035 thefightmag1213 by The Fight Magazine

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THECONTENTS

>> HAPPY HOLIDAYS <<

COVER STORIES AND FEATURES THE SEASON 18 SURVIVING Staying Clean And Sober

HERE 22 STILL World AIDS Day

35 24

FRONTAL MARIO 24 FULL Selene Luna Interviews Mario Diaz ADDICTION 30 SHOPPING Top Warning Signs FITNESS 35 HOLIDAY Staying On Track TRANS KIDS 36 TARGETING Conservative Group’s New Low TIPS FOR HOLIDAY BLISS 38 HEALTHFUL Connecting With Your Truth YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW? 41 WILL Arvin Chen’s New Film

42 MAKIN’ A SPLASH Out Gay Divers

ON THE COVER COVER MODEL: MARIO DIAZ. COVER PHOTO BY ANTHONY DURAN. MAIN TOC PHOTO BY: ANTHONY DURAN. PHOTO EDITOR: JEFF KING. LOCATION: FUBAR. DEPARTMENTS 11 THE LETTERS Almost Broke Up 12 THE TALK Elton John, Anderson Cooper 15 THE STATE California Nuptials 16 THE CITY Anti-Smoking Campaign 20 THE ROSTOW REPORT That’s So Apple 28 THE LAW Workplace Discrimination 32 THE MONEY Essential Planning 34 THE FAMILY Allies For Adoption 40 THE EPIDEMIC New HIV Strain

44 THE CALENDAR Events, Groups

38 4 T H E F I GH T | D E CE MBER 2013

46 THE FINAL FIGHT Rob Smith

THEEDITOR

>> IN THIS ISSUE <<

l “I spend my holidays with my framily (friend family) the people who mean the most to me in the world,” reveals actor and event producer Mario Diaz in an interview conducted by actress, comedian, burlesque performer and model Selene Luna (“Full Frontal Mario,” pages 24-26). Diaz, states Luna, “is one of the hardest working men in showbiz who’s inspired an entire generation of club-goers.” “In a way everything I do is all about the same thing. Putting on a show,” says Diaz. “As an actor it’s just that - as I literally do put on shows. But as an event producer it’s a very similar thing. Dressing up, playing a role, executing a vision and basically showing off. In the end it’s all showbiz and expression. Being a performer was the thing I always knew I wanted to do with my life, the thing I was good at and that has never changed. I love performing and plan to do it in some capacity for the rest of my life.” Also in this issue: Paulo Murillo provides tips on maintaining continuous sobriety throughout the holidays (“Surviving The Season Clean & Sober,” pages 18-19). “There are several ways to maneuver past the hysteria that comes with the high expectations, people pleasing and the pressures to be jolly-golly - not to mention the forced family gatherings and the social settings where people often get drunk. Relax, relate, release; it’s all a matter of perception,” writes Murillo. Last, but not least, AIDS activist Simon Watney takes a hard look at where our community stands today regarding the epidemic (“Still Here,” pages 22-23). “In the 21st century,” states Watney, “HIV has largely disappeared into its own particular closet, for understandable reasons. Who after all would choose to be primarily defined in public by a medical diagnosis of any kind? This has however had the consequence of hiding the epidemic in our midst.” “It strikes me as misguided folly,” writes Watney, “not to make it very clear to everyone that HIV remains a potentially life-threatening and incurable disease.” “The issues are complicated by the fact that so many gay men grow up with a radically impaired sense of self worth, and there has long been a yawning gulf between excessive attention to physical fitness and appearances, and neglect of our inner emotional well-being,” says Watney. “It is fashionable in some quarters to attack condom education, but it cannot be sufficiently emphasized that most gay men have got through the epidemic without getting infected because they have indeed been diligent in their use,” states Watney. “... Whatever else may be in the pipeline by way of chemical prophylaxis, it remains every bit as important today as it was 30 years ago when the idea and practice of safer sex was first invented in New York, that any gay man getting fucked who is not 100% confident about his partner’s HIV status should insist on their using a condom.”

STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief

6 T H E F I GH T | D E CE MBER 2013

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS Paul Vallejo Joshua Esquivel Donny Aldo SOCIAL MEDIA Tim Kreslake WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio

GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, Inc. DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com

THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine. Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2013 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.

TheFightMag.com For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001

THECONTRIBUTORS

>> OUR WRITERS <<

ZINNIA JONES Zinnia Jones is an atheist activist, writer, and video blogger focusing on the impact of religious belief, political follies, and LGBTQ rights. Since 2008 her videos have been viewed over 7 million times. You can reach her on Twitter @Zjemptv. Her YouTube channel is at www.zinniajones.com.

VICTOR MELAMED Victor Melamed began his career in journalism writing for the now-defunct Israeli gay magazine “Magaim.” He is currently working on a novel based on a true story about a love affair between two men on opposite sites of the Middle East conflict.

DAVID HAKIMFAR Los Angeles based Attorney David Hakimfar received his law degree from Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego. While there, he made the Honor Roll and National Dean’s List. Currently David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC. He can be reached at: 1-888-789-PRIDE (7743).

GRANT GOCHIN Grant Gochin is a Wealth Advisor and Certified Financial Planner professional located in Encino. Grant is married (to a man) and he and his husband have one son. He can be reached at (818) 827-3410 or via email at: grant.gochin@raymondjames.com.

PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years. He got his start writing a bi-weekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit. com, or friend him on Facebook.

ROB SMITH Rob Smith is an author, lecturer, writer, and LGBT activist. His first book “Closets, Combat, and Coming Out: Coming of Age as a Gay Man in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Army” will be released in February. He can be found at www.robsmithonline.com.

ORLY LYONNE Orly Lyonne is a freelance journalist, focusing on issues related to LGBT equality, culture and art. Her passions include skydiving, community theater and vegan restaurants. Orly can be reached at orlylyonne@gmail.com.

ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow.blogspot.com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com.

8 T H E F I GH T | D E CE MBER 2013

SELENE LUNA A veteran of the stage and screen, Selene Luna cut her teeth performing in clubs and art venues, and quickly became a darling of Hollywood’s underground scene. An original member of the Velvet Hammer Burlesque, Luna tours internationally and performs regularly with the undisputed Queen of Burlesque, Dita Von Teese. Luna is currently the host of her own radio show called Lunatic Fringe on the Universal Broadcasting Network.

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Your Love is Real.

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Kidsave’s Weekend Miracles Program is a partnership between Kidsave and the County of Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services. Kidsave is seeking weekend hosts to spend 2 days a month with foster youth ages 10+. By mentoring and advocating, you can help an older child in foster care find an adoptive family. Kidsave® is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization  1-888-KIDSAVE  www.kidsave.org

THELETTERS >> FROM OUR READERS <<

ALMOST BROKE UP Dear Editor, Great article by Dr. Omar Minwalla about the new rules of intimacy in the cyber world (“Cyber Cheating,” THE FIGHT, Issue 34). My partner and I (of 7 years) almost broke up recently after I discovered that he was having sexual cyber affairs while I was out of the house, working late night shifts. It was exactly as Dr. Minwalla described: for him it was just a “fun fantasy,” but for me it was a violation of trust. I totally agree with Dr. Minwalla—you have to know “where the boundaries are” and talk openly with your partner about your feelings. —Name Withheld, via the internet

A POSITIVE CHANGE Dear Editor, While I was happy to read that the LAPD is actively reaching out to recruit members of our community (“Out And Proud,” THE FIGHT, Issue 34) they still have a long way to go. According to a close friend of mine who works in the department, there are still cases of harassment when it comes to dealing with gay police officers. Hopefully, folks like Officer Zavala will bring about a positive change within the LAPD... Let’s hope that the times are truly changing and the LAPD will set an example for other agencies throughout the nation. —Name Withheld, via the internet

PROFESSES TO LOVE Dear Editor, Whenever one violates the natural moral order established by God, one sins and offends God. Same-sex “marriage” does just this. Accordingly, anyone who professes to love God must be opposed to it. Marriage is not the creature of any state. Rather, it was established by God in Paradise for our first parents, Adam and Eve. As we read in the Book of Genesis: “God created man in His image; in the Divine image he created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them, saying: ‘Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.’” (Gen. 1:28-29). Genesis also teaches how God punished Sodom and Gomorrah for the sin of homosexuality: “The Lord rained down sulphurous fire upon Sodom and Gomorrah. He overthrew those cities and the whole Plain, together with the inhabitants of the cities and the produce of the soil.” (Gen. 19:24-25). —Name Withheld, via the internet

> WRITE TO THE EDITOR Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements. DECEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 11

THETALK > > W H AT T H E Y ’ R E S AY I N G < <

BOB HARPER

THE RIGHT TIME “I haven’t talked about my sexuality on this show ever... And now, meeting Bobby, I really do believe this is the right time. I want to show Bobby that he doesn’t have to live in shame.” —Bob Harper, a trainer on the weight-loss competition reality TV show The Biggest Loser, coming out of the closest. Harper’s decision to reveal that he is gay stemmed from his desire to help Bobby, a contestant who is struggling with his own sexuality.

THE “F” WORD “If Alec Baldwin had yelled the “n” word to that photographer or yelled an anti-Jewish slur against that photographer, it ANDERSON would be over... COOPER But the “f” word is a word kids are called in school every single day. Teachers often do nothing about it. The Rutgers coach was calling his team that for years, and no one did anything about it.” —Anderson Cooper on CNN lambasting Alec Baldwin’s alleged use of a homophobic slur (again!) in his interaction with a photographer in Manhattan last month, arguing that the actor is revealing his deep-seated homophobia, despite his political support for LGBT causes.

DO FOR ME “What I wanted the gay community to do for me is help my son... give him the right information, help him to grow and be a good young man. Things that I can’t talk about, that I MAGIC don’t know about, JOHNSON they can help him.” —HIV-positive basketball legend Magic Johnson to Anderson Cooper on CNN, on his gay son.

SET AN EXAMPLE

MAULIK PANCHOLY

IT FEELS LIKE “I just celebrated my nine-year anniversary with my partner... It feels like a nice time to be celebrating something like that, especially on the heels of the DOMA and Prop 8 decisions.” —Actor Maulik Pancholy coming out in an interview with OUT magazine. 1 2 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

“David and I are a very high-profile gay couple, probably the most high-profile gay couple in the world... You have to set an example.” —Sir Elton John in an SIR interview with ELTON CNN, confirmJOHN ing that he and David Furnish are planning to marry on the “first day” that the same-sex marriage act for England and Wales comes into force in 2014.

THOMAS ROBERTS

EQUAL RESPECT “We are not asking for special protection, we’re just asking for equal respect.” —Out MSNBC anchor Thomas Roberts, in an interview with Russia’s state-sponsored TV network, RT, on Russia’s recently passed anti-gay legislation.

JACK ANDRAKA

BRIDGE OF PROGRESS “It’s really amazing to be recognized by the Vatican, especially as a gay scientist... I mean this would be unheard of just a few years ago. To be part of this bridge of progress is really amazing. It just shows how much the world has grown to accept people that are gay and are LGBT. It’s really amazing.” —Jack Andraka, the gay 16-year-old science prodigy who developed an earlydetection test for pancreatic cancer, after being honored by the Vatican with the International Giuseppe Sciacca Award, which honors young people for outstanding accomplishments.

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 13

THESTATE >> NUPTIALS • HARVEY MILK • TRANS STUDENT LAW <<

CALIFORNIA NUPTIALS ON THE RISE

> More California

couples tied the knot in July following the U.S. Supreme Court’s historic ruling allowing same-sex marriages in the state than in any other month since 2006, according to new data, reported San Jose Mercury News last month. Statistics from the California Department of Public Health show nearly 30,800 couples received marriage licenses in California in July, a 35 percent increase over July 2012. The data suggest that gay couples rushed by the thousands to purchase marriage licenses after the high court’s decisions paving the way for the legalization of same-sex nuptials in California and for federal recognition of them in Washington.

HARVEY MILK’S DEATH: 35TH ANNIVERSARY > On the 35th anniversary of Harvey Milk’s death, Nov. 27, 1978, The Advocate has reprinted its report of the days and events that followed. San Francisco Mayor George Moscone, a long-time friend of gay people, and openly gay Supervisor Harvey Milk were gunned down in their city hall offices. Police charged former supervisor Dan White, who had resigned from his post less than three weeks earlier, with two counts of murder and with illegal firearms possession. Supervisor Milk was the city’s first openly gay official, and was at the time of his death, one of only two up-front elected gay politicians in the country. To learn more about this moment in gay history visit The Advocate at www.advocate.com.

TRANS STUDENT LAW: REPEAL UNLIKELY > Although it’s still too early to say with certainty, LGBT activists expressed optimism about the fate of California’s School Success and Opportunity Act, allowing transgender students in California K-12 schools to use the facilities and play on the sports teams that correspond with their gender identity, reports The Advocate. Almost immediately after Gov. Jerry Brown signed the bill in August, right-wing activists led by the transphobic Pacific Justice Institute, the antigay National Organization for Marriage, and key Proposition 8 backer Frank Schubert began collecting signatures to put an initiative to repeal the law via a ballot measure in 2014. An initial assessment of a random sampling of signatures is returning just 75 percent authenticity, which is “significantly below the average needed to qualify,” according to the Washington Blade. n DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 15

THECITY ALCOHOL & DRUG FREE NEW YEAR’S PARTY l#BOOM!—An Alcohol and Drug Free New Year’s Eve Experience will be held from 9pm to 2am on the evening of Tuesday, December 31, 2013, in the West Hollywood Park Auditorium. Ring in the New Year with nationally renowned spin master: DJ Alexander! The event includes a variety of entertainment, dancing, a drag show, interactive activities, a midnight toast to ring in the 2014 New Year, prize drawings, swag, etc. The event is free, but space is limited, so reservations are requested. You may RSVP online at http://tinyurl.com/boom2014 or by calling (323) 212-5352.

LGBT ANTISMOKING CAMPAIGN l The Los Angeles County Department of Public Health held a press conference in West Hollywood last month to launch a new anti-smoking campaign known as “Break Up with Tobacco,” aimed at the LGBT community. “This targeted initiative to combat the alarmingly high smoking rate within the LGBT community is much needed,” said L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center Director of Health and Mental Health Services Chris Brown. According to recent data released by the California Department of Public Health, the California LGBT adult populations smoke at more than twice the rate of heterosexual California adults.

PAUL STARKE WARRIOR AWARDS

OIL CAN HARRY’S OWNER TRAGIC DEATH l A ceremony will be held next month to celebrate the life of Bob Tomasino, the owner of Oil Can Harry’s in Studio City. Tomasino, 66, was killed in a car crash not far from his Lake Balboa residence in the early hours of Nov. 23 as he drove home from the country and Western-themed club, according to his husband, John Fagan, reports Wehoville.com. Oil Can Harry’s, billed as the oldest gay bar west of the Mississippi, has been in business since the 1960s. Tomasino hosted countless charities and benefits at his club.

HERE LOUNGE CLOSED TIL JAN. 1 l Here Lounge in West Hollywood has had its license suspended until Jan. 1 by the Alcoholic Beverage Control due to allegations of lewd conduct by go-go dancers. At a Chamber of Commerce meeting regarding the matter, Here co-owner Pat Rogers said he thinks that a competitor is alerting ABC to alleged violations of its lewd conduct laws, reports Wehoville.com. The ABC inspectors have said they only visit locations where alcoholic beverages are served on receipt of a complaint.

WEHO, PALM SPRINGS, LONG BEACH TOP GAY CITIES l The City of West Hollywood, along with Los Angeles, Long Beach, Palm Springs, San Diego and San Francisco scored an impressive 100/100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s 2013 Municipal Equality Index, a nationwide evaluation of municipal laws affecting the LGBT community of 291 cities. It examines the laws, policies, and services of municipalities from every state in the country and rates them on the basis of their inclusivity of LGBT people living and working in those cities. The cities mentioned above are among the top-rated municipalities in the nation. For more info visit: www.hrc.org. 1 6 T H E F I GH T | D E CE M BER 2013

l On Monday, December 2, 2013, the City of West Hollywood hosted the Paul Starke Warrior Awards honoring employees and volunteers of local agencies who have done exemplary work in providing prevention, education and direct HIV/AIDS services. The award ceremony was in conjunction with World AIDS Day. The awardees were Teig Keenan, Being Alive; John Monahan, Alliance for Housing and Healing; Cory Schneider, AIDS Project Los Angeles; April Saravia, Friends Community Center; Cary Stevens, AIDS Research Alliance; Jackelyn Stitt, Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center; and Matthew Zavala, C.I.T.Y. x1.

SUSPECT IN GAY MURDER CASE DIES l The prime suspect in the 1994 killing of a Chicago gay rights activist in Beverly Hills died of natural causes in Mexicali, Mexico, in June 2007, police announced last month. Kenneth Osborne “had been suspected in other crimes with the same M.O.,” BHPD Lt. Lincoln Hoshino told City News Service. “Detectives had received information that Osborne was possibly willing to confess to the murder of Mr. Simmons, but his travel to Mexico made it impossible to locate and interview him before his death,” Hoshino said. Jon A. Simmons was killed by a single bullet to the head. Simmons was Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley’s liaison to the gay and lesbian community and helped get an ordinance passed to protect gays and lesbians from discrimination.

>> CITYWIDE <<

WEST HOLLYWOOD “UNCOVERED” CAMPAIGN l The City of West Hollywood has launched the next phase of its campaign to engage, educate and enroll eligible community members for health care insurance. The “Uncovered” campaign features speciallydesigned images to reach out in a targeted way to the West Hollywood community. _”We wanted outreach materials that would be slightly edgy and would get people’s attention to help ensure that as many West Hollywood residents as possible can secure health care coverage,” said Mayor Abbe Land, who is also a longtime health care advocate. For more information, visit www.CoveredCA.com or call 1-800-3001506. TTY for the hearing impaired is 1-888-889-5406.

SEX POLICE IN DOWNTOWN LA l Police are investigating a surge of illicit sexual activity inside the Richard M. Riordan Central Library in downtown Los Angeles involving gay men. The Los Angeles Department’s Central Division has made nine arrests for lewd conduct since conducting 14 undercover operations that began in January, the Los Angeles Downtown News reported. Los Angeles police Capt. Mike Oreb told the newspaper that the arrests have been for encounters between men, adding that the bulk of the incidents involve one person masturbating while another watches. n

DECEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 17

N O S A E S E H T G N I V I V R SU CLEAN & SOBER THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS TO MANEUVER PAST THE HYSTERIA ... RELAX, RELATE, RELEASE; IT’S ALL A MATTER OF PERCEPTION. BY PAULO MURILLO | PHOTO BY RICK GALIHER MY CLEAN AND SOBER DATE IS JANUARY 10, 2007. I’m up against my 7th year facing the holidays completely clean and sober, and I do mean up against it. Maintaining continuous sobriety during the season can be tough for those of us who have an allergy to eggnog or to a bump of crystal meth to the brain, but the holidays don’t have to be this horrible thing. There are several ways to maneuver past the hysteria that comes with the high expectations, people pleasing and the pressures to be jolly-golly-not to mention the forced family gatherings and the social settings where people often get drunk. Relax, relate, release; it’s all a matter of perception.

LOSE THE ‘TUDE The first rule of thumb is don’t drink or use no matter what (duh). It’s easier said than done, I know, but there’s an easier softer way of going about surviving the season sober, even when you feel alone and miserable because everyone around you seems to be so damn happy (they’re not). For starters, try to avoid the toxic crazy makers in your inner circle. They 1 8 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

say your family knows how to push all your buttons, because they are the factory that installed them. The same can be said about some of our friends. Most of us are stuck with family, but there’s no need to keep the frenemies around to add bitterness to the holidayseven if we like having someone to bitch with about stupid Santa with his stupid presents. Spreading the salt can be fun, but those frenemies inevitably turn on us. I say ditch the bitch. It’s easier to maintain sobriety when we surround ourselves with sober people. The same goes for maintaining a positive ‘tude.

SURRENDER TO WIN I’ve never been a fan of the holidays and yet no

matter how much I resist, the holidays persist, year after year. Acceptance of people, places and things exactly as they are, is supposed to be the key to happiness. Sometimes it’s best to let go, or be dragged. If we can’t embrace it, we can try to accept it. We can’t exactly change the station playing Christmas music at our local Starbucks (or can

“TRY TO AVOID THE TOXIC CRAZY MAKERS IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE. THEY SAY YOUR FAMILY KNOWS HOW TO PUSH ALL YOUR BUTTONS, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE FACTORY THAT INSTALLED THEM. THE SAME CAN BE SAID ABOUT SOME OF OUR FRIENDS...”

we?), but we can change our way of thinking. Unfortunately isolation is not an option for us sobers. Time alone can lead to time alone with a drink. Sometimes you have to surrender to win.

“Everyone should have the opportunity to become a parent. I am honored to have been involved in that process with the many LGBT couples, who have come to our center.”

- Shahin Ghadir MD, Reproductive Endocrinologist, Southern California Reproductive Center

HELPING OTHERS It sounds dumb, but helping others is probably the best way we help ourselves. Service comes up a lot in recovery. Asking a bunch of selfish alcoholics to be selfless seems like a cosmic joke, but when we focus on the needs of others, we stop glaring a harsh light on ourselves. Google the words “volunteer in Los Angeles” and the list is endless. We don’t have to bend over backwards to save the world, but sometimes even the smallest gesture can make the difference between helpless to helpful. The Van Ness Recovery House can always use help distributing donated clothes and blankets to the homeless on Skid Row during Christmas Eve. It’s a life changing experience, I hear. I’ve never done it on account of I’m much too busy ... (being of service to my family, people—I have a niece and nephews).

SCREW WHAT THEY THINK If you come from a ilk of gays who cares about what others think, or think you can predict, change, control, manage or manipulate (redundant, I know, but I don’t care) what’s going on in people’s heads, then the holidays can bring great hardship. Whether we aim for the biggest, fluffiest X-Mas tree to try to impress the pretty sweater people, or we find drinking out of a bottle of Martinelli’s embarrassing when everyone else is sucking out of a bottle of Bollinger on New Year’s Eve, it’s important to remember that everyone is in their own head trip, tripping out over their own shit. To quote Miguel Ruiz from the book The Four Agreements, “Don’t take anything personally: When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

COUNTDOWN TO ZERO To me, nothing symbolizes the march to a death toll like the countdown on New Year’s Eve. Who wants to be sober for that nonsense? On the other hand, the New Year looks a lot like yesteryear when we wake up hung over on January 1. Lucky for those of us who can’t drink because one drink is never enough, or one drink leads to a bumpy night, there are events we can attend during New Year’s Eve that will help maintain our sobriety intact. Sober people everywhere have sober parties, or gatherings, but if you’re not soberly connected, the City of West Hollywood is throwing #BOOM, an alcohol and drug-free experience for adults 18+ on December 29, from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., in the heart of WeHo (for more information contact Robert Gamboa at (323) 212-5352 or rgamboa@ publicstrategies.org).

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER The holiday season, like everything else in life, is what you make of it. It can bring joy to the world, it can be one big bah humbug moment, or it can be just another day that comes and goes. If losing the ‘tude, ditching the frenemies, surrendering to what is, being of service, and screwing what people think doesn’t seem to get your mind off the boozing and using, a little prayer and meditation never hurt nobody, noway, nohow. n For more Paulo Murillo commentary, visit thehissfit.com

AT SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA REPRODUCTIVE CENTER, we recognize that the LGBT community has unique fertility needs. Whether it's arranging for egg donation, or finding a gestational carrier, we are committed to supporting our patients both physically and emotionally throughout the entire process. WE PRIDE OURSELVES ON OUR SUCCESS RATES. That’s why we insist on offering the latest technologies and procedures in reproductive medicine and why our world-renowned physicians strive to continue to set the standards of excellence in fertility treatments. If you yearn to have a child of your own, please contact our office to learn how Southern California Reproductive Center can help you achieve your dream of becoming a parent.

BEVERLy HILLS 450 North Roxbury Dr. Suite 500 310-277-2393

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LANCASTER/PALMDALE 44105 N. 15th St. West Suite 304 800-600-9112

DECEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 19

THEROSTOWREPORT

BY ANN ROSTOW

THAT’S SO APPLE

> I know we’ve had a lot of exciting marriage news and lawsuits since last we enjoyed each other’s company. For example, it seems as if marriage will be legal in Australia’s capital city of Canberra for at least a few days this month pending a court decision. But first, did you hear about the high school student, Becca Gorman, who was using the Apple dictionary and looked up the entry for “gay?” Definition one was a homosexual guy or whatever. No problem. Definition two was the erstwhile fun and carefree. But definition three, prefaced as “informal” read: “foolish; stupid; ‘making students wait for the light is kind of a gay rule.’” Can you believe that? Does Apple have an “informal” definition for “Jew?” Something like: “verb: to bargain for a lower price?” Someone actually composed that “definition,” someone oblivious to the fact that the GLBT community has been fighting the use of “gay” as a pejorative term for decades! Apple, a company that is run by a gay man by the way, called Becca and said they were also appalled, but it’s not clear if they ever fixed the problem. Oh, I’m sure they did, aren’t you?

ARE WE HAVING GAY?

> Speaking of being semantically incorrect, or not, there’s a bit of a community kerfluffle about the Hallmark tree ornament that reads: “Don we now our fun apparel.” The company says it meant no disrespect, but only modified the line in order to avoid confusion or something like that. Personally, I agree with Hallmark’s implication that we can no longer put “Don we now our gay apparel” on an ornament or sweater without speaking directly, and exclusively I would add, to the LGBT co mmunity. You’re simply not going to give such an ornament to your grandmother or teacher unless you’re sending a cute gay message. But why use the ambiguous line to begin with? And why put it on a tree ornament? It has nothing to do with the tree, per se. Come on Hallmark. Context.

CORPORATION RIGHTS!

> You should know that the U.S. Supreme Court has agreed to look into the question of whether a for-profit corporation has the same or similar right to religious freedom under the First Amendment as does an individual. It matters to us because even though the cases at hand involve whether or not a Christian company can be required to offer insurance for certain types of contraception, they could just as easily involve whether or not a Christian company should be required to avoid gay bias. Those types of cases are ubiquitous. A mean baker in Colorado. A nasty florist in Washington State. Even that photographer in New Mexico is still whining about having to shoot a gay commitment ceremony, and is begging the High Court to take their appeal. The Supreme Court’s Obamacare contraception cases aren’t identical to the gay rights versions, but they’re close enough for us to pay attention. Particularly since as far as our community is concerned, no one seems able to make a distinction between the time honored, constitutionally revered “religious expression,” on one hand, and flat out bigotry on the other.

DIVORCE, GAY STYLE

> A state court judge in Mississippi has denied a divorce to two lesbians who married in California in 2008. According to press reports, the judge seemed sympathetic to the women’s plight, but was hamstrung by the state’s antigay amendment that considers same-sex marriages void. 2 0 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

I agree with Hallmark’s implication that we can no longer put “Don we now our gay apparel” on an ornament or sweater without speaking directly, and exclusively I would add, to the LGBT community. We have the same problem in Texas, where the state supreme court has recently heard arguments on two gay divorce cases, but where antigay blowhards, um, lawyers from the Attorney General’s office, insist our marriages are also void from the start. There’s another divorce case pending in Kentucky, and you may recall that Wyoming surprised everyone a couple of years ago by actually allowing a gay divorce to proceed. That said, unlike Mississippi, Texas and Kentucky, the Brokeback State has no amendment defining marriage and no statute that specifically bars recognition of same-sex marriage. There are a number of legal side streets in the fight for marriage equality that can theoretically lead us to victory, and divorce is one of them. Our main routes, of course, are to argue our constitutional rights, either to marriage under the Due Process Clause, or to equal treatment under the Equal Protection Clause. But we now have dozens of active cases around the country, and several of them target tangential issues. Can we divorce? Can we sue

for loss of consortium if our civil union partner died from malpractice before we had the right to marry? Even if we can’t marry in our state, can our out of state marriage be recognized? Can it be recognized for the purposes of a death certificate? How about for a death benefit from a private employer? Some of these indirect suits may turn out to be detours towards equality. But others may be shortcuts, and still others may serve to weaken marriage discrimination, even if they don’t defeat it completely. I thought it significant that long before we triumphed over Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, federal bankruptcy laws were effectively allowed to recognize same-sex couples. Why? Because the process of disentangling joint estates was simply too cumbersome for bankruptcy court and not fair to the creditors either. That change flew under the radar and it’s possible that many instances of marriage recognition will fly under the radar as well. A divorce in Wyoming. A death certificate in Ohio. A death payment in Pennsylvania. A state tax form in Missouri. These things add up. n

I’m a good cook but sometimes my pantry is bare. Kathy, D.A.P. client

D.A.P. treats and supports the whole person My case manager says that “food is medicine” because a healthy diet...along with medication and my doctor visits... is an important part of keeping my HIV in-check. Since I can’t work anymore, it’s been a life-saver to live right across the parking lot from D.A.P., in a comfy apartment with my own kitchen. Their monthly food voucher helps fill my cabinets...and my refrigerator loves the fruits and vegetables from their Farmer’s Market.

This and more...all under one roof Thanks to your generous support, Desert AIDS Project has been saving lives for 30 years. Please continue to help by donating at desertAIDSproject.org, joining one of our annual giving programs, or by saving the date for one of our upcoming fundraising events. 20th Annual Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards Gala February 8, 2014 Haute 4 Help Fashion Event | March 7, 2014 Celebrity Doodles | April 5, 2014 Dining Out for Life | April 24, 2014 Desert Drag Race | May 11, 2014

760.323.2118 desertAIDSproject.org DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 21

Still Here

“IF THE RATES OF NEW INFECTIONS AMONG GAY MEN WERE OCCURRING WITHIN ANY OTHER POPULATION GROUP... THERE WOULD BE RIOTS ON THE STREETS.” EXCERPTS FROM SIMON WATNEY’S EXCELLENT CNN.COM ESSAY ON WORLD AIDS DAY. BY SIMON WATNEY EVERY YEAR ON WORLD AIDS DAY, old-timers like me are trotted out to say a few words to well-motivated audiences, while over the years, the over-riding themes become more empty and banal. The international theme for World AIDS Day from 2011 to 2015 is “Getting to zero,” which UNAIDS defines as zero new HIV infections, zero discrimination and zero AIDS-related deaths. This strikes me as frankly preposterous for the simple reason that such a goal remains so patently unachievable. Of course World AIDS Day provides a welcome opportunity for AIDS charities and others to discuss the latest statistics in public, but one cannot escape the feeling that it all amounts to little more than a convenient excuse for government departments to shrug off the whole issue. On December 2 the whole subject may be conveniently forgotten for another 12 months. The availability of effective treatment drugs from 1996 onwards had an immediate impact on mortality rates throughout the developed world and beyond, with the result that few people under 30 have experienced multiple loss on anything remotely like the same scale as previous generations. Yet today far more gay men of all age groups in many countries ... are now living with HIV than ever before... 2 2 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

ITS OWN CLOSET Unsurprisingly perhaps, the young are disproportionately affected, not because they have some of death wish, but for the simple reason that they were not born when my generation began setting up the first AIDSrelated charities and self-help groups and grass-roots education campaigns, and many have had no access whatever to targeted HIV education. Many older gay men like me are cautious about sounding like AIDS bores, and often feel obliged to censor what we say about our own experience and emotions. So ironically, younger gay men hear little or nothing about the complex realities of the epidemic, or its history, from which many feel emotionally distanced. If anything the subject is more taboo than ever... In the 21st century, HIV has largely disappeared into its own particular closet, for un-

derstandable reasons. Who after all would choose to be primarily defined in public by a medical diagnosis of any kind? This has however had the consequence of hiding the epidemic in our midst.

NOTHING PREPARES YOU The triumphalist rhetoric surrounding the whole issue of treatment these days can alas all too easily serve to undermine prevention work. Messages intended to reassure the newly-infected may be taken by the uninfected as an invitation to minimize the significance of contracting HIV in the first place, or for that matter of infecting others, and only serve to establish the general impression that HIV is in fact no big deal. Just what is so bad then about becoming HIV positive in 2013? What is not initially apparent to many is the fact that while it is easy to get infected, this cannot be reversed. Nothing is said about the fact

that following diagnosis there stretches a lifetime relationship to doctors and the world of specialist clinics and primary care... Nothing prepares you for the sensation that is very like extreme jetlag which sets in within an hour or so of taking standard daily anti-HIV medication. Nothing prepares you for waking screaming most nights from hideous chemically-induced nightmares. Nothing is said about the widespread stigma experienced by most HIV+ gay men, not least from our frequently ignorant and prejudiced gay peers. And nothing whatsoever is said about the fact that if you stop taking your drugs you are highly likely to die a very unpleasant death.

A DISPOSABLE POPULATION ... It strikes me as misguided folly not to make it very clear to everyone that HIV remains a potentially life-threatening and incurable disease... The issues are complicated by the fact that so many gay men grow up with a radically impaired sense of self worth, and there has long been a yawning gulf between excessive attention to physical fitness and appearances, and neglect of our inner emotional well-being... The early fight against AIDS was fought and largely won above all as a cultural achievement on the part of often small grass-roots organizations rooted in traditions of self-help. This is precisely why campaigns to normalize testing are so important, alongside the clear medical advantages of knowing one’s own HIV status.

It is fashionable in some quarters to attack condom education, but it cannot be sufficiently emphasized that most gay men have got through the epidemic without getting infected because they have indeed been diligent in their use. This is not necessarily always as easy as it may sound. But whatever else may be in the pipeline by way of chemical prophylaxis, it remains every bit as important today as it was 30 years ago when the idea and practice of safer sex was first invented in New York, that any gay man getting fucked who is not 100% confident about his partner’s HIV status should insist on their using a condom. If the rates of new infections among gay men were occurring within any other population group, I think there would be riots on the streets.

Almost 30 years ago, in my first book on AIDS, I wrote that until gay men are provided with adequate resources to fight this ongoing slow-motion catastrophe in our midst, “it will be difficult not to conclude that we are regarded in our entirety as a disposable population.” Yes, much has changed, especially in the West, but sadly in many parts of the world that day has evidently yet to dawn. CNN.com notes that the opinions expressed in this article are solely those of Simon Watney. Simon Watney chaired the Health Education Group at The Terrence Higgins Trust from 1985 to 1989. Openly HIV+, he is currently a member of the independent London-based think-tank, Reshape. His written works include “Imagine Hope: AIDS & Gay Identity” available at amazon.com. n

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 23

PHOTO, PAGE 24: ANTHONY DURAN • PHOTO EDITOR: JEFF KING • ADD’L PHOTOS: COURTESY OF MARIO DIAZ • PHOTO LOCATION: FUBAR

FULL FRONTAL MARIO ACTRESS, COMEDIAN, BURLESQUE PERFORMER, AND MODEL SELENE LUNA INTERVIEWS ACTOR, EVENT PRODUCER, DANCER AND ROLLER SKATER MARIO DIAZ. DRAG HAGS, BEAUTIFUL SLEAZE AND THE ONE NIGHT THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING. 30 THE FIGHT | DECEMBER 2013

BY SELENE LUNA

>> COVER FEATURE <<

I DIDN’T THINK TWICE WHEN THE FIGHT Magazine asked me to interview Mario Diaz, actor/dancer/event producer hot stuff extraordinaire. Some of you may know me as a comic, burlesque artiste, B-Rate Horror film actress, out-spoken marijuana policy advocate, Equality advocate, ordained minister and unwed-childless-stay-at-home-mom, but the title I cherish most is Best Friend to Mario Diaz. Conducting this interview gave me the opportunity to share a side of Diaz people rarely get to see—as they tend to be distracted by his hypnotic sex appeal and irresistible charm. I’ve got news for you folks—behind this hot piece of meat is one of the hardest working men in showbiz who’s inspired an entire generation of club-goers.

As an expert in fun—I was a touch disenchanted with the parties I was going to. I remember thinking I could throw better parties than the ones I was going to and one day I did just that. I pulled out all the bells and whistles and made more money that night than I’d ever held in my hand. I was hooked...and the rest is history. Drunk gay history.

WHEN WE CARRY AROUND ALL THAT SHAME IN LIFE FOR BEING WHO WE ARE—IT SLOWLY KILLS US. IT’S WHAT CAUSES OUR INSECURITIES, FEARS, BODY ISSUES AND CAUSES SO MUCH ANGER AND STRIFE IN OUR LIVES.

HOW DID YOU GO FROM SEATTLE GOTH KID TO BECOMING ONE THE MOST INFLUENTIAL AND SUCCESSFUL GAY NIGHT LIFE EVENT PRODUCERS? Well being a goth teen was kind of a gay right of passage in my time. It was either that, be in the drama club or feign wealth and work a nice preppy look, which wasn’t my cup of tea. Being a homo was much more subversive in the 80s—so many of us were misfits, wavers and punks. Us freaks would seek each other out and find places where we could express ourselves freely. These were strong bonds, we were family and we had a blast...to say the least. Even amidst the bullying and the daddy issues my teenage years were amazing. We always knew that we were having more fun than the rest and we did it with style...lots of it. Not to mention great taste in music. Which seems to be lost on much of the gay youth of today. The internet age and appears to be stealing the attention spans and empathy levels of this generation. The urge to learn gay history or even pop history is lost on many of these kids today. Which I find strange since it’s never been more easy to learn with everything you could ever want to find in the palm of our I-Phones... My extended family of friends have always meant the world to me and they still do. And having fun was always a priority so it only seems fitting that I made a career out of just that...fun. A profession I find quite noble in fact. I bring people together to laugh, act a fool and make connections...

WHAT WERE THE EVENTS THAT LEAD YOU TO STARTING THE SLEAZIEST, SMOKIEST EAST VILLAGE GAY BAR, THE COCK, IN NEW YORK CITY? I always knew that I was destined to live in New York City. I grew up reading about 70s and 80s NY—it’s rich subculture and mind altering art scene. The East Village was bustling with a flamboyant rock and roll scene, great fashion and the freedom of sexuality was being celebrated with such vigor. It was on the streets and at the discos—but it was the gay scene that truly caught my attention. The leather bars seemed so seedy, sexy and cool. The hustler boys, leather daddies and tight jeans were the subject of many of my teenage fantasies. As soon as I was done with school that’s where I would go...to be a part of that world. And so I finished high school and finally found my way there. When I arrived in NYC it seems the gentrification and dysnification of the city was already in effect.

The mayorship of Rudolf Guliani and his “quality of life” campaign was destroying the beautifully sleazy and exciting town that I dreamt about. He had shut down all the back rooms and closed down many the adult themed businesses. The city was changing and I felt cheated. The only thing I could do was try and revive that sexy NY that I longed for. After waiting on tables with some drag queens for a spell it wasn’t long before I was throwing parties in the East Village—which was always my plan. But since the city was trying to take away my freedoms I wasn’t gonna go down without a fight. I thought I’m gonna be as “sleazy,” “gay and perverted” as I can muster. Because guess what? It’s OK. It’s ok to have sexual urges and cravings that one might consider taboo. It’s natural and there’s something for everyone. When we carry around all that shame in life for being who we are—it slowly kills us. It’s what causes our insecurities, fears, body issues and causes so much anger and strife in our lives. I wanted to show that we are all beautiful and deserve to love ourselves and be loved no matter what ugly messages have been forced into us on our path. Our sexuality is normal and should be fun. Which is how I’ve always presented it: fearlessly, forcefully, with a sense of humor and great joy. Creating a non judgmental environment where you can be a dirty whore and a truly good, honorable and successful person at the same time. I brought back the back room... I rarely chose to step foot in it but felt it was a missing element that deserved it’s rightful place... My parties WERE sleazy—but also fabulous, silly and easy to swallow, pardon the turn of phrase, and welcomed the likes of many Glamour Goddesses, Rock Stars, Art Icons, Losers and celebrities alike. Calvin Klein was one of my regulars and he found himself quite comfortable sharing a drink with my go-go boys from time to time. My early parties were Hustler,

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 25

Cream, Studio Filthy Whore and my all time favorite Foxy. My most acclaimed NY achievement to date was Foxy. It was a game changer...truly epic. A weekly sleazefest, packed to the rim with people and hosts and performances that in my eyes are to this day unmatched. Justin Bond, Jackie Beat, The World Famous Bob and NYC legend Dean Johnson were a few of the hosts to bless the Foxy stage as host over time. It was an amateur exhibitionist contest where everyone received what we called “Foxy dollars” upon entry and whoever had the most play money at the end of the night was deemed “The Foxiest Person Alive.” Just a title...no money...no bullshit. Just a chance to jump on stage and throw caution to the wind, strip your clothes off and find the most shocking, hysterical, dirty and weird thing you could do to entertain the crowd. It was liberation and a chance to create life long memories...the kind of shit to tell your grandkids about. The show was an eclectic mix. From truly gifted musicians to anal arts and crafts, naked crowd surfing, fornication with watermelons...you name it. It was a party that could never and will never be recreated as it could only have existed in its time and place. It’s a different world and we are different people. And thank god for that. Needless to say this party kept getting kicked out of venues as not all bar owners had the thick skin to take on the mayor and his shenanigans. Which led me to Ave. A and 12th street. A little venue that soon became the turf for My Cock. I mean the bar I created, The Cock. It was gangbusters from the day I opened it. Sure it was falling apart, frequently raided by the police, almost burned down by an occasional fire breather but will always be, to this day, the most exciting time of my life. Well...from what I can remember. YOU HAVE EXCELLED IN EVENT PRODUCING, ACTING, DANCING, ROLLER SKATING, AND CHICKEN CHOCKING... WHICH OF THESE DO YOU FIND MOST FULFILLING? In a way everything I do is all about the same thing. Putting on a show. As an actor it’s just that—as I literally do put on shows. But as an event producer it’s a very similar thing. Dressing up, playing a role, executing a vision and basically showing off. In the end it’s all showbiz and expression. Being a performer was the thing I always knew I wanted to do with my life, the thing I was good at and that has never changed. I love performing and plan to do it in some capacity for the rest of my life. Although my recent break into dance feels especially good. I thing every human being can relate to the great pleasure dance brings. Not to mention its health benefits. It’s something we all share and something I think we should all do. So do yourself a favor and go 2 6 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

dancing soon, or even better, go take a dance class. WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE BODY OF WORK, IS THERE A PROJECT THAT WAS MOST REWARDING TO YOU? After acting in over 30 commercials, a few fun film roles and throwing some pretty insane parties I’d say my first Off-Broadway play in NYC was the most rewarding. It was the first time I felt like a real actor. Working in the big city, making money and living the dream. It was a show called Tell-Tale that we did with my then theater co. Theater Couture. I starred with two of my favorite “gals” Jackie Beat and Sherry Vine. As you can see I’ve been a drag hag for some time. I was raised by a pack of Drag Queens.

knew you were destined for big things. Now I’m trying to ride your coat tails. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT THAT WOULD SURPRISE YOUR AUDIENCE? Well not everyone knows I’m an award winning roller skater... get into it. WHAT ARE YOUR HOLIDAY PLANS? I spend my holidays with my framily (friend family) the people who mean the most to me in the world... By the way I’m really enjoying pretending like we don’t know each other. You know all these answers but I think you’re doing an excellent job playing dumb. WHAT IS THE MOST PRIVATE THING YOU’RE WILLING TO SHARE WITH THE FIGHT READERS? I’m a woman. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CURSE WORD? Shit-balls! I know it’s two words but it still counts right?

I UNDERSTAND YOU COPRODUCE MY BI-MONTHLY VARIETY SHOW “THE DOG AND PONY SHOW” AT AKBAR IN SILVER LAKE. WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO ATTACH YOUR NAME TO MY SCRAPPY COMEDY SHOW? Ummm...you of course. You’re one of my favorite entertainers. When I carried you over the border on my back I always

WHAT PROFESSION OTHER THAN YOUR OWN WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEMPT? I’ve always liked fashion and could see myself finding my way in that industry. I have aspirations to direct as well. But if I think about it my work as a promoter has elements of both those things. Executing a stylized retro inspired creative vision is what I already do. And that includes styling and direction. I’ve always dressed my go-go staff from head to toe. It’s part of how I work. So in a way I’m already fulfilling those urges. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA? God I hope he’s real. I love bearded daddies who give me things. n For more Mario Diaz visit: mariodiazpresents.com

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DECEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 27

THELAW >> HIV AND THE WORKPLACE <<

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS STILL BATTLING DISCRIMINATION: HIV AND THE WORKPLACE. BY DAVID HAKIMFAR l The recent announcement by President Obama to commit $100 million dollars to fund research toward a cure for HIV is welcome news. We are now into the fourth decade of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, and while antiviral treatment regimens have turned the disease into a manageable, chronic condition for most people who have access to life-saving medications, the stigma that an HIV or AIDS diagnosis carries endures. Although education and knowledge about the disease has reduced the hysteria that once pervaded the public’s perception of those carrying the virus, certain attitudes are still prevalent and can sometimes result in continued discrimination of HIV positive individuals. Sadly, these attitudes may never be fully eradicated until a cure is in fact found. People living with HIV or AIDS can still face unwarranted discrimination based on their health status, including employment, housing and access to healthcare. The Affordable Care Act (commonly known as ACA or Obamacare) will help improve the situation for many individuals who have been denied healthcare due to their HIV status. And while there are federal and state laws that are intended to protect those with HIV from discrimination in housing and employment, discrimination continues to exist. In recent years, several high profile discrimination cases have been brought against employers. In one case, and Air Force Veteran was refused a job as a baggage screener with the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) because he has HIV. In another, an employee at a Detroit dental clinic, James White, was “banned from touching doorknobs, was followed around by coworkers with bottles of Lysol, and subjected to sudden and abrupt schedule changes” after being diagnosed with HIV. This occurred even though he did not work directly with patients in his position as a billing clerk. Mr. White was eventually terminated for “excessive absences” following a brief hospital stay. Discrimination against individuals with HIV or AIDS is prohibited by federal law under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). The ADA guarantees equal opportunity for individuals with disabilities in public employment, transportation, state and local government services, telecommunications, and public accomodations. HIV/AIDS quali2 8 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

fies as a “disability,” even if the individual is asymptomatic. The ADA also applies to individuals who are perceived to be HIV positive. Therefore, a person who is fired based on a rumor that he is HIV positive or has AIDS would be covered by the law. The ADA also protects anyone who is faces discrimination because they have an association or relationship with an HIV positive individual. The ADA applies to all public employers and private employers with 15 or more employees. In California, state law extends the ADA protection to companies with five or more employees. It prohibits discrimination against, “qualified individuals” with disabilities. This is a defined as a person who meets legitimate skill, experience, education, or other requirements of an employment position he or she holds or seeks, and who can perform the “essential functions” of the position with or without reasonable accommodation. Essential functions of the job are the basic duties that are the reason the job position exists. Requiring the ability to perform “essential” functions assures that an individual with a disability will not be considered unqualified because of his or her inability to perform unnecessary or incidental job functions. According to the ADA guidelines, “a reasonable accommodation” is

any modification or adjustment to a job, the job application process, or the work environment that will enable a qualified applicant or employee with a disability to perform the essential functions of the job, participate in the application process, or enjoy the benefits and privileges of employment. Examples of this include: “making existing facilities readily accessible to and usable by employees with disabilities; restructuring a job; modifying work schedules; acquiring or modifying equipment; and reassigning a current employee to a vacant position for which the individual is qualified.” Employers cannot refuse to hire an applicant because they are afraid the worker will become too ill to work in the future. Furthermore, employers can’t decide to not hire qualified people with HIV or AIDS because they are afraid of higher medical insurance costs, worker s compensation costs, or absenteeism. If you believe that you are a victim of HIV discrimination, explain to your employer what is required according to the ADA. If you are unable to resolve the situation, you may need to file a complaint with your local Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) office. Complaints must be filed within 180 days of when the discrimination took place. The EEOC then investigates the complaint. If the problem is not resolved, they will then give the employee or applicant a “right to sue” letter. This permits the employee to sue the employer. You will want to seek the counsel of a qualified employment discrimination attorney, who will advise you of your rights, which may include back pay, benefits, getting the job back or other damages. n David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC, and a member attorney of Pride Legal. He can be reached at 213-265-9252.

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G N e I h P T P O N H S ICTIO D D A FOR THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY IN PARTICULAR, THE CRAFTING OF ONE’S PHYSICAL AND SOCIAL IMAGE CAN BE A MAJOR FACTOR WHEN IT COMES TO SPENDING AND DEBTING ADDICTIONS. BY DR. GERALD GROSSO FOR SOME PEOPLE, the idea of buying pretty, shiny, new anything is enough to make them believe they not only want something, but need it. Despite the humorous nature of the word “shopaholic,” compulsive shopping is no laughing matter. Though many question whether shopping addiction is “real,” the unfortunate reality is that yes, for thousands of men and women, it is very real and problematic. Shopping addiction falls under a category of addiction known as process addiction, in which a certain behavior becomes compulsive in spite of the harmful consequences to one’s finances, health, relationships, and overall well-being. In general, an individual’s quality of life is hindered or adversely affected when a behavior becomes repetitive or pathological. Process addictions can range from being addicted to sex or porn to overexercising to the umbrella-termed “internet” addiction. Typically, these behavioral patterns provide pleasure or “escape” from life stressors, conflict, and deep-seeded emotional or psychological issues—to the detriment of the person performing them.

you’ve already bought, momentarily convincing everyone and their mother that they can’t order teeth whitening strips without also buying an at-home waxing kit, and the special stand that melts the wax, and a leather jacket, and a new mountain bike with wheels that light up at night. If you’re a compulsive spender, it doesn’t matter that it’s two o’clock in the morning, you already own a bike and three leather jackets, or that you haven’t paid your water bill yet; the prospect of newness or something you don’t have (or have “enough” of) entices you to press the submit order button.

COMPULSIVE SPENDER

IMAGE CONSCIOUSNESS

Though shopping addiction may sound innocuous by comparison, spending money to the point of-in many cases-extreme/pronounced debt or dysfunction is no laughing matter. The LGBTQ community is no stranger to shopping addiction, which in part can be traced to larger cultural problems with spending and debt. The ease with which men and women can obtain credit cards, max them out, and get new ones combined with 24/7 shopping abilities (thanks to television and the internet) makes falling into the trap of purchasing everything you need and don’t need effortless. Numerous websites like Amazon.com can remember your credit card information for you and suggest purchases in bulk and products based on what

Year after year, there appear to be more holidays that prompt shopping sales with clearance prices and early-bird specials, and promotions that flood both your mailbox and inbox. Black Friday and Cyber Monday have become so big, that the obsessive, and sometimes physically dangerous, shopping that takes place has completely overshad-

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owed the supposed graciousness we all express at Thanksgiving dinner. There are even stores that remain open for sales the day of Thanksgiving. It also doesn’t help that there’s been an dramatic increase in image consciousness over the past decade, with social media and advertising reaching such omnipresence that “selfie”— the often over-edited and distinctly posed self-portraits taken with a smartphone or webcam-is now an entry in the Oxford Dictionary. For the LGBTQ community in particular, the crafting of one’s physical and social image can be a major factor when it comes to spending and debting addictions. One can argue that the quest for physical perfection and being liked by everyone is a universal in this day and age, but it appears to be especially pronounced in the LGBTQ subculture. It’s not enough to look like a Greek god(dess) either, you have to live like one too, with at least the wardrobe, gadgets, homes, cars, vacations, and general lifestyle that your friends have, if not a better one.

>> SPENDING AND DEBTING ADDICTIONS <<

warning signs associated with shopping and debting addictions.

WARNING SIGNS

IT’S IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NORMAL CONSUMING HABITS AND EXCESSIVE OR PROBLEMATIC SPENDING, BECAUSE A LOT OF AMERICANS ENJOY SHOPPING AND SUSTAIN DEBTS WITHOUT IT BECOMING ADDICTIVE OR THREATENING THEIR QUALITY OF LIFE. QUICK-FIX COPING Social comparison undeniably plays a role here, sometimes manifesting in spending and debting beyond normal means, much to the demise of the individual, their well-being, and the well-being of their loved ones. At the core of shopping and debting addictions are the same emotional and psychological issues that underlie chemical dependency: poor selfesteem, trauma, depression, shame, anxiety, and other mental health issues drive excessive spending and debting as unhealthy, quick-fix coping mechanisms that often lead to more or bigger problems. While some jokingly refer to shopping as “retail therapy,” the mental and emotional reality for spending and debting addicts is more harmful than helpful. The temporary high of a potential purchase drives the consumer to buy for instant gratification, only to morph into renewed anxiety, guilt, shame, and low self-esteem, also known as “buyer’s remorse,” that overshadows the initial feeling of exhilaration. The illusion of control associated with the purchase often bursts upon the realization of its frivolousness or its contribution to debt. It’s a vicious cycle of emotions that requires serious help to break and recover from. It’s not impossible or uncommon that these impulsive spending issues coincide with other mental health disorders or addictions either, including attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and substance abuse. Further, both American men and women struggle equally with compulsive buying, according to Stanford University’s 2006 study, which classifies 5.5% of men and 6% of women in the United States as pathological spenders. With this in mind, it’s important to be aware of the

If you are concerned that you or your loved one may have a shopping or debting problem, consider the following emotional and behavioral symptoms: • Regularly purchasing things you don’t need, don’t use, and/or knowingly cannot afford • Experiencing a “high” when spending money • Passing extensive periods of time shopping online, in-store, or through T.V. or catalogues • Shopping habits interfering with performance at work, school, or in interpersonal relationships • Feeling “buyer’s remorse” after spending money • Frequent account overdrafts or maxing out of credit cards due to overspending • Experiencing discomfort, deprivation, or agitation when you don’t make a purchase or aren’t shopping • Using spending to regulate emotions or gain a sense of control (“retail therapy”) • Immediately spending cash flow on unnecessary purchases rather than paying down rent/mortgage, bills, debt, or saving money • Feeling unable to resist a purchase, even if you already own similar or identical items • Lying to your partner or spouse about your spending habits or financial issues (including hiding receipts or debt)

A FINE LINE Though compulsive spenders or debtors do not exhibit all of these symptoms universally, relating to two or more may signify a problem. It’s important to understand the difference between normal consuming habits and excessive or problematic spending, because a lot of Americans enjoy shopping and sustain debts without it becoming addictive or threatening their quality of life.

However, there is a fine line, and that line should be treaded carefully. Therefore, if you recognize or frequently experience the emotional symptoms of spending addiction in particular or your spending habits are adversely affecting your ability to care for yourself or your loved ones, look into potential therapies and treatment programs. Like other process or substance addictions, there is hope for pathological shoppers. The key to treating compulsive shopping or debting is unpacking the core emotions that drive spending in the first place. Memories of neglect, abuse, misunderstanding, and emotional deprivation from childhood or adolescence are common in the LGBTQ community. The emotions that some individuals carry with these memories can be momentarily soothed with a purchase or drive an abnormal attachment to “safe,” material things, which makes spending an alluring habit of self-comfort. In order to break this habit, you need to address those emotions so you can learn how to cope with them and achieve the pleasure-reward aspect of spending in healthier ways. For those who also struggle with other mental health disorders or addictions, commonly referred to as dual-diagnosis, there are special programs across the country that can attend to your unique needs. Dr. Gerald Grosso holds a Doctorate in Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist in the State of California, where he has worked for over 20 years assisting individuals and families struggling with issues such as addiction, depression, and trauma at all levels of psychiatric care. Dr. Grosso is the Clinical Director at Morningside Recovery, a premier addiction and mental health treatment center in Costa Mesa, California. Morningside Recovery specializes in dual-diagnosis treatment and customizes care for the individual in a non-lockdown setting. To learn more about their LGBTQ programming visit www.morningsiderecovery. com or call (866) 942-0095 today! n

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 31

THEMONEY

> > F I N A N C I A L S T R AT E G Y < <

THE BEST STRATEGY After one year of legal marriage, spouses will qualify for spousal and survivor benefits on each other’s work records. If you have both worked, delaying benefits to potentially maximize incomes, and then collecting two Social Security incomes, is usually the best strategy. We have no idea about our potential lifespans, and our usual risk is to outlive our incomes. By delaying Social Security we better position ourselves. If you die shortly after delaying and miss out on a few years of Social Security income, you’ll be dead and won’t know about it, so prepared is better. Under the new rules, the spouse of one-earner married couples will be entitled to survivors retirement benefits at age 62 after a year of marriage. Even if you are terminally ill, the longer you can delay your benefit, the greater the Social Security income for your spouse. Spousal benefits are 43 percent higher at the full retirement age of 66, than if you begin collecting your income at age 62. Survivor benefits are 40 percent higher for the same delay. For the survivors benefit alone, you must be 60 years old with at least nine months of marriage. Joint-income and survivor benefits for divorced couples do not apply to us yet since we would need to have been legally married for ten years.

ESSENTIAL PLANNING FINANCES: MARRIAGE, RETIREMENT, AND SOCIAL SECURITY. BY GRANT GOCHIN l A lack of federal marriage rights has meant a lack of some Social Security benefits for same-gender spouses. The Social Security Handbook has 2,728 separate rules governing its benefits, with many, many thousands of explanations of those rules. We shall hopefully soon operate under the same rules as heterosexual couples, so we need to know these new rules now, and learn how to use them for our own benefit. Does it behoove us to marry for our retirements? Yes and no, and as usual, it depends. It all comes down to planning and understanding the financial implications of our decisions. The strategy is to maximize the benefits we, and our partners, will receive. 3 2 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

FINANCIAL COMPLEXITIES

If you take your spousal benefit before full retirement age, you will be forced to take your retirement benefit as well. An error in the timing of taking benefits could result in getting the wrong benefits, which could be permanent. Implementing the correct Social Security strategy is vital to your long-term income needs. Applications for spousal entitlements should be submitted now, because if (when) eligibility requirements are met, benefits could be retroactive to filing date.

Anecdotal evidence supports the belief that when couples plan their retirements together, there is greater impetus to save, invest, and prepare for the future. Therefore, married couples have an inherent advantage over single people when it comes to retirement planning. Couples who plan together recognize similar goals, with a common understanding of the financial complexities they face, thus reducing the friction that comes from financial pressures. Fewer singles have the opportunity for such dialogue and mutual planning, and as a result, could have a harder time facing the realities of retirement. A recent study from the University of Missouri suggests that people who don’t prepare for retirement, mentally as well as financially, are “more likely to be depressed and less likely to successfully adapt to the life change” than those who do. Planning is essential. n Grant Gochin is a Wealth Advisor and CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER(tm) professional at 16200 Ventura Blvd # 415, Encino, CA 91436 Ph: (818) 8273410. Grant is married (to a man) and he and his husband have one son. Questions and suggestions for future articles should be sent to him at grant.gochin@ raymondjames.com.

Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. Member FINRA/ SIPC The Fight Magazine is not affiliated with Raymond James Financial Services, Inc. RJFS does not provide tax advice or tax preparation. You should discuss any tax or legal matters with a qualified professional. Any opinions are those of the author and not necessarily those of RJFS or Raymond James. The information has been obtained from sources considered to be reliable, but we do not guarantee that the forgoing material is accurate or complete.

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THEFAMILY >> ADOPTIVE PARENTS <<

ABRIEL BLAU (LEFT) WITH HUSBAND DYLAN STEIN AND SON ELIJAH

ALLIES FOR ADOPTION CAMPAIGN “WE CAN SOLVE AMERICA’S SHORTAGE OF ADOPTIVE PARENTS IF WE WOULD SIMPLY ALLOW LGBT PEOPLE TO ADOPT IN ALL 50 STATES.” BY VICTOR MELAMED

> Family Equality Council, the national organization that supports, represents and connects the three million LGBT parents in our country - and their six million children - launched a campaign last month that demands all 50 states stop putting up barriers to adoption by LGBT individuals and families. The campaign is being launched in cooperation with several major child welfare and social justice organizations.

34 T H E F I GH T | D E C EM BER 2013

Family Equality Council Executive Director Gabriel Blau said the Allies for Adoption Campaign seeks to call attention to America’s need for adoptive parents, and the massive pool of LGBT people who are currently being overlooked. “We can solve America’s shortage of adoptive parents if we would simply allow LGBT people to adopt in all 50 states,” said Gabriel Blau, Executive Director of the Family Equality Council. “There are five times the number of prospective parents who are LGBT than there are youth in foster care waiting for a home. Right now there are children waiting to find a forever family, and until we knock down barriers to adoption by LGBT people in every state, we are failing them as a nation.” Blau also cited the following statistics about public adoption in America and how the LGBT

community could help lead the way to finding families for all children who need one: • 400,000 kids are currently in U.S. foster care system. 100,000 are eligible for adoption. Yet 23,500 “aged out” before finding a family in 2012. • Same-sex couples raising children are four times more likely than their different-sex counterparts to be raising an adopted child and six times more likely than their different sex counterparts to be raising foster children. • The majority of states have barriers restricting the ability of LGBT people and same-sex couples to adopt children. Only 19 states and D.C. permit same-sex couples to jointly adopt. Only 13 states and D.C. permit second-parent adoptions. Only 6 states explicitly ban discrimination based on sexual orientation in foster care. n

Holiday Fitness THIS TIME OF YEAR CAN BE DIFFICULT FOR THOSE TRYING TO STICK TO AN EXERCISE PROGRAM. HERE ARE A FEW TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU STAY ON TRACK DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON. 1 BE FLEXIBLE Instead of blowing off your 5pm trip to the gym in favor of an office party at the same time, wake up an hour early and walk or jog before work. Or fit a brisk walk into your lunch hour.

2 MIX IT UP Mix up your routine to avoid boredom. If you usually run four days a week, try running once, swimming once, and lifting weights twice. The novelty of the new exercise will be a stronger motivator than the “need” to do something else during your normal exercise time.

3 HOME WORKOUTS Create a home workout routine for those times you can’t make it to the gym. Crunches, push-ups, and many other exercises can be done without any gym equipment.

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4 TIME MANAGEMENT Increase your time management skills over the holiday season. Organize your day the evening before. Prioritizing your tasks beforehand will help you find time to exercise.

5 BE REALISTIC Before starting a spin class at 5am ask yourself honestly if you like getting up that early, and if you like spin. If the answer is no, don’t do it.

6 NO GUILT So you signed up for yoga classes twice week. Great! If you miss a class or two, just start up again as soon as you can. Avoid feeling guilty. Life happens. The fact that you missed a few classes shouldn’t be the excuse for stopping completely.

7 PARTNER UP Find a training partner and set a schedule for exercising through December. Commit to each other on set days and times, and enter the sessions into your calendar. It’s hard to find an excuse to skip a workout when you’ve got a partner counting on you. n

contact ntoriodesign@yahoo.com www.ntoriodesign.com DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 35

TARGETING TRANS KIDS

FOLLOWING A LENGTHY SERIES OF FAILURES TO ACHIEVE ANY OF THEIR MARRIAGE-RELATED AIMS, CONSERVATIVES DECIDE IT WOULD BE EASIER TO ATTACK TRANS TEENAGERS. BY ZINNIA JONES THIS PAST AUGUST, California passed the School Success and Opportunity Act, a law mandating that transgender students must be included in school activities on the basis of their identified gender rather than their assigned sex. This includes playing on sports teams consistent with their gender, as well as the use of facilities such as bathrooms and locker rooms. Conservative groups predictably painted this as an outrage, raising the terrifying possibility that trans girls might use girls’ restrooms—which is supposed to be a problem for some reason. Frank Schubert, a strategist behind numerous state campaigns against marriage equality, is now leading an initiative to overturn the law. The National Organization for Marriage, following a lengthy series of failures to achieve any of their marriage-related aims, has decided it would be easier to attack trans kids. But of all the groups that have lined up to oppose this law, perhaps none have been as vocal—and as dangerous—as the Pacific Justice Institute. On their website, Pacific Justice immediately began seeking plaintiffs who felt they were somehow wronged by this new law, and were willing to challenge it in court. Having apparently no success in their search, they had to go all the way to Colorado to find the supposed victims they needed as the face of their campaign. 3 6 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

On October 13, the Christian Broadcasting Network published a story claiming that a transgender girl had been harassing other girls in restrooms at Florence High School in Colorado. From the very beginning, this story was suspiciously light on details. No further information was given as to the specific nature of the alleged harassment. No individuals involved were identified or even quoted. No evidence was provided that any of this had actually taken place. The “story,” if you can call it that, came down to nothing more than a vague allegation—and half of the very short article was devoted to grandstanding and self-promotion by Pacific Justice. Following its publication, news outlets around the world, including Fox News and the Daily Mail, uncritically syndicated this story. Fortunately, Cristan Williams of Transadvocate.com took

the time to contact the school superintendent, Rhonda Vendetti, and find the facts surrounding this supposed incident. When asked about the story, Vendetti stated: “to our knowledge and based on our investigation, none of those things have actually happened. We do have a transgender student at the high school and she has been using the women’s restroom. There has not been a situation.” She further added: “There has not been an incident of harassment, or anything that would cause any additional concern.” In other words, the Pacific Justice Institute’s story appeared to be more of a non-story, and likely nothing more than a false accusation. The Daily Mail subsequently removed the article from their website. But the exposure of their fabricated story didn’t stop Pacific Justice from continuing to pursue it anyway. Within days, they issued a very revealing clari-

fication of their earlier claims: “It is our position that the intrusion of a biological male into a restroom for teenage girls is inherently harassing and intimidating.” This is not a minor detail. As soon as their false accusations of harassment were revealed, they tried to claim that what they meant all along was that her mere presence was the same as an act of harassment. This is a significant backtracking from their original allegations, and essentially an admission that nothing had actually happened. Cristan Williams subsequently interviewed the student’s family, and found that she’s only 16 years old, that she had transitioned two years ago, and that she was now on suicide watch following the campaign against her. But even that wasn’t enough to convince Pacific Justice to back down. Last month, they posted a video of the “victims” talking about how traumatic it is that a trans girl would use the women’s restroom... Here’s the most striking thing about their stories: All that they’re talking about is how they used the restroom while a trans girl was there, and nothing happened. At no point in any of their stories is there any instance where this girl did or said anything inappropriate—indeed; there are no instances of her doing or saying anything at all. If she had conducted herself in any way that was even remotely possible to construe as harassment, you can be sure that it would have been brought up in this video. But nothing of the sort is mentioned

TRANS TEEN HARASSED BY THE “PACIFIC JUSTICE INSTITUTE” IS CURRENTLY ON SUICIDE WATCH.

at all. Literally the only event they talk about is: a trans girl used the restroom. Note also how much of this is about them. They are the ones who are nervous. They are the ones who are uncomfortable. They are the ones who “felt really weird.” They are the ones refusing to use the restroom. How is this the fault of one student who’s done nothing wrong? She’s not the one being weird around them—they’re clearly the ones being weird around her... The closest thing resembling an argument in this video is the contention that cis people’s discomfort should be the only reason needed to exile trans women from women’s restrooms—even if these trans women have never done anything inappropriate. They seem to believe that if cis people are ever uncomfortable with the mere idea of this, then trans women

need to leave immediately and just never use women’s restrooms. But no thought is given to how uncomfortable trans women might be about this, or whether trans women’s discomfort should compel cis people to act differently. They don’t seem to think this is worth considering at all. In light of this, I contend that the mere discomfort of cis people at the simple presence of trans women in women’s restrooms should not be a compelling argument for anything. This is not a sound justification for excluding trans women from women’s facilities. And there should be absolutely nothing wrong with seeing yet another case of cis people complaining about nothing, and telling them, “who cares?” n Read more commentary by Zinnia Jones at: www.freethoughtblogs.com/zinniajones.

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Healthful TIPS For HOLIDAY

BLISS DOUG BROWN, CLINICAL DIRECTOR

AT A NEW JOURNEY EATING DISORDER CENTER IN SANTA MONICA, ON CONNECTING WITH YOUR TRUTH DURING THE HOLIDAYS. BY MONIQUE FUNK “IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR,” or so says Andy Williams in his iconic song, which paints the holiday season as a time of unbridled happiness and idealized family gatherings. While the holiday season can be a time of joy and celebration, “it is also time when stress and triggers are at full volume, particularly for LGBT people who have not yet come out to their friends/family/coworkers or who maybe out but not accepted by certain friends/families/coworkers,” says Doug Brown, DOUG Clinical Director at A New BROWN Journey Eating Disorder Center in Santa Monica. And, for those who already suffer from depression, anxiety, substance abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, or other mental disorders, the increased stress of the holiday season can trigger a relapse. However with a little planning, self-reflection, conscious choice and self-love, the holidays can be a beautiful time of growth and self-empowerment. 3 8 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

>> HOLIDAY TIPS <<

PUT YOURSELF FIRST “Holiday traditions and expectations are implicit with a lot of internalized media messages about the way things should be. We are bombarded with messages that we should be in a happy relationship, we should have a close-knit family, we should look, feel, act, live and love a certain way,” explains Brown, who has spent most of his career working with LGBT clients, addicts and people with eating disorders. “We tend to invest a lot of energy into these ‘shoulds,’ hanging on to the hope that things will be different in the future, or pining for things to be as they were in the past. Often the healthiest thing we can do is to learn to accept that things will never be the way they once were, and then to move on. Or perhaps we need to let go of romanticized memories of something that never was,” suggests Brown, who advises, “if you find yourself chasing holiday ‘shoulds,’ please remember that the most important ‘should’ of all is that you should not lose yourself to the season. Instead, put yourself first, and connect with your truth, so that you are able to connect with family/friends/coworkers in an authentic and fulfilling manner.”

FAMILY, FRIENDS & PARTIES In addition to letting go of internalized “shoulds,” reducing holiday stress may require careful planning around family visits, social functions, and relationship management. This holiday season, who will you visit, and how long will you stay? What are your boundaries? How will you excuse yourself if things get uncomfortable or if someone is not respecting your boundaries? Will you and your partner accompany one another to events and gatherings? If so, how will you introduce one another or show affection at these events? If you are sleeping at someone else’s home, discuss sleeping arrangements with your host ahead of time to avoid any awkward surprises. “It’s important that around the holidays, like the rest of the year, we connect with communities that we can be with openly, honestly and with integrity, “ advises Brown, who encourages people to ask themselves this important question, “is it healthy for me to celebrate the holidays with my family of origin?” If the answer is no, Brown suggests two options. If your family of origin is willing, the entire family can work together with a counselor to develop communication tools, boundaries, realistic expectations, and a plan that moves the family toward greater holiday harmony. Or, another option is to walk away from unhealthy family dynamics, and create new holiday traditions with your family of choice. “When we surround ourselves with people who validate us with unconditional love, encourage us in healthy lifestyle choices, and accept our sexual identities, we are able to be our authentic selves and to connect with these people on a deeper level,” explains Brown. “You may wish to ask yourself, ‘Who are the people that validate my being and what can I do to nurture these relationships?’”

FOOD AND ALCOHOL Food and alcohol are central to many holiday gatherings, and are also two of the most common forms of addiction. “When faced with increased stress people often turn to unhealthy eating behaviors, alcohol abuse, drug abuse or other forms of addictive behavior as a coping mechanism. It is also common for some people to shut down and/or isolate when they are stressed or when they relapse,” cites Brown. To avoid isolation, minimize stress and prevent a relapse, Brown ad-

vises people to create a recovery support plan before the holidays. “This plan may include attending support group meetings more often than you normally do, reaching out to your sponsor before and after any potentially stressful holiday events, or scheduling an appointment with your therapist. If you plan to attend any events at which you may be tempted to relapse (for example a party with alcohol), bring a recovery partner who understands what you are going through, will support you and will hold you accountable at the event,” advises Brown.

WITH A LITTLE PLANNING, SELF-REFLECTION, CONSCIOUS CHOICE AND SELFLOVE, THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE A BEAUTIFUL TIME OF GROWTH AND SELF-EMPOWERMENT. KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS During the holidays there becomes a hyper focus on meal times... family mealtime... relationship meals... eating at parties, etc. The excessive availability of foods perceived as “forbidden” and frequent media messages surrounding social eating can be very challenging for those who are struggling with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. Eating disorder sufferers may be faced with family members commenting on what they are (or are not) eating, criticizing their body size, or inquiring about their eating habits or rituals. If holiday meals or particular holiday foods are associated with past trauma, there is the potential for “cross pollination” in which food becomes a weapon or part of the trauma. When confronted with the traumatizing food or setting around the holidays, the person struggling with an eating disorder may experi-

ence extreme anxiety. “Working with a therapist and a nutritionist prior to the holidays can provide one with the tools needed to navigate holiday meal times. Also, attending support groups before and after the holidays can be very helpful,” advises Brown.

OUR AUTHENTIC SELVES “Around the holidays try to allow yourself the time and emotional space to quietly turn inward in whatever manner works for you,” suggests Brown. Questions you may ask yourself before, after and during holiday festivities, include: • Am I acting in line with who I want to be? • Have I checked in with myself about how I am feeling? • How am I feeling physically? Emotionally? • What are my limits? What are my hopes? What am I grateful for? • What is it that has made it possible to be here? • What are the things or people that keep me from where I want to be? • Are the people who are in my life supporting me? Are these relationships nurturing? Sit with just one question at a time, and allow yourself to be open to the answers that arise.” “When we connect to ourselves in this manner and nurture our most authentic selves, we are naturally drawn to people, places and activities that also nurtures our authentic selves,” states Brown. “We are no longer attracted to people, places or activities that are unhealthy. When we start with honesty we are no longer bound by ‘shoulds.’ We are able to more readily set limits and create healthy boundaries. And, we are empowered to connect deeply with others around the holidays, and throughout the year.” n

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 39

THEEPIDEMIC >> NEW HIV STRAIN A3/02 <<

NEW HIV STRAIN THE INFECTION MOVES FROM HIV TO FULL-BLOWN AIDS FASTER THAN MOST PREVIOUSLY KNOWN STRAINS. BY ORLY LYONNE

> Swedish scientists have identified a new strain of HIV that appears to progress much faster than most previously identified variations of the virus, reports ABC News. The new strain, known as A3/02, is a recombinant, meaning it is a cross between two previously identified HIV strains. Writing in the Journal of Infectious Diseases, Lund University researchers said that the infection moves from HIV to full-blown AIDS in about five years, nearly two- to two-and-a-half years faster than most previously known strains. So far the new infection seems confined to West Africa. But experts fear that recombinants are becoming more common and could start to spread globally, especially to highly mobile regions such as Europe and the United States. The researchers said recombinants develop faster than the “parental” strains they spring from, though fortunately, this latest strain seems treatable with existing drugs. An HIV diagnosis changes to AIDS when a person’s white blood cell count dips below 200, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Phalguni Gupta, a professor of infectious diseases and microbiology at the University of Pittsburgh School of Graduate Health, said that most clinicians also consider a diagnosis of AIDS when someone with HIV develops a serious infection such as pneumonia, cancer or a wasting syndrome characterized by severe weight loss, diarrhea and high fever. Gupta, however, said it was misleading to say that this new strain was the most aggressive form of AIDS yet known. “There are some HIV types here in the United States that take as little as two years to develop into AIDS,” he noted. This information is particularly troubling in light of a new CDC report that found that since 2005, there has been a 48 percent increase in unprotected anal sex in the U.S. among men who have sex with men. Men who engage in risky sexual behavior are often unaware of their positive HIV status, the report found. n 4 0 T H E F I GH T | D E CE M BER 2013

The film follows two Taiwanese couples trying to stick together amid emotional and sexual upheavals that threaten the sanctity of their safe, and hetero, relationships. Introvert Weichung’s measured life as a family man is shaken up when a chance encounter revives feelings from his long suppressed gay past, forcing him to choose between love and security. Meanwhile, his sister, engaged to the nicest of men, begins to question her own desire for conventional family life. “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” focuses on an ordinary middle-class family where its members constantly deal with the dilemma of accepting the status quo or embracing new changes in their everyday life. Their expecta-

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW? INTROVERT WEICHUNG’S MEASURED LIFE AS A FAMILY MAN IS SHAKEN UP WHEN A CHANCE ENCOUNTER REVIVES FEELINGS FROM HIS LONG SUPPRESSED GAY PAST. BY ORLY LYONNE WINNER OF THE AUDIENCE AWARD at this year’s Tribeca Film Festival, director Arvin Chen’s wonderfully funny and touching comedy—“Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”—opens in select theaters next month.

tions and hesitations are depicted with both dramatic conflict and a vivid sense of realism. As one of the most anticipated rising directors in his generation, Arvin Chen apprenticed under renowned Taiwanese director Edward Yang (Yiyi) before studying at the USC School of Cinematic Arts. His thesis production Mei won the 2007 Silver Bear in Berlin’s International Short Film Competition. Chen went on to work on his first feature length film, Au Revoir Taipei, which won the NETPAC Award as the Best Asian Film at 2010 Berlinale, and found box office success in the domestic market. In 2011, he joined 10+10, the omnibus film project initiated by Taipei Golden Horse Film Festival Executive Committee, and directed the segment LANE 256. His unique observation on everyday life in Taiwan is infused with a romantic personal touch and magical-realistic style. n

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 41

MAKIN’ A SPLASH IN THE OFF CHANCE THAT HOTTIE TOM DALEY’S COMING OUT HAS REINVIGORATED YOUR INTEREST IN HIS SPORT, HERE’S A LIST OF OTHER OUT DIVERS. BY VICTOR MELAMED AS MOST OF YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW, British diving sensation - and Olympic medal winner - Tom Daley came out last month in a personal video, talking about dating a guy (and still “fancying” girls). According to unconfirmed rumors he is dating Hollywood screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, who allegedly met Daley over the summer. Our friends over at The Advocate (www.advocate.com) surmised that Daley’s coming out would most likely reinvigorate interest in his sport, and compiled a list of other out divers. And we thank them for that.

AMERICAN GREG LOUGANIS After winning two gold medals for the U.S. in the 1984 Olympics for the 3m Springboard and the 10m Platform, Greg Louganis returned for the 1988 Olympics in Seoul to win both again.

GREG LOUGANIS

TOM DALEY

4 2 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

>> SWIMMERS <<

VENEZUELA’S JHONMAR CASTILLO Castillo competed in the 1988 Seoul Olympics for Venezuela and has won 14 international diving competitions. While in Seoul, Castillo witnessed gay Olympic legend Greg Louganis hitting his head during a dive. “When Greg hit his head [on the diving board,] that was like God hitting his head,” Castillo said. “When he hit his head, it impacted everyone else’s dives because there was Greg, and then the rest of us.”

JHONMAR CASTILLO

MATTHEW HELM

AUSTRALIA’S MATTHEW HELM

Mitcham isn’t Australia’s only out Olympic diver. Matthew Helm was actually the country’s first diver to compete while openly gay, and he won the silver medal for this dive in 2004 for the 10m platform.

PATRICK JEFFREY

AUSTRALIA’S MATTHEW MITCHAM

MATTHEW MITCHAM

At the 2012 London Games, Australian Matthew Mitcham placed 13th in the semifinals and narrowly missed qualifying for the finals. But his 10m Platform dive from the 2008 Beijing Olympics won gold, and you can see why.

AMERICAN PATRICK JEFFREY

Jeffrey competed at the Summer Olympics in 1988, then he came out before returning for the 1996 Olympics. He coaches diving at Florida State University. Since he started in 1999, the diving team is by all accounts a dominating force in the Atlantic Coast Conference. n DECEMB ER 2013 | T H E F I GH T 43

THECALENDAR >> NOVEMBER 2013 << GROUPS

MISMATCH GAME. SEE JANUARY 17 LISTING.

ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK www.gapsn.org LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern. www.clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES www.gmcla.org

PHOTO BY BRIAN PUTNAM

THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY STANDUP COMEDY Every Friday, 8:30 p.m. MJ’s Bar, 2810 Hyperion Avenue, Los Angeles. (323) 650-1503 GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8 p.m. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo. com or www.facebook.com/gaysalsanight

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15

NOH8 CAMPAIGN’S 5TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION Avalon Hollywood, 1735 North Vine Street, Los Angeles, 7pm-1am. Free. Join NOH8 Supporters from all walks of life, including special celebrity guests and live performances, as we come together to celebrate five years of activism and a monumental year for LGBT history. Performers include Ryan Cabrera, Rachel Crow, Darryl “DMC” McDaniels of Run DMC, and DJ Mandy Jiroux. GLAAD TIDINGS Andaz, 8401 Sunset Blvd, West Hollywood, 6pm9pm. For more info visit: glaad.org An evening of guilt-free holiday shopping with hosted cocktails, great music, and gourmet hors d’oeuvres while bidding on exclusive auction items, including exciting domestic and international vacation packages, dining at gourmet restaurants, beautiful home décor, one-of-a-kind art, health and beauty packages, and much more. All proceeds support GLAAD’s work with the media to bring culture-changing stories of LGBT people to millions of homes and workplaces every day in an effort to increase understanding and awareness to build support for full equality. TUESDAY, DECEMBER 17

STARS OVER SASSY: APLA BENEFIT Don’t Tell Mama,8279 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, 8pm-2am. Presenting Volume 2 of “Now That’s What I Call SASSY” produced by Ben Roman and featuring incredibly talented local performers and guest stars. A canned food drive for APLA led by Mercedes Electra with rewards and incentives for everyone who donates or makes a contribution. WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18

RUFF NITE Oscars Café & Bar, 125 E. Tahquitz Canyon Way, Palm Springs, 5pm-8pm. For additional information call The Center at 760-416-7790.

4 4 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

The LGBT Community Center of the Desert (The Center) is pleased to announce the return of Ruff Nite, a social event and fundraiser designed for LGBT pet-owners plus their supporters. This fun-filled evening will include a walk down the “green carpet,” a photo opportunity with Santa PAWS, a pet costume contest, drink specials, and a raffle including pet products and services. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21

STUFFED Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd (at Myra Ave.)_ Los Angeles, 9pm-2am. Stuff yourself silly with fun!! Sexy Santa, bad ass Miss Claws, GoGo elves, and guest DJ from Eagle London Ben Jamin. Spend Christmas with Bears LA and get the gift you really want to keep you warm! TUESDAY, DECEMBER 31

#BOOM! ALCOHOL & DRUG FREE NEW YEAR’S PARTY West Hollywood Park Auditorium, 9pm-2am. Free. For more info call: (323) 212-5352. Ring in the New Year with nationally renowned spin master: DJ Alexander! The event includes a variety of entertainment, dancing, a drag show, interactive activities, a midnight toast to ring in the 2014 New Year, prize drawings, swag, etc. FRIDAY, JANUARY 17

THE MISMATCH GAME The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center’s Renberg Theatre, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Hollywood. Friday/Saturday, Jan. 17/18 at 8pm; Sunday, Jan 19 at 7pm. For more info call: 323-860-7300. Producer and host Dennis “Gene Rayburn” Hensley will be joined onstage by a panel of film, TV and theatre performers-some of Hollywood’s fastest, most creative and deranged comic minds. Once again, Hensley and Company are generously donating the run’s proceeds to benefit the Center’s wide array of free and low-cost services.

GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of every month, 6-10 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038. 1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11 a.m. Locations vary. Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center. RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call (323) 860-7340. GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers. www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism. cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30 p.m., The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality. MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends. LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302, M-F between 6-9 p.m. USC LAMBDA LGBT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION alumnigroups.usc.edu/lambda/ LOS ANGELES BLACK PRIDE www.myblackpridela.com GREATER PASADENA AID FUND www.greaterpasadenaaidfund.org POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. If you’re looking for

> EMAIL YOUR EVENT OR GROUP TO ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call (323) 860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@lagaycenter.org. TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences. GET CENTERED Meditation Class. Every Saturday, 10-11 a.m., $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7300. SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7359. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd., Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-5806. MPOWERMENT WEEKLY WORKSHOPS Tuesdays and fridays, 6 p.m. APLA, 3550 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 300, Los Angeles. More info: Donta Morrison, tel: (213) 2011561. For young gay men of color—ages 18 thru 24—looking for a safe place to hang out. “Each week offers a great opportunity to vent, laugh, make friends, and simply celebrate who you are.” SUPPORT FOR HIV-POSITIVE WOMEN Second and fourth wednesdays, 7 p.m. The David Geffen Center, 611 south Kingsley Dr., Los Angeles. More info: call Women At Risk at (310) 204-1046. SOCAL SOCIAL CLUB For more info: www.Socalsocialclub.com. Southern California’s social & business network for lgbt professionals. 12 STEP GROUPS

editor@thefightmag.com CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m. DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m. Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m. SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m. Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m. Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m. Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m. WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m. SPORTS LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com

>> NOVEMBER 2013 << www.sagala.org

HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org, 6817 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028

GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www. greatoutdoorsla.org

HOLY SPIRIT holyspirit-la.org, 4201 West Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029

GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking Angeles. www.sierraclub.org

UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org, 817 West 34th St., Los Angeles, CA 90089

CHEER LA Cheerleading. www.cheerla.org LA ROWING www.larowing.org

DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, CA 90042

DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area.

HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net, 6720 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey. www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club. www.lafrontrunners.com

IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org, 3300 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010

LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org

ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org, 11031 Camarillo St., North Hollywood, CA 91602

LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com

CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com, 11050 Hartsook St., North Hollywood, CA 91601

WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams. www.wh2o.org WORSHIP

LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org, 4953 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027

WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org

BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org, 6090 West Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035

WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org, 7350 W Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org, 4607 Prospect Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027

WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game. www.gaysoccer.com

LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org

LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams. www.lapl8ball.com

fccla.org 540, South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90020

V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball. www.lagayvolleyball.com

ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org, 958 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com, 916 N. Formosa Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org, 8634 Holloway Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90069

All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302 M-F between 6-9 p.m.

GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com

KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org, 1200 North La Brea Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90038

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m.

SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club.

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES

ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com, 5312 Comercio Way, Woodland Hills, CA 91364

For Breaking Daily LGBT News Visit

www.thefightmag.com

DECEMB ER 2013 | TH E F I GH T 45

THEFINALFIGHT

> > I ’ M B L A C K , G A Y, A N D H I V N E G AT I V E < <

STATUS UPDATE AFTER 13 YEARS OF BEING SEXUALLY ACTIVE AND BEING IN WHAT I’M TOLD OVER AND OVER AGAIN IS THE HIGHEST RISK GROUP TO BE IN, THE FACT REMAINS THAT I’M BLACK, GAY, AND HIV NEGATIVE. BY ROB SMITH l My first of many HIV tests was at 19 years old during a routine screening before a military deployment. There were many more to follow, each with varying amounts of anxiety. Did I put the condom on right? Was there any blood involved? Was he positive? Can I get HIV from rimming? Or kissing? Or sucking? Or getting sucked? Over the years and with medical advances, the questions have slightly changed. Is he on PrEP? Is he undetectable? Yes, the questions got more sophisticated over the years, but they still remained before and during every test for HIV that I’ve ever taken. At 2-3 tests a year since 19, I’ve taken more HIV tests than years I’ve been alive. I do not know what it is like to live in a world not haunted in some way by the specter of HIV, and it sucks. Openly stating being HIV negative is a very strange thing in this day and age. To me, it is not something to be proud of or be ashamed of, but with the way we talk about HIV nowadays, I sometimes feel as if I’m stigmatizing HIV+ people by speaking openly about safe sex and my own negative status.

“It almost feels as if it’s the wrong thing to say that HIV is a disease that you do not want to get.” The shirtless and muscular bodies that a few prominent poz activists proudly display in gay magazine ads are sexy, but I always question what it is that they’re trying to say. The bronzed bodies and tanned rock-climbing models on display seem to be part of a concentrated effort to take the stigma out of HIV infection by reminding us all that poz people can also be stereotypically sexy. It sometimes feels like fighting HIV stigma is becoming less about avoiding shaming those with the disease and more about convincing potential partners that positive people can still be sexy, which is more than a little odd. Of course, HIV positive people are still sexy. Of course, HIV positive people can live healthy, fulfilling lives. Of course, HIV positive people are potentially great romantic partners. Of course, HIV is a massively life-changing disease that should be avoided if at all possible, and I don’t want to feel like a prick for saying that. It almost feels as if it’s the wrong thing to say that HIV is a disease that you do not want to get. I feel like it’s the wrong thing to say that the barebacking craze is terrifying because after 30+ years of this disease, rates among gay men are going up. I feel like telling guys to wrap it up is the wrong thing to say. It’s frustrating trying to find the right way to say these things while simultaneously trying to avoid stigmatizing those who are already poz. Is saying all of this shaming positive people or presenting myself as some kind of safe-sex angel? Absolutely not. I’ve had enough slipups while young and dumb (and not so young and dumb) to 4 6 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2013

realize that sometimes it really is a matter of luck. Some people with fewer than five sexual partners become positive and some regular guys who would give porn stars a run for their money in terms of notches on their bedpost remain negative. I realize that the older I get and the more messages I receive about how people in my particular group are so susceptible to HIV infection, having safe sex and actually advocating for it becomes more and more important. I also realize that it is a wonderful era to live in, one in which the barriers that HIV infection raises are overcome with much less difficulty in

the past, and one in which we see a generation of talented people with much to give thriving in spite of the disease instead of being wiped out by it. Perhaps there’s a happy medium here. Perhaps we can figure out a way to celebrate those who are living with the disease while reminding those who aren’t that their negative status is worth fighting for and protecting. Perhaps we can start having the conversation again—reminding all of us that regardless of status, safe sex is important. It is important to protect each other and protect ourselves, because we’re worth it. We are all worth it. I know I am. n

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