The Courier Newspaper - Edition 207

Edition 207

www.thecourier.es

Friday 6th February 2015

A TIME TO DIE BRAVE LADY NAMES THE DAY

By TONY MAYES A 27­year­old Dutch woman, living in the La Mata area of Torrevieja, knows pre­ cisely when she is going to die. It will be on her 28th birthday on May 9th. She will be wearing a special white dress, with the body of her dog in her arms. Her hair will be perfectly groomed, she will have full make up and she knows precisely how she will die. She said: “I chose that day to die that is because I want to die on the day I was born, so life and death will come together."

Manon Zwetsloot is amazingly singly minded. She is also most incredibly brave. And she has had the presence of mind to be able to determine the time, date and place of her death, and what will happen to her body and that of the love of her life, her pet dog Benji, after death. Benji will be put down by a vet shortly before Manon has her life ended and she will hold his body. She is currently in La Mata writing a book on her life and feelings as she goes through this most heart­wrenching process. Why? Because Manon has a medically baffling muscle­wasting dis­ ease. She has had tests from numerous medical experts and has been told there is no cure and she will probably only progressively succumb to the ill­ ness. And Manon is determined not to end up con­ fined to a wheelchair or bed, fed through tubes and having every aspect of her life done by others just waiting to die naturally. She told The Courier that she is determined not to die from her disability.

"I am not prepared to live like this. I made up my mind not to go through this and I told my family and friends of my intention. No­one has tried to talk me out of it." Manon is not a religious person. She does not believe in God, but she does hope she will go to a better place. "It can´t be worse than it is here," she added. " I don't have any physical pain, but mentally I am in pain. It’s not pain that you can see on the outside, but my heart is broken"

Manon first realised something was wrong about six years ago when she began losing her balance.

Then she became susceptible to falling, and on one occasion fell and broke her jaw. Progressively the condition got worse and now she cannot raise her arms above her waist, has great difficulty walk­ ing or carrying anything. She has undergone many tests and the obvious illnesses, such as motor neu­ rone disease and MS has been ruled out, as has an illness passed down from parents ­ proved through DNA tests. Medics have no idea what the disease is, but they all say Manon is likely to get worse.

Sadly, Manon did not have the best of child­ hoods. "I was the oldest of four children and my mother was very dismissive of me, not loving, and she often beat me, expecting me to do much of the work of bringing up the other children." Finally her parents divorced and Manon went to live with her father and is now estranged from her mother and her sisters too. Her experiences during adoles­ cence have made Manon fiercely independent and probably have helped her reach the monumental decision she has reached to end her life on her birthday. She will travel to her native Holland, where a doctor will give her two injections, one to make her extremely drowsy, and the other to stop her heart. She will be with her friend, Coco, who spent a few days with over here, returning again to Spain to travel back to Holland with her in May. Coco is a professional photographer who will take pictures of the sequence of events leading up to and beyond death. Family and friends will be in another room and she does not want to see any sad faces.

Manon is pictured here holding a portrait picture of herself, wearing the dress she will have on when she dies. She has arranged every aspect of her funeral and she wants it a happy occasion ­ a cel­ ebration of her life. She recently had butterflies tat­ tooed on her back and she hopes these will be her guide to take her to a better place.

continued on page 2

2

Friday 6th February 2015

TELEPHONE

966 921 003 679 096 309 E­MAIL office@thecourier.es

AIRPORT GROUNDED? SLAMMED

WEB www.thecourier.es HEAD OFFICE C/ Luis Canovas Martinez 03183 Torrevieja Phone: 966 921 003 Email: office@thecourier.es OPENING HOURS Mon ­ Fri 1030 to 1600 EDITOR Alex Trelinski LAYOUT & DESIGN James Bone ADVERTISING SALES 966 921 003 office@thecourier.es TELESALES 966 921 003 679 096 309 Sally Los Alcazares, San Javier Tel. 618 391 491 Myra Quesada, Rojales, Torrevieja, San Miguel Tel. 618 583 765 Jean La Zenia, Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig Tel. 618 898 034 Patrick International Rep 5 Languages Tel. 685 901 265 Writers Sally Bengtsson Jeanette Erath Alex Trelinski Dave Silver Tony Mayes John McGregor Ivie Davies James Bone Peter Singh

Publication Published by TKO Media and Entertainment S.L. Printed by Localprint S.L Depósito legal A ­ 188 ­ 2014 The Courier, its publishers, members of staff and its agents do not accept responsibility for any readers letters or claims by advertisers nor can it be held responsible for any errors in advertise­ ments which are reproduced from poor artwork, low quality electronic data or inadequate instructions for text or other layout features. Further no responsibility is accepted for any loss or damage caused by an error, inaccuracy or non­ appearance of any advertisement, although all advertisements produced are checked prior to insertion. We regret that we cannot accept responsibility for more than ONE incorrect insertion and that no re­publication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. E&OE. NO PART OF THIS NEWSPAPER MAY BE REPRO­ DUCED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE PUBLISHERS.

Low­cost air carrier Ryanair is launching two new services to Germany and Poland from Alicante­ Elche airport this summer, despite company bosses having a pop again at the airport owner branding the facilities there as the most expensive and problematic that they have to deal with out of all the airports they use.

Ryanair was the leading carrier at Alicante­Elche in 2014 with 2.6 mil­ lion passengers (in what was a record year for the airport), though that was a fall of 80 thousand on the 2013 figures for the Irish company there:­ the first time ever that there has been a reduction for them at Alicante. Chief financial officer Neil Sorahan(pictured) and Spanish mar­ keting boss José Espartero, have once again blasted airport owner AENA for the high costs at El Altet and the delays caused by the

mandatory use of air bridges which they claim has made things less viable for them as it causes a far longer turn round of flights. Four years ago, the company threatened to quit the airport in protest but only reduced the number of off­season services.

“We operate in 189 airports around the world and the biggest problems we have are in Alicante," commented Sorahan this week.

Despite Ryanair’s negative com­ ments, they will be launching flights to the northern Polish port of Gdansk, as well as to Cologne in Germany, bringing up to 46 destinations that the company is offering from El Altet.

The company have also reiterated that the number of flights over the summer season to places like East Midlands, Leeds­Bradford, and Manchester airports are being increased as is the normal practice.

Spanish airports will be hit by protest strikes over the privatisation plans for the airport operator AENA, which runs the facilities at Alicante­ Elche and San Javier. The two main unions have declared 27 days of strike action running from this month through to August, focusing on key summer dates. AENA have made no comment over the announcement and what impact it will have on flights.

The two unions that called the industrial action, CCOO and USO, represent 70% of the roughly nine thousand workers at AENA's 46 Spanish airports, The first strike is scheduled for next week for Wednesday February 11th, which is the day the government will list the 49% minority stake in the operator.

The unions have declared seven full day strike days for July and five for

August right in the middle of the peak summer holiday season. They say that they "totally reject the entry of private capital" into AENA, and are staging a two demonstration at Alicante­Elche airport today(Friday).

What have been described by the unions as "partial stoppages", will take place on Wednesday March 18th; Wednesday April 1st; and Thursday April 30th. Full­day strikes have been pencilled in for Thursday March 19th and Sunday March 22nd, plus disruption over the key Easter holiday with full­­day strikes on Thursday April 2nd, Saturday April 4th and Easter Day, Sunday April 5th. Looking further ahead, May 14th and 17th are on the union hit list, plus June 4th, 7th, and 30th. They are yet to declare their dates for July and August.

A TIME TO DIE

continued from the front page

Until she leaves the country to return to Holland, where assisted suicide is permitted, Manon is being cared for by Help at Home Costa Blanca, who look after her alongside her own personal carers. The charity also arranged for Manon to be seen by a professional physiotherapist, Tim Cavendish, to see whether he can find an explanation to Manon´s muscle problem. Mr. Cavendish said that in his close to 22 years of experience in practising phys­ iotherapy both in Spain and the UK, he had never ever experienced such a case like Manon’s and found it extremely tragic.

"During my career, I have seen clients both young and old suffering with a variety of muscular and joint conditions that rehabilitation has helped both physiologically and on a psychological level”, said Mr.Cavendish(pictured with Manon). “ In Manon’s case, she has had a long term undiagnosed con­ dition since 2011, affecting the muscular functioning of her body, resulting in an atrophic condition (muscular wastage) and severe weakening of her limbs.”

"After completing a health screening, we both agreed that we would attempt some strength tests to ascertain the extent of her mobility, and also if it was feasible that any kind of physiotherapy treatment would be of benefit and improve the quality of her life. On completion of the assessment it was concluded that Manon had good, but extremely limited strength and range of moment in her upper limbs, and certainly enough to enable physiotherapy treatment to be carried out regularly, which I believe would achieve positive results and achieve a sense of physical independence for Manon.”

"However, I was extremely saddened to learn that Manon has made an astonishing decision to end her life in her native country, as previous diag­

nosis and treatments from neuro specialists have been unsuccessful. No matter what I expressed to Manon regarding her decision and that physio­ therapy would help, she is completely determined and focused and driven by her beliefs that euthanasia is the right course of action for her. I feel it is such a waste of life when there still maybe avenues open to her to be explored, but I guess her wish has to be respected, though, of course, I could not con­ done this course of action,“ Mr. Cavendish concluded.

WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS!

DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines? What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spate of robberies, per­ haps – or maybe you’ve spotted a celebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your news involves fire, police, ambulance, accidents

– or happier events like family weddings (particularly Golden and Diamond ones!), Just phone the Courier office on 966 921 003 or email office@thecourier.es We’re waiting for your call…and next week’s Front Page story.

3

Friday 6th February 2015

TKO’S COSTA UNLUCKY PUSSY BOOST

Costa Blanca’s top music station TKO FM is booming out loud and proud on a new frequency bringing good reception for the first time to the Orihuela Costa from a new transmitter based in the area. The service is now available on 90.8 FM in addition to the traditional frequency for the region on 91.9 FM. The new frequency, which entered service this week, brings a strong signal for TKO FM to Playa Flamenca, Cabo Roig, Punta Prima, La Zenia, Campoamor and Villamartin in addition to better reception for other areas including cen­ tral Torrevieja northwards, and Pilar de la Horadada to the south.

Being a black cat is not lucky in Spain, with the cat refuge “SOS Gatos Murcia” sending out an appeal for those who come to adopt cats, to adopt black ones too.

Spanish superstitions suggest that black cats bring bad luck, which means that many are abandoned and then unlikely to be rehomed.

The few that are adopted generally are chosen by foreigners who don’t have these prejudices against the colour of their fur. The shelter “Cuatro Gatos” in Cartagena has the same problem, but adds that black cats in general seem to be more intelligent than other colours, which gives another reason to adopt one!

HEADS UP BABY SELLER PUNISHED

One and two euro coins featuring King Felipe VI came into circulation on Monday, adding to the ones featuring his father, Juan Carlos. Felipe became King last June after his father abdicated, and the new euro coins were minted on January 1st, with a total of four million of each denomination set to be produced every year.

FIESTA FRACAS

San Fulgencio's Mayor, Carlos Ramirez, will have to face a judge to answer questions over allegations over the award­ ing of franchises to run the Urb .La Marina fiestas in 2011.

Ramirez will have to declare in an Orihuela court next month in connection with allegations of corruption and fraud over the contract which was given out four years ago. Prosecutors want to clarify what they describe as irregularities in the bid­ ding process, with events being publicised by the municipal­ ity before contracts had been awarded. Other San Fulgencio officials, including Urb. La Marina councillor, Jeff Wisniewski, have already declared in the case last November. Ramirez has told the La Verdad newspaper that he had done nothing wrong and had not favoured any of the franchise contenders.

A Costa Blanca mother who tried to sell off her newly­born baby for five thousand euros has been given a one year sus­ pended jail sentence. The mother was sentenced this week by a Benidorm judge, along with a childless couple who tried to buy the baby and three intermediaries.

Just three days after giving birth in Dénia Hospital in 2008, the mum gave her child to the intermediaries in exchange for five thousand euros, which she needed to pay off her debts.

The baby was then given to a Cullera couple, with the man who bought the child being described as "mildly developmen­ tally disabled” with an IQ of between 50 and 70 points.

The sale was discovered when the couple tried to register the baby as their own on the Civil Register, but their petition was denied and led to the police launching an investigation.

Five of the six, not including the biological mother, were also barred from the “right to custody or guardianship” of children for four years.

GOOD START

It might be colder now, but the weather facts and figures for January say that the first month of year on the Costa Blanca and Mar Menor was warmer and drier than normal. Average rainfall figures were about fifty percent down on what is nor­ mally expected for January whilst average temperatures were around 0.6 degrees higher.

PORN SCANDAL

26 people, including a soccer coach in Alicante Province, have been arrested by the Guardia Civil in a nationwide child pornography swoop. 47 houses were searched across in 24 provinces as part of Operation Dustman, which was carried out with information provided by authorities in the United States. American experts helped to track down a ring of inter­ net file sharers with the football coach having posted footage of him sexually abusing children.

CRIME DOWN

Crime figures fell by nearly five percent across Alicante Province last year, with big falls in violent crime and home robberies according to figures compiled by the Interior Ministry. 97 thousands were reported in the area, whilst there was a three point seven percent fall in the Murcia region compared to 2013, with just over 52 thousand offences logged by the police.

4

Friday 6th February 2015

SHAMEFUL AN ILL WIND EXPLOITATION BLOWS...

An Alicante Province prostitution ring that enticed Romanian women to come over to the area with false prom­ ises of work and accommodation has been broken up by the National Police. Five Spaniards have been arrested and accused of sexual exploitation. Authorities got wind of the operation when two Romanians made contact with them and told them their story of how a Spaniard came to their country promising work at a hotel which turned out to be a nightmare as they forced to be prostitutes in local clubs and on the street as well as being coerced to shoplift and to commit other crimes under the threat of death. Police investigations into the ring centered around El Vergel and Oliva.

PALM FRIGHT

An Elche teenager was critically injured last weekend when some branches of a palm tree collapsed on top of him and his friend in the city. The drama unfolded last Saturday afternoon close to the National Police station when part of a 15 metre high palm came down on two eighteen old men, with one of them suffering blunt force trauma to the head as the branches hit him, trapping him in the process. He suffered blood loss and was taken to Elche General Hospital, whilst his less­seriously injured friend went to Vinalopó Hospital.

MAYOR CONSULTS

Despite strong winds delaying last Friday's official opening of the annual Orihuela Medieval Market, the event was not seriously affected with the inclement conditions only delaying Saturday's parade by around half an hour. Thousands of people around the area converged on Orihuela City to enjoy the colour and pageantry, as well as picking up bargain or two from the many stalls. A number of stall holders though felt that the council should have postpone the market to another date due to the inclement conditions and many were quoted in the local media as saying that sales were well down on previous years.

FACT NOT FICTION A group of Torrevieja­ based Guardia Civil officers have set up a Facebook page to tell non­Spanish speaking more about the driving laws in the country and to dispel some of the myths about the do’s and don’ts of Spanish rules that are spread about in local bars. Francisco Morales from the Guardia’s Trafico division says that many European drivers are also breaking the law simply because they just don’t know what it is in the first place, and so they’ve set up the Facebook site in English for people to join and to ask questions about the local rules of the road. The site, which is called N332,already features extensive questions and answers, and photographs like the device pictured which is used by Trafico officers to check in seconds whether a car is insured and has an ITV, in addition to the driver having a cor­ rect license.

ON PARADE

RUN AGROUND

An estimated 16 million euro stash of drugs hidden on a boat were seized with a Guardamar father and son arrested at Torre de la Horadada last week. The two men, aged 70 and 43 were mooring up not far from the Guardia station and when they landed on the beach, they were greeted by a reception committee of officers who took them into custody.

465 kilos of cocaine packed up in 13 bundles were discov­ ered on their vessel and the men have been charged with public health offences. The Guardia said that their suspicions were aroused when the boat was moving around “strangely” around the Torre port area. No indication was given by the authorities as to whether or not the two men were part of a larger drug smuggling and distribution operation.

IT’S YOUR VOTE

British citizens living here in Spain are being urged not to lose their vote for the UK General Election on Thursday May 7th. The UK E l e c t o r a l Commission is trying to boost the numbers of British residents overseas on the UK’s electoral registers in what will be the first General Election where peo­ ple can register to vote on­line, which the Commission hopes will encourage more foreign resident voters.

Estimates suggest that there may be as many as 5.5 mil­ lion UK nationals living overseas, but there are fewer than 20,000 currently on the electoral registers. To register as an overseas voter, UK residents overseas must have previously been registered in a UK constituency within the last fifteen years.

To register to vote, UK citizens should visit https://www.gov.uk/register­to­vote

CAN THEY? Torrevieja Mayor, Eduardo Dolon, is to talk about plans for the El Chaparral/La Siesta area of the city to get a new out­ door sports and leisure area. As previously reported by The Courier, the project will employ up to around 80 unemployed people for a year with a budget of over one million euros.

Dolon will be speaking at Casa Ventura in San Luis this Monday afternoon at 4.30 pm, where plans will also be on display for the work which starts this summer. It’s to be on land some 40 thousand square metres in size, at the entry to the urbanisation just off the CV905 situated between La Avenida Tiziano and Calle Granados and Calle Henri.

Playgrounds, sports pitches and courts are all part of the project which is run by Empleo Mediterráneo. The Mayor wants to hear ideas from local people as the final plans for the site are not yet set in stone, and any viable suggestions will be considered.

A record­breaking fifteen hundred people will be braving the elements and taking part in this Sunday’s Torrevieja Carnival parade with 37 floats including entries from outside the area including contenders from the Murcia region includ­ ing San Javier. The parade will start at 4.30 pm from the Plaza de María Asunción, passing via Calle Ramón Gallud before ending at Patricio Perez with the presentations taking place at the Plaza de la Constitution at 8.30pm. The council says that around four thousand seats will be provided in the Ramón Gallud area whilst the parade will also feature the Carnival Queen as well as the drag Queen competition win­ ner.

At least 100,000 people poured into the streets of Madrid last Saturday in a huge show of support for the country's new anti­austerity party Podemos. A sea of demonstrators chant­ ed "Yes we can!" and carried signs reading "The change is now" as they made their way from Madrid city hall to the cen­ tral Puerta del Sol square in the first major march called by Podemos, which has surged ahead in opinion polls in a cru­ cial election year.

A new poll published on Wednesday suggests that more Spaniards plan to vote for Podemos, than the traditional opposition party, the Socialists (PSOE) heralding the end of Spain's traditional two­party system. The poll, carried out by Spain’s national statistics agency (CIS) shows 23.9 percent of Spaniards intend to vote for Podemos, compared to 22.2 percent for the PSOE. The ruling Popular Party (PP) remains ahead on 27.3 percent.

Friday 6th February 2015

ACCELERATING UP

The Valencian region is leading the way in new car sales rises in a big leap amounting to 46% comparing January 2015 to the same month last year. There have been 17 con­ secutive months of sales increases with the national average rise over a year up to the end of last month standing at 27.5% accord­ ing to the statistics compiled by Spain’s motor manufacturers association, ANFAC. The Murcia region also clocked in above the national average rise at 28.5%, with just over 68 thousand new vehicles being sold in Spain last month.

BEST OF BRITISH

Noel Gallagher's band High­Flying Birds will join '90s club legends The Prodigy and Indie outfit Portishead at this year's Benicàssim International Festival (FIB). Widely regarded as Spain's top music festival, the event attracts many music fans of all ages from the Costa Blanca and Murcia regions that pack up their tents or take their caravans/ motorhomes up the AP7 through to the northern part of the Valencia region. The line­up for the festival, which starts on Thursday July 16th, also includes Public Enemy No 1, Bastille, Clean Bandit, and Florence & The Machine.

CORDOBA CITY FOR VALENTINES

There is something rather nice about trav­ elling in Andalucia during the winter months.

The dark green foliage of the olive trees mingles with the fresh pink and white blos­ soms of the almond trees. Normally a bright winter sun smiles benignly down on this colourful landscape from faultless blue skies. Our coach purrs smoothly past some of Spain’s finest scenery. Flat fields covered in almonds and olives, rugged mountains covered in pine trees, ancient castles, major cities , small villages and medium sized towns. All of these a reminder of how this fascinating country has willingly adopted the history and cultures of its many invaders to grow into a unique member of the European family. Nowhere in Spain will you feel the presence of this powerful Spanish culture than in the ancient city of Cordoba. Once the largest city in the known world with an incredible population of over 1 million peo­ ple in the 11th century. Some of the worlds first known universities and Medical schools made this a desirable place to live under Moorish occupation. Until Granada, this

was home to the western world’s most important Muslim population. A huge mosque built here was later taken over by the Christians, who rather unusually allowed a large part of this rather beautiful building to merge into a cathedral which they built on the same site, giving Cordoba the gift of one of the most unusual and impressive build­ ings in the world, known as the Mezquita.

Nearby another beautiful building the Alcazar, graces the town. Between these two outstanding buildings charming cobbled streets wind amongst whitewashed build­ ings, which are home to the famously beau­ tiful Cordoba patios.

What more could you offer a loved one for Valentine’s but the history and charm of this beautiful city.

The 3 day excursion is 13­15th February at only 145€ B&B but staying in the city centre is fabulous value and is a brilliant way to start off the new year. To reserve your places simply call David’s Coachtrips on (0034) 966785910 or go online at www.coachtripsonline.com

5

6

Friday 6th February 2015

BED AND BEDLAM

AS a wise man once said: 'Every person has to be somewhere.' Where that particular wise man hap­ pened to be when he said that, I cannot tell you.

What I CAN tell you is that he wasn't to be found (for any great length of time, anyway) standing, sit­ ting or lying sprawled out on the floor in my local pub.

Indeed, no wise man has ever been found in my hostelry unless he was a casual drop­in stranger who, quickly realising his error at being there, swiftly downed his diluted drink and scurried away to places where other wise men were certain to gather.

The point I'm trying to make is that yours truly wasn't in the pub either the other evening. I was in the hospital.

Before any of my readers start to worry, I am not poorly. I happened to be visiting someone who WAS ailing, namely my best friend Eric the dentist's mother.

Hang on a second. That last bit doesn't quite read right. Allow me to clear up any confusion. Firstly, my best friend is Eric the den­ tist, NOT his mother.

Secondly, the person I was visiting in the infirmary was the mother of Eric the den­ tist, NOT Eric the dentist

himself.

'Why are you tying yourself in NOTS?' Mrs S butted in.

'Why not just admit that you cannot string two w o r d s together and get some­ one else to ghost­write your Courier column.'

'Excuse me!' I said to Mrs S. 'Please do not pontifi­ cate on things you k n o w absolutely n o t h i n g about. I happen to be a pro­ fessional wordsmith.

Journalism is my craft. You, on the other hand, are a housewife. Would I ever dream of telling you how to clean the house?'

Mrs S laughed humour­ lessly. 'So says the numpty who thinks helping to Hoover means lifting his legs in the air while I drag the vacuum cleaner across the carpet under his lazy feet.'

'But that's exactly my point,' I pointed out. 'I know

noth­ ing about cooking and tidy­ ing. That is your domain.

My expertise lies in mining the rich depths of the English language and all that sort of stuff.'

So where was I? Oh, yes.

I was telling you about Eric the dentist and his mother.

Eric has been my best pal since we were kids. We were inseparable, even at mealtimes.

I would either go to his house for my tea, prepared by his mum, or he would come to mine where my

ON THE UP

Spain's dole queues in the normally tough month of January have been slashed compared to a year earlier at their fastest rate in 16 years, according to government figures. Month on month, the number of people registered as unemployed crept up in January as seasonal Christmas hires ended, to a total 4.53 million, the employment ministry said. That was nearly 78 thousand more than in December, reflecting the usual surge in hiring seasonal staff, which normally falls in January. But compared to January 2013, the overall number of jobless fell by 288,744, "the biggest year­on­year fall since 1998", added the ministry. Locally there are nearly 15 thousand fewer unemployed in Alicante Province compared to just over a year ago, whilst the Murcia region saw a fall of nearly nine and a half thousand.

Meanwhile Spain's recov­ ering economy grew by one point four percent in 2014, according to provisional fig­ ures, after shrinking by one point two percent in the previ­ ous year. It is the first time there has been full­year eco­ nomic growth in Spain since 2008 when the property bub­ ble collapsed, pushing mil­ lions of people out of work.

Spain has also benefitted from the arrival of a record 65 million visits from foreign tourists last year, which gave its key tourism sector a boost. Exports were also up by five point eight percent during the first 11 months of 2014 over the same year­ago period, according to the economy ministry.

moth­ er would feed us after first taking care of the food requirements of our dog, cat, budgie and my dad.

I haven't seen all that much of Eric the dentist recently because he got married (to Erica the den­ tist's wife) and the couple tend to spend much of their free time together. Go fig­ ure.

But I still pop into Eric the dentist's mother's house for a bite to eat en route to the pub. So when Eric told me that his mum was in the

hospital ­­ 'nothing seri­ ous, mate' ­­ I decided to go see her.

'So how are you feeling today?'

I asked, push­ ing stuff out of the way as I pulled up a chair. ' H e l l o , young David,' said Eric's mother, pat­ ting my hand.

'I should be out of here tomorrow or maybe the next day if you neglect to pick up the drip stand you have just knocked over. Anyway, how come you're not at the pub tonight?'

'Because I wanted to come to see you,' I said.

'You are much more impor­ tant to me than a bunch of boozers. I can see them at any time.'

'Ah, thank you, young David,' purred Eric the den­ tist's mother.

'Anyway,' I said, glancing at my watch, 'I'll probably make last orders if I don't dawdle.'

Suddenly, I became

aware of a commotion at the entrance end of the ward. A crowd of visitors had arrived all at once ­­ and I knew every one of them. Because I hadn't made it to the pub that evening, my pub mates had decided to visit me while I was visiting Eric's mother.

'Hello, Dave, and Eric's mum!' cried the leader of the hostelry regulars, Andromeda Arkwright.

Shoving a bunch of succu­ lent grapes under the nose of Eric the dentist's mum, Andromeda plonked herself down on the only remaining chair while the others clus­ tered around the bed.

So there we all were, Indoor Lou, Fearful Phil, Daft Barry and Dave the barman (who had decided there was no point in open­ ing the pub if we were all at the hospital). As for the oth­ ers, Fag Ash Bill was stand­ ing outside the main entrance having a cigarette and Ol' Red Eyes was catching up on his sleep in the back of an unlocked ambulance.

One other person had tried to get into the ward but a nurse had told him that there were too many people already around the bed. 'In that case,' said the disappointed would­be visi­ tor, 'tell my mother that her son Eric sends his regards.'

LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

The row over the boundary between Pilar de la Horadada and San Pedro del Pinatar isn't over yet, despite a recent Supreme Court ruling confirming a boundary between the munici­ palities dating back to 1756. San Pedro council embarked on a long­running legal process over some 430 thousand square metres of land but the Court ended their campaign, which Pilar council says has left them 75 thousand euros out of pocket. The administration has said that they will be going to court to get the money back from their San Pedro neighbours, adding that the local residents should not have to foot the bill.

Friday 6th February 2015

ARTICHOKE HEAVEN

7

GANG TAXING TIMES SMASHED

Almoradi is staging a tapas weekend running through till Sunday bestowing the virtues of the artichoke, with the town being at the heart of the vegetable’s growing area in the Vega Baja. 16 places will be offering tapas with an artichoke twist for just one euro fifty each. Anybody visiting eight establish­ ments will be able to vote for the best offering.

ON THE ROAD

Work is started this week in the San Miguel de Salinas area to improve road layout and safety around the munici­ pality. New signs, lane markings, and speed curbing are part of the projects that will see changes for the Ciudad de las Comunicaciones urbanisation as well as the Torrestrella and Villasmaría areas, with the work costing around 24 thousand euros.

Ten Algerians who ran a smuggling ring that charged around 600 euros per illegal migrant to be brought into Spain have been arrested by the police. Officers detained the ten Algerians including the suspected gang leader, who are thought to have smuggled "dozens" of mainly Algerian migrants into the country via Murcia and Almeria.

Police opened their investigation last November after two boats carrying a total of 38 Algerian migrants, including two children, were intercepted off the coast of Almeria.

Officers concluded during their investigation that two migrants fell overboard and were lost at sea during crossings organised by the ring.

Thousands of migrants fleeing war and hardship try to cross the Mediterranean to reach Spain from North Africa on makeshift boats and inflatable dinghies each year in the hope of a better life in Europe.

A judge has charged FC Barcelona president, Josep Maria Bartomeu, with tax fraud linked to the signing of Brazilian star Neymar. Bartomeu has been ordered to appear before Judge Pablo Ruz at the National Court in Madrid next Friday (February 13th) as a suspect over alleged tax evasion worth just under three million euros. The summons followed a call by public prosecutors on Monday for Bartomeu and the club as a whole to be tried on the tax fraud allegations relating to the 2013 signing. The prosecutor alleges that the club and its former president Sandro Rosell paid more for Neymar than the 57 million euros that they declared to the Spanish tax­ man. They believe the figure was 82.7 million euros divided into separate contracts that secured the signing.

5 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR HOME COSIER

Feeling the cold? Would you love to make your house warm and cosy in a way that will also have ben­ efits in the summer? Covering those cold ceramic tiles or marble floor is one of the best ways to make your heating more effective and efficient. There’s 5 ways to achieve this.

RUGS – Most of us will already have rugs in our lounges as a finishing touch but a rug can be so much more. If you can feel cold air under your sofa, then it makes sense to have a bigger rug that can go underneath and stop that draft. This also applies equally for bedrooms too.

CARPETS – You probably thought you would never want fitted carpet in Spain but after a winter or two, you realise how colds the nights are. Add top quality underlay to good quality carpet and you’ve got a room that is warm and cosy and provides support for your joints all year round. Carpet also traps dust and pet hair which can then be hoovered away, quickly and easily and is therefore highly recommended for allergy sufferers.

EDGED / BOUND CARPET ­ If you want good quality floor covering, but don’t want it to be fully fitted, edged carpet could be the answer for you. You can order carpet

to fit any room, the edges are bound in a matching colour and you have a large area rug. You can turn it for equal wear or, take it up in the summer or take it with you if you move. For both the fitted and edged options, choose the ´stainfree for life´ option that is available to order in multi­ ple widths so reducing any wastage.

CARPET TILES – Do you need a more practical and cheaper alternative to carpet to cover your floor. Consider carpet tiles as these can look amazing and will cover and cushion your floor, making them perfect for households with children, or if you dislike the tiles or marble floor. This is also an option if the floor is damaged or discoloured.

CUSHIONED VINYL ­ Perfect for kitchens, bathrooms, utility rooms or offices, cushioned vinyl is as it sounds ­ cushioned, comfortable, practical and easy to clean.

Available in a wide range of designs and qualities to pro­ vide extra comfort, Vinyl is also perfect for covering ugly, cracked or broken tiles.

For more advice and information on all aspects of flooring and free quotations, contact CARPET HEAV­ EN in Los Montesinos on 966 720 782 or visit their shop on the high street, Avenida del Mar 33B, to look at all their samples and collections.

8

Friday 6th February 2015

MONTE SMASH MAKEOVER AND GRAB

A number of areas are being spruced up around Los Montesinos helped by a grant from the Alicante Provincial Council over the next few months. New benches as well as pavements and fixtures and fittings are to be upgraded on the La Herrada urbanisation as well as at the Parque 30 de Julio (pictured), and Calles Manuel Torres and Unión Europea.

Two masked men robbed the La Esperanza lottery shop in Catral after going to a lot of trouble for the break in last week­ end. They smashed a hole in the roof before letting them­ selves down on a rope to grab an undisclosed amount of money. The Guardia Civil say the men also destroyed the CCTV security cameras, but not before their images were captured.

QUICK WITHDRAWAL

An armed robber stole 70 thousand euros in a stick up at a branch of Caja Rural Central office in the village of Raiguero de Bonanza, just outside Orihuela City. The Guardia say the robbery was well planned

as the masked villain coolly waited unno­ ticed inside the building waiting for the main safe to open before he pounced at the count­ er waving a gun as well as handcuffing the branch manager and an employee.

LOWEST OF THE LOW

The Supreme Court in Madrid has thrown out a libel case brought by Ryanair against the Spanish FACUA consumer association that described the budget airline as “the low­ est of the low” which “swindled and mocked its passengers”. Ryanair had taken issue with a series of press statements, articles and comments aired on radio shows in which FACUA spokesmen criticised the treatment received by the airline’s cus­ tomers.

The Madrid judges ruled on Tuesday that FACUA had made reasonable use of its right to freedom of expression in defending con­ sumers and was therefore justified in dis­ cussing the airline’s shortcomings. Despite FACUA once having described Ryanair as

GOOD FITUR

the “worst company of the year” and accused the airline of “inflating prices” in a fraudulent manner, the court said that such “offensive comments” were justified because the company's “commercial practices have generated a notorious degree of dissent” among consumers.

Ryanair was also ordered to pay costs. It was the airline’s second appeal against an initial verdict in FACUA’s favour from a Sevilla court, where it was argued that the association had a right to defend consumers by highlighting complaints which the compa­ ny had not been able to disprove.

When asked for a statement, Ryanair said: “We note the ruling, which our lawyers are studying.”

FITUR, Spain's International Tourism Fair in Spain, which fea­ tured presentations from the Costa Blanca and Murcia, closed on Sunday night with a record 225,000 visitors, in addition to a 12% rise in foreign visitors repre­ senting 100 countries.

Fitur 2015, which was officially opened by the King (pictured) and Queen of Spain, was also able to boast the presence of 51 tourism ministers from five dif­ ferent continents.

BRAVE FOOL

A young boy seen tightrope­walking along the railings of a dual carriageway bridge in Lleida, Catalunya watched by horrified bystanders has netted over 12 thousand hits on YouTube for his stunt. He has also earnt the disapproval of his local MP, Inma Manso.

The boy, said to be aged between 10 and 15 – witnesses were not sure because he was too high up to see properly – had to scramble up an iron grid placed there to stop people doing exactly as he had planned to.

Once atop the walkway, which is 2.5 metres (about eight feet) above ground on the pedestrian part and is shaped similar to the Sydney Harbour Bridge, he proceeded to walk along the top of the decorative arch.

This is only inches wide, and his balancing

act was described as similar to a gymnast on a beam, or even a tightrope at a circus.

Crowds gathered around with their hearts in the mouths, fearing he would fall onto the N­2 highway below and fatally injured him­ self. The boy made it across, and a video made by one of the frightened watchers uploaded onto YouTube quickly went viral.

Sra Manso says there are 'no plans' to 'rein­ force safety' on the bridge by making the arch even more difficult to access than it is already, but she expressed concerns that 'these days' and 'for some teenagers', their own lives and safety are 'less important than going viral on social networks'.

"That seems to be what happened with this boy, who could have ended up killing himself," said the MP.

LIMITED ENGAGEMENT

A female tourist on the island of Ibiza died after falling off a 15­metre cliff just moments after her boyfriend proposed to her. 29­year old Bulgarian, Dimitrina Dimitrova, lost her life after losing her balance and falling off the cliff. Police said she slipped after she started jump­ ing for joy when her boyfriend proposed to her. She was still alive when emergency services arrived but suffered a heart attack soon afterwards and died at the scene. Witnesses told local police the Bulgarian couple and a group of their friends had gone to Ibiza's Cala Tarida beach (pictured) to enjoy its renowned sunset views. An autopsy determined the bride­to­ be's death was an accident.

Friday 6th February 2015

9

10

Friday 6th February 2015

LOCAL LOOK-IN RASCALS CHEQUE

Local show group, The Rascals, have presented 120 euros to the S.A.T. animal rescue charity to help continue their important work. The Rascals, who raise money for deserving local causes, will be taking part in this Sunday’s Torrevieja Carnival, before continuing rehearsals on their next show, Both Sides of the Pond, which they’ll be performing in Los Montesinos and Torrevieja in this spring. To find out more about Rascals look on their website www.therascals.org

COSTA LOTTA NICE AND MEATY

The Torrevieja Maritime Association had a top treat last weekend when they travelled to the port of Valencia to check out the Costa Fascinosa, a splendid Concordia­class cruise ship that entered three years ago for the Costa Crociere company and cost over 500 million euros to build. The vessel can

Competitors from across Spain and fur­ ther afield hit Torrevieja last weekend for the second international contest that cel­ ebrates the local cuisine of the Vega Baja, including the famous meatballs. The com­

petition was organised by the Cofradía del Cocido con Pelotas de Torrevieja with a dozen people taking part, along many will­ ing volunteers wanting to taste what was on offer.

A neglected horse rescued from Formentera del Segura had an unexpected four kilometer trek to its new home in Rojales after the Easy Horse Care Rescue Centre’s horse trailer broke down! Centre founders Sue and Rod Weeding received many calls about the mare, which was being kept in a small rub­ bish­strewn yard with very little food or water.

After the matter was reported to police, the horse’s owner agreed to hand over the mal­ nourished horse to the centre, but there was a hitch. Sue and Rod were forced to walk the mare the 45­minute journey home to their cen­ tre after the axle snapped on their aging horse Cantemos! and girls harmony group, trailer this month.

“The trailer is 15 years old and has rescued Karisma. A selection of musical theatre favourites were performed with perhaps well over 100 horses and done thousands of the biggest reception going out to profes­ kilometers,” Sue said.

“We’re going to get it repaired, but really we sional UK tenor, Matthew Hopkins(son of need a new and reliable trailer because we the concert’s conductor and director, Nigel, for his rendition(complete with cloak have to be ready to a rescue an animal at any and mask) of Music of the Night from time, we are constantly taking horses to Barcelona for specialist veterinarian treatment Phantom of the Opera.

and if we have an emergency at our centre our horses are always rushed to the Alicante horse hospital. Also we transport most of the horse feed in it so the trailer is used almost every day.

“With the work that we do, we never man­ age to get enough money together to buy a new trailer because there’s always another rescue, another emergency or surgery. The horses come first.”

Several supporters have pledged money via Facebook to help fund a new trailer and Sue says any further donations would be gratefully received.

“We’re lucky this mare was a local rescue and we were able to get her out of that hell­ hole even without the trailer,” Sue added.

Donations can be made by calling 652 021 980 or visiting www.easyhorsecare.net.

Purchases made at the centre’s network of eight charity shops also help fund the feeding and care of the 87 horses, ponies and don­ keys that live at the centre.

accommodate nearly four thousand passen­ gers in fifteen hundred cabins. The Association welcomes new members who have an interest in maritime matters, and for more details of their meetings, please phone Mike Smith on 694 448 931 or E­mail, bris­ tolchesterred@live.co.uk

NOT THE PHANTOM MENACE

Over one thousand euros was raised for local charities after last weekend’s two “Music of the Night” concerts at La Zenia.

Help at Home Costa Blanca got 750 euros, whilst Samaritans in Spain were better off to the tune of 600 euros. The two concerts staged at the Orihuela Costa Resort featured Melody Makers International along with the youth choir,

QUICK TROT HOME

Friday 6th February 2015

11

BOOST YOUR SAVINGS INCOME In retirement, income is more precious than when you were working. This is because once paid work stops, you have less opportunity to make good any losses.

example, you might consider investment funds aiming to provide high income by investing in well­ established companies that pay out dividends.

The Barclays UK Equity Income Fund has provid­ ed an average annual return of more than 8% per It can be tempting to put all your money into sav­ annum over the last 5 years. Investing in property ings accounts, which feel reasonably safe. But funds has also traditionally been seen as a source while this strategy might generate enough income of stable and growing income (underpinned by the to meet your retirement budgeting needs today, rents paid for shops, offices and industrial units) you could be locking yourself into falling living and potential for growth. standards later on. Inflation is the worry for all expats taking income from their savings. Even if With both equities and property you are accept­ inflation was just 2% a year, an income of £100 a ing extra capital risk ­ the risk that the value of your Mark Harrison week today, would need to rise to £102 next year, investment might fall ­ for the chance of a higher Partner £122 after 10 years and £149 after 20 years for return.

AES International you to maintain the same standard of living that you have today. There's not much chance of that if A range of ‘Income Bonds' aims to chart a middle you are living off the interest from a savings course, offering you growth with lower volatility to account. equities. It is important that your adviser selects the correct product for your needs. With any finan­ OTHER WAYS TO GROW YOUR INCOME cial product, your adviser should check very care­ fully that you understand how it works, the risks To protect against inflation, advisers have typi­ involved and what you are paying. cally recommended that you invest part of your money in other assets, such as gilts, corporate If you want further advice on investing some bonds, fixed interest securities and also equities of your money for income then please contact (shares), to build in the opportunity for your me at mark.harrison@aesfinance.com or phone income and capital to grow as the years go by. For the office on 965 704 338.

12

Friday 6th February 2015

LOVELY LIMA’S RECOVERY

This week I thought it would be a good idea to write about how to rehabilitate a dog who is very fearful. I will use one of our rescue dogs, Lima Rodriguez, as an example. Lima is a Podenco mix dog and when she was a puppy, someone broke her two front legs. I drove to Granada, in Southern Spain to rescue her and during the four hour drive back to Pinoso, she was so terrified, that she did not move one inch, in the whole journey.

When we arrived home, I brought her inside our house and she briefly met the cats and dogs and after this she needed some rest and food. For the next 48 hours I gave her what she needed, which was food, water and walks, but besides that I totally ignored her. I diid not even look at her.

After 48 hours, I was in the garden, doing some work and I noticed one of

DANI

not look­ ing at her or talking to her, w h i c h w o u l d h a v e made her more fear­ ful. If she could talk she would say, “You are the first per­ son I have ever met, who never p r e s ­ surised me. That Lima Now is why I the dogs following me. I feel comfortable with you. thought it was Sanchez You didn’t stare at me and Rodriguez, he is our little talk in high pitch voices like cuddle monster, who resem­ others did to me. When peo­ bles Chewbacca from the ple did that to me it would film Star Wars. When I scare me, because I did not turned around, to my know whether that was the delight, it was Lima who had next attack on me”. started to follow me.

Dog psychology is totally The reason why she start­ different to human psycholo­ ed doing this is simple. I gy. If a child were abused, never put her under any yes, we would put our arms pressure. For the first time in around them and tell them her life, here was a human we love them and that it will being, just leaving her to all be alright, but with dogs it adjust in her own time and does not work that way.

Lima is now a very happy member of our family and she is also known as the Ginger Ninja, because she still has not got her head around the fact that when she wins the ball when we are out, she should bring it back to me! She just keeps it for the rest of the walk. She is quicker than all of our other dogs, so she always wins the first ball, but I have another for the rest to play with!

For those of you on Facebook, you can check out my page, where I did a little video of Lima last night explaining to people the same thing that I am writing here. I know that many of you will either have or are thinking of rescuing a fearful dog, so I hope this advice will help you to become best friends with your four legged buddy.

On another note, Phoenix, the dog we rescued four weeks ago, after he was beaten with shovels and buried alive, has started to show some progress. He still cannot walk on his own, but while holding his back legs the other day, he start­ ed trotting around the living

room, which was an absolute joy to see.

He is on a lot of medica­ tion and thankfully he is eat­ ing and drinking well and I no longer have to use a catheter for him to go to the toilet. He is a very old dog and we intend to give him sheer joy for the remainder of his life, which he will experience with us. He will stay with us forever. My new boy! Please remember, that if you have any items that you do not need anymore, we can use these to raise funds for our charity and I can collect them from you if needed. Thank you to you

all for your support and help. www.thedogyouneed.com is a registered charity, where we rehabilitate the most severely abused animals.

Our charity registration num­ ber is 1157175. If you would be kind enough to donate anything to this special cause you can do by Paypal, where the account details are peter@thedogy­ ouneed.com or to our Nat West charity account, where the sort code is 60­16­03 and the account number is 73754900. When donating via Paypal, can you please choose the option, personal payment or gift. Thank you.

Lima Then

PETS CORNER : CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

Alf is about two years old, very placid and about the size of a spaniel so is a medium to small young man. Alf really is lovely and would make someone a very loyal companion.

Please phone K9 on 600 845 420 or for more details go to www.k9club.es

645 469 253. www.petsin­ spain.com

his foster carer's three year old! For more information on Bill please telephone the P.E.P.A. helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.ani­ malcharity@gmail.com

Malcolm is a small two year old crossbreed. He looks a bit like a small Labrador but only weighs 12.7 kilos. He was a little thin when he was found but

ALF BILL

MALCOLM

Please send details of Dogs or Cats needing a home to office@thecourier.es We try to feature as many as we can each week.

We also love hearing about the animals featured here!

SOX

ALFIE

Alfie was rescued a few weeks ago, very thin and very happy to be picked up from a campo. He is a beau­ tiful two year old Sheltie cross, weighing around seven kilos. Alfie has been neutered and is good with other dogs and cats. Call:

CALLING ALL ANIMAL CHARITIES...

after being in the kennels a few weeks he put on weight nicely and is looking very handsome. He is fully vacci­ nated (passport), micro chipped and castrated, so if you think that you could give this happy boy a forever home then please contact the kennels on 966 710 047 or email info@satanimalres­ cue.com

Bill the pointer cross is now four months old. He is beautiful to look at and very well behaved and is in a fos­ ter home with other dogs.

He is good with people and children and is very loving, and loves watching TV with

Sox is a mixed breed puppy who is about three months old and will grow to be medium sized. He along with his sibling were rescued from the campo and is a very handsome and well behaved boy. For more details on Sox please phone the P.E.P.A. helpline on 650 304 746 or email p.e.p.a.ani­ malcharity@gmail.com By the way, Marvin, who we featured last week has a new home!

13

Friday 6th February 2015

BORIS THE BRAVE

I hope that some kind of fatwa hasn’t been issued on London Mayor (and soon to become MP again) Boris Johnson after he called young jihadists a bunch of w­­­­­s, adding that they lacked self­esteem especially when it came to landing a member of the opposite sex. Gay and lesbian jihadists anybody?

Boris has the knack of saying what most people feel and his refreshing take on some of the problems faced by a tiny minority of young idiots who are misusing Islam for their own purposes has hit the jackpot in many eyes. With the exception of Respect MP, George Galloway (of course on the opposite political fence to Boris), there are very few high profile British political figures that are prepared to shoot from the hip and give voters a honest personal view, which per­ haps also explains the success of Nigel Farage and UKIP. You may not agree with the views of Johnson, Galloway, and Farage but they at least manage to engage people in political debate, rather than the awfully boring sanitised spin­doctored, focus­group orientat­ ed mainstream British politics that is turning off many folk, especially younger people, in engaging with the decision makers. I share comedian Russell Brand’s articulate beliefs over the

state of UK politics, but he makes one fundamental mistake when he says that it isn’t worth voting. There will be a lot of choice this time round in May’s General Election, with UKIP

and the Greens standing every­ where, and that’s not including the wider options in Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. To say that it is not worth voting helps to fuel apathy and even extremism, and if you hate the sanitised Tories, Labour, and the Lib Dems, you real­ ly do have the chance to make your point by firstly casting a vote for who you think is the best candidate (irrespective of party), which is a method I have used in the past.

That’s why I would have been equally happy to vote for George Galloway in Bradford or for Boris Johnson in Uxbridge this May. I just like their principles.

Also depending on the con­ stituency, you should cast a vote that you might feel will cause the greatest change to the status quo (Don’t you just hate “safe” Tory and Labour seats?). That’s why the old parties are getting worried because the lemming style of always voting as one’s parents has been going out of fashion over the last two decades. Being brave and bold like Boris Johnson plays well and believe me, he knows exactly what he’s doing in getting all the guaran­ teed publicity. But good luck to him as this kind of political artistry is much needed in keeping democracy going.

14

One

Friday 6th February 2015

HEAVENS ABOVE, JUST CHANGE!

of the most impor­ tant scientific medical break­ throughs in the past decade is mitochondrial donation.

Sounds complicated, but basically, it means that if a woman´s egg has some defective DNA, likely to result in the birth of a dis­ abled child, with, for exam­ ple, muscular dystrophy, this can be cut out and replaced with good DNA from the egg of a second woman, and then implanted by IVF treat­ ment. I am delighted that MPs in a free vote, decided by 382 votes to 128, a ratio of three to one, to allow the creation of babies from two women and one man, and demonstrates just how out of step religious bodies have become. In my book it is wicked that anyone today would advocate doing noth­ ing when science has moved forward to eradicate conditions being passed from mother to child.

Seven years of research

by British scientists have gone into the development of this technique, but despite religious bodies being con­ sulted every step of the way, at the 11th hour the Church of England and Roman Catholic Church took it upon themselves to oppose it ­ arguing that not enough research has gone into it and opposing it on ethical grounds too. Here we go again, with the church doing its utmost to frustrate sci­ ence. It reminds me of their efforts to humiliate Galileo when he pronounced that the earth was not the centre of creation, but a small plan­ et travelling around a sun.

This didn´t fit in with the

church´s order of things and they called Galileo a heretic and refused to accept the truth for centuries. Sadly, ever since, so much has not fitted in with the church´s order of things, or, may I dare to say it, rocking t h e i r power b a s e .

W h a t does the church w a n t mothers, who are desper­ ate to have a child, to do now?

W a i t another decade or two, or give birth to a dis­ abled child and for some misguided cleric to tell her "that´s God´s will?"

Perhaps, sadly for the church, we´re not all as eas­ ily led, frightened witless by hell and damnation and much more educated than people living even two or three generations ago. Most of us in the western world today don´t have a blind faith, but want to examine the arguments and expect clerics not to just spout from the Bible, but to justify them­ selves and prove their argu­ ments, like everyone else has to ­ especially medics

Cynics say people should

and scientists. But most importantly of all, people today want churches to be outward­going; to set an example by going out into

never discuss politics or reli­ gion ­ it causes too many arguments, but sometimes

the community, not to preach and spout religion at passers­ by in the street, but to set about with a deliberate policy to help those not so fortunate. A perfect example of this is the Salvation Army and if every church took their lead and stopped trying to do war with every new sci­ entific breakthrough, they might actually grow their congregations. Because if they don´t, people will vote with their feet and religions will be left in the hands of extremists ­ and we all know now where that ends up.

you just have to say what you think, regardless. But now onto less heady mat­ ters...yet in a way just as important. Last week I wrote about the idiosyncrasies of the English language mak­ ing the point that if many words were less complicat­ ed, kids and foreigners could learn English far quicker. For example, why not spell yacht as yot? Spell it as it is spo­ ken. Why has living got to be so complicated? One exam­ ple...countries in Europe have different motoring laws. You have to carry

breathalyser kits in France; you have to carry red trian­ gles in other countries; and there are some parking restrictions in one country and not in others.

People are trav­ e l l i n g around Europe m o r e than ever and it´s impossi­ ble to carry in your head all the dif­ ferent rules and regula­ tions. So w h y doesn´t the EU do s o m e ­ thing use­ ful for a change, like get­ ting every country together and deciding on universal driving laws. Why on earth do we have differ­ ent permitted alcohol levels to drive from one country to another? It´s absurd. The EU has not been in exis­ tence for months, but many years. Why haven´t they standardised criminal and civil laws so that every coun­ try is singing from the same hymn sheet? Why is it that bureaucracy works to make life as complicated as possi­ ble ­ surely the aim should be to simplify life, not to make life more complicated?

Oh, wait a minute, that might lead to a reduction in public sector staff, and that would never do would it! New tech­ nology is wonderful provided it works, and also provided that it talks to other systems.

The lesson was learned when there were two rival systems for video players and people were left with useless videos and recorders after a few years.

Why can´t we have laptops which readily communicate with I­phones, and for that matter printers, so we don´t have endless problems try­ ing to get them to work with supposedly incompatible devices? And when a new gadget hits the street, why is it that a five­year­old can work it straight away and us

oldies put it to one side is despair. Can´t it be accom­ panied with instructions writ­ ten by journalists or some­ one who writes simple English rather than in techie gobbledegook? Life is made far too complicated but it doesn´t have to be that way.

Tough new rules are being introduced in Britain over the way sex offences are investigated. No longer will it be accepted for a man to argue that a woman gave consent ­ he will have to prove it, putting the onus on him to provide evidence.

The Crown Prosecution Service said the time has come to move beyond the idea of 'no means no' when it comes to identifying situa­ tions where women may have been unable to give consent. It’s about time. This grey area has been around too long and men have been able to say that a woman was, for example, dressing provocatively and "asking for it". He has also avoided prosecution where a girl has had too much to drink, is incapable of giving consent or not and a man has taken advantage of the situation.

It´s now getting to the point where, as I have long sug­ gested, a man will have to carry consent forms and get a signed signature before sex is legal. Alternatively, dare I say it, perhaps society should move back to the Victorian doctrine of no sex before marriage?

The number of women being sent to prison should be halved, says the Lib Dem Justice Minister Simon Hughes, adding: "Female offenders are a "special case" and should be treated differently to men because many had been victims themselves."

Wrong.

Women want equality in every other facet of life, so if they commit offences they should be treated exactly the same way. Failure to do this will encourage some women to take advantage and com­ mit more crimes, believing they can get away with it.

Yes, some women have been victims of crime or abuse, but one wrong doesn´t justify another. And women are just as capable of committing some appalling crimes, just as bad as men.

Putting them on pedestals is totally wrong.

15

Friday 6th February 2015

TURN BACK THE CLOCK

Is it just me or is the world going mad? I´m not an expert in world affairs but I am a per­ son who takes a pass­ ing interest in what is happening on this earth and I can´t help thinking that we, as a globe, are in trouble.

It´s not the first time of course that the world has had the sword of Damocles hanging over it, as there have been many times in the past that the world has nearly imploded. In my lifetime we had the threat from Russia in the 1980´s, where my youth was blighted by the thought of a nuclear bomb being dropped on us at any time but before and after there have been many threats that the world has faced.

In 1947 a metaphorical doomsday clock was created by scientists, which shows how close we are to midnight,

or doomsday, at any one time.

On January 22nd this year it was moved two minutes closer to midnight and now we are only three min­ utes from global dev­ astation. It is moved as scientists look at several factors, this year the move was prompted by climate change and the ris­ ing nuclear arsenals.

It´s the first time it´s been moved in three years, the last time being saw it adjusted one minute closer to five to midnight. The nearest to midnight it has been was in 1953 when the Americans tested a hydrogen bomb. We managed to survive that and so let´s hope this new move closer will be able to be sur­ vived as well! In 1991 the clock was the furthest it has been when it was 17 minutes to midnight, as we saw the end of the turmoil that was known as the Cold War.

There can be no doubt that certain countries have con­ tributed to this change and that these countries will not have any interest in the fact that we are so close to

doomsday yet again. The self­serving politicians and so­called leaders will not worry about the trivialities as they see them, and once again, we are the ones who

have to live under the shadow of a nuclear threat and melting ice caps.

I believe there are other threats that we face, however this clock only shows nuclear and climate changes, and the cli­ mate only became a factor in 2007. I sup­ pose they are the main contributors to actually ending the world. Terrorism and non­nuclear wars will hurt the world but not end it, as we have seen so clearly and tragically in the past.

I read recently a quote that said ´It's not our job to tough­ en our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It's our job to raise chil­ dren who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.´ This quotation is so true. Why should we accept the world as it is? For many of us it´s too late to do anything of any significance, but we can all

teach our young people that they do have the power and that they can work together to make this world a better place for their children.

Younger generations really don´t have to live under the shadows that we did and the Doomsday Clock can finally be laid to rest, rather than moving closer and closer to the time of annihilation.

Of course when it comes to the threat of climate change there are things that you can do, and that starts with recy­ cling and ends with not eating quite so much meat and fish.

If you think your dinner doesn´t contribute to the dif­ ference we are seeing in our world, then may I suggest you have a look at a book or magazine or on the internet about how these things affect this beautiful planet. Live your life knowing how blessed you are to be here, and how lucky your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren will be, as well as future genera­ tions. Leave a legacy that can benefit your future family, not one that sees them live in fear of a clock ticking ever closer to catastrophe.

16

Friday 6th February 2015

Spanish 159 Hi and welcome back to another week learning Spanish with me, and as ever I hope you are taking the time to study not only from books but also by lis­ tening to Spanish whenever possible and also speaking to native Spanish speakers or even non­ natives, any practise that you get is valuable.

This week we are looking at another useful verb that has several meanings the verb is caer and the usual verb book translation is given as ´to fall´. Of course it can be used in this way but I´m also going to tell you the other situations where this verb fits in.

Firstly it is an irregular verb in the first person sin­ gular yo form, the present indicative of the verb is as follows: caigo, caes, cae, caemos, caéis, caen.

There is a popular Spanish quiz on television that is called ´Ahora Caigo´ it´s a fun programme to watch if you get the chance.

It´s worth pointing out the imperative form of this verb, especially if you have children! Don´t forget the imperative is otherwise called by me ´the order tense´ it´s when you are telling people to do or not do something, e.g. sit! go! don´t look! Caer conju­ gates as: cae (tú), no caigas (tú), caiga (usted), caig­ amos (nosotros/as), caed (vosotros/as), no caigáis (vosotros/as), caigan (ustedes).

So now we are ready to see when to use this verb: First of all we can use it to mean ´to fall´, ´to fall over´ or ´to drop´. Here are some examples: The apple fell from the tree – la manzana cayó del árbol, something fell on the floor – algo cayó al suelo, My birthday falls on a Monday this year. – mi cumpleaños cae en lunes este año, At nightfall/at dusk – al caer la noche.

A popular use of this verb is to mean ´to get along with (somebody)´ or not as the case may be. Again the habit of listening to Spanish speakers should have helped you master this use, however if you haven´t heard

explain that Caer can be used with an indirect­object pronoun to suggest the idea of "to get along with" or "to be OK with." The translation varies with context; often, a translation of "to like" or "dislike" will do and as you may know there is another verb which we use to mean ´to like´ which is gustar, the verb : caer is more like to feel good with and in this sense it is common to put the subject of the sentence after the verb, have a look at these examples: Les cae bien la profesora. (They like the teacher.) A mi madre no le caen mis amigos. (My mother doesn't like my friends.) Look at who the first word refers to as opposed to the verb, the first sentence is more liter­ ally: the teacher gives them a good feeling, which is why the verb is conjugated to the teacher not to ´them´. I hope you understand that a little bit clearer now, so here are some more examples: I get along with you friends (I like your friends) – me caen bien tus amigos, I´ve always liked María – María siempre me ha caído bien, The boss likes me – yo le caigo muy bien el jefe, I don´t like her because she is always complaining – ella no me caigo bien porque está siempre quejando, Which teachers did you like best? – ¿Que profesores te caían mejor? . I didn't like the decision. (Or, the deci­ sion wasn't fine with me.) – No me cayó bien la deci­ sion.

it before or are unsure of how to use it in this context here are some examples to help you, however firstly I should

I hope this is beginning to make sense, here are some phrases using the verbs from the last two weeks to translate into Spanish.

This year my birthday falls on a Thursday, She has just returned from Spain, my friend has just drunk a soft drink, don´t fall! he has just eaten, I think she's fallen and hurt herself, do you get on with my friends?

Take your time and see how many you get right next week. ¡Que tengaís una buena semana!

Friday 6th February 2015

17

18

Friday 6th February 2015

Do you have an oven that you can not satisfactorily clean for one reason or another?

Has a previous tenant or holiday let, left the oven in an unuseable condition?

Are you a business that feels your commercial oven could really do with a makeover?

Can you just not get the oven clean enough or are you strug­ gling to get into the areas that you just can’t reach?

Look no further Oven Wizards are the local mobile service you have been waiting for. Based in Villa Martin, they cover all local areas. They have a variety of treatments starting from only €40 and depending on the oven, most can be done within a few hours.

There fully trained Oven Wizards give your oven a full deep clean using only Eco friendly and fume free products. Ensuring no service is left unclean and as close to pristine as possible.

Check out before and after photos on our website.

Don’t delay. Let the oven wizards work their magic today!!!!

Call 865 776 911 or 662 529 079 Email: info@ovenwizards.es Visit our website for more information: www.ovenwizards.es

Friday 6th February to Thursday 13th February 2015

CAN YOU COMPLETE THESE DINGBATS?

1.

6.

11.

2.

7.

12.

3.

8.

13.

4.

9.

14.

5.

10.

15.

answers in next weeks edition

Last Weeks Answers: 1) Afternoon Tea 2) Chianti 3) Leicester Cheese 4) Spicy 5) Banana Split 6) Cooking for ONe 7) Marmite 8) Breakfast 9) Cumin 10) Orange Squash 11) Water 12) Budweiser 13) Double Cream 14) Pernod 15) Perry

TRELI ON THE TELLY CHILLER OF A THRILLER

with ALEX TRELINSKI If you can’t beat them, then join them seems to be motto of an excellent new Sky Atlantic drama Fortitude, which has ripped the format of recent Scandinavian hits by producing a literal chiller set in a freezing and remote Northern Norway. They’ve even got the Queen of Scandi drama, Sofie Grabol from The Killing, as one of the stars as we have an engrossing murder mystery on our hands with a top cast and a wonderful location shoot done in Iceland. Sky has thrown big money at this to copy the success and style of the US cable networks and this most certainly is working for Fortitude. Also with an eye on the American market, they’ve got Stanley Tucci

stealing the show in a starring turn as a British detective (with an American accent) being summoned

by Michael Gambon’s character to sort out what is going on.

Nice one Sky and also around the corner we have Jed Mercurio’s new medical drama, Critical.

Not everything on Sky should be about football, and since they face a real danger of losing a lot of their English Premier League live matches in a fierce bidding war with the likes of BT Sport, they should be looking to diversify, which they clearly are.

Talking of the national game, footie fans will have

can only hope then that some of t h e resources will be directed at new non­ sporting quality pro­ gramming after what I think has been ITV’s w o r s t January ever in terms of standards and viewing breathed a huge sigh of relief competition for the BBC, figures. Their disastrous that the Premier League despite the certainty in many Saturday night line­up is highlights are staying on the quarters that ITV was bid­ largely mirrored throughout BBC, which means effective­ ding, which makes you won­ the week in a schedule bereft ly that Match of the Day is der what the commercial of imagination. It’s not just with us until the end of the channel is playing at. They bad news for ITV, but worry­ decade. You can agree or have millions in the coffers ing for UK TV in general disagree with the pundit line­ saved by virtue of all their live which needs strong commer­ up, but it is a very well put football disappearing shortly, cial channels to give viewers together show that delivers and loose change in the bank choice, rather than depend­ week in, week out. after a badly handled firing of ing just on the BBC to keep Surprisingly there was no anchor Adrian Chiles. One the flag flying.

My annual quick line to check out The Good Wife on More Four, which is now into series six. It’s perfect quick fire US drama laced with humour which hits the mark every week and there’s noth­ ing on UK like it. Meanwhile from Steven Bochco who rewrote TV police drama with the fantastic Hill Street Blues, can I strongly recom­ mend Murder in the First over on FOX UK. Like with Bochco’s Murder One in the early nineties, this show fol­ lows one case and we have ex­Harry Potter baddy, Tom Felton, doing a good turn as a murder suspect who hap­ pens to be an arrogant and odious high tech billionaire.

This ten parter played well last year in the States, and so a second series is on the way. Also on FOX from this Monday, we’ll pick up count­ ing the corpses as The Walking Dead returns to grip us after a mid­season break, presumably to restock on supplies of look­alike blood.

20

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

FRIDAY

6th FEBRUARY

00:45 This Week 01:30 Skiing Weatherview 01:35 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Saints and Scroungers 12:45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:35 The Graham Norton Show

00:00 Family Guy 00:50 American Dad! 01:10 Bangkok Airport 02:05 Crims 02:35 EastEnders: 30 Years of Cliffhangers 03:35 South Side Story 04:05 Comedy Feeds 04:30 Crims 05:00 Close 20:00 Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 20:10 Doctor Who 21:00 Excluded: Kicked Out of School 22:00 Tough Young Teachers 23:00 Russell Howard's Good News

DON’T MISS

00:15 Weather 00:20 A Cook Abroad 01:20 Rubens: An Extra Large Story 02:20 Panorama 02:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Schools ­ Roman Voices 05:30 Schools ­ Beneath the Lab Coat: 1 05:50 Schools: After Life ­ Rot Box Detectives 06:50 Schools ­ William Whiskerson: Fossils 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Saints and Scroungers 08:50 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 The Big Allotment Challenge 11:05 Food & Drink 11:35 The Travel Show 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Coast 14:20 The War Lords 14:50 The Road to War 15:40 Mountain 16:40 Open All Hours 17:10 To the Manor Born 17:40 Hi­de­Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 20:00 Six Nations Rugby Union 20:30 The Wonder of Animals 21:00 Mastermind 21:30 Food & Drink 22:00 The Big Allotment Challenge 23:00 Rhod Gilbert vs Kilimanjaro 23:30 Newsnight

00:50 Ade at Sea 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Mel & Sue 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Martin Lewis Money Show 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Parenthood

00:05 24 Hours in Police Custody 01:05 Up All Night 02:05 One Born Every Minute 03:00 Grand Designs Australia 04:00 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 04:55 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 05:50 SuperScrimpers 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Car SOS 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Three in a Bed 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Shipping Wars UK 17:45 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Jump 22:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown 23:00 The Last Leg

00:00 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side 01:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Race to the Pole 05:00 Michaela's Wild Challenge 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Celebrity Big Brother 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles 16:10 A Risk Worth Taking 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Billion Dollar Wreck Hunt 21:00 Ice Road Truckers 22:00 Celebrity Big Brother 23:50 Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side

00:00 Digging for Britain

00:20 Cockroaches

00:00 Law & Order: UK

01:35 River Monsters

01:00 Horizon

00:50 Two and a Half Men

01:05 Bloody Sunday

02:35 The Cycle Show

01:50 Dads

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:30 Hogan's Heroes

02:15 Scorpion

03:30 Teleshopping

03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen

02:00 Top of the Pops: 1980 02:40 Wild Boys: The Story of Duran Duran 03:30 Pompeii: The Mystery

03:00 Life's Funniest Moments 07:00 Fresh Fields

04:00 Teleshopping

of the People Frozen in Time

03:20 Teleshopping

07:25 Wycliffe

07:00 Movies Now

04:30 Close

06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen

08:25 Heartbeat

07:10 The Big Match

20:00 World News Today

07:00 Life's Funniest Moments 09:25 Where the Heart Is

Revisited

07:25 You've Been Framed!

10:35 The Royal

08:00 Minder

07:45 Emmerdale

11:40 Judge Judy

Apart

08:45 You've Been Framed!

13:00 Murder, She Wrote

23:30 Genesis: Three Sides

09:15 The Cube

14:00 Heartbeat

Live

10:15 Psych

15:00 Where the Heart Is

11:10 The Chase

16:10 The Royal

12:15 All Star Family Fortunes

17:15 Never the Twain

13:15 Emmerdale

17:50 Fresh Fields

16:05 The Car Chasers

18:20 On the Buses

17:00 Hogan's Heroes

18:55 Heartbeat

18:05 Minder

20:00 Murder, She Wrote

19:05 Ax Men

21:00 Agatha Christie's

20:00 Pawn Stars

Marple

21:00 Counting Cars

23:00 Trial & Retribution

22:00 Coogan's Bluff

20:30 Sounds of the 60s 21:00 Symphony 22:00 Genesis: Together &

RHOD GILBERT VS KILIMANJARO 23:00 - BBC TWO

The Never Mind the Buzzcocks host faces the toughest challenge of 14:15 You've Been Framed! his life when he sets out to climb Africa's highest peak, and is joined on 14:45 Psych the charity trek by 40 others, including Wales rugby union player Martyn 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show Williams and wildlife expert Iolo Williams. It isn't much of a laughing matter for the comedian as he faces adverse weather and tough condi­

19:00 You've Been Framed!!

tions, while also struggling to overcome a chronic lack of fitness and 21:00 Two and a Half Men shoot his own film of the extraordinary adventure.

22:00 The Matrix

09:00 The Professionals 10:00 Hogan's Heroes 11:05 Magnum, PI 12:05 Minder 13:05 Ax Men 14:05 The Professionals 15:05 Magnum, PI

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

SATURDAY

21

7th FEBRUARY

00:05 Catastrophe

22:00 American Reunion

01:15 SuperCasino 04:10 Celebrity Big Brother 05:35 Access 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:10 Olly the Little White Van 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:30 Make Way for Noddy 08:45 Paw Patrol 09:00 Little Princess 09:10 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:30 Wanda and the Alien 09:35 Bert and Ernie's Great Adventures 09:40 Zack and Quack 10:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 10:15 Jelly Jamm 10:30 LazyTown 11:00 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:35 Access 11:40 Ice Road Truckers 15:35 U­571 17:45 Columbo: Murder in Malibu 19:35 5 News Weekend 19:40 NCIS 23:15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

22:25 Casualty

Court

23:15 BBC News; Weather

21:35 Dad's Army

23:30 National Lottery Update

22:05 QI XL

23:30 Match of the Day

22:50 Broken

01:55 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 07:00 Bottom Knocker Street 07:35 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:25 Signed Stories 08:30 Scrambled!

08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 Adventure Time 09:30 Horrid Henry 09:50 Hulk and the Agents of Smash 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:34 ITV Meridian Weather 13:35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 14:40 The Undriveables 15:05 The Chase 16:05 Doc Martin 17:10 Big Star's Little Star 18:05 ITV Meridian Weather 18:05 ITV News Meridian 18:15 ITV News and Weather 18:30 You've Been Framed!

19:30 Harry Hill's Stars in Their Eyes 20:30 Planet's Got Talent 21:05 Take Me Out 22:20 The Jonathan Ross Show 23:20 ITV News and Weather 23:34 ITV Meridian Weather 23:35 Hard Target

00:00 00:45 01:10 01:30 02:00 02:30 News 03:00 News 03:30 04:25 04:55 20:00 21:00 22:00 23:30 News

00:55 TOTP2

00:45 Take Me Out

00:00 Law & Order: UK

00:05 Memphis Belle

01:40 Genesis: Together &

02:00 Take Me Out ­ The

01:05 Wycliffe

02:05 River Monsters

Apart

Gossip

02:10 The Royal

03:00 Minder

03:10 Genesis: Three Sides

02:40 Dads

03:00 Judge Judy

03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen

Live

03:05 Cockroaches

04:05 ITV3 Nightscreen

04:00 Teleshopping

Russell Howard's Good

04:35 Close

03:30 Teleshopping

04:40 Emmerdale

07:00 Greatest FA Cup Finals

20:00 Unnatural Histories

07:00 The Hot Desk

07:00 Movies Now

07:10 The Professionals

Bangkok Airport Crims Close Great Movie Mistakes Top Gear Butterfly on a Wheel Russell Howard's Good

21:00 Bright Lights, Brilliant

07:10 Emmerdale

Minds: A Tale of Three Cities

09:50 Coronation Street

00:20 Bluestone 42

00:00 Weather

00:50 EastEnders

00:05 Things We Lost in the

02:20 Weather for the Week

Fire

Ahead

01:55 Question Time 02:55 This Is BBC Two

02:25 BBC News

07:20 War and Peace

07:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 James Martin: Home Comforts

10:40 Fred Dibnah's Age of Steam 11:10 British Isles: A Natural History

13:00 BBC News; Weather

12:00 Six Nations Rewind

13:10 Football Focus

13:00 James Martin: Home

13:50 Saturday Sportsday

Comforts

14:00 Bargain Hunt

13:45 Food & Drink

15:00 Live Six Nations Rugby

14:15 Talking Pictures

Union

15:00 Cowboy

17:30 Live Six Nations Rugby

16:30 Escape to the Country

Union

17:30 Final Score

19:55 BBC News; Regional

18:45 The Great British

News and Weather

Sewing Bee

20:15 The Voice UK

19:45 Flog It!

21:35 The National Lottery: Win Your Wish List

20:35 Britain's Tudor Treasure: A Night at Hampton

Family Guy American Dad! Family Guy Crims South Side Story Russell Howard's Good

DON’T MISS

18:15 Horrible Histories

22:00 Spiral 23:50 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe

THE KEITH LEMON SKETCH SHOW 23:50 - ITV2

12:15 The Cube 13:15 Honey

00:35 Brooklyn Nine­Nine 01:00 Rude Tube 02:00 Nine to Five 03:55 The Ricky Gervais Show 04:20 The Ricky Gervais Show 04:50 Sarah Beeny's Double Your House for Half the Money 05:45 Deal or No Deal 06:40 Face the Clock 07:05 Trans World Sport 08:00 Cycling: Revolution Series 08:55 The Morning Line 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:30 Frasier 12:30 The Big Bang Theory 13:30 Child Genius 14:30 Channel 4 Racing 17:00 Come Dine with Me 18:00 The Big Bang Theory 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Channel 4 News 20:00 Our Guy in India 21:00 The World's Weirdest Weather

07:10 Judge Judy 07:30 Agatha Christie's Marple 09:25 Where the Heart Is 11:40 The Darling Buds of

15:10 Small Soldiers 17:20 You've Been Framed!

18:20 Rumor Has It..

20:25 Stormbreaker

1/6. Comedian Keith Lemon presents a series of sketches that spoof 22:20 Take Me Out ­ The

May 12:50 A Touch of Frost 15:00 Wycliffe 16:05 Mutiny on the Buses

08:00 The Professionals 09:00 The Cycle Show 10:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 11:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 12:00 Hogan's Heroes 13:40 The Car Chasers 15:30 Counting Cars 16:25 Pawn Stars

18:00 Agatha Christie's

18:10 Storage Wars

the worlds of TV, film and celebrity. He is joined by a selection of Gossip

Marple

19:10 Storage Wars: Texas

famous faces, which in this first edition are Take Me Out presenter 23:05 Reality Bites

20:00 Doc Martin

20:10 Police Academy 2: Their

Paddy McGuinness, actor John Thomson and former Inbetweeners 23:50 The Keith Lemon

21:00 Foyle's War

First Assignment

23:00 Lewis

22:00 Lethal Weapon 4

star Emily Atack.

Sketch Show

22

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

SUNDAY

8th FEBRUARY

01:00 The Football League

00:15 Seven Years in Tibet

Show

02:25 Glory Road

02:20 Highlander: Endgame

04:15 This Is BBC Two

03:50 Weather for the Week

07:20 Great British Garden

Ahead

Revival

03:55 BBC News

08:20 Glorious Gardens from

07:00 Breakfast

Above

08:30 Match of the Day

09:05 Countryfile

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

10:00 The Football League

11:00 The Big Questions

Show

12:00 Sunday Politics

11:20 Six Nations Rewind 12:20 Saturday Kitchen Best

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

Bites

14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week

13:50 James Martin: Home Comforts

Ahead

14:20 Food & Drink

14:15 Bargain Hunt 15:15 Escape to the Country 16:00 Eat Well for Less?

17:00 Your Home in Their Hands

14:50 The Mouse That Roared 16:15 Open All Hours 16:45 To the Manor Born 17:15 Hi­de­Hi! 17:45 Flog It! Trade Secrets

18:00 Songs of Praise 18:35 BBC News; Regional

18:15 Alaska ­ Earth's Frozen Kingdom

News and Weather

19:15 Ski Sunday

19:00 Animals in Love

20:00 The Motorway: Life in

20:00 Countryfile

the Fast Lane

21:00 Call the Midwife

21:00 Top Gear

22:00 The British Academy

22:00 Dragons' Den

Film Awards

23:00 Match of the Day 2

00:00 Family Guy 03:00 Crims 03:30 South Side Story 04:00 Russell Howard's Good News 04:30 Sweat the Small Stuff 05:00 Close 20:00 Pop's Greatest Dance Crazes 20:10 The Voice UK 21:30 The British Academy Film Awards: Red Carpet 22:00 Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad 22:30 Russell Howard's Good News 23:00 Family Guy 23:45 Crims

00:20 Queen: Days of Our Lives 01:20 Queen: Days of Our Lives 02:20 Top of the Pops: 1980 03:00 Bright Lights, Brilliant Minds: A Tale of Three Cities 04:00 Sounds of the 70s 2 04:30 Close 20:00 The Great War 20:40 Britain's Wild Places 20:50 Britain's Wild Places 21:00 Mark Lawson Talks To 22:00 Horizon 23:00 The Sky at Night 23:30 Kings of 70s Romance

DON’T MISS

THE BRITISH ACADEMY FILM AWARDS 22:00 - BBC ONE

Stephen Fry hosts the Bafta ceremony live from the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden, as stars of the silver screen gather to pat one another on the back in a celebration of the past 12 months' cinematic achievements, while the nominated ones keep their fingers crossed that they won't be going home empty­handed. Birdman, Boyhood, The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Imitation Game and The Theory of Everything compete for best film, while the leading actor categories see Benedict Cumberbatch, Eddie Redmayne, Ralph Fiennes, Felicity Jones and Rosamund Pike.

01:20 04:00 USA 04:40 07:00

Jackpot247 The Jeremy Kyle Show

00:15 Panic Room

ITV Nightscreen Bottom Knocker Street

04:25 Hollyoaks

07:35 Dino Dan 07:45 Dino Dan 08:00 Canimals 08:10 Sooty 08:25 Signed Stories 08:30 Scrambled!

08:35 Nerds & Monsters 08:50 Ultimate Spider­Man 09:30 Horrid Henry 09:50 Deadtime Stories 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 13:30 ITV News and Weather 13:39 ITV Meridian Weather 13:40 Harry Hill's Stars in Their Eyes 14:40 Off Their Rockers 15:10 Mel & Sue 16:15 Tipping Point 17:15 Moonraker 19:35 ITV Meridian Weather 19:35 ITV News Meridian 19:45 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Get Your Act Together 21:15 All Star Family Fortunes 22:00 Mr Selfridge 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:14 ITV Meridian Weather 23:15 Perspectives

Home or Away

Countdown

00:10 Law & Order 01:10 SuperCasino 04:10 10,000 BC 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 Peppa Pig 07:05 Roary the Racing Car 07:15 Angelina Ballerina 07:30 Pip Ahoy!

07:40 The Mr Men Show 07:55 Chloe's Closet 08:10 Olly the Little White Van 08:15 Bananas in Pyjamas 08:30 Make Way for Noddy 08:40 Paw Patrol 08:55 Little Princess 09:05 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 09:20 Wanda and the Alien 09:30 Zack and Quack 09:40 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:55 Jelly Jamm 10:10 Toby's Travelling Circus 10:25 LazyTown 10:55 SpongeBob SquarePants 11:30 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 14:20 It Could Happen to You 16:15 Over Her Dead Body 17:55 5 News Weekend 18:00 What to Expect When You're Expecting 19:55 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous 22:00 The Bounty Hunter

00:20 Death Race

01:05 A Touch of Frost

00:30 Monty Python's The

03:05 Judge Judy

Meaning of Life

Guinness World Records

03:30 Teleshopping

02:40 The Motorbike Show

03:25 Totally Bonkers

07:00 Judge Judy

03:30 Hogan's Heroes

07:40 On the Buses

03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen

02:25 Fake Reaction 03:05 Totally Bonkers

02:20 Earthquake

06:25 A Place in the Sun:

07:20 NFL: Rush Zone 07:45 How I Met Your Mother 08:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 09:30 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 Jamie and Jimmy's Friday Night Feast 14:30 The Big Bang Theory 15:55 The Simpsons 16:25 Marmaduke 18:10 Channel 4 News 18:30 Ice Age 20:00 The Jump 21:00 The Hotel 22:00 Our Guy in India 23:05 8 Out of 10 Cats Does

Guinness World Records 03:50 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 Life's Funniest Moments

08:40 Mutiny on the Buses 10:30 Heartbeat

07:20 Emmerdale

11:35 Heartbeat

10:05 Coronation Street

12:35 Agatha Christie's

13:00 Take Me Out 14:15 Take Me Out ­ The

15:40 Agatha Christie's

15:00 Scorpion 15:55 Rumor Has It..

17:40 Inspector Morse

22:00 The Ibiza Weekender 23:00 The Keith Lemon

11:05 Hornblower 15:15 Blues Brothers 2000 17:40 Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

20:00 Lewis

19:30 Africa Cup of Nations

22:00 The Best of the Royal

Live

Variety

22:30 Storage Wars

23:00 Northern Lights

23:00 Driven to Kill

Sketch Show 23:30 Little Man

07:20 The Professionals

10:10 Ax Men 14:40 Rosemary & Thyme

Marple

19:50 She's the Man

League Greatest Finals

Sparkling Cyanide

Gossip

17:55 Despicable Me

07:00 UEFA Champions

09:10 The Motorbike Show

12:30 Deirdre and Me: A Tribute

04:00 Teleshopping

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

MONDAY

23

9th FEBRUARY

00:00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather 00:30 The Apprentice USA 01:50 Weather for the Week Ahead 01:55 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Real Lives Reunited 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 Inside Out 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 New Tricks 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Waterloo Road

00:15 Disconnect 02:05 Savage Grace 03:30 Countryfile 04:25 Holby City 05:25 This Is BBC Two 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Saints and Scroungers 08:50 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 Click 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:25 The War Lords 14:55 The Road to War 15:45 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 16:45 Open All Hours 17:15 To the Manor Born 17:45 Hi­de­Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Only Connect 22:00 A Cook Abroad 23:00 Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad 23:30 Newsnight

00:15 LV= Cup Rugby Union 01:15 The Store 03:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:15 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Mel & Sue 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Richard Wilson on the Road 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Broadchurch 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:45 The Jonathan Ross Show

00:05 Patriot Games 02:10 The Last Leg 03:05 Come Dine with Me 05:10 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 06:05 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Car SOS 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Three in a Bed 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Shipping Wars UK 17:45 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Jump 22:00 Heston's Recipe for Romance 23:00 Catastrophe 23:30 Bodyshockers

00:20 Zack and Miri Make a Porno 02:15 SuperCasino 04:10 10 Things I Hate About 05:00 House Doctor 05:25 Make It Big 05:50 Make It Big 06:15 Angels of Jarm 06:40 Roary the Racing Car 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benidorm ER 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Missing at 17 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Criminals: Caught on Camera 20:30 5 News Update 20:30 Car Crash TV 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 23:00 10,000 BC

00:15 American Dad! 00:35 Family Guy 01:00 Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad 01:30 South Side Story 02:00 Bangkok Airport 02:55 Abortion: Ireland's Guilty Secret?

03:55 Bangkok Airport 04:50 Close 20:00 Great TV Mistakes 20:30 Don't Tell the Bride 21:30 Waterloo Road 22:30 South Side Story 23:00 Cuckoo 23:30 EastEnders

00:30 Genesis: Together &

01:25 I Now Pronounce You

00:05 Wycliffe

Apart

Chuck & Larry

01:10 The Breakfast Club

03:30 Teleshopping

03:05 Countrywise Kitchen

01:00 River Monsters: Untold Stories 02:00 Hell on Wheels 02:55 The Cycle Show 03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 The Big Match Revisited 07:45 Highway Patrol 08:05 Magnum, PI 09:05 Minder 10:05 Hogan's Heroes 10:40 Hogan's Heroes 11:10 The Professionals 12:10 Magnum, PI 13:10 Minder 14:10 Ax Men 15:05 The Professionals 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 Minder 19:00 Ax Men 20:00 LV= Cup Rugby Union 21:00 Storage Wars 22:00 Storage Wars: Texas 23:00 Ax Men

DON’T MISS

02:00 Genesis: Three Sides Live 03:25 TOTP2

07:00 You've Been Framed!

04:10 The Sky at Night

07:25 Psych

04:40 Close

08:10 Emmerdale

20:00 World News Today

03:55 On the Buses 04:20 ITV3 Nightscreen 04:40 Emmerdale 07:00 Fresh Fields

08:40 Coronation Street

07:25 Wycliffe

09:40 Dinner Date

08:30 Heartbeat

21:00 The Last Journey of

10:40 Catchphrase

09:35 Where the Heart Is

the Magna Carta King

11:25 Psych

10:40 The Royal

22:00 Asylum

12:20 Royal Pains

20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys

22:30 Bob Servant 23:00 Storyville

HESTON´S RECIPE FOR ROMANCE 22:00 - CHANNEL 4

Every year, around 16 million couples in the UK celebrate Valentine's Day with a romantic meal, but is there really a connection between food and love? In this one­off special, Heston Blumenthal joins forces with a team of scientists and psychologists to put together a menu they hope will affect how people feel about each other. Five couples at different stages of their relationships are invited to a dinner that includes choco­ late in every course, plus a `Cupid's cocktail', featuring a scent designed to trigger a romantic memory.

13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street

11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:00 Where the Heart Is

14:15 Coronation Street

16:10 The Royal

14:40 Dinner Date

17:15 Never the Twain

15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show

17:50 Fresh Fields

19:00 You've Been Framed!

18:20 On the Buses

21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Through the Keyhole 23:00 Not Another Teen Movie

18:55 Heartbeat 19:55 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Rosemary & Thyme 22:00 Long Lost Family 23:00 Law & Order: UK

24

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

TUESDAY

10th FEBRUARY

00:45 The Graham Norton Show 01:30 The Disappearance of Alice Creed 03:05 Weather for the Week Ahead 03:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Real Lives Reunited 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 The Gift 23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Count Arthur Strong

00:15 Weather 00:20 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 01:20 David Starkey's Magna Carta 02:20 This Is BBC Two 05:00 Birth of Empire 06:00 Schools ­ In My Shoes: Germany and the Netherlands 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Real Lives Reunited 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Nature's Weirdest Events 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:55 The Road to War 15:45 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 16:45 Open All Hours 17:15 To the Manor Born 17:45 Hi­de­Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Alex Polizzi: The Fixer 22:00 Inside the Commons 23:00 Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience 23:30 Newsnight

00:45 The Kyle Files 01:10 Jackpot247 04:00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 04:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 05:10 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Mel & Sue 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 River Monsters 21:00 Bad Builders ­ Bang to Rights 22:00 Young War Widows 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Benidorm

00:35 The 2015 57th Annual Grammy Awards 02:05 24 Hours in A&E 03:00 Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares USA 03:50 Weighing Up the Enemy 04:45 Kirstie's Best of Both Worlds 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Face the Clock 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Car SOS 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Three in a Bed 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Shipping Wars UK 17:45 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Secret Life of Four­ Year­Olds 22:00 24 Hours in Police Custody 23:00 Kid Criminals

00:00 16 Blocks 01:50 SuperCasino 04:10 10,000 BC 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Cowboy Builders 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Recipe for Murder 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 Benidorm ER 22:00 Killer Psychopaths 23:00 10,000 BC

00:05 Family Guy

00:30 The Strange Case of the Law 01:30 Wonders of the Solar System 02:30 Horizon 03:30 Asylum 04:00 Bob Servant 04:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 05:00 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Digging for Britain 22:00 Timewatch 23:00 Smiley's People

01:05 Two and a Half Men

00:00 Wire in the Blood

02:00 Fake Reaction

01:05 Wycliffe

02:35 Royal Pains

02:05 The Royal

00:00 Bundesliga Football Highlights 01:00 LV= Cup Rugby Union 02:00 River Monsters 02:50 Minder 03:40 Movies Now 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Movies Now 07:10 The Big Match Revisited 08:00 Magnum, PI 09:00 Minder 10:00 Hogan's Heroes 11:05 The Professionals 12:00 Magnum, PI 13:00 Minder 14:00 Ax Men 15:00 The Professionals 16:00 I Want That Car 16:55 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 Minder 19:00 Ax Men 20:00 Pawn Stars 21:00 The Chase 22:00 Benidorm 23:00 Lethal Weapon 4

00:50 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:35 South Side Story 02:05 Cuckoo 02:35 Excluded: Kicked Out of School 03:30 Bangkok Airport 04:30 South Side Story 05:00 Close 20:00 Great Movie Mistakes 20:30 Top Gear 22:00 Live at the Apollo 23:00 Uncle 23:30 EastEnders

DON’T MISS

YOUNG WAR WIDOWS 22:00 - ITV

A portrait of three women whose husbands died fighting for their country in Afghanistan. Sam, Victoria and Nikki each tell their emotional story, from their first dates and falling in love, to getting married and life as a military wife. They recall saying goodbye to their partners before their fateful tours, and the homecoming every soldier's spouse dreads ­ a repatriation at RAF Lyneham. The programme also shows how these bereaved women have found the strength to resume their lives and move forward.

03:15 Teleshopping 06:45 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 You've Been Framed!

07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale

03:00 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Fresh Fields 07:25 Wycliffe

08:40 Coronation Street

08:25 Heartbeat

09:40 Dinner Date

09:30 Where the Heart Is

10:40 Catchphrase

10:40 The Royal

11:25 Psych

11:40 Judge Judy

12:20 Royal Pains

12:55 Murder, She Wrote

13:10 Emmerdale

14:00 Heartbeat

13:40 Coronation Street

15:00 Where the Heart Is

14:15 Coronation Street 14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Celebrity Dinner Date

16:10 The Royal 17:15 Never the Twain 17:50 Fresh Fields 18:20 On the Buses

22:00 Educating Joey Essex:

18:55 Heartbeat

Supermodel Student

20:00 Murder, She Wrote

23:00 Cockroaches

21:00 Midsomer Murders

23:35 Plebs

23:00 Law & Order: UK

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

WEDNESDAY

25

11th FEBRUARY

00:15 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 01:00 City Hall 02:45 Weather for the Week Ahead 02:50 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Real Lives Reunited 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 The Great Comic Relief Bake Off 22:00 Can You Cure My Cancer?

23:00 BBC News 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Match of the Day

00:15 Weather 00:20 Dragons' Den 01:20 Film 2015 01:50 This Is BBC Two 04:55 Schools ­ D­Day: The Last Heroes 05:30 Schools ­ Strange Days: Cold War Britain 06:00 Teenage Tommies 06:30 The Last Days of Anne Boleyn 06:50 Britain and the Start of WW1 07:00 Homes Under the Hammer 08:00 Countryside 999 08:45 Real Lives Reunited 09:15 Wanted Down Under 10:00 Horizon 11:00 Great British Railway Journeys 11:30 See Hear 12:00 BBC News 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:25 Map Man 14:55 The Road to War 15:45 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 16:45 Open All Hours 17:15 To the Manor Born 17:45 Hi­de­Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Alaska ­ Earth's Frozen Kingdom 22:00 Wolf Hall 23:00 Up the Women 23:30 Newsnight

00:10 Carry On Loving

00:00 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 Uncle 02:00 South Side Story 02:30 Bangkok Airport 03:25 Abortion: Ireland's Guilty Secret?

04:25 Uncle 04:55 Close 20:00 Don't Tell the Bride 21:00 Bangkok Airport 22:00 An Idiot's Guide to Politics 23:00 Russell Howard's Good News 23:30 Russell Howard's Good News

00:00 Storyville 01:25 Wonders of the Solar System 02:25 Great Continental Railway Journeys 02:55 Digging for Britain 03:55 Timewatch 04:55 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 Cleopatra: Portrait of a Killer 22:00 Space Shuttle: The Final Mission 23:00 Horizon

00:05 Plebs

DON’T MISS

THE GREAT COMIC RELIEF BAKE OFF 21:00 - BBC ONE

Celebrity edition of the baking show being broadcast in the run­up to this year's Comic Relief, in which each week a quartet of famous faces enter the tent to demonstrate their baking skills ­ or not, as the case may be. Sue Perkins hosts the first programme, which sees Dame Edna Everage, Lulu, Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders taking on three challenges ­ a giant biscuit, 12 fruit tarts and a show­stopping tiered chocolate cake ­ with judges Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood deciding who deserves to win the Star Baker apron.

01:50 Jackpot247 04:00 Loose Women 04:45 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Mel & Sue 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Midsomer Murders 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 Exposure

00:35 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 01:05 Two and a Half Men 02:00 Fake Reaction 02:35 Royal Pains 03:20 Teleshopping 06:50 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 You've Been Framed!

07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 The Cube 14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Coyote Ugly 23:05 The Ibiza Weekender

00:00 Married Behind Bars 01:00 Poker 01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 02:25 Trans World Sport 03:20 Cycling: Revolution Series 04:15 Sarah Beeny's Double Your House for Half the Money 05:10 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 06:05 Deal or No Deal 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Car SOS 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Three in a Bed 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Shipping Wars UK 17:45 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Restoration Man 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 Bodyshockers

00:00 Age Gap Love 01:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Cowboy Builders 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Classic Car Show 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 A Trace of Danger 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 Cowboy Builders 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 22:00 The Ten Faces of Michael Jackson 23:00 Age Gap Love

00:00 Wire in the Blood 01:05 Wycliffe 02:05 The Royal 02:55 ITV3 Nightscreen 03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Fresh Fields 07:25 Wycliffe 08:25 Heartbeat 09:30 Where the Heart Is 10:40 The Royal 11:40 Judge Judy 13:00 Murder, She Wrote 14:00 Heartbeat 15:00 Where the Heart Is 16:10 The Royal 17:15 Never the Twain 17:50 Fresh Fields 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat 20:00 Murder, She Wrote 21:00 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs 22:00 Billy Connolly's Big Send Off 23:00 Law & Order: UK

01:30 The Motorbike Show 02:25 Minder 03:20 Hogan's Heroes 03:45 Movies Now 03:50 ITV4 Nightscreen 04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest England World Cup Matches 07:10 The Big Match Revisited 08:00 Magnum, PI 09:00 Minder 10:00 Hogan's Heroes 11:05 The Professionals 12:05 Magnum, PI 13:05 Minder 14:05 Ax Men 15:00 The Professionals 16:00 Pawn Stars 16:55 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 Minder 19:00 Ax Men 20:00 River Monsters 21:00 The Big Fish Off 22:00 The Keeper

26

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

THURSDAY

12th FEBRUARY

01:15 Film 2015 01:45 Dawn of the Dead 04:05 Weather for the Week Ahead 04:10 BBC News 07:00 Breakfast 10:15 Wanted Down Under Revisited 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Countryside 999 12:45 Real Lives Reunited 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News; Weather 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Father Brown 16:00 The Link 16:45 Escape to the Country 17:30 Antiques Road Trip 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News 19:30 Weather 19:30 BBC London News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Eat Well for Less?

22:00 Death in Paradise 23:00 BBC News 23:25 BBC Regional News and Weather 23:45 Question Time

00:15 Weather 00:20 Inside the Commons 01:20 See Hear 01:50 This Is BBC Two 05:00 The World's War: Forgotten Soldiers of Empire 06:00 Victorian Villains 06:30 Schools ­ Wave World 07:05 Homes Under the Hammer 08:05 Countryside 999 08:50 Real Lives Reunited 09:20 Wanted Down Under 10:05 Six Puppies and Us 11:05 Great British Railway Journeys 11:35 HARDtalk 12:00 BBC News 12:30 BBC World News 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The A to Z of TV Gardening 14:15 Map Man 14:45 Reputations 15:45 Rivers with Griff Rhys Jones 16:45 Open All Hours 17:15 To the Manor Born 17:45 Hi­de­Hi! 18:15 Flog It! 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Great Antiques Map of Britain 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 The Great British Sewing Bee 22:00 Modern Times 23:00 Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe 23:30 Newsnight

00:40 I Never Knew That About Britain 01:05 Jackpot247 04:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 04:40 ITV Nightscreen 06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 07:00 Good Morning Britain 09:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 11:55 ITV News 11:59 ITV Meridian Weather 12:00 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 ITV News and Weather 14:55 ITV Meridian Weather 14:55 ITV News Meridian 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Tipping Point 16:59 ITV Meridian Weather 17:00 Mel & Sue 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV News Meridian 19:30 ITV News and Weather 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 The Kyle Files 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Birds of a Feather 22:00 Car Crash Britain 23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather 23:30 ITV Meridian Weather 23:30 ITV News Meridian 23:40 The Last Word

00:00 Heston's Recipe for Romance 01:00 Ramsay's Hotel Hell 01:55 Greenberg 03:45 Random Acts 03:50 Kirstie's Vintage Home 04:45 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 05:40 Deal or No Deal 06:35 Face the Clock 07:00 Countdown 07:45 The King of Queens 08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun 09:00 Frasier 10:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Car SOS 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Come Dine with Me 14:05 Three in a Bed 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Deal or No Deal 17:00 Shipping Wars UK 17:45 Couples Come Dine with Me 18:30 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Location, Location, Location 22:00 Cucumber 23:00 My Tattoo Addiction

00:00 Trauma Doctors 01:00 Emergency Bikers 02:00 SuperCasino 04:10 Botched Up Bodies 05:00 Wildlife SOS 05:25 Divine Designs 05:45 House Doctor 07:00 The WotWots 07:10 Igam Ogam 07:20 Fireman Sam 07:30 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 07:45 Peppa Pig 07:55 Pip Ahoy!

08:10 Little Princess 08:20 The Mr Men Show 08:35 Thomas & Friends 08:50 Noddy in Toyland 09:00 Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom 09:15 Peppa Pig 09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus 09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas 10:00 Tickety Toc 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:10 Robson's Extreme Fishing Challenge 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 The Billion Dollar Wreck Hunt 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:10 Cedar Cove 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 The Classic Car Show 21:00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 22:00 Britain's Biggest Primary School 23:00 The Mentalist 23:55 Castle

00:00 Family Guy 00:45 American Dad! 01:10 Family Guy 01:30 An Idiot's Guide to Politics 02:30 Crims 03:00 Uncle 03:30 Russell Howard's Good News 04:00 An Idiot's Guide to Politics 05:00 Close 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 EastEnders: 30 Years of Cliffhangers 22:00 Bangkok Airport 23:00 Crims 23:30 EastEnders

00:00 Wonders of the Solar System 01:00 The Fantastical World of Hormones with Dr John Wass 02:00 Asylum 02:30 Bob Servant 02:55 The Last Journey of the Magna Carta King 03:55 Space Shuttle: The Final Mission 04:55 Close 20:00 World News Today 20:30 Top of the Pops: 1980 21:00 Horizon 22:00 Shakespeare's Mother: The Secret Life of a Tudor Woman 23:00 Timewatch

00:05 Reality Bites 00:50 Cockroaches 01:20 Two and a Half Men 02:10 Fake Reaction 02:45 Royal Pains 03:25 Teleshopping 06:55 ITV2 Nightscreen 07:00 You've Been Framed!

07:25 Psych 08:10 Emmerdale 08:40 Coronation Street 09:10 You've Been Framed!

09:40 Dinner Date 10:40 Catchphrase 11:25 Psych 12:20 Royal Pains 13:10 Emmerdale 13:40 Coronation Street 14:15 You've Been Framed!

14:40 Dinner Date 15:40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 19:00 You've Been Framed!

21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Scorpion 23:00 The Keith Lemon Sketch Show 23:30 Reality Bites

00:00 Cracker

00:00 Carlito's Way

01:05 Cracker

02:45 Hell on Wheels

02:15 The Royal

03:30 Hogan's Heroes

03:05 ITV3 Nightscreen

03:55 ITV4 Nightscreen

DON’T MISS

BRITAINS BIGGEST PRIMARY SCHOOL 22:00 - CHANNEL FIVE

Documentary chronicling life at Gascoigne Primary School in Barking, east London, following the pupils, parents and staff. The first episode looks at how the school manages with such a high turnover of often vulnerable pupils, including 10­year­old Viktor, who has just arrived from Bulgaria and cannot speak English. Lee, also 10, has moved from Norfolk after the death of his mother and is disrupting classes to get attention, while newly qualified teacher Kevin McNally has to cope with a class that is constantly changing.

03:30 Teleshopping 07:00 Fresh Fields 07:25 Wycliffe 08:25 Heartbeat

04:00 Teleshopping 07:00 Greatest FA Cup Final Goals 07:10 The Big Match Revisited

09:30 Where the Heart Is

08:00 Magnum, PI

10:40 The Royal

09:00 Minder

11:40 Judge Judy

10:00 Hogan's Heroes

13:00 Murder, She Wrote

11:05 The Professionals

14:00 Heartbeat

12:05 Magnum, PI

15:00 Where the Heart Is

13:05 Minder

16:10 The Royal

14:05 Ax Men

17:15 Never the Twain 17:50 Fresh Fields 18:20 On the Buses 18:55 Heartbeat

15:00 The Professionals 16:00 The Car Chasers 17:00 Hogan's Heroes 18:00 Minder 19:00 Ax Men

20:00 Murder, She Wrote

20:00 Pawn Stars

21:00 Foyle's War

21:00 River Monsters

23:00 Law & Order: UK

22:00 Driven to Kill

Friday 6th February 2015

27

28

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February

CODE CRACKER Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues; instead, every letter of the alphabet has been replaced by a number, the same number representing the same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have to do is decide which letter is represented by which number. In this week’s puzzle, 1 represents G and 12 represents C, when these letters have been entered throughout the puzzle, you should have enough information to start guessing words and discovering other letters.

QUICKIE

Across

Down

1 Break into pieces (5) 4 Rely on (6) 9 Flyer (7) 10 Extreme confusion (5) 11 Look for (4) 12 Inspect (7) 13/18 Hallux (3,3) 14 Immense (4) 16 Computer nerd (4) 18 See 13 20 Aged (7) 21 Thought (4) 24 Fear (5) 25 Lift (7) 26 Fails to hit (6) 27 Snares (5)

1 Thinly scattered (6) 2 Similar (5) 3 Dislike (4) 5 Replace (8) 6 Deliberately vague (7) 7 Cloth for cleaning (6) 8 Norwegian composer (5) 13 Be resentful of (8) 15 Strip (7) 17 Rarely (6) 18 Hoops that cover wheels (5) 19 Stroke lightly (6) 22 Play (5) 23 Hit (4)

Last weeks Solution

Across: 1 Swim, 4 Fast, 9 Opinion, 10 Minor, 11 Elect, 12 Terrify, 13 Nephew, 15 Scream, 19 Parable, 21 Roots, 23 Links, 24 Avarice, 25 Pass, 26 None.

Down: 2 Whistle, 3 Minute, 4 Femur, 5 Sunrise, 6 Govern, 7 Dine, 8 Pray, 14 Piranha, 16 Curtain, 17 Master, 18 Remain, 19 Pale, 20 Basis, 22 Omit.

Scribble Pad

DOUBLE CROSS-WORD Solve the Double Cross­Word puzzle using either the standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

CRYTPIC CLUES Across 1 They like to be heard in coves I find (6) 5 Will, from the rear, looks dowdy (4) 9 Allow rent (3) 10 Law­breaking flourish (5,4) 11 Guarantee semi­pro organisation (7) 12 Holy man not at home with drink (5) 13 Places church in takeover (6) 15 Found time went quick­ ly (6) 19 Ensemble is of a capital city (5) 21 To reduce consumption is no good (7) 23 Waterproofs from Croatians (9) 24 Goods vehicle seen in the servants’ quarters (3) 25 Arouse feelings in prison (4) 26 Resent change of name (6)

Down 2 Writes about posture in frontier settlement (7) 3 Note start of play involves plants (5) 4 Transparencies of play­ ground structures (6) 5 Actor’s assistant’s bureau (7) 6 Doctor is after a Los Angeles mission (5) 7 Make a mistake with undergarment raised (4,2) 8 Its purpose in sport is to eliminate passion (4) 14 Dachau certainly held a famous poet (7) 16 Chops a hundred pages (7) 17 No digs involved in administering drugs (6) 18 Dog consumed a minis­ ter (6) 19 Angry famous statue is returned (4) 20 A very hard stone to find in Wales (5) 22 Quintessentially in German town (5)

Down STANDARD CLUES 2 Distant settlement (7) Across 1 Articulates (6) 3 Desert growth (5) 4 Moves smoothly (6) 5 Bland (4) 5 Bedroom furniture piece 9 Allow (3) 10 Surge in lawlessness (7) 6 Famous US massacre (5) (5,4) 7 Make a mistake (4,2) 11 Make a pledge (7) 8 Form of energy (4) 12 Full­bodied ale (5) 14 Medieval English poet 13 Coup d'état (6) (7) 15 Copied (6) 16 Splits apart (7) 19 Capital of Bulgaria (5) 17 Medicating (6) 21 Futile (7) 18 Clergyman (6) 23 Wet­weather wear (9) 19 Hurting (4) 24 Cargo carrier (3) 20 Hard quartz (5) 25 Begin to wake (4) 22 German city on the Ruhr 26 Author Hemingway (6) (5) Last weeks Solution Across: 1 Golf, 4 Nash, 9 Heels, 10 Profile, 11 Moo, 12 Over there, 13 Attune, 14 Hassle, 18 Versatile, 21 Cow, 23 Retouch, 24 Guide, 25 Stir, 26 Rank.

Down: 2 Open out, 3 Festoon, 4 Nipper, 5 Sport, 6 Chum, 7 Bite, 8 Severe, 13 Adverb, 15 Avenger, 16 Section, 17 Zither, 19 Rota, 20 Adult, 22 Wren.

FILL IT IN

Complete the crossword grid by using the given words:

3 letter words Alp Dam Dot Ego Etc Eye Fir Lea Nut Ode Opt Yes 4 letter words Ally Aloe Arts

Blue Boat Cash Clue Deed Dive Edge Elms Else Eyes Face Idol Limy Lore Loss Love Pale Pear Quiz

Rise Roes Rote Sage Sand Slop Spit Spot Stem Tire Toes Trod Twee Unit 5 letter words Adieu Alloy Cause

Costs Dealt Deeds Drops Ducat Elect Embed Igloo Inane Silty Solve Souls Spite Trail Traps Tress Vista Yours Zeros

6 letter words Edible Ethics Redact Serial Teacup Triple 7 letter words Antique Distort Sawdust Similar 8 letter words Scruples Spirited

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORD

Improve your Spanish ­ clues in Spanish, answers in English or vice versa.

Across 1 Aceptar (oferta, prop­ uesta, dimisión) (6) 4 Goose (domestic) (5) 9 Waterfall (7) 10 Spy (5) 11 Bears (animals) (4) 12 Mammal (8) 14 Sage (herb) (6) 16 Panaderos (6) 19 Pulsera (8) 20 Expensive (4) 23 Melodías (5) 24 Trapecio (en gimna­ sia, circo) (7) 25 Latón (metal) (5) 26 Skirts (6)

Down 1 Anchovies (salted, tinned) (7) 2 Helmet (5) 3 Pera (4) 5 Estadounidense (8) 6 Blowlamp (7) 7 Ensalada (5) 8 Hand (part of body) (4) 13 Enfermedades (agentes concretos) (8) 15 Principante (aprendiz) (7) 17 Chubascos (7) 18 Deudas (obliga­ ciones) (5) 19 Baño (en bañera) (4) 21 Delante (5) 22 Frog (4)

29

COURIER TV GUIDE ­ Friday 6th February to Thursday 12th February Across 1 Ulmus americana is the botanical name of which large, ornamental tree with graceful gradually spread­ ing branches common in eastern North America?

(4,3) 7 What was the surname of the Italian composer whose operas include Nabucco, Rigoletto, La Traviata, Otello and Aida?

(5) 8 Which form of poetry that does not rhyme or have a regular rhythm is also called vers libre? (4,5) 9 Which type of subma­ chine gun that is designed and manufactured in Israel, is used throughout the world as a police and spe­ cial forces firearm? (3) 10 The biblical ‘garden of God’, as described in the Book of Genesis, is also known as the ‘Garden of (What)? (4)

11 What word meaning ‘a large indefinite number’ is derived from the Greek for ‘10 thousand’? (6) 13 Which verb means ‘to restrict the consumption of a relatively scarce commod­ ity, as during war’? (6) 14 In physics, what name is given to the units of ener­ gy or work? (6) 17 In Roman mythology, what was the name of god­ dess of the dawn (6) 18 What name is given to a raised platform at one end of a hall, usually reserved for officers, dignitaries, or speakers? (4) 19/5 John Simon Ritchie was the real name of which notorious punk rocker?

(3,7) 22 Carthorse is an ana­ gram of which name for a large group of musicians?

(9) 23 What is the name of the fruit of the oak tree? (5)

SUDOKU (Hard)

24 Which word can pre­ cede: chance, money, out,

1 Which type of gun, especially one fired from

spacing, handed and song (4)

shoulder level, has a long spirally grooved barrel intended to make a bullet spin and thereby have

Down

greater accuracy over a long distance? (5) 1/4 Which British writer, broadcaster and politician who died in 2009, was the Member of Parliament for North East Cambridgeshire from 1983 to 1987? (7,5) 3 According to philoso­ pher Bertrand Russell, which of the Seven Deadly Sins was ‘one of the most potent causes of unhappi­ ness’? (4) 4 Historically, what name is usually applied to a per­ son who dies for his or her religious faith? (6) 5 See 2 6 See 20 Across 7 What name is given to the edible flesh of a game animal, especially a deer?

(7) 12 Which name is shared by an American form of whiskey, an important European royal house and a chocolate biscuit? (7)

13 What nationality are the chess grandmasters Anatoly Karpov and Garry Kasparov? (7) 15 What name is given to a small roughly­made build­ ing that is built against the side of a larger building? (4­ 2) 16 In ancient Greece, what name was given to a priest or priestess who made statements about future events? (6) 17 What is the Spanish word for ‘goodbye’? (5) 19 Which word can pre­ cede: age, station, walk, craft, man, ship and suit?

(5) 21 What name is given to the part of a cell in a living thing that controls its physi­ cal characteristics, growth, and development? (4)

SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH CARNE Y PESCADO­MEAT AND FISH Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch.

(Answers below)

general QUIZ

ANSEWRS: 1. Sleuth 2. Gottlieb Daimler 3. Double Bladed Axe 4. Iris Murdoch 5. Yugoslavia and Czechoslovakia 6.

A mushroom 7. Chad and Libya 8. Chamomile 9. Save the Children 10. J.M.W. Turner 11. Protagoras 12. Mona Lisa

Last Week’s Solutions Code Cracker Last weeks Quiz Word Solution Across: 1 Sorrow, 4 Diameter, 9 Rouge, 10 Holy Grail, 11 Peel, 12 Bros, 13 Socks, 15 Estuary, 16 Fore, 19 Rice, 20 Cathode, 23 Rumba, 24 Kiln, 25 Over, 27 Tributary, 28 Banns, 29 Contempt, 30 Debris.

Down: 1 Shrapnel, 2 Roulette, 3 Oder, 5 Isles of Scilly, 6 Magistrate, 7 Thatch, 8 Relish, 10 Harry Redknapp, 14 Caricature, 17 Souvenir, 18 Neurosis, 21 Arctic, 22 Amnion, 26 Oboe.

la carne de res

el cerdo

la carne molida

el conejo

la chuleta

el cordero

la langosta

el jamon

la salchicha

el pato

las almejas

el pavo

los camarones

el pescado

la ternera

el pollo

los mariscos

el tocino Empareja estas palabras ­ Match the Spanish and English words You will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.asado, 2.el cerdo, 3.el conejo,

15.la salchicha, 16.las almejas,

j.mince, k.the lamb, l.the chop,

4.el cordero, 5.el jamon,

17.los camarones, 18.la ternera,

m.the shellfish, n.the turkey,

6.el pato, 7.el pavo,

19.los mariscos

o.the bacon, p.the clams,

8.el pescado, 9.el pollo,

a.the shrimps, b.the ham,

q.the rabbit, r.the fish, s.veal.

10.el tocino, 11.la carne de res,

c.the sausage, d.the pork,

12.la carne molida,

e.the duck, f.the beef, g.roast,

13.la chuleta, 14.la langosta,

h.the lobster, i.the chicken,

Soduko

Span ­ Eng

Quizword

Answers: 1g, 2d, 3q, 4k, 5b, 6e, 7n, 8r, 9i, 10o, 11f, 12j, 13l, 14h, 15c, 16p, 17a, 18s, 19m.

1. What is the collective noun for 'Bears'?

2. Who designed the first modern petrol­driven internal combustion engine for the car?

3. What type of weapon is a 'Twibill'?

4. Who won the 1978 'Booker Prize' with the novel 'The Sea, The Sea'?

5. Which two new European countries were formed after the First World War? 6. What is a 'hen of the woods'?

7. Name either of the two countries who fought in the 'Toyota War' of 1986­87?

8. Which particular type of tea is especially associated with health benefits regarding anxiety and sleeping problems?

9. Which major British charity was founded by Eglantine Jebb and her sister Dorothy Buxton in 1919?

10. Which artist painted the Fighting Temeraire?

11. Which philosopher was the first proponent of moral relativism, his maxim being "Man is the measure of all things"?

12. 'La Giaconda' is better known as what?

asado

Fill It In

30

Friday 6th February 2015

MPs VOTE FOR 3 PERSON BABIES

Three­parent babies could be born in Britain as early as next year after MPs voted to change the law to allow the controversial IVF technique.

The procedure, which was developed by British scien­ tists, is currently banned, but ministers say new legislation will prevent children suffer­ ing debilitating conditions like muscular dystrophy.

Under the new rules, IVF (In­Vitro Fertilisation) clinics

will be able to replace an egg's defective mitochondri­ al DNA with healthy DNA from a female donor's egg.

It is controversial because it would result in babies hav­ ing DNA from three people – and effectively, two mothers.

Experts from across the world warned that Britain would be making an ‘historic mistake’ by amending the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008 and

said children born from the procedure were at risk of cancer and disability.

44 MEPs also wrote an open letter to Jeremy Hunt, the Health Secretary, expressing concerns about the procedure, and claiming that the UK may be breaking European laws in seeking to modify the germ line.

However MPS voted in favour 382 in favour to 128 against.

The House of Lords will vote on the issue next month although it is unlikely to derail the amendment.

Health minister Jane Ellison, said : “All reason­ able and rigorous steps have been followed to reach this point. This is a bold step for parliament to take but it is considered an informed step. For many families affected it is light at the end of a very dark tunnel.”

Around 2,500 women in Britain could benefit from the new treatment, amounting to around 125 babies born each year.

But MPs and scientists had argued that the science behind the new procedure was unproven.

31

Friday 6th February 2015

Q A

My doctor informed me last week that I had high cholesterol, and he prescribed statins. But I am aware of the dangers of statins, my neighbour takes them and he is nearly crippled. I will like to know what to take in place of statins to control my cholesterol.

You are certainly right about the adverse effects of statins which includes muscle pain and weakness among many others. It is important to realise that the cholesterol check carried out in hospitals is com­ posed of several different components. The total cho­ lesterol reading, which is what is read as low or high, is more or less meaningless without the other readings.

These other components are: Triglycerides, LDL (Low density lipoprotein) and HDL (High density lipoprotein).

The reality is that these other components are really not cholesterol but proteins that carry cholesterol. HDL is the so called ‘good cholesterol’, and carries cholesterol away from the arteries into the liver. LDL or ‘bad cholesterol’ carries cholesterol from the liver to the arteries. Triglycerides are fatty acids used by the body to generate energy.

The desirable cholesterol level, which is calculated as an average of the other components varies from place to place.

Here in Spain and indeed much of Europe, it is considered normal when below 200 mg/dl (5.2mmol/L), but in Russia, normal values are much higher at 250 mg/dl. Indeed many clinical studies have shown that people with higher choles­ terol levels enjoy a healthier and longer life. Contrary to what the media and the pharmaceutical cartel would have you believe, cholesterol is one of the most important nutrients produced in the body.

The human brain is composed of 70% fat and 7% pure cholesterol. Without cholesterol, the body will be unable to produce hormones and many other vital chemicals. For this reason the body produces more cholesterol than we con­ sume through our diet. Cholesterol is absolutely essential for the activities of the nerves and brain, and low levels of cho­ lesterol are associated with neurological problems such as depression, memory loss, nervous disorders, irritability, insomnia, ADHD and many others.

The aim in cholesterol management should be to regulate the production of cholesterol, and not to cut off its production with drugs like statins. Luckily there are 4 Natural very effec­ tive agents backed by several clinical studies that can be used to regulate cholesterol in a way that benefits the body without side effects. These agents are Niacin (Vitamin B3, preferably in the form of Inositol), Pantethine (Vitamin B5), Policosanol (from the wax of sugar cane) and Garlic. These agents are certainly preferable to statins because statins completely block the body’s capacity to produce cholesterol.

Bear in mind that without cholesterol, your body will be unable to perform many vital functions.

One of the major problems of statin drugs is that in the process of blocking the production of cholesterol, they also block the synthesis of Co­enzyme Q10 – a nutrient required by every single cell in your body for generating energy.

Without energy, our muscles become weak, and this is why those on statins commonly experience muscle weakness and pain.

However natural agents are very subtle in the way they function. Niacin lowers LDL and Triglycerides significantly (up to 25%) and more importantly increases HDL –good cholesterol by 33% However niacin is known to cause skin flushing, and so the preferred form is Inositol, which does not cause skin flushing, and also has other benefits such as improving blood flow in intermittent claudication. Pantethine also has significant cholesterol and lipid lowering activity, and is useful for diabetics, unlike niacin which should be used cautiously in diabetics because it can impair sugar lev­ els. Policosanol is my favourite, and I have observed a patients cholesterol drop from 320 to 260mg/dl in 5 weeks while on policosanol. Policosanol has also been shown to improve sugar levels in diabetics. Garlic is another powerful cholesterol lowering agent. The effective dose is about 4 cloves preferably taken raw (if you don’t mind the smell!).

Garlic is also available as tablets or capsules.

For a full body diagnostic scan and health check call: 965 071 745

HOW SAFE ARE MEDICATIONS USED TO TREAT OSTEOPOROSIS AND LOW BONE DENSITY?

Many women take prescription drugs for low bone density and osteoporosis but are never told of the more serious side effects associated with such medications. I became aware of these side effects when I observed from diagnostic scans that women on medications for osteoporosis were more like­ ly to show degenerative changes in the liver and kidneys, as well as the immune and hormonal systems. Unsurprisingly, many people on such medications will have numerous health problems. The problem with the way osteoporosis is managed by mainstream hospitals starts with a diagnosis with the DEXA bone density scan. For starters, the DEXA

scan was developed in the 1980s and has remained unchanged since then. Recently a group of medical experts met to discuss outdated medical practices and technologies and the DEXA scan was on top of the list. The DEXA scan result differs from one machine to the other, and depends on the individual interpreting the report. Experts have pointed out that checking bone density is not a true measure of bone health and suggest as a better measure, the rate of inflam­ mation of bone tissue due to the breakdown of collagen. The medications used to treat osteoporosis and low bone density prevent the breakdown of bone tissue. But in order to remain

strong and healthy, our bones are in a continually process of producing new bone tissue and breaking down old bone tis­ sue. And when this breakdown phase stops, the resulting bone is hard, brittle, and easily prone to fracture. Some examples of drugs used to treat osteoporosis are: Alendronate, Ibandronate and Risedronate. The best way to strengthen bones is to take the supplement MSM (Methyl Sulphonyl Methane), a raw material required by your body to produce collagen. Taking collagen directly is less effective.

For a Full Body Diagnostic Scan and Health Check Call: 965 071 745

32

Horoscopes Aries March 21 ­ April 19 Your ruler, Mars, gives you extra intuition in the weeks to come, so back your hunch about a certain situation and take action when you sense the time is right.

Tuesday’s Full Moon in your chart’s zone of adventure, pleasure and romance also puts you in a new and strong position with a loved one. Ask for what you really want long­term.

Taurus April 20 ­ May 20 Postpone career decisions and concen­ trate on your home life this week.

Tuesday’s Full Moon in your chart’s domestic zone is due to help you push through changes that will give you extra freedom to pursue your personal goals.

One of them is now in easy reach, so be prepared to change your plans without much warning. Put your own interests first.

Gemini May 21 ­ June 20 What matters most this week is being open to new people and ideas, so do not feel that you should carry on along your chosen course regardless, or let old com­ mitments limit your horizons. A conversa­ tion with a friend or loved one later in the week could also make you see what your options are. The time has come to do things your way.

Cancer June 21 ­ July 22 All the time and effort you have invested in a creative project should soon start to pay div­ idends, so stand back and take stock of what you have achieved to date. New possibilities for growth and change are on the horizon, and you need to work out where you want to go from here. It seems you have more options than you think.

Friday 6th February 2015

By Pandora Leo July 23 ­ August 22 Tuesday’s Full Moon in your sign marks a major turning point in your private life, so do not hold on to the past or be afraid to take the road less travelled. It also seems a certain situation that preoccupies you is not cast in stone. If you let go of attitudes you have outgrown and focus on the future, you will start to see how strong your hand is.

Virgo August 23 ­ September 22 You are tuned in to others’ needs and feelings now, so do not wait for proof that you are right before you act this week.

Tuesday’s Full Moon also helps you work out where you really want to go from here, especially where a new, important friendship is concerned. Once you make your own decisions, you could well find the battle is as good as won.

Libra September 23 ­ October 22 Social life is under lucky, easy­going stars this week, so plan to catch up with old friends and say yes to invitations to go out and meet new people. You could find that you share unexpected common ground with someone you spend time with now. A conversation later in the week could also boost your confidence about a recent problem.

Scorpio October 23 ­ November 21 If you are single­minded, a career project you were forced to shelve could go from strength to strength this week, so enlist support from those who count and go all out to reach your goal. Ignore pressure to discuss domestic issues later in the week.

The situation will resolve itself if you are patient, so let it be, relax and let events unfold.

Sagittarius November 22 ­ December 21 Domestic tensions ease this week, giving you more energy and time to focus on a new ambition. If you are open to what oth­ ers have to offer and prepared to change your plans, you can set the scene for bet­ ter times ahead, so draw up new plans but be flexible about the future. There is more than one route to your goal.

Capricorn December 22 ­ January 19 A conversation this weekend – when dynamic, forthright Mars aligns with Pluto, which rules secrets and deep feel­ ings – could transform your outlook on a close alliance. It also seems that what you want, long­term, is changing, so slow down and wait until you see your way ahead. A more easy­going phase begins midweek – plan to socialise on Thursday.

Aquarius January 20 ­ February 18 This week’s Full Moon in fiery Leo, the sign that rules your love life and your most important bonds, could bring impor­ tant changes in a close relationship or friendship. You may also find out some­ thing very unexpected, which will make you see a certain situation in a different light.

Pisces February 19 ­ March 20 An unexpected piece of news could trans­ form your outlook on a certain situation. If you read between the lines, you should start to see how strong your hand is, so do not hesitate to ask a leading question and do not refuse the help someone has to offer. A new project also has the stars behind it. Draw up new, constructive plans midweek.

33

Friday 6th February 2015

RICHARD CAVENDER

Bluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services com­ pany on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computer services at realistic prices and specialise in working with home users and small businesses.

Richard moved to Spain eight years ago having left his management background behind in the UK and decided to use his IT skills to help home users and small businesses with their PC prob­ lems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he is out and about in the Spanish sun every day, making house and shop calls and using his vast expe­ rience and qualifications to (usually) sort out the problem there and then. Computers are his hobby as well as his work so don’t be surprised to get an answer to your email in the early hours!

ADVICE: Paul was having problems following the instruc- TIP: Clive had some advice on last week’s European tions printed in last week’s edition about the EHC1 appli- Health Insurance (EHIC) Card article cation Great article in The Courier last week covering this subject. I have today renewed Q. Dear BMS, I read your article in this week’s Courier re the EHC1 application and all mine, but there is a major alteration if the person applying is a UK Pensioner in receipt

went well until the fill in form. I'm resident and have a NIE and a SIP card, but I couldn't of a UK pension and is Resident in Spain work out some of the fill in boxes.

If you are a UK state pensioner living in Spain, you would use a UK EHIC in every EEA What is “No afiliacion SS” and “Correo electronico” and the last part, is that previous member state (including the UK) but not in Spain, which includes the Canary and Balearic Islands. country and address.

Thanks in advance..........Paul

A. Hi Paul, ok, I have been having a look at your problem for you ­ correo electronico is your email address.

I telephoned this morning for myself and my wife and they are sending the cards to us ­ make take up to 10 days.

Tel: Newcastle 0044 191 218 1999.

The last section only needs to be completed if you have an address outside of Spain Regards, that is held on record…”Solo se debe rellenar un domicilio (Residentes en España o residentes fuera de España), que deber ser el que consta en la base de datos de la Clive Seguridad Social”… and yes I know it has a * to say it’s an obligatory field, that’s Spain for you, it’s not obligatory if you don’t have a non­Spanish address held on record. …and in terms of the social security number, it’s a real pain to get right – I found that I had to enter mine, but only the numbers to get it to accept it, so for example if the SS number on the back of your SIP card was SS: 04/10654234/21R you would enter 04 in the first box of the SS section of the website and then 1065423421 into the second box (so removing the slashes and the last letter – I know, who’d have guessed!)– anyway that works for me.

Update: Hi Richard. You're a wonder,I'll give it a try. I hope you'll put this in courier, regards...Paul

office@bluemoonsolutions.es www.bluemoonsolutions.es Mobile: 655 044 970

Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspain Alternatively why don’t you sign up for my newsletter. You can do this by going to:­ www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill in the form that is on any page except the front page.

34

Friday 6th February 2015

10 THINGS THAT DRIVERLESS CARS WILL ERADICATE FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH

For a generation of men raised on a strict televisu­ al diet of Knight Rider, an autonomous (or 'driver­ less') car ranks slightly above the hover­board as a simply­must­have.

Good news then, as Ford CEO Mark Fields (a man we must assume knows a thing or two about motors) says we only have five years to wait.

But as we fondly think about all the zany crime capers we can foil with our beloved sentient car pals in 2020, have we ever spared a thought for all the things that autonomous cars will rob us of?

1. Driving tests In the first era of the autonomous car, we’re going to need to stay at least a bit connected to the driv­ ing process while designers figure out the wrinkles for what happens when your

car’s software updates as you navigate the Magic Roundabout .

Eventually though the driving test will just be another weird bit of dry and deprecated knowledge that we desperately attempt to explain to our offspring, as they look at us like a six foot appendix.

2. The savage, intuitive joy of man and machine Ahhh! The joy you feel as you use a perfectly­timed gear change and hammer your foot down on the accel­ erator to leave a string of losers dawdling at the lights.

No one can deny that there is a physical, sensual enjoy­ ment to driving a car.

Can tapping a postcode onto a touchscreen and falling asleep ever com­ pare?

3. Star in a Reasonably Priced Car Is Going To Get Dull Ok, fine ­ duller. We’re

talking Ed Sheeran levels of dullness week in, week out.

4 .

Designated Drivers A f t e r years of safety cam­ paigning to make “Des” the coolest guy in the room, sud­ d e n l y they’ve been made redundant by robotic cars who never tire, never com­ plain and happily comply with you and your mates demanding to be driven to Dundee for Toblerone at three in the

morning for a laugh.

RIP Des. 5. Sorting out insurance If you’re not actually responsible for driving the car, how can you be blamed for an accident? So why will you need insurance?

Don’t get too excited about all the money you save, underwriters at the forward­thinking www.chill.ie have already started to plan for the next generation of cars and say that they will still attract payments.

Hooray.

6. Sitting in a traffic jam Oh sure, you think they’re annoying now but you wait until fleets of perfectly­ scheduled, never­crashing autonomous cars have made those jams a thing of the past.

You’ll be telling your kids that every traffic jam was a never­ending footy kick­ around on the hard shoul­ der, where ice­cream vans gave away melting Twoball Screwballs and you exchanged simple heartfelt presents with Germans.

7. Rubbernecking Your robot chauffeur’s not going to care that you want to gawp at the flashing lights and all those exciting cones in the odd hope that you can get a peep of a paramedic doing CPR on a corpulent truck driver.

You’ll have to imagine all those gory details as you fly by at a regimented speed and trajectory.

8. Car parks Your car can just drive itself home and come and pick you up when you prod a button on your car app, so what do we do with the car parks?

Can I float a suggestion?

Inner­city rabbit hutches. Let that sink in and we’ll Kickstart it.

Think of it this way: it's either that or some MP tries to solve the housing crisis by turning them all into very windy flats.

9. Whiplash Compared to a robot your road sense is terrible, your reflexes sluggardly and your ability to stop in time to avoid a crash risible. Throw in the fact that you’re eating a Milky Way and surrepti­ tiously texting your mates while you drive and you appreciate that we can look forward to far fewer car crashes when autonomous cars come in.

But what about whiplash?

Why does no one ever think of the surgical collar manu­ facturers?

10. The safe knowledge that Driving Miss Daisy will never be resurrected Brace yourselves.

Friday 6th February 2015

35

36

Friday 6th February 2015

37

Friday 6th February 2015

FANCY A MARMITE OR POT NOODLE EASTER EGG? Step away from tradition and indulge in one of these weird and wonderful Easter eggs. Or not...

Easter may still be a few months away but that hasn't stopped Unilever revealing the Marmite Easter egg in an attempt to "broaden the appeal of Easter".

In keeping with the love­hate thinking associated with the brand, public opinion has been largely divided as to just how the egg will taste.

Delicious or foul? Only time will tell.

The Marmite Easter egg isn't the first bizarre twist on the traditional chocolate treat, and we're sure it won't be the last.

Here are some more, equally wacky Easter eggs.

The Scotch Creme Egg We aren't fond of change when it comes to Cadbury's Creme Eggs if the recent uproar regarding the change in recipe is anything to go by, but that didn't deter butcher

Graham Eyes from creating the Scotch Creme Egg. Wrapped in sausage meat, coated in breadcrumbs and then flavoured with chilli and lime, the snack was created in an attempt to attract more customers.

The Chees­ter egg Not wanting to be left out of the fun, cheese makers Pilgrims Choice gave us an Easter egg made entirely of cheese in 2014.

Weighing 1kg, we wouldn't recommend you try and scarf it down in one sitting.

No sign of it this year...yet...

Pot Noodle Easter egg Whilst everyone has been losing their minds over the Marmite egg, the Pot Noodle egg ­ which was announced at the same time ­ has apparently been forgotten.

The official Pot Noodle twitter assures us the egg won't actually contain noodles, merely just taste of them.

So, if you've ever had a craving for noodle­flavoured chocolate you know where to go.

B a c o n Easter egg C o p i o u s amounts of choco­ late not your thing? Perhaps an egg made entirely of bacon and filled with sausage and blood pudding is.

Mike Gurman created the egg after noticing that so many people had given up chocolate for Lent.

So naturally, he picked the most healthy alterna­ tive.

Creme Egg Stuffed Crust pizza For a horrifying half hour, Pizza Hut allowed us to believe their Creme Egg Stuffed Crust pizza was a real thing.

Capitalizing on the Cadbury's Creme Egg situation, the Pizza Hut Delivery Twitter account jokingly posted an image of a pizza with the caption: "The original, the best ­ 2014 #CremeEggGate".

Though, with 'Wonuts', KFC's 'Double Down Dog' and other weird hybrid foods popping up by the day, perhaps a future where Creme Egg pizza's exist isn't far off?

38

Friday 6th February 2015

Friday 6h February 2015

39

40

Friday 6th February 2015

Property

thediscountcard.es

Restaurants & Bars

Lifestyle & Services

Friday 6th February 2015

41

42

Friday 6th February 2015

FREE AUCTIONS

ACCOUNTANTS Pro Business Support – for all your accountancy needs in English; bookkeep­ ing, taxes, wage slips and more. We cater for compa­ nies and self­employed peo­ ple; we can deal with every­ thing for you. Call us on 966 923 963 for first consultation free of charge.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

mixed choir and all levels are welcome. No auditions, no solos. Make new friends and have a good time.

Location: Casa Tom, Avenida JACA 31, San Luis, Torrevieja. Phone or email Terry for details. Phone: 647­189­135.

Email: casatomsanluis@gmail.com

CARS Car insurance quotes – new extra discount on fully comprehensive policies at the price of third party!

Excellent prices for expats, all policies and call centre staff in English. We will call you back with a quote. 966 923 963 Car document transfers ­ same day provisional certifi­ cate. No trafico visit require.

Torrevieja based office. Call 966 923 963.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

CHOIR Casa Tom Community Choir: From 8 September 2014, Casa Tom Community Choir meets every Monday at 2.00pm for 2.30pm. It is a

20 PRINGLE MACHINES VENDING ROUTE,ALL CASH , NO OVERHEAD BUSINESS. NETT 300 EURO WEEKLY.

E19,900.CALL 619343633.

SITUATIONS VACANT

CHURCH SERVICES

RADIO COSTA INTERNA­ TIONAL MEDIA needs self­ employed salesperson. Car, mobile phone and client base available. For more info call 685 901 265 or email info@radiocosta.eu

Torrevieja Christian Fellowship at Avenida de las Cortes Valencianas 68, Torrevieja 03183, welcome residents and visitors alike, to their friendly and lively 10.30 am. Service each Sunday morning.

They will not be holding the Wednesday night meeting at 6.00 pm. For further information and/or direc­ tions please telephone 966700391 or visit our website on www.tcf­ spain.org.

International Christian Assembly, Calle Pilar de Horadada 5, Torrevieja.

Evangelical non­denomina­ tional church. Sunday serv­ ices 11am.

Children's church 11am. House groups in Torrevieja, Los Balcones, San Javier. Ladies meeting Thursdays 11am. Craft club, Tuesdays, 2pm.

Pastor, Rafael Restrepo. All nation­ alities welcome. Call 966 799 273 or 660 127 276.

INSURANCE CASER SEGUROS ­ for all your insurance needs, home, car, health, funeral.

Policies available in English and German.

Call Professional Business Support on 966 923 963 for a quick quote from our friendly staff.

GUITAR LESSONS Guitar lessons for beginners and improvers. Provide an insight into most styles.

From 10€ per hour. Call Peter on 966789612 or 629975378. Torrvieja

QUIZZES Experienced quiz­ master/question setter with personality available to host quiz nights in local bars.

Tel:­ 664 838 581

HEALTH / FITNESS / WEIGHT LOSS LOSE 1 STONE PER MONTH GUARANTEED. PERSONAL TRAINER WITH 25 YEARS EXPERI­ ENCE, FORMER WORLD AND USA KICKBOXING C H A M P I O N . R E S U LT S GUARANTEED.CALL 619343633.

SITUATIONS WANTED WANTED. English speaking mother's help aged 30­40, with driving licence, to help 7 year old boy with home­ work, and look after him.

Work hours will be 4 hours a day, Monday to Friday. Own room with bathroom provid­ ed, in a house with a pool and garden, in Alcayna, Murcia. Pay will be 125 euros a week. If you have a young child this will not be a problem. Phone 607 43 39 43 or email: mancanpa@yahoo.es CARPET FITTER WANTED Experienced part time car­ pet fitter wanted for the expanding and successful Carpet Heaven in Los Montesinos. Must be hard Working, smart & friendly, with first class customer fac­ ing skills. A clean driving license, your own transport & tools are essential. Please send CV with references to carpetheaven@hotmail.es or call us on 966720782 for more information Gardening, property mainte­ nance, translations, cheap rates call David 722521654.

Wills. Call us on 966 923 963, give us brief details and get in touch with your spe­ cialist solicitor today

DOMESTIC APPLIANCE REPAIRS

WIG SPECIALIST SALON MARGARETHAS, 23 years in Torrevieja Hair/Wig specialist for Medical illness and Hair Loss problems. We offer dif­ ferent Hair Replacements, top fillers, Hair prostheses, Toupees and Wigs, Natural and Artificial hair and much more. Also fashion/festival accessories TV/TS are wel­ come to our service. Please call our salon reception for an appointment with Margaretha on Te l no 966 921 846 Torrevieja (90)

SERVICES

POOL TABLES

Spanish lady in Playa Flamenca near Carrefour provides Erotic massage at her private house, discretion assured tel. 865 64 64 37

CLASSES / COURSES Speak Spanish in 6 months guaranteed. You have tried CDs, DVDs, free classes and still cant speak or understand Spanish? I will teach you with my course in 6 months.

Certified American Teacher. Call Andy 619343633.

WANTED

SOLICITORS Need English speaking solicitors in Torrevieja?

Let us help to solve your problems with Spanish Wills, debt recovery, divorce, property, fraud, criminal defence, Spanish

CAR HIRE

BARBER

CATERING

ALARMS

CARPENTER

GARDENER

CLEANERS

43

Friday 6th February 2015

CAR BREAKERS

DRAINAGE

UPHOLSTERY CLEANING

REMOVALS

PETS

PLUMBERS

VAN HIRE

44

Friday 6th February 2015

R & A’s OPEN SELL OUT

Sky Sports have this week coughed up close to near­ ly £15million a year to snatch exclusive live rights for the Open Championship golf from the BBC, thus ending the corporation’s 59 year ownership of the rights, and a smack in the face for the many millions who cannot afford satellite subscriptions. The con­ tract was announced by the sport’s ruling body, the R&A, ending the cor­ poration’s ownership of the rights after the event at Royal Troon in July 2016. The BBC will have a nightly two hour high­ lights package but that is a consolation prize, with Sky running the show on a five year deal from 2017.

The BBC have been resigned to losing The Open to Sky for some time and they prioritised saving Match of the Day (last week), for which they will pay £204m — a 13.5 per cent increase on their current deal, which was seen as better value for licence­fee payers than golf’s flagship event, which costs the BBC seven million pounds a year. The R&A would have preferred Sky to share live coverage with the BBC in a similar model to the US Masters, but the company, who agreed to that concept to get a foothold in Augusta, would only pay big money for exclusive live rights. The BBC had been warned by the R&A during the last two rights renewals about the

HAZEL IRVINE AND PETER ALLISS need to improve their cover­ age, which is far inferior to Sky’s, who cover golf’s other three majors. That expert­ ise, plus £15m a year, has been enough for the R&A to turn their back on more than half a century of tradition, all for the sake of an extra eight million pounds a year and a massive loss of exposure.

The R&A’s decision to take the money from subscription TV – chief executive Peter Dawson’s last big move before he steps down later this year – will not do any­ thing to help golf’s falling participation figures and has been widely criticised by numerous big names in the sport, including Rory McIlroy, Lee Westwood and perhaps not surprisingly commentator Peter Alliss.

The BBC has been the exclusive rights holder to the

Open for more than 50 years and the R&A resisted the temptation of signing a deal with Sky Sports since live Open coverage was removed from the list of pro­ tected events for terrestrial broadcast. The corporation had been paying seven mil­ lion pounds a year for the privilege of showing the annual spectacle of Rory McIlroy , Tiger Woods and others competing for the famous Claret Jug. Peter Alliss was among the most outspoken critics of the corporation’s plans to ditch the Open when the sugges­ tion was first mooted, saying it should not have spent so much money on moving staff up to a new site in Manchester.

“How many millions did that cost, and you wonder about the value in that? This week we’ve got two or three hours of indoor bowls on each day which of course is of great interest to the people who play it but no interest at all to anyone else.”

The corporation’s scaling­ down of golf coverage shows that the BBC shows just how seriously the sport was taken. When dipping in

heavily than before in golf’s grass roots. Yet there is a wider issue, and one that actually has roots in the selection of Lewis Hamilton over Rory McIlroy as the BBC Sports Personality of the Year last month. Unlike golf, Formula One has expo­ sure and presence on ter­ restrial television that trig­ gers a clear benefit in terms of public consciousness.

Golf and McIlroy lost out because not enough people had witnessed what he had done during an epic summer of 2014.

With a fierce battle for the capturing of attention in a sporting context a notable component of this era, golf

golfers in Britain last week­ end when he branded the decision to move live cover­ age of The Open away from the BBC to Sky television as a ‘disgrace.’ He said:­ “A lot of people and top golfing professional would never have taken up golf if The Open had not been shown on free­to­air TV while they was growing up. I can appreciate how much Sky has done for the European Tour but look at their viewing figures compared to the BBC — don’t you have to look at this when the num­ bers of golfers are dwin­ dling”.

As the Open moves to Sky in 2017, it should be noted

BBC PUNDIT KEN BROWN AT WENTWORTH to cover just one tournament a year on a full­scale broad­ cast basis, it is impossible to build up consistency of cov­ erage, and the BBC has shown a distinct lack of appetite when away from the Open setting.

Sky has seriously enhanced coverage both in Europe and the United States over recent years and there is an obvious investment in talent and resource. Sky’s riches mean that, commercially, the R&A would be well served by moving to sub­ scription television. It would be folly to ignore that point, as the sport’s governing body looks to invest more

would suffer from further removal from the main­ stream. Rightly or otherwise, it would also be seen as a key Dawson legacy as the chief executive prepares to hand over the post to Martin Slumbers later this year. The BBC has lost the Open, and wasn’t really in the process of fighting seriously to retain it. Golf is now in the position of needing maximum expo­ sure, a matter that now places the R&A in a tricky position following the award­ ing of the new contract to Sky. Lee Westwood spoke up for millions of working class

that Formula One suffered a drop of 25 million TV view­ ers last season — a loss of more than five per cent in Britain — after the switch to pay TV in 2012. It’s a shame The Open is not going to be on terrestrial TV, and you do feel for all those people who can’t afford Sky. I cannot believe The Open isn’t protected as one of the UK sporting crown jewels (meaning it is shown live on terrestrial TV). That is an absolute disgrace and so it looks like a goodbye to the voice of golf, Peter Alliss and continuous viewing of commercial­free golf.

KNOW YOUR RULES TITTER ON THE TEE

QUESTION

John hit his Tee shot and thought his ball was lost and played another ball (without declaring it a provisional ball). Is he per­ mitted to search quickly for the first ball and play it if he finds it? ­ Yes he can search for it quickly without delaying play but if he finds it he cannot play it, because the second ball comes into play since he did not declare it as a provisional ball. ­ No he cannot search for it and must play his second ball and receive a two shot penalty. ­ Yes he can search for it and if he finds it he must play it declaring a one shot penalty.

ANSWER A: Rule 27: If a player hits his/her tee shot into the woods and tees up and plays another ball without announcing it as a pro­ visional ball, the second becomes the ball in play and the original ball lost. He/she can look for their ball without delay­ ing play but cannot play it if they find it.

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to complete her taxes.

The accountant says, "I'll need to ask you a few ques­ tions."

He gets her name, address, and asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a prostitute," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to re phrase that."

The woman says, "A high­class call girl". "No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."

"Poultry Farmer it is."

45

Friday 6th February 2015

LEAD STRETCHED REAL MADRID 2

Real Madrid opened up a four­point gap at the top of the Primera Division with their Wednesday night victory over the Andalucian side. Goals from James Rodriguez and Jese Rodriguez put them in the driving seat at the interval as Carlo Ancelotti's side got a fifth successive league win. A late reply from Iago Aspas set up a nervy finish but the home side held on to

SEVILLA 1

give them a bigger breathing space over Barcelona. The win came at a heavy price as James Rodriguez limped off after opening the scoring with his diving header after 12 minutes. The Columbian is expected to be side­lined for two months with a broken bone in his foot, and the first match he’ll miss will be Saturday’s derby trip to champions Atletico.

NOT WANTED! REAL MADRID 4

Real Madrid proved they can win without Cristiano Ronaldo as they overpowered David Moyes' Real Sociedad to win at the Bernabeu last Saturday. With their top scorer suspended after getting sent off at Cordoba last week, Madrid looked like they barely missed the prolific Portuguese, even though they fell behind after just 40 seconds to Aritz

MAGICAL MESSI

REAL SOCIEDAD 1

Elustondo's header. But James Rodriguez levelled for Madrid moments later and then Sergio Ramos scored before the break, with Karim Benzema striking twice in the second half to ensure Carlo Ancelotti's side stay top of the Primera Division for another week, with their Wednesday night encounter with Sevilla still to come.

BARCELONA 3 VILLARREAL 2

Lionel Messi scored a bril­ liant winner as Barcelona twice fought from behind to beat Villarreal 3­2 in a highly entertaining Sunday clash at the Nou Camp. Villarreal, unbeat­ en in any competition since the start of November, were briefly on course for their first win over Barca in 12 attempts thanks to goals from Denis Cheryshev and Luciano Vietto, which sandwiched a Neymar equaliser.

However, Barca then struck twice in quick suc­

cession during a frenetic start to the second half to record an eighth succes­ sive win in league and cup, Rafinha drawing the teams level before Messi curled home a stunning 20­yard strike. Villarreal pushed for an equaliser as the game swept from one end to another, but Barca held firm to remain a point behind Real Madrid at the top of La Liga, though with Real having Wednesday’s match against Sevilla to come.

Barcelona are away to Athletic Bilbao this Sunday night.

BATTLE OF THE BORES GRANADA 1

Having been thrashed by Barcelona, Elche lost to the Primera Division’s bottom side, who were almost popping open bottles of cham­ pagne after their first win in fourth months. The result left the Ilicitanos second from bottom after a woeful game between two sub­standard outfits, with Elche’s miserable Sunday night compounded by an unjustified second half dis­ missal of Damian Suarez for a second yellow card. The club appealed this week and got the card rescinded which means he’s available for the next match.

A drab opening set the tone in a game between two strugglers, with both sides understandably cagey. Indeed, neither team had a shot at goal until just after the half hour, when Coro's strike from 25 yards was caught by Oier. At the other end Emanuel Insua, Piti and Lass Bangoura all missed the target with their efforts from outside the area before referee Jesus Gil Manzano

ELCHE 0

mercifully blew for half­time.

The break did nothing to bring the game to life with neither side able to create an opening. But the hosts did take the lead 11 minutes after the resumption with the first ­ and only ­ real chance of the match as Cordoba flicked home at the near post from Piti's low cross from the right.

The goal did nothing to spur either side into action although Elche's hopes of getting some­ thing from the game receded when Suarez was given his marching orders after the referee claimed he fouled Insua to get his second booking in the 70th minute. Elche did not come close to scoring a leveller and Granada fin­ ished the stronger team, again without threat­ ening to add to their score.

Elche are back at home this Monday night (February 9th) when they entertain Rayo Vallecano.

46

Friday 6th February 2015

SPORTS FIXTURES

Saturday 7 February 13:45 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 18:30

Tottenham Hotspur v. Arsenal Aston Villa v. Chelsea Leicester City v. Crystal Palace Manchester City v. Hull City Queens Park Rangers v. Southampton Swansea City v. Sunderland Everton v. Liverpool

Sunday 8 February

13:00 Burnley v. West Bromwich Albion 15:05 Newcastle United v. Stoke City 17:15 West Ham United v. Manchester United

Tuesday 10 February 20:45 20:45 20:45 21:00

Arsenal v. Leicester City Hull City v. Aston Villa Sunderland v. Queens Park Rangers Liverpool v. Tottenham Hotspur

Wednesday 11 February 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 21:00 21:00

Chelsea v. Everton Manchester United v. Burnley Southampton v. West Ham United Stoke City v. Manchester City Crystal Palace v. Newcastle United West Bromwich Albion v. Swansea City

Saturday 7 February 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00 16:00

Brighton and Hove Albion v. Nottingham Forest Derby County v. Bolton Wanderers Fulham v. Birmingham City Leeds United v. Brentford Middlesbrough v. Charlton Athletic Millwall v. Huddersfield Town Norwich City v. Blackpool Rotherham United v. Ipswich Town Sheffield Wednesday v. Cardiff City Watford v. Blackburn Rovers Wigan Athletic v. Bournemouth Wolverhampton Wanderers v. Reading

TORID TORRY SECOND-BEST TORRE LEVANTE 4

After losing at home to relegation­threatened Ribarroja, Torrevieja turned out another poor display as they got drubbed at mid­table Torre Levante last Saturday, yet incredibly they are on the same tally of points as the team in fourth place, as they occupy sixth spot in the league table. A Déivid hat­trick shortly after the interval killed off the contest with his second penalty of the match, but the goal that spoke volumes was the one in between, midway through the first half.

Critics have complained long and hard about the pedes­ trian and ineffective predilection of Torry in playing the ball from the back, lacking imagination, penetration and progress. Still it persists, seemingly only in order for the team to keep possession. Thus, Oscar played his goal kick to Borja who was right on the edge of the penalty area, flanked to his left and right by opponents, Marcos and Déivid. He immediately returned it to Oscar who casu­ ally side footed it to Marcos who was now a couple of yards inside the box. He accepted the gift and squared to Déivid who tapped the ball over the line from three yards out.

Slack marking from a free kick on 79 minutes saw Torry concede a fourth goal. Whilst most watched, the ball was driven low to Juanra who simply had to swing his boot at it to knock it home from 15 yards. The marking was non­exis­ tent! On the other hand, Torre Levante played well. They were more competitive and more incisive than the visitors and more accurate in their passing. In short, they were by far the better outfit and deserved their win hands down.

To get Torry back on track, Manager Galiana will have to stop getting the players to play the ball from the back, as he does not have the talent with sufficient control or creativity to do it successfully. He also has to have a fully fit Rafa

CD TORREVIEJA 0

Gomez back for a full match, along with Carrasco’s creativ­ ity on hand, in addition to the new striking partnership of Pinera and the returned­Obele blending together quickly to get some much needed goals.

CD Torrevieja entertain Villarreal C this Sunday with a noon kick­off so as to avoid clashing with the carnival parade later in the day.

FIVE STAR MONTE CD MONTESINOS 5

CREVILLENTE 1

Tuesday 10 February 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 20:45 21:00 21:00

Birmingham City v. Millwall Blackburn Rovers v. Rotherham United Blackpool v. Middlesbrough Bournemouth v. Derby County Brentford v. Watford Cardiff City v. Brighton and Hove Albion Charlton Athletic v. Norwich City Huddersfield Town v. Wolverhampton Wanderers Ipswich Town v. Sheffield Wednesday Bolton Wanderers v. Fulham Reading v. Leeds United

Wednesday 11 February

20:45 Nottingham Forest v. Wigan Athletic

Friday 6 February

20:45 Deportivo de La Coruña v. Eibar

Saturday 7 February 16:00 18:00 20:00 22:00

Atlético de Madrid v. Real Madrid Villarreal v. Granada CF Levante v. Málaga Real Sociedad v. Celta de Vigo

Sunday 8 February 12:00 17:00 19:00 21:00

Córdoba v. Almería Getafe v. Sevilla Espanyol v. Valencia CF Athletic Club v. Barcelona

Monday 9 February

20:45 Elche v. Rayo Vallecano

A biting wind meant that only 167 hardy souls enjoyed watch­ ing a virtually full strength Montesinos side end their three match winless streak against a Crevillente side that frankly didn’t have that much to offer.

The blustery conditions didn’t really interfere much with the home side’s good passing football, and despite a deliberate handball not being punished with a penalty award in the 10th minute, Montesinos were not that down­hearted as shortly they took the lead as Rubio sent Vaz through to score with a fine bit of individual skill. The account was doubled in the 20th minute as Carlos run through the paper­thin Crevillente defence to smash the ball into the net with a ripping thunderbolt strike.

Carlos and Oruorker both came close before Macan was fouled in the penalty area, and Vaz from the spot ended it as a contest before half­time.

A Vaz hat­trick was denied in the second half by a terrific save from the visiting keeper and with the match in the bag, Manager Juanpe made a quadruple substitution. Monte made it four as a Carlos cross was met by M+A, only for an expected defensive error shortly afterwards to put Crevillente onto the scoresheet.

Monte sewed up a decent performance when Manuel’s telling run from his own half found Carlos to net his second to make five for the home team. CD Montesinos face stiffer opposition this weekend when they’re away to La Murada.

47

Friday 6th February 2015

SECOND BEST?

In the week that saw my Nottingham Forest replace manager and club stalwart Stuart Pearce with Dougie Freedman, it’s worth a look at this very com­ petitive ‘second divi­ sion’ league, somehow bizarrely known as ‘The Championship’. A division that is extremely difficult to get out of – upwards, that is…. You’ve only got to look at last year’s promoted teams to see the enor­ mous chasm in class between the first and second tiers of English football, and once up there, how dif­ ficult it is to survive in the rarefied atmos­ phere of the Premier League.

Last year’s runaway Champions Leicester City, despite playing bright, attrac­ tive football are bottom.

Second­placed Burnley started disastrously, but have improved somewhat to be fighting for their lives. QPR? Well, Harry’s hapless heroes have achieved nothing away from home, and with dicey home form, a swift return back to the ‘second division’ looks probable. But in con­ trast in recent years some sides have come up and consolidated their position in the Prem: Southampton and Swansea come to mind…

With just over half this sea­ son gone, little Bournemouth lead the table, only six defeats from 28 while scor­ ing 59 goals is mightily impressive. Derby are on equal points, but have an inferior goal difference. The

play third fiddle to Villa and West Brom in the West Midlands for years, and may have to for a year or two yet, very mid­table at the moment. Just where Forest go from here is anyone’s guess; the players are there, but it’s too late for newbie Dougie Freedman this sea­ son, consolidation’s the name of the game. Don’t look down, lads, we’ve bin

Rams have a proud tradition to uphold, even if they’re not popular 15 miles east in Nottingham with their ex­ Forest/failed boss Steve McClaren. Only one point behind are Middlesbrough making a brave bid to re­ assert themselves and join nasty neighbours Newcastle and Sunderland in reminding us all of the passionate foot­ ball stronghold that is the North­East of England.

Mick McCarthy is steadily putting Ipswich back on the football map after a long peri­ od in the wilderness, and guess who are just behind? If you don’t know you’ll never get it ­ why, it’s only Brentford! Hardly a house­ hold name in football, but as always, league tables don’t lie and so good luck to the Bees. Never­quite­make­it Watford’s fans must be nerv­ ously optimistic about at least making the play­offs – oh, and just outside that key zone are once­mighty Wolves – but mighty a very long time ago…

Delia’s Norwich are anoth­ er Prem snakes­and­ladders team. There’s few places more provincial than East Anglia, but the Canaries are chirping again seven big points behind arch­rivals Ipswich. Huge in the nineties, Blackburn are doing OK, and one place below

‘em you don’t get more famous­but­forgotten these days outside Yorkshire than Sheffield Wednesday.

Birmingham City have had to

there ­ and it took us ages to get out!

Cardiff: hmm… If there’s a more perfect blueprint of ‘How Not To Do It’ when

making the Prem at last, then I don’t know a better blue­ print. Bluebirds are at the crossroads (N.B. Tan must go). Surprised to see ex­ Celtic boss Neil Lennon at the Bolton helm, good luck fiery Neil, you’ll need it.

Fulham finally succumbed after some valiant Prem years. Fifteenth place is get­ ting towards the danger area with similarly­struggled­ when­up­there Reading, level on the same points.

Huddersfield seem a peren­ nial second division outfit, with Charlton sweating a point behind. Getting dodgy now…

OK, big question now.

Who’s next in 19th place, only five points above the Dreaded Drop Department?

Who’s been to Elland back in the last few years? Once­ mighty Leeds United’s Don Revie would shudder in his grave. Yes, agreed, often very big boys have to suffer the indignation of dropping down to the ‘Championship’,

it happens to the best. Surely not Division One for Yorkshire’s finest uz­woz? It will be if that crackpot Cellino doesn’t take those dark glasses off and get his magic beans in a row soon. Fellow Yorkies Rotherham are used to all that, but hovering just above the DDD by only two sweaty points are Brighton ­ what an up­and­down time the Seagulls are having.

Of the bottom three, Ian Holloway’s Millwall look in best shape with twenty­two points, although outside the Isle of Dogs few tears would be shed if the East Enders went down. But up in the north­west, fans’ frustration rules frantically with recently mighty Wigan in despair, closely followed by Blackpool in bottom: both clubs need miracles worked – and soon.

Just where it will all end come May in the Championship who knows.

But it’ll be exciting – watch this secondary space!

MASTERING WEEKEND

Six members of Club Natacion Torrevieja’s Master team took part in the second Masters Timed Control event with 153 swimmers from across Alicante Province competing in Elche.

Beth Altabas notched up personal bests in her 200 metre and 1500 metre Freestyle events improving on her European Championship times in the 70 to 74 years catego­ ry, whilst Vicki Connolly got a new best in the 50 metre Breaststroke, putting her first in the 45 to 49 year section, in addition to winning the 1500 metre freestyle. Both swimmers are now in fine form ahead this weekend’s first ever Spanish Long Distance Championships at Sabadell.

Other highlights of last weekend included Paul Matthews being placed first in the 65 years to 69 years category after swimming the 50 metre Backstroke and 100 metre Freestyle races, whilst the 4 x 50 metre mixed medley relay team were in the victors in the 200 years category.

For more information regarding Torrevieja Swimming Club please contact Rosa 665 454 126, President Felipe on 609

418 776 or Vicki 669 637 015 or by email on info@clubnat­ aciontorrevieja.com .

48

Friday 6th February 2015

GAME’S UP, HARRY!!

So Harry Redknapp has finally called it a day at Quite Pathetic Really of Loftus Road. The rumour mill said he was about to be sacked following a disastrous run, but it’s been officially announced as a needed knee operation, not a knee­ jerk reaction ­ and Arry’s got the crutches to prove it. We­ell, that’s dignified, isn’t it? Happy Harry’s achieved much in the game, per­ haps his swansong is that last year he somehow got his Hoops back up to the Prem. At 68, Harry really has ‘put in a shift’ in his later life. Redknapp Senior has man­ aged at Bournemouth, West Ham, Portsmouth (twice), Southampton, Tottenham Hotspur and now QPR. You kneed to rest, Harry ­ slippers on and proudly watch son Jamie on Sky Sports with your long­suffering wife Sandra. The Sherwood man (no, not the Forest one, sacked Stuart of Nottingham) Tim is the top tip…

In the week we remembered Britain’s greatest leader, I’ve respectfully mis­quoted one of Churchill’s great ora­ tions: ‘Never on the field of football conflict have so few been watched by so many involving so much money’.

The fiendishly financial football fiefdoms that put eleven Chelsea players to draw 1 – 1 with eleven Manchester City men on Saturday night is almost out of the strato­ sphere, the match was recorded by 26 different TV cam­ era crews to be screened all round the world to an esti­ mated 650 million people: wow…

After the Spanish Inquisition in Madrid and third place in last year’s Prem, Jose Mourinho wants this Premier League title very badly. Against City it was a ‘mustn’t­

John McGregor reports

lose ‘ match for Chelsea ­ everything was done to protect the London Blues’ five point lead at the top ­ a lead that was once eight points, then recently eroded back to none.

Neither Man United in third or Southampton/Arsenal in fourth look capable of worrying the top two, so after City’s swiftly slick equaliser the Portuguese plotter parked his team bus in front of the goal to thwart the northern Blue Boys. It worked ­ and miserly Mourinho’s men couldn’t raise one more shot on target: QED = 5 points.

But playing so negatively wins the Portuguese few friends. Only Chelsea die­hards, understandably tolerate the man and his controversial methods to bring success ­ but in the process ‘orrible Jose manages to alienate the neutrals amongst us with his siege­mentality. This ‘everybody­hates­us’ attitude turns a great football club into one nobody likes ­ just like last time Mourinho was at Stamford Bridge. Lately his ludicrous attempts at per­ sonal defence are pathetic, defending the indefensible where sinners like diving Gary Cahill, and the spiky, spiteful, stamping Brazilian­turned­Spaniard Diego Costa are so guilty it hurts. We’ve all got eyes, Jose, and two wrongs don’t make a right. They get your players banned, and make you look an idiot when you take on officialdom. Pay up your £25,000 fine and shut up. It’s only a week’s pocket money for you anyway…

Light relief plus football education? Try Louis van Gaal’s post­match interview following Man Utd’s 3 – 1 win over Leicester, all the Red Devils three goals coming in the first 45 minutes: ‘I liked my team in ze first half… but in ze second half we played ze ball too much backwards, and I do not like zat ….you always need to keep your eyes open for ze pass forward’. Hope all those negative coaches are taking

note. Forwards and you’ll win, pass backward and you won’t – brilliant Louis, cheers!

Arsenal 5 … Arsene’s army moved level with (losing) Southampton, with back­at­last Mesut Ozil, Theo Walcott, and newbie Bellerin among the fivefold scorers.

None conceded in three now, Gunners’ve gottemselves a good goalie, and all this without Hugo Sanchez. Nasty norf London neighbours showdown Saturday against spirited Spurs. Winner takes all: points, Champions League place, glory, respect, bragging rights… …Aston Villa 0. Make that ten hours without a goal now.

How/why is nice guy Paul Lambert still in charge? His statistics are awful – or should that be Lambertable? 11 scored in 22 games, 13 wins in 49 home games, 98 goals scored in 97 matches. C B Arsed management too lazy to sack him? Benteke, Weimann, Agbonlahor, Delph, now Carles Gil – and still no goals. It’s Astounding Villainy, mate.

As one Harry limps out, another new Capital kid is step­ ping up to the mark. Another two goals takes Harry Kane’s total to twenty already this super Spurs season, working wonders with that great Dane Christian Eriksen.

His splendid early free­kick put Tottenham ahead, and then a belter from Kane was followed by the new Harry’s sound penalty. Those Lillywhite lads look lethal; but against those Gunners? Game on!

The SAS are still going at Anfield. Against West Ham first quicksilver Raheem Sterling scored, then after five long months out injured, Daniel Sturridge came off the bench to score, celebrating with that wonky armed thing he does. Then in t’Coop on Wednesday, Danny Boy scored t’equaliser as the Reds put out unlucky 10 men Bolton.

The missing Liverpool link? Long way still to go in the Prem – and it starts Saturday – against Everton!