VOICES

CONNIE HALEY

A Kinder World Starts With Us

As we reflect on the challenges of the past year, many of us have decided to focus on the one thing we can control: ourselves. With this increased self-awareness comes a plethora of new, sometimes confusing, buzz words. Terms like self-worth, self-care and selfcompassion appear similar, but have fundamental differences that are worth exploring.

SELF-WORTH

This is the foundation of a meaningful life. Those of us that have a strong sense of self-worth know that we are worthy just because we exist. There is nothing that can add to or take away from our worthiness. Our value as a human being is not measured by our jobs, accomplishments, what others think, our bank accounts, our appearance, or any other outside factors.

According to Positive Psychology, we can improve our feelings of worthiness by paying attention to our negative self-talk, accepting our emotions as neither good or bad, eliminating the word “should” from our vocabulary and reminding ourselves of our unique talents and gifts to the world. Addressing this concept will improve our sense of well being as well as our relationships.

SELF-COMPASSION

Strengthening this mindset allows us to accept ourselves just as we are, without judgment. Most of us can extend this kindness to our children or friends but fall short when we look at our own behavior. Kristin Neff, author of, Self-Compassion, the Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, encourages us to practice the art of forgiveness for our actions. She suggests looking at our mistakes as teachable moments and not as a reason to punish ourselves. She inspires us to use the same self-talk we would use with those we love when they are struggling, acceptance and love.

SELF-CARE

For most of us, this is usually the most recognized concept and conjures up images of manicures, massages, or nights out with our friends. These items can be elements of self-care, but the definition has a broader scope. Self-care is any activity we do that deliberately improves our mental, emotional, or physical well-being. This broadens the idea to things like exercise, getting outside, hobbies, or just getting a good night’s sleep. Assess what brings you joy and incorporate it in your life regularly.

Audre Lorde, activist, and poet reminds us that, “ Self-care is not selfindulgent, it is self-preservation.” We cannot be there for the people we care about if we do not take care of ourselves first.

All of us can improve on one or more of these areas. We can hire professional help, or attempt it ourselves, but taking responsibility for our own healing will enhance our own happiness and open our hearts to be more compassionate to others. The result is a better life for us and collectively for the whole of humanity. It starts with each of us.

BUFFY HOLCOMB

A LITTLE Self Love

We need to give to ourselves in order to best give to others. When I think of self care, I think of calm.

When I think of a “me day,” it begins first thing in the morning. Loud alarms automatically sour my mood. Waking up to a Hatch Restore Reading Light, Sound Machine & Sunrise Alarm Clock ($129.95) . The gentle light simulates a sunrise for a more natural waking process. It is way better than a repetitive honking noise.

Since a lot of us are working from home now, I like to use home fragrance to enhance my surroundings. Good smells make me happy. I personally love the Le Labo Verveine 32 candle ($75) because it smells like a spa. If you don’t want to necessarily light a flame, there are diffuser options as well. Nest Rose Noir & Oud Diffuser ($50) is one I have in my home. Vintruvi ($119) is another hassle free option, which is electric, and they offer many oil blends ($13-$26) to suit your mood.

When the work day is over, and it’s time to clock out, an ultimate indulgence is a soak in the bath. Two of my favorite soaks are Odacite Mood Cleansing Ayurvedic Bath Soak ($24) and Thisworks Deep Sleep Bath Soak ($33). After your soak, slip into either a Barefoot Dreams Cozychic Robe ($99) or some Lunda Washable Silk Pajamas ($258). Literally the perfect ending to the day. But don’t stop there...make sure you are laying your head on a Slip Silk Pillowcase ($89-$110) misted with Slip Sleepmist ($19-$32). It’s kind to your hair, your skin and your mind. In conclusion to this wonderful day of self care, two items I always have on my night stand are a sleep mask and lip balm. Slip makes a Pure Silk Sleep Mask ($50) that not only feels luxurious, but it looks luxurious in many colors and patterns. My ride or die lip balm is La Mer The Lip Volumizer ($80). Don’t be confused by the name; it’s not a stingy or sticky gloss. It is the most amazing balm, scented slightly with vanilla-mint, and is so healing. (I also keep one in my handbag and my work bag). It is literally the best. Another affordable option is the Kiehl’s Buttermask Lip Smoothing Treatment ($26).

Now lay back, turn on your sleep machine, and sleep tight.

Repeat.

PHOTO BY TJ SENGEL | CC BY 2.0

Taking a Fashion Risk

AMANDA SEARS We’ve all heard the phrase, “the greater the risk, the greater the reward,” but in the grand scheme of things, is fashion actually risky? Although it may not endanger us physically, the idea of taking a fashion risk potentially threatens our sense of identity and self-confidence. It’s easier for us to stay “safe” in our sense of style (or lack thereof) than risk feeling foolish, but taking risks helps us grow. We can use fashion to escape or make new discoveries. We can surprise ourselves and we can certainly have fun!

In these times when our focus is safety and comfort, I encourage you to consider a style risk this year. This doesn’t mean you have to wear a sequin cape to Publix, I’m not asking you to become Lady Gaga! Here are five ways I encourage you to push your style boundaries.

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02 Wear a bold trend. I know, I know this goes against a lot of fashion advice you tend to hear from stylists about sticking to classic pieces, but a trend can be a fun escape from your everyday style rut. There are several trends always happening at once so find one that intrigues you and go for it! My spring trend recommendation: a statement sleeve blouse.

Try a new color or add a print. Is everything hanging in your closet black? All cream and tan? Why not try a color for a change of pace? Illuminating yellow is one of the pantones of the year and bubblegum pink will be everywhere this spring! If you only wear solids, why not inject a little excitement with a whimsical print?

Wear something that FITS. If you’re not body confident it’s easy to cocoon yourself in oversize sweaters, tunics, and wraps, but more fabric volume actually makes you look larger. Find a piece that skims the body and I guarantee your risk will pay off with lots of compliments!

Invest in yourself. One of the biggest hesitations I hear from clients is whether or not they should spend money on themselves. While it’s fun to score a cheap thrill from Target, spending more on a piece that’s perfectly tailored and made of quality fabric pays off more in the long run. Risk knowing you are worth it!

Let yourself SHINE! Of all the challenges, this might be the hardest. How often do you brush off a compliment or defuse praise? As women, we’ve been trained to dimmish ourselves with modesty in the name of manners, but a simple “thank you” without excuse or explanation is all that’s necessary. Owning our greatness might be the most impressive risk of all.

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BLUE AND WHITE STATEMENT BLOUSE IS BY STAUD.

PURPLE STATEMENT BLOUSE IS BY ZIMMERMAN

SEQUIN STATEMENT BLOUSE IS BY RIXO LONDON