo interviews Kaitlin Sine Riordan, the transgender author of “Bondage of Self,” (“Breaking Free,” page 34). Riordan works as a recovery tech at Desert Palms Treatment Center. A licensed residential rehab program, located in Cathedral City, near Palm Springs, the treatment center provides a variety of services and welcomes the LGBTQ community with substance abuse and co-occurring issues.

Riordan talks about her own recovery and discusses her struggle with gender identity, which led to her struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, and the challenges she faced during her transition from male to female.

“I came from a traditional Irish Catholic family,” reveals Riordin. “I hope those who read my book will realize that they’re not going to hell if they are gay or lesbian or transgender or bisexual. I hope they will understand that drugs and alcohol are not the solution. I hope that they get to remain positive and [understand] that being a true person is much more important than hiding. I came to that point in my life where I didn’t want to live a lie. Today, I don’t have any secrets, which is so freeing,” says Riordin.

Additionally, Dr. Omar Minwalla, Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health in Beverly Hills, examines issues regarding fidelity in the cyber age (“Cyber Cheating,” page 38.)

“The traditional pre-cyber reality assumptions of boundaries that defined monogamy and what it means to keep a relationship safe, and ‘not cheat,’ are—in today’s new world—completely destabilized and much more complex,” states Dr. Minwalla.

“Knowing ‘where the boundaries are’ and being able to discuss and negotiate with your partner becomes essential in the new world of cyber-technology,” says Dr. Minwalla.

“What if sexual chatting is considered ‘fun fantasy and self expression’ for one partner and seen as ‘a violation of important relational trust and safety’ for the other?”

“We need to discuss and negotiate more specifically and more honestly in order to develop the new ways we need to be close, feel safe and feel engaged in our new world—in a healthy way,” says Dr. Minwalla.

STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief This issue is dedicated to Troy Legg, an ex-colleague and dear friend, who passed away last month. Troy was a true soldier in THE FIGHT. He will be greatly missed.

6 T H E F I GH T | N O V E MBER 2013

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS Paul Vallejo Joshua Esquivel Donny Aldo SOCIAL MEDIA Tim Kreslake WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio

GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, Inc. DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com

THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers.

Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine.

Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2013 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission.

The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.

TheFightMag.com For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001

THECONTRIBUTORS RUSSELL BROWN L.AC. Russell Brown L.Ac. is a Board Certified Licensed Acupuncturist and owner of POKE Acupuncture in Los Angeles, CA. He has been active in the HIV/ AIDS community for years working with such organizations as Being Alive LA, Immune Enhancement Project SF, Aid For AIDS, and Folsom Street Events. He just published his first book MEDITATION 1814.

DR. OMAR MINWALLA Dr. Omar Minwalla is a Licensed Psychologist and Sexologist and the Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health in Beverly Hills. His specializations include psychosexual evaluation, sexual addiction compulsivity, sexual dysfunctions, transgender dynamics and more. For more info visit: theinstituteforsexualhealth.com.

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years.

He got his start writing a bi-weekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit. com, or friend him on Facebook.

ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow.blogspot.com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com.

DAVID HAKIMFAR Los Angeles based Attorney David Hakimfar received his law degree from Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego.

While there, he made the Honor Roll and National Dean’s List.

Currently David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC. He can be reached at: 1-888-789-PRIDE (7743).

ROB SMITH Rob Smith is an author, lecturer, writer, and LGBT activist. His first book “Closets, Combat, and Coming Out: Coming of Age as a Gay Man in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Army” will be released in February.

He can be found at www.robsmithonline.com.

6641 SANTA MONICA BLVD. (Next to Arena Nightclub) TEL: (323) 469-1951 Monday-Friday: 6:30am-5pm Saturday: 8am-12noon Sunday: Closed

Kitchen Cabinets Starting at Only: $1228.15 Proudly Serving The LGBT Community

8 T H E F I GH T | N O V E MBER 2013

Fiberon Decking: Starting at $2.99 Per Foot

Midway between Los Angeles and San Francisco Situated on 25 acres of Monterey Pines and themed gardens 152 rooms and suites for any occasion • Fireside Lounge with nightly entertainment Flexible indoor and outdoor event space • Restaurant and on-site catering • Heated pool & spa

cambriapineslodge.com

••••

805-924-3353 NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 9

THELETTERS >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

COULDN’T AGREE MORE Dear Editor, I couldn’t agree more with Rob Smith’s assessment about the hoop la surrounding the new book on Matthew Shepard (“Saints And Sinners,” THE FIGHT, Issue 33) So what if Shepard was not the perfect poster boy we wanted him to be? His brutal murder was atrocious—and the fact that his death sparked a serious look at the discrimination we face—is truly all that is important.

Jonathan Henderson, Palm Springs

GOES TO SHOW Dear Editor, Thank you for including the feature on the Greg Louganis and Johnny Chaillot marriage (“Just Married,” THE FIGHT, Issue 33). It is refreshing to see two really sweet guys over 50 finding true love.

I am 58 and have been with my husband for over 3 years now. It took a long time to find the right person—but thankfully I did! Just goes to show that you can find love at any point in your life.

George Murphy, Long Beach

ONE COOL LESBIAN Dear Editor, Jincey Lumpkin is one cool lesbian (“Express Yourself,” THE FIGHT, Issue 33). She is right about the need for all of us to reach out and come together—lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders. We are all fighting the same cause!

Name Withheld, via the internet

LIKE TO CLARIFY Dear Editor, Regarding letters in your past few issues about gays going to hell I would like to clarify that hell was not a concept back when the Bible was talking about homosexuals. If you actually look at references to homosexuals in the Bible, you will find them primarily in the Old Testament. In that time, there wasn’t really a concept for hell. It wasn’t until Jesus was teaching that we started to get those images. Also, Jesus didn’t talk about homosexuals.

Name Withheld, via the internet

> WRITE TO THE EDITOR Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements.

10 T H E F IGH T | N O V E MBER 2013

DOWNEY O SAY YES T

SAVINGS!

*MUST BE ABOVE 700 FICO SCORE ON APPROVED ABOVE AVERAGE CREDIT. NOT ALL CUSTOMERS WILL QUALIFY. LENDER APPROVAL REQUIRED ON ALL APPLICATIONS

BRAND NEW 2014 NISSAN

VERSA

Model # 11454

MSRP......................................$14,800 Downey Nissan Discount...........$1205 Sale Price.................................$13595 Nissan Customer Cash................$500 NMAC Captive Cash....................$500 College Grad................................$600

Savings $

Net Cost

2805

69

$

OR LEASE FOR

1 at this offer STK# 140160 VIN# 375229 per mo Lease special: $69 + Tax X 36 mos $3,995.00 Due at delivery, $0 security deposit, $0 first payment, MSRP: of $14,900.00 one at this price. Must qualify with above average credit. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15 cents per mile.

2013 NISSAN LEAF SL Savings

$

*ON APPROVED CREDIT & DOWN/ON SELECTED MODELS

MSRP......................................$35,860 Downey Nissan Disc...............$2,665 SALE PRICE............................$33,195 NMAC CASH...........................$7,500

10355

Model # 17213

MPG 102 HWY

99

$

ROGUE

MPG 28 HWY

MSRP...........................$21,405 Downey Nissan Discount $1810 Sale Price......................$19595 Nissan Customer Cash.....$500 NMAC Captive...................$500 College Grad.....................$600

Savings $

WELL QUALIFIED BUYERS. SEE DEALER FOR DETAILS.

Net Cost

SENTRA S

NOW IN STOCK!

89

$

OR LEASE FOR

1 at this offer STK# 131709 VIN# 537369 # 22113 3410 Lease special: $89 + TaxModel X 24 mos $3,495.00 Due at delivery, $0 security deposit, $0 first payment, MSRP: of $21,405.00 one at this price. Must qualify with above average credit. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15 cents per mile.

Model # 12013

Savings $

2735

Net Cost

ALTIMA 2.5 S

MPG 38HWY

NOW IN STOCK!

MSRP...............................$23,320 Downey Nissan Discount. . .$3,225 Sale Price.........................$20,095 Nissan Customer Cash.......$1000 NMAC Captive......................$500 College Grad.........................$600

$

5325

OR LEASE FOR

1 at this offer STK# 132030 VIN# 786994 per mo Lease special: $79 + Tax X 36 mos $3,995.00 Due at delivery, $0 security deposit, $0 first payment, MSRP: of $17,625.00 one at this price. Must qualify with above average credit. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15 cents per mile.

BRAND NEW 2014 NISSAN

Savings

79 $ 89

$

MSRP................................$17730 Downey Nissan Discount....$1135 Sale Price..........................$16595 NMAC Captive....................$1000 College Grad.........................$600

Net Cost

OR LEASE FOR

Model # 13114 1 at this offer STK# 140204 VIN# 131850 per mo Lease special: $89 + Tax X 24 mos $3,495.00 Due at delivery, $0 security deposit, $0 first payment, MSRP: of $23,200.00 one at this price. Must qualify with above average credit. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15 cents per mile.

BRAND NEW 2014 NISSAN

PATHFINDER

MSRP..................................................$29929 Downey Nissan Discount.......................$2184 Sale Price.............................................$27745 Nissan Customer Cash............................$750 NMAC Captive Cash............................$1,000

MPG 26 HWY

Savings $

NOW IN STOCK!

3934

25,995

Net Cost

$

189

$

OR LEASE FOR

Model # 25114

per mo 1 at this offer STK# 140299 VIN# 634271 Lease special: $189 + Tax X 36 mos $5,295.00 Due at delivery, $0 security deposit, $0 first payment, MSRP: of $30,095.00 one at this price. Nmac lease $750. Must qualify with above average credit. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15 cents per mile.

BAD CREDIT LOANS • 888-850-1133 DISCOVER THE DOWNEY DIFFERENCE

DOWNEY

DEL #17213

1319054/416205 MO

per mo + tax

NOW IN STOCK!

24 month lease on approved credit. $99 per mo. plus tax for 24 months. $6,995 Total Drive Offs. Lessee responsible for mileage over 12,000 per year at 15¢ per mile. Offer valid where financed through NMAC. 1 at this offer 131905/416205.

BRAND NEW 2013 NISSAN

BRAND NEW 2013 NISSAN

2013 NISSAN LEAF

START REBUILDING YOUR CREDIT NOW

WE SAY YES!

Call: 8888-850-1133• Click: downeynissan.com • Visit 7550 Firestone Blvd.

Hablamos Español

Must finance thru NMAC. 60 mos. contract Tier 0, 1 & 2.. Must be currently employed or have proof of formal job offer and finance an eligible new vehicle thru Motors Acceptance Corporation. All advertised prices exclude government fees and taxes, any finance charges, any dealer document preparation charges, and any emissions testing charge. APR on select models on above average credit through NMAC for 60 months with zero down at $27.78 per $1000 financed. APR Specials in lieu of factory rebate. See dealer for details. Offers expires 24 hours after publication **90 day delayed payment option available for customers approved for Tier 1, Tier 2, and Tier 3 Credit; only available for a new vehicle with a maximum term of 60 months. Extended terms, 61-72 months, are not eligible for this option. The delayed payment must begin exactly 90 days from the date of the contract If the first payment falls on the 31st of the month, it must be adjusted to the first day of the following month. * Must be above 700 FICO score on approved above average credit. Not all customers will qualify. Lender approval required on all applications.

16701084B346

THETALK >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

LONG WAY “It’s disappointing the nation as a whole isn’t embracing the movement to accept people like Matthew...

JUDY We’ve still got a SHEPARD long way to go.”

—Judy Shepard in an interview with The Los Angeles Times, discussing the reaction to a recent production of The Laramie Project, a play exploring Laramie’s reaction to her son Matthew’s murder, at the University of Mississippi; some audience members heckled the actors with antigay slurs. Matthew Shepard died October 12, 1998, six days after he was beaten and left for dead on a fence near Laramie by two men he had met at a bar in the town, where he was attending the University of Wyoming. He was 21 years old.

WANDA SYKES

PEOPLE REALLY “I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.”

—Openly gay comedian Wanda Sykes on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” about people who believe that same-sex marriage will damage the country.

DAN BUCATINSKY

ARE YOU KIDDING ALEX PETTYFER

“The sanctity of marriage is that you can be on a contest and at the end of 12 weeks, you’re going to marry—for life—or at least say vows to, a person from a reality show that you just met... And that doesn’t threaten the sanctity of marriage? Are you kidding me?”

—”Scandal” star Dan Bucatinsky, who is raising two children with his husband of 21 years, to Oprah Winfrey on an episode of “Oprah’s Next Chapter” focusing on same-sex marriage.

THAT BEING SAID “Thank you for your service, it was excellent.

That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD.” —A hand written note on a receipt to a gay waiter at Carrabba’s Italian Grill in Kansas.

Since the story first broke last month, a number of patrons have rallied in support of the server, whose mother also works at the restaurant as a hostess.

CASSANDRA PETERSON

HUGE APOLOGY

SO HOT “Alex Pettyfer is in it, [but] I have to find the right black guy opposite him. He’s so hot, isn’t he?”

—Director Lee Daniels to Out Magazine on casting Alex Pettyfer (Magic Mike) to star as one-half of a gay interracial action hero couple in a new feature film project Daniels has in development.

1 2 T H E F IGH T | N O V E MBER 2013

“I was so young.

It made me go back in the closet because I was so overwhelmed at 26 or 27. I didn’t want the responsibility, I didn’t know how SEAN to handle the HAYES responsibility of speaking for the gay community. I always felt like I owed them a huge apology for coming out too late.”

—Queerty.com, reporting on actor Sean Hayes, who came out in 2010, explaining to The Los Angeles Times why he didn’t do it years earlier while under pressure from the gay community during the airing of Will & Grace.

THE ONLY THING “Growing up I learned everything I knew from drag queens ... The only thing different is I don’t have to tuck.”

—Cassandra Peterson (Elvira) in an interview with Queerty.com.

SITCOM THERAPY. FOR YOUR OBSESSIVE SITCOMPULSIONS. WEEKNIGHTS & ALL DAY SATURDAY Find out what channel Logo is on at: logotv.com/channel

LogoTVSitcomTherapy-Ad-FrontiersinLA.indd 1

WILL & GRACE

THE GOLDEN GIRLS

© Warner Bros. Domestic Television Distribution, 2006

#SitcomTherapy

@LogoTV

©ABC Studios

10/21/13 11:54 AM

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 13

let love define family

TM

Celebrate National Adoption Month at our free events: Chicago Los Angeles Kansas City New York City San Francisco

11/18 11/20 11/21 12/3 12/5

Center on Halsted W Hollywood Studio B LGBT Center W San Francisco

Come meet actor/comedian/adoptive father Alec Mapa.

RSVP at www.RaiseAChild.US or (800) 958-9478 RAiSeAChild.US thAnkS...

EMQ FamiliesFirst, Human Rights Campaign’s All Children-All Families, Southern California Foster Family & Adoption Agency, Vista Del Mar Child & Family Services, ABC Family’s “The Fosters” Little City Foundation, Five Acres, New York City Administration for Children’s Services, Midwest Foster Care & Adoption Association, Center on Halsted, Studio B, The LGBT Community Center, W Hotels

RaiseAChild.US

Adopt

Foster All new episodes January 2014

the Alec Mapa & Jamie herbert family

THESTATE >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

SALT, LIGHT & LIES CALIFORNIA’S “SALT AND LIGHT MINISTRY” SPREADS FALSE CLAIMS ABOUT TRANSGENDER STUDENT. > Right-wing opponents of California’s new law ensuring equal access for transgender students have fabricated yet another story about a trans teen “harassing” cisgender (non-trans) students in DRAN REESE the school bathroom, according to Zack Ford at ThinkProgress, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com.

After the California-based Pacific Justice Institute publicized a now-debunked story about a transgender teenager in Colorado who it claimed was “inherently harassing” fellow female students simply by using the same restroom as her classmates, another Christian group has followed suit, reports The Advocate.

Dran Reese, founder of Salt and Light Ministry, a nonprofit project of Temecula, Calif.’s Calvary Chapel Upland that claims it “provides resources that promote good government according to Biblical principles without any party affiliation,” told San Diego’s ABC affiliate last month that a transgender student in Los Angeles was peeking over the tops of restroom stalls to look at female schoolmates.

The station didn’t bother to fact-check the claim, so trans blogger and advocate Cristan Williams called the Los Angeles United School District to see if the harassment actually took place.

And as was the case with the Colorado story, an official with LAUSD’s office of communications confirmed to Williams that no harassment occurred. Williams published audio of her conversation with the official, who acknowledged that the school did receive a complaint, but “it turned out that it was fabricated by one of the parents who opposes transgender students in schools. So it was an unfortunate situation, to have put the students through, but it was fabricated.”

Zack Ford at ThinkProgress reports that Salt and Light is one of the leading partners collecting signatures to repeal California’s Assembly Bill 1266, which Gov. Jerry Brown signed into law in August, and mandates that trans students be granted access to bathrooms, locker rooms, sports teams, and other gender-segregated facilities that correlate with their gender identity.

The signature-gathering campaign to put the law’s repeal on the ballot is being organized under the moniker “Privacy for All Students,” which is being supported by the antigay National Organization for Marriage, the Pacific Justice Institute, and, among others, the chairman of the board of Jelly Belly candies. Opponents of the School Success and Opportunity Act (AB 1266) have until November 12 to gather 505,000 valid signatures to put the question on the November 2014 ballot. If they fail to reach that threshold of valid signatures, the law will take effect in January. n

Give your skin a little holiday love.

Ultherapy ®is the only FDA-approved procedure to noninvasively lift skin on the neck, chin and brow

.

Don’t miss a minute of the holidays with this one-time, no downtime ultrasound treatment!

Before

After 360 Days

Schedule Your Free Ultherapy Consultation Today!

2021 Santa Monica Blvd.

Santa Monica, CA 90404 310.828.2282

9915 S. Santa Monica Blvd.

Beverly Hills, CA 90212 310.828.2282

www.avamd.com For full product and safety information, including possible mild side effects, see Ultherapy.com/IFU. © 2013 Ultherapy is a registered trademark o f Ulthera Inc. 1002221A

NO VEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 14

THECITY >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

TRANSGENDER AWARENESS MONTH IN WEHO l The City of West Hollywood kicked off Transgender Awareness Month with a variety of events. On Saturday, November 16, the City of West Hollywood will sponsor the Transgender Wellness & Wellbeing Conference from 9am - 6pm at the National Council for Jewish Women Los Angeles, 543 N. Fairfax Avenue. The event will include workshop sessions that speak to the wellness and wellbeing of our community.

For more information, please visit www.transwellnessandwellbeing.com.

NBC UNIVERSAL CANCELS BILL & TED

CALABASAS SAME-SEX COUPLE HOMECOMING QUEENS

l Universal Studios Hollywood canceled the “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure” show last month amid complaints that it was homophobic, racist and generally offensive. “NBCUniversal has taken quick and strong action regarding this matter and also started a productive dialogue around future ‘Bill & Ted’ programming to ensure that all park visitors can have an enjoyable experience,” GLAAD spokesman Wilson Cruz said. The show’s plot line included a witch sprinkling fairy dust on Superman, making him effeminate.

l When girlfriends Lili Cohen and Greta Melendez were announced as Homecoming Queens at Calabasas High School last month, the crowd, comprised mainly of high school students, roared in approval, reports www.shewired.com. The couple became the first same-sex couple to be crowned Homecoming royalty in the school’s history. A student at Calabasas High credited Melendez with helping to change hearts and minds throughout her tenure at the school, as he said she’s worked tirelessly as the president of the school’s Gay and Straight Alliance.

TRANS WOMAN ALLEGES HARASSMENT AT LA FITNESS l Yanel Valenzuela, a transgender woman in Montclair, CA, contends she was denied access to the women’s locker room at an LA Fitness facility after she asked an employee for workout tips specialized for trans women, reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com. Additionally, a gay couple in Los Angeles contended recently that they were the victims of a hate crime when a belligerent man verbally harassed and berated them inside an LA Fitness location. Upon reporting the harassment to management, the couple was told the aggressor’s membership was revoked, but the gay couple contends their harasser was back in the same gym the next week, and were allegedly told that because the harassment occurred only once, the club had no disciplinary recourse.

HALLOWEEN MAN’S DEATH DEEMED AN ACCIDENT l Authorities investigating the death of a man burned in West Hollywood on Halloween night say the incident was likely caused when the man tried to light a cigarette and set his costume on fire, reported wehoville.com. “It was most likely an accident,” said Sgt. Richard Biddle of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Biddle stressed that detectives are still investigating.

According to Biddle, at least two people who saw the man, Gilbert Estrada, 51, become engulfed in flames say his costume hood caught fire as he tried to light a cigarette.

PALM SPRINGS HOMOPHOBIC THEATER SHOCKER l Controversy erupted in Palm Springs when an art house owner’s donations were exposed last month, reports www.outtraveler.com. The Camelot Theater hosts Cinema Diverse, the Palm Springs Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, but according to a report in The Desert Sun, its owner has given money to noted homophobes like Michele Bachmann and Alan West.

Rozene Supple owns the art house movie theater known as The Camelot, which is very popular with LGBT patrons. The Sun reports that Supple has donated money to antigay Minnesota congresswoman Bachman, as well as homophobic former Georgia congressman Alan West. Supple also covertly donated to the Prop. 8 effort in California. n 1 6 T H E F I GH T | N O V E M BER 2013

I’m smiling more than ever.

Tony, D.A.P. client

D.A.P. treats and supports the whole person When D.A.P. opened its dental clinic, I didn’t know it was one-of-a-kind in the county. I’ve been living with HIV for a long time, so I was just happy to have people nearby who really understood my oral care needs. I’ve been a D.A.P. client since 1994, so I’d already had great experiences with my doctor, my case manager, and my home health team. But this dental clinic staff is remarkable — from the smiling receptionist to my gentle dentist and everyone else in between. Who knew you could actually LIKE going to the dentist?!

This and more...all under one roof Thanks to your generous support, Desert AIDS Project has been saving lives for 30 years.

Please continue to help by donating at desertAIDSproject.org, joining one of our annual giving programs, or by saving the date for one of our upcoming fundraising events.

Dancing with the Desert Stars | November 22, 2013 SPARKLE! All-Star Holiday Concert | December 11, 2013 20th Annual Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards Gala February 8, 2014 Haute 4 Help Fashion Event | March 7, 2014 Celebrity Doodles | April 5, 2014 Dining Out for Life | April 24, 2014

760.323.2118 desertAIDSproject.org

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 17

LIFE INTERRUPTED

AFTER RELAPSING IN SEPTEMBER, WEST HOLLYWOOD PERSONAL TRAINER MAX PHOENIX COMMITTED SUICIDE LAST MONTH. TWO WEEKS LATER, DAVID ANTAR DIED OF AN

MAX PHOENIX

ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE. ADDICTION: CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL.

BY PAULO MURILLO THE WEST HOLLYWOOD community was devastated last month by the loss of George Perez Jr., known to most as Max Phoenix (October 7, 1973 - October 15, 2013), the personal fitness trainer, nutritionist, lifestyle coach and writer, who was well on his way into building a fitness empire with his popular Max Phoenix Effect metabolic bootcamp. According to sources, the cause of his death was a self-inflicted. He shot himself.

There isn’t a single person who knew him or knew of him who wasn’t affected by his sudden death. He was motivated; he was caring, positive, encouraging and full of gratitude. I never witnessed him have a meltdown. He looked good. I guess appearances can be fatal.

The first time I noticed his name, was through his writing. His topics ranged from health and fitness, to living with HIV/AIDS and his life as a recovering alcoholic addict. He mainly wrote about his battle with crystal meth. The last time I would see him alive was when he celebrated four years of continuous clean and sober time during the summer.

According to those close to him, he relapsed in the early part of September. Then on October 16, at 10:30am, I would receive the following text: “Holy shit,” it read. “Max Phoenix is dead?”

The long list of messages expressing sadness and disbelief poured up and down his Facebook timeline (the obituary of modern times), confirming his passing. His death was so shocking that it makes one suspicious of everyone. If Max Phoenix can kill himself, then anyone can, without warning, rhythm or rhyme. I now find myself wondering what darkness lurks inside those shiny happy, self-possessed gurus on Facebook who go on and on about gratitude, gratitude, rah-rah-rah.

It doesn’t matter how we slice it, Max didn’t die on the job while climbing a mountain and he didn’t die from complications of HIV/AIDS. As far as most people are concerned, he died from the illness of addiction. Stay clean and sober long enough and the bodies of young gay men, who have taken their own lives intentionally, or accidentally, while in the throes of that illness, pile up. I don’t know too many guys who die from HIV/ AIDS these days, but I know lots of guys whose souls were taken from us by the plague of substances abuse. I’m referring to Will R., Brian P., Ken 1 8 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

R., Stephen G., Jared R, Hunter A. and my old sponsee brother James A., to name only a few.

“If Max had just used one tool, he’d still be alive,” a friend of his told me at Starbucks. “If he had made one phone call, if he had gone to a meeting, or called his sponsor, if he had asked for help, we wouldn’t have lost him.”

He added.

MAX DIED FROM THE ILLNESS OF ADDICTION. STAY CLEAN AND SOBER LONG ENOUGH AND THE BODIES OF YOUNG GAY MEN, WHO HAVE TAKEN THEIR OWN LIVES INTENTIONALLY, OR ACCIDENTALLY, WHILE IN THE THROES OF THAT ILLNESS, PILE UP. “I’m not surprised he did this,” another friend told me. “He worked very hard at polishing the outsides, but he refused to do any work on his insides. He was an empty vessel. Recovery is an inside, job. This is why we do the work. We don’t drink or use no matter what, and we don’t kill ourselves.”

They say suicide is a violent

act against the people who love you. In Phoenix’s case, he didn’t just leave family and close friends behind, but also a long list of clients who looked up to him, were inspired by him and made lifestyle changes because of him.

We may never know why. The body’s primal instinct is to live.

One can’t fathom the physical or mental agony that would force the body to destroy itself.

Everything happens for a reason. We take comfort in the thought that the pain is no more.

Phoenix’s death allows us to look at and try to understand death by suicide. It forces us to take stock of our own mental health and to look closely at those around us who we think we know.

Just as I was ready to submit this piece, I received the devastating news that we lost another young man by the name of David Antar, on October 28, only two weeks after Phoenix’s passing.

Sources tell me he died of an accidental overdose. That is the power of this disease. It is cunning, baffling and powerful. n If you or someone you know is at high risk of self-harm, visit suicidehotlines.com or call (800) SUICIDE, or (800) 273-TALK.

400 South Beverly Drive, Ste 316 Beverly Hills, CA 90212 Office: 310.286.1300 Fax: 310.286.1330 www.theinstituteforsexualhealth.com

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 19

THEROSTOWREPORT

BY ANN ROSTOW

EQUALITY JUNCTION

> Amazing. Last month, New Jersey became the 14th state to legalize marriage (through court order), and this month we’re looking at marriage about to be signed into law in Illinois, another marriage bill cruising through the Hawaii legislature and a pending opinion from the New Mexico Supreme Court.

Meanwhile, the Oregon attorney general’s office has decided that same-sex marriages from out of state should be recognized.

Although an AG opinion is usually a guidepost rather than an order, Oregon authorities quickly issued statewide directives, instructing all Beaver agencies to comply with this policy. And obviously, a decision to recognize same-sex marriages is very, very close to a decision to legalize marriage.

So, it’s all good! That is if you don’t count the other 30 or so states that stand before us, arms crossed, defiant. Those states with beady little red eyes who proclaim that our marriages are dead to them!

Dead! But you know what? Even those states will watch helplessly as the stony edifice of ignorance and hate crumbles around them and sends them tumbling into the warm embrace of equality!

DOLPHINS BEHAVING BADLY

> I’ve read that Jason Collins, the pro basketball player who came out of the closet to much fanfare earlier this year, has not been signed by any pro team. True, he’s a journeyman a bit past his prime. But apparently teams have picked up several other veterans with lesser credentials during the last six months.

The common wisdom in basketball circles is not that teams are antigay, but that teams are shying away from the media attention that would accompany the man. It’s sort of the same thing in my book.

And speaking of sports, I was sure that Miami Dolphin Jonathan Martin left the team in disgust because he was gay. After all, why would his teammates persist in relentless “bullying?”

Unfortunately I can find no evidence to support my theory. Martin, who is in his second season at Miami, reportedly walked away from the team due to constant hazing. The last straw was a maneuver straight out of Mean Girls, in which he sat down in the cafeteria and all the other men got up and took their food to another table. Clearly, if that was the last straw, there must have been a large bale of hay already on his back at the time.

But press reports suggest Martin was pressured to cough up cash to entertain more senior teammates, reportedly a routine practice among football players. He was also nicknamed “Big Weirdo,” and harassed about his Ivy League ties and his status as a Stanford grad.

The Dolphins have recently suspended one guy accused of leading the charge against Martin.

Really? I still think there must be something more to this story. But who knows?

I SEE ENGLAND, I SEE FRANCE

> By the way, while we’re on the subject of football, am I the only football fan who notices that many players seem to flaunt their male attributes by letting their junk hang loose under see-through white pants?

I mean c’mon! You can see everything! And no one mentions this in the press. My wife has accused me of having an unseemly interest in this phenomenon, given that I’m a lesbian, but it’s like the Emperor’s New Clothes.

It doesn’t bother me per se. It only bothers me that no one else comments on the southern exposure. If female athletes wore clothes that revealed 2 0 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

Miami Dolphin Jonathan Martin reportedly walked away from the team due to constant hazing. nipples or other intimate details, we’d hear about it.

Guys? Surely you’ve noticed.

Tell me I’m not alone out here.

And for the record, isn’t it a little risky? Ouch.

DISPARATE IMPACT

> Finally, Congress is considering the Employment Nondiscrimination Act as I write, a sore subject for me only because I think it would be preferable to add “sexual orientation” to Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

That’s the statute that protects everyone else from employment discrimination, and unlike ENDA, it comes with 50 years of solid case law. Pushing for a separate “gay” bill made sense 20 years ago. But does it still?

I suppose I will rein in my pet peeves about ENDA and root for passage. But still, Title VII already protects transgendered people (thanks to some of that case law).

And ENDA is heavily patterned

after Title VII to begin with so why not just go for the real thing?

Unlike Title VII, ENDA limits some money damages, it adds extra loopholes (unnecessary in my view) and it does not allow for claims of “disparate impact.”

If you were to mandate, for example, that every plant worker had a high school degree, it would not appear to violate rules against job bias. If, however, it was then shown that only 5 percent of African Americans had finished high school, and that such a degree was not necessary for the work involved, it would be illegal under Title VII. (I based that example on a midcentury case that established disparate impact, but I can’t recall the details.)

ENDA does not allow for that kind of case for a number of reasons, but it’s another example of why ENDA is a second-class law.

Hey. I said I’d root for the damn thing. I’m just not happy about it. n

THEEPIDEMIC >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

WORLD AIDS DAY HIV CONTINUES TO BE A MAJOR GLOBAL PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE, HAVING CLAIMED MORE THAN 25 MILLION LIVES OVER THE PAST THREE DECADES. l World AIDS Day on December 1 brings together people from around the world to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS and demonstrate international solidarity in the face of the pandemic. The day is an opportunity for public and private partners to spread awareness about the status of the pandemic and encourage progress in HIV/AIDS prevention, treatment and care in high prevalence countries and around the world.

KEY FACTS • HIV continues to be a major global public health issue, having claimed more than 25 million lives over the past three decades.

• There were approximately 35 million people living with HIV in 2012.

• Sub-Saharan Africa is the most affected region, with nearly 1 in every 20 adults living with HIV. Sixty nine per cent of all people living with HIV are living in this region.

• HIV infection is usually diagnosed through blood tests detecting the presence or absence of HIV antibodies.

• There is no cure for HIV infection. However, effective treatment with

antiretroviral drugs can control the virus so that people with HIV can enjoy healthy and productive lives.

• In 2012, more than 9.7 million people living with HIV were receiving antiretroviral therapy (ART) in low- and middle-income countries.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS The symptoms of HIV vary depending on the stage of infection. Though people living with HIV tend to be most infectious in the first few months, many are unaware of their status until later stages. The first few weeks after initial infection, individuals may

experience no symptoms or an influenza-like illness including fever, headache, rash or sore throat.

As the infection progressively weakens the person’s immune system, the individual can develop other signs and symptoms such as swollen lymph nodes, weight loss, fever, diarrhea and cough. Without treatment, they could also develop severe illnesses such as tuberculosis, cryptococcal meningitis, and cancers such as lymphomas and Kaposi’s sarcoma, among others.

TRANSMISSION • HIV can be transmitted via the exchange of a variety of body fluids from infected individuals, such as blood, breast milk, semen and vaginal secretions. Individuals cannot become infected through ordinary day-to-day contact such as kissing, hugging, shaking hands, or sharing personal objects, food or water. n

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 21

ACUPUNCTURE & HIV/AIDS LOS ANGELES’ POKE ACUPUNCTURE OWNER RUSSELL BROWN, L.AC: “YOUR BODY AND YOUR WELL-BEING ARE MUCH MORE THAN JUST THE THINGS THAT GO WRONG WITH IT. AND MEDICINE IS MORE THAN JUST PUTTING OUT FIRES.”

BY RUSSELL BROWN, L.AC. I’M NOT ALL THAT INTERESTED in my patient’s T-cell count. I may ask about it, but it’s really neither here nor there. I will, however, ask how many hours of sleep he gets and if he dreams.

And I’m not overly concerned with his medication dosages; sometimes I won’t even bother to inquire. But I will always ask how many daily bowel movements he has, when he has them, and if they are solid or loose.

Yes, we’re gonna go there. Because when I see a patient, I am far more concerned with the state of his living than the state of his dying.

SEEKING BALANCE There is a profound perspective shift that characterizes many of the differences between Chinese and Western medicine. Western medicine excels at damage control; it is reactive. Western medicine dictates that “health” is the absolute absence of pathogens and, therefore, most of its medical practices seek out and correct imbalances only after they have expressed themselves as problems—and it is very successful at that. But Chinese medicine operates with the understanding that a body is constantly seeking balance and 2 2 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

strength, just as nature does. And so, its health directive is more about nurturing and cultivating the body’s inherent intelligence so that it can better do its job. A body is well-equipped to put out its own fires-provided it has the strength and adequate support to do so.

SHIFTING THE MINDSET What we really talk about when we talk about incorporating “complementary medicine” is crucially shifting the mindset away from “what went wrong” and focusing instead on “what’s actually happening.” The true benefit of integrating modalities like acupuncture, chiropractics, meditation and massage into your wellness toolbox is fostering the understanding that health is not simply the absence of pathogens. Wellness is not relative to the problem and the crisis. Your body and your wellbeing are much more than just the things that go wrong with it.

And medicine is more than just putting out fires.

THE GREAT ICE BREAKER We are well past the conversation of whether or not alternative

“WHEN I SEE A PATIENT, I AM FAR MORE CONCERNED WITH THE STATE OF HIS LIVING THAN THE STATE OF HIS DYING.” medicine helps in the treatment of HIV/AIDS. Its benefits are welldocumented; as an HIV clinic acupuncturist, I have seen it firsthand. Acupuncture greatly helps to support the immune system; manage symptoms of the virus and side effects of its medications; maintain digestive function; manage neuropathy; sustain body energy; prevent attrition and reduce cortisol and stress levels.

In addition to these benefits, beginning to think of your health as “non problem-relative” is vital for everyone, but especially for people living with chronic diseases like HIV/AIDS because, for these patients, there will always be fires. They are already thinking about what is killing them. I never am. I am more interested in how many meals they are eating, how their work is going, how they are managing their stress, and what they are doing for fun.

Medicine is more than just preventing dying—it can and should electrify the pursuit of living. I’m happy to let my esteemed colleagues with M.D.’s examine viral loads, T-cells and pharmaceuticals. When you visit me at POKE, be prepared to talk about your bowel movements. It’s a great ice breaker. n For more information visit www. pokeacupuncture.com.

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 23

JOE KOMARA ON LGBT STEREOTYPES, SQUARE PEGS IN ROUND HOLES AND

PUSHING BOUNDARIES WHY THE DATING SCENE IN NYC IS EASIER THAN IN LOS ANGELES.

2 4 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

PHOTO BY: NICK CLARK

BY MARK ARIEL

S

FORMER GYMNAST-TURNED-SINGER-TURNED-ACTOR Joe Komara, currently playing the friendly gay bartender, Tyler, on Cinemax’s hit comedy/drama series, The Girl’s Guide to Depravity, got his start in showbiz on the New York stage, performing in the Broadway revival of Grease and the Los Angeles transfer of the Follies Broadway revival.

Komara moved from small town Indiana to New York City two weeks after 9/11, only to discover upon arrival that the building he was planning to call home was bolted shut by the city for not meeting up to codes. “I was homeless for eleven days,” he remembers.

It wasn’t long before he was hitting the pavement with his copy of Backstage in hand, landing small roles in the off-Broadway productions of The Donkey Show, Applause ENCORES! at City Centre, and Broadway concerts at Town Hall.

“My gymnastics background helped my career a lot,” reveals Komara. “Adding tumbling to my skills helped give me an edge over a lot of the other dancers.”

While in New York, Komara was offered his first television role on the CBS daytime soap opera, As The World Turns. It was the first time Komara realized that screen acting might be a realistic goal for him.

In an interview with THE FIGHT Komara talks about LGBT stereotypes, square pegs in round holes and the dating scene in LA, as opposed to NYC. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR CHILDHOOD? My childhood was pretty normal—my parents and sister were professional athletes so there was a lot of athletics and fitness in my life from a very early age. I loved more individualized sports like gymnastics/tumbling, track & field, soccer, and diving. I think I always had a very developed sense of self, even from a young age.

HOW DID YOU TRANSITION INTO SINGING AND ACTING? Being exposed to theatre and music in middle-school really turned my attention to performing and became clear that’s what I was meant to be doing. And in all seriousness, great singers/performers like Janet Jackson and Mariah Carey gave me something to sing and dance with thanks to music videos and cassette tapes (haha—aging myself here).

I even had a record player in my room as a kid and a few 45s—Paula, Madonna, Whitney, George Michael.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE NEW YORK THEATER EXPERIENCE? The experience of the Broadway community is unparalleled. It has been amazing to befriend and work along side some amazingly talented people. The off Broadway stuff is amazing there too—really just a machine of driven, talented, and dedicated artists. I can’t lie and say I don’t miss it all the time. But L.A. has its great qualities as well.

YOU SAID IN AN INTERVIEW THAT IT IS EASIER GETTING JOBS IN NY THAN LA. CAN YOU ELABORATE ON THAT? I recently had this conversation with someone who felt the opposite.

But I must say there’s no lag time in communication and business in New York. You beat the streets, work hard and you will get results. In L.A. it’s definitely much less about talent and much more about who you know, being in the right place at the right time, and playing “the game” that is this crazy entertainment industry.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY ARE THE DIFFERENCES, IF ANY, BETWEEN THE NY AND LA GAY COMMUNITIES? I think nowadays there is much more of a crossover of people spending time on both coasts so they’re pretty similar. The dating scene in NY is—again—easier because you’re on top of people (insert joke here) in everyday life. Everyone is always out: out at restaurants and bars and parks and theaters. Most NY apartments aren’t ideal for hanging out in, so it’s all done in the matrix of NYC. In LA, however, people are often more homebodies and like to spend time at home. It makes it harder to meet people, and harder to really get a relationship going. In NY you say, “hey meet in 30 minutes?” and the response is “done.” In LA, it’s more “ya, let’s text about it sometime this week to set something up for sometime maybe next week or tweet me next Thursday...” and it never happens.

HOW WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE ON “AS THE WORLD TURNS?” It was awesome. I love the sets, cast, and crew at General Hospital as well. The soap world is so similar to theatre—you show up everyday to create. You have your dressing rooms and the same cast and crew and stage managers become like your family. It is the perfect place for the theatre folk, so I love working on soaps. In As The World Turns, the scene I was in, was a rally for gay rights actually. It was one of the first shows that really embraced their gay characters and developed them into great, complex people.

WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO THE GIRL’S GUIDE TO DEPRAVITY? It’s edgy and fun and a comedy.

It pushes the boundaries of what a show on Cinemax is and could be, and every episode it carves a unique genre and voice and style.

We owe it all to the creative genius behind the show, the blog, and the book by Heather Rutman. She makes our comedy accessible to

a large group of viewers. “The Girl’s Guide To Depravity,” Season 2, is airing on Cinemax now.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MARRIAGE? IS IT SOMETHING YOU WOULD CONSIDER? Marriage is something super personal. I have best friends who don’t really believe in marriage, and I guess I understand. I would consider it, sure. I see a lot of really happy couples that don’t need marriage, and some that use it for all the wrong reasons. So I say to each his own.

DO YOU FEEL THAT THE RACE TOWARD EQUALITY (GAY MARRIAGE, SAME-SEX COUPLES WITH KIDS, ETC.) IS ERASING GAY SUBCULTURES IN FAVOR OF ASSIMILATION? Love this question. I definitely don’t think equal rights means that we’re all going to end up like the Stepford Wives, but roles are being filled by different people and different sexes now-a-days. I think that subcultures exist because there are many things that aren’t mainstream and they will always be there. That all being said, it’s great to see the roles of mom and dad becoming dad and dad or mom and mom. Equality with individuality is what we all want to maintain. After all we can’t force things into existing constructs. It’s like the square peg in the round hole scenario. Everything has its place.

IS THERE ANYTHING WE HAVEN’T ASKED YOU THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH OUR READERS? Thank you for reading and keeping up THE FIGHT. Equality is so important but we mustn’t forget to celebrate our differences along the way. I would love to continue to see LGBT roles for actors continue to move away from stereotypes and that sexuality can be just another part of the complexities that make up every single human being and not the ONLY important thing about a character—and frankly—this goes for everyday life as well. n

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 25

OFFICER CAROLINE ZAVALA

WHEN OFFICER CAROLINE ZAVALA CAME OUT TO HER SERGEANTS AND NOT ONLY WERE THEY ACCEPTING, THEY WERE GRATEFUL THAT THEY HAD EARNED HER CONFIDENCE ENOUGH FOR HER TO CONFIDE IN THEM. That said, while law enforcement as an industry has never really screamed “LGBT acceptance in the workplace,” times are changing, particularly at LAPD. Recognizing that it is psychologically detrimental for employees to hide their true self, more and more officers are coming out, and more and more of their co-workers are not only accepting of the information, but happy to receive it.

POSITIVE REACTIONS

OUT AND PROUD WHILE LAW ENFORCEMENT AS AN INDUSTRY HAS NEVER REALLY SCREAMED “LGBT ACCEPTANCE IN THE WORKPLACE,” TIMES ARE CHANGING, PARTICULARLY AT LAPD.

BY VICTOR MELAMED A DECADE AGO, only 13 businesses got a top score on the Human Rights Survey as being LGBT friendly. This year, 190 did. Unlike discrimination based on race, gender, religion, national origin or disability, there is no federal law prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation. Twenty-one states, including Texas, have no law against it.

2 6 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

This was the case when Officer Caroline Zavala came out to her sergeants last year. Seeing the increased acceptance of LGBT officers in the LAPD, Officer Zavala had finally become comfortable letting her co-workers know who she is. She came out to her sergeants and not only were they accepting , they were grateful that they had earned her confidence enough for her to confide in them.

Officer Zavala relates that she has never been treated differently since coming out, and has only felt relief that she is able to be open with her co-workers.

She no longer has to lie or make excuses about her life. If she has to stay home to take care of her sick partner, she can call in and simply tell her Sergeant. She has never felt judged and has only experienced positive reactions from her co-workers.

Having been all over the department, Officer Zavala is now an advocate for LGBT officers as she is the LGBT Recruitment Coordinator for LAPD. She works

with LGBT candidates to let them know that the LAPD is accepting and wants recruits from all backgrounds. Need some evidence that LGBT officers are wanted?

Don’t just take our word for it, check out an LAPD recruitment seminar. There are designated LGBT recruitment seminars given specifically to address the concerns of LGBT candidates.

The next one is at 9:00 AM on Saturday, November 16, 2013 at the Ahmanson Recruit Training Center, 5651 W. Manchester Blvd., Los Angeles, 90045.

EMPLOYER OF CHOICE So, why should LGBT candidates choose LAPD? Aside from the intangible benefits of being open and true to oneself while at work, the Los Angeles Police Department offers tangible benefits as well. While healthcare for partners has become a real issue in certain industries, LAPD has remained firm. If an LGBT officer wants his or her partner to receive the excellent medical care that comes with being a part of LAPD, no marriage license is necessary.

All the officer needs to do is list their partner and they will be covered. It’s policies such as this that will make LAPD a preferred employer within the LGBT community.

As society continues to progress and become more accepting of many lifestyles, so too does LAPD. As perhaps THE most recognizable Police Department in the world, LAPD takes pride in being an employer of choice in the LGBT community. LAPD continues to become more progressive and accepting. LGBT recruits do not need to be afraid to be themselves, and can therefore focus on the exciting job at hand.

LAPD has the resources for all types of different officers to make their career what they want it to be. n There is a place for you in LAPD Blue.

Visit joinLAPD.com and APPLY NOW!

Creative solutions for your individual and business marketing needs.

web | digital | print | soCial media | video | photography

contact ntoriodesign@yahoo.com www.ntoriodesign.com NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 27

THEPROFILE

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

residency and fellowship training), along with multiple community recognition awards.

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY

DR. SHAHIN GHADIR SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REPRODUCTIVE CENTER l According to a 2013 study conducted by the Williams Institute, as many as one-fifth of LGBT couples in the United States have children. For those couples that need help expanding their families, places like the Southern California Reproductive Center (SCRC) can offer help and hope.

Even today, not every medical provider is comfortable with, or prepared to treat, LGBT patients. Founding partner of Southern California Reproductive Center and Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Shahin Ghadir is dedicated to helping patients overcome their reproductive challenges and infertility issues, in order to achieve their goal of having children. “Everyone should have the opportunity to become a parent,” states Dr. Ghadir. “I am honored to have been involved in that process with the many LGBT couples, who have come to our center.

ACADEMIC AWARDS Currently, Dr. Ghadir is an Assistant Clinical Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and also at the Keck School of Medicine at USC. Dr. Ghadir earned his bachelor’s degree with cum laude honors in psychology from UCLA and earned his medical degree from the Central University School of Medicine, where he graduated summa cum laude and was ranked first in his class.

Dr. Ghadir completed his residency in obstetrics and gynecology at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Los Angeles, as well as a three-year subspecialty fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the combined UCLA and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center program. He has received a multitude of academic awards and honors over the years (including significant awards during his 2 8 T H E F IGH T | N O V E MBER 2013

“One of my goals at the Southern California Reproductive Center is to offer the LGBT community an equal opportunity in reproductive choices,” states Dr. Ghadir.

“The LGBT community has fertility options and issues that differ from those of the heterosexual community. Whether it is selecting a sperm donor or sperm bank, arranging for egg donation, or finding a gestational carrier, we are committed to supporting our patients through the entire process. There are many ways to create a loving family and it is important for us to find the option that is best for patients,” explains Dr. Ghadir.

Dr. Ghadir reports that it is even possible for an HIV-positive couple to have their own children.

“A specific kind of sperm washing has been developed for an HIV-positive man, in order to biologically father an HIV-negative child - with his HIV-negative or HIV-positive partner, or surrogate,” states Dr. Ghadir. “The idea behind sperm washing,” explains Dr. Ghadir, “is separating the actual sperm that will fertilize an egg from the seminal fluid which is the part that carries the HIV virus.”

COMPASSIONATE AND RESPONSIVE A huge advocate for the LGBT community, offering sensitive fertility treatment plans to address various needs, Dr. Ghadir also serves as an expert in the field of fertility and has done multiple media interviews on the subject of fertility.

An extremely popular and wellliked fertility specialist, Dr. Ghadir’s expertise has been featured nationally and internationally in the Los Angeles Times, People Magazine,

RedBook Magazine, Marie Clair TC, Beverly Hills Weekly, Antelope Valley Press, ABC, BBC, Telemundo, Univision, among many others, including appearances on several television shows.

In addition to his strong work ethic, Dr. Ghadir has built a reputation as a compassionate and responsive expert. His desire to help people is what motivates his philanthropic efforts and is the reason for starting his non-forprofit charity called Fertility For all.

The non-profit will be launched in 2014, in order to help provide financial support to the LGBT community and fertility patients.

Dr. Ghadir also provides education, support and hope for cancer patients whose medical care raises risks of infertility.

CULTURAL SENSITIVITY A published author, Dr. Ghadir’s articles are found in peer-reviewed journals including Fertility and Sterility and The New England Journal of Medicine, as well as clinical journals such as Sexuality, Reproduction & Menopause. He is also a contributing author of the Infertility section of the new McGraw-Hill reference, Current Obstetric & Gynecologic Diagnosis and Treatment. Furthermore, Dr. Ghadir also served as a consultant for the infertility section of the best-selling pregnancy guide, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” As a native Angelino, His fluency in English, Spanish and Farsi, combined with a lifetime of interactions with the diverse communities of Los Angeles, give him a unique cultural sensitivity that attracts patients from around the world. Dr. Ghadir lives in Los Angeles with his wife and three children. n To learn more about the various options available to LGBT couples interested in becoming parents, contact Dr. Ghadir at: (310) 277-2393.

and a baby in a basket in front of a church. Children come into foster care through no fault of their own.

Think about that for a second.

These kids are counting on us to step in where their parents cannot.

5 YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY.

We Are Family 3 JOHN IRELAND, CO-FOUNDER OF RAISEACHILD.US, A NON-PROFIT ORGA- YOU ARE NOT NIZATION CATERING TO THE LGBT COM- ALONE. It can be scary training MUNITY, SHARES 10 ESSENTIAL POINT- and certifying to foster. You need not do it on your own.

ERS ON FOSTERING AND ADOPTION. 1 FOSTERING AND ADOPTING IS FREE. And—there is also a monthly stipend foster children receive even after the adoption is finalized. The national average support that a child from the foster care system can receive over 18 years is $150,000. Not a bad college fund, indeed. It’s not about the money, of course. But it doesn’t hurt to do the math. Also, former foster kids get free health care through 18 years old.

2 THE NUCLEAR FAMILY “IDEAL” IS A THING OF THE PAST. It may surprise you that LGBT people are welcome and eagerly sought to foster and adopt. Same goes for single people. Also, there are no strict are requirements-people well into their 50s and 60s can be great parents.

Thankfully, professionals in child welfare are focused on the best interests of the children. Children need safe and loving homes, which we are providing in every state in the union. Even in communities where nontraditional parents are rare, social workers, attorneys, and judges are certifying, matching, and finalizing adoptions within our families. It may be “off the radar” in some places. Find the right professionals and you, too, can foster and adopt.

3 0 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

RaiseAChild.US is a nonprofit organization run by LGBT foster and adoptive parents who help you to connect with LGBT-friendly agencies and to mentor you, helping to navigate the system and talk through decisions you make along the way. Your agency and social workers can help you to access a wide range of services, as well as reduced tuition, financial aid, and scholarships for older youth.

4 THE KIDS ARE TRULY AMAZING. Foster kids get a bad rap.

When you hear, “foster kid,” what do you picture? It’s probably somewhere between a hooligan lurking in a dark alley

Some people are meant to parent. At some point in our lives, we look around and realize there should be children running around hiding their shoes and giggling as we try to get lunch boxes into their backpacks. While others are having nightmares about missing a plane or forgetting their lines, we are waking up, half-expecting to make pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse. Don’t let your dreams pass you by. This is your chance to do the hardest job you’ll ever love.

DON’T LET YOUR DREAMS PASS YOU BY. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO THE HARDEST JOB YOU’LL EVER LOVE. 6 IT’S EASIER THAN IT LOOKS. Okay, parenting is NOT particularly easy. But then, what is easy?

Meeting and keeping the love of your life? That’s hard work... and it never ends. But the payoff is significant. No one can parent your kids like you can. After awhile, families get into a rhythm. It is true that our kids will know us better than anyone, sometimes better than ourselves. And remember, you get to fill them with the dreams and memories that will make their lives worth living. Not only is that some kind of crazy honor, when you think of it... it’s passing on the best of yourself.

7 YOU WILL SEE YOUR LIFE THROUGH NEW EYES. There’s nothing quite like watching a child grow up. They invent words and combine meanings. They ask questions like philosophers, in between fart jokes and, well, actual farts. If you take yourself a little too seriously, that will just embolden them to bring you back to earth.

And they see you as a hero, at least for awhile. You will find yourself laughing when you least expect it. Life is hilarious, actually. Kids remind you of that regularly.

8 CHILDREN BECOME AN EXTENSION OF YOU. We teach our kids how to exist in the world... how to flush and wash their hands, about personal space and how to make sure people respect it. If they are hurt, we feel it inside of us. When we hug our children, we are bringing them back home, to recharge. As a parent, you will provide the greatest sense of safety, enveloping your child in warmth and strength. Children learn to return to this place when they are weary, tired, or scared. Author Elizabeth Stone famously said, “making the decision to have a child...is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” This is equally true with adoption.

9 THIS JOB WAS TAILOR-MADE FOR YOU. It turns out that LGBT people, on average, are very resilient. Our experiences coming out and building our families teaches us how to deal with adversity. Kids in the foster care system, too, learn resilience. According to The Williams Institute a think-tank at UCLA, children fostered by LGBT people have excellent outcomes, due to our “resilience match.” This is particularly helpful when we take in LGBT youth in foster care.

CHANGING LIVES

BY MARK ARIEL

“KIdsAVE,” A LOs ANGLEs BAsEd NONpROFIT cHILd AdVOcAcY pROGRAM, cONNEcTs FORGOTTEN ORpHANAGE ANd FOsTER KIds TO FAMILIEs ANd cARING AduLTs.

This call-out becomes one of the more embarrassing moments of foster-adoptive parenting. People mean well when they say it, but the truth is, children save the parents. Sure, outcomes for our children would likely be drastically different without us. But these are our children they are talking about and we do not think of them as foundlings or orphans. “Blood relation” means precious little as we look around us at the ones we cherish.

While our adoptive children are not genetically related to us, families develop flocking behavior. Your kids will learn their values from you, their vocabulary, accent, and mannerisms may seem curiously familiar. Your family develops its unique culture. Our children come from us in all senses but one. In the end, they define us long after we are here to enjoy them. n

Alex Wexler And his pArtner GreGG always knew they wanted a family. After reaching out to the Southern California Adoption Foster Family Care Agency, they found Kidsave, a Los Angles based nonprofit child advocacy program, connecting forgotten orphanage and foster kids to families and caring adults.

“We first met Jacob a few years ago at a pumpkin carving contest hosted through Kidsave,” reveals Wexler.

Slowly, says Wexler in an interview with THE FIGHT, a bond began to form, and in September of 2012, Jacob’s adoption was finalized, and Alex and Gregg officially became his forever family.

While Jacob, 17, is moderately autistic, and requires a lot of attention and patience, “the gradual growth that he is making is extremely rewarding,” reveals Wexler. “He is not with without challenges, but he is a completely different person than when we first got him. He is growing and making up for years of neglect.”

Adopting Jacob, states Wexler, “has changed our lives for the better. We have become a real family, close knit and caring. When Jacob first came, he was unable to make connections with people. Now he has a girl friend, and sleep-overs, he has wonderful table manners and is able to carry on a conversation. As for us, our social lives have changed dramatically. We hang out with parents with kids now. The bar scene has pretty much ended for us, but there’s no regrets. This life is much more fulfilling and we are deeply grateful to be part of it.

Jacob is as much as a blessing to us as we are to him.”

“If it wasn’t for Kidsave,” says Wexler, “we wouldn’t have our son.

Kidsave creates a venue for miracles to develop.” n

Learn more and take the next step at RaiseAChild.US

For more information about Kidsave, please visit: www.kidasve.org.

10 PEOPLE WILL CALL YOU AN ANGEL FOR SAVING A CHILD... BUT YOU’LL KNOW THE TRUTH.

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 31

THELAW >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

WHEN MARRIAGE ISN’T ENOUGH WHY DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS MAY BE A GOOD BACKUP STRATEGY FOR CALIFORNIA’S SAME-SEX MARRIED COUPLES.

BY DAVID HAKIMFAR l Since same-sex marriage became legal again in California following the Supreme Court’s June 2013 ruling, domestic partnerships may now seem quaint and even passé. But for many same-sex couples that are married (or plan to get married), there are some very good legal reasons why it may be prudent to have a domestic partnership in addition to a marriage license.

The Supreme Court actually considered two cases in the gay marriage debate. In Hollingsworth Vs. Perry, the court found that the supporters of Proposition 8 didn’t have the proper legal standing to bring the case before the court. In essence, the court didn’t actually rule on the merits of Proposition 8. Instead, their decision not to take up the case effectively left in place the Ninth Circuit Court’s repeal of Proposition 8.

In the second case, the Supreme Curt struck down Section 3 of DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act). Justice Anthony Kennedy, speaking for the 5-4 majority, said DOMA was unconstitutional because it violated the right to liberty and to equal protection for gay couples. So for federal purposes, legally married same-sex couples are entitled to the same rights afforded any other married couple. These benefits include tax breaks, the ability to file joint federal tax returns, pension benefits and social security benefits among others.

Unfortunately, same-sex marriage isn’t legal in every state. Some states have civil unions or domestic partnerships. The majority of other states don’t have any legal recognition of same-sex relationships at all.

To add to the confusion, some states will recognize a marriage, domestic partnership or civil union performed in other states. Others recognize one 3 2 T H E F IGH T | N O V E MBER 2013

but not the others. And many states currently refuse to honor any of these.

You may be asking a logical question: “How do other state’s laws regarding same-sex marriage impact me and my partner in California?

We’re married here, that’s all that matters, right?” Maybe, maybe not.

Let’s look at a couple of possible scenarios.

Let’s say you and your married partner travel to a state that doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage. What if one of you is injured in an accident or becomes ill and needs to be hospitalized?

If you are in a state that doesn’t recognize your marriage, you may be barred from hospital visitation rights or the right to make medical decisions for your partner.

However, if the state recognizes some sort of domestic partnership or civil union, being registered as domestic partners in your home state may grant you legal access to your loved one.

In the second scenario, what if you decide to move to another state in future? States that do not currently recognize any form of legal protection for gay and lesbian

couples may enact civil unions or domestic partnerships as a stopgap measure instead of allowing same-sex marriages. The states that do recognize civil unions generally recognize those performed in other states. The same may be true for domestic partnerships.

And as more and more cases are brought before the courts, differences in the laws from state to state make the need for additional legal protection and planning for same-sex couples a wise idea.

Finally, marriage just isn’t for everyone. Same-sex couples, that for one reason or another choose not to marry, still have the right to have their relationships recognized by the state by filing for a registered domestic partnership. Couples who have their partnerships registered with the Secretary of State possess almost all of the same rights and protections (and also have the same responsibilities) given to or imposed upon married spouses, with the exception of Federal benefits afforded only through marriage. If a couple decides to get married at a later date, the domestic partnership remains in force. If a couple later divorces, that domestic partnership is terminated as well.

The future of same-sex marriage is changing almost daily across the United States. While a growing number of states consider legislation on the matter, courts are being asked to make decisions on the legality of laws and state constitutional amendments barring same-sex couples from marriage and relationship equality. Until a federal mandate takes place in favor of same-sex marriage (most likely through a decision from the U.S. Supreme Court), gay and lesbian couples should explore all of their legal options to protect their interests. n David Hakimfar is a Tral Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC, and a member-attorney of Pride Legal. He can be reached at 213- 265-9252.

THE LEADERS IN GAY FAMILY BUILDING IVF EGG FREEZING SURROGACY EGG DONATION California Fertility Partners has been helping gay men build families for over fifteen years. No program has the experience and expertise of California Fertility Partners with third party reproduction.

GUY RINGLER, MD (310) 828-4008 TEL // (310) 828-3310 FAX WWW.CALIFORNIAFERTILITYPARTNERS.COM NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 33

BREAKING FREE KAITLIN SINE RIORDAN, TRANSGENDER AUTHOR OF “BONDAGE OF SELF,” ON RECOVERY, GENDER IDENTITY, AND HER TRANSITION FROM MALE TO FEMALE.

BY PAULO MURILLO “WE ALL HAVE THE SAME TYPES OF FEARS and shame and guilt and anxiety and confusion and rejection,” states Kaitlin Sine Riordan, transgender author of the book “Bondage of Self.” “A lot of transgender people resort to alcohol and drugs because they have big egos and low self—esteem.”

Riordan, founder of “The James River Transgender Society,” a support group in Richmond, Virginia, currently works as a recovery tech at Desert Palms Treatment Center.

A licensed residential rehab program, located in Cathedral City, near Palm Springs, the treatment center provides a variety of services and welcomes the LGBTQ community with substance abuse and co—occurring issues.

“Desert Palms is a residential facility,” explains Riordin. “We started in January of this year and we are about 50% full at the moment. It is very diverse. We are looking to help the LGBTQ community.”

“We recommend that the clients stay 45 to 60 days however they can stay longer,” says Riordin. “I was in treatment for 90 days and I highly recommend that to people.”

As a recovery tech, Riordin accompanies clients to meetings and walks them through the 12—steps. “I kind of hang out with them and get them through the process of the program,” she explains.

In an interview with THE FIGHT, Riordin talks about her own recovery and discusses her struggle with gender identity, which led to her struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, and the challenges she faced during her transition from male to female.

HOW MUCH RECOVERY TIME DO YOU HAVE? I’m over five years sober. My sobriety date is August 8, 2008.

WHAT IS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT YOUR JOB? I think the hardest challenge is getting clients to change the way they think.

DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS HARDER FOR A TRANSGENDER PERSON TO GET CLEAN AND SOBER THAN MOST PEOPLE? I believe it is up to the individual... The transgender community actually has a hard time getting into some treatment facilities, because the facilities don’t know what to do with them.

WHEN DID YOU MAKE A FULL TRANSITION? It was in 2007. For a couple of years I was living as a female outside of work and a male inside work. I felt like I was going to be harassed or fired. I went to the highest person at HR. The company [Philip Morris USA] supported me. Now when it came for the actual transition and returning 3 4 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

to work from John to Kaitlin, the employees weren’t so accepting.

They stayed away from me, but the company backed me up.

WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO GET CLEAN AND SOBER? I had a surgery date for August 7, 2008. A month earlier I had a divine intervention — my spirit told me I had to be clean and sober to have surgery. I called my doctor and told her I was having a problem with drugs and alcohol and I needed to take care of that before surgery. She thought having the surgery would help me with this other issue, and she was right.

WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO WRITE A BOOK? I was at a place at one point where I was going to be or not be with a nine millimeter to my head — and I made the decision that it was much more important to be alive. What really pushed me was when one of my peers from LA Times killed himself. I refer to that in the opening of the book. We don’t have to be in such despair...

Rejection from my family led me

to drugs and alcohol. My father told me I was the worst experience of his life and I cried out to the streets and the streets brought me cocaine. I was looking for acceptance in all the wrong places.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE PEOPLE WILL GET FROM READING YOUR BOOK? I came from a traditional Irish Catholic family. I hope those who read my book will realize that they’re not going to hell if they are gay or lesbian or transgender or bisexual. I hope they will understand that drugs and alcohol are not the solution. I hope that they get to remain positive and that being a true person is much more important than hiding. I came to that point in my life where I didn’t want to live a lie. Today, I don’t have any secrets, which is so freeing. n Bondage of Self” is available at amazon.com, and barnesandnoble. com. For more information, visit, kaitlinriordan.com.

For more on Desert Palm Treatment Center, visit desertpalms.com.

Presidents’ day weekend

InternatIonal bear convergence 2014 LIVE Performance By

SunDAy, FEBruAry 16 AT furrageous®

Hosted at tHe

renaIssance Palm sPrIngs Hotel

info, tags & host hotel ReseRvations at

www.ibc-ps.com Benefiting AIDS Assistance Program and The Center Food Bank of Palm Springs.

bearfoot inn PA L M R

E

S

O

R

S P R I N G S

T

F

O

R

M

E

N

Clothing Optional | Pet Friendly | Private Patios | Kitchens | Mountain Views| Heated Pool

www.bearfootinn.com 760-699-7641

THEBIGDAY >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

STARRY, STARRY NIGHT l Long Beach residents Miguel Topete and Cesar Hernandez applied for a marriage license the day DOMA was defeated.

“We had the reception in Friendly Hills (Whittier) at a friend’s 2 acre house, reveals Topete. It was a beautiful night filled with amazing people who are very close to our hearts.”

Planning on getting married? Here are Topete’s wedding tips: “Compromise and listen to each other, in our case my husband and I are complete opposites but I knew that he was right so I made sure that his vision was exactly what he wanted. The end result gave us a spectacular wedding that we will be able to tell our children about one day. I would stress to all future brides and grooms to take your time and enjoy every aspect of your day, it seems to rush by in a matter of seconds. Sit back, and enjoy it!” n 3 6 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

THE BIG DAY IS SPONSORED BY SEE THEIR AD ON PAGE 10.

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

BACK TO THE FUTURE THE GOLDEN GIRLS AND WILL & GRACE COME TO LOGO.

IT’S GIRL POWER! Gay power! Gray (haired) power! The Golden Girls may have aired 25 years ago on NBC, but finally find their rightful home at LOGO! When no one was talking about AIDS, gay marriage, or hunting for dates after a certain age, the Golden Girls defied categorization, lambasted stereotype, and surprised America by serving ground-breaking quips from the mouths of anti-babes. TV’s first non-traditional household and family-by-choice delivered kitchen-table gossip, joy, debate, iconic ‘80’s fashion, brutal honesty, and memorable one-liners still relevant today. The inimitable Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, and Estelle Getty prove there’s never a need, no matter what age, to bend to convention. Even in retirement.

But wait, there’s more!

A giant slice of gay television history comes to LOGO where it belongs: Will & Grace was once a trail-blazer, and it’s still a side-splitter!

Gay guy. Straight girl. And the real stars, an alcoholic bisexual and “Just Jack”! Will & Grace blazed a trail as a classic sitcom with a gay twist, and now the hilarity can be relived on LOGO! Eric McCormack is Will Truman, a gay lawyer. Debra Messing is Grace Adler, an interior designer and Will’s best friend. We know what you’re thinking: yeah, yeah, yeah, just get to Jack and Karen already!

These four characters broke new ground on Will & Grace, the smash NBC sitcom that shattered barriers and left us in stitches in the process.

W&G won 16 Emmy Awards, including acting awards for McCormack and Messing, but also for Sean Hayes as the endlessly entertaining Jack McFarland and Megan Mullally as the deliriously funny Karen Walker. n N OVE M BE R 2 0 1 3 | THE FIG HT 37

CYBER CHEATING HOW TO NAVIGATE THE NEW WORLD OF INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIPS IN THE CYBER AGE.

BY DR. OMAR MINWALLA WHILE THERE ARE MANY CRITICAL DISCUSSION POINTS necessary for couples in our modern age to have, fidelity is one of the most important and fundamental.

The traditional pre-cyber reality assumptions of boundaries that defined monogamy and what it means to keep a relationship safe, and “not cheat,” are—in today’s new world—completely destabilized and much more complex. There is a dire need for all of us to normalize more specific and nuanced discussions about fidelity and the meaning of “being faithful” in our relationships.

DISCUSS AND NEGOTIATE Fidelity has traditionally been defined simply, “as being faithful to one’s partner or agreements.” Couples often had implicit or explicit assumptions around fidelity and the meaning and definitions of “cheating” that were relatively “simple and clear.”

Discovering your partner has a deceptive, compartmentalized sexual or relational reality outside of what you knew or thought is often a traumatic experience with significant emotional, psychological, relational family, social and spiritual injuries.

The new age of the Internet has revealed how critical integrity and honesty is in human relationships. How we establish trust and safety has new meaning today.

Knowing “where the boundaries are” and being able to discuss and negotiate with your partner becomes essential in the new world of cyber-technology. What types of connections are appropriate and are permissible in our relationship? Where are the new lines between faithful and cheating? What are the new rules and behaviors in terms of technology and connection with others?

EMOTIONALLY CONNECTING A husband becomes upset because his wife, a physician, gets a text at 4am while they are in bed together sleeping from a male work colleague from a different time zone. Are texts late at night from work colleagues ok? What if they are the same sex or opposite sex? Is a simple text comfortable, but not phone calls?

What if sexual chatting is considered “fun fantasy and self expression” for one partner and seen as “a violation of important relational trust and safety” for the other? Is emotionally connecting through forums allowed and to what extent and how close can cyber-emotional connections become?

How would you feel if your partner was arrested for child pornography and you never even asked him what types of pornography 3 8 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

he viewed, because you “just assumed it was regular porn.”

How would it feel to attempt to explore casual sex by going to a hook-up site and having sex with a “bi-curious man”, only to find out his 14 year old daughter found the “nude photos of your genitals” that you sent him and that became a traumatic event in her own sexual development and led to her parent’s divorce.

WHAT IF SEXUAL CHATTING IS CONSIDERED “FUN FANTASY AND SELF EXPRESSION” FOR ONE PARTNER AND SEEN AS “A VIOLATION OF IMPORTANT RELATIONAL TRUST AND SAFETY” FOR THE OTHER? Is it permissible to chat with someone underage online, as long as the conversation is nonsexual? If one partner has on online identity of the different gender or age, would that be something they should share honestly about with their partner?

NEW RELATIONSHIP RULES We need to discuss important topics around sexuality and intimacy in this day and age more then ever. While we were able to survive with limited engagement of these topics pre-Internet age, healthy sexuality and relationships now can no longer afford traditional denial, silence and squeamishness.

Healthy adjustment and the new norm of healthy sexuality, relationships and intimate partnering involves a more “adult and serious” grappling with new relationship rules, new norms of connection, new mediums and ways we all connect and inter-personally relate and are sexual. We need to discuss and negotiate more specifically and more honestly in order to develop the new ways we need to be close, feel safe and feel engaged in our new world—in a healthy way. n Dr. Omar Minwalla is a Licensed Psychologist, Clinical Sexologist and Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health in Beverly Hills.

For more info visit: theinstituteforsexualhealth.com.

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 39

MICHELANGELO SIGNORILE

SHEPARD SMITH

BACK TO THE CLOSET WHY IT’S WRONG TO SAY IT’S WRONG TO SAY SHEPARD SMITH IS GAY. EXCERPTS FROM MICHELANGELO SIGNORILE’S HUFFINGTON POST ARTICLE ON OUTING.

BY MICHELANGELO SIGNORILE DAVID CARR AT THE NEW YORK TIMES is supremely irked about Gawker supposedly “outing” Fox News anchor Shepard Smith.

Never mind that Smith was reported on as gay in the muchdiscussed 2009 film “Outrage,” which aired in heavy rotation on HBO after a wide theatrical release and was reviewed and written about extensively. Never mind that Smith’s sexual orientation has been reported on and discussed online ad nauseam—hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times—over the years, and that, for several years, he’s even been included in Out’s annual “Power List.” And never mind that Gawker actually didn’t state in the pieces in question that Smith is “gay.”

To Carr, it’s wrong for Gawker to have reported on bad behavior that Smith supposedly engaged in at a bar—treating a waitress terribly—and to mention in the reporting of it that he happened to be there with an unidentified “boyfriend” with whom he often attends the bar. It was also wrong, in Carr’s eyes, for Gawker to have then identified, in a followup, that the boyfriend is a Fox staffer who began as a production assistant.

Many argue that there is an implicit contract between the public and celebrities: that if we deem someone famous, and they reap the benefits of that, they forfeit their right to privacy. But being gay carries no higher burden. Not talking about something that people do not seem to care 4 0 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

about is not really a secret. It’s just a choice.

And have you all heard that Kim Kardashian may be pregnant again? And did you hear about how Kanye West allegedly cheated on her during the last pregnancy, though he denies it?

And do you remember the David Carr piece that expressed his outrage over Kim’s private medical information being revealed and Kanye’s private life being invaded because of these reports?

Oh, on the last one, I don’t remember it either—because there wasn’t such a piece. That’s because, sadly, 25 years after the debates over “outing” first began, some journalists still seem to think it’s only an invasion of privacy worth writing about when someone’s homosexuality is revealed or speculated about—no matter how many times it’s actually been discussed before.

Heterosexual sexual affairs are all perfectly acceptable for gossip blogs, and even for the respectable New York Times to report on—including about news anchors, sports stars and politicians—even when those public figures don’t want this information reported. So is boozing, divorces, three-ways, jealous rage, pill

“... BY NOT REPORTING THAT A MALE PUBLIC FIGURE IS OUT IN PUBLIC WITH A “BOYFRIEND” WHEN AN INCIDENT OCCURRED...

YOU’RE... ENFORCING THE CLOSET AND KEEPING GAYS INVISIBLE.” popping, Botoxing, gastric bypass surgery, Craigslist profiles, sexting, undergarment choices, Twitter liaisons—you name it. It’s all grist for the mill, titillating and exciting, especially if it’s got a heterosexual tinge to it, no matter how traumatized the public figures may be by the revelations.

And this is where Carr’s statement that “being gay carries no higher burden” is so infuriating: He just doesn’t see that, in fact, by not reporting that a male public figure is out in public with a “boyfriend” when an incident occurred, when you would normally report that he was with a “girlfriend” if he were straight, you’re actually giving gays special treatment rather than treating gays equally. You’re also enforcing the closet and keeping gays invisible.

I’m sure Carr considers himself gay-supportive, but his view is paternalistic and, to borrow a phrase he hurls at Gawker, “old school.” He doesn’t seem to get the idea that we’re not going to get any further on LGBT visibility and equality if we keep coddling people of privilege and treating the reporting of public figures’ sexual orientation as if it were a revelation of terrible information that could psychologically damage them forever. And he doesn’t see that that’s not a consideration when reporting relevant details about other issues that public figures would rather not see reported... n Follow Michelangelo Signorile on Twitter: www.twitter.com/msignorile.

MAKE YOUR HOME BEAUTIFUL! We work closely with you every step of the way to make sure you are completely satisfied.

PUNCTUAL, FAIR, QUALITY SERVICE PROUDLY SERVING THE LGBT COMMUNITY SPECIALIZING IN REMODELING, ADDITIONS, AND NEW CONSTRUCTION

Call NOW for a FREE Estimate

626-991-8891 Lic# 920772

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 41

THEEVENT

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

MODELS OF PRIDE

> More than 1,200 lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning and ally youth (LGBTQA) from 150 Southern California cities and more than 120 schools attended the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s 21st annual Models of Pride conference at the University of Southern California (USC) campus last month. As the nation’s largest free conference of its kind, Models of Pride offered a full day of life-enriching programming designed to help young people build confidence and self-esteem and develop valuable life skills. This year members of the ABC Family’s groundbreaking series “The Fosters” hosted a meet and greet with their fans. Co-created by longtime Center supporter and board member Peter Paige and executive produced by superstar Jennifer Lopez, “The Fosters” follows the lives of a lesbian-parented family. n

4 2 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

PHOTOS BY MICHAEL CRAWFORD, THOMAS CRAIG BRYARS

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

PALM SPRINGS PRIDE

> Thousands attended the annual Palm Springs Pride Celebration at the beginning of the month. This year’s theme “It’s Time,” a nod to the past, also represented new hope, new beginnings, and future progress toward equality. The theme set the tone for the 27th annual celebration. Complete with gay-owned and LGBT friendly companies, the festival included live entertainment, music, dancing, food vendors, and booths staffed by local organizations. n

NO VEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 43

THECALENDAR >> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 19

TRAMPOLINE GAY DODGEBALL Sky High Sports, 6033 De Soto Avenue, Woodland Hills, 7:30pm-9:30pm. For more info visit: socalsocialclub.com.

Join the SoCal Social Club for trampoline dodgeball at Sky High Sports where the old game of dodgeball is redefined and you’ll literally be jumping off the walls!!

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 20

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 15

UPRIGHT CABARET AT GLEH Triangle Square, 1602 Ivar Avenue, Hollywood. For more info visit: uprightcabaret.com.

Upright Cabaret comes to Gay & Lesbian Elder Housing. Party past your prime (and maybe your bedtime) as hot recording artists belt the best of Broadway and decades worth of divas-all your gay favorites, aged to perfection. This evening features Danny Gurwin.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 16

LAPD LGBT JOB FAIR & HIRING SEMINAR Ahmanson Recruit Training Center, 5651 Manchester Blvd., Los Angeles, 9am. For more info visit: www.joinLAPD.com or call (866) 444-LAPD. Come meet LAPD officers, recruiters and mentors and see what it takes to become a Los Angeles Police Officer. Those in attendance will have the opportunity to take the first step to this rewarding career by taking the written exam.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 18

PLANET QUEER: URANUS BOUND! Akbar, 4356 W Sunset Blvd (Fountain Avenue), Los Angeles, 8:00pm-11:00pm.

An evening of experimental LGBTQ performances. With Ian Mackinnon, Travis Wood, Rich Yap, Gavy K, Kathy Nigh, Poodle Poo, Cream Puff, Joni Witchell (A.J. Goodrich).

4 4 T H E F IGH T | N O V EM BER 2013

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH CELEBRATION W Hollywood, 6250 Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, 6:30pm-8:30pm.

For more info visit: RaiseAChild.US. Hear from LGBT parents who have gone through the foster/adoption process. Connect with HRC-approved agencies eager to work with you. Enjoy complimentary beverages and hors d’oeuvres.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 29

BEARRACUDA LA Echoplex!!! 1154 Glendale Blvd., Los Angeles, 9:00pm-12:00am. For more info visit: www.bearracuda.com/la.

Come celebrate with the Bearracuda LA debut of Wayne G (UK) and 100s of furry guys from all over.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 1

THE 4TH ANNUAL TREE LIGHTING Abbey, 692 N Robertson Blvd (Santa Monica Blvd.), West Hollywood, 6pm-8pm. For more info call: (310) 289-8410.

50% of profits from global sale of (BELVEDERE) RED is contributed to the global fund to fight HIV/AIDS in Africa. Hosted by Momma with performances by the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6

MOTHER: MARGARET CHO The Wiltern, 3790 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, 5pm7pm. For more info visit: MargaretCho.com Our very own Margaret in an insanely funny and thought provoking show. With Jim Short.

GROUPS ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK www.gapsn.org LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern. www.clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES www.gmcla.org THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY STANDUP COMEDY Every Friday, 8:30 p.m. MJ’s Bar, 2810 Hyperion Avenue, Los Angeles. (323) 650-1503 GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8 p.m. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo. com or www.facebook.com/gaysalsanight GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of every month, 6-10 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038. 1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11 a.m. Locations vary. Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center. RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call (323) 860-7340.

GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers. www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism. cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30 p.m., The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality.

MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends.

LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m.

The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302, M-F between 6-9 p.m.

USC LAMBDA LGBT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION alumnigroups.usc.edu/lambda/ LOS ANGELES BLACK PRIDE www.myblackpridela.com GREATER PASADENA AID FUND www.greaterpasadenaaidfund.org POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. If you’re looking for

> EMAIL YOUR EVENT OR GROUP TO ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call (323) 860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@lagaycenter.org.

TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m.

Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences.

GET CENTERED Meditation Class. Every Saturday, 10-11 a.m., $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7300.

SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles.

For more information, call (323) 860-7359.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd., Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-5806.

MPOWERMENT WEEKLY WORKSHOPS Tuesdays and fridays, 6 p.m. APLA, 3550 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 300, Los Angeles.

More info: Donta Morrison, tel: (213) 2011561. For young gay men of color—ages 18 thru 24—looking for a safe place to hang out. “Each week offers a great opportunity to vent, laugh, make friends, and simply celebrate who you are.”

SUPPORT FOR HIV-POSITIVE WOMEN Second and fourth wednesdays, 7 p.m.

The David Geffen Center, 611 south Kingsley Dr., Los Angeles. More info: call Women At Risk at (310) 204-1046.

SOCAL SOCIAL CLUB For more info: www.Socalsocialclub.com.

Southern California’s social & business network for lgbt professionals.

12 STEP GROUPS

editor@thefightmag.com CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m.

DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m.

MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m.

Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m.

OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m.

SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m.

Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m.

Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m.

Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m.

Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m.

WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m.

SPORTS LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com

>> NOVEMBER 2013 << www.sagala.org

HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org, 6817 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028

GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www. greatoutdoorsla.org

HOLY SPIRIT holyspirit-la.org, 4201 West Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029

GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking Angeles. www.sierraclub.org

UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org, 817 West 34th St., Los Angeles, CA 90089

CHEER LA Cheerleading. www.cheerla.org LA ROWING www.larowing.org

DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, CA 90042

DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area.

HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net, 6720 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey. www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club. www.lafrontrunners.com

IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org, 3300 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010

LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org

ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org, 11031 Camarillo St., North Hollywood, CA 91602

LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com

CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com, 11050 Hartsook St., North Hollywood, CA 91601

WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams. www.wh2o.org WORSHIP

LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org, 4953 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027

WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org

BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org, 6090 West Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035

WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org, 7350 W Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org, 4607 Prospect Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027

WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game. www.gaysoccer.com

LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org

LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams. www.lapl8ball.com

fccla.org 540, South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90020

V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball. www.lagayvolleyball.com

ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org, 958 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com, 916 N. Formosa Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org, 8634 Holloway Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90069

All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302 M-F between 6-9 p.m.

GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com

KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org, 1200 North La Brea Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90038

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m.

SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club.

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES

ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com, 5312 Comercio Way, Woodland Hills, CA 91364

For Breaking Daily LGBT News Visit

www.thefightmag.com

NO VEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 45

THEFINALFIGHT

>> NOVEMBER 2013 <<

HOMOPHOBIA BY ANY OTHER COLOR

AZEALIA BANKS

IS THE LGBT COMMUNITY HARDER ON BLACK HOMOPHOBES THAN WE ARE ON WHITES WHO EXHIBIT THE SAME BEHAVIOR?

BY ROB SMITH l A few weeks ago, Eminem released a song called “Rap God” from his forthcoming album “The Marshall Mathers LP 2.” In the song, which contained some of the most violently homophobic lyrics I’ve ever heard, he promised to “break a motherfuckin’ table over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half,” then let us all know that “you fags all think it’s a game till I walk a flock of flames.” It gets worse, but I’ll spare you the rest.

The single briefly topped the iTunes charts and I braced myself for the inevitable onslaught from the gay media and gay rights organizations. I simply knew that there would be boycotts, press conferences, and everything else. We’d slam Eminem for his violent lyrics, make a point about homophobic lyrics in hip hop, and our actions would put all other musicians on notice: don’t even think about it.

Instead there was, well, nothing.

At first I wondered if we’d just all moved on from these blatant attempts to grab attention, but then I realized that bisexual black rapper Azealia Banks had just been dragged through the proverbial gay media mud just a few months before after calling gossip blogger Perez Hilton a “faggot” on Twitter.

So on one hand we have a bisexual brown girl hurling f-bombs on Twitter who gets vilified and on the other we have a straight white rapper talking about inflicting actual violence on gay people on a number one single not get so much as a slap on the wrist.

Was I missing something?

Then I realized that of course I was: Azealia Banks is black, and Eminem is white.

The gay community is haunted with the specter of so-called “black homophobia” at every turn. The idea is that blacks are more virulently homophobic than any other race of people, and that this homophobia actively damages gay people. Nowhere was it more pronounced than in the hours after Proposition 8 was passed in 2008 in California. For the next few days, gay media was littered with the stories of how the higher turnout of blacks as a result of Barack Obama’s candidacy passed Proposition 8, and a since debunked exit poll that showed blacks as voting 70% in favor of the ban (the real number was closer to 57%) was taken as fact and ammo for some of the more racist individuals in the LGBT community.

There is something deeply troubling about how high profile blacks like Banks, “Grey’s Anatomy” actor Isaiah Washington, and others are vilified for their bouts with homophobia while white celebrities like Eminem and “Rush Hour” director Brett Ratner are either given a pass or immediately vindicated for theirs.

It was shocking to see Eminem be given such a free pass for such violent and homophobic content, and I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what the response would be if a rapper like, say Lil’ Wayne or maybe A$AP Rocky had included those same lyrics in a song. For some reason, I don’t think it would go over very well.

4 6 T H E F IGH T | N O V E MBER 2013

EMINEM

I was once cornered by a white gay man after a mutual friend’s book release party, and during the conversation he felt the need to continuously mention this idea of “black homophobia” to me over and over again, as if it were a particularly virulent strain of a disease. According to him, it was my responsibility to educate my community about “black homophobia”, and it was okay for him to say these things to me because a black college professor friend of his had said them to him. I asked him why it was so important for him to assign a color to homophobia, but by then it was pointless.

I realized that to him, it wasn’t homophobia that was the enemy, but “black homophobia.”

I’ve always hated that term because it casts “gay” as synonymous with “white” and completely erases the identities and existence of black LGBT people. The truth is that homophobia has many different

colors, from the black teens who yell gay slurs on the street to the white evangelical Christians who export their antigay hatred to countries like Uganda, and we do ourselves a grave disservice when we focus on one more than the other.

When Eminem is given a collective eye roll while engaging in behavior that a black rapper would never be able to get away with—we’re operating under a double standard that is damaging, not only to the community that should be demanding action and accountability at all times, but to the black and brown members of the community who see people who look likethem being dragged through the mud time and time again while those who look like the majority are either ignored or quickly vindicated.

It’s not right, it’s not okay, and ALL homophobia should be dealt with, not just the type that comes in a darker shade than the rest. n

Starting HIV treatment is a tough step to take.

And if you’re putting off treatment because you have certain worries, we’d like to help.

Start by telling us about them. Let us know the hang-ups you have about starting HIV treatment.

MY HIV TREATMENT HANG-UP:

Model used for illustrative purposes only.

Learn more by visiting myhivhangup.com

©2013 ViiV Healthcare group of companies. All rights reserved.

Printed in USA. HI2409R0 July 2013