Auror Logs

BREAKING NEWS:

MLE is pleased to announce live reports of some of these logs on Wizard radio station, "Twitch.tv/powergamersdandd" every other Friday at 6:30PM PST

MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL:

◊ April 1, 2022 1:30AM - A wizard was arrested early in the morning for flying under the influence. Aurors were tipped off when locals complained of broom trails in the air being used to draw crude images of human anatomy.

◊ May 13, 2022 4:30PM - An American tourist was arrested late in the afternoon for biting local ice cream shop proprietor Florian Fortescue. When asked what her reasoning was, the witch stated, “I am the Dairy Queen. I do as I please.”

◊ June 4, 2022 8:20AM - Aurors were called to Gringotts to deal with a suspicious person waving around an unknown object in the lobby. The object was later identified as a muggle “tuba”. No arrests were made and the suspect left of their own accord.

DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES:

◊ April 14, 2022 4:32PM - Notorious local celebrity Janus Bizarre, aka The Wampus King, was arrested for the 5th time after authorities were tipped off about a conspicuously ostentatious individual asking tourists if they wanted to see something “really cool”. In his possession were three illegally obtained hinky-punks. Janus Bizarre is prohibited from handling any sort of magical creature as per his previous arrest. He was promptly returned to Azkaban for the parole violation.

◊ April 22, 2022 5:40AM - An Ipswich witch was arrested in the early evening after she walked into the local menagerie and attempted to sell non-native doxies. It is unknown whether or not the woman was aware the menagerie was across from an auror precinct.

◊ June 14, 2022 2:34PM - A local kneazle breeder was cited for improper documentation. Aurors were contacted when customers became suspicious that the kneazles they purchased were just regular house cats. Investigators found no evidence of fraud, but advised the breeder to keep better track of their pedigree paperwork.

DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES

◊ April 29, 2022 6:43AM - 30 gallons of illegally imported Hershey’s chocolate was confiscated early in the morning. The suspect, an American, was quoted saying he “wasn’t aware it was illegal here”. Aurors would like to emphasize that ignorance of the law is not an excuse and Hershey’s chocolate is a class 4 prohibited substance in the UK.

◊ May 24, 2022 4:56AM - Authorities were called to Diagon Alley after it was reported that several youths were attempting to distribute something they called “Florida rock candy”. No arrests were made once it was determined the substance was in fact just rock candy from Florida.

IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE

◊ June 13, 2022 9:48AM - A London witch was cited for hexing dog excrement to follow a neighbor around everywhere. The suspect was angry at her neighbor for allegedly repeatedly allowing his dog to relieve itself in her garden. Authorities conceded that while her anger was justified and her actions hilarious, they were required to issue a citation as flying poop is a health hazard.

◊ June 28, 2022 7:32PM - Aurors were called to a Scottish pub in response to reports that a German mage was transfiguring the local muggles’ clothing into lederhosen. When questioned the German mage said, “It vas only a prank, bro.” A citation was issued.

◊ June 30, 2022 2:49PM - Aurors responded to an anonymous tip that the owner of the Hog’s Head was practicing illicit charms on livestock. Authorities declined to comment on the nature of the crime and only stated that it involved a goat and this wasn’t the suspect’s first offense. The investigation is ongoing.

DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES

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The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of MEDIA DIVISION Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and all others that keep our world safe.