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Fall 2019 / theholisticparent.ca
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THE 4TH ANNUAL EDUCATION ISSUE
REGUL ARS
CONTRIBUTORS Meet the people who made this issue awesome PAGE 4
RECIPE Tips for snacky students PAGE 6
PRODUCTS Made by Kiddos PAGE 8
COLUMNS
BIRTH C is for Caring PAGE 10
BABY Bacteria at Birth PAGE 12
BEYOND Trying for #2 PAGE 14
FEATURES
READING, WRITING & RESILIENCE BY JESSIE HESCH
Growing resilient learners PAGE 17
GRIEVING IN THE CLASSROOM BY MARNY WILLIAMS
Advocating for grieving children PAGE 20
DON’T STEP ON LAVA BY LINDSAY FORD
Walking to school for mom’s sanity PAGE 22
THE ABCS OF ZZZS BY STEPHANIE ROBINSON Sleep and the impact on learning PAGE 25
THE (HOME) SCHOOL OF FINANCE BY MARTHA ADAMS
ON THE COVER Photo illustration created by the team from Made by Emblem.
theholisticparent.ca
Talking to your kids about money PAGE 28
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UP FRONT | OUR TEAM
MARTHA ADAMS Certified Financial Planner Martha has spent her career helping clients plan and achieve their financial goals. She has found a common theme around negativity in the financial conversation. As an author and financial educator, Martha is committed to changing the conversation for the better! Read her article, The (Home) School of Finance on PAGE 28.
LINSDAY FORD Parenting Coach Lindsay is a parenting coach certified in positive discipline. She teaches parents to see the emotions under the misbehaviour and identify effective strategies that fit their family. She shares her parenting wisdom at thinkfeeldecide.com. To read her piece Don’t Step on Lava! check out PAGE 22 .
Volume 05, Issue 02 | Fall 2019
PUBLISHER | EDITOR Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca ART DIRECTION
www.madebyemblem.com Erik Mohr (Creative Director) Ian Sullivan Cant (Associate Art Director) Sally Tan Soriano (Production)
JESSIE HESCH Social Worker | Child & Family Therapist Jessie is a registered social worker who supports children and their caregivers to become more able to cope with how they are feeling, develop insight, emotional intelligence and confidence. You can find her at treefrogcounselling.com. Jessie’s article Reading, Writing & Resilience is on PAGE 17.
Marikha Saira (Graphic Designer) ADVERTISING DESIGNER
Elizabeth Wise CONTRIBUTORS
Martha Adams, Julia Busato, Lindsay Ford, Dr. Sarah Hawthorn, Tania Heinemann, Jessie Hesch, Andrea Mondoux, Bina Moore, Stephanie Robinson, Marny Williams PROOFREADER
Lesley Wiltshire
ANDREA MONDOUX Holistic Coach Through her work as the owner of Balance + Bliss (balancebliss.blog), Andrea, a certified holistic nutritionist and health coach, guides clients along their own individual journeys to wellness by building confidence and helping them harness their motivation for health. Check out her tips and recipe in Feelin’ Snacky on PAGE 6.
STEPHANIE ROBINSON Sleep Educator
PUBLISHED BY
Wiltshire Media The Holistic Parent magazine is published four times per year. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher © 2019 Copies are available for free at one of our 90+ community partners in the Waterloo Region, Wellington County and surrounding areas. Visit theholisticparent.ca for a list of distributors. ISSN 2368-6790 Publications Mail Agreement No. 42845523
Stephanie specializes in supporting parents with infant and toddler sleep and emotional intelligence. Her business, Dream Again Sleep (dreamagainsleep.com) offers an alternative to sleep training, focusing on the normalcy of infant and toddler sleep. Read her article The ABCs of ZZZs on PAGE 25.
MARNY WILLAMS Grief & Bereavement Support Marny is the co-founder and executive director of The Hummingbird Centre for Hope, a charitable organization offering support to widowed parents. Marny has worked in the field for 15 years, with a special certification in children’s grief and bereavement. Her article Grieving in the Classroom can be found on PAGE 20.
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Fall 2019 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | RECIPES
FEELIN' SNACKY By ANDREA MONDOUX
Being a parent can come with a series of challenges, no matter the child you have. When you factor in the September to June added stress-inducer of school lunches and the inevitable afterschool "I'm hungry!!" meltdown, it can sometimes send you over the edge. As parents, more often than not, we're the ones who decide what foods our kids are eating. The school meal routine is no exception. By using this daily opportunity to teach your kids about healthy eating habits, you're very simply setting the foundation for their lives. The earlier you help your children to build healthy habits, the easier it will be for them to maintain this routine behaviour as they transition away from you and into adulthood and because of this, it is something they are more likely to build into their own everyday lives. When it comes to packing lunches and providing after-school snacks there are two things to keep in mind:
1. Fuel: Healthy and Packed!
Is it something that is going to provide their bodies with the nutrition it needs for the amount they are moving and learning?
2. Fast: Keep It Simple!
Is it something that is not going to make things harder for you, or even for them to prepare on their own! Here are a few suggestions for snack ideas* ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ ͫ
Baby carrots and cucumber slices with hummus Sliced or whole apples with nut butter or sun butter Clementine or mandarin oranges Grapes Sliced or whole pears Smoothie (if you plan to drink it within 30 mins or so) Nuts and raisins ( you can make your own trail mix) Pumpkin seeds and/or sunflower seeds Whole food snack rars (such as Larabar) Sandwiches or wraps String cheese or cheese cubes Hard-boiled eggs
POWER TRAIL MIX The perfect fuel after-school energy booster INGREDIENTS 12 raw or roasted unsalted almonds
1/4 teaspoon cacao nibs 1 teaspoon dried Goji berries DIRECTIONS 1 Set out a small sized Tupperware or snack sized zip lock bag.
2 Portion out each ingredient and mix into desired chosen container.
3 Repeat for as many portions as you would like to make.
For more recipes, visit balancebliss.blog
* Please note your school's restriction on high-allergen products.
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SECTION | NAME
s r u e n e r p d Ki UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
R E TH IF TH ES E KIDS A
E FUTU R E O F EN
TR
, TH EN WE AR E EP R EN EU RS H IP
IN GOO D HAN D
S.
SLAYER
TheDragonGirlChar Most kids are familiar with rainbow loom bracelets, but very, very few can make dragons! Guelph-based maker Charlotte, 13, is the only source for rainbow loomed dragons in Canada. Cute and squishy, they make a perfect calming sensory toy and fit easily in a bag or backpack. $9.95-$39.95 thedragongirlchar.etsy.com
SMALL BUT MIGHTY
ButtonsPushing Kayana is “just a kid trying to make the world a better place, one button at a time.” Creating custom buttons and magnets, she sells her products to raise money for various charities, including the ALS Foundation, KW Humane Society and Indigo’s Love of Reading Foundation. And with sayings like “Just Speak,” “Future CEO” and “Hello Beautiful Soul” on her buttons, Kayana is inspiring more than just charitable donations. $2 | instagram.com/buttonspushing THE ART OF GIVING BACK
Luke Hodgson Local artist Luke, 11, is has been gaining recognition locally and internationally. Fetching as high as $1,000 for his originals, Luke draws inspiration from the nature found right here in the Waterloo Region. He established “Luke’s Community Fundraising” program that raises money for worthy causes from the sale of his artwork. He has raised over $25,000 this year, including $20,000 for McMaster Children’s Hospital. He also partnered with a large bank to sell his artwork for their charitable efforts. $75+ | lukehodgson.ca
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
FRESH AS A DAISY
Field of Daisies Handmade Goods Twelve-year-old Daisy creates a line of bath and body products right here in Waterloo Region. Her products are handmade locally and never tested on animals. Her product range includes candles, bath salts, body butters and more, and a portion of the profits of all her products is donated to the World Wildlife Fund. Her Sweet Orange + Chamomile Bath Salts are vegan and will add a pop of colour and sweet scent to your bath. $4.50 | instagram.com/fieldofdaisieshandmadegoods
SUPER BEADS
Warriors and Unicorns Deacus is a warrior for Sick Kids. He has made and sold over 100 oil diffusing gemstone bracelets and donates 10 percent of everything he makes directly to the SickKids Foundation. His line of jewelry includes ready-made items for local vendor shows, custom orders and mommy and me sets. His style appeals to a wide range of customers because of his use of unique charms and accents, including superhero enthusists and those who appreciate unicorns. $15 | Facebook: Warriors and Unicorns COMFORT WITH A CAUSE
MangoKat MangoKat is an online apparel retailer with a twist. Started in early 2017 by co-founders Alex, 15, and Ethan, 14, with a vision to create awesome designs while promoting social acceptance and responsibility, MangoKat now sells a variety of unique T-shirts, hoodies and hats. And $1 from each sale goes to a supported charity of the customer’s choice including Kids Help Phone, the Humane Society, JumpStart, and MusiCounts. Their products have been purchased by customers across Canada, the U.S. and even in Germany. $20-$40 | mangokat.com
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BIRTH | C-SECTION
BINA MOORE is a registered social worker (MSW, RSW) with the Ontario College of Social Workers, maternal mental health advocate and counsellor offering services through Embrace Counselling Services. She’s also an infant and pregnancy loss doula with Home Hospice Association and a labour doula student with DOULAs Inc. www.embracecounsellingservices.com
C is for Caring C-section is giving birth Story by BINA MOORE
IN ONTARIO, NEARLY 28
percent of labours result in a cesarean section. For most, it may be the final decision after many hours of labouring with the intention of a vaginal delivery; for others, it’s a choice made for subsequent labours when there’s a history of labour complications. Voluntarily opting for a c-section is rare, but possible. Typically, a birthperson will encounter extensive paperwork, signatures, and a laundry list of overwhelming possible risks. Unfortunately, often neglected is preparation from a psychological, emotional and cognitive level in recovery.
We need to stop faulting and instead honor every person’s body.
Whichever angle the birthperson came from that led them down the path of a c-section, their birth and labour story deserves to be honoured too. The “othering” in the birth community needs to stop. Birth is tough enough, so why do we engage in judgment (active or passive) of birth-persons that have encountered a cesarean? Why do we tend to respond with an “I’m sorry” versus a “Congratulations”? We need to stop the faulting and blame, and instead honour every person’s body, whichever way their little one decided to join this world. We also need to be grateful for the evolution and access to surgical and medical interventions, in addition to, women’s choices in Canada that, in turn, work to keep our birth persons as safe as possible. So, how do we truly support birth persons who have encountered a cesarean section? PHYSICALLY The incision will require a minimum of six to eight weeks (or more) for recovery. Seven layers of skin and muscle are surgically navigated to safely remove the infant. For many weeks, the birth-person will require support with functional tasks, such as putting on socks, reaching, and on occasion lifting the baby. Consider shifting into the birth-person’s mindset and offer support with day-to-day tasks, offerings of physical comfort, and transportation. Honour where the birth person is at and check-in often. EMOTIONALLY Postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) impacts approximately 9 percent of new birth-persons. After a c-section,
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common complications that can trigger PTSD include: the parent(s) feeling powerless; enduring labour complications; encountering an unplanned c-section; hospital transfer; or infant NICU support. Being supported and given the opportunity to share their birth story in a vulnerable capacity will assist in processing and piecing together the memories of their labour. Offer to take notes, practice attentive listening, validate, and create space to nurture. Respect that the birth-person may not be ready to process their birth story either but show up when they’re ready. COGNITIVELY In all types of labour, intrusive memories are possible. In the case of a cesarean, consider the sensory overload (sight, smell, touch). Visualize “being on the other side of the curtain” and listening to the unknown. The weight of these thoughts, memories and pictures can trigger negative rumination. Look out for self-blame, shame and guilt. Provide validation, boost self-esteem with positive affirmations and praise, and connect to a community support group or counsellor. Whether you’re struggling to come to terms with the way you gave birth or are relieved that you had a repeat cesarean; whether you compare your experience to mothers who had vaginal births or do not wish to explain to others why you had a cesarean; whether no one in your family or friends group had a cesarean and your struggling to relate — I see you, and moving forward, it’s our due diligence as a community to honour and respect you.
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BABY | GBS
TANIA HEINEMANN is a registered holistic nutritionist and lactation consultant (IBCLC) specializing in digestion issues, thyroid imbalances, infant and children’s health, and pre and postnatal concerns. She is the owner of Yellowood Nutrition (yellowood.ca), and co-owner of Wellness Team on Queen (wellnessteamonqueen.com).
Bacteria at Birth Taking the fear out of Group B Strep Story by TANIA HEINEMANN
IF YOU HAVE HAD A
pregnancy and live in Canada you have probably heard about Group B Streptococcus (GBS). GBS is a naturally occurring bacteria found in the gastrointestinal tract in both men and women, and the vagina in women. In Canada, women are screened between 35 and 37 weeks gestation to determine if they have the bacteria in their body. The screening typically consists of swabbing both the rectum and vagina, and if the bacteria is found the woman is considered to be GBS positive. A review published in the British Medical Journal earlier
Moms who know they have options are empowered mothers.
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this year has concluded that, based on current evidence, routine screening for GBS colonization in late pregnancy should not be introduced in the UK, as the potential harms of unnecessary treatment with antibiotics may outweigh the benefits. The study’s authors explain in the background to their review: “The media and politicians regularly call for universal antenatal screening for GBS as an alternative means of selecting women for prophylaxis. Advocates point to countries across Europe and North America where screening is recommended and where reductions in early onset GBS infection have been observed. But the evidence shows that the effectiveness of screening, using established screening criteria, is uncertain and that screening has potential harms. Here, we explain why the UK National Screening Committee decided not to introduce routine screening in the UK — namely, high levels of overtreatment, unknown potential hazards from screening and intrapartum antibiotic prophylaxis treatment, and uncertain benefit.” There are many reasons a woman may choose to have the screening and subsequent antibiotics. Approximately 10 to 35 percent of all pregnant women are colonized with GBS and will test positive. And 1 to 2 percent of babies will develop early onset GBS disease. The risk of death associated with GBS positive babies is 4 to 6 percent. But women have a choice. There are reasons to consider declining the screening and/ or antibiotics. As discussed in the study referenced above, the chance of a baby getting
GBS is very small, whereas overtreatment is high. The study shows that “in 2014-15, under risk-based prevention, 138,933 term pregnant women were colonized with GBS, but only 350 term neonates developed early onset infection, meaning screening would have led to overtreatment of 138,583 (99.75 percent) women in labour.” Oral probiotic use is known to stop the growth of GBS bacteria. Probiotics are the good bacteria and are safe in pregnancy. Dr. Sara Wickham wrote in her book Group B Strep published earlier this year, “Recent research shows that not only are bacteria beneficial, but they need to be passed on to the baby during birth via its mother’s vagina and have an important part to play in future health, especially relating to the gut and digestion, but in many other areas of wellbeing as well.” Working with a registered nutrition consultant practitioner or naturopath who specializes in women’s health can help with dietary changes and supplements to support your and your baby’s microbiome. It’s also important to note that yeast infections and thrush are common after using antibiotics, in both mother and baby, which can present as a barrier to establishing breastfeeding and may need treatment to offer relief for mom and/or baby. New research highlights the need for practitioners to be aware of the alternatives to antibiotic usage, sharing all options for mother’s to make an informed decision. Moms who know they have options are empowered mothers.
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BEYOND | INFERTILITY
DR. SARAH HAWTHORN is a naturopathic doctor, acupuncturist, mom of three, and
co-owner of Health In Balance in Cambridge. She has a special interest in treating the pregnant and pediatric population. She loves helping families live more holistically. Dr. Sarah has been voted the #1 naturopathic doctor in Cambridge annually since 2011 in the Cambridge Readers Choice Awards. www.sarahhawthornnd.com
Trying For #2 Addressing secondary infertility Story by DR. SARAH HAWTHORN
MANY COUPLES WHO EASILY
conceived and carried their first child are faced with a shocking diagnosis: secondary infertility. And it’s surprisingly very common. Medically, the term refers to parents who, after 12 months of unprotected intercourse, have failed to conceive another child. The diagnosis can come as a shock and can be emotionally devastating, since most parents don’t expect to have any trouble growing their families, especially after a successful first pregnancy. The frustration, stress and grief associated with failing to conceive can take a toll on the whole family. According to estimates from a 2012 study based on data from a 2010 Statistics Canada survey,
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s very common to feel shock and denial.
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about one in six Canadian couples who already have one child fail to get pregnant after one year of intercourse without contraception. Why is this a growing concern? Age is one of the main reasons. It’s more difficult to conceive over the age of 35 and women are waiting to have babies. A woman’s egg quality steadily declines over time until the age of 35, when there is a sudden drop off. As for the men, 40 percent of infertility cases are due to poor quality and motility of sperm. Sperm quality drops off at 45 years of age. Also notably, after pregnancy, the female body changes. It’s common to experience hormone disruption or thyroid dysfunction. Such conditions such as PCOS, fallopian tube damage, endometriosis, low ovarian reserve, hypothyroidism, and uterine conditions all need to be ruled out. Pregnancy and delivery is traumatic on the body as well. Hidden scarring or untreated infections can leave abnormal tissue in the uterus that may prevent the egg from properly implanting. And finally, being a parent is stressful — your lifestyle is different going into baby number two. You are already taking care of a child, so you are more sleep deprived and may not be making the best lifestyle choices. Consuming too much caffeine, more stress, being overweight, having less time for exercise and self-care all contribute to the fertility challenge. Talk to your OB, MD, fertility specialist or ND if you have been trying unsuccessfully for more than 12 months if you are under 35, and if you are over 35, seek help after six months of trying.
SO WHAT CAN YOU DO? » Know your cycle. Like, really know your cycle. Don’t only use an app. Know when you are ovulating, and if you don’t know, ask your ND or MD to help you figure it out. » Decrease your stress and get lots of rest. Cortisol (the stress hormone) impacts our sex hormones and can inhibit ovulation. » Have regular sex, but try to take the pressure off yourselves and just enjoy it. » Seek counselling. Talk to friends. Don’t try to cope alone. Seek support. » Connecting with your partner and maintaining good communication. Remember, you are in this together. » Take a good quality prenatal multivitamin (with active B vitamins). » Take a good look at your habits. How have they changed since baby? » Acknowledge your feelings. It’s very common to feel shock and denial. » Give in to the grief. You are just as entitled to feel upset about not being able to have another child, even though you already have one, so stop feeling guilty. » Spend quality time with your child(ren). » Talk to your ND about supplements, herbs and acupuncture to optimize your health. » Talk to your MD about bloodwork and ultrasounds to rule out hormonal conditions. » See an osteopath to address potential scarring from previous pregnancies. There are a lot of options for investigating secondary infertility, so please don’t give up.
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Give the gift of education to your child We can help you start saving for their future Higher education has never been more important than it is today. That’s why starting a Registered Education Savings Plan is the best gift you can give your child. Only RESPs are eligible for government grants that can boost the value of your savings by up to $7,200* per child. Plus, up to $50,000 of each child’s RESP grows tax-deferred. And with a Flex First RESP, it is easy to add to your child’s education savings goal with gifts from friends, grandparents and other family members. More than another toy or treat, an RESP is a gift that lasts a lifetime. Let us help you get started.
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SECTION | NAME
Six things that parents can do to help grow resilient learners Story By JESSIE HESCH
or some, heading back to school is a time of stress. Some children have a difficult time separating from their caregivers when they go to school, other children seem overly influenced by their peer group, and others struggle with perfectionism and anxiety. With so much time spent at school, how can parents best support their children (and their teachers) to become resilient learners?
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Normalize and support the discomfort of growth and learning In order to grow and learn, we have to be stretched a little out outside of what’s familiar and our learning has to be active learn learning not just simply information recall — and that can bring some discomfort. Quality learning requires what brain scien scientists call “desirable difficulty.” The more active the learning process is, the better your comprehension and recall. The same way you feel a muscle “burn” when it’s being strengthened, the brain needs to feel some discomfort when it’s learning. Parents can help children to embrace the discomfort of learning by normalizing these emotions and conveying that you believe they will get there eventually and that you are there to help.
Use the home environment to support children to increase resilience and adaptability There are many things that won’t go your child’s way at school. We can help our children learn to manage their frustrations when they are up against the inevitable futilities of school by helping support them to work through the things they cannot change at home. Use opportunities when they cannot have what they want at home by allowing them space to be upset (sometimes even with tears) and then helping them find words to express their frustrations. Do this when they talk to you about challenges at school as well — don’t try to fix things for them.
“Fill up their bucket” at home Weekdays can be hectic. With only so many hours in the day and so many demands, it’s easy to get swept up in managing our to-do list. The problem is that if we aren’t intentional about finding time to connect with our children and just “be with” them, they will go to school and try to get these relational needs met. If we can fill up our children’s bucket at home, they will be better able to focus, won’t seek unhealthy connections to their peers, and will be less vulnerable to rejection and wounding from their peers.
Set and maintain healthy habits around technology The use of technology — where, when, what and how much — is a controversial topic. However, technology, including social media, is not going anywhere, and so technological literacy — including healthy habits around its use — is an essential skill that needs to be taught. Technology is being used in your child’s classroom. Find out from your child’s teacher or school how technology is being used and the rules around its use so you can help support these limits. Knowing more about technology use at school will also help inform the limits you have at home. For example, the World Health Organization recommends less than one hour a day of screen time for children under four, so if
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your child’s classroom is already watching shows as part of their learning at school you will need to adjust accordingly at home.
Treat school as your child’s job and support them to learn how to navigate good work-life balance When planning your family’s schedule, consider school for your kids as you would your job. Most people wouldn’t take a vacation during their busy season at work, and they try to schedule any appointments they have outside of work hours, so whenever possible, avoid scheduling vacations and appointments for your children during school time. When planning your children’s schedule after school consider how to support a good school-life balance for your children. Even when teachers work hard to make sure learning is fun and engaging, school is still work for kids. Kids need to have time after school for free, unstructured play, as well as rest, in order to balance their day and have space to integrate new learning. When scheduling extracurricular activities ensure that there is still ample time for play and rest and that the timing of activities allows for a schedule that best supports getting your child to school well-rested, fed and ready to learn! For example, if your child is tired and ready for bed by 7pm, consider saving those 6pm swim lessons for weekend mornings instead.
Be the leader in your child’s “team” All of the adults that provide care to your child are a part of your team — they bring valuable skills, knowledge and perspective. But your relationship with your child — your connection to your child, your intimate knowledge of your child’s needs, and your motivation to care for your child — is powerfully unique. As the leader of your child’s team you need to be at the top of the attachment hierarchy with all adults below. It’s from this place that you can cultivate healthy relationships with all other caring adults in your child’s life. But you have to be intentional in cultivating your child’s relationship with these caring adults. Arrange for an introduction meeting with the teacher (if possible), speak positively about the teacher, orient them to the school culture and rules, and convey confidence and trust in your child’s teacher to meet their needs. Depending on the age and needs of the child, you could use tools such as social stories or it could just be a conversation with your child. Offer support and resources to your child’s teacher to support them in meeting your child’s needs (e.g., a special greeting ritual, a special picture from home). Try to be proactive in communicating any concerns to your child’s teacher before problems arise so you can work together as a team to address these concerns. It’s important to remember that parents and teachers see the child in different environments and can both benefit from one another’s perspectives. If problems arise, communicate with the teacher, but keep school problems at school and home problems at home. For example, don’t have consequences at home for something that happened at school.
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Grieving in the Classroom Advocating for grieving children in school Story by MARNY WILLIAMS
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theholisticparent.ca
T
here is nothing more heartbreaking than watching a child grieve the death of someone special. As a parent, we just want to take their pain away and return their life back to what it was, but sadly that is the one thing we can’t do. We can, however, offer them our love, guidance and support to help them navigate their journey. Supporting grieving children takes a village. Our kids spend six hours a day at school, so part of this village is within the education system. Therefore, it’s imperative that parents, teachers, support and admin staff work together to create a safe place for our children and youth to grieve. Below are some suggestions for ways to advocate for your child in the school system. AGE-APPROPRIATE SUPPORT
Each child, regardless of age, will show, express and communicate their grief very differently and therefore will have individual needs. As a parent you must take this into account when determining how best to advocate for each of them. It’s important that all adults are supporting them age appropriately, using correct language and acknowledging their emotions. COMMUNICATE
Include your child in the conversation about what they want the school and friends to know. You are still the parent, so you get veto rights, but you can take into account their wishes. Have conversations each year/semester with the teachers until you feel your child can advocate for themselves. Information about the death is not recorded on your child’s file, so new teachers may not be aware. There is no timeline to grief, and often with children we can see their grief appear or reappear years after the death. Ask the teachers to share with you any concerns they may be seeing in or out of the classroom. School staff members often see things you may not as a parent. And let their teachers know you will communicate with them if your child had a bad day/night so they can be prepared in the classroom. PREPARE A SCRIPT
Work with your child to help them find the words to answer any questions their friends may have about the
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death. Empowering them with the words to answer can help to build their confidence. Revisit this every six months or so. Their words and understanding will change as their grief evolves. CREATE A SAFE PLACE/ROUTINE
Often grieving kids don’t want to draw attention to themselves so they may find it difficult to express and control their feelings in the classroom. Grief can sometimes be interpreted as behaviour issues. Working with the teacher, create a silent message that can be used by your child if they need a break. Perhaps a card they can keep on their desk. One side has a symbol representing all is OK and the flip side is the symbol for “I need a break.” When the teacher sees, they have permission to leave class and take a predefined break. Ask if there can be a safe room set up in the school they can go to where there are some items they can utilize to defuse. For example, a punching bag, mini trampoline, colouring books, access to mindful apps, playdoh, etc. Also find out if there’s a trusted adult inside the school that they can go to for support when needed. SPECIAL DAYS AND HOLIDAYS
Talk with your child to see if they have any suggestions on how to handle special days/event (Mother’s/Father’s Day, concerts, etc.). They may wish to join fully, take the day off, or have their own ideas on how to participate. When do you need more help for your child? Watch for changes in these areas. » Appetite change. Weight loss or gain. » Always tired. Can’t sleep or sleeping too much. » Withdrawing from friends and family. » Engaging in drugs, alcohol or sexual activity to numb pain. » Overwhelming feelings of guilt, hostility, helplessness and hopelessness. » Suicidal thoughts At the end of the day, you know your child best. Trust your gut. Listen to others and hear what they see in your child. Take all of this into account as you work to find ways to best support.
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DON’T STEP ON
WALKING TO SCHOOL IS GOOD FOR MOM’S SANITY Story by LINDSAY FORD
I
felt my stress melting as I listened to the pitter-patter of raindrops on my umbrella. What a beautiful day, I thought as I walked in the warm rain to pick up my daughter from school. The walk to and from school has become one of my favourite parts of the day. Not even a downpour could force me into my car today. I started walking my kindergartener because I was convinced of the benefits for her: exercise, time outside, and a chance to learn road safety. I’d heard of studies that suggested she’d be more awake and ready to learn, that her grades would be higher, and that she’d learn valuable problem solving skills on the walk. In addition to that, I had no desire to sit in and contribute to the traffic chaos that surrounds most schools at bell times. That just seemed like a good way to increase my blood pressure! With that set of beliefs in mind, my husband and I committed to walking our daughter to school as much as we could. But I never really thought about how great it would be for me. Now, my choice to walk on this rainy day has
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almost nothing to do with the benefits to my child, and everything to do with my own sanity. We live just inside that 0.8km JK walk distance. Round trip, it’s 20 to 25 minutes depending on the season and how much time we spend at the school. That means I get 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon all to myself. I don’t even bring my phone with me. It’s me-time, and I wouldn’t get it otherwise. I’m more awake by the time I get to the office. A little fresh air and exercise allows me to dive right into my work. It makes me more productive, which is why I don’t mind spending a few extra minutes doing it. On days that I miss my walk, I’m noticeably more sluggish
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SCHOOL
and start my workday staring blankly at the computer screen trying to wake up. The walk to and from school gives me a bit of exercise — 4,000 of my 10,000 daily steps actually. I feel good knowing I’ve done something healthy for my body. On days where I drive, I don’t get this exercise. I’m too “busy” (aka, I don’t make the time). It’s far easier to integrate this into my walking commute. It doesn’t seem like something extra. The part of the walk that’s by myself is the calm space I desperately crave in my otherwise rushed day. Even when I’m in a hurry, the fact that I’m walking outside shifts my stress level and relaxes me. If I’ve had a rough day at work, this is the time I let it go. I don’t want to carry this into my evening with my kids. For some reason, when I drive directly from the office to school, the stress stays with me. My patience tends to be thin and I take this out on my kids. I feel more rushed and I’m easily irritated when they beg me to play as I’m getting dinner ready. The legs of the walk with my daughter have also been great for our relationship. We get quality time we wouldn’t otherwise have. Walking to school is different than driving.
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In the car, my focus needs to be on the road. On the sidewalk, my focus is on our walk and time together. Any struggles we’ve had to leave the house evaporate as our feet hit the sidewalk. We count worms, avoid stepping on anything green (it’s lava!), take turns chasing each other, stamp the snow with our mitts, and play Eye Spy. It’s also been a great opportunity to teach her road safety. Everyone becomes a pedestrian as soon as they exit their vehicle and by the time she’s old enough to walk alone, she’ll have had a lot of training and practice. There’s been one surprising side effect from our walking adventures. My daughter’s insistence on having fun has forced me to get out of my comfort zone and to confront some of my insecurities. When you walk like a gorilla down a busy street, it makes you feel stupid. What will people think? Now I don’t care because we’re having a great time! It’s been a freeing experience. What if you don’t live close enough to walk? Nobody is forcing you to drive your child right to the front door. Park a few blocks away and walk in. You’ll get a bit of quality time with your kids and with yourself. And if you’re like me, this will be the only way to get a bit of metime in your otherwise hectic day.
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The ABCs of Z Z Sleep and the impact on learning Story by STEPHANIE ROBINSON
Zs
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W
e’re back to the grind of the morning routines and getting everyone where they need to be on time. For some families, a schedule to the day is still present throughout the summer, but for others, it’s a time of staying up late and sleeping in. Whether you choose to get your children back on schedule before school starts or you “go with the flow” as they adapt to being back at school, it’s important to make sure your child is getting enough sleep to support optimal growth and learning. According to the Public Health Agency of Canada, the recommended hours for children ages 5 to 13 are 9 to 11 hours, and children ages 14 to 17 are recommended 8 to 10 hours of sleep. And a full onequarter of children are not getting enough sleep for their age. As described by world-renowned pediatrician and author Dr. William Sears, MD, sleep is the time when your brain detoxifies and gets relief from all of the “stuff ” that bothers your brain during the day. In his new and upcoming book (which I was gifted a chapter of the draft copy), Dr. Sears explains how sleep is like our own nighttime pharmacy for our brain that heals and restores. During your sweet nightly slumber, your brain is processing all that you encountered during the day. It’s like your brain is a huge filing cabinet that creates folders and files away all the information. A few of the outcomes that result from a good night’s sleep are clearer thinking, better stress management, stronger immune system and smarter school and work performance.
For a child in a learning environment that requires focus and attention, overtiredness can make absorbing, retaining and recalling information a difficult process. 26
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Along with the physical health benefits of a good night’s sleep, your brain also needs time to rest and restore from the emotional experiences of your day. Whether you felt stress, sadness, anger, happiness, or a combination of different emotions, your brain requires nighttime sleep to rid of the toxic thoughts, traumatic memories and lower the stress hormone. Trying to fall asleep when you’re overtired or when you feel like you have your “second wind” can not only take longer but also impacts your quality of sleep when you do doze off. When we’re overtired and not getting enough sleep, our bodies produce cortisol and adrenaline to compensate for the lack of rest. It’s like kicking your body into second gear and can result in hyperactive behaviours, lack of motivation and short-tempered responses, just to name a few. For a child in a learning environment that requires focus and attention, overtiredness can make absorbing, retaining and recalling information a difficult process. Sleep-deprived children work more slowly because it’s harder for them to remember what they just read or what the teacher told them. Some children can also show behaviours of resistance or defiance. Overtired children can be moody and impulsive, which could cause them to make poor choices and end up in the principal’s office rather than the classroom. In a recent interview with Dr. Cindy Gellner, MD, a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics, she discussed how the brains of sleepdeprived children actually lapse into sleep-like brainwave patterns, which is why tired kids space out during class. Dr. Gellner also mentioned how the immune system of a sleep-deprived child decreases the number of cells that help to fight infection and sickness, and increases the cells that create inflammation. A sleep-deprived child won’t be able to respond to a cold or bacterial infection, making it harder to get rid of the infection during sleep. This could result in a child not only being tired, but also potentially missing school days and taking longer to get over the infection or illness. Another result of lack of sleep is childhood obesity. Kids who sleep less than they should are more likely to be overweight, reports Dr. Gellner. This has to do with hormone levels and their impact on hunger cues. Tired children may tend to eat more because of an increase in the hormone that causes hunger and a decrease in the hormone that reduces hunger. Other contributing factors to the lack of sleep are staying up late watching TV, doing homework, playing video games or on a tablet. Sleep scientists at Atika University School of Medicine in Japan did a study on young adults who tried to go to sleep after playing exciting video games. The results were that their heart rates were higher, probably due to higher stress levels; it took them longer to go to sleep; melatonin production was delayed; and the overall quality of sleep was worse. Implementing a decent bedtime is the best way to ensure your child is getting enough sleep. Next time your child tries to negotiate a later bedtime or “just 10 more minutes” of a video game, especially on a school night, remember the impact that a lack of sleep can have on their learning and overall health.
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The (Home) School of Finance
Taking the dread out of talking to your kids about money Story by MARTHA ADAMS
N
o matter what our life situation or career path is, the starting point of our relationship with money and finances was the same because, one way or another, it began in our childhood. This is a part of the reason that I’m so passionate about talking to our kids about money early, giving them a foundation of understanding. When we have a conscious awareness of the conversation, we can control the direction in which it is steered — allowing us to choose an overall positive conversation. Real talk about money and finance is rarely discussed in the school setting, so it’s our job as parents to take on this role at home. Whether you homeschool or not, this is an area of your child’s education that will most likely need to be initiated outside of the classroom. Money talk can be uncomfortable and intimidating (especially if it’s not something openly discussed in your household), but it doesn’t have to be. This discussion is one that we could sit down together and talk about for an entire book because there are so many thoughts, ideas and variations. But here, let’s go over a core concept that I not only teach, but apply in my own life as a parent. I base this thought process around the fact that speaking to our kids about money can come across to them as though we are speaking an entirely different language because, essentially, we are! So, what do we do? You can translate it to a language they learn to speak through an understanding they develop. If I was to describe the idea in two
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words, it would be: involve them. I break up involving kids in the financial conversation into four categories: earning, spending, saving, and giving. EARNING
When I’m asked to speak to kids about an introductory topic on money, I’m commonly asked to speak about budgets and cash flow because as a society that’s what we’ve been taught the starting point is. What I found was that the kids didn’t connect to the value or importance of a budget if they didn’t understand how the money was earned in the first place. I love walking kids through an activity where they receive a paycheque and then surprise them with all the deductions that would happen before they can spend it. When they have an appreciation and connection to how the money is earned, it has a different meaning from the thought that it just appears out of the ATM or the magic plastic card at the cashier. SPENDING
Now that there is a meaning and positive connection to the fact that the money coming into the household was earned, we can continue the conversation into how it is allocated. This is where budgets and cashflow begin to have more meaning because they are based on a platform of understanding. I love the idea of starting the budget conversation with all the expenses that need to be paid first — taxes, mortgage, utilities, etc. Then we can move into the idea of talking about what’s left for saving and spending on wants.
SAVING
After all the necessities are paid for, I love the idea of teaching paying yourself first by setting aside funds for savings. Here, you can talk about the short-, medium- and long-term savings buckets and what they’re used for. Depending on the age of your child and your comfort level, you might even consider taking them into your next meeting with your financial professional so that they see that side of things. I’ve had many clients do that and it’s been a successful process overall because of the perspective and understanding it gave. GIVING
If this is a part of your budget it can be invaluable to show your children and involve them in the gift of giving. This was one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me, and I’m forever grateful. Teaching and showing the gift of giving helps to not only build a positive sense of responsibility to money but to also give a platform of positive meaning as to the good that money can do. Talking to your kids about the way money is earned and spent in the household can help to turn the money conversation from a negative topic of avoidance into a positive topic of inclusion and understanding. Of course, it’s completely up to you when you start these conversations, but my recommendation is the earlier the better. I want to clarify here that I’m not suggesting you go and review all of this in detail with your two-year-old. But starting the conversation in the way that you know is best for them is what I suggest. It all boils down to starting.
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MOTHER OF INFLUENCE | JULIA BUSATO JULIA BUSATO went viral and captured headlines on likes of CBC, ET Canada and even across the pond on the BBC in 2014 after Facebook banned her “mannequin series.” The Guelph-based photographer now calls herself “lucky” because the ban catapulted her social media presence into the stratosphere. Her Instagram (@juliabusatophotography) boasts an impressive 17.6K followers...and as for Facebook, she’s shown them who’s boss, and has amassed a whopping 76K followers.
Unapologetic
@juliabusatophotography
The Queen of Self Love 1. Tell us a bit about yourself I’m a single mother of two great boys. I have struggled a lot in life and still have things I struggle with, but I try not to let things get to me too much. I’m super lucky to have the amazing support of my family and friends in my life. I would not be who I am without them. I work as a photographer and at Winners. 2. How did you get started in photography? And what drew you to the social media space? Photography started because of my dad, who is an amazing artist. He always sent me art supplies on birthdays and holidays. I never took to a lot of what was sent to me, but many moons ago he sent me a point-and-shoot camera and it took off from there. I never looked back — it was my one way to express myself in a way I have never been able to do before. Social media lets me share what that expression was and get feedback on I wanted to share with the world. 3. How important is social media to your business? It’s one of the greatest platforms right now to showcase myself and my work. It gets me seen across the globe. 4. Can you tell me about your success online? How did you build your following? My following started with me just being me. I feel like I’m one of the luckiest people around because Facebook decided to be a giant
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bully and blocked me from my professional page for 30 days. By doing so, they projectiled my work more into the interweb and more people get to see my work and message daily. 5. How do you feel about the attention (positive or negative) you’ve received online? The negative attention from my one series going viral (the “mannequin series”) was hurtful and hard to deal with at times. But with the wise words of friends: “There will always be people in this world without a kind word to say to those that expose their vulnerable sides.” That is why I keep doing what I do! 6. What does your family feel about your photography career, and specifically the subject matter you photograph? At first, there was a bit of a worry about how people would see what I do as a thing of beauty. Now they are my biggest support system. 7. What is your favourite part of your job? Making all people feel great about themselves. 8. What’s been the most challenging part of doing what you do? Some days taking on a client’s or subject’s worries and self-doubt in themselves can be hard at times. I tend to take everything in and hold it until I can decompress and release things I should not carry around in my heart.
A miniscule sampling of Julia’s extensive body of work which focuses on self-love and body positivity, including a shot from her “mannequin series” (top).
To read the full interview, visit:
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