Valentines

valentines The Malta Independent on Sunday 3 February 2019

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valentines

GIFTS that show yo Chocolates, flowers and cute, furry animals are all very well but to really capture someone’s heart it really is the thought that counts

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uying a present for someone you love should be easy; in fact it’s anything but. If you haven’t yet made your feelings very clear, trying to be too clever could be a disaster; but being imaginative could make all the difference. If you’ve been together for quite a time, like many, many years you will know what works.

In that case it still pays to be spontaneous by choosing a gift that says “I love you”, and not “I almost forgot, so I grabbed this on the way home.”

There are plenty of excellent classic gifts, so the trick is to give a Valentine’s message that says something extra. A bouquet of red roses is fine. A bouquet of flowers, each of which represents a sentiment like love, loyalty, remembrance and truth, shows you care enough to say it all with flowers.

Chocolates can always be a treat, but packing them in a special box, that can hold treasures forever, is a lovely extra touch.

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Tread carefully with cuddly toys, and even more carefully with lingerie. One of these days it will dawn on those guys who display their fantasies with a piece of scratchy fabric, in a size and shape that belongs in a reality TV show wardrobe department, that this is not romance in the way 89.5% of women actually see it.

A real gesture of devotion would be a trip to her favourite shops, without a single sigh, or glance at their watch or phone throughout, and a wave of their card to pay for her choice.

Women would do well to avoid DIY tools bearing further hints at all the jobs there are still to be done around the house, or vouchers for any item or activity that suggests he could do with more exercise and less food.

For couples who are still getting to know each other think carefully whether the person you want to impress is a romantic, sentimental, cynical or easily embarrassed,

before laying on a grand gesture or splaying your affection all over social media. In fact it might be wise to sass out whether they care two hoots about the whole St Valentine's Day tradition before planning any displays of interest or affection; you don't want a good thing to end before it begins.

And never, ever, especially for fun, send or post anything which could be hurtful or scary if misunderstood. People who fear being ignored, or who are in danger of interpreting a simple, jokey card as a future marriage proposal will be devastated to realise no such liaison is in the offing.

In the end, it's not rocket science. Anything amusing, in a good way, but still useful; something the recipient would love, but not buy because so many other things have to come first; an away break spent doing things you love but don't have time for; a delicious home-cooked meal; a takeaway and a movie night at home; a redecorated room, so many different things can tell someone how important they are and how much they mean to us.

Just a few suggestions‌

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et your love shine with a luxury scented candle, a pretty or arty lamp for a garden or terrace or, for those special words you need to say, a piece of jewellery with an extra sparkle.

Hearts, such as a heart-shaped jigsaw, cakes, a piece of jewellery, or a donation in their name to a charity supporting heart health causes, if you are determined to go off piste. ‌and Flowers, in this case long lasting and very possibly delivered to the recipient's place of work, or potted, planted and making an amazing display for when he or she arrives home.

Gorgeous gift boxes, because no one ever has enough to keep everything in. They can be any size, shape or material, modern, antique, decorative or functional. And, as this is such a universal present, put a little something extra, or even just a loving hand-written message inside.

Cushions, by their very fabric and design can be a comforting way to send thoughts of love. Choose

one, or a pair, with a pattern that doesn't expire by the third week of February, for added longevity.

From the sublime to the ridiculous!

For the home bar or his den there's a gas pump which actually holds and dispenses a favourite tipple through the little pump. It looks good and is fun to use.

Or what about a sweet blanket shaped like an actual mermaid's tail, made in plush fleece and really comfy to sit or sleep in. Well, to paraphrase a phrase: Warm feet warm heart!

And for a couple who share everything there is a clear caddy with two suction cups that will attach to the bath tub, and hold a glass of bubbly, while they float in the bubbles. It's dishwasher safe too, by the way.

Presents personalised with photos are an acquired taste. Picturing your beloved on anything from socks to towels, with key rings and crockery in between is not everyone's idea of devotion. But at least you can guarantee they will always be with you wherever you go.

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RINGING the St Valentine’s Day approaches, time to start thinking of that ring!

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s a mount, rose gold is set to retain the popularity it gained last year and yellow gold is also on the rise for 2019. But a new interest in differently cut and coloured stones, and vintage style settings, will mean more couples choosing white gold and platinum.

Just as with clothes, styles of rings vary in fashion. The mount, which holds the stone/s may be flat or quite high, simple or almost basket shaped, one band or more entwined. The stones may be cut in the same or complimentary shapes, and these too fall in and out of fashion.

In 2019 we will also see more accented and detailed galleries, the mounts that hold the stones, and the more traditional, round cut stones will be supplemented by baguettes, pear, oval and square shapes. Sets of fitted and matching engagement and wedding rings are a fairly recent option and they offer a lovely selection of pattern combinations.

Stacking rings are now well established as a beautiful way for both engagement and wedding rings to complement one another. With a new one as a gift on future wedding anniversaries, they soon build

into a beautiful and valuable collection. Echoing these styles, wedding rings made of platinum, yellow and rose gold, or three rings worn as a group are also much in demand.

Delicate, three-colour stones set on elegant, thin bands are attracting a lot of attention too.

Again this gives brides a chance to collect complementary rings on special occasions throughout their married life.

One thing is certain, the comparatively new emphasis on larger rings, and a more original look, means engagement rings are trending away from the white solitaire towards the coloured cluster, and mixed metal or jewelled wedding rings are everywhere.

The recent huge interest in stones other than diamonds is encouraging some beautiful modern designs. Popular period films and TV series are drawing attention to antique and art nouveau rings. The traditional rings of these centuries having given way to mostly diamonds for so long, it is wonderful to see such beautiful rings coming into their own again; both the originals, and copies adapted by today’s designers and craftsmen. All this means that brides today have lots of unusual and colourful pieces to choose from and these special rings will shine all the brighter.

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A gemstone made from the stars

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n 1893, a French scientist named Henri Moissan discovered the microscopic particles of the gem that would be named after him, Moissanite. It was in a crater formed when a meteorite fell to Earth.

More recently Moissanite was found in Israel.

It’s not a fake diamond, it is a naturally occurring or lab-grown stone which looks and feels exactly like the real thing. In fact, it actually out-performs a diamond in terms of appearance and durability, being strong enough to last a lifetime, even if it is worn every day.

Eco and fair trade supporters will be delighted to know that there is no need for heavy mining or irregular employment practices to obtain these gems.

And since choosing an engagement ring can often be the first step on the road to wedding budget worries the fact that a beautiful ring with brilliant, sparkling stone can be yours for several thousand Euros less than you would expect to pay is an added bonus.

Then you can always go for the ‘investment’ stones when there are fewer demands on your credit card.

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Instant ATTRACTION The age-old question: Do opposites attract? certainly applies to couples thinking about spending their lives together

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here are, of course two answers to this question. These are yes, and no, and we plan to prove that both are right; which might well explain why some relationships are so complicated.

Let’s begin with the yeas. Some psychologists agree that couples who resemble each other in many ways are less likely to have a long lasting relationship than those with some differences between them. Experts in personality compatibility say it is best not to be too close to each other, but to have a closeness that makes you happy, despite any dissimilarities. It seems that couples who are joined at the hip physically and emotionally are in danger of stifling one another.

When the public health department of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, conducted psychological profiles on 732 men and women, over three years, they observed their levels of commitment, intimacy, depression, closeness as a couple and if they ever thought of separating.

This, together with

assessments of how alike their personalities were, and how much they shared the same personal values, sense of identity and point of view, gave the researchers enough information to compare the couples’ alikeness with their happiness and the strength of their relationship.

The couples who had the strongest relationships were not the closest. Interestingly, they knew this but were perfectly happy with things as they were.

For them being comfortable and secure in their closeness was enough. A healthy and

rewarding relationship comes from finding a way to reach a level of closeness that is ideal for both parties.

Perhaps we are drawn to people who may be quite wrong for us because it’s possible that some differences may actually add zest to the relationship. We are attracted to others because of things that are missing from our lives, or because they offer an escape to new experiences.

Without a combination of security and challenges, ambition and rationality a relationship could soon become empty and dull. But two partners with different, but complimentary, approaches to life stand every chance of living happily ever after.

Being drawn to someone who isn’t exactly like us is nature’s way of creating balance in a relationship – chemistry as they say. But it can only work as long as the differences complement and compensate each other.

Anything that reveals itself to be seriously incompatible or harmful to either partner is a sign to back away. Such attraction can grow cold, or worse still become destructive or abusive.

And now for those who

disagree, for whom opposites do not attract. They have the group of scientists who have found that people are only attracted to those holding the same views and values as they do. Their argument is this: People of like mind will be drawn together. But they will keep away from those who do not share their interests and beliefs. Similarities and common interests are usually the first things people latch on to, and any hint of a bond or future relationship is based on these, at least on a first meeting.

Just how important like meets like is in forming relationships is indicated by a survey of 1,500 random pairs, from romantic couples to friends and acquaintances. Each was questioned on all aspects of their

attitudes and personality. Their replies showed up the similarities and differences in each pair, and whether those in a long relationship had more in common with each other. What emerged was that each pair had similar life views, whether they had just met or been together for some time. Another experiment involved pairs who had just met in a college classroom. When the same pairs were questioned years later, they had hardly changed their beliefs at all.

So, if you are attracted to someone who seems to be the opposite of anyone you expected to fall for, be warned. Don’t go into a relationship, thinking of ways you will change your partner. It will never work.

Instead, take comfort in the familiar, and vive la difference!

Young love, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis

Together at last, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart

A successful stage, screen and real life couple, Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz

lives were as dramatic as any production in which they appeared.

That ‘70s Show was an American television period sitcom shown on Fox from 1998 to 2006, which starred .then unknowns Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis as the love interest.

Six years after the show finished they started dating and in 2015 they had a quiet wedding. Two children followed and to date they are still very much in love.

That art doesn't always imitate life will be clear to anyone familiar with the characters of Hans Solo and Ally McBeal; two more opposite personalities would be hard to imagine. But the actors, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, met at a Golden Globe award ceremony and, in a scene that could have been straight out of a rom-com, Calista spilt wine on Harrison to get his attention. In spite of a 22-year-age gap in her favour, the couple married eight years later, in 2010. And Calista subsequently squashed the wine story by admitting they had already been chatting for some time and it was Harrison who spilt the wine.

Performing regularly together in the theatre in London brought Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz together. But costarring in the 2011 film Dream House set the sparks flying and love grew on screen and off screen. Just before the film wrapped they married. They keep their marriage out of the limelight because, as Daniel said in a magazine interview: “I have a responsibility to protect the people around me, and I can't protect them if I just give them up.”

And, finally a match with a romantic pedigree you could not make up. Romeo, straight out of the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, meets Juliet in the Young Vic company's 1980s' production of Shakespeare's tragedy, especially and very successfully designed to appeal to a young audience. And in this case, off stage of course, there was a happy ending. Clive Owen and Sarah-Jane Fenton married in 1995 and they have two daughters. While Clive has never stopped working, gathering awards everywhere for the diverse roles he has played in Europe and the US, Sarah-Jane has diversified and

Falling in LOVE... again When a stage or screen romance leads to a real life relationship

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any couples meet through work and may well continue working in the same place once they are married. And they may well have enjoyed several romantic dramas and rom-coms, as an entertaining backdrop to their own real life together. In fact, the power of a romantic plotline in any play or film ensures that it is included in practically every story, even those with a title subject that is far removed from any hint of romance.

It's not surprising then that anyone working in the world of film or theatre, finds it all too easy for more than working relationships to develop. Long hours, days, even months, spent away from home on tour or filming, playing lovers, the intensity of earning a living in such a precarious profession create a perfect setting for strong bonds to be made.

Companies and units become a second family, emotions run high, and sometimes make believe and reality merge. Here are just a few couples for whose stage and screen roles led to

real life ones.

Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton first met in 1962, while playing the lead roles in Cleopatra. In a relationship that was both passionate and hopeless, they played devoted or warring couples on and off camera. They were remarried and divorced twice and it is no exaggeration to say that their

Tempetuous couple Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Butron in a scene from The Taming of the Shrew

Romeo and Juliet from the very beginning. Clive Owen and Sarah-Jane Fenton qualified in research and working in the field of mental health and with vulnerable young people.

And theirs' is a marriage that survived anything Hollywood could have chucked at it because for both, family always came first. Clive may have played opposite some of the world's most beautiful actresses but he says that the only one who held the key to his heart is his wife of over two decades, Sarah-Jane.

Brilliant as he could be at writing romantic tales and sonnets, William Shakespeare could never have imagined that love match.

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Will you MARRY ME? It is probably highly likely that a number of people are planning to propose marriage in a couple of weeks’ time

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t Valentines' Day is certainly the obvious opportunity to, as they say, pop the question. There is plenty of time to create the perfect ambience. It may be on land, sea or in the air; at an extravagant location with fireworks and trumpets, actual or metaphorical, or somewhere quiet and romantic with candle light; as long as it elicits the right reply.

But here are some remarkable proposals that not only had lifechanging results for the happy couple, but also made quite an impact on history itself. Of course, in our times very few marriage unions are based solely on positions of power and possessions of property, love is all your need. But that doesn't make the following engagements any less noteworthy.

Take the ring, a vital prop for any aspiring fiancé, which often

Mozart and Marie Antoinette as children features diamonds. This is thanks to an Austrian Archduke, Maximilian who, in 1477, went down on one knee to present a young Mary of Burgundy with a ring decorated with the letter M formed from carved diamonds.

The sensible girl said yes. And

the archduke had set a precedent that lasts to this day, with diamonds being far and away the most popular stones on engagement rings.

Mary was one of the lucky ones. Her father had promised her to a French prince, meaning

she could only communicate with Maximilian through letters.

But Mary's father died and Maximilian, although penniless set off to meet her. As with all love stories legends appear and in this one all the people he encountered on his way gave him gave him gifts of silver and gold, so he could buy a ring for his love.

Through his marriage Maximilian became an independent prince and subsequently the Holy Roman Emperor.

In much more modest circumstances, in 1936, Britain's King Edward VIII chose a quiet candlelit dinner to propose to an American, Wallis Simpson. She accepted, obviously, but she was a divorcée and, in those days, could never be recognised as the queen of England. Edward, consequently sacrificed the

Alexey Bykov, having convinced his fiancé he was worth it

The engagement ring which carried Luke Jerram’s proposal

Archduke, Maximilian and Mary, with the famous ring

throne. The following year the couple were married, 'writing' one of the greatest love stories ever and changing the face of British history.

The tragedy of young love is clearly illustrated by the childhood association of Marie Antoinette, youngest child of Francis I, Holy Roman Emperor, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

When the young musical genius was in Vienna, to perform before the Imperial Family, he and some of the children ended up fooling around after the concert.

Mozart fell over, landing in the arms of little Marie. It was love and he promptly proposed that they be married. They were both seven years old; marriage would have been out of the question, at least until Marie was 14. But if this sweet tale was actually true and a wedding had taken place Mozart might not have died in his 30s of one of the common disease of that age, and Marie Antoinette would have avoided the guillotine.

And if ever a proposal deserved to be turned down, consider how anyone could dream of using his death to convince his girlfriend she couldn't live without him.

But a wealthy Russian businessman, 30-year-old, Alexy Bykov actually went to the trouble of arranging a meeting with Irina Kolokov, at which she was turned up to find an accident scene and the news that he was dead. But the crashed car, blood and ambulance were all the work of the stuntman, makeup artist and other movie technicians hired by Bykov. He then emerged from the ambulance, arms full of flowers and balloons and carrying a ring.

As sick jokes go this is probably as bad as it gets. And yet far from passing out, or walking off, Irina overcame her surprise and any anger soon enough and actually accepted Bykov's proposal.

A better much better idea was that of artist Luke Jerram who let the ring say it all. He collaborated with a jeweller and someone who made old fashioned vinyl records maker to etch a 20-second sound recording into the surface of the ring, allowing his loving proposal to be played to his girlfriend, Shelina, on a miniature record player. And to top it all, they were floating in a hot air balloon at the time.

But however simple or elaborate you make your proposal the important thing is that if you are really meant for reach other, you will get it right.

Edward VIII of England and Wallis Simpson