Lizania Cruz | We The News | How do we Navigate Our Identities

WE THE NEWS — AUGUST 12, 2017

How Do We Navigate our Identities: From First Generation Afro-Latinx to American.

This is an excerpt from a We the News story circle that took place at The Brooklyn Museum on August 12, 2017.

The story circle explored questions around identity and how we define ourselves.

Erin is a Panamanian-American.

Below is a conversation between Erin, Lizania Cruz and Albert St. Jean(Interviewers).

My name’s Erin. My mom is from Jamaica and my dad was born in Costa Rica but he grew up in Panama; so [my dad] just called himself Panamanian, so I call myself Panamanian. As far as family lineage, I feel like there are a lot of holes in my memory, and story in general. I know growing up it was hard for me to reconcile my identity because I didn’t know if I should identify as black or African American or Hispanic, or some combination of that.

So a lot of my childhood was understanding what it meant to be Afro-Latina or if I [could] even consider myself [to be] Afro-Latina, especially growing up and going to school with people whose identit[ies] were more clear cut. They knew that their parents were from the Dominican Republic so they just called themselves Latina. And growing up around people who were light-skinned Hispanic and had the typical curly hair, it made it hard for me to process what it meant for me to be darker skinned and having really nappy hair that took hours to comb out, and always hurt when it did.

I think that [has] led to who I am and my understanding of myself. There are still a lot of questions that I have, but I think I’ve come to accept myself for who I am and embrace the parts of me that my parents have given me and the culture that I come from. I’m trying to get closer to that in whatever way that I can.

Lizania: How was growing up at home?

Because I think something that’s been really interesting about us sharing our stor[ies] has been that a lot of people have experienced their parents trying to move away from being either from Africa or the Caribbean, or other parents that were very much like, “You are not African American, you are from Nigeria.” So those are the kind of stories that we’ve heard; do you have any experiences that relate to that? What was [it like] growing up with parents that were both from different countries, and then understanding that?

Erin: I feel like, as some people said before, it’s kind of been like, “We’re here now, so let’s make the most of it and make the best of it.” But, at the same time, I think there’s definitely still an importance placed on culture and family, especially through food. My uncle, he’s a cook and he works at this West Indian restaurant, so there’s always really good food around.

I’m really grateful for that. Every Sunday my dad will cook rice and peas and my mom still cooks it now; my uncle will cook jerk chicken, oxtail, and curried goat, and these are all foods

that feel really familiar to me and so I feel like they’re a really big part of my childhood. Growing up was being around food— being around family and food. My sister would always invite people over for [the] holidays and there would be arroz con pollo, and we’d all just be in this space. It just kind of felt like a uniting aspect. I think family is also really huge. Not to generalize, but I think a lot of [the] Caribbean and West Indian context.

So I know every year my family tries to go out to Jamaica and visit family that’s still there. My mom will always create barrels and fill it up with a bunch of stuff to send back to people in Jamaica. I know that there’s a lot of unity and an importance on staying connected.

Al: Do you ever visit either Jamaica or Panama?

Erin: I’ve never been to Panama but I’ve been to Jamaica maybe once or twice. It was definitely a new experience because I have been so immersed in American culture, or just being in the United States for so long. It was a culture shock in some ways— just being in nature more than like, Brooklyn.

Al: More than Prospect Park.

Erin: Yeah. Being bit by mosquitoes, and not having electricity or being able to use it as often, and coming to terms with that.

So I just read more. I remember my mom and I drove out with an uncle that we were staying with and we went to this fish fry shack. Just moments like that feel more familiar and very ingrained in what it means for my mom to be Jamaican, and I guess what it means for me to be 2nd generation.

Al: What are some things that you’d say set you apart from the way your parents brought you up? How did you find your own autonomy growing up in Brooklyn?

Erin: I think it was kind of forced upon me, in a way, because I was apart of this academic program that helped kids get into private schools. So I did that for two months, and at the end of it I went to this all girls school on the Upper East Side. It was very different from my mixed-raced charter school in Brooklyn.

So I assimilated a lot, and I feel like I had to, to just be comfortable in some kind of way. But after a certain amount of time there I realized that it wasn’t me, and it could never be me because I don’t have that kind of money. It didn’t appeal to me, so once I left and went to college, it was actually a time for me to understand who I am, what I enjoy and what makes me, me— [to] just understand my identity more, and who I am.

Al: So you had to submerge part of yourself t o fit in?

Erin: Yeah.

Thank you for sharing!

Jaimaican Rice and Peas Recipe Recipe from cooklikeajamaican.com Ingredients 1 can (19oz) Kidney beans, including liquid 1 can (14 oz) Coconut milk Water (approx 1-2/3 cups) 2 cloves Garlic, chopped 1 Small onion or 2 stalks scallion, chopped 1 tsp Dried thyme 1½ to 2 tsp Salt, to taste 1/4 tsp Black Pepper 2 cups Long grain rice (rinsed and drained)

*Makes 8 servings

Method 1. Drain the liquid from the can of beans into a measuring cup and add

the can of coconut milk and enough water to make four cups of liquid 2. Add liquid, beans, garlic, chopped onion and thyme to large pot 3. Add salt and black pepper. Bring to a boil.

4. Add rice and boil on High for 2 minutes.

5. Turn heat to Low, and cook covered until all water is absorbed

(about 15 to 20 min).

6. Fluff with fork before serving.

We the News is a newsstand that distributes and sells black immigrant-focused publications and products. It features zines that archive stories and conversations shared by immigrants and first-generation Americans during a series of story circles lead by artist Lizania Cruz in partnership with the Black Alliance for Just Immigration.

We the News first iteration is possible thanks to the support of the Laundromat Project. wethenews.net