T H E MIND ... B O DY ... SPIRIT
M A G A Z I N E
Winter 2016 / theholisticparent.ca
A SURROGATE’S JOURNEY by April Scott-Clarke
PAGE 18
REGUL ARS
OUR TEAM Meet the people that make this magazine awesome PAGE 4
UP FRONT The 411 on baby-led weaning and a sweet potato sheppard’s pie PAGE 6
PRODUCTS A showcase of eco- and family-friendly products PAGE 10
COLUMNS
MIND The Freedom of Falling PAGE 12
BODY Seasonal Sensations PAGE 14
SPIRIT The Baby Train PAGE 16
THE HOLISTIC MOM An Open Letter... PAGE 30
FEATURES
TLC FOR YOUR PELVIC FLOOR T H E
BY DR. ISABEL GRIFFITH
MIND ... B O DY ... SPIRIT
A guide to squatting PAGE 22
M A G A Z I N E
THE TALK BY KELLY MCDONNELL-ARNOLD
Tips for talking to your kids about sex and sexuality PAGE 24 Winter 2016 / theholisticparent.ca
HolisticParent_WINTER16_COVER_02.indd 1
2016-01-30 4:03 PM
ON THE COVER Amanda Schnarr was shot on location at The Nesting Instinct (nestinginstinctkw. com) in St. Agatha by Trent Sluiter of Fedora Media (fedoramedia.com).
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THE MOM SUIT BY SUSAN CRANSTON
Rediscovering your authentic self PAGE 26
Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | OUR TEAM
CONTRIBUTORS
SUSAN CRANSTON Health & Wellness Expert Volume 02, Issue 02 | Winter 2016
Susan Cranston is a communications consultant and a health and wellness educator, specializing in Ayurveda. She is also a certified master life coach, meditation and yoga teacher. She is the founder of Authentika Consulting Inc., specializing in benefits communication consulting, and is the lead collaborator of Authentika Studios (authentikastudios.com), a centre for well-being in Waterloo. Visit her website at susancranston.com or follwer her on Twitter @cransights. Susan’s article The Mom Suit appears on PAGE 28.
DR. ISABEL GRIFFITH Chiropractor | Pelvic Floor Specialist Isabel Griffith is a Doctor of Chiropractic, with practices in Kitchener and Cambridge. Her primary focus is on women’s health and pregnancy. To learn more about Dr. Isabel, visit DrIsabel.ca or read her latest blog post at theholisticparent.ca. Find Dr. Isabel’s article TLC For Your Pelvic Floor on PAGE 22.
PUBLISHER | EDITOR Elaine Kapogines elaine@wiltshiremedia.ca ART DIRECTION
www.creativebungalow.com Erik Mohr (Creative Director) erik@creativebungalow.com Mary Young (Graphic Designer) ADVERTISING SALES
Alexis Brenner alexis@wiltshiremedia.ca ADVERTISING DESIGNER
Elizabeth Wise FEAUTRE WRITER
April Scott-Clarke
KELLY MCDONNELL-ARNOLD Therapist | Clinical Sexologist Kelly McDonnell-Arnold, MA, MBA, RSW, is a therapist and clinical sexologist with a master’s degree in forensic sexology. She is the founder of Bliss Individual and Relationship Therapy, a boutique private practice in Uptown Waterloo with a specialization in providing tailored counselling and psychological services. She is passionate about sexual health and being a resource to assist KW community members in creating their most fulfilling lives and relationships possible. Read Kelly’s article The Talk on PAGE 25.
CONTRIBUTORS
Susan Cranston, Allie Dusome, Dr. Isabel Griffith, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold, Jason Miller, Nicole Schiener, Trent Sluiter , Trish Unger, Jamie Wier WEB EDITOR
Laura McDonald WEB CONTRIBUTORS
Sheena Bounsanga, Dr. Sarah Connors, Dr. Isabel Griffith, Tania Heinemann, Maria Andrusiak Morland, Rebecca Serroul
PUBLISHED BY
TRISH UNGER BIE Practioner | Registered Holistic Nutritionist Trish Unger is a registered holistic nutritionist and BIE practitioner. She has also practiced as a childbirth educator, fitness instructor and birth doula in her first business, Belly Buttons, since 2001. After the birth of her third son, who had multiple food and environmental sensitivities, eczema and asthma, she discovered bioenergetics (BIE), which started making a positive difference in his health. Find one of Trish’s favourite recipes A Sweet Sheppard’s Pie on PAGE 6.
WELCOME TO THE TEAM... The Holistic Parent would like to welcome Alexis Brenner to the team! Alexis joined us as a sales representative in October. She comes to us with an extensive background in sales, marketing and entrepreneurship. She’s also mom to two spunky redheads. Contact Alexis at alexis@wiltshiremedia.ca.
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www.wiltshiremedia.ca The Holistic Parent magazine is published three times per year. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher © 2016 Single copy price is free at to all patrons of the Growing Up Healthy Show and is available through our over 35 community partners in Waterloo Region and surrounding areas. Visit theholisticparent.ca for a list of distributors. ISSN 2368-6790 Publications Mail Agreement No. 42845523 Undeliverable copies and change of address notices should be send to: 334 Baldwin Dr. Cambridge, ON N3C 0C2
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UP FRONT | RECIPE
WINTER YUMMINESS
A SWEET SHEPPARD’S PIE Submitted by TRISH UNGER
Traditionally, this example of British deliciousness includes a pile of creamy mashed potatoes; however, switching out the heavier dairy in favour of coconut milk maintains the luxurious whipped texture while making it healthier and allergy/sensitivity-friendly. 2 MEDIUM SWEET POTATOES, PEELED AND CHOPPED 4 WHITE POTATOES, PEELED AND CHOPPED 4 TBSP OF BUTTER 1 CAN OF COCONUT MILK (MAYBE LESS TO GET DESIRED TEXTURE)
2 CARROTS, CHOPPED 2 LBS GROUND BEEF, CHICKEN OR TURKEY 4 CLOVES OF GARLIC MINCED 2 TSP SALT 1 TSP PEPPER
2 ONIONS
1/2 TSP DRIED THYME
4 STALKS OF CELERY, CHOPPED
1 TSP DRIED OREGANO
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Bring sweet potatoes and white potatoes to a boil until tender (my kids tolerate the combo with sweet potatoes, but you can go either all sweet or all white potatoes in this recipe). Drain. Add butter and enough coconut milk and use your immersion blender till it has a creamy texture. Set aside. Meanwhile, heat butter or coconut oil in a pan over medium heat to fry onions, celery and carrots for 5 minutes. Add ground meat and garlic. Cook, stirring often until meat is browned, about 10 minutes. Season with salt, pepper, thyme and oregano. Remove from heat and let cool for 5 minutes. Place meat and veggie mixture to a 9x13 inch pan, and carefully top with potato mixture spreading evenly. Bake in oven for 30 minutes at 375°F, letting the top brown slightly. Cut into squares and serve. theholisticparent.ca
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Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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UP FRONT | WEANING
BABY-LED WEANING 101
Introducing solid foods to your baby can be riddled with anxiety. From allergy and sensitivity concerns to choking, constipation and general readiness issues, it’s not all Instagram-worthy snapshots of pea-covered cuteness. For many years, parents have been encouraged to started with an infant rice cereal or other puree-textured foods; however, in 2014, Health Canada released a statement updating their recommendations for introducing solid foods that more closely aligns with the feeding method known as baby-led weaning (BLW). Most notably, the recommendations stated that pureed foods are no longer a necessary step to introducing foods since this process should be started when your baby is a least six months old.
WHAT IS BLW?
BLW SIMPLY MEANS LETTING YOUR BABY CHOSE THE FOOD THEY EAT – I.E. SELF FEEDING. PUT AWAY THE BABY BULLET AND TINY SPOONS AND JUST LET YOUR BABY EXPLORE THE SAME FOOD YOUR FAMILY EATS. AT EACH MEAL, SIMPLY PROVIDE YOUR BABY WITH A VARIETY OF SAFE FINGER FOODS FOR HIM/HER TO PLAY WITH, LICK, CHEW AND SPIT OUT. 8
TIPS & TRICKS START with finger foods like spears and slices and move to smaller sizes as your baby develops their pincher grip. DON’T be afraid of spices (but no salt). WHILE specific “baby food” is fine, there’s nothing wrong with just letting your baby eat off your plate. Let them try the butter chicken or Sheppard’s pie the rest of the family is having and let them explore.
“FOOD before one is just for fun.” Breastmilk (or formula) is still your baby’s main source of nutrition for the first year. Introducing solid foods is more of a learning experience than a nutritional one. THERE will be a mess. Be prepared. SKIP the dishes. Forgo the cute little bowls and the tiny spoons. Just provide a clean surface (high chair tray) and let them go at it. TIME your baby’s meals around convenience or interest. Don’t get hung up on a strict breakfast-
YOUR BABY IS READY FOR BLW WHEN…
THE HOLISTIC PARENT Winter 2016
AT LEAST SIX MONTHS OLD CAN SIT UNASSISTED WITH CONFIDENCE ARE SHOWING INTEREST IN FOOD — EITHER IMITATING YOUR ACTI ONS OR GRABBING FOOD FROM YOUR HANDS HAVE LOST THE TONGUE THRUST REFLEX
lunch-dinner routine. Let them eat when you eat, but try to make sure you baby isn’t overly hungry or that may just cause frustration. DON’T panic if you baby gags – it’s just their way of moving the food around. They are extremely good at not let themselves choke. If you baby does choke a little, never hit their backs — that can actually lodge the food into a dangerous position. Familiarizing yourself with the Heimlich Maneuver will give you piece of mind, but the chances you’ll have to use it are very small.
10 BLW SUPER FOODS
• CUCUMBER SPEARS PEACH/PEAR/APPLE SLICES (SOFT •AND JUICY, OR LIGHTLY STEAMED/ BAKED IF TOO HARD)
BANANA CHUNKS (DIPPED IN WHEAT •GERM FOR EASIER HANDLING) • SHREDDED CHICKEN/TURKEY/FISH • AVOCADO STEAMED OR MASHED SWEET •POTATO • GREEN BEANS • SCRAMBLED EGGS COOKED PASTA/BROWN RICE/ •QUINOA • TOAST WITH PEANUT BUTTER
RECIPE: BERRY OAT CAKES 1/2 VERY RIPE BANANA 1/4 CUP ROLLED OATS PINCH OF CINNAMON 2-3 FROZEN BERRIES (RASPBERRIES AND/ OR BLUEBERRIES WORK WELL)
Mash the banana, oats and cinnamon together in a microwave-safe bowl. Make sure the banana is very well mashed and the oats are thoroughly covered. Press the mixture down to the bottom of the bowl. Add berries to the top. Microwave for 3-4 minutes (adjusting time for your microwave). The cake should hold together on its own without being too hard or falling apart. Let it cool, cut into wedges and serve. (THIS RECIPE WAS ADAPTED FROM SMALLWALLETBIG APPETITE.COM.)
ARE ABLE TO GRASP AND HOLD ONTO FOODS
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
FAMILY FRIENDLY Something for everyone in your family
BARE ESSENTIALS Established in 2013, Buck Naked Soap Company is a local, all-natural and vegan soap and personal care products company. As a rule, Buck Naked uses only natural and sustainable raw materials in developing each one of their meticulously handcrafted pieces. They have also been certified vegan and cruelty-free by both Leaping Bunny and PETA’s Beauty Without Bunnies program. Buck Naked Soap may be found across Canada at Urban Outfitters or locally at Bliss Spa, Just Blooms, The Truth Beauty Company or Parlour Soirée. $7.95 | bucknakedsoapcompany.com
CUDDLY CUTENESS The creators of cuddle + kind are a family of five on a mission to help feed children in need. There’s nothing they love more than being parents, so naturally, they believe all children should have enough food to eat and the opportunity to thrive. It was a documentary on the devastating impact of childhood hunger on millions of children around the world that inspired them to created cuddle + kind, a line of hand-knit dolls to help feed children. For every cuddle + kind doll sold, they will give 10 meals to children in need. $75 | cuddleandkind.com
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UP FRONT | PRODUCTS
LIGHT FOR THE NIGHT These one-of-a-kind fused glass night lights come in a variety of styles and colours, and are perfect for a nursery or child’s bedroom. Glass artist Michelle Proseklives in Greensville, Ontario, hand carves the designs on each piece. Pick one up at the Gallery Shop in the Canadian Clay & Glass Gallery in Uptown Waterloo. $48 | theclayandglass.ca
FUN & FLUFFY Urban Bums Boutique offers eco-friendly, modern cloth diapers and cloth wipes. We make hybrid fitted and Ai2 diapers in a wide range of colours and patterns. Patterns such as Ultimate Gamer, Ski Cabin, Stormtroppers, The Force and Alien Adventures help showcase your personality. $30 (0ne size) or $18 (newborn) | urbanbumsboutique.com
SMOOTH AS A… It wouldn’t be ethical to claim this balm is magic, but to hear the parents who use it talk about it, you’d swear it must be. Smooth As A Baby’s Bum Balm by Peas in a Pod gets rave reviews for its quick healing powers. $6.95 for 30g; $19.95 for 100g |
CIRCLE OF MOTHERHOOD A heart, an infinity symbol and a drop (to represent milk, blood, sweat and tears) — together these represent the work that goes into motherhood, but also the infinite joy and love we hold for our children. The Circle of Motherhood Mama Metal Necklace by Lovely Little Acorns is handmade out of fused 14- and 16-gauge argentium sterling silver, without the use of any chemicals. Mama Metal pieces are designed to be worn by adults, but are ideal for people who spend a lot of time around babies and small children since they are designed with safety and durability in mind. $38 (pendant only; chain options available) |
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Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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MIND | MINDFUL MAMA
THE FREEDOM OF FALLING Embracing your child’s naturally mindful attitude take away
Story by NICOLE SCHIENER
I
nsecurities and self-doubt can easily flood into our minds and hearts during the experience of parenting. Especially during the early years and again during those tumultuous teen years, the feelings of not knowing what we are doing or that everything we are doing is wrong can easily be triggered. What complicates further these naturally messy and confusing times are our often unfair expectations and fears. When we constantly put pressure on ourselves to always have it together or do the “right thing” — whatever exactly that is — or when we unfairly compare ourselves to others or expect too much of our children, I believe we run the risk of setting ourselves and our children up to be afraid to try or worse yet to feel like failures. By practicing mindfulness, we can learn to identify our thinking traps and internalize limited messages and shift from worrying about the outcome or the opinions of others to enjoying and learning from our experiences. As Brene Brown reminds us in The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: it is the messy, difficult moments that offer the richest opportunities for learning and growing alongside of our children. By teaching them that falling down, that messing up, that getting lost or getting mad are all part of what it means to be human; we can free them from the confines of the fear of failing. But first we have to learn to become comfortable with these feelings. This is where sitting in stillness can help us
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...
Befriending your emotions without being weighed down by them will allow you to start relishing the stillness and enjoying just being.
learn to get curious and accept our feelings, allowing fear to melt away into love and faith. As we learn to listen to our bodies and tune into the whispers of our soul, we can model this for our children and teach them to do what feels right, even if it’s scary for us. Then instead of overprotecting our children or holding them back, we can help them to flourish and be risk-takers. We can learn to cheer them on as they descend down big hills on their bikes or step out on their own. With mindfulness, I’m becoming increasingly aware that I can be there, not to catch my kids but to comfort and coach them to find the courage to show up and try again. I want them to know what many of my clients and for a long time I struggled to believe, that we can “bounce back” from whatever life throws at us. And there is such freedom in this awareness. I witnessed this recently when my daughter bravely kept trying to climb the rock wall, making it half way then coming back down only to try again and again. For too long, I’ve allowed others’ fears to hold me back. The idea for this article came to me last March when I tried cross country skiing for the first time and realized how terrified I was to fall. But something magical happened on that snow covered trail: my friend fell first and as we stopped to get her back up, the view was breath taking and our laughter was joyous and we continued on. Nothing terrible happened. I did not think less of her. And I realized when we let go of the fear of falling or failing, we can finally be free. So I “flew” down a steeper section of trail and landed with a big thud. Those bruises that quickly formed were badges of honour representing my courage; the ability we all have to push past our fears and live the life of our dreams, while inspiring our children to do the same. NICOLE SCHIENER M.Ed, RP, CCC, blends over 10 years
of professional experience as an individual, couples and group therapist and public speaker with personal insights as the mother of two passionate little people.
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BODY | IN SEASON
SEASONAL SENSATIONS Finding foods for every season Story by ALLIE DUSOME
S
easons are considered a source of natural diversity that form the backdrop for eating. Changes in growing conditions vary between spring, summer, fall and winter, and as such, our eating habits should change as well. There’s a reason our bodies crave warm, comforting root vegetables in the winter and fresh salads in the summer — before modern food processing, that’s traditionally all that was available for us. However, today it’s so easy for us to forget about the seasons when we eat. Modern food processing and worldwide distribution of food allows our grocery shelves to look the same in December as they do in July. Eating with the seasons is one of the best ways to stay in rhythm with nature. More and more people are rediscovering the benefits of consuming seasonal (and often local) food. Purchasing produce that is grown at a seasonally appropriate time has many benefits. Here are four reasons to try seasonal eating: FLAVOUR Nothing tastes as delicious as produce that has been allowed the time to fully ripen in the sun. Often times, the produce you pick up in the grocery store has been harvested too early and allowed time to ripen on the truck — not the same. Freshly picked produce often means fragrant, juicy, crispy and colourful. Think about delicious summer heirloom tomatoes that make all other tomatoes taste inferior! NUTRITION Plants get their nourishment from the sun and soil. Plants that are harvested when
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take away ...
Eating with the seasons is one of the best ways to stay in rhythm with nature, and people are rediscovering the benefits of seasonal food.
fully ripe have had more sun exposure, which means higher levels of antioxidants. When produce is harvested early so that it can endure a long distance shipping experience, it’s not going to have the full compliments of nutrients it could have had if allowed to fully ripen. It’s also important to note that transporting produce often requires irradiation (to kill germs) and preservatives (such as wax) to protect the produce during the journey — doesn’t sound too tasty does it? COMMUNITY Eating seasonally often means shopping local at farmer’s markets. Getting to know your local farmers or CSAs and how they grow your food can make you feel more connected to the whole process of “from farm to table.” Farmer’s markets have the ability to create communities that encourage us to engage and ask questions about our local environment. YOUR SEASONAL NEEDS The natural cycle of produce is perfectly designed to optimally support our health. For example, apples are grown in the fall and are the perfect transition food for helping the body get rid of excess heat and cool down before winter. In the spring, there is an abundance of leafy green vegetables that help us alkalize, detox and lose a few extra pounds after a long winter of heavier, more comforting foods. During the summer, our bodies need to stay hydrated as they are losing more fluids to sweat. Foods that help us cool down and stay hydrated are easily accessible in the summer such as berries, cucumber, watermelon and other fruits.
ALLIE DUSOME is a registered holistic nutritionist and
culinary nutrition expert, practicing at Inspire Health & Wellness in Kitchener. Her unique approach focuses on the preparation of whole-based foods to support optimal nutrition. inspirehealthandwellness.ca
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SPIRIT | FERTILITY
THE BABY TRAIN A story of fertility Story by JAMIE REABURN WEIR
“S
o apparently you’re not on the baby train yet” — a seemingly innocuous comment that opened the floodgates for pain, but also learning. What the person who made that comment didn’t know was that I had been on the baby train for years; however, there was a problem on the track and I was stuck at the station. I have wanted to be a mommy my whole life. I love children and grew up in a household where my brother as well as all of our friends were supported and cherished. It was a life goal in which I have always aspired, unfortunately, it was the most challenging experience of my life. I was of the mindset that, biologically, everything was just supposed to work. I had all the right components, however, life doesn’t always work out the way we had planned and I had to find an alternate route. I feel very fortunate as I had a doctor at the time who watched me grow up as well as knew my family history and she was instrumental in getting the treatment process enacted. I was referred to a specialist who determined that the fertility issue was within me and we developed an action plan. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, (PCOS) although I don’t present all the symptoms of the syndrome. From there, we began the treatment of progesterone to stimulate ovulation and to help us conceive. We eventually then moved on to Clomid, but both drugs wreaked havoc on my system and mental health. I really appreciated the wonderful care I received from the medical team, however my confidence and optimistic spirit suffered. I felt like I had failed my husband and family. Thankfully, I had a very supportive husband
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take away ...
It is possible to overcome adversity and use creativity and innovation to solve the issues in our lives.
who did nothing but try to build me up and parents who listened to many tearful phone calls about the process. After three emotional months, we were able to conceive, however, the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Through that experience, I learned the strength of my body. It was truly amazing to me that I could physically recover from that ordeal so rapidly. Even though that experience was mentally draining, we chose to see the positive in that we conceived. The possibility was real. Through the negative, there was hope. Six weeks later, we conceived our first child. 38 weeks later, our daughter was born and we were overjoyed. My husband and I had always wanted to have two children so when we were ready to try again, we knew we would need help to conceive. Unfortunately, our daughter has an allergy to casein (the protein in cow’s milk) and I was breastfeeding at this time, it wasn’t safe for our daughter for me to take Clomid. Therefore, we needed to find an alternate route, and with the guidance of our wonderful naturopath, used organotherapy to stimulate ovulation. Four months into the treatment, we conceived and 41 weeks later, our second daughter made a spectacularly quick entry into the world. Through the whole experience of becoming a mommy I learned. From the challenging beginning to the two drug-free births to the present life of a working mother of two wonderfully funny, intelligent, and beautiful girls, I learned. It is possible to overcome adversity and use creativity and innovation to solve the issues in our lives. I also learned to appreciate the supportive people in my life. I could never have gone through this journey on my own. Finally, I learned not to take anything for granted. Life is precious and I do my best to appreciate the little moments, as ultimately, the little events are what propel us out of the station and down the track. JAMIE REABURN WEIR is a mom who loves to listen,
observe, craft, dance, play and learn with her two little girls. She is also a passionate high school teacher here in the Waterloo Region.
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Winter 2016
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COVER STORY | SURROGACY
Story by APRIL SCOTT-CLARKE
Photography by TRENT SLUITER
T
it falls to 53 percent. Although there are no formal statistics about wenty-nine-year-old Amanda Schnarr is already a surrogate pregnancies in Canada, Clifford Librach, medical director mother of three and will be welcoming twins soon. The babies are due on Valentine’s Day but she expects at Create fertility clinic in Toronto, estimates that there are between 300 and 500 surrogacy arrangements made each year in Canada. they will come sooner. She hasn’t thought about Not wanting to give anyone false hope in what is already a very nursery décor, or started washing and folding little emotional process, Amanda planned to only meet with the couples outfits. Amanda isn’t keeping the babies because they aren’t hers. she was most interested in. “It was a bit overwhelming. I had my She’s a surrogate. eye on one couple, and they ended up contacting me first.” In She applied a year and a half ago, in July 2014 on her 28th the end, she only met with them. At first, they emailed back and birthday. Amanda is a busy doula in the Kitchener-Waterloo area forth and then they spoke on the phone. “We talked for almost and being a surrogate is something that she’s thought about since two hours,” she said. “We had a lot in common.” Soon after, they she was a teenager. Despite the lengthy application, the follow met and talked about their healthcare preferences and reasons for up screening was short and Amanda was quickly approved to surrogacy over coffee. become a surrogate. Within weeks she had her online profile on The intended mother (who wishes to remain anonymous) the agency’s website, ready for intended parents to view. She said is a breast cancer survivor. She is currently taking hormone it was similar to a dating website. “You can view profiles of people suppressants and won’t be off of them for several years. She and her looking for a surrogate but only [intended parents] can contact husband met shortly after her diagnosis and never had the chance surrogates,” she explained. to try for children. She will be in her early 40s before she can start When she applied there were 32 couples or individuals that had trying for a child, so the couple decided that they didn’t want to yet to be matched with surrogates and she was only one of two wait. “My mother passed away from cancer so their situation really surrogates available to be matched. She initially worried that hit home for me,” said Amanda. potential parents might not be interested in her because of her Four months after Amanda started her surrogate journey, she pregnancy and birth preferences. For example, she wasn’t open to underwent her first transfer. She got pregnant right away, but selective reduction or invasive testing, and she wanted to be under the care of midwives and have a natural birth, possibly even a home miscarried at eight weeks. Although disheartening, the trio took it in stride and did another transfer in March 2015. Amanda got birth. It turns out, being a doula and having extensive knowledge pregnant again and then miscarried at five weeks. This miscarriage about pregnancy and birth outweighed any of the negative was devastating for all of them, and left Amanda contemplating feelings people may have had about her preferences. She was her future as a surrogate. “My spirit was becoming dull and immediately contacted by 28 of the couples. defeated. I questioned whether or not I could go through Federal statistics show that approximately one in six this again…whether or not I could accept that this was couples in Canada experience infertility. This number not because of something I had done or not done, and has doubled since the 1980s, likely due to women stop blaming myself. I was feeling like a complete choosing to delay motherhood. Ninety-one percent “WE TALKED and utter failure,” Amanda wrote in her blog. of women can get pregnant at age 30; by age 35 FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS,” After taking a couple of weeks to heal (both that number decreases to 77 percent. By age 40, SHE SAID. “WE HAD A LOT IN COMMON.” theholisticparent.ca
Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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physically and emotionally) Amanda decided that this couldn’t be the end of the journey she had been planning for so many years, and this couldn’t be the end for her intended parents. Rather than waiting, as her intended parents thought would be best for her, Amanda pushed to move ahead quickly with the third transfer. Summer vacation was approaching and she just wanted to “enjoy the summer with my kids, pregnant or not.” This time, they did a two embryo transfer and Amanda’s meds were doubled to four injections daily for 12 weeks, in addition to an extensive supplement plan from her naturopath. “We knew this was my intended parents’ last chance so, it was all or nothing.” Initially, Amanda was against transferring more than one embryo because she didn’t want to carry twins. Being a doula, she is very naturally-minded and knew that carrying twins would mean more interventions during her pregnancy and the birth due to the higher risk of complications. “[With my own children] I had a home birth and a very natural birth. I knew with twins it would be very different,” she explained, adding she had her own “selfish” reasons as well for not wanting to carry twins — more stretch marks, possibility of bed rest, etc. “But knowing this was our last shot and probably the last chance my intended parents had at creating a family, I just really wanted this to work for them. So, I took a leap of faith and moved forward with transferring two embryos with the hope that one would stick,” she said. “We were all shocked when both of them made it past eight weeks, the farthest we had made it yet without miscarrying.” And this started a whole new round of battles for Amanda. Having a natural pregnancy and birth was still important to her. Knowing her rights and having supported so many women as a doula, Amanda knew who to talk to. She was able to secure a rare shared-care situation of both a midwife and an obstetrician. “Midwives don’t usually take on twins so I really had to fight for this,” she says. Amanda has had to make concessions on the terms surrounding the birth of these babies. A home birth is completely off the table. She will be able to labour in a labour and delivery room at the hospital but she will have to deliver in an operating room with her midwives and an OB. “I was upset in the beginning but I have come to terms with it,” she said. And that operating room is going to be full. At the birth, Amanda will have two midwives, the on-call OB, her doula, the intended parents, two pediatric teams (one for each baby) and several nurses. Her goal is still to have a natural birth but much of how it plays out will depend on the obstetrician. “I am trying to be flexible on my birth plan. The hospital staff would probably love
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“ONE OF THE HARDEST PARTS HAS BEEN DRAWING A LINE BETWEEN MY PERSONAL LIFE AND PROFESSIONAL. I’M AFRAID I’LL OFFEND SOMEONE WHILE ADVOCATING FOR MY RIGHTS AS A PATIENT.”
it if I would just have a c-section,” she joked. Amanda has also been seeing a chiropractor, a pelvic floor physiotherapist and a naturopath regularly throughout her pregnancy and is doing acupuncture to help prepare for the birth. Acupuncture for birth is known to help balance hormones, calm the sympathetic nervous system and improve blood flow to reproductive organs that can aid in ripening the cervix. Once baby A and baby B make their appearance, however that may be, Amanda’s commitment is not over. The plan is to express colostrum in the hospital for the intended parents to feed their new babies. The trio have also discussed the possibility of pumping breastmilk for the babies following the birth. That means Amanda will need to pump every three to four hours to keep up her supply and to keep herself comfortable. It’s undoubtedly going to be a lot of effort, and she admits that she isn’t sure how it’s going to work. She has her own three children to care for, and the parents and the babies will be 45 minutes away. She admits that there are logistics that will need to be ironed out but is hopeful it will work. Providing breastmilk for the twins is important to everyone involved. When asked if handing these babies over after growing them, feeling their movements and ultimately bringing them into the world, will be difficult, Amanda says she has been prepared for that from the get-go. “It’s a mindset you have to have coming in to this. You have no genetic relationship to these babies.” What’s been more difficult is explaining this to her children — aged 4, 6 and 15. Her oldest daughter (her adopted niece) understands and is proud to answer the questions that her friends have. With her younger children, “we really emphasize the language we use,” Amanda explains. “This is not their sibling.” Even though the kids understand these babies won’t be living with them, they are excited for their arrival. The babies will still be part of their family. Amanda said she expects there will be an extended relationship with the parents and the babies. They’ve gone through this journey together and ending it six weeks post-partum seems unrealistic. For now though, she is focusing on delivering the babies safely, and without stepping on any toes along the way. “One of the hardest parts has been drawing a line between my personal life and professional. I’m afraid I’ll offend someone while advocating for my rights as a patient,” she said, but she hopes she will be given the same discretion and leeway that any pregnant woman is given during birth. (At the time of publication, Amanda was 37 weeks pregnant and still awaiting the arrival of the twins.)
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PHOTOS COURTESY OF AMANDA SCHNARR
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FEATURE | EXERCISES
TLC FOR YOUR PELVIC FLOOR
HOW TO SQUAT Story By DR. ISABEL GRIFFITH Photos By JASON MILLER
IF I NEVER SEE ANOTHER COMMERCIAL FOR INCONTINENCE PRODUCTS, IT WILL BE TOO SOON! PELVIC FLOOR DISORDERS (PFDS) ARE EPIDEMIC IN OUR SOCIETY. NEARLY 24 PERCENT OF ADULT WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH AT LEAST ONE PFD — URINARY INCONTINENCE, FECAL LEAKAGE, OVERACTIVE BLADDER AND/OR PELVIC ORGAN PROLAPSE (POP), ACCORDING TO THE MOST RECENT U.S. HEALTH SURVEY (NO DATA IS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE FOR CANADA). WHAT CAUSES PFD? Pelvic Floor Disorders are a group of conditions that affect the pelvic floor, the group of muscles and connective tissue located in the lowest part of your pelvis. Your pelvic floor functions to support your organs, including your bowels, rectum, bladder and reproductive organs. A normally functioning pelvic floor allows your organs to work properly. It also — and perhaps more importantly — keeps your insides from falling out! A damaged pelvic floor leads to dysfunctional, unsupported organs. Major risk factors for PFDs include pregnancy, hysterectomy, obesity, genetics, age and trauma. However, PFDs most often result from our daily habits, such as spending hours sitting at your workstation, sitting while commuting to and from work, toileting positions and chronic stress, over time can damage your pelvic floor. COMMON SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS • Organ prolapse (noticed as a bulge in the vagina, heaviness or discomfort, pain in the pelvic area and/or painful sex) • Leaking urine (or faeces) while exercising, laughing, coughing or sneezing • Constantly needing to go to the bathroom • Rushing to or not making it to the bathroom in time • Difficulty emptying your bladder or bowel • Loss of control of your bladder or bowel
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WHY SQUATTING? Is the answer to urinary incontinence (and PFD in general) a pad, or is there a real solution? One answer to Pelvic Floor Disorder is regularly performed pelvic floor loading squats. Pelvic floor, hip and knee health needs regular squatting. Our lifestyles involve a large amount of sitting and poor posture. This produces weak glut (butt) muscles and tight hip flexors (thigh muscles). This causes the sacrum (the bottom of your spine) to move forward, and out of alignment, and the pelvic floor becomes tight. Long-term results are a weak pelvic floor. Weak, in this case, does not mean lack of strength, so Kegels are still not allowed! The secret to a healthy pelvic floor are strong gluts and pelvic floor muscles — not one stronger than the other. Squatting produces balance across the pelvic floor. SQUATTING PREP Beginning with a full weight bearing squat right away can lead to injury. The squat prep exercises that follow are mandatory and actually more important than the squat itself. For many of us, we have not squatted (correctly) in years! We need to get our joints ready first. Perform the squatting exercise progression a few times a day, until the tension in the knees, hips, back and feet has lessened. If you have had a hip and/or knee replacement, avoid a full weight bearing squat, work your way through the squat prep exercises only.
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FEATURE | EXERCISES
FOLLOW THIS SQUAT PREPPING EXERCISE PROGRESSION AS DESCRIBED BY KATY BOWMAN M.S.:
PERFORM THESE EXERCISES 5-10 MINUTES PER DAY. KEEP STRETCHING. AT THIS TIME, YOU CANNOT STRETCH YOUR LEGS TOO MUCH.
1. 1. Calf stretch: Place your foot on a rolled yoga mat with your heel on the ground. Step forward with the opposite foot to stretch the back calf. Next, slightly bend your leg at the knee, to stretch the other muscles of your calf. Hold each stretch for 15-20 seconds. Repeat on your other leg.
3.
wider than your hips. Your lower leg should stay perpendicular to the floor and over your ankles. To prevent tight quads and hip flexors from putting additional pressure on your knees, you may need to place a rolled up yoga mat behind your knees. Try to keep a small curve in your lower back, as you lower your heels toward the ground. You may want to hold onto something when you first start to help keep your balance. Make sure your feet and knees are still aligned, and your weight is centred. Once your ankles and lower leg have had a chance to stretch and strengthen, use a rolled up yoga mat to prop your feet up and slowly allow your knees to bend into their full range of movement. You can also use a door handle, and back yourself up until your arms are extended. Then, move your knees back until they are overtop your ankles, remembering to keep a small curve in your lower back. If you are having difficulties, investing in one-on-one sessions with a practitioner who understands loads and alignment can be very beneficial. Work your way through these exercises, and be persistent — it’ll be worth it.
2. Forward bending: Place both feet together and bend forward. Keep your tailbone lifted, maintaining a small curve in your lower back. If your tailbone folds down, your hamstrings are too tight and are preventing proper activation of your gluts and pelvic floor.
4.
3. Next, get on your hands and knees. Keep your lower legs and feet straight behind you. Now rock your hips back, and sit back as far as you can. Do not allow your pelvis to tuck or lose the curve in your lower back. If you can’t sit back without tucking your pelvis, it means that your hips are so tight that they’re preventing the muscle activation of your gluts and pelvic floor.
5. It is time to squat! Keep your feet pointed forward. Put your feet slightly
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2.
4. Once you can sit back without tucking your tailbone, it’s time to stretch your feet. Untuck your toes and try to get your feet perpendicular to the ground.
5.
Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
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FEATURE | SEX TALK
THE TALK Tips for talking to your kids about sex and sexuality Story by KELLY MCDONNELL-ARNOLD
For a lot of parents talking to their kids about sex and sexuality is the very definition of awkward. Fortunately, however, there is a way to approach the subject matter with minimum embarrassment. More importantly, there’s significant value for kids when parents make these conversations ongoing. Clear and consistent messages about their bodies, desires and functions sets kids up to feel positive about their own bodies from the get-go, and, as they grow and mature, to make conscious, well-informed decisions that protect their sexual health and integrity.
ONE
T WO
TH R E E
First gather your thoughts
Don’t use cutesy language
Keep it ageappropriate
Before you dive in, take some private time to consider your own POV on sexuality and sex. Do you view the subject positively or negatively? Think about how and when you first learned about sexuality and how it may have shaped your views. Once you’ve done some soul-searching, formulate a clear, conversational approach that places a premium on imbuing your child with self-confidence rather than shame or embarrassment.
One of the most important things you can do for your child is to refer to body parts using their proper names. When you do that you indicate that there is nothing to be embarrassed or shy about, which fosters positive body image and self-confidence. More importantly, it opens the pathways of communication, which means children are more empowered should the need arise to communicate an incident of abuse, for example.
Parents must use their own judgment when it comes to determining what is an appropriate level of knowledge for their kids. On the plus side, there’s a lot to discuss at varying stages. Sex education isn’t only about reproduction, STIs and contraception. It’s a vast subject matter that includes discussions about love, pleasure, consent, preferences, selfimage, gender stereotypes, what constitutes healthy boundaries and relationships and more.
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FEATURE | SEX TALK
FO U R
Give your child freedom to explore The innocence of youth is very real, and kids should not be shamed or embarrassed for their natural curiosity. There is nothing wrong with a child exploring his or her body — and letting you know about it how it feels — so try and react accordingly when they inevitably do. Don’t embarrass or scold your child during these times as it can lead to them feeling ashamed, fearful and insecure. These feelings may very well shape their views on sexuality and hinder their ability to grow into healthy, sex-positive adults. Encourage your child to embrace their senses too — to take pleasure in creature comforts like a warm bath or the feeling of the
FI V E
Be casual and consistent Forgo the urge to tackle the subject all at once. Instead, make it part of your daily life, i.e., talk freely during normal conversations and activities when appropriate. Don’t shy away from using TV shows, music videos and overheard conversations when looking for an opportunity to engage on the topic. Encourage your child to come to you with any questions they may have and be sure to listen carefully to what they say — even if it means biting your tongue occasionally. The respect you give their feelings will teach them that their perspective is valuable. Make it a point to keep things fun while you’re at it, too. It’s totally acceptable and encouraged to get a little silly with things if it helps.
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Here are some general guidelines for
TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT SEX AT DIFFERENT STAGES IN THEIR DEVELOPMENT BIRTH TO 2 Infants are curious about their own bodies and will often touch their genitals, and baby boys experience regular erections. Toddlers have no sense of privacy and may masturbate quite openly. These behaviours are normal and parents shouldn’t feel the need to interfere with these explorations, or cast them in anything but a positive light.
3 TO 4 YEARS Many children at this age touch themselves for comfort or pleasure. On these occasions parents can make a point to reassure the child that selfexploration is normal, while at the same time gently informing them to do so in private. Questions like “where did I come from?” may emerge and offer an opportunity to touch on how babies are made, albeit for a preschool mindset.
6 TO 8 YEARS Children in this age group vary widely in their curiosity about the facts of life, and they’re also exposed to a lot of information (and misinformation) from TV, films and other kids. It’s a parent’s job to put these subjects in context and to answer questions
Winter 2016
with solid, accurate information. Curiosity-focused sex play with friends of both sexes is common, and it’s important not to scold your child if you catch them playing doctor as these explorations are more about curiosity than sexual activity. Gently explain that privates are private and that touching one another’s is off-limits. At this point, the answer to the “how are babies made?” question can include a brief description of sexual intercourse.
9 TO 12 YEARS Children this age require solid, factual information about puberty — everything from body changes to menstruation and wet dreams. Keep in mind that children develop at different ages — some girls get their periods as young as 9 and 10 — and need to be reassured they are normal. Many are anticipating dating and are ready to begin learning about sexual decision-making, STIs and pregnancy prevention. They are often interested in how the media presents sexuality and conversations about dealing with that influence provides an opportunity to introduce ideas about healthy sexual behaviour, the prin-
ciples of good relationships and body confidence.
13 TO 18 YEARS These are the years when most teens make a foray into the world of dating, and as a result they need both fact-based information and compassionate support to make conscious, informed decisions that protect their sexual health. Sexual orientation also emerges and all teens need assurance that they are loved regardless of sexual preference. Parents should be receptive to any overtures their teens make to talk — nothing shuts down a teenager like a lecture from a parent. The topic of consent should be introduced using clear examples of what it means and your teen should know about different forms of contraception and where to get it. Studies show that well-informed teens are more likely to wait longer before becoming sexually active and to use contraceptives when they do. AND REMEMBER, it takes a village.
If you’re ever at a loss, talk to your friends, family members, family physician, teachers, community agencies or your local certified sexologist for support.
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FEATURE | AUTHENTIC SELF
THE MOM SUIT Tips for rediscovering your authentic self Story by SUSAN CRANSTON
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT
Make a cup of tea, go for a walk, sit quietly. Do whatever your body tells you it needs for just 15 minutes. Try to experience this time without guilt and without thinking about all the other things you might be doing with that time. Make this 15 minutes all about you — beautiful, wonderful, magnificent you. BE PRESENT AND BREATHE DEEPLY.
hether it’s getting everyone out the door in the morning, planning your child’s birthday party or racing from one extracurricular activity to another, a parent’s time often becomes woefully compressed. Weeks pass in a haze and leave you wondering what personal goals you’ve avoided moving forward and why making time for self-care seems to have fallen completely off your radar. In what amounts to painful moments of self-reflection, the not so subtle self-talk surfaces and you listen to your self-judging thoughts: “I’m a horrible friend. I haven’t made time to send out that thank you email or go for coffee with Sally in two months” or “I’m so out of shape. I haven’t used my gym membership in six months.” You know the talk. It’s that inner voice, the frantic roommate that lives in your mind and never ceases to give you a break. She reminds you of past regrets and then rants that you aren’t as good a parent as the mom up the street who seems perpetually unflappable. Whether you are a new parent or a seasoned veteran, it takes effort and focus to make time for yourself and what’s important to you all while still wearing your parent suit. It can be far too easy to lose yourself in your kids’ lives, especially when you hear all the things other parents are doing to support their child’s development, social skills, healthy eating habits, etc. What might have seemed easy before kids may prove to be one of the more challenging goals you set for yourself — rediscovering you and how to treat the person you see in the mirror with the utmost love and compassion. Loving your children and doing what is best for them begins with showing yourself love. It is all about making sure you can breathe and maintain a healthy perspective. Before a plane departs, the flight attendant reminds you to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. As a parent, your natural inclination may be to put your child’s needs first and while there is a time and place for this, the experience can continue to stretch your perception of what is healthy in this domain. Remember — if you can’t breathe, you are of no use to others. Do you find yourself stressed, exhausted and lacking downtime? Are you unable to imagine doing something rewarding for yourself outside of parenting? If so, consider the following suggestions:
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GIVE YOURSELF 15 MINUTES EACH DAY THAT IS JUST FOR YOU.
Winter 2016
Even if for just a moment or two a day, pause to look around you and see a miracle in the smallest of experiences. It might be the perfect scent of your baby, the still in the air before the sun sets or the purr of a kitten before a carefree slumber. When you find this moment, breathe deeply from your diaphragm and fully oxygenate every cell in your body. This moment is yours. It was meant just for you. Just be. MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU WOULD DO IF YOU HAD ALL THE TIME AND MONEY IN THE WORLD.
Being a parent doesn’t mean you need to stow away all of the hobbies you had before kids. Maybe you can’t take up your interest in travel, photography or home improvement with the same zeal you once did, but that isn’t to say that you can’t rekindle your passion for what ignites you. Keep your list handy and try to do one thing each week — even just half and hour — that allows you to honour your creativity and that isn’t child-centric. KEEP THAT INNER VOICE IN CHECK.
In the words of the Irish poet Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” You are you and that is all you need to be. When your inner voice starts on its self-judging, impassioned pontification, stop it short. Say, “Enough. Stop.” It’s time to release yourself of the cycle of negativity that comes from unhealthy and comparativebased thoughts. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best and that it’s all a learning process. Every day is a new opportunity to do your best. TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOU WOULD YOUR BEST FRIEND
Cut yourself some slack. If you spoke to friends the way you speak to yourself, you might soon be challenged to find people who want to hang around. Imagine what you’d say to your best friend if they messed up and then offer yourself these comforting words of encouragement. You deserve to treat yourself as your own best friend. Rediscovering who you as the person inside the parent is all about self-compassion and creating space to listen to what your body, mind and spirit need. Feed your soul and you will have all the abundance necessary to offer your family your very be.
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theholisticparent.ca
Winter 2016 THE HOLISTIC PARENT
29
BACK PAGE | THE HAPPY HIPPIE MOMMA
AN OPEN LETTER… Story by ELAINE KAPOGINES
D
ear All Parents of Ontario, There’s a simple message we need to be relaying to the powers-that-be in our beloved province: Please stop putting gunk in our babies’ eyes! Or at the very least please grant us the right to say no. For some reason, Ontario feels the need to enforce a practice dating back to a time when coal heating was all the rage. Although the practice of administering an eye prophylaxis is woefully out of date with current research regarding the use of antibiotics (if the words “antibiotic-resistant super bugs” don’t give you the creeps nothing will), it’s actually the lack of consent that really pokes at this momma-bear. It was through my time under the care of midwives that I truly began to understand the difference between informed consent and implied consent, and how easily these lines are blurred in the medical world, especially when it comes to pregnancy and birth. The language used during my prenatal care included phrases like “would you like this test?” and “here are your options.” Every step of the way was about providing me with the information I needed to makes choices that were right for me and my unborn child. Yes, there were obviously recommendations and guidance from my midwives, but the final decision was ultimately mine. Except when it comes to putting erythromycin in my newborn babies’ eyes. Minutes old, my tiny daughter was taken from me and given a medicine I had no say in. To refuse treatment could warrant fines for my midwife and red flags from public health and child protection agencies. Are you serious? How is this possible? Aren’t there laws to protect the rights of parents? The short answer is yes there is. It’s called the Health Care Consent Act, which states that I have the right to consent or refuse medical treatments and that I can act as the decision-maker for my children. Except when it comes to putting erythromycin in my newborn babies eyes! The treatment is actually exempt from this act. The implication of this exemption is down-right offensive. Erythromycin is applied to the eyes of newborns to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STI) being passed from the mother, since chlamydia and gonorrhea can lead to neonatal opthamia (conjunctivitis or “pink eye”), which left untreated can cause blindness. By forcing my child to receive a preventative treatment for an infection caused by an STI is to imply that I — and every pregnant woman in Ontario — have been exposed to an STI and given the option we would chose to expose our babies to potential harm. And to go a step further, in a statement released in 2015 by the Canadian Pediatric Society, the treatment itself is “of questionable efficacy.” The lead author, Dr. Noni MacDonald, was quoted as saying that almost 30 percent of the gonorrhea cases in Canada are
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THE HOLISTIC PARENT Winter 2016
resistant to erythromycin, so preemptively treating a potential infection with this antibiotic “probably doesn’t work.” Also, babies born to mothers with untreated chlamydia at the time of delivery only have a 50 percent chance of infection, and the drops “are not effective against chlamydia,” said MacDonald in an interview with CBC. The society is instead recommending routine prenatal screenings and treatment. The media has also been all over the very-concerning trend of antibiotic resistance — “Resistance to antibiotics is the new climate change” claimed a Globe and Mail editorial published in January of this year. Every exposure we have to antibiotics leads to change in our bacteria. We also begin to form an immunity to antibiotics which makes infections harder to treat when treatment really is needed. So wouldn’t it stand to reason that forcefully exposing millions of newborn babies to an antibiotic — that is most likely not necessary and “probably doesn’t work” — is not the best idea? At this point in our history, exposure to antibiotics should be extremely limited, not legislated as mandatory within the first hour of life. One Ontario midwife is leading the charge to take back our rights as parents. Supported by the Association of Ontario Midwives, Liza van de Hoef, a midwife with Quinte Midwives in Belleville, has created a grassroots campaign that includes postcards for supporters to mail to their local MPPs and a Facebook page (Eye Protest Ontario’s Law, facebook. com/eyeprotest) to generate awareness. Liza also personally presented a petition with 1,400 signatures from 100 communities to a group of MPPs at Queen’s Park in November 2015. Closer to home, local MPP Kathryn McGarry (Cambridge) has thrown her support behind the campaign on behalf of Cambridge Midwives in a letter addressed to Dr. Eric Hoskins, Minister of Health and Long-Term Care, dated December 10. Although ultimately changes must be made through the Provincial Infectious Disease Advisory Committee, it would seem that steps are being made in the right direction through education, awareness and advocacy. However, changes can’t come soon enough. With an estimated 400 babies being born every day on Ontario, we cannot afford to sit back and wait for changes to happen. I’m writing this letter to you to compel you to get involved. Educate yourself on this issue and become an advocate for the future children of Ontario. Spread the word however you can — and it’s not too late to let your local MPP know how you feel. Let’s be the voice for those who haven’t yet found theirs. ELAINE KAPOGINES is a full-time mommy and the publisher of this magazine. This piece will be published at theholisticparent.ca blog page — please feel free to share the link with your social network in order to help spread to word of change.
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