Inlander 12/20/2018

DECEMBER 20-26, 2018 | HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

NEWS The long wait for public records 13 BAKING Make the holidays pop! 33 OPINION Idaho’s best senator 8

The unlikely resurgence of Dungeons & Dragons reaches the Inland Northwest

BY CHEY SCOTT

PAGE 22

Season’s Greetings

2 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

INSIDE VOL. 26, NO. 10 | COVER ILLUSTRATION: HUGH RUSSELL

COMMENT NEWS COVER STORY MILLER CANE

5 13 22 27

CULTURE FOOD FILM MUSIC

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EVENTS 44 I SAW YOU 46 ADVICE GODDESS 47 GREEN ZONE 48

EDITOR’S NOTE

B

efore this little message became ink on paper — a very people-intensive process — it was written in black pixels on a glowing white screen in the span of a couple minutes.

TECHNOLOGY makes things easier, but being easier, or faster, for that matter, isn’t always better.

Case in point: While technology has transformed the world of gaming — with super realistic graphics, virtual reality and connections to players halfway around the world — 2018 will become the biggest year yet for Dungeons & Dragons, the 44-year-old role-playing game requiring paper, pencils, dice and one’s own imagination. (See Chey Scott’s excellent story on page 22.)

This isn’t an anti-technology diatribe, and the reasons for D&D’s rise are numerous. But I have to believe that part of it lies in this: the element of humanity. So much of our existence now is dictated by algorithms, computer processors and cell signals that, it seems, many of us long for the concrete and tangible, for things we can touch and feel.

I have a theory (or should we call it a fantasy?) that in such a climate, where the whims of social media and Russian hackers loom large, that newspapers might enjoy a resurgence of their own. Is it really so crazy to think that the centuries-old technology of ink on paper — produced by real people, with blood and brains, indeed, your very own neighbors! — could be viewed as cutting-edge, the precise advancement called for in this particular moment in human history?

I don’t know. But I know this: As it’s been for D&D, 2018 has been a record year for this 25-year-old newspaper. And while we at the Inlander have websites, social media channels, digital newsletters, even a video game, the paper — this physical thing in your hands — remains the soul of what we do every week.

Happy holidays!

— JACOB H. FRIES, Editor

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TREY GRUBAUGH

I like to play Skyrim a lot, if that’s nerdy.

What do you play as?

An orc.

Do you go barbarian style?

I do. I’m not really into the whole magic-sorcery type thing. But the whole warrior-beinga-badass… I like that.

Chey Scott (x225) FOOD & LISTINGS EDITOR Nathan Weinbender (x250) FILM & MUSIC EDITOR

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Minecraft, but also friendship bracelets and girly stuff like that.

What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever built in Minecraft?

I built Hogwarts once. And all the decorating.

The entire school?

Yeah.

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I’m a fast builder, so three days.

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Oh yes. Maps. I acquire, selectively maps.

Tell me more…

I have U.S. government maps from Admiralty Island, the Puget Sound. It was in conjunction with books I was reading at the time — maps of places I’ve been, maps of downtown Spokane. I’m not that geeky. I never even painted my own D&D figurines.

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ARTHUR BIGELOW

Dungeons & Dragons. I usually play as the fighter or ranger. I’m not really the magic user.

What weapons do you prefer when you’re in combat?

I played greatsword. That’s not bad or anything, but I’m usually two-handed, or dual wielder, or sword and shield.

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I have a lot of different characters [in D&D], but I usually play as the rogue.

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Every Friday. And I play online with some friends.

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It’s also a really good way to make new friends.

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COMMENT | THE ECONOMY

Who’s Laffing Now? Under Donald Trump, America is again experimenting with discredited economic theories

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6 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

BY ROBERT HEROLD

D

uring the 1980 presidential primary campaign, George H.W. Bush referred to fellow candidate Ronald Reagan’s proposals as “voodoo economics.” Reagan won the nomination, and then — surprisingly — selected Bush to be his running mate. Now in a supporting role, Bush claimed he never used this term; a TV replay of him saying just that, however, caused him to recant.

Thing is, Bush was right. Voodoo economics was based on a book written by George Gilder titled Wealth and Poverty and later repackaged by another economist, Arthur Laffer, who gave us the “Laffer Curve.” His thesis was that we should seek to locate on the taxing curve — his “Laffer Curve” — the point between zero and 100 percent that would bring in the most tax revenue. The punchline was that point, by his dreamy calculation, is far, far lower on the curve than tax rates were at the time.

Laffer first got involved in politics during the 1978 Proposition 13 property tax initiative fight in California, which passed, slashing property taxes and making it almost impossible for the state to raise sufficient revenue. The Prop 13 fight also mobilized one Ronald Reagan, who was already on board because he had read Wealth and Poverty.

Laffer was now in the first ranks of the socalled “supply-side” economists. More recently, during the 2016 presidential campaign, he became an advisor to Donald Trump.

Thus we come full circle.

T

he trouble is, Laffer’s theory proved to be completely wrong. It truly was voodoo economics, for everyone but the very wealthy. For those 1-percenters, it was an epic windfall — which brings us back to politics. As always, wealth and political power go hand in hand.

Laffer’s theory was comprehensively implemented once — in Kansas starting in 2011 by then-Gov. Sam Brownback. The former U.S. senator sliced taxes and cut services, moves right out of Laffer’s playbook. Disaster followed. No overall growth. Growing deficits. In June of 2017, even the Republican Legislature there was calling uncle and repealed all of his policies. Brownback resigned last January.

Laffer’s explanation? Brownback didn’t cut taxes enough.

All the economic mumbo jumbo aside, what we’re talking about here is the care and feeding of neoliberalism. Neoliberals talk about smaller government, but in reality they don’t really want smaller government. The neoliberal actually wants bigger government — but it’s a government that is a facilitator exclusively for those in power.

For the neoliberal, except for matters of national security, policing and what Milton Fried-

man termed “neighborhood effects,” government should not govern at all. Other than this, the true neoliberal envisions no public realm at all. All life is private, and we should commodify everything. Neoliberals would sell off the Grand Canyon and turn it into a privately owned

theme park.

As early as 1982, David Stockman, Reagan’s first director of the Office of Management and Budget, had discovered, to his dismay, that neoliberalism packaged as Reaganomics was doomed. He writes about this in his book, The Triumph of Politics. Stockman saw it all coming.

During the Reagan years, the gross federal debt tripled, from $900 billion to $2.7 trillion. Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter, in their combined terms, could only double it. Indeed, it took 31 years to accomplish the first postwar debt tripling. Reagan did it in eight.

And given the dramatic and regressive tax cut that Trump rammed through the Congress (right out of the Laffer handbook), the truth of the matter is we ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

I

t’s no surprise that the net result of neoliberalism has been rising social and economic inequality, all of which are having profound impacts on governmental and social stability.

Meanwhile, our national debt spirals out of control.

Swedish writer Katrine Marcal writes about all this in her must-read book, Who Cooked Adam Smith’s Dinner? (Turns out that the godfather of capitalism who identified the “hidden hand” lived at home; his mother cooked his dinner.)

Marcal writes: “The richest 0.1 percent of America’s population tripled its share of the national revenue between 1978 and 1999. In Great Britain the richest percentile doubled its share during the same period; from 6.5 percent in 1982 to 13 percent in 2005. And in Russia, after the neoliberal shock therapy, a super-rich elite (think Putin and his buddy Trump) pulled away from the rest of society. Today Moscow has more billionaires than any other city in the world.”

And consider this: In 1970, a CEO in the United States earned 30 times as much as an average worker. “In his day, the famous financier J.P. Morgan thought that the average American company CEO didn’t need to earn more than 20 times that of an employee. By 2007, this had increased to 364 times.”

In Trump’s America, Reagan’s voodoo economics would seem alive, well and back in the political saddle, at least for the time being. n

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COMMENT | POLITICS

North Idaho’s Greatest Senator The once-in-generation leadership of Shawn Keough

BY JOHN T. REUTER

XLNY

F

or the first time in over 20 years, the Idaho Legislature met earlier this year without Sen. Shawn Keough. Keough is the longest-serving female state senator in Idaho history. After decades of service, she declined to run for re-election this year and was succeeded

by Jim Woodward, who won with her endorsement.

Keough is a pragmatic conservative, grounded in fiscal realities more than ideology.

She is honest, hardworking and independent — an embodiment of the values Idaho politicians tend to tout but too often fail to live up to.

All of this adds up to Keough being a once-in-a-generation leader.

Unlike the archetype of such figures, Keough’s skills are not oratorical in nature. Rather than relying on mere rhetoric, Keough built her legislative legacy on a combination of empathy, deep knowledge of the state’s budget and pure force of will.

Her record is impressive. To pick just a couple from dozens of examples, Keough led significant investments in infrastructure and education, including North Idaho College and its expansion into Bonner and Boundary counties. During the “Great Recession,” she perhaps shined the brightest — ensuring cuts were carefully made and protecting essential services, especially for children.

Beyond her successes, Keough stands out for her fearlessness. While more interested in getting it right than

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appearing righteous when she saw Idahoans being mistreated, she stood up with them regardless of the odds.

Last year, this meant standing up for women by opposing draconian legislation requiring women seeking abortions to be quizzed by their doctors, with all the information being reported publicly to the state. Before that, she supported “Add the Words” human rights legislation to protect all Idahoans from discrimination based on their sexual orientation and gender expression.

She didn’t win either fight, but has set the stage for future lawmakers to follow and right these wrongs.

As a plain-spoken, common-sense conservative, Keough consistently stood up for the values of individual liberty in the context of strong communities, where no one is left behind.

Her constituents rewarded her for it, as she impressively defeated right-wing challengers in primary after primary. After one such victory, her opponent remarked that “she was more popular than Jesus” with her North Idaho constituency.

That might be taking it a bit far, but Keough’s connection to the people of Bonner and Boundary counties does indeed run deep. They are her base.

For Keough, this always seemed to mean more than simply that they were the core support behind her political power. Instead, the people she represented were the foundation of her approach. Their well-being was both her goal and her motivation. Unlike modern ideologues, she wasn’t fighting for some abstract ideas, but the very real people she knew back home.

Earlier in her life, Keough tended bar in the thenrougher logging town of Sandpoint. It’s hard not to see the skills she perhaps developed there in her political career as she tended to her constituents.

She could be a sympathetic listener, personally responding to every one of the thousands of letters sent to her during her over two decades in elected service. She also could provide tough talk about the realities of the world. Most importantly, there was never a mess that she wouldn’t roll up her sleeves and fix — including if that meant having to throw a few troublemakers out.

Republicans in Idaho look likely to continue to hold majorities for years to come, but nationally the party will only survive with more representatives like Shawn Keough. Leaders who understand that fiscal responsibility shouldn’t be used to hoard wealth, but instead to ensure that services get to those who need them most.

Unfortunately, Shawn Keoughs are in short supply.

I’ve personally only met one. But for that one senator and her impact, I will always be grateful. n

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ďż˝ d n a t S n O Now! Living Well in the Inland Northwest

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COMMENT | FROM READERS

MYLES FROM SPOKANE s a long-time fan of Myles

A

Kennedy, Mayfield Four (although I knew this band after I discovered Alter Bridge and Myles) and of course, Alter Bridge itself, I’d like to express great appreciation towards your feature on him (“Taming a Tiger,” 12/13/18). He really is one of rock’s important figures now, and it is great to see him stay grounded.

He’s truly one of my most admired artists of modern times. Thank you for your article!

Myles Kennedy

AZUREEN AYLA Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Readers respond to a story on Inlander.com about homeless activist Alfredo LLamedo’s political tactics at Spokane City Hall and his demonstration at Camp Hope (12/14/2018):

ERIKA DEASY: I wouldn’t want my plight represented by such a loose cannon. He’s made a mockery of the cause and created controversy where we needed compassion and civility. His aggression is a big deterrent for me. Where is the civil, mature activism being held, please?

TOM ROBINSON: Another incisive look at the complex issue of lessening homelessness in Spokane.

Advocates like Alfredo LLamedo are fed up with the mayor and the powerful interests downtown trying to make out like Spokane does not have a homelessness crisis like Seattle, Portland and nearly every other big city in the country. Homeless persons from around Spokane County come into the city because of the scarcity of services in any of the other communities. The city of Spokane Valley and the Spokane County Commissioners refuse to provide any funding even though their residents are migrating to the city to keep from dying outside.

Please keep publicizing this crisis which is putting people in danger of freezing to death.

ALFREDO LLAMEDO: It really doesn’t matter what others think about my tactics, motivation, or the movement. Their hate will not affect or change our resolve. I do what I do for one of our most vulnerable populations because I love them. It’s a love that’s understanding, caring, and compassionate. I don’t judge people who are homeless, instead I meet them exactly where they are.

It’s very easy to blame those that are most vulnerable for their unfortunate socioeconomic status, but the fact of the matter is that a lack of protections from unscrupulous landlords, employers, and corrupt public servants has resulted in a significant increase in homelessness. n

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 11

12 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

TRANSPARENCY

THE LONG WAIT

Three years after Spokane’s public records scandal, is the city any faster at responding to records requests?

BY DANIEL WALTERS

T

he documents were right there. All political activist Michael Cathcart had to do was convince the city to release them before the election. He was leading the effort to convince voters to recommend the site near downtown for a new high school sports stadium.

He knew a lot of voters were worried about where they’d be able to park, but he also knew the city had documents showing that neighboring properties had agreed to make parking available to stadium visitors.

But instead of giving him the documents outright, the city told him to submit a public records request. He filed it two weeks before the election. The election came and went. The stadium proposal Cathcart favored was overwhelmingly defeated.

“I got a response saying that it’s going to take until Dec. 3,” Cathcart says. “That’s just absurd.”

And then, on Dec. 3, he got the sort of message he’d been trained to expect: Due to staffing shortages, a midNovember medical absence and other workload issues, he wouldn’t get the documents until Jan. 7. Unless there was another delay.

It’s not the first time, of course, that relevant public records have been delayed until after an election: A sprawling Spokesman-Review records request made in August of 2015 sought documents related to then-Spokane Police Chief Frank Straub.

It took 96 days — after Straub’s firing and after the Mayor David Condon’s re-election — for the most explosive documents to be released: City Administrator Theresa Sanders’s text messages and handwritten notes revealed that a former police spokeswoman had leveled sexual harassment allegations against Straub. It sparked an independent investigation, a recall attempt against the mayor and a public records lawsuit: The city settled that lawsuit for $50,000 and a promise from the mayor to do better.

But in the past three years, there’s little evidence that

records-request delays have been significantly reduced; in fact, there’s a lot pointing to the opposite conclusion.

The city clerk’s office has remained understaffed and overburdened.

“They got hammered with a series of unfortunate events,” says Tony Dinaro, who worked as a temporary employee in the clerk’s office this year before taking a job with Spokane County. “The clerk’s office really did run into a unique set of circumstances staffing-wise. It was hard to make people believe things were really that bad.”

RECORD SPEED

Frustrating examples from the last two years abound: It took 77 days from when the Inlander requested a single email sent to City Council President Ben Stuckart — warning him about the domestic violence allegations against community leader Phil Tyler — to when the email was finally provided.

Earlier, when the Inlander tried to find out why the city’s Streets Director Mark Serbousek was forced to resign in February of 2017, it took 486 days — 16 months — to get a hundred text messages from Sanders’s cell phone.

Condon acknowledges that the efficiency of a city clerk’s office can be a tough thing to measure.

The city clerk’s office receives over a thousand records requests every year, including requests from journalists, attorneys, developers and average citizens. And that’s not even counting the thousands more sent to the police department’s records office. A records request can be for something as simple as a copy of a city ordinance.

Or it can be as messy as a request for, say, all the mayor’s emails.

Yet, until recently, the city’s software didn’t even track the start and end dates of its records requests. That changed when a new state law in 2017 required local governments to regularly report a whole host of statistics ...continued on next page

NEWS | TRANSPARENCY

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14 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

“THE LONG WAIT,” CONTINUED...

City Attorney Mike Ormsby says that technology had dramatically increased the number of public records — and has made for some complicated legal decisions. DANIEL WALTERS PHOTO

related to their records-request performance.

But still, according to the city’s own performance measures, at the end of 2017, the clerk’s office was receiving fewer requests, but missing its self-imposed deadlines more often than it was at the end of 2015.

More than 1,300 records requests came into the city of Spokane’s clerk’s office in 2017. At least 250 of those requests took longer than three months to complete. And delays can breed suspicion: Brian Breen, the cantankerous former cop who settled with the city over the Straub public records delays, still believes favoritism is at play.

“It entirely depends upon how much embarrassment the document or documents might cause someone,” Breen says in an email. “Those that don’t, I get quickly. Those that do, come at a snail’s pace.”

crease the amount allocated for addressing public records requests,” he said.

But while the City Council allocated an additional $100,000 for the city clerk’s office in the 2017 budget, little of that was actually spent: Nobody new was hired that year. Instead, the clerk’s office focused on re-examining its procedures and

“Every new exemption just slows us down.

You have to look for one more thing.”

BOTTLENECKS

A city clerk, Dinaro says, has to be a legal expert, a technology guru and an inter-departmental ambassador. So it’s not like the city clerks aren’t working hard: While City Clerk Terri Pfister and Deputy City Clerk Lori Farnsworth declined to speak to the Inlander for this story, Inlander reporters regularly get emails from them after-hours on Friday evenings concerning records requests.

They’re not getting paid overtime. They’re just trying to put a dent in the massive backlog.

“They stay late pretty much every night working on requests,” Dinaro says.

If anything, Dinaro says, Pfister and Farnsworth are diligent to a fault.

“Terri and Lori are incredibly detail oriented and stringent,” Dinaro says. “There are people who might be quicker and they might miss something.”

Two years ago, Condon suggested that the department was underfunded.

“I have committed in my recent budget to in-

transitioning to a new records-tracking software system called “GovQA.” “We need to understand the issue we’re trying to fix,” Condon says. “The thought was, ‘We don’t want to grow until we look at some of the software.’”

The idea, long term, was to make the clerk’s office more efficient: But the switch not only delayed calling in reinforcements, it initially added to the office’s workload.

It wasn’t until March of 2018 that Dinaro was hired — and then only as a temporary employee to transition to the GovQA system. The extra staffing was short-lived. One longtime clerk left the city in the summer, and another in October. And Dinaro himself left in mid-November, unwilling to pass up the security of a full-time permanent job with the county.

And because each new hire has to wind its way through the civil service process first, it took nearly half a year to fill just one vacancy. But that new clerk immediately left for another position in the city.

Until those spots are filled, the city clerk’s office will have two fewer employees than it did back in 2015. Fully staffed, the city clerk’s office would have seven employees. Today, it has only four.

Three years ago, however, it wasn’t the city clerk’s office that delayed the release of the pivotal Frank Straub records: It was the city at-

torney’s office, the agency that decides which records legally need to be released.

When Washington state’s Public Records Act was first passed in 1972, there were 10 exemptions — 10 types of government records that didn’t have to be turned over. Today, there are around 500.

But Pat Dalton, the assistant city attorney in charge of public records, says those exemptions have made it harder for the city to handle tricky records requests.

“Every new exemption just slows us down,” Dalton says. “You have to look for one more thing.”

Meanwhile, technology has created whole new categories of public records: Take the requests for body-camera footage for last year’s school shooting in Freeman last year, for example.

“Those kids have a right to privacy by statute,” says City Attorney Michael Ormsby. “If one kid wears orange tennis shoes all the time, you not only have to blur his or her face, you have to blur his feet.”

FIRST REFORMS

Neither Condon nor City Council President Ben Stuckart are satisfied with the state of the public records process.

“I still have concerns about staffing levels,” Stuckart said several months ago, “They’re feeling the pressure at this very moment.”

Indeed, the city is turning the temp position that Dinaro held into the first full-time position added to the city clerk’s office since 2014.

And while there have been glitches and hiccups, the new GovQA software has made it easier to send and preserve records electronically. The system even guesses at the type of records you’re requesting: If you’re an architecture student requesting a building permit, for example, it automatically alerts you that you can do the search immediately on the city’s permitting site.

“We’re trying to get more stuff digitized so that it’s searchable,” Condon says. Everyone always requests records about staff salaries, he says, so why not just allow people to look that up online?

But in one major way, the city’s gone backward on that goal: Spokane used to publish all of its internal affairs investigations into police officers on its website — easy for anyone to look up — but they took them all down in 2016, arguing that they revealed too much information and were bad for morale. Now, whenever a citizen wants to get an internal affairs investigation, they have to make a records request, adding to the deluge.

The city has also avoided one reform that has been successful elsewhere: Washington Coalition of Open Government President Toby Nixon, a Kirkland city councilman, says Kirkland splits the public-records requests in five categories according to how complicated they are, “so that the easy ones are not clogged up behind the big ones.”

But the city of Spokane hasn’t done that in any formalized way. Condon and Dalton both say it’s unclear whether that’s even legal.

“The statute says you’re not allowed to treat different requesters differently,” Dalton says. “There’s a really good argument that that means you can’t take someone and move them to the front of the line, just because it’s easier.”

Yet sometimes all it takes is a phone call to turn a nightmare request into something more manageable. Dinaro recalls a request that initially asked for all city planning department emails that mentioned the word “Mike.” The first search turned up 430,000 emails, the sort of request that could take two years to go through. Dinaro called the requester, and he agreed to narrow his terms, saving everyone countless hours of work.

But Dinaro says that sometimes city clerks could be gun-shy about making these kinds of calls. They’ve lived through big scandals and multi-year lawsuits. They don’t want to say the wrong thing to a litigious person.

“It’s a balancing act. You want to be there to serve people.

You don’t want some people to clog up the system,” Dinaro says.

“It’s a vital part of our democracy and it’s very important to take it seriously.” n

“THE KALISPEL TRIBE HELPS EMPOWER WOMEN EVERY DAY.” Regina Malveaux, Chief Executive Officer, YWCA Spokane

Since opening Northern Quest Resort & Casino in 2000, the Kalispel Tribe of Indians has donated more than $18 million to local nonprofits in Spokane and Pend Oreille Counties – including YWCA Spokane, a valuable organization that has been providing hope and healing to victims of intimate partner violence and their children for 115 years. Each year, the YWCA assists more than 17,000 victims locally.

“Domestic violence is still the number-one cause of 911 calls in Spokane County,” says YWCA Chief Executive Officer Regina Malveaux. “We meet victims and their children at what is often the most traumatic time in their lives. Thanks to our partnership with the Kalispel Tribe, we can provide hope and healing through our safe shelters, counseling and legal assistance, children’s services and job readiness programs.”

“The Kalispel Tribe has been one of our largest long-term supporters,” added Malveaux. “We’re grateful for their support in our mission to empower women and eliminate racism in our community.”

If you’d like to help make a difference, learn more at www.ywcaspokane.org.

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 15

NEWS | DIGEST

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WHITWORTH GOES SMOKE (AND VAPE) FREE Whitworth students who want to smoke or vape will no longer be able to do so on campus, according to new rules passed by the school. “Whitworth will be a smoke-free tobacco-free campus effective Jan. 1, 2019,” University President BECK TAYLOR (above) announced on Twitter last week. That means there are no designated smoking areas, so even students who live in the dorms must leave campus to smoke or vape. If students are caught, then the school will provide resources to help them quit the addiction. If it happens too many times, starting next fall, they could receive a sanction that could include suspension, says Rhosetta Rhodes, vice president for Student Life at Whitworth. (WILSON CRISCIONE)

SENTENCING REFORM IN THE HOME STRETCH A major criminal justice reform bill — known as the FIRST STEP ACT — that would roll back some of the tough-on-crime federal policies adopted during the ’80s and ’90s is poised to get approved by Congress with rare bipartisan support. The legislation would allow federal judges to skirt some mandatory minimum sentences and reduce federal sentencing disparities between powder and crack cocaine, as well as invest roughly $375 million in anti-recidivism programs. While it has strong support across the aisle — a version of it passed the Republican-controlled House last spring with 360 votes — and the endorsement of President Donald Trump, it’s also garnered staunch opposition from some Senate Republicans, like Sen. Tom Cotton (R–AR), who are pushing amendments that critics argue are designed to sink the bill by rupturing the existing compromise on sentencing reforms. As of press time, the bill was still being debated on the Senate floor. (JOSH KELETY)

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WALK THIS WAY While it could still arguably have landed with a cooler name, the UNIVERSITY DISTRICT GATEWAY BRIDGE at least reached its major milestone: It’s now open. The bridge opened to pedestrians and cyclists on Friday, Dec. 14, and may be illuminated with colorful lights that can change with the seasons as the University District sees fit. Overall, it cost about $13.2 million to design and build, and opened a little later than expected due to issues that came up with the tension cables earlier this year. (SAMANTHA WOHLFEIL)

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 17

NEWS | BRIEFS

In and Out Zinke’s exit may open the door for an Idaho Interior leader

F

ormer Montana Congressman RYAN ZINKE will be out as secretary of the Interior at the end of the year, amid pressure from multiple ongoing ethics investigations.

Zinke announced in a statement on Twitter over the weekend that he loves working for President Donald Trump but “after 30 years of public service, I cannot justify spending thousands of dollars defending myself and my family against false allegations.”

But the New York Times reports that just because Zinke is leaving the job does not mean he won’t face possible criminal action. The Times mentions a particular case in which there are questions of whether Zinke used his position to influence a Montana real estate deal that could personally benefit him. If the case is taken up by the attorney general and proven, the punishment for the crime could come with thousands of dollars in fines and potential years in jail.

Trump was expected to announce his nominee to replace Zinke this week, and as of Tuesday, the Hill reported that among the likely contenders was Idaho Rep. Raúl Labrador, who will leave his U.S. House position after a failed bid for Idaho governor, and current Idaho Gov. Butch Otter, who leaves office in January. The Senate will have to confirm Trump’s nominee.

Outgoing Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke The Interior secretary oversees everything from national parks to oil and gas leasing on public lands, to the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which works with every federally recognized tribe in the country. (SAMANTHA WOHLFEIL)

‘NOT INFORMED’

Over the weekend, Reveal published an investigative report explaining how serial sexual predator Father James Poole and at least 20 other Jesuit priests accused of sexual misconduct were sent to a building on GONZAGA UNIVERSITY’s campus to live out their remaining years.

Poole’s sexual abuse of young girls in Alaska and his relocation to Gonzaga has been documented in the news before, including in a Spokesman-Review story on a victim

of his abuse receiving a $1 million settlement in 2005.

According to the Reveal story, the last priest accused of sexual misconduct lived at the Cardinal Bea House on Gonzaga’s campus in 2016.

But Thayne McCulloh, in a statement Monday responding to the story, says he did not know of Poole or his history in Alaska until the investigative report this week.

“I had relied upon the Province to inform us of any Jesuit whose history might pose a threat to our students or campus community,” McCulloh says. “I deeply regret that I was not informed of the presence of Fr. Poole, nor any other Jesuits who might pose such a danger, at Cardinal Bea House.”

Rather, McCulloh, who has served as Gonzaga’s president since 2009, says he was told that there were priests at the Bea House under supervised “safety plans.”

The Bea House is owned by the Jesuit order of the Catholic Church, not by Gonzaga. The first notification he had that Poole lived at Bea House was when the Jesuits West list was released earlier this month, he says.

“I feel so much sadness and anger for the women, men and children who were victimized by Poole and others, and all those who have been sexually assaulted by ordained priests who abused their power and privilege,” McCulloh’s statement says.

As of press time, Gonzaga did not respond to Inlander questions asking why McCulloh wasn’t aware of Poole’s abuse, and whether he ever questioned why the retired priests on Gonzaga’s campus were put on a “safety plan.”

McCulloh says the university is “not aware” of any reports of abuse or misconduct involving retired priests during the time they lived on Gonzaga’s campus. He says there are currently no Jesuits living at Gonzaga who have been accused of sexual abuse.

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“Further, I have asked that we be guaranteed that no Jesuit against whom credible allegations of sexual misconduct or abuse have been made ever be assigned to Gonzaga or the Jesuit communities here,” McCulloh says. (WILSON CRISCIONE)

RECENTERING

As the city of Spokane tries to address its homelessness crisis, the Spokane City Council on Monday night allocated almost $600,000 to help pay for WARMING CENTERS, locations where homeless men and women can go every evening to escape the bitter cold.

That includes staffing for the Salvation Army and the Guardians Foundation to operate the warming center, $21,000 for Westminster Church as a new warming center targeted at young people ages 18 to 24, and $45,000 for an additional warming center on top of that.

The city’s Community Housing and Human Services director, Kelly Keenan, explained the Guardian Foundation will also be seeking to offer solutions to one of the biggest frustrations for homeless people seeking shelter: A place to store their possessions while they’re staying at the warming center.

The council also passed a unanimous resolution sponsored by City Councilwoman Lori Kinnear that called for other governments to chip in for the cost of serving the region’s homeless population. Previous attempts to ask Spokane County and Spokane Valley to help pay the cost of homeless shelters have been unsuccessful.

But City Councilman Breean Beggs hasn’t given up hope that their request might be more successful this time.

“There are three new council members with the city of Spokane Valley,” Beggs says.

Homeless advocates, however, argued there was still a lot more to be done. The “warming centers” didn’t constitute true shelter, and failed to provide for important needs, like food and showers. (DANIEL WALTERS) n

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 19

NEWS | EDUCATION

Students have called for Gonzaga to divest from fossil fuel companies for years.

Money and Values

JENNIFER RAUDEBAUGH PHOTO

Seattle University divested from fossil fuel companies — so why didn’t Gonzaga?

BY WILSON CRISCIONE

J

ust three months ago, Seattle University made a commitment to divest its endowment of fossil fuels by 2023. Though students had been asking for such a commitment for years, it was in many ways a bold move: Seattle U became the first university in the state — and the first of 28 Jesuit universities in the country — to do so.

For Tori Shaw, a senior at Gonzaga University, it signaled optimism for the cause she’s been fighting for.

Shaw is one of several members of Fossil Free Gonzaga, a group that in recent years has urged the university to divest from fossil fuel companies, like many other institutions around the U.S. have. Gonzaga, too, is a Jesuit school with a similar-sized endowment as Seattle University. If it could be done there, she thought, why not here?

“To me, where I’m most passionate is that we are a school that values social justice and caring for the planet,” Shaw says. “And I just think that profiting [from investing in fossil fuels] is just a discrepancy in what we say we do.”

But last week, Gonzaga decided it wouldn’t divest from fossil fuel companies. Instead, the Board of Trustees agreed to use $10 million towards new investments, which may involve companies that reduce carbon emissions and greenhouse gases, that seek solutions for climate change, or that otherwise “promote social responsibility.”

It was an underwhelming response to the activism on campus hoping Gonzaga would join the list of institutions that have divested from fossil fuels. Gonzaga, however, argues it’s a positive step toward combating climate change. Investing in clean energy, the university argues, can have a wider impact than simply divesting from fossil fuels.

“I believe stepping away [and divesting] is a symbolic

20 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

gesture. It doesn’t, in our view, actually create change.

It would add someone like Gonzaga University to a particular list,” says Joe Smith, Gonzaga’s chief financial officer. “But I feel like we’re adding ourselves with this set of strategies as well.”

T

he call for schools to divest from fossil fuel companies has become popular on colleges in recent years, as the projections for how climate change will impact the world become more dire. On almost every college campus, there’s a student group urging the university to go fossil free.

Yet many activists admit divestment remains largely a symbolic move. Taking away university investment in fossil fuel companies alone, they know, isn’t likely to change the course of climate change.

“I would say that I would agree with it being symbolic, in the sense that it’s very difficult to say that by divesting we’re going to move the needle on greenhouse gas emissions,” says Phillip Thompson, a professor and the director of the Center for Environmental Justice and Sustainability at Seattle University.

But “symbolic” isn’t synonymous with “meaningless.”

The divestment movement itself could influence political change, Thompson says. By divesting from fossil fuels, he says, Seattle University aligned its investments with its institutional values. Activists argue divestment is a small sacrifice to make a powerful statement. At Gonzaga, for example, investment in fossil fuels reflects less than 5 percent of the endowment.

And it’s not like divestment itself is unprecedented.

Those pushing for divestment from fossil fuels point out that universities divested from companies in South Africa

in the 1980s, helping end the system of apartheid. Divesting from companies contributing to an existential threat like climate change, then, could be seen as a logical move.

But Smith, Gonzaga CFO, says the comparison to apartheid isn’t perfect.

“Divesting from South Africa is not the same as divesting from an entire industry,” he says.

He says it was expected and anticipated that once there was a leadership change in South Africa, the restrictions on investment would come to an end. Smith adds that even though less than 5 percent of a $230 million endowment may sound like a small sacrifice, it would “significantly impact” how managers could manage funds of the endowments. In other words, he says, you can’t just sell the 5 percent on its own.

Additionally, he says the university seeks to grow its endowment by about 7 percent each year. It’s not as simple as choosing to replace the investments in fossil fuel companies with something else.

“Trying to hit a 7 percent return is a difficult goal in and of itself,” he says.

Ultimately, Gonzaga decided the best way fight climate change is to invest in companies contributing to that cause. In addition, the university committed to evaluate fund investments according to its “socially responsible” investing criteria, communicate the importance of socially responsible investing to managers, become more transparent in its investments and revise the investment policy when needed.

It’s a different approach than Seattle University, which hasn’t committed to invest in green companies.

That’s why Smith says the student activism worked: The university listened, thought about and considered the recommendations.

“Our students were heard,” he says.

S

haw, the student with Fossil Free Gonzaga, isn’t surprised the university to respond the way it did.

“It’s definitely disappointing,” she says. “It doesn’t negate the fact that we’re still investing a similarsized chunk of money into fossil fuel.”

Brian Henning, a professor of environmental studies at Gonzaga, has mixed feelings about Gonzaga’s decision last week.

“It’s progress, in the sense that the board spent two years thinking about this and has decided to do a better job in considering our values and how to invest funds,” Henning says.

But it’s not enough, Henning says. The $10 million earmarked for impact investing is a “good idea,” he says, but one that doesn’t solve the underlying issue. And he notes that there’s no guarantee that it will go towards companies specifically combating climate change. As for the other four changes the university committed to, Henning says those were things that existed in current policy already.

Henning says the argument that divesting would be financially irresponsible is based on the idea of an immediate divestment. A long-term divestment plan like Seattle University’s is still possible, he argues.

“If we do what Seattle U is doing, it would have no discernible impact. The financial argument is really neutral,” he says. “There’s plenty of ways in which we can do it — what’s lacking is the will.”

Still, divesting is a decision that could lead to other ramifications, Smith says. In some places, students have called for colleges to divest from other industries that don’t align with their political beliefs, like gun companies.

“If Gonzaga divested from 15 different things, it doesn’t leave a lot left,” Smith says. “It’s not the primary argument [for not divesting], but where do you draw the line?” n wilsonc@inlander.com

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22 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Nearly 45 years after its creation, a fantasy game played with paper, pencil and dice is having its biggest year yet in the Inland Northwest and around the globe

BY CHEY SCOTT The Adrian family plays D&D in their Spokane Valley home.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

O

n a late summer morning, the Adrian family is investigating a cultist hideout when a fight breaks out.

“I’m actually gonna take my great axe, but not with the blade, and try and knock him unconscious,” says Joel Adrian, role playing as a towering barbarian named Gehl.

A 20-sided black die with bright red numbers clatters across the table. “Eighteen, plus seven to hit.”

“Yeah, go ahead and roll damage,” says his son Josh, who’s leading this session of Dungeons & Dragons as the allknowing dungeon master.

“Six.” Josh stands up and raises his arms aloft to gesture the wide swing of Gehl’s great axe and how much damage, determined by the dice rolls, his dad’s character does to the enemy at hand.

“Gehl spins his axe and — boom! — hits him,” Josh narrates. “Then Nieran runs around and spins and pulls out his longsword.”

The cultists don’t stand much of a chance against the hulking barbarian and one of his companions, a stealthy and fast dark-elf rogue played by the dungeon master’s brother-inlaw, Kolby Wade. Also gathered around the kitchen table are Josh’s mother, Carrie, grandmother Reggie and sister Kayla.

After the round of combat concludes in victory for the group of adventurers, the family of six takes a midday break for tuna melts and tomato soup.

Though the outcomes of this particular role-playing narrative will be utterly unique, the Saturday morning gathering of imagination and adventure is not. In an age when technology-driven entertainment has never been better — from blockbuster video games and virtual reality to the spectacular imagery of major film and television franchises — people are increasingly choosing their kitchen tables over screens to find creative, engaging escapes. As part of that trend, Dungeons & Dragons, the role-playing game of swords and sorcery first published in 1974, has returned to the spotlight of gaming culture at an unprecedented level.

Indeed, 2018 is on track to become the biggest year for Dungeons & Dragons, according to its publisher Wizards of the Coast, a Renton, Washington-based subsidiary of the toy behemoth Hasbro.

“While we can’t share specific sales information, we can say that 2017 was a record-breaking year for D&D, and 2018 is going to beat it handily,” says Greg Tito, Wizards of the Coast’s communications manager.

“One of the strongest indicators that the D&D audience is still growing is that introductory products like the Player’s Handbooks and Starter Sets were some of the bestselling of 2018,” Tito continues. “That means more people are getting into D&D for the first time.”

Dungeons & Dragons’ modern resurrection reflects what’s being seen in tabletop gaming as an industry, which includes board and trading card games. According to geek culture market tracking firm Internal Correspondence, sales of such games topped $1.5 billion in the U.S. and Canada for the first time in 2017, an increase of 8 percent over the previous year. Of the various gaming sub-genres the firm tracks, role-playing games were up last year by 22 percent, from $45 million to $55 million.

Future projections for the global board game market expect this trend to continue, with a projected overall growth rate of 23 percent between 2018 and 2022.

FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT

The Adrian family began playing D&D in May this year, meeting once or twice a month since to solve mysteries, battle evil foes and seek out treasure in a custom story written by Josh and set on a fictional island called Coras.

Though D&D has been a passion of the 26-year-old for several years now — he also plays with friends at least once a week — he says it didn’t take too much convincing to get the ...continued on next page

EXOTIC LANGUAGES A brief overview of D&D lingo for newbs

DM The dungeon master or “DM” leads players through the story-driven game by telling them what they can do, see or hear at given moments; what they encounter and how their actions, usually based on a dice roll, resolve. d20 A 20-sided dice used to randomly determine event outcomes, mainly success and failure. Its counterparts are the d4, d6, d8 and d12.

CHARACTER CLASS Classes generally define what tasks or skills a character is good at, like investigating, fighting, magic use or healing. The official D&D classes are: barbarian, bard, cleric, druid, fighter, monk, paladin, ranger, rogue, sorcerer, warlock and wizard.

SPELL SLOT Wizards and other magic-wielding classes can only cast so many spells per game “day,” and must “rest” to recharge this daily allowance.

CAMPAIGN A story-driven challenge, quest or adventure that can be completed in one or many play sessions. New, official D&D campaign modules are released several times each year as dungeon master handbooks, the newest of which is Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage.

HOMEBREW A custom, player-written story campaign.

Homebrews are often entirely new, original stories, or can be based on other works like books, movies, shows or even settings and characters.

BEHOLDER One of the most fearsome monsters of D&D; this aberration is a large floating eyeball covered with 10 or more “eye stalks” and a massive maw filled with sharp teeth.

DEATH SAVE When a player gets to 0 hit points (HP), they must roll a d20 to determine (at least three times) if their character truly dies or is able to crawl back to the world of the living.

TPK Total party kill; when an entire adventuring party is killed by one event or challenge.

ALIGNMENT Defines a creature or character’s moral and personal attitude, in the game there are nine alignments ranging from lawful good to chaotic evil. (CHEY SCOTT)

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 23

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Dungeon master Josh Adrian, second from left, points out a spot on the game map to his sister Kayla (far left), grandmother Reggie Adrian and dad Joel Adrian.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

“GATEWAY TO ADVENTURE,” CONTINUED... whole family to play, including his 73-year-old grandmother.

“We really, as a family, like adventure movies — the Marvel movies, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit — all that stuff,” says his mom, Carrie. “We read Harry Potter as a family when the kids were young. So [Dungeons & Dragons] just seemed like a fun way to do something similar to that; a storytelling kind of thing.”

Other members of the Adrian family point out that this newfound interest in D&D has resulted in them spending more time together, and having more meaningful interactions.

“I think what is becoming popular again is being together and spending time together versus playing video games or being online,” notes Kayla, Josh’s sister.

All of those major film and book franchises Carrie lists, and many more, are widely credited for helping to bring Dungeons & Dragons back into the broader pop culture lexicon. With its limitless creative bounds and high-fantasy settings and characters — the game is packed with imaginary beings from wizards and elves to orcs, goblins, dwarves and fearsome monsters — D&D offers a familiar tone for existing fans of the genre. And while the game follows a basic set of rules and play structure, it’s infinitely customizable when it comes to narrative, setting and character behavior.

Once a game begins, and as the dungeon master narrates what players encounter in a scenario, players around the table — each role playing as a unique character they’ve created based

on D&D’s rules and options — take turns asking questions of the dungeon master or explaining what their character wants to do.

The outcomes of these decisions are determined by dice rolls with the dungeon master ultimately determining if the rolls warrant an action’s success or failure.

“I think what is becoming popular again is being together and spending time together versus playing video games or being online.”

24 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Visually, Dungeons & Dragons can be played using miniature figurines on a large map to help illustrate where each character is located in relation to each other, the in-game environment and, of course, monstrous foes. Players manage and track their characters’ abilities and other traits on standardized “character sheets,” either digitally or on a printed sheet.

“D&D has become so much more than a nerdy game that people play in their basement,” Josh Adrian reflects. “It’s something that people from every walk of life and age can play. It’s a game that allows such freedom. It’s so much about player choice and improv and everyone brings something to the table.”

Further helping Dungeons & Dragons shed its long-held stereotype as a game for outcasts is increased acknowledgement from high-profile writers, actors and other celebrities who grew up playing it in the 1980s and ’90s, back when it was generally

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viewed as a weird hobby of basement-dwelling teens.

Game of Thrones’ showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss both credit D&D for early exposure to creative worldbuilding. Late-night host and unofficial nerd culture godfather Stephen Colbert also plays and loves to talk D&D with guests like Anderson Cooper and actor Joe Manganiello (True Blood). Manganiello is such a devoted Dungeons & Dragons fan he’s built a game dungeon in his Los Angeles home where he regularly hosts sessions with other Hollywood pros, and also owns a D&D-inspired streetwear line called Death Saves. Deborah Ann Woll (Marvel’s Daredevil) is also outspoken about her passion for playing, along with fellow actors Vin Diesel, Patton Oswalt, Mike Myers, Matthew Lillard, Rainn Wilson and many more.

Another major factor behind the games’ resurgence — and one that Spokane-area players repeatedly cited — is the game’s appearance in Netflix’s acclaimed 2016 supernatural horror/mystery series Stranger Things. The 1980s-set series’ plot was largely inspired by Dungeons & Dragons’ early editions and its main characters are shown playing it together in the show’s very first episode. They spend the rest of the first season battling an alien monster called the Demogorgon, one of D&D’s original baddies.

“I was always interested in D&D, but never really knew how to get into it or anyone who played,” he recalls. “It had always been kind of projected or presented as this really nerdy subculture that seemed unapproachable and a bit daunting. I went home and watched the first episode of Critical Role and immediately was enthralled.”

Even casual observers who know little or nothing at all about Dungeons & Dragons or its massive modern fandom, however, are taking note of the game’s increased presence.

“I mean, we have people who show up and they look at what’s going on, and then I’ll shout out that it’s youth D&D league,” says Reynolds, the dungeon master at Uncle’s Games. “I have a lot of them go, ‘Oh, I played that when it first came out; holy cow, I didn’t realize it was a thing still!’ The amount of people who ask about it and are interested in it, and seem to be wanting to know more, kind of shows me that it’s becoming popular.”

COMMUNE

Spokane dungeon master — DM for short — and player Irvin Reynolds has Irvin Reynolds, top left, leads weekly D&D sessions for kids at Uncle’s Games. CHEY SCOTT PHOTO noticed other signs of the role-playing game’s mainstream revival. Reynolds During a recent Saturday morning session runs a weekly Dungeons & Dragons event for kids he’s running for a crowd of kids ages 9 to 15, at Uncle’s Games in Spokane Valley. He was first dozens of shoppers stop and stare at the excited, introduced to the game more than a decade ago often raucous group. Reynolds sits at the head in high school. of a large table covered with a huge grid map One of those signs is a significant increase that’s strewn with game tokens and a few LEGO in D&D-related content in the form of videos, mini figures representing the kids’ characters. A live-streamed shows and podcasts. Dungeons & tri-folded cardboard screen in front of Reynolds Dragons’ publisher Wizards of the Coast has also intentionally obscures his game notes and dice taken notice of the game’s growing online profile roll results from the kids to maintain an element on platforms like the game-streaming service of suspense and surprise.

Twitch, noting that in 2017 more than 7,500 Another venue introducing the under-18 set unique Twitch broadcasters streamed D&D play, to Dungeons & Dragons is Spark Central, the public totaling more than 475 million minutes watched. learning and technology center in Kendall Yards.

What’s important about this trend is that proThere, volunteers and staff from Spokane-based spective and existing players can see what the nonprofit RPG Research host twice-monthly game is actually like, from how others role-play drop-in sessions for both D&D and other roletheir characters to how a dungeon master guides playing games, known as RPGs for short and players through a compelling narrative. most of which were modeled after D&D’s core One of the most popular live-play Dungeons & design.

Dragons web series is Critical Role, featuring a core RPG Research founder Hawke Robinson group of eight professional voice actors advenstudies the numerous positive effects role-playing turing through custom campaigns written and games like D&D can have on at-risk youth and led by dungeon master Matthew Mercer. Each mentally or physically disabled populations, episode clocks in between three and four-and-aamong others. In addition to sessions at Spark, half hours, and Critical Role’s first season storyline RPG Research brings one of its mobile gaming aired weekly for more than two years before its centers, a converted bus and trailer, to public loconclusion. The first episode of the series’ curcations around the Northwest on the two Fridays rent season, which debuted in January 2018, has a month its staff are not at Spark. more than 3.1 million views.

Opportunities like these for new players of It was this series that initially pushed Josh all ages to learn how to play and meet other local ...continued on next page Adrian deep into the world of D&D.

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 25

POP CULTURE

RPG Research Vice President John Welker leads Dungeons & Dragons sessions for kids twice a month at Spark Central in Kendall Yards.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

“GATEWAY TO ADVENTURE,” CONTINUED... adventurers is one of the strongest indicators seen in the Inland Northwest of Dungeons & Dragons’ modern resurgence.

Nearly all of the game and hobby shops [See “Enter the Dungeon” on page 24] in Spokane, Coeur d’Alene and the Palouse host weekly D&D sessions that are usually beginner friendly.

Meanwhile, some shops like Uncle’s at the Spokane Valley Mall frequently attract more players than there are dungeon masters available to run sessions for them.

Before Reynolds can start his custom-written session for the kids that Saturday morning, he’s frantically texting a felHISTORY CHECK low dungeon master to ask if Dungeons & Dragons has beckoned he’s on his way. There are albrave and imaginative adventurready 10 kids eagerly waiting, ers since 1974. Take a trip back in but to keep the game both time with the new Art & Arcana: A manageable for Reynolds and Visual History, a 440-page tome fun for players, he doesn’t like offering a retrospective look at to seat more than seven playthe game’s growth. It’s packed ers per table. with classic game art, book covers, “It’s gotten so popular, retro advertisements and other so fast,” says Uncle’s event ephemera that’s interspersed with coordinator Stephanie Gross, D&D’s definitive history. The book adding that the weekend kids’ retails for $50 and is a great gift for event has only been running any D&D fan, new or long-time. since June. For months after the event started, about three to five kids showed up each week; now closer to a dozen regularly attend.

To help match this increased interest from the local community, Gross and Reynolds are also planning to host the store’s second “Learn to DM” event early next year to train aspiring dungeon masters in how to run a game.

“Honestly, anyone can DM, and anyone can play,” Reynolds says. “You don’t need to know a lot of the rules to play. You just need to be able to narrate a story that is captivating enough.”

FIND FAMILIAR

Like so many players of Dungeons & Dragons, I am also a fan of its closely related fantasy masterpieces — The Lord of the Rings,

26 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Harry Potter, Game of Thrones and others. But unlike those precisely defined worlds of literature and film, there’s something deeper in Dungeons & Dragons: a shared narrative.

I quickly discovered this core principle not long after being introduced to the game early this year while playing with my partner, his brothers and sister-in-law.

Sure, we’re a bunch of 30-something adults imagining ourselves as other-worldly beings, but we’re also cooperating and innovating to solve problems while trying not to get our characters killed. At the same time, we’re creating lasting, shared memories that other forms of modern entertainment, no matter how revered, don’t provide. Every game of Dungeons & Dragons is, first and foremost, a story its players create.

Consider the time our party of adventurers encountered a dangerous dragon sleeping in a high tower. With some ingenuity and allowance from our dungeon master, the group decided to invisibly levitate one of our characters into the air using some magical spells so that she could throw a bag of grenades (an item custom-designed by the DM, as there’s nothing on grenades in the official game handbooks) through a window in an attempt to destroy the dragon. It worked, and we still talk about this moment like we actually lived it in the flesh and not just in our imaginations.

From the perspective of Dungeons & Dragons’ creator Wizards of the Coast, this focus on collaborative storytelling is a carefully intentioned design, and a focus of the fifth official re-launch of the game’s core rules in conjunction with its 40th anniversary in 2014. Dungeons & Dragons’ Fifth Edition rules are simpler and more streamlined than the previous iterations, a move directly credited with boosting the game into its current resurgence.

Josh Adrian, the dungeon master who runs games for three generations of his own family, reflects on similar moments of collaborative storytelling in his games with family and friends.

“As a group of people, we have slayed dragons and saved cities and stormed fortresses and had characters we’d grown to love die.

And we’ve made stories that are more immersive and relatable and personal than anything we could have read or played electronically and watched on TV, in a much more social way as well.” n

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Chey Scott currently plays Dungeons & Dragons as a level six human wizard named Neith, a student in the school of necromancy with an undead cat named Mafdet. Chey’s been a nerd her whole life, but before being introduced to D&D she roleplayed Little House on the Prairie throughout childhood.

A staff writer at the Inlander since 2012, she’s also the editor of its food and events sections. Contact her at cheys@inlander.com or 325-0634 ext. 225.

PREVIOUSLY…

Miller Cane broke a plaster virgin Mary statue over the head of Connor and successfully escaped with Carleen’s beloved cat Waffles. Miller’s been taking care of 8-yearold Carleen while her mother, Lizzie, is in jail for shooting Connor, her estranged father. Connor suddenly came back into the picture after learning that Carleen will inherit a massive family fortune that Connor believes is rightfully his. Before all this, Miller had been been making his living conning the survivors of mass shootings, but now, with Carleen, he plans to return to the road with a different purpose: completing a long-ignored writing gig. Miller owes his editor, George, short profiles of historical figures for an 11th-grade history textbook. Each brief biography will begin with a central question, “Hero or Villain?” So far, Miller has veered off course.

CHAPTER 3, PART 6 HERO VILLAIN III

George Washington and George Washington Carver and John Carver and George Jones and George Kennedy and John F. Kennedy and Georgy Girl.

O

f course these aren’t all one Hero Villain — one of them is the father of our country and one of them was a famous botanist and one of them was the writer of the Mayflower Compact and the first governor of Plymouth Colony and one of them was a drunken singer and one of them was an actor who could sweat better than any other actor and one of them was a Kennedy

ABOUT THIS PROJECT

Miller Cane: A True and Exact History, a new novel by Samuel Ligon, is being published for the first time in the pages of the Inlander.

The latest installments of the book will always appear in print first, then on the web the following Wednesday MADE POSSIBLE BY and then on Spokane Public Radio, which is broadcasting audio versions of each installment.

Visit MillerCane.Inlander.com for more details.

doll and the author of his own naval history and one of them is the subject of a song, a girl with “another Georgy deep inside,” but they’re all people who loved America as much as they hated kings and queens and emperors and dukes and sultans and czars and popes.

They were mostly men and mostly white and mostly named George. They were freemasons and rodeo clowns. They were fathers of our country, and they were nicknamed The Possum.

They were Puritan separatists with bad teeth and bad backs, who surrendered to booze and pills and laudanum and the lord.

They chopped down trees. They invented peanuts and cures for the common cold. They married Jackie, Tammy, Martha. They were gay and bi and trans and cis. They wrote the Mayflower Compact and the Declaration of Independence.

Nobody they met could ever see the loneliness there inside them. They stopped loving her today.

Activity: Rank the above Hero Villains from most heroic/villainous to least.

Activity: Match each claim in the above paragraph to the correct Hero Villain listed above. (Example: George Jones was often called “The Possum,” [as well as “No Show Jones”], was married to Tammy Wynette, and surrendered to booze.)

Activity: Determine the degree to which any claim — here or anywhere — might be true or false.

Commentary: It doesn’t matter if George Washington chopped down a cherry tree or if George Jones rode a riding lawn mower to the liquor store or if Georgy ever managed to “shed those dowdy features and fly a little bit,” or if John Carver’s Puritan colonists are remembered more today for their insufferable piety or for establishing Provincetown as the LGBTQ vacation mecca it has become, or if JFK was elected as a result of voter fraud, or if George Washington Carver developed a hundred

and five or a hundred and twenty-five ways to prepare the peanut for human consumption.

Question for Consideration: What then does matter?

Condescending down talk: There are thousands upon thousands of American Hero Villains. You might be one. Or you might just be plain folk who will someday become one. Maybe your daughter will be the prose stylist who makes your Little House books great.

Or maybe you’ll be George Washington Carver. Can you dream yourself into a Hero Villain? Probably not. But if you could, what would that dream look like? Will you ultimately give up because of all the factors limiting your potential, or will you transcend those limitations? Maybe you’ll spend your life in prison, like Charles Manson. Or maybe you’ll travel to Mars!

Consider G.W. Carver, born in Missouri shortly before the end of slavery. He was the first African American enrolled at Iowa State, and later taught as the first black faculty member there. Another Washington, Booker T., hired him to head Tuskegee Institute’s Agriculture department, where he taught for almost 50 years. He invented the phonograph, the film projector, television, and baseball. His research on crop rotation was revolutionary and he developed scores of peanut and sweet potato products and applications.

Activity: Find a hundred new applications for the walnut, for doughnuts, for anything.

Activity: Change your first and middle names to George and Washington.

Activity: Wonder if it matters that George Washington was sterile.

Conclude: That it doesn’t matter, because he fathered a country. And while no one knows who the mother of America was, we do know it wasn’t Martha, though ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 27

JAN, THE TOY LADY, LOVES THE ANTICIPATION OF SURPRISE GIFTS AT CHRISTMASTIME:

MILLER CANE: A TRUE AND EXACT HISTORY  Chapter 3, Part 6 continued...

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Spokane’s own Grammy Award-winning baritone, Thomas Hampson, explores poems and songs from over 250 years of US history for an engaging journey through American culture. Works by Foster, Bernstein, Ives, and more, accompanied by pianist Lara Downes and an ensemble of Spokane Symphony musicians.

Martha was rich, bringing 84 slaves with her to Mount Vernon in 1759. Fifteen years later, she and George had 100 slaves, and ten years after that 250. George freed them all in his will, and ordered that they be taken care of forever, but that was after he was dead. Still, lots of people thought he was swell. It was swell that he wasn’t a king for example, and swell that he wanted to be called Mr. President. It was swell that he had a distillery and dentures made from human teeth and elephant ivory. Still, his mouth hurt all the time, and he had to take laudanum for the pain.

Activity: Reconcile the good you did with the bad, swaddling your vice in a nest of virtue. (e.g., Yes, you chopped down a cherry tree, but at least you admitted it. Or, yes, you owned hundreds of slaves, but at least you freed them and made whiskey and would never let anyone call you Your Highness.)

But let’s say you’re Jack Kennedy and are a kind of royalty. Maybe you’re into Marilyn Monroe and the mafia and all kinds of drugs like codeine and Demerol and methadone for your back pain and Ritalin to keep you awake and meprobamate and librium for your anxiety and barbiturates for sleep and steroids for your Addison’s disease and antispasmodics for your colitis and antibiotics for your urinary tract infections and antihistamines for your allergies. And maybe you’re into super fine babes, too. So what? It’s the 1960s and sexism and harassment and drugs are just a part of who we are. Maybe you avert a nuclear crisis in Cuba, but push America into war with France or Vietnam. What difference does it make? If it’s not the Bay of Pigs, it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis. If it’s not Nikita Khrushchev, it’s Ho Chi Minh or Judith Campbell. But when we talk about your era as Camelot, what we really mean is that sometimes we need a king to serve. Or a saint. And our servility might someday destroy us.

Activity: List the attributes, positive and negative, of your favorite king or queen, and of your favorite president. On balance, who’s a better person, leader, American? Who would you rather serve? If you could assassinate one king/ queen/president, who would that be? Why? George Kennedy was not a king or a president, he was an actor — but not a huge star, which means he doesn’t really matter. Still, you should watch Cool Hand Luke and try to find other movies where he sweats a lot, maybe when he’s driving a getaway car or something.

George Jones on the other hand was a huge star, so he does matter. Also: his father’s name was George Washington Jones; he was an incorrigible drunk; he had one of the greatest voices

in country music; and he wouldn’t show up at his own concerts half the time. He wrote songs like “The Race Is On,” about pride and heartache and other American virtues and it’s possible he didn’t write that one but others, like “Why Baby Why,” and “The Window Up Above.” He was a direct descendant of John Carver, who was the Puritan author of the Mayflower Compact, a company man and a king hater. George Jones was an American. John Carver was an emigrant, which means he was also an immigrant.

Activity: Reconcile the good you did with the bad, swaddling your vice in a nest of virtue.

Question: Is it more American to welcome immigrants into our melting pot or to shoot them in the face?

Finally, Georgy Girl, a song made famous by an Australian group, The Seekers, and written by two British men. We must remember that George Washington was also a British man for most of his life. Georgy Girl was a smash hit in 1967, and we can study its lyrics today to see how far we’ve come since then: “Hey there, Georgy girl/Why do all the boys just pass you by? Could it be you just don’t try or is it the clothes you wear?”

Activity: Watch several episodes of Rock of Love, starring glam metal “singer/songwriter” Bret Michaels. Try to get a feel for who Bret is and what he believes, then rewrite “Georgy Girl” as Bret Michaels would write it if he were trying to get a super fine babe to change out of street clothes into slut clothes in a Porta Potty right outside his tour bus.

Extra Credit: What is the most American thing about Bret Michaels and George Michael and Michael Landon and all the other people listed above?

[George, think of this as a meditation, me getting my sea legs, playing with form. What I’m really working on now is Narcissa Whitman — headed to the Mission next week and doing all kinds of research. Did you know the Cayuse people could not stop shooting her after hatcheting her husband in the head? A lot of hatred bred by those missionaries. I’m wondering if a body can still smell it down there. I’ll be sniffing around.

But you know what? Even as the West burns and we’re erecting statues of Stalin in town squares all over America, I’m as hopeful for our country as ever. Know why? Because freedom isn’t free, baby — never has been, never will be.] n

MILLER CANE CONTINUES IN NEXT WEEK’S INLANDER

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Samuel Ligon is the author of two other novels — Among the Dead and Dreaming and Safe in Heaven Dead — and two collections of stories, Wonderland and Drift and Swerve. He’s artistic director of the Port Townsend Writers’ Conference and teaches at Eastern Washington University in Spokane. In 2012, Ligon and his wife, Kate Lebo, started Pie & Whiskey — raucous literary events featuring pie, whiskey and readings about those eponymous things — and together they edited a 2017 collection of works from readings in Spokane and Missoula, called Pie & Whiskey: Writers Under the Influence of Butter & Booze.

28 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

JESSIE HYNES ILLUSTRATION

ESSAY

Grinchmas Guide How to survive and thrive when the holidays just aren’t your thing

BY ELISSA BALL

D

oes your heart light up like Rudolph’s nose when you hear the tinkly opening of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You”? That’s great.

I’m happy for you. Enjoy this holiday by donning Santa socks and tying a jumbo wreath to your truck’s grill.

This is a Christmas guide for the rest of us — we Grinches gritting our teeth through our least wonderful time of the year. This is for folks who switch radio stations at the first shake of a jingle bell because, to our ears, Christmas songs sound like a fork scraping metal.

I don’t despise all holidays, OK? As a Pagan witch, I’ve already had my Christmas — it was called Hallow-

een. On Dec. 21, I celebrate Winter Solstice, nature’s version of that line from Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back in Town” that assures us: “Won’t be long till summer comes.” Daylight will soon increase! Even the gothest Goth can admit 3:40 pm sunsets are a bit bleak.

Christmas turns me off because there’s pressure to express affection by spending money. Gross. I also can’t stand certain bell-ringing religious charities’ disapproval of queer and transgender people. I even hate how the Elf on the Shelf normalizes surveillance culture. New Year’s Eve’s sad countdown to an artificial time marker isn’t much better.

So, fellow bah humbuggers, here are tips on how to cope:

GET IN, GET OUT

Avoiding all interaction with Christmas is nearly impossible. The trick is to pick a few Yuletide things you do like and access them, quickly. Get in, get out. Tchaikovsky is basically a heavy metal legend to me, so I have a soft spot for The Nutcracker Suite. Maybe you’re into some foods only available at Christmas. Stock up! Aplets & Cotlets candies are easy to find now. Martinelli’s special ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 29

CULTURE | ESSAY

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“GRINCHMAS GUIDE,” CONTINUED... apple-pomegranate and apple-cranberry sparkling ciders are here, but not for long. If you sip harder stuff, track down whatever fleeting gingerbread vodka you fancy. Seek the small positives.

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The beauty of adulthood means you can loathe Noel and still use holiday down time to form traditions you actually enjoy. Ten years ago I started baking vegan cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning to munch throughout the day as I re-watched The Shining or Titanic — two long films that both feature ice and an axe. Seasonal! Why not host a Tales From the Crypt marathon for your fellow anti-Xmas pals? Tally each of the Cryptkeeper’s gory puns; call the event Merry Cryptmas! It’s your wonderful life. But if you visit an eatery open on Christmas, remember to tip profusely.

hop in the tub with an exfoliating glove or sugar scrub. Visualize the year’s emotional crud swirling down the drain. You’ll feel fresh and new.

Throw open your closets and cupboards and ditch any items you’ve accumulated that need to leave.

NEED FOR STEAM

Take it from someone who spent Thanksgiving in urgent care due to ear pain caused by Spokane’s ultra dry air: Crackly winter air is merciless. If you want to prevent bloody noses

“Hop in the tub with an exfoliating glove or sugar scrub. Visualize the year's emotional crud swirling down the drain.

You'll feel fresh and new.”

HOME ALONE

If you can’t escape family gatherings, you should still shoehorn alone time into your vacation to avoid a stress meltdown. Hosting guests? Just say, “Be back in an hour!,” rip open hand warmers and stroll through Manito Park by yourself. A great way to get that sweet, necessary privacy is by house sitting or pet sitting. Before the holidays, offer your services and you could score a quiet place to recharge. Once you’re home alone, put on a discount sheet mask from Marshall’s, wear soft pants (or no pants), and indulge in your strange interests. (I love looking at gowns and dollhouse furniture on Tumblr.) You don’t always have to be social or productive.

SHEDDING SEASON

Human bodies are like playground equipment: Potentially fun, but teeming with bacteria and weird liquids. Face it: We’re gross. Is it time to replace your toothbrush? Your comb? Your loofah sponge? Swap ’em out if they’re getting grody.

Make a list of bodily maintenance to schedule in January: haircut, STD test, teeth cleaning. Watch a YouTube clip of a snake shedding its skin, then

and ear emergencies, make humidity a priority.

A simple thrift-store Crock-Pot can become a simmer pot that adds moisture — not to mention warm scents of orange slices and cinnamon sticks — to your indoor air. If you have a wood stove, keep a water-filled iron kettle on top (and use a metal trivet). Hit up a YMCA steam room.

The women’s locker room at Urbanna Salon also has a steam room for gals getting spa services.

Moisturize or suffer!

REACH OUT AND TEXT SOMEONE

Neutral-to-negative about the holidays? It’s still a good idea to text a friend or faraway relative to say “What’s up?” Even Grinches can get lonely at Christmas and New Year’s, and checking in on loved ones is a free way to show that even if you don’t care about stockings and ornaments, you care about them. n Elissa Ball is a comic, poet, and former Seattle Weekly columnist. She lives in Spokane, reads tarot cards at Chosen Vintage, and is the author of three books.

CULTURE | DIGEST

KILLER XMAS BINGE You’ve undoubtedly heard of Killing Eve thanks to the BBC America series’ presence on numerous year-end Top 10 TV lists. As a cable-cutter, I had to wait for it to hit Hulu to check on the hype, and it’s pretty much as advertised — a delightfully twisted globetrotting action/comedy revolving around two stunning lead women.

Sandra Oh is Eve, a government agent trying to track down a seemingly insatiable assassin named Villanelle. Oh is excellent, blending drama and comedy chops expertly. But it’s British actress Jodie Comer as the psychopathic killer who is the real revelation, at turns sexy, horrific and hilarious. I raced through the eight episodes, and can’t wait for season two. (DAN NAILEN)

THIS WEEK’S PLAYLIST Some noteworthy new music arrives online and in stores Dec. 21. To wit: REEL BIG FISH, Life Sucks...Let’s Dance! The ska-infused pop-punks from SoCal release a new one just in time for Christmas, and just in time for their Jan. 15 show at Knitting Factory.

21 SAVAGE, I Am > I Was. Collaborations with Drake and Post Malone helped make this Atlanta rapper famous. His second solo album will probably make him huge.

LONE JUSTICE, Live at the Palomino 1983.

One of the pioneering L.A. bands in the “cowpunk” scene of the early ’80s, captured in their hell-raising glory on this set. (DAN NAILEN)

Santa Lessons

A

BY DAN NAILEN

mong a sea of Santas, Roger Schramm stands out. It might be the deep red velvety suit. It might be the jingle bells hanging from his hip, or the goodies he keeps on hand to give out to “boys and girls” of all ages.

If I had to pick one reason, though, that Schramm (above) beckoned me like the Christmas star from among a constellation of three dozen pub-crawling Santas in the Garland District Saturday night, it would have to be the beard.

Schramm’s is bleached a perfect white, along with his hair, and the beard really shines in a crowd of imbibing Kris Kringles who mostly have store-bought beards.

THE BUZZ BIN Schramm starts growing his Santa beard Aug. 1 every year in preparation for a December full of Santa shenanigans. As we chat at Rick’s Ringside Pub, one of several stops on the Spokane SantaCon crawl, he pulls up his phone’s calendar and shows me a month full of charity events, private parties, Eastern Washington University football games and other gigs that are part of his Santa schedule. They are, naturally, color-coded in red.

On Christmas morning, the 63-year-old Schramm hits the slopes of Mount Spokane in full Santa regalia before shaving his Santa beard off in time for a big family Christmas gathering in the evening.

“My mom likes to see me clean-shaven for dinner,” Schramm says.

Schramm’s been growing the real Santa beard for about eight years, but he’s been working as a seasonal Santa for about 30. It all started when a Santa his sister hired for a party flaked, and Schramm made an emergency fill-in. He did two events each year as Santa for about a decade before really leaning into his St. Nick appeal; he now does about 40 each season.

Occasionally, between all the do-gooder gigs and for-profit parties, Schramm likes to hook up with something like the Spokane SantaCon, joining some fellow ho-ho-hoers in celebrating the season.

Asked if he has any advice for the amateur Santas surrounding him on Saturday night, Schramm relates a few rules to live by. Santas never suck in their gut, for one. And if a Santa is in his costume, he has to be in character. Then, of course, there is Schramm’s own Santa Creed: Don’t drink beer or whiskey. Don’t get drunk. And don’t ever be seen with another Santa. Of course, as I talk to him he’s one of many, many Santas in the room.

“And I’m doing something I never do as Santa, and that’s drink beer.”

Even Santa gets to be naughty now and again. n

DIGITAL TCG FRENZY Step aside, Hearthstone. One new and one old collectible trading card games (aka TCGs) are carving out bigger shares of the genre’s digital market with recent expansions. Dire Wolf Digital’s Eternal is now available for Xbox One, in addition to PC, iOS and Android. A new set of cards also came out this month. Meanwhile, the game that started it all and turned 25 this year, Magic: The Gathering, is in open beta testing (PC only) for its new digital format, Magic: The Gathering Arena. A new “versus mode” lets players directly challenge friends to a game. I’ve been spending a lot of time lately ranking up in both, so see ya on the battlefield. (CHEY SCOTT)

7

That’s how many touchdown passes EWU quarterback Eric Barriere threw Saturday in beating Maine, tying the Eagles’ team record and leading them to the national championship game against North Dakota State. The game kicks off at 9 am on Jan. 5 on ESPN2.

‘ALERT YOUR LOCAL NFL TEAM’ The Seahawks are back! OK, fine, they never left. And I’m a bandwagoner for being less than enthused with an unfamiliar roster earlier this season. But I’ve changed, and for that I’d like to thank Twitter user @cablethanos for cobbling together some hilariously edited Seahawk highlight reels that you need to watch. Imagine if a subreddit for shitposting had a baby with a professional sports commentator, and that baby was also a diehard Seahawks fan. It’s that good. (QUINN WELSCH)

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 31

CULTURE | FILM underrated bit of neo-noir. Robert Downey Jr. stars as a thief who stumbles into an acting role, and after getting paired with a gay detective (Val Kilmer in a scene-stealing performance) for research purposes, he finds himself at the center of a real mystery.

It’s overloaded with purple dialogue, a deliberately convoluted plot and a winking, self-aware attitude. Streaming on HBO Go.

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, PART 2 (1987)

A Hallmark Christmas? Pass I got I got all my all my shopping shopping done at done at Atticusboo radley’s

If you’re tired of the same old Christmas movies, consider these offbeat viewing choices

BY NATHAN WEINBENDER

W

e all have our favorite Christmas movies, the cinematic comfort food we curl up with once a year. But no matter how heartwarming it is to see Ralphie open the package containing his Red Ryder BB gun, or George Bailey learn that he does deserve to keep on living, sometimes you need a change of pace.

Here are six more offbeat features set on or around Christmas that aren’t your typical good tidings, something to put a little spike in your holiday eggnog.

BETTER WATCH OUT (2016)

Downtown�Spokane�on�Howard�St.

32 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Black Christmas

A thoroughly twisted (and twisty) little Christmas slasher flick that starts out as one thing and ends as something much different and much darker. It begins with a nerdy 12-year-old kid and a slightly older

babysitter being left home alone on a dark December night, and they’re menaced by home invaders with no apparent motive.

But all is not as it seems, and... well, the less you know about the plot’s bloody surprises, the better. Streaming on Shudder.

Truly one of the worst movies ever made, and one of the most blatantly lazy cash-ins imaginable, but that’s precisely what makes it so entertaining. This is the sequel to a notorious 1984 killer Santa movie, and about a third of it simply consists of repurposed footage from its predecessor. But it’s the new material (much of which isn’t even Christmas-related) that makes Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 a cult classic. It involves the younger brother of the first film’s red-suited psychopath, played with hilariously misjudged intensity by Eric Freeman, going on a rampage, and his axe and umbrella-wielding freakouts (including the now infamous “GARBAGE DAY!” sequence) are the stuff of bad cinema gold. Available for rent through Amazon and iTunes.

THE SILENT PARTNER (1978)

I love a good ’70s bank robbery movie, and this one is a terrific and generally underseen entry in the subgenre. Elliott Gould stars as a bank teller who uncovers the plans for a heist, and he decides to swoop in and steal the money away from the crook, who dresses as a shopping mall Santa. But the thief (Christopher Plummer, who’s so menacing he really should have played more villains) soon gets wise, and what results is a crafty cat-and-mouse game, a tense thriller and a fascinating time capsule of the era. Available for rent through Amazon and iTunes.

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)

Bob Clark is now best known for helming A Christmas Story, but the late Canadian director had another lesser-known — but perhaps even more influential — Yuletide classic under his belt. (Weirdly enough, he’s also responsible for the Porky’s and Baby Geniuses franchises, but it’s best to ignore those.) Black Christmas is considered one of the first ever slasher films, and its lean tale of a madman stalking a sorority no doubt inspired Halloween and Friday the 13th several years later. It’s stylish and genuinely creepy, and boasts one of the most unsettling endings in horror history. Streaming on Shudder.

KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)

Shane Black is known for setting his action movie scripts (Lethal Weapon, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Nice Guys) at Christmastime, and any of them could take this spot. But I’m going with his directorial debut, an

TANGERINE (2015)

Sean Baker’s films are love letters to people on the fringes, dramas of the disenfranchised that never feel hectoring or condescending. His breakout feature Tangerine (above) is a wild comedy about two transgender prostitutes (newcomers Kitana Kiki Rodriguez and Mya Taylor, both terrific) tearing through the streets of Los Angeles on Christmas Eve looking for their pimp, who also happens to be one of their boyfriends. Baker shot the film on iPhones, giving it a restless, on-the-fly aesthetic, and although its subject matter is potentially salacious, the movie is disarmingly sweet.

Streaming on Hulu. n

BAKING

MAKE THE HOLIDAYS

POP

Homemade cake pops are a delicious gift for family and friends

BY SAMANTHA WOHLFEIL

A

s we enter the holiday home stretch, it’s way too easy to get bogged down with stress as we figure out what to get for family and friends. It’s hard to know what everyone might like, and it takes a lot of time, money and effort to find something unique for an entire list of people.

But I’m here to tell you there’s an easier way, friend: some holiday baking.

You can’t go wrong with sweets, and making a recipe that seems a little complicated, like festive cake pops, is a fun and relatively painless way to impress your loved ones.

And the best part? When your treats inevitably don’t turn out perfectly, it’s actually an asset. Gifting cake pops that are a tiny bit lumpy, and not the perfect little spheres like you see in magazines, ensures that the recipient knows you made them, and made them with love. Those little homemade touches don’t change the flavor at all, and you can make dozens of these in just a few hours to get everyone left on the list checked off.

(If you want to make this recipe even easier, just make a box of cake mix following the directions on the back, and skip ahead to the frosting section). ...continued on next page

Don’t you dare make perfect cake pops. Lumpy = lovingly homemade.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 33

FOOD | BAKING “MAKE THE HOLIDAYS POP,” CONTINUED...

FOR THE CAKES

Butter and flour for pans 2 3/4 cups cake or all purpose flour 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar 3 3/4 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt 12 tablespoons room temperature salted butter (1.5 sticks), cut into chunks 3/4 cup milk or milk substitute 2 teaspoons vanilla bean paste, or scrapings from one vanilla bean and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 4 large room temperature eggs

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees and butter two 9-inch by 2-inch round cake pans and lightly flour them, tapping out excess. Or use parchment paper and cooking spray; the goal is just to make it easier to pop out the cakes.

2. Sift the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt into a large bowl, mix with a fork and set aside.

3. In a stand mixer, cream the butter with the paddle attachment until soft, then slowly mix in the flour mix on low.

4. Add in the milk and vanilla, then mix in one egg at a time, scraping down the bowl as needed to make sure everything is incorporated.

5. The batter should be smooth before you divide it equally between the two pans. Smooth it to the edges of the pan and bake until golden, about 30 to 35 minutes.

Let cakes cool completely in pans on a cooling rack.

FOR THE FROSTING

fully cool. (Don’t try to make more than one pan at a time; the other cake round can come together in a second batch by repeating these steps and making more frosting if needed.)

2 sticks (16 tablespoons) room temperature salted butter 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar 1 teaspoon salt to taste 2 teaspoons vanilla or other flavoring

1. In stand mixer, cream butter and vanilla using the paddle attachment on low speed, then slowly add powdered sugar 1/2 cup at a time until the frosting just comes together. You don’t want it to be too dry or the cake pops won’t hold together, so just add enough powdered sugar to get the flavor right (at least 1 1/2 cups) and add salt to taste.

FOR THE CAKE POPS

1 or 2 bags of chocolate candy melts in desired colors Candy sticks

3. While the cake balls are cooling, use a double boiler or a heatproof glass bowl on top of a simmering pot of water to warm the candy melts. Once the mixture is just fully melted, carefully remove it from the heat and keep stirring, being careful not to overheat.

For a fancier look, add sprinkles while the candy is still warm. Wrap a piece of styrofoam in fancy paper for a beautiful display stand.

1. Once the cake is fully cooled, crumble one of the rounds in a large bowl by hand, pulling out any crispy edges so there’s a uniform soft texture. Add a little less than half of the frosting to the bowl and combine with your hands. This is less scientific and more about how the cake is acting. See if you can roll a ball between your hands, and if it’s still too crumbly, add a little more frosting.

2. When the texture is right, roll the cake mix into roughly 1 1/2-inch balls and set them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, then move to the fridge to

4. Work with one cool cake ball at a time, dipping a candy stick half an inch into the melted candy before sticking it into the cake ball. Then use a spoon to ladle the melted candy over the ball while spinning it. Once coated, carefully tap the stick with your finger to encourage any excess to drip off, then stand the pop in a piece of cardboard or styrofoam to cool. With several done, put them in the fridge to cool completely.

5. Get creative! For a fancier look, add sprinkles while the candy is still warm. Wrap a piece of styrofoam in fancy paper for a beautiful display stand. Or cover each pop with plastic and tie with ribbon or twine to deliver them individually. It’s up to you, just have fun with it. n

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6704 N. Nevada St. #1, Spokane, WA • 509-474-0899 1025 W. 1st Ave., Spokane, WA • 509-487-3238

FOOD | OPENING

Hometown Brew

Hop Mountain focuses on a hyper-local craft beer selection.

The newly opened Hop Mountain Taproom and Grill features local brews and eats in the foothills of Mount Spokane

BY MICHAELA MULLIGAN

F

or 10 years, Hop Mountain Taproom and Grill co-owner Joe Condon dreamed of opening a restaurant.

Condon grew up working in restaurants, and after four years in the Navy he transitioned to a corporate job at a big company in the Inland Northwest. When that line of work began to wear Joe out, his at-first reluctant wife Katie gave him the go-ahead.

“Katie could tell that I wasn’t very happy in my position and she was like, ‘You know what, let’s do the taproom,’” Joe recalls.

Located off of Highway 2 as it heads north toward Mount Spokane, Hop Mountain Taproom and Grill focuses on serving local brews and pub-style food. All 21 taps feature Pacific Northwest craft breweries and cider makers, including Big Barn Brewing, Twilight Cider Works, One Tree Cider, No-Li Brewhouse and Moscow-based Hunga Dunga Brewing. Joe picks each IPA,

wheat, sour, pale ale and lager with the goal of introducing Spokane’s northsiders to new beers and ciders.

“It’s finding the balance between a good beer and your demographic,” Joe notes.

In addition to local brews, Joe and Katie incorporate other local sources into their menu. Order either a half ($8-$9) or full order ($16-$17) of chicken wings with a choice of four sauces from local company Booey’s Gourmet.

Other items on the menu include pub favorites such as deep fried pickles ($8), a hot pretzel with mustard or cheese sauce ($10) and the tavern burger with lettuce, tomato, choice of Swiss or cheddar cheese served on a brioche bun ($11). Joe and Katie continue to develop and change Hop Mountain’s menu as they find what customers want, while keeping the focus on their beer selection.

Serious beer connoisseurs can join Hop Mountain’s mug club for $100, which

HECTOR AIZON PHOTO

includes members’ mugs, stored at the taproom. Mug club members receive $1 off every beer, and an 18-ounce pour instead of 16 ounces, among other benefits. There’s happy hour from 4-6 pm, and daily lunch specials from noon-4 pm.

Though it clearly pays homage to the region’s craft beer scene, Hop Mountain wasn’t the first name Joe had for his taproom. At first it was “Hooligan’s,” then “Darby’s,” the latter after his dog. Not until he began sketching the logo of a hop bud topped with Mount Spokane’s snow cap on a sticky note did Joe and Katie decide on the name.

“From there we’re like, shit, Hop Mountain — it just hit us,” Joe recalls.

Both from North Spokane, Joe and Katie picked the location on Highway 2 partly for its proximity to Mount Spokane.

Throughout this winter’s snowsport season, they’re running a special with Mt. Spokane Ski & Snowboard Park for customers who show their lift ticket and a special Hop Mountain flyer to get 20 percent off food purchases.

“We’re both snowboarders. We come down, have a beer, have a burger, head home,” Joe says. n Hop Mountain Taproom and Grill • 14017 N. Newport Hwy., Suite G • Open Mon-Fri noon-10 pm, Sat-Sun 11 am-10 pm • hopmountaintaproom.com • 934-1945

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 35

WATERLOGGED Aquaman is superhero overkill

There’s a whole lot of stuff going on in Aquaman, but it sadly doesn’t add up to much.

BY JOSH BELL

A

nyone concerned about the oppressive seriousness of some previous DC live-action superhero movies will have nothing to worry about with James Wan’s Aquaman, which is a deeply silly movie. It features a talking sea monster (voiced by Julie Andrews!), flying blades formed out of wine, an octopus playing the drums, and sharks with frickin’ laser beams. And yet it’s also mostly boring, stretching its thin story over nearly two and a half hours and sending its hero on a longwinded quest just to put him right back in the same place.

The bombastic dialogue sounds like something out of a 1980s action B-movie, and the design resembles a 1970s TV-movie idea of how superheroes should look, realized via CGI. It’s a nonstop visual assault that seems designed to distract from the terrible writing and one-dimensional characterization.

At least most of the stars seem to be having fun.

Following his appearance in the ill-fated Justice League, Jason Momoa takes center stage as Arthur Curry, the son of an Atlantean queen and a human lighthouse keeper, who is extraordinarily powerful both above and below water. Arthur is content to take down pirates and pound beers at his local bar, but when Atlantean princess Mera (Amber Heard) comes calling, he’s recruited into a battle for the fate of his ancestral home.

36 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Arthur’s power-hungry half-brother Orm (Patrick Wilson) wants to wage war on the surface world, and the only way to stop him is for Arthur to challenge him for the throne of Atlantis. This involves a very long video game-style journey through multiple ancient undersea realms, all to retrieve a really important trident once wielded by the first ruler of Atlantis. It’s mostly just a way to kill time between Arthur and Orm’s first battle, in a gladiator-style arena, and the movie’s final all-out melee.

In the meantime, Arthur and Mera bond, Orm snarls and yells a lot, and secondary villain Black Manta (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) makes enough trouble to pad out the running time. Momoa and Heard have strong chemistry, and they bring a sense of playfulness to their predictable banter. Wilson chews tons of virtual scenery as the megalomaniacal Orm, and Nicole Kidman does her best to bring a little gravitas as Arthur’s patient, level-headed mother Atlanna.

But it’s hard to take any of them seriously in their ridiculous, garish costumes, gliding around an Atlantis that’s a little too reminiscent of the goofy underwater city from Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace. Not that the movie is necessarily aiming to be taken seriously: Wan interrupts nearly every important speech or

heartfelt conversation with an explosion or attack, which becomes a sort of running joke by the end of the movie.

Best known for his pared-down horror movies (Saw, The Conjuring, Insidious), Wan has lately embraced blockbuster maximalism, first in his Fast and Furious entry and now in this over-the-top cacophony of a superhero movie, AQUAMAN with battles featuring literally Rated PG-13 thousands of digitally generated Directed by James Wan combatants, all crowding the Starring Jason Momoa, screen in an often incoherent Amber Heard, Willem jumble. Setting most of the acDafoe, Patrick Wilson tion sequences underwater only makes the various participants harder to discern, although at least it sets Aquaman apart from every other superhero movie.

Wan has ensured that Aquaman won’t be mistaken for one of Zack Snyder’s superhero mope-fests, or for one of the carefully composed entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (despite a plot that is essentially Black Panther in reverse). In throwing absolutely everything he can into this movie, he’s created the cinematic equivalent of a giant sea horse wearing armor, equipped with guns and ridden by a fish-human hybrid: Sure, it’s memorable, but it’s far too unwieldy to be effective. n

FILM | SHORTS

Mary Queen of Scots

OPENING FILMS AQUAMAN

The half-man, half-fish superhero gets his own vehicle, in which he inherits the Atlantean throne and fights with his evil brother. It’s got some crazy visuals and hammy performances but still manages to be kind of a slog. (JB) Rated PG-13

BUMBLEBEE

Early word suggests this is the best Transformers movie. Or, rather, the only decent Transformers movie, an ’80s-set origin story of the VW bug that’s more than meets the eye. (NW) Rated PG-13

HOLMES & WATSON — OPENS DEC. 25

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly team up again to play literature’s most famous detective duo, bumbling through a murder case at Buckingham Palace.

(NW) Rated PG-13

MARY POPPINS RETURNS

In this long-awaited sequel to the Disney classic, the magical nanny lands again in London to again help out the Banks children, now adults and with kids of their own. A slab of candy-coated excess that laboriously tries to copy the original’s charm. (JB) Rated PG

MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS

A study of the personal relationship and professional rivalry between the dethroned Mary Stuart and the steely Queen Elizabeth I. Saoirse Ronan and Margot Robbie star. (NW) Rated R

SECOND ACT

Through a series of comic misunderstandings, a blue-collar college dropout (Jennifer Lopez) fudges her way into a high-profile job on Madison Avenue. (NW) Rated PG-13

VICE — OPENS DEC. 25

Adam McKay’s follow-up to The Big Short is a barbed biopic of Dick Cheney (an unrecognizable Christian Bale), from his stint as Nixon’s chief of staff to his role as embattled vice president.

(NW) Rated R

WELCOME TO MARWEN

Inspired by the documentary Marwencol, the victim of a head injury escapes into elaborate miniatures of a madeup WWII town. Because it’s directed by Robert Zemeckis, expect a lot of CGI. (NW) Rated PG-13

ZERO

Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan plays a super-short rich guy who falls in love with two women from very different social strata. (NW) Not Rated

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 37

MOVIE TIMES

FILM | SHORTS

NOW PLAYING CRITICS’ SCORECARD

on

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

SEARCHABLE

The band Queen and late frontman Freddie Mercury (played by Rami Malek) get the biopic treatment, and the results won’t exactly rock you. It takes a disappointingly conventional approach to a wildly unconventional figure. (JB) Rated PG-13

by Time,

by Theater,

or Movie

Every Theater Every Movie All in one place

CREED II

The Rocky saga continues with Adonis Creed preparing to fight the son of Ivan Drago, who killed his father in the ring all those years ago. It hits all the plot points you expect, but the formula still works like gangbusters. (NW) Rated PG-13

!

ED 5 W 2 D E N AD Y R W O UA H S

JA

DR. SEUSS’ THE GRINCH

The holiday-hating grump gets another animated adaptation, with Benedict Cumberbatch voicing Whoville’s resident Scrooge. Kids might like it; everyone else will quickly forget it. (MJ) Rated PG

N

The Music of

Queen performed by

SPOK ANE SYMPHONY featuring Conductor Martin Herman and Vocalist Brody Dolyniuk

FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD

THE INLANDER

NEW YORK VARIETY (LOS ANGELES) TIMES

METACRITIC.COM (OUT OF 100)

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

48

CREED II

67

DR. SEUSS’ THE GRINCH

51

FANTASTIC BEASTS 2

53

THE FAVOURITE

91

RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET

71

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

87

DON’T MISS IT

WORTH $10

RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET

This animated sequel finds Wreck-It Ralph exploring the vast unknown of the internet in an attempt to stop the shutdown of his friend’s video game.

When it isn’t retreading the original, it relies on pop culture references that already feel dated. (JB) Rated PG

WATCH IT AT HOME

SKIP IT

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

Spider-Men from various dimensions converge in the world of a teen web slinger, and they help him find his powers. A brilliant and funny animated feature that looks and feels like a comic book come to life. (SS) Rated PG n

The second entry in the Harry Potter prequel series does a lot of wheelspinning, a mostly incoherent and drab franchise builder in which creature wrangler Newt Scamander goes up against wizard fascism. (NW) Rated PG-13

THE FAVOURITE

In 18th-century England, two women jockey for a position of power within the coterie of an ailing Queen Anne. A lacerating, cutthroat dark comedy with great performances from Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone.

(SS) Rated R

GREEN BOOK

A white driver (Viggo Mortensen) ferries a black jazz pianist (Mahershala Ali) through the American South in the 1960s. Its racial politics are undoubtedly simplistic, but its central performances more than make up for it. At the Magic Lantern. (MJ) Rated PG-13

INSTANT FAMILY

T

OU JANUARY 25 & O26 LD S 8PM

A 50 PIECE ORCHESTR A & FULL ROCK BAND PERFORM QUEEN CLASSIC SONGS IN A BRILLIANT COMBINATION OF PASSION AND POWER

MARTIN WOLDSON THEATER AT THE FOX

Tickets: 509 624 1200 or SpokaneSymphony.org 38 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne play a childless couple who adopt a tenacious teenager and her two younger siblings, experiencing all the pains and joys of parenthood. (NW) Rated PG-13

MORTAL ENGINES

The writers of the Lord of Rings films adapt Philip Reeves’ futuristic novel in which all the world’s cities are now steampunk behemoths on wheels. (NW) Rated PG-13

THE MULE

Clint Eastwood squints and scowls his way through this thriller, inspired by the true story of a WWII veteran transporting cocaine for a Mexican drug cartel.

(NW) Rated R

NOW STREAMING

ONCE UPON A DEADPOOL

A stunning, emotionally wrenching masterpiece from Alfonso Cuarón, following a young woman (the magnetic newcomer Yalitza Aparicio) who works as a maid for a doctor’s family in early 1970s Mexico. Its scope is sweeping yet intimate, with black-and-white images (shot by Cuarón himself) that feel like something from a dream. (NW) Rated R

Not a new film, per se, but a slightly sanitized, PG-13 version of Deadpool 2, with new narrative interstitials parodying The Princess Bride. (NW) Rated PG-13

ROMA (NETFLIX)

FILM | REVIEW

NTERN THEAT GIC LA ER MA FRI, DEC 21TH - THU, DEC 27TH TICKETS: $9

OPEN CHRISTMAS

THE FAVOURITE (120 MIN) FRI/SAT: 10:10(AM), 12:30, 3:30, 5:30, 8:30 SUN: 11:30(AM), 2:30, 4:30, 7:30 MON: 11:30(AM), 2:30 TUE: 11:30, 2:30, 4:30 WED/THU: 2:00, 4:30, 7:00 GREEN BOOK (130 MIN) FRI/SAT: 10:30(AM), 1:00, 3:00, 6:00, 8:00 SUN: 12:00(PM), 2:00, 5:00, 7:00 MON: 12:00(PM), 2:00 TUE: 12:00(PM), 2:00, 5:00 WED/THU: 1:30, 4:00, 6:30 25 W Main Ave #125 • MagicLanternOnMain.com

Faded Magic Mary Poppins Returns is a cheery, derivative Disney brand extension

BY JOSH BELL

W

hen Walt Disney himself spearheaded the production of Mary Poppins in 1964, he had to devote substantial time and energy to convincing P.L. Travers, author of the Mary Poppins series of books, to grant him the movie rights to her creation. There was no such effort involved in the creation of Mary Poppins Returns, which was authorized by Travers’ estate at the behest of the Disney corporate monolith, and which laboriously replicates the original movie’s sense of whimsy and wonder (as well as its general structure and message).

Set in the 1930s, two decades after the previous movie, Returns features Emily Blunt taking over for Julie Andrews as the magical nanny, who comes back to London’s Cherry Tree Lane to once again help the Banks children, Jane and Michael. Except those children are now all grown up, and Michael (Ben Whishaw) has three children of his own.

Although Michael and Jane (Emily Mortimer) are not the humorless scolds that their father was, they’ve lost sight of their playfulness and joy in the face of the death of Michael’s wife and the impending foreclosure of their family home. Michael has given up his dreams of being an artist in favor of working for his father’s old employer, the Fidelity Fiduciary Bank.

Enter Mary Poppins, not having aged a day, who arrives to take care of Michael’s children Annabel (Pixie Davies), John (Nathanael Saleh) and Georgie (Joel Dawson). The older Annabel and John are eminently practical, often handling responsibilities that get forgotten by their scatterbrained father, while Georgie is rambunctious

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? Hardly. and imaginative, more in the mold of young Jane and Michael. Soon they’re all swept up in Mary Poppins’ magic, traveling to fantasy worlds and traversing the city with lamplighter Jack (LinManuel Miranda), who takes the place of Dick Van Dyke’s chimney sweep Bert.

Jack filling in for Bert is just one of many ways that Returns consciously echoes the previous movie. Once again, the bureaucratic bank is the enemy, especially in the form of oily chief executive William Weatherall Wilkins (Colin Firth), and Michael needs to learn to focus on his family over his career. Mary Poppins takes the children into an animated wonderland inside one of their mother’s treasured keepsakes, and she later takes them to visit one of her eccentric relatives (a cousin played by Meryl Streep), in a detour that could easily be removed entirely.

Also like the original movie, Returns is way too long, especially in the meandering animated segment. Director Rob Marshall (Chicago, Into the Woods) and his team painstakingly recreate, and in some cases re-enact, elements of the beloved clasMARY POPPINS RETURNS sic, but Returns has a sense of forced nostalgia, often Rated PG Directed by Rob Marshall more cloying than charming. The superfluous Starring Emily Blunt, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Ben sequence featuring Streep at her most mannered, Whishaw sporting a ridiculous accent and her typically lackluster singing voice, is the most egregious example of the movie’s candy-coated excess.

Even when the first Mary Poppins was tedious, it at least delivered a series of instantly memorable songs, something that songwriters Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman fail to match this time around, despite sometimes explicitly referencing the earlier songs by Robert and Richard Sherman. Miranda takes his cues from Van Dyke and hams it up as Jack, while Whishaw and Mortimer mostly fade into the background as the ineffectual Banks adults.

Stepping into one of cinema’s most iconic roles, Blunt makes Mary Poppins her own, giving the character a sterner, more sardonic edge, in keeping with Travers’ initial characterization. She takes an impossible task and makes it look easy, which is exactly what Mary Poppins is best at, and which nearly everyone else involved in this movie fails to do. n

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 39

HOLIDAY

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree What do the Monkees, RuPaul and William Shatner have in common?

They all have new Christmas albums, and we reviewed them

BY DAN NAILEN AND NATHAN WEINBENDER

T

here are dozens of Christmas albums released every holiday season, with everyone from Regis Philbin to Snoop Dogg to Roseanne donning Santa caps in an attempt to cash in on the seasonal craze.

But how many of those records — even the good ones — have featured songs that have gone on to become beloved annual classics? Was Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” really the last great holiday original?

So we decided to check out 10 of the newest holiday releases, grading them each on their own individual (and totally arbitrary) rating scale. Maybe we’ll uncover a future Christmas classic.

JOHN LEGEND, A LEGENDARY CHRISTMAS

John Legend’s first holiday record is the musical equivalent of curling up in a beautifully furnished living room, one that smells of cinnamon and gingerbread and is warmed by a fireplace with Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony awards on the mantle. Legend applies his retro R&B stylings to a solid collection of Christmas songs, both standards and originals, and his voice lends itself so well to the genre that I honestly wouldn’t mind a sequel.

Highlights include a lovely take on Marvin Gaye’s “Purple Snowflakes,” a rousing rendition of “What Christmas Means to Me” featuring a harmonica solo

by Stevie Wonder, and the bouncy “Bring Me Love.”

Even Christmas music Grinches — and I consider myself one — will find this hard to resist. (NATHAN WEINBENDER) RATING: Four comfy wool sweaters

OLD 97’S, OLD 97’S LOVE THE HOLIDAYS

These alt-country cats manage to create a bunch of original new holiday songs you’ll actually want to listen to on repeat. Hints of honky-tonk and bar-band blues seep into songs like the title track and “I Believe in Santa Claus,” a horn section gives their guitars some added oomph, and singer Rhett Miller is simply one of the best in the biz. Their covers of “Auld Lang Syne” and the Pogues-ish “Up on the Housetop” are pretty sweet, too. (DAN NAILEN) RATING: Three and a half rodeo belt buckles

JESSIE J, THIS CHRISTMAS DAY

British vocalist Jessie J has always brought a smoky torch-singer vibe to her R&Binflected pop, and here she performs

40 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

some classics — “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” “Jingle Bell Rock,” “Let It Snow,” “White Christmas” — in the big-band style of yore. The only thing betraying this record’s newness is the plasticine production style. Well, that and the welcome cameos from Babyface and Boyz II Men. This Christmas Day doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel, but it’s perfectly pleasant, the kind of slick holiday music that upscale department stores are going to add to their musical rotation next year. (NW) RATING: Three giant bows

ERIC CLAPTON, HAPPY XMAS

Ol’ Slowhand has had some embarrassing moments in his career — his onstage racist rant in 1976, his Michelob beer commercial in 1987 — and I didn’t think his new Christmas album would be included in that list until I hit his version of “Jingle Bells.” Clapton inexplicably turned the classic into an electro-funk-blues disaster that recalls the worst of his Phil Collins-produced ’80s music. Just say no. (DN) RATING: One broken guitar string

DIANA ROSS, WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TIME

Not a new album, but rather a collection of songs from 1994 that never got a proper U.S. release. Consider it a regifting. It’s nearly 80 minutes of the great Ms. Ross working through gospel standards, centuries-old carols and a few modern tunes — you get Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” and John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas (War Is Over),” both of which feature cloying accompaniments from a children’s choir. The diva’s voice is as clear as ever, and some of the arrangements (including those provided by the London Symphony Orchestra) are quite lovely. But most of these songs feel perfunctory and kind of sleepy, and I wouldn’t be surprised if

the whole thing was recorded in a single session. The Supremes’ 1965 holiday album Merry Christmas is a better choice. (NW) RATING: Two sequined caftan gowns

GWEN STEFANI, YOU MAKE IT FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS

The No Doubt frontwoman and The Voice coach went full retro on her Christmas album; her version of “Jingle Bells” could almost be mistaken for the Andrews Sisters’ “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and her cover of Wham’s “Last Christmas” totally makes sense for an artist who’s previously covered Talk Talk. This expanded edition of her 2017 holiday release has five more songs, but none essential enough for anyone but Stefani completists. Is there such a thing? (DN) RATING: Two hollabacks

INGRID MICHAELSON, SONGS FOR THE SEASON

Another throwback record, Ingrid Michaelson filters her coffeeshop singer-songwriter vibe through the string and woodwinddrenched sounds of the ’50s. She mostly sticks to the obvious song selections, but she wisely throws in a couple lesser-known tunes — “Looks Like a Cold, Cold Winter,” initially recorded by Bing Crosby in 1950, and the sweet “What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve” — and her original composition, the elegiac “Happy, Happy Christmas,” has a Sufjan Stevens-like melancholy about it. Perhaps her biggest risk: She turns “All I Want for Christmas Is You” into a minor key ballad duet with Leslie Odom Jr., and… it’s not bad! (NW) RATING: Three ukuleles

THE MONKEES, CHRISTMAS PARTY

Talk about a pleasant surprise! The three surviving Monkees (Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz) team up with some seriously cool folks to create a set of winning covers and groovy originals. XTC’s Andy Partridge, Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo, R.E.M.’s Peter Buck and Fountains of Wayne’s Adam Schlesinger all contribute original tunes, and all the Monkees — even the longdead Davy Jones, who contributes two tunes posthumously — take turns as lead vocalists on these 13 songs. (DN) RATING: Four stocking hats

RUPAUL, CHRISTMAS PARTY

Regular viewers of RuPaul’s Drag Race are used to seeing each season’s contestants lip-synch to the host’s latest plastic dance jam, which tends to be a maddeningly repetitious disco-pop confection that’ll lodge itself into your brain like a stiletto to the forehead. That trend continues on Christmas Party, RuPaul’s third holiday album (following the more creatively titled Ho Ho Ho and Slay Belles), and it’s predictably flimsy and only fitfully amusing. In a brisk 28 minutes, the world’s most famous drag mother lusts after a not-so-little drummer boy, somehow turns Christmas cookies into a double entendre and brings new meaning to the phrase “don we now our gay apparel.” (NW) RATING: Sashay away — two drag queen death drops

WILLIAM SHATNER, SHATNER CLAUS

Captain Kirk takes a turn behind the mic to deliver a bunch of Christmas classics in his distinct spoken word-meets-“singing” style. In theory, an album that pairs T.J. Hooker with the likes of Henry Rollins, Iggy Pop, ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons and more should be a gas, at least full of laughs.

Instead, it’s tough sledding to get through even a couple of songs before you want to turn off ol’ Bill and find some Bing. (DN) RATING: Set your phasers for disappointment: one Star Trek rerun n

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 41

MUSIC | SOUND ADVICE

ROCK A ROCK ’N’ ROLL CHRISTMAS STORY ALICIA HAUFF PHOTO

J = THE INLANDER RECOMMENDS THIS SHOW J = ALL AGES SHOW

Thursday, 12/20

J THE BARTLETT, Dario Ré, Ajaï, Runaway Octopus BERSERK, Vinyl Meltdown J BOOTS BAKERY & LOUNGE, The Song Project J BUCER’S COFFEEHOUSE PUB, Open Jazz Jam with Erik Bowen CRUISERS, Open Jam Night DAN & JO’S BAR & GRILL, Blues Jam with Fool’s Paradise DARCY’S RESTAURANT & SPIRITS, Dance and Karaoke w/DJ Dave J THE GILDED UNICORN, Dylan Hathaway IRON HORSE (VALLEY), The Kevin Shay Band THE JACKSON ST., Songsmith Series J LAGUNA CAFÉ, Just Plain Darin J THE LOCAL DELI, KOSH J MONARCH MOUNTAIN COFFEE, Open Mic Hosted by Scott Reid MOONDOLLARS BISTRO, Jack Bayliss Rhythm and Blues NIGHTHAWK LOUNGE (CDA CASINO), PJ Destiny J NORTHWEST MUSEUM OF ARTS & CULTURE, Ron Kieper Jazz Duo THE OBSERVATORY, Reverend Yo’s Blues Hour PACIFIC PIZZA, Jenny Jahlee, Lucas Brookbank Brown THE RIDLER PIANO BAR, Dueling Pianos THE ROCK BAR & LOUNGE, The Rock Jam Series THE ROXIE, Nate Ostrander ZOLA, Blake Braley

Friday, 12/21

219 LOUNGE, Laney Lou and the Bird Dogs

42 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

HIP-HOP KUNG FU VINYL ALICIA HAUFF PHOTO

’T

is the season to be merry, and the Observatory is ushering in the Yuletide with a show featuring a trio of some of the most reliable local rock bands out there.

Fun Ladies, the long-time project fronted by Baby Bar and Neato Burrito owners Patty Tully and Tim Lannigan, kick the night off, with rollicking rock that has soundtracked many a beer-soaked evening. Atari Ferrari are up next: They’re disciples of T. Rex and the Pretenders, and their recent album Rebel is loaded with power-pop gems. And we’re happy to see that Pine League, the on-again, off-again quartet fronted by songwriter Tyler Aker (pictured), has officially returned from a hiatus, bringing back their impossible-to-ignore hooks and combustible live energy. That lineup truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

— NATHAN WEINBENDER Pine League, Atari Ferrari & Fun Ladies • Sat, Dec. 22 at 9:30 pm • $7 • 21+ • The Observatory • 15 S. Howard • observatoryspokane. com • 381-5498

R

ight before this year’s Volume Music Festival, the reggae-rap-rock fusion band KALAJ abruptly announced its dissolution. But some of its members immediately picked up the pieces and started Kung Fu Vinyl, which continues that original project’s genreblending sound, with two MCs spitting bars while backed by a jammin’ rock quartet. Don’t be surprised if you hear a mean saxophone lick every once in awhile. Kung Fu Vinyl will be joined on the Bartlett’s stage by some of the region’s prominent hip-hop voices — Jaeda, Matisse, Briscoe and Savvy Rae — for a night that’ll add some extra beat to your holiday celebrations. Fingers crossed somebody covers Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis.”

— NATHAN WEINBENDER Holiday Hip-Hop with Kung Fu Vinyl, Jaeda, Matisse, Briscoe and Savvy Rae • Fri, Dec. 21 at 8 pm • $8 • All ages • The Bartlett • 228 W. Sprague • thebartlettspokane.com • 747-2174

ARBOR CREST WINE CELLARS, Isaac Walton BABY BAR, The Canned Vegetables, Pop Goddess Athena, DJ Klobby J J THE BARTLETT, Kung Fu Vinyl (see above), Jaeda, Matisse, Briscoe, Savvy Rae BOLO’S, Chris Rieser and The Nerve BOOMBOX PIZZA, Karaoke BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, No Rules CEDAR STREET BRIDGE, Arthur Goldblum CHINOOK STEAK, PASTA AND SPIRITS (CDA CASINO), Daniel Hall CORBY’S BAR, Karaoke J COSMIC COWBOY GRILL, Just Plain Darin CRUISERS, Karaoke with Gary

CURLEY’S, Vern and the Volcanoes DAN & JO’S BAR & GRILL, Craig McQuain DARCY’S RESTAURANT & SPIRITS, Karaoke and Dancing w/DJ Dave FARMHOUSE KITCHEN, Tom D’Orazi GARAGELAND, Emo 2000 with DJ Unifest HILLYARD LIBRARY SPORTS BAR, Bobby Patterson Band IDAHO POUR AUTHORITY, BareGrass IRON HORSE (CDA), JamShack THE JACKSON ST., One Sunday JOHN’S ALLEY, The Senders LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Nick Grow THE LOCAL DELI, Son of Brad MARYHILL WINERY, Kyle Richard MASSELOW’S STEAKHOUSE, Tom Pletscher

MATCHWOOD BREWING, Sadie Sicilia MAX AT MIRABEAU, Mojo Box MICKDUFF’S BEER HALL, Devon Wade MOOSE LOUNGE, Haze MULLIGAN’S BAR & GRILLE, Pat Coast NASHVILLE NORTH, Ladies Night with Luke Jaxon and DJ Tom NORTHERN QUEST RESORT & CASINO, Tom Pletscher NYNE, Step Brothers, DJ Patrick OMEGA EVENT CENTER, Local Heat feat. Ove, Nosol, Johnny Brxvo and more J OUTLAW BBQ & CATERING MARKET, Songsmith Series PEND D’OREILLE WINERY, Ron Kieper Jazz J J THE PIN, The Nightmare Before Christmas 10 Year Anniversary

PROSPECTORS, Chris Rieser & Jay Rawley THE RIDLER PIANO BAR, Dueling Pianos THE ROXIE, Kaleidoscopes Holidaze feat. James Elvidge, 3llectrik Viberationz, Wheez, Kasino SILVER MOUNTAIN SKI RESORT, Kyle Swaffard (at Noah’s) UP NORTH DISTILLERY, Pamela Benton ZOLA, Raggs and the Bush Doktor

Saturday, 12/22

219 LOUNGE, Bart Budwig THE AGING BARREL, R Rendition BARLOWS, The Kevin Shay Band J THE BARTLETT, Haley & the Hitchhikers, Tyler Alai, Frank Leighton

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NYNE, Laney Lou and the Bird Dogs, DJ C-Mad J THE OBSERVATORY, Pine League, Fun Ladies, Atari Ferrari (see facing page) ONE TREE CIDER HOUSE, Kori Ailene PACIFIC PIZZA, Sydney Nash, Mike Frederick J J THE PIN, The Nightmare Before Christmas 10 Year Anniversary POST FALLS BREWING COMPANY, Rusty Jackson PROSPECTORS, Chris Rieser & Jay Rawley THE RIDLER PIANO BAR, Dueling Pianos THE ROXIE, Steve Starkey SILVER MOUNTAIN SKI RESORT, Christy Lee (at Noah’s) STORMIN’ NORMAN’S SHIPFACED SALOON, Karaoke J THE VIKING, Elephant Gun Riot, Death by Pirates, Jimmy Nuge WESTWOOD BREWING, Son of Brad ZOLA, Raggs and the Bush Doktor

Sunday, 12/23

THE BLIND BUCK, Show Tune SingAlong Sundays CRAVE, DJ Dave DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS, Rev. Yo’s VooDoo Church Jam GARLAND PUB & GRILL, Karaoke IRON GOAT BREWING, Stella Jones LINGER LONGER LOUNGE, Open Jam MARYHILL WINERY, Lyle Morse MATCHWOOD BREWING CO., Ken Mayginnes O’DOHERTY’S, Live Irish Music

PACIFIC PIZZA, DJ Unifest, DJ Orange J PEND D’OREILLE WINERY, Annie Welle J SOUTH HILL GRILL, Just Plain Darin STORMIN’ NORMAN’S SHIPFACED SALOON, Karaoke ZOLA, Lazy Love

Wednesday, 12/26

219 LOUNGE, Truck Mills & Bruce Bishop BLACK DIAMOND, Songsmith Series CRAVE, DJ Dave CRUISERS, Open Jam EICHARDT’S, John Firshi GENO’S, Open Mic HILLYARD LIBRARY SPORTS BAR, Bobby Patterson & Randy Knowles IRON HORSE (CDA), Open Jam IRON HORSE (VALLEY), Clint Darnell THE JACKSON ST., Karaoke J THE LOCAL DELI, Devon Wade LUCKY’S IRISH PUB, DJ D3VIN3 J POOLE’S PUBLIC HOUSE (SOUTH HILL), Just Plain Darin RED ROOM LOUNGE, Blowin’ Kegs Jam Session THE RIDLER PIANO BAR, Dueling Pianos SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE, KOSH SOULFUL SOUPS & SPIRITS, Open Mic ZOLA, Cruxie THE BARTLETT, Super Sparkle, BaLonely, DJ Darrien, Dec. 31 THE OBSERVATORY, Mini Murders, Laminates, Bad Motivator, DJ Unifest, Dec. 31

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Cat Tales: 10:00am - 4:00pm (Package Toss: Noon / Holiday Dinner: 2pm) / Tickets: $8 to $10

DEC

NEW YEARS CELEBRATION AT THE COEUR D’ ALENE EAGLES

Coeur d‘Alene Eagles Aerie 486: Party #1: 5:30pm - 9:00pm with The Coeur d’Alene Big Band / Tickets: $20 (Both Parties $35) Party #2: 9:30pm - 1:00am with The Theresa Edwards Band / Tickets: $20 (Both Parties $35)

DEC

MOTOWN NEW YEARS EVE

JAN

EAGLE WATCHING TOUR

31

The House of Soul Omega: 9:00pm - 1:00am / Tickets: $20

15

Alpha Omega Tours and Charters: 6:00am - 8:00pm / Tickets: $79

JAN

5-6 Stock ing Stuff

5

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DINNER, DRINKS, MAGIC

Coming Up ...

Upcoming Events DEC BIG CAT CHRISTMAS

31

IMBIBE MAGICAL

Spokane County Fairgrounds – 1/5: 10a - 6p – 1/6: 10a - 4p – Tickets: $8 All Classes FREE with paid admission. Sign up for classes now!

Tick thru 1 ets 2/25

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Crossfit events Pickleball Tourney Roller Derby Matches

NORTHWESTTICKETS.COM

110 S Monroe St, Spokane Near The Montvale and Ruby Hotels

t Plan Your Nex ENCtE !

PlanE XYou PErRINex EXPERIENCE !

BOLO’S, Chris Rieser and The Nerve BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, No Rules CEDAR STREET BRIDGE, Bob Beadling CHINOOK STEAK, PASTA AND SPIRITS (CDA CASINO), Daniel Hall CORBY’S BAR, The Ryan Larsen Band COSMIC COWBOY GRILL, Pat Coast CURLEY’S, Vern and the Volcanoes FREDNECK’S, Just Plain Darin IDAHO POUR AUTHORITY, Brian Jacobs and Chris Lynch IRON HORSE (CDA), JamShack THE JACKSON ST., Karaoke JOHN’S ALLEY, Dash and Friends J J KNITTING FACTORY, Sammy Eubanks Blue Christmas LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Nick Grow MARYHILL WINERY, The Ronaldos MASSELOW’S STEAKHOUSE, Tom Pletscher MAX AT MIRABEAU, Mojo Box MICKDUFF’S BEER HALL, The Wow Wows MOOSE LOUNGE, Haze MULLIGAN’S, Truck Mills NASHVILLE NORTH, Ladies Night with Luke Jaxon and DJ Tom NORTHERN QUEST RESORT & CASINO, Tom Pletscher

MUSIC | VENUES 219 LOUNGE • 219 N. First, Sandpoint • 208-2639934 315 MARTINIS & TAPAS • 315 E. Wallace, CdA • 208-667-9660 ARBOR CREST WINE CELLARS • 4705 N. Fruit Hill Rd. • 927-9463 BABY BAR • 827 W. First Ave. • 847-1234 BARLOWS • 1428 N. Liberty Lake Rd. • 924-1446 THE BARTLETT • 228 W. Sprague Ave. • 747-2174 BEEROCRACY • 911 W. Garland Ave. BERSERK • 125 S. Stevens • 714-9512 THE BIG DIPPER • 171 S. Washington • 863-8098 BIGFOOT PUB • 9115 N. Division St. • 467-9638 BING CROSBY THEATER • 901 W. Sprague Ave. • 227-7638 BLACK DIAMOND • 9614 E. Sprague • 891-8357 BOLO’S • 116 S. Best Rd. • 891-8995 BOOMERS • 18219 E. Appleway Ave. • 755-7486 BOOTS BAKERY & LOUNGE • 24 W. Main Ave. • 703-7223 BUCER’S COFFEEHOUSE PUB • 201 S. Main, Moscow • 208-882-5216 BUZZ COFFEEHOUSE • 501 S. Thor • 340-3099 CALYPSOS COFFEE & CREAMERY • 116 E. Lakeside Ave., CdA • 208-665-0591 CHATEAU RIVE • 621 W. Mallon Ave. • 795-2030 CHECKERBOARD BAR • 1716 E. Sprague Ave. • 535-4007 COEUR D’ALENE CASINO • 37914 S. Nukwalqw Rd., Worley, Idaho • 800-523-2464 COEUR D’ALENE CELLARS • 3890 N. Schreiber Way, CdA • 208-664-2336 CRAFTED TAP HOUSE • 523 Sherman Ave., CdA • 208-292-4813 CRAVE• 401 W. Riverside • 321-7480 CRUISERS • 6105 W Seltice Way, Post Falls • 208773-4706 CURLEY’S • 26433 W. Hwy. 53 • 208-773-5816 DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS • 6412 E. Trent • 535-9309 EICHARDT’S PUB • 212 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208-263-4005 THE FEDORA • 1726 W. Kathleen, CdA • 208-7658888 FIZZIE MULLIGANS • 331 W. Hastings • 466-5354 FOX THEATER • 1001 W. Sprague • 624-1200 THE HIVE • 207 N. First, Sandpoint • 208-457-2392 HOGFISH • 1920 E. Sherman, CdA • 208-667-1896 HOLLYWOOD REVOLVER BAR • 4720 Ferrel, CdA • 208-274-0486 HOUSE OF SOUL • 120 N. Wall • 217-1961 IRON HORSE BAR • 407 E. Sherman Ave., CdA • 208-667-7314 IRON HORSE BAR & GRILL • 11105 E. Sprague Ave., CdA • 509-926-8411 JACKSON ST. BAR & GRILL • 2436 N. Astor St. • 315-8497 JOHN’S ALLEY • 114 E. Sixth St., Moscow • 208883-7662 KNITTING FACTORY • 911 W. Sprague Ave. • 244-3279 LAGUNA CAFÉ • 2013 E. 29th Ave. • 448-0887 THE LANTERN TAP HOUSE • 1004 S. Perry St. • 315-9531 LEFTBANK WINE BAR • 108 N. Washington • 315-8623 LUCKY’S IRISH PUB • 408 W. Sprague • 747-2605 MARYHILL WINERY • 1303 W. Summit Pkwy, Ste. 100 • 443-3832 MAX AT MIRABEAU • 1100 N. Sullivan • 924-9000 MICKDUFF’S • 312 N. First Ave., Sandpoint • 208)255-4351 MONARCH MOUNTAIN COFFEE • 208 N 4th Ave, Sandpoint • 208-265-9382 MOOSE LOUNGE • 401 E. Sherman • 208-664-7901 MOOTSY’S • 406 W. Sprague • 838-1570 MULLIGAN’S • 506 Appleway Ave., CdA • 208- 7653200 ext. 310 NASHVILLE NORTH • 6361 W. Seltice Way, Post Falls • 208-457-9128 NECTAR CATERING & EVENTS • 120 N. Stevens St. • 869-1572 NORTHERN QUEST RESORT • 100 N. Hayford Rd., Airway Heights • 242-7000 NYNE • 232 W. Sprague Ave. • 474-1621 THE OBSERVATORY • 15 S. Howard • 381-5489 OMEGA EVENT CENTER • 25 E. Lincoln Rd. O’SHAY’S • 313 E. CdA Lake Dr. • 208-667-4666 PEND D’OREILLE WINERY • 301 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208-265-8545 THE PIN! • 412 W. Sprague • 368-4077 RED LION RIVER INN • 700 N. Division • 326-5577 RED ROOM LOUNGE • 521 W. Sprague • 838-7613 REPUBLIC BREWING • 26 Clark Ave. • 775-2700 RIDLER PIANO BAR • 718 W. Riverside • 822-7938 RIVELLE’S • 2360 N Old Mill Loop, CdA • 208-9300381 SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE • 209 E. Lakeside Ave. • 208-664-8008 THE SHOP • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 SOULFUL SOUPS & SPIRITS • 117 N. Howard St. • 459-1190 SPOKANE ARENA • 720 W. Mallon • 279-7000 THE THIRSTY DOG • 3027 E. Liberty Ave. • 487-3000 TIMBER GASTRO PUB •1610 E Schneidmiller, Post Falls • 208-262-9593 ZOLA • 22 W. Main Ave. • 624-2416

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 43

WILSON CRISCIONE PHOTO

NATURE TAKE FLIGHT

The idea of taking a lake cruise in the dead of winter might initially seem like an odd proposition, but the ones happening on Lake Coeur d’Alene in the last week of 2018 offer a breathtaking view of an annual natural wonder. It is, you might already know, the time of year when the bald eagles make their southern migration, and they make a stop at the northern end of Lake Coeur d’Alene where they feast on sockeye salmon.

The cruises start at the Coeur d’Alene Resort and end at Wolf Lodge Bay, and you have three chances during the day to hop onboard. The value-priced cruises show an informative DVD about the birds’ migration patterns, but shell out a little extra cash and you’ll get a live presentation from a biologist.

— NATHAN WEINBENDER Eagle Watching Cruises • Wed, Dec. 26 to Tue, Jan. 1; daily at 10 am and 1 pm • $18.25-$26.25 • Coeur d’Alene Resort • 115 S. Second St. • cdacruises.com • 855-379-5478

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44 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

CLASSICAL POPS PRESENT

BEER THE DARK NIGHT

Spokane Symphony Holiday Pops • Sat, Dec. 22 at 8 pm and Sun, Dec. 23 at 2 pm • $27-$60/ages 12 and under; $39-$86/adults • Martin Woldson Theater at the Fox • 1001 W. Sprague • spokanesymphony.org • 624-1200

Midnight Marmot Fest: Day of Darkness • Fri, Dec. 21 from 5-10 pm • $21 • River City Brewing • 121 S. Cedar • facebook.com/ RiverCityBrewing

Squeeze in one more celebration of holiday spirit before Dec. 25 at the Spokane Symphony’s annual Holiday Pops showcase. The joyous celebration, conducted by the always charming Morihiko Nakahara, includes performances of songs traditional and secular, as well as the program’s annual sing-along. This year, the symphony hosts special guest and acclaimed soprano Lisa Vroman, who provides vocal accompaniment during several songs, including “I Saw Three Ships” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Joining the orchestra for other pieces of the program are the Spokane Symphony Chorale, the Spokane Area Youth Choirs and one more out-of-town guest: Santa Claus.

— CHEY SCOTT

Let River City Brewing help you make it through the longest night of the year with its fourth annual Midnight Marmot Festival. This year’s event will feature several variants of the popular Midnight Marmot Imperial Stout. With six beers pouring, a $21 ticket gets you four 8-ounce pours, which comes with a 12-ounce tulip glass if you pre-order online. Some of the beers to look forward to: Crushing at Midnight, a barley wine and imperial stout blend aged in whiskey barrels; Mocha Marmot with coffee, vanilla and chocolate; and Coconut Marmot with cognac. Plus, 22-ounce bottles of the base Midnight Marmot will be available for the first time at $4 a pop.

— DEREK HARRISON

EVENTS | CALENDAR

BENEFIT

ETC. SQUATCHIN’ YOU

When you hear the name “First Annual Sasquatch Roundup,” you probably have visions on putting on your best camo and heading out to the beautiful Pacific Northwest wilderness in search of the elusive beasts. Sure, it’s cold out there, but chasing magical critters with your buds is just good fun. Well, in reality the First Annual Sasquatch Roundup is a much more sober affair, but should be incredibly interesting as Bigfoot and Sasquatch enthusiasts from across the country descend on Spokane Valley to share stories, research and even a meal and discussion with Bob Gimlin, one of the two men to famously capture a Bigfoot on film in the wilds of Northern California back in the ’60s. Friday night is the dinner, while Saturday is full of lectures, Q&As and more.

— DAN NAILEN First Annual Sasquatch Roundup • Fri, Dec. 21 at 5:30 pm; dinner with Bob Gimlin • $100 • Sat, Dec. 22 from 9 am-4 pm • $25 • Mirabeau Park Hotel • 1100 N. Sullivan Rd., Spokane Valley • Facebook: 2018 Spokane Valley Sasquatch Roundup

ARTCHOWDER PARTY FOR RONALD MCDONALD HOUSE CHARITIES Art Chowder and Spokane Gallery celebrate the holidays with a release party to benefit Ronald McDonald House Charities.

Stop by for a silent auction with local artists’ work. Dec. 20, 5-8 pm. Spokane Gallery and Framing, 409 S. Dishman Mica Rd. pacificflywaygallery.blogspot.com BREAST INTENTIONS BRA DRIVE The boutique is hosting a drive through the end of the year to collect donations for nonprofit Breast Intentions’ future fitting events for women in need. Those who donate receive a 15% off coupon. Open Tue-Sat, 10 am-8 pm. Atomic Threads Clothing Boutique, 1925 N. Monroe St. bit.ly/2DGqRxd (509-598-8755) SANTA EXPRESS STORE The annual holiday retail store allows local children to shop for affordable holiday gifts for family and friends, with proceeds benefiting the Vanessa Behan Crisis Nursery, a safe shelter for kids who are in crisis situations. Open to ages 4-12; items are priced between 50 cents and $8. Through Dec. 23; Mon-Fri 11 am-8 pm, Sat 10 am-8 pm and Sun 11 am-6 pm. River Park Square, 808 W. Main. santaexpress.org FILL THE SLEIGH COMMUNITY CHRISTMAS BRUNCH Join Spokhands and North Town Insurance help those in need on December 25 from 10 am-12 pm. Bring a gift donation to the breakfast or one of our drop off locations and join us for a morning of breakfast, gift-giving and merry-making for those in need in our community. Dec. 25. Free. The City Gate, 170 S. Madison. bit.ly/2Q37jdl (483-3030) CHRISTMAS TREE RECYCLING Donate your “used” Christmas tree to the Ferris High School “Treecycling” event. Drop off at Ferris or call to schedule pick-up. Benefits the Ferris Senior All-Nighter, a fun and safe event the night of graduation.

For more info or to schedule pick-up call Paul at 981-9371 or Dave at 414-731-1690.

Dec. 29-30 and Jan. 5-6 from 10 am-4 pm. $5-$10. Ferris High School, 3020 E. 37th Ave. ferrisallnighter.com PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ The annual NYE gala benefits the Spokane Symphony Orchestra and features a three-course dinner, dessert, no-host bar, dancing to the MasterClass Big Band, midnight toast and more. Black tie/formal attire requested. Dec. 31, 9 pm. $130. Davenport Hotel, 10 S. Post. spokanesymphony.org

COMEDY VISUAL ARTS PONDER THE PORTAL

Terrain’s whitebox gallery in downtown Spokane has transformed into an immersive installation that explores culturally entrenched standards of whiteness, patriarchy and hetero existence. The installation, created by artists Shantell Jackson, Roin Morigeau and Asia Porter, together known as the Portal Collective, merges two-dimensional drawings with audio and video projections. “From the clothes we wear, the sidewalks we walk down to the very buildings we inhabit, ‘Il•lu•mi•na•tion’ answers the question, ‘What else?’” the trio writes of the project. “Wielding poetry, visual art, digital design and contemporary storytelling… we are not dismantling the master’s house, we are building a home of our own.” Take some time out of the holiday rush to calmly contemplate these concepts before the show closes Dec. 28.

— CHEY SCOTT Il•lu•mi•na•tion • Through Fri, Dec. 28; open Thu-Sat from 6-8 pm • Free • Terrain Gallery • 304 W. Pacific Ave. • terrainspokane.com

2.0PEN MIC Local comedy night hosted

by Ken McComb. Thursdays, from 8-10 pm. Free. The District Bar, 916 W. First Ave. facebook.com/districtbarspokane/ GUFFAW YOURSELF!: Open mic comedy night hosted by Casey Strain; Thursdays at 10 pm. Free. Neato Burrito, 827 W. First Ave. (847-1234) KEVIN BOZEMAN A semi-finalist on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing” in 2010, Kevin has also co-starred in the indie film “Flat Chested” starring Alicia Witt and Luke Perry. Dec. 20-22 at 7:30 pm, also Dec. 22 at 10 pm. $8-$22. Spokane Comedy Club, 315 W. Sprague. (318-9998) REMIXMAS CAROL The BDT players take elements of favorite holiday stories and re-mix them to create something brand new. Fridays at 8 pm in December. $7.

Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) STAND-UP COMEDY Live comedy fea-

turing established and up-and-coming local comedians. Fridays at 8 pm. No cover. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third Ave. reddragondelivery.com SAFARI A fast-paced improvised show relying on audience suggestions to fuel each scene. Saturdays at 8 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) THE SOCIAL HOUR COMEDY SHOWCASE Featuring comics from the Northwest and beyond, and hosted by Deece Casillas. Sundays, from 8-9:30 pm. Free.

The Ridler Piano Bar, 718 W. Riverside Ave. socialhourpod.com (509-822-7938) OPEN MIC A free open mic night every Wednesday, starting at 8 pm. Doors open at 7 pm. Free. Spokane Comedy Club, 315 W. Sprague. spokanecomedyclub.com ROBERT KELLY Besides being a fixture on Comedy Central, Robert plays Bam Bam in Denis Leary’s FX show “Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll.” Dec. 27-29 at 7:30 pm, Dec. 29 at 10 pm. $8-$22. Spokane Comedy Club, 315 W. Sprague. spokanecomedyclub.com (509-318-9998)

COMMUNITY

FRIENDS OF MANITO HOLIDAY LIGHTS The Gaiser Conservatory is decked out for the Friends of Manito’s annual holiday lights display. Dec. 17-31 from noon-3:30 pm. Free, donations accepted. Manito Park, 1800 S. Grand Blvd. bit.ly/2zMVE7o HOLIDAY DROP & SHOP Get your holiday shopping done or see a movie while the kids decorate gingerbread houses, make holiday crafts and experiment with snowy science. Ages 3-9. Dec. 20, 5:308 pm. $15/child. Mobius Children’s Museum, 808 W. Main. mobiusspokane.org HOLIDAY LIGHT SHOW + LAKE CRUISES Take a holiday cruise across the lake to view more than 1.5 million twinkling holiday lights and visit Santa Claus and his elves at his waterfront toy workshop. Forty-minute cruises depart daily through Jan. 1, at 5:30, 6:30 and 7:30 pm.

LIghts are on display daily. $7.50-$22.25.

The Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. Second. cdaresort.com (855-379-5478) THURSDAY NIGHT LIVE! The museum hosts a monthly, rotating mix of programs including music by local artists, happy hour, gallery talks, Art@Work exhibition openings, films, courses, lectures and more. Third Thursday of the month, from 6-9 pm. $5. The MAC, 2316 W. First. northwestmuseum.org (363-5324) RANDOM FANDOM TRIVIA NIGHT: HOLIDAY MOVIES Trivia nights take on the biggest realms of fandom at the Spokane Valley Library. Bring your knowledge and your own eats (or have food delivered).

Costumes, cosplayers are welcome. Dec. 21, 6:30 pm. Free. Spokane Valley Library, 12004 E. Main. scld.org (893-8400) SANTA IS COMING TO TOWN! Helpers hand out candy canes and accept canned food donations. Take pictures with Santa, visit with the firefighters and tour the fire trucks. Schedule posted on the Spokane County Fire District 9 Facebook page.

Dec. 21, 5-9 pm, Dec. 22, 5-9 pm and Dec. 23, 5-9 pm. Free. (466-4602) WINTERFEST CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS Come dressed in an ugly sweater or your favorite Christmas character. The first 250 attendees get a swag bag from event sponsors. While supplies last, kids also receive a free book or toy from Value Village. Dec. 21, 4-7 pm. Free. River Park Square, 808 W. Main Ave. bit.ly/2L94iSZ LEVEL UP CREATIVITY Join Spark for

daily activities to ignite your creativity, innovation and imagination with science, writing and art projects. Wednesdays at 3:30 pm. Free. Spark Central, 1214 W. Summit Pkwy. sparkwestcentral.org COOL CAMP An extension of the City of Spokane Valley’s Parks and Recreation’s summer day camp program. Each day has a fun theme and inside/outside games and activities. Sign up for one or all days. Ages 6-11. Dec. 27-28 and Jan. 2-4 from 7:15 am-5:45 pm. $35/day. CenterPlace Regional Event Center, 2426 N. Discovery Place Dr. spokanevalley.org/ coolcamp (720-5200) GET MESSY WINTER DAY CAMP Kids (ages 7-12) can get messy at the museum with hands-on art, including printing, painting and clay molding. Dec. 27, 9 am-2 pm. $45-$55. Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (509-456-3931) DROP IN & RPG If you’ve ever been curious about role-playing games, join us to experience this unique form of game-playing, and build a shared narrative using cooperative problem solving, exploration, imagination, and rich social interaction. Priority seating provided for participants age 17 or younger. Second and fourth Friday of the month, from 4-7 pm. Free. Spark Central, 1214 W. Summit Pkwy. sparkwestcentral.org CHRISTMAS TREE RECYCLING Boy Scouts Troop 400 is recycling natural Christmas trees in two locations of Spokane Valley: Central Valley and University High Schools. All proceeds support scout troop activities, service projects, supplies and more. Home pick-up available. Dec. 29-30 and Jan. 5-6, from 9 am-3 pm. $5/ drop-off; $10/pick-up. troop400.net INVENTION CONNECTION Drop in and play with paper circuits, Little Bits, LEGO bricks and more. No pre-registration needed. This is a family program; parents, please plan to stick around and invent alongside your kids. Open to grades K-6. Dec. 29, 10 am-noon. Free. Spark Central, 1214 W. Summit Pkwy. sparkcentral.org (279-0299) NOON YEAR’S EVE PARTY! A SPECIAL FAMILY CELEBRATION A special celebration of the New Year without having to stay up late, offering crafts and a snack. For families and kids of all ages.

Young children should be accompanied by a caregiver. Dec. 29, 11 am-noon. Free.

Indian Trail Library, 4909 W. Barnes Rd. (444-5300) WINTERFEST NEW YEAR TRADITIONS View display tables representing how other cultures ring in The New Year. Also includes live performances and samples of traditional New Year’s food and beverages from the participating cultural organizations. Dec. 29, 1-4 pm. Free. Downtown Spokane Library, 906 W. Main Ave. bit.ly/2L94iSZ (509-928-9664) JOYA-E BUDDHIST SERVICE: “BELL OF THE LAST NIGHT” This service symbolically “rings out” the 108 delusions of women and men and “rings in” our aspiration to overcome ignorance, greed and anger in the coming year. Everyone who attends will get to ring the Japanese Kansho bell. Dec. 31, 7-7:30 pm. Free.

Spokane Buddhist Temple, 927 S. Perry St. SpokaneBuddhistTemple.org NOON YEAR’S EVE PARTY! A SPECIAL FAMILY CELEBRATION A special celebration of the New Year without having to stay up late, offering crafts and a snack. For families and kids of all ages.

Dec. 31, 11 am-noon. Free. South Hill Library, 3324 S. Perry. spokanelibrary.org

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 45

W I SAW YOU

S S

of allotted ice after the machine broke and admired your patience and candor. That place was a madhouse because of the 20th anniversary deals.

Maybe we can grab a burger and fries sometime? You look like someone who appreciates the little things.

CHEERS

CHEERS JEERS

&

I SAW YOU WITH YOUR HEARTS CRACKED OPEN You said that you’ve already called the carpenter. Rubbing the dried blood off your knuckles, you softly told me, “she said enough; not now,” and that you have already called the carpenter to fix the door. “It’s the right thing, mom, we love each other but we need to be apart — for now.” You are kind and loving with each other. Now, a promposal and life-size teddy bear that you surrender to sleep each night — sit outside your door. I’m listening to Graham Nash — “our house is very very very fine house” and wishing you both warm peace and long wisdom.

SEARCHING FOR YOU I saw you at the shoe store in the NorthTown Mall in Spokane a week or so ago. Our eyes met and we chatted briefly. I looked away and you were gone. Huge mistake on my part. I didn’t get your name. You were absolutely stunning and I’d like to see you again. Hope you see this and we can meet again. maywoodrocker@gmail.com D’LISH MEETING I saw you at D’lish on Wednesday, last week. I was the blonde in the faux leather jacket trying to balance three beverages unsuccessfully. I appreciated your sharing

HELP WITH FLAT TIRE To the two gentlemen working the counter at the Exxon station on University and 16th, Saturday, Dec. 8: Thank you so much for your kind attention and effort to help me on my way after I pulled into your lot with a tire as flat as a doormat.

Thanks especially for hooking me up with Scott from Pete’s Honda, who showed up and promptly set about changing my tire for me! I was feeling very challenged at the time, trying to get home to a post-op patient and still get some errands done, and you all saved me a great deal of anguish and time in the cold. Two of you had work to do, and one of you was trying to spend time with your family, but you all chose to aid me at a difficult moment, and I am sincerely grateful for your generosity and help. You are each a credit to your respective business, and a reminder that truly good people can be found anywhere.

CHEERS TO YOU, MISS DUNN!!! I am so very thankful and delighted that you joined our family on July 2, 2018!

You make EVERYTHING special, fun, and exciting!!!I am so thankful to God for placing you in our family; out of all the families in the world, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, He gave you to us!

We are so unbelievably blessed and grateful. XO - Nana LOVE IS... Saying you’re sorry, changing ways because of past mistakes, forgiveness, and hope. You have overcome relapses, negativity from family and past employers, and the stress I have put you through. We have been

through so much, yet we are still together. I dont give in because you are an amazing woman and momma, KLH. Thank you for choosing to fight and make it work. I will be lucky if one day I can call you my wife. I love you to the moon and back. I am immensly proud of you. I love you. - boobear I LOVE SPOKANE!!!! To my little city or village: I love the affordable cost of housing in our little city; I love all

“

dosn’t mean we should insult them as well. So if you must compare humanity to anything, then how about a nice steaming pile of cow shit instead?

With that in mind please feel free to take a big bite. Merry Christmas, baby.

GOOD FOR YOU, GOOD FOR SPOKANE So Saturday’s holiday event was the one of the larger events that is held on Garland. I had a great time and I assume it was successful, but come on

driving in thick fog with no headlights!

Why is it that people drive and think to themselves “I can see other cars fine?” Same message to people who don’t turn on their headlights at dusk or when it’s dark. If people are flashing their headlights at you, they are letting you know others can’t see you. During rush hour on the Pullman Highway, folks are driving 55 mph (or faster).

Others are trying to enter, or cross the highway, to the median and have to

If you want someone’s business, you should try harder. Filthy outside, filthy inside. Take five minutes to pick up the garbage in front of your establishment.

It’s good for you, and good for Spokane.

the free or low cost community events throughout the year; most of all, I love all the friendly smiles and faces I see everyday! #spokaneforlife I LOVE YOU Outlander, Whiskey Sours and taking time to focus on us! I couldn’t have asked for a better end to our Saturday. I love you, so much.

JEERS RE: COWS ETC OK, what is all this jeering about cows looking and acting as stupid as people. My point being: Have you ever heard a cow belittle with insults another cow? Didn’t think so. How about cows who lie and cheat other cows to get what they want?

Nadda? AND WHAT ABOUT COWS THAT ARE JUST PLAIN RUDE?!. Look, just because we eat them for lunch

business owners! Have a little pride in your appearance. I can’t tell you how much trash was littering the streets and sidewalks. Much of it from days and even weeks before the event. One business had so much bird crap out front that I went in and made the people aware and the person working did not seem to care. If you want someone’s business, you should try harder.

Filthy outside, filthy inside. Take five minutes to pick up the garbage in front of your establishment. It’s good for you, and good for Spokane.

SAVE A LIFE WITH LIGHTS On Sunday, 11/25 at 10:30 am, you almost T-boned me while I was turning left from 57th to head south on Hatch Road. You were heading westbound on 57th from High Drive. You honked at me. YOU HONKED AT ME! I’m sure you were angry. However, you were the moron

THIS WEEK'S ANSWERS A S K M O M E G A D

O U I O U I P A V E

R E T U R N E V A N

E T C G U R O T O

SOUND OFF

1. Visit Inlander.com/isawyou by 3 pm Monday. 2. Pick a category (I Saw You, You Saw Me, Cheers or Jeers). 3.

Provide basic info: your name and email (so we know you’re real). 4. To connect via I Saw You, provide a non-identifying email to be included with your submission — like “petals327@yahoo.com,” not “j.smith@comcast.net.”

Better get a move on!

”

make a split-second decisions. Please use your headlights! Lastly, it’s amazing how many drivers are operating vehicles with one operating headlight.

Please check yours today. n

B R E T H O I M C O E E L O U D H E H U H

E R I T R E A

R A N O N

S H T O R E E A R D I O L N E

I C A M E

K E N O

A D D U P A T T T O A T G A V A A L M T T O S C O E O S A L E

F I G T H A T L C O I E L L Y A H E S T O

I B S D E A O G O E D A M

N O S H

T O T O

S O A K I N

S T R O K E

A S T R I D

NOTE: I Saw You/Cheers & Jeers is for adults 18 or older. The Inlander reserves the right to edit or reject any posting at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content.

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EVENTS | CALENDAR

FILM

ELF State Farm Insurance presents a community sing-a-long and screening of the classic holiday film Elf. Rated G. Dec. 20, 6:30-8:30 pm. Free. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave. panida.org SUDS & CINEMA: NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION The third annual holiday favorite comes to the big screen, with beer from Rainier, giveaways/prizes, free popcorn (while supplies last), an ugly sweater contest and more. Screenings at 6 and 9 pm; doors open an hour prior to each screening. Dec. 20. $5. Garland Theater, 924 W. Garland Ave. bit.ly/2E2OTSL WELCOME TO MARWEN From the director of Forrest Gump is this true story of a victim of a brutal attack victim, played by Steve Carell, who finds a unique and beautiful therapeutic outlet to help him through his recovery. PG-13.

Dec. 23-Jan. 4; times vary. $5-$7. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave. panida.org ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW The Garland’s regular screenings of the cult classic include prop bags, shadow casts and other revelries. Dec. 22 at midnight. $7. Garland Theater, 924 W. Garland. garlandtheater.com (327-1050) FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD The next installment of the Harry Potter cinematic universe.

Dec. 27-30; times vary. $3-$7. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main. kenworthy.org FREE SOLO National Geographic Documentary Films presents “Free Solo,” which follows rock climber Alex Honnold as he becomes the first person to ever free solo climb Yosemite’s El Capitan Wall with no ropes nor safety gear.

PG-13. Showing Dec. 28-30; times vary. $5-$8. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave. panida.org (208-255-7801)

FOOD

SEASONAL KITCHEN: HOLIDAY PIES Learn how to make a few holiday pies with Bean & Pie owner Katy Bean. Dec. 20, 6 pm. $25-$30. Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center, 405 N. William St. thejacklincenter.org (208-457-8950) TASTEFUL THURSDAYS The annual series showcases and highlights the sights, sounds and tastes of the holiday season on the Palouse, including beer and winemakers, gourmet food and handmade items and more. Dec. 20.

Free. Moscow Food Co-op, 121 E. 5th St. moscowfoodcoop.com THURSDAY WINE SOCIAL The weekly complimentary wine tasting event features different wine themes and samples of the shop’s gourmet goods.

Thursdays, from 4-6 pm. Free. Gourmet Way, 8222 N. Government Way. gourmetwayhayden.com/wines 49° NORTH ICE LOUNGE HAPPY HOUR Participants receive one free raffle ticket with every happy hour drink purchased, with two winners each week receiving a pair of 49° North lift tickets.

Winners do not have to be present to claim their prize. Fridays from 5-8 pm through Feb. 22. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard. (625-6600) CREATOR IN RESIDENCE: CATEE NG Catee is a self-taught baker and decorator, and now teaches classes at local libraries and other venues. Each week during her residency, she’ll be completing a new project. See her working on Dec. 18 from 4-6 pm; Fridays in Dec.

from 1-3 pm; Dec. 27 from 6-8 pm. Free.

North Spokane Library, 44 E. Hawthorne Rd. scld.org WINE TASTING Taste wines of Gamache Vintners. Includes cheese and crackers.

Dec. 21, 3:30-6:30 pm. $10. Vino!, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com WINE TASTING Who do you think you ‘Loire’? is the theme of this class featuring wines of France’s Loire Valley. Dec. 22, 2-4:30 pm. $10. Vino!, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com (838-1229) SUNDAY BRUNCH WITH SANTA The resort’s brunch features salads, fruit and traditional breakfast fare.

In December, Santa makes a special visit. Dec. 23 from 9 am-noon. $18-$35.

Dockside Restaurant, 115 S. Second St.. bit.ly/2gjlPqE CHRISTMAS EVE VETERANS DINNER The fourth annual free dinner for veterans and their immediate families, featuring donated food and service by volunteer employees, friends and family of The Blackbird. Reservations required.

Dec. 24, 10 am-2 pm. The Blackbird, 905 N. Washington. theblackbirdspokane.com (381-2473) CHRISTMAS DAY BUFFET Includes brunch items from 11 am-2 pm and a holiday dinner menu from 6-10 pm.

Menu includes a seafood display, prime rib, smoked pit ham, sides and dessert.

Dec. 25, 11 am-6 pm. $25-$47. Max at Mirabeau, 1100 N. Sullivan Rd. maxatmirabeau.com (509-922-6252)

MUSIC

FROM SWING TO KING Award-winning Elvis tribute artist Ben Klein returns for a special performance of Christmas and gospel music. Dec. 21, 6:30 pm. Free, donations accepted. Prince of Peace, 8441 N. Indian Trail Rd. (465-0779) HARMONICAS FOR HAPPINESS: MAKE MUSIC DAY An open-to-all community music jam, with live entertainment from the “Magic Bus Music Bash” to kick things off. The annual event is part of a national celebration; Spokane is one of 13 cities around the U.S. participating. Also includes a short parade, live visual artists, a winter clothing drive and free hot food and drink for participants. Activities at 100 N. Wall St., downtown Spokane. Dec. 21, 3-8 pm. Free. makemusicday.org SPOKANE SYMPHONY HOLIDAY POPS Join us for the holiday and enjoy your favorite songs and sing-along carols with the Spokane Symphony, and a special out-of-town guest: Santa. Dec. 22 at 8 pm and Dec. 23 at 2 pm. $27$86. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. (624-1200) WEDNESDAY NIGHT CONTRA DANCE The Spokane Folklore Society’s weekly dance, with the band Crooked Kilt and caller Joe Michaels. Beginner workshop at 7:15 pm. Dec. 26, 7:30-9:30 pm. $5/$7. Woman’s Club of Spokane, 1428 W. Ninth. womansclubspokane.org SPOKANE SYMPHONY SPECIAL: BEETHOVEN’S NINTH ON NYE Hail the new year in all its glory and end with triumph and jubilation. This production features more than 150 performers on stage, including four guest vocalists and the Spokane Symphony Chorale, directed by Kristina Ploeger-Hekmatpanah. Dec. 31, 7:30 pm. $13-$52. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. spokanesymphony.org

RELATIONSHIPS

SPORTS & OUTDOORS

THURSDAY THEME NIGHT Come dressed to impress in themed attire for a $1 discount off admission; includes food specials, music and more.

Thursdays, from 5-9 pm through Feb. 28. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard St. my.spokanecity.org/riverfrontpark CROSS COUNTRY SKI LESSON Learn to cross country ski and tour the trails of 49 Degrees North Nordic Area with certified instructors. Includes equipment, trail pass, instruction, and transportation (departs from Wandermere Rite Aid, 12420 N. Division). Ages 13+.

Offered Dec. 21 and 29; Jan. 26 and Feb. 3 from 8 am-4 pm. $49. spokaneparks. org (755-2489) FIRST ANNUAL SASQUATCH ROUNDUP A two-day event during which Sasquatch researchers and Bigfoot enthusiasts from around the country gather to share their latest research, experiences, and information concerning the legendary creature. Event includes an exclusive dinner and a show with Bob Gimlin, followed by a day of speakers, presentations and Q&As. Dec. 21 from 5:30-9:30 pm, Dec. 22 from 8 am-4 pm. $100/Fri; $25/Sat only. Mirabeau Park Hotel, 1100 N. Sullivan Rd. exnorthwest. com (509-217-1912) CROSS COUNTRY SKI LESSONS Learn the basics of cross-country skiing at Mt. Spokane Selkirk Nordic Area. Includes skis, boots, poles, ski area fees, instruction and transportation (departs from Yoke’s in Mead, 14202 N. Market).

Ages 13+. Offered Dec. 22 and 30; Jan. 5, 6, 20 and Feb. 9, 23 and March 3 from 9 am-3 pm. $49. Mt. Spokane Ski & Snowboard Park, 29500 N. Mt. Spokane Park Dr. spokaneparks.org (755-2489) FREE ICE SKATING LESSONS Join experienced instructors for free beginning ice skating lessons on the ribbon every Saturday and Sunday from 11:30 am1:30 pm. Ages 5+. Skates and helmets provided. Free. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard. my.spokanecity.org SNOWSHOE TOUR MT. SPOKANE Learn the basics of snowshoeing during a guided hike on snowshoe trails around Mt. Spokane. Includes equipment, instruction, fees, guides and transportation. Ages 13+. Offered Dec. 23 and 29; Jan. 6, 12 and 26. $29. Mt. Spokane State Park, 26107 N. Mt. Spokane Park Dr. spokaneparks.org PLOGGING WITH ATHLETA Plogging is a combination of jogging with picking up litter. Athleta at RPS hosts this weekly winter running club on Tuesdays. (No sessions Dec. 25 and Jan. 1). Tuesdays from 5-6:30 pm. Free. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard. my.spokanecity.org EAGLE WATCHING CRUISES Every year, 100s of American bald eagles visit Lake Coeur d’Alene on their annual migration. For an up-close look, take a lake cruise to Wolf Lodge Bay. Dec. 26-Jan. 1 from 10 am-noon and 1-3 pm. $18.25-$26.26. The CdA Resort, 115 S. Second. bit.ly/2IzdDlD YOUTH WINTER ADVENTURE CAMP Kids (ages 9-12) learn to ski at Mt. Spokane’s Selkirk Nordic Area and how to snowshoe at 49 Degrees North. Transportation, equipment, passes and instruction provided. Dec. 27-28 and Jan. 3-4 from 9 am-4 pm. $69. Mountain Gear, 2002 N. Division. spokaneparks. org

Advice Goddess THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE KNIGHT

I’m confused. Does treating women as equals mean not doing those things that would previously have been considered chivalrous, like opening doors and giving a woman your coat? What’s now considered polite, and what’s considered offensive? —Bewildered The response by some women these days to men’s well-intentioned acts must tempt at least a few men to AMY ALKON swing entirely in the other direction: “Let’s see...I could open the car door for my date — or start to drive off and let her throw herself across the hood and hang on.”

To these women, chivalry is “benevolent sexism,” affectionate but patronizing sexism — a way of treating women that suggests they are in need of men’s help and protection. It involves things like opening doors and offering to carry a heavy item for a female colleague and being the one who runs for the car in a downpour — instead of handing the girlfriend the keys and announcing, “I’ll just wait here under the awning!”

Research has found that benevolent sexism can be undermining to women — even leading them to feel less competent at their job. However, complicating things a bit, new research by social psychologists Pelin Gul and Tom R. Kupfer finds that women — including women with strong feminist beliefs — are attracted to men with benevolently sexist attitudes and behaviors despite (!) finding these men “patronizing and undermining.” The researchers theorize that what women are actually attracted to is the underlying signal of benevolently sexist behavior — that “a man is willing to invest” (in them and any children they might have together).

Frankly, even I engage in benevolent, uh, something or other — like by holding the door open for any person, male or female, coming up to an entrance behind me — simply because it’s nice for one human to look out for another. Or, as my mother would put it, it’s genteel. Ultimately, your best bet is behaving as genteelly as you would if you had no idea about benevolent sexism. Most women will probably appreciate it — even if a few of them say “Thank you...that’s very nice of you!” in language more along the lines of “Screw off, you medieval turd!”

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUNDING?

I’m a 34-year-old man, newly single after a relationship that started in college. Though I love the work I do running a small nonprofit, I don’t make tons of money. I’m worried that my inability to “provide” in any sort of lavish way will make it hard for me to attract post-college women. Do I need to win the lottery?

—Making A Difference It is best if the dream date you’re proposing isn’t all in the presentation: “We have reservations tonight at a cozy new hot spot — my studio apartment with the heat that won’t shut off. Dress tropical!”

I do often write about how women evolved to prefer male partners with high status — men with the ability to “provide” (like by being a hotshot spearmeister who regularly brings home the bison, earning others’ respect and loyalty). However, what’s important to note — and what has some bearing on your chances with the ladies — is that ancestral humans lacked anything resembling “wealth” (portable, conservable assets).

Though no modern woman wants a man who lives paycheck advance to paycheck advance, there’s hope for you — from research on one of the few cultures today in which men aren’t the primary earners. Political scientist Nechumi Yaffe looked at ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel — a community in which the men spend all day hunched over studying the Torah and the women are the breadwinners.

Yaffe finds that, as in other cultures, the men the ultra-Orthodox women prefer as mates are those who are the best in their “field” — which, in this community, comes out of the level of “religious devotion and piety” the men show. In other words, though men’s status is a vital mating asset across cultures, “how status is achieved may be culturally specific.”

As for you, I’m guessing you don’t work at a nonprofit because you hit your head and forgot to become a cold corporate tool. You’re surely part of a community that shares your beliefs about the importance of making a difference. Chances are, many of the women in your world don’t want some money-worshipping hedge fund buttknuckle.

In other words, to ramp up your status, you need to stand out as a top do-gooder — like by coming up with and implementing innovative ideas to ease people’s suffering and make the world a better place. This should make you extremely attractive to a woman with similar values -- the sort who spends time every week beautifying the planet...and not because picking up trash along the highway is a condition of her probation for her DUI. n ©2018, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 47

EDIBLES

Sweet Reversal OK, candies won’t be banned after all

BY TUCK CLARRY

Reach Nearly

T

he state of Washington will no longer be stringently removing cannabis edibles and candy in weed stores.

The original decision on edibles by the Liquor and Cannabis Board (LCB) was for all cannabis candies to be removed from stores and brought under review for a possible re-approval for sales. Products such as taffy, chocolates, jellies and hard candies were set for a quick, broad sweeping ban, but the abrupt removal of products was opposed by trade groups including the Washington CannaBusiness Association (WACA).

Instead, the LCB will be looking at giving new regulatory suggestions moving forward.

“There will be more clarity on what is allowed in terms of shapes and colors, but no particular product or type of product will be banned, as it was previously stated,” executive director of WACA Vicki Christophersen tells The Stranger.

On Dec. 12, LCB revealed an interim policy to help appease producers while tweaking its ideal of product repackaging and reimaging. The major overhaul facing edible makers is simply having their shapes and colors fit the guidelines that can be found on the LCB website.

“An interim policy is necessary to clarify the rules for licensees, protect the public, and to reduce accidental exposure to marijuana infused edibles by youth and children,” the policy letter reads.

The goal proposed by Washington cannabis trade groups moving forward is that product makers will be in compliance of the LCB guidelines by January of 2020, with previous iterations of said products completely sold off.

LCB went so far as to host a webinar on their site to help producers understand the regulations moving forward.

While the main concern is the packaging of products, LCB will remain judicious with new products looking to enter the marketplace.

Expect products that blatantly appeal to children to be rebuked.

“If you submitted white cotton candy, there is still a chance it’s especially appealing to children,” LCB licensing policy and compliance manager Nicola Reid tells the Seattle Times. n

64,000

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GREEN ZONE

BE AWARE: Marijuana is legal for adults 21 and older under Washington State law (e.g., RCW 69.50, RCW 69.51A, HB0001 Initiative 502 and Senate Bill 5052). State law does not preempt federal law; possessing, using, distributing and selling marijuana remains illegal under federal law. In Washington state, consuming marijuana in public, driving while under the influence of marijuana and transporting marijuana across state lines are all illegal. Marijuana has intoxicating effects; there may be health risks associated with its consumption, and it may be habit-forming. It can also impair concentration, coordination and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under the influence of this drug. Keep out of reach of children. For more information, consult the Washington State Liquor and Cannabis Board at www.liq.wa.gov.

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 51

GREEN ZONE

EVENTS | CALENDAR

NOTE TO READERS Be aware of the differences in the law between Idaho and Washington. It is illegal to possess, sell or transport cannabis in the State of Idaho. Possessing up to an ounce is a misdemeanor and can get you a year in jail and up to a $1,000 fine; more than three ounces is a felony that can carry a five-year sentence and fine of up to $10,000. Transporting marijuana across state lines, like from Washington into Idaho, is a felony under federal law.

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52 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

SPOKANE CHIEFS VS. EVERETT SILVERTIPS Promo: Fred Meyer calendar giveaway. Dec. 28, 7:05 pm. $11-$25.

Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) SPOKANE CHIEFS VS. TRI-CITY AMERICANS Promo: Coeur d’Alene Casino “buck night” and rally towel giveaway. Dec. 29, 7:05 pm. $11-$25.

Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) WSU MEN’S BASKETBALL VS. SANTA CLARA Dec. 29, 11 am. $10-$60. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com (279-7000)

THEATER

ELF THE MUSICAL Based on the cherished 2003 film comes this staged version of the story of Buddy the elf, a young orphan who mistakenly crawls into Santa’s bag of gifts and is transported to the North Pole. Through Dec. 23; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $15-$32. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard. spokanecivictheatre.com A FUNDRAISER IN TWO ACTS A reading of a classic episode of the Fibber McGee and Molly radio program, followed by Connie Benson’s lauded local melodrama, “Bride of Bovill.” Dec. 20, 7 pm. $20. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St. kenworthy.org LONG CHRISTMAS RIDE HOME Follow a dysfunctional family during the Christmas holiday in this production that employs puppets. Through Dec. 23; Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $20. Stage Left Theater, 108 W. Third Ave. spokanestageleft.org TRADITIONS OF CHRISTMAS The Radio City Music Hall-style show includes choreographed kickline tap numbers, Santa’s workshop, a heartfelt military tribute and a grand Nativity conclusion. The annual show includes a cast of 70 people, spectacular sets, live animals, and 400+ costumes. Through Dec. 21; times vary. $21-$34. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. TraditionsOfChristmasNW.com IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE a musical adaptation of Frank Capra’s masterpiece film. Dec. 20-23. Pullman Civic Theatre, 1220 NW Nye. (332-8406) MOSCOW ART THEATRE (TOO): THE SANTALAND DIARIES This David Sedaris play follows an out of work New Yorker who’s forced to become an elf in Macy’s Santaland during the holiday crunch. Dec. 21 at 7 pm and Dec. 22 at 2 and 7 pm. $10. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St. kenworthy.org HAVE A TWISTED XMAS KYRS Community Radio presents the gonzo radio play, set in 1990. The nation gears up for war with Iraq. Homeless people flood the streets of our cities. A New Year’s luxury tax makes last minute purchases of yachts and caviar de rigueur; while near diametrical opposites, father Pete Bingo and his son, Dick, embark upon a strange, twisted, and uproarious road quest. The show airs twice on KYRS, 88.1 & 92.3 FM, and streaming at kyrs.org on Dec. 23 at 10 pm and Dec. 25 at 2 pm. Free. KYRS, 25 W. Main. kyrs.org

ARTS

AS GRANDMOTHER TAUGHT: WOMEN, TRADITION AND PLATEAU ART The exhibition celebrates the work of three Plateau women — Leanne

Campbell, HollyAnna CougarTracks DeCoteau Littlebull and Bernadine Phillips — alongside historic material from the museum’s permanent collection, associating the makers and their work with traditional forms and linking the past to the present. Through December, Tue-Sun 10 am-5 pm; third Thursday of the month to 8 pm. $5$10. The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (509-456-3931) IL•LU•MI•NA•TION GALLERY SHOW Using interactive projections and audio recordings, artists Shantell Jackson, Roin Morigeau, and Asia Porter have rendered their individual work into imagined digital topographies.

Through Dec. 29; Thu-Sat from 6-8 pm. Free. Terrain, 304 W. Pacific Ave. bit.ly/2L7k5BP THE INLAND NORTHWEST & THE GREAT WAR: A CENTENNIAL COMMEMORATION OF WWI The exhibit features artifacts and photographs from the MAC’s collection as well as special programs to mark the centennial of The Armistice. Through Jan. 27, ; Tue-Sun 10 am-5 pm; third Thu until 8 pm. $5-$10. Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (456-3931) LA RESISTANCE HOLIDAY SHOW A holiday art show featuring local works all under $100. Artists include Brian Deemy, Megan Holden, Isaac Denton, Lisa Durham, Jason Bagge, Joseph Tomlinson, Melanie Lieb Taylor and more. Through Jan. 19; Wed-Sat noon6 pm. Total Trash Records & Vintage, 1601 W. Pacific Ave. bit.ly/2B8qFEG MODERN MASTERS: GROUP F/64 Nearly 50 works from five of Group f/64’s members, now known as some of the most influential artists of the twentieth century: Ansel Adams, Imogen Cunningham, Willard Van Dyke, Brett Weston and Edward Weston.

Photographs are from the Bank of America Collection. Through Feb. 3; Tue-Sun 10 am-5 pm; until 8 pm third Thu. $5-$10/admission. The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org ORNAMENTS & SMALL WORKS SHOW The annual showcase features holiday ornaments and other small works made by more than 40 regional artists. Through Dec. 21; Mon-Fri 10 am-5 pm, Sat 10 am-4 pm. Free. Spokane Art School, 811 W. Garland Ave. spokaneartschool.net (325-1500.)

RYAN! FEDDERSEN: PHANTOM LANDS This exhibition features recent works in a variety of scales and mediums that focus on resistance and resilience in the face of development, displacement, and destruction. Sept.

15-Jan. 20, 2019; open Tue-Sun 10 am-5 pm; until 8 pm third Thu. $5-$10.

The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. (456-3931)

WORDS

DROP IN & WRITE Aspiring writers are invited to be a part of Spark’s supportive local writing community. Bring works in progress to share, get inspired with creative prompts and spend some focused time writing. Tuesdays from 5-6:30 pm. Free. Spark Central, 1214 W. Summit Pkwy. spark-central.org BROKEN MIC Spokane Poetry Slam’s longest-running, weekly open mic reading series, open to all readers and all-ages. Wednesdays at 6:30 pm.

Free. Neato Burrito, 827 W. First Ave. spokanepoetryslam.org (847-1234) n

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DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 53

COEUR D ’ ALENE

visitcda.org for more events, things to do & places to stay.

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ake Coeur d’Alene is a beautiful place to be any time of year, including through winter when you can hear and see for miles, and especially during the holidays when the cruise boats glide along, all lit up for the JOURNEY TO THE NORTH POLE. Three of the best places to view the silent pageantry of the lake are TONY’S ON THE LAKE on the eastern shore, CEDARS FLOATING RESTAURANT to the north and the centrally located COEUR D’ALENE RESORT.

SilverMt.com • 855.810.5061 610 Bunker Ave, • Kellogg, ID 83837 *Customers must use the code “Save Big”. Must book the Save Big package between 1/6/19-4/7/19. Valid Sun-Thurs, non-holiday.

54 INLANDER DECEMBER 20, 2018

Not only does the resort offer multiple views, it’s totally decked out for the holidays, with elegant displays of lights, greenery and lots of sparkle.

Choose from several venues and views: WHISPERS BAR for cheery cocktails like the Decadent Peppermint Patty with Godiva liqueur, DOCKSIDE for a hearty meal and view of the marina, to BEVERLY’S, with its sweeping views of the marina, lake and surrounding hillsides.

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

Outside the Resort and extending down both sides of Sherman Avenue, the tree-lined streets are all lit up making a meal with loved ones feel extra special.

Located at the corner of Fifth and Sherman, COLLECTIVE KITCHEN PUBLIC HOUSE is the perfect place to have a nice glass of wine or craft beer and indulge in their small plates, including bacon wrapped figs because, well, figgy pudding only sounds good in the song. Just across the street, CRICKETS RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR is a familyfriendly place to plunk down and enjoy the lights while munching on burgers and, for grownups, may we suggest some red and green to get you in the spirit with one of Cricket’s signature bloody marys?

Festive cocktails are features at several downtown locations, including SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE, which makes their own hot buttered rum, topped with whipped cream, of course, and so rich

you may want a spoon! The hard-working folks at local favorite MOOSE LOUNGE will be happy to make you a hard apple spiced cider, hot chocolate or even a hot pumpkin with dark rum.

Entertaining at home this holiday season? Sharpen your culinary skills at the CULINARY STONE’s Christmas Eve Dinner class Dec. 20 where you’ll learn to prepare Christmas Eve appetizers that are as easy as they are delicious ($40 per person; 5:30-7:30 pm).

Rather leave the holiday cooking to someone else? No worries. Spend a relaxing day at the COEUR D’ALENE CASINO RESORT & HOTEL for their Christmas Day buffet from 11 am-7 pm featuring king crab, primed rib, chef stations and more ($29.99). Also check out MULLIGAN’S at the COEUR D’ALENE INN for traditional turkey, ham, seafood and more from noon-5 pm ($30.95 adults, $27.95 ages 60+, $15.95 ages 3-12).

C O E U R

D ’A L E N E

Upcoming Events Jingle Bell Run DECEMBER 20

Spread holiday cheer during the 14th annual Jingle

F R I D AY S & S AT U R D AY S , J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 9

Ignite Memories that Last a Lifetime

Bell Run in downtown Coeur d’Alene organized by

Packages Starting at

Fleet Feet. Jingle all the way or go all out and win the costume contest. Free; Fleet Feet; 5:30-7 pm.

12 Skates of Christmas DECEMBER 21-JANUARY 1

Skate in winter wonderland with thousands of twinkling lights or enjoy a cup of cocoa from Santa’s cafe during Frontier Ice’s annual 12 Skates of Christmas. $7 admission, $2 skate rental; Noon6:15 pm, Dec. 21-Jan. 1, noon-3 pm Christmas Eve, closed Christmas Day.

Traditions of Christmas

179*

$

Bask in the sheer delight of infinity pool turned hot tub relaxation, frosted views of Lake Coeur d’Alene, and toasty warming fires. Hot Winter Nights is complete with indoor lounge, multiple bars with winter-themed cocktails, snacks, and desserts.

Package includes overnight accommodations, two passes to the infinity pool turned giant hot tub and warming lounge.

FAMILIES ENJOY THE HOT TUB FROM 4 - 8PM | 21+ FROM 8 - 10PM *Based on availability. Certain restrictions may apply. Additional Resort Guest pool passes available for $10 or $5 for 18 and under.

DECEMBER 23

This Radio City Music Hall style show includes beautifully choreographed kickline tap numbers, spectacular sets and a cast of more than 70 people, plus live animals and 400 costumes. $4-62; Kroc Center; 3-5 pm.

For more events, things to do & places to stay, go to VisitCDA.org

COEUR D’ALENE

844.255.1273 cdaresort.com SPONSORED BY THE COEUR D’ALENE CONVENTION & VISITORS BUREAU

DECEMBER 20, 2018 INLANDER 55