Mind

I came to understand that comparison is inevitable, but ruining yourself over it is preventable. I recognized what I needed from myself, I started listening to how I felt, and what I needed, rather than absorbing what others thought or felt I should be. The little girl, the middle schooler, the highschooler, and the college girl are still alongside the woman I am today. They taught me love. They taught me to hate. They caution my perception, and assure me that I am enough. Through time, the skin that has taken unkind words has thickened. The eyes that endured the nasty looks, have teared up. The mind that processes the opinions, now understands the cruelty. Most importantly, the heart that has taken all of it, has forgiven. The comparison has been tamed. Comparison will kill you, only if you let it.

20 Things I Want the Girl Searching for Prince Charming to Keep in Mind

Prince Charming’s Gaze. Your Maze. Different Phase. Their Ways. Ego Raise. Confidence Delays. His Praise. Societal Clichés. Prince Charming’s Gaze. Your Maze.

All of my life I have wanted a Prince Charming. A guy to save, protect and honestly love me. Some may think it’s helpless, some may think I’m weak, but who cares? “Be your own Prince Charming.” I heard this many times; every single time someone would say it I would smile and laugh, and secretly thinking fuck off in my head. I always wondered what I could do for the guy that I was seeing at the time, but I never truly asked myself what they could be doing for me. I never considered what they were bringing to the table or how it would impact me. The more guys that I have met, the more I have learned about myself and my needs. I never truly was able to understand how important a relationship with myself was before getting into a relationship with someone else. I began to only focus on my relationship with myself, and finally prioritized my needs, my ambition, my goals, and my future. Up to the wonderful age of 20, I have received a plethora of advice and learned substantial lessons about myself, relationships, and men.

Through personal and secondary anecdotes or experiences, I have cultivated 20 things I want the girl searching for Prince Charming to keep in mind. Love yourself. I know it’s a cliché, but I spent so many years not loving myself the way I needed to. As a result, I tried finding the love I was lacking through someone else. News Flash: Relationships do not work unless you love yourself. If he wanted to he would. Okay, but really. I never believed this until I experienced the better side of it. Not to stereotype men, but they are pretty simple. They may mince words, but effort shines through. If a guy wanted to, he would. If he wanted to date you, you’d be dating. Things are more simple than they seem. No more excuses or giving the benefit of the doubt. Do not settle. You deserve the most, if they can’t give it to you, move on. Relationships are not always linear. A really close friend taught me this (shoutout KS). In our minds we think we talk, date, fall in love, get engaged, get married, and live happily ever after. WRONG. I’m not saying the relationship needs to be inconsistent every day of the week, but sometimes change is good for a relationship. If two people are brought back together after being apart then that’s worth recognizing. (PS. This is absolutely NOT a sign to get back with your toxic ex that makes your life miserable!) Don’t Chase, We Attract = Bullshit. Don’t adjust your level of craziness, emotion, distance, etc. for anyone. Yes, I totally support manifestation and putting things out into the universe. However, if you change your mindset to be someone you’re not, then you’re giving a fabricated sense of yourself to someone. Do not do that. If you want to chase, then chase, because the right person won’t run away. A boyfriend isn’t a necessity. This took me so long to realize. “I want a boyfriend” and “I want–as my boyfriend” are two different things. You’re not ready for a boyfriend if you have the first mindset. Enjoy being single. “Single” may mean talking to no romantic interests, it may mean a new guy every night. Whatever your prerogative. Don’t be the “I have a boyfriend girl.” Don’t bring your boyfriend up in every conversation, no one cares, it gets annoying, and your friends will start to resent you. You’re not going to marry every guy you meet. I mean, this one is self explanatory. Independence is key. Never become dependent on someone, especially someone you’re in a relationship with. In a relationship, you need

separation, if you’re with someone 24/7 the relationship will become unbearable. Never compete. If it’s between you and another girl, or multiple girls, Bow out. Walk away. Maybe you love them, maybe they’re your soulmate. But maybe they’re not, because someone who loves you and is your soulmate would never put you in a position where they would need to choose between you and someone else. FWB does not work. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but this just doesn’t work. There’s two options, 1. Date 2. End everything and friendship is over or will never be the same. If you play with fire, you’re bound to get burned. Every single person I have known that has participated in this type of situation has either ended up dating their FWB or they hate them and do not communicate. Good luck … Older guys don’t like your personality. Again, sorry to break it to you … Many of my close friends “dated” guys three to four years older than them when they were in eighth or ninth grade. Thinking back on this, it’s gross. I once knew a girl that was eighteen dating a man in his thirties. This is not a message to say don’t date older guys, but keep in mind the difference in age and motives. Understand that an older guy noticing you won’t make you more beautiful, worth more, or valued more. It makes him sick, and you prey. A quote that I always refer to is “Guys that can’t date girls close to their own age, go for younger ones.” Sometimes, words have intention. Hearing “I love you” may make you weak, but be careful of the words you hear. Understand the motives behind them. Intuition. If you have a gut feeling about something or someone, acknowledge it. Call your mom. Tell her about your life. I spent so many years hiding stuff from my mom because I was ashamed of the things I wouldn’t tell her. Feel like you can tell your mom things truly going on in your life. Put your needs first. The only explanation I’ll give is you control your life; prioritize yourself over everything. You’re never too much or too little for the right person. It is perfectly okay and valid to be alone. Actions speak louder than words. Everything that’s meant to be will be. This one took me the longest to understand and accept. We want immediate gratification and immediate results. The timeline doesn’t matter because at the end of the day the timing, the ability, the person, the moment–the everything–will play out as it should.

As much as I hate saying this, which I really do, because I hate being wrong … be your own Prince Charming, know and love yourself. And when you’re ready to find the other Prince Charming, keep the list in mind.

Prince Charming’s Maze. Your Ways. Confusion Phase. Unfazed. Progression Delays. Walk Away. Your Praise. His Gaze. Prince Charming’s Maze. Your Ways.

MEET THE AUTHOR

MK Kalenak is a sophomore at Fairfield University double majoring in Public Relations and Digital Journalism with a minor in Finance. MK is from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. In her free time, she serves as a writer and section editor at Fairfield’s chapter of Her Campus. She finds inspiration from her family and friends. MK also loves dogs and the beach!