3
FOOD FOR THE FOOTBALL FANATICS Stock the Man Cave with Snacks for Kick-off By: MEGAN HAVIG | PHOTOS: MEGAN HAVIG
W
hether you’re hosting a football party with the guys or you want to watch ESPN’s Monday Night football in total silence, you still need to treat the games with respect. Basically, you need to have the proper grub. Types of game-day dishes run as vast as the football teams themselves. And no matter what type of food consumer you are (master chef or takeout titan), there is something juicy, spicy or a downright touchdown to the taste buds out there, specifically for you.
Master Chef Makes the Grub
If you find yourself always bringing the sustenance for tailgating, hanging out over the grill for the playoffs party or perfecting the family chili recipe for Super Bowl Sunday, then consider making these savory snacks for your game day.
Bacon Wrapped Smokies (courtesy of www.allrecipes.com)
Gear up for the first half of the game with these “pop-in-the mouth” treats. The best part about Bacon Wrapped Smokies is that they are easy to make, yielding the perfect salty and sweet taste. Expect 20 minutes of prep time, 40 minutes of cook time and finished off by half-time!
INGREDIENTS
• 1 pound sliced bacon, cut into thirds • 1 (14 ounce) package beef cocktail wieners • 3/4 cup brown sugar, or to taste
INSTRUCTIONS
2
Bacon Wrapped Smokies
1 Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. 2 Refrigerate bacon until chilled. Wrap individual smokies with one strip of bacon and secure with a toothpick. Spread across a baking sheet. 3 Sprinkle brown sugar on each smokie. 4 Cook in the oven for 40 minutes or until brown sugar is bubbling.
Skaff Family Chili
FRANKS® REDHOT® Buffalo Chicken Dip
FRANK’S® REDHOT® Buffalo Chicken Dip
(courtesy of www.franksredhot.com) Kick spice into the game with a dish that has bite. Served spicy hot, this dip pairs well with bread, crackers or celery. A neutral dipping side will allow the cheesy goodness to score with a kick on the palate.
INGREDIENTS
• 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened • 1/2 cup blue cheese or ranch salad dressing • 1/2 cup FRANK’S® REDHOT® Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce or FRANK’S® REDHOT® Buffalo Wing Sauce • 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese or shredded mozzarella cheese • 2 thawed chicken breasts
INSTRUCTIONS
1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. 2 Cook and shred chicken. Set aside. 3 Set cream cheese into small crockpot and heat until soft and smooth. 4 Stir in salad dressing, FRANK’S® REDHOT® Sauce, cheese and cooked, shredded chicken. 5 Cook in crockpot until the dip is hot all the way through. 6 Set crockpot on low to serve.
Skaff Family Chili (courtesy of Laneil Skaff) The leaves are turning, the air is brisk and with all the football that fall has to offer, it’s only right to finish off the game with a steaming bowl of homemade chili.
INGREDIENTS • • • • • • • • • • • •
3 cloves garlic - minced 1 large onion - diced 2 lbs. ground beef 2 15 oz. cans diced tomatoes 1 15 oz. can tomato sauce 1 8 oz. can tomato paste 2 bay leaves 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon Cumin Salt and pepper to taste 1 15 oz. can chili beans 1 15 oz. can kidney beans, rinsed
INSTRUCTIONS
1 Brown beef in pot. 2 Add minced garlic and diced onion. 3 Add tomato sauce, tomato paste and diced tomatoes. 4 Add chili beans and rinsed kidney beans. 5 Add chili powder, cumin and bay leaves. 6 Add salt and pepper as well as the other powdered spices to taste. 7 Let simmer on low for at least 2 hours. 8 Remove bay leaves and serve.
With good food and drinks, your party can soar to the end zone. Make sure to keep all your goods in slow cookers on low throughout the game. This will keep their heat and taste until the final score. 3
16
IN EVERY ISSUE LOCAL HEROES 32 MILITARY KIDS Sometimes the Smallest People Have the Largest Hearts
ON THE COVER CASS COUNTY 16 SHERIFF PAUL LANEY ARTICLES FOOD FOR 2 THE FOOTBALL FANATICS Stock the Man Cave with Snacks for Kick-off
32
6
THANKSGIVING TIPS FOR DADS:
Lessons From Football CREATIVE DIRECTOR Dawn Siewert dawn@urbantoadmedia.com
NOVEMBER-DECEMBER 2013 4
12
PHOTOGRAPHY Darren Losee darren@urbantoadmedia.com
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Soo Asheim Meghan Feir Paul Hankel Megan Havig Alicia Underlee Nelson Jenessa McAllister
ARTICLES CONTINUED FARGO PHOTOGRAPHER 8 CREATES NEW IMAGES OF HISTORY Dan Francis Uses Photos and Editing to Give Downtown Fargo a New Look
12 HOLIDAY COCKTAILS 14
HOW TO COPE 24 WITH THE DREADED IN-LAWS OVER THE HOLIDAYS 26
DEFENDING THE NET
An Interview With Fargo Force Goalie Cam Johnson
WHAT NOT TO BUY FOR YOUR SWEETHEART
24 PUBLISHED BY | Urban Toad Media LLP | www.urbantoadmedia.com |
26 /urbantoadmedia
ADVERTISING SUBMISSIONS Urban Toad Media LLP | 118 Broadway North, Suite 412 | Fargo, ND 58102 | 701.388.4506 The Good Life magazine is distributed six times a year by Urban Toad Media LLP. Material may not be reproduced without permission. The Good Life magazine accepts no liability for reader dissatisfaction arising from content in this publication. The opinions expressed, or advice given, are the views of individual writers or advertisers and do not necessarily represent the views or policies of The Good Life.
5
Thanksgiving Tips for Dads:
LESSONS FROM FOOTBALL By: CAREY CASEY | WWW.FATHERS.COM
i
have a prediction: I bet you’re going to watch a football game or two on Thursday ... It’s a great tradition — at least one that I enjoy each Thanksgiving. And here’s one thing I really like about watching football with the family. Football, as with all sports, comes ripe with teachable moments. Think about the messages you are sending to your kids while watching a football game. When your team is too far behind to catch up, do you roll your eyes and say, “They might as well go home?” Or do you cheer for them, shouting for them to play their hearts out anyway? And when a referee makes a bad call that favors your team, do you call for fairness anyway? So with that in mind, here are some tips for dads … 6
Action Points for Watching Football on Thanksgiving:
1. Hold your team to high standards. If one of your favorite team’s players is misbehaving, don’t defend him. Defending people who behave inappropriately could teach your kids that it’s okay for them to disregard authority figures in their lives (even you) if it serves their own purposes. It also tells children that some adults don’t have to behave. This is the wrong message to send children. Yes, children should respect adults. But they should also be aware that adults shouldn’t get away with inappropriate behavior simply because they are adults. So when you see a player or coach misbehave, or when a referee makes an unfair call that benefits your
team, calmly explain to your child that you disagree. You can say things like: • “Oh, it’s too bad the referee made that call. I like to see my team win fair and square.” • “I wish that player wouldn’t behave that way. I’m always a little embarrassed to watch a grownup who doesn’t know how to control himself.”
2. Manage your anger appropriately. I really don’t like it when the Chiefs are losing. In fact, when I’m watching a game alone, I’ve been known to blow off a little steam. But when your children are watching a game with you, it is important that you manage your anger and disappointment. If your team plays its heart out and still loses, you have an opportunity to teach your children that you will love them even if they make mistakes or fail. Sure, it’s okay to be disappointed, but being angry or mocking a team’s performance just because they lose sends your kid a negative message: I’ll stop loving you if you fail. If you haven’t done it in a while, maybe this weekend would be a good time to come right out and tell your child: “I will always love you no matter what — even when you fail, mess up or make bad decisions.” 3. Encourage goal-setting. This is a good opportunity to talk to your children about hard work and goal setting. Be sure your children know how much you admire athletes for their hard work and discipline. You can say things like:
• “Can you imagine how much work it took for Aaron Rodgers to get to this place? Look at that arm! How many times do you think he’s thrown a football?” • “I really admire the discipline required to be a professional athlete. While the rest of the world was slacking off in front of the TV, these guys were practicing for hours on end.” And on a related note, it won’t hurt to show that you admire strength wherever it is displayed. Show appreciation for the other team’s hard work, even when they are beating your team.
4. Remember the bigger picture. Sports have always been a great analogy for life. You can tell a lot about a player, a coach, or a fan by the way they celebrate victories, by the way they treat their teammates and opponents, and by the way they recover from setbacks. You see, football is about a lot more than football. And remember ... Thanksgiving is about a lot more than football, too. Thanksgiving is about shifting your perspective, remembering to count your blessings, and focusing on your family and all of the love they bring into your life. So go around the table and voice your appreciation for all things, little and small. Be sure that you are engaged with your family and focused on what truly matters. If the game is distracting, by all means ... turn it off!
7
Dan Francis Photography | Taylor Made Photography
FARGO PHOTOGRAPHER CREATES NEW IMAGES OF HISTORY Dan Francis Uses Photos and Editing to Give Downtown Fargo a New Look
P By: Alicia Underlee Nelson 8
hotographer Dan Francis of Dan Francis Photography uses his original photos, an appreciation of history and masterful editing to play with time. Take a photo from his Fargo: Old to New Series, for example; it will appear simple enough at first glance, expertly composed and featuring downtown Fargo’s familiar landmarks. But a second glance revels that there’s something beautifully unsettling going on just under the surface.
Dan Francis Photography | THE HODO, WALDORF, reflected heroes Modern SUVs share the streets with Model Ts. The shadows of forgotten hotels float over today’s bustling streets and the smoldering embers of yesteryear’s fires flicker at the edge of the frame, reminding viewers that history is fluid and even the most cherished cityscapes are always changing. “History is a fun learning experience when you give the viewer a snapshot of what was, placed on top of what is,” said Francis. “By blending the historical photographs with modern images, I compare and contrast the past to the present, showing not only what has changed, but what has stayed the same.” Francis, a certified professional photographer, has roots in FargoMoorhead and found his muse, his workspace and much of his clientele in downtown Fargo. He works from a studio at 10 8th Street North, where he captures and edits wedding images, portraits and commercial work. Many of his clients, such as Bell State Bank, The Fargo Theatre, The Kilbourne Group and Mezzaluna, are downtown institutions as well as paying customers, and they often find their facades featured in his photographs. “Fargo is home to most of my clients, and Fargo’s history is important to those that have lived here for a period of time,” said Francis. 9
Dan Francis Photography | HOMETOWN HERO “My family has been living in Fargo for more than 70 years take the erase tool, lightly erase parts of the older picture, so it was fun…to ask about their memories of what Fargo- slowly revealing the 2009 photograph. I place the older photograph on top because I’ll most likely keep more of the Moorhead was like back in the 40s through 70s.” The inspiration for this project came to him in 2009, older photograph in the picture then the newer buildings. when he discovered an old postcard featuring Fargo’s Since individuals see the modern buildings everyday, I want to capture more of the past.” Carnegie Library and the old Waldorf The process uses Francis’ original Hotel. “By blending the photographs and his expertise with “I couldn’t imagine these buildings historical photographs Photoshop, which were honed by once stood in Fargo,” he said. “I found the practical, hands-on experience he out the Carnegie was now a parking lot with modern images, received during six years of work in a and the Waldorf had burned down in I compare and photography studio as much as – if not 1951.” contrast the past to more than – his classroom education. Unable to shake the ghosts of these the present, showing “Most new photographers now buildings, he trained his camera on not only what has don’t get this chance to work at a the ground where they once stood. His photography studio, because there’s studio became part editing suite and changed, but what has only a couple studios that actually part historical archive, as Francis used stayed the same.” hire employees. They get a camera his impeccable eye for detail to create — Dan Francis and just start photographing clients, multilayered images. not really understanding the basics of “I layer the 2009 photograph on the photography and business first. Being bottom and the older photograph on top,” he explained. “I then slowly make any corrections I on the job at a photography studio first really helped me need to make, such as making sure the windows match up, take it slow and learn what I needed to before I went out the sidewalks match perfectly by using perspective. I then and set up my studio downtown.” 10
SEE THIS IMAGE AT “THE UPTOWN GALLERY” Francis considers practical education and business sense — as well as daily studies of light and composition and “emotion and impact to help separate themselves from other photographers” – to be essential for a photographer. And he’s sharing what he knows with new photographers. He teaches photography and Photoshop classes at M|State and is eligible for his Master of Photography degree in January, after a four-year process of submitting photographs to a panel of judges and speaking and attending photography events nationwide. Francis is also a member of the Professional Photographers of North Dakota, The Professional Photographers of America, The National Association of Photoshop Professionals and a local group of professional photographers called the Dead Pixel Group. Earlier this year, Francis’ image “The Traveler” was named one of the Professional Photographers of America’s Top 10 Portraits of the Year, beating out over 5,000 images from photographers from seven different countries. His image of the reflected Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall was featured on the cover of Black & White Magazine, a periodical for collectors of fine photography worldwide. Photography is integral to Francis’ definition of the good life. And he has this advice for anyone interested in pursuing the art form.
Dan Francis Photography | THE TRAVELER “The good life to me is to make time for what you’re passionate about – to keep doing what drives you to pick up the camera every day and create photographs,” he said. “Keep pursuing the good life in everything you do and keep your motivation high. I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing because I can’t go a day without doing something photography related. There will be no retirement from this career. There will be no hanging up my camera when I’m 65.”
Dan Francis Photography | HERE’S THE PROBLEM
11
Holiday Cocktails
Spread some holiday cheer with these adult beverages!
Candy Cane Martini Ingredients
• 1 1/2 oz vodka • 1/2 - 1 tsp peppermint schnapps • 1 oz club soda • 4-5 ice cubes • crushed candy canes
Directions
Placed crushed candy canes on a small plate. Wet the outside rim of a chilled martini glass with water. Holding the glass by the stem, rotate the rim to coat with candy. In a cocktail shaker, add some ice cubes. Over the cubes, pour the vodka, peppermint schnapps, and club soda. Shake until well combined. Strain and pour the blended drink into the prepared glass.
Grinch Martini Ingredients
• 1/2 oz freshly squeezed lemon juice • 1 tsp sugar syrup • 2 oz Midori
Directions
• 4-5 ice cubes • maraschino cherry for garnish
In a cocktail shaker, add some ice cubes. Over the cubes, pour the lemon juice, sugar syrup, and Midori. Shake until well combined. Strain and pour the blended drink into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with a maraschino cherry. 12
Apple Toddy Ingredients
• 1/2 orange, halved • 4 cloves • 3 cups apple cider • 2 cinnamon sticks • brandy to taste • apple slice
Directions
Stud the orange halves with cloves. In a medium saucepan, bring the cider, cinnamon and oranges to a simmer. To serve, add a shot of brandy to a cup. Ladle in the hot cider and garnish with an apple slice.
Irish Coffee Ingredients
• 1 oz Kahlua coffee cream • 1 oz Irish whiskey • freshly brewed coffee • whipped cream
Directions
Add liquors and coffee in an Irish coffee glass. Stir. Top with whipped cream.
Bourban Manhattan Ingredients
• 3/4 oz sweet vermouth • 2 1/2 oz bourbon whiskey • 1 dash angostura bitters • 1 maraschino cherry • 1 orange peel twist
Directions
Combine vermouth, whiskey, and a dash of bitters with 2 to 3 ice cubes in a mixing glass. Stir gently. Place the cherry in a chilled cocktail glass and strain the mixture over the cherry. Rub the cut edge of the orange peel over the rim of the glass and twist it over the drink to release the oils, but don’t drop it in. 13
WHAT NOT TO BUY FOR YOUR SWEETHEART
W
hether this is your first year of buying a Christmas present for your honey buns or your 40th, you may find shopping for her a seemingly indomitable task. In order to make life a little less stressful, I’ve whittled the wearying list of gift options down for you, gentlemen. Here is a list of things you should never buy a woman, unless she has earnestly asked for them.
Any candle or fragrance that remotely resembles the “Sweet Pea” or “Moonlit Path” scents at Bath & Body Works or Wal-Mart. Even if she likes those fragrances, don’t buy them. You’ll regret it if you do. They smell like the essence of an overly serious teenage girl of the ‘90s (I don’t have a source for this).
Anything camouflage or neon orange. One of my best friends informed me that Menard’s now carries camouflage lingerie. This isn’t a good thing. It would actually be better for you to sew together an outfit of leaves, if you’re that obsessed with the idea of making her difficult to find.
A version of something she hinted for, but isn’t exactly the same. If she’s specifically hinting for “Pocahontas” and “Star Wars,” don’t buy her “Avatar.” However, if she’s asking for a gold bracelet with cubic zirconium, go ahead and buy her a 24K gold bracelet with diamonds.
By: MEGhan Feir 14
Presents that mean work for someone else (i.e., her). No matter how cool that mop at Wal-Mart looks, resist the urge to fit it in an enlarged stocking by the fireplace. A lock of your hair placed in a gold locket. This may have been acceptable and idolized in the hearts of 18th-century, doe-eyed girls, but time traveling doesn’t exist – yet. Save this idea for later when these inventions are easily accessible (and safe). I was recently reminded by a Mary Kay saleswoman that my good looks won’t last forever. Although this is true, please, don’t buy your woman anti-aging products. That saleswoman has been trained to sell, but don’t allow her to sell you just anything. As an ex-beauty consultant, I am happy to say that my retail days of helping men in need find presents for their ladies never resulted in a woman finding wrinkle cream under her tree. Self-help books are also a no-no. “Honey, sugar pie, you have problems. Read this.” You should also forgo buying her workout programs, weights, exercise gear and dieting books. You might as well tell her she’s getting a little too big for her britches. You might as well tell her she doesn’t look like she did when you first met. You might as well tell her to stop growing so quickly. Good luck with that. To package many of my points in one nice, neat, department store-wrapped Christmas package (bow included), don’t buy a woman anything that insinuates she has mental, physical or emotional problems that need to be “fixed,” preferably sometime in the approaching new year. Do not, I repeat, do not buy her gifts that make her more self-conscious than she already may be, and don’t purchase things that ultimately result in more work for her. If she’s one of those oh-I’measy-I-like-everything types, dare to dig a little deeper. Ask her, relentlessly, if need be, what she would love. Ask her friends, her family, even your pets, if you get to that point of frustration. Now, if only someone would tell me what to buy for men.
15
16
17
W
By: soo asheim | photos: urban toad media hen you are the first sheriff-elect to replace a wellliked sheriff of 28 years, the platform on which you based your election win has to be far more than empty promises and platitudes. The passion to convince the citizens that you will serve and protect them cannot waver, nor can the commitments you make. 18
Paul Laney entered the election in 2006 to win the Cass County Sheriff’s position, knowing full well that everything he said would be documented and brought back up if he failed to fulfill the promises he made while campaigning. And he knew that when the ballots were counted, his fate was sealed and the semi-anonymous life he had led was coming to a screeching halt. Someone with less conviction about what the job means — “to protect and serve” — might have felt his election was a mandate to completely overhaul the entire sheriff’s department. But Laney didn’t feel that would be fair to those who had worked there for years and were
Marines. After graduating from West Fargo High School in 1984, Laney enlisted in the Marine Corps and served within a Communication Detachment as part of the 13th Marine Expeditionary Unit. As his four-year commitment to the Marines was ending, he needed to decide whether to re-enlist or to walk away with everything the Marines had taught him — a tough decision, because according to Laney, he is everything he has become in large part due to his years in the US Marine Corps. However, Laney also felt a beckoning to go back where he began. United States Marine Paul Laney was honorably discharged in October of 1988 and decided to visit his father, then living in the Minneapolis area. (Paul’s mom still lived in Fargo.) The 9 month reunion Paul spent with his dad were great, and gave Paul time to contemplate the future. His years in the Marines had given him a purpose he believed in – serving his country – and he knew that his goal going forward would need to be within a structured environment that fulfilled his need to serve. photo submitted by Paul Laney
apprehensive about changes on the horizon, which might suddenly turn their world upside-down. While some were ready and anxious for new methods and a management style with strong leadership, Laney felt his first call was to put to rest the rumors within the department, and let the people he now depended on to create a modernized and first-rate sheriff’s department know that he appreciated them and their hard work, and that he wanted their input going forward. When I asked when he knew that law enforcement was what he wanted as a lifetime career, Laney will say he believes it “came together” for him while serving in the 19
Paul returned to Fargo, and in August of 1989 he was hired by the Fargo Police Department. During his seventeen and a half years as a police officer, Paul gained invaluable experience both as a person and as a leader, learning the ropes in many different areas of police work. He also joined the ranks of investigator with the gang and narcotics division. Laney’s determination to be not just a “good” cop, but among the very best, led him to qualify as a field training officer so that those coming into the department could become what the citizens of Fargo deserved — law enforcement officers who were the best on the street, with the best training they could get. The parts of town that most of us rarely see are where most of the incidents that patrol officers experience every day tend to occur. Unfortunately, much of an officer’s job is seeing people in times of crisis, perhaps when death’s door has opened due to accidents, suicides, physical assaults, violent sexual assaults and even murders. Without proper technical training combined with the appropriate perspective that enables our officers not only to do their best but to handle it psychologically, day in and day out, the burnout rate would be extremely high. This takes dedication to the job and to the force, and above all, a strong commitment to “protect and serve.” Paul also served as a tactical team member, and when he retired from the police force in 2006 he was a lieutenant and commander of the Red River Valley SWAT team.
20
Corporal Tommy Ray and Sheriff Paul Laney
THE NEXT STEP In 2006 Lieutenant Laney decided to run for Cass County Sheriff for a number of reasons. However, the primary reason was his persistent self-imposed goal to serve the people where he grew up. Laney also believes leadership has different levels. One of his more notable schemes came the same year he was elected sheriff, when he and his team held a “warrant party” to lure in skally-wags and scoundrels who were ignoring outstanding warrants on any number of illegal activities as well as several dead-beat dads who were choosing to ignore their child support obligations. The “lure” was for attendees who might be planning on attending or wanting to attend the Ozzy Osbourne and Rob Zombie concert. Sheriff Laney’s office sent out 500 letters to individuals insinuating they could get “back stage passes” for a personal “meet and greet” at a local bar with one or more of the band members, possibly meet the two rock stars themselves, or just to have the “winners” win a photo taken with Ozzy Osbourne or Rob Zombie. But the only “meet and greet” these particular wanted individuals got was from Cass County deputies, slinging handcuffs around their wrists. No one can remember a “sting” such as this, nor one as successful — certainly not in North Dakota! While some grumbles were heard from the public, the majority felt that the operation not only sent a much-needed message to anyone thinking that ignoring a warrant for any reason in Cass County would eventually be forgotten. It also showed that Sheriff Laney and his deputies had a good sense of humor, a commodity not always obvious when they’re chasing crooks. It was Cass County’s good fortune to have Sheriff Laney as the top decision-maker during the county-wide flooding crisis a mere two years after taking office. In 2009, Cass County faced the hellish and historic flooding of the century. If anyone ever had any doubts about Paul Laney’s ability as a take-charge leader, they had none by the time the Red River ebbed. Sheriff Laney supervised the rescue of 168 residents from their flooded homes. He also managed the
sergeant Amanda Henrickson, Sheriff Paul Laney, sergeant Jon Morse, sergeant Katie Jacobson coordination of a multi-agency flood response for the Red River Valley area, as well as forming the Tactical Operations Center (aka TOC), where several agencies worked together in rescue operations and flood responses. This was seen as such an invaluable advantage in managing large-scale emergency operations that FEMA has adopted the TOC concept and is implementing it nationally as a “best practice” method of handling major emergencies. While Laney speaks proudly of his team making it work, it goes without saying that given the leadership needed to handle such awesome responsibilities, while managing several agencies at once, Laney scrubbed all doubts of his abilities. During the Minot flooding debacle, Sheriff Laney lent his expertise in TOC protocol, manpower and the Airboats he got through grant funding the year before. In the two terms Sheriff Laney has served, he has developed several time-saving measures to be used during a variety of emergencies. One that all parents will appreciate is called the Cass/Clay Unified School Response Plan, which
puts all schools within both Cass and Clay (Minnesota) Counties on the same emergency response plan for critical incidents. Sheriff Laney and then Fargo School District Assistant Superintendent Lowell Wolff coordinated this emergency response plan together. Understanding that having more heads and hands to help during emergencies is a nobrainer, Laney created a plan called the Field Readiness Training Program for licensed officers. Budget-conscious taxpayers’ especially like this idea, as it allows for more volunteer staffing and doesn’t require the hiring of permanent additional staff. At the same time, it prepares licensed officers who can always use more training. How does a jail handling as many as Cass County houses handle disturbances involving disruptive inmates? With the Corrections Emergency Response Team, that’s how. There is also an Office of Professional Standards today which investigates any internal and external complaints against the Cass County Sheriff’s Office personnel. 21
Sergeant Jon Morse, Deputy Cynthia Briard, Sheriff Paul Laney, Deputy Vincent Smith, Sergeant Amanda Henrickson that does include everyone who works for the Cass County Sheriff’s Office — regardless of their actual job. From the person who hands out shower towels to the sheriff himself, Laney’s position is “if they wear a brown patch on their uniform, they are part of the family in brown: the Cass County Sheriff’s Office,” and they work under his guidance. I asked about a couple of his “no can do” rules; for instance, no one within LANEY’S “DRIVE THE ROAD” “Each and every day the sheriff’s office is allowed to work in PHILOSOPHY as I back out of our a saloon serving drinks. Laney’s reason: Sheriff Laney and I had a two-hour driveway, I thank God how does one rationalize serving interview, and during those two hours booze to someone one night, then there were three major points Laney for being able to go to perhaps having to arrest them the next kept reiterating. One is the Paul Laney a job I absolutely for a DWI or DUI? Sheriff Laney has “drive the road” philosophy. Number love doing,” a point, as it seems that would create two is the love he feels for his wife Patty — Sheriff Paul Laney a conflict. He also has a steadfast rule and two daughters, Danielle and Katy, about moonlighting for private security and number three is the near-obsessive firms. Other than that, contrary to dedication Laney has for the position of protecting and serving the public he has been elected to several rumors I’ve heard, Sheriff Laney has no issue with anyone wanting to work another job during their off hours serve, along with his “family in brown.” Sheriff Laney makes no bones about the expectations from the sheriff’s office. he has of himself and everyone else who works for the Cass Sheriff Laney’s “drive the road” philosophy is actually County Sheriff’s Office. His standards are very high. And pretty common-sense and uncomplicated: do nothing These and the several other programs that Sheriff Laney and his team have developed are what make an organization with over 140 employees (many of whom carry guns with real live ammo) tick like a finely tuned clock. The key is mentoring the people in charge of their departments – to motivate them to want to lead, as well.
22
in your professional or personal life that will hurt the reputation of all the others who work with you each and every day. Laney is the “last stop” during any hiring process, and when he offers up his “Drive the Road” speech, he makes sure that every applicant understands that “the job is not about you or me; it is about serving and protecting the people of Cass County.” And from Sheriff Laney’s point of view, those people deserve to have only the best keeping them safe from whatever harm may befall them. Laney also knows that no one is perfect; we all make mistakes, and sometimes we “drive in the ditch.” When that happens, he expects total transparency. If someone intentionally “drives in the ditch” it will be dealt with. However, if someone mistakenly “drives in the ditch,” he believes in carrying them for as long as it takes until they’re back “driving the road.” But don’t tell a fish tale about why you went into the ditch in the first place. Dishonesty leads to a lack of trust, and a lack of trust is simply not tolerated. Given Sheriff Laney’s position and that of his deputies, transparency and honesty should be expected by all — co-workers and the public alike. Sheriff Paul Laney talks about Patty and their daughters, Katie and Danielle. Patty is an attorney and is also the Director of the Criminal Justice Program at Fargo’s Rasmussen College. Laney says she is his “absolute rock, who keeps me balanced. She gets the ‘drive the road’ philosophy.” Katy and Danielle are in their teens and active in athletics.
When I asked Sheriff Laney about winning the National Sheriffs’ Association award in 2012, the Ferris E. Lucas Award for Sheriff of the Year, Laney beamed and repeated much of what he said the night he was given the award: “It’s not just me. WE did it.” The Ferris E. Lucas award recognizes an outstanding sheriff of the year for the contributions and improvements made to the office of sheriff on any local, state and national level, as well as for their overall involvement in their communities beyond their responsibilities as sheriff. Given the task forces Laney has been an integral part of, his leadership during crisis situations in Cass County as well as other counties in North and South Dakota, the expansion of mentorships and programs within the Cass County Corrections facility (Laney states, “I refuse to warehouse people. The majority of our inmates are not horrible sinful people. They simply ‘drove in the ditch’ and it’s their behavior that needs changing mostly. As long as we can help even one person realize the mistakes they made and prevent more recidivism, I’m willing to help promote programs.”), and the overall change of attitude throughout the entire Sheriff’s Office, one would have to be blind not to see how much Laney’s attitude and dedication have made for a much more positive environment. As for Sheriff Paul Laney, he says, “Each and every day as I back out of our driveway, I thank God for being able to go to a job I absolutely love doing,” and that’s what living the good life is all about.
23
How to Cope With the Dreaded In-Laws Over the Holidays
By: MEGhan Feir
W
ith the holidays swiftly approaching, some are dreading the inevitable visits with the in-laws. Movies have been made about these encounters, and rehashing personal experiences have probably replaced ghost stories at campfires across the world. As a single 20-something, one could doubt my street cred on the subject of being married into a strange family, but where I lack personal experience, my imagination and observations make up for it.
Here are some semi-creative ways of how you can deal with your “other” (or your own) family.
1
Sit in a La-Z-Boy recliner and read the newspaper all day, like so many men before you. The result: Your in-laws and spouse will find you incredibly dull, and you won’t win any brownie, cake or krumkake points with anyone, including yourself. You’ll also gain more weight and appear to be a freeloader as you eat your fair share of pumpkin pie, turkey and the infamous green bean casserole.
2
Hide yourself in the bedroom closet beneath a pile of dirty clothes, ne’er to be found until after this yuletide season is finished. Bring a few quarts of eggnog to tide you over. 24
3
Expose yourself to a multitude of illnesses a few weeks ahead of time. You “don’t want to get the family sick,” so you’ll “just have to stay home.”
4
Ask your best friend or best frenemy to slightly run you over with their vehicle immediately preceding your departure for the in-laws’ homestead. A lighter car is best (less recovery time to worry about). You’ll get to spend your holiday at the hospital eating 5-year-old chocolate pudding, dwelling in a juxtaposed atmosphere of sickness and sterility. This is what you dreamed about.
5
Be the better person. Force yourself to act cheerful and charismatic, interested and kind. Not only will your in-laws probably like you a lot more, your other half will find it attractive, weird or not even notice. I can’t guarantee which result you’ll receive from
your spouse, but your in-laws will appreciate it, unless they really are crazy. Option No. 5 was clearly, I hope, the best route to take. As the old or new (the quote on Pinterest didn’t have a date of origin) saying goes, you can’t control how other people act, but you can control your own attitude and actions. That was paraphrased. So, how can you accomplish No. 5 flawlessly? Peel the potatoes, give spontaneous back rubs (this could also be taken as creepy), be sociable, and above all, be grateful and kind, even if they are rude, annoying or just awkward. Oftentimes, people can come off as strange because they don’t know how to act themselves. Go out of your way and break the ice for them, figuratively speaking. Not only will you feel better knowing you tried to be nice for your significant others’ sake, but you’ll also be building your familial resume, in a sense. Every action adds up, and the better you present yourself, the more likely they’ll be to welcome you into their family. 25
26
27 By: Paul hankel | PHotos: urban toad media
W
hile the Fargo Force may be the newest sports team to make Fargo its home, it didn’t take the team long to secure a spot as one of the must-see attractions in the area. A beautiful arena, coupled with five straight appearances in the USHL Clark Cup playoffs, has lead to a strong fan following and a steady increase in support within our community. Junior hockey provides fans the chance to see up and coming talent from all over the country and the world. One such player is Cam Johnson, a native of Troy, Michigan and in his second season with the Fargo Force. The Good Life Magazine was lucky enough to catch up with Johnson as he entered the final week of practice before the start of the season. We sat down with Johnson and asked him about his time in Fargo, his love of hockey and what we can expect to see from the Fargo Force this season.
CJ: I started playing hockey when I was three years old and playing goalie when I was in Squirts. Second grade was when I settled on being a goalie. I just fell in love with playing the position. I also like how you get to design your own gear and are the flashiest player on the ice. GL: So you’ll be sporting a new helmet design this season? CJ: (laughs) It’s actually kind of a funny story. We (Fargo Force) don’t really have a logo. So I went on Google and typed in ‘force,’ just to see what would pop up and a picture of Darth Vader popped up! It sparked my interest and I thought it would look pretty cool on my helmet.
“I don’t think we realize how lucky we are to get to play hockey here.” – Cam Johnson
The Good Life: Tell us a little bit about yourself. Cam Johnson: I was born and raised in Troy, Michigan. I grew up there my entire life. Actually, coming to Fargo is the first time I’ve ever been away from home. GL: When did you start playing hockey and how did you settle on goalie as a position? 28
GL: How is playing goalie different from playing any other position on the ice?
CJ: It’s definitely a pressure position. You’re the last line of defense and you have to come in ready, game in and game out, and can’t have an off night. GL: Which situation is more stressful for a goalie: A breakaway or a shootout? CJ: That’s a tough question. I’d have to say that, in a game situation, a breakaway is more stressful. It’s kind of like a heat of the moment thing. In my head, I’m saying,
29
‘Ok, it’s me and him. I gotta stop this guy.’ Whereas with shootouts, you have some time between the shots, and you know it’s coming, so you’re prepared.
level. Our veterans have done a really good job of helping the new guys adjust. GL: What are the team’s goals this season?
GL: How do you handle the pressure? CJ: (chuckles) Well, if I make a mistake it shows up on the scoreboard! I just stay focused and trust my teammates.
CJ: Our team’s goal is to win the Clark Cup. We’re a great team and have always been in the playoffs. Now we just need to finish.
GL: What’s going through your head right before a game?
GL: And you personally?
CJ: I like to think about the game but I don’t like to think about it too much. If I start to think about it too much, I get nervous. So, before the game I just like to relax and let the game come to me. This season, Johnson will lace up as one of only six returning players from last year’s playoff team. A team that, last season set a record for wins in a season.
CJ: A personal goal of mine is to win Goalie of the Year for our league. I’m going to work really hard and try to win that award. I’d also like to make the USA Junior-A Challenge roster. That team goes overseas and plays teams from other countries. Off the ice, Johnson enjoys other sports like golf and bowling, and hanging out with his teammates and friends.
GL: How does your team build chemistry with so many new players on the roster? CJ: We’ve got a good core of veteran guys. We really try to take charge and show all the younger guys the ropes. We’ve got a lot of guys who’ve never played Junior hockey before. It’s a completely different speed and pace at this 30
GL: So, you’re a pretty good bowler? CJ: I am, actually. Last week I bowled a 218, which is one of my best scores ever! I was pretty pumped about that. GL: Any favorite TV shows?
CJ: I’m an America’s Got Talent guy. I also like The Voice. Duck Dynasty has to be my favorite show right now. I wish I could spend a day with those guys, they’re hysterical! GL: Who’s your favorite NHL player? CJ: I would have to go with Pavel Datsyuk. He’s a Detroit Red Wing and they’re also my favorite team. I just think that he’s the best player in the NHL, defensively and offensively. GL: Do you have a favorite NHL goalie? CJ: I do. I’d say its Ryan Miller from the Buffalo Sabres. He’s a hometown guy, being from Michigan. I grew up watching him and really enjoyed watching him during the last Winter Olympics. When asked what he likes about playing in Fargo, Johnson said he loves the team, the facilities and the supportive fans who consistently pack Scheels Arena for home games. “I don’t think we (the players) realize how lucky we are to get to play hockey here. “ In his second season with the Force, Johnson hopes to raise his level of play, become a bigger leader on the team, and, of course, win the Clark Cup. Next year, Johnson is headed north to play hockey for the University of North Dakota. After college, he has hopes of making an NHL roster. When asked what the good life means to him, Johnson’s answer was simple: “Playing hockey with my friends and being here in Fargo. To me, that’s the good life.”
“If I make a mistake, it shows up on the scoreboard!” – Cam Johnson 31
By: Jenessa McAllister
Sometimes the Smallest People Have the Largest Hearts
T
eary-eyed goodbyes,
emotional letters from home, and daddy’s eventful surprise homecoming are often the first things people think of when considering military deployment. But what’s behind all of this emotion? How does the deployment of parent affect a family, and specifically, his or her children? Strong parental structure is the backbone of every successful family. When one of the household’s leaders is removed, things can get a bit uneven. The majority of active service members in the United States are men, but a growing number are women. There are approximately 8,300 kids in North Dakota with at least one parent serving in the military. Whether service members are away from home for weeks, years, or anywhere in between, there’s no doubt that the effect on children is monumental, and can change their lives for years to come. It is estimated that more than 2 million U.S. children have experienced the deployment of a parent since 9/11. But what’s below the surface of that number? How does that hit home for the kids? After 32
hearing many first-hand stories and circumstances of fathers being called to war, a better understanding can be gained for these heroes.
Coping with Change
There are many circumstances that lead to different reactions among family members when it comes to their dad’s deployment. Length of the deployment, location of the assignment and age of the child are the most prominent factors in these reactions. Rachel*, age 15, has experienced her father’s deployment twice, with six years between them, with the age difference playing a role in the ways she reacted each time. “My dad has
been deployed twice,” Rachel said. “Once when I was in kindergarten and the other when I was going into 6th grade. For the first deployment I didn’t really understand what a deployment was. I remember we were sitting in our living room and my parents told me that dad was going to be gone for a while. The second deployment was harder on me because I was old enough to understand that my dad was going into a place of danger.” Rachel’s words echo those of Diane Hahn from NDSU Extension, the program coordinator for Operation: Military Kids (OMK) in North Dakota. The OMK team works with local communities to support
“These families sacrifice so much to serve our country, and we just need to do something to give back and to honor them to support their families.” — Diane Hahn, Operation: Military Kids military youth through all stages of deployment.“ A child’s reaction to the deployment of a parent or loved one depends on the child’s age and developmental stage, and other individual, family and community factors” she said. “Toddlers may be clingy and crying, and a teenager could experience a range of different emotions.” Holly is a 25-year-old who was 17 when her dad was deployed. For her, the experience was much deeper than her dad just being gone for a few months. “My dad is not my biological father — he became my dad when he married my mom in 2002,” Holly said. “He had already missed out on so much of my life. It just seemed so unfair that he would miss another year, my senior year of high school.” Holly says she experienced some of the same feelings Rachel did, in the age difference of her siblings and they way they each reacted. “I felt the worry of my dad being gone much more urgently than my three younger siblings seemed to,” she said. Confusion and rebellion are other common reactions, as well as fear and worrying about the safety of the deployed. Kelly Painter, the school liaison officer at the Grand Forks Air Force Base and an OMK state team member, has seen
a range of reactions among children in these situations. “I remember one specific story of the stress and strain that one little boy went through,” she said. “He was 8 years old, and he came to my office very upset and angry. He was angry about having to do extra work, and his reaction to this didn’t really sound like him. He was emotional and crying, and after talking with him, I realized that he had just found out his dad would be deployed again. The crux of everything was happening, and he just didn’t think it was fair.” Painter also recalled a story of a 6-year-old who was demonstrating weapon play out on the playground, which was not allowed. When approached and asked why he was playing so violently, he explained that he was going to teach his dad some tips when he goes to war. In this case, misinformation and confusion led to this child thinking he had to protect his dad from a war zone. “He just really wanted to keep his dad safe, which is understandable,” Painter said. “But I explained to him that his military background and training would protect him just fine.”
An Upset in Family Dynamic
When one half of a two-parent team leaves for a period of time, household duties and responsibilities often fall onto the shoulders of the children in the family. When 17-year-old Meghan’s step-dad was away from home, she definitely felt the pressure of stepping up. “I was worried that we weren’t going to be able to get things done like we were used to,” she said. “With getting my two little brothers and me to school and activities was already hard
enough, and only having one parent to do it was going to be extremely stressful. Being the oldest of the children I felt like everything was my responsibility to either take care of or fix. It was very hard for me to watch my mom struggle when there was only so much I could do about it. We eventually got into a routine of things and it became a lot easier.” Eleven-year-old David’s dad was deployed to Cuba three years ago, and while David says he doesn’t remember much of the day-to-day struggles without his dad, he does remember missing the little things. “Every now and then we would have a movie night, and it was sad when he wasn’t with us,” he said. “And every morning he used to make breakfast for us. I really missed him during those family times.” In Rachel’s case, it was her mother who stepped up to the plate, and became a role model for Rachel. “My mom had to be strong for me and my brother,” she said. “She is one of the bravest people I know. I don’t know how she does what she does, and then she had to do it all without the love and support of her husband there.” For Holly and her mother, it was the kindness of a neighbor that helped them through. “It was really emotional to watch my mom struggle to take care of things my dad usually did,” Holly said. “The first time it snowed in 2005, she woke up at 4:30 a.m. like my dad used to, to clear out our massive driveway with the big, push-snowblower. A neighbor who was a local farmer just showed up in our yard with his tractor plow, knowing that my dad was in Iraq. And he continued to show up unannounced after every snowstorm that year.” 33
Surrounding Support
“I have so much pride in telling people that my dad has served our country and I am so proud of him.” — Rachel, 15 34
Another touching story Holly shared was that of her dad’s return home: “When we went to go get him from the airport in October, 2006, we painted him a big sign that said ‘Welcome home, Dad.’ When he walked out of security in his uniform, I think I dropped my corner first, so anxious to go hug him. Seconds later all six of us were in a tight group hug and when we let go, we turned to see that strangers from the airport were holding our discarded sign.” Another, different kind of support comes from organizations like OMK. OMK offers a variety of resources and connections for families, intentional programming for military kids using curricula created by 4-H, and different ways to raise community awareness. “We want to put a smile on a kid’s face,” Hahn said. “That’s the ultimate goal, along with teaching life skills to help them become more resilient individuals and better citizens. These families sacrifice so much to serve our country, and we just need to do something to give back, honor them, and support their families.” Both Rachel and Meghan have become involved in OMK in different capacities. Rachel says she volunteers with the youth council in her hometown, and has babysat for Air Guard families for free. She has shared her story of her dad’s deployment
with different people at OMK events, and has attended several youth leadership summits with other military kids. Meghan is now a part of OMK in Fargo, and says it’s been nice to meet other kids that understand what it’s like to be living with just one parent. She has also attended a youth leadership event with a community of other military kids.
Being Proud
Sometimes, one of the biggest emotions involved with military families is overlooked. Pride is a feeling that accompanies a family member’s association and dedication to our military, and rightly so. “I have so much pride in telling people that my dad has served our country and I am so proud of him,” Rachel said. “He is so brave and I just hope that I can be as brave as him when I am older.” “I am marked by it in ways that people can’t understand,” Holly added. “The concept of ‘war’ means something very different to me than the average person. It affected me in ways I don’t even understand.”
First-Hand Advice
Lastly, each of the children interviewed were asked what advice they would give to other kids who might have just found out that their parent will be deployed. Their answers are inspiring and truthful. Meghan: “Be sure to think about good memories of them while they’re gone. Maybe write them letters even if you can’t send them; you could give them the letters when they return and would really appreciate them. And if you’re sad, spending time with family can really help, maybe even talking about stories of that person.” David: “Maybe pretend he’s not really gone. Sometimes I used to tell myself he was just at work really early in the morning and had to stay really late.” Rachel: “Think about why they are over there. They are serving our country and helping people who need it. You should be proud of your parents and love every minute you have with them. It helps to get involved with activities with other kids whose parents are deployed. Just to talk to someone you can relate to.” Holly: “It’s ok to be sad and angry. People will shock you with their grace and compassion, and that will make it easier.” No matter what coping route is taken, children who deal with this kind of adversity often speak highly of their experiences and end up being a stronger person because of it. It’s fairly common for citizens to thank military members for their service, but the children are sometimes forgotten in this respect. Next time you see a service member, be sure to thank their children as well; after all, they play a huge part in the quiet sacrifices families make in order for our country to be safer. *Select names have been changed to protect privacy.
35
2