The Courier - Edition 199

Edition 199

www.thecourier.es

Friday 12th December 2014

CONSUL CUT MADRID TO OVERSEE ALICANTE TEAM

By ALEX TRELINSKI Paul Rodwell is to leave his position as British Consul in Alicante, but his replacement will no longer be based in the area in what appears to be a cut. After four years in the job, Rodwell is taking up a new Foreign Office appointment in London, but it has been revealed that the new Consul will be working out of Madrid, which is over 400 kilometres away from Alicante City.

Rodwell’s new task will be to work in global communica­ tions, helping to run consular campaigns aimed at reducing the number of British nationals getting into difficulties abroad, but his old post will now be overseen from the Spanish capital by Sarah­Jane Morris(pictured with Rodwell) in a move that cuts costs. She will combine the Alicante role with that of being the Consulate­General in Madrid, where she has served as consul for central and northern Spain for the last two years. Larger consular regions have become fashionable in recent years, with for example the Spain south region administering consulate offices in Malaga, Tenerife and Las Palmas.

The UK embassy in Spain says that “the management of Alicante and Madrid consulates by one consul follows the model already used elsewhere in Spain and many other parts of the world”, yet they concede that the Alicante region is one of the busiest in regard to British interests.

In a press release from the embassy, Sarah­Jane Morris is quoted as saying: ­ “I am proud to have the opportunity to

oversee the excellent work of the Alicante team, so ably led

by Vice­Consul Lloyd Milen. And I am looking forward to seeing what more can be done to improve yet further the service offered to British nationals. Alicante is one of the busiest consulates in the world, supporting two million British visitors to the region every year, as well as a very large British expatriate com­ munity.”

British Ambassador Simon Manley said: “Having worked with Sarah­Jane in central and northern Spain, I know she will bring her more than 10 years of consular experi­ ence to the new challenge.

She will, I am sure, be an invaluable asset to the whole region covered by our Alicante Consulate. I look forward to working with her and our consular teams in Alicante and Madrid.”

Out­going consul Paul Rodwell commented: “I have thoroughly enjoyed my four years in Alicante, and would like to thank the team enor­ mously for all their hard work

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and achievements, as well as the many external partners and charities across the Costa Blanca who work with us and make our job easier. I am looking forward to my next chal­ lenge.”

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Friday 12th December 2014

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INTO THE DEN LAST JOURNEY

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At least 23 people, including seven babies, lost their lives off the Spanish coast at the end of last week, when they were washed overboard in stormy seas. The 33­ foot boat had set off from Morocco last Thursday (December 4th) packed full of immigrants but it soon ran into trouble. A search and rescue mission launched by Spanish and Moroccan authorities the same day failed to find them and it was not until Friday that a passing merchant ship alerted the authorities to the location of the boat 23 nautical miles off Almeria's

Cabo de Gata.

In total 28 people were rescued including eight pregnant women.

One of those and a baby were air­ lifted to Alicante General Hospital in a serious condition while many of the others were treated by the Red Cross for hypothermia and severe anxiety attacks. The rescued migrants told the Guardia Civil and maritime rescue services that there were as many as 59 people on board when they left, but that figure was revised downwards to leave 23 still missing. An air and sea search was finally called off on Monday.

A former policeman staged an extraordinary stunt that nearly cost him his life, when he jumped into the lions’ enclosure at Barcelona Zoo, and put up no resistance to an attack from the animals which lasted more than 20 minutes. Justo José Mira, 45, dropped into the enclosure on Sunday – falling four metres into the pen in front of shocked families who were visiting with their children. Mr José, who was also in the Spanish army and spent 13 years as a member of the Guardia Civil, spoke in an interview last year about his battle with depression. He had taken up the fight against abor­ tion, and was arrested for graffiting the local police station with anti­abortion slogans. He was also detained for dressing in Nazi uniform during the Valencia Day celebrations in October.

Wearing camouflage clothes and with a rucksack on his back, Mr José, who was born in Alcoy and diagnosed

as being bipolar, was pounced on by two of the three lions, who dragged him into a service tunnel. Carmen Gomez, who was at the zoo with her two children and husband, said:­"The man – dressed in camouflage clothes, very tall and slim, crawled along a ridge and a lioness jumped up, grabbed him and took him into the tun­ nel."

Zookeepers tried to get the lions off the man, who did not shout or raise his arms against the animals. They tried to lure them away with meat, or throw rocks at them, but all efforts failed until the firemen turned up and sprayed(pictured) the animals with water.

Mr José was taken to Vall d'Hebron hospital in a stable condition. "The intention of the lions wasn't to kill him," said Ignasi Armengol, director of Barcelona municipal services. "They just played with him."

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Friday 12th December 2014

ALL CHOKED UP WELCOME RAIN A gang of artichoke rustlers were caught veg­handed on the Murcia/Valencia border at El Raal with over 150 kilos of the vegetable. Local police made the collar after they spotted an Audi vehicle with four men in it, behaving in suspicious manner last Saturday night. The three Spaniards and one Moroccan admitted having lifted the loot from the Puerto Garruchal area of the Murcia region, with the veg and the suspects being taken to the Guardia Civil barracks at Santomera.

Last week’s unexpected heavy storms brought some welcome relief to local reservoirs, with a three per cent rise in capacity for the Beniarres reservoir which provides water sup­ plies in the western part of Alicante Province. In context though, Beniarres is still only running at 16 per cent of its capacity, with officials saying that the overall situation facing them was still of concern.

FROZEN TOLLS BAD NIGHT Toll fees on Spain's motorways will be frozen in 2015 for the first time in five years. The decision is said to have caused by drivers boycotting the roads to save money. With tolls hav­ ing risen sharply every year since 2010, when they were last frozen, the volume of traffic on motorways where fees are charged has plummeted to levels seen in 1996, not long after they were first opened. In many cases, such as the AP7 locally, tolls have doubled or even trebled in less than 10 years. The average toll fee increased by 1.85% in January this year, the sec­ ond­lowest increase since the formula was first applied in 2002.

GOOGLED OUT

Online search giant Google is shutting down its Google News serv­ ice in Spain before a new intellectual property law is introduced. Google will shut the service this Tuesday (December 16th) before the law comes into effect in January, the firm said. The law allows Spanish publi­ cations to charge services like Google News if their content is shown on the site. But Google has argued against the ruling, saying that it makes no money from its search­ based service.

"It's with real sadness that on 16 December we'll remove Spanish publishers from Google News, and close Google News in Spain," said Richard Gingras, head of Google News on Wednesday. He went on to add that the law which would allow Spanish publishers to charge Google "for showing even the smallest snippet from their publications" was not sustainable.

A bungled attempt to kid­ nap a woman ended in a chase, with three men arrest­ ed after hitting a police car in Almoradi, according to the Informacion newspaper.

Three Moroccans tried to bundle the woman into their car on Monday but she got free and hid in a local bar.

Their getaway vehicle (pic­ tured) then collided with the pursuing patrol car at a roundabout and they were then taken into custody.

BELLA ITALIA NOT

A lorry driver en route to Italy who was seven times over the alcohol limit was arrested by Guardia Civil officers after they received complaints of his vehicle zig­zagging along a busy Murcia region highway. Cops snared the driver as he was meandering his way on the RM 714 between Jumilla and Caravaca last Saturday morning. The 54 year old Spaniard was heading towards from Cehegín all the way to Italy with a whole stack of vegetables but instead he was diverted towards a speedy hearing before a Caravaca judge on a charge of reckless driving under the influence of alcohol. Another driver was drafted in by the lorry com­ pany on the Saturday afternoon to continue the journey to Italy.

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Friday 12th December 2014

STOCK UP FOR XMAS AIRPORT LATEST

A seaside shuffle with a difference saw men (and some women) scouring a cold and blus­ tery beach looking for a stash of hashish. The bizarre scene happened a day after a storm left thousands of packets of the drug floating onto the shore around Cadiz. Soon the mes­ sage was out via social media and men, women and even families arrived from as far afield as Sevilla and Malaga to fish the packets out of the water. Billed as ‘free hash for all’, the so­ called ‘busquimanos’ (beachcombers) arrived by mid­morning to scoop up an estimated 2,000 kilos of hashish. The haul ended up in the water after strong winds capsized three smuggler boats in heavy waves en route to Spain from Morocco at the end of November.

CURTAIN UP

17 members of a group fighting to keep San Javier airport open went to Brussels on Wednesday to lobby the European Parliament. The protestors met with Spanish MEPs who they asked to pressurise the European Commission to keep the coastal facility open, even when the long­delayed Corvera eventually starts operations. Group leader, Santiago Pina, said that their visit had been positive. Meanwhile, the Murcia President, Alberto Garre, has said that talks are continuing with Corvera operator Aeromur to strike a deal to open the air­ port but that it was not a quick process. “Calibration” flights have been taking place this week to check on Corvera’s navigational facilities but the regional government is still awaiting a crucial verdict from the European Commission over its loan to Aeromur.

UPWARD BITTER PILL TREND

Three women have been charged with robbery with vio­ lence at a La Marina pharmacy. The incident happened on Thursday December 4th, with a sales assistant injured as two Lithuanians and a Georgian woman ransacked the prem­ ises.

CLOCKING ON

Almoradi’s iconic theatre, the Cortés Almoradi is back in business next weekend after being closed for over two months during which 300 thousand euros of renovations have been carried out. The wider and more comfortable seats mean though that the theatre capacity has had to be reduced to 450. The next phase of improvements will con­ centrate on installing a new air conditioning system. The Cortés building is regarded as one of the oldest entertain­ ment venues in the Vega Baja area that has maintained its identity for over a century.

IKEA HOPE

IKEA remain committed to opening a store in Alicante City despite a legal row involving Alicante Mayor, Sonia Castedo, and whether she gave preferential treatment to a businessman over a strategic local plan which would include accommodating the multinational outlet. The manager of the IKEA store in Valencia, Carolina Garcia, said that expansion into Alicante was seen as priority as customers were having to travel south to their outlet in Murcia. "IKEA’s position”, added Garcia, “is that we still want to be in Alicante, and it is our next major project. We are pursuing all legal channels to get in there”.

House prices have shown a modest rise between July and September of this year, compared to the same three month period in 2013. Official figures show an increase of 0.9 per­ cent in the Valencian region, and the overall rise so far this year is 3.5%., according to the House Price Index compiled by the National Statistics Institute (INE). In context though, house prices have fallen by nearly half in Alicante Province since the “property bubble” burst in 2007. Latest figures for the Murcia region showed a rise of 1.5 per cent between July and September over the returns for 2013, which was the third highest rise in the country behind Madrid and Cantabria.

In other figures, the INE say that the number of house sales in the Valencia region grew by 7.4% in October com­ pared with the same month last year with some 3,630 deals completed, but the national average rise was substantially more at 16%. The Murcia region trumped that with a big 18% hike compared to October 2013, with 797 sales.

A six man Costa Blanca gang that used to alter car mileages has been arrested by the National Police. Cops swooped on Quesada as well as El Campello and San Juan in Alicante and raided different workshops and made two house searches. Agents say they’ve so far identified at least 30 scams, including a car that had done 680 thousand kilo­ metres being sold as having done 180 thousand on the clock.

The crew are also being accused of falsifying documents.

POWER UP FOOD BOOST

CUT ABOVE THE REST Some of the best ham slicers in the business converged on San Javier last weekend as part of the town’s annual trade fair in the Plaza de España. The special demonstration was organised by Murcia’s Professional Hamcutters Association and San Javier’s Commerce department, with of course plenty of samples available to be tasted.

20 thousand homes in the Elche area could be getting their electricity within 18 months from a major new plant that will generate power through solar energy. The plant would use a quarter of a million solar panels to produce up to 250 megawatts of electricity, and would also be a major local base for research and development creating around 250 jobs. The project, costing around 250 million euros, would be funded by various foreign investment companies, according to Luis López, of the Himin Solar Energy Group, and plan­ ning paperwork has been lodged with the Valencian Government and City of Elche. López said the solar park would occupy a 100 hectare site in the Balsares area of Elche in a finca known as Las Rústicas.

Over one and a half thousand kilos of food for the needy of the San Miguel de Salinas area has been raised by the San Miguel Arcángel Neighbourhood Association. 31 volunteers, of whom 11 were children, took part in getting people to donate food at the local MASYMAS supermarket, where donations of nearly 450 euros were also received.

Friday 12th December 2014

WOULD YOU DO THE SAME?

An honest tissue seller in Sevilla has handed in a wallet containing over 16 thousand euros of cash and cheques to the police after it fell off the roof of a car. The Nigerian man was sell­ ing tissues at a set of traffic lights at the start of the month when he noticed the wallet fall to the ground as the car pulled away from the lights. The seller immediately took the wallet to the local police, who used the contents to track down its owner, a 42­year­old Sevilla man.

The owner said he will stop by to thank the tissue seller in person for the civility he showed in handing in his property.

SEAL OF APPROVAL A lame pony abandoned on a piece of wasteland has been saved by the Rojales­ based Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre. Co­ founders Rod and Sue Weeding were called in for the rescue by the local police where they found the two­year­old pony riddled with worms and suffering leg deformations.

“The pony didn’t have an identification chip so unfortunately we cannot find out who abandoned him,” Sue said. He is now resi­ dent at the Rescue Centre, which was visited by the new Rojales Local Police chief, Inaki Esparza, along with local councillors.

“The new police chief was very impressed with what we were doing and said he’s happy to work with us because he considers it part of his job to protect animals from abuse,” Sue added.

FUR ENOUGH

Over 100 people stripped naked and covered themselves in red dye symbolising blood in a protest over the use of fur in fashion design in Barcelona last Sunday. Organised by AnimaNaturalis International, the demonstration saw activists lying down and playing dead in the central Plaza del Rey. Models Judit Benavente and Bastet Davinia, wearing fur coats – which may have been fake – and streaked with 'blood' carried banners which read in Spanish and in English, 'Animals need their fur. You don't'.

GORGING ON EL GORDO

The amount of tickets available for sale for Spain’s big annual Christmas lottery, “El Gordo”, has gone down by 12 per cent compared to last year, but allocations have gone up significantly in Alicante Province, with far more being allocated to the Orihuela and Torrevieja areas compared to 2013. Figures from a lottery sales representative speaking to the La Verdad newspaper put a 40 per cent boost in availability for Orihuela and a 25 per cent hike for Torrevieja.

Nationally, there’s been an overall drop of some 20 per cent in people taking part in all lot­ teries since the start of the economic crisis, but the “El Gordo” figures are still substantial with around 128 million euros in tickets being allocated to be sold in the usual tenths. Retailers in Alicante Province claim that sales so far this year have been up on those for 2014 bearing out the increased availability of tickets, with the region being the fourth most popular in the country for having a flutter.

The 202nd draw will be made on Monday December 22nd, with the last substantial local win being in Callosa in 2012 and four years earlier in Torrevieja.

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Friday 12th December 2014

POOR BILL’S NOT HIMSELF

THERE was great excitement and anticipation in the pub the other evening.

No, Dave the barman had not initiated a nightly happy hour. God forbid he would grant us the joy of 60 minutes of half­priced drinks. After all, as well as being the barman at our beloved hostelry, Dave was also the owner of the establish­ ment and so had a busi­ ness to run.

'What difference would a happy hour make any­ way?' grumbled mein host. 'None of you lot puts his hand in his pock­ et whatever the hour is.'

So what was the source of our excitement and anticipation? In a determined attempt to inject some culture into our pub discussion group, Andromeda Arkwright, our most recent and first female member, had organised a Great Debate. (I used capital letters there to show just how great the event promised to be.)

Andromeda, our self­ appointed new mentor, was to propose the motion 'That this ale­ house finds the smoking of tobacco products an unsocial activity.'

Opposing the motion would be none other than Fag Ash Bill, the healthi­ est member of our clien­ tele and also the only smoker.

Go figure that seeming paradox but I believe that because Bill chain­smoked out­ side on the pavement he was taking in big gulps of fresh air along with the ciggy fumes.

Anyway, the stage was set for The Great Debate. All we were waiting for was for Fag Ash Bill to finish his latest fag.

'I have the distinct feeling that this is going to be a rewarding evening,' Dave the bar­

man whispered into my ear while furtively glancing into his cash till.

'I agree, Dave,' I whispered back. 'And it could have been an Even Greater Debate if David Dimbleby had made it here to act as chairman of the proceedings.'

'David Dimbleby!' gasped Dave the bar­

next time ­­ if there is a next time. There has­ n't even been a THIS time yet.'

Dave the barman scratched his head and said: 'By the way, why are we whispering?'

I whispered back: 'Because I don't want us to wake up Ol' Red Eyes. He's fast asleep lying across my feet. I might consider giving

man. 'Yes,' I said. 'I phoned him last night to invite him to attend.'

'And is he coming?' Dave the barman gasped again.

I shrugged. 'I'd be most surprised if he did.

The pips sounded before I could say any­ thing to him. You know, I think there's some­ thing wrong with that old phone box outside the undertaker's. I mean the line suddenly went dead. I'll ring Dimbleby from my mobile

him a prod with my shoe when, and if, The Great Debate starts.'

At which point, Andromeda Arkwright rose from her bar stool, went over to the door and shouted: 'Fag Ash Bill, will you get in here now! I need to start our meeting this instant!'

The door slowly creaked open and a tall, imposing figure emerged from the outside darkness and into the not­that­much brighter interior of the pub.

But it was immediately apparent to all of us that there was something different about Fag Ash Bill. His usual drab brown (nicotine­ coated) attire had been replaced by a smart black suit with matching casual shirt, socks and shoes. Indeed, he resembled The Man in Black ­­ whoever he was.

There were only two possible explanations for Fag Ash Bill's different visual appearance. He'd either refrained from ciga­ rettes on his way to the pub in order to impress The Great Debate audi­ ence with his nicotine­free sartorial elegance or he'd partaken of his usual copi­ ous amount of fags but, while sight­impaired by the constant pall of thick smoke hanging around his head, had walked to the hostelry via an abandoned open­cast coal mine.

But then there was a third explanation which turned out to be the cor­ rect one. It wasn't Fag Ash Bill after all who had entered the pub but a total stranger who announced: 'I was just passing when a chain­smoking bloke passed me a note which asked me to pop in here and apologise to you folk for his absence. He's come down with an attack of laryngitis and cannot speak.'

'Well, so much for Fag Ash Bill being healthy,' grumbled Dave the barman. 'And so much for The Great Debate unless we wake up Ol' Red Eyes and get him to stand in for Bill. But it would take us until closing time to get him on his feet.'

Dave the barman turned to me. 'Well, Dave Silver, all I can suggest is that you get hold of David Dimbleby and we can form a pub act called The Three Daves.'

Friday 12th December 2014

CRYSTAL CLEAR?

A new website that is meant to lift the lid on all aspects of Spanish public and government life went on line this week. The Transparency Portal (http://transparencia.gob.es) is meant to counteract recent high profile corruption scandals and cases and will prove instant access to a huge array of data including contracts, grants, functions of ministries, budgets, audits and taxes and the remuneration and allowances of officials. Users can also request specific infor­ mation as well. Central government details are being published, with regional and local authorities having a further year to put their data on line. Until a few months ago, Spain was one of the only countries in Europe that did not have a law on transparency or accessing pub­ lic information.

“BIG BROTHER” WARNING

Spain's opposition socialist PSOE party has slammed the government for behaving like "Big Brother" after proposing new laws that would give officials more power to bypass judges and to authorise wiretaps or other sur­ veillance. The law currently allows police to intercept private communications without a judge's OK only in probes targeting suspected terrorists or organised crime groups.

But the draft bill adopted last Friday by cab­ inet ministers would grant the interior minister and the secretary of state for security the power to authorize surveillance in "emer­ gency cases," or for a matter of "particular gravity."

Socialist leader, Pedro Sanchez(pictured), condemned the proposal, likening it to "a kind of Big Brother" move that represented "anoth­ er tightening of the screws" on human rights and freedoms. If passed, the measure would allow the government to order authorities to tap phone, written and online communications when investigations target criminal organisations , terrorism, crimes against minors or "peo­ ple with a special legal status," which was not clearly defined.

INTO THE FOLD

Six unadopted roads in Gran Alacant have been taken over by the local council after residents have had to cough up themselves for paying for street lighting and cleaning over a number of years. The Calles Europa, Asia, América, Oceania, África and País Valencià have now been taken into public ownership.

UBER AND OUT?

A Madrid judge has ordered the ride­sharing and taxi service Uber to stop operating for the time being in Spain, pending an unfair competi­ tion lawsuit. The online application is used to put passengers in touch with private drivers, and since its arrival in Spain, the company has been the target of a series of protests by taxi associa­ tions, who consider it to be unfair competition.

The judge said Uber drivers lacked the neces­ sary authorization to drive vehicles and acted as unfair competition to the existing taxi industry.

The move comes after legal action was taken against the California­based company by the Madrid Taxi Association. Uber say they will con­ tinue to comply with Spanish law and that they are “currently looking at an appeal against these sudden and unusual proceedings". They also pledged on Wednesday to pay any fines that are incurred by users in Spain, adding that as far as they were concerned, “nothing had changed”.

COVE CALL

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Santa Pola officials have asked for help from the Department of Environment for help in repairing the damage done to the coastline at the Santiago Bernabéu coves after the recent storms. Sand erosion caused by the southerly winds has caused many of the rocks to become exposed along with other problems that have not been seen in the area since 2001.

Other areas like the Playa de Levante, the Gran Playa, and Playa Lisa were not as badly affected.

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Friday 12th December 2014

PILES OF PAELLA

Torrevieja’s port area was awash in the scent of paella last Saturday in the traditional contest that was part of the La Purísima fiestas. A record total of 154 different paellas were entered, which meant that there was plenty of food for the jury, led by Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, to taste!

HOTEL HIKE FALL AND RISE

Hotel prices for December on the Costa Blanca are up by 18 per cent compared to a year ago, according to the Trivago.es website. Alicante Province appears to have pro­ duced the third largest hike in the country behind Valladolid and Toledo with a night costing an average of 90 euros. The average nationwide increase is eight per cent.

The Valencian region saw a reduction of 7,208 registered residents in the first six months of 2014 to take the overall fig­ ure to 4,949,218, a fall of 0.15 per cent according to the National Statistics Institute. Figures for Alicante Province including the Costa Blanca show that there has been a net increase of people in the area of 1,700 between January and the end of June. The Murcia region showed a slight rise, namely of 0.14 per cent, to take the population figure to 1,463,797 residents.

PORN TODAY, TOM’S SPANISH TRIBUTE CLASSICS TOMORROW

By Andrew Atkinson Spanish artisan craftsmen from Spain have completed a near 12,000 mosaic tiled mas­ ter piece of the late legendary footballer Sir Tom Finney. The mosaic depicts the ‘Splash’ picture of Finney, taken during a match between Chelsea and Preston North End at Stamford Bridge in 1956. The Spanish masterpiece was unveiled at Preston North End's Deepdale stadium and is in situ on the main reception

A Madrid theatre company struggling to stay afloat under heavy taxes has come up with a novel solution: pornography. Theatre group Primas de Riesgo, or Risk Premium, has exchanged selling tickets for back issues of pornography magazine Gente Libre, or Free People.

The radical change was prompted by the government’s decision to slash subsidies for the culture sector, hiking tax on theatres and cinemas from 8 per cent to 21 per cent. In contrast, the government kept tax for magazines – from high class glossies to pornography – at the previous 4 per cent.

Director Karina Garantivá, 33, said: “It is two figures and two products that the public can compare. A porn magazine, which offers a service I won’t question, and Calderón – our her­ itage – the Spanish Shakespeare. It’s scandalous when cultural heritage is being taxed at 21% and porn at only at 4%. Something is wrong.”

The group has sold the magazines, which date back to the 80s and 90s, for around 20 euros each and they come with a ‘free’ ticket of the group’s latest production El Mágico Prodigioso, a 17th­century drama by Pedro Calderón de la Barca. For the opening night last week, Primas de Riesgo managed to “give away” 180 tickets.

One theatre goer said: “We want to see shows but we don’t have enough money, so I def­ initely support them.” Another member of the audience said: “At least it’s different, it is cre­ ative.”

wall of the Sir Tom Finney stand, named in honour of Finney.

England 'wing wizard' Finney made 472 appearances for Preston North End and died in February, aged 91. Preston based Tile Mart has donated the five metre wide mosaic to the club ­ put together with 11,999 tiles. And Tile Mart’s business development manager Luckman Ismail said: “We wanted to show our appreciation for someone we knew as being the greatest ambassador for football and hope it brings fond memories of Sir Tom Finney.” A mosaic of the Splash, made up of 145,000 pieces and unveiled in 2011, is in situ at Tile Mart’s head office in Preston.

CRISTINA TO “BUY” FREEDOM

STANDARD BEARER

Torrevieja’s Quirón Hospital raised a glass of early Xmas cheer this week as it welcomed the area’s local international media to its premises. The event brought in journalists and newspaper owners like Barry Newlove of The Courier, who were told about the importance that the Quirón group attach in communicating health issues to people from across Europe who have made their home on the Costa Blanca and Costa Calida. Dr. Christian Brito, one of Quirón’s regional managers said that their “Torrevieja Hospital sets the standard in the region’s private sector, with over 20 different specialist departments”. Quirón also runs health centres in Orihuela and Santa Pola, in addition to having close links with private medical insurance schemes across Europe

Princess Cristina, sister of King Felipe, is planning to cough up nearly 600 thousand euros to help keep her out of jail. According to the Duchess of Palma's solicitor Miquel Roca, she is willing to refund the taxes she reportedly evaded for the years 2007 and 2008 by offsetting personal expenses against the front company Aizoon, which had no commercial activity and which she owned 50­50 with her husband, Iñaki Urdangarín. The firm was set up to launder funds received through the Nóos Institute, set up as a non­profit entity to promote sporting and cultural events, but which was actually a lucrative business.

Invoices for events funded by the regional governments of Valencia and the Balearic Islands and organised by the Nóos Institute were inflated so Urdangarín and his business partner, Diego Torres, could pocket the difference. Cristina said she had no dealings what­ soever in the financial side of Aizoon and was unconnected to the Nóos Institute, merely 'signing what her husband told her to sign' out of 'love and trust'.

Prosecutor Pedro Horrach does not believe she has been guilty of a criminal offence, but it is recognised that the tax she avoided paying, plus interest, a total of 587,413 euros, needs to be paid back to the State. This means there is no public prosecution against her, only a private prosecution by the anti­corruption body Manos Limpias ('clean hands') calling for eight years in prison on the grounds she was a 'necessary collaborator' to the Nóos racket and not just a beneficiary thereof. And the judge in charge of the case does not agree with Horrach that she is entirely innocent.

As a result, whether or not the Infanta will face criminal charges and be sentenced hangs in the balance, but her solicitor is attempting a bargain involving paying back her debts in exchange for her actions being decriminalised. Iñaki Urdangarín, in the meantime, has refused to negotiate any type of plea bargain that would lead to his going to jail, unless the sentence is for two years or less when he would not have to serve it as his is a first offence.

Friday 12th December 2014

9

10

Friday 12th December 2014

LOCAL LOOK-IN

FIESTY FUN WITH SANTA PENSIONERS

Almost 700 people enjoyed the Stagestruck seasonal show at San Fulgencio’s Cardenal Belluga Theatre, as the “Pensioners Saved Christmas”. The original story featured lots of audience participation with the final proceeds (total to be announced) being split between the Alzheimer’s Association and The Children’s Show Box appeal, with the raffle alone raising over 600 euros. The next Stagestruck pro­ duction will be in May.

YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD

Local author Percy Chattey from Hondon de los Frailes, is living proof that you can still achieve your dreams even in your later years, because his dream of getting his books published has just come true!

Now approaching a sprightly 80 years, Percy has been told that his eBook and Pinnacle Award winning autobiography “Blitz & Pieces: The True Story of How a Six Year Old Survived the London Blitz” has now secured a hardback publishing and promo­ tions deal. Plus, the same London­based publisher could take on three of his other thriller novels, such as “Politically Incorrect” and “The Black Venus”.

In the last two years Percy has found renewed joy in his passion for writing murder mystery thrillers amid the mountainous tran­ quil of the Hondon Valley. He has completed six so far. However, as a child of the war, he

also wanted to document his WWII memoirs.

What started off as a few amusing and vivid anecdotes to tell his grandchildren has now become a jam­packed autobiography about his fearful cockney childhood during the infamous London Blitz. He also gives a first­hand account of the hardships in post­ war Britain, paints a stark portrait of his army days and writes candidly about East End business life.

Percy is proud to be the only author to win three NABE Pinnacle Book Achievement Awards in its 26 year history. Percy’s latest thriller “WatchIt Too!” will be released this winter. The release date for the hardback version of “Blitz and Pieces” is to be decided but for now, all of Percy’s thrillers and books are still available as Kindle eBooks or as paperbacks via Amazon.co.uk or a search for “percy chattey books”.

RUB THAT LAMP

This year´s ADAPT panto in San Pedro del Pinatar, Aladdin, was as usual a traditional favourite played with an unusual twist to an English and Spanish speaking audience. The ´ beautiful´ Princess Jasmine´s entrance brought the house down as ´she´ appeared with full beard and was accompanied by film of Conchita Wurst, the Eurovision Song Contest winner from Austria.

The Spanish community of San Pedro have come to love the traditional English Panto which is written and produced in English and Spanish each year by Jane Cronin and Eric Berg and takes place in the Casa de Cultura, which also raised seventeen hundred euros for the El Samaritano Association.

The annual Santa Fun Run and Walk in aid of the AECC Cancer Charity had a new venue this year, surprising and entertaining the shoppers at Zenia Boulevard. Nearly 200 people walked or ran the five kilometre course that started and finished at the Boulevard, with the event organised by Maria and the Pink Ladies in association with the centre’s management.

Santa was pulled on his sleigh around the whole course by members of the Torrevieja Tigers Rugby Club, and there was plenty of entertainment for the crowd at the start/finish line.

Nearly thirteen hundred euros was raised on the day and many of the entrants brought items of food as well to help the Torrevieja­based homeless charity, Reach Out. There was also a special donation of 700 euros by a group of Reach Out volunteers in memory of Christine Flemming who died of cancer in October.

Maria Wilson of the Pink Ladies and AECC president for Orihuela Costa said:­“The aim of the day was to help two charities and to have fun at the same time and I think we achieved both."

Friday 12th December 2014

11

LOCAL LOOK-IN PLENTY OF PREZZIES

Age Concern’s local headquarters in La Siesta, Torrevieja, got a welcome pre­Xmas boost, thanks to everybody who took part in a recent “best decorated present” contest staged by the Masons’ ladies in Quesada. Pictured are Joyce and Julie from the group and the presents that they have handed over to Age Concern for distribution to the local community.

LOTS OF TROTS

Two animal charities are going to benefit from two spectacular Horse and Flamenco shows this weekend at the Ganaderia Cortes Horse Stud Farm in the Almoradi/Dolores area.

Emma Tytherleigh and Juan Cortés will be teaming up again to give you an authentic taste of equestrian Spain with their professional show in aid of Dogs at Large and the Sax Horse Rescue charity, Casa Epona.

The shows will start this Saturday and Sunday (Dec 13th and 14th) at 1.00pm, with refreshments available from noon. Tickets, including family packages, will be on sale at the door, and directions to get to the Farm are available via www.HORSESHOW.es or by phon­ ing Emma on 674 844 864.

PUPPET ON A XMAS CHEER STRING It’s the last chance to catch the Rascals Christmas Extravaganza this Sunday (December 14th) at Torrevieja’s Municipal Theatre with curtain up at 7.00pm. The first half sees the team go to the circus for their Barnum tribute, with Xmas favourites filling up the second part of the show.

Ticket sales go to the APA­ NEE charity and you can reserve one, priced at six euros, by calling Sue on 966 784 874. To find out more about the Rascals look on www.therascals.org

The Velvetones Christmas Concert provided some hearty entertainment last week, with the ladies pleased to hand over one thousand euros to the homeless chari­ ty, Reach Out and to Age Concern. The chorus meet each Wednesday morning at the Restaurante El Paraiso, Jardin Del Mar, Torrevieja (behind Carrefour and McDonalds) from 9.45am, and are looking for social as well as singing members. For more details, check out the website, www.velvetones.org or phone Ena on 965 707 598.

LIFE WITH THE LIONS

Torrevieja Costa Lions Club are looking for you to join them in their final social evening of the year this coming Wednesday(December 17th) at the Market Street Restaurant in San Miguel at 7.30pm. A three course Xmas meal is on offer, and you can find out all you need to know about the various charitable and social activities that the Lions get up to. If you would like to come along, please email philip.buckman@btinternet.com before Tuesday December 16th.

Meanwhile, the Lions will be rattling their tins in traditional style on Christmas Day on La Zenia beach, with the musical backing of JB Brass. Last year’s torrential rain kept the crowds away, but the Lions are hoping for better luck this year. Mince pies, cava, and barbecues will be the order of the day, with JB Brass playing your yuletide favourites from 12.30.

IT’S SHOWTIME

The Los Montesinos­based Footwork Dance company stage their Christmas Charity show this weekend, “There’s No Business Like Snow Business!”. The family show features dancers of all ages, plus entertainment from singer and comedian Frank Cusack in addition to a surprise guest. There’ll be two performances at the Los Montesinos Music School this Sunday December 14th at 2.30 pm and 7.30pm, with tickets at seven euros for adults and children aged under 16 at five euros. Money raised will go to the needy of Los Montesinos, with funds being used to buy items for local families. Tickets are available from the Dance studios in the town, or from Kennedy’s British Supermarket, in addition to The Post Room in Benijofar and the Book Shop in San Miguel. The phone number for reservations is 662 137 329.

HELP FOR AMMA

Help at Home Mar Menor has handed over a cheque for one thousand euros to the recently formed AMMA group (Alzheimer’s Mar Menor Association) in San Pedro del Pinatar. AMMA’s aim is to help both clients and carers with a little respite, initially with two workshops each week, in the Pensionistas club in San Pedro. Carers can accompany their loved ones, or drop them at the centre and have a couple of hours break. Times at the moment are 9.30am until 12.30pm on Wednesdays and Fridays. Presenting the cheque, Paul Eburne co­founder of HAH said “We are absolutely thrilled that this charity is in our area, as we have had several clients with this ter­ rible disease, and have not been able to offer them the special care they need.”

12

Friday 12th December 2014

A DOGGY TREAT

I thought I’d start this week by mentioning a new addi­ tion I have added to the diet of my dogs, extra virgin olive oil. Luckily we live in a country where this is not as expensive as in the UK and the benefits to our dogs are numerous, including the following ­ They like the taste; It helps dogs to lose weight; It promotes optimal health; It defends the immune system; It is good for their skin and coat; It’s a brain food; It improves circulation and breathing and finally It is a beauty treatment for your dogs. Since I have started using it I have seen a massive improvement in my dogs coats. They now shine more than ever. A typical meal for my dogs each night is a very good quality kibble and not the mainstream ones that you find in most supermarkets. Always look at the ingredients and if the kibble contains for example chick­ en, if it states there is only 4% chicken, that is a poor quality food. It should be at least 17% and over. In the average supermarket, 90% of the kibble on sale is of a very, very poor quality, so next time you shop, look closely at what is in the food before you buy. The say­ ing, you are what you eat is very true, not only for us, but also for our furry best friends. With their kibble, I include sardines and the extra virgin olive oil. I mix it all together and it smells so good, that some nights I am tempted to eat it!

Dogs love variety, so don’t feed them the same thing every night. Can you imagine if you were served the same meal every night? Many dogs just get a bowl of dry biscuits, but by using a little imagination you can turn your dogs meal­ time into the best part of the day. One of the best ways I can show my dogs how much I love them is by what I serve them to eat. It reminds me of when my Dad was alive. He would cook me some amazing meals and then sit there and watch me eat. I use to say to Dad, “Why do you always stare at me when I'm eating”? His reply was, “Because I love you Son”.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago, about different ways we are trying to raise funds to finance our animal charity. If any

readers have items they no longer need, I can collect them directly from your house. Any items you have will be of use, whether it is furniture, clothes, books, items for dogs and cats, you name it, it will all help to raise the money we need to keep up our valued work. So if you are having a clear out, please remember us.

I would like to thank Else Tue Andersen, Margaret charity, where we rescue the most severely abused animals and r e h a b i l i t a t e them.Hayter and Roni - A picture of health Janneke Chambers never use was ridiculous! I found it therapeutic though, as I for their kindness for their donations last week, this was cannot stand clutter, being a sufferer of OCD. We now have greatly appreciated. drawers we can open without the world falling out of them Many charities make money from selling items in their and this all benefits the animals. shops and this is something we have to look at very serious­ www.thedogyouneed.com is our registered charity, where ly, in order for our charity to grow. I was speaking with some­ we rehabilitate the most severely abused animals. Our char­ one a few days ago and they made a good point. They said ity registration number is 1157175. If you would be kind that the average person does not even use 60% of the enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do clothes in their wardrobes. They just sit there and gather by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogy­ dust, as most people have their favourite items they prefer ouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the to wear. Selling clothes can go a long way to helping us. Old sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. furniture we can restore and sell. We had a clear out in our When donating via Paypal, can you please choose the house last week and the amount of stuff we had that we option, personal payment or gift. Thank you.

PETS CORNER : CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT? DANI

APAH currently has over 80 beautiful cats and kittens being cared for in its Cattery like Berry. Some of them have lost their loving home, whilst many have never had one. Can you give one of their cats a happy life and loving home? To arrange to visit APAH's Cattery please call 630 422 563 or 616 210 850.

BERRY Alf is a terrier cross, and is about two years old. He’s very placid and about the size of a spaniel so is a medium to small young man. Alf really is lovely and would make someone a very loyal companion.

Please contact K9 or PHONE 600 84 54 20 for more info www.k9club.es Bill was rescued from a tile factory along with his sib­ lings he is now in a loving

months old and weighs 10.5 kilos so will be medium/large when fully grown. Mimi is good with other dogs, house trained, chipped and vacci­ nated. Call: 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com

ALF

CUQUI

foster home. He is about 13 weeks old and it is thought he will be medium sized when fully grown and we think he is a pointer cross.

He and the other puppies are all adorable. For more information on Bill or one of the other pups please tele­ phone the P.E.P.A. helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.animalcharity@gmai l.com

Keisha is a one year old Himalayan breed cat. She was found living in fields and soon after her rescue had five kittens. The kittens are now old enough to leave Keisha so she is in need of a new home. She is so friendly to everyone, follows her fos­ terer on walks and is good with dogs and other cats.

Call: 645 469 253. www.petsinspain.com

BILL Mimi is in need of a new home, she is around five

MIMI Cuqui is a six month old Terrier crossbreed. His pre­ vious owners were moving but unable to take him to their new accommodation and had taken him to the vets to be put to sleep as they had no other solution for him. He is a happy and healthy youngster who has been given a second chance and is now fully vaccinated and micro chipped. If you would like to visit Cuqui or for more information please call 966 710 047 or send an email to info@satanimalres­ cue.com

KEISHA

13

Friday 12th December 2014

LINES OF ENQUIRY

I read your front page story last week about the 74 year old Spanish widow, Maria Carmen Schroeler(pictured), who was robbed three times in a month. I am so sorry for her, and it prompted me to tell you what happened to me in November. I’m aged 70 and have suffered with ME for the last seven years, which means that every little task is a struggle. I was at home at 5.00am on a Friday morning last month when I was burgled, with the crooks getting in via a locked window. I got out of bed screaming in my native lan­ guage, and then the young man(the other must have left), ran out shouting f­­­ you many times, before he made his escape into the street.

I subsequently noticed that my laptop, purse and keys had been stolen, and I called the police on the emergency 112 line, but only got a recorded message. I called a Spanish neighbour who tried to make contact with the police, but with no success. The following day I heard about a couple in the Torretas who owned a restaurant who tried to call the police the same night(with no success), but earlier at 1.00am after they saw two youths of North African appearance on small bikes trying to hide on a patio.

I would not let the matter rest and a few days later, I went to the Town Hall to complain about the problems of calling the police at night. The lady there told me not to use the 112 number but the 092 number instead. How on earth would anybody know that? Fortunately there was a partial happy ending as two days later, a nice English couple from Torreta 3 came to my house and handed over my cash and credit cards plus my driving licence which they had found in the street, but sadly there was no sign of my laptop or keys.

My point is that according to people who I have talked to in my area, there have been a number of incidents that local residents have tried to report at night but with no success. If the burglars know that getting hold of the police at night is a struggle, then surely they must be laughing all the way to the

bank? And if you see a two year old Packard Bell laptop doing the rounds, then it might be mine!

Kind regards Else Tue Andersen Torreta 3 Torrevieja

END THE GREAT BARRIER GRIEF

Well over a year ago I wrote to you regard­ ing the illegal barrier which had been con­ structed across the public promenade between Calle Aqua and the steps down to Cabo Roig beach. This barrier was erected many years ago by a limited number of resi­ dents from the Bella Vista urbanisation. The response by Martina Scheurer, the Councilor for the Coast, to my communication was that action was in hand to remove this obstruc­ tion. She did however cover herself by stat­ ing that these actions may take some time. A typical political statement and response!!!

Over the last few months, I have read many articles in the local media over the sit­ uation like back in August with the Bella Vista residents being given a fortnight to remove the barrier or the council would do the work themselves and bill the urbaniza­ tion. Then last month, I read that the Bella Vista residents had dismantled the unsightly metal spiked fencing at one end of the barri­

er and instead if removing it completely they had renewed it with a fresh barrier of new metal fencing. How brash can you get?

Many people in Cabo Roig are dumb­ founded at the actions taken (or in this case NOT TAKEN) by the council and the coun­ cilors concerned. There's been a lot of talk, and presumably, a lot of money spent on the legal implications of this case. Surely this saga has gone on for long enough?

Improvements are being made to many areas of the coast, Punta Prima, La Zenia and Cala Capitan to name but a few. Yet the 30 or so meters of public and pedestrian promenade blocked off by a few uncaring people on the Bella Vista urbanisation has been completely neglected. I ask the council a simple question: ­ Where is your back­ bone?

Ron Hopkins Calle Tierra Cabo Roig.

PUZZLE SOLVED

Having written years ago, and telephoning a few months ago, I am finally able to enjoy trying to complete the Spanish­ English crossword and the Code Cracker! All the other puz­ zles had easy num­ bers to see, but with these 2 puzzles it was almost impossi­ ble to decipher the numbers, in fact I gave up attempting them a couple of weeks ago! As these were the only two puzzles I did, I was very frustrated and nearly gave up looking for a copy of The Courier.

Thank you so much, I will con­ tinue to read your great paper and enjoy my puz­ zles!

Pam Cotterrill La Marina Urbanisation

14

Friday 12th December 2014

JEZZA’S LEGACY

I was a big fan of the ex­Liberal Party leader Jeremy Thorpe who passed away in his mid­eighties last week.

In my early years of following politics I saw Thorpe as a standard bearer for the outsiders in politics and crucial­ ly he did not seem like a politician as opposed to the staid and boring main two parties led by Harold Wilson and Edward Heath who appeared to be mired in fighting old class wars and the traditional rich versus poor argu­ ments. I would go as far as saying that Thorpe led the first successful post war assault on a two party Labour/Tory system which we should all be grateful for and he laid the foundations for where the Lib Dems are right now.

It may see hard to believe but just over 50 years ago in the October 1964 General Election narrowly won by Wilson, over 98 per cent of the British electorate chose to vote either for Labour or the Conservatives, with the Liberals a very poor third, which was repeated in the 1966 vote when Labour increased their overall majority. It was classic two party Punch and Judy politics with Thorpe succeeding the amiable Jo Grimond as leader in 1967 with a big mountain to climb. Come the 1970 election, which was surprisingly won by Ted Heath, the Liberals found themselves reduced to just six MPs but Thorpe as leader was the only show in town for the struggling third party, which often found themselves portrayed as a group of radical eccentrics that were devoid from reality.

But then in the early seventies, things began to change as the Liberals started to win by­elections, mainly at the expense of the unpopular Heath government with people like Clement Freud being elected to parliament. The Liberal revival (promised for some decades) was on and Thorpe's style was right at the vanguard of it all. He was younger than

Heath and Wilson and was good on TV and come the first General Election of 1974 where Heath wanted backing in his showdown with the miners, the Liberals polled an impressive 20 per cent, but got a paltry return in the number of seats due to the dice being loaded against them in the "first past the post" electoral system (A warning here for 2015 I sense for UKIP). Thorpe charged around the UK wearing his coat and hat in helicopters and battle buses in a new style of campaigning taken from the US, and he tapped into the dis­ illusionment of traditional politics (That rings a bell!).

We then came into the "what might have been" moment as on a February 1974 weekend with "no win" for the Tories or Labour, and Harold Wilson having a few more seats,

though Heath got more of the popular vote. The Liberals were offered power with Heath wanting Thorpe to join him in a coalition to essentially keep Labour out and the nation waited to see what would happen. The Liberals said no and I think Thorpe missed a chance, whilst the country ended up being inflicted with perhaps the most disastrous government in post­war history as Wilson and then his successor, Jim Callaghan let the unions run amok and the UK had to go to the IMF for a bailout. It all meant that a lady called Margaret Thatcher was able to seize power in 1979, but it could all have been dramatically different!

What was Jeremy Thorpe so scared of in 1974? Doing a deal with Heath would only have meant having another elec­ tion in a relatively short time (which of course Wilson called that October) or did he have the fear that the Liberals would be branded as "propping up" the Tories which would create major splits within his party? That may well have been the case, or of course lurking in the background was the thought that his relationship with the male model, Norman Scott, might just surface (which of course it dramatically did a cou­ ple of years later along with the so­called 1979 trial of the century as we were all told about the strange shooting of Rink the dog!). It's a great hindsight question, but at least Thorpe helped to create that opportunity 40 year ago and allows us to speculate on how much better or worse Britain would have been come the end of the seventies. For upping the Liberal profile and their vote, as well as making them serious players again, I think history will show Jeremy Thorpe in a very good light, as he laid down the roots four decades ago for what essentially has ended up as the end of the old two party cabal and the certainty that the UK will be ruled by a succession of coalition governments in years to come.

15

Friday 12th November 2014

SILLY WOMEN DON’T SHUT IT

SHUT that b....y door!

That´s what we were thinking time and time again when we sat in a busy restaurant full of Brits last week. It was pleasantly warm in the restaurant, but cold and windy outside, yet every few minutes people would either enter or leave and forget to close the door.

The result...brrr! After this happened a few times, it became a social experiment for my wife and I to see who the offenders were ­ and hand on heart and with no journalistic licence here, every single person who left the door open was a woman! Invariably it was the man who left or entered first, followed by the woman who just didn´t think or as too plain selfish or stupid to bother to close the door behind her. I began to ques­ tion why this should be, and my only conclusion is that it´s the men who pay the electricity bills and women don´t, so closing the door and keeping the heat inside isn´t on their radar. So it means very little to them if they leave the door open and let the heat pour out.

We keep hearing in Britain of people moaning about sky­high energy bills (even though the unit cost is far higher in Spain than Britain) ­ perhaps the reason for their huge bills is they've still not got it through their heads to close the b....y doors!

HERE'S an example of trying to save money and putting lives at risk. The AA, quite rightly, have ham­ mered UK local councils for

switching street lights off in certain areas as an econo­ my measure.

There have been six acci­ dents where coroners have directly or partially blamed councils for switch­ ing out street lights.

And they have now produced evidence of a marked increase in accidents on those roads which are unlit, compared to those where lights are left on. Here in Spain the lack of streetlights on busy main roads is a dis­ grace.

The N332 between Torrevieja and Alicante is one exam­ ple, where numerous roundabouts are unlit at night. It´s made worse because neighbouring urbanisations are all well­lit, making the main road a black spot. Then introduce a crazy cyclist without lights or a pedes­ trian walking beside the unlit road and it’s a fatal combination.

ANOTHER British dis­ grace is the length of time people are left waiting to get the police to answer non­emergency telephone calls. The 101 service has become a joke. Police failed to answer more than a mil­ lion calls to their 101 phone lines in the past year and some people waited more than an hour to talk to police. Shocking statistics show 1,085,829 calls were abandoned or dropped by the service over the last year, an increase of more than 25 per cent on the year

before. The figures show that more than a third of people calling the lines in some areas either hung up or were cut off before they

managed to speak to any­ one. John O'Connell, direc­ tor of the TaxPayers' Alliance, said: “It was

claimed the 101 line would save money and reduce pressure on the emergency services, but the serv­

ice is simply not performing and the promised benefits won't appear as a result.”

Bureaucrats keep coming up with more weird and

wonderful ways of trying to save money and create effi­ ciencies, only to find it has achieved the opposite.

TWO weeks ago com­ ments posted on the Trip Advisor website came under the spotlight after a couple were fined by a hotel for posting a bad report. It called into question the value of postings on these web­ sites ­ even more so now that people have been tearing the won­ ders of the world to pieces! If someone posts a message describing the Grand Canyon as "nothing special" and the Eiffel Tower as being an "awful tower" how on earth can you treat any of their descriptions of a hotel or a holiday seriously? This is the problem with these web sites, since there is no knowing the IQ or integrity of the poster ­ so it real­ ly is meaning­ less.

Here´s what a few of the brain­dead posters thought of some of the wonders of the world:­ Niagara Falls:"Lame and boring.

The place was packed with foreigners who always walked into our pictures in the middle of taking them."

The Statue of Liberty – "I don't get statues. Don't go. It takes hours to go from Manhattan to the top of the statue, and the view isn't very good either. It's just a statue – I don't get it."

Sydney Opera House: "Not eggcellent ­ Silly damned egg carton. Nothing special, looks better on TV. It's really nothing special at all. Save yourself the effort and view it from the bridge or harbour ­ the further away you are the less awful it looks."

Perhaps the problem is that we´re so used to seeing the wonders of the world taken from the very best camera angle, in perfect weather at the right time of day and with no crowds to spoil the view, and when we

visit as tourists the reality doesn´t match the photogra­ phy. It´s like going to a foot­ ball match or most other sporting events ­ you don´t see anything like as much as if you saved your money and watched it on the tele.

Come to think of it you could save yourself a fortune not going on holidays if you just watched the travel pro­ grammes!

A SMALL snippet caught my eye this week – namely that Cardinal George Pell, who heads the Vatican´s Secretariat for the Economy, has discovered millions of euros "tucked away" in off balance sheets!

He announced that the Holy See (the Pope and the gov­ ernment of the Roman Catholic Church) has "sub­ stantial assets and invest­ ments". Now there´s a sur­ prise! Go into any church and you can see the wealth.

I know how much the church charities do to help the poor, but with the wealth it has it could do so much more.

Sadly, like everything else, religion is big business ­ the average pastor in the US earns 135,000 dollars a year ­ now that´s an earner!

A GROUP of our friends booked into an Almeria hotel to see in the New Year and invited us to join them. Then came a call to say that it was all cancelled because although the hotel would be open, the restaurant would be closed and there was no guarantee we would be able to find an outside restaurant that would be able to accommodate all eight of us without a booking. It made me think why on earth are we acting as sheep over Christmas and New Year?

Off we go, spending a for­ tune on eating out on Christmas Day and an even bigger sum for New Year.

Why don´t we stagger the festivities over January and February when restaurants are falling over themselves for customers and will give discounts, rather than have these establishments charg­ ing the earth just because it's Christmas and New Year.

It´s all become over hyped and a recipe for screwing the public big time.

I bet all the money spent on Christmas and New Year could pay for a cruise in 2015! Bah humbug!!

16

Friday 12th December 2014

Spanish 152 Welcome back to another week of learning Spanish. This week we are going to cover another verb that has many uses rather than the normal dictionary translation. This week´s verb is poner. The normal translation you will find in a book would be ´to put´ however it is a much wider used verb than just in this way.

It is an irregular verb in the present simple in the first person singular but then follows the regular –er endings, it conjugates as: pongo, pones, pone, ponemos, ponéis, ponen.

It is also irregular in the preterite, pus­, the future and conditional, pondr­, present subjunctive, pong­, and imper­ ative pon. The past participle is also irregular, puesto.

The first example I am going to give you is the usual def­ inition: to put. ¿Qué pones en la mesa? – what are you put­ ting on the table? pongo mucho salsa en mi comida – I put a lot of sauce on my food.

The next example is when you want to lay the table we can use poner: ´poner la mesa´ We can also use it to say turn on the television or to ask what´s on the tele, e.g. poner la tele and ¿qué ponen hoy en la tele?

We can use it as ponerse when we want to talk about putting clothes on, for example ponerse un sombrero/traje/vestido.

It is also used when we are getting ready, for example when you ladies are getting ready to go out to your Christmas parties you can tell your husband ´voy a pon­ erme guapa´ and see how he reacts when you come back from the bathroom or bedroom looking stunning, he can´t say you didn´t warn him!

There are also many phrases that use the verb poner such as: Poner algo como ejemplo – to give something as an example, poner algo en duda, to cast doubt on some­ thing, poner algo en español/francés etc. – to translate something into Spanish/French etc, pober una objection – to object to something/someone, poner pleito – to sue,

poner los puntos sobre las íes – to dot the i´s and cross the t´s, poner el reloj – to set the watch, ponerse – to put/place oneself, ponerse + adjective – to get/turn/become, ponerse a/en – to reach/arrive at, ponerse + infinitive – to begin + gerund, ponerse a bien con alguien – to be on good terms with some­ one, ponerse al teléfono – to get on the phone, ponerse la carne de gallina – to get goose bumps, poner una frase (de alguien) ­ to use a phrase (of someone), ponerse de pie – to stand up.

Here are some phrases using the above examples. It is up to you to translate and decide which one they relate to. An important tense to remember with this verb is the imperative which I like to call the order tense, for example in English we say ´put it on the table´ ´stay there!´ ´don´t go!´ these are all directions or orders and are easy in English because they are usually the infinitive of the verb without ´to´ however in Spanish they are different words to the infinitive although similar but they have to be learnt separately along with all the other verb tenses. The affirmative imperative of the verb poner is: ¡pon! the negative command is ¡no pongas!

Here are some phrases using the above examples. I am not going to give you the English translation because I want you to be thinking about everything that you have read and translate the following yourself: No te pones mal conmigo, póngalo allí, él ha puesto mal conmigo, yo pongo las reglas, Él puse una frase mía, ¿Te has puesto a buscar trabajo? No pongas esa cara, si comes más te vas a poner gordo, yo pondré la mesa, Nosotros íbamos a poner negocios, se puso muy feliz, se

puso de pie y salió de la habitación.

I hope you are able to not only translate the verb poner in the above examples in the correct tense but also the rest of the words. You need to be thinking about Spanish when you are reading and I will be giving you less and less answers as I write this column. I firmly believe the best way to learn is to find things out for yourself and if I give you the translations there´s no incentive to even think as you read.

Therefore if there are any sentences that you´re not sure about it´s up to you to translate them and find out however you are able, hopefully it´ll be by asking a Spanish friend but if you can´t then the internet or a dictionary is a good second option.

Como siempre, que tengas una buena semana ¡hasta la próxima!

Friday 12th December 2014

17

Friday 12th December 2014

18

HAVE YOURSELF A RELAXING XMAS!

I am really looking for­ ward to Christmas this year, and I’ve given myself a few days off work so I can spend time relaxing with my son and partner so as not to worry about anything for a while! The past two Christmases are the best I´ve enjoyed for a long time, thanks to great friends, and I´ve even been bought presents by my little man. This is going to be the second Christmas in our current house and the decora­ tions have already been put up with the tree having pride of place in the cor­ ner, although I don´t think the presents will be put under it just yet thanks to the cats wandering around. I don´t want any opening done before Christmas Day itself and the cats do have some sharp claws!

In the past, many years ago, I was always organised when it came to this time of the year. I used to start my present shopping early and ensure it was always done in plenty of time but recently I have begun to get slower and slower and more and more behind. So this year I decided to make an effort to get things bought and

wrapped in plenty of time which means that I now already have everything that anyone could want, apart from maybe a treat or two for the pets. So I have some spare moments which means that Santa has asked me to help him in the stock­ ing filler department and so a few little bits may be picked up in the next week or so!

It is very lucky that I decided to get my shopping done early this year, specifically for my son. I have very little free time and when I found a gap in my diary big enough to get his big present, I rushed to Elche to buy him what he wanted. I almost ran into the store, grabbed the few things I knew that I needed, paid and headed quickly home ready for my classes.

But when I got through the front door and was putting the bags on the stairs in my house. I glanced in one of the bags and realised that my boy´s present was the wrong one! I had bought him a video

game and we have a Nintendo Wii, but the game that I found staring back at me was for a PS3! I´m sure you´re all aware of that sinking feeling when you realise that you´ve made a mis­ take and it´s going to take some doing to cor­ rect it, well that´s exactly how I felt at that moment! I´m quite an impatient person and I wanted to just get straight back in my car and change it, but I couldn’t as I had a full deck of lessons but I knew I had a break between classes the fol­ lowing day so it would have to wait until then. I impatiently passed the time until the next day and then, even the jour­ ney back to the store to change it turned into a saga but luckily I had my trusty friend Racheal by my side as we sat behind a car carrier wait­ ing for ten minutes while another car carrier in front of it did whatever it had to do with the cars on its back and eventual­ ly we made it to the shop. There was no one at customer services and the refund was done

quickly and seamlessly, and I was soon on my way to get the correct game although I decided on a different shop as I had a loyalty card and the right box was soon cho­ sen and brought safely home. It´s now wrapped up and ready hidden away in my cupboard.

I just hope that everything goes smoothly for the next couple of weeks. I have decided to buy Christmas Dinner frozen and keep it in the freezer, so that we can eat whilst not having to hit the shops too close to the 24th. I like shopping but I´m not a fan of crazy stores nor long queues, so I hope to be able to get myself prepared well in time and be able to relax for the week before the big day. This year I will be spending Christmas with people that are important to me and also remembering those that aren´t with me at this special time. I know that I´ll be seeing all my family soon, especially as my little niece, who´s not so little now, has just given birth to a beautiful boy, so a visit there is definitely in order too. For now I hope your plans and preparations are going well and you can all relax and spend a peaceful time with those you love.

Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

CAN YOU NAME THE COUNTRIES AND THEIR NATIONAL FLOWERS?

answers in next weeks edition

1.

6.

11.

2.

7.

12.

3.

8.

13.

4.

9.

14.

5.

10.

15.

Last Weeks Answers: 1) Bruce Sprintsteen 2) Tina Turner 3) Oasis 4) The Eagles 5) Diana Ross 6) Bill Haley 7) Katy Perry 8) Beyonce 9) The Seekers 10) ABBA 11) Bryan Ferry 12) One Direction 13) Sir Cliff Richard 14) Snow Patrol 15) The Village People

TRELI ON THE TELLY SHIRL’S STILL GOT IT

with ALEX TRELINSKI The sign of whether you enjoy The Royal Variety show (screened on Monday by ITV) is how much you hit the fast for­ ward button and this year it didn’t get used, though it came close to being stroked when we got the annual overlong musical plug…. sorry sequence…. from the overrated Miss Saigon. Since Wills and Kate were the Royals in the box, it was a show very much pitched at them and their age group, with acts that they knew and clearly enjoyed. What would the Queen have made of McBusted?

Michael McIntyre was in outstanding

form as host with gags aimed straight at the Royal Box, and despite all the excellent younger perform­ ers, guess who stole the night? It was the artist that spans all generations, Dame Shirley Bassey, who brought the house down as only she was granted the privilege of two numbers (and quite rightly so!). To use a Mel B phrase, pretty much all of the acts were “on point”, and the decision to pitch the night at a younger demo­ graphic was the correct one.

The Cambridges should get an annual invite to the Palladium!

What will I do with myself when The Missing and The Fall end next week? Please don’t send me your sugges­ tions on a postcard or sealed down envelope!

My Pixie pick didn’t count for a lot after last weekend’s

surprise result on Strictly, so I’ll keep quiet on that front!

With a double X Factor final dose in front of us, I’m get­ ting nervy and suspect that likeable Ben will trump tal­ ented Fleur, which means I predict that Andrea Faustini will be saying arriverderci to

Britain tomorrow night!

It’s interesting what you watch when a teen has a remote control in her hand, and I got a flavour of the much­talked about Geordie Shore on MTV the other day.

Foul language and crude behaviour seemed to be

very much on the menu for a bunch of young cretins on the pull. Truly awful but very watchable!

Snooker may be long gone past the golden era of pulling in zillions but if you watched it last Sunday on BBC2 as opposed to Strictly

and The X Factor, then you were given a total treat in the UK Professional final as Judd Trump nearly pulled off the miracle escape of all time against Rocket Ronnie.

It was terrific stuff with com­ mentator John Virgo screaming at the highest decibels possible. Snooker at this level makes for great TV, but the problem the sport has that these two are the only two massive box office draws. Meanwhile, the Beeb stage their Sports Personality of the Year night on Sunday, and it has in recent years become some­ thing of a drawn out affair as well as a reminder of all the sporting rights the BBC has lost. Surely Rory McIlroy will deservedly win but why was the greatest snooker player of all time, Ronnie O’Sullivan not in the final ten shortlist?

20

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

FRIDAY

12th DECEMBER

00:35 This Week 01:20 Skiing Weatherview 01:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Fake Britain 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Claimed and Shamed 12:30 Oxford Street Revealed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:10 Escape to the Country 16:40 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Citizen Khan 22:00 Have I Got News for You 22:30 Not Going Out 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:20 The London Markets 01:20 Panorama 01:50 World's Greatest Food Markets 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 How to Build 06:00 House of Sound 06:30 Schools ­ Life on Planet Ant 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Claimed and Shamed 08:35 Oxford Street Revealed 09:20 Glorious Gardens from Above 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Children's Hospital: The Chaplains 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking 14:10 The Blue Planet 15:10 The Great British Bake Off 16:10 A Place to Call Home 16:55 The World's Most Photographed 17:25 Andrew Marr's The Making of Modern Britain 18:25 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 The Home That Two Built 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Mary Berry's Absolute Christmas Favourites 22:00 Canterbury Cathedral 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 ITV News Meridian 00:10 River Monsters 00:40 The Last Word 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 Tonight 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Christmas with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 A Night in with Olly Murs 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Casino Royale

00:05 Skint 01:10 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 02:00 One Born Every Minute 02:50 The Billion Pound Base: Dismantling Camp Bastion 03:45 A&E in the War Zone 04:40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:35 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 05:40 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 06:35 Countdown 07:15 The King of Queens 08:05 3rd Rock from the Sun 08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:25 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:55 Frasier 11:00 Nigella Bites 12:00 Jamie's 15 Minute Meals 12:30 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:30 Countdown 17:15 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:00 Who Killed Tutankhamun?

01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:25 House Doctor 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Igam Ogam 07:10 Fireman Sam 07:20 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:35 Peppa Pig 07:45 Pip Ahoy!

08:00 Little Princess 08:10 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:35 Hats Off to Christmas 14:20 5 News Lunchtime 14:25 Home and Away 14:55 Hitched for the Holidays 16:40 Battle of the Bulbs 18:30 5 News at 5 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 World Strongman Championship 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the Wild 23:00 Body of Proof 23:55 NCIS: Los Angeles

00:30 EastEnders

00:00 10 Things You Didn't Know About 01:00 The Secrets of Quantum Physics 02:00 Top of the Pops: 1979 02:35 Sounds of the 70s 2 03:05 Puppy Love 03:35 Castles ­ Britain's Fortified History 04:35 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Choir of the Year 2014 22:00 Queen: Days of Our Lives 23:00 Queen: Days of Our Lives

00:00 Keith Lemon: the Film

00:35 The Vice

02:00 Black Gold

01:50 Two and a Half Men

01:50 A Touch of Frost

02:55 Minder

02:45 Scorpion

03:30 Teleshopping

03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen

03:30 Teleshopping

07:00 Faith in the Future

04:00 Teleshopping

01:00 Family Guy 02:05 Our War 03:30 How Safe Are My Drugs?

04:30 Life Is Toff 05:00 Close 20:00 Great Movie Mistakes 20:15 Atlantis 21:00 Motorway Cops 22:00 Secrets of South America 23:00 Bad Education 23:30 EastEnders

DON’T MISS

A NIGHT IN WITH OLLY MURS 22:00 - ITV

A musical extravaganza with the pop star, who performs some of his best­known hits, including Troublemaker, Dear Darlin' and Heart Skips a Beat, alongside songs from his new album, all accompanied by a live band. Celebrity guests also get involved, as Olly has a lip­sync battle with comedian John Bishop, goes `photo­bombing' with singer Nicole Scherzinger and plays a trick on his former Xtra Factor co­host Caroline Flack. He also pays a visit to Albert Square, where he stars in his very own EastEnders scene with Alfie Moon.

07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 Heartbeat 07:25 You've Been Framed!

08:20 French Fields 07:45 Emmerdale 08:55 George and Mildred 08:45 You've Been Framed!

09:15 The Cube 10:15 Royal Pains 11:15 The Chase 12:15 All Star Family Fortunes 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Emmerdale 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:50 Royal Pains 15:45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

09:25 The Darling Buds of

07:00 Greatest England World Cup Matches 07:10 Black Gold 07:50 Minder 08:55 The Professionals

May

09:55 Kojak

10:35 Judge Judy

10:55 Magnum, PI

11:55 A Touch of Frost

11:50 Border Security USA

14:00 Heartbeat

12:50 Alias Smith and Jones

15:00 Agatha Christie's

13:55 Minder

Marple 17:05 Faith in the Future 17:40 French Fields 18:15 Rising Damp

14:55 The Professionals 15:55 Border Security USA 16:55 Magnum, PI 17:55 Kojak 19:00 UEFA Europa League

18:45 Heartbeat

Highlights

19:50 Wycliffe

20:00 Pawn Stars

Out of Here!

21:00 A Touch of Frost

21:00 The Living Daylights

22:00 Hot Fuzz

23:00 Secret Smile

23:40 River Monsters

20:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 I'm a Celebrity Get Me

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

SATURDAY

21

13th DECEMBER

00:20 Cuckoo

00:50 Access 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Gadget Show 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:25 House Doctor 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Olly the Little White Van 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 Paw Patrol 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:25 Wanda and the Alien 09:40 Zack and Quack 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 LazyTown 10:45 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:20 Access 11:30 World Strongman Championship 12:25 Ice Age: the Meltdown 14:10 The Christmas Bunny 15:55 Angels and Ornaments 17:40 Debbie Macomber's Call Me Mrs Miracle 19:30 Mistletoe over Manhattan 21:15 My Crazy Christmas Obsession 22:05 5 News Weekend 22:10 TV's 50 Greatest Magic Tricks

02:15 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 The Aquabats! Super Show!

07:25 Pat & Stan 07:40 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 08:05 Canimals 08:10 Signed Stories 08:15 Sooty 08:25 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 08:40 Text Santa: Little Helpers 08:45 Hulk and the Agents of Smash 09:10 Text Santa: Little Helpers 09:15 Horrid Henry 09:30 The Munch Box 10:25 Dinner Date 11:20 Murder, She Wrote 12:15 ITV News and Weather 12:20 Storage Hoarders 13:20 Columbo: Fade in to Murder 14:55 Mannequin 16:50 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban 19:30 ITV Meridian Weather 19:30 ITV News Meridian 19:40 ITV News and Weather 19:55 New You've Been Framed!

20:25 The Chase 21:30 The X Factor 23:35 The Jonathan Ross Show

00:05 Toast of London

23:30 Match of the Day

00:00 Weather 00:05 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 00:35 Dead Poets Society 02:40 Question Time 03:40 This Is BBC Two 07:00 Timmy Time 07:25 Shaun the Sheep 07:30 Hacker Time 08:00 All Over the Place 08:30 Help! My Supply Teacher Is Magic 09:00 Marrying Mum and Dad 09:30 Junior MasterChef 11:00 Deadly Pole to Pole 12:00 The Blue Planet 13:00 James Martin's Food Map of Britain 13:20 Rick Stein's Far Eastern Odyssey 14:20 The Rockford Files 15:05 Funny Girl 17:30 Andrew Marr's The Making of Modern Britain 18:30 Restoring England's Heritage 19:00 Secrets of the Castle with Ruth, Peter and Tom 20:00 Flog It! 21:00 Perry and Croft: Made in Britain 21:30 Dad's Army 22:00 QI XL 22:45 Tomorrow's Worlds: The Unearthly History of Science Fiction 23:45 Let Me In

00:00 Siblings

00:00 Great American Rock

00:25 Little Man

00:35 The Vice

00:50 Doom

02:20 Warren United

01:40 A Touch of Frost

02:40 Black Gold

03:25 Judge Judy

03:25 Cheers

03:45 World Kitchen

03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen

04:10 ITV3 Nightscreen

04:00 Teleshopping

00:50 EastEnders 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts 13:00 BBC News; Weather 13:10 Football Focus 13:50 Saturday Sportsday 14:00 Gymnastics 16:00 Cycling 17:30 Final Score 18:10 A Question of Sport 18:40 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 19:00 Pointless Celebrities 19:50 Strictly Come Dancing 21:25 Atlantis 22:10 Casualty 23:00 The National Lottery Live 23:10 BBC News; Weather 23:30 National Lottery Update

Anthems: Turn It Up to 11

00:30 Siblings

01:00 Guitar Heroes at the

01:00 Family Guy 02:30 Bad Education

BBC

02:45 Two and a Half Men

02:00 Queen: Days of Our

03:10 The Hot Desk

Lives

03:00 People Just Do Nothing 04:00 Great American Rock Anthems: Turn It Up to 11 05:00 Close 05:00 Close 20:00 Ice Age Giants

20:00 Doctor Who

21:00 Sex and Sensibility: 21:00 Top Gear

The Allure of Art Nouveau

23:40 Live at the Apollo

02:10 Another Stakeout 04:00 Boss 05:00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 05:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 06:50 Kirstie's Vintage Gems 07:10 NFL: Rush Zone 07:35 Trans World Sport 08:30 Survival of the Fittest 08:55 The Morning Line 10:00 Weekend Kitchen 11:00 Frasier 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 The Simpsons 13:30 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 16:55 Come Dine with Me Extra Portions 18:55 Channel 4 News 19:00 100 Greatest Toys with Jonathan Ross 22:00 Hope Springs

04:40 Emmerdale

07:00 Black Gold

06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen

07:00 Judge Judy

07:40 Black Gold

06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen

07:40 Agatha Christie's

08:25 Motorsport UK

07:00 The Hot Desk

Marple

09:25 GT Academy

09:45 Columbo: Troubled

09:55 Bundesliga Football

Waters

Highlights

11:50 The Darling Buds of

10:55 UEFA Champions

07:10 Emmerdale

22:00 Inspector Montalbano

22:10 Sherlock

DON’T MISS

03:20 Teleshopping

00:40 Sightseers

23:50 The Richest Songs in

09:50 Coronation Street

the World

12:20 The Cube

May

League Weekly

13:20 You've Been Framed!

14:00 A Touch of Frost

11:25 Kojak

13:50 Twins

16:00 Agatha Christie's

12:25 Alias Smith and Jones

Marple

13:30 Paths of Glory

18:00 Agatha Christie's

15:20 Captain Newman, MD

Marple

18:00 Live FIA Formula E

20:00 Rosemary & Thyme

Championship

20:00 Pearl Harbor

21:00 Doc Martin

20:30 Licence to Kill

23:35 The Xtra Factor

22:00 Foyle's War

23:15 Scarface

100 GREATEST TOYS WITH JONATHAN ROSS 19:00 - CHANNEL 4

A countdown of the nation's favourite games, gadgets and play­ things, as decided by a Channel 4 online poll. Inventors and toy­makers tell the inside stories of their creations and successes ­ including Action Man, Yahtzee, Barbie and Trivial Pursuit ­ while the children of yester­ year, namely today's celebrities, authors, actors and journalists, take a nostalgic look back at the toys they loved. Also revealed is the inspira­ tion behind the design of the Raleigh Chopper, the unlikely individual responsible for the creation of one of the world's toughest action fig­ ures, and why the Vietnam War almost brought Britain's Matchbox car range to an end.

16:00 Secret Santa 17:50 You've Been Framed!

18:55 You've Been Framed!

22

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

SUNDAY

14th DECEMBER

00:55 The Football League

01:35 Forbidden Planet

Show

03:10 This Is BBC Two

02:15 Black Eagle

07:00 Animal Park

03:50 Weather for the Week Ahead

07:30 Match of the Day at 50 08:35 Life in a Cottage

03:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast

Garden with Carol Klein

08:35 Match of the Day

09:05 Countryfile

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

10:00 The Football League

11:00 Fern Britton Meets

Show

12:00 Sunday Politics

11:20 Saturday Kitchen Best

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

Bites

14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week

12:50 Rick Stein's Spanish

Ahead

Christmas

14:15 Bargain Hunt

13:50 James Martin's Food

15:15 Homes Under the

Map of Britain

Hammer

14:00 The Rockford Files

16:15 Escape to the Country 17:15 Lifeline

14:50 Funny Lady 17:05 Emma

17:25 Songs of Praise 18:00 Pointless Celebrities

19:00 Sports Personality of

18:50 BBC News; Regional

the Year at 60

News and Weather

20:00 James May's Toy

19:20 Countryfile

Stories

20:20 Strictly Come Dancing 21:00 Sports Personality of

21:00 What Women Want 23:00 Russell Howard's Good

the Year 2014 23:20 BBC News; Regional

News

News and Weather

23:30 Mrs Henderson

23:45 Match of the Day 2

Presents

00:10 Family Guy 01:55 American Dad! 02:20 Some Girls 02:45 Sweat the Small Stuff 03:15 Live at the Apollo 03:45 Comedy Feeds 04:00 How Safe Are My Drugs?

05:00 Close 20:00 Great TV Mistakes 20:30 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 20:40 Doctor Who 22:00 Top Gear 23:00 Family Guy 23:45 American Dad!

01:20 Sounds of the Sixties 02:20 Top of the Pops: 1979 02:55 Ice Age Giants 03:55 Sex and Sensibility: The Allure of Art Nouveau 04:55 Close 20:00 The Fairytale Castles of King Ludwig II with Dan Cruickshank 21:00 Rome: A History of the Eternal City 22:00 Pompeii: The Mystery of the People Frozen in Time 23:00 The Sky at Night 23:30 Queen: Days of Our Lives

DON’T MISS

THE POLAR EXPRESS 19:00 - ITV2

Seasonal animated fantasy featuring Tom Hanks. On Christmas Eve, a young boy lies in bed pondering if Santa Claus really exists. Startled

00:00 An Officer and a

00:35 Celebrity Juice

00:00 A Touch of Frost

01:35 The X Factor

02:00 Bomb Girls

03:35 The Hot Desk

02:50 Movies Now

03:45 Teleshopping

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen

06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen

03:30 Teleshopping

07:00 Emmerdale

07:00 World Kitchen

07:00 Tommy Cooper

09:35 Coronation Street

07:25 A Touch of Frost

07:25 Black Gold

12:00 The X Factor

09:15 The Darling Buds of

14:10 The Xtra Factor

May

15:10 The Hot Desk

10:25 Heartbeat

15:25 Santa Baby

12:35 A Touch of Frost

17:15 Beethoven's Christmas

14:35 Rosemary & Thyme

11:30 Alias Smith and Jones

Adventure

15:40 Agatha Christie's

12:35 Captain Newman, MD

19:00 The Polar Express

Marple

21:00 Scorpion

17:50 Columbo: Forgotten

Gentleman 02:20 Q & A 04:35 Hollyoaks 06:45 NFL: Rush Zone 07:10 NFL: The American Football Show 08:10 How I Met Your Mother 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:00 Jamie's Comfort Food 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 The Big Bang Theory 14:00 The Big Bang Theory 14:25 The Simpsons 16:00 10 Things I Hate about You 18:00 Night at the Museum 2 20:05 Channel 4 News 20:30 Britain's Wildest Weather 2014 22:00 Homeland 23:00 Insidious

02:35 Alias Smith and Jones 03:40 Movies Now 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping

09:35 Ax Men 10:30 FIA Formula E

Lady

destined for the North Pole. As he cautiously climbs on board, he Winter Essex­Pedition begins an amazing journey that changes his view of the festive season

19:50 Inspector Morse

23:05 The Xtra Factor

Championship

15:10 Ice Cold in Alex 17:50 Battle of Midway

by a thunderous sound, he goes outside to discover a magical train 22:00 Educating Joey Essex:

for ever.

01:05 SuperCasino 04:10 Gotham 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:05 Olly the Little White Van 08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:25 Make Way for Noddy 08:35 Paw Patrol 08:50 Milkshake! Monkey 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Wanda and the Alien 09:35 Mio Mao 09:40 Zack and Quack 09:50 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 11:00 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:35 Access 11:45 Police Interceptors 13:40 Dear Secret Santa 15:30 Deck the Halls 17:20 Paper Angels 19:15 A Christmas Kiss 21:00 The Abba Years 22:00 Michael Buble's Christmas Special 22:55 5 News Weekend 23:00 Britain's Favourite Christmas Songs

00:40 ITV News and Weather 00:54 ITV Meridian Weather 00:55 Balls of Fury 02:30 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 The Aquabats! Super Show!

07:25 Pat & Stan 07:40 Dino Dan: Trek's Adventures 08:05 Canimals 08:10 Signed Stories 08:15 Sooty 08:25 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 08:40 Text Santa: Little Helpers 08:45 Ultimate Spider­Man 09:10 Text Santa: Little Helpers 09:15 Horrid Henry 09:30 Big Time Rush 10:00 The Aquabats! Super Show!

10:25 ITV News 10:30 Dickinson's Real Deal 11:25 Murder, She Wrote 12:25 ITV News and Weather 12:29 ITV Meridian Weather 12:30 Problem Child 14:05 Tipping Point 15:05 You've Been Framed!

15:35 The X Factor 17:40 Death Becomes Her 19:35 ITV Meridian Weather 19:35 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Catchphrase 21:00 The X Factor 23:05 The Holiday

22:00 Lewis

20:30 Storage Wars 22:00 Doom

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

MONDAY

23

15th DECEMBER

00:45 The Apprentice 01:45 It's a Wonderful Afterlife 03:20 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Operation Meet the Street 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Oxford Street Revealed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:10 Escape to the Country 16:40 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Fake Britain 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Wild Weather with Richard Hammond 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 Have I Got a Bit More News for You

01:10 A Walk to Remember 02:45 Countryfile 03:45 Holby City 04:45 This Is BBC Two 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Claimed and Shamed 08:35 Oxford Street Revealed 09:20 Glorious Gardens from Above 10:05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 11:05 Tom Kerridge's Best Ever Dishes 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:25 Ready Steady Cook 15:10 The Great British Bake Off 16:10 A Place to Call Home 16:55 The World's Most Photographed 17:25 Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain 18:25 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Tom Kerridge's Best Ever Dishes 20:30 Morecambe and Wise 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Only Connect 22:00 Canterbury Cathedral 23:00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:05 ITV News and Weather 00:19 ITV Meridian Weather 00:20 The Holiday 01:45 The Store 03:30 Motorsport UK 04:20 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:05 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Christmas with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Tonight 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Bette Midler: One Night Only 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Jonathan Ross Show

01:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 02:00 American Football Live 05:45 NFL: Rush Zone 06:10 Face the Clock 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 12:00 Jamie's Festive Feast 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Heston's Feasts 14:10 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Dogs: Their Secret Lives 22:00 Skint 23:00 Steph and Dom Meet Nigel Farage 23:30 8 Out of 10 Cats

02:00 Abba: In Concert 03:00 SuperCasino 04:10 World Strongman Championship 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Monkey 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 A Perfect Christmas 14:25 5 News Lunchtime 14:30 Home and Away 15:00 The Real St Nick 16:40 Mr St Nick 18:30 5 News at 5 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 The Missing Evidence 22:00 Gotham 23:00 Greatest Christmas TV Moments

00:10 American Dad! 00:30 Some Girls 01:00 Sweat the Small Stuff 01:30 How Safe Are My Drugs?

02:30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 03:00 Some Girls 03:30 Our War 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 Motorway Cops 22:00 Russell Brand: End the Drugs War 23:00 Some Girls 23:30 EastEnders

00:30 Queen: Days of Our Lives 01:30 Great American Rock Anthems: Turn It Up to 11 02:30 Sounds of the Eighties 03:00 Natural World 04:00 The Fairytale Castles of King Ludwig II with Dan Cruickshank 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 High Flyers: How Britain Took to the Air 22:00 Timeshift 23:00 Arrows 23:35 Alex Higgins: The People's Champion

00:05 Through the Keyhole 01:05 American Pie Presents the Naked Mile 03:10 The Vampire Diaries 03:55 Teleshopping 06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed!

07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 Coronation Street 08:45 Coronation Street 09:15 The Cube 10:15 Royal Pains 11:15 The Chase 12:15 All Star Family Fortunes 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 Coronation Street 14:50 Royal Pains 15:45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 17:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

20:00 The X Factor 21:00 You've Been Framed!

22:00 The Office Xmas Party 23:00 Celebrity Juice

00:00 Cracker

00:05 Species lV: the Awakening 02:10 River Monsters 03:10 Nitro Circus 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 World of Sport: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly 07:10 Black Gold 07:50 Minder 08:55 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 11:55 Pawn Stars 12:50 Alias Smith and Jones 13:55 Minder 15:00 The Professionals 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Magnum, PI 17:55 Kojak 19:00 Alias Smith and Jones 20:00 Pawn Stars 20:30 Pawn Stars 21:00 Storage Wars 21:30 Storage Wars 23:00 Ax Men

DON’T MISS

DOGS - THEIR SECRET LIVES 21:00 - CHANNEL 4

Mark Evans revisits some of the pets and owners featured in the series earlier this year to find out whether they have benefited from the help they received. Has Chancer the scrounging spaniel shed the pounds? Will Nash the aggressive terrier let his owner's husband and son into the room with her? Is Roxy the Staffie still terrified of the great outdoors? With the help of the some of the world's leading experts, the programme follows the ups and downs ­ and the science ­ of getting these animals back into shape, both physically and mentally.

01:10 Cracker 02:15 The Count of Monte Cristo 04:20 ITV3 Nightscreen 04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 Faith in the Future 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 French Fields 09:00 Rising Damp 09:30 The Darling Buds of May 10:40 Judge Judy 12:00 Sherlock Holmes: The Hound of the Baskervilles 14:15 Heartbeat 15:15 Agatha Christie's Marple 17:20 Faith in the Future 17:55 French Fields 18:25 Rising Damp 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Wycliffe 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 The Jury

24

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

TUESDAY

16th DECEMBER

00:20 Citizen Khan 00:50 The Graham Norton Show 01:35 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:40 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Operation Meet the Street 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Oxford Street Revealed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:10 Escape to the Country 16:40 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Missing 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Apprentice

00:20 Great Continental Railway Journeys 01:20 The Apprentice 02:20 Wonders of the Monsoon 03:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Around the World in 80 Faiths 06:00 Schools ­ In My Shoes Plus: Germany 06:20 Schools ­ William Whiskerson: Cave 06:30 Schools ­ Virtually There: France 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Saints and Scroungers 08:35 Oxford Street Revealed 09:20 Glorious Gardens from Above 10:05 Antiques Roadshow 11:05 Close Calls: On Camera 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:25 Ready Steady Cook 15:10 The Great British Bake Off 16:10 A Place to Call Home 16:55 The World's Most Photographed 17:25 Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain 18:25 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Alex Polizzi's Perfect Christmas 21:00 The Great British Bake Off 22:00 The Choir: Military Wives 23:00 Brian Pern 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 All Star Family Fortunes

00:00 Family Guy

00:35 Castles ­ Britain's Fortified History 01:35 Quadrophenia ­ Can You See the Real Me? 02:45 Puppy Love 03:15 Timeshift 04:15 Arrows 04:50 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 Cosmonauts: How Russia Won the Space Race 22:00 The Secrets of Quantum Physics 23:00 Horizon

00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Some Girls 01:40 Russell Brand: End the Drugs War 02:40 Our War 04:10 Comedy Feeds 04:30 Some Girls 05:00 Close 20:00 Don't Tell the Bride 21:00 Barely Legal Drivers 22:00 Don't Tell the Bride 23:00 Bad Education 23:30 EastEnders

DON’T MISS

THE OFFICE XMAS PARTY 22:00 - ITV2

00:35 NFL: The American Football Show 01:30 24 Hours in A&E 02:25 The Pervert's Guide to Ideology 04:45 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 05:40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 11:00 Frasier 11:30 Frasier 12:00 Jamie at Home 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Jimmy's Grow Your Own Christmas Dinner 14:05 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 Black Mirror 23:30 Gogglebox

01:55 SuperCasino 04:10 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:25 House Doctor 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Monkey 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Battle of the Bulbs 14:25 5 News Lunchtime 14:30 Home and Away 15:00 A Bride for Christmas 16:45 Lucky Christmas 18:30 5 News at 5 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 World's Ultimate Strongest Team 21:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 22:00 Kids' Hospital at Christmas 23:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole

00:00 Little Man

00:00 The Vice

02:00 Two and a Half Men

01:05 Sherlock Holmes: The

02:55 Dads

Hound of the Baskervilles

03:15 The Hot Desk

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen

00:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 01:00 Motorsport UK 02:00 River Monsters 02:55 Black Gold 03:40 Movies Now 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 UEFA Champions League Greatest Goals 07:10 Black Gold 07:50 Minder 08:55 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 12:00 Pawn Stars 12:55 Alias Smith and Jones 13:55 Minder 15:00 The Professionals 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Magnum, PI 17:55 Kojak 19:00 Alias Smith and Jones 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 The Chase 22:00 300

01:30 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:25 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Christmas with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Waterworld

03:25 Teleshopping 06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed!

03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Faith in the Future 07:25 Heartbeat 08:25 French Fields

07:45 Emmerdale

08:55 Rising Damp

08:15 Coronation Street

09:25 The Darling Buds of

08:45 Coronation Street

May

09:15 The Cube

10:35 Judge Judy

10:15 Royal Pains

11:55 Sherlock Holmes: The

11:15 The Chase

Eligible Bachelor

12:15 All Star Family Fortunes

14:05 Heartbeat

13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street 14:15 Coronation Street

2/3. Two rival wedding venues in Somerset share their annual staff 14:50 Royal Pains Christmas party for the first time, with each group attempting to out­ 15:45 The Jeremy Kyle Show party, out­drink and out­dance the other side. Plus, there are rumours 19:00 You've Been Framed! that an international superstar could be attending their karaoke fun ­ if 20:45 Take Me Out anyone manages to wrestle the microphone from enthusiastic manager 22:00 The Office Xmas Party Jane.

23:00 The 40 Year Old Virgin

15:10 Housewife, 49 17:15 Faith in the Future 17:50 On the Buses 18:20 Rising Damp 18:50 Heartbeat 19:55 Wycliffe 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 The Jury

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

WEDNESDAY

25

17th DECEMBER

00:35 Wreckers

02:05 Jackpot247

23:00 BBC News

00:20 Posh People: Inside Tatler 01:20 Film 2014 01:50 The Mekong River with Sue Perkins 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Around the World in 80 Faiths 06:00 Schools ­ Virtually There: Germany 06:30 Schools: Virtually There ­ Spain 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Saints and Scroungers 08:30 Oxford Street Revealed 09:15 Glorious Gardens from Above 10:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 11:00 Close Calls: On Camera 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Lifeline 14:10 Coast 14:25 Ready Steady Cook 15:10 The Great British Bake Off 16:10 A Place to Call Home 16:55 The World's Most Photographed 17:25 Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain 18:25 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 The 12 Drinks of Christmas 21:00 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 Secrets of the Castle with Ruth, Peter and Tom 23:00 The Apprentice: You're Fired 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

00:00 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Russell Brand: End the Drugs War 02:10 How Safe Are My Drugs?

03:10 Some Girls 03:40 Comedy Feeds 04:00 Russell Brand: End the Drugs War 05:00 Close 20:00 Don't Tell the Bride 21:00 Gavin & Stacey 22:00 The Call Centre 23:00 Sweat the Small Stuff 23:30 Russell Howard's Good News

00:00 Timeshift 01:00 Sounds of the Eighties 01:25 Spike Milligan: Love, Light and Peace 02:55 Spike Milligan: Assorted Q 03:25 Spike Milligan: Assorted Q 03:55 The Secrets of Quantum Physics 04:55 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great British Railway Journeys 21:00 Christmas with Val Doonican 21:50 Top of the Pops 22:00 The Fight for Saturday Night 23:30 Parkinson

02:00 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:05 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Operation Meet the Street 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Oxford Street Revealed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:10 Escape to the Country 16:40 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 Waterloo Road 22:00 The Apprentice

DON’T MISS

THE BRITISH COMEDY AWARDS 22:00 - CHANNEL 4

Jonathan Ross hosts the annual ceremony in its 25th year, celebrat­ ing the best in British comedy. With nominees including Matt Berry, Harry Enfield, Katherine Parkinson and Graham Norton alongside nom­ inations for shows such as The Wrong Mans, Would I Lie to You? and Monty Python Live (Mostly), viewers should expect the unexpected, the unplanned and the unruly as some of the nation's favourite stars pick up their awards.

23:40 Cliffhanger

00:30 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 01:25 Poker 02:25 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:50 Trans World Sport 03:50 Survival of the Fittest 04:20 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 05:15 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:10 Face the Clock 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 12:00 Jamie's Best Ever Christmas 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 SuperScrimpers 14:05 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Posh Pawn 22:00 The British Comedy Awards 2014

00:00 NCIS 00:55 NCIS 01:55 SuperCasino 04:10 Living on the Edge 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:20 House Doctor 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:05 Milkshake! Monkey 08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:35 Paper Angels 14:20 5 News Lunchtime 14:25 Home and Away 14:55 Angels and Ornaments 16:40 A Christmas Song 18:30 5 News 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Living on the Edge 21:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun 22:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 23:00 My Crazy Christmas Obsession

01:25 Two and a Half Men

00:05 The Vice

00:20 The Matrix Revolutions

03:10 The Hot Desk

01:10 Sherlock Holmes: The

02:45 Black Gold

03:20 Teleshopping

Eligible Bachelor

03:25 Tommy Cooper

06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen

03:10 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen

03:30 Teleshopping

04:00 Teleshopping

07:00 Faith in the Future

07:00 Movies Now

07:25 Heartbeat

07:10 Black Gold

04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Christmas with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Surprise Surprise 22:00 Hit and Run 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian

07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:25 You've Been Framed!

08:20 On the Buses

07:50 Minder

07:45 Emmerdale

08:55 Rising Damp

08:55 The Professionals

08:15 Holiday Showdown

09:25 The Darling Buds of

09:55 Kojak

09:15 The Cube

May

10:55 Magnum, PI

10:15 Royal Pains

10:35 Judge Judy

11:55 Pawn Stars

11:15 The Chase

11:55 Sherlock Holmes: The

12:25 Pawn Stars

12:15 All Star Family Fortunes

Last Vampyre

12:55 Alias Smith and Jones

13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 The Cube 14:50 Royal Pains

14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 Agatha Christie's Marple 17:15 Faith in the Future

15:45 The Jeremy Kyle Show

17:50 On the Buses

19:00 You've Been Framed!

18:25 Rising Damp

20:00 You've Been Framed!

18:55 Heartbeat

21:00 The X Factor

19:55 Wycliffe

22:00 The Office Xmas Party

21:00 Lewis

23:00 Keith Lemon: the Film

23:00 The Jury

13:55 Minder 15:00 The Professionals 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Magnum, PI 17:55 Kojak 19:00 Alias Smith and Jones 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 Brazil Brazil: World Cup Revisited 22:00 River Monsters 23:00 Fearless

26

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

THURSDAY

18th DECEMBER

00:05 The League Cup Show 00:50 Film 2014 01:20 The Apprentice 02:20 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:25 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Operation Meet the Street 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:30 Oxford Street Revealed 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:30 BBC Regional News and Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:10 Escape to the Country 16:40 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 DIY SOS 22:00 Apple's Broken Promises 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Apprentice

00:20 Posh People: Inside Tatler 01:20 See Hear 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Pompeii: The Mystery of the People Frozen in Time 05:30 Fit to Rule 06:00 Schools ­ The Modern Monarchy 07:00 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Saints and Scroungers 08:35 Oxford Street Revealed 09:20 Glorious Gardens from Above 10:05 The Great Interior Design Challenge 11:05 Close Calls: On Camera 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:25 Ready Steady Cook 15:10 The Great British Bake Off 16:10 A Place to Call Home 16:55 The World's Most Photographed 17:25 Andrew Marr's History of Modern Britain 18:25 Antiques Roadshow 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 Strictly Come Dancing ­ It Takes Two 20:00 Nigellissima 21:00 MasterChef: The Professionals 22:00 The Fall 23:30 Weather 23:30 Newsnight

01:45 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Let's Do Christmas with Gino & Mel 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 60 Minute Makeover 16:00 Secret Dealers 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 A Night of Heroes ­ The Military Awards 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 A Night in with Olly Murs

00:05 Rhod Gilbert: The Man with the Flaming Battenberg Tattoo 01:05 The Selfish Giant 02:40 True Stories 03:35 The Bandit of Sherwood Forest 05:05 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 06:00 Hugh's 3 Good Things: Best Bites 06:10 Face the Clock 06:35 Countdown 07:20 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:30 Frasier 12:00 Jamie's Christmas with Bells On 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 SuperScrimpers 14:05 Come Dine with Me 15:10 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 16:10 Countdown 17:00 Deal or No Deal 18:00 Come Dine with Me 18:30 Coach Trip 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 George Clarke's Amazing Spaces 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Babylon

00:00 Kids' Hospital at Christmas 01:00 NCIS: Los Angeles 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 The Railway: First Great Western 05:00 Nick's Quest 05:25 House Doctor 06:35 Wildlife SOS 07:00 Igam Ogam 07:10 Fireman Sam 07:20 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:35 Peppa Pig 07:45 Pip Ahoy!

07:55 Milkshake! Monkey 08:00 Little Princess 08:10 Milkshake! Show Songs 08:15 The Mr Men Show 08:30 Thomas & Friends 08:45 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:50 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:40 Mr St Nick 14:25 5 News Lunchtime 14:30 Home and Away 15:00 Debbie Macomber's Call Me Mrs Miracle 16:45 Will You Merry Me 18:30 5 News at 5 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 The Railway: First Great Western 22:00 Britain's Bloodiest Dynasty 23:00 Pothole Britain ­ Drivers Beware!

00:00 Family Guy 00:25 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Sweat the Small Stuff 01:40 Russell Howard's Good News 02:10 The Call Centre 03:10 The Revolution Will Be Televised 03:40 Comedy Feeds 04:00 The Call Centre 05:00 Close 20:00 Don't Tell the Bride 21:00 The Mistle­Tones 22:25 Pop's Greatest Dance Crazes 22:30 Bad Education 23:00 Him & Her 23:30 EastEnders

00:10 Big Hits: TOTP 1964 to 1975 01:40 Christmas with Val Doonican 02:25 Sex and Sensibility: The Allure of Art Nouveau 03:25 The Fight for Saturday Night 04:55 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 The Sky at Night 21:00 Orbit: Earth's Extraordinary Journey 22:00 Castles ­ Britain's Fortified History 23:00 Puppy Love 23:30 Timeshift

00:50 Two and a Half Men

00:00 The Vice

01:10 Nitro Circus

02:45 Dads

01:05 Sherlock Holmes: The

02:00 Black Gold

03:00 Life's Funniest

Last Vampyre

02:45 Minder

Moments

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:35 Tommy Cooper

03:25 Teleshopping

03:30 Teleshopping

06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen

04:00 Teleshopping

07:00 Faith in the Future

07:00 Life's Funniest

07:00 World of Sport: Kings

07:25 Heartbeat

Moments

of the Canvas

08:20 On the Buses

DON’T MISS

A NIGHT OF HEROES THE MILITARY AWARDS 21:30 - ITV

Phillip Schofield and Amanda Holden present the annual ceremony from London's National Maritime Museum, joined by a host of stars from the worlds of film, TV, music and sport alongside senior members of the royal family to honour the achievements of Britain's armed forces. This year's categories are Saving Lives, The Firefight, Brothers in Arms, Bomb Hunters, Hero Abroad, Home Front Hero, Support to the Armed Forces and the Judges' Special Recognition Award. The panel includes Jeremy Clarkson, Lorraine Kelly, Penny Lancaster and former SAS sergeant Andy McNab.

07:25 You've Been Framed!

07:45 Emmerdale 08:15 Coronation Street 08:45 You've Been Framed!

09:15 The Cube 10:15 Royal Pains 11:15 The Chase 12:15 All Star Family Fortunes 13:15 Emmerdale 13:45 Coronation Street

08:55 Rising Damp 09:25 The Darling Buds of May 10:35 Judge Judy 11:55 The Return of Sherlock Holmes 14:05 Heartbeat 15:10 Agatha Christie's Marple

07:10 Black Gold 07:50 Minder 08:55 The Professionals 09:55 Kojak 10:55 Magnum, PI 12:00 Pawn Stars 12:55 Alias Smith and Jones 13:55 Minder 15:00 The Professionals

17:10 Faith in the Future

16:00 Pawn Stars

14:50 Royal Pains

17:45 On the Buses

16:55 Magnum, PI

15:45 The Jeremy Kyle Show

18:20 Rising Damp

17:55 Kojak

19:00 You've Been Framed!

18:50 Heartbeat

19:00 Alias Smith and Jones

20:45 Ant & Dec's Christmas

19:50 Wycliffe

20:00 Pawn Stars

Show

20:55 Inspector Morse

21:00 River Monsters

22:00 Release the Hounds

23:00 The Jury

22:00 Hard Target

14:15 You've Been Framed!

COURIER TV GUIDE 足 Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

27

28

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 1 represents H and 16 represents C, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Swindle (4) 4 Pace (4) 9 Mistake (5) 10 Resolute (7) 11 Surprise (7) 12 Clean (5) 13 Expel (6) 15 Kind (6) 18 Speak (5) 20 Guilty party (7) 23 Outlive (7) 24 Trap (5) 25 Ray (4) 26 Transmit (4)

2 Sure (7) 3 Strong point (5) 4 Afraid (6) 5 Specimen (7) 6 Hairy­bodied insects (4) 7 Cook (4) 8 Position (6) 13 Contusion (6) 14 Employment (7) 16 Ground (7) 17 Shriek (6) 19 Cut (4) 21 Inventories (5) 22 Tall woody plant (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: xx Down: xx

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 Cavalryman, American, in reckless come back (6) 4 Commotion concerning steak given to us (6) 9 Impartial ant, lured astray, loses deadhead (7) 10 Pacific kingdom dances tango (5) 11 Soundly study the plant (4) 12 Trick diplomacy is touching (7) 13 Biblical vessel is in the Ozarks (3) 14 Glance back at fortress (4) 15 Luxuriant drinker (4) 18 Quiz buzzer? (3) 20 Tearing off with unap­ preciative person (7) 22 Canter into broken pole (4) 24 I’d point after British Raid for the wife (5) 25 Chubby’s dance with the Queen turns into a party game (7) 26 Got the poor quarter (6)

27 Opt for the best (6) Down 1 Miss the article on a country that’s short of food (6) 2 Close look at sleep? (4­ 3) 3 Size of field for a medley­ race? (4) 5 Lent a gun to straighten out matters (8) 6 Prince and African leader’s animal (5) 7 Crude house song? (6) 8 Pull out bottle (5) 13 A mother, for example, welcomes parking that’s clear (8) 16 Octet is revised for this kind of terrier (7) 17 Excellent newspaper’s written about British car safety feature (6) 18 Beats up some support­ ers (5) 19 That is back in dry Middle Eastern capital (6) 21 Dirt in jug rim edge (5) 23 Wait for bed I made up (4)

STANDARD CLUES Across 1 Cavalryman (6) 4 Commotion (6) 9 Impartial (7) 10 Friendly Islands (5) 11 Grass stalk (4) 12 Touching (7) 13 Chest or coffer (3) 14 Retain (4) 15 Luxuriant (4) 18 Hairy­bodied insect (3) 20 Thankless sort (7) 22 Run with long strides (4) 24 Woman on her wedding day (5) 25 Tornado (7) 26 Poor, depressed neigh­ bourhood (6) 27 Pick out (6) Last weeks Solution Across: xx Down: xx

Down 1 Longing for food (6) 2 Nap (4­3) 3 Measure of land (4) 5 Straighten out (8) 6 Large black­and­white herbivorous Chinese mam­ mal (5) 7 Crude dwelling (6) 8 Pull off (5) 13 That may be seen (8) 16 Highland terrier (7) 17 Car safety device (6) 18 Clouts (5) 19 Capital of Lebanon (6) 21 Ingrained dirt (5) 23 Dwell (4)

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Add Aim Day Emu Era Ewe Eye Its Oar Ore Pit Sty 4 letter words Alga Alit Aloe

Also Alto Anew Arcs Cars Dart Deal Dyer Earn Ease Ells Even Harp Lira Lore Near Oleo Pass Pelt

Pier Rays Riot Road Sear Seas Sold Soya Stir Test Tile Trod Tsar Yale 5 letter words Adieu Alien Aloha

Amino Capri Creek Lilac Logia Metal Naive Peron Reset Riels Ruler Salsa Slant Soaps Stamp Tires Trade Trial Unpeg

6 letter words Gimlet Instep Saints Snooty Strand Strata 7 letter words Airmail Kneecap Martins Relapse 8 letter words Lopsided Passport

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Pulgada (4) 3 Regalos (8) 9 Principante (aprendiz) (7) 10 Acordar (5) 11 Floor (of room) (5) 12 Hermana (6) 14 A través de (6) 16 Armadura (6) 19 Huge (6) 21 Tiendas (5) 24 April (5) 25 Air hostess (7) 26 Passenger (traveller) (8) 27 All (4)

Down 1 Churches (buildings) (8) 2 Code (cipher) (5) 4 El más raro (6) 5 Focas (animales) (5) 6 Norwegian (7) 7 Sebo (4) 8 Cebollas (6) 13 Transfer (move) (8) 15 Grooves (in wood, metal etc) (7) 17 To scratch (with claw, nail) (6) 18 Reparación (arreglo) (6) 20 Clock (5) 22 Opaque (5) 23 Húmedo (clima) (4)

29

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 12th December to Thursday 18th December Across 8 What name for an afternoon rest or nap, especially one taken during the hottest hours of the day in a hot climate, comes from the Latin for ‘sixth hour’? (6) 9 What is the name of the ter­ rorist organisation set up in 1959 by student activists who were dissatisfied with the mod­ erate nationalism of the tradi­ tional Basque party usually known? (3) 10 Which politician was Member of Parliament for Plymouth Sutton from March 1966 to February 1974 and MP for Plymouth Devonport from February 1974 to April 1992? (4) 11 The name of which thick creamy dressing consisting of egg yolks beaten with oil and vinegar and seasoned, is derived from the name of the capital of Minorca? (10) 12 The 20th century US writer noted for his droll epigrams was Ogden (Who)? (4) 13 What name is often applied to the regions around the North Pole? (6) 16 What name for a large sin­ gle upright block of stone, especially one shaped into or serving as a pillar or monu­ ment, comes from the Greek

for ‘single stone’? (8) 17 Staffordshire bull, West Highland white, Lakeland and Jack Russell are all varieties of which breed of dog? (7) 18 What name is given to an attendant in a hospital respon­ sible for the non­medical care of patients and the mainte­ nance of order and cleanli­ ness? (7) 22 Which chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes is caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, person­ ality changes and impaired reasoning? (8) 25 Which word can mean both ‘the income or profit arising from such transactions as the sale of land or other property’ and ‘gives way’? (6) 26 Used especially in brewing and distilling, what name is given to a cereal grain (usually barley) that is kiln­dried after having been germinated by soaking in water? (4) 27 Which 10­armed oval­bod­ ied cephalopod with narrow fins as long as the body has a large calcareous internal shell? (10) 30 In the human body, which vessel or tube carries blood from the capillaries toward the heart? (4)

SUDOKU (Easy)

Quiz Word

31 What is the SI unit of elec­ trical resistance, transmitting a current of one ampere when subjected to a potential differ­ ence of one volt? (3)

32 Which English county has border with Greater London, Kent, East Sussex, West Sussex, Hampshire and Berkshire? (6)

Down 1 Which city in Tuscany is famous for its ‘leaning tower’?

(4) 2 Which city is the capital of and most populous city in Norway? (4) 3 Which marine crustacean has an external shell that attaches itself permanently to a surface and feeds by filtering particles from the water using its modified feathery legs? (8) 4 What name is often applied to persons claiming to be in contact with the spirits of the dead and to communicate between the dead and the liv­ ing? (7) 5 What was the name of the nightclub in Mathew Street, Liverpool, which hosted its first performance by The Beatles on February 9, 1961? (6) 6 Which English actor, come­ dian, writer and film producer co­wrote, with his wife Connie Booth, and starred in the tele­ vision sitcom Fawlty Towers?

(4,6) 7 What name is often used to describe wealthy and fashion­ able people who travel widely and frequently for pleasure?

(3,3) 14 What is the surname of the ‘streaker’ who is best remem­ bered for a topless run across

the pitch of Twickenham Stadium during an England v Australia rugby union match on January 2, 1982? (3) 15 Which volatile liquid, obtained by the distillation of resin obtained from live trees, mainly pines, is used as paint thinner, solvent and medicinal­ ly? (10) 19 During the English Civil War, what name was typically given to anyone supporting the king against parliament? (8) 20 By what shortened name is the powerful hallucinogenic drug lysergic acid diethylamide better known? (3) 21 With what type of music, popular between 1897 and 1917, would you principally associate Scott Joplin? (7) 23 What is the name of the hard white substance covering the crown of a tooth? (6) 24 What name often used to describe a wealthy, powerful person in business or industry, comes from the Japanese for ‘great lord’? (6) 28 Which word can precede: away, ball, bell, brand, door, sale and up? (4) 29 Which foodstuff consists of meat and vegetables cooked slowly in liquid in a closed dish or pan? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH LAS PLANTAS ­PLANTS Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

el árbol

la flor

el arbusto

la hoja

el bulbo

la margarita

el cactus

la rama

el tallo

la rosa

el tronco

la semilla

el tulipán

las malezas

la corteza

las raíces

la enredadera

la tierra

Sceince QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1. The Escalator 2. chlorophyll 3. Vinegar 4. 0.5 5. Elsa 6.

Bismuth 7. Snowy Owl 8. Photochromic 9. Goat 10.

Squirrel 11. Rookery 12. Front legs 13. A Spinning Propellor 14. Hippopotamus 15. Herons

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Operas, 5 Staccato, 9 Kangaroo, 10 Astral, 11 Goldfinger, 12 Eden, 13 Napoleon, 16 Merlin, 17 Magpie, 19 Starling, 21 Vera, 22 Tony Curtis, 25 Square, 26 Electric, 27 Teletext, 28 Soothe.

Down: 2 Piano, 3 Rigid, 4 Service, 5 Shotgun, 6 Anagram, 7 Cathedral, 8 Tragedian, 14 Arabesque, 15 Orphanage, 18 Extreme, 19 Sennett, 20 Archers, 23 Retro, 24 Irish.

Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.el árbol, 2.el arbusto,

16.las malezas, 17.las raíces,

j.the bush, k.the leaf, l.the stem,

3.el bulbo, 4.el cactus, 5.el tallo,

18.la tierra

m.the daisy, n.the bark, o.the cactus, p.the vine,

6.el tronco, 7.el tulipán, 8.la corteza, 9.la enredadera,

a.the bulb, b.the roots,

10.la flor, 11.la hoja,

c.the rose, d.the tulip, e.the tree,

12.la margarita, 13.la rama,

f.the weeds, g.the earth,

14.la rosa, 15.la semilla,

h.the trunk, i.the branch,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

q.the flower, r.the seed

Quizword

Answers: 1e, 2j, 3a, 4o, 5l, 6h, 7d, 8n, 9p, 10q, 11k, 12m, 13i, 14c, 15r, 16f, 17b, 18g.

1. What Did Jesse Reno Invent Using Traditional Conveyor Belt Principles To Pull Folding Steps Up A Slope?

2. what makes plants green?

3. Acetic Acid Is More Commonly Known As What?

4. What Is The Value Of Sine 30 Degrees?

5. What Was Joy Adamson's Lion Cub Called?

6. Which metallic element soothes ulcers?

7. Which Is The Largest Owl Found In Britain?

8. What Type Of Glass Darkens When Exposed To Light?

9. The eyes of which animal have rectangular pupils?

10. What animal lives in a drey?

11. What Apparently Inappropriate Name Is Used For A Gathering & A Breeding Place For Seals?

12. Where are a cricket's ears located?

13. What Is Represented By The Blue And White Quartered Circle Of The BMW Logo?

14. What animal's name translates as 'water horse'?

15. What kind of animals would be in a siege?

Fill It In

30

Friday 12th December 2014

DECLINING NUTRIENT LEVELS IN FOODS

In the last 50 years, there has been a significant and continuous fall in the nutrient levels of foods all over the world. Researchers at the University of Texas investigating the nutrient content of food crops discovered significant declines. They looked at 43 garden crops, most­ ly vegetables, but also melons and strawberries, and compared their nutritional data from 1950 until recent times. The researchers discovered shocking declines in 6 out of 13 nutri­ ents studied, ranging from 6% for proteins to 38% for Vitamin B12. According to them, more worrisome are declines in nutrients that could not be studied due to the lack of data from 1950. Another study looking at 25 fruits and veg found 80% reductions in calcium and iron, 75% in vitamin A, 50% in vitamin C and riboflavin, 30% in thiamine and 12% in niacin as well.

Similar trends have also been discovered in the United Kingdom.

Even the humble potato has not fared any better. In recent times, the potato has lost 100% of its vitamin A, 57 % of its Vitamin C and Iron, and 28% of its Calcium. In 1950, the calcium content of widely grown varieties of Broccoli was 13mg, today it is 4.4mg. Vegetables such as Cabbage, Spinach, Lettuce and Tomatoes all show declines in mineral content from 400mg to less than 50mg. Compared with industrial products, foods from animals raised on pas­ ture are consistently richer in vitamins A, D and E, beta­ carotene and beneficial fatty acids. Eggs from chickens raised on pasture contain up to 30% more vitamin E, 30%more vitamin B­12 and 50% more folate, than indus­ trial eggs (from intensively bred hybrids) sold in most supermarkets.

The decline in food nutri­ ent levels has been linked to a number of factors, most notably a reduction in soil nutrient levels. Today’s diet

may not provide all the necessary vitamins and minerals needed for the body to function optimally, but a healthy diet combined with adequate supplements can be regarded as our best health insurance policy.

FOR A FULL BODY SCAN CALL DR MACHI MANNU: 965071745

Friday 12th December 2014

Q A

31

For a year or so my husband has suffered with a numb feeling in his feet.

Our doctor in England suggested it may be a deficiency in Vitamin B but before he could have blood tests we moved our health care to Spain.

When he mentioned it to the doctor here he was told not to wear tight shoes. He is on medication for high blood pressure and gout, although he tries to control both by exercise and diet. As the problem is not improv­ ing and he believes that you wrote an article about this problem we would appreciate your advice.

Numbness, especially of the fingers and feet can be caused by a number of disorders. One of the earliest signs of blood sugar intolerance or imbal­ ance is numbness in the hands and feet. Blood sugar (glucose) intolerance is referred to as early stage diabetes. Early stage diabetes cannot be detect­ ed through urine and blood tests, leaving a 5 hour glucose tolerance test (GTT) as the only reliable way for confirmation. But GTT’s can be very cumbersome to per­ form and are not usually done in GP surgeries. The test is also not very conclusive. Diabetes is a complex slowly progressive disorder that comes and goes with stress, dietary habits, chronic disease, fatigue and hormonal imbalances. In practice I would consider early stage diabetes as a possible cause of numbness, in addition to other likely causes. In the absence of a glucose tolerance test, a supplement known as R­lipoic acid can be safely used to main­ tain blood sugar levels in early stage diabetes. Vitamin and mineral deficiencies are also common causes of numbness in the feet. In fact the regulation of blood sugar depends on a number of minerals such as; zinc, copper, manganese, chromium, vanadium, calcium, and magnesium. Low levels of minerals such as calcium, and magnesium have been linked to numbness in the fingers and feet.

A number of vitamin deficiencies are also known to cause pins and needles. These include vitamins B1, B2, B5, B6 and B12. A deficiency in Vitamin B1 results in poor blood circulation which may lead to pins and needles. Vitamin B2 deficiency causes nerve inflam­ mation leading to numbness that affects the hands, fingers, feet and toes. Vitamin B12 is useful for the production of myelin – a fatty coat that protects nerves from injury. A low level of vitamin B12 is associated with the sensation of numbness, pins and needles in the hands and feet.

Some medical conditions may also cause numbness in the hands and feet, and these include; low thyroid hormones, Raynaud’s disease, migraines and shingles. Raynaud's dis­ ease is a disorder that causes constriction of the blood vessels usually in the toes and fin­ gers, causing periodic attacks of numbness. Shingles is caused by the same virus that caus­ es chicken pox – herpes zoster virus. This virus may stay dormant in the body for a very long

time, and when the immune system is low, it ‘wakes’ up and starts attacking the nerves.

Other causes of numbness of the feet include; medications, toxins such as heavy metals and alcohol use. Toxic heavy metals such as mercury, lead and cadmium are known causes of nerve inflammation. Lead has been known as a nerve poison for many decades. Mercury is a toxic metal, and a major source into the body is amalgam tooth fillings that contain up to 50% mercury.

HOW TO DEAL WITH A KILLER HANGOVER AT WORK

It’s the Festive Season and you’ve been out late on a school night. Now it’s 7:30am and you’re staring, through gummy eyes, at your evil, relentlessly beeping alarm clock, cursing the fun­loving you of six hours ago who bought the last round of Tequila shots. What now?

Assuming you have a glass on the bedside table, take a gulp of water and sit up. Next, ask yourself how bad it is. Chances are it’s bad but not so not bad that you have no choice but to chuck a sickie. You really should go in, even though you’d love to get stuck into a box set. So, once you’ve decided to be a good little worker bee, what’s the best hangover management strategy?

Start by facing the bad news: there is no miracle cure. “Virtually nothing is proven to amelio­ rate the effects of a hangover,” says Peter Mills, a physician and health technology consultant.

However, he adds, you can be smart about what causes some of the problems. One of the biggest issues is sleep deprivation, as drinking fragments normal sleep patterns. So, if you work flexible hours or have the option of going in late, today is the day to grab that extra hour’s sleep.

As we all know, boozing dehydrates you. Hopefully you will have already headed off the worst of this by having sunk a pint of water before you went to bed. However, Dr Mills adds that all the peeing you do in the night when you’ve been drinking will mess up your electrolyte bal­ ance. He suggests a glass of water with sachet of rehydration salts such as Dioralyte will help in the morning. Sipping water throughout the day is also a good idea.

If you’re a coffee drinker, there’s no reason to forgo your morning latte, but extra coffee will just make you jumpy. Alcohol also tends to lower your blood sugar a bit, so breakfast on some­

thing with carbs, such as as toast or cereal. The much revered Full English may help if you’re feeling physically sick, by lining your stomach with grease, but it won’t do much else. Finally, if you can bring yourself to do a bit of exercise and get some fresh air, even if it’s just walking part of the way to work, this will help kick­start your body.

Once you’re at work, there are two options. The better one, says Jane Clarke, of business psychologists Nicholson McBride, is to take yourself in hand and focus on the tasks that ener­ gise you. If you’re gregarious, you might find work that involves talking to people or meetings; if you’re an introvert, you could look for a detailed, absorbing piece of work. “The way you feel is significantly mind over matter,” explains Clarke. “So instead of telling yourself how ill you are, say, ‘I just need to get stuck into this and I’ll feel better in no time.’” If, however, you are so below par that demanding work is beyond you, try to keep a low profile and lose yourself in dull, administrative tasks, although these can make you sleepy.

Remember too, that sleep deprivation and other parts of your hangover can affect your judgement, so stay away from work which involves important decisions and avoid situations that could lead to you losing your temper. Should you be lucky enough to work in a cool office with a nap­room, 20 winks will often have a huge restorative effect that lasts several hours.

If you’ve made it to lunchtime and you’re still suffering, hair of the dog may make you feel better. Dr Mills says that there’s a school of thinking which says that one of the biggest parts of a hangover is methanol poisoning. Methanol (the kind of alcohol that can make you go blind) occurs in very small quantities in most alcoholic drinks. You can flush the methanol, the thinking goes, which binds to receptors in your brain, away with ethanol (which comprises the lion’s share of drinking alcohol) and you’ll feel better. So, a glass of a clean spirit such as vodka could set you up for the afternoon.

However, while drinking yourself round at lunchtime may be a good idea physically, it’s unlikely to do your personal brand much good. And this brings us to the vexed question of deal­ ing with your hangover’s PR. Namely, should you tell your colleagues that you were out until 3am?

Tempting though it is to share your boozy burden, unless you were out with them, you should probably keep your pain to yourself. Clarke cautions that people tend to “over­remember” col­ leagues’ hangovers and that widely advertising your suffering (or falling asleep at your desk) is the kind of thing that can tarnish your reputation and even affect your promotability. Perhaps unfairly this is often true even in organisations that trade on their "work hard, play hard" cul­ tures.

If you were at a group do, it’s OK to acknowledge that you’re feeling a bit ropey. But even so, you shouldn’t bang on about it for the same reasons. “You don’t want to advertise yourself as the person who feels the worst,” says Clarke. “Place your hangover somewhere in the middle of the pack.”

Finally, have an exit strategy. The best way to make the afternoon pass is to find work that makes it pass, rather than clock­watching with a headache. It’s a good idea to come up with a reason to leave on time too. This can also double up as an excuse not to go to the pub again, should you have annoying colleagues who “don’t get hangovers” and are chafing to “get back on it” at 6pm.

32

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 If you talk a certain situation through with someone close this week, you can over­ come their doubts and leave a recent prob­ lem in the past. You could also find out something that gives you an unexpected new advantage. Your career is under lucky stars in the weeks to come, so plan to follow up on recent leads and take a confident, upbeat approach

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Stand back and take stock of where you stand this week and be prepared to push through certain changes. If you stream­ line your routine, you will give yourself more freedom to pursue your personal goals, so deal with all unfinished busi­ ness now in readiness for better times to come. Travel and romance are also linked later in the week.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 This weekend’s Full Moon in your sign gives you the advantage in a situation that you know needs changing. Do not be afraid to show your hand or take decisive action. If you trust your judgment and your inner sense of timing, you can bring about some kind of breakthrough. You could also find that you mean more to someone than you thought.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 You are at your most intuitive and sensitive to others’ feelings now, so back your hunch about a recent problem or dilemma in the week ahead. From Thursday, when romantic Venus moves into the area of your skies that rules pleasure, creativity and new depar­ tures, a more adventurous era starts. Do not let domestic ties limit your horizons.

Friday 12th December 2014

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Jupiter, the planet of good fortune, changes its direction through your sign this week, giving you a chance to see your current situation much more clearly.

This is the right time to reassess your long­term goals, and to give yourself more credit for the things you have achieved to date. Make your own deci­ sions and let no one put you under pres­ sure.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 Your ruler, Mercury, joins forces with the energising Sun this week to help you make decisions on domestic issues that you had postponed. If you make your feelings clear, you can solve a recent problem. You will also give yourself more freedom to manoeuvre in the weeks to come. Put your own interests first

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 A conversation this weekend could help you find a way to reach your current goal, so break the ice with those concerned and ask for their support or guidance.

With your ruler, Venus, in your chart’s domestic zone from Thursday, your focus shifts to what is happening in your private life. Better times now lie ahead, so do not give in to self­doubt.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 Work out your real career priorities this week and do not spread yourself too thinly.

If you concentrate on what you can achieve short­term, instead of being too ambitious, you will reach your goal much sooner. Feedback from someone close later in the week could also make you see how strong your hand is in a tricky situa­ tion. The tide is due to turn.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 This weekend’s Full Moon stresses the importance of your most meaningful bonds with others. It could also throw new light on where you really stand with some­ one close. What matters now is sharing your real feelings and being open, so do not let a chance to reach a deeper under­ standing pass you by

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 This week seductive and romantic Venus enters Capricorn, and a more outgoing and fulfilling phase begins. With Venus easing recent tensions you can afford to let down your defences and ask for what you really want from others, so do not sell yourself too short. A career project also has the stars behind it in the week ahead

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 Friendship and social life come first this week, so do not let career issues or demands from someone close limit your horizons. People you spend time with in the weeks to come could have a lot to offer.

They could also boost your confidence about a recent problem or dilemma. Which may be all it takes to break a deadlock and move forward.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 Home life takes centre stage this week, when the Full Moon brings a close rela­ tionship into sharper focus. How the situa­ tion will turn out could well be up to you, so do not make a snap decision or let others feel they call the tune. A more outgoing phase begins on Thursday, when pleas­ ure­loving Venus enters your chart’s zone of friendship.

Friday 12th December 2014

33

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC prob­ lems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast expe­ rience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Lynda wanted to know how she could back up ADVICE: Sue was fed up with having a poor ADSL Internet documents for a book that she was writing. connection.

Hi Richard ­ could I ask your advice? I am writ­ ing a book and feel I should save the docu­ ments (chapters) ­ a backup somewhere. I have a Mac computer. What do you advise me to do? Many thanks. Lynda

Q

Hi Lynda, yes there are a number of things that you can do, however I would recommend using an online service, something like DropBox (which works very well on Mac's as well as PC's), you can find out more about all of these types of services from the articles page on our website, specifi­ cally you can read an article about backing up at www.bluemoonsolutions.es/why­are­backups­important­and­what­do­i­need If you would like to try a free copy of DropBox with 2Gb of space then just go to the following link... https://db.tt/ZSvplToo ...and enter your details to download it.

Hope that helps.

A

ADVICE: Vic was getting an error message about connecting network drives when he started his computer

Q

Hi Richard can you help please I have a laptop with windows 7, bought a new Epson XP405 Wi­Fi printer set it up it print fine and prints from memory card OK, but when I start up my laptop I get an error message could not reconnect all net­ work drivers an error occurred while reconnecting Z to Epson C901E4 memory card network path was not found, if I turn on the printer before I start up the laptop I get no message but I may not want to use the printer all the time does this sound right to you. Thank you Vic.

A

Hi Vic, yes it sounds perfectly fine to me. All your computer is doing is looking for your printer’s memory card when it starts up, if it can’t find it (because your printer is not turned on for example) then it will give you that error message. Its fine, it’s not causing any damage or problems, it’s just informing you of a fact.

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

Hi Richard.

We have a problem and hope either you can answer it or you know “a man who can".

We have always had our internet supplied by Telefonica/ Movistar.

Because I have to work on line, live with Brussels, we decided to upgrade from our basic package of 3 to 10mbps. We have had this now for four months and it is rubbish, actual­ ly worse than before!

There are times when we have no connection at all (LAN or Wi­Fi), at other times it is very slow and just sometimes it is okay! We have been measuring the download speed and yes­ terday's average was 1.1 and today's 0.8!!! Sometimes we get to the dizzy heights of 8!

We called out a Telefonica technico, who checked everything out, supplied a new router etc. he said this was the best he could do as the problem did not belong to Telefonica, but was the fault of the very bad quality cabling on the urbanisation! He said that he thought that one of our neighbours had replaced their cabling at their own expense, but we cannot find anyone who has done this.

Our question is, is this a reasonable explanation? Or are we being fobbed off? If this the problem, then we need to replace our own cabling and/or go to the administration with the problem. Either way we need some professional advice.

Looking forward to hearing from you, Sue

Q

A

Hi Sue, I would tentatively agree with the diagnosis of the engineer in that the prob­ lem is your cabling (i.e. either the phone cabling within your house or the urbanisa­ tion cabling). The problem is that even if you replace all of your own cabling the problem could still be caused by the urbanisation cabling – you’re on a hide into nothing.

How about moving providers to one of the wireless companies (in Gran Alacant you have either MegaVista, GranNet or Gran Alacant TV from what I remember), they will eliminate the need for you to rely on your phone cabling entirely by providing an Internet (and phone if you want it) service direct to an aerial on your roof – they then run the relevant cabling to take that signal to the computers in the rest of your house (therefore running new bespoke cables).

In terms of speed I think that they are, if not as fast, even faster, you can certainly get a reli­ able and fast connection with them.

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Friday 12th December 2014

TOYOTA DEALERSHIP SLAMMED FOR INSENSITIVE JOKE

'There's more hope of Rolf Harris getting a babysitting job' A Toyota dealer in Western Australia has faced serious backlash on social media after it printed an advertisement which made a joke about a convicted sex offender.

'There's more hope of Rolf Harris get­ ting a babysitting gig than us finding a better example', the ad read, underneath an image of a white Toyota HiLux utility.

The description then went on to boast features of the vehicle such as it being a 4x4 diesel engine with a steel tray with a price of $28,990.

The ad originally appeared in local paper the Kalgoorlie Miner earlier this month, but got a second wind on social media over the weekend when the image resurfaced.

Earlier this month 84­year­old Harris was sentenced to five years and nine months behind bars in the UK for 12 sex­ ual assaults.

According to social media users on Facebook and Twitter the reference to the Australian entertainer, who abused his daughter's best friend from the age of

13, was in extremely poor taste.

One person tweeted 'This is NOT ok', while another had nothing more to say than other than a simple 'Oh dear.'

According to the NT News, the offend­ ing advertisement was for Goldfields Toyota in Kalgoorlie, Western Australia.

General sales manager of the dealer­ ship Darryl 'Shack' Evans told the publi­ cation the advertisement was not intend­ ed to offend anyone and was removed off their website soon after publication.

'We try to make our ads a little bit inter­ esting and a little bit lighthearted but we blurred the lines of good taste and bad on this occasion,' Mr Evans said.

But the advertisement took on a life of it's own despite only being printed in one edition of the newspaper, with people calling out Toyota Australia over the inap­ propriate reference.

Toyota Australia responded to ques­ tions on Twitter saying 'We don't endorse the ad and requested for it to be removed. Now working with dealer to ensure it doesn’t happen again.'

DIGITAL DVLA

From the beginning of 2015 the paper counterpart to photo card driving licences will be phased out, as the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency (DVLA) continues with its drive to digitise motoring records.

According to the DVLA, most people will not need to take any action but simply keep their current photo card licence.

For anyone who has an old style paper driving licence issued before the photo card was introduced in 1998, next year's change will not affect them.

They should simply keep hold of their licence and the next time they need to update their name, address or renew their licence they will be issued with a photo card only.

Changing details on a licence and therefore receiving the new photo card will not cost anything and entitlements, penalty points and the status of a driving licence will not change.

However motorists will have to pay £20 each time a photo card is renewed (every 10 years), while paper licences do not have to be renewed When the DVLA stops issuing the paper counter­ part of the driving licence, those drivers who already have a counterpart may destroy it.

Drivers who are caught with an invalid licence could face a £1,000 fine.

The change comes follow­ ing a review last October into how the DVLA could "deliver better services and save money for the taxpayer".

Roads minister Stephen Hammond said in a report that one of the biggest reforms to achieve this goal would be to "remove the driv­ ing licence paper counter­ part."

Friday 12th November 2014

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Friday 12th December 2014

DO-AHEAD XMAS DINNER 10 TIPS FOR PREPARING YOUR FOOD EARLY brilliantly.

4.

Brussel sprouts Save time by using what chefs call “blanching and refreshing” – boil the sprouts, drop them in cold water to stop the cooking process, then the next day just reheat them in a pan or in the microwave. You can do this with most other vegetables too.

5. Potatoes

We all know the feeling. It's Christmas Day, but rather than enjoying a glass of wine or catching up with family, you're peeling carrots, boiling brussels and hoping you'll have time to get the bread sauce out of your hair before the turkey needs basting. Dinner will, of course, taste delicious­ but by the time you sit down to it, you'll be so exhausted you'll bare­ ly have the strength to pull a cracker.

With a little pre­planning, such chaos can be a ghost of Christmas past. At the end of the day, remember, Christmas dinner is just a roast ­ and there's plenty of elements in a roast that can be prepared days, if not weeks, ahead.

1. Gravy You can make a tasty Christmas gravy long before the main event.

Simply freeze it in a container, and defrost on the day. You can add the juices from your Christmas turkey to it before serving.

2. Stuffing Stuffing freezes well – you can even freeze it in an oven dish, so once it's defrosted, you can pop the dish straight into the oven. Some people go so far as to cook the stuffing before freezing, so on the day it only requires warming up: a good idea when oven space is at a premium.

3. Red cabbage Braised red cabbage is one of those foods that actually improves its flavour over time, so it’s well worth making in advance. It will keep a few days in the fridge, and reheats

Some people parboil and freeze their pota­ toes to give them a headstart on Christmas Day. Personally, I like them cooked from fresh, but you can still get ahead by peel­ ing and chop­ ping them the night before. Keep the potatoes in a water­filled container overnight to stop them browning.

just make it a few days before, and you won't even need to defrost it. Cranberry sauce can also be made ahead.

8.

Parsnips

You can boil your parsnips and keep them in the fridge for up to a day before. Alternatively, you could freeze them.

9.

Yorkshire puddings If you’re serv­ ing Yorkshire puddings, you could make the batter a day in advance. You could also com­ pletely cook and freeze them, then, after they're defrost­ ed, just give the puddings a quick 5­10 minutes in the oven to warm them up.

10. Desserts Christmas pudding, of course, can be made months ahead: simply steam it for a few hours on Christmas Day till reheated. Make sure any other desserts are simple and don’t require oven space. Cold desserts that can be made ahead and served straight away, like a chocolate mousse or a frozen dessert, are ideal.

6. Turkey Many turkeys are oven­ready, but if you want to do any­ thing messy like deboning, you’ll want to get it out of the way on Christmas Eve. You can also rinse it and pat it dry, and prepare anything you’re planning on filling it with – be it stuff­ ing or something like chopped onions and herbs. Store them in the fridge in sealed containers.

7. Bread sauce Nobody wants to be faffing around with sauces on Christmas Day. Bread s a u c e freezes well, but it also keeps for a surprisingly long time in the fridge ­

THE PERFECT DOUGHNUT

The secret to the “perfect” doughnut has been mathe­ matically proven – and apparently it’s all to do with the size of the hole.

Dr Eugenia Cheng, Senior Lecturer of Pure Mathematics at the University of Sheffield, used calculus to find what gives the confectionery that can't­ resist appeal.

Dubbed the ‘Squidgy to Crispy ratio’, her method proves that the smaller the hole in the middle of the doughnut, the squidgier it is, while a bigger hole will make the doughnut crispier.

Dr Cheng, who has previ­ ously worked on defining “the perfect cream tea”, was called upon to find a formula for the perfect doughnut by Domino’s Pizza UK, who launched a new line in fresh­

ly baked doughnuts last month.

“The hole is integral to the ‘whole’ doughnut experi­ ence, so it makes complete sense that it affects the tex­ ture and taste”.

With an average hole size of 11mm, Domino’s dough­ nuts have a squidgy to crispy ratio of 3.5 : 1 which, in lay­ man’s terms, means they are approximately four fifths squidge and one fifth crisp.

“If you’re me, then it’s easy to get carried away messing around with calcu­ lus. Go ahead and eat your doughnuts however you like them.”

After vigorous research conducted by a unit of testers here at the Telegraph labs, we have concluded that Domino’s doughnuts are indeed quite squidgy.

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Friday 12th December 2014

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Friday 12th December 2014

Property

thediscountcard.es

Restaurants & Bars

Lifestyle & Services

42

Friday 12th December 2014

FREE AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeep­ ing, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for compa­ nies and self­employed peo­ ple; we can deal with every­ thing for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

CHOIR Casa Tom Community Choir: From 8 September 2014, Casa Tom Community Choir meets every Monday at 2.00pm for 2.30pm. It is a

mixed choir and all levels are welcome. No auditions, no solos. Make new friends and have a good time.

Location: Casa Tom, Avenida JACA 31, San Luis, Torrevieja. Phone or email Terry for details. Phone: 647­189­135.

Email: casatomsanluis@gmail.com

CHURCH SERVICES Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, welcome residents and visitors alike, to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning.

They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or direc­ tions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcf­ spain.org."

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's

church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) meet at 10.00 each Sunday at their Torrevieja meeting­ house in the Torreaguas building on the corner of Rambla Juan Mateo Garcia 104, close to the windmill in Torrevieja, 667 533 597.

The Rainbow Centre for spiritual awareness We meet in the function room at Sacos bar el Limonar just off the CV 905 Rojales to Torrievieja road We have a divine service on Sundays at 11am and on Wednesdays we hold an evening of clairvoy­ ance at 7.30 pm Also on Wednesdays there is an open circle at 5.30 for those who are interested in clairvoyance Healing is always available by certi­ fied healers after each meeting A warm welcome to friends old and new For further information call Trish on 966 844 795 or Email the rainbowcen­ trecostablana@gmail.com

INSURANCE Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for

a quick quote from our friendly staff.

GUITAR LESSONS Guitar lessons for beginners and improvers. Provide an insight into most styles.

From 10€ per hour. Call Peter on 966789612 or 629975378. Torrvieja

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

SITUATIONS VACANT RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL MEDIA needs self­ employed salesperson. Car, mobile phone and client base available. For more info call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

SITUATIONS WANTED WANTED. English speaking mother's help aged 30­40, with driving licence, to help 7 year old boy with home­ work, and look after him.

Work hours will be 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. Own room with bathroom provid­ ed, in a house with a pool and garden, in Alcayna, Murcia. Pay will be 125 euros a week. If you have a young child this will not be a problem. Phone 607 43 39 43 or email: mancanpa@yahoo.es CARPET FITTER WANTED Experienced part time car­ pet fitter wanted for the expanding and successful Carpet Heaven in Los Montesinos. Must be hard Working, smart & friendly, with first class customer fac­ ing skills. A clean driving license, your own transport & tools are essential. Please send CV with references to carpetheaven@hotmail.es or call us on 966720782 for more information BUSY HAIR & BEAUTY

CAR HIRE

BARBER

CATERING

ALARMS

SALON IN THE PLAYA FLA­ MENCA AREA REQUIRES A PART­TIME FULLY QUALIFED BEAUTICIAN TO JOIN THEIR FRIENDLY & PROFESSIONAL TEAM. TEL: 648111779 FOR DETAILS. Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

DOMESTIC APPLIANCE REPAIRS

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with debt recov­ ery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your specialist solicitor today

POOL TABLES

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Tel no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

WANTED

SERVICES Spanish lady in Playa Flamenca near Carrefour provides Erotic massage at her private house, discretion assured tel. 865 64 64 37

CARPENTER

GARDENER

CLEANERS

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Friday 12th December 2014

CAR BREAKERS

DRAINAGE

REMOVALS

PETS

POOLS

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SURVEYOR

PLUMBERS

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44

Friday 12th December 2014

YOUR “HOLE IN ONE” TOP TEN

I visited the Desert Springs Golf Resort and La Manga Club the other week, and apart from getting lost down in Cuevas de Alamanzora due to the Spanish trait of no signs (subject for a another article again), I had a great time and spotted something that prompted this article, the oldest man to get a “Hole in One”. A hole in one is something golfers can fail to achieve in a life of playing the great game. Getting that magic moment requires a large chunk of luck and some skill (you have got to hit the ball in the right direction) to achieve it, so it is a little wonder it takes experience and a lot of practice on and off the course. Once you get the first one it may or may not come as a surprise to learn that the odds on getting another are not always as great as you may think. (Still waiting for my next since 1st March 1991 – 4th Hole at Royal Campoamor Golf).

There are more golfers over the age of 50 who get Holes in One and you hear of them in Spain because they are retired here. But 60% are made by golfers over this bicentennial age. In 1985, on January 13th to be precise, Otto Bucher who aged 99, holed his tee shot on the Par 3 12th on the North Course at La Manga, which prompted this article.

8. IN GOLF LIGHTNING CAN STRIKE TWICE It is proven that 14% of golfers who achieve a Hole in One go on to make another. This gives us all a modicum of hope when we see that car up for offer in a ProAm or the Chip and Spin girl on the courses on the Costa Blanca (or hope that we are 86% to avoid the bar bill).

9.

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE AN EXPERT BUT EXPERIENCE HELPS It’s no secret that to get a Hole in One you have to play a lot to get the experience unless you just happen to be very lucky (or unlucky), depending on how you look at it. On aver­ age a golfer will need to be playing for 24 years to achieve the feat.

Checking statistics and search engines for other Hole in One oddities, I’ve put together a list and come up with these 10 facts that may surprise you.

1.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET A HOLE IN ONE ON A PAR 5?

Yes it is, if you are very lucky. The majority of Holes in One are obviously on Par 3’s that are, of course, a shorter dis­ tance to the hole. Once you go into Par 4 territory the chances are significantly less, although I did see one at Oak Park Hampshire, some years ago, called a two ball through and it cost them a big drink. That is called an Albatross in this case to go along with the Hole in One. A Hole in One on a Par 5 will get you what is known as a Condor or a triple Eagle. Not every Hole in One gets international recognition, but on a Par 5 hole they have been recorded even though its nigh impossible on a 500 yard drive. The way to hit a Hole in One on a Par 5 is to look for a short cut over trees or other hazards onto the green if the dog leg allows it. An example of a golfer doing just that was a gentleman called Shaun Lynch. His Hole in One on a Par 5 was achieved using a 3­ iron at the Teign Valley Golf Club in Devon, a 497 yard 17th in 1995. Lynch aimed straight toward the green on a horse­ shoe par­5, clearing a 20­foot­high hedge, and then hitting a down slope on the other side. The down slope carried his ball to the green and into the hole.

Bret Melson, a student at San Diego Golf Academy set a new world record for the longest straight­shot Hole In One ever recorded. He aced the 448­yard, par­4 18th hole at the Ko’olau Golf Club in Oahu, Hawaii. Although a longer one was a dog leg was also in the USA and measured 517 yards in Denver courtesy of Mike Crean.

3.

THE MOST HOLES IN ONE

Norman Manley, an amateur from California, claims 59 career aces. These were over a period of 15 years. Mancil Davis has 51 aces and is regarded as the world record hold­ er for holes­in­one by a professional (Davis is a PGA of America member who briefly played on the PGA Tour).

10: WHICH IS THE BEST BALL TO USE? You may be thinking this is a silly question especially when I have said there is a very high degree of luck involved, but according to statistics (there that word again) 45% are scored with a Titleist, Nike 14%, and Top Flite 11%. OMG my DDH is not listed!

Just to round off (no pun intended) but here is something interesting about that unique ball strike, in America if you have a hole­in­one, you’re expected to buy everyone a drink in the clubhouse. However in Japan, it is traditional to share your good luck by buying your playing partners expensive gifts. In Spain everybody should buy you a drink!!

4.

HOW COMMON ARE HOLES IN ONE? They are more common than you may think a Hole in One is achieved somewhere in the world every 3,500 rounds of golf on average.

5.

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE A GREAT GOLFER TO GET A HOLE IN 2.

WHAT IS THE LONGEST HOLE IN ONE For those of you who like statistics, you are most likely to get ONE EVER? a Hole in One if you are a mid­handicapper. 57% of Holes in One are achieved by 14 handicappers.

6.

WHAT CLUB IS MOST USED TO GET A HOLE IN ONE? Just in case you were wondering what club to use to get that magic stroke, apparently 40% of those aces are made with 7, 8 or 9 irons.

7.

YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO GET A HOLE IN ONE

KNOW YOUR RULES QUESTION You aren't allowed to reconfigure adjustable clubs during a round. But if a weight loosens in the course of play, can you tighten it? Or must you play with the rattle until the round is finished?

ANSWER Adjustable club heads still boggle my mind, you used to need a hammer and chisel to tweak a driver. Yes, the Rules of Golf do permit you to tighten a weight mid­round, assuming the weight was loosened during the "normal course of play"— i.e., not as a result of intentional smashing, throwing, or snapping. Rule 4­3a gives you three options: (1) Keep using the club as is; (2) Fix it, assuming you can do so quickly; or (3) Replace it, assuming the club can't be played or fixed.

TITTER ON THE TEE MORE FOR THE LADIES:­ A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod. Husband. “I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it” Wife.

“You wear pants don't you?”

Husband. “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?”

Wife.

“That's a good idea; you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but break wind” Husband. “What have you been doing with all the gro­ cery money I give you?”

Wife.

“Turn sideways and look in the mirror! “

45

Friday 12th December 2014

RECORD BREAKERS NEYMAR’S STUNNER REAL MADRID 4

LUDOGORETS 0

BARCELONA 3

Real set a new Spanish record of 19 successive wins as they advanced to the Champions League last 16 with a routine victory over Ludogorets. Cristiano Ronaldo converted a penalty to register his 72nd Champions League goal, before Gareth Bale climbed to head the hold­ ers' second. Defender Alvaro Arbeloa's shot crept in for the third, before substitute Alvaro Medran completed the scoring.

PARIS ST-GERMAIN 1

Neymar scored a spectacular goal as Barcelona came from behind to defeat Paris St­ Germain at the Nou Camp on Wednesday night to finish top of Group F. Zlatan Ibrahimovic gave PSG the lead with a low finish from 10 yards after being teed up by Blaise Matuidi. But Barcelona equalised through Lionel Messi, his 75th goal in the competition coming after Luis Suarez's low cross. Neymar's sublime 25­yard finish and Suarez's close­range effort sealed PSG's fate, but the French side still go through.

BARCA MARCH ON IT’S THAT MAN AGAIN! BARCELONA 5

ESPANYOL 1

REAL MADRID 3

Lionel Messi's hat­trick sparked Barcelona into life as they came from behind to thrash Espanyol in the Catalan derby. A day after Cristiano Ronaldo set a new Primera Division record for hat­tricks with 23, Messi grabbed one of his own to move up to 21 himself.

The Argentinian came to the rescue on the stroke of half­time to cancel out Sergio Garcia's opener for Espanyol, before adding his second five minutes later. Gerard Pique made it three goals in eight minutes (celebrating with Luis Suarez) to put Barca firmly in control before Pedro added gloss to the scoreline and Messi turned it into a rout. Barcelona remain two points behind Real Madrid at the top of La Liga, and are away to Getafe tomorrow afternoon (Saturday).

CELTA VIGO 0

Cristiano Ronaldo scored a record­breaking 23rd Primera Division hat­trick as Real Madrid easily beat Celta Vigo last Saturday night at the Bernabeu. Ronaldo opened the scoring with a controversially­awarded penalty that he won himself in the 36th minute before netting twice more in the second half as he moved onto 200 La Liga goals for Madrid ­ having only joined the club in 2009. The Portugal striker’s treble saw him go clear of Telmo Zarra and Alfredo di Stefano for the most Primera Division hat­tricks, while also taking him to 23 goals in just 14 league games this season. Real are away to Almeria this evening (Friday), who sacked man­ ager Francisco Rodriguez this week.

ELCHE HIT ROCK BOTTOM ELCHE 0

ATLETICO MADRID 2

Struggling Elche are now rooted at the bottom of the Primera Division, having failed to win any of their last five competitive games, and there was little sign last Saturday of how things can be turned around for the woeful Ilicitanos. To put things further into context, champions Atletico hardly turned out a vintage performance in what was a pretty poor apology for a game of football in an empty­looking stadium.

All things being said, Elche actually began the match well, closing down their opponents and moving the ball about quickly and precisely. However, Atletico took the lead with their first opportunity of the game. Siquiera, Koke and Arda Turan combined down the left­hand side of Elche's area and the Turkish midfielder cut the ball back to Gimenez, who was standing in line with the penalty spot. The centre­back controlled with his right foot and then pulled the trigger, sending the ball high into the near corner. However, the goal should not have been allowed to stand, as Arda was a fraction offside when he received

the ball from Koke, although none of the Elche players appealed.

The goal knocked the wind out of Elche's sails and Fran Escriba's side played with less intensity from then on. Their best attempt of the first half came from a speculative effort from long range by midfielder Faycal Fajr that forced Miguel Angel Moya to dive across his goal and punch the ball out for a corner. Chelsea loanee Mario Pasalic had the hosts' other attempt of the half, but fired well wide of goal.

Atletico wrapped up the points eight minutes into the second half thanks to a fine combi­ nation between Gabi and Mandzukic. The midfielder set the striker on his way to goal with a ball over the top and the Croatian took one touch to take the ball away from goal and then tucked the ball into the bottom corner, the speed of the ball beating goalkeeper Przemyslaw Tyton at his near post. The Ilicitanos are away to Deportivo this Monday night.

46

Friday 12th December 2014

SPORTS FIXTURES

CLUELESS TORRY FAIL AGAIN CD TORREVIEJA 0

NOVELDA 1

Saturday 13 December 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 18:30

Burnley v. Southampton Chelsea v. Hull City Crystal Palace v. Stoke City Leicester City v. Manchester City Sunderland v. West Ham United West Bromwich Albion v. Aston Villa Arsenal v. Newcastle United

Sunday 14 December 14:30 Manchester United v. Liverpool 17:00 Swansea City v. Tottenham Hotspur

Monday 15 December 21:00 Everton v. Queens Park Rangers

Friday 12 December 20:45 Brighton and Hove Albion v. Millwall

Saturday 13 December 13:15 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Middlesbrough v. Derby County Birmingham City v. Reading Bolton Wanderers v. Ipswich Town Bournemouth v. Cardiff City Brentford v. Blackburn Rovers Charlton Athletic v. Blackpool Leeds United v. Fulham Norwich City v. Huddersfield Town Rotherham United v. Nottingham Forest Sheffield Wednesday v. Wolves Watford v. Wigan Athletic

Saturday 13 December 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Dundee United v. Aberdeen Hamilton Academical v. Dundee Inverness Caledonian Thistle v. Partick Thistle Kilmarnock v. St. Johnstone Motherwell v. Ross County

Sunday 14 December 14:00 Celtic v. St. Mirren

A second­half header from Carlos Lopez gave an aver­ age Novelda side the points last Sunday against an inept Torrevieja team that is slipping quicker down the table than Santa Claus nips down a seasonal chimney. The team’s excellent October is but a distant memory as they’ve now lost four out of their last six matches, and word from the squad is that forward Steve Ekedi is being lined up as the “fall guy”, despite not even being named in last Sunday’s squad, with zero goal scorer Cristian taking over the num­ ber nine shirt.

Cristian (pictured with a Novelda defender approaching) is a fine player with some great pace, but his CV doesn’t include goal scorer on it, and so it proved against Novelda.

Cesar and Ferran all worked tirelessly, but failed to trouble the experienced Marcano in the visitor’s goal. Even when Rafa Gomez and talented Croatian, Brani, were intro­ duced, there still was little by way of serious goal scoring opportunities.

SUNDAY BRUNCH FOR MONTE DEP RAYO ORIHUELA 0

Friday 12 December 19:45 Almería v. Real Madrid

Saturday 13 December 15:00 17:00 19:00 21:00

Getafe v. Barcelona Valencia CF v. Rayo Vallecano Córdoba v. Levante Málaga v. Celta de Vigo

Sunday 14 December 11:00 16:00 18:00 20:00

Espanyol v. Granada CF Sevilla v. Eibar Atlético de Madrid v. Villarreal Real Sociedad v. Athletic Club

Monday 15 December 19:45 Deportivo de La Coruña v. Elche

Few of the Torry players covered themselves with even the faintest of praise, with Ferran(pictured on the ball) looking the most likely to make a breakthrough but very lit­ tle emerged to make fans even half­content over 90 miser­ able minutes. The joyless afternoon was made complete in the 68th minute when a lightning quick dash down the right, left the home side floundering like a beached whale.

A deep cross was headed back across goal and Carlos Lopez drove it home with Torry all at sea, with the visitors almost adding a second quickly after with the agile Oscar diving low to his left to keep the ball out.

The fans tipped out of the Nelson Mandela stadium in an angry mood as the Torry side have flattered to deceive this season. A poor result away to a stern Crevillente side this Sunday and another weak show at home to strugglers La Nucia (who have not won an away match all season) and the nightmare before Christmas will be well and truly com­ plete.

There was plenty of hearty lunchtime cheer for Montesinos last Sunday with a good win to warm the cock­ les the thirty­plus travelling supporters who had made the short trip to the Orihuela Costa.

They didn’t have to wait long for the first goal, when after 10 minutes, Fernando fed an excellent pass to put Carlos clean through to put the visitors in front. CD looked in fine touch with some good close passing movements with a number of scoring opportunities, before Macan produced a cheek lob over the home keeper to double the advantage in favour of Montesinos. The home side didn’t really have any counter measures to deal with the pace of Carlos, as they tried three different markers, but to no avail. It was a clever pass from Carlos that found M+A who curled a low shot that went in off the post to make it three­nil at half­time and every prospect of a rout in the second period of play.

Yonhi came on for Dimitry at the start of the second half, with Orouker coming close after heading just wide from a Fernando corner. Minutes later, Montesinos sealed the deal as Macan’s precision vision found M+A who bravely made

CD MONTESINOS 4

it four­nil, as well as colliding with the post in the process!

Monte then got lucky when their defence fell apart only for Yonhi to block a certain goal bound effort, but they could have stretched their advantage still further through chances from substitute Sito, as well as Macan and M+A. There was some controversy towards the end when the ref­ eree yellow carded the Orihuela keeper for remon­ strating that Carlos had ver­ bally abused him, with Monte boss Juanpe cooling things down by substituting Vaz for Carlos.

The next match for CD Montesinos is this Sunday afternoon, when they entertain the Cox­based side, CD Borneo with a 4.00pm kick off.

Friday 12th December 2014

47

THE BURDEN OF EXPECTANCY

The late Benazir Bhutto, one­time prime minister of Pakistan was being interviewed by Sir David Frost, and was being asked about the pros and cons of arranged marriages. She smiled charmingly, and coyly said: ‘The expectations are lower…’. Bringing such matters of expectations down to much more mundane levels like football(and speaking with feeling as a lifetime Nottingham Forest supporter), if your team has tradi­ tionally been a big­hitter with world­wide support, then your expectations are naturally high – sometimes too high ­ and you don’t like it when things don’t go well…

And indeed, ‘things’ are not going well at Liverpool this season.

Back in the sixties, the legendary Bill Shankly built a fine, feared team at Anfield, afterwards passing the mighty man­ agement mantle to other such Liverpool legends as Bob Paisley, Joe Fagan, Kenny Dalglish (twice), and including other continental notables like Gerard Houiller and RafaeL Benitez. But in the duration of the Premier League since 1992, Liverpool successes of the sixties, sev­ enties and eighties have not been repeated, and gradual­ ly the fear factor playing the Merseyside Reds has been eroded. The ominous ‘THIS IS ANFIELD’ sign over the entrance from the tunnel onto the pitch no longer holds such terror for the opposition as it used to. Times have changed – but have those expectations?

The present manager Brendan Rodgers, a quietly spo­ k e n

Northern Irishman came to Liverpool with a good track record gained at Swansea, Watford, and Reading. At one time he worked under the great Jose Mourinho at Chelsea and has also studied European football on the continent.

Last season after a number of mediocre years by Liverpool’s own standards, it appeared, at last, that the good times were back. For a while it looked as though Liverpool might actual­ ly win the prestigious Premier League ­ and in the end only just finished second to Man City.

Being runners­up meant Liverpool were at last back in Europe, now with some of those sky­high expectations met.

Red hands were rubbed in glee when put in the same group as Real Madrid – and also­ran ‘minnows’ like Switzerland’s Basel and Ludo Razgrad of Bulgaria. Just one problem here: Liverpool’s lads of 2014/5 are not up to it, embarrassingly thrashed at home by the Madrid giants and humbled by those so­called minnows in key games. On Tuesday this week it was finally do­or­die, a must­win game against a good Basel side necessary to survive ­ but apart from a Steven Gerrard­inspired last fifteen minutes, unhelpfully with only 10 men, Liverpool were once again not up to the chal­ lenge. Liverpool’s captain played his red heart out as usual, equalising with a trademark free­kick to give the Anfield faithful some heart, but if the Reds had stolen the game and gone through to the final stages, it would have been a travesty ­ and the painful truth is they just didn’t deserve it. Despite spending more than £100m there is little class and experience in the present side today.

One major problem is the huge pressure exerted by the club and its management on the big shoulders of captain Gerrard, currently the only player who could be described as real proven class in the team. At 34, with a star­studded career of club and country behind him, retire­ ment is beckoning and Liverpool just have no ready­made replacement.

In recent weeks to keep him sharp, Gerrard has been started as substitute, unheard of, even last year when one slip­up was cruelly cited as a rea­ son for Liverpool losing the League.

Just where Gerard goes at the end of

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

The newly formed DS Barbarians RFC will be holding a fund­raising evening at the Rojales Steakhouse this Saturday evening(December 13th) from 7.00pm, and there’s a rumour doing the rounds that some of the players will be getting their legs waxed in boost up the donations for the club! After less than two months of starting from scratch, the club are now into full swing at their twice weekly training sessions at Daya Vieja (pictured), with twice weekly sessions on a Monday and Wednesday evening at 8.30pm. For more details contact Saul on 634 042 913 or Dutch, on 692 767 242.

the season is much­debated – but would, say John Terry’s career end at Chelsea be discussed in the same way by everyone, everywhere? No, because Stamford Bridge is overloaded with big stars – and Liverpool are not.

With over a third of the new Premier League season gone, Liverpool are ninth. Last Saturday a mediocre 0 – 0 draw at once­fortress Anfield illustrated the main problem: strike power. Liverpool just do not have quality strikers that suc­ cess – and expectation ­ demand. The hugely­controversial scoring powerhouse Luis Suarez has now gone on to Spanish pastures new, and his fellow striker Daniel Sturridge who flourished last season in the Uruguayan’s shadow is now struggling with long term injuries that have blighted the young man’s career. In a very un­Liverpool manner smack­ ing of panic the Merseyside club invested in another highly­ controversial figure, the much­travelled and troubled Mario Balotelli. The Italian comes with huge baggage and risk, both on and off the field; the latter aspect not usually asso­ ciated with past Liverpool footballers. So far Balotelli has been an expensive flop, and the hard core supporters, ex­ players and pundits are lining up to complain that this Liverpool team are just not up to the mark.

Just like last year at bitter rivals Manchester United, the unthinkable is now being whispered: Brendan Rodgers is in trouble as manager. Last season hailed as the new Messiah in the red half of Merseyside, the fickle finger of football fate is flickering with failure. Those sky­high demands, torched again by last season’s successes will not die away ­ and it’s Manchester United on Sunday. Quite simply: Liverpool expects…

STRONG RECOVERY A good local encounter in the regional Cadete League saw ITV Vega Baja Orihuela beat the San Javier Sharks (pic­ tured tackling in blue) by 36 points to 17, after the home side trailed 14­12 at half­time. In the Juvenil League, ITV Orihuela were comfortably beaten, by 34 points to 7 by CUR Murcia.

Friday 12th December 2014

48

TOLD YOU SO!

There’s nothing so sanctimonious as a reformed smoker ­ and a Saints downfall predictor. A lucky but ultimately victorious Man United beat Southampton 2 – 1 at St Mary’s on Monday night to make it three defeats in a row for the suffering Saints who now slip to fifth.

United leap­frogged ‘em into third place and the Red Devils have now won four games on the spin – some­ how – but United fans won’t really care how.

In the Double Dutch encounter of van Gaal v Koeman, old Master v pushy pupil it was lofty Louis who landed the laurels, keeping it Hollandish with two van Persie goals either side of a Pelle equaliser. Without Di Maria and sic­ knote Falcao (as usual) United got lucky against the better side, dis­ appointingly recording only three shots to Southampton’s 15. Initially van Gaal persisted with his pesky three­at­the­back dodgy defence until injury, necessity and common sense returned after half an hour.

Gaalacticos? Not exactly, but top four is the plan this season: that will be success at Old Trafford.

Just what is it with Jose Mourinho and ball boys? The usual contradictions were in full swing on Saturday evening following unbeaten Chelsea’s fall back to Planet Earth as they crashed to their first defeat this season at St James’ to lively reborn Newcastle ­ anoth­ er of Mourinho’s bogey sides. Initially post­game Motormouth sensibly said: ‘I lost the game the way I like to lose… the referee was good… I don't blame my players… gave absolutely everything. They were lucky…we were unlucky’. OK so far, Jose but soon the Portuguese reverted to type, once again throwing his toys out of the pram with weary wails about time­wasting. In actual fact, he’s taken over ‘Fergie time’ as his Blues got a generous six minutes extra but ha ha, failed to capitalise on ‘em.

Typical Mourinho – one minute gracious, the next crass in defeat.

They came, they saw, they conquered ­ in hostile

John McGregor reports

Rome. Peerless performance of the week goes to the ‘MEN’ of Man City. Like Liverpool (see over) the Blues just had to win, but there the resemblance ends. Amazingly City won 2 ­ 0 without probably their best three players – captain fantastic Vincent Kompany, midfield powerhouse Yaya Toure and their amazing superstriker Sergio Aguero. City went to Italy bottom of the table, and won handsomely to join Chelsea and Arsenal in the final stages of the Champions League – what a superb performance.

And yebbut, nobbut, it hasn’t taken long to Bridge that gap at the top of the Prem, the eight point lead now dramatically eroded in two eventful weeks to just a manageable three. Second­placed Man City beat Everton, agreed only by the odd debatable penalty to pysche up the Battle of the Blues ­ which still has two­thirds of the season to go. Watch this space.

There’s that nasty noise again – you know, Arsene’s critics sharpening up their knives. At the mandatory ‘roll up your sleeves for a scrap’ Britannia stadium at Stoke, Arsenal quickly looked like soft, southern cissies pummelled by punchy Potteries pugilists who led 4 – 0 at one time, only for the last to be disallowed.

Then by dint of a penalty and a long­awaited Aaron Ramsay goal, a face­saving 3 ­2 result papered over the huge cracks in the Arsenal defence. Hey, I said that Stoke’s Bojan was good ­ cracking second goal!

Christmas Carolls are being sung early at Upton Park as Sams ‘Ammers have unbelievable come fourth and rejoiced. To vindicate the club management’s faith in him, thus overturning the knee­jerk style of ‘Sack ‘em as soon as you’re in trouble’ brigade, Sam Allardyce’s resurgent West Ham, complete at last with two superb Andy Carroll goals, is firing on all four – well, three ­ on Saturday against Swansea. Where are those sour­ mouthed boo­boys on the terraces now who gave you such dogs abuse five minutes ago – eh, stout Sam? Down in de Dreaded Drop Department wins for Quaintly Possibly Reviving over Burnley, and Aston Villa* narrowly getting the better of luckless Leicester

mean Hull drop into the bottom three with those two losers after a goal­

l e s s draw against fellow­strugglers West Brom.

Match of the weekend’s on Super Sunday. They don’t come much bigger or bitter than Man United v Liverpool. The clubs might be just down the East Lancs Road from each other, and both play in red, but there any resemblance ends.

Put quite simply the clubs and sup­ porters loathe each other. Both sides need to win, but for different reasons ­ bring it on! *Sorry, forgot to comment on Roy Keane leaving Villa last week, after only joining in the sum­ mer. Not staying anywhere long these days, is he? In his t’other job Keano was stirring up Republic of Ireland trouble last month where guv’nor Martin O’Neill had to jump in quickly to calm things down.

Pity the ‘I’m A Celebrity‘ rumours were wrong, but I still think Roy’d have given Carl Fogarty and the creepy crawlies a feisty run for their money.