ADVICE

Just friends and family

CHOOSING YOUR WEDDING GUESTS IS NEVER SIMPLE, WHETHER NUMBERS ARE LIMITED OR NOT

Deciding who will attend is more important than you can imagine. It can influence anything from the time of year your wedding takes place to the venue, which you may have to consider for its accessibility; or the catering to allow for certain guests' dietary needs; or which of your family and friends need to socially distance as much to avoid World War III as a virus attack.

So where to start? With a list, and at least a ball-park number of how many you can stretch to. Tempting as it is to invite hundreds of guests, possibly with the hope that their gifts will go towards the celebrations, it rather defeats the idea of sharing such a special day with only the people who mean the most to you.

And, remember that if you are not actually paying for the wedding, whoever is picking up most of the tab will want to choose some guests as well. You may not particularly like these people, or even know them, but for whatever reason try to accept why they are being invited.

Don't let guilt be your guide. You are not bound to choose guests just because you went to their weddings. Nor are relations you hardly ever see more entitled to an invitation than close friends. This is one occasion where blood shouldn't be thicker than water.

Choosing from work colleagues can be very tricky. Avoid hurt feelings by not bringing up your wedding plans regularly from the minute you announce you're engaged. Then invite just your closest colleagues, like those who are also friends outside work. You are really not obliged to include anyone else. Although you might like to invite a mentor or boss in appreciation for any special help or support they have given you.

Two other categories will also need considering. They are the plus ones and children. Honestly there's no easy answer to this one. Ban plus ones and a cry goes up from those singletons who dread going to a wedding alone, and they have a point. Ban children and their parents inevitably start pushing for theirs to be an exception.

But if you do want or have to make a stand on either be firm. Plus ones should be limited to fiancés. But do make special arrangements for members of the bridal party and groomsmen to look out for guests who are on their own and if your wedding is a seated one make sure they are with a welcoming group. Children can be limited to flower girls and ring bearers from family members or godchildren only. By doing this you may well be doing their parents a favour in the long run.

Finally, have a list of guests you can safely ask to your wedding a bit closer to the date. There may well be some guests who cannot save or make the date, and as long as you get your invitations out early enough you will be able to replace them without anyone feeling that they are in the second division.