The Hillside Echo Mirage: Ouroboros (Literary Folio) - 2020 by The Hillside Echo

THE HILLSIDE ECHO THE OFFICIAL STUDENT PUBLICATION OF FILAMER CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY INFORM • INSPIRE • EMPOWER

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Ysabelle Ann Besorio

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Vanessa Glenise Usison

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Leo Art Diosep Borres

MIRAGE is the Literary Folio of The Hillside Echo, the official student publication of Filamer Christian University. Copyright © 2020 No part of this folio may be reproduced without written permission from the publication.

MIRAGE

Ouroboros Have you ever heard about this word? From the line drawn by the horizon, We have come to walk in. We kept and stood in oblivion, Taunted from where we have been. The sun rose And clouds were cleared; The world had paused, And seen is the path curving inwards- mere. A circle has formed, As we stood at the ends of the line. Your edge started to fold, Catching the edge of mine. Not too long is the time, When you caught up the line. We moved in a circle, That more likely sounded like rhyme. A cycle has been found, An endless journey- we are bound; Stuck together in a beating sound, As it drew infinity to the ground.

We consume ourselves, For the benefit of love; We eat up what we have, For the blessing of love. If love it is, There would be no bars. But if love it is, There’ll be battle and wars. Love is to swallow, What is left, So duck through arrows, And crawl on the heft; To carve a symbol, Of an endless fight; To draw in the middle, An infinity to sight. —SUNBURST

FOREWORD A well dwelling in the absence of water is an abyss succumbing to melancholy; a coffee that is disunited with milk and sugarless is dark and bitter; and a map without an X on the spot is lost. At certain point in life, we scan across the pages we have not yet seen, we stumble upon a chapter—looking back on what, where, and whom we have been, sailing through an ocean, undertaking the risks and dangers of a desire just to fulfill a quest—a quest that could sometimes leave our sails adrift. The zenith of an afterglow we take as hope, here and there would keep us haunted by the ghost of someone from pages flipped. Because we only miss the subjects of the spaces we see when parts had been missing—that we call our reveries. We grow the fear of acceptance when we realize some of it can no longer give us words to read, no longer add spices to life’s recipe—but then would only remain a mere treasure in the memory.

VANESSA GLENISE USISON Literary Editor

A way to embrace the fullness of our existence is to come full circle with our emotions. —LION

CONTENTS Chapter 1 - Exuberance 1 3 4 4 5 6 6 7 8 8 11 12 12 13 14 14 15 16 16 19 20 20 21 22 22

Lucy’s Story: Exuberance Frailties and Virtues Half-shut Just Us Two Antartika Fleeting My 26th Book Un Corto Plazo Adios 236th Day of the Year 20x1 Sober Bahaghari Hope Hilway Across the Pages Mapped Secret Places Caprices of Love Things 258th Day of the Year 20x1 Kaleidoscope Stand Still Kryptonite Zenith New Beginnings Homecoming

Chapter 1i - Incredulity 23 25 26 26 27 28 28 29 30 30 33 34 34

Lucy’s Story: Incredulity Embers 28th Day of the Year 20x1 Starless A Story Untold Sickening Desire Takip-silim Tanikala at Akala How I Wish Around the Clock An Episode Zipper Palangga Ta Ka

35 36 36 37 38 38 41 42 42 43 44 44

Friends 46th Day of the Year 20x2 Naiisip Mo Rin Ba? Sa Damgo Paulit-ulit Vanity Bukang-liwayway Hari 296th Day of the Year 20x1 Lilim 302nd Day of the Year 20x1 Expectations

Chapter 1ii - Melancholy 45 47 48 48 49 50 50 51 52 52 55 56 57 58 58 59 60 60 63 64 64 65 66 66 69 75

Lucy’s Story: Melancholy Homely Miseries When Atonement Rose is the Color of Rejection 42nd Day of the Year 20x2 Forbidden Ikaw ang Mahal Alam Mo Na Ba? Makiling Baliw na Baliw Caged Tayo ay Uuwi 45th Day of the Year 20x2 Misty Broken by You An Excuse Patawad, Paalam Obverse First Sa Muli Saksi Singsing, Gising Paalam Noah’s Journal Epitaph MIRAGE

CHAPTER I

Exuberance

t was midmost summer when I stood at the edge of the wharf. I closed my eyes stretching my arms out to the sky as the sun began to rise. The sun beamed at me, piercing its rays through the clouds. I closed my eyes with interminable fervor, while the winds swept my hair as if it was embracing my entirety. I was in the middle of a frolicking sensation communing with nature, when an earshot from afar reached my sense. I advertently listened to the sound, but my eyes were kept closed. I startled in surprise when suddenly there were arms wrapping around my waist. “I miss you so much, Lucy. It’s been long,” he whispered. Goosebumps incited as soon as his breath reached the surface of my skin. “Noah?” I whispered in query. I tilted my head back slowly, every inch of my movement made my heartbeat race and it felt more like a crescendo. I jolted surprisingly, crossing my arms around his neck and whispered, “I’m glad you’re back. I thought you were gone,” I sobbed. Overwhelmed by his return, I tightened my embrace as if I’m never going to let him go again. Noah fished something in his pocket and instructed me to face the opposite direction. I was in great wonder until I shivered when the winds created giant waves on the sea once I felt the coldness of the chain he had put on me. It was a silver-chained necklace with a crescent moon charm. I have never felt much happiness over the past few weeks. Noah really loves me, far higher than the sky, far deeper than the sea that it made him come back. He cupped my face and kissed me on the forehead, “I will always be and have always been around. Nothing will break two souls apart—not even death.”

MIRAGE

Frailties and Virtues Fine days are miracles, Rough weathers offer little sympathy. To the thin air of small felicities, Who can deviate from this fate? We cannot trap the good As much as we cannot escape from the bad We embrace them as they come Owning them in all their glory. While giving birth to pains we will endure, As I could not doubt the deepest beauty I trust that life could tell us more. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

Half-shut Your eyes do sparkle, In glittering skies, So genuine, so true, Like it never cried. —SUNBURST

Just Us Two As we lay and stare brightly at the sky, You and I cannot deny, How lovely this night can be, Just you and I wondering blissfully. How I wish you were here, Whispering “I love you” in my ear; But for now, as I stare alone at the star-lit sky, Hear me whisper, “I’ll love you till the end of time.” —NAIROBI

MIRAGE

Antartika Malayo sa gulo ng tao, Malayo sa init ng araw. Kaluluwa ay dumadaing Sa lamig at payapa. Malaya sa anumang puwersa— Handang kumawala, Gustong mapag-isa, At babaybayin ang dagat. Susuungin ang patag, Aakyatin ang tuktok ng bawat bundok. Maaninag lang ang mundo, Na malayo sa ‘king pagkatao. Sa apoy ikukuwento, Sa hangin ibubulong, Sa mga naglalakihang yelo, Isisiwalat ang kuwento, Malayo sa kabihasnan, Malayo sa dating ako, Kakaunting hakbang, Kakaunting tako, Sa iyo patungo. —UNICUS

MIRAGE

Fleeting Above the sea, Beneath the skies, Her thoughts had flee, As you passed by. —SUNBURST

My 26th Book On the first day in the month of love, I introduced you to the one who broke me—the sea. From above, you chose blue instead of green; And little did you know, you already had me. —PSYCHO

MIRAGE

Un Corto Plazo Adios See thy shadows, Hear thy howls. The more you control, The more it grows. Let thy moment flicker, Let thy heart cry, Let thy thoughts wonder, Why au revoirs are right. Let thy memento remind you, How fate has been to you; For you had met, How a chimera came true. Thou shall not be teary, Of a short-term melancholy. Thy soul will remain solely, Till there be no boundary. — SUNBURST

MIRAGE

236th Day of the Year 20x1 Do you remember the first day we met? You walked through the door as I caught a glimpse of you. Your looks were deceiving it made my knees tremble. And the moment you smiled, my heart skipped a beat. —SHIONLLIE

Sober Flushed with anticipation, our hearts were inexplicably beating, pounding. Oblivious of what’s going to happen after the sun rises; we have the alcohol to blame. Then, you pulled closer. With consciousness you pressed your lips against mine and I...I kissed back. It was unforgettably passionate—our first kiss. —PSYCHO

MIRAGE

“We embrace them as they come, owning them in all their glory.”

MIRAGE

Bahaghari Napakakulay ng mundong ito, Ang mundo kong kinulayan mo. Asul at puti, kay gandang pagmasdan, Malumanay na himig, kay sarap pakinggan. Nasa palasyo ng katahimikan, Masaya, walang bahid ng kahapisan. O kay sarap kang titigan, aking sinta, Ang pag-ibig mong muling nadarama. Sa paraisong pareho nating ‘di inaasahan, Ngunit ating sinumpaan. —BALINTATAW

MIRAGE

Hope Closing windows, Bring new doors. Soon there will be rainbows, That will hover the core. —SUNBURST

Hilway Sa tunga sang kagab-ihon, Ako nagapanglakaton. Tungod sa kapawa sang dalanon, Nadumduman ko naman ang tanan nga kagapon. Ang mga puno, masadya nga naga saot, Mga tawo wala pa sang kahisa kag dumot, Mga puya nga galuluha sang kaham-ot, Kung sa diin ikaw kag ako, wala sing kalaot. —BALINTATAW

MIRAGE

Across the Pages You say I am beautiful, And so you are to my eyes. Nothing is quite more wonderful, As the man brought by a chapter that dies. I scanned across the pages, And never thought would reach; The one who wore the badges, Of an exceptional way to teach. I stopped and paused on a chapter, Then continued to write what’s next; We were the ones who brought the fever, To write new texts. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

Mapped I no longer have to venture, Into the depths of the dark. For I have found you, And you have left me, An X on the spot—a mark. —SUNBURST

Secret Places Do not fret, my love. Our youth leaves us so much time to understand the mysteries this world has to offer. I promise to explore the unfathomable with you; to embark on a journey that will uncover the best times of our lives. But for now, please be patient my love. Our time will soon come. Please bear in mind that even though we’re hiding in secret places, I will never ever deny you. I hope you do the same, too. —NAIROBI

MIRAGE

Caprices of Love Love measures no distance, No numbers nor time; In a look, a glance, It’s powerful, it’s prime. Sometimes may leave you Deaf and blind. But you’ll know it is true, If you cannot decline. It is a riddle, And a rhyme; A chant, a puzzle, Maybe a pantomime. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

Things There are things I miss that I shouldn’t; There are things that I don’t but I should; To love again, I think I couldn’t The thing I’ve done, to regret I won’t. —SUNBURST

258th Day of the Year 20x1 Still captivated by your smile, This pounding heart of mine, Keeps losing track of time; Pondering each line, Waiting for the sunshine— Your gaze must be the sign. —SHIONLLIE

MIRAGE

“Asul at puti, kay gandang pagmasdan. Malumanay na himig, kay sarap pakinggan.”

MIRAGE

Kaleidoscope A montage of colors, It fills my life. Ecstasy I devour, And rainbows no longer stripe. Once I was walking, But you brought unicorns to life. I never thought I’m finding, The right keys to type. The stars went sparkling, My once darkened life; From tears the plants went sprouting, Now I’m reaping fruits that ripe. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

Stand Still Keep the faith, And be strong. Bliss won’t take, That much long. Ebbing is temporary, It will not last. Be you simply, And steadfast. —SUNBURST

Kryptonite Though you’re miles away, I still love you, I must say; Your hugs keep me warm at night; And your kisses are my kryptonite. —KLOSETANGMAKATA

MIRAGE

Zenith Love is dominant, It conquers all. To odds and ends, It won’t fall. To highs and lows, It surmounts more. That even its claws, Dig deep to the core. When unseen, It gives you more, Much greater to lean, Much more than before. There’s always a reason, To hold the grasp. For a seasonNo, it does not last. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

New Beginnings Rise and wipe your tears, Get up and face your fears; Be brave—whatever it takes, For new beginnings await. —KLOSETANGMAKATA

Homecoming For too long a time, I’ve become a wanderer; To a labyrinth I myself created; Now I can see, After endless longing; A peek of that place so sublime— That place which I call home. My homecoming at last, Is no longer a thing of the past. —MAYHIEU

MIRAGE

CHAPTER II

Incredulity

“W

hy is everybody putting up flowers and chairs, and what’s that? It’s not yet Halloween people. It’s summer! How silly, placing a casket in the house,” Lucy grinned. She pushed her feet and looked what’s inside the rectangular box. “Only an imbecile will spend too much money on a prosthetic cadaver of Noah,” she took the picture frame placed on Noah’s casket, laughing earsplittingly, rolling on the floor. Lucy stopped moving and everybody was alarmed. I was the first one to run to her. She was lying on the parquetry facing sidewards. Her eyes were wide open, embosoming the frame, weeping. “Lucy. Please!” I cried. “Noah’s gone. He’s already in peace. He wouldn’t want to see you like this,” I can hear the people mutter in grimace about what’s happening to Lucy, my brother’s girlfriend. “Lucy I hate to say this, but we have to accept the reality. Acting that way wouldn’t bring Noah back to life.” Lucy threw the frame at my direction but I was able to move away. The brittle glass shattered, wounding the tip of my toe. “And you think what you are doing is funny? Why would you put up this kind of show Hannah? Noah and I just had a great time together at the shore. In fact, he gave me this necklace. We even took a couple of pictures by the woodland.” She brawled. I can’t see a necklace on her neck but she kept insisting. Lucy rummaged inside her bag and pulled newly developed photographs, pressing them to my chest. “Here! Take a look at these!” She angrily uttered. The photos fell on the floor so I picked them up. I looked at every photograph meticulously; there were no signs of Noah in the picture. I heard footsteps from my brother’s room. It must be Lucy. “Okay Noah, let’s play!” I heard her cheerfully talk as I climbed upstairs. I took a peek at the corridor and I saw her leaning on the wall. “Nine. Ten. Ready or not here I come!” Then she giggled. “Hey sweetie... come out, come out wherever you are.”

MIRAGE

Embers I could drink the years with haste A terrible fugitive I could pick every flower in the way Only to find myself still buried in troubles. Not all who stay find their way Look at me at twenty, For a while, I could do no good I doubt that there is. This is a celebrated ambiguity A generation lost in the tide. Dreamers in deep slumber For tomorrow is out of hand. Yet we trust that hope is not a fiction, You and I are still victors of this page Fostering the fiery light, We can all still try. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

287th Day of the Year 20x1 Following you leads me into temptation— A nirvana I just found; I wander, like in my dreams, But this time I have no command; I’m trapped in my thoughts, Betraying my worth. —SHIONLLIE

Starless How beautiful it is to think of your smile, To stare straight into your eyes. The way you look at me, The way they sparkle as mine. How afflicting it is To know your eyes are blinded, To find out your ears don’t work. I can’t see the stellar being, I no longer hear his words. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

A Story Untold Their love, An anathema to their sight. Through tunnels and walls, Seeing a glimpse of light. A love in constriction, Compressed in between. Forbidden it is— The world is so mean, A multitude of hope, Amidst the darkness they see. Against the current and slope, They are each other’s reverie. Forbidden, Seceding from the wrath of the world. Bumps and barriers, Twigs and twirls, Repercussions and noise, The roaring of love’s voice— Lies a story untold. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

Sickening Desire How does it feel to scratch an itch? Does it likewise satisfy thy need? Truth’s been set right before your eyes, What’s setting you back to live in a lie? —PSYCHO

Takip-silim Maligalig ang dapit-hapon, Mapalad ang mga pusong hindi nakakahon, Kung saan namamayani ang musmos na sigaw, Walang saysay ang nakaraang araw. Tayong mga natukso sa bilis ng panahon, Alaalang nabura na ng mga alon, Pagsisisi’y tinakasan na ng lunas, Matagal na pa lang nagpaalam ang nakalipas. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

Tanikala at Akala Alas-otso ng gabi Nagsimula ang lahat; Niyayang lumabas, Sinehan ang landas. Hindi alintana Ang ganda ng palabas, Dahil sa isip iniisip— Bakit ako inilabas? Animo’y kaluluwa lang nating dalawa Ang bumabalot Sa mundo ng tanikala; Hindi isa, hindi dalawa, Higit sa tatlo ang ginawang pagkikita, Akala ko mga puso nati’y may iisang tibok, Tinangkang maging tapat Sa damdaming umuusbong Batid mong nahuhulog na Sa iyong ginawang patibong. Patawad at kalimutan Ang mga akalang Nabuo sa tanikala. —UNICUS

MIRAGE

How I Wish I wish I had arrived a little bit earlier; I wish you had waited for a little bit longer; Should I still hope for a wish of “maybe sooner or later...”? Or should it only remain a wish for us to end up together? —PSYCHO

Around the Clock I can’t seem to fathom, What happiness is like to rule? To stay beneath the gloom, Of clouds I’m backwards pulled. I miss you, come back, And be home soon. I’ll wait in the morning, Til there comes the moon. —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

“Between the phrases of obligatory speeches, I found my lips cracked dry from disgust.”

MIRAGE

An Episode The person I admire, is like a cartoon character. Pleasing is he to the eye, a being in the world I would never want to say goodbye. My admiration fills the four-cornered screen, when the longing in my chest begin. He appears in a click of a button, disappears in the absence of a square-shaped screen. A character whom people do not know, the person I always wanted to show. Never will I get to see him again, when the morning has not come into its gleam. I admire him the way he acts and the way he spoke his riddle-like rhythm words. The person I admire is like a cartoon character, never will I get to touch him, never will we get near. We are separated by dimensions, a barricaded world of fear. The reality in a dream, and the dream in reality. It’s quarter past twelve, what a lovely cartoon Prince! —SUNBURST

MIRAGE

Zipper Naglayuay lang ta gamay, Gusto mo na dayun magpahuway— Kadali lang gali sa imo magsikway. —PEACH SCORPION

Palangga Ta Ka Wala ko nakahibalo ngaa muni ang nabatyagan ko. Balan ko man nga indi pwede pero indi ko guid mapunggan ang kaugalingon ko. Swabe guid dabi ang dating mo muna nahulog ako sa imo. Oo na gani, palangga ta ka—pero tani palanggaon mo man ko. —NAIROBI

MIRAGE

Friends The bridge of familiar strangers Divided into two, Indistinct loyalties lie in the east, Misfortunes loom in the west. Friends can politely change Beyond what they can fix. So I’ll leave the love I’ve outgrown Farther than what I can travel to. Though I could not set fire to surrender, Goodbyes could still burn through our hearts. I would still believe on the contrary, Otherwise I’ll be forever sorry. Our souls need to be shared, A home that conquers the world. For there should be a place Where our singularity is enough, And where our silence is heard There must be. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

46th Day of the Year 20x2 This is the right time; This is the right place; Go ahead, I will follow— But in the opposite direction. —SHIONLLIE

Naiisip Mo Rin Ba? Madilim, anino lang ang kasama. Maingay, kung sino-sino ang gumagambala. Matalim, mga salitang humuhusga. Mabuhay, mga impostor na mapangkutya. Masakit, puso ay duguan at lumuluha. Mamamatay ang talo sa giyera. Ngayon, naiisip mo rin ba? —BALINTATAW

MIRAGE

Sa Damgo Sa akon pagpiyong, Katawhay ang akon naagom— Ngaa daw mas nami Sa damgo magpakaon? Kalipay, kahilwayan, Sa tuod nga kabuhi, Indi ko makit-an. Apang sa pila ka oras ang mga mata magabukas, Magapadayon ang pag-kalisod, Kag sa pisi maga-pagapos— Ugaling nagbag-o Ang akon panumduman, Mahilway ayhan Kung sa kamatayon akon ibaya ang tanan? Sa karon, nagbaylo akon pagpati. Nga indi lang sa damgo Makakita sang paraiso. —UNICUS

MIRAGE

Paulit-ulit Nakakarindi nang pakinggan, Ang bukambibig na hindi mapigilan— Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan, Na nilalagay lang kita sa tamang kalagayan. —BALINTATAW

Vanity I have spilled a thousand words to weave a carpet that pierces my feet. Between the phrases of obligatory speeches, I found my lips cracked dry from disgust. I slipped through the fine silk of praises, I traded a summerhouse for a cage that sits on the spotlight, I squeezed tight through the whirling crowds who cared for no one. We may have what we owe ourselves the most. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

“Mga nakahimlay na butil, sana ay magising. Ang ulan sana’y sumang-ayon sa panalangin.”

MIRAGE

Bukang-liwayway Nakakapagod ang karukhaan ng bawat sandali, Malupit ang araw sa maghapon, Nangangamba ngunit hindi makahikbi, Tila isang taong naulit ang kahapon. Mga nakahimlay na butil, sana ay magising Ang ulan sana’y sumang-ayon sa panalangin, Nawa’y ihatid ng hangin ang kanyang hiling, Nang maipikit na ang mga matang makulimlim. Larawan ng aniha’y nakakapanabik Ang lupa’y pagpalain sana ni Bathala, Unos ay di na rin sana pumanhik, Ang makaahon ay isa nang himala. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

Hari Talahuron man ikaw sang tanan, Pero dughan ko ngaa imo guinpaagyan? Sang balatyagon nga akon guinbaton, Nga kubos kag bukas sa tagipusuon. —BALINTATAW

296th Day of Year 20x1 What I feel grew beyond the borders; We were walking in parallel until you crossed; At the intersection, our eyes met, Leaving me agitated. —SHIONLLIE

MIRAGE

Lilim Waring kay lupit ng tadhana, Ipinakilala at sa huli hindi rin itinakda. Isang libong balde ng luha, Pinagpaguran kong sa iyo ay ipinunla. Kasikatan mo’y hindi mapantayan, Ordinaryong likha sa akin ay nilaan. Saan ka ay naroon ako, Dakilang tagapalakpak, tagapayo. Sa bawat laban, iaangat ka Paghihirap mo ay aking nadarama. Sa sandaling ako ay nagkaproblema, Anino mo, sa iba ay sumama— Karapatan? Saan mabibili? Sakaling katanungan ko ay mapipili. Sagot mo, aking napakinggan— Sa iyo, ako’y ano? —SHIONLLIE

MIRAGE

302nd Day of the Year 20x1 A fondness so transient it easily fades; With your gestures, I remind myself, “Do not be distracted,” Once again, however, I failed. —SHIONLLIE

Expectations Peace shouldn’t be on a serving plate, Cups of expectations are terrifying to fill, Greatness is not for strangers to tell. Guests take the comfort of old convictions, People ask for what they worship, Till they are devoured by their own emptiness. Sour is the taste of sham conventions, I tremble as I spill the glasses of submission, Finally, I have abandoned the dinner table. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

CHAPTER III

Melancholy

“B

ut I told you he was just here, Hannah. We were on the porch just now. He just took his keys inside because we’re off for a drive.” I refute in frustration.

“Not again, Lucy.” Hannah looked at me in disbelief.

“Oh there you are, sweetie! Do you have your keys now?” I inquired winsomely. Noah is so tall that I’ve always been tilting my head up. Noah met my gaze. “Let’s go, Lucy. Don’t mind Hannah. She’s brain-sick.” He cackled, placing his arm on my shoulder as we pushed our feet toward his car. “Noah? Is something wrong with your car? Why isn’t the engine starting?” I queried. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Hannah furiously looking at me. “I don’t know, Lucy. Let’s take a cab instead,” he suggested and I nodded in approval. I extended my arm and waved at the forthcoming cab. Noah opened the door for me. I smiled and thanked him, my eyes directly into his gaze. I kissed him on the cheek and I have noticed how the driver’s eyes widened while he was looking at our reflection at the rearview mirror. I smirked and arched my brows at him. A few moments later, we reached the beach. We have decided to climb up a cliff about five hundred feet tall above the ocean for a greater view. I can feel the summery atmosphere hovering the core. We walked pass across willow trees and sat beneath an oak. Noah took his shirt off and said, “Let’s go Lucy, it’s pretty sweltering in here. Let’s jump off the cliff for a dip.” My eyes widened in surprise. “But the cliff is too high to jump off, Noah. The water is too deep. The surface is completely concrete, it’s made up of hard and edgy rock formation. Are you crazy? It’ll leave you breathless!” I protested. His brows had met and said, “If you don’t want to get a try, I’m gonna try it myself.” He ran directly into the edge of the cliff. “Goodbye, Hannah!” I chased after him but I was completely late. Tears bursted as my knees started to fall off the ground. I was shaking in fury when I felt the throbbing in my chest. I can’t breathe. I heard a cracking sound behind my back and I saw a willow tree approaching me. I stood up and ran as fast as I could. I stopped. It’s the cliff’s dead-end. I was catching my breath as the tree came nearer and nearer, with red eyes and thick branches sweeping everything off the place. I turned away closing my eyes, stretching my arms out to the sky as I have felt every inch of my being swung off the edge. I was falling endlessly when I heard a knock on my door. This must be a nightmare. I tried to move but I was completely in defeat. I forced my lids to open then I saw a demon laying on top of me, grinning as he flashed his glowing red eyes. Terror filled my body as he growled not an inch from my face. “Come with me, Lucy. If the heavens took Noah, the fires of hell will gladly devour you.” The words sounded like incantation before evil laughter filled the room. I screamed at the top of my lungs as if I have never screamed before. I screamed until I saw a group of white-clad people break into my room, rushing towards me. I screamed as I felt their grip tightened all over my body; a piercing sensation bore into my skin. I screamed until everything...everything went black. MIRAGE

Homely Miseries Here comes a work day consolation, The coffee cup found peace in those coarse hands. Pray that it won’t spoil Her century-old glittered apron. Atop the kitchen table, Creeps the blunt scent, More courteous than the pile of dishes, Cursed by white vain hands. The dreary garden can cry for her For all they have bloomed was her mourning. In this bleak home, We give no condemnation. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

When When will I be free? When will I be accepted? When will I be happy? When will this agony end? —KLOSETANGMAKATA

Atonement My sins came like waves, I didn’t know it is possible To lost count of your cruelty, To be afraid of your own memory. When senses are betrayed by guilt, Dreams are adrift for a while, To my victims and I— May our sorrows be swept far away. Miles from nowhere I long for forgiveness, I could not cry enough rivers of apologies, That I must empty into the ocean of my debts So I could sail away from here. —SCRIBELLE

MIRAGE

Rose is the Color of Rejection Your smile is a rose-carved dagger piercing my weary soul, Euphoric as the blood flows each time you lacerate my ego; Your beauty is a rose-patterned chalice filled with red wine, That burns with bitter sweetness when poured over my wounds; Your presence is a rose-scented drug, a pink hallucinogen, A romance I keep in a syringe and blindly inject into my system. When push comes to shove after the limits have been breached, Confession is a ruby-glinted box cutter slicing my bravado open; Your indifference is lethal like a cherry-flavored poison, But I prefer to bathe myself in crimson as I slit all of my assumptions; Melancholia drains my blood after your rose-colored rejection; Lilac colors my lips as I embrace my final intervention. —LION

MIRAGE

42nd Day of the Year 20x2 Deep in pain, deeply troubled; Remorse and questions run in circles; How can I let you go? —SHIONLLIE

Forbidden Once, she was running, From the apparition of her past. The curse of a living nightmare she cannot subdue. Into the shadows, she was succumbing, To what twinged afflictively. Looking for the person that would set her ebbing soul free. —SUNBURST

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Ikaw ang Mahal Ikaw ang panaginip na ayaw kong magising, ‘Kay sarap damhin, ‘kay sarap malasing, Alaala na akala’y muling aawitin, Winaglit ng mundong tila ay akin. Ang pait ng nakaraan, Nagngingitngit hanggang kasalukuyan, Galit ang siyang namumuhunan. Mahal, sana’y maligaya na, Araw ng iyong paglaya, igagantimpala, Halik at yakap, aking pangungulila, Aarugain ang pusong ‘di magsasawa, Luwalhati sana ay dalawin ako sa tuwina. —BALINTATAW

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Alam Mo Na Ba? Alam mo na ba, Na ang puso ay nagdurusa. Dahil sa irog na ayaw kumawala, Sa isip ay namiminsala. —BALINTATAW

Makiling Ika’y ipinagkait bago ang mga rebelasyon, Taong nagpaindak matapos ang mga taon, At sa loob ng maikling panahon, Nagkahulugan ng loob sa maling pagkakataon. ‘Wag mong sugatan ang ‘di dapat masaktan, Sapagkat minsan din ako sa kaniyang kinalalagyan, Nais man natin itong ipaglaban, Ngunit paano kung tayo nama’y balikan? Iwan na lamang natin sa mga tula’t pelikula, Ang pagsasamahang minsan sa’tin ay nagpasaya, At kung sakali mang umayon ang tadhana, Tayo’y magkikitang muli at sana’y handa na. —PSYCHO

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“Miles from nowhere I long for forgiveness. I could not cry enough rivers of apologies.”

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Baliw na Baliw Buwan at tala ang nagliliwanag, Gabi ng nakabibinging katahimikan. Hangin na mistulang nahahabag, Sa taong sa isip lamang nahahagkan. Malaparaiso ang nilikhang mundo, Mapanganib ngunit makabuluhan; Nakakalito at nakakapanibugho, Puso ay ang aking kamatayan. Katinuan ay nalasing, Pagkatao ay nalunod, Panaginip na ayaw magising, Pagmamahal, sarili ay inaanod. Nabulag sa kasinungalingan, Nabaliw sa kahuwadan, Ginawa ng malikot na isipan, Pag-ibig na hindi napatunayan. —BALINTATAW

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Caged Blown in a dungeon, Of fire and heat. I am a black pigeon, The people beat. Hovered with repercussions, As sounds intruded my ears. Wrecking me with such discussions, The words I cannot unhear. I cannot suppress the aching, For it haunts me notoriously. Half alive, half dying, The words I hear are killing me. In the endless path of hurdle, Choking the words they feed. Fighting my own battle, With desire of being freed. —SUNBURST

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Tayo ay Uuwi Masinop kong binusisi, Tahanan ng aking sinapit, Haluan man ng pighati, Pagtutol pa rin ang kapalit. Bahala na kung tatangkain, Paniniwala sa bawat pagtahan, Akalain man ay tinamaan; Tularan nang dahan-dahan. Tumawa’t maawa hanggang tumila; Sa dila’y gawing panghalili; Umaalingawngaw ang mga bahala, Habang sumasapit ang mga hele. Sa pagbatikos sa mga sagot, Sa paghula ng mga nakatago, Tuwing sasapit ang mga ganito, Sa kalamnan ay naglalaho. Sa pagtatanghal ‘di binabawi; Kaya puso’y tila ngumingiti, Kapag inaakalang papawi; Halina’t tayo’y umuwi. —ANIZUL

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45th Day of the Year 20x2 As I seek for advice, I realized that, Moving on is a funny thing; And I know you know it full well. —SHIONLLIE

Misty The scenery My eyes once took, Is but a pottery Cracked and shook. Picturesque it is, I cannot call, When I can’t find you— Not at all. —SUNBURST

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Broken by You Started merely as a joke, Not knowing where to start and to go, Made countless poems and letters, For the one I thought would be my forever. Everything must come to an end, Hoping that it was all pretend, I did not get the right answer, But at least I tried and conquered. Beyond grateful for what we have, You changed and gave meaning to my life, You were the one who accepted me, For the man that I actually am. I wish you genuine happiness, Trust me, all that I said was true, I love you and I will always be here for you, And I am genuinely grateful to be broken by you. —NAIROBI

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An Excuse To lie is a mistake, To hide is being a thief. But it is what it takes, To have this kind of relief. —SUNBURST

Patawad, Paalam Patawad, katagang para sa pagkakasala, Kasalanang pagpaparaya para sa iba, Kasalanang pagiging tanga, Kasalanang mahalin ka kahit hindi tama. Paalam, katagang para sa iyong paglisan, Pag-alis na matagal ko nang inaasahan, Ngunit pag-ibig sayo’y hindi malilimot ng isipan, Kahit pa ng naghihintay na libingan. —BALINTATAW

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“Muling bubuo ng kabanata, ngunit ‘di na ikaw ang paksa.”

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Obverse When I say “I love you,” Do not be convinced it is true. When I say “Forever,” Know that I will always leave you. When I say “Goodbye,” I desire to see tears in your eyes. When I say “I’ll see you,” Wait not because I’ll never come. But those words are lies; I just want to know how you would feel— When I am gone. —NYX

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First The brightness lingers, From those who wore it brighter; And the one’s caught in the high, Ought to feel superior. Think twice of the aspects— The check’s fully checked; Wince-worthy is the depot, Racked with milled regrets. So deny, deny, All those who are weary; And envy, envy, All those who are lonely. —ANIZUL

Sa Muli Muling susulat ng nobela, Ngunit ‘di na ikaw ang bida. Muling bubuksan ang mga pahina, Ngunit ‘di ka na kasama. Muling bubuo ng kabanata, Ngunit ‘di na ikaw ang paksa. —BALINTATAW

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Saksi Sa mga panahong Sarili ay hindi kilala, Lambot ng ‘yong mga kamay, At mga ngiting nakabibighani, Sa lungkot ay siyang pumapawi. Saksi ang buhangin Sa ating pagkakaibigan, Saksi ang kalangitan Kung paano luha’y iyong pinahiran, Saksi ang alon Sa pusong puno ng kagalakan. Saksi ang haring araw Sa sayang nag-uumapaw, Saksi ang ulan Kung paano ang iyong mga bisig Naging aking tahanan, Saksi ang bahaghari Sa namuong pagkaka-ibigan, Subalit, ang pinakamasakit Saksi ang lumulubog na araw, Sa pag-ibig na pumanaw. —UNICUS

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Singsing, Gising Nakatingala sa makikinang na tala, Ginugunita ang bawat alaala, Nitong kahapon na sa akin ay naminsala— Higit pa sa delubyong mapangpuksa. Bakit kailangan pa na ‘di ka masikatan Ng araw na lagi nating inaabangan? Bakit kailangan sa himlayan ka datnan Ng gabi na ayaw mong masilayan? —BALINTATAW

Paalam Hanggang dito na lang, Ang mga masasayang alaala na ating binuo; At sa aking paglisan, Ako sana’y huwag kalimutan; Paalam, mahal ko. —NAIROBI

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November 14, 2000 It’s been months since we’ve been together, my love. You’ve been all alone since I left, and I know that you missed me so much. I’ve missed you too, Lucy. I’ve been dying to see you again. I’ve been dying to tightly embrace you. I’ve been dying to kiss you. It was like the heavy weight of the burdens that I carry inside of me was somehow lightened upon seeing your beautiful face. You are truly my ray of light, my ethereal solace, and my unbreakable haven. I hope you appreciate my little surprise for you. I know it’s not that much, but that is what you really mean to me. You are my moonlight—the glimmer that I long for in my darkest nights. You showed me how it feels to be alive when all I’ve got is this hollow soul inside of me. But if loving you will cost my life, I will gladly perish in your arms tonight.

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March 21, 2001 Is hiding something considered lying? If it is, then I’ve been lying to you, and I know you’ve felt it, too. I feel guilty, though, because you never leave my side. You are still there for me. No matter how much I hide it from you, I know you know something is off with me. But you never bothered me. You never made me feel that I’m a burden you should carry, when I know full well that I really am. I couldn’t even handle myself. I’m sorry, Lucy. I’m ashamed of myself for not being able to tell you what I really feel. Honestly, I don’t have any idea as well. I keep running in circles within my thoughts, and I do not know why. I am trying to manage it, to stop it. But the more that I try to control it, the stronger it fights back. It leaves me no choice but to cut my skin to regain my sanity. It started with small cuts, but the lines grew longer until they become shapes I could not deduce. You see, Lucy? I don’t want to hurt anyone else, especially you. I love you so much I couldn’t let my demons do anything to you. I wish this was just a game of hide and seek, where the game stops if ever we have found each other. But the truth foreboding is that the more you search for me, the more I descend into the shadows—and I don’t want to pull you into the darkness of my misery.

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April 12, 2001 My dear Lucy, for a period of time, you have been my sanctuary. You embrace me with bliss in times of melancholy. You illuminate my path as I run from the shadows that chase me. You give me hope when my visions become undesirable. And what I like the most of all is how you shower me with the warmth of your love that I can feel it through my empty soul. However, I don’t want to be like this—holding on so much to you. I can’t afford to see your precious smile slowly fade away as I drag you into the flames of hell with me. I don’t like to see you sacrificing opportunities just to be with someone like me. I want you to enjoy your life and spend it without being terrified every minute when I’m not with you. I want you to live the way you are supposed to—young, happy, and free.

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June 1, 2001 I’m sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry for making you feel like you are not enough for me to continue fighting. I don’t want to give up, but the moment I wake up, the shadows keep on haunting me. They pull me back into the darkness and strip me off of my sanity. They torture me. They open my scars again and draw lines anew that drip brick red. My walls are now full of bloody handprints, and the cycle is getting worse. I want to fight, Lucy. I still want to fight for you. But I’m so tired I want to fall into a deep slumber...and just sleep forever.

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June 5, 2001 It may seem selfish of me to leave when I know that there are people who love me, especially you, Lucy. But life is not easy and it grows to be more difficult for people like me. This is the only way for me to escape and stop this suffering, Lucy. Please keep in mind that I’m doing this because I love you so much, and I want you to be free from the misery I am causing. Thank you for taking care of me all this time. I hope you’ll find someone who will look after you and will love you even more than what you did for me. My queen, like the moon, you deserve to shine up there in the heavens instead of spending time in the darkness with me. I’m sorry if I fail you, Lucy. I know that what I’ll do will surely hurt you. But my love, pain is temporary, and this too shall pass if you just let time do its part. Please do not forget me.

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Epitaph What cure could give us mercy? Gaping darkness on the ceiling, The air whispers a silent rhythm, But still my eyes sting. How could I abandon my unwelcome pain? All that I have lost have found their way home. Should I call those which flicker in the night, If I can’t find them in my empty heart? When chances sit against the sky, The path is devoid of light, Love was left unsaid, Because they are no longer in sight. We may nevermore love another, We may find joy through time, I will then remember them in these lines, To the heavens, hear my sigh.

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MIRAGE: OUROBOROS Balintataw Scribelle Shionllie Angeli Queen Develos Ysabelle Ann Besorio Alyza Pamillaran Klosetangmakata Czarelle Luces

Mayhieu Joshua Solis

Sunburst Nairobi Nyx Vanessa Glenise Usison Michael Jay Demingoy Thoen Ann Socobos Unicus Zeldris Psycho Lester John Carnaje Daren Xyra Silubrico Nick Andrei Desales Peach Scorpion Vistosa Anizul Alma Olay Kexia Jill Señerez Anizul Mitch Miranda Mr. Leo Art Diosep E. Borres Adviser Rev. Dr. Webster J. Bedecir Ms. Mary Jane F. Tormon Student Affairs Director Mass Media Coordinator Dr. Minnie P. Chan VP - Academic Affairs

Mrs. Esther S. Arceño TIC, VP-Finance

Mr. Jorgen M. Gregorio VP - Administration

Dr. George O. Cortel University President Lucy’s Story Noah’s Journal Epitaph

Vanessa Glenise Usison Nick Andrei Desales Ysabelle Ann B. Besorio

Photography & Layout Joshua Solis Creative Direction Leo Art Diosep Borres Model Nick Andrei Desales Production Management & Styling Michael Jay Demingoy Finance & Make-up Alyza Pamillaran Lighting Equipment Israel Jay Bornales © 2020 by The Hillside Echo The Official Student Publication of Filamer Christian University Roxas City, Capiz, Philippines Connect with us:

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INFORM • INSPIRE • EMPOWER COPRE & AWARDS 2019 Group Awards: 2nd Best Sports Page Individual Awards: 4th Place in Sports Writing English Lester John Carnaje DUAG FILM FESTIVAL 2020 ICARUS (The Official Entry of The Hillside Echo) Best Short Film Best Director (Angel Aguihap) Best Screenplay (Nick Andrei Desales) Best Actor (Nick Andrei Desales) Best Supporting Actor (Jude Maquiling) Best Poster (Joshua Solis)

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