E ou E hy R w it F e me
k Ta
T H E
!
MIND ... B O DY ... SPIRIT
M A G A Z I N E
Fall 2015 / theholisticparent.ca
THE IRONY OF ILLNESS by April Scott-Clarke
PAGE 18
REGUL ARS
OUR TEAM Meet the amazing people that help make this magazine awesome PAGE 4
UP FRONT Recipes, charts and other infographics for you to cut out and put on your fridge PAGE 6
PRODUCTS A spotlight on local artisans in our own backyard PAGE 10
COLUMNS
MIND The Joy of Just Being PAGE 12
BODY Probiotics for the Whole Family PAGE 14
SPIRIT Same but Different PAGE 16
THE {MODERATELY} HOLISTIC MOM My Village Connection PAGE 30
FEATURES
THE UMBRELLA SKILLS BY DR. JENNIFER FORRISTAL, ND
Building your child’s emotional intelligence PAGE 22
LABOUR KICKSTARTERS BY DR. JENNIFER HENDRY-LYNN, ND
Methods for natural inductions PAGE 24
STAND YOUR GROUND BY TRACY POIZNER
Finding support for your parenting choices PAGE 26
THE ABCs OF RESPs BY HEATHER HEARTFIELD
Financial planning for your baby’s future career PAGE 28
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Fall 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | OUR TEAM
CONTRIBUTORS
DR. SARAH CONNORS Naturopathic Doctor | Birth Doula Volume 02, Issue 01 Fall 2015
Sarah Connors is a naturopathic doctor and birth doula practicing at Inspire Health & Wellness in Kitchener and Hespeler Community Physiotherapy and Rehabilitation Centre in Cambridge. Her primary goal as an ND is helping patients achieve their optimum health through the utilization of natural treatment methods. See her guide to Constructing Your Own Natural Medicine Cabinet on PAGE 6.
DR. JENNIFER FORRISTAL Naturopathic Doctor Dr. Jen is a naturopathic doctor specializing in family medicine and pediatrics. She has worked extensively with schools and organizations, developing mental wellness strategies for families and those looking for optimal health and performance. She practices at True Wellness Integrative Health Centre by Fiddleheads in Waterloo. Her article The Umbrella Skills can be read on PAGE 22.
PUBLISHER | EDITOR Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca
ART DIRECTION
www.creativebungalow.com Erik Mohr (Creative Director) erik@creativebungalow.com Anna Sparrow (Graphic Designer) CONTRIBUTORS
HEATHER HEARTFIELD Financial Professional Heather Heartfield has been helping families save securely for education with Knowledge First Financial since 2006, and is a busy mom of 11-year-old identical twin girls and one precocious 3-year-old boy. She loves being a connecting resource to assist new and expectant parents to find the supports they seek in our community. Her article The ABCs of RESPs appears on PAGE 28.
DR. JENNIFER HENDY-LYNN Naturopathic Doctor Dr. Jennifer Hendry-Lynn, ND, practices as a naturopathic doctor at ReAlign Health in Cambridge. She treats a variety of health concerns, including women’s health, pregnancy, allergies, digestive disorders, pediatrics and autism. She is DAN! trained, and can be found at realignhealth.com or drjennnd.com. Read her article Labour Kickstarters on PAGE 24.
TRACY POIZNER Holiopathic Medicine Tracy Poizner is a practitioner, consultant and teacher of holiopathic medicine in Kitchener and Waterloo. Her passion is helping parents to become confident home healers through her workshops, meet-up groups and client support service. Visit her at tracypoizner.com. Check out her article Stand Your Ground on PAGE 26.
Sheena Bounsanga, Dr. Sarah Connors, Dr. Jennifer Forristal, Heather Heartfield, Dr. Jennifer Hendry-Lynn, Jen Novakovich, Tracy Poizner, Veronica Qubrossi, Nicole Schiener, April Scott-Clarke ADVERTISING DESIGNER
Elizabeth Wise ADVERTISING SALES
Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca
PUBLISHED BY
www.wiltshiremedia.ca The Holistic Parent magazine is published three times per year. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher © 2015 Single copy price is free at to all patrons of the Growing Up Healthy Show and is available through our over 35 community partners in Waterloo Region and surrounding areas. Visit theholisticparent.ca for a list of distributors. ISSN 2368-6790
VERONICA QUBROSSI Holistic Nutritionist | Managing Director Having struggled with her own physical and mental health issues, Veronica is enthusiastic about helping people reclaim true health — just as she has reclaimed her own. Since becoming a mother, Veronica has found her passion in all things pre- and post-natal. She is a holistic nutritionist and the managing director for Healthoholics in Kitchener. Read her Top 7 Foods to Eat During Pregnancy on PAGE 8.
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
Publications Mail Agreement No. 42845523 Undeliverable copies and change of address notices should be send to: 334 Baldwin Dr. Cambridge, ON N3C 0C2
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UP FRONT | ADVICE
CONSTRUCTING YOUR OWN
NATURAL MEDICINE CABINET By DR. SARAH CONNORS, ND
Many people feel overwhelmed when considering the prospect of taking care of their their families’ health needs with natural substances. If this is your first foray into understand the healing power of nature, I always recommend keeping it simple. The following 10 items are relatively easy to get, upkeep and use without being an expert in the field. Why consider using natural medicines in your medicine cabinet? I see the benefits of their use everyday in my practice, and generally
SKIN
PAIN
EARS
TEETHING
COLD & FLU
FEVER
ALOE
ARNICA
GARLIC-MULLEIN OIL
CHAMOMILE
ECHINACEA
GINGER
The gel from the plant (which can make a great kitchen window addition) or keep a bottle of already prepared gel in your cabinet. USE: Minor burns, sunburns, skin irritation or inflammation
Can be used as either the cream form or the homeopathic preparation. USE: Almost any bruise, sprain/strain or muscle aches or menstrual cramps. CAUTION: Do not use arnica cream on open wounds. DOSE: If using the homeopathic preparation, a typical dose is 1-2 pellets of a 30 or 200 CH potency every half hour until pain subsides, or 3-4 times in a day.
Great remedy for earaches, which can be purchased in most health food stores or made at home. CAUTION: Do not put in ear if you see anything draining from the ear canal/are unsure if the ear drum is intact.
Easiest preparation to give a baby is the homeopathic. Most health food stores carry a specific for baby version. USE: When baby is experiencing discomfort/extremely irritable during teething.
Can be used in just about any form, tea, tincture or part of a cough syrup. Has anti-microbial, antibacterial and anti-viral properties. Tends to be most effective when given at first signs of illness. USE: Cold, flu, cough, sinus infection, sore throat DOSE: If this is your first time using these it’s fine to follow the instructions on the label or ask your naturopathic doctor for your specific situation.
You can use ginger root for a hot tea (fresh or dried; preferably fresh), dried capsules, or crystallized ginger chews for motion sickness. However, for fever specifically the hot tea is best. USE: Hot tea for fever, cold, nausea, indigestion, menstrual cramps; capsules for headaches and arthritis DOSE: If using the tea, generally you can continue making a cup every hour or so until fever breaks. For other uses refer to instructions of packaging.
CHICKWEED OR CALENDULA CREAM
These plants are also helpful with skin complaints. USES: For dry or cracked skin. Can be used with eczema, psoriasis and various other skin conditions. Generally soothes the skin, but chickweed cream also helps decrease itch and calendula has healing properties. CAUTION: Do not use calendula cream on deeper wounds, best applied to scratches/ anything that looks like it is not infected yet. DOSE/APPLICATION: Use as needed for dry and cracked skin.
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speaking they come with less side effects and less long-term dependency than their “pharmaceutical counterparts.” For example, did you know you could be treating a headache or everyday aches or pains with herbs or homeopathics? Sure you could also go for the Tylenol or Advil you have in cupboard, but if that’s your go-to every day, all day, eventually that could create new problems. Acetaminophen (eg. Tylenol) is responsible for more liver disease in the U.S. than any other cause. NSAIDS (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, like ibuprofen) can cause serious gastritis, which can then lead to other problems, such as a stomach bleed needing hospitalization, surgery and blood transfusions. It’s important to note that dosing can vary from one person to another, so if you are uncertain of how to use a product appropriately consult a naturopathic doctor.
THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
DOSE/APPLICATION:
HOMEMADE EAR OIL USES: Homemade ear
oil for earaches (otitis media) where the eardrum is still intact. HOW TO MAKE: Cut up and moderately crush the garlic. Cover the garlic in olive oil or grape seed oil and allow to sit for 8-12 hours [the longer it can sit, the more potent the ear drops]. DOSE/APPLICATION:
Using a dropper, drop several drops in affected ear(s) 1-3x/day until symptoms clear.
A typical dose is 1-2 pellets of a 30 CH potency every ½ hr until pain subsides (aka baby calms down).
ELDERBERRY COUGH SYRUP
This is an excellent one to have on hand especially if you have kids at home. Most kids actually like the taste of it! USE: helps to soothe coughs DOSE: generally best initially to follow the directions on the bottle or ask your naturopathic doctor for your specific situation. theholisticparent.ca
50 Queen Street North Commerce House | Suite 550 P.O. Box 2396 Kitchener, ON | N2H 6M3
Phone: 519.578.4150 Fax: 519.578.8740 Email: info@giffenlawyers.com Privacy Officer: privacyofficer@giffenlawyers.com
Meet Lorrie Stojni Lorrie attended Wilfrid Laurier University where she received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science in 1995. She then attended McMaster University for the completion of her Masters of Arts degree in Political Theory, in 1996. Lorrie attended the University of Windsor receiving her Bachelor of Laws in the year 2000. She articled with Giffen Lawyers LLP, and was called to the bar in Ontario in February 2002. Upon her call to the bar, Lorrie joined the firm as an associate in the area of civil litigation, and became a partner at Giffen Lawyers in 2011. Lorrie now practices exclusively in the practice of Family Law. In her practice, Lorrie is actively involved in the negotiation of Separation Agreements, including the resolution of custody/ access disputes and child support. Where matters cannot be settled, Lorrie is also involved with the litigation of family law disputes at both the Superior Court of Justice and the Ontario Court of Justice levels. Lorrie is a member of the Waterloo Law and the Canadian Bar Associations. She is also a part-time instructor at Conestoga College for the Institute of Law Clerks program in the area of Litigation. In her spare time, Lorrie enjoys spending time with her family, reading, socializing and gardening.
STEERING OUR CLIENTS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
for over 25 years
UP FRONT | RECIPE
7
THE TOP FOODS TO EAT
DURING PREGNANCY By VERONICA QUBROSSI
It’s common to be told all the foods not to eat during pregnancy, but what are the best foods to eat for a healthy pregnancy and baby? As North Americans, we often use pregnancy as an excuse to eat as much junk as we want because, after all, “you’re eating for two.” While there are increased caloric needs during pregnancy, it is also one of the most important times to have a healthy and nutrient-dense diet. A nutrient-packed diet can help support mama through the challenges of pregnancy, while also ensuring the growing babe has everything needed to grow healthy and strong. To help you eat the most nutrient-dense diet possible, below are my op seven foods to eat during pregnancy.
DARK LEAFY GREENS Dark leafy greens are an excellent source of many nutrients required for pregnancy, including folate, which is essential for baby even before mama realizes she’s pregnant. Adequate folate lowers the risk of neural tube defects, facial clefts and congenital heart disease, among other birth abnormalities.
WILD, OILY FISH Wild, oily fish are high in brain-building omega-3 fatty acids, most notably DHA, which is crucial not only for baby’s brain and eye development; it also supports maternal cognitive health. Deficiency in DHA has been strongly linked with postnatal depression.
NUTS AND SEEDS In general, nuts and seeds are rich in omega-3 and omega-6 fats which act as carriers for fat soluble nu-
1 bunch fresh parsley 1 lemon 2 garlic cloves, crushed 1 tbsp fresh dill
Dressing & Toppings
PREGNANCYFRIENDLY SLOW COOKER SALMON Serves: 4
8
2 tbsp coconut oil, divided 3 large beets 2 large parsnips or turnips 6 large carrots 1 small white or yellow onion, sliced 2 tsp Himalayan salt, divided 1 tbsp dried parsley 4 small salmon fillets 1 large bunch kale
THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
1 cup sheep yogurt 2 tbsp lemon juice 2 tbsp dill 1 clove garlic, crushed 1 tsp Himalayan salt ½ cup chopped macadamia and Brazil nuts
Directions: Wash and chop all root veggies into similar sized rounds or slices. Place veggies in a 6 qt or larger crock pot, and sprinkle
trients like vitamins A, E, D and K, ensuring mama and baby are absorbing the nutrients they require. They also provide protein, which aids in balancing blood sugar levels.
ROOT VEGETABLES Root vegetables tend to be high in dietary fibre which helps mama avoid constipation and assists in the elimination of excess estrogen through the bowel. Fibre also slows digestion, which assists in keeping blood sugar levels stable decreasing cravings and the risk of gestational diabetes.
PROBIOTICRICH FOODS Fermented foods like sauerkraut, kimchi, yogurt and kombucha are rich in probiotics that help maintain healthy levels of bacteria in the gastrointestinal tract, urethra and vagina. During vaginal birth, bacteria from the vaginal canal are
with 1 tbsp coconut oil, 1 tbsp dried parsley and 1 tsp salt before covering and turning on high. In a small bowl, mix together juice of 1 lemon, 2 garlic cloves and 1 tbsp chopped fresh dill. Place salmon fillets in a shallow glass container, and drizzle with marinade. Set aside in the fridge for later. After the veggies have been cooking on high for nearly 3 hours, wash, dry, de-stem and rough chop kale and parsley. Open crock pot and layer in kale topping it with the remaining 1tbsp of coconut oil and 1 tsp salt. Layer parsley above. Finally, lay salmon fillets on top
introduced to baby. These bacteria then colonize in baby’s intestines, assisting in the development of a strong immune system and reducing the risk of certain diseases into adulthood.
IRON-RICH FOODS Iron is commonly deficient in pregnant women but is necessary for the development of baby’s brain, blood, and promoting a healthy birth weight. Some foods that are rich in iron include: black beans, chickpeas, lentils, beets, bananas, animal proteins and parsley.
COCONUT OIL Coconut oil contains high amounts of lauric acid, which may support breastmilk production as human milk is also high in this medium-chain fatty acid. Coconut oil is also a gentle anti-microbial that can help boost immunity, and for some women can alleviate constipation.
of parsley. Close crock pot and continue cooking on high for 60-90 minutes until salmon fillets are cooked through. While the salmon is cooking, combine yogurt, lemon juice, dill, garlic and salt in a bowl or jar and mix well. Cover and set aside in the fridge until ready to serve. Roughly chop macadamia nuts and Brazil nuts. Set aside in the fridge until ready to serve. Once salmon is cooked and ready to eat, serve veggies, greens and salmon, topping with a dollop of yogurt dressing, and a sprinkling of crushed nuts. Enjoy!
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SECTION UP FRONT| NAME | PRODUCTS
LOCAL ARTISANS Handmade products from our own backyard
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT
Fall 2015
STAR CROSSED CROCHETER This crocheted filly Princess Luna is lovingly made from 100% acrylic yarn felt, gemstones and non-toxic fabric glue. She is approximately 11 inches in finished height. Star Crossed Crocheter offers ready-made products and custom orders. Prices depend on hair and accessory choices. Other available products include amigurumi food and toys. $100-$125 | facebook.com/starcrossedcrocheter
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
RAWKETTE Rawkette Custom Jewellery specializes in hand-stamped necklaces, bracelets, keychains and, the most popular item, pet tags. Owned by Jessica Murphy of Kitchener, Rawkette has been in business since 2010 and has seen great success on Etsy as well as locally. $14-$44 | rawkette.ca
ROCK PAPER SCISSORS To compliment Rock Paper Scissors Company’s all natural hand poured soy wax scented candles, the chem lab warmer is a functional art piece, as well as a a crowd pleaser and a great conversation starter. Each warmer is based with a oneof-a-kind, naturally hand-treated piece of reclaimed wood, and complete with a heatresistant borocilicate test tube. Simply add your scented wax or essential oils, light the tea light and enjoy. Rock Paper Scissors is a familyrun shop specializing in woodwork, custom lighting, quilts, and hand-poured soy wax candles. $xx | facebook.com/ rockpaperscissorsco
TINY SPROUT TOYS Each of Tiny Sprouts’ handcrafted toys are lovingly made from hard wood and are sanded silky smooth, with wood burned details and finished with a homemade, locally sourced beeswax polish. There’s no need for harsh chemicals or paints. You can feel comfortable giving these safe, durable and beautiful toys to those you love most. INTO THE WINDING WOODS Maxiloones are a grow-with-me style of pant with a wide waistband and foldable ankle cuffs. They feature a bum circle to accommodate cloth diapers. Sizes range from newborn to size 5 and matching raglan (short or long sleeve) shirts are available as well. Into The Winding Woods specializes in children’s clothing and car seat ponchos with custom orders available. $18-$35 (pants), $15-$25 (shirt) facebook.com/intothewindingwoods
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$40 | facebook.com/tinysprouttoys LOOPEEEEE These wooden ribbon rings are made with unfinished 3-inch wooden rings and satin ribbon (finished length is 18 inches). Fun, whimsical and totally kid-friendly, this is the perfect toy for babies and children of all ages! Small enough to bring anywhere, it allows for creativity, imagination, running and dancing. Available in rainbow, blue, pink, purple and red. Loopeeeee specializes in handmade and painted items for babies and children. $7 | facebook.com/myloopeeeee
THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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MIND | MINDFUL MAMA
THE JOY OF JUST BEING Embracing your child’s naturally mindful attitude Story by NICOLE SCHIENER
W
e seem to naturally slow down in the summer. Whether it’s sitting and admiring our gardens, staring at the water or lazing around with a good book, it feels easier to be in the present. I truly believe this is one of the greatest gifts our children have to offer us all year long. Born with a natural focus on the here and now, it’s the hectic pace and pressure of the adult world that over time erodes this inborn tendency. Rachel Macy Stafford, best-selling author of Hands Free Mamma writes about the sweetness of moving from hurrying and perfectionism to experiencing the beauty of the world through her children’s eyes. I couldn’t agree more how essential this shift in perspective is. In previous articles, I’ve talked about how mindfulness and affirmations can help to “slow down” time and create a space for selfcompassion and creativity. I sincerely hope the ideas presented here will help cushion you from the fast-paced, high demands of fall and the upcoming holiday season. Begin with just a few minutes morning and night by turning inwards and relishing in stillness. By allowing the wave of emotions — fear, worry, self-doubt — we can learn to recognize where this tension is carried and signs that we are going into “fight/flight” mode. Journaling, poetry and prose writing are other ways we can befriend our emotions without feeling weighed down by them. And as we reflect, without judgement, an awareness arrives. Filled with insight and well wishes, we can gain clarity about what we need. For me, it was to let go of my tendency
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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take away ...
Befriending your emotions without being weighed down by them will allow you to start relishing the stillness and enjoying just being.
to “micromanage” and simply focus on being. The potential for joy is everywhere. It’s in the little moments; it’s when we allow our children to be natural and not ruled by the rigidity of the adult world. In turn, when we embrace our children’s naturally mindful attitude, not only are we honouring their authentic selves but we are providing important nurturing to the child within who still longs to play and be free. As a sensitive being and psychotherapist, I look for opportunities to shed the energy of others’ pain or negativity. This past spring while my children played happily with friends in the school yard, I took off my shoes and walked slowly experiencing both the gentle grounding of my feet on the grass and the brilliant beauty of the blue sky. My phone tucked securely in my pocket, I savoured a combination of joy and gratitude as I watched my little people navigate social relationships and use their imaginations. This joy often emerges during craft time where budding Picasso’s are nurtured and pride is celebrated with each masterpiece admired. This mama, whenever possible also gets out the crayons and seizes the opportunity to engage in one of my favourite past times: colouring, a trend that is catching on with a whole market of adult colouring books available now. In closing, here is an excerpt from a journal entry written last summer: “Each passing moment, they are growing and changing. Outside pressures conflict with internal desires. They push back against rules and time constraints, necessary but also limiting. Their natural state is not of conformity or calm. They are passionate little people, like bumblebees flitting from one point of interest to the next. Seeming insatiable at times by external attempts to satisfy, yet easily at peace when left to their own devices.” So let us learn from our children and embrace their “resistance” as a reminder to just be. NICOLE SCHIENER M.Ed, CCC, CGE, blends over 10 years
of professional experience as an individual, couples and group therapist and public speaker with personal insights as the mother of two passionate little people.
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Fall 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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BODYI | PROBIOTICS
PROBIOTICS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY Creating balance for good health Story by JEN NOVAKOVICH
T
he human body is a constantly changing ecosystem with about 100 trillion microbes, collectively referred to as our microbiota, located largely in our gastrointestinal tracts. Beginning at birth, these critters begin colonizing the human body to play an integral role in our health, intimately linked with the development of our digestive tract, brain, endocrine system and immune response. They protect us from harmful pathogens, determine how we absorb and metabolize nutrients, help control inflammation and so much more. Moreover, since the gastrointestinal tract is the largest interface between the body and its external environment, with a wide array of nerve, immune and hormone cells, every body tissue is affected by signals sent from the gut and its microflora. The diversity of these tiny inhabitants are influenced by a number of things, such as genetics, child birth, diet, infection, antibiotics, stress and exposure to unsterile environments. Different compositions are contributors to just about every disease in developed countries, from heart disease to allergies. As a result, a healthy microbial ecosystem is vital for good health. And that’s where probiotics come in. A probiotic can be defined as a live microbe that helps promote a healthy gut microbiota to support better health and well being. For example, they have been demonstrated to improve our ability to absorb nutrients, reduce bad cholesterol, alleviate irritable bowel syndrome, improve gastro-intestinal health, lower inflammation, reduce risks for disease, reduce yeast and urinary tract infections and promote a better immune response. In children, probiotics have been shown to help prevent and treat diarrhea in children who are on antibiotics, reduce cold and flu symptoms, ease colic, promote a
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
take away ...
A healthy microbial ecosystem is vital for good health, and probiotic use has been linked to a reduced risk for various illnesses.
stronger immune system and reduce the risks of developing eczema and allergies when taken as an infant. They are about the safest and most useful nutritional supplement out there and are great tool for better health for the whole family. Here are a few tips to help you easily incorporate probiotics into your whole family’s routine: • Excellent food sources include fermented dairy products, such as yogurt and kefir, fermented soy (tempeh), fermented plant items (e.g. cabbage, ginger), kombucha tea and kimchi. • To help you find foods and supplements that contain probiotics, look for labels that contain “live and active cultures” of either lactobacillus or bifidobacterium. • You can choose among powder, pill or liquid supplements, which are all effective as long as they contain adequate numbers of healthy bacteria. These supplements can be safely introduced as early as a few weeks into infancy in either a powder or liquid drop form, which is typically the easiest mode of administration in babies. • Probiotics are measured by the number of live organisms — or colony forming units (CFU). There is no one-size-fits-all dosage recommendation, so advisement from a health professional who is knowledgeable about probiotics will be helpful to find the best dose for and your family. With that said, 20 billion live organisms per dose seems to be the most effective for health promotion. • All probiotic supplements are different so be sure to read the label to determine how to store and when to take them. These supplements often require refrigeration; ask a knowledgeable health professional if you are unsure if you should stick your supplement in the fridge. JEN NOVAKOVICH is a graduate from the nutrition
program at the University of Guelph. She is an avid rockclimber and yogi, and has travelled throughout North America working as a freelance nutrition writer.
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SPIRIT | TACKLING ANXIETY
SAME BUT DIFFERENT Tackling anxiety by shifting your usual Story by SHEENA BOUNSANGA
E
xactly one year ago, I was sitting in a hotel room in Japan, frozen with fear. I was trying so very desperately to will myself out of the hotel room to explore some of the local shops below. It was therefore exactly one year ago that I realized my anxiety was starting to control not only my life, but my happiness. Things needed to change. I’m a big fan of therapists. I’ve been seeing mine for almost a year. I started going every two weeks, and now I’ve dropped down to about every six weeks. At our very first appointment she gave me a General Health Questionnaire, specifically called a GHQ-12 (because there’s 12 questions). A GHQ-12 is a measure of current mental health. Some sample questions on my GHQ-12 included (paraphrased): Are you able to concentrate? Do you lose sleep over worry? Do you feel like you play a useful part in society? Do you feel constantly under strain? Are you able to enjoy day-to-day activities? I was asked to circle answers such as: Not at all; Same as usual; Rather more than usual; Much more than usual. At first glance I didn’t give the questions much thought, I just quickly answered them the best I could and handed them back. She tallied up the answers and stuck them in my file. The questionnaire as a whole didn’t seem like a big deal until my last session, nearly one year later. At the end of our one year mark, my therapist had me fill out another GHQ form. Again, I hadn’t put much thought into it; I just answered the best I could, and just like last time my therapist tallied up my answers. But rather than sticking the results in my file, she placed them in front of me, along with my question-
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
take away ...
A battle with anxiety can mean shifting your “usual” from a place of darkness and confusion to a state of ease and lightness.
naire from our very first session. The results were shocking to me. I had felt like I had come a really long way since that first session. Anxiety no longer controlled my life. I no longer woke up in the morning already thinking about when I would be able to go back to sleep later that day. Anxiety no longer had a vice grip on my stomach causing all sorts of digestive issues. I was no longer the product of my anxiety. I was able to cope and manage in a way that would often circumvent panic attacks altogether. But on paper that hardly seemed the case at all. According to the GHQ results, almost nothing had changed at all — and yet to me, everything had changed. Here’s the thing, when you ask me as an anxious/nervous person if I lose sleep over worry, and I circle the answer, “No more than usual.” What I really mean is “Yes, all the time! But no more than usual, because it’s all the time!” Whereas if you ask me as a calm person who has acquired many different coping techniques to help manage anxiety if I lose sleep over worry, and I circle the answer, “No more than usual”. What I really mean is “No, not really, maybe once in a while. But no more than usual.” See that difference? Same answer, but extremely different meanings. My “usual” now is completely opposite to what my “usual” was then. Almost all of my answers were “No more than usual” both now and one year ago. My old “usual” was lonely, confused and somewhat dark. In stark contrast, my current “usual” is filled with so much more ease, so much more light, so much more control. On paper, I had ended up exactly where I had started… but I’m in a completely different place now. As I think about being in that room in Japan, I know that I’ve grown in a way that can’t be measured with a pen and paper test and I’m reminded that all things are relative. SHEENA BOUNSANGA is a mindfulness coach and early
childhood educator. She’s worked with hundreds of kids, parents and teachers both privately and within schools helping kids find their calm.
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COVER | NATURAL MEDICINE
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THE
IRONY ILLNESS OF
Story by APRIL SCOTT-CLARKE
Illustration by ERIK MOHR
Our pill-happy society is still baulking at basic prevention and good health practices in favour of a risky reactionary approach
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nn Dalton* feeds her family with purpose. The veggies at her dinner table either come from her own garden or the local farmers markets. Even in winter, organic veggies bought from a CSA are served up. Wheat is limited and the fruits and vegetables are seasonal. Fermented foods and other fare rich in immune-boosting probiotics are staples as well. Everything that lands on her kids’ plates is carefully planned out and mostly prepared by her. Dalton admits that much of her week is spent in the kitchen, but for this stay-at-home-mom that loves to cook, it works. “A lot of people think I am overboard, and not allowing my kids to be kids. I definitely notice it at playgroups when I bring my own snack,” she says. The result of her nutritional diligence? Good health. “My kids (aged four and two) tend to not get sick very often, even when we are with other kids that are sick,” she says. Dalton and her hubby adopted this lifestyle about four years ago when she was pregnant with their first child and she says since then “our overall family health is just better.” The Daltons home-grown, personally-prepped and all-organic eating ways might not might a feasible undertaking for everyone, but experts agree that nutrition is the foundation of good health and more people should think more critically about how they are fueling their bodies. “Nutrition is vital,” says Tania Heinemann, a registered holistic nutritionist and registered nutritional consulting practitioner who practices in Cambridge and Waterloo. “We are what we eat. If you
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*name changed to protect privacy
are feeding your body junk, what can you expect your body to do?” The numbers from the National Health Expenditure Trends, an annual report that provides and overview of how much is spent on healthcare each year, are a good indicator of just how much we rely on getting better rather than staying well. The national health expenditure for 2014 was expected to be $214.9 billion, with almost $34 billion being spent on drugs alone. Hospital spending was expected to reach $63.6 billion and physician spending just over $33 billion. Our society is quick to pop a pill to ease pain, even when those pills have serious side effects — some almost as bad as the initial illness. For example, the blockbuster drug Zoloft (a blockbuster drug is one that generates at least $1 billion in sales annually), which is often prescribed for depression, panic disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, can cause confusion, convulsions, sudden loss of consciousness, loss of bladder control and red or purple spots on the skin. It can also cause suicidal thoughts when you first start taking it. The most common side effects though are, decreased sexual desire, stomach cramps and chronic sleep issues, and that’s just to name a few. Naturopathic doctor Dr. Sarah Connors and Heinemann both say they have had success in treating people with depression and other mood disorders with less invasive, natural methods. Although both explain that when someone is on a medication, there needs to be a lot of communication with the person’s prescribing doctor, and it is that doctor that needs to give the green light to stop taking the meds. “I have some women come in looking for natural alternatives
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COVER | NATURAL MEDICINE
to treat their postpartum mood disorders and depression. Some use an anti-depressant short term but we still work on natural support,” says Heinemann. She added that she has many clients that come in on medications for various illnesses, but because they are educating themselves and after trying some alternative methods, they go back to their doctor and ask to be reassessed and are able to start taking lower doses or go off medications completely. For less severe issues, she says drugs can often be avoided. Some good examples are using turmeric to help reduces inflammation in the joints, instead of relying heavily on ibuprofen and cutting dairy and wheat from your diet if eczema is an issue. “I think a lot of people can manage a lot of their symptoms with food, exercise, diet and some supplements,” Heinemann says. Ear infections in children are another issue that many parents struggle with. Connors suggests garlic ear oil and probiotics for kids with recurrent ear infections as opposed to getting multiple rounds of antibiotics. When Dalton’s youngest had ear troubles, she consulted her naturopath. It turned out that three out of the four times it was inflammation that was causing the problem and not a full-blown infection. Outside of the one time she did need to make a trip to the GP office for a prescription, eliminating wheat and dairy from both her and her son’s diet helped fix the problem, as did a little breastmilk in the ear and massaging his lymph nodes to drain fluid. “We are so quick to medicate,” says Dr. Connors. “We’re always looking for the magic pill, a quick, easy solution that doesn’t require much from us. Dietary changes, exercise changes, people don’t want to make these changes and stick with them. A pill is easier.” Homeopath Andrea Hauser concurs that nutrition is often a barrier to curing many cases because people just don’t realize how important it can be. “I am often a last resort for people, sadly. Many people come to me after they have seen a number of different practitioners,” she says. Most of us have grown up in a reaction-based healthcare system. Few adults go for regular check-ups and often wait until they are sick enough to need a prescription before they do much about any acute illness that might be getting them down. With kids back in school and flu season only a few months away, our homes will soon become petri dishes full of all the germs that cross classroom thresholds. Before the bacteria starts a wellness war on your family, consider arming yourselves now. “Why not make your body stronger than just put a bandage on it? Bring your immune system up to prevent getting sick,” says Dr. Connors. “There are so many options in terms of treating the common cold and flu. The flu shot is just a best guess, it doesn’t cover every strain.” And it’s not just colds and flu that good nutrition can prevent. Heinemann says she was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome but has been symptom free for 18 years, without meds, just by uncovering allergies and food that didn’t work with her body. Heinemann is adamant that good nutrition can keep symptoms of many chronic illnesses at bay. The notion that nutrition matters and alternative medicine isn’t just for “hippies” is certainly gaining ground. Hauser points out that 10 years ago nobody had heard of probiotics but now, it’s in our yogurt. People are becoming more educated and starting to look beyond just the Canada Food Guide. The downside is that nutritionists, homeopaths, naturopathic doctors and other alternative practitioners that focus on prevention are yet part of the public
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W E ’ R E A LWAY S LOOKING FOR THE MAGIC PILL, A QUICK, E A S Y S O L U T I O N T H AT DOESN’T REQUIRE MUCH FROM US. D I E TA R Y C H A N G E S , EXERCISE CHANGES, PEO PLE D O N ’T WANT TO MAKE THESE CHANGES AND STICK WITH THEM. A PILL IS EASIER. health system. Although most extended health plans do offer some coverage, not everyone has these plans. “We live in a consumerist society, people will pay hundreds of dollars for a new pair of jeans,” says Hauser, adding that people should be making the same investment in their health. Each of these practitioners said that they are seeing more young parents, like the Dalton’s, looking for alternatives for their children. Some are looking for cures, others for preventative measures. As Hauser sees it, connecting and treating younger families means a healthier population in the long-run.
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FEATURE | EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Simple steps for building your child’s emotional intelligence Story by DR. JENNIFER FORRISTAL, ND
T How Can I think Differently? What I'm thinking now I can’t do this
What skills or rescources do I need to add?
I’m great at this
I am on a great path
I’m not good at math
Math will take effort and help my brain grow
I do’nt like making mistakes THis is too hard
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What I could think
THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
Mistakes are chances for me to improve It takes lots of time to learn new things
he importance of building a child’s emotional intelligence reveals itself in today’s research, which states that these characteristics can be more predictive of our child’s future happiness, health and success than their IQ. As a doctor and parent I spend my days helping others to develop and foster these characteristics in their life, so I have developed a system to approach understanding and nurturing these skills. I call it the Umbrella Skills. The importance of building a child’s emotional intelligence reveals itself in today’s research, which states that these characteristics can be more predictive of our child’s future happiness, health and success than their IQ. As a doctor and parent I spend my days helping others to develop and foster these characteristics in their life, so I have developed a system to approach understanding and nurturing these skills. I call it the Umbrella Skills. Think about emotional intelligence as an umbrella, an umbrella that helps to protect us from the stresses of life. Development of characteristics including resilience, selfawareness, gratitude, empathy, emotional
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FEATURE | EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Children who regulation and social skills choose easy tasks, tasks that are immersed in are significant to building will give them their desired environments our emotional intelligence outcome and our praise. We that praise umbrella. teach them to feel most joyful effort instead Now, unfortunately, in the at the outcome instead of of outcome will case of picnics and weddings finding the joy in the process; choose harder everywhere, we have no control we give them a narrow frame tasks, learn over the rain or where and when into which they must fit. more, challenge it decides to show up. However, Instead of eliminating themselves, we do have a brilliant invention: stressors let them step into find flow and the umbrella. It’s something to the rain, reward their effort build the grit throw in the car just in case that and encourage growth. and resilience looming thunderstorm decides Children who are immersed required to to hit. With the umbrella by in environments that praise succeed. our side, we can head out into effort instead of outcome will the world, confident that we choose harder tasks, learn more, will reach our destination without challenge themselves, find flow and getting caught in the rain. build the grit and resilience required This is much like stress and emotional to succeed. intelligence — where stress is like the We can also change their perception rain, and your umbrella is the skills of of stress by teaching a growth mindset. emotional intelligence. No matter how Stress can make us smarter, healthier and hard we try we can’t predict or eliminate happier if we use the right frame. Teach all of life’s stresses, and even when we children that challenges in school and succeed more stress is likely in the forecast. life are what make our brains grow bigger What we can do is protect ourselves with and smarter, and that effort is like weight an umbrella — our emotional intelligence lifting for the brain and the more we do it umbrella, the perfect tool for weathering the stronger we get. Reframe challenges in stress. Instead of working on eliminating life as chances to grow and improve. stress, try to focus on helping your child To shift self-talk to the growth mindset, build a strong umbrella. put our chart (facing page) on your fridge The Umbrella Skills are learned skills and refer back to it regularly when you or that can be built with some intentional your child is frustrated with the task at hand. parenting techniques. Here are a few to get you started:
step 2: build your own umbrella When it comes to umbrellas, the bigger the better! Don’t just say the words, be the change that inspires them. The easiest and toughest part of parenting is that children primarily learn by example. As a parent, I know it’s not always easy to find gratitude or empathy when your child has just spilled their second blueberry smoothie of the day. It is easy to lose ourselves in anger and frustration, but as adults those are our emotions to manage. Managing your own emotions is a great way to teach children how to manage theirs. To help your brain automatically recruit positive thoughts when faced with life’s challenges, start a gratitude journal where you can thoughtfully record and reflect on moments of gratitude through the day. Another great approach is to identify your own growth opportunity. It may be something that you avoid doing or identify as not being good at, and share this with your child. Embedded with teachable moments, watching parents learn new things and challenge themselves is a great way for children to learn. Pay attention to your own self-talk (positive thoughts about your capability) and practice a growth mindset. Start off with these simple steps to begin your path to developing and fostering the Umbrella Skills for yourself and your family.
step 1: let them get wet Children will live a great deal of life under their parents’ umbrella of protection, but over time they need to build their own, and this starts with an environment that allows them to step out of their comfort zone. It’s OK to feel stress and to fail, in fact it’s how we build grit, a characteristic strongly associated with success. However, in a society that seems to worship success, building grit can be daunting. Grit is our ability to face failures and carry on, our perseverance and passion for our goals. Sounds like a great quality, but building grit requires failure, a feeling most of us aren’t very fond of. We have become accustomed to thinking that success is the most viable way to achieve growth and status. But there is a negative side to being primarily driven by success. When we only reward achievement, we teach our children to
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FEATURE | NATURAL INDUCTION
LABOUR KICKSTARTERS
the use of a breast pump will be suggested, however, this can lead to nipple irritation and pain. If you plan to breastfeed, using a breast pump may make your nipples unnecessarily sore before breastfeeding even starts, so manual stimulation in a pulling motion may be your best bet. Try stimulating every three to four hours for 15-30 minutes at a time, and you may see results around 72 hours later. Herbal remedies can be a great option, if you are working with a Story by DR. JENNIFER HENDRY-LYNN, ND trained professional. They can be quite effective when used correctly, but do have risk factors when taken incorrectly. If you are faced with medical induction, herbal remedies are a much more natural alternaith my first pregnancy, I worked until my “due date,” and then went home waiting for labour to start. As nervous as tive to get labour moving. Some of the more popular herbal remedies I was about the experience, I was more excited to meet my include blue cohosh, black cohosh and cotton root bark. Homeopathic baby with whom I had felt grow and kick for the previous nine months. remedies can also be used and are very safe and effective before and during labour. Much to my disappointment, my wait was a little longer than I had Acupuncture is an effective method to help prepare the body for laimagined, and 14 days later my daughter was born. bour and to help induce labour. Studies have found women who utilize Pregnancy is nine wonderful months for some mothers-to-be, and acupuncture use other methods of induction less, when compared to a long uncomfortable journey for others. Yet, in the last month before women who only use traditional methods of induction. Acupuncture you meet your bundle of joy, most women are counting the days until can help to open the cervix and initiate labour. Frequency of treattheir “due date.” Your due date is 40 weeks from the start of your last ments depends on each mom’s individual needs, but ideally acupuncmenstrual period (or 280 days), and an estimation of when your baby ture is used throughout pregnancy. However, pregnant women can will be born. Unfortunately, only 5 percent of babies are born on their due date, and approximately 81 percent of first time moms will go past benefit from labour preparation acupuncture without any previous treatment, usually starting at 36 weeks and beyond. Acupressure can their due date. also be taught and utilized to help promote labour, and to help with Most babies are born healthy, despite their birthday. However, after 41 weeks there are some increased risks, which may mean your midwife pain management throughout labour. Sexual intercourse can help get labour going due to the prostaglanor obstetrician might start to monitor your baby with ultrasound(s) and dins found in sperm, and an orgasm can be the cherry on top because non-stress test(s) to keep an eye out for any warning signs of potential it can help stimulate uterine contractions. Most professionals suggest complications. Depending on the date and baby’s well-being, different any amount of sex can have a positive effect, but three times a day methods of labour induction may be suggested or offered. helps to achieve sufficient prostaglandins. However, once your Induction is defined as the artificial starting of labour, and can water breaks, it is best to hold off until after baby’s arrival. include synthetic prostaglandins inserted into the vagina to There is no sure fire natural way to get labour going. Howhelp dilate the cervix; an intravenous drip of Pitocin (synever, there are a number of methods available for pregnant thetic oxytocin) to help the uterus contract; or rupturing women to try once they reach their due date, which can membranes. These methods occur in a hospital, and as a take help to prevent medical interventions. Be sure to give result can change your birth plan, and change your birth away ... yourself a few days to let the methods work, and rememoptions if you were hoping for a home birth. ber many of these methods can be used in combination. The good news is that natural induction methods exist, Using a form of Consulting with your midwife or obstetrician is imporand can be used to help your body go into labour naturally. natural inductant, and working with a regulated health professional Nipple stimulation is used to mimic the suckling of a baby tion can help to like a naturopathic doctor can help prevent unwanted and to help increase oxytocin release from the brain. The prevent medical side effects and increase the effectiveness of these natural body produces oxytocin during labour to help ripen the interventions. methods. cervix and initiate uterine contractions. Occasionally,
Methods for natural induction
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FEATURE | FINDING SUPPORT
take away ...
Finding support from like-minded parents can add reassurance that you’re not alone in your choices.
workers or friends who disparage your choices. This would be a good moment to remember a famous quote from Mahatma Gandhi: “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight with you, then you win.” Keep a long view. The people who are mocking your choices now might eventually be the ones asking your advice — perhaps not soon, but it could be next year or in 5 or even 10 years. Your child’s good health, disposition and social development will speak for themselves, and you will be able to pat yourself on the back for being such a trend-setter in the things that really matter. In the meantime, here are some practical ways to gather support for yourself:
STAND YOUR GROUND Finding support for your conscious parenting choices Story by TRACY POIZNER
T
here is a wonderful tale by Hans Christian Andersen called “The Emperor’s New Clothes” in which a couple of swindlers make a new suit of clothes to the king. They insist that the fabric is so special that it can only be seen by those who are smart enough to deserve the office they hold. The emperor, not wanting to appear ignorant, naturally pretends that he can see them. The king’s ministers and all the citizens can see that the king is naked, but as they also want to appear intelligent and worthy of their jobs, they applaud and pretend to admire the new ‘suit.’ In the end, one innocent child blurts out the famous words, “But the emperor has no clothes!” and the spell is broken. That little boy knew that his personal experience of something was the only really important measurement of what is true. He had no investment in what others would think of him. The story has become a classic because it illustrates the virtue of thinking for yourself and not being afraid to be the only one standing up for what you know to be true. We are living in strange times. Conservative treatment for heart disease these days is bypass surgery, while diet and lifestyle change is considered the more ‘radical’ option. Eliminating television from your home could be a controversial move among your friends and family, while eliminating odours with toxic chemical products seems all too normal. Some of the wacky practices you might have had to defend to others may include breastfeeding, using cloth diapers (or maybe even elimination communication — yikes!), co-sleeping, homeschooling, eating organic food, or choosing natural medicines as your first-line family health care. Your conscious choices may have made you an outlier in your family or social circle, but we can’t all live in a commune surrounded by others who share our values. You need strategies for dealing with parents, in-laws, siblings, neighbours, co-
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build your tribe You need to meet other parents who support conscious choice parenting. Facebook friends are great, but they won’t ever replace the fellowship of other like-minded parents in your community. Find a local parenting group whose values you connect with; go to family events at organic farms; take your kids with you to pick up your CSA box; talk to the mom whose kid is running around barefoot (gasp!) at the park. find good resources Look for books or websites about attachment parenting. It’s a movement that promotes your right to make conscious choices in raising your own child, and helps you to grow to trust your intuitive sense of what is best for your own family. Start by checking out pathwaystofamilywellness.org, askdrsears.com, westonaprice.org learn to be assertive Assertiveness is a position of respect for the opinions of others as well as your own. This can be particularly important when dealing with medical professionals or schoolteachers. Practice a line or two that feels good for you, like “I hear what you are saying and I understand you want to help. I need you to know that my/our decisions are based on both research and reflection. This is what makes sense to me/ us. I am asking you to respect this parenting choice we have made and to tell me how you can help us from here, right now.” To paraphrase the words of Gandhi again, one should be ready to stand alone, if need be, against the whole world in defense of your convictions. Be strong, stand your ground — your children will thank you for it.
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take away
FEATURE | RESP S
...
THE ABCS OF RESPS Planning and preparation tips for investing in your baby’s future
It’s never too early to start saving for your child’s future education. Find what makes sense for your family.
Story by HEATHER HEARTFIELD
O
pening a registered education savings plan (RESP) probably isn’t the first thing on your mind when your child is born. It can be difficult to think about saving for post-secondary education when your baby isn’t even close to kindergarten, and yet, it is one of the best things you can do for them. If you haven’t had a chance to wrap your head around this new benefit that came along with the arrival of your adorable new baby, here are some of the facts to consider.
INVESTMENT FOR THE FUTURE An RESP is a smart and proven way to invest in your child’s future. RESPs have been around since the 1960s and allow you to earn tax-deferred income (interest) on up to a maximum of $50,000 in contributions for each child. This means you pay no tax on the money your savings earn, as long as it remains in your RESP. Contributions are returned to the account holders tax-free at maturity and the income and grants earned will go to the child to help pay education expenses. For most students with low incomes, that means little or no tax to pay on the growth. Federal Government Grants allow you to earn 20 to 40 percent grant for every dollar you save in your child’s RESP (up to an annual maximum grant of $600 and a lifetime maximum grant of $7,200). Depending on your income, the Canada Learning Bond may enhance the value of your RESP with a further $2,000 plus interest. The added value of government grants and the income they earn make an RESP a better way to save for education than any other investment. It’s no secret that education opens doors, broadens horizons and enriches lives. Children who go on to university or college have more career options, enjoy higher job security, and earn much more than those with only a high school education (see canlearn.ca for details). With rising tuition fees and living expenses, it’s important that students have the financial means to complete their post-secondary education and graduate with as little debt as possible.
CONSIDER YOUR OPTIONS With so many factors to consider, it can be tough to know where to begin. Starting with a realistic picture of the cost of education and your family budget will help you develop your savings goals. Then, you’ll need to choose the type of plan that offers the features and flexibility you need, and the savings approach that best reflects your unique family situation.
HOW TO GET STARTED First, choose an RESP provider that best meets your needs. You will want to consider differences in investment strategy, maturity options, risk tolerance, flexibility of contributing to the plan, administrative and investment fees, growth performance and any extra enhancements available such as scholarships or profit sharing. You’ll find that opening an RESP is not difficult. In order to register your plan you’ll need to be a Canadian resident and you will need your child’s social insurance number within 18 months of starting your contributions. Raising a child is a lifetime commitment. It requires great patience but the rewards are beyond measure. Patient commitment to a registered education savings plan yields its own rewards — helping children to realize their dreams.
UTILIZING YOUR UCCB The power of compound growth means that the earlier you start to save, the more money you’ll end up with for your child’s education. Many families find it easy to save when they begin by redirecting some or all of their baby’s monthly universal child care benefit (UCCB) into an RESP ($160 up to age 6 and $60 from age 6 through 17). Using the UCCB to grow your RESP even faster could be a great way to help you afford your child’s future education. YOUR CHILD CAN BE CLEVER WITH LESS CLUTTER If you feel like your home is being buried in your baby’s toys, grandparents and friends may prefer an option to make an RESP contribution over purchasing toys for first birthdays or other celebrations as those gifts will make a longer lasting contribution to the child and help keep your house clutter-free.
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Fall 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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BACK PAGE | THE (MODERATELY) HOLISTIC MOM
MY VILLAGE CONNECTION Story by ELAINE KAPOGINES
N
ever in my life have I been described as shy — in fact, I’m very comfortable in new situations. If I’m feeling chatty, I will find someone to chat with. Or more likely, someone will come and chat with me. This absolutely stems from my experiences as a kid moving from city-to-city and provinceto-province an average of every other year. Changing schools was easy. Making friends was easy. It was just something I did without a second thought. However, that being said, I actually prefer to be on my own. And always have. Even as a teenager, I very much enjoyed coming home from school and unwinding by myself, or spending a Saturday night watching a favourite movie solo. Again, this probably stems from being a transient kid and having to be ok with just me. So, while I’m certainly ok in new situations and meeting new people, I much prefer my close inner circle and struggle to welcome people in beyond a superficial connection. I’ve had many friends in my life, but I find it easy to drift apart because part of me is never fully invested in the relationship. I have very few BFFs – emphasis on the second F. So when I had my daughter two and a half years ago, the idea of a “village” was laughable to me. Why did I need a bunch of other women to complain to? I’ve always been fine on my own, so why should having a baby change this? She can be my new BFF. Holy smokes, was I wrong! It was almost immediately that I felt an almost primitive or biological need to reach out to someone else who was going through what I was going through — breastfeeding struggles, sleep regressions, developmental leaps, nursing strikes, teething, and on and on! Social media is either a great place to get this connection — or a gapping pit of mixed messages which only serves to compound your already growing self-doubt and utter confusion. Luckily, I found a Facebook group that provided the former. But while we currently laud the connection social media provides, the reality is that it’s a very shallow, anonymous connection. Yes, there’s something to be said for posting a question at 4am and getting 15 responses in 15 minutes, but what are we missing out on with real, honest face-to-face connections? For me, social media was a great starting point and provided me with enough confidence to step outside my comfort zone and start reaching out to other moms. This came in the form of a wonderful group called the No Woman Left Behind Postpartum Support Group, run by Tania Heinemann of Yellowood Nutrition in Cambridge. While it’s essentially a support group for women suffering from postpartum mood disorders, a good portion of the women attending the monthly meetings were just like me — simply seeking a connection. Beyond just having kids of the same age, most of the moms were very like-minded. Most of them had come to the group through practitioners at the Wellness Team on Queen clinic, meaning they were clients of a variety of holistic practitioners. Many of the conversations revolved
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Fall 2015
around natural alternatives and herbal remedies, cloth diapering struggles, babywearing options and breastfeeding issues and successes. After a few meetups, I really started to believe that I wasn’t alone in my parenting choices and instantly felt an aura of support whenever I came in contact with one of the moms from the group — like we had a little secret wink saying, “I get it.” Over the next two years, my relationship with these women changed drastically. It really started with a simple Facebook message from a mom friend to a few other moms (mostly from the support group) — some I knew well, some I’d met briefly and some I didn’t know at all — that read something like, “My kid is driving me nuts. I’m going to the playground tomorrow. Who wants to come?” By this time, our babies were now walking, talking dictators, and any excuse to get them out of the house was more than welcome! That first Wednesday, about five moms showed up. Little did I know, this was the beginning of my “village.” We are now a group of about 12 strong. We all have toddlers around the same age. Most have had a second (or third) baby since meeting. Some have gone back to work. Some have not. And we have a secret Facebook group, with a really obnoxious name. Luckily, our toddlers all get along — but that’s secondary. Honestly, no one cares if the toddlers like each other or not — the moms like each other. And most importantly, we trust each other enough to have developed co-parenting relationships. We all look out for each other’s kids when we’re together — whip noses, dry tears, break up fights, coax down slides. There are always lots of snacks. And the occasional Starbucks. We laugh. We cry. We air our greivences. We even share the most delicious dairy-free, gluten-free recipes. There are frozen meals when someone is in need. Garden fare to be shared. And always a non-judgmental ear open and ready to listen. I’m not naive enough to think that this little mom circle I’m basking in will last forever. Our kids will go to different schools, people will move away and life will change. But this group of mom is exactly what I need right now at this moment. I will always look back at these difficult toddler years with a silly smiling thinking of the time I spent with these moms. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy our little “mom bragade” and will always get a little excited when I get a notification that someone has posted on our little group, because that usually means I now have somewhere to go or something to do that involves talking to other adults. ELAINE KAPOGINES is a full-time mommy and the publisher of this magazine. She would like to send a special shout out to the CMIC (you know who you are) for keeping her sanity in check. Visit theholisticparent.ca for additional content and digital copies of past issues.
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