The Good Life Men's Magazine - May/June 2019 by The Good Life Men's Magazine

MAY-JUNE 2019

FREE TO A GOOD HOME

FATHERS | MR. FULL-TIME DAD

A Hundred Ways to Say No WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON

Walking into the house on an early Saturday afternoon from a routinely wonderful trip to Fleet Farm, I was greeted by the cheerful sounds of a humming KitchenAid stand mixer and a giddy three-year-old sous chef. The sun had finally broken through that weekend — the weekend after the snowpocalypse that wasn’t — and everyone was happy to feel the first real signs of spring.

potential disaster out the corner of my eye.

We had spent the majority of the day cleaning the house, and now Macklin and Mama were busy making use of the mostly spotless counter tops to make homemade pasta for dinner… because there’s no better time to prepare an elaborate meal than when the kitchen is fresh and decluttered.

I had said the same line countless times before. You’re not in trouble, but… I don’t want you to get hurt; I don’t want the toilet to flood; I don’t want you to burn yourself; I don’t want you to die an early death! Fill in the blank with whatever your imagination can think of, chances are I’ve said it.

As I was about to dump the fresh bag of dog food into Lucy’s bin, I spotted

I returned to replenishing the dog food, but I lingered on the prior scene.

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“No, no, no, no, no! STOP!” I shouted at Mack, as I saw his perfect little fingers get dangerously close to the grinding, metal jaws of the pasta maker. “You can’t put your fingers in there, buddy, or you’ll lose them. You’re not in trouble,” I assured him, “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

While I reassured myself that I was just being a good parent in providing an explanation to my strongly spoken, finger-saving intervention, it struck me that all I was doing was saying no… albeit with context. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had developed yet another new skill thanks to the challenges of parenting. I can say no, teach a quick lesson and avoid tears with the deftness of a tightrope walker navigating the one and only straight-line path to self-preservation. Any misstep is an irreversible mistake. For me, one poorly chosen word, a decibel louder or an octave higher and all is lost. If I stray too far to the gentle side, the learning moment may get marginalized. If I’m too forceful, no amount of logic or reason can break through a flood tears.

I’ve gotten so good at this, the word no often doesn’t even enter the conversation. I may use some classic redirection when Mack starts to test boundaries a bit too much. “What if we took the baseball game outside where there’s more room to hit the ball… isn’t that a good idea?” I’ll ask before he winds up to pitch a fastball destined for a hanging picture frame. If it’s something he knows he probably shouldn’t be doing — or, more likely, has been busted doing before — it might only take a look. A look and a slow “don’t even think about it” shake of my head. He always knows the answer in this scenario, but he loves the reaction and his sneaky grin assures me his sense of humor is developing quite well. Sometimes, I’ll say no hours or even days ahead of time. How? Well here’s another secret: all parents can predict the future. For example, if I buy myself half a pecan pie with no intention of sharing it, I avoid having to say no to Macklin by hiding it in the downstairs fridge, which he knows is only stocked with “grown-up drinks.” Problem not just solved, but averted. I’ve come up with a hundred different ways of saying no to Macklin. Usually on the spot, too. It’s a real feat of creativity. Nobody likes being told they can’t do something, especially when it’s pure, innocent curiosity that’s driving the undesirable action. Why am I being told I can’t touch the fire? Fire is awesome! Yes, fire is super duper awesome. But now that I’m done shout-saving your life, allow me to explain just how not awesome third-degree burns feel. •

NO NO

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CONTENTS MAY-JUNE 2019

ASK 30 WOMEN THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T ASK, SAY OR DO ON A FIRST DATE?

RIDES WITH JAY THOMAS EVERY RIDE HAS A STORY

LOCAL HERO WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT FIGHTING FOR A CAUSE

VOLUME 6 â&#x20AC;¢ ISSUE 6

FATHERS A HUNDRED WAYS TO SAY NO

LOCAL BAND GO MURPHY

HOW TO NOT BE CREEPY SO WOMEN DON'T RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION...

HAVING A ROOT BEER WITH BERNIE DARDIS

ON THE COVER FARGO INVADERS

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PUBLISHED BY Urban Toad Media LLP www.urbantoadmedia.com OWNER / PHOTOGRAPHER Darren Losee darren@urbantoadmedia.com OWNER / GRAPHIC DESIGNER Dawn Siewert dawn@urbantoadmedia.com

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Meghan Feir Alexandra Floersch Brittney Goodman Ben Hanson Krissy Ness ADVERTISING INQUIRIES Darren Losee darren@urbantoadmedia.com

READ A PAST ISSUE issuu.com/thegoodlifemensmag FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK facebook.com/urbantoadmedia FOLLOW US TWITTER @urbantoadmedia

The Good Life Men’s Magazine is distributed six times a year by Urban Toad Media LLP. Material may not be reproduced without permission. The Good Life Men’s Magazine accepts no liability for reader dissatisfaction arising from content in this publication. The opinions expressed, or advice given, are the views of individual writers or advertisers and do not necessarily represent the views or policies of The Good Life Men’s Magazine.

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LOCAL BAND

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It’s a Generational Thing WRITTEN BY: KRISSY NESS

• PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA

It’s not always obvious what influences a band to make the music they do. They could be interested in music from many different genres and create something totally unique. Go Murphy is so much more than that. The sound they create is what they categorize as Indie Rock, but their influences aren’t always in that genre. From Primus to the Foo Fighters they pull from everywhere, especially ‘90s rock, where their roots are.

Go Murphy, like most bands, got their name from a totally random and somewhat humorous place. “I woke up after a night of partying to my friend's fiancé yelling, ‘No Murphy’ at their dog because he ate her brand new shoes. I thought it had a cool ring to it and changed it to Go Murphy and the guys liked it so we went with it,” said Marcus.

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LOCAL BAND “Dave Grohl said it best – The Foo Fighters is the dumbest name and I’m in it and I picked it. It’s just what it is,” added Tom.

one where your arm hairs stand on end and your tummy flutters and it’s exciting and leaves you wanting more; that feeling shines through in their music.

Go Murphy is made up of four guys in the Fargo-Moorhead area. Two of the original members Ryan Dahl (bass/vocals) and Marcus Rondestvedt (guitar/vocals) have 3 full albums and an EP under their belt while Tom Hill (drums) and Jason Forthun (guitar) have been playing with Go Murphy for roughly four years. All four of them are featured on the albums Buildings and Dakota.

“I think for everybody the formative teen years is where you hear what you used to listen to and get that feeling all over again,” said Ryan.

I always make it a point to listen to whatever band I am writing about while I write my articles because I hope it helps shape how I write about each band. With this being said, it is very obvious which generation these guys grew up in and where they are pulling from. There is a very mellow yet exciting tone in their music. “We all grew up in the ‘90s and the older I get I kind of look back to that noise rock and stuff and some of that kind of starts to come through,” said Ryan. “ I think we all kind of share a little of that soft spot for the good old days.” The ‘90s weren’t always about grunge rock and boy bands, there is this sound that is unique to ‘90s rock that can’t really be explained, it’s more of a feeling. You know the

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Today's music isn’t what you would call rock forward, but more electronic and some pop. So how does a band whose influences are mainly rock-n-roll get inspiration from current music? Manchester Orchestra, Silversun Pickups, Alt-J are just some of the band that intrigue Go Murphy. “Music has become so accessible that you can just drown in it – you really can,” exclaimed Ryan. “I mean that’s the beauty of it because there is so much content there, but a lot of the trouble is…” “It just kinds of stems back to when MySpace was getting huge, and all of a sudden every band had a voice, which isn’t a bad thing, but when you are trying to put your name in a melting pot of 8,000 other indie rock bands – how do you stand out?” interjected Marcus. Standing out in today’s world where social media, and music apps run the world isn’t easy and the internet age has really changed the way music is bought and listened to.

“I remember record store day and I would go to Discontent and new albums would come out at like midnight – and I remember like honestly lining up for White Pony from Deftones and there was a line around the block for a CD,” said Tom. “And everybody was listening to it in the parking lot because nobody had heard it before, and that kind of magic is gone.” “I hold down my thumb print to download the album, it’s not the same feeling,” added Marcus. The guys of Go Murphy enjoy music on a passionate level and they do it for themselves. “I think we all get the best satisfaction from the writing,” stated Marcus. “We do this kind of for ourselves,” stated Ryan. “As soon as we get done we are like ok, what’s next?” The most recent albums Buildings and Dakota, as I mentioned before, included Tom Hill and Tom has worked with some pretty talented people on his musical journey. “I have been a part of like seven different bands in my adult life and, if you don’t put his name in this article I’m going to be [expletive], but Sean Murray has recorded every one of them,” Tom said, half kidding. “The guy is amazing, super down to earth and talented, and when he’s recording and producing our albums he involves us in every step of the way.” It is not always about the band when it comes to making music, it is people like Murray that can add some pretty incredible “tweaking” to an album to perfect it. If you haven’t had a chance to check out Go Murphy you are sorely missing out. Head over to their Facebook page and click the link in their “About” section to find their music on Bandcamp.

DAKOTA: BY GO MURPHY

For Go Murphy the good life is being able to include those you love in pursuing your passions in life together and sharing the experience with everyone. •

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HOW TO NOT BE CREEPY

SO WOMEN DON'T RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION... WRITTEN BY: MEGHAN FEIR

Life can be hard for a man trying to woo a woman. I understand that as well as a straight, female-born female can. I’ve had many male friends come off as creepy right at the dire moment they were trying to be alluring. I’ve also had more than my fair share of unsettling male encounters — experiences that could scare a ghost. People are complicated. What’s disturbing to one woman may be 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

enticing to the next, but as with most things, it’s often best to steer clear of anything deemed inappropriate by the masses early on in your friendship. According to one study done by Knox University called, “On the Nature of Creepiness,” creepiness is “anxiety aroused by the ambiguity of whether there is something to fear or not and/ or by the ambiguity of the precise nature of the threat (e.g., sexual,

physical violence, contamination, etc.) that might be present.” Here are some general guidelines to follow, especially until you know the person and the situation well enough. The following 10 scenarios are taken directly from real-life experiences, so before you roll your eyes, realize there really are men doing these kinds of things — all while being oblivious as to how their actions are being received.

Don’t write her romantic poetry until you know she’s interested Don’t write her romantic poetry when she’s already turned you down Don’t try to put the moves on her in your grandmother’s basement, especially when she keeps moving farther away on the couch Don’t make her a mixed tape/CD/vinyl/playlist of your favorite weird songs right after you meet, unless she’s shown some actual interest Don’t text her every day asking if she’s listened to said “mixed tape” Don’t proceed to get angry and call her derogatory names if she hasn’t listened to it yet Don’t pressure her into a walk after you get coffee and lead her into alleys and poorly lit areas Don’t call a woman you barely know when you’re drunk, lonely or both, especially between the hours of 11 p.m. to 9 a.m. Don’t bike quietly behind her as she walks, just so you can check her out, be near her, and touch her head to feel the texture of her hair Don’t monitor her whereabouts. That’s called stalking.

Since most of you probably aren’t weird enough to think any of the above scenarios are normal, here are some less oddly specific suggestions for you to improve your interactions. 1. Don’t stand close enough to where you could easily detect what sort of supper or digestive issues you each have. Unless you’re in an extremely loud setting, you don’t need to crane your neck toward her when you’re chatting. 2. If you’re interested in someone, don’t have two completely different versions of yourself when you’re online vs. in person. People are much more likely to bare their heart and soul when they’re behind a protective screen. If you can’t stop dishing out details about yourself online, but you barely have a Midwestern weather comment to make in her presence, it’s time to reevaluate your approach and confidence. 3. If you don’t have an established friendship, lay off the hugs, shoulder touches and such for awhile. This is especially true when you’re in a working environment. When guys go around hugging female coworkers, it’s often just plain ol’ creepy, especially when the hugs linger. 4. If you’re interested in someone, don’t just stare. Gather up some confidence, put it in your pocket, think of your introduction and some possible conversation starters, take a deep breath and approach them. This will undoubtedly throw women off guard because we’re used to passivity or arrogance in this day and age, but as long as you’re genuinely acting nice and not just standing there staring, I can pretty much guarantee she’ll appreciate the effort. 5. When you’re thinking of things to say to a woman, don’t be overtly sexual. Telling a lady she has a nice rack isn’t going to win you any points. 6. If you have a strange hobby (e.g., doll collecting), I’d save mentioning that information for the 12th date. 7. Just because you bought a lady a tequila sunrise, doesn’t mean she’s obligated to hang around you until the tequila sun rises in the east. Make your gifts be a gift and take the nos as a no. 8. Don’t make comments comparing her to your ex. 9. Don’t go to her Instagram and like all her beach photos in one burst. 10. And lastly, since this is an article, not a book: Ask yourself whether you’d like your sister to be treated the same way you’re about to treat a woman... •

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HAVING A BEER WITH | BERNIE DARDIS

HAVING A ROOT BEER WITH

WRITTEN BY: MEGHAN FEIR

• PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA

Before West Fargo Mayor Bernie Dardis won the election in April 2018, he was a successful businessman. After being vice president (20 years) and president (3 years) of Cook Sign Company and CEO of Indigo Signworks (15 years), he’s still a consultant, along with his mayoral duties. 14 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com

Dardis grew up in the hills of Killdeer, N.D., where his father was the county sheriff. Campaigning for his dad was his first introduction to politics, and he’s been active ever since. After graduating from NDSU, Dardis even had a stint in law enforcement before coming back to West Fargo. Now, 42 years later, Dardis is still living in and loving his life in “the biggest small town in North Dakota.” Dardis and I met up over a pint of root beer in the halls of Drekker’s Brewhalla. We talked a lot about West Fargo and his long history with the city, reveled in our love for Minnesota lakes, and talked about his wife’s awesome, red hair. However, I saved the real humdingers for you below, so read on, friend. Good Life: What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Bernie Dardis: This is going to tell a lot about me. French vanilla. I do like cherry every once in awhile. I have two daughters-in-law that live and die for Cass Clay Rocky Road. I have two cartons at our lake home and our house for them. GL: When you’re feeling down, who or what is your biggest go-to? BD: My wife — my Louise. She is the world’s best,

biggest optimist. She has been my ballast for 43 years this fall. GL: That’s awesome. Are you a pretty optimistic guy, too, or do you kind of balance each other out? BD: I’m a worrier. Louise isn’t. If my wife reads that I’m worrying, she will walk up and say, “We’re FaceTiming our grandchildren.” She’s a heck of a nurse. Seven years ago, I had open-heart surgery. I didn’t have any grandchildren at that time. I’ll never forget what one of my sons said as he held my hand before I went in for surgery. My boy said, “Dad, you have grandchildren you haven’t met yet.” Jennifer, his wife, was pregnant with the first one. He said, “Fight through this. You have to meet your grandchildren.” And I did. It changed my lifestyle and I’m healthier than I’ve been in many years. Family did that.

“I love AC/DC, and bass fishing is my absolute passion. I don’t care if I never catch another species, but boy, do I love bass.” – Bernie Dardis

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HAVING A BEER WITH | BERNIE DARDIS

GL: What’s one thing people would never know just by looking at you? Any strange hobbies or bands that you like? BD: I love AC/DC, and bass fishing is my absolute passion. I don’t care if I never catch another species, but boy, do I love bass. I either listen to AC/DC or classical music when I’m fishing. GL: When did you start getting into politics? BD: I’ve been active in politics my whole life. I started for my dad as sheriff when I was 12. When I was the state FFA president at 18, I got to meet Richard Nixon. He took me into the Oval Office and had me sit in the president’s chair at the desk. As I continued being involved in politics, I had dinner at a table of 12 in the White House with Ronald and Nancy Reagan and then another time with George H. and Barbara Bush. Barbara once invited me to sit in the president’s box at the National Convention with their family. What a matriarch she was. I will value those experiences my entire life. GL: What’s one thing about your personality you like? BD: I think I’m a good listener.

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GL: What’s your best friend like? BD: I have a couple, but one in particular is Pat. I grew up with him. I’m a day older than he is and he’ll never let me forget it. Pat is the one person in the world who knows me better than I know myself. He’s never missed any major event in our lives, whether it was my kids playing in state championship football games, graduating from high school or college, or getting married. GL: What was your first job? BD: I was a gravedigger. I was 12 years old the first time I ever got paid cash to do a job, and it was for our friend Jim. He would dig graves, but he was too big a man to clean up the graves, once he started digging them. We had a 6-foot ladder and I’d crawl down and shovel.

“I was a gravedigger. I was 12 years old the first time I ever got paid cash to do a job, and it was for our friend Jim.” – Bernie Dardis

GL: What’s your favorite book? BD: I’m going to give you a real sappy answer: Photo albums of my family. That’s my favorite book. GL: What’s your favorite quote, line of poetry or sentence that sticks out? BD: Shortly after Reagan had been shot, he was speaking at an event and someone dropped something. It was very loud, so he turned right at it and said, “Missed me.” That was so like him. GL: What’s your biggest pet peeve? BD: Mean people that say or do things just to hurt other people. I don’t have time for that in my life. GL: Have you ever had a laugh attack while in a serious meeting? BD: Absolutely. There are things that just tickle the heck out of me, and other people don’t get it.

GL: What does living the good life mean to you? BD: Family. It’s as simple as that. If I can be around my grandkids, my sons, their wives, my wife, and my dear friends — that’s what life is about. Each day I can spend with the people I love is a gift. • urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 17

ON THE COVER | FARGO INVADERS

SEMI-PRO FOOTBALL INVADES FARGO ‘Invaders’ Let Players Keep Playing, Fans Keep Cheering

WRITTEN BY: BEN HANSON

• PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA

Some of the best stories start out in the oddest of places. Like a rented 15-passenger van, for example, on a sleepy stretch of highway heading to Minot, N.D. That’s where Matt Petznick and his thenteammate Shane Stephenson first started dreaming of establishing their own semi-pro football team here in Fargo. Back in 2013 when this road trip took place, the two were members of the FM Lumberjacks football squad, an offshoot of a semi-pro team based out of Brainerd, Minn., where Petznick got his start.

the kind of efficiency several felt it needed. So, as Petznick and Stephenson were driving their teammates and equipment northward for an away game in Minot, the two started seriously considering their options and taking control for the betterment of the team and their fellow players.

Within his first season, it became apparent that the business side of the team wasn’t being operated with

“My first memory [of what would become the

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Fargo Invaders] was that trip to Minot,” Petznick recalled.“Shane and I were in one of the vans talking about what our colors should be. At that time, it was all conceptual. We knew we needed to be in a league, so we decided that was the first step. Based on if we could get into the league we wanted, that would determine if we could make this a go. We really made the decision to take the shot during that van ride.”

played during the summer months). Not wanting to miss out, Petznick joined the Brainerd team to play that summer.

Semi-Pro Success in Fargo

“We had a core group of about 40 players on that team,” Petznick said. “Pretty early on we were interested in starting our own team in Fargo. We figured if this guy could do it for several years and make it on his own, there’s no reason why we – as a team and a board – couldn’t do the same thing. We took it and ran with it.”

In January 2013, an article ran in a local Fargo publication, announcing tryouts for a new semipro football team forming in Fargo. Petznick was immediately intrigued and decided to look into the opportunity to play the game he loved. He learned the Fargo team would start playing in the fall, founded by someone who already owned a team in Brainerd (which

As Petznick explained, there are two basic types of organizations in semi-pro football – teams set up like a business and operate like an NFL team, and the more rec league organization. Petznick and his teammates were determined not only to be competitive on the field, but run the organization with high standards and a commitment to the community.

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ON THE COVER | FARGO INVADERS

“Our team and the league are business-focused and trying to make a viable product,” Petznick said proudly. “When we started this up, we wanted to set it up as a nonprofit business so if someone leaves, the team can continue. Since Shane left, I’ve been the president of the team, and I’m confident that based on the model we have set up, the team could continue if I left.” With the gears in motion, all that was left was to find a league. In October of 2013, Petznick and Stephenson – the two original co-founders of the Fargo Invaders – submitted their application to join the Midwest Premier Football League (later renamed the Northern States Football League). The very next month, the league welcomed the Invaders, who make up a six-team league that would compete against each other starting May 2014. “We held our first tryouts in December, won our first game that May (49-0) and went on to a 6-2 record in league play. We also won the league championship our very first year,” Petznick said. After a blistering hot start their first year in action, the Fargo Invaders returned to reality just a bit during their second season. The team ended 2015 with a 5-6 record, losing the north division championship game to the Mid-America Fighting Orioles. As a team founded on sheer determination, the Invaders bounced back in 2016, completing a perfect 12-0 season and earning their second championship in three years. In 2017, The Invaders decided the time was right to move up a class to find stronger competition and continue making a name for themselves in semi-pro football. The team joined the Northern Elite Football League, and went about their winning ways by beating the seven-time defending

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champions, The St. Paul Pioneers, and tying for the conference championship. Community-Focused Competition

This is where the real passion in Petznick’s eyes started to shine through. The moment he started to talk about his team’s community-driven mission, it was easy to see the game was perhaps just a means to give back and open up opportunities for his players as well as the fans.

In recent years, with all the attention focused on the Lately, the Invaders have been partnering with another damage that years of playing football can inflict on the local nonprofit called Down Home that serves families human body, some naturally question the need for a in Cass and Clay counties who are transitioning from semi-pro team in the frozen Midwest where no salaries homelessness into permanent are paid and players actually housing. For a team of big, pay a fee to compete. It’s an "We’re not your standard strong athletes, helping these objection Petznick welcomes, nonprofit, but we still want families during move-in days as it gives him the opportunity to offer opportunities to our was a natural and rewarding to tell the full story of the players and area youth, along fit. The Invaders are also Fargo Invaders. with other organizations.” involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters, Kamp KACE, “No one on our team gets – Matt Petznick Special Olympics and Giving paid, coaches, players, board Hearts Day. Last year, the organization hosted its first members… players actually have to pay their own $150 youth camp and plan to make it an annual event. player fee and provide pads and helmets,” Petznick explained. “But we’re not here to get paid. I’d say half or “We’re not your standard nonprofit, but we still want to more of our players do it for the love of the game. And offer opportunities to our players and area youth, along one of the biggest reasons we wanted to be a nonprofit with other organizations,” Petznick explained. “We’re is to be more community based – almost like the Green also not shy about giving away tickets to our games, Bay Packers, where everyone has a tie-in or a sense of especially to benefits and silent auctions.” ownership.”

Name: Fargo Invaders Established: 2013, 2014 first season Championships: 2014 Midwest Premier Football League (MPFL), 2016 Northern States Football League (NSFL) [2016: Undefeated 12-0, Outscored Opponents 418-24] Current League: Northern Elite Football League (NEFL)

Colors: Orange / Scarlet Home Field: Shanley High School, Fargo South (2 games in 2019) 2018 Record: 10-3 Lifetime Record: 41-15 42 former college players on 53-man roster urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 21

ON THE COVER | FARGO INVADERS

GAME PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: FARGO INVADERS

As a nonprofit, raising money to keep the operation running is a constant challenge. The team's biggest revenue source is its yearly raffle. They're currently selling $10 tickets for a chance at more than $12,000 in total prizes at the drawing in May. Netting about $10,000, the raffle helps cover the $2,000 game costs the team incurs every time it takes to the field. The Invaders also accept team sponsorships and are always on the lookout for potential donors looking to share in the team’s success and get a little exposure along the way.

“We have an endowment fund set up as well,” Petznick explained. “Not much is in there yet, but if people are looking for ways to help or get involved, they can donate or talk to their business to sponsor or donate through the endowment. We’ve set these things up with the bigger picture in mind. We want to be here and stay here.” Recruiting For a Chance… Maybe a Second Chance Football is a grueling, difficult sport, so you may think to recruit for a semi-pro team (where you have to pay to play) would be next to impossible. But Petznick and the Fargo Invaders promise a chance to keep playing, whatever the reason may be. Players in the team's history have had NFL and CFL ties, including former Bison and arena football players. “Our recruits may have been on a college team and didn’t get as many reps as they wanted, or they could have been starters” Petznick said. “Some are looking to take it to the next level –maybe they’re done playing college football and want more film to show recruiters. The next step may be an indoor league or the CFL in Canada.”

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"For others, it could be a stepping stone to college… maybe their life didn't align perfectly, so this gives them the chance to get more film to send to college recruits," Petznick added. "We don't get a lot of players right out of college, but a couple of years after that burning desire gets them back in the game." That desire is what makes for a quality product on the field, as well. Petznick said all the games on this year’s calendar promise to be good match-ups against teams both in and out of the league. “Previous years we had some obvious mismatched games where we’re up so much by halftime we start to lose some fans,” he said. “One thing with our league is we have four powerhouse teams, including us, so we’ll have six very good games, along with three non-league games scheduled so far.” That desire is also what the good life means to this organization, a nonprofit set up to give players a chance to play, coaches a chance to coach and fans a chance to cheer and be a part of a game so many love. “The way things are set up,” Petznick said, “The Invaders aren’t going anywhere. Ten years from now, we’re going to be here. That’s the good life we’ve strived to create on and off the field.” •

MATT PETZNICK

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ASK 30 WOMEN

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T ASK, SAY OR DO ON A FIRST DATE? First dates. They can be incredible life-changing events or they can be an epic failure â&#x20AC;&#x201C; resulting in a life of everlasting bachelorhood. The results, in part, are up to you gentlemen. We asked 30 random women what things you shouldn't ask, say or do on a first date. If all else fails, let her do most of the talking. Yes, you may be able to throw a football over a mile, but your date doesn't care.

DON'T ASK Will you marry me?

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THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T ASK

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T SAY

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO

1. Will you marry me?

9. I’m going through a divorce.

19. Don't get drunk.

2. Do you want kids?

10. I still live at home.

3. Can I kiss you? Be confident. Just do it. If you have to ask, you probably shouldn’t.

11. Never talk about ex’s or how many you’ve had.

20. If you want there to be any hope at all… DO NOT fart, belch or pick your nose in front of your date.

12. Don't talk about your “extensive” collection of katanas.

21. Don't keep your phone on the table.

4. Don’t ask me anything sexual. 5. Never ask who will be paying the bill.

22. Don’t bring me to the jail to register your ankle bracelet before we go out to eat.

6. Do you want to meet my parents?

23. Don’t be rude / intolerant to people around us.

7. Don't ask if you can touch my hair…to see if it is real or fake.

24. Don’t bring your kids on a first date.

8. Never ask for a second date before the first date is over.

25. Don't show up late. I thought he stood me up. Although we got married, so maybe it wasn’t a deal breaker. 13. Don’t talk about going to the gym or how much you can bench. 14. Don't talk about how much money you make. 15. Don't talk about the last girl you were with. 16. Don’t run down the list of things you don’t like about yourself, or the list of changes you wish you could make. 17. I think I love you.

26. Don’t invite me to your house that has black garbage bags over the windows for curtains. 27. Don’t show up in a baseball cap, unshaven and in a t-shirt. C’mon man… make an effort. 28. Don’t text or answer calls. 29. Don’t be overly affectionate. I’m still getting to know you. 30. Don’t demonstrate poor listening skills.

18. I don’t want to hear about your high school football career or that you were a state wresting champ.

NO PHONES She doesn't want to see 89 photos of your new truck. urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 25

IDE R Y RY ER O V T E AS S HA N

OS A UDI ODM ENT ST O G T N EY K CO IT TN : BR / CLIC Y B S T TEN NE S WRI Y ROG D O BY: C on TOS how n S PHO s a w

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26 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com

s le ha ehic good v e a s, th . Plu ds to be w o e sh nee on th l, there e b ng o n resti d, it ca than co e , t e n v i e ai e mo mor it.” s th omas s on d e n l b i l d f i n to he age , Th to B behi how feature te mess email tory nch other t s u u l to abo riva ver me s to sked stories me or p ethod i ea o his!" So but one a d i n t e , , Whe les and r email erred m ears d th said love o c ente aid, "I ple of y e and o ref s ." e r vehi le call s p m ing t ou he p ay.com e p t o s c o t h a p t h a t o e d u , d m “Pe ook, b es@w Tho il, Jr., an e up for ched ou ision sometim f v e d b l i a e e r c t o e o o Fac dea to Mar ties cam il, Jr., r vide C TV gments n ies t e B r i h e i A c r t r s e r a u yo the prio Bill Ma n. S visio DAY ios, ming ving s on W nitial ru the tele “ d fil nt Stud from o e t m r i e day do it.’” r i y are ser ode afte e sta Conte Kell N, is They iere the ten-epis ewable ‘Let’s d, “W f Click .” Sean P e t S n i i E a prem e, with a still be v .com. bou t expl e help o ications rk with : “They a s a n g l m th in ha mun show in Ju ow wil t inforum e wo mas Tho with l t h s' i s t ot h Com has don for the t.” Tho ick a s s o e s e i m o r n h a u n i i l t c r r g se o he Thom , I did We of Fo tent, wh produce oducing ness at C the w be T o t r " h a s g p is pr Con J ay i n n i n g c a r s . t c . utive y Ro ith and ith Click as’ exec job w k of Cod y shoot He does ,e ut w eg r r . ic m e s t h e b e a b o yc l e s e , i t d Tho fantast hard wo after eve together i c R r b ‘ ov e rom only moto an m how." do a ioned th its down pisodes f , e t s s dc ks t to es des men nt: “He ll of the nt i e t r u c to r a n o n t h h o m a t ‘Ri , I e a u a t o s n t b w g a Co pu tur m o a n b e J ay T ing nnin b.” who fe a a s a – ol th he begi feature c guy azing jo o c h t m "The t from f it . We nd can I : s an a d r e a c tha plain tor a out s ex omas' is y be ab as a mo a m Tho Jay Th t to onl . If it h i c with ot want ycles, et c n r did s, moto k truc urbantoadmedia.com / THE GOOD LIFE / 27

The videos and new television series feature stories from the region. Seeing the collections people have in the area has been eye-opening for Thomas: “I cannot believe the collections people have – tractors, snowmobiles – collections that nobody knows about. I’m a big car person and have been for a long time. How do I not know about these things? You just shake your head when you walk into some of these collections and say, ‘My God… how did I not know about this?’" One of Thomas’ favorite episodes was about Bison tailgating rigs: "it went absolutely viral, especially with the Bison fire truck." Another episode featured a Hudson Hornet collection and Thomas said: "People went crazy for that."

One episode featured the collection of Steve Volla, near Mayville, with a Dodge Challenger done in the 1970s: “This thing was sick. This guy’s collection of Mopars is unbelievable – every one of them is stunning and rare. The buildings he has his collection in, are amazing – jawdropping. We went in to film and were all like ‘Are you freaking kidding me?'" Volla’s collection will soon be featured on the television series with a big Chevy Avalanche done as a tribute to Cheap Trick’s “The Dream Police.” Another episode featured “The Mutt Truck," a truck with 2,000 horsepower. This truck has also been featured on national television on Street Outlaws on the Discovery Channel.

"I cannot believe the collections people have – tractors, snowmobiles – collections that nobody knows about." – Jay Thomas

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Thomas thanked Toppers Car Club for their help on the video series and upcoming television series: "They helped out so much with this – with their collection and with making connections to people." Thomas grew up in Hibbing, Minnesota. A gear-head from early on, Thomas said, "In the Iron Range, it is just the culture to like cars. As a boy, all my friends were into it. We all had friends whose dads owned a body shop or were mechanics, so we had access to tools. We would go cruising on Friday and Saturday nights and it was like a car show – we could see who had done what to their vehicle over the week." In Thomas’ personal collection he has a 1968 Camaro SS of which he is particularly proud. He also mentioned a 1974 Barracuda and a Dodge Challenger. Also, "Rides with Jay Thomas" has a sponsored "Rides Truck". When he is not hosting the Jay Thomas Show, something he has done for nearly eleven years, Thomas spends time at car shows and also has been a promoter, supporter and competitor in the annual Derby for the Vets Adult Pinewood Derby at the Fargo VFW for the past six years. Thomas has been in the Fargo-Moorhead-West Fargo area for 24 years. He started working in radio while still in high school in 1982. He did his time being a radio disc jockey all over the country, but is happy to be doing talk radio: “Doing talk radio is a blast.” When asked what “The Good Life” means to him, Thomas said, “To me, doing what I’m doing right now, having the family that I have, that is the good life.” •

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LOCAL HERO

FIGHTING FOR A CAUSE

Wounded Warrior Project Promises Veterans a Path and Purpose WRITTEN BY: ALEXANDRA FLOERSCH • PHOTOS BY: URBAN TOAD MEDIA

Each veteran carries with him his own book of harrowing stories, but the pain points often overlap. Some face physical disabilities that prevent them from doing everyday tasks like tying their shoes – efforts the rest of us often take for granted. For others, the memories are hidden deep in their mental reserves and often surface without warning. Looking back on May 2015, Benjamin Watkins was unaware that his marriage was on the rocks. “I didn't realize there was a lot of mess happening in my life, and I was really distancing from my wife and my kids," he says, recalling. But thanks to Wounded Warrior Project (WWP), Watkins and his family spent four days bonding at Hiawatha Beach Resort in Walker, Minn. – an activity that would prove to be his saving grace. "I got to connect with my wife and really engage with my son and daughter. It literally changed my life," he says. "Coming home, my wife and I were in tears in that we were having conversations we hadn't had in years. It was so beautiful." 30 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com

Inspired by Experience Like so many others, 9/11 was the spark that started the fire in Watkins’ innate servant heart. Just 22 years old – and in his last year of college – he watched in terror as the second Twin Tower erupted in fire on television. That very afternoon, Watkins called his friend, an Army recruiter, and asked where he would fit in. “His suggestion did not disappoint,” Watkins says. Joining the Army Reserves, Watkins became a training non-commissioned officer (NCO) under the 13th psychological operations (PSYOP) battalion – the only enemy prisoner of war battalion in the entire military. Though now dissolved, the battalion was deployed in the initial push in 2003 and stationed at the infamous Camp Bucca prisoner camp in southern Iraq. "When I came home, I trained soldiers to do what I did – basically copying myself and downloading my consciousness into other soldiers," says the now 40-yearold.

"I signed up, because I needed help." – Benjamin Watkins In 2014, a friend introduced Watkins to WWP, a charitable organization that helps veterans and active duty service members. When he watched the organization’s series called “Wounded: The Battle Back Home” and could relate to the post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) stories, he knew it was time to reach out. "I signed up, because I needed help,” he says. Watkins became so involved, in fact, that he was appointed a peer leader for two years where he was able to help other warriors as they faced the challenges of everyday life as veterans.

"Your rank is left at the door. You're able to dig in and say, ‘This is what's going on in my life,’ ‘This is what happened’ or "I'm having trouble transitioning into this," he says. "It's an open format where you're not going to be judged." When a full-time position opened up at WWP, Watkins knew he had to apply. Hired in July 2018, he now holds the title of Outreach Specialist (covering North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota and Iowa) for an organization that changed his life.

BENJAMIN WATKINS, DAVID COLEMER, JUSTIN SABO

LOCAL HERO PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY: WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT

"I get paid to make sure my brothers and sisters are being taken care of,” he says. “I interact with people who – this is the last day they want to live – and I get to hear, 'This conversation changed my life... literally.' That's what I love about this job."

“There's so much Wounded Warrior Project has to offer them and it's completely free for soldiers and their families."

Programs That Save

Soldier Ride is arguably one of WWP’s most powerful events. Whether on a standard, upright bike, recumbent bike or hand-pedal bike, veterans join in a three-day, 20mile ride where they pedal only as fast as the slowest person on their team.

Today, Watkins’ mission is to make sure Fargo-Moorhead area veterans know they’re not alone in their struggles. "I know there are veterans here, but we have less than 200 people in the whole state of North Dakota signed up for Wounded Warrior Project benefits," he says. 32 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com

Soldier Ride

It’s not surprising that the experience is an emotional one.

"We're honoring that veteran and empowering them to get out and experience life again." – Benjamin Watkins "You can see the tears running down their faces,” Watkins says. “They’re so engaged because they have wind flapping in their hair, and they can feel it. They have the camaraderie they missed, and they're part of an event where they're taken care of.” Wounded Warrior Project Talk Simply put, WWP Talk is a free mental health support line. In reality, it’s so much more than that. "If a family support member calls to say, 'I don't know how to handle my veteran in this, that or the other thing,' we can

advise them and give them some tools to move forward in the healing process for the veteran," Watkins explains. Independence Program Independence Program was designed to help warriors suffering from moderate-to-severe brain or spinal cord injuries or neurological conditions. Staff help warriors and their families set goals and build individualized plans. "It's giving them empowerment,” Watkins says. “We're honoring that veteran and empowering them to get out and experience life again."

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LOCAL HERO Warrior Care Network Warrior Care Network is a partnership with four top academic medical centers and Veterans Affairs (VA) to help service members and veterans deal with posttraumatic stress. Through the program, veterans receive world-class mental health treatment. “Families are part of the healing process,” Watkins explains. “They are vital in a warrior’s recovery.” Community Partners & Resource Center Furthermore, WWP actively partners with other organizations to fulfill needs they cannot. For example, Team Rubicon continues the mission to serve by taking veterans to help where disasters have happened. Through a partnership with CompTIA, veterans interested in information technology (IT) careers receive free training. Team Red, White & Blue encourages veterans 34 / THE GOOD LIFE / urbantoadmedia.com

to get active through running, rock climbing and other activities. But that’s just a start. From international support, finding jobs and preparing resumes to receiving the benefits each veteran has earned, WWP covers it all. Restructuring for Good In 2016, media reports accused WWP of wasting donations on salaries and events. The organization has worked hard since then to rebuild public trust, including naming a new CEO, Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Mike Linnington. “When Linnington was in the service, he was a soldier general. He was on the field talking to soldiers," Watkins explains. “When I was going through my onboarding during the first week of work, he was in the room the whole time and taking questions. Seeing that first-hand now – being behind the curtain – makes me love this organization even more."

Day after day, hearing veterans stories is testimony of the lives being changed by WWP’s efforts. "People always say, 'I want to leave a legacy’ or ‘If I could just change one person's life..." and they question if they're even doing that," Watkins says. "For me, in this job, I know that I am. I have the fulfillment in that I know I've changed a life, or two lives or three." Watkins admits that the work he does for his full-time job undoubtedly fills his bucket. "Because of what this organization has done for my life, I want other people to experience that," he says. "It's a cathartic release knowing, ‘I don't have to live in yesterday. I can be something different. I am something different.'" When asked what the good life means to him, Watkins took a breath, looked back on his life and career and said, “The good life is being able to abundantly bless people at any moment – without delay, without hindrance." And he smiled, knowing he was doing just that. •

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