______ the ______ THE OFFICIAL STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF HUDSON VALLEY COMMUNITY COLLEGE This April Fool’s issue is brought to you by The Hudsonian. All articles are false. Volume 74, Issue 19
April 4, 2019
FREE | Extra Copies, 25 cents
Student Senate President assassinated by fellow Senators
President Sheeran was stabbed 69 times before dying of his wounds
Five ways to succeed at school without much studying By: Sara Kasm Staff Writer
In this modern day and age, the physical task of studying requires an arm and a leg. The Academic High-Class Persons of America (AHCPA, an organization made up of Ivy League dropouts) found that over 85 percent of college students nationwide struggle with maintaining good study habits. Why improve your study habits when you can cut back on studying? Here are five AHCPA approved ways to help you succeed at school without much studying.
1.
Review your instructors’ previous quizzes or tests. Looking at past tests or quizzes can help you answer each question with the most accuracy. Here at Hudson Valley Community College, some instructors reuse quizzes and tests from previous years. The old copies of these quizzes are located in the Dwight Marvin Library. Go to the front desk and ask for a copy of “Pony in the Pancake.” The librarian should give you a
STUDYING | Page 6
By: Buster Highman Staff Writer Footage has recently surfaced confirming that Student Senator, Israel Sheeran, has been assassinated by his fellow student senators. The revelation follows a week of constant chaos in the student senate. On Friday evening, March 15, Senator Sheeran's body was found face down in a pool of blood in the Campus Center room 202. Sheeran was last seen that day at an emergency student senate meeting that he called. Student senators have been quiet on the matter until recently. Last week, Hudsonian reporters reached out to student senator, Benjamin Lashley, recently diagnosed with ligma, for a statement. “I am a Senator,” explained Lashley. “I am a Senator,” he paused. “Where’s Julia?” Students had mixed reactions to the news of Sheeran's death. Business administration student, Jane Amirite, was incredibly
ASSASSINATION | Page 4
Bookstore’s hiring of TSA agents brings controversy to campus By: Alus Skunt Staff Writer The Viking’s Cove Bookstore has hired TSA agents to screen students before entering and leaving due to rising cases of theft. According to school officials, the screenings will be conducted similarly to those at airports with baggage x-rays, metal detectors and body scanners. “We get a lot of kids trying to smuggle things out of the store,” said TSA agent, Dale Engvall. “Pens and highlighters are some of the most common items being stolen.” Many students are unsure how to feel about the new increase in security. “I feel like it’s a bit excessive,” expressed Doug Dimmadome, a business administration major. “I already felt that I was being treated like a criminal in the school store,” he said. “Now I feel like I’m being treated like a terrorist.” Director of Marketing and Communications, Lionus Nixon, believed that the new measures are necessary. “Although it seems to be a bit much, the problem warrants it,” Nixon stated. “Theft, especially of textbooks, is on the rise [and] it's a serious threat,” he said. “You can
never be too safe when it comes to this stuff.” However, most students do not share his position, with many reporting negative experiences with the new TSA staff. “I feel like I was violated,” explained Elizabeth White, a liberal arts major. “They made me go through one of those body scanners, the ones where they see everything, and then they pulled me
aside and told me they needed to pat me down,” she claimed. “They touched me everywhere and they gave me no reason why.” Criminal justice student, LaShawn Williams, also had an unpleasant experience. “I was ‘randomly’ selected for extra screening,” Williams claimed. “They gave me the whole pat-down procedure, and after that, they told me they needed to
do a cavity search,” he said. “It was humiliating.” According to the TSA agents, cavity searches are done only under specific circumstances. “You have to do whatever it takes to provide good security,” Engvall explained. “Sometimes this requires cavity searches for students that exhibit suspicious
TSA | Page 2
TSA officer, Ben Dover, is ready to enforce strict bookstore policies and searches
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April 4, 2019
NEWS
This Week’s Events
Wed 3
Thur 4
Transfer Information Table: MCLA 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Transfer Adviser Visit: The College of Saint Rose 10:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. Claudia Gibson, Singer and Songwriter 12:00 p.m. - 1:00 p.m.
Fri 5
Transfer Adviser Visit: Siena College 10:00 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. Spring 2019 Degree/ Certificate Application Deadline 5:00 p.m. Student Musical and Digital Art Performance 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Sat 6
Mueller report creates distrust between Americans and Canadians
Job Fair: Business and Liberal Arts 10:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Evening Student Reception 6:00 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.
Transfer Adviser Visit: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute 10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Transfer Information Table: Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences 10:00 a.m. -2:00 p.m. David Diember: Watch Your Back - Look Ahead 12:00 p.m. - 1:00 p.m.
Sun 7
Transfer Adviser Visit: Utica College 10:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Transfer Information Table: MCLA 10:00 a.m. -2:00 p.m. Transfer Information Table: Cazenovia College 11:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. Trasfer Adviser Visit: Rochester Institute of Technology 12:00 p.m. - 2:00 p.m. Investment Club Meeting 4:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.
24/7 365
Rnadom People Campaigning for Student Trustee
All day Everyday
Weather WEDNESDAY 04/03/19 High/Low 60/35
By: Nolan Cleary Staff Writer “[The recent Mueller] report determined that Hillary Clinton colluded with the Canadians to win the popular vote in the 2016 Presidential election,” said Attorney General Bill Bar in his fourpage summary of the events. The Mueller report was released on Friday, March 29. Democrats were hoping it would expose Donald Trump for colluding with the Russian government. However, the surprising turn of events shocked everyone. President Trump celebrated the news during his Michigan rally. "First the emails, now the Canadians?" President Trump asked. “I always knew that loser was a criminal,” he proclaimed. “Crooked Hillary tried and failed to stop us from making America great again!” According to the report, Clinton and Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, bribed the Americans with free maple syrup to secure their votes. “I can’t believe it,” said Clinton. “I thought I was in the clear when everyone started accusing the Russians,” she continued. “I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those pesky Hudsonian reporters!” The Hudsonian uncovered the conspiracy after receiving an anonymous tip from a Canadian
With
Nolon
“I don’t believe the report,” Jones said. “Sounds like fake news to me.” Jones also disagreed with Whiteout on the proposal to boycott all maple products. “Until the real truth comes out, I will continue to eat my pancakes with [maple] syrup,” Jones said. “I mean how can anyone eat pancakes plain?” He criticized. “That’s just disgusting.” Despite some confusion and denial, Justin Trudeau admitted to the collusion. He thought
his plan would work, stating that he intended to improve the maple syrup industry through this action. “It’s a dying industry, but one of the many aspects that define the Canadian people,” Trudeau said. Canadian hockey player, Aiden MacDougal, was disappointed with the outcome and now regrets his life choices. “It seems as though hockey is the worst sport ever,” MacDougal said. “Your parents are never proud of you, and you never make enough money.” he continued. “Plus, no one in America cares aboot the sport.” "I really wish the collusion worked," MacDougal added. "Maybe if it did, more people in America would actually care about us." The Hudsonian repeatedly reached out to former President Barack Obama for comment, but were unable to get a statement. President Trump has threatened a bigger investigation, bringing more tension, and interest, to the unfolding story.
Hillary’s affairs with the Canadians might land her a life sentence
TSA FROM PAGE 1 behavior,” he said. “So far we have only found one item being smuggled out of the store via these means.” Some students, though, are rather understanding of the situation. Joseph Rogan, an exercise science major, is one of them. “It makes sense why they are doing this,” Rogan said. “Textbooks are really expensive, so I get why they would be worried about them being stolen,” he said. “I don’t think that this is going to be helpful to the school though.” The controversy surrounding the security measures has prompted some students to call for better solutions to the rising
THURSDAY 04/04/19 High/Low 49/34
The Hudsonian Hudson Valley Community College 80 Vandenburgh Ave. Troy, NY 12180 Phone: 518-629-7568 Email: hudsonian@hvcc.edu Editorial Policy All views expressed in this paper are those of the author, and not necessarily those of the The Hudsonian or the College.
transfer student. Professor of political science at Hudson Valley Community College, Bob Whiteout, criticized the findings. "I am disgusted with this attempt to weaken our democracy," Whiteout said. "I think Americans should boycott all maple products immediately." Many across the country believed Clinton should be indicted. Students at Hudson Valley Community College were also shocked by the findings. “This is crazy,” Patrick McBorgum, an individual studies major, stated. “All this time we were focused on the Russians when the real culprit was just north of us.” Political science student, Rayheem Jones, was in disbelief as well.
Fake News
FRIDAY 04/05/19 High/Low 46/44
Editor-in-Chief Jaimie Albright Managing Editor Kevin Waltz Copy Editor Hailey McLaughlin Layout Editor Jacob Freehart News Editor Angela Scipione Creative Editor Elizabeth Stenard Sports Editor Hunter McIntyre
costs of education. Valerie Lennon, a liberal arts major, has started a petition to Governor Cuomo to give more aid to students purchasing textbooks. She exclaimed: “We are the future of this country. We have a right to be provided with the tools needed to succeed. For too long students have been expected to bear the brunt of the cost of education. Students need to come together to fight for what we deserve. Students of the world unite!” One thing is for certain: students will probably keep getting their textbooks from Amazon.
SATURDAY 04/06/19 High/Low 57/40
Photo Editor Griffin Onderchain Web Editor Nicole Scipione Jr. Copy Editor Maggie Helenek Jr. Layout Editor Stephen Brokalis Jr. Web Editor Jie Weng Jr. Photo Editor Jeremy McEvoy Jr. Creative Editor Kyle Spencer
TSA agents reporting for duty at the Vikings Book Store
SUNDAY 04/07/19 High/Low 61/42
Staff Writers Nolan Cleary Colin Bauer Mike Groissl Liana Alford Adviser Rachel Bornn
MONDAY 04/08/19 High/Low 62/49
Letters to the Editor Letters can be delivered to CTR 291 or emailed to hudsonian@ hvcc.edu. Readers may have their letters published anonymously as long as their identity can be verified. Letters will be edited for grammar, style, libel and length.
TUESDAY 04/09/19 High/Low 61/45 The Hudsonian is the exclusive student newspaper of Hudson Valley Community College. It is published every week. To join The Hudsonian, attend our weekly meeting on Mondays at 2 p.m. in BTC 307.
April 4, 2019
TECH
AirPods continue to innovate the headphone game with new features
AirPods 2 Charging Cable
By: Anita Hanchob Staff Writer Apple released its upgraded version of AirPods on March 25 at the Steve Jobs Theatre. Many new products including the AirPods 2 have made massive changes compared to their predecessors. These products which have been shrouded in mystery are finally seeing the light of day. Most important to Apple’s lineup are the AirPods 2. Ever since the reveal of the second generation of truly wireless earbuds, Apple has been astonishing the world with its new features and upgrades. The feature receiving the most praise is undoubtedly the new charging cable that comes with the AirPods 2. It connects from your AirPods directly into the charging port on your phone, allowing you to keep your AirPods charged and ready to use at any time of day. This new cable is slightly thinner than the cord for lighting port compatible phones, making it look not only expensive and shiny but also modern and fashionable. “I love all of Apple’s new products, but AirPods have to be my favorite,” Mike Hawk, an engineering science major, yelled in the campus center. Regarding the new charging cable, Jenna Tools, an auto mechanic major, shared her feelings. “Apple is always making changes to their stuff and that’s what makes them the best company ever,” said Tools. “The new charging cable is just another example of why Apple is so great.” On top of the new charging cable feature, Apple has partnered with Juul to include vape pens to the bottom of each pod, allowing users to vape and listen to music at the same time. You have to buy the exclusive new Juul Pods through Apple. There are currently only two flavors: “Rose Gold” and “Space Gray.” Jerry McAvoy, a programming student
3
$19.99 New
and marijuana enthusiast, claims that the built-in vape is easy to tamper with. “I like to replace my pods with THC pods,” McAvoy expressed. “Its pretty sick that now I can get faded while listening to ‘Jukebox the Ghost’ on the go.” Each pod will last around two to three days for the avid puffer and will start at a cost of around $1.05 (about 69 Rubles) which is remarkably cheap compared to Juul’s competitors. One of the more controversial features included with AirPods 2 is the new GPS Proximity Automatic Messaging System (GPSPAMS). With GPSPAMS, Apple users who do not own AirPods will automatically be sent a message from the AirPods 2 user's phone. The message will read: “I’m sorry I’m not broke. My Apple Pay balance is $________.” Many AirPods users are enthusiastic about GPSPAMS. Ashley DeCastro, a liberal arts student, is one of these users. “I think it’s really great,” DeCastro said. “It’s really important to me that others know that I’m not some plebeian,” she said. “It’s kind of like a new spray tan, or when your dad buys you a new car. You kind of have a right to show it off.” Last but certainly not least, AirPods 2 can be entirely controlled with Amazon Alexa. Yusuf Kanners, an engineering student, demonstrated how to use Alexa to operate AirPods 2. “It’s really simple,” Kanners claimed. “To vape, you just say ‘Alexa, blow fat cloud’ and you inhale on the end of the AirPod,” he explained. “If you want to ignore somebody just say ‘Alexa, flex’ and the AirPods 2 will say ‘I’m sorry. I can’t hear you. I have my AirPods in.’” Once again, Apple has managed to succeed in delivering superior products to its users.
AirPods 2 Juul Pods Flavors: • Rose Gold • Space Gray $1.05 New
Apple has delievered another groundbreaking innovation with their vape edition of the AirPods
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NEWS
4
ASSASSINATION FROM PAGE 1
The Timeline of (Former) President
Israel Sheeran gets invited t rea by Kim Jong Il to view procedures of the co
Israel is elected as Freshman class president, getting his first taste of power 1,000,000,000 B.C.
1500 A.D.
2018
2019
Beginning of Time 1970. Israel Sheeran is born in the town of Methlehem. He becomes the first son of Hary and Yoseph.
Senate President James Churros mysteriously disappears before second term election, allowing Israel to take the position. With the main competitor removed from the election, Israel won by a slim margin. Israel then obtains three positions of Freshman class president, Student of the Senate, and then Student Trustee
distraught over the death of Sheeran. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” Amirite said through tears. “I made all my friends vote for him,” she said. “He was our only hope to actually get anything done with Student Activities.” Other students are glad to see Sheeran gone. There are reports of students chanting “sic semper tyrannis” around campus. “I’m glad to see him gone,” expressed Hunter Onderchain, a criminal justice student. “He was too power hungry to be President.” Controversy erupted after Sheeran won the special election for President of the Student Senate, as well as Student Trustee, by a slim margin. Sheeran campaigned on the promise of making Student Activities more efficient and timely with their tasks, with his campaign slogan being “Make Student
“I am the Senate!” Sheeran claimed. “If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.” Israel Sheeran
STUDYING FROM PAGE 1 small key. That key opens Mr. Bastille's office, located downstairs to the far left. Once you enter the office you’ll find a blue recycling bin. The extra copies should be located there.
2.
Befriend your professor or instructor. Your professor or instructor is the righteous dictator of your grades. They ultimately decide how well you do in their class. The Teachers Appreciation Association (TAA) is made up of dedicated college instructors. Their mission is to bring light to educational issues through the use
of Facebook forums. In a study sponsored by the TAA, it was found that 99 percent of teachers nationwide don’t feel they have a close relationship with their students. If you can’t fight them, befriend them. After every class, make an effort to speak with your professor or instructor. Talk about the weather, coffee breath or your love for kitty cats. You could also follow your professor or instructor. Not on social media, but in person. Follow them to their next class, their office or even their car. Run into them. Utilize that “coincidence” to strike up more conversation.
Activities Great For Once.” Tensions grew after allegations of voter fraud in Sheeran’s favor surfaced for both elections. On Friday, March 15, Sheeran called for an emergency Senate meeting. The Hudsonian was able to obtain copies of the meeting’s minutes. Sheeran opened the meeting with the following statement: “For too long the Senate has been incompetent at doing its job in service to the students of Hudson Valley. That is why I have called this meeting. I am asking all of you to vote me emergency executive powers to allow the President of the Senate to make decisions regulating Student Activities.” This caused an uproar within the senate. Student Senator Brandon Caligulo, a long time friend of Sheeran, argued strongly against his request.
Over the course of a few months, you’ll either make a new friend or be very familiar with your local town courthouse.
3.
Use your textbook as a pillow to take in information through brain absorption. The People’s Legislation Against Negligent Training (PLANT) is a group of aspiring neuroscientists who are also gardeners. In a 2009 experiment, they discovered a process called brain absorption. PLANT found that by placing your open textbook on any chapter, you might be able to retain information while you sleep. “By having your textbook act as a pillow, contact is made with your skin,” explained Aspar Agus,
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RIP
“This is not the way to go,” Caligulo said. “I cannot support this,” he said. “My allegiance is to the Senate—to Democracy.” “I am the Senate!” Sheeran claimed. “If you’re not with me, then you’re my enemy.” “Israel, you’re going down a path I cannot follow,” Caligulo said. “It's treason then,” stated Sheeran. At this moment, the minutes stopped being recorded. CCTV footage showed senators with daggers swarming Sheeran, stabbing him repeatedly. Forensic lip readers have been working tirelessly to determine what was said after the minutes stopped being recorded. It is believed that the Sheeran's last words were: “You too Brandon?” It is unclear at this time what will happen in the following days. All participating senators are still at large and no warrants have been issued for their arrest.
founder of PLANT. “This information will be taken in and converted,” he continued. “The simple word structures will transform into complex structures which travel through neurons and reach your brain.”
4.
Bribe your professor or instructor. Teachers are people, and people like getting things (money). It may not have worked out for Aunt Becky but you got it, dude!
5.
Find your doppelgänger to take tests for you. Social media is a huge platform that can connect you to anyone around the world within seconds.
Go to Twitter and say you’re looking for a lookalike. Within three to five business days, you’ll get a flood of responses. Pick the person that best looks like you and make an offer too good to refuse (also money). Pull a Parent Trap and switch places, just make sure they know the subject better than you.
April 4, 2019
5
t Israel sheeran
to North Kothe political ountry
Whispers of an uprising start to occur. This secret rebellion was started by the radical named Bailey McLaughlin
End of Time Head of Student Activities, Marinara, gets deported back to home country Columbia completing Israel’s campaign motto of “Make Student Activities Great for Once”
The Senate revolts against Israel’s grab for power taking action and eliminating him permanently
“You too Brandon?” Final words of Israel Sheeran
MAKE SUMMER COUNT Talk to Your Academic Advisor about Getting Ahead This Summer
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May 20 & July 1
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April 4, 2019
Colin’s Column:“AVENGERS: ENDGAME”
Exclusive Spoiler Free Review (Everyone dies at the end)
By: Colin Bauer Staff Writer “Avengers: Endgame” (2019) Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth Director: Anthony & Joe Russo Synopsis: After Thanos’ snap in 2018’s “Avengers: Infinity War” killed half the population on Earth, the remaining living Avengers regroup and look to kill Thanos in one final fight. Review: “Part of the journey is the end” summarizes the over three hour epic of “Endgame.” Without spoiling any of the twists and turns the Russo brothers include in the film, the performances, plot, tone and direction absolutely make this a defining chapter and a great close to a 22 episode series. Everyone is at their best level of work in this movie. Downey and Evans are amazing to watch on screen and may be better than their performances in 2016’s “Captain America: Civil War.” The plot of this film, although generic, is still riveting. It follows the Avengers taking revenge on Thanos in order to return Earth back to the way it was. In the grand finale, Peter Quill kills Thanos in a dance battle featuring the song “Disco Inferno,” showcasing the true power of dance and leav-
Thanos wiped out half of all life with a single thrust of his hips
ing the other Avengers to wonder why they didn’t think of that solution earlier. Bradley Cooper is still phenomenal as Rocket, although Grootless for most of the film. Although
audiences will never hear Rocket the same way, courtesy of Cooper’s work on “A Star is Born.” In fact, Cooper pays tribute to his past role by singing all his lines this film. For a raccoon, he truly has a
CROSSWORD
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magnificent voice. There’s even a parody of “Shallow.” Stan Lee then appears and brings Baby Groot back, thus not only a great way to bring back the character but also to pay homage to the late Stan Lee. All of the final deaths are essential to the plot and are a great way to arc this chapter in the MCU. The deaths of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are shocking, yet satisfying as a way to illustrate the consequences of being a hero: death. The scene is quite reminiscent of Kilmonger’s death in 2018’s “Black Panther.” The tone of this film is quite somber, yet moments are exciting. Namely when the fight between Thanos and the Avengers escalates. Although it is an emotional ride, it is still exciting and puts audience members on the edge of their seats wondering as to who will survive this fight and if the Avengers will actually even win. The film also features a crossover with the Justice League for a brief moment. In the scene, the original six Avengers line up with the five core members of the League. Batman looks straight at Iron Man and says, “We’ll be back once you fix the universe,” turning to dust. The excellent directing skills of the Russo brothers is seen once again in this film, their best directed thus far. Every shot is impactful, a daunting task for a three-
hour film to pull off. They even managed to include James Gunn with the Guardians of the Galaxy being reunited with a subtitle caption saying, “See you after The Suicide Squad.” “Avengers: Endgame” is a fantastic way to end a journey. It’s amazing to see the emotional payoff for the characters and audiences can look forward to more films with our surviving heroes. Considering how Spider-Man died and wasn’t resurrected in this film at all, it will be interesting to see how “Spider-Man: Far from Home” will play out as it will pick up seconds after “Endgame” ends. In any case, stay for the end credit scene, Deadpool makes an appearance and kills off Thor, becoming the new ruler of Asgard and the whole universe.
CREATIVE NEWS
May 2018 April09, 4, 2019
10 Spring Fashion Tips to show you obviously know what you’re doing By: Billiam Petite Staff Writer
5.
Fake Glasses As for accessories, fake glasses add that perfect mix of charm and nerd to your outfit. Larger sized glasses are great for framing your face and giving it more definition, while also hiding your college-student undereye bags. Try them out this spring and watch the compliments roll in.
6.
As the seasons change from winter to spring, many of us have difficulty figuring out how to dress or style. The mornings are a cold 28 degrees and by noon it is 60. So, what should you wear or try out for Spring 2019?
Socks and Sandals Thanks to the ever-changing weather conditions during spring, it’s often difficult deciding what to wear on our feet. In the morning, the grass is frosted over and by noon, it has melted, evaporated and rained back down. With socks and sandals, your feet can be warm while also maintaining the feeling that you are at the beach. If it gets too hot, you can also take the socks off! You know what they say: “Suns out, toes out!”
1.
Graphic Tee’s Thanks to the warming weather, short sleeves and tank tops are a necessity. With graphic tees, you’ll be able to stay cool while also showcasing your personality and what you enjoy. Graphic tees can start up a conversation and help find friends with common interests. So spruce up your boring t-shirt and “put a bird on it.”
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7.
Undercut Spring is when we realize just how hot and heavy hair is. Undercuts are when the bottom layer of your hair is shaved to relieve some of that weight. Barbers and hairdressers can make fun designs with the shaved parts as well. This helps to showcase your personality even more!
2.
Flare Jeans The 2000s were known for their inspiring and amazing outfit choices. Like in the 70s, flare jeans flourished with multiple other garments. This includes boots, crop tops, skirts, dresses and so much more. Pairing a pair of denim jeans with a jean jacket is also the perfect tuxedo for a Canadian’s wedding.
8.
Concert Style Spring signals the start of concert season. Large music festivals are enjoyed by many as a place to listen to great hits and bask in the sun. In this warm weather, crop tops are a must to allow your skin to absorb as many of those sweet, sweet rays of sun as possible.
3.
Monochrome Monochrome is in right now! Take your favorite color and only wear that color. It’s so simple, yet makes a great statement. Try it out for your next job interview to show how strong and empowering you are, just like a strong flower.
9.
Fake Tanning There is NOTHING wrong with a little fake tanning every now and then. For those of us who burn easily or just hate the outdoors, fake tans can really help add some color and definition to our bodies. Compared to everyone else who tans easily, we look like a bunch of ghosts. So try something new and call your closest tanning salon!
4.
Mixed Prints Although this contradicts monochrome, spring is the perfect time for prints! Animal print, floral print, Hawaiian shirt print, plaid, gingham, you name it, you wear it! Not only are prints perfect, but so are colors! Mix and match all the colors and prints in your wardrobe and you will come out looking like you know what you’re doing. Have fun and by the end, you will match like a beautiful garden.
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10.
Be confident Now, this may seem easy, but nothing looks better than loving yourself and the way you look. So wear whatever you feel most comfortable in and show the world how great you are!
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April09, 4, 2018 2019 May
SPORTS NEWS
Blue Devils, Blue fans and Blue Balls By: Hunter McIntyre Staff Editor After years of disappointment and speculation, the NBA has allowed the New York Knicks to swap their roster with the Duke Blue Devils. The NBA has decided that New Yorkers could use some hope and excitement after trading away both Carmelo Anthony and Kristaps Porzingis in the last few years. Adam Silver, an NBA commissioner, has approved the roster swap after witnessing the money and enthusiasm generated by the Blue Devils. Silver believed that this will not just increase revenue, but game audiences as well and after looking at the Knicks’ Twitter and Reddit, he has agreed that the fans have suffered enough. “The Knicks fans deserve some excitement after years of being let down and disrespected,” Silver stated. With potential superstars such as Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett
and Cam Reddish moving to the Knicks next season, highly criticized owner James Dolan also hoped that the new addition of youth and talent will revive fans and boost ticket sales. This is especially important considering the recent alleged interaction between Dolan and a fan who was shouting “sell the team” at both him and the Knicks. The fan was then given a lifetime ban from the controversial owner. Silver hoped that the new roster will distract fans and ease tensions between them and Dolan. The Knicks have won an embarrassing total of 14 games out of 82 this season with only six games remaining. They have also failed to qualify for the playoffs since the 2012-2013 season, haven't made a finals appearance since the 1998-1999 season and haven't won a championship since 1973. This has left the franchise in a tough situation financially since the Knicks play in Madison Square Garden which has been quoted as “The World’s Most Fa-
mous Arena.” “I'm in favor of the swap since Zion and R.J. will be Knicks legends as long as we don't trade them,” Jonathan Keansburg, a liberal arts major, said. “I just wish we would stop acquiring players with so much potential and talent and just throwing it out the window before they ever reach their prime like Porzingis,” he continued. “Even with Melo we just ended up wasting his career.” Other teams in the NBA have surprisingly not complained about the roster swap. “I personally have no issue with the move since the Knicks have been so disappointing for so long that their fans deserve to get something for their loyalty,” said an anonymous team general manager. “They aren't even competitive most years,” he continued. “Knicks fans might have the worst non-literal case of blue balls in the history of blue balls, maybe ever.” The players on the Knicks don't really seem to care either. In fact, some of them are actually looking forward to returning to college and working toward the degrees they decided to put aside when they entered the draft. Whatever happens after the swap, we know that for Knicks fans, things can only get better.
Sport’s Recap W
Men’s Lacrosse
March 27
4-17 Tompkins Cortland Community College L
Women’s Softball Game 1
March 28
0-7 Columbia-Greene Community College L
Women’s Softball Game 2
March 28
0-7 Columbia-Greene Community College W
Men’s Lacrosse
March 29
14- 16 Monroe Community College W
Men’s Baseball
March 30
0-15 Schenectady County Community College W
Men’s Baseball
March 30
1-18 Schenectady County Community College
Early lacrosse season due to failing grades By: Mike Groissl Staff Writer The Viking’s lacrosse team may receive disciplinary action due to midterm grades. The school is thinking about shutting down the program for the rest of the season to improve the players’ grades. “All but a few of the lacrosse team members received above a 2.0 on their midterm report,” Athletic Director, Benjamine Dover, announced at a college meeting March 25, 2019. “We may terminate the season to allow the team to pull their grades up.” Regardless of the Viking overall record of 4 wins and 3 loses and their recent bone crushing win against the Panthers with a score of 17-4 the team needs to start to focus on their GPA. “As much as I love watching the games I do agree with shutting down the rest of the season to get their grades up,” Hugh Jassel, exercise science major, said. “Sports are a privilege in college, not a necessity.” he continued. “It’s not our fault that our GPA is low,” forward Bratt Williams said. “The root of the problem begins with our tutors and professors,” he said. “We expect that our homework and papers are completed by our professor and tutor.” “Without them completing our assignments how are we supposed to succeed in our classes and on the field?” Williams asked.
Students on the Lacrosse team are in the midst of trying to get their professors compensated again to do their homework
“We used to help with the players' homework and papers in the past but times are changing,” English professor, Eillien Alain Pie, said. “In the past, we used to be compensated by the school but since the recent budget cuts, we are no longer compensated,” she said. “If the school can compensate us we can go back to helping the players succeed academically.” The coach is now looking for other forms of funding to help
with the students GPA. “We are searching the possibility of funding from the rival schools,” Coach Cross said. “Although it’s unlikely we will get the funding this way we need to try every option we have.” On April 31st the school will make its final decision if the rest of the lacrosse season is canceled or not. It does not look good for the lacrosse team. “I don’t think the school will be
able to find money to compensate the professors,” student senate member, Israel Sheeran, said. “The team should prepare that their season will end earlier than expected.” The lacrosse team and students from campus are planning a protest if the rest of the lacrosse season is canceled. “It doesn’t only look bad for the lacrosse team but the whole school,” criminal justice major,
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Macie Atlas, said. “We need to get the teachers compensated again to keep a good image on our team and our school!” “Just give them the damn money,” exclaimed Cory Wethouse, mortuary science student. “If we can find money to pay the writers of the Hudsonian we can find money to pay the professors to help the lacrosse players to pass their classes!”