The Pitch: February 2023

Kansas City’s new and improved airport opens this spring. Here’s what flyers can expect As March creeps closer, excitement for the improved Kansas City airport is growing. Scan here for an early tour of the new terminal and amenities.

Spoiler alert: there will be 50 retail, food, and beverage options.

BY BROCK WILBUR

BY SOFIA MONGILLO

JORDAN BARANOWSKI

BY SARAH SIPPLE

BY KATE FRICK

Chiefs grill the Raiders in competitive tailgating on Tailgate Takedown

Local chefs Mike Powell and Shelia Johnson represented the Chiefs on NFL’s new Food Network show, Tailgate Takedown. They faced off against the Raiders in a three-round tailgate cookoff, and the winner walked away with game tickets and the “Yumbardi” trophy. Read about their experience on the show here.

BY BRITT FRANK

BY BETH LIPOFF

BY NICK SPACEK

BY EMILY COX

L to R: Coleman, Bonds, Ivory. Courtesy of Kansas City Area Development Council

A computer rendering of the new single terminal airport at KCI, published by Build KCI in April 2021. Build KCI

Shelia Johnson and Mike Powell represented the Chiefs in NFL’s Tailgate Takedown Courtesy of Mike Powell

Editor-in-Chief Brock Wilbur President & Chief Operating Officer Andrew Miller Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery Associate Editor Steph Castor Community Manager Sarah Sipple Sales Executive Erin Carey Music Editor Nick Spacek Film Editor Abby Olcese Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren House Designer Cassondra Jones

Contributing Writers

Liz Cook, Barb Shelly, Beth Lipoff, Michael Mackie, Kristen Thomas, Kala Elkinton, Emily Cox, Michael Cripe, Jordan Baranowski, Tyler Shane, Justin Burnell, Emeline Hutton, Lauren Textor, Sophia Johnson, Isaac Biehl, Caroline Rose Newman, Nina Cherry, Adrian Torres, Patrick Moore, Kate Frick, Scott Poore, Hannah Strader, Grace Wilmot, Ivy Anderegg, Drew Windish, Kelcie McKenney, Tyler Schneider, Britt Frank

Contributing Photographers

Zach Bauman, Chase Castor, Travis Young, Jim Nimmo, Chris Ortiz, Destiny Frack, Barry Meitler, Archana Sundar, Angela C. Bond, Anna Perry-Rushton

Contributing Designers and Illustrators

Alex Peak, John Alvarez, Jake Edmisten

Editorial Interns

Sofia Mongillo, Amanda Hadlock, Rey Dean, Emma Thieme, Sarah Moore

VOICE MEDIA GROUP

National Advertising 1-888-278-9866 vmgadvertising.com

DISTRIBUTION

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COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2023 by The Pitch LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

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Letter from the Editor

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE

By Brock Wilbur

Lovebirds, welcome to the February issue of The Pitch While spirits are high and rebirth is in the air, as we ride the wave of enthusiasm for a new year, this magazine brings together our traditional (yet wildly untraditional) look at sex, love, and relationships in the City of Kansas.

Within these pages, you’ll find our approach to celebrating connectivity as an energetic bridge between people or a path between parties linking to a shared concept. 2023 is a time for celebration, but perhaps now, with the breath of fresh air after the last few years, equally a pause for introspection, re-evaluation, and re-dedication.

There are so many forms this can take. Look to our story from Kate Frick about two bakers building a beautiful corner of their kitchen as a shared space for others. Check out our Keep Them Coming about destigma-

Matthew Hawkins on the joys of papercraft, puppet-making, and punny animals in The Pitch Questionnaire

Matthew Hawkins is a visual artist and banjo player from Kansas. He works in the mediums of papercraft, illustration, and puppet-making.

Hawkins’s work often features punny, sassy, anthropomorphic animals, though his work explores human emotions and situations. “I keep a huge list on my phone of phrases, things I hear or pop into my head. Some are usable and some are terrible and unusable, but both are valuable to the creative process and worth keeping.” Learn more about him here.

tizing and cherishing who you are in Valentine’s season when you’re single. Emily Cox takes a dive into a Kemper gallery show about re-appropriating bonds to build new ideologies. Sofia Mongillo profiles a teenage activist whose investment in our collective future is fueled by the purest dedication— an outpouring for the ages and something real that will outlive us all.

We, as a publication, are invested in you finding joy and purpose in how you love because we find joy and purpose in all things bound to this city. With some regularity, our team redesigns our approach to the metro we serve by asking and answering where the love is flowing. A relationship can exist anywhere you would fight to protect someone or something with all that you have. Our work here is partially governed by our relationship to a place—a type of relationship in which culture, at large, doesn’t pay its dues during a holiday built for expensive chocolate and cringeworthy sex dice.

Since Christmas Day, I’ve been thinking about how love correlates to physical or emotional spaces and what power exists there. My grandmother has spent the last few years living in a medical facility in our hometown. Her mobility was rendered null and void a great while back, and she has needed constant support staff to keep her going. About six months back, she casually started mentioning how excited she was for this X-mas because she’d be spending it back in her old home. The offhanded remarks kept growing more frequent, and we were a little heartbroken about it all because she clearly wanted an impossible thing to occur. Getting her up the plethora of steps to a place where no one has lived for years, in the middle of a Kansas winter, when she can’t move at all? It just wasn’t in the cards. We didn’t want her making emotional plans around a situation that was simply unman-

ageable.

The entire family was gathered in her living room on Christmas. And Suzanne was there too, sitting in her favorite old chair. Through sheer will, she’d manifested an ambulance and a team to transport her back to her place and a family friend to handle nursing duties. We unwrapped gifts next to a tree we dug out of storage and had a holiday dinner with Wilburs from thousands of miles around.

I sat there, too, dumbfounded at the power of manifesting this—a woman who loved a place so much that she would move mountains to get there. We would’ve all been there to celebrate with her, one way or another, but this was what she wanted— love on her terms. Those terms needed this place. This must be the place.

What would you do in your relationship to love a space? How would you choose to fight for it, whether it needed you to or not? The February issue of The Pitch is here to highlight just a few of the stories we’ll be platforming all month long, via these pages or online, regarding all the ways our love of a place might take form—and cherishing that unbreakable bond just as we would celebrate the love between two people.

Thank you for sharing your love with us in the various forms that take—from simply the amount of time and attention you give us at this outlet each and every day, including all the feedback and support in our inboxes and comment sections. Thanks for building a space with us and making room for so much more.

P.S. Would you be our Valentine?

Pitch in and we’ll make it through,

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A piece from the animals and words series. Courtesy Matthew Hawkins

The Shape of Punks To Come

HALLEY VINCENT’S ACTIVISM EMPIRE SPREADS FROM ATOP A RIDING MOWER

By Sofia Mongillo

Halley Vincent is anything but your typical middle-schooler. Activist, student, and creator of a nonprofit organization, the 13-year-old has managed to spearhead the literacy of the Shawnee community and create profound systemic change extending into Kansas City as a whole.

“A lot of people reference what I do as service work, and I think that’s pretty true,” says Halley. “It’s also true that a life of service work can totally begin when you’re in elementary school because, well, I did it.”

As a child, Halley frequented a local animal shelter as a volunteer, reading to the dogs and cats awaiting homes. The weekly routine shifted her passion for helping those in need into full force, and as the word of Halley’s work spread, friends, locals, and even authors began to send her books, growing her collection. She was armed with a stack of literature and a desire to do more. Now, it was time to put her plan in motion.

At eight years old, Halley created her own nonprofit organization, Paws Up KC. The “kid-powered philanthropy” organization depends almost solely on donation drives and fundraiser events focused on highlighting the link between animal adoption and literacy. All proceeds benefit animal agencies in Kansas City, such as The Humane Society of Greater Kansas City, Great Plains SPCA, and Chain of Hope.

“I think people don’t realize that books, literacy, and animals really do connect in many ways,” says Halley. “I like to say that the same people that have a stack of books next to their beds are usually the same people that have a cat in their lap or a dog at their feet.”

Using a broken lawn mower passed down to her, Halley devised a method to put Paws Up KC on wheels. After sanding it down, painting it gold, and attaching a leopard print seat, her bookmobile was born and ready to hit the streets.

With the helping hands of her mother, Ali Vincent, Halley was able to roam their neighborhood in her DIY vehicle, providing free books to those who seek a good read while getting the word out about Paws Up KC.

“She came up with an efficient system,” Ali says. “She handed out little flags to those interested. If on her next drive, she saw them in a yard, then she knew where to stop.”

After working diligently for over a year,

the then 9-year-old was a full-blown entrepreneur after Paws Up KC received the official nonprofit status of being a 501(c)(3). Halley had successfully managed to mesh two separate ideas of community service into one, all before graduating from middle school.

Halley and Ali dreamed of opening a space dedicated to supporting Paws Up KC and bringing literature to the community in even more ways.

“For me, the natural next step after a bookmobile was to create an actual in-person bookstore,” says Halley. “So, we made it happen.”

The mother-and-daughter duo took a course together on how to get a business started, set their plan into motion, and the independent bookstore Seven Stories was born in November 2022.

Located in downtown Shawnee (11111 W. 59th Terr., Suite 203D Shawnee, KS 66203), the shop is no larger than 200 square feet and full to the brim with books suited for people of all ages.

The inside of Seven Stories is intently sectioned by reads that cover various societal issues exploring racism, book censorship, and everything in between. The shop features novels written by a diverse array of authors, many of which were sent to Halley by the writers themselves.

Various books, art pieces, and knickknacks around the shop are marked with animal labels, indicating proceeds will go to Paws Up KC.

Together, the pair also created the Monthly Book Clubs for Brilliantly Bookish People. The club was inspired by Halley’s desire to spark community conversation around topics that are too often glossed over, specifically around minority groups.

A biracial individual herself, Halley is no stranger to the discriminatory and insensitive manner in which society repeatedly treats non-white folks. And with a family just as passionate as she is, change was on the way.

Each Wednesday, the Vincent family stationed themselves at the nearby park to talk

to locals about the tribal history of the area. Eleven years old at the time, Halley was there to keep an eye on her little sister. The tween activist-in-the-making didn’t want to babysit, though; she wanted to join the conversation.

“I started listening more and became interested in actually talking about it and being a part of it all,” says Halley. “I think that change happened so quickly because I am a kid.”

She began putting on her own presentations for the community and showcased them at the park alongside her family. Now, it wasn’t just adults educating adults. It was also kids educating adults.

Furthermore, Halley took to the internet, creating a space where she could educate those who weren’t at the park every week via Instagram. She uploaded informational videos to her account, @Pawsupkc, where she’s known as “Hal, Kid-In-Charge.”

As the account became a useful platform for her activism, Halley noticed problems in the community she wanted to help resolve. One of these problems was Shawnee Mission North High School’s long-standing mascot using Native American imagery.

Family friend Emily Bartlett reached out to Halley and Ali in hopes of joining their efforts to make a change.

“Ali’s partner, and someone that Halley calls Dad, is a Lakota,” says Bartlett. “I remember she was really disturbed when she realized that he would one day be dropping her off at the high school and have to see offensive images all over.”

Bartlett, Ali, Halley, and a few others formed a group with a plan to change the district’s mascot policy. Each week, they headed to the school board’s meetings to voice their concerns.

“Halley started writing letters to tons of people,” Bartlett said. “She would find them on Twitter or through her own research. She would speak with well-known Indigenous people and tell them the issue, ask them to write a letter, and then go to the Shawnee Mission board meetings with the letters in hand.”

Halley’s approach included making

packets containing letters written by individuals from all over the country. Then, at each board meeting, she handed each board member a packet. In record timing, the recent elementary school graduate gathered a unanimous vote from the school board. And in 2021, Shawnee Mission North changed its mascot after 98 years.

The district’s board of education’s ruling meant change for more than just Shawnee Mission North, though. Belinder Elementary, Rushton Elementary, and Shawanoe Elementary were all required to replace their racially insensitive mascots with something more appropriate.

“It is a big accomplishment because I’ll be going to North next year,” says Halley. “I’m really proud to go to a school that I helped change.”

Halley’s accomplishments haven’t come without backlash, though.

“There were people calling her a Nazi at the school board meetings,” says Ali. “We had to ask news outlets to change her name when reporting on her because the threats were getting bad. That definitely made her mature fast.”

Through it all, the now 13-year-old persevered, making more grandiose progress in her community.

“She thinks of the world through the lens of, ‘What can I do to make it better?’” says Bartlett. “I think the bookstore and Paws Up KC really came out of her wanting to help people understand why they also need to help with things.”

As the beginning of high school approaches quickly for Halley, she is on the hunt for more sets of hands, and even potential partnerships, to help move forward her vision and that of Paws Up KC.

Halley continues to improve the KC metro while driving laps around us adults—and we’re thrilled to watch.

Halley Vincent loads up her riding lawnmower and prepares for delivery. Courtesy photo

HIGH TENSION

MUSEUM EXPLORES TACTILE REALMS WITH TENSILE STRENGTH EXHIBIT

By Emily Cox

We bend until we break. That tension and balance before the breakage is the theme running through the exhibit Tensile Strength, currently on view at the Kemper Museum.

The precarity of El Gato perched atop a pedestal, a dense swirl of textured rubber—repurposed tires—by artist Chakaia Booker, suggests the pounce and poise of a cat. Everything in this exhibit seems to reflect the precarity of our times. El Gato is all at once tough and fragile. It seems indestructible and as if it could topple at any moment.

In the face of such precarity, it seems our survival depends on making treasure from our trash. The repurposed materials in Bruce Dorfman’s The Weight of Light and Elias Sime’s Tightrope: On the Edge are examples of envisioning new from the old. Weight of Light, a “composite painting” made up of canvas, wood, metal, paper, fabric, and acrylic, pulls your eye into all the details and textures—the sense that all of this is cobbled together from something else, things that you easily could’ve left neglected in a heap. Instead, Dorfman makes it all into this abstract, contemplative wall-hung structure.

Sime’s Tightrope is also an assemblage of materials, but with a very different result: a massive wall piece that looks like a satellite image, a map from above. Electronic computer components in reddish-brown, silver, and green make city blocks and fields. The eight panels stretch at least 12 feet across, wowing viewers the overview from afar, to standing a breath away from the wall, taking in the microchips and circuitry that make up the components of this mosaic. The curatorial wall text reads, “The title Tightrope: On the Edge alludes to the precarity of our fast-paced consumer habits and quick disposal of technological products.”

Especially in a time of “supply chain issues” and infrastructure instability, it is all the more troubling how disposable these materials are. What fertile fields or lovely landscapes were destroyed to excavate and extract the materials needed to make these microchips? Now here they are, (re)used to represent another landscape.

Regarding disposability, we then turn to the wall of partially-used soap bars. Used and Worn by June Ahrens is a 16 x 32 grid of small steel trays holding either used soap or stones. The steel trays are reminiscent of soap dishes and may also be sardine cans. Most are filled with used soaps of varying colors and shapes, though in a few, you will find rocks instead. I was floored by the human presence in this piece—the hands that have touched these soaps. The time represented by the slow wearing away of soap bars and the slow erosion and shaping of stones. The stones are of the earth, just as we are. There is a reclamation at work here. These objects feel like remnants of humanity after the wreckage of climate and capitalism renders them all artifacts of a time before.

That could be an alternate title for this exhibition: “What We Make from the Wreckage.” The artworks here are hardedged but tender, delicate but strong, and precise but all-encompassing.

Donald Sultan uses oil paint, tar, and spackle on tile in Spike Acanthe, July 5, 1993, a flower of red blooms and green

leaves emerging from industrial materials. William Christenberry’s House at Christmastime, Greensboro, Alabama is a small replica of a ramshackle, half-whitewashed home. A deteriorating home representing a deteriorating community, reproduced in intimate detail, with mismatched roof sections and uneven door frames.

The massive fragile, pendulous bulbs of Jaume Plensa’s The Androgen perfectly evoke the theme of precarity and strength that runs through this show. The oversized bulbs— one red, three transparent—hang from white fabric attached high up on the wall. The height offers ominous potential energy. I can’t help but feel the shatter, the tremulous what-if-theyfell.

That potential energy, that impending failure, our ongoing societal collapse, is at work throughout the show. I have good news, though—there is beauty in the wreckage.

Tensile Strength is on view through June 11 at Kemper Art Museum, 4420 Warwick Blvd, Kansas City, MO. Free admission.

KEMPER

Detail of soaps and stones from Used and Worn by artist June Ahrens (soap, stones, and steel)

A full view and detail (below) from Tightrope: On the Edge by artist Elias Sime (reclaimed electronic computers on eight panels)

(Left to right) The Androgen by Jaume Plensa (glass, fabric, stainless steel) and El Gato by Chakaia Booker (rubber tires, wood)

Craftfont typeface has been designed by Yai Salinas for Neo2 magazine

WhatLove?is

Every person has their own definition of “love.”

For some, love is just a word. For others, love is the carrying out of action. Overall, there is a consensus that “love” can be titled one of the most complex emotions.

There are thousands of songs in our everyday life that convey this idea of love according to individual perception. Most music platforms dedicate a whole segment to just love songs—songs of love for family, romantic partners, or even our most beloved pets.

Looking at Billboard’s list of the Best Love Songs of the 21st Century, “love” is the only commonality among this diverse lineup of artists including Death Cab for Cutie, 50 Cent, and even Rascal Flatts. Though ranging in genres, musicians have been tackling the topic of love for centuries (dating back to Mesopotamia with “The Love Song for Shu-Sin”).

To explore this further, we asked local musicians, some of our favorite creative minds of KC, to answer Haddaway’s biggest question of 1993: What is love?

Alanzo

Alanzo is an R&B artist from Kansas City, Missouri, whose songs are soulful and story-driven. He takes inspiration from gospel, hip-hop, jazz, and R&B. He blends and modernizes these influences in his debut EP, Pray at Midnight, which can be streamed on Spotify. An accompanying short film can be found on Alanzo’s YouTube.

What does love mean to you? Love is a very complex thing. It can be a noun, an adjective, or a verb. It’s something that we do; it’s something that we feel. I think ultimately love is showing up for people in a way that sometimes is sacrificial to self. When we put the needs and care of others before our own, just wanting people to do good and wanting them to be their best. It can be in small acts of kindness, or it can be in the concern that we have for somebody, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a spouse.

How do you express love? I’m a verbal individual. I always try to show love by verbalizing it. At this point in my life, I always make sure people hear or see the words “I love you.” I think that’s important because everybody interprets actions differently, but I do try to put action behind it, whether that’s showing up for an event or a special project they have going on. I could show love by gifting them something or planning something for them.

How does love influence your music?

I do have some love songs, but in the songs I’ve released, they’re more so from the places where I kind of lacked the awareness or had the feeling I’m lacking love. Most of the songs, especially from Pray at Midnight, are mostly from the perspective of longing and wanting love. I’m praying, I’m asking—the main hook is “pray for me, don’t prey on me.” Throughout the EP, there’s this similar theme of longing for a true relationship with people, wanting to feel accepted, and wanting to feel the affirmation of those relationships to get through life. My music is more so reflective of the longing for loving relationships, whether it’s friendships or family or whatever, just wanting to have relationships where you are safe, and wanted.

OxyToxin

Geoffrey Kelly

OxyToxin is an alternative metal group from Lawrence. Pulling from influences like TOOL, Deftones, Rush, and Black Sabbath, OxyToxin combines dark lyrics with powerful, distorted instrumentation. Their album, Don’t Lose Your Head, is now streaming on Spotify.

What is love? That’s a pretty difficult question. It’s kind of a funny thing. Because, like, that’s an emotion that, you know, gets a whole

different set of responses from whoever you’re asking. Especially in the metal world, a lot of the love that you experience at shows or around rock concerts is like, “Hey, man, fuck you.” Then, “Yeah, man. Love me too.”

It’s really surprising how we’re thankful and conscientious. Mosh pits are literally looking out for each other. We’ve seen a whole pit stop when someone falls down—it was like a 30-person hit. It’s different when you ask about music. A lot of people don’t always have a positive view of love. They’ve had a lot of bad experiences. But I feel like it’s a space to share where you feel safe, and yourself, and just relaxed, and honestly cared deeply for the people around you.

How do you feel love from the Kansas City music community? I think it just kind of comes down to one fucking brutal heart emoji.

Love isn’t only what is portrayed on Valentine’s Day. There are lots of different forms, and you just have to know how to appreciate that. There can be a lot of love in your life, even if you don’t realize it’s just capitalism. Don’t listen to the government.

Nisee Amore

Nisee Amore—otherwise known as Erica Baker—is a Kansas City-based R&B musician and a classically trained pianist with a Bachelor’s degree in music. She writes, performs, and produces her own music. She currently has three singles out called “Scary Lover,” “Love Is,” and “The Call.”

What does love mean to you? I think love is unconditional. That’s the first and biggest thing. I think a lot of people describe love in a way that’s conditional. Like, “I love you because you make me happy,” or “I love you because, you know, you’re my mom,” or something like that. When I think of love, I think of sacrifice. I think of being selfless. I think of being supportive of that person. I think of being unwavering. So like, you know, even if you’re mad at somebody—if you love them, that love doesn’t change.

What does love feel like to you? I think love feels like appreciation. It feels like acknowledgment and support. It’s knowing that no matter what, this person is not going to give up on you. Even if it’s your parents, your brother, your sister, your friend—just knowing that even if you’re a very unpleasant person for this day, because you’re going through so much—that person is not going to judge you. Love feels like patience and giving—not giving in the sense of gifts or money, but just time or appreciation—but not having to be all

mushy, because I’m not a mushy person. It’s just thoughtfulness, like remembering something I like. If you go get something from McDonald’s and you know I like fries, you bring back fries. Pay attention, you know?

pure xtc

Taylor Hughes, known by her stage name pure xtc, is a queer alt-pop artist who primarily works out of her home studio in Kansas City, MO. She toured in 2022, including opening for Dashboard Confessional, Dayglow, and Jenny Lewis at Boulevardia. Her EPs Nobody’s Home and shed my skin can be streamed online.

What does love mean to you? In the broader sense, it’s just being comfortable with someone to the point where you don’t feel like you need to be talking to or touching them all the time. It’s like, I’m comfortable existing with you, and I know that we’re on the same level—all of that good stuff.

How do you express love? I can see my wife in the background right now. She’s probably going to make fun of everything I say. How do I express love, baby? She’s like, “Your love language is gifts.” [laughs] No, that’s not it. She has a couple of songs now. I’m not really great with words, but when I can put analogies and rhythms to them, it helps a lot. The songs “Get Lost” and “Old Wounds” are both about her

The Roseline

Colin Halliburton is the found er and singer/songwriter of The Roseline, a five-piece Americana rock band from Lawrence. The

band has pro duced seven albums and has toured in Scandinavia twice with the likes of Jason Isbell, American Aquarium, and John Prine. Their latest singles, “Hot Dice” and “Saber Rattlers,” can be streamed online.

What does love mean to you? Love is the strongest, most universal, and most abstract feeling a person could have. Love enables you to be the truest, most authentic version of your weird-ass self you can be. Love makes you sacrifice with no hesitation. Love makes you feel the most extreme ends of the emo-

friends before playing a show to 30 people (that’s being generous) and then waking up and doing it again. That’s love, folks!

Hadiza

Hadiza, originally from Iowa and now based in Kansas City, is a queer experimental musician who performs solo and is one half of the duo Collidescope. Hadiza has produced several singles which can be listened to on platforms such as Youtube, Bandcamp, and Spotify.

dramatic, but coercion comes to mind. I think about the one relationship I had in high school, and I think about that heartbreak and the relationship with that heartbreak— it wasn’t just a break-up so much as it was, for me, a darkskinned Black girl in Iowa with African immigrant parents, who was definitely bullied by boys for my skin tone and having that coded in my brain like it didn’t make me desirable. I definitely fell through some traps of wanting acceptance.

Before I even knew the correct terminology, I found myself at lunch, being bullied by a specific group of boys. I knew there was stuff playing against my authentic reaction, so if I reacted angrily then I’d be the bitter Black girl and no one would talk to me. I tried to be cool and nonchalant about it and tried to let it roll off my back, but I knew that it hurt so bad and it wasn’t even something I could fully go to my family about. Even my friends would participate in it, and you know you’re trying to be cool about it when they’re saying “darker is just not cute.” That was me just trying to contort myself into acceptance, even though it was super painful.

I knew without having a deep analysis of colorism, but knowing I definitely experienced it, I went on the internet to find forums dealing with the effects of self-hatred that come with that.

and they’re not even mushy. It’s just, like, real life. Like, “We’ve been through some shit, and I still love you, and you know.”

What does love feel like to you? I almost feel like I’m in a therapy session. I’m so bad at explaining my feelings. It’s kind of like that—overwhelming, and bubbling to the top. Like, I want to squeeze you so hard. Like, I wish I could be closer to you, but I can’t kind of thing. It’s that all-encompassing feeling, and I didn’t even know it existed. So that’s the coolest part.

How does love translate into your music? This one’s easy for me. I just kind of put myself back in the place when we first met and that exciting, everything-is-new feeling up to about a year in. I still felt that, and now we’re married almost a year, and I still feel that way. That’s really fucking cool. So I just kind of put myself in that headspace and start writing things down that make me think of it like smells, sounds, places—and I just kind of create a mood board in my head then describe it.

tional spectrum—from sheer bliss to utter despair. Love is also the reason we have a glut of bearded white boys with acoustic guitars. So…it’s a wash.

How do you express love? I express love, depending on the variation, through thoughtfulness, touch, play, talk, and care. Also by parking a brand new Lexus with a giant red bow in our driveway on Christmas morning and blindfolding my wife and guiding her outside to surprise her with how much I love her.

I feel it through receiving all of the above and experiencing beauty in both the natural and artistic worlds. Also, through generous direct deposits into my bank account or Venmo (@colin-halliburton).

How does love translate into your work? I translate it into my work through intention and by seeking an understanding of the concept through lyrical exploration and with full understanding that I will not find a definitive answer. I also love to ride around in a mobile fart box for hours and tell jokes with my

Would you consider the relationship you have with music almost like a relationship you would have with any other person you love? Even before thinking about, “What do I want to say about love,” I thought of the word “understanding.” Thinking about my own music, it is very personal and there are layers. The reason why I was compelled to flesh things out in style form is that I felt a lot of difficult emotions, including emotions tied to heartbreak from a relationship. The music becomes a form of therapy and being able to understand myself—to process and cultivate my relationship with my past selves—my childhood selves, my teenage selves, who are not very happy with me. Coming to terms with reality, especially through a romantic relationship, can be harsh.

Why do you think romantic relationships, when we get our hearts broken for the first time, are so revolutionary? Oh my god. I feel like as I’ve gotten older, and in embracing my queerness, there was a string of relationships with men that were really not good. I think about the beginning of each of those relationships, and I don’t mean to be

How do you heal from something like that? [laughs] I don’t know. I know music has really helped, especially when I started getting really serious about it. Yeah, just having a command with a voice, in however many ways you want to interpret that, can be super healing because you can kind of go back to those situations and guide yourself through them.

Miki P

Miki P is an alternative folk musician who performs solo as well as performs as a part of the three woman group, the Swallowtails. She has produced two albums as well as several singles that can be streamed on all major platforms.

What makes you feel secure in your feminity and womanhood? I think I’m starting to see it in the mirror a lot more. I think

I think it just kind of comes down to one fucking brutal heart emoji.

—Geoffrey Kelly, OxyToxin

I’m seeing more of my mom in my face, and the things I do that remind me of things she would do, and I think, “I’m turning into my mom,” which, to me, the epitome of womanhood is her. A lot of that has been going on, and I’m putting my foot down a lot more.

I feel more myself when I’m by myself, and I’m in my own corner of the world, and in my lane and not so much trying to be validated by people.

I feel like the music knows me better than I know me, and every song I’ve ever written just unfolds as I write it, and then I can say, “Oh this was about this thing that happened to me,” or this part of my life, and I really kind of approach it in my own time. I sat down at the piano last night and wrote a song for the first time in like two months, just because life has been so hectic, but I needed to write it, and it’s not even one I’d consider doing anything with, but it got out something that had been heavy on my heart. My relationship with music is reciprocal, I think I need it, and I think I’ll always be kind of reaching out for the right melody, the right words, or the right chords, and it’s just me choosing to be alone, to sit down with my instrument—that’s the re-

lationship. It’s very therapeutic for me. I love the idea that my music is always unfolding, and you can just catch songs in the air, but you just have to sit with it long enough.

Do you think you’ve experienced real love? I definitely have experienced real love. Every relationship I’ve had has been with another musician, and I’ve always created with my partners—that’s like a whole other level. I feel like, in that way, I’ve had that secret language with all of my partners, and I’ve always felt like I’ve had something special with everyone I’ve ever been with, but now it’s kind of about loving… me.

I was with someone who I thought I was going to marry, and they probably checked a lot of boxes, but I wasn’t ready to do that—to fully be with someone else. It took me getting a little lost to realize that. I fully believe it takes everyone finding themselves before they can truly commit to someone else. It’s such a big thing.

Define true love. True love to me is very child-like, almost, because I feel like a lot of my ideas and a lot that I’ve combatted in the last couple of years is everything that was established when I was, like, 5 to 10 years old, so what comes to mind is honestly just a lot of Disney—this kind of fairytale. I live in that dream world a lot too—those kinds of unrealistic spaces—with love. I think that in some of the special relationships I’ve had, I’ve been able to approach them like a child. I try to imagine what our personalities are like on the playground and whether we are about to get along. For me, it’s someone who likes jump rope or has a really good imagination, and we can kind of create our own little world.

The Greeting Committee

Addie Sartino

The Greeting

based in KC. The group has produced two albums and has just released a single, “Anything But You,” which can be streamed on all major

er, we go through something and I’m like, “Oh, my God, I love you even more so today than I did a month ago.” I think about how they give me a different lens on life. I think that’s a feeling that definitely captures me. I still don’t think I fall in love super easily. Or maybe it’s that I don’t find it that easily. Finding someone who really piques my interest is very difficult. I would say I’m really particular. But once that person hooks me, I’m in.

I think the biggest thing I’m gaining from my current relationship is what it feels like to trust somebody, and what it feels like to feel safe and secure. That’s unfamiliar to me—and a lot of patience to slow down and

bum, Brainbaby, is currently available on all major listening platforms.

What does love mean to you? I feel that our definitions of love change as we grow older. When you’re a kid, you’re experiencing love through family and perhaps not a significant other. I think love may become more stable over time. Right now, my definition of love is about deep appreciation and trust and feeling safe with someone.

How has it changed over the course of your life? The first thing that comes to mind is the difference between love for friends, family, or a significant other. Or

What usually captures you when you fall in love? I’ve been in love more than once. Every time is different, for sure—and different extremities. You know it’s happened in my current relationship where it’s like, “There’s no way I could love you more than I love you right now.” And then a week lat-

—Colin Halliburton, The Roseline

enjoy what’s happening. I would encourage people to fall in love with what’s in front of them, not with the potential of what could be there because you’ll always be chasing that. And that is so unsettling. That’s not what real trust is.

I think that in previous relationships I’ve been in where I have really tried to make it work when it wasn’t the best situation, it was absolutely a reflection of my fear of abandonment, my fear of being alone, my fear of being rejected. I think if you truly love yourself, you won’t accept that, and I don’t think anybody loves themselves. I think it’s something we’re always working towards. I can’t confidently say I love myself right now. I can say that I’m working on it. It’s like I’m almost hitting a new high score every day when I see myself make choices that reflect my heart, my security, my health, and my boundaries. So it’s absolutely something that if you don’t have a secure attachment style, you will have to work towards picking what’s best for you. Right? Not picking out of fear.

Baby and The Brain

Jo Mackenzie

Jo Mackenzie has produced two EPs and several music videos, as well as music for Hulu, The CW, and Abercrombie. She is one half of the duo Baby and the Brain, whose debut al-

even a hobby, like making music. For me, falling in love with that has been about finding different places where my love can fit as it changes.

How do you translate love into your work? I like to believe that love is there, subconsciously, all the time. Writing songs about people or for people is the way I express my love. I feel that saying “I love you” is so much more difficult than putting it in a song. There’s safety in the music. When I sing it, it carries a different weight for me. Writing songs about people and things I love is how I express it.

Big Fat Cow

Noah Cassity

Noah Cassity is the lead singer and songwriter for the alternative folk band, Big Fat Cow. Their album, Glutton For Punishment, is available on all major listening platforms.

What is love? I think love in general is, like, the most healthy thing that we have. It’s the medium of the entire world’s ecosystem as people and also this hyper-specific thing. It’s probably something along the lines of a mirror. Well, the healthiest love is a mirror— one that you are able to use to show the faults within yourself and improvement for the betterment of the people and the things around you.

There’s a quote by Leonard Cohen:

Addie Sartino

is the lead singer and lyricist for

Committee, an indie rock band

listening platforms.

Love is also the reason we have a glut of bearded white boys with acoustic guitars.

“There’s a crack in everything, and that’s how the light gets in.” I think that if you’re willing, it’s selflessness and being humble in love. If you’re loving somebody, I think you have to be willing to be humble about

don’t deserve that love.

How is love portrayed in your music? Bankston: We love each other. I don’t know that all bands have that. I mean, I think it’s

to what it is that we, as a band, share with each other on stage. You can tell when we’re on a bill with other groups who love us. So long as we’re all putting our full energy into these gigs and doing it alongside others who are doing the same thing—that’s a launching point for a shockwave that matters to hundreds.

the fact that you are an imperfect person. In order to improve, you’re going to use that as a measuring stick to look at your issue within yourself and what resolution you have to choose and actively choose to better those things for people you care about.

I think we have a huge crisis, especially today, in our world where we have like an instantaneous ability to communicate. We’re not actually taking the time to address our imperfections, and the imperfections of the world—the fact that the world is not a perfect order. We’re not thinking twice before saying things. We’re not thinking twice before we’re acting. And we’re just kind of, I don’t know—we’re bashing our heads repetitively into our phones, and expecting a different outcome. We are losing sight and destroying a lot of what makes life great.

Boxknife

Stephanie Bankston and Brook Worlledge

Boxknife is a four-piece queer dark pop band from Kansas City, MO. The group juxtaposes dancey, synth-driven tracks with brooding lyrics while exploring themes such as mental health, addiction, and mysticism. Their debut EP, Manifestering, is available for streaming on Spotify.

What is love to you? Stephanie Bankston: Oh, love to me. I think about the people I loved in my life. Most of them have been children. I’m a teacher. I feel like the test of it. Let people just be who they are and learn to want to be around them anyway. Like, support them and accept them.

Brook Worlledge: Caring about people without any kind of return expectation. That applies to romantic, platonic, familial, and community love. Wanting the best for someone— regardless if there’s anything in it for you. My love language is music, which sounds insane because my music has so much self-loathing in it—acceptance and giving voice to the parts of myself that I (or society) have deemed unworthy of love. I find that acceptance comes from giving a voice to the pieces of me I worry

special when you do. People are always coming up to propose things, and they write a lot about mental health and, like, these internal conflicts that everybody has but nobody really talks about or sings about. In a way, that’s showing people love like, “We love you and we see you even though you are bipolar,” or, you know, nerdy, or whatever. It’s like a safe space for everybody to just get out their feels and share a space with someone who’s going through the same thing. It sounds cheesy, but it’s, like, love for just humanity and nonnormies, you know?

How do you accept love from the KC music community? Worlledge: We’re just uplifting and supportive of each other. There’s a lot of shouting out for each other, showing up for shows, and of course, putting their money where their mouth is. We’ve had covers of our tracks on YouTube, which encourages new people to play with each other. That’s similar

Stephonne Singleton

Stephonne Singleton has been making music in the Kansas City area since 2015. Using rock and R&B influences, they have created a sound that transcends a single genre. Recently, they have been on a journey of selflove and discovery. This has brought them to a new sound that will make everyone “twerk with a purpose.”

What does love look like to you? I think right now in my life, love looks like myself. It looks like me. It looks like really seeing myself and accepting every single journey that I’ve taken myself through in life. Recognizing that I’m the sum of all of these incredible experiences and interactions that inform my music, my voice, my style, and my outlook on life. I’ve really been focused on a lot of self-love. And I’m really just happy to be there. And I think it has helped me be more open to the love of others and even think about relationships again. So yeah, it looks like me looking at myself in the mirror and saying,” Man, I’m glad you’re here.”

How do you use your music to express love? I believe I was using it as a writer to express discontent for love—my discontent with what I thought love was and what I was shown throughout my life, and what it turned into for me when I started this journey of self-love and mental health and therapy. God, therapy is so incredible. Go to therapy. It changed my life. I started trying to get to the bottom of love. Like, what does it really mean? What does it mean to me based on what I know I’m worthy of but also what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen, and what I’ve known to be wrong? I think it’s self-exploration and just really taking the time to love yourself and to love a traumatized version of you. To heal that—that is just the truest love. And we seek it from so many people. I write so much about unreciprocated love, and I think that has a lot to do with just being a Black homosexual man. You know, it’s also something that I figured out didn’t have to be the case because I can always make sure that I reciprocate for me. So, I think when you let go of that expectation of other people, providing that for you, you’re able to receive what they are able to give, and then you’re able to be loved in a different way.

It looks like me looking at myself in the mirror and saying, ”Man, I’m glad you’re here.”—Stephonne Singleton

LOVERS’ LANES

21 Valentine’s Visitations on a Budget

By Amanda Hadlock

The initial meet-up with an online match can be intimidating. The Pitch is here to help with first-date suggestions that are free or inexpensive, public, and low-stakes to take the pressure off. Fun and—most importantly—safety are focal points of these spaces.

Laugh your asses off at Scarlett Jones’ one-woman show The Year of Sluttery Enjoy an evening at the Black Box theater in the West Bottoms, laughing at Scarlett Jones’ story of self-discovery and sexual exploration, The Year of Sluttery. Described as “a journey of purposeful sluttery and joyful feminism,” the show offers self-deprecating humor and motivation to take claim of sexual agency. Jones navigates mid-life post-breakup, and her stories of sluttery are relatable and real. The Black Box will produce the show Thursday through Saturday of Valentine’s Day week, so you have a few chances to see it.

Tickets can be purchased in advance online.

Get cultured at a First Friday art walk

On the first Friday of each month, you can take your date to view gallery showings, murals, and one-of-a-kind wares from art vendors in the Crossroads District (also home to several unique shops, restaurants, and a food truck plaza, if you’re searching for an affordable bite to eat on your date night, too). First Friday events

often feature live music performances. With a night full of eclectic offerings, your date shouldn’t get bored.

Get in touch with nature at the arboretum and botanical gardens

Home to 14 different walkable gardens, including the international sculpture garden and the train garden, the botanical gardens in Overland Park provide a full day’s worth of exploration. Year-round, the gardens boast over 1,700 species of beautiful seasonal plants that attract various local insects and wildlife. Admission is only $3 per adult, but you can schedule a guided tour of the gardens for an additional $10 per person.

Imbibe over a board game at Pawn and Pint

Pawn and Pint is Kansas City’s only board game cafe and pub, launched from a Kickstarter campaign in 2016. Grab a drink and peruse the library of board games, from classics like Settlers of Catan to newer games like Battlesheep. Play an old favorite and bond over the nostalgia, or put their patience to the test by learning a new game together. The menu includes cocktails and beer, as well as coffee-based drinks.

Enjoy the scenery at City Market Saturdays and Sundays from 9 a.m. - 3 p.m., you can enjoy a walk through the farmers’ market at the City Market. Fresh local fares are offered at low prices, and many vendors at the market even accept SNAP/EBT. Offerings from vendors include fresh produce, dairy, and some booths even sell antiques, clothing, and collectibles. The market will offer a feast for your senses even if you don’t plan to purchase anything. Plus,

City Market is located right on the Missouri River, so your weekend walk will come with beautiful scenery and a soundtrack provided by nature.

Start a friendly competition at Up-Down Appeal to your date’s playful side at UpDown, KC’s bar arcade in the heart of the Crossroads. With a menu of affordable craft beers and cocktails, plus a huge selection of vintage quarter-operated video games, this venue will surely provide a fun night for you and your new match. At Up-Down, you can also challenge each other in Nintendo 64 games, human-sized Jenga and Connect Four, and skeeball. If gaming and drinking stimulate your appetite, order an in-house pizza to share. Try not to judge your date on what toppings they pick.

Share a rooftop drink at Fountain Haus Fountain Haus is an LGBTQ+ bar that offers delicious drinks and food at an affordable price. Attend the Boozical drag shows Monday nights at 8 p.m. or hang out on the rooftop for some fresh air. Grab a drink or two with your date and enjoy the different themed levels complete with their own DJs.

Toast to your new connection at Marco Polo Selections

Located in Waldo, just south of Downtown, Marco Polo Selections is a wine shop and tasting room offering free wine samples and a large selection of obscure vintages, both imported and domestic. If you fall in love with a particular pour, you can bring home a case. They offer indoor and outdoor seating, so pick your preferred environment to make a toast with your new beau. Reservations are required but can be made online.

Chill out at Midtown Kava

Midtown Kava is a CBD and kava bar that promises a relaxed setting for any kind of date. Treat yourself to CBD teas, slushies, sodas, and other refreshing drinks to help calm the jitters. The aquariums in the lobby also provide ambiance as you sit and enjoy your warm fuzzies. There are several restaurants nearby if you want to eat after, or head two blocks over to Prospero’s Books and check out their one-of-a-kind selection.

Stuff yourselves at Joe’s KC

How comfortable your date is with messy-eating in front of you is a good test of compatibility. Enjoy oversized portions of barbecue in the original gas station restaurant located just across State Line Road—a charming environment for getting-to-know-you talk. If your date is too high-maintenance for barbecue in a gas station, it’s probably best to find out sooner rather than later. There are even options for vegetarians, such as the portobello mushroom “Z-Man” sandwich or, of course, the classic mac and cheese.

Jazz it up at Green Lady Lounge

Green Lady Lounge is a retro-style jazz bar that offers nightly live music and handcrafted cocktails. Simultaneous performances are put on upstairs and downstairs, so you will have options for your listening pleasure. Green Lady Lounge is free of screens, so you can focus on getting to know your date and soaking up real-life entertainment. On Valentine’s Day, expect performances from the Tyrone Clark Trio and the Reyes Brothers Organ Trio. Reservations are not required, but there is a $5 cover at the door.

View vintage tattoo memorabilia at Bert Grimm’s Tattoo Museum

Kansas City is home to one of the most significant tattoo shops and museums in the country: Bert Grimm’s. The shop is the last founded by prolific American tattoo artist Bert Grimm before his death, and the tattoo museum houses an impressive collection of his vintage machinery, memorabilia, and flash designs—you can even walk away with a new tattoo from one of the shop’s iconic flash sheets. A first date you’ll never forget.

Go thrifting

Thrift shopping makes a fun date because you never know exactly what you’ll walk away with. The surprises you’ll encounter while thrifting are sure to make great conversation starters. Our favorites in the KC area include Troost39 near South Hyde Park for books and artwork and Arizona Trading Company in Westport for clothing (they even offer a $1 rack). If antiques, oddities, and vintage furniture are more your jam, we recommend Good Ju Ju Vintage Treasures in the West Bottoms, along with several other vintage/antique stores on 13th Street— you could make a day of hopping between them all.

Let cats judge your date at a cat cafe

Animals are great judges of character, especially cats. Bring your date to a cat cafe and get to know them through how they treat animals. The Kansas City area is home to two cat cafes: Whiskers in Westport and Sugar Kittens in Liberty. Aside from a room full of adorable felines to cuddle and play with, each location also offers a selection of delicious beverages and pastries. Who knows—you may even bond with one of the kitties and leave with two new companions.

Impress them with your intellect at the public library

Go to one of the many beautiful branches of the Kansas City Public Library and chat (at library-appropriate volumes) about titles you’ve read, abandoned, or want to read. Pick out a book for the other person to dive into—this will give you a reason to schedule another date to discuss your se- lections. We love the Central branch due to its incredible architecture, includ-

ing the oversized books that adorn the outer wall of the building. The Central branch offers special art exhibits that don’t close until March. You can also head over to the Plaza branch at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday, Feb. 12, for a special screening and discussion event, “Why We Love Rom-Coms: Heartburn;” the discussion will be led in part by Pitch film editor Abby Olcese.

Unleash their wild side at a rage room

Unleash your date’s passion at Rage! KC. You and your date will receive a bag of breakable glass objects, such as jars, vases, and dishes, followed by unsupervised time to smash everything in an empty room. The rage room is a fun stress reliever and, arguably, early couple’s therapy. If you’re really raging, Smash House KC is a space where you can destroy large appliances and even furniture. Breaking furniture and old electronics together is an adorable introduction to your date if you ask us.

Flirt among the flora at Roots KC

If you’re a plant lover, go to Roots KC in the Crossroads. Check out the variety of plants and plant-themed merch, and maybe even head home with a new plant baby. Discuss the plants you’ve helped thrive, the plants you’ve killed, and the plants you dream of raising while enjoying the greenery and natural lighting. For couples 21+, Roots also offers complimentary beer and wine on Friday nights from 5-8 p.m. If you’re hungry, Town Topic Hamburgers is a short drive away and offers quick, cheap bites.

Test your musical compatibility at GotWhatULike Vinyl Records

GotWhatULike Vinyl Records is a hidden gem in South KC at 11539 Hickman Mills Drive. Their vinyl collection is extensive, and they also curate hard-to-find vintage electronics. Flipping through the record collection and discussing your favorites (and least favorites) is a great way to adventure in place on a date. Afterward, head across the street to Peppermill Lounge South for bar food, beers, and a game of pool.

Indulge in ice cream creations at Rainbow Snacks Mexican store

It’s easy to miss Rainbow Snacks and ice cream parlor—but you don’t want to miss out on their flavor-

ful treats. Nestled in a shopping strip at 208 Blue Ridge Boulevard, Rainbow Snacks is a Mexican grocer that offers handmade confections with fruity and spicy twists, such as mangonadas and paletas. The store is family-owned and staffed, so you can feel good supporting a small business as you enjoy your sweet treats.

Trick your eyes at the Museum of Illusions

The Museum of Illusions offers an interactive and whimsical first date. The installations will cause you to slow down, do double-takes, and challenge your perception. Tickets are $15 per adult, but the optical magic is priceless. There are plenty of cute photo ops like the wall-to-wall mirrored infinity room and the vertigo-inducing vortex tunnel. You and your date can also play brain teaser games or complete puzzles in the museum’s “Smart playroom.”

Lock it down at KC’s historic covered bridge

For long-term (or overzealous) couples, try walking the trails in Minor Park and leaving a lock on the old red bridge, a nearly 200-year-old covered bridge, and the namesake of Red Bridge Road. One of only 30 covered bridges in the state of Missouri, the bridge represents KC’s longstanding and dynamic history. If you’re an animal lover, leash your dogs or bring your cat backpack and explore the trails as a family. Couples have also taken to writing their initials on padlocks and leaving them locked on the red bridge—maybe a bit grand for a first date, but you do you, boos. In this case, we think the decoration of a historic landmark is kind of cute.

Whatever you choose to do this Valentine’s Day, your Pitch family encourages you to be safe and savvy. Always be mindful of your surroundings, and when meeting up with online matches for the first time, do so in a public space—that’s called selflove.

Vintage games at Up-Down, live jazz at Green Lady Lounge, the Film Vault, Whiskers Cat Cafe, and puzzles at Museum of Illusioms. Courtesy photos

The Heart of the Batter

OUTLIERS BAKED GOODS SERVES UP COOKIES FOR ALL THE WEIRDOUGHS OUT THERE

By Jordan Baranowski

Ask someone to name their favorite type of cookie, and you’ll most likely hear some pretty standard responses: chocolate chip, snickerdoodle, etc. Ask Tierney Larson, owner and lead baker for Outliers Baked Goods, and you’ll find her tastes tend to lean a bit more toward esoteric ingredients.

“I’ve always loved cooking and baking,” Larson says. “My great-grandmother owned an Italian restaurant, and I remember trying to replicate her desserts in my family’s

home kitchen. Last year, I took an online class that really changed my perspective on cooking, and that’s what spurred me to take things to the next level by starting my own business.”

That class was an online baking course hosted by Christina Tosi, who owns and develops the menu for the world-famous Milk Bar.

“It sounds cheesy, but it was a really inspirational moment,” Larson says. “Hearing her talk about her passion for and approach

to developing recipes really opened my eyes. It was sort of a light-bulb moment for me—it made me step back and say, ‘I can do this.’”

Taking that class taught Larson to trust her instinct and not be afraid to try more experimental ingredients. She started thinking of how she might transform this inspiration into a career.

This was easier said than done. Larson and her husband had just started their family in New York City, and the cost and

Christina Tosi.

“Tosi described that she approaches recipes by trying to capture memories and feelings with her desserts. So I started thinking of some of my favorite memories growing up—many of which are food-related—and how to fully recreate that moment within the flavors of my cookies,” says Larson.

risk of a new, unproven business venture didn’t add up. They started the hunt for a new home with a lower cost of living, and her husband—a jazz musician—had a few Kansas City connections that encouraged him to check the city out.

“He traveled here and met his dad to check out a few houses, and I held down the fort in New York,” Larson says. “He loved the city and was holding up his phone as he toured homes and walked around. It was a big leap, but we decided to go for it!”

Soon after moving to KC, Larson really began to put in the time for what would become Outliers Baked Goods, her first foray into professional baking. Her elevator pitch might say it’s the celebration of dessert lovers who enjoy salty or savory flavors as their end-of-meal indulgence—people they affectionately refer to as the “weirdoughs.”

She explains that the breakthrough moment came from her class with

OUTLIERS BAKED GOODS

Owner Tierney Larson and a super serious cookie spread. Courtesy Outliers Baked Goods

Though Outliers rotates cookies within their monthly subscription box, a few of Larson’s most successful recipes are always available to order separately.

The Shannon Cookie is one such option. Named for Larson’s sister, the flavors of this Japanese-inspired treat are based on a particularly indulgent meal that the sisters shared at Nobu in New York City. Featuring toasted brown rice flour, yuzu soy caramel, and puffed rice covered in milk powder and toasted, it has a “can’t stop eating” umami quality that makes it a particular fan favorite.

Another option always available is the Banana Pudding Graham Cookie, based on one of Larson’s favorite childhood desserts—a banana trifle. This goody boasts a homemade marshmallow sandwiched between two banana cookies topped with graham cracker crumbs and rolled in mini chocolate chips.

Larson is also committed to using the highest-quality organic and natural ingredients. She also uses locally-made and sourced ingredients when possible—for example, she gets her flour from Marion Milling, headquartered in the West Bottoms.

Each box contains cookies of four different varieties. They are available on the Outliers website and can also be purchased on Saturdays at the Overland Park Farmers’ Market. In addition, Larson offers a monthly “Weirdough Box” shipped anywhere in the country.

Larson enjoys selling her desserts online but plans to one day open a brick-andmortar location.

“Maybe once the kids are in school,” she muses.

LOCAL JOURNALISM

Veggie Benedict from The Farmhouse

BY SARAH SIPPLE

The Farmhouse 300 Delaware Street

Kansas City, MO 64105

It’s the morning after. Whether you’re ravenous and needing to refuel or still seeking satisfaction, we suggest the Veggie Benedict from The Farmhouse.

Lovingly referred to as the “Veggie Benny” by the staff, this hot brunch dish consists of two poached eggs on a bed of massaged kale, butter-toasted challah from Bloom Bakery in City Market, and is dripping with hollandaise.

Each messy bite of the Veggie Benny is balanced and savory—not salty—with hints of a soft sweetness from the fresh-baked bread. The kale even cuts well with a knife and fork, with no toughness or bitterness that often turns people off from the leafy green. It pairs equally well with a cup of black coffee or a giant mimosa tower—whatever fits the mood.

Ingredient quality is top of mind for co-owner and Executive Chef, Vince Paredes. The eggs are non-GMO and free range, the kale and bread are locally sourced, and a housemade sherry reduction with shallot and peppercorns kicks up the hollandaise.

Co-owner Marty Enslein says that adding a side of bacon or grilled steak is a common choice. He also shared that elements of the dish change with the season, so in the summer, it may come with corn tortilla-crusted fried green tomatoes, or sauteed butternut squash in the fall.

Pitch readers have once again chosen The Farmhouse as KC’s best brunch spot for 2022. Join them for brunch Wednesday through Sunday, 9 a.m. - 2 p.m. Reservations are encouraged on the weekends, but they do accept walk-ins.

Lady Loves Chai at Black Dolphin

BY SARAH SIPPLE

1813 Grand Blvd Kansas City, MO 64108

Nothing says KC date night like sipping a cocktail at a jazz club.

Visiting Black Dolphin Lounge in Crossroads may feel like being transported decades back. Once inside and adjusted to the dimly lit interior, a romantic retro scene emerges with glittering Sputnik chandeliers and round leather booths. On weekends the lounge fills with music from a variety of KC’s best trios and quartets with their pianos, trumpets, drums, and more.

One popular cocktail is the Lady Loves Chai. This sweet drink has vodka, housemade chai syrup, Copa De Oro coffee liqueur, Carolans Irish cream, and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Fragrant spices set the tone, and the rich concoction becomes dessert-like. Vodka takes an equal spotlight, but slow-sippers can be thankful for no dilution since it was shaken with ice and not served on the rocks.

The Lady Loves Chai has a slight caffeine boost that may be appreciated for latenight activities. For those looking for caffeine from a less-sweet drink, the Kansas City Coffee would be another excellent choice. The smooth drink is made with Bulleit Rye, Carolans Irish Cream, housemade syrup, cold brew, and is served over ice.

The candle-lit darkness at Black Dolphin provides just enough veil to cuddle up closer to your date. If you’re not in the mood to go home yet, Black Dolphin’s sister spot, Green Lady Lounge, stays open later next door with the same drink menu.

Sarah Sipple

Black Dolphin

Sarah Sipple

Mise en Place

“DOUGH DADDI” AND “BATTER BITCH” ARE THE ROMANTIC GUNCLES BEHIND TWO BEARS BAKERY

By Kate Frick

Steven (who claims the nickname “Batter Bitch”) and Laz (“Dough Daddi”) are the masterminds behind Two Bears Bakery and the pastry pixies at the new Lawrence cafe, Grounded Coffee. They let us in on their flavor dreamscape, family baking traditions, and putting passion into people and patisserie.

Do you dream about cake flavors?

Steven: In our quest to be authentic and present these treats, if we start from the truest place of, like, “I would eat the shit out of this,” then probably at least some of our friends would want to as well, and then that contagion spreads. What we do is right at the intersection of sweet and savory.

Do you bake for each other? Steven: One of the first cookies that Laz made when we were together was a bacon s’mores cookie with chopped up bacon, chocolate, marshmallows, and graham cracker—like, all the things in this cookie—and it was like, “Wow, I just feel special. I feel seen and heard and understood.”

When someone hears about Two Bears, how do they get some? How do they get into the Bears club? Steven: We didn’t intend a secret baking club; it just kind of happened like that. If you want something from us, you actually have to have a conversation with us. We like that secrecy, versus having a full-on bakery, we build stories with customers. What’s that food vice you have at midnight—the thing you run to the pantry to taste? Those little things have so much power. It helps us just feel like we’re part of the human connection. I want to pull that thread for a while. When working with customers, we leave it open-ended. We don’t have a menu.

Is your pillow talk centered on baked goods? Steven: I mean, it’s just, like, food in general. Cravings.

Laz: Sometimes it can be, like, “I’m the pregnant woman, and I just want, you know, a hot dog stuffed in a pickle, deep fried.” Other times it’s this well-constructed, very delicate flan with notes of caramel and lavender.

Ever baked a breakup cake? Steven: Oh, no, but that’s, like, uncharted territory. I feel like cake should not just be for those joyous occasions, but for any occasion.

Are emotions and tradition the root of your passion? Steven: Yeah, family is huge for us, but maybe in a way that people wouldn’t naturally think. Being gay in our households—we were not accepted. We really felt like we missed out on family in certain ways, or we were othered in our family. You know, I think now that’s probably why I cling to these things—my extended family was who instilled family baking traditions in me. I’ll remind folks, “We’re all family in a sense, and you know, we’re all wired very similarly.”

I feel like when people come together for a birthday dessert, or to lament the passing of something, or to just share feelings together, it’s really rewarding for us to feel like we’re a part of it.

Do folks have to get on a list? What’s your lead time for orders? Steven: We’re just asking for two to three days’ notice, honestly. One of the biggest hurdles for this business is the kitchen space. We have gone through several different kitchens and ovens and combinations and partnerships with other restaurants so that we can use their kitchens.

I’m really grateful for a community like Lawrence, where people just want to help people out, and they want to see you succeed.

Mise En Place is a series of questions, answers, recommendations, and culinary wisdom from the food and drink masters that push KC flavor further. The following answers have been edited for length and clarity.

Courtesy Two Bears Bakery

Working From Home

SWEEPING PROMISES ARE LFK’S SUP POP SWEETIES

By Nick Spacek

From the outside, the home of the postpunk duo Sweeping Promises is an unassuming mid-century modern structure located on a side street off Lawrence’s Ousdahl Road. The pair of Lira Mondal (bass and vocals) and Caufield Schnug (guitars, drums, and recording) greet me as I walk in the front door and ask if I want to see the studio they’ve put together.

Given the house’s overall look—wood paneling, beige carpet—I expect a bedroom converted into a cramped space loaded with equipment. What I’m not expecting is to walk into a 20-foot cube of a room with hardwood floors, massive windows on the north wall, and ceilings high enough to fit the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. I’m jaw-agape, staring at the drum set in the middle of the room, surrounded by pieces of a set for the music video Mondal and Schnug have spent the past week filming for the title track to their next album.

After a minute of gawping, we adjourn to the front room to sit down and chat about how the pair went from Arkansas to Boston to Austin to Lawrence and their journey from Cincinnati indie label Feel It to the alternative juggernaut that is Sub Pop.

“It seems like a far-flung factor, but it’s vector zero because I was born here and knew of the city growing up,” Schnug says about how the pair came to Lawrence. “I have family members near. So, when we were trying to figure out what to do with our awful finances and lack of career during the pandemic economy, we were throwing darts at a map and basically decided to move to Lawrence on a lark.”

Mondal explains that Schnug had told her about Lawrence when the pair was in Arkansas, and she admits that she totally underestimated the town.

“I just thought, ‘I grew up in a small town in Arkansas. I don’t want to live in Kansas,’” Mondal says.

Admittedly, the pair came very close to not moving here. In 2021, they found a church just north of Youngstown, Ohio, that they thought they could turn into a recording studio because of its beautiful sanctuary with scads of natural reverb. While they came close to buying that as their new domicile, they looked at all the work it would take to rehab it.

“We thought, ‘Okay, this is biting off more than we can chew’,” Mondal says.

“So, Caufield was like, ‘Well, maybe we should look at Lawrence,’” Mondal continues. “You know, I’ve been talking about it all these years. We visited, and it just took one look at Mass. Street and Love Garden and all the lovely shops—and then walking into this house and seeing that studio—I was sold.”

The house was procured thanks to Schnug’s aunt, who is a real estate agent and

knew of the Sweeping Promises’ “niche demands,” as Mondal puts it. Thanks to a combination of familial assistance and just sheer luck, the pair nabbed the perfect recording space and home, thus allowing Schnug and Mondal to record other artists and make a living while taking care of their own production.

“You can either pay someone else to make your records and fulfill your contracts, or you can do it yourself and own the means of production,” Schnug says. “So, the choice is kind of obvious. The bank will never loan money to artists. There’s no access to credit.”

“Our mortgage acquisition process was tumultuous, at best,” says Mondal.

Now, even though Sweeping Promises’ new home-slash-studio is in a residential neighborhood, the issues one might expect with having bands playing in the home are less prevalent than anticipated. Mondal points out that they’re fortunate to be close to campus, meaning there’s lots of student housing in their neighborhood and not a lot of noise complaints.

“Our neighbors are also incredibly accommodating and understanding and actually into it, too,” says Mondal. “Our neighbor across the street, she’s come to a couple of our shows.”

Additionally, it’s well-insulated for sound, according to Mondal, so when they’re in the studio, if you step outside into the backyard, you can barely hear anything.

For the most part, Schnug is doing a lot of work for Feel It Records, the label that put out Sweeping Promises’ 2020 debut, Hunger for a Way Out, and continues to release all of their material stateside, with Sub Pop taking the pair’s music worldwide. Most of that is remote, but they’ve brought in what Mondal refers to as “a lot of unsigned-slash-up-andcoming friends and friends of friends”—such as Austin’s Wet Dip.

“There’s this weird lag where you make something and then it takes a year for anyone to realize it,” says Schnug, half-joking. One upcoming session is Natalie Hoffman of Nots’ dark minimal wave project, Optic Sink, which will record their second album at the house, meaning they’ll also spend a week living with Schnug and Mondal. Because the house is so spacious, artists recording with Sweeping Promises can stay where they work.

“We both feel very fortunate to be able to put up other bands so that they can just enjoy waking up and just going the 50 feet or whatever it takes to get to the studio and just have this immersive experience,” Mondal enthuses. “It gives them time to experience Lawrence, too.”

“I think it’s really, really hard to make albums in cities now—for obvious reasons—

but Lawrence has some advantages because if you want to drive somewhere, it takes six to eight minutes,” says Schnug. “That is so important when making an album. It really is. When you’re in a city, lunch can take two hours, and it costs money, and no one can afford the rent, and people are overworked.”

While he points out that some of this could still apply in Lawrence and Kansas City, there’s a little more slack, so an artist can make a big project happen in a spontaneous and self-directed way. As Schnug puts it, the city of Lawrence is inspiring, not distracting.

“If you were to make an album in Chicago or LA, maybe you wanna play,” Schnug says. “You’re kind of pulled in a different direction, away from the task at hand, whereas here, everyone I’ve recorded talks about the sense of community. If you’re here for a week, you actually make friends and grow to love some spots in town, but you get to also work 12 to 14 hours a day, actually getting stuff done.”

Getting to “do stuff” in the house has actually been a rare feat for Mondal and Schnug. While they took ownership of the home in October 2021, it was right in the middle of their first coast-to-coast tour. Sweeping Promises went to Calgary, Portland, Philadelphia, and did a southern run down the Mississippi. The pair describes being home as sporadic and odd, one day painting the bookshelves, then on tour, then doing a little demo in the kitchen, and then back on tour. They’re currently

putting the final touches on their next album, tentatively due out this summer.

“This is our first three-month period of stability, and we’re feeling like citizens,” Schnug says with no small amount of satisfaction.

“It now feels like home, where we feel like it’s been lived in,” Mondal says.

Jackie Lee Young

Search for 90.9 The Bridge

Feb. 1-5

Folk Alliance International Conference

The Westin Kansas City at Crown Center

Centered around the theme “Facing the Future: Sustainability in Folk Music,” members of the community are invited to the 2023 Folk Alliance International Conference to discuss the challenges and opportunities in the future of folk music. Enjoy official showcases featuring fullstage productions from jury-selected folk artists representing diverse subgenres worldwide, or listen to private showcases offering more stripped-down performances with a DIY ethic. The conference also offers a variety of daytime panels and networking opportunities taking place in the Westin hotel over the course of the weekend. Registration costs $450 per person for members and $550 for non-members. Volunteers may attend the conference at no charge.

February CaLeNDar

By The Pitch Staff

ONGOING/MULTIPLE:

Feb. 2-5

Into the Woods, H&R Block City Stage

Feb. 2, 9, 16, 23

Open Mic at The Bird, The Bird Comedy Theater

Feb. 5, 12, 19

Karaoke at JUST ANOTHER POP-UP TO BURN - TSWIZZLE TRIBUTE BAR, Vignettes

Feb. 6, 13, 20

Intelligence Check Trivia, The Black Box

Feb. 6, 7, 13, 14, 20, 21, 27, 28

Song Lab: Music Open Mic, The Rino

Feb. 7-12

My Fair Lady, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Feb. 17, 18, 19, 23, 24, 25, 26

Kansas City Ballet Presents: Cinderella, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Feb. 23-26

Disney On Ice: Let’s Celebrate, T-Mobile Center

EVENTS

Feb. 3

Marauda, The Truman

Joe Pera, Uptown Theater

Destroy Lonely, Granada

The Judds: The Final Tour, T-Mobile Center

Feb. 4

American Idiots: Green Day Tribute/ Drink-182, recordBar

Gimme Gimme Disco, The Truman Guise of Arcadia, Aiming Arrows, Jansen Wooton, The Rino

KC Comets vs. St. Louis Ambush, Cable Dahmer Arena

Feb. 5

Dublin Irish Dance, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts Feb. 6

Feb. 4

The Dolly Party

Granada

A night for all the working girls taking a break from their 9 to 5 and saying hush-abye to hard times. The Dolly Party is a country western diva dance party featuring music by Dolly Parton, Tina Turner, Carrie Underwood, and more. A DJ will cue the music, and the dance floor will be open for you and your hundred closest friends. Dolly-inspired outfits and attitudes are encouraged. This is an 18+ event. Doors open at 8 p.m., and the party starts at 9 p.m. Advance tickets start at $12 and are $25 at the door. Swifties, keep your eyes peeled for The Taylor Party coming to the Truman March 3.

Unofficial X-Files Fanclub Meeting, Stray Cat Film Center

Feb. 7

Bush, The Midland

KC Mavericks vs. Wichita Thunder, Cable Dahmer Arena

Feb. 8

Magic City Hippies, recordBar Keillor & Company, Uptown Theater Caleb Solo, Brick House

Feb. 9

The Year of Sluttery, The Black Box Alastair Greene, Knuckleheads

Feb. 10

Chapel Hart: Glory Days Tour, Uptown Theater

Shlump: Alien Trip Tour, Encore Room

KC Comets vs. Florida Tropics, Cable Dahmer Arena

Ian Munsick, Liberty Hall

Magic Mike’s Last Dance, Screenland Armour

Feb. 11

Queer Bar Takeover, Tom’s Town Distilling Co.

KC Mavericks vs. Wichita Thunder, Cable Dahmer Arena

Cupid’s Undie Run, McFadden’s Sports Saloon

Feb. 12

Jackie Myers Trio, Black Dolphin Grown & Sexy Wine Tasting, Amigoni Urban Winery

Feb. 13

We Came As Romans, ERRA, Brand of Sacrifice, Granada

Blue Man Group, Lied Center of Kansas

The 502s: Fresh Squeezed Happiness Tour, recordBar

Feb. 14

The Second City Hits Home, Starlight Annual Valentine’s Day Comedy Show, Upside Bungee

Sweetheart Dance, Englewood Arts

PSYCHOS IN LOVE, Stray Cat Film Center

Feb. 15

Noah Kahan, The Truman

The Dip, The Madrid Theatre

An Evening with Bruce Cockburn, Liberty Hall

Winnie-The-Pooh: Blood and Honey, Screenland Armour

Feb. 16

The Love Hangover, recordBar

Matt Andersen & Mariel Buckley, Knuckleheads

Ancient Aliens: Live, Uptown Theater

KU vs. MU Rivalry At The Rink, Cable Dahmer Arena

Feb. 6

Death Cab For Cutie

The Midland

American indie rock band Death Cab for Cutie brings their “Asphalt Meadows Tour” to The Midland Feb. 6. The band began as a side project, but after three decades and eight grammy nominations it is agreed that they are one of the most exciting groups to emerge from the early ‘00s indie and alternative scene. You also don’t want to miss the up and coming Brooklyn indie duo, Momma, who are touring in support. The band will be hitting the international leg of their tour in March, so make sure you catch them when they’re still in the neighborhood. This show is for all ages, it starts at 8 p.m., and ticket prices range from $40 to $80.

Feb. 17

Stephonne Presents: You Got Me - An All Star Black History Month Tribute to Erykah Badu & Jill Scott, Encore Room Niko Moon, Dylan Schneider, The Truman Thy Art is Murder: Decade of Hate Tour, Granada Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania, Screenland Armour

Feb. 23

Giovannie and the Hired Guns, The Bottleneck

SunSquabi, recordBar

Feb. 24

Fit For A King: The Hell We Create Tour Granada

FAC MMA Fight Night, Cable Dahmer Arena

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Liberty Hall Mildenhall, LYXE, OxyToxin, Replay Lounge

Cocaine Bear, Screenland Armour

Feb. 25

Blue October, The Truman Greensky Bluegrass, Uptown Theater

Subdocta: Bass Science Tour, The Bottleneck

KODO, Taiko Performing Arts Ensemble, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Manor Records Showcase, Replay Lounge

Feb. 26

Kimbra, recordBar Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts

Feb. 27

RAW Storytelling, The Black Box

Feb. 11

Adam Sandler

T-Mobile Center

Adam Sandler, actor, comedian, and named recipient of the 24th Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, is coming to the T-Mobile Center Feb. 11. His tour “Adam Sandler Live” was supposed to end after hitting 24 venues in 2022, but as he said in an Instagram announcement: “What the heck! Let’s do a few more!”

Thankfully, Sandler added 11 shows in 2023, including Kansas City. If the draw of seeing Happy Gilmore on stage isn’t enough, each show promises the appearance of a mystery special guest. The 16+ event starts at 7:30 p.m. , and tickets start at $97.

Many people give a heavy eye roll to Valentine’s Day and its heart-shaped trappings. The disdain sometimes comes from people who are partnered up, but this Hallmark holiday catches the most ire from the singles I encounter.

“I just had to go through Christmas and New Year’s alone, and now I have to go through Valentine’s? Ugh!” The heavy groan of my friend rang out as the memories of past single V-Days flashed before my eyes.

Singletons, I know it’s hard out there— baby bisexuals, experienced pansexuals, zaddies, and even the dolls are crying about it, too. Dating has become harder during the pandemic. Seventy percent of those who are single and seeking reported to Pew Research that dating sucks right now, and most of them believe it’s harder than it was before 2020. Fewer singles are actively dating now than three years ago. It’s a fucking dumpster fire, and no one is enjoying the smell.

Here’s my proposal. Fuck Valentine’s Day. Ignore its existence this year. Instead, I want all the singles this month to focus on February 15, which is Singles Appreciation Day. Also known as Singles Awareness Day (both monikers are cheesy acronyms).

The internet paper trail says Singles Appreciation Day was started in 2001 by a high schooler who wanted to have fun with his friends and eat discounted candy. Dustin Barnes, now an editor with USA To-

CRAFTED SINGLES

day, has stated in interviews that he’s been contacted by people who claim to be the actual creators of SAD.

“It’s been around,” Barnes says. “I’m not saying I’m the creator.” No one else seems to have come forward publicly as the brains behind it.

Regardless of who has the receipts, should this be a day of celebration or commiseration? I’ll vote for a party every time because it’s not all that bad being single (sometimes); you could be getting in your own way by focusing on the negative.

About half the U.S. population is currently single. Around 31% of Americans never marry. Pew Research showed in data released in fall 2020 that half of singles are content and not looking, citing they had better things to do or that they enjoyed singlehood, while the other half were trying to mingle.

How can you be single and happy?

Single, childless women seem to have it figured out. They are the happiest American subgroup—happier than anyone married or with children. Dr. Wendy L. Patrick pointed out in a 2021 Psychology Today article that single women appear more selective in their choices than single men “as they may enjoy the freedom of their lifestyle.” Is it freedom, or is it the choice to enjoy their life?

Coaches, religious leaders, and mind-

fulness instructors often teach that finding peace or acceptance is key to our growth and happiness. Being present and—trite as it may sound—having gratitude is a form of radical self-care.

The conscientious choice to love one’s own life is empowering. I embraced single-

gether while your pups get their pack on.

If you’re not feeling a group get-together, take time for self-care. Book an extra service at the barber or use that face mask that’s been in your drawer for months. Pedicures are for everyone.

Grab a journal and take a few min-

hood to the max from 2015-2020. I believe that is why I was able to choose more wisely this time—I just got married in October. By finding my bliss as a single person, I prepared myself for a better and more balanced partnership than before.

By shifting one’s perspective through practicing gratitude, people actually combat feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction. Society has fed us all a lot of bullshit, including things like finding a spouse means you’ve won or that your life isn’t complete until you’ve had children. Spouses and kids are great, but this life isn’t a competition, and people aren’t prizes.

Try embracing your “Single” status and gather your fellow single friends to create your own traditions, just like Galentine’s Day became a thing thanks to Leslie Knope.

Hit up your favorite fellow singles and make a plan for the day after V-Day. Host a themed dinner party at one of your homes or keep it simple and make reservations. Stream movies online together or hit the theater. Play games in person or online. Take your dogs to Bar K and hang out to-

utes to be introspective about your goals regarding partnership in your life. Are your expectations too low or too high? Can you see yourself sharing your authentic self with someone you grow to trust, or does that scare the fuck out of you? Is your friend group full or non-existent? Are you holding out for some fantasy? Do you know what you want from a future partner?

Long-term singlehood isn’t an indication that you should consider counseling. Still, it could be a sign that you need someone on the journey to unravel all that shit in your head and heart, especially if you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of being single and finding someone to love. Therapy could be beneficial when you’ve been in a rut with your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.

Lastly, I won’t pretend that everyone who reads this column will have a good day, but you’re not alone, even if you’re single.

You can find Kristen @OpenTheDoorsKC on Twitter or openthedoorscoaching com. Check out her podcast Keep Them Coming.

Photo by Nicole Bissey.

Illustrations by Shelby Phelps

About half the U.S. population is currently single.

Solve for Stuck

By Britt Frank

WHO TO SEEK AND WHERE TO SLEEP

‘Tis the season for chocolate hearts, teddy bears, oysters, overpriced flowers, and restaurants crammed with couples in various stages of disarray (service industry—brace yourselves).

The marketing-driven beast known as Valentine’s Day has descended upon us again with promises of undying love, glass-shattering intimacy, and swoon-worthy romance.

Yuck.

Not to be a buzzkill, but what we’re sold (and what you see on social media) in no way reflects the reality of human-ing. Many perfectly good relationships descend into chaos because of unrealistic expectations. Whether you’re single and looking to lock down a mate, in a relationship but thoroughly annoyed with your partner, or somewhere in between, it can be useful to

remind yourself of the following six relationship myths:

1. All you need is love

The phrase “all you need is love” is categorically inaccurate. Love is great, but relationships also need boundaries, mutual compatibility, communication, and safety.

What you can do: Remind yourself that you can feel attraction (and love) toward people who are not good for you. As you dive into the dating pool, ensure you’re not mistaking red flags for red roses. If you’re already in a relationship, do an honest assessment of your situation and consider what other needs (besides love) are essential to address.

2. you should spend every waking moment together

When you start dating someone new, your brain goes into spring break mode and gets really drunk. This flood of feel-good chem-

Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it is good.

3. you need someone to complete you

You’ll never feel complete by mashing yourself against another person. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you start dating, but it’s helpful to have at least a few things outside the relationship that are important to you.

What you can do: Resist the impulse to make your relationship your entire world. Spend some of your own time with other friends (or find new ones), build your skills, get comfortable with alone time, and tinker around with things you enjoy.

4.

Never go to sleep angry

The “never go to sleep angry” myth comes from a bible verse that says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity.” It’s hard enough to relate skillfully when you’re well-rested.

your soulmate—but that doesn’t mean you should spend your human incarnation with them. The term is “soulmate”—not “Earthmate.”

What you can do: Remind yourself that great relationships aren’t found; they’re built. There are many people with whom you can build a beautiful life.

6.

you must sleep in the same bed

A good night’s sleep in separate rooms is more conducive to a happy relationship than a restless night of semi-unconsciousness together. Just because it’s “normal” to sleep in the same bed doesn’t mean it’s optimal.

What you can do: If sleeping separately feels good, do it. Reasons people may want to sleep separately include snoring, different wake-up and sleep schedules, partners who thrash in bed, alone time, and any reason you want that’s not listed here.

It’s easy to get discouraged when you hold your relationships to the impossible standards set by onscreen couples. But before you give up, remember that Beauty and the Beast depicted a narcissistic and abusive relationship. Romeo and Juliet were teenagers. Jack and Rose only knew each other for 48 hours before that relationship was dead in the water.

icals impairs your judgment and silences that wise inner voice that cautions, “Wait… we’ve already dated this type of person. Twice.”

What you can do: The key to managing your neurological cocktail party is pacing The human brain is not designed to handle hours-long phone calls or marathon dates that last for days. When you start dating someone new, limit your contact to two dates per week max. You’re not going to want to do this because it feels really effing good to binge on brain juice. Do it anyway.

But sleep deprivation + conflict = unnecessary relational explosions. Sometimes the best thing for a relationship is to put a conversation down and get a good night’s sleep.

What you can do: If you’re arguing in the evening, agree on a limit and set a timer. If you’re still arguing when the timer goes off, go to sleep and try again in the morning.

5. you must find your soulmate Soulmates (if you believe in that concept) come into your life to teach you something about yourself. Someone might very well be

Happy Valentine’s Day to all, and to all a good night.

Follow along with Psychotherapist and author of The Science of Stuck Britt Frank [MSW, LSCSW, SEP] on Instagram (@brittfrank). To ask a question about recovering from the last few years, or anything else regarding mental health, reach out to britt@thepitchkc.com

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only and is not to be taken as official mental health treatment or professional medical advice.

Many perfectly good relationships descend into chaos because of unrealistic expectations.

KC Cares

627 Stomp

By Beth Lipoff

If you’ve got a soft spot for swing dancing and jazz, 627 Stomp might be just the place for you. The non-profit is dedicated to education and fostering a swing dance community.

Though it started in 2013, it got its non-profit status in 2018. Over the years, 627 Stomp’s activities have ranged from dance classes to educational talks to hosting national events.

Founder Amanda Bernice says, “It’s not just teaching dance moves, which is definitely integral to what we do, but making sure we’re actually honoring those who came before us and actually created the dances, pretty much POC, people of the past.”

Because so much of its activity and

community is centered on in-person interaction, the pandemic has been challenging for them to weather.

Still, Bernice says that a core group of members stayed together, interacting through Discord and online music nights. They’re just starting to rebuild their in-person events. One consistent thing they do is a free dance lesson and get-together at Nimble Brewing once a month.

As soon as they get another appropriate venue, Bernice would like to see their swing dancing evenings featuring live music reinstated.

“The group enables people to be part of a community of so many creeds of humans that come together for the love of jazz music, history, dancing, and having a good

time without going to an obnoxiously loud club where there’s nothing but alcohol,” says Bernice.

One person who definitely feels that love from the 627 Stomp community is Mei-Hua Fong. She started attending group events when she moved to Kansas City a year ago from Minnesota.

“It’s just a really nice pocket of jazz and swing. I’m absolutely in love with it, and it really feels like home,” Fong says.

The group has quite a few members from the LGBT community, and Fong says that makes her feel safe and accepted.

“I feel really validated as a transgender woman trying to make her community,” Fong says.

There are different ways you can participate with 627 Stomp.

“If you’re someone who doesn’t like talking with people, you don’t have to—you just have to dance with them,” Fong says.

If you like the atmosphere but aren’t feeling up to dancing, that’s fine too. They always need volunteers to DJ, or you can just sit back to watch and listen.

“You don’t need any swing dance background. Everybody is welcome. You also don’t have to dance. If you want to come, hang out, and enjoy the music being played—whatever your cup of tea is, you

can still fit in and enjoy yourself and have a good time and make new friends,” Bernice says.

Other ways to volunteer include working with the grant committee or helping with the door at their larger, paid events.

Before the pandemic, they partnered with Union Station to teach swing dance lessons for the station’s New Year’s Eve celebrations.

Bernice says one challenge has been trying to make their group more diverse as they embrace the African American roots of swing dancing through their educational talks.

“We’re aware it’s an issue nationwide. If you go to swing dance events anywhere, they’re predominantly white,” she says.

Their name, 627, actually comes from the name of a Black musicians’ union here in Kansas City that was established in 1917, as well as a Pete Johnson song called “627 Stomp.”

For more information on 627 Stomp and its events, visit 627stomp.org or facebook. com/627stomp

Greg Smith watches as Mei-Huā Fong dances with Ben Todd during a December 627 Stomp event.

Photo by Beth Lipoff