Castles and Burrows

Welcome to the second entry in the ‘Care for your Castle’-series. This time, let’s talk about bathrooms! When these places get dirty, it always feels infinitely worse, for some reason. Probably because it is such a vulnerable place? Anyway, before I dive too deep into the human psyche, my standard disclaimer: please note that this series is intended as a starting point. My cleaning strategy might not work for everyone, so feel free to adjust it as you see fit. However, many people get overwhelmed when confronted with their messy house and don't know where to start. I know not everyone is physically able or has the mental energy to constantly keep everything neat and clean. With this series, I hope to give you some sort of instruction manual that creates some direction and helps you mentally and physically chop the task of keeping your home clean into bite-sized bits. Use the articles as a red thread or support as you find your own way to keep your house a pleasant, homely place to stay.

Back to bathrooms. Let’s start with your shower itself. I will refer to it as the shower throughout this article, but the tips I give are also applicable for cleaning baths. Avoiding things from getting disgusting is always better than cleaning them after the fact. I have previously discussed how to drastically lessen hair getting stuck in your bathroom drain, check out pp. 54-7 of our Summer ‘21 edition for more information. Buy a cheap squeegee to put in your bathroom. After you shower, use it to wipe down the water on the walls of your shower cubicle. Also squeegee the water on the floor towards the drain! That’s already less water to create stains or go mouldy. Don't just throw the squeegee on the floor, because otherwise it will get mouldy, which kinda goes against the point. Find a place to put it where the soft part can properly dry. If your bathroom extractor fan isn’t that good at, well, extracting, consider buying a properly-sized dehumidifier. It might feel like an expensive purchase for now, but I use mine every time I shower (because my bathroom doesn’t have a humidity-extraction system at all, and since it’s an old building it can’t be installed either) and it is a lot cheaper than having to replace parts of your wall or shower because of permanent water-damage. I believe mine was under €100 and I use it so. often. (I have one specific window that just gets covered in condensation in the winter, so it helps for that too!)

Speaking of water damage, if you have one of those heaters with the bars you can put towels on? Don't put wet towels on them. It'll only serve to make those things rusty. Hang your towels out to dry somewhere where they get more air. You can use those heaters to put your dry towel on whilst you're in the shower, so the towel will be nice and warm when you get out! Don't forget to regularly dust the bars off, otherwise your towels will get dirty before you even use them. Just use a cleaning cloth to go along the bars, it takes less than a minute.

I would, by the way, like to use this space to sing praises to the bathrobe. Specifically, those made with towel fabric. The fleece bathrobes are awful to wear after you've just gotten out of the shower because fleece doesn't dry you, but whoever invented a wearable towel deserves a statue. Especially when it has a hood. This already serves to dry you and your hair without you needing to make any effort! If you can hang it within arm's reach of your shower, you can simply slip it on after turning off the shower and before squeegee-ing down the walls. That way you don't get cold! And it's much more convenient than wrapping a towel around you, especially if you don't have boobs to leverage said wrapped towel and keep it from slipping down and falling. It also helps against that puddle of water that always comes with you when you step out of the shower. Wash it alongside with your towels, after each use if you actively use it to dry yourself, or every 3-4 showers if you only passively use it to dry yourself.

I know a lot of people have a little rug-type thing outside of their shower to catch the aforementioned puddle of water. Please throw that away. Because yes, it does function wonderfully to catch all the excess water, but it works even better as a breeding ground for every single bacteria ever. Carefully squeeze out the extra water in your hair whilst you're still in the shower (after you've

turned the shower off, of course), that will already help fight those puddles. If you really want something to stand up because the floor is cold, I recommend using a towel, or using a specific one made out of towel fabric, but thicker. Don't forget to wash it at least once a week.

Now that we're on the fun topic of germs anyway, please close your toilet lid before flushing. Flushing your toilet can contaminate surfaces up to six feet, or almost two meters away. Having the toilet lid closed at all times unless the toilet is in use also prevents pets from drinking out of the toilet bowl, and solves the eternal "lid up/lid down" debate you might have with housemates of different sex. If you close the lid, both parties will have to lift up at least one layer, which is only fair. And also hygienic.

When cleaning your toilet, don't forget to clean every single bit of the lid. Even if you live in a female-only household, please lift the lower lid and clean beneath it. Trust me, I clean women's bathrooms for a living and yes, it does get disgusting under there. It's part of the 6-feet splash zone, and it shows.

Let me interrupt this narrative with a quick, but VERY IMPORTANT PSA: Please do not mix cleaning chemicals. Or mix any chemicals at all unless you have a degree in that sort of stuff. If you've treated your toilet with bleach, don't throw in anything else (and don't use the toilet) until you've flushed away the bleach first. Certain cleaning liquids will react with each other creating toxic gasses that can cause you to lose consciousness. Not recommended.

Bleach is your best friend when cleaning your toilet, though. Buy one of those bottles with a turn at the end of the bottle so you can easily pour the liquid underneath the toilet rim. Let it soak in for 5-10 minutes, and scrub hard with the toilet brush. Some brushes have an extra smaller angled brush attached specifically for cleaning under the rim. I recommend doing this at least once a month if you live on your own and once every two weeks if there are multiple people using the toilet. Use a cleaning cloth to clean the outside of the toilet itself. Don't miss the back and bottom of the toilet - those gather a lot of dust and dirt!

Out of all things in your bathroom, I think I know which thing you most desperately want to keep clean: your toothbrush. And that's fair. Firstly, please regularly replace your toothbrush. I know you forget to do it. So do I. But please, get a new one every three months. In order to keep it protected from the previously mentioned "splash zone" of your toilet, of the shower itself and of just general bacteria in the air, you might want to consider making a protective "sock" for your toothbrush. This is also a very practical way of protecting your toothbrush when you're travelling! See the instructions on this page for more.

Another thing you should replace sometimes: your shower curtain. This highly depends on your curtain itself and how it looks. You can buy very cheap shower curtains. Keep an eye on the bottom of them, if they get mouldy, buy a new one! You are allowed to replace them!

Anyway, I have yet to address how to actually clean your shower itself, so let me cease my digressions and get to it. Next time you get a new dish brush because the one you are using is getting too dirty (another thing to regularly replace, but we'll get to that in more detail in our upcoming kitchen episode), don't throw it away, but throw it in your shower! The same with your old toothbrush and an old iron sponge. These three instruments are incredibly helpful when cleaning your shower. One of the best parts of cleaning your shower, in my opinion, is that you can do it whilst showering! There's soap, there's water, what more do you need? The dish brush works wonders to clean corners, the toothbrush to get to tiny spaces (like inside the drain - yes, it is disgusting and yes it has to be cleaned. A toothbrush can easily reach in. Make sure you don't drop it though!) and the iron sponge is great for lime and other difficult to remove stains. Do make sure you don't damage the tiles though.

If you're reading this and your shower is already quite dirty, just cleaning it whilst you're showing might not cut it. You might have to take out an afternoon to properly scrub with some specialised cleaning materials. Make it fun! Put on some sea shanties to imagine yourself a sailor making the perilous journey around the Cape, yell along with ABBA as if you're opening a hotel in Greece or live your Disney Princess dreams and whistle while you work. Whichever one suits your fancy. And, of course, have a reward for yourself when you're done! Home-baked goods were the go-to for my family when we had to deep-clean our childhood bedrooms.

Vacuum, clean, and mop your bathroom once a week. Don't forget to clean the walls near where you brush your teeth to get rid of toothpaste stains. Clean underneath the sink as well. If you're not the biggest fan of your own body, place your scale out of sight, so you can access it when you want, but you're not constantly reminded of it. Don't forget to clean underneath your shampoo bottles. If you use a loofah, don't forget to wash that along with your laundry too! Put it in a lingerie bag and wash it on a gentle programme. Most body scrub contains microplastics, which, over time and in combination with other regular dirt, can cause your drain to get clogged. Always have some sort of chemical unblock substance at home for emergencies. And to the love of everything, please follow the directions on the bottle. The one I use only requires 2-3 tablespoons full, and I've read reviews of people who put in more and whose pipes burst because of it, leaving them with more problems than they started. I recommend using one that doesn't need litres upon litres, and only do this when you really feel it is necessary. It is, of course, not very good for the environment.

I think it's time for this edition’s speed round! Cleaning mirrors without leaving stripes is easy when you know the trick. Splash your mirror with some water (NO SOAP!), scrub annoying stains using some dry toilet paper, and use more dry toilet paper to dry the mirror. Voilà, your stripeless, spotless reflection awaits for all your lovely mirror selfies. When you go do laundry, make it a habit to walk through the house to pick up any and all things that should go in the laundry, but usually don't go in the laundry basket. The hand towels next to the sink, for example. I can't tell you the number of times I turn on the laundry machine, walk to the bathroom for something or other, and see the hand towel hanging there, because I've forgotten to wash it along. If you indeed follow my toothbrush sock tutorial, then please remember to regularly wash that too.

For those using liquid soap to wash your hands: buy big litre bottles of soap to refill to lessen your single-use plastic. I have covered the soap dispensers I use in stickers! It's a really fun sight. I just fill them up when they get empty, and as an added bonus, the litre bottle is cheaper than buying a new, full plastic dispenser!

And although this is technically not cleaning related, I do want to share: ladies who shave: go to your nearest dollar store or your country's equivalent, and get yourself some cheap-ass shaving cream marketed toward men. It's so much easier to use than shampoo and so much cheaper than shaving cream marketed towards women (yay pink tax! Ugh). Just shave before taking a shower, it saves on water too! Don't worry about the smell: you'll shower it off later and most cheap shaving cream doesn't smell that strongly anyway.

And I believe that is it for this edition! Join us next time as we explore how to keep yet another area of your home nice and clean. Your house is your castle, after all, and your royal abode should be a space where you feel safe and comfortable. See you then!

Do you only have the energy to do one single thing mentioned in this article? Squeegee the sides of your shower after every shower. It’ll prevent a lot of stains from forming.

HOW TO USE THE CLEANING SCHEDULE: This article is accompanied by the second of 6 cleaning schedules, one per area in your house. The use of this schedule is simple: print it out, put it somewhere easily accessible but out of sight (on the inside of a cupboard door, for example), and put a pen near it. Each time you wash the toothbrush cover which you can make with the tutorial, write down the ..[date].. / ..[month].. (or the other way around, for you Americans) on the dotted lines for reference, so you can keep track! For the oncea-week thing, you can just cross off the number of the week you have done this. The area marked in dark red is specifically laundry, the rest is general cleaning!