3 minute read
Degrees of Decrees
By Lillian Lowis (silvertail8)
From the archives of the Ministry of Magic’s Hall of Records, we have unearthed some of the more bizarre Educational Decrees pushed through the, then very relaxed, approval process. With the sort of offhand, definitely viable permission of the Minister, (I believe her exact words were: “I’m sorry, you want to publish what?”), here are some of the most outrageous!
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This particular Educational Decree was instituted in April. Incidentally after Dolores Umbridge and several students turned into flamingos in the middle of her Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Apparently the professor wasn’t too pleased when she had finished molting to find all of her students in stitches on the ground.
I’m told that a rash of “Pokegum” infested the school several months after the unfortunate Flamingo Custard incident. Pranksters of all sorts rushed to get their hands on this Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes product (Peeves was apparently very nearly lethal and somehow caused several students to end up in the hospital wing. To his credit, he was aiming for Professor Umbridge.). Apparently, the product allowed the bubble gum blower to create a ball from which their victims cannot escape for fifteen minutes. Surprisingly, as George Weasley remarked in a recent article, this particular product remains very popular with Aurors from the Ministry of Magic.
As the story goes, a student (probably a 7th year) thought it would be a good idea to bring a Wolpertinger to their Care of Magical Creatures class. A creature with antlers, fangs, and wings, the Wolpertinger is surprisingly gentle but is also known to eat voraciously and poop just as much. Unfortunately, for the student – but also rather predictably, their Wolpertinger grew bored in the back of Professor Umbridge’s Defense Against the Dark Arts class and began to chew through a cabinet of Dark Arts artifacts. Sturdy and with incredible digestive tracts, the Wolpertinger was perfectly fine but the same could not be said for the cabinet.
Apparently the student then attempted to escape the wrath of Dolores Umbridge by riding their Wolpertinger to safety. The Wolpertinger, skidding around corners and flying into suits of armor, eventually ended up in the Great Hall where the endless food put an end to the escape. Completely ignoring the panicked commands of the student, the Wolpertinger decided to tuck into a nice afternoon snack. (Thankfully, the Wolpertinger is not usually in the mood for human flesh)
There are many more ridiculous and hilarity-inducing decrees but these were the first few expertly picked out by our new intern, Gladis Glipp. Thankfully, soon after Dolores Umbridge vacated her position as interim Headmistress, Rufus Scrimgeour negated all of these decrees as one of his first acts when he became Minister of Magic. The students of Hogwarts are still allowed to chew gum, eat snacks in class, and even bring their pets onto the castle grounds (although most professors still prefer that you leave them in your dormitory).