T H E MIND ... B O DY ... SPIRIT
M A G A Z I N E
Winter 2015 / theholisticparent.ca
ATTACHMENT DADDYING by Elaine Kapogines
PAGE 18
REGUL ARS
OUR TEAM Meet the amazing people that help make this magazine awesome PAGE 4
BITS & BITES A quick round up of what’s going on in the world of parenting, plus fun facts, recipes and info on where to find more content PAGE 6
PRODUCTS Eco-friendly and health-related products to battle the winter blues PAGE 10
COLUMNS
MIND The Peace of Quiet by Nicole Schiener PAGE 12
BODY Posture Check by Dr. Shannon Viana PAGE 14
SPIRIT Holistic First Aid by Shelby Foster PAGE 16
THE {MODERATELY} HOLISTIC MOM The Plight of the Feminist Homemaker by Elaine Kapogines PAGE 30
FEATURES
CLAM, ALERT & READY TO LEARN BY JAYNE HEMBRUFF
Yoga for kids
t h e
PAGE 22
Mind ... B o dy ... Spirit
M a g a z i n e
BOTTOMS DOWN BY REBECCA SERROUL
Preparing yourself for a breech delivery PAGE 26
THYROID SUPPORT Spring 2015 / theholisticparent.ca
ON THE COVER Meet our cover family: the Shadds. Shaun, Zion and Soul were shot on location at their Waterloo home by photographer Trent Sluiter of Fedora Media. (www.fedoramedia.com)
theholisticparent.ca
BY DEVIN DAWSON
From the postpartum period and beyond PAGE 28
Winter 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | OUR TEAM
CONTRIBUTORS
JILL WEAVER Family Cook | Entrepreneur Since 2009, Jill has been at home full time raising her young family and honing her skills in the kitchen. In 2013, Jill launched Stock Exchange Bone Broths, with a mission to share the benefits of incorporating nutrient dense, well-sourced bone broths into a busy lifestyle. You can follow her on Twitter at @stockexchangekw. Jill’s A ‘Quick’ Guide to Bone Broth can be found on PAGE 6.
Volume 1, Issue 2 Winter 2015
PUBLISHER | EDITOR Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca
ART DIRECTION
REBECCA SERROUL Doula | Birth Educator Since 1993, Rebecca has been working with families as a doula and childbirth educator (tummiestotoes.ca). She has one son of her own and has attended hundreds of births as a doula, second attendant to midwives and midwifery student. Read her article Bottoms Down on PAGE 26.
www.creativebungalow.com Erik Mohr (Creative Director) erik@creativebungalow.com Alysha DeMarsh (Graphic Designer) PHOTOGRAPHY
Trent Sluiter (Fedora Media) www.fedoramedia.com CONTRIBUTORS
DEVIN DAWSON RMT | Nutritionist | Iridologist Devin is a registered massage therapist, clinical nutritionist and iridologist who practices out of Kitchener’s VERV Wellness (vervwellness.com). He uses his diverse skill set to help his clients attain optimal health through massage therapy and natural methods, including nutrition and lifestyle counselling, herbal medicine and homeopathy, and by using techniques like iridology, to help his understand each unique situation. His article Thyroid Support appears on PAGE 28.
JAYNE HEMBRUFF & LINDA BRYDGES Yoga Instructors Jayne is the owner of Innovative Wellness (innovativewellness.ca) whose mission is to inspire positive results through strategic initiatives. She is also a proud mom of three awesome children. Check out her article Calm, Alert & Ready to Learn on PAGE 22 , which was co-written by Linda Brydges, a mother and yoga teacher specializing in gentle yoga at the Rockway Community Centre in Kitchener.
SPONSORS A SINCERE THANK YOU The Holistic Parent would like to thank Inspire Health & Wellness (Gold) and Hybrid Hair & Detox Spa (Bronze). A portion of their sponsorship has been donated to Life With A Baby, a not-for-profit peer support system for parents with children 0-6 years old.
Linda Brydges, Devin Dawson, Shelby Foster, Jayne Hembruff, Nicole Schiener, Rebecca Serroul, Trish Unger, Dr. Shannon Viana, Jill Weaver ADVERTISING DESIGNER
Elizabeth Wise ADVERTISING SALES
Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca
PUBLISHED BY
www.wiltshiremedia.ca The Holistic Parent magazine is published three times per year. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher © 2015 Single copy price is free at to all patrons of the Growing Up Healthy Show, is mailed to members of Life With A Baby - Waterloo Region and is available through our over 30 community partners in Waterloo Region. Visit theholisticparent.ca for a list of distributors. For address corrections, please email elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca. ISSN 2368-6790 Publications Mail Agreement No. 42845523 Undeliverable copies and change of address notices should be send to: 334 Baldwin Dr. Cambridge, ON N3C 0C2
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theholisticparent.ca
simple. effective. proven. YOUR HEALTH SOLUTIONS, NATURALLY.
MASSAGE THERAPY CHIROPRACTIC NATUROPATHY 107-525 Belmont Ave. West | Kitchener, ON N2M 5E2 519-745-1331 | inspirehealthandwellness.ca Facebook: InspireHealthandWellness | Twitter: InspireHW
UP FRONT | BITS & BITES
RECIPE
TRENDING
CHICKEN STEW WITH DUMPLINGS Warm up your winter kitchen STEW • 3 lbs chicken thighs • ½ cup whole wheat or spelt flour • 1 tsp salt • ½ tsp pepper • 1 tbsp coconut oil • 4 large carrots, peeled and sliced • 2 stalks celery, sliced • 1 onion, thinly sliced • 1 tsp dried rosemary • 2 cups chicken stock • 1 cup frozen peas
DUMPLINGS • 1 cup whole wheat or spelt flour • 2 tsp baking powder • ½ tsp dried rosemary • ½ tsp salt • ½ cup milk • 1 egg, lightly beaten
In a plastic bag, combine flour, salt and pepper. Add chicken thighs and toss to coat in flour mixture. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium high heat. Add chicken thighs and cook 8-10 minutes or until brown on all sides. Set aside. Add carrots, celery, onion and rosemary to slow cooker. Set chicken thighs over vegetables. Pour 1/2 cup stock into skillet on medium high heat, scraping up the brown bits from the bottom of the pan and pour into slow cooker along with remaining stock. Cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours or high for 4-6 hours until veggies are tender and stew is bubbling. Add peas and stir gently. DUMPLINGS: In a bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, rosemary and salt. Combine milk and egg in a measuring cup mixing well and then add to flour mixture. Stir with a fork to make lumpy dough (lumps are fine so don’t over mix). Drop dumpling mixture over chicken in crockpot. Cover and cook on high for 25-30 minutes until tested inserted into dumpling comes out clean. Submitted by Trish Unger of Wildberry Nutrition (wildberrynutrition.com)
SPOTLIGHT ON LAVENDER ESSENTIAL OILS ARE PLAYING AN
expanding role as natural healthcare alternatives in many homes. Parents especially believe there is a place for both nature’s medicine and modern medicine and are seeking more knowledge on how to gain the benefits of both. Lavender — one of the most widely known and versatile oils — comes from the botanical family labiatae (mint). While lavender can be used for its analgesic, antidepressant, antifungal, antihistamine, anti-infectious, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, antimutagentic, antiseptic, antitumor and regenerative benefits, its powerful calming abilities to both the skin and mind are what make it one of “mom’s top five essential oils for babies and children.” Common applications of lavender to support the health of babies and children include: COLIC: Mix 1 drop lavender with 1 tbsp carrier oil. Gently massage a few drops into the abdomen, stroking clockwise (in the direction of the colon). SLEEP: Mix 1 drop lavender with 1 tsp car-
rier oil. Apply to the bottoms of feet, back of the neck and behind the ears. Cover the feet with socks so the baby will not ingest the oil. DIAPER RASH: Mix 1 drop lavender with 1
drop Roman chamomile or melaleuca with 1 tsp of coconut oil and apply to area. TEETHING: Mix 1 drop lavender and 1
drop Roman chamomile with 1 tbsp carrier oil and apply along the jaw line. Other applications include: coughs/ colds, thrush, burns, cuts/wounds, bug bites/stings, chicken pox, eczema, sunburn, earaches, allergies and much more.
FACT: Late last year, in a publication of guidance by the National Institute for Health and
Care Excellence (NICE) in the UK, it was recommended that women considered to be low-risk would be better served to deliver at home or in a birth centre rather than in a hospital. Kudos, UK!
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Email Tanya Goreing, RRPR, doula and wellness advocate/educator for dōTERRA®, at reflexologist@rogers.com for information about upcoming seminars on successfully incorporating essential oil natural healthcare alternatives into your home.
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UP FRONT | BITS & BITES Here’s your “short” guide to a long-simmer beef bone broth. equipment • Stockpot with lid (stainless steel, enamel on steel or cast iron) • Slotted spoon • Stainless steel colander • Large bowls (glass or stainless) • Fine mesh sieve • Containers, jars, freezer bags and/or ice cube trays to portion off shopping list TIP: Buy the best quality you can find especially if you’re going to simmer for a long period of time. When you use organic produce, there is no need to peel or remove the skins. • 2-3lbs marrow, joint and meaty soup bones • Filtered water • 2 tbsp to 1/4 cup of organic apple cider vinegar, lemon juice or wine (for acid soak) • 1-2 large onion, coarsely chopped • 2-4 carrots, coarsely chopped • 3-5 celery sticks, coarsely chopped • Herbs (such as thyme, rosemary, bay leaves, sage, oregano, winter savory) • 1 bunch of fresh parsley
RECIPE
A “QUICK” GUIDE TO BONE BROTH Would you ever consider switching up your morning coffee for a cup of warm broth? May sound crazy now but once you understand the benefits of a long-simmer bone broth, you might jump on the boney bandwagon. Besides tasting delicious, bone broth boasts a number of health-boosting properties including reducing inflammation and improving digestion. The idea is that you’re simmering the bones for so long that they actually start to break down. This longextended simmer helps to remove as many minerals and nutrients as possible from the bones. This nutrition powerhouse contains calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, silicon, sulphur and trace minerals. By the end, so many minerals have leached from the bones that they crumble when pressed lightly between your thumb and forefinger. Bone broth can be used for a wide variety of applications – not just for sipping. Use it as a base for soups and stews, braise and roast meats and vegetables with it, add frozen cubes of broth to your breakfast smoothie and babies’ first foods, replace water with broth in your favourite rice recipes (rice pilaf, risotto, etc.) or simply cook your rice or pasta in it instead of water. If you do chose to go the straight-up route, flavour it with a little sea salt and pepper to your taste (or get creative with other flavourings like garlic, chili flakes or truffle butter). Are you now considering that coffee switch? DIY bone broth is pretty much as simple as it gets. Get bones, get veggies, get water. Throw in pot. Turn on stove. Come back the next day. Well, maybe not that simple, but close. Submitted by Jill Weaver of Stock Exchange
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take away
ready, set, simmer To start, brown off the bones by dry roasting them in the oven for about 45 minutes. Pouroff and reserve this healthy fat for future cooking. (Although this step is optional, ‘browning off’ red meat bones significantly enhances the colour and flavour of your broth. Beware that unbrowned bones can put off an unpleasant smell when simmering, which in turn may effect the flavour.) Place bones in your stockpot with choice of acid, cover with cold water and soak for an hour before adding veg and herbs and applying heat. Top the pot up with more water and bring to boil on high heat, then immediately reduce the heat to the lowest setting possible. Cover and simmer for 6 to 24 hours. To finish, add a bunch of fresh parsley, 10-15 minutes before removing the heat. With a slotted spoon, remove bones and large veg from the stockpot, and put into a colander lined with a bowl to catch draining broth. Add back into the stockpot. Strain the remaining broth through a fine sieve.
...
A long-extended simmer and acid presoak helps to remove minerals and nutrients from the bones.
storage Let cool slightly before putting in the fridge. Portion off as desired. Broths will keep in your fridge for up to one week, and in the freezer for up to six months.
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SECTION | NAME
%
Earth Mama Angel Baby
®
Personal Care Products
OFF
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Safely nurturing mamas and babies for over a decade. Earth Mama’s® safe, organic and natural herbal personal care products, gentle castile soaps, and USDA Certified 100% Organic, Non-GMO Project Verified teas are formulated to support the entire journey of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and baby care. Safe as Mama’s Arms.™
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9am - 6pm 9am - 6pm 9am - 8pm 9am - 8pm 9am - 8pm 9am - 6pm 11am - 5pm
Phone: 519-742-0691 Email: info@healthoholics.com Web: www.healthoholics.com *Limit one coupon per customer per visit. Offer expires March 31st, 2015
Winter 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT
Eco and health products for your family HANDSHOEZ Ever tried to help a small child put on their mittens? Getting the thumb into the thumb hole is the first challenge. Handshoez mittens open completely flat to go on easily. They stay on with a fully adjustable wristband that goes all the way around the wrist for a perfect, secure fit. They also use an award-winning outdoor fabric from Polartec that provides warmth and moisture protection without the bulk. $34 handshoez.com
JUICE MATTERS Launched in 2014, Juice Matters is the first true cold-press juice in Canada that offers the nutritional benefits of eating a day’s worth of fresh fruits and vegetables in one serving. Made with fresh fruits and vegetables (emphasizing to source locally in season), each product is created with no further ingredients except for the occasional addition of spice and seeds to allow for a pure, non-clarified juice. And they’re all GMO-free. juice-matters.com
PURE + SIMPLE Featuring nutrient-rich, all-natural ingredients such as organic aloe vera, kelp, beet root extract and daisy flower extract, Pure + Simple’s Hydration Serum will recharge, quench and soothe your skin at the cellular level. Hello, radiance! $44.95 pureandsimple.ca ESTRO CONTROL (ES) BY ATP Only two capsules of Estro Control per day helps metabolize negative estrogens and harmful environmental xeno-estrogens. This means relief from water retention, sensitive breast tissue and weight gain. Additional support is given to the liver to aid in the detoxification and cleansing process. Es also helps balance hormonal levels to reduce symptoms of PMS while increasing energy and libido. $59.99 (1 month supply) atp-lab.com
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
KEEKAROO Keekaroo’s wooden Height Right High Chair is the perfect seating solution for your child. This wooden high chair grows with children from six months to adults up 250lbs. With a height and depth adjustable seat and foot plate, the Height Right wood high chair can be adjusted in one inch increments and insures the perfect fit for your child, or adult, for years to come.
DRESSED TO DELIVER A versatile 3-in-1 gown that is an alternative to the uncomfortable, one-size-fits none hospital gown that leaves you exposed. The gowns are extremely versatile as they have been designed to be worn as a maternity dress, have all the access for labour and deliver and can be worn postpartum with full, easy access for skin-to-skin and breastfeeding!
$289.95 keekaroo.com
$79.99 dressedtodeliver.com
AETO’S APOTHECARY Tush Ease is a rich mixture of plantain and calendula infused olive oil with the healing of myrrh, sandalwood, Roman chamomile and lavender. It takes the painful sting out of even the worst diaper rash and begins healing immediately to help to speed recovery. It is great for other skin irritations such as eczema also. Tush Ease For Cloth Diapers also available.
GRAYDON CLINICAL LUXURY BY NATURE Let Graydon’s Winter Detox & Renewal Kit soothe, smooth and renew your winter skin with an easy four-step program to efficiently and effectively cleanse and nourish your face. The kit comes equipped with The Cleanser, The Serum, Face Food and The Putty.
$12 aetosapothecary.com
$96 clinicalluxurybynature.com
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Winter 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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MIND | MINDFUL MAMA
THE PEACE OF QUIET Finding silence to calm worry and anxiety Story by NICOLE SCHIENER
A
ll parents know there is nothing quiet about children. From the moment our little ones enter our world, they not only fill our hearts with love but our homes with lots and lots of noise. I remember knowing I was ready to have children when I started noticing how quiet our house was. Now with two very passionate little people and Lego pieces everywhere I can sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the noise and stuff. But it is not just the external sounds of our children’s demands and conflicts but often with parenthood comes the chatter inside ourselves. Sadly for many, this can be words of self-criticism, self-doubt and self-comparisons. With so many “experts” and bloggers weighing in on the “do’s and don’ts” of childrearing, we parents can feel lost and exhausted. Thankfully there is growing research that shows us a light out of this tunnel — ways to achieve peace in the midst of chaos. Simple mindful practices can make a world of difference in the lives of parents and children. While I’ve always been a strong believer in the mind-body connection in my work with clients, I realized, like so many other parents, I was getting caught up in the fast pace and high demands of balancing work and family life. Beginning to dread getting up in the morning and pressing the snooze button one too many times became the norm. But all that has changed over this past year as I’ve been dedicated to a daily practice of starting my day in quiet. Setting my phone timer for 10 minutes, I either assume the traditional meditation posture
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take away ...
This longextended simmer helps to remove as many minerals and nutrients as possible from the bones.
or get comfy on the couch or under the covers. Sometimes I’ll do yoga poses. In order for our practice to work, I think it is important to be flexible. Then all you have to do is simply breathe and attend to the present moment. Often my mind will wander, but I am grateful for a wise teacher’s description of simply noticing and then gently guiding my attention back to my breath as one would gently and lovingly bring back a child or pup who had wondered off. Holding a stone or focusing on the ticking of the clock can also be helpful. In addition, the Loving Kindness or Meta meditation is another wonderful way to feel a sense of peace. While we don’t know what the day will bring and we might make some mistakes along the way, taking time for ourselves and leading with love can help us look for the good in others and deal with conflict with ease. Now I often wake up before the alarm goes off and find it easier to observe situations and my reactions and repair things more quickly. In these quiet moments when we are not worrying about other people, our creativity can soar, and we can gain clarity about our needs and wants. Throughout the day, learning to recognize common thinking traps and become curious rather than judgmental about challenges or struggles are other ways to achieve a sense of peace. Often it is at night time when our critical voices can scream at us, keeping us awake and anxious. But we can insulate ourselves from this unwelcome noise by once again engaging in a few moments of silence after everyone has gone to bed and before we climb under the sheets. Returning to your calm centre with an attitude of love and forgiveness is just what all mommies and daddies need and deserve after a long day in the trenches. Sleep can then become easier and restful. NICOLE SCHIENER M.Ed, CCC, CGE, blends over 10 years
of professional experience as an individual, couples and group therapist and public speaker with personal insights as the mother of two passionate little people.
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EDUCATION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INVESTMENT FOR YOUR CHILD’S FUTURE. Ensuring that your child has access to a quality post-secondary education is one of the most important things we can do as parents. Opening a Registered Education Savings Plan with Dynamic Funds can help you maximize the money available for your child’s education, and give you the comfort of knowing that you are providing the foundation for your child’s future.
Let’s start putting the building blocks in place today. Call me to learn more. NICKY TRASIAS, CFP® Investment Advisor HollisWealth 155 Frobisher Dr., Suite F120 Waterloo, ON N2V 2E1 Tel: 519-746-8448 nicky.trasias@holliswealth.com
dynamic.ca Dynamic Funds® is a registered trademark of its owner, used under license, and a division of 1832 Asset Management L.P.
HollisWealth is a division of Scotia Capital Inc., a member of the Canadian Investor Protection Fund and the Investment Industry Regulatory Organization of Canada. ™ Trademark of The Bank of Nova Scotia, used under licence. Commissions, trailing commissions, management fees and expenses may all be associated with mutual fund investments. Please read the prospectus before investing. Mutual funds are not guaranteed, their values change frequently and past performance may not be repeated. Paid in Part by Dynamic Funds. 14DYN113_DF_RESP_Trasias_H_EN_V1_1_DOP1214.indd 1 theholisticparent.ca
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BODY | HEALTHY POSTURE
POSTURE CHECK Realigning your posture for overall health Story by DR. SHANNON VIANA
W
ith increasing numbers of devices available to us, we’re spending more and more of our lives plugged in. Estimates across the globe suggest that we spend a whopping 8 to 11 hours a day on technology; this is not without effect. Laptops, tablets and cell phones, while convenient, fall flat in terms of ergonomics and encourage sloppy posture and bad habits. While mainstream media has coined the phenomena “iposture,” the long-term effects are far from comical. Common symptoms include headaches, which squeeze at the temples or start at the base of the skull and move up over the head, neck and shoulder pain, cold or tingling into the hands and low back pain. For many, it’s difficult to draw the connection between poor posture and a sudden onset of pain or headaches. While the pain and dysfunction seem to begin quite suddenly, for most, the process has been progressively worsening over years. Fortunately — and unfortunately — the human body is an amazing, adapting machine which compensates by allowing us to function with limited range of motion and by recruiting other muscles. The pectorals, scalenes, hamstrings and gluteus muscles become extremely tight while the opposing muscles (the rhomboids, upper neck muscles and low back muscles) become stretched and painful. Over time, these tight muscles act like tethers on our bones and joints and restrict motion further. Often one of the first changes people notice in their day-to-day living is the inability to check their blind spot by turning just their head. By the time they present with pain they have resorted
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think your posture is in check? ...
Ask a friend or coworker to take a side profile photo of your hear, neck and shoulders.
to turning most of their upper body to accomplish this simple task. Fortunately, for most, the solution is really quite simple. We must get up, we must move and we must stretch. Changing posture begins by first recognizing that how you act in your environment is causing the problem in the first place and to change it you must change how you are in that environment. First, you must accept that it’s unnatural and unhealthy to sit and slouch forward all day long. Next, you must isolate during which activities you tend to adopt poor posture. Many of us function on autopilot and we rarely check-in to see how we are feeling in different situations so that we can recognize where the posture problems are originating. Think your posture is in check? Ask a friend or co-worker to take side profile photos of your head, neck and shoulders with your phone to see how your posture has changed. Next, check to see that your ear opening is in line with the middle of your shoulder and that shoulders are not curving forward. Ask yourself these two simple questions: When was the last time I could check my blind spot by only turning my head? Do I have any of the above symptoms at least two days of the week? Chances are if you are like most of the population you will fail at least one and likely all of the above posture checks. Common signs to look for: forward rounding of the shoulders, unleveling of the shoulders (one higher than the other), humping at the base of the neck, head extended forward past the shoulders. DR. SHANNON VIANA , DC, is a chiropractor and owner
of Inspire Health & Wellness in Kitchener. Beyond the traditional chiropractic care, she also employs the use of ultrasound, electrotherapies and orthotics in the care of her patients. www.inspirehealthandwellness.ca
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SECTION | NAME
Dedicated to the development and growth of alternative health care professionals since 2001.
Reflexology, Indian Head Massage, AromaTouch Technique, Birth and Postpartum Support.
Offering certification training in Reflexology, Heated Stone Massage and Doula programs.
THE HEALING ARTS LEARNING ORGANIZATION
Tel: 519-220-2887 healingartslearning@rogers.com www.healingartslearning.org
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SOUL TREATMENTS
Tanya Goreing RRPr, Doula, doTerra Wellness Advocate and Educator. reflexologist@rogers.com Tel: 519-221-0155 www.soultreatments.ca
Winter 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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SPIRIT | ENERGY HEALING
HOLISTIC FIRST AID Energy healing for bumps and bruises Story by SHELBY FOSTER
E
very parent struggles with the possibility of his or her child getting hurt. From the time one’s child enters the world, parents do all they can to try and decrease the chances. Although this is natural, it can easily get out of hand. The fact is, no matter how hard one tries, it’s impossible to save a child from experiencing hurt — hurt is simply part of living. It’s extremely difficult to watch your child experience hurt whether physical or emotional. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were something we could do to help them through it — something that could help them manage the hurt? What if I told you that you have the power to help your child heal? Wouldn’t that be fabulous? Well, you do! When a child gets hurt, they are affected in a number of different ways. For example: say your three-year-old child touches a hot pan that you specifically told them not to. They immediately start crying for a number of reasons. First, they have burnt themselves and it’s painful. Second, they aren’t really sure what is happening to their body and they’re scared. Third, they feel ashamed for not listening to the instructions that were put in place for their own safety. So what can we do as parents to help our children in this situation? The most important thing is to show them love and to validate their feelings. This will do wonders. At the same time, we are capable of doing much more for them as well. Quantum-Touch, reiki or therapeutic touch are all different forms of energy healing, and we all have the ability to learn how to use them. By using energy healing on a child’s bump, bruise or burn, we are able to increase the speed of healing.
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take away ...
When a child gets hurt, the most important thing is to show them love and validate their feelings. It will do wonders!
Using the example from above, if a parent were to apply QuantumTouch to the three-year-old’s burn it is possible the burn could disappear. I know it sounds crazy. Trust me though I have done it many times and you can do it too. In addition to healing the physical discomfort of the burn, energy healing also works at an emotional level — alleviating the fear and shame felt by the child. Energy healing is a natural form of healing that works with the Life Force Energy of the body and promotes optimal wellness — the body does the work, we just help it along. In other words, our bodies our made of energy and when that energy is blocked it can cause pain, illness and disease. Energy healing helps the energy to flow and restore the body back to health. Learning how to use energy healing in our everyday lives, especially with our kids is easy. I would highly recommend taking a class in any of the three energy-healing modalities mentioned above, but until then though let’s go over one of the most important things you can do to help your child today! Staying calm is very important. As energy beings, it’s easy to pick up other people’s emotions and stressors — especially our children’s. When our child gets hurt we often feel a sense of responsibility and can go straight to panic mode. We may even feel the parent guilt set in and begin blaming ourselves for the incident. I assure you that this is not helpful. Our children will pick up on this and their little bodies have a higher chance of going into fight or flight mode — reducing the body’s ability to heal itself. Stop, take a slow breath deep down into your belly and become aware of your body. Pay attention to any sensations you are feeling. If you need to take a few more deep breaths please do so. This will help you to respond to the situation rather than react and everyone will be better off for it. SHELBY FOSTER is a Reiki Master and owner of
Birth Happy Mama, where she specializes in natural solutions for the prenatal and postpartum period. She practices out of The Wellness Team On Queen clinic in Hespeler. www.birthhappymama.com
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monkeypaw portraits monkeypaw.ca
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COVER STORY | ATTACHMENT DADDYING
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ATTACHMENT DADDYING GENTLE PARENTING FROM A FATHER’S PERSPECTIVE Story by ELAINE KAPOGINES
Photography by TRENT SLUITER
It’s not hard to imagine Shaun Shadd striding up the corporate ladder. Well-dressed, well-spoken and oozing charisma, Shaun could easily pass for a high-powered Bay Street lawyer/banker/management consultant. A few words with him and it’s obvious he’s very smart and driven — and his million-dollar smile doesn’t hurt either. But instead of residing in a shiny boardroom on this Wednesday morning, Shaun is stringing plastic beads and making popcorn in the kitchen of his Waterloo home. His quiet patience is a calming contrast to the energy pouring out of four-year-old Zion and the “I love to screech for no reason” enthusiasm of one-anda-half-year-old Soul. Shaun is a dad first and foremost. He and his wife Melissa have created a life for themselves where they put their children first. Shaun is a partner in MediaAmped, a Kitchener-based online marketing company, and Melissa is the co-host of Rogers TV’s
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Diapers & Lipgloss. “The whole point of having my own business was so that I could be my own boss, and I can spend most of the time with my family,” Shaun beams. And his presence has created an obvious connection with his kids. He exudes parental confidence and there’s a palpable mutual respect between child and parent. A few loving words brings Zion back from the brink of a preschooler’s boredom-induced meltdown. A quick toss in the air and some snuggles turns Soul’s attention-seeking whines into fits of toddler giggles. Melissa is close by with words of encouragement.
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COVER STORY | ATTACHMENT DADDYING
But Shaun admits being an attentive parent didn’t come naturally to him. “It took a lot of practice to feel confident,” he says, echoing the sentiments of many dads. “I was always asking Melissa questions: What do I feed him? Should I give him a bath? Can he have this thing he’s asking for?” Now, four years into his parenting journey, he has not only embraced his role as dad, but now identifies as an attachment parent. Guided by Melissa’s gentle hand, both Shadd parents are confident with the label. “In our marriage, she and I are one,” says Shaun. “When she would read something about parenting styles, we’d talk about it openly. Or if I did something that she felt could have been handled differently, she would let me know. Sometimes I was reluctant to try her suggestions, but I quickly saw how well it worked and how positively Zion was reacting. I’ve easily adapted to gentle parenting.” The term attachment parenting is a bit of a contentious one these days. Somewhat trendy and mostly misunderstood, even parents who subscribe to a more gentle style of parenting are sometimes reluctant to use the term. And when the term is used, thoughts of hippies in communes or Alicia Silverstone feeding her son like a baby bird tend to be popular images. And it may be even more rare for a dad to embrace the label. At the root of it, attachment parenting is simply a term coined by pediatrician and author Dr. William Sears with its foundation in attachment theory, a model used in developmental psychology that helps describe long-term human relationships. According to attachment theory, the strong emotional bond that a child has with a caregiver has long-term consequences, and nurturing a secure attachment will help foster the child’s emotional development and overall well-being. In 1993, Dr. Sears’ The Baby Book was the first resource to provide parents with a list of tools to help them create that secure attachment they were seeking with the implication that mainstream parenting practices were falling short. The “seven baby B’s of attachment parenting” as described by Dr. Sears are: birth bonding, belief in the signal value of your baby’s cries, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedding close to baby, balance and boundaries, and beware of baby trainers. One point of contention for critics of this parenting philosophy is that it’s too strenuous and demanding on the mother. Between breastfeeding, babywearing and co-sleeping, there are times when moms could literally be attached to their baby 24 hours a day.
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“IT’S MORE THAN JUST BEING IN THE SAME ROOM ON A PHONE OR COMPUTER. IT’S ABOUT BEING PRESENT IN A CARING WAY.”
But in many discussions about attachment or gentle parenting, we are very focused on the mother’s role — mostly because a lot of bonding happens naturally through the breastfeeding relationship, especially when we’re talking about true on-demand feeding and extended nursing (12 months and over). Physical closeness is a huge component to sensitive parenting styles since it’s much easier to learn, understand and respond to cues when the baby is right there. But what about the dad in this equation? A typical complaint amongst fathers is that they have a difficult time bonding with their babies especially because they don’t have the option of a breastfeeding relationship. Mothers also receive a dose of hormonal bonding from delivery and subsequent nursing, possibly leaving even the most well-intentioned dads feeling left out or disconnected. So, for dads who have a strong desire to create a secure attachment or practice gentle parenting, the actual bonding process may be a bit different than simply following Dr. Sears’ “baby B’s.” Jan Yordy, a Waterloo-based counsellor specializing in holistic parenting and play therapy, says there are many ways for a dad to bond with their children that really focus on being actively present. “It’s more than just being in the same room on a phone or computer. It’s about being present in a caring way. It’s about making eye contact or talking to their babies — that’s where they start to build connections.” Physical interactions, like touching, making eye contact and talking,
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COVER STORY | ATTACHMENT DADDYING
“I WILL NEVER DISCIPLINE IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. I NEVER WANT TO EMBARRASS HIM,”
also help to build the baby’s mirror neurons, says Jan. Mirror neurons are cells in the brain that fire when we observe an action being performed by another human — you see someone scratch their nose and all of a sudden your nose is itchy. “The mirror neurons are really what helps set up the baby’s brain, the social brain especially,” Jan adds. “The baby learns who he is through what he experiences through interactions with the parents. And the baby will respond to these types of interactions. It’s a very important connection.” And Jan points out, it’s not just the interactions with the mother that’s important — dads can play a huge role as well. Shaun knows first-hand the importance of physical touch and being present. “I’m not a ‘rough and tough’ dad. I hug my son, and kiss him and tell him I love him all the time.” Shaun also places importance on the time he gets to spend with each of his kids. For example, Shaun is an integral part of Zion’s bedtime routine. “At that moment, it’s our one-on-one time together. That’s the last thing he remembers before he goes to bed and the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up — my dad is always there.” As for little Soul, he’s not above feeling left out. “At the beginning, it’s very difficult for me. Melissa gets all the attention — what about me! But when I do get to hold her I really try to mimic how Melissa holds her so she feels safe. I also talk to her a lot. It’s not very manly.” Dr. Sears also argues that discipline will be much easier and happen more naturally if the child already has that foundation of a secure attachment. “Discipline is more about building the right
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relationship with your child than using the right techniques. You want to put into place a guidance system that keeps the child in check at age four and keeps his behavior on track at age forty, and you want this system to be integrated into the child’s whole personality, a part of him or her,” says Dr. Sears in The Discipline Book. “I call it ‘conscious parenting,’” says Jan. “It’s an awareness of their child’s needs and an understanding that the behaviours they’re seeing are coming from a need.” Jan says it’s important to understand that behaviour stems from a need. “If a child is whiny, they may be expressing a need for, say, touch or connection,” she says. “So when the child comes to the parent asking a question or showing some artwork, the parent can stop what they’re doing and give that child a little bit of attention. That simple interaction can go a long way. Otherwise, you get into a situation where the child may start to feel unwanted or not loved.” For Shaun, discipline is not about ruling with an iron fist. “Instead of raising my voice, I will come down to his level. I get down on one knee and talk to him, making sure he understands,” says Shaun, loosely describing the concept of a “time-in” — a term now popping up amongst gentle parenting circles. Shaun is also very cognizant of the difference between discipline and shaming. “I will never discipline in front of people. I never want to embarrass him,” he says of son Zion. “That I got from my father. He never disciplined us in public.” Although Shaun says gentle parenting didn’t necessarily come naturally to him, it’s obvious he had a great role model in his father. “My dad never raised his voice,” he says. “I can honestly say I want to be like my dad. I’m trying to do my best. I call him all the time for advice. I’m very close with my dad.” Research shows that fathers play a huge role in the lives of their children — whether you’re an attachment parent or not. And finding special ways to create connections will not only benefit babies and take some pressure off moms, but will set up the child for a future based on a solid foundation of love and emotional support. It may take breaking down your own boundaries and putting away preconceived notions of what it means to be a father. “My kids have all this time to grow up and be independent,” says Shaun. “Right now, that I have the chance, I’m going to baby my daughter and let her know that she is my princess. My son is my king. They have my attention no matter what.”
Winter 2015 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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FEATURE | KIDS YOGA
Calm, Alert & Ready to Learn Preparing children for managing stress
Story by JAYNE HEMBRUFF & LINDA BRYDGES
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s parents, we crave to share meaningful insights with our children, especially those that give them a positive and hopeful image of who they are. We reach out for tips on managing life’s inevitable frustrations and stress load — theirs and ours. Research shows the ancient wisdom of yoga can be beneficial for today’s kids; especially those who find it challenging to manage traditional school settings, social interactions and life’s daily challenges. Dr. Stuart Shanker, a leader in the field of self-regulation and founder of the Canadian Self- Regulation Initiative (CSRI), states that, “for a lot of kids, people are always telling them to sit still or calm down, but rarely are they instructed on how to do these things.” Building on Dr. Shanker’s research, I have developed the “Yoga-tastic” model, which helps children to generate their own solutions to stress through using yoga techniques such as present moment awareness. By using the “Yoga-tastic” model, children are empowered to build a customized tool kit of techniques to access whenever they need a dose of calm, or, alternatively, a dose of alertness.
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FEATURE | KIDS YOGA
THE THREE TIERS OF ‘YOGA-TASTIC’ TIER 1: PRIMARY The first tier sets the foundation for children to become calm, alert and centered. There are four simple steps within this tier to help create selfawareness: Stop, Listen, Breathe and Relax. STOP: Children are encouraged to stop physically and remain still. Children are invited to explore the process of stopping while they are standing, sitting or lying down. Music can be used to cue, or they may have a designated yoga area to go to. LISTEN: Once children have stopped moving, they are asked to experiment with listening to their bodies, minds and inner selves by practicing present moment awareness. The goal of this stage is to create self-awareness. At this stage, children may be prompted to: LISTEN TO THE BODY: What is going on inside of your body? Any aches, pain, discomfort or dislikes? Are you able to sit still? LISTEN TO THE MIND: What is going on inside your mind/head? Is it really busy inside your mind? Are you able to focus your attention? LISTEN TO THE INNER SELF: Let’s look at the part inside that makes you unique and different from everyone else. What is going on inside of your inner most part?
BREATHE: To enhance the listening step, children are encouraged to “Take 5” — five full belly breaths for the count of five. This attention to breath helps mental focus and encourages a more calm, alert and centered state. After listening to the body, mind and inner self, children create a greater level of self-awareness about how the breath made them feel. Most children claim that they feel calmer after “Taking 5” and more alert after practicing “The Wood Cutter.” RELAX: Here, by combining the breath with self-awareness, relaxation is enhanced, whether seated, standing or lying down. Younger children like to think of the yoga mat as a magic carpet, taking them to a relaxed world. They are asked to notice what this magical relaxed world looks — smells, sounds and tastes like, as well as noticing its temperature. TIER 2: SECONDARY This tier focuses on self-care in the form of stretching, strengthening and balancing. Children are asked to share what area of their bodies need to stretch and get stronger (for photos of the follow poses, visit The {Moderately} Holistic Mom Blog, theholisticparent.ca).
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CALM: When children are feeling anxious, have high energy and/or are unable to concentrate, try these calming poses: ICE CREAM SCOOP/RESTING CHILD. This simple forward bend helps calm the brain and relieves stress and fatigue. It also gently stretches the hips and thighs while easing back and neck pain. Do this pose with your child and it make “two scoops.” My children and I enjoy doing this pose together since it is fun and physically connects us. It also increases our breath and body awareness and is deeply calming. EAGLE. This standing balance pose engages the entire body and improves concentration. It stretches the thighs, hips, shoulders and upper back and strengthens the legs. ALERT: When children are feeling depressed, tired/low energy and/or unable to concentrate, try these alert poses: BRIDGE POSE. This backbend opens up the chest and helps reduce fatigue, mild depression and stress, as well as calming the brain. It rejuvenates tired legs and stimulates the abdominal organs, lungs and thyroid. It also stretches the neck and spine. DIVING DOLPHIN. This dynamic moving pose helps boost energy, relieves stress and mild depression and calms the brain. It strengthens the arms, shoulders, legs and the skeletal system. It also gives a nice stretch to the shoulders, hamstrings, calves and arches. TIER 3: TERTIARY In the final tier, yoga techniques are applied “off the mat,” to help children calmly manage the real, every day challenges they face at home, in school settings, and in their various social interactions. To illustrate, let’s look at some of the benefits that “Yoga-tastic” has offered to the children who have used the model: ANXIOUS KIDS use yoga off the mat at home to help
them fall asleep, manage transitions, adjust to new social settings and diffuse explosive emotions. CHILDREN WITH ADHD use yoga at school to regulate their emotions, become more calm and centred. CHILD WITH CF use yoga breathing to calm their nervous system. CHILDREN SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION use the tools of yoga every morning to help boost energy levels, throughout the day, and whenever they feel the beginnings of a low mood.
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FEATURE | BREECH BIRTH
take away ...
BOTTOMS DOWN Preparing for a breech birth
Sometimes babies don’t turn, and our ideas about a successful birth may need to be redefined.
Story by REBECCA SERROUL
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ou dream about your baby’s birth. You write down an advocacy plan and pin your hopes and dreams on a day — your future child’s birthday. And then, you find out your baby is not in an optimal position. Everything changes: your baby is in a breech position. Babies want to turn. According to research published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, there is less than a three to four percent chance that your child will be breech at birth. Babies like to spin into a head-down position, often between 26 and 30 weeks gestation. The heaviest part of the baby is the back of the head, and so babies tend to be in a head-down position. When they move down into the pelvis, they usually do not move back up into a breech position. The determination that your baby is in a breech position is made after 30 weeks through palpation, and this is confirmed through an ultrasound. There is still time for the baby to turn, and there is much that can be done to turn a baby — by the mother, other care providers or by an external cervical version (ECV). what can you do as a mother? First of all, we need to be aware of the emotional impact it can have on a family when they hear that their baby is in a breech position. Often, so many hopes and dreams have been placed on the birth, which makes it hard to suddenly start to think about a c-delivery or adding more medical appointments into a busy third trimester. Giving a mother a chance to talk about this, and assist in making a plan for the next step is critical. There is a significant amount of research that looks at position changes. Generally, many care providers will suggest positions to help the baby move down, as well as other exercises, such as swimming and relaxation, which can be very helpful to turn a baby. It’s important to remember that a decision to make any effort to turn a baby must be made with an informed decision regarding the benefits, risks and alternatives. These should be discussed with a care provider before any action is taken. what can your medical care provider do? The suggestions that a care provider might give depend much upon how far along in your pregnancy you are and who your care provider is. Often an OB/GYN would encourage an ECV to turn the baby. This would be done while monitoring the baby through an ultrasound. The baby would be manual turned into a head-down position. Generally, this would be done after 37 weeks. Some mothers prefer to try for a vaginal delivery of a breech baby. Depending on the experience of the OB/GYN, they may or may not feel comfortable with a vaginal delivery
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of a breech baby. Keep in mind that some hospitals might have guidelines or community standards regarding vaginal deliveries of breech babies. A c-delivery might also be encouraged, or determined as needed, depending on your pregnancy and the course of care needed make it the safest delivery possible for both mother and baby.
so where can you find other support? There is a ton of support in our local community, the online community and within your own family, as well as many alternative care providers that can give support for a mother with a baby in breech position. For example, some chiropractors offer a maneuver called the Webster Technique and, for some mothers, acupuncture offers relaxation, including techniques that have been shown to help babies turn head-down into the pelvis. And many mothers have found that moxibustion is wonderful in turning a baby. A partner or friend may also want to try using a rebozo, shifting and using movements that may help with turning a baby. Lastly, if a c-delivery is needed, it is key that we bring some of the elements of our original advocacy plan we made for our vaginal delivery into the caesarean room. If that is skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible, breastfeeding our child, or whatever it might be, discuss these wishes with the care provider as early and as clearly as possible, understanding that things may change according to the conditions necessary for a healthy delivery. As much as a mother might try everything to turn a baby, sometimes babies don’t turn, and our ideas about a successful birth may need to be redefined.
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LLL Sleep Quarter Ad.pdf
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Diane Weissinger & Teresa Pitman May 7th, 2015 Sign up for updates: http://eepurl.com/bclkK9
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FEATURE | THYROID HEALTH
THYROID SUPPORT A healthy thyroid for the postpartum period and beyond Story by DEVIN DAWSON
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veryone has heard of “the blues” new mothers can experience after childbirth, which can potentially turn a joyous time of life into a rollercoaster ride of fatigue, anxiety, heart palpitations, insomnia, depression, “foggy” thinking, weight difficulties and other challenges — which may or may not persist for years. It could be your thyroid. The thyroid gland is a very special organ that resides on the front of the neck. It controls our basal metabolic rate (our metabolism), and therefore our body temperature, mental capacity, energy level, other hormones and plays a part in regulating the menstrual cycle. After childbirth, approximately 10 percent of women are diagnosed with postpartum thyroiditis, which is a medical condition that involves inflammation of the thyroid as a result of childbirth. Since the symptoms of a thyroid imbalance are commonly attributed to merely the stress of having a new child or a mood disorder, your condition may largely go undiagnosed. The inflammation in the thyroid gland may damage the gland and allow it to inappropriately “release” an excess of thyroid hormones (T4 and T3) which may result in symptoms of anxiety, irritability, heat sensitivity, unexplained weight loss, rapid heartbeat, fatigue, tremors and insomnia. These symptoms are quite typical of a hyperthyroid condition. As the thyroid continues to become impaired, symptoms of hypothyroid may arise: low energy, sensitivity to cold, constipation, dry skin, difficulty with concentration and lethargy. In some people, this may last several years or even become permanent. The late Dr. Broda Barnes developed a simple four-step test you can perform to get an idea of how well your thyroid is functioning and therefore may indicate a need to follow-up with your family doctor to assess your thyroid.
1. THE NIGHT BEFORE, PLACE A DIGITAL OR AN ORAL MERCURY THERMOMETER (SHAKEN) ON YOUR END TABLE. 2. IN THE MORNING, BEFORE MOVING OR GETTING OUT OF BED, PUT YOUR THERMOMETER IN YOUR ARMPIT AND LIE QUIETLY WITHOUT MOVING FOR 10 MINUTES. RECORD YOUR TEMPERATURE WITH THE DATE AND TIME. 3. REPEAT THIS FOR A MINIMUM OF THREE MORNINGS. 4. COMPARE YOUR TEMPERATURES. YOUR VALUES SHOULD BE BETWEEN 97.8 F AND 98.2 F. IF YOU CONSISTENTLY FALL UNDER THE LOWER VALUE, IT MAY INDICATE A HYPOTHYROID STATE. IF YOUR VALUES ARE ABOVE THE HIGHER VALUE, IT MAY INDICATE A HYPERTHYROID STATE. Speak with your doctor if you suspect there may be a problem with your thyroid. There are further tests available. It is recommended to have a full thyroid panel of blood tests including: • TSH (THYROID STIMULATING HORMONE) • TOTAL T3 (TRIIODOTHYRONINE) AND FREE T3, REVERSE T3 • T4 (THYROXINE) AND FREE T4 Other tests to include: • THYROID ANTIBODIES: USED TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM AN AUTOIMMUNE CONDITION. • ROUTINE HORMONE TESTING, PARTICULARLY PROGESTERONE, AS A DECLINE IN THIS HORMONE CAN FURTHER IMPAIR AN UNDERACTIVE THYROID GLAND.
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HORMONE REPLACEMENT I often suggest to my clients that when supporting the thyroid gland itself, desiccated thyroid should be used in most cases, as it contains all nutrients necessary for thyroid function, and not simply T4 or T3. Whenever possible, opt for bioidentical hormones, which resemble our own body’s hormones.
NUTRITION The thyroid needs adequate amounts of the following primary nutrients to function correctly: iodine, tyrosine, selenium, zinc, manganese and essential fatty acids. The best foods to get these nutrients is from sea vegetables like kelp, nori, dulse, kombu, wakame and fish like herring, sardines, salmon, cod and scallops.
ACUPUNCTURE Specific acupuncture points may help to restore energy to your thyroid gland. Your best option is to consult a trained practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine.
RELAXATION Massage therapy may help to alleviate stress and tension, and encourage better circulation thereby allowing the body to rest. Meditation or yoga may be helpful to help you calm the mind and reduce stress as well, particularly if you have difficulty falling asleep at night because of racing thoughts.
EXERCISE One of the best ways to help your thyroid by reducing stress and nervous energy and boost your energy levels is to get active. I recommend starting with gentle exercises and light weights to get the heart rate up and improve circulation. Start with a minimum of 20-30 minutes every other day. Sometimes simply getting outside and going for a walk with your baby can help bring up your mood and energy level.
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BACK PAGE | THE (MODERATELY) HOLISTIC MOM
THE PLIGHT OF THE FEMINIST HOMEMAKER Story by ELAINE KAPOGINES
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ery recently, my husband and I were filling out some joint paperwork for a new insurance policy. We were answering the standard questions: name, age, date of birth. We then came to the occupation category. Applicant #1. Full time employment — check. Applicant #2. Homemaker — check. I was a little taken aback. Was I really a “homemaker”? I looked down at my nursing toddler, realizing I hadn’t showered in at least two days. I glanced over at the sink full of unwashed dishes and the dirty pots I’d left to soak probably around the same time as my last shower. I’m making a mess, that’s for sure — making a home, I’m not so sure. Stay-at-home-mom, housewife, homemaker, domestic goddess, whatever label you’d like to apply, it all boils down to the fact that I do not have a job. I used to be gainfully employed. I used to make a financial contribution to our little family. In fact, for a while, I was the sole financial provider. I spent six years in post-secondary educational institutes. And the word “honours” appears on both my university degree and my post-grad college diploma. Now I stay at home — mostly in my pyjamas. Maybe I should have focused more on Home Ec and less on existential philosophy? Some part of me definitely feels like I’m letting down the sisterhood. Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Hilary Clinton, Rosie the Riveter, I’m sorry. Countless women have fought, and are still fighting, for the right for women to have it all — family, career, equality, a voice. I don’t have it all. In fact, sometimes I feel like I don’t have anything. I actually asked my husband recently for permission to buy myself a new book (admittedly, we’re still working out the kinks of a joint bank account — repeat: our money, our money). I see my mommy contemporaries Facebooking about exotic business trips and Instagramming photos of their toddler’s artwork with captions like “Best daycare craft ever! #artgenius #mommyslittleboy #proudmama”. I’m certainly not Facebooking about my trip to the grocery store or sharing shots of the pile of yogurt I just found in the corner of my living room. #mommyfail #ihaventshoweredindays Did I officially turn in my feminist card with my letter of resignation? As the daily fight for women’s equality continues, I feel like I can relate less to Emma Watson and more to June Cleaver (minus the pearls and dresses and lipstick and Stepford smile). I’m also starting to understand the June Cleaver in my life a little better. A veteran homemaker herself, I used to have a difficult time figuring out why my mother chose to be “just a mom.” Didn’t she have ambition? Didn’t she want to have it all? She was a product of the 1970s, for God’s sake — why hadn’t she traded in the burnt bra for the power suit as most of her Baby Boomer brethren did? But more importantly for my teenage-self, why did she care so much about a clean bathroom? Didn’t she know there were more important
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT
Winter 2015
things to worry about? Global warming, the Gaza Strip, the fact that we are all merely unconscious actors trying to combat the angst caused by the dichotomy of our being and nothingness (I told you I spent too much time reading philosophy). As I continue to find my place outside of my chosen career path, I’m beginning to see value where I previously saw none — i.e., a clean bathroom. And I’m taking pride in the elements that go into creating a home — not just the clean bathroom or the homemade meals (both of which are works in progress), but all the little things I do and all the little decisions I make on a daily basis that goes into creating an environment of love and security for my daughter, and by extension, my husband. I’m proud to be a stay-at-home-mom. And although I could say I’m lucky that my husband’s job affords me the opportunity to stay at home, it’s not about luck. It’s about choice. We, as partners, have chosen this path. We, as partners, have made the decision to put our daughter’s needs first — and we, as partners, believe that my being at home is what she needs. And there it is. Choice. That’s really what’s at the heart of the entire feminist movement — giving women the choice. I choose to stay at home. Other moms choose to work. The most recent feminist discourse, seemingly sparked by Emma Watson and the UN’s HeForShe campaign, is about gender equality. Do I feel less equal to my husband because I don’t have a pay cheque? Absolutely not. Equality is not measured by dollars and cents; it’s measured by rights and opportunities. Of course, we still have a long way to go in the fight for true gender equality. Every day as a human race we are waging a war against both masculine and feminine gender stereotypes, with the ultimate goal of being viewed not as man or woman but as human with the same political, social, emotional and spiritual rights. And just because I am choosing not to “have it all” in the 21st-century, Sheryl-Sandberg-Lean-In kind of way, doesn’t mean that I’m hindering the efforts of modern-day feminists or stomping on the graves of our Sister Suffragettes, it just means that I’m simply exercising my right to choose — a right given to me by said Suffragettes. Now I’m not saying that I will never return to work. I probably will. When the time’s right. But for now, I’m choosing to be at home cooking dinners, cleaning bathrooms, sewing Halloween costumes, knitting winter hats, potty training, colouring, making forts, playing with trains — raising my daughter. ELAINE KAPOGINES is a proud SAHM, and although she publishes this magazine, according to her husband, “it’s a hobby until you start making money.” She can be found blogging at The {Moderately} Holistic Mom at theholisticparent.ca.
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