5 minute read
Keep Them Coming
Keep Them Coming
CRAFTED SINGLES
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By Kristen Thomas
Many people give a heavy eye roll to Valentine’s Day and its heart-shaped trappings. The disdain sometimes comes from people who are partnered up, but this Hallmark holiday catches the most ire from the singles I encounter.
“I just had to go through Christmas and New Year’s alone, and now I have to go through Valentine’s? Ugh!” The heavy groan of my friend rang out as the memories of past single V-Days flashed before my eyes.
Singletons, I know it’s hard out there— baby bisexuals, experienced pansexuals, zaddies, and even the dolls are crying about it, too. Dating has become harder during the pandemic. Seventy percent of those who are single and seeking reported to Pew Research that dating sucks right now, and most of them believe it’s harder than it was before 2020. Fewer singles are actively dating now than three years ago. It’s a fucking dumpster fire, and no one is enjoying the smell.
Here’s my proposal. Fuck Valentine’s Day. Ignore its existence this year. Instead, I want all the singles this month to focus on February 15, which is Singles Appreciation Day. Also known as Singles Awareness Day (both monikers are cheesy acronyms).
The internet paper trail says Singles Appreciation Day was started in 2001 by a high schooler who wanted to have fun with his friends and eat discounted candy. Dustin Barnes, now an editor with USA To- day, has stated in interviews that he’s been contacted by people who claim to be the actual creators of SAD.
“It’s been around,” Barnes says. “I’m not saying I’m the creator.” No one else seems to have come forward publicly as the brains behind it.
Regardless of who has the receipts, should this be a day of celebration or commiseration? I’ll vote for a party every time because it’s not all that bad being single (sometimes); you could be getting in your own way by focusing on the negative.
About half the U.S. population is currently single. Around 31% of Americans never marry. Pew Research showed in data released in fall 2020 that half of singles are content and not looking, citing they had better things to do or that they enjoyed singlehood, while the other half were trying to mingle.
How can you be single and happy?
Single, childless women seem to have it figured out. They are the happiest American subgroup—happier than anyone married or with children. Dr. Wendy L. Patrick pointed out in a 2021 Psychology Today article that single women appear more selective in their choices than single men “as they may enjoy the freedom of their lifestyle.” Is it freedom, or is it the choice to enjoy their life?
Coaches, religious leaders, and mindfulness instructors often teach that finding peace or acceptance is key to our growth and happiness. Being present and—trite as it may sound—having gratitude is a form of radical self-care.
The conscientious choice to love one’s own life is empowering. I embraced singlehood to the max from 2015-2020. I believe that is why I was able to choose more wisely this time—I just got married in October. By finding my bliss as a single person, I prepared myself for a better and more balanced partnership than before.
By shifting one’s perspective through practicing gratitude, people actually combat feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. Society has fed us all a lot of bullshit, including things like finding a spouse means you’ve won or that your life isn’t complete until you’ve had children. Spouses and kids are great, but this life isn’t a competition, and people aren’t prizes.
Try embracing your “Single” status and gather your fellow single friends to create your own traditions, just like Galentine’s Day became a thing thanks to Leslie Knope.
Hit up your favorite fellow singles and make a plan for the day after V-Day. Host a themed dinner party at one of your homes or keep it simple and make reservations. Stream movies online together or hit the theater. Play games in person or online. Take your dogs to Bar K and hang out to- gether while your pups get their pack on.
utes to be introspective about your goals regarding partnership in your life. Are your expectations too low or too high? Can you see yourself sharing your authentic self with someone you grow to trust, or does that scare the fuck out of you? Is your friend group full or non-existent? Are you holding out for some fantasy? Do you know what you want from a future partner?
Long-term singlehood isn’t an indication that you should consider counseling. Still, it could be a sign that you need someone on the journey to unravel all that shit in your head and heart, especially if you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of being single and finding someone to love. Therapy could be beneficial when you’ve been in a rut with your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
Lastly, I won’t pretend that everyone who reads this column will have a good day, but you’re not alone, even if you’re single.
You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Twitter or openthedoorscoaching com. Check out her podcast Keep Them Coming.
