ADVICE

It’s not how we planned it

It’s the same world-wide, practically everything we can do now is under certain conditions and, even after a year of whens? and whatifs? and hows? we’re still finding it hard, sometimes impossible,to carry on regardless. So while we can only speculate how long this willlast, many future plans,weddings being one example, need a rethink.

To say this is anything short of catastrophic sounds unsympathetic when your wedding has been on the top of your agendas for what seems like forever. But this is not necessarily an exaggeration. You have every right to be devastated.

The opportunity to celebrate your love,and the ceremony and celebrations to prove it, with family and friends is in jeopardy. And whatever stage your preparations have reached from proposal to honeymoon, there will have to be some changes.

You shouldcalmly access the situation as a couple. This is not your fault, none of your loved ones are to blame. What it is, albeit comparativelyearly on in your relationship, is the seemingly insurmountable problem that you’ve always told each other you can conquer,as long as you’re together.

Plan a time to reconsider what you really want to do. It must be when you have nothing else pending, in peaceful surroundings, with no distractions. And you should both be open to all ideas.

Wedding preparations are stressful enough at the best of times so give yourselves a break by eliminating some of those supposedly ‘must have’ elements that we’ve come to expect are essential for a ‘proper’ wedding. Be honest, many of them are probably not what you’d actually want if there wasn’t someone urging you all the time to consider ‘what people might think’. If ever there was a chance to really do it your way this could be it.

Be practical and list the pros and cons of any delay of your wedding date, bearing in mind that the only thing stopping you from going ahead is just what kind of wedding it will be.

Consider how other future plans and events maybe affected if you delay months, or even years. Is it worth putting so much on hold for something as important as being married? That’s being married, not getting married because, despite the widely accepted idea that marriage is just a piece of paper, the two are miles apart. Just ask anyone who’s celebrating their golden wedding anniversary or even their first if you like.

By all means have conversations and look for advice, a lot is at stake here. But let your own future expectations, hopes and sentiments decide whether topostpone your wedding and how long for.

Being married is acknowledging that you want to build the rest of your life together, whatever circumstances you meet. Celebrating a wedding with the limitations we face at the moment, and triumphing over them, is surely one of the greatest ways of proving what marriage really means.

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A Passion for Life

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