Ask Madam Starflash

Dear Madam Starflash,

For the past few weeks, I have been dreaming about broom crashes. In my dreams, these accidents are either happening to me, my loved ones, or famous Quidditch players. And I'm not even into Quidditch! What does this mean? Thank you for your wisdom.

Sincerely,Troubled Dreams

Dearest Dreams,

Don’t concern yourself too much with the dreams themselves. You should be more worried about the person who is hiding under your bed, projecting them into your head with his wand each night.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

May Fortune smile upon you!

Dear Madman Starfish,

I have a problem with a coworker. He's very nice and quiet and doesn't cause any trouble, but the issue is his body odor. To put it bluntly, he smells like a corpse. I tried to avoid him, but unfortunately, we're understaffed and the company is working with a skeleton crew, so I'm often stuck with him on the graveyard shift. How do I let him (politely) know how bad he smells?

Sincerely, Dead Tired

Dearest Tired,

He’s wearing garlic to ward off vampires. The least of his worries is politeness. Tell him he stinks and he’ll quit because he already thinks you’re a vampire.

ALSO. MY NAME IS MADAM STARFLASH. I TOLD YOU TO CEASE AND DESIST WITH THE “MADMAN STARFISH”. I WILL BE SENDING A JINX BY RETURN OWL AS SOON AS I FIND AN ENVELOPE BIG ENOUGH!

May Fortune smile upon you! (Or not, because you’ve put the MAD in MADam Starflash!)