March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
www.pacepress.org
Volume 63 | Issue 17
THE PACE PRESSED SERVING PACE UNIVERSITY REALNESS SINCE 1948
Joke: (n), something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing ancedote, or a prankish act. The Pace Press has created this April Fool’s Issue as a joke, and this is the disclaimer.
BLACKOUT On Campus! (and we’re not talking about Britney) IVONNA THOMPSON Blackout Extraordinaire
The Student Union in complete darkness after the University neglected to pay the electric bill to Con Edison. Photo by Pace Security
INSIDE FOLLOW US ONLINE !
NEWS Fashion Bucks help students get free clothes PAGE 3
ARTS Porn sequels will have viewers coming back for more PAGE 9
Tweet us @thepacepress
FEATURES Hit T.V. show “Glee” moves production to NYC Campus PAGE 10
“Like” The Pace Press
2
www.pacepress.org
NEWS
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
White History Months announced as University holiday Celebration to span from March until October will highlight Caucasian societal contributions ERICK MANCEBO Features Intern The University recently unveiled plans to hold celebrations for White History Months from March through October. The celebrations seek to provide a safe, understanding and celebratory environment for the University’s Caucasian students. “Sometime in the middle of February, I just started to feel very persecuted as a white, upper class, heterosexual male. I just felt like no one was really taking into account mine and my ancestors’ contributions to society,” White History Months creator and senior Thomas F. Dixon said. “I had never really thought about celebrating White History to be honest,” junior Newt Whitnie said. “But it kind of makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean we celebrate Black History. And we have the gay [LGBTQA] Center. We celebrate almost every one except for the people who I personally identify with. I’m just tired of being the bad guy for suggesting that my ancestors also contributed to our society,” Whitnie added. Some students vehemently oppose the new celebrations however, like freshman Sabrina Twearles. “I can see where they’re coming from, but I mean, February is the shortest month out of the year and I just feel it’s kind of a slap in the face to celebrate White History for
seven months out of the year,” Twearles said. The University and its students have recently come under fire for the planned celebrations, with other schools threatening to cut ties with the University. Dixon says he was ready for the backlash however, and implores the University and University President Stephen J. Friedman to hold their ground. “In the fight of white against black, I mean, good against evil, I mean, in the fight to eradicate racism, there will always be those who prefer to cling on to their old ways and those who seek to issue gag orders and not have any of us talk about it. What I’m doing is I’m raising the issue of White oppression and giving it a real stage— otherwise, the white man will continue to be persecuted until he is no longer,” Dixon said. When asked if he was racist against people of color, Dixon said, “What? Am I a racist? That doesn’t matter. But of course not,” before adding, “Did you know that by 2020, scientists project that the United States will be made of mostly non-whites? That to me is so scary because it means that for the first time ever whites may not hold as much power as we used to. We need to nip this in the bud and continue to perpetuate the ideas and people that made this country great in the first place.” The University was said to be on board with Dixon’s
Disclosure: The ad below is real and not a part of The April Fool’s Edition.
proposals and has allocated funds for various campus events throughout the seven month celebration. Groups of students in charge of the celebrations have already planned a number of events for the upcoming months. Dixon also said they were using a controversial technique, and warned that they would be doing a lot of things that might seem racist towards white people, but maintained that the group is taking back white identity from white oppressors. “We plan to play on white stereotypes and use them in events and hopefully spark a conversation. Worst case scenario is we all have fun,” Dixon said. Events planned by Dixon and other members of the yet-to-be-named student club held in charge of planning White History Months include, “Whole Foods Night,” in which members go out and try to buy the most organic and cruelty-free food they can, “White Guilt Night,” in which members volunteer at a South Bronx soup kitchen for two hours a month, “Snuggie Nights,” in which participants bedazzle and embroider their Snuggies and submit them for awards and “John Mayer Appreciation Week,” which is held twice a month, every month with a special appearance by comedian Dave Chapelle.
Rick Santorum learns Español as apology to Puerto Rico SARAH AIRES News Intern Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney won the GOP presidential primary election in Puerto Rico on March 18 with 20 delegate votes. While former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum was heavily criticized for comments he made about Puerto Rico the week before the primary vote was held. During a rally for his campaign on March 14, Santorum referred to Puerto Rico as a “Spanish speaking country” that must “adopt English as its official language” if it ever “wants to pursue statehood.” The comments caused uproar on the island as Puerto Rico’s official languages are English and Spanish and the vote to change the commonwealth’s status won’t occur until November. The Santorum campaign has been working furiously to assuage the public and regain support from Hispanic voters by announcing that he has recently begun taking Spanish classes. Santorum also plans on giving a few of his remaining rallies entirely in Spanish, specifically in border states. After divulging his plans to learn Spanish, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, also known as El Bloombito, has offered his services as a Spanish tutor to Santorum and is now his official tutor. El Bloombito released a statement on Mar. 19 stating, “Yo soy muy thankfulador que Santorum askedo for yo to be el maestro de Espanolador! Estoy muy, muy excited.” Santorum also said of the impending deal, “Bloombito esta muy helpfulador. Firstamente, yo quiero sayo lo siento para los commentos que yo saide. Puerto Rico es un muy fantastic commonwealthio, y Espanol es un beautifulo language!” Santorum’s campaign managers are hoping this move will give the candidate an edge up on the current front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination. Santorum will be giving interviews on Univision and Telemundo over the next few months leading up to the election. Univision has also proposed a reality show which would follow the presidential hopeful in his quest to learn Spanish with unprecedented access into the tutoring sessions in NYC’s City Hall in El Bloombito’s office. Santorum and Univision are still in talks to begin filming the reality show, which is set to air starting in July. During the most recent report, it was revealed that Santorum can now speak, read and write Spanish at a 4th grade level.
NEWS
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
www.pacepress.org
3
Fashion Bucks give Flex Dollars a run for their money University provides students with $3,000 for shopping sprees each semester SARAH AIRES News Intern
The University recently created Fashion Bucks which allows students to shop almost anywhere in NYC using their tuition. The program, inspired by Flex Dollars, is set to be available for students starting with the Fall 2012 semester. “It’s only fair,” junior Ivanna Spend said. “This school is more than 50k a year and that does not include the amount of money spent on clothes, make-up, club cover fees and cab fare. I don’t even eat in the café or spotlight or ShopRite or whatever it’s called, so that money goes to waste anyway. This might be the smartest thing Pace has done. At least now I’m getting my money’s worth,” Spend said. Research conducted by the University has shown that the majority of students have been spending their Fashion Bucks on clothing. Fashion Bucks, included in the tuition package at around $3,000, can be redeemed at any number of clothing stores throughout Manhattan. With the cost of tuition increasing by approximately $1,000 per credit for the fall semester, some Administration members have expressed the sentiment that it is only fair that students be given three credits worth of tuition to shop in order
to dissuade them from rioting over the outrageous tuition costs they’ll be forced to pay for the remainder of their time at the University.
“This might be the smartest thing Pace has done. At least now I’m getting my money’s worth.” -Ivanna Spend,
Junior
Since trying to fix the Office of Student Assistance (OSA) and Café 101 have not been as successful as they had hoped, the Administration has determined retail therapy is the next viable option to help increase University morale. Psychology Professor Dr. Aima Quack has written extensively on the topic of retail therapy as it pertains to gang mentalities. Dr. Quack said, “It’s no coincidence that people shop when they are upset or annoyed or frustrated. Spending money releases endorphins that mimic genuine happiness and create a feeling of release and relaxation.
Heterosexual Center spreads awareness and equality among student body IVONNA THOMPSON Blackout Extraordinaire The University announced that it will be opening a Heterosexual Center in conjunction with the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Questioning Allies (LGBTQA) Center. As a result of Ally Week observing heterosexual allies of the LGBTQA community, a few University LGBTQA allies decided to create a proposal for the Administration’s to review and got approval for the Heterosexual Center. Both organizations will share a building in the Financial District that will have plenty of space for classes, seminars and presentations. Some of the features of the Heterosexual Center will include heterosexual films, books and pamphlets on safe sex and dating advice for heterosexual relationships. It will also provide listings of restaurants, lounges and clubs for heterosexuals to attend with friends and LGBTQA allies. Heterosexual Center Coordinator Marie Suarez said, “We have plenty of information for heterosexual students. We even have a map with up to date current states in the U.S. that perform heterosexual marriages and civil unions. There will be discussion groups on how to come out to families as a heterosexual. “For those who are worried about being fired from their jobs for being straight, we even have a listing of heterosexual friendly work places. There is also a well-versed staff that knows legal rights for straight couples. Annual events will include heterosexual proms. We’ll even have a live stream of the only heterosexual network in NYC,” Suarez added. There have been opponents to the idea and feel that it hinders on the process of moving LGBTQ integration forward. Junior Chloe Lezzie said, “I’m outraged to be honest, why does there have to be this false notion of ‘equality’? Just look outside, there are hetero couples everywhere.” Both LGBTQ supporters and Heterosexual allies of the Heterosexual Center issued a statement that said, “We do not mean to offend anyone on campus. We only want to appreciate everyone in the University community so no one would feel left out. Our main message is to focus on equality. We should all be learning about our sexual identities and practices from one another in an experienced way.” The University has stated that the Heterosexual Center will not solely conduct events for hetero students. Classes will be offered by both LGBTQ and Hetero Centers that will count towards the Queer Studies Minor and Women’s & Gender Studies major and minor. Safe zone training will be offered by both Centers in which the University hopes to foster a community on campus. Representatives of the Administration issued a statement saying, “These classes will be taught by experienced first hand professors in the respective curriculum. We not only want teachers to teach safe sex education notions, but also relay first hand experiences to give students the prime sex education they need for their personal encounters.” Some of the classes with include Condom Usage 101: Multiple Uses for All, Dental Dam Application: More than what you think and Lubricant: Slip n’ Slide, just to name a few. No matter if you are gay, straight, or bi lesbian transgender, everyone and anyone will now feel included at the University.
“It is brilliant that the University has taken this measure to really take into consideration the mental health of the students, since they are all becoming increasingly aware of how difficult it will be once they graduate and are bombarded with the thousands of dollars in loans they pretended didn’t exist while they were in school,” Dr. Quack added. A student survey has been announced for next semester, which the University hopes will help determine where students are spending and what they are spending on. There has been some tension amongst some students who feel the new $3,000 spending allowance on Fashion Bucks will make some students susceptible to shopping addictions, or in some extreme cases, hoarding. There is a rising concern about the close comparison to this access to frivolous spending as there has been for young kids leaving their homes for the first time and their out of control partying. “As a freshman, I left home and came to Pace and my partying ways were basically out of control. If you handed me $3,000 on top of that I probably would have lost it. And there is no way I would have been able to stop at the limit. I would have found a way to spend more,” sophomore Mo Wallace said.
University allows students to catch up on naptime in the Student Union SHYAM NOOREDEEN Staff Writer University President Stephen J. Friedman recently announced that the Student Union will be transformed into a new Nap Center on April 1. The Nap Center will be a place where students can go to relax or take a quick nap. Currently, the Student Union is only occupied when there are activities on campus or for social gatherings. Other than these reasons, students can often be found sleeping or unwinding there. Although the Student Union usage hasn’t been very consistent, transforming the space into a Nap Center seems to be well accepted amongst the student body. “It’s a great use of space because regardless, the Student Union isn’t used much,” freshman Mitchel Jones said. The Nap Center will include plush pillows, blankets, individual cubicles and dimmed lighting to make student’s experiences more enjoyable with relaxing chairs and full-size beds occupying most of the space. Germaphobes rest assure, used blankets are to be placed in a laundry bin upon each usage and pillows and beds will also be covered with clean fabric after each use. “I was worried about sharing blankets and other sleeping necessities with others, but it seems as though the school has tackled that issue. It’s great to see the Administration listening to what students want and being proactive about it,” junior Matthew Tibbs said. Upon entrance, students will check-in using their University ID cards and pick up blankets and pillows at the front desk. Those who wish to bring along their own pillows and blankets are encouraged and allowed to do so. There will be no extra charge to students as the University fee covers the Nap Center. Students also have the option to check their belongings in at the front desk, where they will be given a number to retrieve it at the end
of their session. Those who wish to take their belongings with them may do so. The Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts will now be home to all University activities and meetings so students can relax at the Nap Center. “I think it makes sense to move all campus activities to the Schimmel Center and devote the Student Union to Pace students because it’s hardly used and students end up sleeping in there anyway. From what I heard, the plans for the Nap Center seem awesome and I’ll definitely use the space more often,” freshman Katarzyna Jacobs said. Beds were generously donated by Sleepy’s and Tempur-Pedic so students should not be worried about comfort ability. Macy’s and several other specialty boutiques sponsored the blankets and pillows. At the Nap Center, students are encouraged to limit cell phone usage, talking, loud music or any activity that will disturb others. The use of iPods and other electronic devices are only allowed if they are used considerately. Staff members will be available to ensure that everything runs efficiently. One-third of the Nap Center will be dedicated to a casual relaxing area that will include comfortable chairs with an overhead compartment that will provide privacy. The overhead compartment has a built in LED screen and a switch to the side of the chair, which enables students to change their surroundings to a galaxy or night sky theme. The chairs are equipped with a reclining and even a massage setting, perfect for unwinding before or after a tough exam. Each chair has a LED light and a pullover desk for those who wish to do assignments in a rather comfortable way. “I probably would be using the chairs more because they seem really cool and I’m not so sure if I would trust myself falling asleep in school,” junior Yakovich Campbell said.
www.pacepress.org
4
NEWS
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
MTA gives “underground partying” new meaning at G Spot Club owner Dougie Francisco gives commuters the only club in NYC to accept MetroCards
The G-Spot flyer.
Hilda Adeniji | The Pace Pressed
ERICK MANCEBO Features Intern The Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) announced on March 21 plans to halt G train service indefinitely starting March 28. The MTA cited the cost of upkeep and the lagging desire to help out subway passengers who weren’t living “with the rest of us who matter in Manhattan.” Subway passengers banded together to protest the decision, holding rallies across the city and completing online petitions demanding restoration of G train service but were unable to make headway against the plans. The MTA also announced that the underground tunnel and respective G trains had been sold to a group of wealthy Manhattan club owners who were looking to build the world’s first-ever in-motion subway train/club to be opened by this summer.
These train cars already have poles for dancing — some music would be bumping!
-@clubgrl4lyfe
University Freshman The proposal for the club seeks to use the loop formation of the train tracks to keep party-goers in a state of constant motion. The train/club will stop at each end of the former G train line once every hour on the hour, but will not tell commuters which end the train is currently stopped at. “That’s part of the fun,” club owner Dougie Francisco said. “You’re going to get drunk, be dancing and when you want to leave, you won’t know whether you’re in Brooklyn or Queens. I personally can’t wait to see how this all turns out!” Fransisco added. The club, to be named “G Spot,” is set to be a world class destination. The clubs owners tout the club as the first ever luxury destination that spans two boroughs. The owners are dead set on reaching their target party audience, admitting however, that the club won’t be too hard to get into. Bouncers at the train stations will reportedly accept MetroCards as cover or $2.50 in cash.
“At first I didn’t like the idea of replacing a train with a club, because that’s what I use to get back and forth from work. …But after I heard that the club takes MetroCards, I decided to reconsider because that’s a really good deal for New Yorkers,” sophomore Alexander Mickey said. Many students across the city celebrated the news of the new discount luxury club, with many taking to the Internet and posting to Facebook and Twitter about the club’s opening. One tweet from University freshman Breeana Montagra (@clubgrl4lyfe) read, “These train cars already have poles for dancing — some music would be bumping’!” As a promotional deal, Francisco announced that NYC students would be granted special early access to the club, starting in mid April and would be able to give feedback to the owners. Students will be able to help decide on an appropriate speed for the train/club, light, ambiance and helping to design special train cars. One draft of the proposal suggests using separate train cars for different types of music, but there are concerns of drunken club goers hanging out between train cars and smoking cigarettes. “We want to make sure that as much fun as we have, we do it in the safest way possible. But obviously fun comes first,” Francisco said. Some critics of the plan however were unsatisfied with Francisco’s promise to plan the club safely and continued to argue about the safety of the trains and wondered whether the “drop-off-wherever-you-are” exit plan wouldn’t backfire for the club’s owners. “What would these clubbers do if they find they got off the train at the wrong borough? What will these people do if they were to be stuck underground? How would they deal with it? I don’t approve of any of this until I see a proper contingency plan in place, that’s for sure,” Queens borough advisor Latron McQueen said. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg released a statement on his website in support of the club. “As Mayor, I’m always excited to welcome new and interesting entrepreneurial enterprises into the city. This proposal is one of the most well-researched and well-thought out proposals to come across my desk this year. I, for one, can’t wait to party it up with you all come summer.”
ATTENTION SENIORS and FRESHMEN!!!
Have you received an email from the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE), asking you to complete their online survey? When you take the time to fill out the NSSE, you give Pace a chance to know you better and make Pace work better for you! Not only that, but completing the survey enters you into a Pace‐only raffle for:
First Prize: Apple iPad2 Second Prize: Kindle DX
The NSSE Survey window closes April 29. Don’t miss your chance to have an iPad2 or Kindle!
You can log in to NSSE here: https://www.nssesurvey.org/login. cfm. If you do not know your login ID, you will need to follow the “Don’t know your login ID” link and enter your Pace e‐mail address. If you have not received any e‐mail invitations to the survey, you may not be eligible. Please feel free to contact Joy Tatusko at jtatusko@pace.edu or x22753 if you have any questions. Disclosure: The ad below is real and not a part of The April Fool’s Edition.
NEWS
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
www.pacepress.org
5
University television channel tapped to provide content to Oprah network POP TV contributes show ideas and guidance to the talk show queen
NICOLE MORALES Features Intern Since the cancellation of “The Rosie Show” on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) and the admitted stumble of the network in general, Winfrey has decided to switch up the formatting of the network. In a surprising turn of events, this format change includes having third party contributors licensing content to OWN to boost ratings. So far there is only one contracted contributor as Winfrey has personally requested the aid of the University’s NYC Campus’ Pace Official Programming Television, POP TV, to help the fledgling network. Impressively, POP TV is still a fairly young organization; however Winfrey has had the University station on her radar from the start. Executive Editor of POP TV Samantha Bassford was only slightly surprised at the announcement. “Before the cancellation of ‘The Rosie Show’ Oprah would call up the office to ask us for suggestions. She would consult us because she wanted a fresh pair of eyes,” Bassford said. Upon cancellation, POP TV already had the intuition that Winfrey would approach them for material input. “We don’t want to say that we knew because we didn’t, but Oprah pretty much had us waiting in the wings from the very beginning,” Bassford added. The announcement is only verification of POP TV’s success. The organization immediately began planning and writing material for three new OWN programs as part of the overhaul plan. Although POP TV has signed a
contract restricting the discussion of specifics for projects with OWN, the organization has noted that they plan on using their knowledge and savvy of youth culture to help OWN relate to a younger audience.
We understand Oprah has sacrificed so much to make it work, much like we have for our own club. That’s why this partnership is perfect.
-Samantha Bassford
Executive Editor, POP TV
“We have decided to use our University culture to our advantage,” Bassford explained. “We are currently in the process of writing a series of half hour re-enacted segments based on true events that take place within University life, dealing with all of the drama that adolescents are faced with day to day. It will be a way for young audiences to relate and older audiences to finally understand.” Another project with OWN is in the very beginning stages of production, so its content discussion is restricted. However, the third project is currently casting current University students for an ‘actual reality show’ according to POP TV. While the name of the program cannot be released yet, Winfrey is said to be most excited for this contribution. The basis of the show includes five fortunate
University students who want to change their lives from the inside out. It will be a complete overhaul in the students’ lives. However, no overhaul is complete without the intervention of Winfrey herself. The catch of the show is that unbeknownst to the students, Winfrey will be living with them in the house to observe, correct and cheer on positive behaviors. “We wanted to take it there,” Bassford said. “Oprah really wanted to get involved in OWN and now we’re helping her really achieve that.” Winfrey has not yet commented on the show but is reportedly “very happy” and “fully trusts POP TV’s vision.” This is a sigh of relief for the University organization. Bassford added, “We really want OWN to work out. We understand Oprah has sacrificed so much to make it work, much like we have for our own club. That’s why this partnership is perfect.” While OWN may still be struggling with ratings, POP TV has had an increase in University viewers and even interest from the outside. Their YouTube channel easily gets 5,000 views a day, while the count for their iTunes downloads peaks at number one each week in T.V. downloads. Winfrey’s unconventional tactic to increase ratings and broaden the audience will surely have a positive impact for her network as well as for POP TV. “It’s nice to know we’re finally getting the recognition we deserve,” Bassford said, “Now that Oprah has us on her side, she can see the results for OWN that she envisioned for the network.”
Disclosure: The ad below is real and not a part of The April Fool’s Edition.
Fall 2012 registration
Graduate registration begins April 2 ■ Undergraduate registration begins April 9 ■
Spring into Fall !
and fee payments are due August 3 ■ The last day to drop/add a course is September 18 ■ Register at www.pace.edu/register* or in person at any OSA/Student Solutions Center ■ Tuition
*Don’t forget to visit www.pace.edu/register to find your academic adviser and plan your courses before registering. All holds, including immunization compliance and past due balances, must be cleared before registering.
Questions? Call (877) 672-1830, send a trackable e-mail to OSA@pace.edu, or visit the OSA/Student Solutions Centers at:
Fall 2012 registration starts in April
One Pace Plaza, New York City ■ Administration Center, Pleasantville ■ Graduate Center, White Plains ■
www.pace.edu/register
6
www.pacepress.org
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
OPINION AND EDITORIALS DISCLAIMER: This is the April Fool’s Edition, a joke issue. Enjoy!
We couldn t decide on fonts so we decided to wring it in this random nonsense and you should totally rea d The Pace Press every day for the rest of your life and I wonder how long this articlewill be. oops. Oh well. opwquefhigdfj0-fklsajflkdsvbhajfpoewur-jklfjds l k i j h w l f gdshQWERUIOIGUV We couldn t decide on fonts so we decided to wring it in this random nonsense and you should totally rea d The Pace Press every day for the rest of your life and I wonder how long this articlewill be. oops. Oh well. opwquefhigdfj0-fklsajflkdsvbhajfpoewur-jklfjds l k i j h w l f gdshQWERUIOIGUV d The Pace Press every day for the rest of your life and I wonder how long thi
The A-Spot
“Abstinence Anti-Sex is the Safest Sex…” – Ivonna Thompson Hello everyone. Most of you have heard about the new LGBTQ/Hetero Sexual Centers dedicating a lot of their time towards “safe sexual education,” but I’m here to offer an alternative for the University. As an active student of the University it is my job to fill any voids around. This alternative may seem as if it is the least fun for many people, but it is the best and that is abstinence. Abstinence means refraining from any kind of sex at all and is the most effective for every individual, no matter what his or her sexual orientation, race and/or creed. Before I proceed any further, I would like to say that I feel uncomfortable with the word, “sex” and I’d like to offer an alternative word for it called, “clapping.” Yes, actually that makes me feel much better…clapping is a perfect alternative. This column is supposed to teach you how to prevent clapping from occurring at its earliest stages before either you or your potential life or temporary lover, even think about it. Do not be discouraged to tell that strapping young man or beautiful young lady to cover up their wrists and ankles. Be weary of those people, especially if they have tattoos on those areas, which are prime factors to draw in potential clapping partners. Even a compliment of an outfit, garment or accessory should immediately signal that someone might want to clap with you. To be completely honest, any showing of the skin or even a flip of the hair can encourage clapping and we do not want that to happen. Another situation in which you should be on alert for is any form of potential clapping is the first date. We can all safely admit that it is very nerve wrecking, especially for college students. If you’re on a first date, break that eye contact right away from that hottie who is trying to stare you down so they can draw you in for clapping. Just remain strong and hold your ground and say, “No clapping for me, you wannabe clapper. I see you trying to make eye contact and to clap with me to get to my naughty bits.” In other words resist all temptation and just say no to clapping. Another potential clapping technique that I want to address is if a potential lover tries to touch you: be careful! Even if they lightly tap your arm with regards to something funny you may have mentioned, be sure to step away as far as possible and give them a look of horror. If they ask why or what’s wrong just tell them you are anti-clapping and they will instantly get the hint. Abstinence is so helpful that it prevents all of the horrors that clapping brings to everyone’s lives such as clapping transmitted diseases EEK! =X And I won’t forget to mention that not clapping prevents unwanted pregnancy for all of my lady friends out there. From my firsthand account I’m here to say that my life is perfect without clapping and I do not need it. Personally if you haven’t noticed, I’m waiting for that special lady to share my clapping experience with until marriage. I know it will be worth the wait. Our clapping will be so enjoyable and so perfect, honest and rhythmic and simply beautiful because it will be pure….at least I think…no, I know it will be. There will not be any jealously, distrust or cheating because we both value clapping with each other so much that the experience cannot be shared with anyone else, but I digress. While I do value those who try find “safe” ways for clapping, I feel abstinence is the be all end all. Many problems will be solved such as less break ups, less divorces, depression rates will be lowered, as well as potential diseases. I can see it all now—the world will be perfect, and just remember: save clapping until marriage!
THE PACE PRESS EDITORIAL BOARD Kim Bui Editor-in-Chief Kaitlynn Blyth Gyncologist Ivonna Thompson Posion Ivy Hilda Adeniji Don Draper Fotini Sachpatzidis Gossip Girl Stephanie Hansen Arts Editor Craigney Kardashian Real Housewife Kate Hamzik BITCH Leucepe Martinez Papi Nazary Nebeluk Rasputien Kathryn Bosch Circulation Manager Michael Oricchio Faculty Consultant
AVOXS Sarah Aires Olivia Beteta Erick Mancebo Nicole Morales Damien Morgan
STAFF Amanda Baker Patrick deHahn Joanna Gonzalez Anthony Mastroianni Ruveena Rossitto Shannon McMahon Shyam Noredeen Julia Yeung
The Pace Press is the student newspaper of Pace University’s New York City Campus. It is managed and operated entirely by members of the student body as it appears above. The Pace Press welcomes guest editorials and letters from students, faculty, administration and staff. The Pace Press reserves the right to not publish any submitted material, both solicited and unsolicited. All submissions must include the author’s full name and contact information. The Pace Press 41 Park Row, Rm. 902 New York, NY 10038 www.pacepress.org editor@pacepress.org
Copyright 2012
www.pacepress.org
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
7
ARTS
new initiative aims to beautify current lack luster campus University students are more fi red up than Charmander’s majestic tail
I choose you, Charmander!
fanpop.com
OLIVIA BETETA Arts Intern The University has always prided itself at producing well-rounded individuals. To do this, the University requires that all students complete a variety of Areas of Knowledge (AOKs) courses. However, many have felt that the arts have been ignored in the educational process. The idea to make students get more involved with the arts came from the Head of the Committee to Enhance the Beauty of the University, Gary Elm. “With this new
initiative, students will be forced to leave their comfort zone and create something, leaving the school with even more training. It will not only enhance the appearance of the school, but create students who are better prepared to battle on the job market,” Elm said. The plan is set to begin for the Fall 2012 semester, meaning students looking to graduate in Spring 2013 will have to complete a piece before April of that year. Each student would be forced to submit a work of art that can be hung on the walls of the University. Students can submit work in the form of photographs or a mural. There is talk to expand the program to include videos that would play on each of the Homer screens as well. Each submitted work would have to measure a minimum of 24 by 12 inches. This would ensure that students not only put their full effort and attention in the work, but also create a piece large enough to leave an impression. The idea has been receiving mixed reviews from University students and faculty. Junior Ash Ketchem is one of the many opposed to the plan. “I have spent a lot of time these past few years outside of the University, training to become the very best, like no one ever was, so I haven’t spent a lot of time here and could care less how it looked. Honestly, I think it is a waste of time and they should make it optional,” Ketchem said. Sophomore Misty Yawa disagrees. “ I think it’s a great idea. Personally I get a lot of inspiration from the water and sea creatures and I would love the opportunity to express that in a public forum,” Yawa said. Senior Brock Rockwell is also in favor of the plan. “I wish I had the chance to do something like that. I feel like we could really open a lot of eyes to see the true talent and inner strength each student has,” Rockwell said. The project would give a creative outlet to all those students who had always wanted to leave their mark on
the University but didn’t know how. It would also allow those students who had previously not been able to take an art class an opportunity to learn a little about the art department. Each student will be assigned an art advisor, who would offer their opinions and tips in order to help the students create a piece of art work. Students not interested in art are out of luck. The plan hopes to encompass all students looking to graduate. Those with no artistic talent to speak of will still be responsible for producing a piece. “The students work will not be judged in any format. They are solely meant to bring students out of their shells and more involved in their school,” Elm said. Animal Studies Professor James Oak is not as enthusiastic. “I think it is our duty to go out into the world and learn about the creatures living around us. We give the students too much extra work to do, they should go out and explore and learn, and not be worrying about adding to the ‘beauty’ of the school,” Professor Oak said. The University has been working almost non-stop to shed its status as a “business” school. The addition of a new arts center and the expansion of the dance major are all meant to draw in more art students. All of this work is putting the University in the same league as other large NYC universities such as NYU and Fordham. “We are hoping that all of this work we are doing towards making the University a more beautiful place will bring more applicants, and eventually students, here to Pace. Through this we hope to grow the Pace community and really connect all the students on a primal level,” Elm said. Those wishing to be involved in the voting should meet in Dean for Students Marijo Russell O’Grady’s office on April 1 at 12 p.m. for a discussion before the final vote later that day.
“Rocko’s Modern Life” being made into a star-studded action movie STEPHANIE HANSEN Arts Editor
Since the ’90s, it seems that cartoons have taken a turn for the worst. All the fart jokes and over the top violence and absurdity have been cast aside to teach kids about stuff. That’s what school is for, learning and sometimes fart jokes. Luckily, someone decided they had had enough of these “educational” cartoons and stepped up to the plate to bring back “Rocko’s Modern Life” for one last hurrah. Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg and Quentin Tarantino are teaming up to create the action version of “Rocko’s Modern Life” called Rocko’s Modern Kick-Ass Take No Prisoners Motherfucking Life! The plot of the movie will center on Spunky being kidnapped from the Chokey Chicken by Ed Bighead (Alan Rickman) and his army of zombie bugs. Rocko (Robert Downey Jr.) must team up with his best buddies Heffer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Filburt (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) to rescue Spunky. When asked about his choice to play disgruntled neighbor Ed Bighead, Rickman said, “Hans Gruber was my greatest role of all time. I have no idea what I was thinking playing Severus Snape. Seriously, what the hell was that? Playing Ed Bighead will bring back some of my bad ass credibility.” Rocko and his friends also run into some lesser known characters like the Chameleon brothers played by Bill Murray and Bruce Willis. There is a little bit of romance tossed in so that guys who have girlfriends who prefer Katherine Heigl getting dumped a bunch over explosions and laughter, can convince their girlfriends to put down the chocolate, change out of their UGGs and see some cinematic genius. Dr. Hutchison, the woman Filburt loves with the passion of a thousand burning suns, must come to his aid when things go awry during the mission and Filburt falls on his back and can’t get up. It is rumored that Dr. Hutchison will be played by Tina Fey. If the plot isn’t enough to get you pre-ordering tickets, then the stunts might sway you to get out your wallet and call out of work to see the movie. The movie is set for release this summer and already has critics giggling like little school girls. “Finally! Someone is making a movie based off of something people care about. This movie is the cheese. It is better than both the salami and the bologna combined!” film critic Roger Ebert said. Rocko’s Modern Kick-Ass Take No Prisoners Motherfucking Life! is sure to bring back people’s faith in what makes good T.V. and movies. Hopefully the success of
the film will send a message to programming executives so parents can stop suffering through cartoons without sexual innuendos, eye balls popping out of heads and fart noises thrown into episodes for no reason.
“Rocko’s Modern Life” to become live action film.
fanpop.com
ARTS
www.pacepress.org
8
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
Star Wars will be saying “Luke I am your father” again DAMIEN MORGAN Arts Intern
Harrison Ford, the only actor that made it outside of Star Wars. posterplanet.net Disclosure: The ad below is real and not a part of The April Fool’s Edition.
Sober Housing in the heart of Tribeca NOW OPEN Hazelden’s Tribeca Twelve Collegiate Recovery Residence A great new peer community for students committed to recovery and academic success
tre
tre
et
hS tre et urc ac
hS
Ch
Be
tre
et
eS
lS
ee n
na
Gr
Ca
et
roa W. B
Avenue of the Americas
Wo ost
dw
er
ay
Str
ee
t
Live in a beautifully renovated historic building with built-in recovery support
Lis
pe
na
rd
Call Today
Str
877-429-5088 hazelden.org/tribeca ee
t
A partnership of Hazelden and Columbia Psychiatry
3658-6
The science fiction space film series, Star Wars, has made history and impacted many lives. Star Wars creator, George Lucas, has decided to release this summer all six episodes one after another in a single sitting in theaters in every major city. This new release will show that this unforgettable storyline of light saber fights, heroic adventures, and undeniable love will never die. The epic tale starts with The Phantom Menace and two Jedi Knights caught in the middle of a battle on a planet called Naboo. Queen Padme Amidala seeks the assistance of the two Jedis, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi, but find themselves in a sticky situation when they crash land on a planet that seems to have endless deserts. Wanting to find parts for their ship, Qui-Gon Jinn meets a child that seems to know a lot about machines and offers a way for the Jedi’s to receive the money for their new engine. Through the sport, pod racing, young genius Anakin Skywalker enters to win the money. Through the heated race everything was at stake. Anakin could win his freedom and the grand prize could give the Jedi’s a new engine to get off the planet. With too much on the line for the outcome of the race, no one in the theater will be able to sit casually until it’s over. In this death race the young child, Anakin wins and Qui-Gon leaves the planet with him. Then in the sequel Attack of the Clones, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin reappear years after the sith lord Darth Maul killed Qui-Gon Jinn and ObiWan killed him. While the Jedi Council, ran by Yoda, is looking for the root of all evil, the sith lord Darth Sidious, Anakin has grown into a Jedi himself, but is experiencing troubles in trying to figure out who he is and what his dark predicted future means. Sophomore Brandon Phillips expressed his interest in the series and his favorite parts of the film series. “I love how the whole time the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, Senator Palpatine, is really Darth Sidious but has everyone fooled and then Anakin grows up to be Darth Vader,” Phillips said. The series took a romantic turn when Anakin falls in love with Padme and they wed secretly even though it is forbidden within the Jedi Council. The wedding takes place after a grand fight with the help of the republics new force, the clone solders. During the battle Anakin loses his arm. Soon after he got Padme pregnant. The follow up, Revenge of the Sith, harbors a big twist to the story line that changes how anyone would visualize the Jedi Council and the Clone Wars taking place because of Darth Sidious. The clone solders turn on the Jedi Council and kill almost all of them off; all while Anakin turns to the dark side, Darth Sidious reveals his true identity as Emperor for life of the newly established Galactic Empire and Padme dies while giving birth to twins. In the fourth part of the series, A New Hope, the audience is then introduced to a 19-year-old boy on the planet Tatooine named Luke Skywalker. After he buys two droids from a dealer, R2-D2 and C-3PO, he receives a message from Princess Leia asking for help after she’s been captured by Darth Vader. Little does he know that Princess is indeed his sister and Darth Vader is his father, which isn’t revealed until the next film in the series. Luke meets up with the ex-Jedi Obi-Wan who hire a bounty hunter by the name Han Solo and his Wookie co-pilot Chewbacca to take them to Alderaan. They soon find out that the planet has been destroyed by Darth Sidius’s ship, the Death Star. While onboard the boy learns about the force and tries his hand in saving the Princess. Junior Kimberly Thomas shared his opinion on this part of the film series. “When this newly formed crew went aboard the Death Star I thought it was the greatest heroic scene in cinema history. That was until I think Luke and Leia kissed, which was weird because they’re siblings,” Thomas said. In The Return of the Jedi, Luke travels to finish his Jedi training with the old master, Yoda. But then Darth Vader lures Luke to him by capturing Han Solo and returning him to the gangster Jabba the Hutt who Solo had a debt with. Ending with an epic light saber battle between father and son, until Luke loses his arm just like Anakin in previous films and it’s revealed who his father is. With Rebel Alliance trying to destroy the empire once and for all, Luke returns fight back his old crew from the fourth movie, except Obi-Wan who had been killed by Darth Vader. The Empire Strikes Back displays in full force the triumph the teddy bear like creators, ewoks and the alliance had in the battles leading up to the explosion of the second death star. With Luke and Darth Vader battling in front of Darth Sidious, the fate of the Empire and planets relies on that single battle and Luke’s ability to overcome the dark side. Luke defeats Darth Vader and then Darth Sidious is thrown down a long shoot within the death star ending the war and empire. With much to be seen within this action packed series, there are many twists and mysteries not yet revealed that will keep any person entertained. Whether one is familiar or new to the far out space adventure that is Star Wars, this new release of all the films will keep the tale alive for more generations to come.
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
ARTS
www.pacepress.org
9
Movie sequels are hitting theaters with a bang, literally
Damien Morgan | The Pace Pressed DAMIEN MORGAN Arts Intern It seems that recently numerous movie titles are adding sequels to enhance their storyline. With this recent growth, many might wonder if the extra segment is actually improving the movie experience or just prolonging it. This is something every individual can decide from him or herself, whether or not the art of the movie is still there.
There’s Someone in Mary- The follow-up to the hit comedy has Mary finding herself single and really wanting a child of her own and to be sure she gets one, she tries multiple ways. The Departed (Legs)- When a new female gang starts to surface within the crime city, they find themselves turning on one another trying to push out the two members with the love interest.
Sex Toy Story- Andy has just graduated college and found his dream job and wife, but seems to be missing his past. To his surprise, he finds his wife with some new toys. Bend-over & Joon- Continuing from where the original film left off, Sam and Joon, now alone to live their lives in their new apartment, run out of things to keep themselves occupied.
The Matrix: Re-Penetrated- In this fourth installment to the Matrix series, the chosen one, Neo, must go back into the matrix to explode all over evil. But in this tale, he finds out that the matrix is actually a woman.
Her-Ass-In a Park- A couple finds themselves trapped during their vacation on a mysterious island full of ancient creatures, with not too much to do in the abandoned lab but further the creation.
Hand-Cock- With the super powered Will Smith running away from who he really is, he soon discovers a hero that he must stay close to or else he loses his powers, but realizes that there is indeed something powerful between them.
Missionary: Impossible- Tom Cruise returns to his popular secret agent role to show that he and his new partner can succeed in any mission no matter what the sticky situation may be.
Men in Black Chicks- The secret government agency, Men in Black, learns about a new breed of aliens harboring themselves in select women, with only one way to be pushed out.
I Know Who You Did Last Summer- In this sequel of the popular horror movie, seven teenagers run in fear of a murderer that seems to know what scandalous actions they partook in during their summer.
Unusual list of artists to join Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Dave Matthews looking shocked at his induction. gibson.com OLIVIA BETETA Arts Intern The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony will take place in Cleveland, Ohio on April 14. This year, inductees include the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Beastie Boys and Guns N’ Roses just to name a few. The Hall of Fame though has recently expanded its list of inductees due to public uproar. For years, fans of Nickelback and The Dave Matthews Band have been calling for these bands to be recognized for their incredible influence on music today. Other artists added to the list of inductees include Ke$ha, Justin Bieber, Rihanna and the Insane Clown Posse. The revised list of inductees has been causing quite a stir in the public. Some speculate the additions were just a ploy for the Hall of Fame to garner more mainstream attention. As many know, the Hall of Fame is the only
reason to visit Cleveland and as such has been suffering financially due to of lack of tourists. Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist, Flea, expressed his disgruntlement with the additional artists on his personal blog. Flea wrote, “You know man, I don’t like to criticize other people’s choices because I’ve made my fair share of bad decisions but the artists being honored this year haven’t paid their dues. They haven’t really struggled for their music. There is no integrity in what someone who doesn’t even write their own music does.” Rob Swanson, Professor of Agriculture, was less than pleased to hear about the list of inductees. “Are you kidding me with this list? I don’t particularly like to be quoted in these things but that list is a joke. Nickelback isn’t even an American band. It’s the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame so why are they letting in a band that has an audience that consist solely of stay-at-home dad’s who have pansy taste in music is beyond me,” Swanson said. In a press release, Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger described his excitement over the band’s induction and the news that the lead singer of the band Creed, Scott Stapp, would be the one to induct them. “I just feel so honored that all our hard work is appreciated. This is something that will really show all the fans what their support can do. We have taken a lot of slack over the years and this just proves we are here to stay and are not going anywhere anytime soon,” Kroeger said. Rihanna also released a statement about her induction into the Hall of Fame. “I’m so happy that I can leave such a positive lasting legacy. Maybe people will stop talking about my love life and respecting my music and listening to it for what it is, dance songs with lots of repetition. I want to take this chance to thank all my songwriters, producers and engineers who have worked so hard to make my voice and music sound so good, ” Rihanna said. The list of inductees is just half of the announcement made by the Hall of Fame. The real surprise was the artists who would be inducting them into the Hall of Fame. Insane Clown Posse will be inducted by close friend and collaborator Charile Sheen, Jusin Bieber will be inducted by the legendary Paul McCartney and Ke$ha will be inducted by her idol Joan Jett.
When asked how she felt about the ceremony, Jett said, “I fought so long for woman to have a voice in music and I think artists like Ke$ha really use that to their advantage. ” “Well I think it’s just great that all these people are being recognized for their hard work. I am not the biggest fan of the Dave Matthews Band, but they have that one good song and maybe if they’re inducted they’ll take some time off and give someone else a chance to get some softrock radio play time,” Urban Planning Professor, Leslie Snope said. Regardless of the reasoning behind choosing to add such artists as Rihanna and the Insane Clown Posse, it is obvious the induction ceremony this year will be one to watch as it will be streamed live through Simulcast.
Ke$ha was so happy about the news of her induction that she couldn’t help but let out a scream. metro.co.uk
10
FEATURES
www.pacepress.org
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
Glee scheduled to film new season at NYC Campus The star studded show’s relocation has students “Gleeking” out
SHANNON MCMAHON Staff Writer The University has confirmed that the popular television series “Glee” will be filming the rest of its third season on location at the University between April 9 and April 27. The entire cast will be present for filming which will take place in various areas of the University with a majority of musical performances being filmed in the Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts. There is an overwhelming feeling of excitement throughout the NYC Campus regarding the filming. “‘Glee’ has been my absolute favorite show for forever. I just can’t wait to watch them perform on campus, I don’t even want to go to any of my classes,” sophomore Sandra Daft said. Freshman Cady Coway said, “I’m excited to see Jane Lynch, I’ve always wondered what she’s like in person. But I absolutely cannot stand Lea Michele, she belongs back on Broadway, not mainstream television.” Many students are wondering what exactly sparked the sudden change in location for the popular television series. “To be honest, the show could use the excitement of life in the big city. Ratings have been slightly lower lately and “Glee” staff has collectively agreed that Pace University is a great place to increase ratings and intrigue viewers,” FOX representative Ted Sullivan said. “It’s a large campus with an excellent theater and a building structure that will allow us to film efficiently. We’ve finally overlooked the fact that most of the classrooms lack windows and clocks, it is not all too important to the plot anyways. “The courtyard is beautiful, and Maria’s Tower is the ideal living situation for any college student in the city. Pace functions as the perfect location to tape a major change that is set to occur in our series. Not to mention, the added bonus of the New York City area.
SHOOTING TIMES & LOCATIONS
“We will be filming not only at Pace, but busy streets around the campus area. A college environment is just what the show needs—there are going to be plenty of surprises as we wrap up filming in April,” Sullivan said. Despite the initial excitement of numerous individuals, some students are skeptical about the decision to film on campus. “How am I supposed to make it to class and focus on studying when the building is basically a circus over a silly television show? It’s completely ridiculous,” junior Jared Walton said. The FOX production team warned however, that students could be exposed to wild “Gleek” fans, spontaneous outbursts of song and sacrificed areas within the building in order to accommodate the stars of the show. Despite the anticipated circumstances, the University is eager to promote the filming of the show on campus, as the University is receiving a considerable paycheck for taking the lagging musical television series under its roof. Though the official monetary amount has not yet been revealed, sources estimate that it is somewhere in the millions. There is also excitement regarding the celebrities that will be on the show during the three weeks of taping at the University. Rumored to be present on campus include Nicki Minaj, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson and the popular new boy band One Direction. Producers have not revealed how these stars will function in the plot of the show, but the celebrities are expected to contribute uniquely to the season finale. Whether this new filming location and alteration to the show’s plot will be successful or not remains to be seen. “I’m sure that it will be a positive thing for both the show and Pace. If not, they always tried. You can only have a successful High School Musical type show for so long,” freshman Jimmy Tenbrook said.
70s flashback scene: Y34 2:30 M,W
The cast of FOX’s “Glee” will now be filming the rest of the season at the University. weenjoy.tv
Dance number: Courtyard W,F 3:30
School Dance: Student Union T,R 10:30
If you or a friend would like to participate in the production of “Glee” contact Ronnie Shpiel at: shobizztch@fame.com
University seeks to branch out with new reality T.V. degree AMANDA PENA Contributor Finding its most profited beginnings in the early 2000s, reality television is on a rampage these days, picking up any idea that seems slightly entertaining and transforming it into a hit series. Theater and acting degrees don’t always lead to lucrative careers and with reality T.V.’s ability to turn a nobody into a somebody; the University is now offering a degree in reality television. To celebrate the arrival of such an eclectic new degree, the University threw an introduction celebration for the new professors and students that were about to be the guinea pigs of the newly developed program. Joining them was Paul DelVecchio, commonly known as DJ Pauly D, who demonstrated to the audience how to properly perform the “blow out.” With his success on “Jersey Shore,” DelVecchio’s attendance created a stir among students.
In addition to Pauly D’s arrival was Rob Kardashian, who gave a seminar on how to live off your reality television wealth; living at home with your parents and purchasing a multitude of Xbox 360 video games. The students were so inspired by the many knowledgeable guest speakers. Not only did they get to interact with their fellow classmates, but they were introduced to the new professors who were to join them on their journeys to reality fame. Dr. Avery Moore will be the head of the reality television department. Dr. Moore graduated from Yale with a degree in medicine and was a brain surgeon for over 10 years. However, he left this prestigious job when he realized his true calling while watching an episode of “The Hills.” Dr. Moore said, “The intricate plot line and easy flowing performances is what captured my attention.” Although the University is proud to say that they are the first to integrate such
a course into their curriculum, many have opted against the creation of it. Julliard and New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts have voiced their opinions stating that the University is “making a huge mistake” and “no one is to benefit from this blasphemy.” Not only are outside universities enraged, but University students and professors who still find strictly performed theater and acting popular and way more entertaining than reality television are as well. Senior Elie Ritter, who just received a lead in the Broadway musical “Mamma Mia,” was visibly upset after hearing about how the reality television courses may outnumber the amount of theater courses. “It’s unbearable to know that my years of studying and practicing theatre are being belittled by the new reality television department,” Ritter said. Despite the negative feedback from a few students and faculty, the University is sure that this program will make their
curriculum more well-rounded and suitable to current trends. The University is no longer in search of that cookie cutter perfection that one sees so often in theatre and acting. Instead of advising students to take professional head shots, the University is advising students to go to reality show auditions in pajamas and drunk so they are presented exactly as they are, for these types of programs feature them at their best and worst. Neil Banks, one of the students who proposed this idea to University President Stephen J. Friedman, recently attended a reality T.V. audition and was impressed with the format of it. “I was asked to use the bathroom, eat an apple, sit and dance. No lines, no performance. It felt like home to me,” Banks said. The University is convinced that many of the students participating will have a similar experience to Banks.
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
FEATURES
www.pacepress.org
11
Bear Grylls takes over role of head chef for Chartwells ERICK MANCEBO Features Intern
Look closely at a Café 101 purchased meal and one might be able to find the slightest traces of a University wide bug infestation—the dismembered leg of a once-vivacious centipede, the head and antennae of one of Maria’s Towers’ many cockroaches, or if one is lucky, a miniature bedbug. A month ago, such a find would have sparked outrage, disgust and even panic among University officials, but not if television personality Bear Grylls has anything to say about it. Underneath the University’s main dining hall, through a set of rickety wooden doors and down a dark hallway is the University food provider’s main office. Chartwells’ office isn’t fancy, sporting antique at best decorations amid absent-mindedly tacked up posters that read, “You first!” and “Your Opinion Matters!” It was in this office recently however that the Chartwells staff welcomed Grylls as their new head chef. After recently being fired by the Discovery Channel over an alleged contract dispute, Grylls was said to have been offered an exclusive five year contract with the University, with early estimates at nearly $10 million. In a statement, Chartwells explained that the investment in Grylls would be paid off by scaling back on food options and by reducing pest control costs by integrating them into the menu. “When you’re someone who makes a living off of eating bugs and dead animals and other insane things on television, you acquire a certain type of network of friends. Pace University is known very well within our communities because of its delicious food options, like bedbugs and cockroaches,” Grylls said. Grylls didn’t seem to realize that the reports of bedbugs and insects in and around the University’s dining halls and kitchen were met with disgust and complaints from students, faculty and staff. Operating under the impression that the bugs were purposefully added to the University’s recipes, Grylls sent a draft of his proposed menu to the University President Stephen J. Friedman’s office, which saw the controversial move as a significant moneysaver. The technique of incorporating the bugs and insects is said to be saving the University thousands of dollars a semester in pesticides and exterminations. Grylls was on hand for a student-Chartwells mixer in the Multipurpose Room on March 23 for a question and answer session followed by a tasting of some of the meals he had been working on for the new “Hot Off The Grylls” menu, set to debut in midApril. “At first, I didn’t think I would be able to even be in the same room as some of these bugs,” sophomore Flik Francis said. “But once I tried a couple of the dishes, I discovered it actually wasn’t so bad. I’m surprised nobody thought of incorporating the bugs into the meals before,” Francis added. “The bugs do most of the work, you see,” Grylls said. “They smell the food and are obviously drawn to the dishes. Each plate has a little bit of Raid and insecticide in it, so that the insects die once they’re inside the dish. But the bug poison isn’t harmful to students, as far as I can tell, so far it just seems to give the dishes a little bit of a kick,” Grylls added. Grylls doesn’t stop at just collecting the University’s bugs however. He is just days
away from signing an exclusive deal with NYC’s most renowned exterminators and pest control companies. Grylls stated the University will eventually run out of bugs so he hopes that in securing sources of bugs early, he’ll be able to beat the rush of other schools who seek to imitate his ingenious system. Grylls’ program seems to have caught on like wildfire. NYU, CUNY and Columbia among others have already begun implementing their own bug and insect incorporation techniques, but Grylls is confident that his system is the best in place. “The thing is that I won’t stop at just bugs and insects. This is just the beginning,” Grylls said. “If you’ve seen my show, you know what I’m about. I survive off of the world’s scarcest resources, usually naked. I won’t rest until we’re all sitting naked around a fire outside of One Pace Plaza eating recycled rat meat in a nice snake skin taco.”
Latest Chartwells Head Chef Bear Grylls filming his show “Man vs Wild.” celebrityworthlist.com
University Administration announces ban on UGGs from all campuses President Friedman leads charge against major fashion faux pas ELINOR COHEN Contributor UGGs have an incredibly strong presence on many college campuses, where it is typical to see one walk from their dormitory to the cafeteria in pajama pants and the popular boots. The University however, is on a mission to defy that standard. In response to the growing epidemic, University President Stephen J. Friedman decided to make a radical change and implement a ban on UGGs at the University. Pres. Friedman explained his motives for the ban. “I recognize the importance of comfort as much as the next fashionista walking around New York City, but comfort cannot come at the price of style,” Pres. Friedman said. He also mentioned that if wearing UGGs at the University continues, students’ safety will surely be compromised as they will risk being heckled and possible name-calling on the streets of Manhattan. Director of dress code and apparel at the University’s NYC Campus, Marcy Jacoby, supports the ban. “Pace has a reputation to uphold. Look at who we idolize; Benjamin Franklin’s statue is right outside the campus. How can we tell students that it’s okay to wear UGGs when Benny boy is out there dressed to the nines in a button-down and lace-ups?” Jacoby said. Nevertheless, while these arguments may be compelling, some students were still uneasy about the upcoming ban. Karly Lagaflag, president of Ethical
Clothing Choices, put the issue into perspective. “It’s not about what the students feel most comfortable in. It’s about what will put Pace University on the list for most fashionable campus worldwide. “We don’t care about ease or relaxation. If it was, we would allow the students to wear Crocs and we’re certainly not going there. We care about status. These kids need to wake up and realize that this is a global problem. It’s not about them, it’s about us as a fashionable school,” Lagaflag said. The ban, set to take effect staring with the Fall 2012 semester, will have various provisions. Primarily, all students will be banned from wearing UGGs. This will include, but not be limited to UGG boots, slippers and moccasins. Students may not wear UGGs anywhere on campus including classrooms, the cafeteria or bathrooms. All resident advisors will participate in new training over the summer to ensure that they are fully equipped to handle any UGG wearing situation that may occur as the boots will also be banned in all University housing. Any student found wearing UGGs on campus will be forced to immediately remove them first. If the student complies, they will have no further claims made against them as the student will have to surrender the UGGs to security and watch as they are burned with lighter fluid. In the event that the student does not comply, they will be given a violation by University’s Director of Safety and Security Vincent Beatty. The student will then be issued with a court summons and will be banned
from purchasing UGGs. If a professor or staff member violates any of the above rules, they will immediately be terminated from the University without any questions asked.
University girls troll around in UGGs. collegefashion.net
12
www.pacepress.org
March 28, 2012 - April Fool’s Special Edition
FEATURES & MEMETURES
Occupy Wall Street finds new home at University SHANNON MCMAHON Staff Writer After the six month anniversary of Occupy Wall Street (OWS) on March 17, protestors decided to increase the enthusiasm that was in some ways lost over the course of the winter. As warmer weather approaches, protestors have taken interest in bringing their cause outside once again. Due to the consistent police supervision at Zuccotti Park however, it has proven to be incredibly difficult to do so. Fortunately, in support of this widespread activism, the University has made the executive decision to allow protestors to camp around One Pace Plaza beginning April 2. Attention was brought back to the OWS protest on its six month anniversary when various conferences regarding the protest were held at the University. After the large turnout, student interest and media response, the University has unexpectedly decided to extend their warmest welcome to protestors. Sophomore Allison Lowe is in favor of the change in location. “I definitely believe in this cause. It’s inspiring to see people who were constantly held back keep demonstrating [with] such strong perseverance. I also think it really shows a lot about the tolerance Pace has as a school to allow protestors to voice their opinions on our campus. We should be free to express our ideas and opinions, and if that’s in Zuccotti Park
or the steps of One Pace Plaza, so be it. It’s all part of the change.” The University’s administrators are currently reviewing ideas to transition students to the new campus surroundings, such as clearing a path in the group of protestors at One Pace Plaza for students to gain access to the building. Protestors will not have access to the building, but will be permitted to set up tents and materials needed to effectively complete their demonstrations in all areas outside of the University. In addition, students will be encouraged to join in protests and extend courtesy to those protesting. Many professors plan to incorporate the presence of protestors on campus into their curriculums. Some students, however, are not as eager to take part in this transition. “I think this is a disruption of our education, personally. How can we get our work done with a bunch of rowdy protesters running around campus? It’s one thing if you want to go and protest on your own. It’s another if you’re invading someone’s personal space, a space that they pay thousands of dollars in tuition for, to shout about your opinions. I mean, clearing a pathway to get into the building because protestors need our school area to camp out on sounds a little ridiculous, doesn’t it?” senior Richard Ashford said. “It’s not that I don’t have faith in any causes or believe in sharing your opinion, I just don’t think its right that it will be done on school property against
some students wishes,” Ashford said. This newly acquired territory for protestors will have huge consequences on the OWS protest. Since protestors are able to voice their opinions in public, it is expected that they will have more momentum and raise more awareness. In addition, without an “eviction” date, demonstrators are permitted to stay on campus as long as they wish. The very thought of this has some individuals questioning whether or not prospective students will even be interested in attending the University anymore. “I came to Pace to receive an education, experience diversity and maybe participate in a few demonstrations here and there. I did not come to Pace to have a protest happening on my campus with no definite date set to end. This is no doubt going to have consequences on the number of students that choose to enroll at Pace,” junior Eric Dillingham said. While students continue to debate, the University is standing by its decision to welcome protestors. The controversy that will ensue following the demonstrators claiming One Pace Plaza as their territory however, is sure to have heavy ramifications on the University community.
S&S College Ad Q.PACE.Final.pdf
1
3/14/12
1:18 PM
Disclosure: The ad below is real and not a part of The April Fool’s Edition.
Don’t schlep your stuff home, store with us for pennies a day! Show your parents how smart you are! • Prices as low as $19.90 Per Month
• Great Student Discounts • One Month FREE • Free Pick-up • Safe & Secure • 14 N.Y.C. Locations
(with valid student I.D.)
New York’s Self Storage Leader
718-898-8000
stopandstor.com