The Weatlth Issue MAY 2017 | Series No. 6, Issue No. 2
Reclaim Your Time with
ALSO
Brigid Schulte
F E E D YO UR S O U L • INDULG E I N I NTI MACY • PRI ORI TI ZE SELF -CAR E
The PERPETUAL YOU
We believe in choosing, embracing, unleashing, and celebrating who you've always been – who you already are – who you want to be.
Be YOU...the Perpetual You.
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L E T T E R from our E D I T O R
Dear Fellow Mama...
I
f you’re feeling overwhelmed (angry, sad, hungry, disheartened), it’s time to take a break.
THE
T H E OF F I CE
The Perpetual You 101 Putnam Ave. Hamden, CT 06517
T H E LI ST
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T H E COM M U N I T Y
Look for us on social media @theperpetualyou.
T H E S OCI E T Y
Meet like-minded women in our private FB group, The Perpetual You Society.
Let me put it this way: would you advise your loved ones to believe that they are 100% personally responsible for every single thing that happens under their roof? Of course not! Because that would be CRAZY. Why then, dear sweet mama, do you portend to be the only person who can do all that you’re doing? Why do you assume you can do what you need to do without taking a time out? When you’re ready for a break, remind yourself: •
Someone else cares just as much as you do (maybe they show it differently, but they care).
•
If mama isn’t being cared for, she can’t care for anyone else.
•
The house will not catch on fire if you leave that last dish in the sink. (Seriously. Just walk away…)
You’re right about one thing, though. Your kids do need you every second of the day, at least if you ask them! We’re smarter than those tricky kiddos, though, aren’t we? We know that it’s our job to let them figure something out for themselves; to clean up their own messes; and, eventually, to survive without our constant presence. If that means kicking your feet up while Missy gets a snack on her own, so be it! Because when we claim time to rest, we’re proclaiming to the world that we deserve just as much love and care as everybody else.
T H E CORRE CT I ON S
Erin Loechner's name was misspelled in our April 2017 issue.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Won’t you join me in claiming time for a break?
lee lee
Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
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P H O T O by @ S I G N E D _ T. E L I Z A B E T H
– DOLLY PARTON
Shop the Marketplace The Perpetual You's curated marketplace of responsibly-made, small batch goods is online! theperpetualyou.com/the-marketplace
SHOP N OW
Intern with Us The Perpetual You is seeking a summer intern who has interest in publishing, marketing, social media, and/or graphic design. Experience is helpful but more important is the alignment of your values with our professional atmosphere. The PERPETUAL YOU
To find more at: http://bit.ly/TPYintern.
IN THIS ISSUE
Create Wealth by Embracing Rest The W E A LT H I S S U E
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
Realize Enrich your daily environment and curate your day-today routines so that you can do/have/own/want less and experience more calm, peace, self-care, and rest.
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Dwell Escape the go-go-go and claim some downtime; plan a room that simultaneously uplifts and grounds you; Choose to design in a way that honors your values, aesthetic, and lifestyle.
The PERPETUAL YOU
M O N T H LY M U S I C
Need a refill? Take a break & listen to our "Let's Be Still" playlist on Spotify
Embrace Embrace the pause: the time in your day when you’re connecting rather than competing, cleaning, chasing. Rewrite your to-do list; reclaim your
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Live
time. Let go of your assumptions and biases and Enjoy Your Life.
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Elevate your needs and plan your schedule around pampering yourself; Shift your mothering mindset; Indulge in the gift of exquisite self-care because you deserve it.
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
THE MAKERS
Our makers consistently share their time & talents. We'd love to introduce you to the lovely ladies who contributed to this month's issue.
Jacqui Cover Story Photographer @jacquidepasphoto jacquidepas.com
A second generation photographer, Jacqui had already made a name for herself in the Washington, DC area as a social photographer by age 21. She brings a new energy and eye to an event, and has been a pioneer in bringing the photojournalism aesthetic to weddings. Her work has been published in magazines around the country and in the book Digital Wedding Photography by Steve Stint. Jacqui has been pushing the evolution of photography as a medium, bringing a style all her own to her portraits and events. This is Jacqui's first cover shoot for The Perpetual You.
The PERPETUAL YOU
P.K.
Lianne
Micayla
Proofreader
Editor
Book Editor
Connect on Facebook
@hilodaisy
@uggly_mugg zucchiniontheceiling.com
Amanda Luisa Nicastro
Lindsay
Krystal
Collaborating Photographer
Collaborating Photographer
Mantra Siren
@amandaluisaart amandaluisa.com
@lindsay_stanford lindsaystanford.com
@krystalbrandt krystalbrandt.com
Nadia
Ashley
Fia
Collaborating Artist
Collaborating Artist
Collaborating Artist
@nadiahorn NadiaHorn.com
@ashleybuntendesign AshleyBuntendesign.indiemade.com
@fiakilbourn fiakilbourn.com
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F I N D U S @ T H E P E R P E T U A LY O U
THE TEAM
Lee Lee Creative Director & Managing Editor @leeleeinp
The Lee Lee is the #ladyboss of The Perpetual You. A writer by trade, designer by heart, and mother by choice, she seeks intentional practices and a positive mindset. If you’re near Hamden, CT, she welcomes you to stop by her front porch.
Lee Lee's Current Top 3 Accessory: Heart Stone Gallery Tea Mug Activity: Mom Blogging Morning Ritual: Coffee on the Front Porch
Kay
Jessie
Staff Photographer
Art Director
@walkerstudiosllc walkerstudiosllc.com
@littlelegendsdesign littlelegends.com
Kay Nass travels New England and beyond chasing sunsets, circling dance floors, capturing tears & laughter, all in the pursuit of preserving stories of love, friendship, and family.
Jessie Leiber is a multi-disciplinary designer striving to make her world more pixel-perfect. When she's not poring over mockups, she can be found singing (loudly) in her car or compulsively buying striped shirts.
The PERPETUAL YOU
to align your daily practices with your ever-evolving desires
A R T W O R K by @ N A D I A H O R N
The PERPETUAL YOU
I L L U S T R A T I O N by @ F I A K I L B O U R N
THE LADY
Anna Jarvis is known as the mother of the holiday, Mother’s Day. It started with a memorial after her mother’s death where she gave away carnations, her mother’s favorite flower, and encouraged all children to spend time writing a note of appreciation to their mothers. Keep Anna’s intended spirit of the holiday alive by hand writing a note of appreciation for your mother.
W O R D S by P. K . M C G I L L
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Let your BE inform your DO. – TEHYA SKY
The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
E M B R AC E
More of Less with Allison Richard Life can have moments of ease, when things flow and where there’s a wealth of possibilities, if only we choose for it to.
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hen I moved to NYC eight years ago I was horrified when my yoga instructor pulled out her phone immediately upon walking out of class. She was supposed to be calm and peaceful, not tethered to technology. Fast forward seven years and I, a yoga instructor and life coach, humbly admit to being guilty of the same thing. It became painfully obvious over the past few years that I’d forgotten how to relax. In a world where productivity is championed, information changes in a nanosecond, and we are micro-connected at all times, I often felt like l wasn’t doing enough. I prided myself on long to-do lists and guilted myself for not using every moment of free time to grow my business or better myself. Doing activities just for fun or doing nothing seemed like I was being irresponsible and wasting time. I was physically in pain, completely exhausted and all of this “doing” wasn’t showing me huge leaps in my business, but instead left me feeling constantly stuck. I regularly asked friends, “When does life get easier?” I craved flow and ease.
A few weeks ago, I was at a monthly meeting and another entrepreneur friend set a goal for herself to observe a version of Shabbat and not work from Friday night to Saturday night. I am a true believer that life is an experiment and this one excited me, so I immediately jumped on board—deciding not to check email or social media for 24 hours. (I did stay connected via phone/text to family and friends, as I consider them an important part of relaxation.) I first became aware of wanting to “app hop” and had to stop myself from opening my email the second I stopped texting purely out of habit. I also noticed how much “work” I do in running my life outside of my business that takes time and energy. Lugging groceries home on the subway, bathing my dog, hand-washing laundry, these things take time and energy that I never gave myself credit for. Once I allowed myself permission to let these tasks slide for 25 hours, I had the space to assess how I really wanted to spend my time in ways that didn’t
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Start Today Allow yourself a chance to experiment with different slowing down practices. There is no right / wrong nor any perfect formula. Let your body be your guide and see what feels good to you.
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Breathe Close your eyes and start to notice the 4 parts of your breath (Inhale, Pause at the top, Exhale, Pause at the bottom). Even out your breath by allowing each part a count of 4. Because our nervous system likes symmetry, balancing the breath can calm our stress response. Ready to breathe? Check out our comfy chair recommendation on page 45.
feel like work. I went to yoga, lingered over coffee, had brunch with a friend, read a book, and napped. While the activities themselves were relaxing, the guilt-free pass I gave myself while experiencing them was truly energizing. When I started to dread the end of Shabbat because I knew I would suddenly feel the pull to perform again, I realized I needed to bring smaller versions of this practice into my daily life. I needed to find the balance between all or nothing. My Shabbat days (which I plan to continue indefinitely) have given me a litmus for what relaxation feels like, so when I notice my stress levels rising or frustration mounting, or I’m hitting a wall in my business, I take a few moments to turn off or do something for me. When I pick things back up, I often “magically” find emails referring new clients to me or answers to questions I was impatiently waiting for or a new solution for how to solve the problem. My friend and her husband have a beautiful practice of asking each other, "How is your soul doing?” This phrase perfectly encompasses my new definition of rest: things that feed my soul. What a beautiful reminder that wealth expands far beyond money. Prosperity comes in many forms including true friends, memorable experiences, losing track of time, every day beauty, and a core sense of spiritual connection.
The PERPETUAL YOU
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Notice So much of our lives are technology based or man-made disconnecting us from our natural rhythms. Spend a few minutes (5-15) being really present with something you find beautiful (hint: what delights your senses?). For me that’s often savoring a delicious cup of coffee. Wanna take an even longer pause? Read our movement article on page 24.
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Journal Clearing the slate mentally by putting all those thoughts cycling around in your head down on paper. Once they’ve been acknowledged and been given a voice, your brain can relax. Find a pen you love to write with and a notebook that makes you smile, too! Interested in clear thinking? Check out our style suggestions on page 36.
Allison Richard is a Stress Management, Self Care and Sensual Living Coach who resides in NYC. She loves empowering women from around the world who desire to live beautifully, love magically and dream passionately. Learn more about her adventures at allisonrichard.com or on Instagram @allisonlrichard.
Follow our IG for details on an exciting book giveaway from Christi Daniels later this month!
C O N T E M P L AT I O N C O M PA N I O N S
Sabbatical from Yes
Present Over Perfect
Sanctuary
by Christi Daniels, Pub. 2015
by Shauna Niequist, Pub. 2016
by Edith Wharton, Pub. 1903
Leading a wealthy life means being able to enjoy your own bounty—something upon which little emphasis is placed in our fast–paced, hyper connected, pushcentric culture. In her simple guidebook, Christie Daniels has zeroed in on the walls we’ve allowed to stand in the way of inner peace. She encourages rest, recovery, and saying NO. Through worksheets and tough, loving, compass-like questioning, Daniels shows that the path of wealth begins with rest.
Busy-ness lends itself to more busy-ness. We may feel that the more we jam-pack, strive, work through lunch, and make to-do lists… the less there will be on our plate. But, that’s never going to be the case. In her book of stories and essays, Shauna Niequist unlatches the truth that slowing down, savouring, and simply being present, are the keys to a full life. Note that the word “busy” is not included in that list.
A novel replete with moral questioning, this classic work of fiction is one that beautifully exemplifies the difference between material and spiritual/moral wealth. Here we have characters who simply will not rest, set to the backdrop of good intentions. When the story’s protagonist, Kate, finally steps back and relinquishes control, she learns the power of letting others choose their own path.
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The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
E M B R AC E
the Smoothie with Rachel Haas Sit, breathe, sip, repeat
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pring is in bloom, bodies are spending more and more time outside and busily moving from place to place. Rest is a commodity that is often passed over in favor of staying up for one more late night, one more deadline, one more priority demanded by modern life. By the time we realize we need sustenance, we’re often starving. Quick doesn’t have to be chaotic, though. Smoothies are easy to create, ingredients all spinning together in time with the soothing hum of the blender. You can go healthy with yogurt,
kale, and fruit. You can opt for a little touch of decadence with ice cream and chocolate. Caring for yourself does not have to be an either/ or situation. You can indulge and protect. You can embrace the taste of healthy ingredients even while focused on living. You can tend to your body without sacrificing your humanity.
Feast on more of Rachel's food experiences at her @rlhaaswriter or R-L-Haas-Writer. Photo by T. Elizabeth
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The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
Interested in trying this out yourself? Click to view this recipe on the Owl’s Brew website
Bubbly Brew It’s that time of year: when life (and cocktails) get a little bit sweeter. The onset of spring weather is the perfect reason to throw together an easy cocktail for you and a friend. I can picture you both there now: comfy chairs on the porch, not-atall frilly drinks in your hand, wandering back and forth between tidbits of conversation. Made up of one part Owl’s Brew Coco-Lada and one part Prosecco, this cocktail couldn’t be easier to make. Since Coco-Lada is slightly sweetened with coconut, a pineapple topper makes perfect sense. You don’t need to wait until a vacation to have a light, refreshing drink! Give yourself permission to slow down, to enjoy a spring cocktail and a chat with a friend. Choose a light, refreshing drink that makes you both feel like you’re on vacation. The world will still be here when you decide to return.
Photo by Markie Lynne Jones.
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REALIZE
E M B R AC E
Recharging with Julia Grimaldi
The PERPETUAL YOU
Movement benefits our mind, body, and spirit. In a similar way, rest supports our whole self. When we are in balance with our body, our self-care becomes less challenging. If your body is tired or overwhelmed, welcome stillness. Find a cozy chair and nod off. Give yourself permission to do nothing. Resting is the conscious choice to make time for ourselves. We stop, if only briefly, and receive the simple gift of a break in our routine. Living often necessitates doing, but by allowing for space to recharge we become more present. Our senses heightened, we are ready to take on the day. We let our computers sleep and we charge our smart phones, our mind and our bodies deserve the same respect. A practice starts with one small step, to make what feels like the impossible possible. Consider setting your day with this intention; “Today is a day I will give my body a rest.�
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E M B R AC E A
Curated Experience Whether you’re shopping for your mom, a friend or relative, or for yourself (!), the gift you choose can be a reflection both of your love for the intended recipient and the values in which you believe. We’ve curated an entire shopping guide that will make finding a unique gift a relaxing experience. Rather than spending time in and out of stores, you can maximize your face-to-face time with the moms in your life. The following is a selection of gifts from our 2017 Motherhood Gift Guide. Click on the title of any product to purchase or visit bit.ly/TPYmomgifts to shop all the products included in the guide.
1 | Woodcut Crepe Scarf from Studio Strata ($35)
2 | “Be You” Notebook by Red Pen Traveler’s for The Perpetual You ($68)
3 | Rosehip Oil by Norabloom (from $36)
4 | Coral Floral Headband from Beloved Arrows ($12)*
5 | EO Diffuser Bracelets by Essential Adornment ($29/each)
6 | Fair Trade Robe* from OM Pajamas ($25)
7 | Q & A a Day by Potter Style ($16.95)
* Each robe purchased from OM Pajamas goes to benefit the Madurai Charitable Trust, a service organization benefiting the severely disadvantaged in Southern India.!
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Handmade modern heirlooms for your home
Modern ar t inspired jewelr y for the mildly rebellious flow-goer
casaandcodesign.com
leocadiak.com
Soy Candles | Ar t | Home
Handmade Leather Travel Notebooks
raynehomedecor.com
redpentravelers.com
The PERPETUAL YOU
REALIZE
E M B R AC E
Slowing Down with photographer Leah Puttkammer
Traveling gives one the opportunity to see an abundance of perspectives, varying among location and wholly different than your own. Traveling enriches my own perspective by providing more dimensions to the world; as a result, my life is more abundant.
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Stay tuned to our blog this month for more of the story about Leah’s tea plantation trip! bit.ly/TPYblog
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very winter my fiancé and I take a trip to recharge. India had long been on my list of destinations for several reasons, not the least amongst them being the ubiquitous, bold colors , the mindfulness of the culture, the chaos of the streets, the complexity of the society, and the connection to nature.
As part of our trip last winter, we visited a tea plantation in Wayanad, which offered a glimpse into the slower pace of rural India. For several days, we were isolated atop a hill, interacting only with plantation workers – learning about their life, eating the regional cuisine, touring the factory and the grounds.
Apart from the conversations we had with those folks, the days were quiet. Perhaps a hike amongst the tea trees or reading a book on the veranda: plenty of moments to connect with our inner selves, enjoy each other, and let nature speak to us.
The PERPETUAL YOU
My favorite photos of our trip are the images of mornings. A cup of tea in the early hours, the rise of the fog from the fields, the trek of people walking to begin a day’s work, the warm glow of morning light. Images that remind me to slow down and that every morning is sacred. The world around is happening in fast forward and all your senses are in overdrive – the colors, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, the textures. The tea plantation was an observance in balance, the quiet in our otherwise busy trip.
Leah Puttkammer owns Gray Kammera Photography, a wedding and portrait photography business based in Nashville, TN and Washington, D.C. She enjoys capturing light in unexpected places, traveling the less-traveled road, and adventures with her cattledog pup Ruby. The W E A LT H I S S U E
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REALIZE
Embrace Self-Care with Leigh Schwab
Self-Care means taking time for yourself, doing the things you love, and noticing how good they make you feel.
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hen was the last time you enjoyed shaving your legs? When was the last time you complimented your clear skin while washing your face? Too often, we go through the motions of self-care, without paying attention to or enjoying the activities. This month, I challenge you to turn daily beauty tasks into spa-like rituals. You don’t have to make some elaborate plan; just focus a little attention on yourself.
The PERPETUAL YOU
Twice a week, I apply a brightening clay mask and sit back and enjoy my coffee while my morning shower warms up. Buy a new product that is more luxurious than the one you currently use. Add in a simple step to complement a daily task you already perform. Slow down to enjoy the simple abundance of self-care: the necessity of noticing and nourishing ourselves.
BeYOUtiful
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Turning just one of your many beauty rituals into a luxurious experience will radically elevate your feelings of fulfillment. The following are my 3 favorite ways to infuse rest into a routine.
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Spa-like Shave Let’s face it, shaving your legs is just something busy moms rush through. Using an oil-based shaving product can make this task seem so much more luxurious and will also moisturize your skin and improve elasticity.
Leigh recommends Oui Shave Neroli Shave Oil ($16)
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Multi-Purpose Face Wash
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No need to wash your face with a boring cleanser. Find a multi-use product that performs as a cleanser, mask, and treatment all in one. Using a product with gantlet exfoliating crystals will not only save time but will make you glow like you have been to the spa.
Leigh recommends Leahlani Honey Love 3-in-1 ($28)
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Hydrating Hair Mask We all have “bad” hair days … it is inevitable that your hair will fall flat, feel frizzy, or just plain not do what you want it to do. When you first get in the shower put on a hair mask and let it hydrate while you do the rest of your washing.
Leigh recommends Norabloom Organic Kokum Butter Hair and Scalp Treatment ($15)
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Leigh Schwab uses her love for skin care to help educate women about the ingredients in their products and the need for proper skin care legislation in our country. Learn more about her passion for a healthy and simple life on Facebook and Instagram @leighschwab.
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REALIZE
May Self-Care Toolkit
Rose Roman Chamomile Sunstone Oonagh
Embrace Peace with Ashley Dees
The PERPETUAL YOU
Paying bills, taking care of our families, spending time with a partner our friends… When we try to do all the things, we forget to take time for ourselves. To expand the time and energy you have for others, allow your body, mind, and spirit to rest and rejuvenate. This month’s toolkit will help you find these cherished moments of peace.
H E RB
ESSE N TI AL O IL
CRYSTAL
GO D D ESS
Rose
Roman Chamomile
Sunstone
Oonagh
B E N E F I TS
BE N E FI TS
BENEFITS
BENE FITS
Heals all matters of the heart
Calms & soothes; reduces anxiety
Helps during times of transition
Assists with steady progress
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Spirit herb like Rose helps you to heal on a spiritual level and can be added to any herb blend. Rose is a wonderful choice because of its powers over the heart. Rose heals all matters of the heart: heartaches, loss, grief, depression, anxiety and stress. Adding even a pinch of red roses to your tea adds great healing possibilities to your day.
The Celtic Goddess of transformation, Oonagh reminds us “there is no need to hurry or force things, everything is occurring in perfect timing.” Doing what is right for you is best. Slow and steady means your progress will last. Call upon Oonagh when you are in a transition and she will assist you to heed your own desires.
Roman Chamomile is a very safe oil and a wonderful sleep aid. It is calming, soothing, sedating, and reduces both anxiety and an over active mind. Use this essential oil in a diffuser before bed to calm the nervous system, release stress, and unwind from your day.
You hold a lot of responsibility. If you are not functioning at a good healthy level, you cannot give as fully to the rest of your life. Prioritize the most important things to do daily, weekly, and monthly. Then, try to do one thing a day for you – one thing that makes you feel like your best self.
Sunstone helps you along the path to enlightenment in a loving and gentle way. Having Sunstone with you during times of transition, growth, or while on a path to bettering yourself is a must! Sunstone in particular helps one to cultivate faith, and gives us a sense of self worth. Use this stone in your baths, elixirs, or on your body.
Learn more about Ashley, and how she teaches and gathers goddesses together at Green Harmony Aromatherapy. Sunstone photo by @kfpphotography
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REALIZE
Embrace Clear Thinking with Cait Sherrick
It’s not the state of your closet, it’s the state of your mind.
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ou wake up feeling exhausted already, and move in super slow motion while getting ready. You open your closet doors and sigh- – you literally have nothing to wear. An hour later, your entire closet is strewn about your room and you’ve changed outfits multiple times only to finally settle on something that makes you feel harried and eh. We blame our clothes, because obviously life would be so much easier if your closet looked like a Pinterest account. Amiright? Here’s the thing, my love. You’re hot and stylish and you have a closet full of great clothes. Your dissatisfaction isn’t your wardrobe’s fault. The PERPETUAL YOU
Moments like the one above are triggered by plain old exhaustion, which is when negative self-talk can kick into high gear. When we’re well-rested and make self-care a priority, we naturally choose to believe positive things about ourselves, and these crazy closet moments don’t happen. Something as simple as going to bed earlier can naturally boost your mood, strengthen your confidence, and tap into your inner calm. Routine self-care readies us for the mornings that don’t go our way. Because if we don’t feel good about ourselves, especially on those mornings, we can't feel good about anything else—not even a Pinterest-worthy outfit.
The Little Back-Up Dress Versatile and comfortable, a dress that you can wear multiple ways becomes your dress to wear when you don’t know what to wear. Choose something you love and feel good in, that you can wear at home, running errands, or when you take the day off.
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Grocery Store Style Accent your natural curves by wearing the deep v neckline in the front and gathering your dress in the back. Pair it with some sandals and a long necklace for a comfortable and stylish every day look. Pictured: ribbon tie dress,* sandals, Leocadia K.
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Athena Necklace
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Beach Day Cover-Up Keep your dress flowy by wearing the deep v neckline in the front and loosely tying your dress at the waist. Throw on some flip flops, a sun hat and a pair of statement earrings for an easy, breezy sunkissed look. Pictured: ribbon tie dress,* flip flops, sun hat, Leocadia K. Turquoise Clan Earrings – Orange
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Around the House Comfort Make it simple and wear your dress untied like a shift. Layer it with a light cardigan, bare feet and a longer necklace for a comfortable but put-together stay-athome-all-day look. Pictured: ribbon tie dress,* gray cardigan, bare feet, Leocadia K. Eclipse Necklace
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Cait Sherrick is a jewelry designer + stylist for mildly rebellious flowgoers at Leocadia K. She’s deeply inspired by modern art, has a boho heart + loves the warm, unconditional love of a good cup of chai tea. Join her on Instagram @caitiesherrick for daily inspiration + visit her shop for more every day outfit ideas.
* Giveaway! Follow @theperpetualyou + @purple_maroon + @caitsherrick on Instagram for the chance to win the dress featured here. The W E A LT H I S S U E
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P E R S P E C T I V E S from T H E PA N E L
What's your most indulgent self-care act?
Cate Creative Director Cordella Magazine @cateclother Cordella.org
The PERPETUAL YOU
A few years ago, I attended a workshop where women listed their self-care indulgences: a bath with milk and rose petals; a cake you refuse to share with anyone; an hour at your favorite spa. None of these made any sense to me. My list was short: DRINK WATER. When I'm feeling wiped out and in need of extra care, I fill up a tall glass with the coldest water possible and drink it very, very slowly, while telling myself that I'm fabulous, and lovable, and generous, and oh, so deserving.
Tessa Homesteader/ Life Coach/Farmstay Hostess The Chittle Homestead @tessachittle TheChittleHomestead.com
Kaliada Designer/Co-Founder Kaliada @kaliada_ kaliada.com
In a busy world with little time to live by our values, it feels indulgent to make space for being a citizen before the other things on the “normal” life to-do list. My most indulgent acts of self-care include growing my own food, cooking my own meals, and working towards reducing my footprint on this planet in every area of my life.
I need some "me time" on a daily basis in order to function. One of my most indulgent self-care acts is to take a bubble bath for half an hour and meditating. I use a lot of essential oils—I usually put lavender essential oil in the water and diffuse lemongrass. It is so relaxing that I can literally fall asleep while in the bath.
Dani Founder Core Chakra @core_chakra CoreChakra.com
Cat Owner AmLo Farms @catballou24 AmLofarms.com
Weekly manicures, followed by a 10-minute shoulder massage. I gift myself this experience every single week as part of my self-care.
Taking at least one morning a week to do whatever I feel like doing. I either splurge on a fancy coffee and sit with a book and my journal, or I treat myself to a movie I want to see. There are times I just grab coffee and go for a drive in the country. Sometimes I stay in bed and sleep in. I need these times to find me again when I am pulled in a million directions and wearing many hats.
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Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. – A N N E L AM OT T
The PERPETUAL YOU
to align your physical space with your ever-evolving self
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A R T W O R K by @ N A D I A H O R N
The PERPETUAL YOU
footstool /'fōōt stōōl / noun A physical reminder to take a mental break
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Chair Time Designating a comfy chair is a critical step in the journey toward an intentional, curated life that includes as much downtime as you need.
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onsider the comfy chair. Her arms remain open, ready to receive you. Her seat is ample and cushioned. Her fabric is worn in all the right places, softened by years of your mutually beneficial relationship. Her existence is proof that you deserve to sit down and take a break. Women have been doing their work in chairs for centuries, whether knitting by the fireside or feeding the newest addition to the family. A modern mama (that’s you!) is typically on the go, though. What if we rewrote this story? What if rest was also a necessary aspect of women’s work?
Cuddling babies…reading stories…drinking tea… chatting with a friend…daydreaming. These are necessities. And they require a sturdy companion who invites us to sit, comfortably. They require chair time. Too often we’re perched on the edge of a couch looking over a little one’s shoulder or sharing our seat at the table with a young one. Let today be the day you revisit your old friend, the comfy chair. Sit a spell. Relax and recharge. Let your loved ones see you be good to yourself.
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Wander-full Bedroom WHERE GROUNDING ELEMENTS + T R AV E L M E M O R I E S U N I T E
Photographer, Stylist, and Fashion Blogger Lindsay Stanford has graciously shared the photos on these pages of her carefully stylized bedroom in her apartment. As is evident in her photos and the accompanying interview, Lindsay has created an environment full of her favorite travel mementos in order to bring peace and restfulness into her otherwise nomadic life.
Which three design factors most greatly influenced the design of your space and why? Style, Vibe and Cost. How you feel about yourself will affect your living space. I showcase a lot of who I am in my room. It’s important to have a space that represents who you are as an individual.
Tell us about the color palette. White was where I started. Once I had a clean palette, I incorporated colors/ patterns from the earth: pinks, creams, gold, greens, and blues. I wanted to feel as though I was going back in time to specific places I’ve traveled to and where I want to travel.
What did you most enjoy about the design process? I have a great love for the desert and tropics, so it was fun to travel and collect items for my room, along with old photos of my family.
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Explain any inspirational pieces. You will see trinkets surrounding my room from far off lands: the painted skull from Tulum, Mexico; sand dollars from the gold coast; a Llama from Peru; and my favorite yellow chair from CT. I like to be surrounded by memories from other places.
Did the fact that you’re renting the space influence your design in any way? No. I call a lot of places my home, and no matter where my feet land those items in my room will influence my design and will be with me on my journey to the next home.
What aspects of the space promote restfulness? My bed brings me peace. I have my bed on the ground to focus on living closer to the earth. It’s an easier way to go from bed to mat for yoga.
What part of your design could someone else replicate in her own home? I feel like most women who have a small space in their home have to join their favorite activities into one room. I made this space just for that—not only for sleeping and changing clothes, but a safe space for work, yoga, and meditation.
List 3-5 words you’d use to describe the space. Bold, young, love, peace, and free.
What feeling do you want to have when you are in your bedroom? Alive! I feel soulful and happy. What better feeling could you have than that!
Lindsay Stanford is a traveling photographer and fashion blogger located in CT. She specializes in styled sessions, fashion, weddings, portraiture, and landscapes.
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Dwell on This Global style is achievable whether or not you’ve traveled worldwide. If you want the vibe of your space to celebrate wanderlust, here are some ideas we took away from Lindsay’s space:
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Ground Yourself Though wanderlust is beautiful, there are times we need to stay in one space. Moving your bed closer to the floor and/or including elements like floor cushions or a soft rug will invite you to linger in your own space, rather than rush in and out. Having a multi-purpose space also serves as a reason to spend more time there.
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Honor Nature For the woman with wanderlust, being surrounded by nature is critical to the upkeep of her spirit. Plants have been proven to improve mood + spirit, and even faux elements, such as feather-laden dreamcatchers or raw wood/ stone can provide a sense of calm and a connection to the universe.
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Display Treasures. Your collections speak to your true essence— whether they’re trinkets from abroad or stones from various nature walks. Display them proudly and distribute them carefully throughout your space. Passing by a special item means recalling the memory made when you picked it up; there’s nothing more pleasing than that!
Does your home bear the marks of intentional design? We’d love to feature you! Send us an email: hello@theperpetualyou.com
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HOW ( AND WHY ) I CHOSE INTIMACY OVER AESTHETIC The PERPETUAL YOU
Words by Sarah Sandidge
If home is the place where I am most free to be myself, then my bed is the place where it all comes together. Here is where I think naked thoughts, daydream, make love, worry, plot, argue, get my back scratched, speculate, talk about growing old, and drift out with the dream tide. – LAURA GREEN
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Intimacy is messy and rich. Messy as in toys right under my feet as I’m cooking, and blankets and sheets thrown all over the floor after the latest wrestling match. Rich as in late night conversations that reach the depths of my stoic daughter’s heart and super tight arms around my neck from my extra cuddly son.
P E R F E C T P R I VA C Y After renovating our 1940s house over a two-year period a few years ago, we hired a professional photographer. The home was then featured on quite a few major blogs as well as in several home décor books. The publicity made us proud. We had worked really hard on that home, pouring our blood, sweat, lots of tears, and most importantly, time into that space. My husband did almost all of the work himself, so it was truly a labor of love.
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We moved into that house when my daughter was about 18 months old and I was pregnant with baby #2. My son was born in that house in the room that would later become his. The very next day my husband was back to hammering and sawing. My son sat in my husband’s lap while he worked on electrical wiring, learned to crawl through piles of dirt and drywall dust, and sampled a few chunks of drywall more times than I care to admit. Renovation was our lives for two solid years. Our favorite room by far was the amazing upstairs bedroom suite, only for ADULTS. Not that the kids never came up, but it was rare. The master suite included our bathroom and a huge bedroom/living area big enough to house our TV and the comfy
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yellow velvet couch my husband and I snuggled up on, feeling special and relaxed. The space wasn't just beautifully decorated, it was free from the clutter—including toys—that little ones bring into the home. We also replaced our big, comfy king-size mattress with a more intimate queen so I could reach my arm out and actually find my husband. I found this gorgeous rococo headboard on Craigslist that I repainted several times to get the color just right, and finished it off with an oversized painted red heart. I wanted the space to be romantic and private, worthy of all those other homes I’d been drooling over for years.
To top it all off, we had a sliding door at the bottom of the stairs that locked and actually had the word “Private” on it. We found it when a local high school renovated and replaced their administrative doors. One of the features people commented on the most, the door was both really cool and symbolic. But yes—let me reiterate—we locked our two small children out at night. Did I love that space and the peace it brought to my chaotic days with babies and toddlers? Yes, without a doubt. The bedroom functioned as a much-needed haven, allowing me to regroup and remember who I was as an individual. However, I'm not proud of physically locking out my children. Not because they suffered any psychological damage, but because I may have! Sure, we relied on two video monitors, one in each of their rooms. They noisily sat on my bedside table for two solid years. I could be down the stairs in a heartbeat at the first sign of any distress; however, the emotional chasm I often felt during those years was solidified by that thick, private door. I needed space and a reprieve, but I was shutting my children out of more than my master suite when I slid that bolt into place every night.
L O V E LY C H A O S When we moved to another old house to start renovating all over again, everything changed. The kids were older (two and four), and I had fallen madly in love with each of them. Over the next year, I began to realize just how significant a part of our family the children were. With the "diaper"/toddler phase behind us, mothering didn’t feel like a chore anymore, at least not all the time.
Also, I realized that, since they made up half of the family, the kids were entitled to enjoy the spaces in our home as much as the adults. Trust me—I’m not really a “kids are entitled” kind of parent; I just want them to feel like they’re a significant part of the family instead of being shoved off in a corner where they should be seen and not heard. In our new house, there is no "sacred master suite" upstairs. Instead, three decently sized bedrooms are tied together by a landing and one bathroom we all share. The space isn't huge, but cozy fits our family right now. With this arrangement, our proximity dictates our closeness, not just as a couple—as a family. We didn’t manufacture a new version of intimacy; we were forced into it. You want to hear the big surprise? I LOVE it!
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For a while, the king mattress was on the floor, which meant the kids could be completely wild without any worry of them falling off and cracking their heads open. Alas, civilization won out and we purchased a cheap, temporary steel frame. It looks nice and “normal,” but I do worry quite a bit more when the kids are doing cartwheels a few feet off the ground! Instead of being consumed with décor decisions, I’ve concerned myself with how the setup is affecting our conversation and playtime. The glaring overhead light—we call them “illegal lights” in my family—was vetoed in favor of a lamp by the bed and I found a weathered end table upon which it sits. The soft glow when we read books at night feels more peaceful, and—shall I say it again? More intimate.
Ironically, we’ve got a door at the bottom of our stairs in this home too, a feature I used to think was unusual. The door locks just as our previous one did, but, this time, we’re all snuggled up in our little nest together every night. Our once private and perfect "adults only" space has now become a place the whole family congregates. In the evenings, before the kids go to bed, the most intimate, fun, and sincere times happen. Usually my husband takes them up to wrestle or do gymnastic tricks on our bed. We read, talk, pray, and become a family again after being scattered during the day. I used to think intimacy happened behind “private” closed doors with my husband. But 16 years of marriage, two kids, and five houses later, the meaning and practice of intimacy is completely different. We made the very deliberate decision to turn the queen mattress in for another king so the kids could easily wrestle, snuggle, and crawl into our bed in the middle of the night without too much disturbance. This proved to be no small affair; we actually had to tear a wall out around the door to the stairway to bring the mattress up.
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Despite their affordability, the end table and lamp suit my sensibilities. I take great pleasure in well worn pieces, peeling paint and all. The little table has
myriad hues of my favorite color—blue—and a shelf for the dozens of kids’ books that somehow migrate to our room. How I love seeing our books all mixed together on this little table! Part of the reason I haven't "decorated" is practical—the room isn't finished yet. Trim still needs to be installed and painted, and wallpaper under the paint has been partially torn off in places. Sometimes it’s annoying; other times, I feel like I’m living in an Anthropologie catalog, which is a good thing! Waiting, though, has given me the time to bring in pieces serendipitously. An antique chair that used to be in Lula's room matches perfectly with the ancient rug we found at a flea market in Prague on a trip to Europe for our
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15-year anniversary. The colors in these two items are muted versions of a quilt I bought on sale that I simply couldn’t live without, all of which perfectly matches the vintage coverlet currently covering our hideous (temporary) steel bedframe. I didn’t attempt to match any of these things, but somehow they all ended up with the same tones and color scheme: deepseated orange and purple, with hints of reds and blues, and touches of neutrals. More purposeful items are the matching pillow covers that spell “LOVE” and our one-of-akind, 15-drawer dresser that Jay built out of a grandiose teak bench I fell in love with many moons ago –both reminders that the most important value in our home is love. One of my favorite recent memories is of the kids coming in early in the morning just as the sun was coming up. Jay and I were still groggy, so they moved to the window seat to give us a minute to wake up. I looked up to find them silhouetted there in that space, perfectly framed, whispering quietly. My sweet babies. I grabbed my phone, of course, and snapped away. I didn’t want to miss that precious moment.
UNEXPECTED INTIMACY I admit the layout of our home dictated the level of intimacy our family now enjoys, but my heart was ready for the change. Being forced into a different situation caused my perspective to change too. Now we’re turning other unusual aspects of our home into opportunities to further the culture of love and intimacy in which we want to live. Since the layout and function of our home has a huge influence on our relationships with each other, we're learning to be purposeful in our design choices.
Why Don’t You Stay? Creating intimacy in your home is less about a design philosophy and more about the values you and your family share. First, set an intention to have more conversations and spend more time together; then, ensure that your home aligns with that intention.
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Encourage Lingering Use rugs, pillows, throws and soft lighting to create peaceful places that are comfortable and cozy throughout your home. A colorful, exotic blanket on a couch invites people to cozy up and stay awhile.
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Look for Nooks Create additional conversation areas in unused corners of the home. Arrange furniture so that chairs or sofas face each other. Keep spaces clean and organized but comfortable! Aim to have at least one technology-free conversation nook for an opportunity to truly connect.
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Work Together Intimacy comes from trust, honesty, and togetherness. Encourage the entire family to clean up, when needed. Stack freshly laundered towels as a team. The bonds you make during these routine tasks will heighten the chance for meaningful conversation when the work is done!
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More importantly my heart is full of love and a kind of intimacy that I didn’t know existed. My son calls out in his sleep, and I go in to rub his back and straighten his blanket. When I find my daughter, who sleeps like a rock, in a sweat, I pull the covers back just a little.
We want our kids to know we’re accessible and available to them. Not only are all of our bedrooms shoved together in our current home, we have gone one step further—a big step for us! Our bedroom door stands wide open throughout the night and the kids are welcome to roam in and out as needed. And, almost every night, they do. “I had a bad dream”, “I can’t find my bunny”, “I need more water”, “I wet the bed”, “You didn’t kiss me good night”… Believe me, intimacy has its frustrations too. I frequently tell my husband that our kids are trying to slowly kill us through sleep deprivation. (I may or may not have moved my stuff out of the "family" bathroom due to feeling a bit too cramped.) But we haven’t once considered going back to the "perfection" privacy afforded us. When I can hear all the movements that take place during the night, I feel like I’m doing my job well.
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How could I have missed these peaceful, sweet moments for the first few years of their lives? Regret would make me sad and I know the only reason to look back is to double-check that my now is working. At a time in my life when I felt like if someone else touched me just one more time I might scream and never stop, I needed that “Private” door. Now, I cherish the moments when my son burrows under the covers from the bottom of the bed and snuggles right against me, face pressed to mine. That sweet, soft skin and stinky boy feet make me smile, feel at peace, feel complete. Now when I reach out my arm, I might find my husband, or a random children's book. Or, I just might find a small person seeking comfort. To me, that is intimacy.
Sarah Sandidge can often be found reading a book or studying people. When she isn’t glued to a written sentence, she is spending time with her family, mostly taking care of her two beautiful children somewhere in the heart of Missouri. See how cute they are on Instagram @LulainLondon.
Passion Infusion corresponds to Benjamin Moore 968
Velvet + Vibrant corresponds to Benjamin Moore CSP-515
Rest Your Eyes corresponds to Benjamin Moore AC-19
S PA C E M E E T S L U X U R Y
Purposeful corresponds to Benjamin Moore CSP-1005
Colors typically used to brighten a space, like playrooms or kids’ rooms, can also add warmth and luxury to a neutral, inviting, and otherwise modern room. Deep hues of orange, purple, red, and blue evoke passion without distracting from peacefulness. Here are spacious ways to infuse luxurious colors in your dwelling:
Accent Piece
More Peace, Please corresponds to Benjamin Moore 1078
Accent pieces in bold hues makes a lovely addition to an otherwise neutral space: a side table in a vibrant blue; a lush, velvety chair. Go lavish on just one or two pieces and your space will still feel bright and open.
Textiles Galore The easiest and most flexible way to add color to any space is through textiles. Whether a rug picked up while traveling or that organic blanket you’ve had your eye on for months now, even one bright item can add warmth and texture.
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Product Placement If you’re a shop owner or small batch maker who would like to be featured in one of our issues, fill out our product collab form.
Shop the Look Products Inspired by this month’s theme
An atmosphere of sanctuary can begin in one small corner. Pictured: An invitation to stretch out your bathtub ritual, by MATERIA in Los Angeles, CA. View Materia’s collection of home goods at ShopMateria.com or click on a product title below to shop.
1 | Jardín 14 Candles from MATERIA (from $10)
2 | Etched Glass Tumblers from MATERIA ($74/ set of 4)
3 | Handmade Ceramic Vase from MATERIA (from $36)
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Rest is the ability to let the present be imperfect. – SA L LY BR E E D LOV E
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to align your life story with your ever-evolving sense of self
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A R T W O R K by @ N A D I A H O R N
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THREE QUESTIONS
with What's one practice in your daily life that brings you wealth? Some days, I sit in my favorite chair (I call it “chair time”) and meditate, read, or write in a journal, or capture the wisp of a dream that lingers as I sleepwalk through the early morning. Making a regular time to pause helps me check in with myself, accept how I’m feeling, and become clearer about what I want my life to mean..
Brigid
Which aspect of your home allows for or encourages rest?
For you, what is the relationship of rest to wealth?
I have a number of places in my home where I seek refuge. I love my bedroom—that’s where I have my favorite chair…the old brown couch in my office where I love to read…a window seat in our family room, looking out into our backyard…the big leather chair in our home library to curl up in and read or rest… our big red sofa, stained from years of us, where we relax as a family. I guess I just love my house!.
How can we feel joy and the fullness of life if we don’t take the time to recognize and be grateful for it all around us? That takes time. That takes a deliberate pause. That takes resting from the endless going and doing and shifting into a state of being. I don’t inhabit that space often enough, but I’m a work in progress. The more I practice, the better I get.
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TIME RESISTING THE “BUSY LIFE” with B R I G I D S C H U LT E
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Words by Lee Lee Thompson Photos by Jacqui Depas The W E A LT H I S S U E
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Do you ever feel crazy? Like you have legitimately lost, or—at the very least—misplaced, your mind? Are you having one of those “I walked into this room for something but can’t remember what it was” moments? Except instead of one moment, it’s your life? Are you too busy to do the things you wish you were busy doing? Do you wake up exhausted, go to bed over-tired, and feel drained all the hours in between? If you had more time in your day, would you spend it wondering what you’re supposed to do now that you have more time?
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here are those who might say these challenges—the challenges of Modern Motherhood—are nothing more than #FirstWorldProblems. They’d be wrong. Brigid Schulte, noted journalist, author, and changemaker, and the director of Better Life Lab and the Good Life Initiative at New America, knows firsthand that these so-called problems of the privileged are, in reality, very, very serious. If we can’t “put on our own oxygen masks,” says Brigid, then we can’t address the larger societal changes that need to be addressed. “When you are overwhelmed,” writes Brigid, in her 2015 book aptly titled Overwhelmed, “when you can neither predict nor control the forces shaping your time, when you don’t even have time to think about why you’re overwhelmed, much less what to do about it, you are powerless.”
The needed adjustments to societal expectations have both been a long time coming and haven’t come far enough. The fact that American mothers report having little more than 30 minutes of leisure time in any given day, for example, is only positive when viewed against the historical lens of a world in which, as Brigid says, women did not have “concentrated + uninterrupted” time—time away from the “busy of society.” Brigid, who grew up in Oregon and spent summers in Wyoming, where she “didn’t feel overwhelmed,” is the accidental poster child for a life devoted to busyness. Once she became a working mom (a label she notes is a misnomer since “all moms are working moms”), any expectation of herself or others to share the division of labor raising a child requires fell to the wayside.
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This new mindset—her new lifestyle, really—is one in which she’s a “work in progress” rather than superwoman. Here, she prioritizes family over everything else, and one work project at a time. She makes time to do the things that bring her true joy—including resting—instead of wasting her time on those things that she previously felt were expected of her (or she expected of herself) because she was a woman, wife, and mother.
In place of expecting or asking for help, Brigid, like so many of us, tried to do it all and felt guilty when unable to make that system work. Brigid refers to this as “Performing Motherhood,” a tendency that has contributed to the “Stalled Gender Revolution” she writes about in her book. I somehow “absorbed the idea that becoming a mother meant giving up time for things that give you joy,” says Brigid. This lifestyle led to stress eczema and depression, not to mention a lack of sleep and a pervasive confusion as to how she would ever make a change. After all, she thought, “This is the way it has to be. I made the choice.” So she continued “living and working like a maniac,” never stopping to read a single book, for 10 years. On assignment to discover why women were no longer reading the newspaper, Brigid participated in a time study—first for herself, and then as part of a “Time Hacker” project run by The Washington Post. Brigid was shocked—angry, in fact—when the time researcher outlined how much leisure time she did, in fact, have in her schedule (30 hours)—a process she describes in detail in her bestselling book. Knowing she had this time available to her was just the beginning of a very long journey, in which she had to train herself to not “need” to be busy. Encountering very real cultural expectations— in both professional and personal realms—along the way, Brigid used her penchant for research and data to catapult her into a different mindset.
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In this lifestyle, there’s no place for what Brigid terms the “if/then mentality.” If we get everything done, we’ll take a break. If we complete our to-do list, we’ll take a vacation. “The day you die you’re going to have stuff on your to-do list,” says Brigid, a wise nugget she took to heart after working with a productivity coach. “You’re never going to get to ‘then.’”
Brigid fully enmeshed herself in the world of time data and came out readily equipped to shift her perceptions and live a more authentic life. She’s the first to say, though, that you don’t have to change your entire life to find more time. Rather, you just need to get to know yourself, as honestly as you can. Start living your own life, which starts when you release “impossible ideals and unrealistic expectations” and listen, instead, to your feelings. If your response to this is ‘Easier Said Than Done’ then A) I hear you loud and clear; and B) I want you to ask yourself one question: Do I need to be this overwhelmed? That’s it. Ask yourself that one question, and dig deep for the answer that exists in your heart (not your brain!).
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Let’s assume you’ve answered No. You’re one brave lady and I applaud you, as I know Brigid would too. You know your WHY and that really is half the battle. All that remains is coming up with the HOW. In other words, outside of immersing yourself in data, by what process are you going to ensure that the overwhelm is replaced by the things that really matter—the “work, love, and play” of your life? I don’t know the exact system that will work for your life, nor does Brigid. Based on her experience and expertise, though, I can suggest the following process as a first step into your newly abundant and restful life.
STEP 1: ACKNOWLEDGE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM Whether the way you were raised or habits you’ve acquired since becoming an adult, chances are you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to do things the “right” way, not to mention to do everything yourself. Acknowledging the assumptions you’re operating from is a critical first step to embracing more rest. Says Brigid, “Time is limited. There really is a finite amount.” As long as we’re trying to do all the things, we will continue to feel failure and exhaustion. Brigid’s biggest piece of advice? “Take a breath. Pause,” she says, “It will seem impossible, but it’s not.”
STEP 2: PLAN A SYSTEM T H AT W O R K S F O R E V E R Y O N E Due to historical forces better explained elsewhere, home became the domain of the woman. As Brigid points out, though, “Women are not biologically wired to do dishes, or predisposed to clean up after others.” Devising a system in which everyone in the household (or at the workplace) understands who has what The PERPETUAL YOU
Start Here responsibility will go a long way to alleviate the “I am my house” mindset. “Don’t’ try to keep it all in your mind,” says Brigid. Plan out on paper who will do what and agree upon the standards, too. Brigid’s husband is a “go-getter” so he does the grocery shopping, and he also mows the lawn. The system is about strengths and preferences, not gender. And remember, says Brigid, “If you’re doing more than your share, you’re choosing to do so.”
S T E P 3 : S TA R T S M A L L When you do get some downtime, you might not know what to do with it—at first. Brigid advises taking it slowly: spend 30 minutes on a Saturday afternoon in your favorite window seat with a book, maybe. When you feel uncomfortable, because you will, rely on the grit you’ve accumulated by doing so much despite all odds for all those years. “If you feel guilty about taking time for yourself,” says Brigid, “that’s because we don’t have a lot of role models in the realm of leisure.” Times of growth are “exciting, but can also be confusing,” she says. Choose a woman who inspires you, a celebrity, historical legend, or an
Too overwhelmed to even read a book? Brigid completely gets it. That’s why you’ll find a link to chapter summaries on her website at brigidschulte.com/books/ overhelmed/. She also recommends listening to the book in the car or while doing domestic tasks. If you’re really interested, though, we say the book is well worth your time!
ancestor—or even someone who’s a part of your life— and rely on her example.
STEP 4: REMEMBER YOUR WHY Brigid was amazed to learn, after the “Time Hacker” project she did with The Post, that the one thing that mattered as far as success at changing personal habits was how much the person believed that his or her goal was important. This showed Brigid that “mindset is more powerful than strategy.”
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Remember why you want more leisure time. Brigid points to a breakfast she had with her daughter at age 15 where she just looked at her and said, “I wish I had had more rest.” And as she points out in her book, daughters are learning about leisure from their mothers. Maybe your child will not have to hear an apology; maybe she will remember the times you were able to spend with her instead.
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STEP 5: LOOK FOR THE GOOD Upon observing a mother’s group, Brigid learned the beauty of an ordinary moment. She writes in her book, “Supercharged special moments are far less valuable than the beauty of ordinary ones–the spontaneous dancing or the jokes that can break out while the family cleans the dinner dishes–moments of unadorned grace that unfold when you’re not distracted and rushing into the next big thing.”
So much of our overwhelm is actually a mindset that is powerful enough to feel like “an existential state of being,” says Brigid. If you find yourself baking cupcakes at 3 a.m., ask yourself, “Who’s watching? Who cares? Is this the most important thing for my family?” Spend your time enjoying the ordinary moments that life brings you and let others handle the hard stuff.
Connect with Brigid Connect with Brigid through her website, brigidschulte.com or at The Better Life Lab.
S T E P 6 : F O R G I V E Y O U R S E L F, AND BELIEVE SOME MORE If Brigid’s book makes anything clear, it’s that we’re up against some very ingrained imbalances. We’re talking about breaking down an entire culture of busyness. These things take time! We will make mistakes. We will even miss the comfort zone of having a million things to do. Focus on the present moment as often as possible, even while your guiding principle is how you want to feel at the end of your life. Above all else, approach yourself with love and understanding. Brigid’s “top productivity tip” is, in fact, compassion—a feeling she relies on freely when falling back into the trap of wanting to do it all. digested about our time-harried society. AND people want to digest it because they want a different life. Instead of reading in 30 minute increments (or not reading at all!), we want to sit down and absorb a book, to get lost in the pleasure of reading. After writing her book, Brigid decided she “simply couldn’t wait until the kids were grown and gone and the madness was over.” She had to “embrace [her] own life with that passionate commitment in the face of ambiguity, right here, right now.” By replacing ambivalence with gratitude and guilt with clarity, she found “more peace of mind than any elaborate time management system” could bring. Is every day perfect? No way. As the popularity of her book proves, there’s still much to be
Women, especially, crave and deserve this type of downtime. We desire to rest. Admit this and begin your journey to a life in which you have the time to slow down, when you want to. Remove the mask of overwhelm, resist the lure of the busy life, and embrace the peace of mind that comes from being honest and grateful and, on occasion, at rest.
Lee Lee Thompson is the Cofounder and Managing Editor at TPY. She has had the privilege to interview 24 amazing women who inspire others to choose, embrace, unleash, & celebrate the best parts of themselves– their Perpetual selves. Photos by Jacqui Depas Photography
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Think about what you want to feel at the end of your life, not at the end of your day. – B RIG ID SCH ULT E The PERPETUAL YOU
to align your innermost thoughts with your ever-evolving perspective
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A R T W O R K by @ N A D I A H O R N
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I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y @ A S H L E Y B U N T E N D E S I G N
Chamomile Chamomile is often associated with a hot cup of relaxing tea, since its calming properties can soothe the nerves.
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LIVE
Take Good Care P R I O R I T I Z I N G YO U R S E L F A N D R E CO G N I Z I N G YO U R WO RT H with Meghan Kacmarcik Rest is a form of self-care. Whether as luxurious as a candlelit bath or as low-key as a Netflix binge, claiming downtime is a necessary, critical act.
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est is not something that we value in our culture. We associate meditation with hippies, sleeping in with lethargy, and days off with laziness. We are taught from the beginning that we must constantly be going, moving, changing, growing. From childhood into adulthood, we are rarely encouraged to take breaks when we need them. Taking a break is something to do when every little box on your to-do list has been checked off. We’re told we can sleep when we’re dead, advice that encourages us to ignore our bodies basic needs. Everywhere we look—from billboards to Pinterest— we’re told rest is only allowed if you have put in your absolute all, each and every day. Throughout the hardest times in my life – when I was battling my eating disorder, when I was trying to make it through college while suffering from anxiety and depression, when I was in an all-consuming unpaid internship to become a dietitian – I believed rest was out of the question. Because I didn’t make rest a priority, I didn’t make myself a priority. There
were so many things to take care of that I took myself off the list. I didn’t believe I could take a break because I didn’t believe I was worthy of care. I didn’t think I deserved a lazy day of sleeping in, or to take a day off from the gym—at least not until I was “perfect,” whatever that meant. I thought that I had to organize my life into a neat, shiny box before I could deserve even 30 minutes of uninterrupted television. When I started recovering from my eating disorder and embarking on my self-love journey, I began to learn that I would never have time to rest unless I decided that I had the time. I would only make the time to rest when I decided that I was worth taking care of. Now, I’m not saying that this was easy. I didn’t decide to make myself a priority, and suddenly start sleeping
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Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation. – AUDRE LORDE
in and taking long naps every day. Making myself a priority was a process, a practice over time in which I realized that rest was something I deserved and needed. Rest was a necessity, every day. Self-care doesn’t have to be luxurious or indulgent. For me, taking care of myself means letting myself watch one Netflix show in my pajamas before bed, no phone or interruption. Some nights, it’s as simple as allowing myself to read in bed for fifteen minutes. Some days, it’s shutting my laptop and taking a shower. Taking a break gives us space—a time to get out of our heads and forget about work, writing, relationships, children…whatever our brains are fixating on—to create peace and openness and compassion. That space is what allows us to continue to move forward. When we allow ourselves the time to rest and relax, our capacity to think, wonder, daydream, and create grows. Allowing ourselves to rest and relax is also the simplest way of acknowledging that we are worth meeting our own needs, that even though we may
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have partners or children to take care of, we are worth taking care of too. Sometimes that means going back to the basics and treating ourselves like the precious loved ones we are—eating enough, showering daily, and tucking ourselves into bed on time. Making ourselves a priority is a small but radical change, one that can completely change our perspective. Start small, if you have to: an extra 15 minutes of sleep in the morning, or getting into bed 15 minutes earlier at night. Drinking your first cup of coffee without looking at a screen, or time in the evening reading that book that’s been on your nightstand for months. Do one thing every day to prove to yourself that you’re worthy of being taken care of. This small, but radical change will blossom into more space for compassion, creativity, and self-love.
Meghan is a blogger, body positivity advocate, eating disorder survivor and Registered Dietitian. You can follow along on her adventures on Instagram @sundaesforthesoul or read her blog at sundaesforthesoul.com.
Coming Soon!
The Perpetual You PRINT magazine is coming to a store (or mailbox!) near you. View our media kit online at: bit.ly/TPYpartners, or sign up for an individual subscription at bit.ly/TPYandyou. The W E A LT H I SS U E
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Outward Mindset BECOMING, LOVING, AND ACCEPTING T H E M OT H E R YO U A R E with Sarah Bachelder
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Turning outward stimulates adaptability and invites connection, so that we can parent for the unique child and tailor our efforts to the situation.
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knew being a mother would be the most amazing and enriching experience of my life. I also knew (theoretically) that it would be the hardest thing I’d ever do. I was right. On both counts. Truthfully, I have struggled to feel the joy in motherhood. I know I’m not the only one. Mothering often feels less magical and more like hard, manual labour. We want to love it and when we don’t, the guilt breaks our hearts. One night, as I sat sobbing after a stressful day, I had an epiphany. I struggle to love being a mother because I struggle to love myself as a mother. I feel like I’m failing and it’s hard to forgive myself. So how do I accept and love the mother that I am right now? Here is what I know: I’m not going to find that love by focusing inward. It’s found by turning mind and heart outward. The difference being that an inward mentality sees only how we are impacted by others. An outward mindset seeks awareness of how others are impacted by us and acts with intentional effort to make that impact meaningful. What does this have to do with loving ourselves? It is hard to love someone who is always focused on herself. Even if it’s you. On the other hand, cultivating an outward mindset will help me find the joy I know is possible in mothering. One way to describe parenting is, “raising children.” We are all familiar with this phrase. Have you ever taken the time to consider what that means for your purpose? To raise something means to lift it to a higher position. It implies encouraging, building up, boosting, connecting, and making an effort.
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H E L P, N O T C O N T R O L Once we start learning to see our children, we can recognize where the way we do things needs to be altered. An inward mentality is stuck in trying to control; an outward mindset wants to facilitate growth. Since I struggle with perfection and anxiety, it is all too easy to lapse into a controlling approach. In working to overcome that tendency I am slowly learning to be more adaptable in my efforts. My two-year-old is obsessed with the kitchen and gets into everything. Instead of stressing about it and trying to control him, I am working on letting him be in there with me and giving him space to explore. Sometimes this goes well and sometimes I revert. Regardless, our relationship is improving. Because my focus is outward, I’m learning what to do to make our relationship more fulfilling.
RESPECT THROUGH BOUNDARIES With an outward mindset, raising our children becomes a matter of seeing them for who they are, lending help where needed, finding the balance between boundaries and freedom, and affecting them mindfully rather than from a stance of control.
SEEING THE OTHER
We are raising humans, and want them to be respectful, confident, and empathetic. Setting appropriate boundaries benefits everyone, offers protection, and teaches compassion, respect, and grace. They will make mistakes and so will we. Being outward minded we can forgive and keep moving forward.
This is the best place to start. When we begin looking outward at our children we stop seeing them as problems or inconveniences. We become more aware of their brilliance, their dreams, and their struggles. We connect on a more profound level and everything we do for or with them has purpose. To paraphrase our editor, Lee Lee Thompson, we begin to “parent the child/children (we) have.”
Boundaries are also an act of love for our children and ourselves. When I am not feeling much love towards myself, I don’t set good boundaries and I turn inward. This closes me off from my family and I feel even worse about myself. Children will push against the limits we set. We can be flexible without giving up on the system.
When I intentionally observe my three sons I am always amazed by what I see. They are glorious little humans. Seeing them in this way affects the way I see myself as well. It elicits compassion and vulnerability, which in turn elicits love and change for them and myself.
A W A R E N E S S O F O U R I M PA C T
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Looking outward leads us to consider how our behaviour impacts our children. It isn’t always easy to measure. By taking time to observe and tune in, we will start to see what affect we are having. Do we feel
Outward Mothering 101
more connected? How are they responding to us? How are we responding to them? My goal for now is to simply focus on the way I respond to my boys. I want them to feel secure in my love so, whenever possible, I give them hugs and cuddles when they ask for them or need them. Do I sometimes forget? Yes. When I love them this way, though, I feel more love towards myself.
Wherever you are in your growth as a mother, whatever season, please give yourself the gift of love. Accept who you are in this moment, invite grace into your heart, and forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Let go of the resentment, discouragement, and shame – they are not who you are. Turn outward into motherhood and find yourself. Your true brilliant, worthy, and courageous self.
A self-proclaimed dysfunctional perfectionist, Sarah Bachelder is learning to accept and embrace all aspects of motherhood. Connect with her at SarahBachelder.com.
I’ve been touched by the book The Outward Mindset. Though not a traditional parenting book, I recommend it if you’re interested in outward mothering. The following are some of my favorite takeaways that have encouraged my mindful motherhood practice. • Listen with affection, empathy, and with openness. • Go into this without expectation that anyone but yourself will change. Be all in. • Practice patience and forgiveness. The change we seek won’t happen immediately. The next moment can be better. • Invite collaboration in your home and resist the urge to create unnecessary distinction between parents and children. • Let go of perfection, shame, “should,” control, and anything else that turns the mind inward and away from your people.
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M AY M A N T R A
I create space and time to nourish myself inside and out..
Mantra by Krystal
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Krystal Brandt, Authenticity Coach, is a soulful, sensual siren who lovingly and powerfully guides high-achieving women back to their innermost desires by re-introducing them to their own intuitive whispers of wisdom. Connect with her via krystalbrandt.com.
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Exquisite +
ExTRaordINarY T H E G I F T O F A D A I LY S E L F - C A R E P R A C T I C E
Words by Kesley Fox Bennett, M.Ed. Photos by Amanda Luisa The PERPETUAL YOU
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LIVE
Self-care is incredibly simple and ridiculously challenging.
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ntil about two years ago, I thought I was really good at self-care. I thought I was so good at saying no and at telling work that I needed to stay home and rest. What I didn’t realize was how much of a mental and emotional battle I went through each time I made the decision to put myself first. How much energy I was spending in my relationships and in my business, giving more than I actually had to give and often ending up drained, frustrated, and unsatisfied. Then, like our bodies do so beautifully, mine began to reflect my emotional and mental landscape in physical form. I got H. pylori, a bacteria that causes chronic inflammation in the stomach and often leads to ulcers and other gut issues. This made me slow down.
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LIFE WITHOUT SELF-CARE Looking back there were so many signs to take better care of myself, yet I resisted – as we tend to do with anything that we need to learn – and although there were many days of hardship around that time, there was one day in particular that really takes the cake as a representation of how low selfcare fell on the list. It was fall 2015. I had been feeling sick due to the H. pylori, but at the last minute I was offered a free ticket to a wellness event in Boston. In a whirlwind, I figured out transportation and a place to stay. The weekend overall was such a gift and I felt healthier by the end than when I arrived. On the final day, however, everything seemed to go wrong.
The very brief rundown of the day goes like this: • Left in a rush and forgot my phone. • Got my phone. Made it in time to enjoy the end of the goodbye brunch. • Had some time to spend with a friend and was told the drive to the bus station would only take a few minutes. • Miscommunication with my friend and I find myself sprinting 10 blocks in an attempt to make it in time. • I arrive sweaty, tired, hungry, and downright pissed off. • Extra salt in my wound: I realize my food is in my bag under the bus and we’re already on our way. I’m crying silently at this point. • The person sitting next to me has food, but I’m too afraid to ask her to share. Internally, I’m beating myself up for everything that has happened so far. • I do my best to breathe and muscle through. • Finally we arrive in NYC. I get out my snack and head to the subway. • Then, the final kicker... I choke on my snack. A piece of food gets stuck in my throat and I can barely breathe. I’m heaving and coughing and choking on the subway train platform. No one comes over to help me. I’m thinking, I could die right now. I’m swallowing air and barely breathing, trying to dislodge the food. I’m terrified. • The food finally moves and I can breathe. My throat hurts, my chest hurts, and I’m crying again. • At last I make it home, traumatized and exhausted.
This was my version of a terrible no good very bad day. Still, not even a day this horrendous was enough to make me take better care of myself. Thankfully, that was the worst it got (in a day at least) and was the beginning of the universe teaching me about self-care. From the above experience in addition to my romantic relationship almost falling apart, a traumatic IUD removal that took multiple procedures and more, I have learned a lot. While there is more learning to do, I would love to share what I’ve gleaned from all these experiences with you. I believe self-care comes down to two simple – and sometimes extraordinarily challenging – steps: 1) Listen with love; and 2) Take loving action.
LISTEN WITH LOVE Step one is to listen to messages from your body, mind, emotions, and experience. Notice any aches, pains or negative thoughts. Notice your energy level. Are you feeling sluggish, overstimulated? Notice what feels good and what experiences give you energy. Notice also what feels off or drains you. Just notice.
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For the second half of step one, it’s been helpful for me to imagine seeing myself through the eyes of an angel. Angels are beings of pure love and always see the light and possibility within us. They do not judge us, but rather forgive us completely and always see our infinite potential.
TA K E L O V I N G A C T I O N I love this step! If a little judgment snuck in when you were noticing, fret not! As I mentioned before, we are HUMAN! Your first loving action is to forgive yourself. People have written entire books on forgiveness—it’s that powerful. And I speak from personal experience when I tell you that forgiveness is freedom.
Notice, now, the words “with love.” It’s great to notice all the things I mentioned above, but what often happens is that we listen, and then we judge. Self-judgement amplifies whatever discomfort we are feeling. Throughout my terrible day, for instance, as things got worse and worse I was less and less loving to myself. Instead, I beat myself up. “How could I let this happen?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Seriously, Kelsey, WTF?” “Listen with love” means listening and noticing with compassion, and seeing ourselves through the eyes of unconditional love. Removing judgment is a critical step to self-love and also one of the most tricky. We are taught from an early age to compare ourselves, to judge what we’re doing and how we’re doing it, which makes us feel disconnected. Remind yourself: you’re only human. Connect to your breath and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be and that your story is absolutely stunning; you’re just in the middle of it. Being exactly where you are now is the only way to grow and to reach your desired destination.
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While judgment creates stress, constriction in our bodies, and lowers our overall vibration, forgiveness creates space and possibility. Forgiveness can literally heal us. A brief story to illustrate: I had a Paraguard or Copper IUD in for 5 years. At first it seemed fine, like it was agreeing with my body, but then my periods got very painful. Because these weren’t my first painful periods, I didn’t initially make the correlation between my IUD and the discomfort. Instead, I did what I could to resolve the issue. I changed my diet, I used essential oils, I did acupuncture, I took vitamins, I took Advil, but nothing was enough. Finally, I conceded that it was indeed the IUD causing all the issues and went to get it removed. They tugged, painfully, twice. And removed… 3/4s of it. Yep, an arm was still in me and they couldn’t reach it. It took three visits to the clinic and a final removal procedure at the hospital before it was all over. Throughout the process, beyond the pain and trauma of the entire ordeal, the worst part was my own guilt. My body had been telling me – for years – that something was wrong and I did everything I
could to help, except for the one thing it needed. In short, it was all my fault. Thankfully, at this point I was getting better and better in my self-care practice. I turned to a healing tool I created years prior called Body Part Letters. I wrote a letter to the part of my body that was uncomfortable (my lady parts) and then turned the page, took a deep breath and let my lady parts write back. When they responded, I was overcome with how much love and forgiveness they had towards me. Forgiving myself ended up being a key component of my overall healing process. When I went in for the final procedure about a week after doing this activity and forgiving myself, they couldn’t even find the arm. My body had let go of it naturally. Coincidence or a direct result of my self-forgiveness? I choose to believe the second.
S E L F - C A R E E V E R Y S I N G L E D AY I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell you the benefits of a daily self-care practice. Self-care here and there is great! Making the commitment to give yourself care every single day, even if it’s just 5 minutes, is exquisite and extraordinary. My boyfriend and I were at a crossroads around the same time of my choking incident. We were caught in a negative cycle where he would get emotionally upset by something (that had nothing to do with me) and I would take it personally and fall apart emotionally, which would then cause him to shut down in order to help put me back together. Basically both of our childhood traumas were causing us to set each other off in negative ways. As I began to commit myself to daily self-care, this negative cycle transformed. As I nourished
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More Self-Love After forgiveness, there are so many beautiful ways to take loving action. In my IUD story, unlike my prior terrible day that ended in choking, I listened to my body and mind with love and I took loving action in the form of a healing activity. This activity and my self-forgiveness led to a miraculous result.
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Hot baths with epsom salts and essential oils have been part of my self-care since I was a teenager. When I combine a meditation or meditative music with my time in the tub the entire experience is heightened with healing love.
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●Yoga and healing movement like Brain Gym helps me not only tune in and notice my body, but also take it from tight and fearful to relaxed and joyful.
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●Time in nature, meditation, prayer and writing are my go-tos for connecting to source. Whether God, the Universe, Angels, sweet spirits or fairies, these practices help me surrender my personal agenda and let a more loving energy come through.
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●Friends that uplift me, music and dancing help me shift negative thinking and return to the love and joy that lives within.
What helps you reduce stress, reconnect, breathe deeper? What nourishes your mind, body and soul? I invite you to make a list of nourishing activities for you to turn to when you notice your energy is off. More is better when it comes to healing tools!
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Build your Toolbox Are you a mom looking to build your healing toolbox? Kelsey’s “More Than Mom” online bundle includes movement, art, and writing activies designed for you to reconnect, release negativity, and support your best self. Check it out at: kelseyfoxbennett.com/ morethanmom.
myself with love, I became fulfilled and I stopped taking his emotions personally. As a result, he felt safer and we continued to heal, both as individuals and as a couple. Knowing that my commitment to myself is what made the shift from struggle to ease is incredible and revolutionary. Additionally, the more I take care of myself, the more everything has fallen into place – financial abundance, business opportunities, serendipitous connections, further healing of my digestive system and hormonal cycle. So many incredible blessings and such ease! When we commit to loving ourselves first, to receiving love and abundance and to celebrating our worth, it translates to more love for our children, more love for our partners, and more love for the world. The world needs your love. Start by loving you.
Kesley Fox Bennett, M.Ed., is an educator, author, healer, and movement specialist. Her blend of educational kinesiology, essential oils, and mindfulness help to accelerate healing, reduce stress and reconnect both brain and body. Kelsey sees magic everywhere and cultivates safety through play – two superpowers she’ll happily teach you to have as well! Connect with her at KelseyFoxBennett.com. Photos by Amanda Luisa The PERPETUAL YOU
F E AT U R E D A R T I S T
Christy Johnson Christy is an artist, encourager, and whimsical caretaker of dreams. Her paintings explore story through imagery, and often depict the life-giving mother/child bond. This piece, entitled "You Must Sing," is available for purchase at her website, christymjohnsonart.com..
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KELSEY FOX BENNETT
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Educator and Healer Of fering Ser vices For A Sister Photography Team Traversing New England & Beyond! walkerstudiosllc.com
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If rest is sweet, then pillows are the cherry on top. As Goldilocks taught us, the right pillow is neither too soft nor too firm, neither too big nor too small. The right pillow feels amazing and, in our opinion, buying this pillow from a small batch maker feels amazing too! Enjoy your downtime, with some handmade #pillowlove.
Do you love pillows too? Post your favorite pillow and tag @theperpetualyou for the chance to be featured on our feed!
I need solitude. I need space. I need air. – V IRG IN IA WOOLF
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Embrace Rest
