THE FIGHT SOCAL'S LGBT MONTHLY MAGAZINE NOVEMBER 2014 by The Fight Magazine

The Law Offices Of

MICHAEL H. MOGHTADER A P R O F E S S I O N A L L A W C O R P O R AT I O N

A Full Service Law Firm With The Highest Quality Of Legal Representation Proudly Serving The LGBT Community

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Personal Injury Immigration (Bi-National Same Sex Couples) Real Estate Lemon Law Business Formation

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THECONTENTS >> MORE TO COME <<

C O V E R S T O R I E S A N D F E AT U R E S

LOVE MAKES A FAMILY

18 NATIONAL ADOPTION AWARENESS MONTH 18

THE WHISTLE ON HATE 21 BLOW TACKLING BULLYING IN LOS ANGELES

REMINDER 24 LAST PRIDE HEADLINER AIDEN JAMES THING CALLED HOPE 28 THAT BATTLING MENTAL ILLNESS & ADDICTION KATE 32 LOSING TRANS TRAGEDY IN WEST HOLLYWOOD OF THE MATTER 35 HEART PHOTOGRAPHY BY BARBARA PROUD PORN 36 LEAVING ADDISON GRAHAM: HARSH REALIZATIONS IN PALM SPRINGS 38 PROUD LOCALS GUSH ABOUT THEIR CITY KISS 41 STOP NEW AT THE PASADENA PLAYHOUSE

ON THE COVER COVER MODEL: AIDEN JAMES COVER PHOTO AND COVER FEATURE PHOTO BY: NEAL SANTOS MAIN TOC PHOTO BY: JEREMY LUCIDO

DEPARTMENTS

12 THE TALK APPLE CEO TIM COOK 15 THE STATE GAY PANIC DEFENSE 16 THE CITY PRIDE IN THE DESERT 22 THE ROSTOW REPORT UNRUH IRONY 34 THE LAW GYM CONTRACTS 39 THE PLACE CONTINENTAL KITCHEN 40 THE SHARE LOCAL SOBRIETY 42 THE EVENT BEST IN DRAG 43 THE EPIDEMIC BODY & SOUL

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44 THE CALENDAR EVENTS 46 THE FINAL FIGHT ROB SMITH

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W E D O N AT E A P O RT I O N O F O U R P R O C E E D S T O T H E L A L G B T C E N T E R

THEEDITOR

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio

>> IN THIS ISSUE <<

In celebration of Palm Springs Pride this month, Paulo Murillo asked people who live, work and play in the desert what they love most about their town (“Proud In Palm Springs,” page 38). Palm Springs resident Kurt Cyr, an interior designer formerly from LA, says that he has “a far richer social life, than I ever did in Los Angeles after living there for 28 years.” “People think of Palm Springs as God’s waiting room, but the demographic of Palm Springs is much younger than it used to be,” states Cyr. “People from all over who love Palm Springs have found a way to make it possible to live here and work here.” “I call this place fantasyland for all ages,” says Tomás Ramirez, Destination Services Manager at the Greater Palm Springs Convention & Visitors Bureau. “It’s an amazing place to call home. Beyond the 350-plus days of sunshine a year, the destination hosts worldclass events, features cutting edge culinary experiences, home to worldclass art, exudes Hollywood glamour and so much more,” states Ramirez. Speaking of Palm Springs—be sure to visit us at our booth at the Pride Festival—November 8-9. For more information on all the Pride related activities taking place in the desert—visit pspride.org. Also in this issue—Andy Nicastro writes an excruciatingly honest and powerful article about addiction and mental illness (“That Thing Called Hope,” page 28). “The last time I attempted suicide

was in 2009,” reveals Nicastro. “I swallowed every pill in our house, ate a large quantity of crystal meth, and washed it down with a bottle of some kind of alcohol. My husband returned home, found me in our bed covered in blood and vomit, and called the paramedics who arrived in time to get me to a hospital...” During most of his 13-year battle with addiction Nicastro says that he felt hopeless far more than he ever felt hopeful. Sadly, people suffering from substance abuse as well as mental health issues, are often misdiagnosed. Six months ago Nicastro found a psychiatrist who, after listening to his personal history, told him he was bi-polar—and put him on a medication called Lamictal, a mood stabilizer. “Within a week my life began to change. I could think clearly. I slept deeply, my brain’s chronic mania reduced to a tolerable level. I no longer flew into rages over perceived slights or minor inconveniences.” “Because I’m not constantly battling mania or depression, I’ve been able to work a consistent program of recovery,” writes Nicastro. “Anyone who advocates against psychiatric medication in recovery has clearly never experienced the utter black hopelessness of real depression,” states Nicastro. “I’m sure they’ve felt deep sadness at times, but that is a very different experience, and without having been in that inexplicable pit of despair they have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about.”

MARKETING CONSULTANTS Camilo Fernandez Negar Riazi John Michael Gamban Sue Ho SOCIAL MEDIA Paulo Murillo WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, LLC DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, LLC. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine. Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2014 Third Step LLC. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.

TheFightMag.com STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief

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For Display Advertising, please call (323) 297-4001

THECONTRIBUTORS >> OUR WRITERS <<

PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years. He got his start writing a bi-weekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit.com, or friend him on Facebook. ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow.blogspot.com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com. ORLY LYONNE Orly Lyonne is a freelance journalist, focusing on issues related to LGBT equality, culture and art. Her passions include skydiving, community theater and vegan restaurants. Orly can be reached at orlylyonne@gmail.com. ROB SMITH Rob Smith is an author, lecturer, writer, and LGBT activist. His first book “Closets, Combat, and Coming Out: Coming of Age as a Gay Man in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Army” is in stores now. He can be found at www.robsmithonline.com. VICTOR MELAMED Victor Melamed began his career in journalism writing for the now-

Hakimfar

Murillo

Rostow

Lyonne

Smith

Melamed

Mills

Shucart

defunct Israeli gay magazine “Magaim.” He is currently working on a novel based on a true story about a love affair between two men on opposite sites of the Middle East conflict. DAVID HAKIMFAR Los Angeles based Attorney David Hakimfar received his law degree from Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San

Nicastro

Diego. While there, he made the Honor Roll and National Dean’s List. Currently David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC. He can be reached at: 1-888-789-PRIDE (7743). BRENDEN SHUCART Brenden Shucart is an HIV/ AIDS-LGBT rights advocate, actor, and writer whose work has

been featured in Out There,The Advocate and HIV Plus magazine among others. His essays around HIV-related health issues and stigma have been described as “humanizing and heartbreaking” and “beautiful, honest, and important.” As an actor Shucart has appeared in the short film “Bug Chaser,” James Franco and Travis Mathews’ “Interior. Leather Bar.,” and Mathews’ 2010 short film “I Want Your Love.” JAMES F. MILLS James F. Mills has been reporting on West Hollywood and its city politics since 2006. An award-winning journalist, he finds the city enthralling and is continually astounded by how much news can come out of a city of just 35,000 people. James can be reached at jfmills777@gmail.com ANDY NICASTRO Andy Nicastro is a freelance producer, writer and graphic designer, and was the Director of Global Production for Steven Spielberg’s Shoah Foundation Holocaust documentation project from 1994 - 1999. He lives in Los Angeles with his husband, the actor Patrick Bristow. His blog, “Shortly After Takeoff,” which chronicles his recovery from crystal meth addiction, can be found at www.andynicastro.com.

It’s Time To Join

Are You Passionate About The LGBTQ Community? Become An Advertising Sales Executive for THE FIGHT! If you have outside sales experience and would like to join our team email your resume and cover letter to: mark@thefightmag.com

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Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s House Outpatient Center provides integrated treatment for individuals suffering from substance abuse and mental health conditions. We offer morning, afternoon and evening programs to fit your lifestyle. Contact us today to schedule a free assessment.

THELETTERS >> FROM OUR READERS <<

Proudly Serving the LGBT Community

ON THE RIGID Dear Editor, This is in response to Rob Smith’s commentary on monogamy (“Monogamy: The Final Frontier,” THE FIGHT Issue #45). Rob bases his views—it seems—on the rigid, Victorian heterosexual concept of marriage. One man, one woman, monogamous sexual relations until the (un)happy end. I guess that would make sense if it worked—and clearly it does not. How else would one explain the 50% divorce rate among straight married couples? We so desperately want to be accepted by our straight peers that we have lost track of who we are—and what makes us amazing. My significant other and I have been together for 10 years— and from time to time we meet other guys. We do it separately and we do not bring others into our household. We cherish our intimacy. But we also like to have new sexual experiences that we cannot provide for each other. And yes—we are safe. This is what works for us. I’m not saying it’s for everyone— but I absolutely refuse to feel “lesser than” for not adhering to outdated heterosexual practices.

2014 RAV 4

2014 PRIUS

—S. Michalski, Los Angeles, CA

HAN

ANNA NAT

BILL WEST

PLENTY OF BATTLES Dear Editor, Maybe you should think twice before printing and highlighting an observation such as the one made by Ann Rostow in the September issue which began, “I haven’t seen the new flick “Love is Strange...” (“The Rostow Report,” THE FIGHT Issue #44). She proposed that the film received an “R” rating based solely on the fact that the story was about two men in love—insinuating a plot by the MPAA to limit the number of people who would be able to see it. The film contained at least a dozen permutations of the “f” bomb. That fact alone will garner an “R” rating. The same thing happened with the use of the word in the King’s Speech, but I don’t think people cried, “Anti-British!” We have plenty of battles to fight without inventing one. Perhaps Ms. Rostow should know what she’s talking about before she puts fingers to keyboard. —Alex Kitay, via the internet

> WRITE TO THE EDITOR

Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements.

As Proud Participants In The OFF-SUNSET FAIR FESTIVAL, Anna and Bill would like to warmly thank all the attendees who approached our booth and inquired about our services. Please call and ask for one of us for more information on our Special Pride Offers! TOYOTA BOARD OF GOVERNOR'S AWARD Toyota of Glendale is one of only 60 locations in the country to win this prestigious award given for demonstrating outstanding customer service and sales.

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THETALK >> W H AT T H E Y ’ R E S AY I N G <<

adopting their then two-yearold daughter in May 2012, and Rhoades giving birth to their son that same month.

MIKE HUCKABEE

I AM UTTERLY

“I am utterly exasperated with Republicans and the so-called leadership of the Republicans who have abdicated on this issue.” —Former presidential aspirant Mike Huckabee in a radio interview threatening to quit the Republican Party, lamenting the fact that the party isn’t strong enough in its opposition to marriage equality.

TIM COOK DEREK HOUGH

GREATEST GIFTS

I WAS BULLIED

“I was bullied as a young boy… They would tie my ankles up with a very rough rope and hang me in a tree upside down, spit on me and call me names, even hold a gun to my head… I didn’t tell anybody—my parents or teachers or friends or sisters… I know now that the worst thing you can do is suffer in silence.” —“Dancing With the Stars” pro Derek Hough at The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) Gala in Beverly Hills last month. Hough received the organization’s Inspiration Award.

“Let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me.” —Apple CEO Tim Cook coming out in an essay in Bloomberg Businessweek, last month.

SHIA LABEOUF

PARTY RIGHT

“I gave him a slap on the ass because I think he deserves it... He’s seducing me—I mean, he’s the sexiest man I’ve ever seen ... I grabbed a whole cheek because I wanted the party right here in my pants.” —Newly sober actor Shia LaBeouf on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” jokingly blaming Alan Cumming’s leather pants and “a whole lot of whiskey” for being arrested in June after disrupting a performance of Cabaret at Broadway’s Studio 54.

JILLIAN MICHAELS

WE’RE FRIENDS DARREN YOUNG

THOSE TEARS

“Right after I came out, this kid from L.A. approached me at Summer Slam... with tears in his eyes... He was really emotional, but then he said how much he respected my decision to come out. I knew what those tears were about.” —Out WWE Star Darren Young in an interview with The Advocate.

JIM FERLO

GET OVER IT “I’m gay... I never felt I had to wear a billboard on my forehead, but I’m gay. Get over it. I love it, it’s a great life.” —Pennsylvania’s State Senate Democrat Jim Ferlo publicly coming out during a press conference highlighting the need for inclusive statewide hate-crimes legislation.

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“The ‘gay’ thing has always been hard for me … When Heidi and I are out and somebody older asks, ‘Are you sisters?’ I say, ‘We’re friends.’ … Look, I wish I had some strapping football player husband. It would be such a dream to be ‘normal’ like that, but I’m just not.” —Former “The Biggest Loser” trainer Jillian Michaels in an interview with Health magazine, revealing that she is still not comfortable with being gay. Michaels shares two children with her wife Heidi Rhoades.

STEPHEN COLBERT

NAKED DUDE “Listen up Pope Fabulous The First, the Lord is perfectly clear on the gays. The first time he saw a naked dude running around, he ripped out his rib and forced him have sex with a woman.” —Fake right-winger Stephen Colbert on the recently released Vatican document stating that it will take a more welcoming stance on gay people.

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THESTATE >> G AY PA N I C <<

SUSAN BONILLA

STATE BANS “GAY PANIC” DEFENSE

Assemblywoman Susan Bonilla (D-Concord): “Such defenses legitimize violence against LGBT people.” BY VICTO R MELA MED

alifornia Governor Jerry Brown has signed legislation that prohibits the so-called "gay panic" defense from being used to escape murder charges. Current state law allows murder charges to be reduced to manslaughter if the killings happened in a sudden quarrel or in the heat of passion. But under the bill, approved by the Assembly, defendants would be barred from using their victims' sexual orientation or gender identity to support such a defense. The bill's sponsor, Assemblywoman Susan Bonilla (D-Concord), says such defenses legitimize violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. "There is absolutely no justification for the use of 'panic defenses,'" Bonilla said in a statement last month. "Clearly this tactic has been utilized by defendants, unjustly targeting members of the LGBT community, based on damaging stereotypes. With AB 2501, we are moving forward to ensure equality in our courts and making it very clear that discrimination against the LGBT community is intolerable and unacceptable." In the past, reports The Advocate, defendants in murder cases were often able to argue their way to the lesser charge of manslaughter if the killings happened during a "sudden quarrel" or in the "heat of passion," which frequently saw defendants claiming they were so shocked to learn that their victim was gay or trans that they had no other recourse besides violence. The new law clearly outlines that a defendant's discomfort with, surprise at, or fear of a victim's sexual orientation or gender identity may not be used as a legal defense to justify the assault. The American Bar Association last year urged governments to curtail the use of panic defenses, saying such defenses represent "the notion that LGBT lives are worth less than other lives." n NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 15

THECITY >> BY PAULO MURILLO <<

The proposed design of the AIDS Monument is a field of 341 vertical strands on a raised platform between the park and San Vicente Boulevard through which people can walk and reflect.

AIDS WALK RAISES OVER 2 MILLION

O JEREMIAH CLARK

PALM SPRINGS PRIDE CELEBRATION

ightlife fashion icon Amanda Lapore will not only strike a statuesque pose as this year’s celebrity Grand Marshal at the Greater Palms Springs Pride parade, but she is also scheduled to perform alongside a lineup of entertainers throughout the weekend, like The Psychedelic Furs, Frankmusik, Steed Lord, Scavenger Hunt, Jeremiah Clark and Aiden James. The 28th Anniversary of Palm Springs Pride weekend takes place November 7-9. The theme this year is “I am Pride: Stonewall 45” in celebration of equality, freedom and diversity in the LGBT community. For more info visit pspride.org.

ANIYA “RAY” PARKER

Anyone with information about this incident is urged to contact the Los Angeles Police Department at (877) LAPD-24-7.

AIDS MONUMENT COMING SOON TO WEHO PARK

ustralian designer Daniel Tobin was chosen to build an historical AIDS monument at West Hollywood Park during a WeHo council meeting last month. Tobin has been personally dedicated to the project as an openly HIV positive man.

TRANS WOMAN FATALLY SHOT IN HOLLYWOOD

os Angeles Councilmember Mitch O’Farrell and the LAPD have announced a $50,000 reward for leads to an arrest for the murder of Aniya “Ray” Parker, a 47 year-old trans woman, who was fatally shot on Melrose Avenue in

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ZORAIDA “ALE” REYES

SUSPECT ARRESTED IN MURDER TRANS ACTIVIST

olice have made an arrest in connection with the June death of 28-year-old transgender activist Zoraida “Ale” Reyes in Anaheim, reports The Advocate. Police arrested 38-yearold Randy Lee Parkerson of Anaheim four months after Reyes’s body was found behind an Anaheim Dairy Queen. Parkerson was booked into an Anaheim detention facility on suspicion of murder and is being held on a $1 million bail.

ver 25,000 people participated in the 30th Annual AIDS Walk Los Angeles this year. The 10 kilometers walk through West Hollywood and Los Angeles raised $2.26 million to benefit AIDS Project Los Angeles and more than 20 other Los Angeles County-based AIDS service organizations. Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti and West Hollywood Mayor John D’Amico were joined by singer Paula Abdul, “The Price is Right” host Drew Carey, “Glee” star Alex Newell, and others at this year’s fundraiser. For more information, visit www.aidswalk.net/losangeles.

WEHO SOBER NEW YEARS EVE PARTY

#BOOM!

—an alcohol and drug free New Year’s Eve experience is back at the city of West Hollywood. This year’s theme, “A Mid-Winter’s Night Fantasy,” promises to be bigger and better. The event is set for Wednesday, December 31, from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. at the West Hollywood Park auditorium. There will be live entertainment, dancing, a photo booth, and interactive activities with finger foods and a dessert bar. For up to date information, like the West Hollywood page on Facebook at facebook.com/ WEHOPROJECT and follow them on twitter @WeHoBOOM. To volunteer or donate muchneeded funds, contact Robert Gamboa at 323.212.5352 or rgamboa@publicstrategies.org.

PHOTO BY PAULO MURILLO

East Hollywood last month. Investigators are looking for three or four Hispanic male suspects in their 20s and they are seeking to speak with a person who was walking with Parker just before she was shot.

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Together We Are Common Ground

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> > N AT I O N A L A D O P T I O N AWA R E N E S S M O N T H < <

Recently RaiseAChild.US released the following facts—supported by academic research and surveys—about LGBT parents.

Over 65,000 adopted children and 14,000 foster children in the U.S. are being raised in homes headed by nonheterosexual individuals or couples.

Foster kids do equally well when adopted by gay, lesbian or heterosexual parents.

Same-sex couples raising adopted children are older, more educated, and have more economic resources than other adoptive parents.

Public support for allowing gays and lesbians to adopt children has steadily increased. While in 1999, only 38% favored gay adoption and 57% opposed it, in July 2012 52% favor gay adoption while 42% were opposed.

5 6

Six million American children and adults have an LGBT parent.

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Lesbian, gay, and heterosexual parents bond equally well with adopted children.

Lesbian, gay or heterosexual adoptive parents raise equally well-adjusted children.

Love Makes A Family

November is recognized as National Adoption Awareness Month. RaiseAChild.US connects the LGBT community to the nation’s fostering and adoption needs. BY O RLY LYO N N E

aiseAChild.US is a non-profit organization that educates and encourages the LGBT community to build families through fostering and adoption to answer the needs of the 400,000 children in our nation’s foster care system. The organization works in partnership with the Human Rights Campaign’s “All Children—All Families” Initiative. The public and private foster and adoption agencies they work with have achieved the ACAF Seal of Recognition for completion of LGBT cultural competence training and are fully welcoming of LGBT individuals and families.

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Adoptive parents’ ability to work cooperatively with each other is more important than sexual orientation in raising children with fewer behavior problems.

Lesbian and gay couples adopt transracially more often than heterosexual couples; transracial adoptions also occur more often among interracial rather than same-race couples. 250,000 children enter the U.S. foster care system every year, reports RaiseAChild.US. Chances for permanent placement drop drastically for children ages 5+, siblings, children of color, and for self-identified LGBT youth. Simply put, there are not enough parents to care for all of the children in the U.S. foster care system. Every leading child welfare organization concludes that successful families come in a variety of configurations. Research supports equality. Together, states RaiseAChild.US, we can decrease the number of children in the system, by increasing the number of qualified prospective parents. You can make a difference. For more info please visit: RaiseAChild.US

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Blow

The Whistle On HATE “OUT for Safe Schools” tackles bullying in Los Angeles. BY VICTO R MELA MED

he Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD), in partnership with GLAAD, and the LA LGBT Center’s Project SPIN, has announced this year’s “OUT for Safe Schools” campaign to promote safety for all students, including those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT).

This year’s focus is P.E. classes and sports activities where LGBT-related slurs, hazing and bullying can most often take place on a campus. Coaches will now be trained to address and intervene in those types of incidents. Lanyards and whistles will be provided to all athletic coaches to help blow the whistle on hate and create safe sports activities at schools. “LAUSD athletics believes that our coaches and student athletes should blow the whistle on hate. Our coaches are role models and mentors for thousands of young men and women on our campuses participating in sports”, said Trenton Cornelius LAUSD coordinator of Interscholastic Athletics. “The student athletes often set the climate on campuses due to their high profile and we believe this group will play a major role in eliminating hate and bullying on our campuses.” According to a national climate survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) over a quarter of LGBT student-athletes reported having been harassed or assaulted while playing on a school sports team because of their sexual orientation or gender expression. n

Over a quarter of LGBT student-athletes reported having been harassed or assaulted while playing on a school sports team.

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THEROSTOWREPORT >> BY ANN ROSTOW <<

opened some Champagne anyway, because at my house, we have a very low bar for Champagne popping moments. Today, for example, we’re celebrating Tuesday. (I just found out!)

BAD STATES AND SAD STATES

S Jimmy Carter recently announced that he thinks states should be allowed to devise their own marriage policy. I know he’s considered a great ex-President, but I think he should stick to building houses and making inappropriate comments about Middle East politics. WELCOME NEWCOMERS TO SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

here to start? When last we met just a month ago, marriage was legal in 19 states. Now, as October draws to a close, marriage is legal in 32 states, and another three states are fighting a lost battle to escape binding appellate court rulings. Those, for the record, are Kansas, Montana and South Carolina, where marriage bans can no longer survive legal review, but where officials are still pledging to “defend state law.” It’s just a matter of days really before judges in those three states slam down the gavel on these charades. The U.S. Supreme Court and our very own U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit delivered a one-two knockout punch a few weeks back. First, the Supremes stunned lawyers around the country on October 6 by declining to review legal opinions that effectively legalized marriage rights in 11 states. A day later, the Ninth Circuit delivered own its ruling, opening the door to equality in an additional five states. With the exception of the three recalcitrant grandstanders mentioned above, all of these newcomers to same-sex marriage have followed the rule of law and bowed to the courts. It’s not the Champagne popping moment we’d all enjoy if we won a national ruling from the High Court, but it’s close. And I

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o, how about those other 15 states, you’re wondering? As you may know, we are waiting on the Sixth Circuit for a decision that will cover Ohio, Michigan, Tennessee and Kentucky. That could come any day now, and it’s increasingly difficult to predict the outcome. If we lose, the High Court must intervene in order to resolve the constitutional principles at stake. Really? Listen, at this point I hardly trust myself to anticipate anything this Court might do, or not do. I was the one assuring all my readers that the Court had “no choice” but to accept review of at least one of the marriage cases that they were considering late last month. I was wrong, and I was in good company—namely ninety-nine percent of the rest of the cohort that sits around fantasizing about the Supreme Court’s shenanigans. So could the justices just sit on their hands if the Sixth Circuit breaks with all the other appellate courts and upholds “traditional” marriage? Could I possibly be wrong again? Nah. As for the Fifth Circuit, they have just announced that oral arguments in the parallel cases out of Texas and Louisiana will be heard in the first week of January. Mississippi’s fate also hangs in the balance, as the College Football State falls under the Fifth’s jurisdiction. Then we have the Eleventh Circuit (Florida, Georgia and Alabama) and the Eighth, which covers the last five non-marriage states (Arkansas, Missouri, Nebraska and the Dakotas).

The Eleventh has a case pending from Florida, where we won an equality victory last August. But Florida also has a state case that could conceivably beat the federal appellate court to a decision. Arkansas also has a state case pending a ruling by the Razor Back Supremes. And though marriage cases continue at the federal district court level in other Eighth Circuit states, there are no decisions on appeal yet. I should add that Missouri has carved out a special niche by refusing to appeal a federal court that ordered the Slave State to recognize marriages from elsewhere.

THAT’S SO STRAIGHT! AD PLACEMENT MISHAP

arriage marriage marriage. Who cares! Oh, of course we care. We’re just a little tired. So here’s something I thought I’d mention. The other day I noticed a full page ad in the New York Times from GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) urging people to stop using the word “gay” in a pejorative context. The ad is part of a multimedia campaign, sponsored as a public service by the Advertising Council, aimed to call attention to bullying and name calling. I think it’s great. I only wonder why the ad was placed on the inside back page of the Sunday Business Section. Seriously? Who reads that? I’m a devoted Times reader, but I would only read the business section if a) I had already read every other Sunday section, which is a time-consuming exercise, and b) if I had nothing better to do than read every single page of the Sunday New York Times, which suggests an alarming dearth of imagination.

> > S A M E - S E X M A R R I A G E , S T A T E S , A D M I S H A P, S H E P A R D & P A R K S , U N R U H I R O N Y < <

Those two criteria were indeed both met a few Sundays ago when I stumbled upon the ad, but who else would have seen it? A couple of CEOs and some MBA students?

THE MATTHEW SHEPARD ROSA PARKS CONNECTION

o let’s see here. It’s Chevy Truck Month for the tenth time this year. I know I must have mentioned this bete noire previously, but how can these people get away with this irritating advertising ploy? Jimmy Carter recently announced that he thinks states should be allowed to devise their own marriage policy. I know he’s considered a great ex-President, but I think he should stick to building houses and making inappropriate

comments about Middle East politics. I’ve recently learned of a 2013 account of the Matthew Shepard murder called The Book of Matt, which goes into detail about meth use and other things that don’t fit neatly into our understanding of the crime. I haven’t read the book, but I understand it was written by a gay guy, who spent 13 years researching the case and interviewed over 100 people. Many members of our community are outraged at the suggestion that Shepard was anything short of an angelic victim of gay bashers, and the subject just came up again thanks to an article in the Guardian. But really. The murder of Matthew Shepard was a tragedy regardless of the killers’ motives. And the outcry over hate crimes that it provoked

was righteous passion regardless of whether or not other factors came into play. Don’t you think? You don’t? The iconic Rosa Parks was coming home from a hard day at work and just decided she had had it up to here with sitting on the back of the bus. In fact, Parks was a civil rights activist who deliberately served as a catalyst. Do you respect her any less?

UNRUH IRONY: ONE STRAIGHT COUPLE’S INTERVENTION Oh, there’s tons more marriage bits and pieces, but I was struck by a motion to a federal court in Kansas, where a straight married couple would like to intervene in a marriage case. Ignoring federal procedure for the moment

(which says you can’t intervene in litigation just because you have an opinion on the matter) this couple has done what right wing attorneys have not been able to achieve. They have put their finger on the real reason for the opposition to same-sex marriage, and I paraphrase: If gay men and lesbians can call themselves married, we will no longer be happy using the same word to describe our relationship. That’s it in a nutshell! It’s my word and I don’t want anyone else to use it without my permission. That’s what it’s always been about and unfortunately for the couple in question and others of their ilk, it does not pass constitutional muster. In a further irony, the couple’s name is Unruh, the eponym of civil rights in California. n

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Last Reminder

>> BY ANN ROSTOW <<

Critically acclaimed Palm Springs Pride headliner Aiden James on playing live in L.A., natural disasters and why an artists’ sexuality should be secondary to their art.

BY BREN D E N SHUCART | PHOTO BY NEAL SANTOS

cruffy, adorable, with a luminous presence and a voice as warm and clear as a bell—Aiden James stands out from the crowd. There is the hopeful eagerness of the true romantic about him, underlined by vulnerability that inspires a protective impulse, but his body possesses a compact power and unexpected grace. Not to mention a powerful sense of determination. The younger of two children in a struggling, working-class family, (“We were so poor growing up I was always worried that our pieced together car was gonna blow up,” he recently confessed on Twitter), James grew up in Aston, PA, a small, lower middle-class community on the outskirts of Philadelphia where 2 4 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

he once told an interviewer “becoming something other than ordinary was not celebrated or encouraged.” “I learned early on in my career that in order to make a living in the music industry I’d need to get out of Philly... That pushed me to start touring early on. There isn’t really a music scene here and you certainly can’t make a living just playing your hometown. I love touring and playing live. If anything I believe that has influenced my life more than Philadelphia itself.” In fact one is much more likely to find James on the road than at his home in Philadelphia’s historic Rittenhouse Square. He is constantly on tour, playing 50-80 shows a year to packed houses from Provincetown to the Hotel Cafe here in Los Angeles.

“I love playing at that club, it’s shiny and has a great intimate experience for the listener. Strangely enough something always goes awry when I play there, natural disasters for instance—in March there was an earthquake and before sound check the front room had a pipe leak pooling water everywhere.” But despite the occasional performance related hiccup, James clearly has a very strong connection to the City of Angels. L.A. not only consistently turns out some of his biggest crowds (“Kinda floored about that,” he humbly confides.) it is also the subject of one of James’s most popular songs, “Winter in Los Angeles,” a bittersweet portrait of December in the City of Angels. It is James at his best, employing his ample

>> AIDEN JAMES <<

storytelling skills to paint a lyrical picture of the displacement shared by many fledgling Angelenos.

MASTERY OF HIS CRAFT James graces the Golden State once again on November 9 for Palm Springs Pride. Those who have never seen him perform might expect to be treated to a level of quality not always encountered at LGBT festivals. “I never use a prerecorded track, ever; I’ve found many acts at Prides do. Everything that the audience hears I’m performing live, playing guitars, my mini iPhone keyboard, engaging effects on the fly—delays, double or harmonies to my vocal—or hitting my synthesizer for a song. I have a pretty dynamic sound that isn’t just a guy with a guitar... I design and mix my own sound creating a “scape” for the listener. I started doing that about 2 years ago after getting some really bad sound-men that would just wanna not pay attention to the board or were just drunk. So I took control of my sound because I wanted to create a congruent experience for the listener and represent myself the best I know how. Big label acts do this also on tour, but they have a team of people doing it for them at the board. I do it by myself with a series of pedals at my feet.” Pride-goers will also get to hear James’s new single, “Last Reminder,” a sweeping and urgent tune that speaks to James’ mastery of his craft, both instrumentally and as a producer—and the influence of one particular artist. “I’m a big Imogen Heap fan. She writes, engineers, produces and mixes her own music and can slay it live. I resonate with her because I also write, engineer, produce, perform and mix my records.” Another important influence for James is Whitney Houston, whose death had a profound impact—not only did they share a birthday, but James had a special connection to her hit “I Wanna Dance with Somebody,” dating back to his earliest years. “When I was young I spent a lot of time in my aunt’s hair shop. It was like my daycare I suppose... The shop radio was always on and when this one song would come on I would grab a hair brush, run to the back where the shampoo bowls were and sing my heart out along with this tune, putting on a show for all the old ladies. Flash-forward the night of the Grammys, I was driving back to Philadelphia to do a

live radio stop on 88.5 WXPN FM / NPR and got news of her passing. It was real to me because I had an attachment to the song and this certain diva. That night on the radio I did this song live and got a huge response.” James recorded the cover and released it on the day they share—it quickly became James’s most popular song on iTunes.

THE WISTFUL CONFESSION Growing up, James had no formal musical training beyond a brief stint in chorus and a Muppet Babies keyboard he had when he was very young. Now James plays 11 instruments—all self taught—and he has recorded and released three studio albums on his own label, Songster Sounds.

“It’s important to be open and honest about who you are in all aspects of your life ... [however] it’s sometimes exhausting that the word ‘out’ or ‘gay’ needs to be in front of an artist/performer/musician. Just let the songs stand for themselves.”

James released his first album, the very raw and honest “Have You Ever,” in 2006 with the financial backing of executive producer Patrick Farley. Lauded by critics at the time, it’s mostly folk and gospel inspired (the influence of artists like Patty Griffin and Tracy Chapman are readily apparent) and dealing very explicitly with queer issues and situations. Four years later and James released On the Run, this time without any financial support, scraping together the necessary lucre through live performances and crowd funding. It is definitely a breakup album— woven through with more than a little bitterness, heartache, and betrayal-and far more country than folk, with hints of pop sensibility peeking through. In fact much of it (“Mifflin County” & “My Oh My” for instance) wouldn’t sound out of place

emanating from the radio of a pickup truck in Nashville. In “Satellites” James echoes Garth Brooks at his best while “Back in the Day” is a bittersweet remembrance of a working class childhood that hints at the songs of Bobbie Gentry. It’s less explicitly gay than its predecessor and the songs embrace a more universal tone. His third album, Trouble with This, feels less personal than the records that came before it-perhaps deliberately so. “Trouble with This” is explicitly pop with some country elements but almost none of the folk that heralded James’ early career. It overflows with optimism right from the opening track; “Best Shot” vibrates with the eager excitement born of fresh possibilities; “Hurry Hurry” thrums with breathless anticipation for a lover; and “On My Sleeve” is the wistful confession of an earnest lover of love. It was 100% fan funded and debuted at #28 on iTunes, a victory-James expressed in a subsequent interview-shared by the whole LGBT community. “I feel that I won that day. It kinda gave hate a

really big slap in the face and I think we all won that day.” Yet at the same time, James feels that an artists’ sexuality should be secondary to their art. “It’s important to be open and honest about who you are in all aspects of your life. That’s how you live as an authentic person but I feel people dwell on that fact when it’s sort of just a passing thought for me. ‘Oh gay? Cool. Okay. what else?’ It’s sometimes exhausting that the word ‘out’ or ‘gay’ needs to be in front of an artist/performer/musician. Just let the songs stand for themselves.” Fans of Aiden James can look forward to a new live album he hopes to release before the end of the year, and new material in 2015. But if you want some immediate gratification, be sure to check out James’ hard to find first album, “Have You Ever” at: mp3va.com/ aiden-james-have-you-ever-r25944 And be sure to see Aiden James live, Sunday November 9, 12:45 pm on the US Bank Stage at Palm Springs Pride. For more about Aiden James visit aidenjamesmusic.com. NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 25

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THAT THING CALLED HOPE BY ANDY NICASTRO

6 T H E F I GH T | www.thefightmag.com

T G D E

>> ADDICTION, DEPRESSION AND DUAL DIAGNOSIS <<

Battling mental illness and addiction: Andy Nicastro’s powerful, excruciatingly honest, gut wrenching life story. Depression, dual diagnosis and how psychiatric medication saved his life.

BY ANDY NICASTRO

understand is that often, suicide feels he first time I attempted suimore like a selfless act to those who are cide I was eleven years old. contemplating it. We who have witnessed I took a swig from a bottle the constant stress and anguish our of Mr. Clean, scrambled under depression has foisted onto the lives of my bed with my mother in our loved ones often believe, whilst in the pursuit, and refused to come out despite deepest of our despair, that removing ourthe intense burning in my throat. My selves from this thing called life could only uncle, who lived next door, was called benefit those who suffer because of us. A over and forcibly retrieved me, kicking and couple of years of grief, I would think, and screaming. Obviously, I did not die, only then my loved ones could move on with scorched my esophagus a bit. life without the constant worry, anxiety The last time I attempted suicide was in and grief I was causing them. They’d be 2009. I swallowed every pill in our house, devastated for a while, of course, but ate a large quantity of crystal meth, and could then finally begin to get on with their washed it down with a bottle of some kind own lives. Suicide often felt like the kindof alcohol. My husband returned home, est thing I could do for them. found me in our bed covered in blood and vomit, and called the paramedics who FEELINGS OF DESPAIR arrived in time to get me to a hospital, where I awakened hours later with a tube During most of my 13-year battle with down my throat and my thighs coated addiction, I felt hopeless far more than I with a mixture of shit and the charcoal that ever felt hopeful. I would do what was had been pumped into my stomsuggested in my program of ach to absorb the poisons. recovery, following direcThere were, between “Suicide tion to the letter: being these two attempts, of service, going to is such a selfish quite a few othrecovery meetact,” say callous cunts ers...some closer ings, working to successful the program all over the internet, than others. that was precompletely unaware of the Bags over my scribed and head, GHB or that would, it pain living in such unrelenting crystal meth was claimed, darkness engenders. What they ingested in set me on a mass quantiroad to happy don’t understand is that often, ties, and one destiny. And suicide feels more like a lame attempt init would work, volving a wooden for a while. I’d selfless act to those who gazebo beam and feel something are contemplating it. a too-stretchy extenlike hope, if not sion cord. hope exactly. Perhaps The truth, however, is it was just hope that I that I never really wanted to die, might eventually feel that thing exactly. I just didn’t want to go on living. called hope. No matter how hard I threw myself into A SELFLESS ACT recovery, no matter how hard I worked (particularly during the last two years, “Suicide is such a selfish act,” say calwhen I submitted to recovery with a fierce lous cunts all over the internet, completely determination), I could not sustain any kind unaware of the pain living in such unrelentof joy. One day, I’d be feeling that thing ing darkness engenders. What they don’t

close to hope, I’d be helping other addicts, I’d be praying my ass off, and I’d go to bed thinking that tomorrow would be even better if I continued doing what I was doing. Then, out of the blue, I’d wake up with those feelings of despair washing over me, almost unable to get out of bed. I’d lie there, trying to figure out what had changed during the brief eight hours I’d been sleeping, and couldn’t find anything that could account for this sudden re-immersion in misery. And the suicidal ideation would return, stronger than ever. I’d plan out my demise, carefully: a trip to Target to purchase a helium container in their party section, then a trip to Home Depot for plastic bags, zip ties and rubber tubing. Then, thoughts of my mother, of my husband, and the pain my death would cause them would force me to push those feelings aside, at least temporarily. I’d get a better idea: crystal meth. And it almost always worked, at least in the short term, before the insanity of that drug would send me spinning into the abyss of paranoia and delusion. So, as ludicrous as this statement might sound, I honestly believed crystal meth saved my life countless times. Of course, it progressively diminished the quality of my life in the process, but it did short-circuit the “kill myself now “ impulse rather effectively.

THE SHADOW PEOPLE Six months ago, I finally found a therapist and a psychiatrist who actually listened to me, which can be a rare thing in this age of candy-dispensing, throweverything-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks brain pharmacology. After a full hour of listening to my personal history, my psychiatrist announced, “you are clearly bi-polar, type one. Sometimes it’s difficult to diagnose, but in your case, it’s pretty obvious.” I suppose that non-bipolar people don’t attempt suicide at age 11, and at least once every five years for the next 39 years. Non-bipolar people don’t, I’ve learned, hallucinate even without the assistance of drugs. Non-bipolar folk don’t necessarily work for three days straight without sleeping (I’d assumed I simply had an amazing work ethic.) I was put on a medication called Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, and within a week my life began to change. I could think clearly. I slept deeply, my brain’s chronic mania reduced to a tolerable NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 29

> > P S Y C H I AT R I C M E D I C AT I O N < <

a victim of mental illness. That he was also in recovery, and that I have frequently been mistaken for this comedy legend (I don’t see a resemblance, personally) only makes this news so much harder to bear. It also resurrects a feeling of anger I’ve been harboring regarding the rooms of recovery. For years, I’ve heard recovered addicts and alcoholics (primarily old-timers, or members of more regimented groups), state from podiums that psychiatric medications should be considered a relapse. “I don’t take ANYTHING that affects me from the neck up,” they pontificate with cocksure pride in their ability to live a perfectly happy life, any psychological problems they may be facing cured miraculously by the MAGNIFYING THE STIGMA wonders of their recovery program. Fuck you, I say. Fuck you hard, you Because I’m not constantly battling fucking fuckers. mania or depression, I’ve been able to This kind of talk is not only work a consistent program of dangerous, it can be recovery. And it’s been My construed as attempted stunningly easy. I used to murder in my book. look at other alcoholics psychiatric Too many people... and addicts who had medications do not in recovery and acquired significant supplant my program of out....already sober time and think, “how the recovery, they simply make fear the stigma of mental illfuck do you do it possible for me to work ness, and resist that?” Now I diagnosis. understand how. that program that also Magnifying “When someone saves my life on a daily that stigma by adis happy“ says vising impressionmy therapist (THE basis. It levels able newcomers in AMAZING LARRY S. the playing field recovery not to take HYMES, MFT), “they psychiatric medication don’t feel the need to use for me. if needed is deadly hubris, drugs.” Yes, it turns out, it and I don’t doubt that these arcan be that simple sometimes. rogant—if well-meaning—program purists Today, I read that Robin Williams commithave been the cause of innumerable suited suicide by asphyxiation, the method I cides during the course of the many years held in reserve for my next attempt should it the recovery program I use has existed. become necessary. I am heartbroken. Anyone who advocates against psychiatA man who has brought so much light, ric medication in recovery has clearly never love and laughter into the world is gone, level. I no longer flew into rages over perceived slights or minor inconveniences. Best of all, I no longer saw the shadow people who had been a part of my life since childhood, and became omnipresent and terrifying when crystal meth entered my bloodstream. Calm. I have moments of pure calm, and I have not woken up to debilitating despair once in the past six months. I still feel sadness, when appropriate, and great joy when also appropriate. But the constant back-and-forth, up-and-down patterns I’d been dealing with for as long as I can remember seem to be a thing of the past, and for the first time in my entire life I know what that thing called hope feels like.

3 0 T H E F I GH T | www.thefightmag.com

experienced the utter black hopelessness of real depression. I’m sure they’ve felt deep sadness at times, but that is a very different experience, and without having been in that inexplicable pit of despair they have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about. I don’t know if Robin Williams relapsed before deciding to end his life, I don’t know if it was depression alone that caused him to act, and I don’t know if... as a long-time member of the a certain recovery community—he subscribed to the “no psych meds” bullshit edict. But if this hilarious, troubled, talented human being WAS told that psych meds constituted a relapse, someone, somewhere... perhaps multiple someones... have blood on their hands.

SAVING LIVES My program is one that emphasizes compassion, love and tolerance of others. I try to be kind to everyone, I see myself in every other struggling alcoholic and addict, and I help to the best of my ability. However, the next time I hear someone share the antipsych med position from a podium, I will not remain silent. My share that will follow will be direct, it will be blistering, and it will contain the phrase “attempted murder.” I’ve lost too many friends to suicide in the last few years to tolerate this bullshit anymore. If you’re a fellow traveler in the rooms of recovery, and if you disagree with me, at least consider yourself warned. Unless you are a psychiatrist, unless you’ve been diagnosed with a mental illness, you have no right to advise others to avoid life-saving medications, just as anyone without a uterus has no right to voice an opinion on the use of birth control pills to someone who is using them. My psychiatric medications do not supplant my program of recovery, they simply make it possible for me to work that program that also saves my life on a daily basis. It levels the playing field for me. Because I still see so much shame regarding mental illness of any kind, I wear my dualdiagnosis (addiction and mental illness) status with pride in the rooms of recovery. Stigma kills. Psychiatric medication saves lives. Happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life, I’m living proof of that. My name is Andy Nicastro, and I’m a bipolar alcoholic and crystal meth addict. Thank you for letting me share. Andy Nicastro’s blog, “Shortly After Takeoff,” which chronicles his recovery from crystal meth addiction, can be found at www.andynicastro.com.

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>> BY ANN ROSTOW <<

Losing

KATE

“It’s been long and brutal and full of a lot of tears and angst and it’s finally coming to a close.” Kate von Roeder, a 27-year-old local transgender woman, ended her life on Oct. 1. BY JAMES MILLS

ith the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance coming up this month on Nov. 20, the transgender community and their supporters will gather to honor those who have died due to violence against transgender people. While the majority of names read aloud during the ceremony died at the hands of others, at least one person died at her own hand. Twenty-seven year old, Colorado native Kate von Roeder, a transgender woman who worked as a software engineer at Talenthouse in West Hollywood, ended her life on Oct. 1. A lover of gaming and poker, von Roeder had just started the job in late February, according to her Facebook page. In her suicide note, which she posted on Facebook, she announced she had purchased a shotgun and had been planning her suicide for some time. “It’s been long and brutal and full of a lot of tears and angst and it’s finally coming to a close,” read her Facebook posting. “10 days ago I purchased a shotgun and today, after the required California waiting period, I picked up that shotgun. A few of you have seen me offer up countdowns and references to October 1st at around noon; that was my nod towards this outcome.” The suicide posting, which mentioned she had suffered from depression for 19 years, explained that transitioning from male to female was a daunting struggle. 3 2 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

“I shouldn’t have done it,” she said of transitioning. “Not because I’m not trans, but because I didn’t have a fraction of the personal strength to succeed at it, unlike some of the amazing trans people I’ve been privileged to know.” She mentioned physical struggles of heat sensitivity and recent hair loss as well as “mental pain,” saying “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.” Von Roeder said she was scared to kill herself, but she hoped it offered something better. “It beats living day after day trapped in my own misery,” she wrote. “It beats being exhausted... All the time.” Friends reading her Facebook post pleaded with her not to do it, but by the time they were seeing it, she was already gone. They contacted the police who went to her home, the address found from records for the gun permit, and confirmed her death. Von Roeder’s Facebook posting has been shared 730 times, people around the world who never even knew her, mourning her tragedy. Her suicide also highlights a fact that while gays and lesbians are three times more like to attempt suicide than their straight counterparts, transgender people have an even higher rate of suicide attempts. A recent study by the Williams Institute, an LGBT think tank at UCLA’s School of Law, reveals that 42 percent of transgender women and 46 percent of transgender men have attempted suicide. That rate jumps to 50 percent for people who disclose to everyone around them that they are transgender, rather than just close friends and family. Gina Bigham, a transgender woman working as a coordinator for transgender services at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, acknowledges that transitioning to the opposite sex is an awkward, confusing time. “It’s like a second puberty,” says Bigham. “You go through so many emotional changes as well as physical changes. It’s quite dramatic.” The process can be especially frustrating for those transitioning from male to female. While transgender men take testosterone and can begin seeing facial hair develop in just a few months, transgender woman have a much longer process because they are taking female hormones as well as drugs to suppress the testosterone naturally occurring in their bodies. “You’re not seeing the results you want as fast as you want,” says Bigham. “Your

> > K AT E V O N R O E D E R < <

body is reshaping itself and that can be a years ago. But we will make it.” slow process. You’re almost predisposed On a personal level, she says finding to depression while transitioning.” support is essential for living as a transAdding to the potential depression are gender person. Gina Bigham, the fantasies and expectations people “You can’t do this alone. Support from a coordinator for have about how much better their lives other people in the community is by far will be once they transition. the number one thing that is going to transgender services at the “We can build a ‘pretty picture,’ in get you through this,” says Bigham. Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian our mind of how great things will be,” “And I’m not talking about on-line says Bigham. “It’s only natural, but Center: “You can’t do this alone. support. I’m talking about face-to-face, those fantasies can lead to disappointhuman contact. There’s something to Support from other people in ment. If someone has this vision in be said for human interaction and bethe community is by far the their head that they’re going to take ing able to meet people who are going these hormones and wake up the next through the same thing you’re going number one thing that morning and look like Marilyn Monroe, through. When you know someone has is going to get you how can they not be disappointed?” your back, someone who understands, The Williams Institute study also shows it takes the edge off of so many things, it through this.” that experiencing physical and sexual becomes less daunting.” violence increases a transgender person’s likelihood of attempting suicide. Some 78 The LA Gay and Lesbian Center holds weekly percent of the survey respondents who transgender support group meetings (generally change as transgender visibility increases suffered violence at school reported suicide five to ten people meeting over a 12-week peand more transgender people demand attempts, as did 65 percent of respondents riod) and also sponsors a drop-in transgender their rights. who experienced violence at work. social networking group called “Transgender “We’ve got a struggle ahead to achieve Greater risk of violence and discriminaPerceptions” which meets on Friday nights. For equality,” she says. “We’re about the tion is a reality transgender people face more info on these groups call 323-993-7400 or same point the gay community was 30 daily, but Bingham believes that will slowly visit www.lalgbtcenter.org.

NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 33

THELAW >> GYM CONTRACTS <<

FLEXING YOUR RIGHTS Gym contracts: everything you need to know. BY D AVID H A KIMFA R

alifornia’s “Health Studio Services Contract Law” governs contracts for gyms, or “health studio services.” In fact, should you become injured by the gym’s failure to comply with the Health Studio Services Contract Law, you could file suit against the gym to recover three times the amount of resulting damages in addition to reasonable attorney’s fees. However, any failure of a gym to comply with these laws can be corrected, without penalty, within 30 days after you sign the contract, provided that the gym facilitates the correction—and you consent in writing.

RIGHT TO CANCEL In California, every gym contract with an individual must be in writing. The contract may not require payments and initiation/initial membership fees that total more than $4,400 (since January 1, 2010), not including interest or finance charges, over the contract term. The duration of the agreement may not exceed three years 3 4 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

or require payments for longer than the agreed term. Thus, a four-year written agreement would be illegal under California law and a two-year contract requiring payments for longer than two years would also be illegal. The “lifetime contracts” you may have heard about in the past are now prohibited. California law also requires the agreement contain a provision that gives you a five-day right to cancel the contract. The face of the agreement must conspicuously disclose the a specific notice, in a size equal to at least 10-point bold type, close to the place for your signature, that you may essentially cancel the agreement within 5 business days of signing and how you may go about canceling. Depending on how much total money the gym agreement obligates you to pay, you may have additional time to cancel as well. If the total value of the agreement is between $1,500 and $2,000, you have 20 days to cancel the agreement; between $2,001 and $2,500, you have 30 days to cancel; equal to or greater than $2,501 you have 45 days to cancel the contract. The agreement must provide what facilities and services the agreement entitles you to access and receive and must say at what days and hours you may access the facilities. Any facilities, services or times of access that are not described in the contract are optional services and are considered to be separate contracts. Should the facilities at the gym, such as a swimming pool or tennis court, be eliminated or substantially reduced for more than a temporary basis due to reasonable repairs or improvements, you may cancel at any time. But if the gym told you in the agreement that the equipment or classes could be changed, then you may not have the right to cancel.

MOVING AWAY You may also cancel the agreement if the contract does not allow you or your estate to cancel if you become disabled or die, and also if you move more than 25 miles from the facility. In order to cancel on the basis of disability, a physician must verify the disability. Further, the disability must be of a kind that somehow affects your capacity to use or enjoy the gym’s facilities. In the event of death, a representative may cancel the contract without further payment necessary, and a prorated portion of any amount prepaid must be refunded to the representative. You also may cancel the agreement if you move more than 25 miles from the gym and are unable to transfer the contract to a comparable facility. In this event, no further payments are required, and a prorated portion of any amount prepaid must be refunded to you. However, gyms may include in their agreement a provision that allows it to charge, or to withhold from the refund, a cancellation fee of not more than $100 (or $50 if more than half the contract life has expired). Remember, if you enter into a contract with a gym and the gym fails to comply with the Health Studio Services Law, you have the right to sue the club for three times the amount of your damages, plus attorney’s fees. You can file an action in Small Claims Court on your own behalf. Attorneys cannot appear in Small Claims Court. This remedy is in addition to remedies available if the City Attorney’s Office files a case against the business for violating the law. David Hakimfar is a trial attorney and senior partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC, and a member attorney of Pride Legal. He can be reached at 310-730-1250.

>> FIRST COMES LOVE <<

Anna & Eli, together 12 years

Milton & Hector, together 23 years

Sinjoyla & Angelisa, together 17 years

Paul & Jeff, together 13 years

Juan “Toby” & Michael, together 18 years

Ron & Marc, together 11 years

Heart Of The Matter “First Comes Love:” portraits of enduring LGBTQ relationships (Soleil Press), a new hardbound book by photographer Barbara Proud.

or years photographer Barbara Proud has been on the ground, capturing the quiet, every day moments of loving, committed same-sex couples. The culmination of her commitment to depicting their lived experiences is now hardbound and available in bookstores across the country. “First Comes Love,” which began as an exhibition of more than 70 couples in March 2009, is a celebration of love and devotion. It is a testament to the diversity and strength of the LGBT commu-

nity. It is a commemoration of the hard work of many to achieve equality for all. The book includes 65 stunning black and white images from Proud’s “First Comes Love” project, which she began in 2009 with the goal of providing a glimpse into the “everyday” lives of LGBTQ couples who have been in their relationships for 10, 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years. ”First Comes Love” is available to order at: www.firstcomeslove.org. NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 35

LEAVING

>> BY ANN ROSTOW <<

PORN

Addison Graham on making it big in Hollywood, harsh realizations and how he found his true self in the desert. BY PA U LO MU RILLO | PH OTO BY AJ FORD, WWW. AJFORDPHOTOGRAPHY. COM

ddison Graham is hardly the first porn actor to move to the relatively quiet desert town of Palm Springs after saying au revoir to the industry, but unlike most retired adult industry veterans who throw in the bath towel after long extensive careers, Graham was done with porn after only two years of working for some of the hottest production companies in the biz, like Lucas Entertainment and Randy Blue. The surprisingly shy 30-year old Colorado native moved to Los Angeles over eight years ago with dreams of making it big in Hollywood, so to speak. “I always wanted to do porn,” he tells THE FIGHT. “I would watch it and think these guys were beautiful... the fact that they were having sex in front of a camera—that turned me on.” At first, reveals Graham, he assumed that being an adult film star would be a profitable venture—however—as time 3 6 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

went by—he realized that assumptions and reality do not always mesh. “I thought if I did this that I would be able to support myself into retirement,” he says, “but as I got more and more into it, the shoots were further and further apart... I was working less frequently and the paychecks would get smaller, because I wasn’t the new kid on the block anymore. The idea is that they’ll pay big for the new guy that’s never worked before and then it just goes away.”

THE MONEY SHOT “There’s something about porn that I didn’t like ... I felt like I was being manipulated,” reveals Graham, shockingly. “I’d be on set and someone will tell me, ‘oh we need you to do this, or else we won’t pay you,’ and then if the scene doesn’t work out, then you don’t get paid. I was doing a scene and it went on for a really long time and we couldn’t finish by the cut-off time. My scene partner and me had been having

sex for hours, but because we didn’t finish by 5 o’clock, we didn’t get paid. That really opened my eyes,” states Graham. “The porn industry is always telling us that business is suffering because of piracy, but I don’t think they’re suffering as much as they say they are. It didn’t feel like there was an even playing field. It always felt like they try to make the performer feel smaller and less important.” Manipulation aside, the actual money shot didn’t seem to pay off. “The money is not nearly what I thought it would be going in,” he says. “The amount always got smaller. Like in my first film I was paid around $4,000 for a scene. And by the time it was two years later, I was getting offered $1,000 per scene, which is good because there are guys out there who are doing it for $500. Still, it’s so not worth it.” Graham hoped he’d get to travel and make club appearances, but he quickly learned that a lot of the money made by

>> ADDISON GRAHAM <<

adult film stars comes from escort services—something he was unwilling to do. “I didn’t realize in the beginning that the real money in porn is in escorting, which I never did,” he says. “I thought about it, but I never actually did it. A lot of the guys that I met who do porn are escorts also. It was really disappointing to me to figure that out, of course.”

REMAINING GRATEFUL Being a porn star also had its benefits, admits Graham. He was able to use his porn name for the greater good. “I participated in AIDS/LifeCycle and used my name to raise a little over $10,000. I could not have done that without the people I have through Twitter, which I got through porn. That was cool.” Despite the benefits, Graham reveals he knew he was done after his last porn shoot in September of this year. “The last shoot I did was great. Nothing bad happened. I did three scenes and on my last one, it was an orgy scene with four people, and I found that really exhausting. It wasn’t sexy or fun and I thought: I don’t

“I was working less frequently and the paychecks would get smaller, because I wasn’t the new kid on the block anymore. The idea is that they’ll pay big for the new guy that’s never worked before and then it just goes away.” want to do this anymore. It wasn’t getting me anywhere. I thought maybe if I stop, it will help open me up to other things.” Today, Addison Graham prefers the simple life Palm Springs has to offer, where there is less traffic, the gay community is friendlier and the job market isn’t so cutthroat.

“I work at Streetbar—it’s a great local bar. All the employees and the owners and the management—we’re kind of like a family... Right now I’m a bar back—working my way up to be a bartender. I’m lucky. The owner—Dick Haskamp—takes good care of his employees.” Graham reveals that while this interview in THE FIGHT is the first formal announcement that he’s quit the porn industry—he’s not done pursuing acting and remains grateful towards the fans of his porn persona. “There are a few fans that I keep in contact with via email and they’re really supportive about whatever I decide to do next,” he says. “I’m still doing gay erotica movies that have plenty of nudity—just no sex. I’m shooting a movie that’s being distributed by TLA video, just like I’ve done before, but right now I’m mostly focused on becoming a bartender.” “I’m not done doing things,” he adds, “but I think I’m done doing sex things.” You can follow Addison Graham’s next move on Twitter under @AddyAddicted.

We can help YOU. Our highly experienced staff and integrated approach to substance abuse treatment is more than LGBT-friendly, it is LGBT-focused and specifically designed for the LGBT community. Call now:

800-957-6237 A Sunspire Health Facility | DesertPalms.com

NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 37

JOHN PASCHAL

KURT CYR

TOMAS RAMIREZ

RICH COLBERT

BELLA DA BALL

PROUD

STEVE POUGNET

IN PALM SPRINGS In celebration of Pride this month, we asked people who live, work and play in the desert what they love most about living in Palm Springs. BY PAULO MURI LLO

STEVE PAUGNET Mayor of Palm Springs est Hollywood and Long Beach are not the only cities in SoCal with openly gay mayors. Palm Springs’ current mayor Steve Paugnet, is a member of the Democratic Party, who also happens to be gay. Pougnet is a father of two children. He and his partner Christopher Green purchased a home in Palm Springs in 1995, and became permanent residents in 2001. Paugnet is preparing for this year’s Palm Springs Pride celebration, which will be held this month in a new location—in the heart of downtown Palm Springs. “The Palm Springs Pride Parade and Festival is one the biggest and fastest growing in the United States,” he tells THE FIGHT. “I want to welcome all those in the LGBT community visiting our city for this important weekend when we celebrate our many successes—while never forgetting the continued fight for equality. When it comes to celebrating PRIDE, Palm Springs truly is like no place else. Enjoy the festivities!”

BELLA DA BALL Drag Entertainer ella Da Ball is a resident, organizer, event planner, social activist, ambassador, cruise director, promoter, plugger, entertainer, hostess, and overall leader of the pack in Palm Springs. According to Bella, big hair is happy hair, so the hair is huge, the legs are long, the heels are high, and the skirts are short. The man behind Bella is Brian Wanzek, who created the character back in 2000 for a Y2K event. He lives with his partner of 20 years, and their dog. Bella will MC and host the 4th Annual Broadway and Drag Pageant

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at the Palm Canyon Theatre on Friday, November 7. She will be on the Palm Canyon Drive stage at the festival grounds during Palm Springs Pride with 120 entertainers over the weekend. Keep an eye out for her on a float at the pride parade on Sunday, November 9. “I love Palm Springs,” she tells THE FIGHT. “It’s always about events, parties, activities, work, and nonstop fun. It really is a good time.” To follow Bella’s every move, visit belladaball.com.

KURT CYR Interior Designer nterior designer Kurt Cyr has been a Palm Springs weekender since 1999, before making the city his fulltime home four years ago with his partner Jay Zaltzman. Cyr, a designer for over 25 years, writes about design and specializes in sketch, graphic and fabric design. He refurbishes furniture, creates holiday products, and puts his own spin on mid-century modern. Cyr is also the founder of “Salon for the Parched,” a creative think tank for people who think outside of the box, which has grown from half a dozen people gathering at his home, to a much larger group of 40 to 50 people. “Life in Palm Springs is fabulous. I have a far richer social life, than I ever did in Los Angeles after living there for 28 years,” he says. “People think of Palm Springs as God’s waiting room, but the demographic of Palm Springs is much younger than it used to be. People from all over who love Palm Springs have found a way to make it possible to live here and work here.”

For more on Kurt Cyr Design, visit kurtcyr.com.

THEPLACE >> PALM SPRINGS PRIDE <<

>> E AT <<

TOMÁS RAMIREZ Greater Palm Springs Convention & Visitors Bureau omás Ramirez, Destination Services Manager at the Greater Palm Springs Convention & Visitors Bureau, moved to the Palm Springs area two years ago from Washington, DC. It was love at first sight—he reveals—when he came to the desert for a two-week vacation. Three months later he sold everything and moved to his home in Greater Palm Springs. Ramirez’s job entails working with travel industry professionals and media to promote tourism to Greater Palm Springs. “I call this place fantasyland for all ages,” he tells THE FIGHT. “It’s an amazing place to call home. Beyond the 350-plus days of sunshine a year, the destination hosts world-class events, features cutting edge culinary experiences, home to world-class art, exudes Hollywood glamour and so much more.

To learn more about Greater Palm Springs check out visitgreaterpalmsprings.com.

JOHN PASCHAL Photographer ohn Paschal has owned a house in Palm Springs for 15 years, but he’s been a fulltime PS resident for five years. He married his partner of over five years this past February. Paschal owns Snapshot Palm Springs photography studio, which is a 4,000 square foot space located in the heart of Palm Springs, where he conducts photo shoots and rents the space out to local production companies. Paschal recently braved wearing a dress, wig and makeup for a good cause as the Check Puppy for the “Best in Drag” event in Los Angeles in support of Aid for AIDS, which helped raise over $4000,000 this year. “Palm Springs is the most amazing place I’ve ever been.” He says. “I always knew since I was a young boy that was going to end up living here. When I was partying in my early 20s, everybody wanted to go to San Diego, San Francisco, or Los Angeles, but I always wanted to go to Palm Springs. People thought I was crazy. The demographic is changing. New buildings are going up. There are nice restaurants offering fine dining and everything is new. I welcome the change. I love it.”

To learn about John Paschal’s photography, visit snapshotpalmsprings.com.

RICH COLBERT Entrepreneur ich Colbert purchased a house in Palm Springs ten years ago, where he currently lives with his husband Kenny Taylor, who he married in May of this year, after being together for 23 years. Colbert is the publisher of The Sobriety Calendar-a colorful daily reminder of all things recovery based. The calendar is jammed packed with 365 days of experience, strength, hope and humor with the help of art director Christopher Harrity. “We visited Palm Springs for many, many years before we decided to buy a house there,” he says of his home in the desert. “It’s a great vibrant city close to Los Angeles, but just far away enough so that we feel like we’ve actually gone somewhere, but still within a great proximity to Los Angeles where we like to stay connected.”

For more on the Sobriety Calendar, visit sobrietycalendar.com.

WEHO’S CONTINENTAL KITCHEN

American and Mediterranean food made with a twist. BY PAULO MURI LLO

very so often a neighborhood restaurant comes along that friends of friends rave about to all their other friends, and right now friends are raving about Continental Kitchen WeHo (under new management), located at 8205 Santa Monica Blvd., on the corner of Havenhurst Drive and Santa Monica Blvd.—walking distance from West Hollywood City Hall. Continental Kitchen is American and Mediterranean food made with a twist. Simply put, the food they serve is fresh and delicious—period. Don't believe it? Look them up on Yelp.com, where happy customers consistently give them 5-star reviews for their regular use of fresh ingredients, grass fed meats, free range poultry, sustainable seafood, and organic produce that they purchase from local farmers markets. The portions are more than generous and the friendly service is superb. Be sure to check out their amazing hummus (homemade from scratch daily), their burger patties (made by hand) and their "ribbon fries." Even their ketchup has a surprising kick to it. Also, their salads, homemade soups and sandwiches are absolutely amazing. On top of all that, they offer natural smoothies, organic coffee and a vast selection of desserts to sweeten the palate. n

Visit their website at continentalkitchenweho.com, or call (323) 656-7500. NO NOVEMB VEMBER ER 2014 2014 || TH T HEE FFI GH I GHTT 39 39

THESHARE >> BY PAULO MURILLO <<

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

With Thanksgiving around the corner we asked a few local sober folks why gratitude was important to their recovery. LOYDA PEREZ

GEORGE HARRIS

NOT A VICTIM "I was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. Initially it punched me in the gut, but being sober and living in gratitude makes me remember that I'm not the only person in the world living with this and that takes me out of having a pity party. Gratitude helps me to not be a victim. Instead I'm grateful for every breath I take, for having a loving man in my life who inspires me, and for being alive. I may have cancer, but I'm still healthy and I have the means to get treatment." —George Harris Jr, sober since September, 2003.

me. I may at times be stubborn and hardheaded, but I have learned not to stay that way. I have learned to hold my head up high and not concern myself with what others think. My side of the street is clean. I practice compassion, kindness, love, tolerance and forgiveness to others and myself. It costs nothing and pays handsomely. And for that, I'm grateful." —Loyda Perez, sober since January, 2004.

HOW LUCKY I AM

TURNING MY LIFE AROUND

JESSE GRANADOS

A MENTAL LIST "Gratitude gives me physical evidence that life has improved. Sometimes I'll

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my life. If I stay stuck in the past, I will not be able to enjoy the great things that happen to me. When I'm not grateful, I stay stuck in anger and frustration and my life doesn't go so well." —Les Kurkendaal, sober since September, 2009.

SCOTT RICHARD HALL CAMPBELL

LES KURKENDAAL

PAYS HANDSOMELY "Sobriety, recovery, my higher power, partner and children are number one for me today. I do my very best to live in gratitude for a new way of life, the tools to live it with, and for all the people before me and after

just make a mental list of things that I'm grateful for. I have a lot today that I didn't have before and it doesn't have to be a material thing. Sometimes I'm just grateful for feeling fine in the morning and not waking up hung-over and bruised. And then other times I'll think how I have this job—that I never would have gotten, let alone be able keep—if I wasn't sober. When I forget to be grateful, I find myself focusing on the negative. And that make me sad." —Jesse Granados, sober since December, 2011.

"Gratitude is important to my recovery because I sometimes find myself caught up in the past and feeling shame for some of the things I did during my drinking. It's important to be grateful for being sober and for turning my life around. I'm not the person I was before thanks to my sobriety. A lot of great things have come into

"I was so selfish during my addiction. I had an enormous, and unjustified, sense of entitlement. I now know that everything I have in my life—my health, my husband, my friends, my family, my career—is a direct result of my sobriety and the work of my higher power. I am truly grateful for that because I found a simple solution to a problem that had troubled me for years. And, being in a state of gratitude reminds me how lucky I am to have this life and to remember to remain grateful and to give back." —Scott Richard Hall Campbell, sober since May, 2005.

>> THE PASADENA PLAYHOUSE <<

Stop Kiss

SHARON LEAL

The critically acclaimed play, winner of the GLAAD Media Award for Best New York Production, now at The Pasadena Playhouse. BY O RLY LYO N N E

he Pasadena Playhouse presents “Stop Kiss,” the second production of its 2014-2015 season. Written by Diana Son and directed by Pasadena Playhouse Associate Artistic Director Seema Sueko, “Stop Kiss” stars Sharon Leal (Bill Condon’s Dreamgirls, Fox’s “Boston Public,” and Lionsgate’s “Addicted”), Angela Lin (Broadway’s “Chinglish”), John Sloan (Fox’s “Happy Hour”), Brandon Scott (ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy”), Amanda Carlin (“Liar Liar”), and Jeff De Serrano (A&E’s “Longmire”). The production runs through November 30, 2014.

Originally produced Off-Broadway at The Public Theater, with a cast including Sandra Oh and Jessica Hecht, this critically acclaimed play received the GLAAD Media Award for Best New York Production. “Stop Kiss” tells the story of Sara and Callie, who are walking through New York City’s West Village late at night when they share their first kiss. This leads to a vicious attack by an angry bystander, in which Sara is horribly injured. Diana Son elaborates on the depths of human emotion and compassion.

”Stop Kiss” runs through November 30. The Pasadena Playhouse is located at 39 South El Molino Avenue, Pasadena, CA 91101. Tickets are available online at PasadenaPlayhouse.org.

NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 41

THEEVENT >> BY PAULO MURILLO <<

BEST in DRAG

t was a long night of fierce ice queens, alien fashion fiends, muscle queens, a Samurai princess, and others at the 2014 Best in Drag show last monthâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the annual drag queen beauty pageant known for being rude, inappropriate, and flat out hystericalâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;all to raise money for Aid for AIDS, a non-profit program which provides food and shelter to Angelenos in need, who are living with HIV/AIDS. Patrick Rush returned to host the sold out event at The Orpheum theatre. The celebrity judges this year were Kathy Griffin, Melanie Griffith, Jennifer Coolidge, Josh Henderson, Mary-Louise Parker, Dot Jones, and Kathy Kinney. For more information on Best in Drag, visit: alliancehh. org/events/bestindragshow.

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THEEPIDEMIC >> M E D I TAT I O N <<

I got my life back online. Scott, D.A.P. client

BODY & SOUL

New study: meditation may help people with HIV. BY VICTO R MELA MED

rom the time a person is diagnosed with any illness, the focus of their healthcare often shifts to managing sickness rather than promoting wellbeing. But new research shows that a non-pharmacological intervention could help play a role in HIV patient's mental and physical health, reports Time Magazine. "Practicing Transcendental Meditation," a 20-minute twice-aday mindfulness regimen, may help people with HIV feel better, a small new study finds. The project's research, which is being submitted to scientific journals but is not yet published, was done with the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and the David Lynch Foundation, a nonprofit that funds research on stress reduction methods, including Transcendental Meditation (TM), for at-risk populations. In the 39 HIV patients who completed the study, researchers measured health factors like stress levels, wellbeing (using an established spiritual wellbeing scale), levels of psychological distress and physical symptoms related to HIV, like fatigue. They then taught TM to the patients, and after three months of meditation, patients experienced significant improvement, the study authors say. They got sick less frequently, were less fatigued and more energized and had better general health and physical functioning, says Thomas Roth, director of the David Lynch Foundation HIV Initiative and TM teacher of 40 years. Psychological symptoms got a boost, too: patients reported being less stressed and anxious, with decreased anger, hostility and depressive symptoms. The study didn't look at blood biomarkers for things like stress, not did it measure the patients' T-cell counts, instead relying on reports from the people in the study. More research is needed, and for now, says Roth: "My prediction two years ago was that this could improve the quality of life of people living with HIV." n

D.A.P. treats and supports the whole person My addiction led me into homelessness and I thought I had nowhere to turn. But D.A.P. helped me see there was a way back, if I was willing to do the work. Now, I have five years of sobriety, have finished four years of college with two degrees and a promising career... but best of all, I have peace-of-mind again. Now, I’m volunteering my time here in D.A.P.’s computer lab because it’s time to “pay it forward” to others who might need a little help. Just like I did.

This and more...all under one roof Thanks to your generous support, Desert AIDS Project has been saving lives for more than 30 years. Please continue to help by donating at desertAIDSproject.org, joining one of our annual giving programs, or by saving the date for one of our upcoming fundraising events. Dancing With The Desert Stars | November 14, 2014 World AIDS Day | December 1, 2014 - Pathways to Health & Well-Being HIV Conference - Everyday Heroes Steve Chase Humanitarian Awards Gala February 7, 2015

760.323.2118 desertAIDSproject.org

NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 43

THECALENDAR >> THINGS TO DO << GROUPS The LA Sisters & the City of West Hollywood Present this over-the-top designer competition & ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org fashion show. This year’s panel of judges include: GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK Jai Rodriguez and ChiChi LaRue.

www.gapsn.org

RITA MORENO. SEE FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14

REBELLIOUS BEAUTY ART SHOW Heart of Art Gallery, 1907 Rodeo Rd, LA, 8pm12am. For more information, visit heartofartgalleryla.com. Over 30 talented local female and queer artists and photographers participate. SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6

A THANKSGIVING MOMENT: APLA “Bar on 4,” 9700 Wilshire Boulevard., LA, 6:30pm to 8:30pm. Visit apla.org for more information. Cocktail reception in honor of Ron Valdez, a former AIDS Project Los Angeles board member. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7

PALM SPRINGS PRIDE POOLSIDE KICKOFF Hacienda Cantina and Beach Club, 1555 S. Palm Canyon Dr., 11am - 6pm. For more, visit pspride.org. A sun lover’s paradise in a classic Palm Springs setting. CUB SCOUT The Eagle, 4219 Santa Monica Blvd, LA, 8:00pm-2:00am. For more information, call (323) 669-9472. The bears and cubs come together for Cub Scout with DJs Chris Bowen and Victor Rodriguez on the first Friday of the month. #TRADE CHEAP PBRS NIGHT Faultline, 4216 Melrose Ave, 8pm-2am. For more info, visit faultlinebar.com. The scruffy boys come out to #Trade where you get cheap Pabts Blue Ribbon Beer on the first Friday of every month at Faultline. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8

PALM SPRINGS PRIDE HOT WET & PROUD POOL PARTY CCBC Resort, 68300 Gay Resort Drive, Cathedra City, 12pm - 10pm. Visit pspride.org to purchase tickets. A clothing optional affair. Enjoy a day of sunshine with naked men, music and then a drag show under the stars. LA LGBT CENTER’S VANGUARD AWARDS Hyatt Century Plaza, 2025 Avenue of the Stars, 6pm-11pm. Visit lalgbtcenter.org for more information. The world’s largest LGBT organization celebrates its 45th anniversary with a star-studded gala honoring George and Brad Takei, Marvel Entertainment and L.A. County Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky. PROJECT NUNWAYLA 2014 West Hollywood Park Auditorium, 647 N San Vicente Blvd, 6pm. For more information, visit projectnunwayla.com. 4 4 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

PALM SPRINGS PRIDE PARADE Downtown Palm Springs, Palm Canyon Drive, 10am-12:30pm. For more info, visit pspride.org. New route travels sound along Palm Canyon Drive from Uptown to Downtown Palm Springs. Parade ends at the gate of the Pride Festival. CROWNING OF QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE Circus Disco, 6655 Santa Monica Blvd., LA, 7pm - 2am. For more information, visit QueenUniverse.com. “The Best in Female impersonation.” Portion of the proceeds to benefit: Christ Chapel Long Beach Food Bank. PET ART ETC. Kopeikin Gallery & Western Project, 2762 & 2766 S. La Cienega Blvd, LA, 11am-2pm. For more information, visit pawsla.org. PAWS/LA’s 12th annual charity auction of artwork will feature works by Ed Ruscha, Andy Warhol, SHAG, Ross Bleckner, Kenny Scharf, Shepard Fairey and many more. FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14

DANCING WITH THE DESERT STARS Palm Springs Convention Center, 6pm. For more info: www.desertaidsproject.org. A magical evening of music, dance, community, friendship, and fundraising benefiting Desert AIDS Project. Legendary actress and singer Rita Moreno is one of the judges. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15

HOMO-HARVEST: GAYRATITUDE Spirit Studio Silverlake, 2601 Hyperion Ave, Silverlake, 8pm-11pm. For more information, visit homo-harvest.tumblr.com. Fresh, hot underground queer performance art curated around themes of autumn rituals, nature, and giving thanks. TURRRKEY SQURRRL LA Akbar, 4356 W Sunset Blvd, LA, 9pm-2am. For more information, visit squrrrl.com. The Nest is back with a hefty dose of kick-ass house and techno sounds. WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19

TRIBE GAY MEN’S DISCUSSION GROUP West Hollywood Public Library, 625 N. San Vicente Blvd, WeHo, 7:30pm-9:30pm. For more info: weho.org/tribe. Every third Wednesday of the month, gay men meet to talk about their own experiences. Topics range from health and body image to the male sex drive.

LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern. www.clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES www.gmcla.org GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8 p.m. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo. com or www.facebook.com/gaysalsanight GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of every month, 6-10 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038. 1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org HIV MEDICAL & CASE MANAGEMENT Valley Community Clinic in North Hollywood offers HIV Testing and Medical Services including counseling and medical treatment. For more info: www.valleycommunityclinic.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11 a.m. Locations vary. Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center. RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call (323) 860-7340. GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers. www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism. cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30 p.m., The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality. MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends. LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302, M-F between 6-9 p.m. USC LAMBDA LGBT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION alumnigroups.usc.edu/lambda/ LOS ANGELES BLACK PRIDE www.myblackpridela.com GREATER PASADENA AID FUND www.greaterpasadenaaidfund.org

> EMAIL YOUR EVENT OR GROUP TO editor@thefightmag.com POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. If you’re looking for ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call (323) 860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@lagaycenter.org. TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences. GET CENTERED Meditation Class. Every Saturday, 10-11 a.m., $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7300. SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7359. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd., Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-5806. MPOWERMENT WEEKLY WORKSHOPS Tuesdays and fridays, 6 p.m. APLA, 3550 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 300, Los Angeles. More info: Donta Morrison, tel: (213) 201-1561. For young gay men of color—ages 18 thru 24—looking for a safe place to hang out. TRAVEL

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m. CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m. DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m. Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m. SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m. Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m. Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m. Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m. WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m. SPORTS

LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org

FRIENDS TRAVEL www.FriendsTravel.com Gay Owned & Operated, Since 1985.

LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.

12 STEP GROUPS

WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org

All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302 M-F between 6-9 p.m.

LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams. www.lapl8ball.com

GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com

KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org, 1200 North La Brea Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90038

SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club. www.sagala.org

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES fccla.org 540, South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90020

V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball. www.lagayvolleyball.com GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www.greatoutdoorsla.org GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking Angeles. www.sierraclub.org CHEER LA Cheerleading. www.cheerla.org LA ROWING www.larowing.org DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey. www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club. www.lafrontrunners.com WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game. www.gaysoccer.com LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams. www.wh2o.org WORSHIP

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org, 4953 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027 BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org, 6090 West Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035

HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org, 6817 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028 HOLY SPIRIT holyspirit-la.org, 4201 West Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029 UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org, 817 West 34th St., Los Angeles, CA 90089 DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, CA 90042 HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net, 6720 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038 WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org, 7350 W Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org, 4607 Prospect Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027 IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org, 3300 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010 ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org, 11031 Camarillo St., North Hollywood, CA 91602 CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com, 11050 Hartsook St., North Hollywood, CA 91601 ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org, 958 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com, 916 N. Formosa Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org, 8634 Holloway Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90069 ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com, 5312 Comercio Way, Woodland Hills, CA 91364

For Breaking Daily LGBT News Visit

www.thefightmag.com

NO VEMB ER 2014 | THE F I GH T 45

THEFINALFIGHT >> GAY MARRIAGE <<

DIAL M FOR MARRIAGE

I couldn’t be more happy and proud to realize that America is finally ready for gay marriage. I’m just not sure if I am. BY RO B SMITH

ecently, an innocent scroll through my Facebook news feed turned into an odyssey of terror the likes of which I'd never experienced. I saw something that mortified me. My throat tightened. My muscles clenched. My eyes widened in shock and horror. It was there, via the computer screen, that I experienced the kind of pain and horror that straights had been experiencing since the dawn of humanity: the horror that ensues when you find out that a friend of yours is getting married. Not a straight girl, mind you. Six years after college graduation I've become quite accustomed to the photos of various female acquaintances from college shopping for wedding gowns or proudly displaying photos of their engagement rings. This one was different. This one was a gay guy. This man was a fraternity brother that I'd known since school (when I was out and he was deeply closeted). This was a man

who I'd gotten sloppy drunk with at a dive bar in the south that was modeled after a high school locker room when our livers were both youthful enough to withstand jello shots until 2AM before an early morning the next day. This man was now grinning at me via a photo through Facebook with his HUSBAND'S arms draped around his neck in a display of complete and absolute love, adoration, and affection. He did so, mind you, while being a grand total of five years younger than me and surrounded by what seemed like 10,000 of his closest friends. Of course I was terrified. I was terrified because my friend's marriage and happiness was a visual reminder that every step I make in dating has to be made with the possibility that it is Going Somewhere. Where, I'm not sure, but the destination I saw in my friend's photo is one that I'm not sure I'm ready to arrive at just yet. I was terrified because their smiles were a visual reminder that the price of our right to Marriage Equality is going to be paid in a million little ways by all of us. Not at the polls, mind you, because gay marriage is pretty much an inevitability at this point. However, gays, trust me when I say that we will PAY. We will pay when we see our gay friends getting married and achieving a level of happiness that we wonder if we'll ever see. We will pay when we become the target of those pitying looks from our straight

friends who wonder why we "just haven't met the right person" instead of giving them to that one straight girl who's perpetually single and always down to go to the gay bar. We will pay whenever a gay magazine like the one you're reading decides to put a picture-perfect couple on the cover for their "Wedding Issue." Not that this is a bad thing, mind you. There are plenty of awesome, amazing things that are happening for our community that have the unintended effect of filling me with crushing anxiety. Gay marriage is just the most recent one. The thing is, we are just like everyone else. We deserve love and affection and devotion and to be able to share our love with family and friends watching in an expensive location while drunk on the booze and food we've gone into debt to pay for just like everyone else in America. We deserve courtship and to enter relationships with the goal of marriage and to be happy just like everyone else. It's just that the speed from which we've gone from the glorification of promiscuity to the idealization of gay marriage is giving me a bit of whiplash. Of course, I'm happy for my friend. He's a very sweet guy and he and his boyfri... HUSBAND seem head over heels in love. I couldn't be more happy and proud to realize that America is finally ready for gay marriage. I'm just not sure if I am. Maybe I should stay away from Facebook, or planet Earth, for a while. n

The speed from which we’ve gone from the glorification of promiscuity to the idealization of gay marriage is giving me a bit of whiplash. 4 6 T H E F IGH T | www.thefightmag.com

FOUR DAYS OF POOL PARTIES, DANCE EVENTS AND WOOFY MEN!

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