Ask Madam Starflash

Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid of?

Dear Madman Starfish, I think I'm in love with the ghoul in my attic??? I know it won't work out. We're too different. He's a Pisces and I'm a Capricorn. However, the heart wants what the heart wants. Do I lay it all out on the table and see what happens, or do I let this crush wither and die? Sincerely, A Star (sign) Crossed Lover

Dearest Star Crossed, Your ghoul is in love with a gnome from your garden. Let it go. May Fortune smile upon you!

Dear Madam Starflash, I am in a fix about what will be my future career. While filling our vaults in Gringotts is important, I don’t want to study a course that would make me spend my whole life doing something I hate. People say Alchemy and Ancient Runes would make me a lunatic and these are not subjects I can make a living off. Could you please verify their claims and put my crazy mind to rest? With love, Your Mad-as-a-Hatter Friend

Dearest Mad-as-a-Hatter, Do what makes YOU happy. Don’t ever worry about what anyone else has to say because overall the only thing that matters is that you are enjoying your future career, which will be wonderful for you, I See it now. Study what you want, and don’t worry; you’re just as sane as I am. May Fortune smile upon you!

Dear Madam Starflash, I'm a Muggleborn who has decided to go to university to try and keep in touch with the Muggle part of my life and family. I obviously have to be very careful using magic in my university house, so I only ever do it when I'm in my room. Unfortunately, my roommate has a bad habit of just barging in when I have my wand out. I can't lock the door as there's no Muggle lock and she'll get suspicious. Have you got any tips? Sincerely, Neveah A. Lone

Dearest Neveah, Time to purchase a Muggle lock. You deserve your privacy when handling your wand and if your roomie tries to barge in once there’s a lock on the door, well, Confunding her when her back is turned wouldn’t be the worst thing you could possibly do. I don’t normally condone such unsportsmanlike dueling, but as she’s a Muggle, she’ll never know what hit her. May Fortune smile upon you!

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Dear Madman Starfish, Is ketchup a smoothie? If not, then I may need to rethink my liquid diet... Please, I need an answer ASAP! Sincerely, Tom-ate-too Much Ketchup

Dearest Tom-ate-too, DO NOT DRINK KETCHUP. All that acid is so bad for you. Now at least you know where those awful infections are coming from. AND MY NAME IS MADAM STARFLASH, AS YOU KNOW FULL WELL. May Fortune smile upon you! (Or not, because you’re annoying me…)

Dear Madam Starflash, I was the victim of false advertisements. I read The Divine Comedy, but didn't find it funny at all! I want to sue the author for tricking me. I asked a Muggle lawyer but he reckoned I was "being ridiculous" because apparently "you can't sue Dante Alighieri". Now, I am not very understanding of the matter of laws, but it seems unfair to me that this Dante person can get away just because he died. What lawyer do I need to hire to sue a ghost? Sincerely, A Tricked Reader

Dearest Tricked, Dante Alighieri is not a ghost. He has gone on. And you cannot sue a ghost, anyway. The only lawyer who ever did so successfully is now a ghost himself; ironically enough, he was murdered by the last living relative of the ghost he sued. May Fortune smile upon you!