SEP TEMB ER 2016 | T H E F I GH T 1
September is NATIONAL RECOVERY MONTH and we’re
Celebrating Country! ACROSS THE
HEROES IN RECOVERY celebrates the heroic efforts of those who seek the addiction and mental health help they need without feeling ashamed or isolated. Help break the stigma by sharing your story at HEROESINRECOVERY.com Join the movement. Break the stigma. Share your story.
2 T H E F I GH T | www.thefightmag.com
If you would like more information about getting involved or finding help for a loved one in need of treatment, call 855-316-6080.
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THECONTENTS
On The Cover DAPHNE VON REY MAKEUP: RIDGE GALLAGER MAKEUP PROVIDED BY SUGARPILL COSMETICS AND OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE COSMETICS HAIR: SCOTT WILLIAMS STYLING: SINAN SHIHABI CLOTHING ON COVER DESIGNED BY ALEX NAVARRO DRESSING GOWN DESIGNED BY JUAN CHAVEZ COVER PHOTO, TOC PHOTO AND FEATURE PHOTO BY DUSTI CUNNINGHAM
Features 19 FOLSOM STREET FAIR
PROMOTING HARM REDUCTION STRATEGIES
22 FREE WILL
WILL WALTERS GETS HIS DAY IN COURT
26 MAKING EVERY MOMENT COUNT
PERFORMANCE ARTIST DAPHNE VON REY
31 LIFE SKILLS
FOUNDATIONS RECOVERY NETWORK
32 LOVING AN ADDICT
THEIR RECOVERY IS NOT ABOUT YOU
34 DESCENT INTO DARKNESS
ONE MAN’S HARROWING JOURNEY
40 WESTWIND RECOVERY RESIDENCES
A SOBER LIVING FACILITY TO CALL HOME
42 THE OTHER SIDE OF GRIEF
FORGIVE THEM, FORGIVE YOURSELF
Departments 10 THE LETTERS READERS RESPOND 12 THE TALK ANDREW AHN 16 THE CITY NEW HEALTH ALERT 20 THE DESERT CINEMA DIVERSE 24 THE ROSTOW REPORT SEVENTH HEAVEN 36 THE TRANSACTION QUEEN USA 2016 38 THE PROFILE DR. JAY S. GROSSMAN, DDS 44 THE SHARE LOCAL SOBRIETY 46 THE EVENT PRIDE IN DTLA 37 THE EPIDEMIC SIMPLER TREATMENT 48 THE CALENDAR OUT & ABOUT 50 THE FINAL FIGHT LAST WORD
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THEEDITOR
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS Tom Pardoe Eric Slayton Sean Galuszka SOCIAL MEDIA Paulo Murillo Sinan Shihabi WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio >> IN THIS ISSUE <<
In recognition of National Recovery Month this issue of THE FIGHT focuses on substance and drug abuse. Performance artist Daphne Von Rey, our cover model, credits getting sober with helping her art and helping her mindset change positively regarding her approach to life (“Making Every Moment Count,” page 26). “For me, a lot of my time before getting sober, I was living in the past,” she says, “and I was holding onto a lot of it, and getting sober has helped me to let go of a lot of the past that I don’t need to hold onto anymore, and I feel especially with the LGBTQ community, a lot of the shame and stigma comes from what we hold onto from the past…” “Every time you enable someone else’s drug abuse or alcoholism by cleaning up their mess, you help them avoid the consequences that might just motivate them to change,” writes Dr. Steve Ganzell (“Loving An Addict,” page 32). “Recovery is NOT a linear process,” states Ganzell. “People in recovery make progress and then backslide. It is not a failure; it is a natural part of the process. If you do
not understand this you will be devastated when your loved one falls off the wagon… and they probably will. You getting pissed off doesn’t help…” “Most of us find that we have very little experience with addiction until it becomes deeply personal,” writes Ganzell. “We either struggle with our own recovery or we struggle alongside someone who is trying to recover. Most people seem to think that because they care, there are not only knowledgeable but that they are also capable. That is the equivalent of a child coming home after school and telling his parent that he has a pain in his belly. His father responds that since he is the father and loves that child more than anyone else, that the kid should hop up on the dining room table, while dad uses the kitchen cutlery to remove the kid’s appendix…” “It is hardest to know what you don’t know,” explains Ganzell. “Just take it as a given that if you are dealing with this issue, you will need support from those who know what they are talking about. Go get it… and don’t try to do this alone.”
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT Sinan Shihabi GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, LLC DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine. Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2016 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.
STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief
TheFightMag.com For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001
6 T H E F I GH T | www.thefightmag.com
“It’s better at Pedder!” More Than Just “Gay Friendly” Hi! My name is Rebecca Bond. As a lesbian woman, along with my colleague, Chris Gagnon-Reyes, a gay man, we warmly welcome members of our community. We know that heteronormative environments such as car dealerships can be very intimidating, to say the least. Not knowing how “safe” you can feel about being out—can make the car buying process less than pleasant. We will do our utmost to make your visit with us at Pedder Nissan a fun, stress free experience. We also have a few amazing LGBTQ Pride specials which will make your visit with us even more enjoyable :)
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THECONTRIBUTORS >> WRITERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS <<
PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years. He got his start writing a bi-weekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit.com, or friend him on Facebook. ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow.blogspot.com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com. DUSTI CUNNINGHAM Los Angeles based photographer Dusti Cunningham grew up in a very clean single-wide trailer home in rural Kansas. His family didn’t own television so they watched tornadoes. None of his dogs were named Toto. Dolly Parton and his mother were his heroes, both wore wigs. His inspirations are gypsies, pirates, circuses, 1970s glamour, and the National Enquirer. www.dusticunningham.com. JOSEPH ARELLANO A stage and film actor from Bedford, Indiana, Joe has been involved in community events such as The Friendly House Luncheon, PATH, and LA PRIDE. Joe has appeared in Titus Andronicus, Dark Side of the Moon, and Take Me
Galuszka
Arellano
Murillo
Rostow
Britton
Ganzell
Samone-Loreca
Nicastro
Out. He also co-starred in the music video Hopeful Romantic, Hallmarks’ Holly’s Holiday, and other various short films. DR. STEVE GANZELL Dr. Steve Ganzell is a board member of Christopher Street West (CSW), the organization that produces LA Pride. Additionally, he “works in a large federal healthcare system providing mental health services and training other providers. It has been my dream job because I have been allowed to do new and creative things and to work with fascinating people. I have often described my job is sitting on sacred ground and hearing things that no one else will ever hear.”
Cunningham
SEAN WOLF GALUSZKA Sean Wolf Galuszka is an ASCAP Award winning performer who’s written for TRIBE, LA PARENT and CAFFEINE magazines, published music for TV, radio, and film, and occasionally acts for TV, film, and stage. Currently he stars in Netflix “Cross in the Road”. Recently his #LoneSomeGayCowboy performances have delighted LGBTQ audiences at LA PRIDE & MUSIC Festival, Ventura Pride, Oil Can Harry’s, Eagle, and Faultline. www.facebook.com/seangmusic. AUGUSTUS BRITTON Augustus Britton was born in New York City. He believes in the power of positivity,
he believes in the power of grace, he believes in the written word, among all other art forms, whether that be displayed in a diving gazelle of an athlete, an ambidextrous painter that sees a different light than the rest of us, or an actor who lives and dies on the stage, to name a few. ANDY NICASTRO Andy Nicastro is a freelance producer, writer and graphic designer, and was the Director of Global Production for Steven Spielberg’s Shoah Foundation Holocaust documentation project from 1994-1999. He lives in Los Angeles with his husband, the actor Patrick Bristow. His blog, “Shortly After Takeoff,” which chronicles his recovery from crystal meth addiction, can be found at www.andynicastro.com. SABEL SAMONE-LORECA Sabel Samone-Loreca has engaged in HIV prevention and care work for much of her adult life. Samone-Loreca is currently a Commissioner on the Los Angeles County Commission on HIV, holding the SPA 4 Consumer seat. Samone-Loreca continues to remain a visible, out, HIVpositive trans woman. She has participated in numerous panels and workshops, training both the community and the providers who serve them.
It’s Time To Join
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | T H E F I GH T 9
THELETTERS >> FROM OUR READERS <<
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Dear Editor, I read your article about open relationships (“Forging New Norms,” THE FIGHT, Issue #67). In 1981 I was 31 and my lover was 28. When he said that he wanted an open relationship I backed away and I am glad that I did because he was diagnosed as HIV positive in 1986. We stayed friends but the relationship was more than strained to the breaking point. I could not get through to him just how self-destructive his alcoholism, drug addition, and open relationships were. I don’t see how open relationships will help gay couples improve their lives. To me open relationships are the equivalent of straight people committing adultery. —Jaguar Thunderwolf. via the internet
I WAS SURPRISED Dear Editor, I picked up a copy of your issue #67 (August 2016) at my gym while visiting Palm Springs (I live in San Antonio, TX). This is the first time I had seen the publication. I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed it, and read it cover to cover. I must say, however, that I was surprised to find a gay magazine distributed free at gay venues printed on this type of high quality thick glossy paper. I had to wonder why you chose such paper, when it would obviously be much less expensive to use a different quality. I would be interested in hearing the answer, if you care to share it with me. Anyway, congratulations on a very interesting publication! —Luis Torres, San Antonio, TX Ed. Note: Thank you, Luis, for your kind email! The reason for the paper quality has to do with the shelf life of the magazine. We have found that readers tend to keep the magazine longer (on their coffee table, next to their bedside, etc.)—and not throw it away as many do with publications of cheaper quality print. This longer shelf life grants our advertisers more repeated exposure. Making sure our advertisers get this maximum exposure—is one of the reasons we have a good track record with them. Again—thank you so much for your email—I hope you enjoyed your stay in SoCal!
> WRITE TO THE EDITOR
Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements.
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THETALK >> W H AT T H E Y ’ R E S AY I N G <<
DON’T BLINK
“If you blinked, you missed it… There are others who are dealing with LGBT issues much more profoundly.” —George Takei on the gay scene in Star Trek Beyond. The scene in the GEORGE TAKEI movie is brief—Sulu walks up to his husband, who is with their daughter, puts his arm around him and walks away.
GREAT GUYS
“Proud to marry Brian and Joe at my house. Couldn’t be happier, two longtime White House staffers, two great guys.” —Vice president Joe Biden, in a congratulatory tweet, last month. Biden officiated the wedding of Brian Mosteller, director of Oval Office operations, and Joe Mashie, a trip coordinator for the first lady. The two men got hitched at a ceremony held at Biden’s own home.
BEING FETISHIZED
“I really have been in situations where I’ve gone out on dates with white guys and I’m always wondering am I being ANDREW AHN fetishized. You look at their dating history and you find out they’ve only dated Asian men and you feel like you’re not being liked for who you are, you’re being liked because you’re Asian.” —Filmmaker Andrew Ahn in an interview last month with The Muse (themuse.jezebel.com). In Ahn’s debut feature, Spa Night, protagonist David (Joe Seo), the son of parents who emigrated from Korea, awakens sexually in the Korean spas in Los Angeles.
STRAIGHT LEADING
JARED LETO
“I definitely don’t think a gay leading man would have the same opportunities as a straight leading man… I don’t know if that’s offensive or not, but that’s my thought right now. It shouldn’t be that way.” —Actor Jared Leto in an interview GQ Style about the limits the industry puts on gay actors.
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FUTURE KEEPS
“As the future keeps moving on, I don’t plan on having our relationship out in the public and all this media on it… but obviously there’s excitement right now because people see it for the first time.” —Reigning WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne revealing she is gay and engaged to her longtime partner, Amanda Clifton ELENA in an interview with Vogue DELLE magazine. DONNE
PERFORMER SAFETY
“Porn is not a substitute for sex education, any more than The Fast and the Furious is a replacement for driver’s ed, and it’s incredibly irresponsible to sacrifice performer safety for a morals campaign.” —Mr. LA Leather 2014 Eric Paul Leue, in an op-ed in The Advocate, explaining why Californians should vote no on Proposition 60 this November.
ERIC PAUL LEUE
RESPECT THAT
“It is still illegal to be gay in Tonga, and while I’m strong enough to be me in front of the world, not everybody else is. Respect that.” —Amin Fonua, a gay AMIN Olympian swimmer from the FONUA Pacific island nation of Tonga, calling out a Daily Beast contributor for his article on using Grindr to find gay hookups in the Olympic Village—an article that could potentially put closeted gay men in danger.
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 15
THECITY NEON TREES >> BY PAULO MURILLO <<
SANTA MONICA BACKS GAY GAMES BID City of Santa Monica Mayor Tony Vazquez and Councilmember Pam O’Connor proposed a resolution that would back Los Angeles’ bid to host a Gay Games event. The Los Angeles Volleyball Association is spearheading the campaign, with the help of the website ggla2022.com, which is helping to promote the bid. The Gay Games in Los Angeles could bring up to $100 million into the Los Angeles area economy, which would benefit Santa Monica’s hospitality businesses. Santa Monica residents and businesses are urged to join the city council in support of the region’s bid. For more on the Gay Games visit gaygames.org.
GAY/BI MEN NEW HEALTH ALERT
For more info visit www.lalgbtcenter.org/health.
CSW DIRECTORS FACE CALLS FOR RESIGNATION The board of directors for Christopher Street West (CSW), the non-profit organization responsible for organizing LA Pride, faced calls for their resignation at a community meeting hosted by PATTI the City of West Hollywood last month. DILUIGI WEHOville reports that former co-president of CSW, Patti DiLuigi, said the current board needs to resign following community criticism and outrage over the mismanagement of this year’s pride festival. DiLuigi said it was disgraceful how it took less than a year to destroy 45 years of community building since the event began in 1970. WeHo mayor Lauren Meister and council member John D’Amico will gather the information to develop a report with recommendations to improve LA Pride. 1 6 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com
GAYS AGAINST GUNS STAGE DIE-IN
Members from Gays Against Guns (GAG) in Los Angeles joined members of the Los Angeles Gay Men’s Chorus for a die-in in front of Precinct bar during the DTLA Proud festival last month in downtown Los Angeles. “We are protesting the insanity of gun violence in our country,” said GAG member David Reed. To learn more about GAG, visit gaysagainstguns.net/.
SUICIDE PREVENTION BILL PASSED
PATRICK O’DONNELL
California lawmakers have passed a bill to help LGBT young people struggling with depression and suicide, reports NewNowNext.com. AB 2246 requires public schools in the state to have comprehensive suicideprevention plans in place for students in grades 7-12. The measure was passed by the State Assembly late last month and is expected to be signed by Governor Jerry Brown. The bill was authored by Assembly member Patrick O’Donnell in conjunction with Equality California and the Trevor Project. “As a classroom teacher, I know from experience that educators often serve as the first line of defense when a student is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts,” said O’Donnell, chairman of the education committee.
PHOTO BY DAVID B ARENAS
The California Department of Public Health (CDPH) released a health alert late last month, concerning the infection of a sexually transmitted bacteria in a number of gay men in the Los Angeles area that causes a severe form of diarrhea. According to the health alert, nine men have been infected with the bacteria Shigella flexneri; four of those infected identify as gay. Three patients were hospitalized and so far, one person has died. Symptoms, include diarrhea, fever, abdominal pain and often, a bloody stool. Shigella is most often spread through contaminated food or sexually via oral/anal contact such as rimming. Those with normal and compromised immune systems are at risk. It’s treatable with common antibiotics. The Los Angles LGBT Center offers primary medical care for the entire community, regardless of ability to pay, and accepts most insurance plans.
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 17
September 25 2016 Folsom Street Between 8th and 13th
Get Main Stage VIP access at:
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“Not your Father’s Barbershop”
F
olsom Street Fair, taking place this month, will be rolling out an overarching message of “Make It a G-Free Weekend.” “Over the last several years, we have seen increasing numbers of our party attendees suffer from drug overdoses, including GHB and GBL, in particular,” Executive Director Demetri Moshoyannis tells THE FIGHT. “Ultimately,” states Moshoyannis, “we hope that more of our patrons understand that we share a communal sense of responsibility… If anything, maybe folks who are decidedly going to use party drugs should take more of a ‘less is more’ approach for Magnitude.” In advance of Magnitude, (taking place September 24, 9am— September 25, 4am) Folsom Street will be sending out emails addressing this issue, discouraging drug use entirely, and encouraging more measured use, reveals Moshoyannis. “Like last year, we will have pat-downs at the entry, and we have a strict ‘no liquids’ policy for our play space,” reveals Moshoyannis. “We are going to share these messages on our Magnitude webpage and on social media. There will be some critical messages shared at the club, too. The messages will include who to look for if you feel ill or if a friend needs medical attention (we will have Rock Med volunteers on site) and what NOT to mix together if you want to stay safe (e.g., GHB and alcohol). We will also have on-site ambulance service for any issues requiring immediate attention.” n Folsom Street Fair takes place on Sunday, September 25, 2016, from 11am to 6pm, on Folsom St. from 8th to 13th Streets in San Francisco. For a complete listing of Folsom Street events visit www.folsomstreetevents.org.
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THEDESERT >> PALM SPRINGS <<
“LASY EYE”
PALM SPRINGS LGBTQ FILM FESTIVAL Cinema Diverse: The Palm Springs LGBTQ Film Festival, is dedicated to advancing and further strengthening our diverse gay community through the establishment of a world-class forum that presents lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender cinema from around the world. The festival, taking place September 22-25, 2016, brings together film artists, film lovers and industry professionals in a celebration of motion pictures that reflect, inform, enrich and often transform lives. Opening night, featuring the film “Lazy Eye,” takes place Thursday, September 22 at 7pm at Camelot Theatre One. For a complete schedule of films visit cinemadiverse.org.
WHITE PARTY DATE CHANGE
JEFFREY SANKER
Jeffrey Sanker, the organizer for White Party Weekend in Palm Springs, decided to hold next year’s 28th Annual White Party later in the spring in the weekend of May 5-8, 2017. The move prompted other Palm Springs festivals like Blatino Oasis and Palms Springs Rodeo to tweak their calendars as well. The rodeo, will be moved towards the middle of the month in May 12-14, and Blatino Oasis has been shifted to April 27-30. Dinah Shore Weekend, the annual lesbian festival, was unaffected by the changes and will take place March 29 through April 2. The same goes for International Bear Convergence, which will still happen around the same time as previous years in February 9-13.
2 0 T H E F IGH 20 I GH T | www.thefightmag.com
NATIONAL GAY & LESBIAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE The National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC) held the 2016 International Business & Leadership Conference last month in Palm Springs. The MELISSA event is known to attract over 1,000 ETHERIDGE entrepreneurs, corporate decisionmakers, affiliate chamber leaders, and government officials from across the country and around the world. The three-day conference offered educational sessions, world-class networking, exposure and opportunities for LGBT owned and allied businesses to build relationships with more than 140 corporations—all leading to expansive economic impact and meaningful community services. Singer-songwriter Melissa Etheridge performed this year.
MID-LATE SUMMER DANCE PARTY Join The Desert AIDS Project benefit for an 80s-themed Mid-late Summer Dance Party, co-chaired by Kenny Jervis, Michael Crisp and Kerry Hendrix, at Chill Bar Palm Springs & Scorpion Room on September 10, 2016. Entertainment by 2016 Queen of the Desert Tommi Rose, Queen of TOMMI the Desert Fan Favorite Pinki Meringue ROSE Shimmer, Bella da Ball, Ps Lola, Jazmyn Simone, Marina Mac & Ethylina Canne. $20 Pre-sale tickets available now. $10 late night tickets (11pm – 2am) available at the door only, and based on availability and capacity of the venue. For more info visit www.desertaidsproject.org.
ACTIVIST ALLEGEDLY DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES AFTER ATTACK According to the Riverside County Coroner’s Office, the death of Palm Springs LGBT activist George Zander GEORGE ZANDER was due to natural causes. The 71 yearold activist and his husband Chris were brutally assaulted in November 1st of last year. He underwent surgery from the attack after suffering a fractured hip. He passed away six weeks later on December 10. The Coroner’s Office did not elaborate, but it stated that his death was not caused by the attack.
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FREE WILL
> > W I L L WA LT E R S < <
WILL WALTERS
rible things said about me. It’s been difficult for me to get a job, because I now have an arrest on my record and there is no contingency in my lawsuit. Everything has been out of pocket. I’m in debt.”
CAN HAPPEN AGAIN Despite his legal hardships, Walters managed to persevere these past five years by becoming an activist. He marched with a youth group at Michael Brown’s funeral in Ferguson, he’s conducted speaking engagements, and today he puts most of his energies into Free Will USA (freewillusa. com), a gay organization he founded that is open to everyone with a mission to educate all Americans about our constitutional rights, regardless of sex, age, race, creed, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
BY PA U LO MU RILLO
W
ill Walters had the worst gay pride ever in 2011. He was allegedly cited, manhandled, detained, humiliated, and arrested for public nudity inside the San Diego Pride festival grounds after he stepped out in a revealing outfit that SD Police Department deemed obscene. On December 5, he will finally have his day in court after five years of litigation. Walters—who identifies as a member of the leather community—stepped into the San Diego Pride festival clad in a dog collar, leather harness and a custom-made leather kilt with the sides cut out and flaps covering his crotch and backside over his thong underwear—a modest number he thought, compared to the getups one encounters at a beach in San Diego where women frolic in barely-there spaghetti thongs with a tiny triangle patch that leaves nothing to the imagination, and face no harassment from police. “I had actually gotten this outfit two years prior,” he said of the infamous kilt - during an interview with THE FIGHT. “I wore it to Gay Pride in West Hollywood. Nothing happened. That same year I came to San Diego and nothing happened. People took my picture. I got a lot of attention. It was the year after that, when I decided to wear the same thing again, that I got arrested.” “I knew right away that my rights had been violated,” he said. “I knew it when I was put in jail, when I was made to stand in front of people like a circus animal, but I didn’t know to what extent.”
LEFT WITH NO CHOICE In the beginning, all Walters wanted was an apology. He got one from the San Diego County Sheriff’s Department, but five years in, the city of San Diego maintains that there was no wrongdoing on behalf of SDPD. Walters says he was left with no choice but to proceed with a claim for the violation of his equal protection rights. “When people say you can’t fight city hall, it’s true, because all they’re going to do is delay, delay, delay,” he said of the five years he’s waited for a trial. “They’re going to run you out of money, or they’re going to ruin your reputation. Both are very true. There have been some hor2 2 TTHHEE FFIIGH www.thefightmag.com 22 GH TT || www.thefightmag.com
“I KNEW RIGHT AWAY THAT MY RIGHTS HAD BEEN VIOLATED… I KNEW IT WHEN I WAS PUT IN JAIL, WHEN I WAS MADE TO STAND IN FRONT OF PEOPLE LIKE A CIRCUS ANIMAL…” He still believes what happened to him in 2011 can happen again. “San Diego is on the wrong side of history,” he said. “It’s been five years. Since then, we’ve done away with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, we now have gay marriage. The gay community has come up. I’m hoping the result of all of this is that there is police reform and that police departments in every major municipality can get education on sensitivity training and what different communities practice and how they celebrate pride.” When asked if he’d wear that leather kilt to pride again, he instantly answered: “Absolutely. There was nothing wrong with it. Of course, I was 29 then and now I’m 35… but I don’t think there is any problem with people wearing whatever they want, especially during gay pride. That’s our day to be happy and free and to celebrate our gayness.”
PHOTO BY VITO DI STEFANO
One proud gay man finally gets his day in court. Will Walters vs. the city of San Diego.
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THEROSTOWREPORT >> BY ANN ROSTOW <<
MEA GULPA
JUDGE REED O’CONNOR
I
’d like to apologize to my readers for the nonchalant attitude I brought to this assignment last month. I always go back and read the previous month’s column in order to see what I may have covered already, and I had not realized until this moment that I delivered an incoherent, slaphappy piece of rambling nonsense and blamed it all on “vacation” and “day drinking.” Forgive me, and know that I am back in the real world where Lambda Legal has just announced it will ask the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit to rehear a Title VII workplace discrimination suit en banc. What? You’d like to return to the beach and continue last month’s discussion of the lesbian high school teachers in Brooklyn who were caught having sex in an empty classroom during an evening student concert? The ones who insisted they had to disrobe in order to deal with an episode of diabetic shock? Don’t you realize that this incident took place five years ago? It’s over!
SEVENTH HEAVEN
B
ut listen. The Seventh Circuit case is important, because the LGBT legal community had been waiting for nine months to see how this federal appellate court would rule in the case of a lesbian teacher, Kimberly Hively, who could not advance in her job at an Indiana community college. Hively, who blamed her situation on antigay bias, was trying to argue that Title VII’s ban on sex discrimination in the workplace should
A CONSERVATIVE FEDERAL JUDGE IN TEXAS—REED O’CONNOR—HAS RULED THAT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION MAY NOT DICTATE HOW INDIVIDUAL STATES CHOOSE TO INTERPRET TITLE IX’S BAN ON SEX DISCRIMINATION IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. include sexual orientation bias even though those words do not appear in the 1964 statute. It’s an argument that our community has been advancing for years, and one that we are starting to win. So we were on the edge of our seats! What would the judges say? Why were they taking so long to decide? Finally in early August, the three-judge panel more or less ruled that—although they agreed with Hively that Title VII should cover gay bias— they were nonetheless bound by their own Seventh Circuit precedent to the contrary.
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The 12 federal appellate courts, one rung down from the U.S. Supreme Court, create binding law for all federal courts in their jurisdiction, and here, unfortunately, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit had already made clear that the words “sexual orientation” do not appear on the law books, ergo gays and lesbians are not protected against workplace bias. Not even another Seventh Circuit three-judge panel has the right to disagree, but the entire court sitting <<<en banc>>> as they call it, can overturn an earlier precedent.
This is what Lambda has now asked the court to do. The court is not obligated to say yes, but it might. If it does, we have a good chance to win, and such a victory might also withstand High Court scrutiny. I know they haven’t hatched yet, but I’m seeing a lot of chickens out there. They’re all rainbow colored and they all have tiny glasses of vintage Champagne in their little claws. Except for the little brown one with the Campari and soda. What’s he up to exactly?
GEE GEE WHIZ!
I
have a ton of other legal news for you. As I said, I reviewed my previous column and determined that, indeed, I did cover some of our ongoing cases, particularly the ones that revolve around whether or not Title IX’s ban on sex discrimination extends to gay or transgender people. (The same arguments that we use for Title VII apply to Title IX. Title VII covers sex bias in the workplace. Title IX covers sex bias in public education.) Here’s what I said last month: “...since there are now a zillion lawsuits surrounding the myriad questions of trans-rights, Title IX funding, privacy, the preemption of civil rights laws post-Romer, and the like, I’m not even sure exactly which...lawsuits I’m writing about. And nor do I care. It’s August!” I quote myself only to make the point that, even as August dissolves into the mists of time, the complicated state of our legal affairs persists. Further, in view of our lackadaisical attitude last month, I think we are overdue for some
>> MEA GULPA, SEVENTH HEAVEN, GEE GEE WHIZ, INJUCTION JUNCTION <<
serious analysis. First, the passage of North Carolina’s anti-trans and anti-gay HB2, back in March, triggered a number of the “zillion” lawsuits. But before HB2 was even a gleam in the eye of Tarheel lawmakers, there was a related lawsuit that had been creeping through the federal court system since 2014. In this case, GG v Gloucester School District, Gavin Grimm, a transgender high school boy, was seeking the right to resume his use of the boy’s johns and locker rooms. Gavin had no problem until a parent complained and the Virginia school district announced a new policy to block him from the facilities. So Gavin sued— back in 2014— and his case was dismissed. He appealed to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit, which governs not only
Virginia, but—by coincidence— North Carolina as well. Last March as you recall, North Carolina’s HB2 was passed and signed in a single day, forcing all public institutions including public schools and state universities to block transgender men and women from their normal restrooms. A week or so later, in the Gavin Grimm case, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit ruled that this kind of policy violates federal law! Usually, when a controversial law is challenged in court it takes years to wind its way through the system. But here, even though Gavin Grimm’s case was not a direct challenge to HB2, the principles were similar and the North Carolina law was essentially doomed by the courts just days after passage! Yes, there are many more legal hoops to jump through, but thanks to the
Fourth Circuit, their circumferences are massive. So last month, the Virginia school district asked the Supreme Court to hear the appeal of the Grimm case. The Court has not considered the request, but it did agree to set aside the Fourth Circuit’s protrans ruling pending a decision. That’s an abysmal move by the justices (many people say) and it was due to Justice Breyer, who provided the fifth vote to the conservative side as a “courtesy.”
INJUNCTION JUNCTION
O
n the flip side, another federal judge ruled in favor of Lambda Legal, the ACLU of North Carolina, and Equality North Carolina, freezing HB2 in so far as it impacts three plaintiffs in our
challenge to the law. This is nice, but this is also just three people. Lambda has asked the judge to expand the injunction to cover everyone in the state. And back on the other hand, in another one of those zillion lawsuits, a conservative federal judge in Texas—Reed O’Connor—has ruled that the Obama administration may not dictate how individual states choose to interpret Title IX’s ban on sex discrimination in public schools. Obama’s Justice Department and Education Department have both made clear in a letter that Title IX should prohibit trans-discrimination. The letter provoked a dozen or so states to line up behind Texas and file suit against the administration. Another bunch of states have joined up with Nebraska for a suit of their own. Now can we go back to day drinking on the beach? n
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>> DAPHNE VON REY <<
MAKING EVERY MOMENT COUNT
HIV positive trans performance artist Daphne Von Rey on underground celebrity, physical reveal and how sobriety changed her life. BY A U G U STU S B RI TTON | PHOTO BY DUSTI CUNNI NGHAM
I
t is twilight. Orange and pink color is shining through the plein air space. It is 6pm. A perfect magic hour glow surrounds me. A coffee is six dollars. Parking is ten. The homeless mingle with the financiers. I’m waiting for Daphne Von Rey at The Grand Central Market in downtown Los Angeles. And there she is. She doesn’t see me, but I immediately notice her. A swan walking quietly up the staircase. A cluster of black birds tattooed on her shoulder, which is revealed under the ripped up band tee. Her eyes are pointing out to the side, followed by an inviting, all too perfect nose. “How are you?” I say, sensing some shade of disappointment on her face. “I was called a faggot walking over here,” Daphne sighs, throws a hand up in the air, as if the customary response is one of, “Honey, please, is that all you’ve got to say?” We buy our six dollar coffees and sit down outside. Daphne’s voice is very erotic, very full and juxtaposes her feminine features in such a singular way. You can’t help but be entranced when in her presence. “Your name?” I say. “Daphne Guinness. Dita Von Teese. Lana Del Rey. Daphne…Von…Rey” she says, “Those three are my idols, and I’d rather not meet them.” There is a momentary silence. Daphne seems uninterested in speaking. Her hands are playing a little game with each other. I watch the security guard smoke a Parliament. He’s staring at Daphne and I. I mull over his face. He looks ornery. Suddenly, he turns and disappears into the crowd, leaving me unsure of how you approach this woman. Daphne is a sight to see. And I can only assume the security guard was taking her in. Daphne is a creature that looks to have just walked with twinkling, bare feet from a Shakespearean forest. Her delicate 2 26 6 TTH HEE FFIGH IGHTT || www.thefightmag.com www.thefightmag.com
fingers are clasped and up against her full mouth. I spot a tattoo on the side of her right hand, it reads: je ne sais pas. “It’s a line from one of the most iconic books for me, Albert Camus’ The Stranger,” she says, studying the cursive inked onto her skin. “It molded a lot of my life. Maman died today, or maybe yesterday, I don’t know, is where this line comes from…when we were in high school everyone fucking hated the book, and I was like, I get it!” Daphne
“IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO DENY ME BECAUSE OF WHO I AM THEN THEY DON’T NEED TO BE IN MY LIFE.” laughs, “I identified with it in that: the only time he [the character in The Stranger] had an existential crisis was when he was worrying about the future or dwelled on the past, you know? It’s about teaching yourself to live in the moment…it’s what got me through high school…it was my first introduction to making every moment count,” she says. Daphne, who’s real name is Hieu-Hoa (pronounced hugh-ha) which comes from her Vietnamese descent, smacks of one that is consistently observing, constantly willing to find new avenues to reveal herself to… herself. However, I don’t find Daphne to be egocentric, even though one of her main job titles includes dancing half-naked in six or seven inch leather platforms in front of roaring crowds at established venues like The Eagle LA (which she began going to as a
teenager, sneaking in and enmeshing herself in the leather scene), Banjee Ball, Rhonda, and as a part of The House of Chanel, a staple in the ballroom world. “If it wasn’t for that community—the community of performers and the people who just go to check it out—I wouldn’t be able to have the confidence to get through all the daily annoyances and transphobia, you know?” She cites a select group of people that took her under their wings and giving her gigs while coming up as a performance artist and dancer, including The Boulet Brothers, Chris Bowen, Gregory Alexander of Rhonda, Lucas John, Saint Peter D’Vil, and Isla Chanel, a promoter for Banjee Ball. “They were so open to the idea of my queerness. One day after discovering the documentary Paris Is Burning I went to Banjee. I was encouraged to walk the runway,” she says, reminiscing, flipping dark waves behind her ear, “I was nervous the first time, I wasn’t sure if I fit in or if I was trying to live up to some standard, but the second time I went I just let things go…” “So you’re able to take the energy of the ballrooms with you wherever you are?” I ask. “You can become some kind of underground celebrity in the ballroom scene,” she says, shrugging, seeming to be turned off by the idea, but not exactly opposed to the idea either, “and you can take that out into the world…from facing things just walking up the street, and people pushing their insecurities on you…but what the ballroom scene reminded me of is that if I can serve it once I can serve it twice… outside in the world,” she says. “What are the similarities between being in program and being in the LGBTQ community?” I ask, having just had the fact revealed to me by Daphne that she is approaching two years sober.
> > C O V E R F E AT U R E < <
SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 27
>> DAPHNE VON REY <<
“Going to where the love is,” she says, stopping quickly, closing her mouth, as if that’s all there is to it, but I’m still there, my ears pricked up, curious for more, she obliges my energetic request, “rather than seeking out people and being disappointed… going to where people accept you. Finding the rooms and people who appreciate who you are rather than being an idea of yourself…for me the hardest part was that you find people coming and going when trying to get sober, but you will find those real people [eventually], the reliable ones, the reliable ones who are always there when you need to be picked up off the floor.” Daphne credits getting sober with helping her art and helping her mindset change positively regarding her approach to life. “For me, a lot of my time before getting sober, I was living in the past,” she says, “and I was holding onto a lot of it, and getting sober has helped me to let go of a lot of the past that I don’t need to hold onto anymore, and I feel especially with the LGBTQ community, a lot of the shame and stigma comes from what we hold onto from the past that told us that you aren’t worth
it, or that you’re trash, or we should be ashamed of ourselves or no good. Because from a young age, when you come out, you’re constantly told that gays are going to hell, and all the typical shit. And I remember when Prop 8 came out I was involved in the church community, and I was sitting in the church and was into what I thought was this great community, but one day the priest took his time to make a sermon about Prop 8…he said if you know any gay or lesbian people then you must know that they’re sick and have pity for them, because they don’t know what they’re doing…and I held onto that for the longest time…so, for me, being in recovery has taught me to live each moment as opposed to survive each moment. When you’re holding onto the past and not living in the present you’re really not here, you’re constantly looking back and not seeing what’s going on around you…” Daphne’s art is often times centered on giving her audience a complete spiritual and physical reveal. She is willing to bare her flesh and shed emotions that most wouldn’t be willing to unveil. She is openly HIV Positive, and uses that as inspiration in
her work. A recent show entitled Marché aux Fleurs invited the guest to take a flower from a vase that was dipped in Daphne’s blood, “If someone can’t accept this flower fully for what it is, except for the fact that it was watered with something different, something different running through it, then they didn’t need to take the flower, but some took it and embraced it…I would just like to encourage people that if someone is going to judge you and shame you because you’re different than them, you should know that you don’t have to take on their shame, you don’t have to be like them…” she says. “I haven’t transitioned physically. I’ve left my voice deeper. I am living who I really am,” she says, her small right hand pressed up against her chest. “And I’m now part of an artist registry called Visual Aids,” she continues, “and joining that registry helped me put it all out there. HIV Positive and Trans performing artist, and some people ask if I’m sure I want to be open about it, and yeah, I do, why the fuck not? If someone is going to deny me because of who I am then they don’t need to be in my life.”
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ocated just northwest of the bustling heart of Los Angeles, Foundations Los Angeles at Encino caters to the unique needs of our fast-paced community with its convenient and comprehensive outpatient center. The foundation of their program is a continuum of individual and group therapies, integrated educational sessions, case management and holistic approaches. Employing Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and other proven methods, they walk with patients using a stages-of-change approach. As you gain knowledge about the addiction process and yourself, you are given the tools to help you achieve your personal recovery goals. Specialty groups offer supportive therapy for professionals, couples, families, men and women. Their anger management sessions, life skills training, vocational counseling, educational assistance, sobriety management and secondary help for eating disorders allow patients to customize their care to address their unique needs. To receive a confidential assessment or enroll in the outpatient program at Foundations LA, call (855) 317-8258. For those needing a higher level of care, Foundations Recovery Network provides residential treatment at The Canyon at Peace Park in Malibu and Michael’s House in Palm Springs. The Canyon at Peace Park is a sanctuary of healing that combines holistic therapies and innovative approaches for a distinguished treatment experience. At Michael’s House, curriculum for the men’s program focuses on developing a strength-based skill set, while the women’s program focuses on resiliency. Michael’s House—like all of Foundations Recovery Networks’ facilities—is LGBT-friendly, with an LGBT track comprised of a process group and supportive therapy.n For more info on all of Foundation Recovery Networks’ facilities—visit www.FoundationsRecoveryNetwork.com. SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE JULY TH E F I GH T 31
>> ADDICTION & ALCOHOLISM <<
watch. If you can manage to do this, you will find that eventually you may have a place in the recovered alcohol/addict’s world. But if you cannot maintain strong boundaries, and detach with love, you will (to borrow from the folks who sit in rooms and talk about this stuff) just be co-signing the bullshit.
LOVING AN ADDICT
Every time you enable someone else’s drug abuse or alcoholism by cleaning up their mess, you help them avoid the consequences that might just motivate them to change. BY D R. STEVE G A N ZELL
I
f you are not an alcoholic or drug abuser but you are in a relationship with someone who is—or who is recovering from addiction—it can feel as though your life starts to revolve around their behavior, their treatment, or their recovery. Sadly, this almost guarantees disaster. If you talk to folks in recovery, they will often talk about how they had to reach a “bottom” before they were able to make changes. One of the dangers of being in a relationship with a user is that you can do all kinds of things to delay getting to that “bottom.” Every time you enable someone else’s drug abuse or alcoholism by cleaning up their mess, you help them avoid the consequences that might just motivate them to change. When you call the boss and tell them that your partner has the flu, when in truth they are puking all over the carpet in a drunken stupor, all you are doing is helping them avoid the very consequences that might make the difference. If you are going to make the choice to be in a relationship with someone who abuses substances, here are three pointers for the very best chances of survival and even success. Recovery is NOT a linear process. People in recovery make progress and then backslide. It is not a failure; it is a natural part of the process. If you do not understand this you will be devastated when your loved one falls off the wagon… and they probably will. You getting pissed off doesn’t help. I once heard a guy say “hey we’re alcoholics it’s what we do.” There was profound meaning in that simple concept. Their recovery is NOT about you. I know you would like to think that you are so powerful you can make other people change. You can’t. All you can do is stand by and
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Love is not all powerful. Love is wonderful. But does not cure anything. If you are hoping to love someone into sobriety, you will fail. Love is powerful when it is unconditional, if what we are calling love is conditional on you changing your behavior, it is not love, it is manipulation. Remember Romeo and Juliet is not a romance…it is a tragedy. If you don’t comprehend the difference there will be more tragedy. People who have recovered had to do WHATEVER was necessary to help them obtain and keep their sobriety. It was not an easy process. They probably had the support and understanding of others. Living an exciting life of your own and encouraging someone to join you, may be a lot more effective in creating change, than threatening someone with increasing their misery if they don’t do the “right” thing. Most of us find that we have very little experience with addiction until it becomes deeply personal. We either struggle with our own recovery or we struggle alongside someone who is trying to recover. Most people seem to think that because they care, there are not only knowledgeable but that they are also capable. That is the equivalent of a child coming home after school and telling his parent that he has a pain in his belly. His father responds that since he is the father and loves that child more than anyone else, that the kid should hop up on the dining room table, while dad uses the kitchen cutlery to remove the kid’s appendix. Kinda crazy huh? No different that when a loved one believes they know what is best for someone in recovery because they love them. The good news is that there is real wisdom out there. ALANON meetings are for the folks who are in relationships with someone using or recovering. There are folks who have walked this road before. But a fish doesn’t know it’s wet. It is hardest to know what you don’t know. Just take it as a given that if you are dealing with this issue, you will need support from those who know what they are talking about. Go get it… and don’t try to do this alone.
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 33
>> ADDICTION <<
DESCENT INTO DARKNESS
“The room, lit only by the flickering closed-circuit porn on the TV, begins to darken further. I feel panic, but there’s nothing I can do as I slip headlong into the utter nothingness of the g-hole.” BY ANDY NI CASTRO
I
t’s the spring of 2005, three years into my addiction. I’m sitting naked on a bed in room 218 of a notorious hotel/ ersatz bathhouse on Western Avenue, sharing my meth pipe with an emaciated, buzzed-cut stranger. Except he doesn’t feel like a stranger. Because that’s what meth does: use with someone else, and it’s as if you’ve known them forever and can see deep inside their souls, and they can see into yours, as if you were lovers in a past life the drug has reunited. Until it wears off or one of you comes, of course. Then it’s appropriately impersonal again. I’ve been there for two days, ignoring the barrage of phone calls to my cell from my worried partner, Patrick, marching in the courtyard parade of the towel-clad undead, and indulging that particular brand of focused hyper-sexuality that only meth engenders. The stranger and I are as high as kites, facing each other, making out, when he runs his hand along my back, and whispers in my ear: “Do you get fucked?” Good question. I think back to the jobs I’ve lost, the run-ins with police, the mental hospitals, the fucking mess my life has become, and answer: “No, but figuratively I fuck myself all the time.” He doesn’t respond, either because he doesn’t know what figuratively means or maybe because it wasn’t a particularly funny joke. That’s another thing meth does: it makes me think i’m incredibly funny, when “barely intelligible” would be a more apt assessment. I feel the need to clarify, so I tell him no, firmly. Because even with my history of
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“IT STRIKES ME HARD, THE REALIZATION: I AM 40 YEARS OLD, AND STILL CRAWLING INTO SHADOWY PLACES, EMERGING IN A STATE OF FEAR AND DISGUST, WITH MONSTERS CLINGING TO ME.” incredibly bad judgement, I know the statistics regarding HIV infection among gay meth users. I watched too many friends die in the 80’s and 90’s, and there’s no way I’m going out like that. That I am already jaundiced, hollow-eyed and spotted with sores doesn’t occur to me, nor does it seem to bother him. I’ve got my own stash of crystal, therefore, I am attractive regardless of physical appearance. He doesn’t try to persuade me, and I’m relieved. He asks if I want to do some of the GHB he has in his backpack, and I heartily assent. He measures out a couple of doses and we drink them down mixed with Gatorade. It takes awhile before I begin to feel the effect of it, but when it does hit I’m suddenly engulfed in waves
of incredible warmth, my body feeling only pleasure, fireworks exploding behind my closed eyelids. I force them open, realize that I’m going under, losing consciousness. I try to sit up, to regain my mental footing, but the rush is rumbling toward me like a freight train. The room, lit only by the flickering closed-circuit porn on the tv, begins to darken further. I feel panic, but there’s nothing I can do as I slip headlong into the utter nothingness of the g-hole. Summer, 1972. I’m eight years old. The thick shrubs planted against the side of our home has created a dark tunnel where the house overhangs the basement windows. It is one of my favorite places to play, where I fantasize that I’m Captain Kirk, trapped and with only a few minutes of oxygen left. Or I’m Gilligan leading the castaways away from headhunters to safety through an underground volcanic passageway. I inch through the leafy darkness on my hands and knees, Husky-Boy Toughskins blackened by the moist earth and rotting leaves, towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I return to consciousness in room 218 slowly, like a Titanic passenger fighting his way towards air against the suction of the sinking ship. When I finally reach the surface, I become aware that, strangely, my body is moving, being rocked gently by the waves. As my vision slowly clears, I see that a few inches from my face is the face of the stranger, who minutes (or was it hours?) before had been lying next to me. Now, however, he’s on top of me. He’s inside me. I’m eight years old, crawling through
> > AARON VALENZUELA < <
ANDY, 2005
that dark hedge tunnel. Reaching the end, I stand up, and squint my eyes against the sunlight. I notice movement on my chest, and look down in horror to see a giant praying mantis clinging to my t-shirt. The monster is at least five inches long, staring and waving it’s giant monster pincers. I try to scream, but I’m too scared. I want to run, but I’m frozen. I want to flick it off, but I’m too terrified to touch it. I’m eight years old, and there’s is a monster on me. I reflexively push the man off of me and pull up against the headboard. At the same moment I see he wasn’t using a condom, I also see that there are now others in the room. Two naked men stand next to the bed, watching and stroking themselves. Another, also unclothed, sits smoking in the chair by the window. Before I fell into the g-hole, I was happily living out a love scene from Sid and Nancy—one of my favorite films—and now suddenly i’m in what feels like a gay mash-up of Rosemary’s Baby and The Accused. In a flash, I understand that scene where Jodie Foster chops off all her hair in a post-violation rage. Because at this moment I would peel off my own skin if I could. I want to scream—like the hysterical lead in some Lifetime date rape movie—“I told you no!” But instead, I measure my complicity against my utter lack of self-worth, and simply say, “I think I’m done.” The men shrug and take their leave, the sun from the open door pouring into the room, blinding my drug-sensitized eyes momentarily. It is not until they have all
ANDY, 2016
left, until I am alone in room 218, that I let the panic overtake me. I scramble from the bed and towards the shower, jumping in without waiting to adjust the temperature. I violate myself again with the small cleansing bar, forcing suds inside me, trying to murder any viral intruders, scrubbing frantically with that small pink rectangle of disinfectant hope, my head pounding from the drugs and my body convulsing with fear and disgust. I scrub until the soap is almost gone, until dizziness overtakes me, and I slide down against the plastic wall of the small shower. Crying, sobbing, shaking, my mind fills with visions of Kaposi Sarcoma lesions and gaunt, disease-wasted faces. My fear escalates as I wonder how many men had used me while I was unconscious. And though I pray—to a God I don’t yet believe in—that it was only the one, I know one is enough. When the soap and the tears are gone, I dry off zombie-like and go back to the room. Kneeling next to the bed, I retrieve my backpack, find my cellphone and turn it on. There are over 20 voicemail messages from Patrick. I don’t listen to them; don’t want to hear the panic or disappointment in his voice. I’ve had many messages from him of this sort, his voice trembling with fear and anger. “Andy, where are you?” I’m struck by the irony that my partner, a man who has spent years making millions laugh on dozens of TV shows, is now—by no choice of his own—playing a co-starring role in a drama too dark, too sad and too sordid for network television. A phrase I’ve heard in the rooms of recov-
ery during my sporadic, half-assed attempts to get clean echo through my mind: Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. I dial our home number, and he answers on the second ring. At first, I can’t speak, my crying beginning anew. I can’t get words past the sobs. “Andy?” I hear Patrick’s voice, sounding simultaneously relieved and enraged. His voice reminds me of what I have lost, what used to be. It reminds me of kindness, clean sheets and mopped floors, integrity, honesty and morality. It strikes me hard, the realization: I am 40 years old, and still crawling into shadowy places, emerging in a state of fear and disgust, with monsters clinging to me. My crying intensifies. He is listening, saying nothing, and finally I’m able to get the words out: “Patrick, I’m in trouble.” Author’s note: It would take another seven years to finally and fully surrender to recovery, to go from wallowing in misery to discovering joy, from utter hopelessness to believing in miracles: the miracles of clear thought, selfesteem and a sense of purpose. The inexplicable miracle of continued negative HIV tests, the miracle of regaining the trust of my friends and family, and the miracle of finally understanding the beauty of calm and of living in the light. And the biggest miracle of all: the continued presence of my now-husband Patrick, who always protected himself from my insanity, but still waited patiently at the mouth of every dark tunnel I crawled into, shining a flashlight and praying that I’d eventually find my way out. SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 35
THETRANSACTION >> COMPILED BY SABEL SAMONE-LORECA <<
”STRUT” OXYGEN’S TRANS REALITY SHOW
D’LO D’LOCO
Premieres September 20 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Oxygen. A reality show featuring transgender models trying to make it big in the fashion industry.
DRAG FOR A CAUSE: TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER BENEFIT Saturday, September 24th, 2016, 9:30pm. Club Shine @The Oxwoood Inn, 13713 Oxnard St., Van Nuys CA, 91401. The concept of this event derives from the ‘90s / 00s Drag & Ball Scene a la Sally’s Hideaway and Nowbar type of vibe. 20 performances/drag songs. To Benefit: Transgender Law Center www.transgenderlawcenter.org.
ASCENDANCE: THE ANGELS OF CHANGE DOCUMENTARY SCREENING Thursday, Sept. 29, 7pm. La Plaza de Cultura y Artes, 501 N. Main St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. As the world awakens to the fullness of the gender spectrum, filmmaker Deb Simone takes us backstage at the 2014 Angels of Change runway show and calendar launch fundraiser, as seasoned mentors prepare a diverse group of trans youth for the event.
S Broadway, Los Angeles, CA 90015. Celebrate the heights of transgender beauty culture and identity in the grand pageant tradition while honoring trans pioneers and engaging contestants and audience in a broader awareness of transgender issues. For more info: www.transnationfestival.org.
QUEEN USA 2016
D’LO & PRIVATE DICK SCREENING
Saturday October 22,2016. The Theatre at The Ace Hotel, 933
Monday, October 24, 7pm—
Join Today $10 Enrollment Fee and only $39 Per Month. 4870 Eagle Rock Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90041 323-259-5800 www.curves.com
Save $240 a year! When you bring in this Ad to redeem offer. Monthly membership fees required and vary by location. Offer valid towards 12-month billing membership only. Valid at participating locations only. No cash value. Kaiser Senior Advantage Plus, Silver & Fit, Silver Sneakers, and Global Fit accepted.
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10pm. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza—Los Angeles LGBT Center, 1125 N McCadden Pl, Los Angeles, CA 90038 Created by the extremely talented trans actor/writer/ comedian D’Lo—Private Dick is about a transgender Sri Lankan-Tamil-American private detective, his relationships with his best friend Snow, his girlfriend and his mother. n
California Consortium of Addiction Programs & Professionals
THE PREMIER “Conference” FOR ADDICTION-FOCUSED
PROFESSIONALS –24 CEU’s-
We welcome all addiction treatment counselors, social workers, therapists, physicians, nurses, and interventionists as well as the addiction treatment providers, behavioral healthcare organizations and mental health providers.
Areyou youinterested interested in in trying trying to Are tryingto to Are you interested improve theway way your your brain brain works? improve works? improve the way works? Are the you interested in trying to
improve the way your brain works?
If yes, join If yes, you youmay maybebeable ableto tojoin join a study where you add FDAFDAa study where yoube add FDAIf yes, you may able to join approved medication(s) to approved to a studymedication(s) where you addto FDAyour HIV-regimen to improve your HIV-regimen totoimprove your HIV-regimen improve approved medication(s) to neurocognitive performance. neurocognitive performance. your HIV-regimen to improve neurocognitive performance. neurocognitive performance.
Our venue is Wonderful! CCAPP’S 3rd Annual Conference is located at the beautiful Mission Bay Hyatt in San Diego MEMBER $250.00
NON MEMBER $350.00
SPECIALTY WORKSHOP
Clinical Supervision Cultural and Diversity Issues LGBTQ Families Clinical Issues Criminal Justice & DUI Ethics and Professional Issues Prevention
AOD Prevention Pharmacotherapy Personal and Professional Wellness Private Practice Managed Care Intervention & Referral Sober living
*If you are interested in Exhibiting, Sponsoring, or Advertising at our event please contact Kristina Padilla at kristina@ccapp.us or at 1-916-338-9460 ext.112
This study HIV-positivepeople people who who also have This study is is forfor HIV-positive also haveHIV-associated HIV-associated This study is for HIV-positive people who also have HIV-associated neurocognitive disorder (HAND) as defined by the Frascati criteria. This study is for HIV-positive people who also have HIV-associated neurocognitive disorder (HAND) as defined by the Frascati criteria. neurocognitive disorder (HAND) asas defined byby the Frascati criteria. disorder (HAND) defined the Frascati criteria. It will helpusus identify adding Maraviroc (MVC) and/or Itneurocognitive will help toto identify ififadding Maraviroc (MVC) and/or It will help us us to their identify if adding Maraviroc (MVC) and/or It will help to identify if adding Maraviroc (MVC) and/or Dolutegravir (DTG) to current antiretroviral therapy will improve Dolutegravir (DTG) to their current antiretroviral therapy will improve Dolutegravir (DTG) their current antiretroviral therapy will improve Dolutegravir (DTG) to to their current antiretroviral therapy will neurocognitive performance. Participants will be enrolled inimprove this neurocognitive performance. Participants will be enrolled in this neurocognitive performance. Participants will enrolled this study for about 96 weeks. Compensation will be provided. neurocognitive performance. Participants will bebe enrolled ininthis studystudy for about 96 weeks. Compensation will for about 96 weeks. Compensation willbe beprovided. provided. study for about 96 weeks. Compensation will be provided.
To join you must be: Toyou joinmust you must To join be:orbe: 18 years of age be: older To join must 18you years ofor age or older 18 years of age older HIV-positive with an undetectable 18 years of age or older HIV-positive with an undetectable HIV-positive with an undetectable viral load viral load with an undetectable HIV-positive viral load Have hadhad a HIV-associated Have a HIV-associated viral load Have had a HIV-associated neurocognitive disorder within 45 45 neurocognitive disorder within Have had a HIV-associated neurocognitive disorder within 45 days prior to study entry days prior to study entry days to complete studydisorder entry neurocognitive Able to complete thethe within 45 prior Able to days prior to study Able to complete theentry neuropsychological testtest in English neuropsychological in English neuropsychological test in English Able to complete the neuropsychological test in English
For more information contact For more information contact For more information contact the UCLA CARE Center contact at Forthe more information UCLA CARECenter Centerat at the UCLA CARE careoutreach@mednet.ucla.edu thecareoutreach@mednet.ucla.edu UCLA CARE Center at careoutreach@mednet.ucla.edu or via phone 310-557-9062 or phone 310-557-9062 careoutreach@mednet.ucla.edu or viavia phone 310-557-9062 There are limitations to the confidentiality of email communications. arephone limitations the confidentiality email communications. Do include any sensitivetohealth information ifofyou choose to ornotThere via 310-557-9062 There are limitations tovia the confidentiality of emailif communications. Do not include any sensitive health information you choose to contact the study team email. the study team via email. Do notcontact include any sensitive health information if you choose to There are to the confidentiality of email communications. contact thelimitations study team via email. Do not include any sensitive health information if you choose to contact the study team via email.
Protocol ID:IRB#15-000159 UCLA IRB Approved Approval 12/16/2015 Through: 12/15/2016 Committee: Medical Protocol ID:IRB#15-000159 UCLA IRB Approved Approval Date:Date: 12/16/2015 Through: 12/15/2016 Committee: Medical IRB IRB 1 1
Protocol ID:IRB#15-000159
UCLA IRB Approved Approval Date: 12/16/2015 Through: 12/15/2016 Committee: Medical IRB 1
Protocol ID:IRB#15-000159 UCLA IRB Approved Approval Date: 12/16/2015 Through: 12/15/2016 Committee: Medical IRB 1
SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 37
THEPROFILE >> DR. JAY S. GROSSMAN, DDS <<
“I HAVE ALWAYS FELT VERY CLOSE TO THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY— WHEN MY DAUGHTER MARRIED HER GIRLFRIEND, IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST MEMORABLE, EXCITING DAYS OF MY LIFE.”
COMPASSIONATE HIGH-QUALITY DENTISTRY
Dr. Jay S. Grossman, DDS, specializes in correcting dental damage related to substance and drug abuse. BY MA RK A RIEL
W
ith more than 25 years of experience treating patients with substance abuse, Dr. Jay S. Grossman, DDS, has seen thousands of patients struggle with addiction. “I understand the psychological aspects of recovery, as well as the dental damage related to addiction,” reveals Dr. Grossman in an interview with THE FIGHT. “I know that my team can get our patients’ teeth back in shape, correcting the damage done by neglect, abuse, and lack of professional care. This, coupled with my background in psychology, enables 3 8 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com
us to be empathetic, compassionate, while providing highend, high-quality dentistry.” “Our practice is trained in providing alternative pain management solutions without narcotics,” states Dr. Grossman. “Depending on the addiction (and if the person is still in a therapeutic environment), we will have extensive conversations with their treating doctors about what pain management solutions we should use,” explains Dr. Grossman. “Fortunately, we have many options that can be tailored to the addiction, the medical therapy and the stage of recovery the patient is at.”
AN EMOTIONAL DAY Dr. Grossman’s connection with the LGBTQ community began during his training in New York. “I remember when HIV came on the scene, and when I diagnosed my first HIV positive patient based on an oral lesion. It was an emotional day for me, especially since the patient expired a few months later—and I was with him to the end,” reveals Dr. Grossman.
“A few years later I moved to Los Angeles and bought a dental practice from an openly gay dentist, and inherited a large gay population,” says Dr. Grossman. “I have always felt very close to the LGBTQ community—when my daughter married her girlfriend, it was one of the most memorable, exciting days of my life,” reveals Dr. Grossman. In general, says Dr. Grossman, the gay community is much much more concerned with esthetics, maintenance, and health. “There is a clear demarkation in my practice… the gay community keeps their appointments at a higher rate than the straight community and are much more conscientious about teeth whitening, crowns and overall health.”
HOMELESS VETERANS Dr. Jay S. Grossman and his team have been providing extraordinary dental care, with compassion and excellence for three decades. “In addition to our commitment to the LGBTQ community, we also reach out to homeless veterans and foster children,” reveals Dr. Grossman. “So much so that we have a 21 year old foundation, with Sharon Stone as a board member, and have provided over 3 million dollars in donated services since inception. “ (To learn more about Dr. Grossman’s “Homeless Not Toothless,” please visit www.homelessnottoothless.org.) For readers of THE FIGHT, Dr. Grossman is offering a free consultation for Invisalign (a $125 value) and free teeth whitening with a minimum donation of $200 to Homeless Not Toothless (a $500 value). n Call 310-820-0123 for an appointment. For more info on Dr. Grossman’s please visit www.drjaydds.com.
SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 39
>> SOBER LIVING <<
WESTWIND RECOVERY RESIDENCES A sober living residence to call home, for those who seek to maintain their newfound recovery.
T
BY PA U LO MU RILLO
he greater Los Angeles area has a long list of sober living facilities to choose from, but the Westwind Recovery Residences are on the short list of sober living homes that are client-centered, with each house specializing in something different. Whether it’s low income, luxury living, LGBT, all-female, all-male, or coed, the homes offer quality, while maintaining their integrity in providing a safe place to practice the 12-step principles and work a solid program of recovery. With 15 locations that span from West Hollywood, Culver City, Venice Beach, East Hollywood, Beverly Hills, to Woodland Hills, Westwind Recovery Residences are proven to be effective for those who seek to maintain their newfound recovery at a sober living space that they can trust and call their home. It all began with three sober friends—Justin Wells, Zachary Ament and Justin White— who decided to embark on opening the first Westwind Recovery Residence, located at a modest property in Hancock Park. Wells, who tried to stay sober at various treatment centers and sober living houses, drew from his last experience at the Vista House Sober Living where he learned the tools that keep him sober today. He approached Ament with a proposal to run a sober living facility back when he and Ament shared a house with seven of their sober friends on Laurel Canyon (the house would later officially become a Westwind residence). Ament, for his part, always had a lifelong dream to open a drug and alcohol treatment center. He fell in love with psychology as a young man and as a teenager, he told himself
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he wanted to provide top-notch therapy for patients and develop a program based on what he thought worked and didn’t work in therapy, drawing from the treatment he received in his teens. His love for psychology brought him to pursue his BA in psychology and addictions counseling as a college student. Wells and Ament brought the idea to White, who at the time was Director of Operations at Hollywood Detox Center. White already had valuable experience after working at Breathe Life Healing Center. After a lot of blood, sweat, tears and love, the first Westwind residence opened its doors in October 2014. The three founders combined their vision, which included compassion as a cornerstone in everyday living, drug and alcohol treatment, structure, and freedoms with a client-centered approach they felt was lacking in sober living environments. They wanted a strong community feel in their homes, where clients felt they lived with family. They also wanted to create a sober living environment free of rigidity and punitiveness and only accomplished this by remaining 100 percent involved in the homes, and stressing the importance that mentors, managers, regional managers, and director of operations stay truly invested in the wellbeing of their client. Today there are 15 homes that have opened in less than two years. Westwind now offers a long list of amenities, with a large staff that works around the clock. Everyone who works at Westwind has a unique and harrowing experience in sobriety, and are unflinchingly passionate about sharing their experience. Westwind is also known for organizing fun sober events and outings for their clients which include yoga classes, holiday parties, sponsor speed dating, beach outings, bowling nights and other sober events to instill team-building and make sobriety fun and develop feelings of connectedness. The three sober friends/founders say they love what they do. Living sober is the foundation of their lives and the core of every decision they make. As a result of their growth, they’ve been able to successfully help hundreds of clients harness who they truly are inside and stand on their own two feet. For more information on the various homes, programs and amenities that Westwind Recovery Residences have to offer, visit westwindrecovery.com, or call 800-223-5759.
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 41
>> DEALING WITH LOSS <<
THE OTHER SIDE OF GRIEF
Grief requires work, time, and forgiveness. Forgive them for leaving.Forgive yourself for surviving. Forgive yourself and others for not taking the best actions.
H
umans should have developed iron clad coping skills for grief by now. We’ve had centuries of practice singing, writing, and now creating countless, idiotic television shows about it. Yet when it actually happens it’s so alien, so unthinkable, it throws us into a hyper-real landscape exposing the best and worst in everyone involved. I lost my dad to a car accident when I was four, my brother to a car accident at eighteen, my college friend to a plane crash, an aunt to cancer, both sets of grandparents, and my amazing stepdad—all by the age forty-three. Then inconceivably, I lost my partner of seventeen and a half years to a car accident when I was forty-four. So I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to loss. That said—the idea of losing someone again is still beyond my comprehension. There’s a curious mental disconnect when it comes to the reality of death, a common response to major trauma. To bridge this, I’ve compiled a rough guide based on my experience to (hopefully) help navigate to the other side of grief. BEFORE IT HAPPENS: No one likes thinking about their own death, but spare your loved ones the painstaking task of disassembling your life and organizing and conceptualizing a memorial. It may be a welcome distraction for some, but for most, tying one’s shoelaces is task enough after losing someone. I cannot stress how important preparing a living will is. Outline everything specifically. Cremation? Embalming? Casket (what kind)? Detail the ceremony, music, who not to invite? A life insurance policy can help cover 4 2 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com
BY SEAN GALUSZKA
costs. Most are free or low cost with your bank or credit union. Decide what to do with your STUFF, your music collection, computer, clothing, car. I sorted objects for two years. Also, be very clear about your valuables and assets. Don’t leave it to family to decide who gets the heirloom banjo or insurance money. That never goes well. After my partner died, I initiated a wrongful death lawsuit including his family. A week later the lawyer informed me he represented family only (we were not married, CA law passed the day after he died). I was told to cease contact. Banned from all information, police reports, autopsy, etc., I still have no idea what actually happened to him that night on the road. However, his sister bought a new stove, his mom redid her cabinets, even all the grand kids got a slice. After nearly two decades of Christmases, birthdays, and what I thought was a wonderful relationship, they dumped me for a buck. Trust me, it’s a common story in grief groups. Prepare a will. WHEN IT HAPPENS, if it was someone close, you may want to completely snap, lose it. Part of you has been removed like you’ve lost a limb only you’ve lost an entire person. Sleeping and eating are impossible, or you overindulge. Your perception is filtered entirely through grief and the weight is unbearable. Take care of yourself. A week after my loss, I collapsed from exhaustion and was unable to move. I thought I was dying. I hoped I was dying. I envied my partner getting the “better deal”; eternal bliss verses living misery. My mind was spinning,
spinning, so I turned to the witches in MacBeth, how to stage them effectively. While I clung to this mental buoy, my grandmother appeared in my living room alongside my childhood doctor insisting I needed warm milk. They were shadows, but I recognized them. The doctor said sleep. Others were there, silent, watchful. Was I hallucinating? Did my higher self kick in presenting comforting images as a survival mechanism? Was I visited by spirits? I never cared about the answer. I felt their love. I felt my legs and hands and finally, I began to move and life went on. Avoid physical complications by getting proper exercise, sleep and food. I set my phone to chime every two hours reminding me to eat and drink. Have whatever you crave. I couldn’t eat meat. Fruits, veggies, cupcakes, sure but no meat. To help with sleep I recommend Binaural beats music and soothing teas. Melatonin is a bust and Valium is just too heavy after four weeks of constant use. Meditation and exercise are also key. I walked forty-five minutes to an hour a day at first. After two months I was walking three to four hours a day. Whatever your physical activity of choice, do it. Give yourself permission to do whatever the fuck it is you want. Remind yourself you’re still alive by getting physical. Do not involve your brain. Have lots of sex. Laugh. Commit to powerful, life-affirming activities. DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING GOOD. Someone has died—yes. You have not. You’re going to experience every emotion under the sun- joy, weightlessness, a touch of insanity. Welcome it all. You’re so
emotionally open, you become a prism for the light of the universe. Let it reflect everything. Some feel one should act a certain way, but pay attention to your needs if you can, and try to meet them. Grief groups are often free, valuable outlets. If you can afford therapy, it’s worth it. Some people derive counsel from close friends, family, or faith. Whatever the means, treat yourself. Do not go through this alone. But realize... PEOPLE WILL CHANGE; an unfortunate fact. Death illuminates true character and often it’s not pretty. You’ll lose friends. You’ll lose family. People you’ve trusted for years will alter how they interact entirely. Some who’ve made promises will disappear with no excuse. It’s confusing and hurtful. One “friend” told me when asked why he wouldn’t visit, “We can’t ALL live off condolence checks, some of us have to work”. It’s unconscionable but extremely common. Death causes a variety of responses in people that aren’t always congruous and energies clash. In some cases it’s no ones fault, but it’s still hurt upon hurt. In the midst of this, don’t figure it out. Try to be open to new people who appear in your life. My first few months I encountered people who came out of nowhere, yet had my best interest at heart. I’ve no idea why. Most I barely knew, yet they helped me. Be open to kindness and support from every source. DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. Looking for sense in the senseless is only human. One way we do this is by “controlling” the event. “If only I had _______, they would still be alive.” We need a cause, a reason. Sometimes that reason becomes us. We play over the scene we think we needed to alter in order to save them. It haunts us. We concentrate on the logical flow of events and interject ourselves as a cause. It may lend a form of “sanity” into an otherwise insane situation, but it’s not real. For all our love, we are just not that powerful. People die. We’ve no ability to stop it. No matter how intricately we weave the story of how it hinged on us, we are not to blame. AFTER IT HAPPENS, take your time. You’ll need a year. I don’t care what anyone says, for an entire year you won’t be of much use. And that is okay. Go to Hawaii. Hike the Appalachian Trail.
Become a couch potato (I did). Write a book and get famous (working on it). You’ll need a year of little to no real plans. Don’t move away, start a relationship, buy a car, get divorced, etc. Travel, exercise, light work, these are great, but no major life decisions. When I lost my brother, I immediately started college and triple majored. By graduation I crashed so hard from the collaborative grief of my father and brother, the effects followed me many years after. Grief is a pay now or pay later situation. It’s going to take us on its journey no matter what our plans. We determine when to begin and how long we travel the path at any given time. But we must always take it to the end. Eventually, grief can turn to empowerment. The old expression, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” actually is true. I hung a post-it on my bathroom mirror that read, “This WILL change me forever. Why not change for the better?” As I continue to rebuild I consciously choose to value life in honor of myself, but also of those I’ve lost. I make a daily decision to smile, not always easy. I continue to speak my truth and over time those truths get easier to express. Grief requires work, time, and forgiveness. Forgive them for leaving. Forgive yourself for surviving. Forgive yourself and others for not taking the best actions. Pay attention. Talk to people. I learned by example and alternative thinking that while grief is a wound, it isn’t fatal, and that healing can take place if one is willing to fully accept and walk through the bad and (strangely) the good of it. SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 43
THESHARE
THIS PAGE IS SPONSORED BY
>> BY PAULO MURILLO <<
In recognition of National Recovery Month we contacted a few local sober folks to talk about their recovery journey.
LESSONS IN HUMILITY Luis Camacho
While choreographer, dancer and entertainer Luis Camacho is widely known for his antics in the documentary Truth or Dare during his moment as a backup dancer in Madonna’s Blond Ambition Tour—people are currently re-acquainting with Camacho in the new documentary Strike a Pose (strikeaposefilm.com), which catches up with five of the dancers 25 years later. However, few people know that Camacho has been sober since April 26, 2004. We asked him to share about his experience in humility. “For me it’s not really a matter of consciously trying to stay humble. I just think it happens when I do the work and I participate in my recovery and I get out of my own self and help another person. And honestly, I hate calling it humility because ‘I’m humble’ is not really a humble statement in my opinion. I think it’s more about being grounded and being open to receiving whatever the universe has for me, the way it comes to me in a calm and happy fashion.” “… There is humility from shame, but today’s quote-on-quote humility comes from a sense of self, from a renewed sense of giving to others, instead of just taking for myself. It comes from a faith in a higher power, which I choose to call God. Today, I don’t have to prove to anybody who I am, who I think I am, who I thought I was; I can just be Luis and be OK with that. I want what I have today and I’m happy that I’ve been able to go through what I had to go through, to be where I am. I have achieved a better sense of myself through recovery and it’s been a real gift.”
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DAVID NEUENDORFF
HELPING OTHERS David Neuendorff Videographer David Neuendorff, has been sober since August 16, 2002. Helping others has helped him maintain his sobriety. Helping others also helped him direct his life from delivering food to building his own video editing business “1 Minute Reel” (1minutereel.com), where he recently created the training educational video called “Meth: Insight & Recovery” for LA Fuente Hollywood Treatment Center. “I was the kind of guy that put fun before everything else. What escalated my bottom, was when I messed up a career opportunity that I thought was going to fix me. That’s when I realized partying was the problem, so I decided to get sober.” If I didn’t get sober I would probably be at the Abby drinking apple martinis and wondering why life was passing me by. I remember in my first 90 days of sobriety, my favorite passage was: If you want different results in your life, then you have to take different action. Fourteen years later, it’s the one thing that goes through my mind. If I’m here, and I don’t like where I’m at, let’s try something different.” In addition to partnering with Manny Rodriguez at La Fuente Hollywood Treatment Center I’ve done video content for Breathe Life Healing Centers, Blue Tiger Recovery in Palm Springs, and on the opposite side of that, I shoot the White Party. I also specialize in shooting gay weddings.”
PHOTO BY PAULO MURILLO
LUIS CAMACHO
RUBEN ZAMBRANO >> N AT I O N A L R E C O V E R Y M O N T H <<
Ruben Zambrano has been sober since August 18, 1983. At 17-years sober he was let go from his job of 10 years. After working various odd jobs, he decided to go into business for himself at
For more on Ruben Zambrano, visit rubenzambrano.jhilburn.com, or rubenzambrano.jhstylist.com. Find him on Instagram at iloveruben, or on Pinterest and Twitter under the handle iloverubenz.
S-ORTIZ
VEN PHOTO BY MIGUEL A. STE
Ruben Zambrano
J.Hilburn Men’s Clothier. We asked him how being sober helped him face the challenges of unemployment and finding a new career. “One of the promises in recovery is that we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us… I have been in the garment business for well over 25 years—in one way or another. The rug was pulled from under me and I had to turn inward and turn to my sponsor and friends for council. I had to trust that my higher power—God, was directing the show. I spent a year in a half trying to find employment in my field. I had the willingness to humble myself, because I was this guy who was making this 6 figure salary and all of a sudden I was doing side jobs to make ends meet.” “If I had not been sober and something like this had happened to me, I would have reacted very poorly and played the victim…” “I’ve had my own business now for four years. It has grown to a point where I need people. I’m not not only helping guys dress, but I’m also here to help others like myself build their own businesses—another way that I get to be of service… Luckily I found something that I love to do.”
SOBER NO MATTER WHAT
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THEEVENT >> PHOTOS AND TEXT BY PAULO MURILLO <<
DTLA PROUD FESTIVAL
Silverlake hipsters, WeHo boys, drag queens, cos players, lumbersexuals, and others all crammed into Pershing Square for the first ever DTLA Proud Festival in the heart of Downtown Los Angeles last month. The masters of ceremonies were the dynamic duo, the Boulet Brothers, with performances by Cazwell, Hi Fashion, Jackie Beat, Big Dipper, Pandora Boxx, The Gay Gays, Calpernia Addams and others.
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THEEPIDEMIC >> HIV DRUGS <<
GSK CEO ANDREW WITTY
A SIMPLER HIV TREATMENT
Getting the three-drug cocktail regimen down to just two different drugs. BY VICTO R MELA MED
G
laxoSmithKline (GSK) is seeking to lop off one-third of the HIV drugs most patients are required to take, reports fortune.com. GSK CEO Andrew Witty says that the firm is aiming to get the three-drug cocktail regimen to down to just two different drugs, according to the Wall Street Journal. If the company is successful, it could potentially open the door to cheaper treatments with fewer side effects down the line. The two-drug therapy would include GSK’s dolutegravir (sold under the branded name Tivicay) and another, older HIV medication—possibly a generic drug called 3TC or Johnson & Johnson’s JNJ 0.20% rilpivirine, both of which are in combination trials with Tivicay. Tivicay is already approved in the U.S. as part of a traditional triple cocktail, and is one of GSK’s major HIV hopefuls. The firm’s HIV/AIDS drug unit, ViiV Healthcare recently struck a landmark deal in Botswana to provide the drug to as many people as possible in the African nation. It’s part of a country-wide campaign to drum up the rate of HIV testing and treatment. That arrangement was one of the factors that earned GSK the top spot on Fortune‘s Change the World list this year. GSK still faces major competition from biotechs like Gilead, which has had a slew of new HIV treatments approved in the past year, reports fortune.com. But if the two-therapy trials prove successful, it could be a game-changer. GSK thinks it might even set the stage for a potential single-drug HIV treatment regimen that the virus doesn’t become resistant to in time, according to the Journal. n SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 47
THECALENDAR >> THINGS TO DO << THE LOS ANGELES SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE PRESENT: TRESPASSED!
ANITA BRYANT’S PLAYBOY INTERVIEW. SEE FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER LISTING SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
ONYX—ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90029. 4pm-8pm. Info: www.eaglela.com. The Brotherhood of Onyx Southwest celebrate their one year anniversary, the beginning of many more great years to come. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
HAWTROCK
The Bullet Bar, 10522 Burbank Blvd, North Hollywood, CA 91601. 9pm-1am. Info: www.thebulletbarla.com. 60s, 70s & 80s Classic Rock. Strip to your bare chest and get $1.00 off your drink up to call. Free pool all night. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16
OUT ON THE MOUNTAIN
Six Flags Magic Mountain, 26101 Magic Mountain Pkwy., 6pm-1am. Buy tickets at: OutOnTheMountain.com/fight. LGBT Private Party at 6 Flags, closed to the general public with a special performance by Chad Michaels, “RuPaul’s All-Stars Drag Race” winner. Music by DJ Ray Rhodes. Hosted by drag star Ingenue. Go-go dancers too!
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Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90029. 9pm-2am. Info: www.eaglela.com. The Mr. Sister Leather 2017 Meet & Greet. Come meet the Contestants and Judges. Special Performances and Spectacles, Prizes, Jell-O Shots, and So Much More.
ANITA BRYANT’S PLAYBOY INTERVIEW
The Cavern Club Celebrity Theater,1920 Hyperion Ave (Under Casita Del Campo), Los Angeles. 9pm. In 1978, vicious anti-gay activist Anita Bryant sat down for an outrageous and memorable 8-day interview with Ken Kelley of Playboy Magazine. Now that interview has been recreated in a funny, touching, thought-provoking piece, starring John Copeland as Anita Bryant/Directed by Paul Stein.
GROWLr’s BEAR DEN
The Bullet Bar, 10522 Burbank Blvd, North Hollywood, CA 91601. 9pm-2pm. Info: thebulletbarla.com. Show that you’re a GROWLr subscriber and receive Happy Hour prices, Featuring Dan Lovell. Music by Dj Manuelito. No Cover SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17
MR. SISTER LEATHER 2017
Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90029. 9pm-2m. Info: www.eaglela.com. The Los Angeles Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. $8 requested donation benefits local charities.
DRAG ME TO AIDS/LIFECYCLE
Micky’s, 8857 Santa Monica Blvd, West Hollywood, CA 90069. 3pm-6pm. Join us for the first ever AIDS/LifeCycle Drag Competition!
Watch our AIDS/LifeCycle participants ditch their spandex cycling gear and rock their best DRAG. Hosted by: LEGENDARY Gay Icon—Sister Roma and Los Angeles’ very own Sister Bearonce Knows. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18
OPEN HOUSE 2016
Mcintyre House Recovery Home, 544 N Kenmore Ave, Los Angeles, CA. 1pm-4pm. Annual event to show their appreciation for all of those who have supported the house over the years. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
VANGUARD AWARDS—47TH ANNIVERSARY GALA AWARDS
Pacific Design Center, 8687 Melrose Ave, West Hollywood, CA 90069 Tickets & Info: www.lgbtvanguardawards.org. The Los Angeles LGBT Center’s Anniversary Gala celebrates our accomplishment, as well as laudable individuals and organizations. SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
FOLSOM STREET FAIR
Folsom St. from 8th to 13th Streets, San Francisco, CA. 11am-6pm. Info: http://www.folsomstreetevents.org/folsomstreetfair/. Located on historic Folsom Street, leather and fetish players from all over the world converge. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30
GROWLr: ROUGHHOUSE LOS ANGELES
Eagle LA, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90029. 9pm-2m. Info: www.eaglela.com. Beats by James Cerne & Mateo Segade, décor & photography by Dusti Cunningham, Go Go Guys, and Late Night Delights.
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THEFINALFIGHT >> TUTUS <<
grocery store. He has worn tutus on the train and in the sandbox. It has been, in our part of the world, a non-issue. We have been asked some well-intentioned questions; we’ve answered them; it has been fine. It WAS fine, until yesterday. Yesterday, on our walk to the park, my son and I were accosted by someone who demanded to know why my son was wearing a skirt. We didn’t know him, but he appeared to have been watching us for some time. “I’m just curious,” the man said. “Why do you keep doing this to your son?” He wasn’t curious. He didn’t want answers. He wanted to make sure we both knew that what my son was doing—what I was ALLOWING him to do—was wrong. “She shouldn’t keep doing this to you,” he said. He spoke directly to my son. “You’re a boy. She’s a bad mommy. It’s child abuse.” He took pictures of us, although I asked him not to; he threatened me. “Now everyone will know,” he said. “You’ll see.” I called the police. They came, they took their report, they complimented the skirt. Still, my son does not feel safe today. He wants to know: “Is the man coming back? The bad man? Is he going to shout more unkind things about my skirt? Is he going to take more pictures?” I can’t say for sure. But I can say this: I will not be intimidat-
ed. I will not be made to feel vulnerable or afraid. I will not let angry strangers tell my son what he can or cannot wear. The world may not love my son for who he is, but I do. I was put on this earth to make sure he knows it. I will shout my love from street corners. I will defend, shouting, his right to walk down the street in peace, wearing whatever items of clothing he wants to wear. I will show him, in whatever way I can, that I value the person he is, trust in his vision for himself, and support his choices—no matter what anybody else says, no matter who tries to stop him or how often. Our family has a motto. The motto is this: We are loving. We are kind. We are determined and persistent. We are beautiful and brave. We know who we are. Angry strangers will not change who we are. The world will not change who we are— we will change the world. n
WE KNOW WHO WE ARE. ANGRY STRANGERS WILL NOT CHANGE WHO WE ARE. THE WORLD WILL NOT CHANGE WHO WE ARE—WE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD.
THE BRAVE, THE BEAUTIFUL
Last month, Jen Anderson Shattuck posted a photo of her 3-year-old son Roo wearing a tutu on Facebook. In the caption, she told the story of a distressing encounter that had occurred the day before.
M
y three-and-a-half-year-old son likes to play trucks. He likes to do jigsaw puzzles. He likes to eat plums. And he likes to wear sparkly tutus. If asked, he will say the tutus make him feel beautiful and brave. If asked, he will say there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear. My son has worn tutus to church. He has worn tutus to the
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Epilogue: Shattuck’s powerful post has reached over 40,000 likes and shares, and the comments section is filled with supportive messages for Roo, Shattuck and her wife Audra. The viral post even spawned a social media movement, #TutusForRoo. Using that hashtag, parents and child-free grown-ups alike shared photos of their kids and themselves wearing tutus in support of Roo.
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SEP TEMB ER 2016 | THE F I GH T 51
facebook.com/TransPrideLA
Kick off Friday, June 17, at 7:30 p.m. with BigQueerConvo featuring activist CeCe McDonald. All-day festival begins Saturday, June 18, at Noon. All events are FREE.
ANGEL GONZALEZ
Join us for a weekend celebration of L.A.’s trans community. All members of the trans community and their friends, families and allies are welcome!
5 2 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com
“Keyes, Keyes, Keyes, Keyes on Van Nuys… Where it’s fun to buy a car”
LOS ANGELES LGBT CENTER THE VILLAGE AT ED GOULD PLAZA 1125 N. McCadden Place
5905 Van Nuys Blvd, Van Nuys, CA 91401
NATASHA BEAUBOEUF
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FRIDAY, JUNE 17 & SATURDAY, JUNE 18
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