FATHER'S DAY EDITION 1 SEPT. 2013
THE
MAN PLAN
BY MR JAMES KERLEY
THE MAN PLAN Dealing with relationships, any relationships, can be a total minefield for us guys. In my book, The Man Plan, which covers a tonne of life lessons I “borrowed” from people much smarter than me, one of the things I talk about is how important it is to get on with people. Your mates, your partner, your partner’s parents, people you work with, flatmates, neighbours, even the local barman. The one person we don’t give enough space to is our Dad – he’s been around forever and we spend as much time thinking about him as we do on the importance of thumbs. Not good enough – he deserves more. This chapter goes out to all our Dads…
JAMES KERLEY
PATERNAL INSTINCTS WHY DOES DAD ALWAYS GETS A RAW DEAL? Our mothers lugged us around for
like, and 49% OF US don’t have a clue
nine months before we were born,
what to buy him. 90% OF AUSSIES ask
whereas at that stage, our fathers’
their mum, sister, girlfriend or granny
involvement may just have been
to do the shopping – man up and
purely pleasurable.
do it yourself.
It’s no surprise, then, that our mums do
39% OF DADS expect at least one of us
better on the present front – WE SPEND
grown up kids to forget their special
ABOUT 37% LESS ON OUR DADS than on them.
day. Not bad, Dad – 36% OF US admit
A whole heap of research came out this
we have. The upside of that is that
year on the rough deal dads get around
3% OF DADS are up for a nice little surprise-
Father’s Day. We spend $56.2 MILLION on
even if they do end up with stupid
rubbish the old man doesn’t even
barbecue aprons.
WHO’S YOUR DADDY? WHERE DOES YOURS FIT IN?
DIY DAD
The tinkerer/inventer/hopeless money saver will never finish the Balinese gazebo in the backyard.
SOCIALLY INEPT DAD
Someone appreciates his jokes – a shame it’s him. It's a miracle this battler met your mother at all.
TRY HARD DAD
He listens to LMFAO, buys brand name tees and likes all your comments and friends’ comments on Facebook.
ROCKSTAR DAD
Never got over his obsession with KISS. Performs air guitar at family parties and when your mates are over.
MAD DOG DAD
He flamin' loves swearin' and being tough. Even the local dogs are scared of him and his tatts.
GRANDAD DAD
Forget about learning soccer with him – it’s bridge, croquet and Bing Crosby appreciation for you.
WHOEVER HE IS, HE’S YOUR DAD. TRY TO BUILD A DECENT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
PIE EATER DAD
This chompy chubster will clean the plates after dinner…straight into his gullet.Main exercise is with the remote.
NOTSOMUCHAROUND DAD
The workaholic/traveller had other things to do when you were learning to tie your shoelaces.
THE POWER OF DADS WHAT THE PSYCHOANALYSTS SAY... If you stop and look at the things that annoy you about your dad, generally they’re things you don’t like about yourself. As they say, the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. Maybe you’re lucky and have a cracking relationship with your dad, maybe you don’t have a relationship at all. Whatever your sitch, getting on with your old man is an important part of getting your life together. Recent international research on the father-son relationship shows that getting on with your dad does a lot for your longterm self esteem, your anxiety levels and even academic performance. Those old guys of psychoanalysis, Freud and Jung, both reckoned you can’t really get a sense of who you are without knowing your dad. Jungians even go so far as to say if you don’t physically like the look of your old man, you may end up being turned off by all bodies. Weird, or what.
DECODING DAD MY OWN HANDY TRANSLATION GUIDE It’s safe to say a lot of dads fake it on
YOU GET HIM
HE SAYS
HE MEANS
“Thanks.”
“Thanks for the socks. I hope you get tinea.”
“Just what I wanted.”
“Great. Fly spray. Again.”
“These handkerchiefs will come in handy.”
“Nose rags? Seriously?”
the gift front. They’re so used to getting dud gifts they’ve had plenty of practice, the poor battlers. bastards.It’s It’sdownhill downhillas assoon soon as blokes start shaving and a packet of disposable razors is seen as an acceptable present. Latest stats on the present front is that 42% of Aussie dads have pretended to like a gift, and 55% of Aussie kids know their dad will pretend to like anything they buy for him. But you don’t want your dad to have to give an Oscar award-winning performance on Father’s Day, so steer clear of these no-go zones.
MAN TIME FORGET THE SOCKS - BOND WITH THE OLD MAN In my early twenties, my mum and dad called it quits on their marriage. Never a fun thing to watch but it did allow me to develop a closer relationship with each
MATCHING SUIT
Matching leopard print suits from Bali will make you look like creeps; be subtle about it or go for matching cuff links or shirts.
DAD-FRIENDLY SPORTS
70% of Aussie dads want to spend more time with their kids – regular games of golf, or fishing, hiking or cycling trips could do the trick.
of them. Dad was an average cook, so I booked us both into a cooking course, and got to know a few more sides to him. I had a laugh at him ruining some pretty simple dishes but, more importantly, created some memories that when he is gone will sit
LIVE IT UP
Buy tickets to a sporting match you’d both love, or to the least painful of his fave artists who’ve dragged themselves out of retirement.
ROAD TRIP
The best bonding/hostage situation– priceless as you get to see your old fella as a human and not just that old grump who brought you up.
pretty sweet in the rear view mirror. There are many ways to bond with your old man. Whether you’ve already got a cracking relationship or you think he’s a right old piece of work, improving that bond will pay dividends in your other relationships.
HAVE A DRINK
Find a nice whisky that you both like and share a glass with the old fella.
MAN CAMPING
The best way of incorporating adventure, bonding, man skills, lack of man skills and annoying each other in one bonding package.
CLOSING RANT P FATHER’S DAY IS A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE TO STE THINGS UP ON THE RELATIONSHIP FRONT WITH THE OLD FELLA. ARE, AS TOUGH AS WE AUSSIE MALES LIKE TO THINK WE WE ALL LOVE TO FEEL SPECIAL AND NEEDED. THER’S CHEESY STUFF ASIDE, SPEND SOME EFFORT ON FA TER DAY AND, IF NOTHING MORE, YOU’LL GET HEAPS BET PRESENTS FOR YOUR B’DAY AND XMAS.
THIS ISN'T AWKWARD.
SHUT UP AND SMILE.
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