Dark Artistry: A Step Tattoo Far?

By u/neeshky

In a move that caused outrage across Wizarding Britain, Draco Malfoy this month continued his Diagon Alley modernisation project with his most controversial venture yet. After decades of eschewing his chequered past, Mr Malfoy, 41, has instead decided to turn his teenage experience in He-Who-Must-Not- Be-Named’s inner circle into his latest money spinner.

Dark Artistry magical tattoo parlour opened its doors to a storm of protest on Friday 1st April, and whilst some initially hoped that it was indeed a bad joke it seems that all publicity is good publicity, with lines of prospective customers forming down the alley every weekend since. Indeed, it seems that an enchanted inking from Dark Artistry is the new must-have accessory for the fashionable crowd, with celebrities and CEOs alike making private appointments.

Whilst tattoos have long been popular in the muggle community, prior to the launch of Dark Artistry they were rarely seen in the wizarding populace. What makes Dark Artistry pieces special, however, is the mysterious magic element, and it is something that has only been seen once before in wizarding memory. Mr Malfoy has declined repeated requests for interview, but in a statement released shortly after launch he acknowledged that the parlour draws on the hitherto unknown secrets of You- Know-Who’s Dark Mark to enchant the inkings. Whilst this caused significant public concern, Mr Malfoy has insisted that the tattoos created at Dark Artistry do not in fact draw on dark magic or contain any harmful or nefarious elements. The process itself, however, will remain a closely guarded secret known only to the artists employed by the business, with all customers required to make an unbreakable vow that they will allow themselves to be voluntarily obliviated when their tattoo is complete.

What isn’t a secret is that the designs coming out of Dark Artistry are both impressive and intriguing, and each one is unique. Singing sensation Jasmine Lark has been seen sporting a Cestrum Nocturnum tattoo on which the flowers open up at night and close again come morning. Best-selling author Leopold Papyra has a quill that writes a new literary quote around his wrist each day. Wizarding wireless shock jock Electra Sharpe is reported to be delighted with her design of a thestral that slowly reveals itself before fading back into the skin. It seems that the possibilities are endless, and so in the name of research, the Quibbler sent one intrepid reporter to Diagon Alley to brave the needle and get her own unique inking and give us the inside scoop on the hottest ticket in town.

The atmosphere in Dark Artistry is heavy with mystery and anticipation. The decor speaks of opulence and exclusivity, with rich deep colours and plush furnishings. One wall houses a price list and potential options: communication tattoos, basic movement tattoos, daily cycle tattoos, monthly cycle tattoos, seasonal cycle tattoos, annual cycle tattoos, and the somewhat cryptic ‘special request’ tattoos. Prices start at an eye-watering 50 galleons for the smallest basic movement images, with an annual cycle tattoo setting you back a minimum of 200 galleons, and ‘special requests’ at prices to be determined per request. Accompanying the price list is a range of photographs of the artists’ work, including a garden that flowers and fades with the seasons, a clock that keeps real time throughout the day, and a matching pair of parchments that allow the wearers to write messages to one another.

The artist, who has opted to remain anonymous in this article, explained to our reporter that there are few limits on what can be achieved and that each client must come up with their own concept for their inking. Dark Artistry do not do repeat designs, and they do not have a suggestions list. Our reporter opted for a small daily cycle tattoo; a candle in an ornate sconce that burns down throughout the day and burns out at midnight before the cycle repeats from 05:00hr the following day. The artist then took an hour to make out a series of possible sketches, and once the design was approved, the reporter was led through a doorway into the back of the store.

Due to the mandatory obliviation, our reporter’s memory returned as she walked back into Diagon Alley, 100 galleons lighter and with four hours missing from her memory. She reports a slight burning sensation in the vicinity of her new inking but no significant pain, and was holding a parchment giving care instructions and warning not to touch, wash, or expose the tattoo to sunlight for a minimum of 72 hours. The parchment bore her own signature on a disclaimer stating that if the tattoo failed within that period Dark Artistry would bear no responsibility.

Four days later, our reporter came to work with the tattoo uncovered and on display for the office to see. The artistic merit cannot be disputed, with intricate details on the sconce and a flame that occasionally sputters and weaves as if in a breeze. The longevity of the pieces is yet to be seen, but Mr Malfoy has asserted that they are indeed for life and that there is no known method of removal, leading us to believe that his dark mark remains in situ.

Whilst the link to You-Know-Who is discomfiting, and the somewhat distasteful name of the store itself has caused distress amongst some survivors of the war, it seems clear that Dark Artistry has no shortage of admirers. With all artists signing non-disclosure contracts and all clients agreeing to mandatory obliviation it appears that Mr Malfoy has the monopoly on this new form of expression, and rumour has it that Dark Artistry has plans to open further stores across Europe. When asked whether turning a profit from the legacy of the war was appropriate, Mr Malfoy declined to respond, but as our reporter said when volunteering, “if he can take something so ugly and make it beautiful, then more power to him.”