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CONTENTS

THE PITCH

Publisher Stephanie Carey Editor in Chief Brock Wilbur Digital Editor Kelcie McKenney Music Editor Nick Spacek Film Editor Abby Olcese Contributing Writers Emily Cox, Liz Cook, Rachel Potucek, Barbara Shelly, April Fleming, Deborah Hirsch, Brooke Tippin, Roxie Hammill, Archana Sundar, Beth Lipoff, Riley Cowing, Edward Schmalz, Celeste Torrence, Ameerah Sanders, Dan Lybarger, Vivian Kane, Jen Harris, Kara Lewis, Orrin Grey, Adrian Torres, Reb Valentine, Aaron Rhodes Little Village Creative Services Jordan Sellergren Contributing Photographers Zach Bauman, Chase Castor, Caleb Condit, Travis Young, Beth Lipoff, Jim Nimmo, Rebecca Norden, Angela C. Bond Graphic Designers Austin Crockett, Jake Edmisten, Lacey Hawkins, Angèle Lafond, Jennifer Larson, Katie McNeil, Danielle Moore, Gianfranco Ocampo, Lauren Onions, Kirsten Overby, Alex Peak, Jack Raybuck, Fran Sherman Director of Marketing & Promotions Jason Dockery Director of Operations Andrew Miller Editorial Interns Joseph Hernandez, Celia Searles Multimedia Interns Hanna Ellington Design Intern Katelyn Betz Marketing Intern Whitney Henry

CAREY MEDIA

Chief Executive Officer Stephanie Carey Chief Operating Officer Adam Carey

VOICE MEDIA GROUP

National Advertising 1-888-278-9866 vmgadvertising.com

DISTRIBUTION

The Pitch distributes 35,000 copies a month and is available free throughout Greater Kansas City, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $5 each, payable at The Pitch’s office in advance. The Pitch may be distributed only by The Pitch’s authorized independent contractors or authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of The Pitch, take more than one copy of each week’s issue. Mail subscriptions: $22.50 for six months or $45 per year, payable in advance.

Application to mail at second-class postage rates is pending at Kansas City, MO 64108.

COPYRIGHT

The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2020 by Carey Media. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher.

The Pitch 3543 Broadway Blvd., Kansas City, MO 64111 For information or to share a story tip, email tips@thepitchkc.com For advertising: stephanie@thepitchkc.com or 816-218-6702

22 4 LETTER

Hal Brody The new guy meets The Pitch creator to discuss 30 years of serving KC

BY BROCK WILBUR

16 COMEDY

Reverse Escapism Mental rebirth under lock and key

BY LIZ COOK

6 STREETWISE

18 MUSIC

8 NEWS

20 SPORTS

The best, the worst, and everything in between in our great city

BY BROCK WILBUR

40 Years in a Band is an Act of Rebellion Get Smart! on a career of zero expectations

BY NICK SPACEK

Our Police Problem Why doesn’t KC control its PD? Crime in 1939

BY BARBARA SHELLY

Foam Fighters Assemble Midwestern vikings, orcs, elves, and pirates battle each Sunday

BY EDWARD SCHMALZ

10 FEATURE

An Oral History of The Pitch Through highs, lows, and different kinds of highs, here’s 40 years in our own words

BY APRIL FLEMING, LIZ COOK, AND BARBARA SHELLY

28 KC CARES

CHASE CASTOR

Veterans Community Project

BY BROOKE TIPPIN

30 SAVAGE LOVE

Oral reports on sucking or not sucking

BY DAN SAVAGE

22 SPORTS

Skate Board of Directors “Board Meeting” is bringing together roller folx young and old

BY EMILY COX

26 FILM

Re-Evaluating 40 Years of Our Own Film Reviews What did we get right and what aged embarrassingly?

BY ABBY OLCESE

“40 YEARS OF THE PITCH” Katelyn Betz

thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

3

LETTER

HAL BRODY THE NEW GUY MEETS THE PITCH CREATOR TO DISCUSS 40 YEARS OF SERVING KC

BY BROCK WILBUR

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

We’re in the midst of a global pandemic, massive social upheaval, and the worst economic recession in a century. Things are not the best out there. This is perhaps an understatement.

Simultaneously, we’re seeing change in our society on an unprecedented scale.

There’s an accelerationist version of culture occurring right now now, and where it goes is anyone’s guess. Who knows what the world will look like by the time you’re reading this.

That timeless chaos is what makes today’s conversation to fascinating. I—the new editor of The Pitch—sat down for a chat with Hal Brody, the man who started The Pitch.

What we learned was that how I feel and think and write today is no different from the stances, fights, and problems that Brody faced 40 years ago, when he kicked this whole thing off.

It’s weirdly comforting. This was just supposed to be a form of tete-a-tete between folks in the same job bloodline. Instead, I found a reflection of the same sets of dreams, fears, and triumphs as The Pitch faces today.

Maybe we’re always in periods of transformation, or maybe it just feels consistent for those of us in this career.

I’m a Kansas City newbie, but Brody helped build the foundations of decades of culture here. These days he resides in San Francisco, which feels like a much better match for his love of jam band music and hyper-liberal policies than KC. He’s doing well. And he seemed to think I’m doing well as well.

Hal Brody ran record stores in our area in 1980 under the name Penny Lane. Some of his employees with decent senses of humor asked about putting out a small newsletter for customers, and Brody was on board. In May of 1980, The Penny Pitch was born. Yes, the “pitch” part is a pun about records and music. I had no idea. This detail caused me to comedically melt-down for several minutes. See, there’s a lot I’m the newbie to.

As an aside, this month has been an incredible period for me, learning about just what The Pitch means within our area’s history. In preparation of this groundbreaking 40th birthday issue, I’ve been locked in the lounge of our office, flipping page by page through four decades of a publication that has clearly always been here for, and in love with, our metro. There are swaths of time

where the focus waxes and wanes, but the constants are that The Pitch loves this town, loves to call-out bullshit, and loves to be the sassiest bitch in the room.

As the new steward of the publication, I like to think that I’m upholding all three of those pillars. I do love to be a sassy bitch on behalf of justice.

Hal’s fun side-project with friends turned into a financial boon. Record companies had very limited budgets for advertising in tertiary markets like Kansas City, reserving most of their money for huge billboards in Los Angeles and so on. KC didn’t have anything that made sense for mid-tier music advertising—except for this up-and-coming record store newsletter.

In the late 80s, Brody experienced a protracted divorce led to him getting rid of the record stores and basically becoming a stay-at-home dad for years on end. Which he thinks is the best thing that ever happened to him. Hearne Christopher developed the paper during this time, and eventually there was something of a difficult split between all parties involved. In the mid-90s, alt papers were at their peak, and Brody came back into the fold full time.

“We were all in the right spot at the right time,” he tells me. “We were all doing well. You had influence. You could help people out that needed to be helped out. In a fairly conservative environment like Kansas City tends to be, a lot of the communities just didn’t get heard from unless someone like us came along.”

Which is exactly how we feel about what our purpose is today.

Brody continued by explaining what made The Pitch singular and special.

“There was a feeling that we were one body, we were all pulling in the same direction, even with all of the problems you might have in any type of organization.

There was just a vibe about the place. For the most part, we were there for a common good. Yeah, we wanted to make money and all that, but there was a higher purpose there. We attracted people to work for us because that was clear, it was evident to the

Top: Hal Brody in his backyard today. Below: Hal Brody in his first Penny Pitch office.

outside world, too. It was about being part of something like that, being part of a group.

But the most memorable part was the parties. People that close to each other are really good at throwing parties.”

Fearless journalism, stupid jokes, and partying a little too hard. 40 years in, and we’re still the exact same cornerstone of this community. Fills me with a sense of pride to know that I’m just the latest person to pick up the torch here, and hopefully there will be another 40 years after me. That is, if humanity’s got that long. We’d just like to be here to see everything through to the very end!

Pitch in and we’ll get through,

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thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

5

STREETWISE THE BEST, THE WORST, AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN FROM OUR GREAT CITY

BY BROCK WILBUR

JIM NIMMO

JIM NIMMO

6

THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

STREETWISE

TRAVIS YOUNG

Normally this is where we drop small news stories. But there are no small news stories at this point in 2020. Protests have now occurred in every state in this country and even in countries across the world. While some people choose to focus on the “unnecessary” violence that a select few protestors are partaking in, there are legitimate desires and outcomes that protestors hope to achieve by peacefully protesting across the country. It’s more than bringing attention to the recent murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor by police. On a local level, it’s more than doing the same for Terrance Bridges, Cameron Lamb, Donnie Sanders, and Ryan Stokes. It’s about bringing change to a country that’s been systemically oppressive to Black people for over 400 years. And Americans are overwhelmingly supportive of this need for radical change. Because it is time.

We have been documenting protests for weeks now and have hundreds upon hundreds of photos up at ThePitchKC.com, but here are a few of the most striking:

Protest photos from The Plaza over the weekend of June 5 to 7 JIM NIMMO

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thepitchkc.com/adoptabiz thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

7

NEWS

OUR POLICE PROBLEM WHY DOESN’T KC CONTROL ITS OWN PD? CRIME IN 1939. BY BARBARA SHELLY

Kansas City was smarting from tear gas, hurled projectiles, and unspent rage when Mayor Quinton Lucas stepped before reporters on June 4. He had just concluded an emergency meeting with fellow members of the Board of Police Commissioners.

Lucas announced a list of measures the board had agreed to after days of unrest as Kansas City joined much of the nation in reacting to the videotaped murder of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer.

Patrol officers would be getting body cameras. The police chief would review the use of tear gas and projectiles. Outside agencies would review police shootings and useof-force incidents. Whistleblowers within the police department would be given protections.

After summing up those overdue steps, Lucas, in a roundabout way, mentioned

8

THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

something else that has Kansas Citians simmering with resentment.

“I know often it is discussed that there is a different control structure of the police department as compared to other cities and certainly other city departments,” he said.

Right. It’s called state control. Kansas City is the only city in the nation that doesn’t control its own police department. Rather, a board appointed by the governor of Missouri runs the show. Four appointees and the current mayor select the police chief and set policies for the department.

When he campaigned for mayor last year, Lucas emphatically supported Kansas City controlling its police department.

But, in the days since policing supplanted COVID-19 as priority one in Kansas City, Lucas has not used his pulpit to demand local control. He has not announced a plan to

approach the Missouri legislature, or gather signatures for an initiative petition—the two routes for freeing Kansas City from state control.

“I’ve said many times I support local control of the Kansas City Police Department—but local control alone will not make our community safer or combat violent crime,” Lucas tells The Pitch in a statement.

“As mayor, I remain focused on actions we can take today to build police-community relations and to create a better Kansas City for all.”

It’s true that Lucas’s first year as mayor has turned into quite the test, mostly due to events beyond his control. But two realities are also true: There’s never going to be a good time to take on the issue of local control. And somebody needs to do it.

The conventional wisdom about state control of Kansas City police is summarized in a few paragraphs in the “history” page of the department’s website. There, we learn that Kansas City’s police department was created under state control in 1874. “It was governed by a board of men appointed by the governor,” the narrative states.

But then: “The City Council, heavily swayed by a corrupt Tom Pendergast, approved a home-rule ordinance in 1932 that

The KCPD deploys mace to disperse a crowd of peaceful protestors.

ANGELA C. BOND

brought KCPD under city governance for the first time. Corruption of the police force ensued.”

Just like that. Local control equals corruption. But corruption didn’t exactly “ensue” because Kansas City gained control of its police department. Kansas City had just boozed its way through 13 years of Prohibition, with boss Tom Pendergast and City Manager Henry McElroy protecting the speakeasies and the state-controlled police force looking the other way.

With Prohibition ended in 1933, Pendergast and his crime partners skimmed from gambling and brothels. William Worley, a Kansas City historian, explains how it worked in “The Decline and Fall of the Pendergast Machine:” “If those who plied these trades did not make the expected payments, the McElroy-controlled police could step in to shut down the illegal side of any of these enterprises. The fact that the police were essentially part of the machine after 1932 increased the effectiveness of the entire protection scheme.”

Kansas City may have been outrageous in its level of corruption during the 1920’s

NEWS

You Belong At...

and 30’s, but it was not unique.

“Prohibition marked a change in how corruption was organized,” Gary Potter, a professor at Eastern Kentucky University, writes in The History of Policing in the United States.

“Organized crime was able to emerge from the shadows and deal directly with corrupt police. In many cities police became little more than watchmen for organized crime enterprises, or, on a more sinister vein, enforcement squads to harass the competition of the syndicate paying the corruption bill.”

Nevertheless, reformers in 1939 decided that the Kansas City machine and police had gone a bridge too far and sent the police department back under state control. And there it’s remained for the past 81 years.

We will pause here to note the irony that—due to fears of corruption—the Kansas City police department is controlled by a state government that absolutely reeks of corruption. See Eric Greitens, Steve Tilley, the attempts to overturn the Clean Missouri reforms and the torrent of dark money poured into state elections. And that’s just getting started.

Even if the Missouri state government wasn’t rank, its priorities have veered far away from the safety and health of its largest city.

After initially indicating interest late last year in some common sense gun safety reforms for urban areas struggling with gun violence, Republican Gov. Mike Parson flipped and said there was no way he was “gonna talk about gun control.”

And this is the guy who appoints members of the Board of Police Commissioners.

A few half-hearted attempts have been made over the years to “look into” local control—task forces, study groups, and the like.

They always come back with the same dodges. Change would be a lot of work. Kansas City’s police force is really pretty good. But, corruption!

Kansas City’s police department in general is well organized and trained. But violent crime in the city is out of control, the department’s clearance rate for homicides

is abysmal (43 percent in 2019), and family members are questioning a number of fatal shootings by police officers.

“When I attend national conferences, I am pleased to hear about the reputation of the KCPD among other agencies,” Police Chief Rick Smith wrote in a blog post late last year, which has aged about as well as a dead catfish on a hot dock.

“We are known nationwide as leaders in everything from data-led policing to de-escalation training to social services,” Smith went on. “We have not experienced the strained community relationships or large-scale scandals other major-city departments have.

That’s not by accident. Maybe it’s because of the members of our community who sit on our oversight board.”

Given the hundreds of anguished protesters who confronted his officers at the Nichols Fountain, and the number of individuals and groups calling for his resignation, the chief may be rethinking his sunny view of community relationships. The heat is on, and it’s not going to stop.

Melissa Robinson, the City Council representative for the 3rd District, has been pushing a resolution to once again study local control. Her constituents, she said, are especially interested in setting up a review board of police actions independent of the department, and they can’t achieve that under the current structure.

“I think that the energy is there,” Robinson says. “We need to capitalize on the community’s interest in this topic.”

Partly in response to her efforts, Lucas has established a “public safety study group,” but its main focus is on crime and gun violence. Local control is one of the last issues scheduled to be addressed.

“I’m trying to make sure that local control should be in the forefront of the study group,” Robinson says.

Good for her. And good luck. Kansas City needs its police department to answer to its citizens, not a remote state government that, by and large, could care less about what those citizens think or want.

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AN ORAL HISTORY OF THE PITCH THROUGH HIGHS, LOWS, AND DIFFERENT KINDS OF HIGHS, HERE’S 40 YEARS IN OUR OWN WORDS BY APRIL FLEMING, LIZ COOK, AND BARBARA SHELLY

In the beginning there was a record store. A dubious publisher. An editor named Warren Stylus, who existed only on the masthead.

Some eager, talented writers. A lot of coffee and booze. What began in 1980 as the Penny Pitch, a monthly newsletter to promote Penny Lane Records and its inventory and artists, survives after 40 rollicking, tumultuous years as The Pitch.

Here is its story, in the words of some of the people who lived it.

The Penny Lane staff celebrates Hal Brody’s birthday.

and it was all about the music. We cut our teeth on National Lampoon, underground newspapers and that irreverent kind of press.

I was surprised at how successful it was.

Hal Brody, founding Penny Pitch publisher: People were telling me what an opportunity it was because, you know, alternative newspapers around the country were starting to do welI. I used to say that I didn’t know much about publishing, other than that you could lose a lot of money off of it.

But in the beginning, I didn’t lose money. It paid for itself.

The cover of the first Penny Pitch issue.

UMKC LIBRARY

Don Mayberger, founding editor: I was working in the record cave doing returns. We had a new release sheet that was pretty overwhelming. [Penny Lane owner] Hal Brody was worried that nobody was reading it, so I said, “Why don’t we just start a fake newspaper?” And that was basically it. I’ve never given Hal his due for giving me the freedom to do stupid things.

Chuck Haddix, original co-editor: Don studied journalism at KU, and he put the newsletter together, and everybody in the store contributed to it. We sold ads to the record labels. We were all record collectors,

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

Chuck Haddix: A lot of our writers had pseudonyms, for some reason. Warren Stylus was an inside joke, something that Don came up with. What you don’t want is a worn stylus on a turntable. Don put all these little jokes in there. It became a more serious publication when I did the interview with [legendary jazz nightclub owner] Milton Morris.

We put him on the cover, and that became one of the first serious pieces of journalism that was published in the Pitch.

HAL BRODY

drive back and forth, so I handed it over to Dwight Frizzell. I knew it would be in weird hands, but he embraced it.

Dwight Frizzell, who succeeded Mayberger as editor under the pseudonym Charles Chance Jr.: If I wasn’t writing for the Pitch, I was on the record floor. I did a lot of sales. I loved that. Hal called me into his office. He said, “Dwight, I want you to be the next editor of the Pitch.” I said, “OK, but I need a good editor. And I need a typist. And an electric typewriter. And I need a raise.” I was making five bucks an hour, and now I was getting 10 bucks an hour.

Jay Mandeville, co-editor with Frizzell: We kind of expanded the paper. It was no longer about Penny Lane. It was about local art and music events and personalities. We did articles about Afrobeat and reggae, other musical genres that were coming into the foreground around that time. It was a lot of fun, and I sure miss it.

People are tired of noise. That’s what I call rock music. They’re tired of disco, music is in limbo right now. But jazz is like a woman’s hairdo. If she wears it long enough she’ll be the first one to have it when it comes back [into style]. (Morris, as quoted in “A Talk With Milton Morris”)

Dwight Frizzell: January 1982 is a significant issue. That’s the one that I went to Hal to change the name from the Penny Pitch, which I was never too much about. But The Pitch, I thought that had everything—a note of music, the opportunity to try to make something happen, a baseball thrown. You don’t need anything else. So we changed it to The Pitch, just like that.

Don Mayberger: I did it for about a year.

I lived in Lawrence and I couldn’t afford to

Donna Trussell, film critic and Pitch editor after Frizzell: At one point, Hal Brody,

he was tired of the costs, and he was ready to kill it. I talked him into keeping it alive and said I would put out the entire issue for $200 a month. He said, “OK, but I want every other word to be Penny Lane Records.” It wasn’t really journalism; it was this weird hybrid.

But it was what we had. I had to pay writers with gift certificates. I tried to be a little more professional. I told Dwight, “No more interviews with dinosaurs.” But that was the charm of The Pitch. It did survive, and I take some credit for that.

By the early 1990s, the startup magic had worn off. The music industry had changed.

Brody sold his Penny Lane stores. The Pitch, now publishing every other week, was no longer profitable. A competing alternative newspaper in Kansas City, the New Times (no relation to the company that later purchased The Pitch), poached much of its staff in 1991.

Hal Brody: I got a call around midnight on a Friday from a staffer, saying, “Hal, you’d better get down here.” People had left, and they took most of our stories with them. We had nothing. I said, “Well, we’re just gonna outrun them.” It took a few years, and we were losing money for quite awhile, but I was not going to let it go.

Bruce Rodgers, editor for most of the 1990s: I was working part-time at the other paper, and Hal just called me up one day and said he was looking for an editor. Ironically, he called me on the day my wife was moving

FEATURE

out. We were getting a divorce. I thought it was a joke, and I hung up. He called back, and we met at the Broadway Coffee House.

I gave him two pages of ideas on how to change the paper. He looked at it and said OK. And that was it.

Hal Brody: I feel incredibly blessed that even when I was in the record business, I had people that just stepped up when I needed them, and particularly Bruce. We kept that wall up between business and editorial, but he was wise enough to warn me when things were gonna get a little hot.

to the film scene and the music scene.

Dan Lybarger, film critic, 1993–present: If I told you that a little alt-weekly from Kansas City featured exclusive interviews with Charlton Heston, Peter Fonda, cult filmmaker Russ Meyer, Bruce Campbell, the late, great director Lynn Shelton, Stan Lee, Monty Python alumnus John Cleese, Oscar-winning documentarian Errol Morris... you’d probably wonder if I’d been smoking Missouri’s favorite, newly legal herb.

Jon Niccum: In ‘97 I co-founded the Klammies, which was the Kansas City/Lawrence music awards. We did that for four years. I felt like we were leading the charge. Of all the stuff I’ve done, all the places I’ve worked, it’s still the most fun job I ever had.

Hal Brody: It was quite honestly the most fun business I ever owned. You could help people out that needed to be helped out. We had these weekly meetings and everybody got heard from and everybody had input and it was all kind of a sense that we are all in this together and we’re going to make an impact in our community.

By the late ‘90s, The Pitch had won the alt-weekly “war” in Kansas City, a result of sheer will and better financing.

A photo of the Pleasure & Pain story from 1999.

Bruce Rodgers: When the piercing fad came out, everybody was piercing themselves. There was a photographer out of Columbia. Her photos were pretty interesting.

We had one photo with a woman topless with her nipples pierced. We had another photo of a guy with his scrotum pierced. I decided: We’re going to do a photo spread, with just a little background writing to go with it. The day it ran, I was going in the back door and somebody’s standing outside smoking a cigarette. He said, “Bruce, you don’t want to go in there.” Phones were ringing off the hook, the advertising staff was freaking out. But it turned out to be one of those stories that put us on the map.

I have a Prince Albert piercing, which is through the head of the penis. I got that after my brother died of AIDS. That is my marking not to use it in some way that is harmful. (From David A. Collins’ “Piercing Blurs the Line Between Pleasure and Pain,” August 3, 1999) Jon Niccum, music and film editor in the ‘90s: Those were the glory years. It’s hard to explain to people how much of a cultural impact The Pitch had. It was a true alternative to the mainstream media, and it was so tied in

C.J. Janovy, contributed to The Pitch intermittently in the ‘90s, editor-in-chief 2000-2010: It was sort of an indicator of the quality of life in a city to have a healthy alt-weekly. People read them from the back to the front because of all the personals that were in the back. You could have the greatest cover story in the world, but I would go to a restaurant on the day that the paper hit the racks, and I would watch people look at the cover, then turn the paper over and start reading from the back.

Dan Lybarger: People initially picked up the paper, especially in the 1990s, for the personal ads. Anyone who tells you differently is lying or delusional. Friends who discovered my writing always brought up the entertaining singles who were looking for love in Kansas City.

With The Pitch now a mini-powerhouse, Brody found himself courted by larger alternative media chains. He sold the paper in 1999 to New Times Inc., a national chain of alternative newspapers. That company installed C.J. Janovy as editor. A new era, likely The Pitch’s strongest (certainly its best-funded), began. HQ moved downtown, to the Crossroads. Janovy hired many of The Pitch’s most well-known voices, including Charles Ferruzza, Allie Johnson, Joe Miller, Kendrick Blackwood, and Jen Chen.

Tattoo Convention Jul 31 st Aug 2 nd Come Get Tattooed S heraton at C rown C enter KCMOTattoo.com thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

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that you should revisit right now

Ten classic stories from “Highly Debatable” by Joe Miller, March 30, 2002

The Kansas City Missouri School District’s endless accreditation woes nearly stopped two students from Central High School from becoming national debate champions.

Joe Miller followed this story for years, and the series ultimately became a book: Cross-X: The Amazing True Story of How the Most Unlikely Team from the Most Unlikely of Places Overcame Staggering Obstacles at Home and at School to Challenge the Debate Community on Race, Power, and Education.

Coach Rinehart says her teams have lost rounds in Missouri because an opposing team will abandon the debate topic and argue to the judge that Minton and Leach talk too fast and that “speed is killing debate.”

The team’s invitation to the TOC in Kentucky was an extraordinary accomplishment considering the forces arrayed against Central’s students, who hail from some of the poorest areas of the city.

Though the school was once a standard bearer for Kansas City’s black community, it is now one of five “academically deficient” schools the state has identified in Kansas City.

“Cemetary Plot” by Allie Johnson, May 16, 2002

A murder in a cemetary leads Allie Johnson into a long, tragic look at the lives of disaffected teenagers, with entanglements that led to homicide.

The girl’s best friend watched the other mourners. A slim, pale young man dressed in black walked to the casket, leaned over and stared at the body for a long moment. He had been one of the last people to see her alive on the night of her murder. Her friend began to sob quietly.

“I can’t believe he’s standing over her body,” she whispered to a woman standing next to her. “I just can’t believe it.

“The Last Resort” by Casey Logan, September 25, 2003

Writer Casey Logan spent several days living in the decrepit, seedy Midwest Hotel, a Crossroads Property that only now—nearly 20 years later—is being renovated. He captured the people, sights, and, well, smells.

Nearly everything in the room is stained — sheets, towels, carpet, curtains, mirrors, television, desk, sink and bathtub.

There are stains in this room, I realize with some concern, that are older than I am.

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“Terminal Ferocity” by Kendrick Blackwood, January 15, 2004

The Pitch’s Kendrick Blackwood followed a group of local BASE jumpers for over a year as they planned (and executed) jumps off of downtown Kansas City high-rises. The story offers a vivid picture of downtown, just as it was on the brink of its “renaissance.”

The building is going to be part of the downtown renaissance. It’s being converted to high-dollar apartments, part of a citywide effort to make downtown a 24-hour destination. But for now, downtown is still mostly dead at night, and the building is a target for BASE jumpers.

It could be done. The men have their rigs in the car. The trunk is packed with a survival kit of sorts: BASE-jumping parachutes, duct tape, helmets, an aircraft map with tower heights, mini-digital camera, two-way radios, a blue light to toss from the top, a utility knife and a pry bar.

But it’s raining just a little. They aren’t sure about the wind. And there is no ground crew, no one to drive the getaway car. No one except the Pitch.

causes —mounted on the stone bluff facing the restaurant’s parking lot. A friend of mine scoffs at that theory.

“The reason Anthony’s carries on,” he insists, “is that it’s the last real no-bullshit, smoker-friendly, unpretentious Italian-American joint left in town. You know what Buca di Beppo pretends to be? Anthony’s is the real thing.”

“Wake Crashers” by Jen Chen, January 19, 2006

In her weekly Night Ranger column, Jen Chen basked in Kansas City’s nightlife, beer or vodka cran in hand. One week, she read an intriguing obituary and headed to Flo’s in South KC to crash the deceased’s wake. There were so many great Night Ranger pieces, but this one is sweet, sad, and still funny.

sentially a local gang with Robb’s blessing.

I immediately regretted ordering the nacho platter.

“The People vs Erotic City” by Justin Kendall, March 27, 2008

Justin Kendall wrote a portfolio of stories exposing corruption and hypocrisy. Here, he goes far beyond the salacious headlines and tells the story of a nearly unimaginably horrific case of child sexual abuse.

“The Real Thing” by Charles Ferruzza, November 10, 2005

It is exceptionally difficult to choose one piece to represent the late Charles Ferruzza, The Pitch’s iconic restaurant critic. Every piece he wrote had at least one line that would remind you why he was so loved— funny, catty, and knowledgeable, his was a voice you could trust. Although so many of the restaurants he wrote about have subsequently closed, his columns are precious little time capsules that provide a true sense of Kansas City and some of its history. Look back through his archive to 2005–07, and you’ll see just how much KC has changed.

Downtown Kansas City still had a glimmer of life when the Spinos took a gamble and built a new restaurant at the corner of Admiral and Grand. But the pulse was fading fast — the once-thriving entertainment scene known as the River Quay, on the other side of the highway loop, had already gone from coolsville to ghost town. And things were equally grim a few blocks to the west, where the bawdy dives and strip clubs on 12th Street were slated for demolition and several big movie palaces and department stores had been either closed or razed.

Anthony’s has outlasted most of its urban contemporaries, including the venerable Italian Gardens and Jennie’s.

Why? Maybe it’s thanks to the little shrine to St. Jude — the patron saint of hopeless

Just then, a guy in a brown Bill Cosby-style sweater came up to chat. Ray was the one who wrote the obituary and became Murphy’s legal guardian.

He had brought the dog to Flo’s for a “farewell tour” earlier in the afternoon before taking him home. He said that Murphy was acclimating to his new home. “He ate an expensive pillow.

What makes a pillow expensive? Little teeny things came out everywhere — they’re called feathers!”

“My Secret Life in the Klan” by Peter Rugg, September 27, 2007

Surely Peter Rugg could not have known that his 2007 piece on “infiltrating” the KKK would be remarkably relevant in 2020.

The oddness of the situation was compounded by having to answer to a name that wasn’t mine. He thought I was serious about fighting for white supremacy. He’d even suggested that the two of us should found a Klavern — es-

Herd has a smirk on his face as he looks over his left shoulder at his family. For a man who has agreed to serve 18 years in federal prison, and whose victim can be heard sobbing uncontrollably, Herd looks like he’s in a good mood.

“The ballad of bar owner Dennis Hess started as a love song and ended with his suicide” by Nadia Pflaum, October 22, 2009

This piece by long-time staff writer Nada Pflaum illustrates what The Pitch has always brought to Kansas City—profiles of people and places that you won’t find anywhere else. This story paints a picture of a specific time and place as it tracks the seedy backstory of a North Kansas City honkytonk and its owner’s suicide.

At the Denims memorial, Lena sits alone at a cocktail table at the edge of the dance floor, a vast expanse of polished

FEATURE

wood hemmed in by railings that give it the appearance of a livestock pen. She’s slim, with high cheekbones. Her earrings, hammered-silver hoops, poke out from beneath her straight dark-brown hair. She has left a few of the topmost, mother-ofpearl snaps on her plaid shirt undone to reveal a hint of cleavage. She wears clear braces on her teeth.

Lena says she was married to Hess for “six amazing years.” No one from Hess’ large, Catholic family has joined her at this memorial. It’s after 9 p.m., and the place is nearly empty.

“How KC’s Wealthiest Enclaves Became a Shadowy Nexus of Predatory Lending” by David Hudnall, December 5, 2013

In a massive investigation, David Hudnall blew the lid off of an exploitive, get-richquick online payday lending scheme being run by some of Kansas City’s most wealthy and supposedly upstanding citizens, and highlighted the dilemmas it posed for the parishes and charities that benefited from the ill-gotten gains.

Regarding the church’s position on payday lending, the Rev. Patrick Rush, pastor at Visitation, notes the lack of specificity in the Bible as to what would constitute usury in modern times. “I think in today’s world, you would have to make the judgment of what constitutes a legitimate interest rate versus what constitutes an exorbitant interest rate,” he says.

Where does 700 percent fall in that judgment?

“I would say that’s an exorbitant interest rate,” Rush says.

Pitch stories published prior to 2000 cannot be found online.

C.J. Janovy: We had a big staff of cool, fun people. Jen Chen was the center of everything, ‘cause she was at the reception desk on the third floor in the newsroom. And you know, people were working really hard, but we were so in love with the work itself and the stories we were writing, that people just seemed really happy.

Tony Ortega, managing editor, 2003– 05: My first day was September 2, 2003. The reason that day sticks out in my mind—it was my very first day as managing editor— Joe Miller came into my office and put a cat carrier down on my desk, and it had two little kittens in it that he had found in the street that were being abused by kids. He had rescued them and wanted to know if I had room for them. And I still have one of them today.

Joe Miller, staff writer, 2000–04: [When I started] we were still in that old building on Broadway, and it was literally falling apart.

Pieces of plaster would fall on people’s desks.

There were water stains all over. It was weird.

And there was definitely tension between the new hires from New Times and people who had been part of it before. C.J. was definitely tapped into the community and what kinds of stories out there in Kansas City, but we were also sort of watched over by this corporate hierarchy of editors.

Tony Ortega: One of my favorite stories was by Kendrick Blackwood about this base jumper who actually allowed Kendrick to accompany him as he jumped off one of Kansas City’s downtown landmarks—highly illegal.

I remember working with the company’s attorney to make sure we could even publish it. And Kendrick was great because he took his time and he never knew if he was going to get to publish it or not. We never knew.

And then finally the base jumper gave him the thumbs up, so we said go for it. [When it was published,] some people were outraged.

Another second later, the jumper lands in the middle of an empty intersection, his heel slamming hard into the asphalt, his knees buckling, his chute floating to the street. Dressed in all black, he bundles up his parachute in his arms and limps to the curb behind a Pitch newspaper box, an orange construction sign and a streetlight pole. (From Kendrick Blackwood’s “Terminal Ferocity,” January 15, 2004) C.J. Janovy: There were times that we were working on stuff that was really scary also.

There was a period of time where people were inserting KKK flyers into our papers.

And Peter [Rugg] decided to, I don’t know what there was a phone call or an address to a P.O. box or whatever, but he made contact with the person, and responded to the information on the flyer.

Peter Rugg, staff writer, 2007–11: I sent off a thing to the KKK recruitment people—I had to get a post office box under a different name—and I started getting stuff sent to me.

Eventually, I got a password for their chat site, their mid-2000s 4chan bullshit where they’d hang out.

Trentadue had shaved his head since our meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, and the tattoos on his scalp were now visible. His parents had taken the kids for the evening, and his wife was at work. He shook my hand, and I followed him inside. There were no Nazi flags on the walls. It was the underwhelming house of any parent of two on the lower end of the economic scale. Stacks of paper stood askew. “What size shirt are you?” he asked. “I’ve got a couple of spare Klan shirts, and I thought you might like them.” (From Peter Rugg’s “My Secret Life in the Klan,” September 27, 2007) Peter Rugg: These people were being outed for being fucking Nazis back before it was cool to out Nazis. There were some threats.

At one point, some dude put my parents’ address up on his website, but he fucked up the address.

Justin Kendall, staff writer, 2005–11 and managing editor, 2011–16: The company ended up getting a bodyguard. We had two panic buttons. There was a brick thrown through my window after I wrote a story.

We got our fair share of hate mail and death threats back in the day.

Many staffers’ stories suggest an environment that stretched the “alt” spirit to near-parody: banging out stories on Adderall, smoking K2 in the newsroom for a feature, drunkenly carrying each other to the strip club next door. But it was also one of the paper’s most productive eras.

Peter Rugg: I think there’s a bit of self-mythologizing there. Yeah, you’re in your twenties, and you’re like, I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want and take chances and get drunk and try to do this while I can get away with it. And you would be foolish not to take that chance, right? Who gets into writing that doesn’t want to have a couple years of romanticized hanging out and talking shit and doing stories and being clever and all that cliché stuff?

Joe Miller: It was definitely like the best job I’ve ever had. It was really fun. I wish I could do it again as far as just the range of things I could write about, and how supportive the environment was that C.J. created.

Scott Wilson, copyeditor, 2001–08; managing editor, 2008–11; edi-

tor-in-chief, 2011–17: We were categorically uncool. The analogy I used to use was that we were not cool party people—we were like blind tree marsupials clinging to one another for warmth.

Alan Scherstuhl, theatre critic and Studies in Crap founder, 2003–11: I’ve never felt cool in my life, even when I was a 21-year-old nightclub writer. At all the alt-weeklies I’ve worked at, in four cities, the staffs have always been composed of people who are fundamentally uncool but fundamentally passionate. And they’ve all been people who did their best work at the alt. Even if you left The Village Voice for The New York Times, you did your best work at The Village Voice. Even if you left The Pitch for The Kansas City Star, you did your best work at The Pitch.

Gina Kaufmann, staff writer and calendar editor from 2001–06: My favorite thing I ever wrote at The Pitch was a very weird feature story but one I still love to this day. It’s hard to summarize, but basically, I took a bunch of artists out to the woods to shoot Tupperware with guns. I also will never forget the time Jen Chen crashed a wake.

We made our way to the bar to check out the drink selections. After making sure that we weren’t mooching on an open bar tab (hey, we’ve got some standards), we ordered Bud bottles and Miller Lite, which came in a can. Our domestic beer choices seemed appropriate for Flo’s, which had just two beer taps dispensing Bud Light and one serving Miller Lite. Thus fortified, we started mingling to find out more about Craig. (From Jen Chen’s “Wake Crashers,” January 19, 2006) Nadia Pflaum, staff writer, 2003–11: My favorite stories were always the ones that were so unreal that they seemed like they were fiction, but they weren’t. And we had the opportunity and the time to gather all of the information and weave it all in, make it artful and suspenseful, and, you know, have it all be true at the same time.

David Martin, staff writer from 2004– 11: A real strength of the paper at that time was having Charles Ferruzza and Jen Chen in most issues. I imagine a fair amount of our readers did not start or finish every feature or news story. But Charles’s café columns and the Night Ranger were must-reads.

Backfire BBQ in Wyandotte County may be the only place in town whose menu potentially could be used as a deadly weapon. The two thin, brushed-steel plates that serve as a cover for this restaurant’s listing of available dishes could, with very little effort, be transformed into guillotine blades thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

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FEATURE

or a samurai sword. And I think I would prefer to face the guillotine or be tossed into a fiery barbecue pit than have to eat again at Backfire BBQ. (from Charles Ferruzza’s “The high-concept Backfire BBQ sputters out of the gate,” October 21, 2010) C.J. Janovy: I think the work of Justin Kendall was hugely influential. He wrote about the Phelps family and the Kansas State School Board debating evolution and intelligent design. He started the blog that kept track of every homicide in Kansas City [“Killa City”].

It really started a conversation in communities that we had not heard from before, and you could see it in the comments on the block. And it was not just documenting a face of someone who got killed, but what the street looked like.

Kendrick Blackwood, staff writer, 2003–08: Thinking back, I take a lot of pride in the variety of stories I did and the fact that they came from the breadth of the Metro area—cattle rustlers in Johnson County, a transgender widow’s lawsuit, prison gangs in Leavenworth, a death row inmate in Jefferson City, along with a couple stories out of fascinating Independence. A personal favorite was about a party that turned violent and highlighted the ongoing violence in the lives of immigrants and refugees from Sudan and Somalia. The two very different communities were merged by government resettlement in a common neighborhood—the Old Northeast. It opened my eyes to what Kansas City’s connection to the world and the awesomeness that can be found in a truly diverse neighborhood.

Joe Miller: I also really saw how the whole system is geared up against African Americans and Latinos. The one that really hits me is there’s a story that I did about Wesley Fields. He was an attorney running for city council, and it was a legit story about him, but it didn’t stop. It may have gone too far. I learned that it was so much easier to dig stuff

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up on an African American than a white candidate.

Nadia Pflaum: You know, people are always quick to talk shit about The Pitch. But I think if it had gone away, I think it would have been missed, and it’s not replaceable.

People might not have always agreed with the way that they themselves or their favorite institutions were written about, but they read the pieces. They might disagree fervently, of course. But there are a lot of people and places, a lot of institutions, and a lot of bars and restaurants and bands that come and go. It’s the only place where there’s a record of that restaurant, or this show at the Record Bar, or this weird underground secret show somewhere in Lawrence.

C.J. Janovy: We would do a story exposing some sort of abuse of power or corruption, and nothing would change. And that can get really frustrating for journalists and it can make you feel like there’s no point. But you love those stories in addition to all the stories about what makes life fun and worth living.

And over the course of 40 years, you’ve documented the life of the city.

By the mid-2000s, the industry was in trouble. A long-running financial strain resulting from the advent of the internet and revenue-draining sites like Craigslist had already put enormous pressure on newsrooms. That crisis was further fueled by the 2008 financial collapse, which ruined many publications. The Pitch was not immune from decisions made far from Kansas City.

Tony Ortega: Even then [in 2005], we were trying to do a lot with very little as far as resources. We had no idea how good we had it.

Joe Miller: New Times hooked up with a venture capitalist from, I guess, some time in the mid-2000s, to buy The Village Voice and got a huge investment in capital right when

The sign outside the old Main Street Pitch building, which is now home to Tom’s Town.

the market started crashing. So [in the midst of the crash] it suddenly became, you know, much more austere there. Money just to take people out for lunch disappeared, salaries were frozen.

David Martin: I remember there was, like, a tornado threat downtown [in 2010], and we went into the basement to wait it out. And there were all these back issues down there.

I picked up an issue from 2004 or 2005, and seeing how much thicker it was than what we were putting out at that time. And I remember thinking, yikes—this is a little bit disturbing.

Jason Harper, music editor, 2005–10: We had a staff of a dozen or so full-time journalists covering things in the community that no one else was paying attention to, but that made Kansas City more vibrant and gritty and interesting a place to live. It’s difficult now because a lot of the people who do that now are people with day jobs.

Circumstances at The Pitch continued to become more difficult. In 2011, Village

Voice Media sold The Pitch to Southcomm, a media conglomerate that slowly tightened the pursestrings until a scant handful of staffers remained. Over the same period, social media platforms became a major competitor for advertising dollars. Scott Wilson served as editor-in-chief during some of the paper’s most challenging years.

Alan Scherstuhl: You could kind of see where it was going. Everyone at The Pitch was asking me how to get into teaching and being an adjunct, and all of my adjunct friends were asking me how to get on at The Pitch.

Scott Wilson: My pull quote can be, “We were always willing to die.”

Justin Kendall: It was just the most gut-wrenching and frustrating period. You’re trying to keep everything afloat and running, and there’s just a lack of resources and the advertising isn’t there and you’re not able to do the same things.

Natalie Gallagher, music editor, 2013–

FEATURE

Stephanie Carey holds up an issue after purchasing The Pitch.

KELCIE MCKENNEY

15: Candidly, it wasn’t always easy. When I think about that job now, I think about how just burnt-out it made me. I don’t enjoy going to live concerts anymore. I definitely don’t want to date any musicians. I can barely get it up to read album reviews.

David Hudnall, freelancer turned music editor turned staff writer turned editor-in-chief, 2005–19: Part of the attraction to this story was that people were getting named and shamed, and there were a lot of people who were waiting for that to happen.

There were legal threats. We were sued for one of those stories. It was tossed.

for longer-form features. It was a seismic shift for the staffers who remained. But the changes were just beginning. Later that year, Southcomm sold the paper to Kansas City locals Stephanie and Adam Carey.

The sale marked the end of Scott Wilson’s tenure and the promotion of a new editor-in-chief: David Hudnall.

Scott Wilson: One of the offshoot stories mentioned a Florida businessman whose business intersected somehow with what David was covering, and he took the time to call me and say, “There’s one thing in that story that’s true. And that’s that I’m really fucking rich. And I will spend as much as it takes to push you out of business.” And then we never heard from him again.

David Hudnall: We weren’t able to do a lot of the aggressive reporting that I would have liked to do, because we didn’t have any money. The investigative and longform pieces are difficult and expensive even in a semihealthy newsroom. But I tried to work on those kinds of stories in my downtime. I did get a couple off—an investigative piece on DST, a huge, once-proud KC business that was (still is) being hollowed out by capitalist vultures. And then the influencers piece, which was more of a longform look at this weird, new, emerging subculture of media.

David Hudnall: Karen Dillon’s [Department of Corrections] story was pretty earth-shattering, too. I think the laws changed after that. Karen was another person who I just admired so much.

Scott Wilson: There were smart, clever, talented people who still wanted to be in the business enough to stay at a place that was increasingly obviously not geared to sustain itself and to sustain careers. But even under those conditions, we still produced David Hudnall’s payday lending series. We still managed to get Steve [Vockdrodt] to join us from the Business Journal on his way to the Star.

She had endured it for two years. She had a child to support. She had no husband to help. It was an impossible job. But it was a job. She stayed. She took the abuse. Until her doctor told her, “If you stay there, they are going to kill you.” (from Karen Dillon’s “Prison Broke: the Missouri Department of Corrections can’t escape its own worst habits,” November 22, 2016)

St. Ann is not the only Catholic church in the Kansas City area whose members are whispering about usury. Go to Sunday Mass at Visitation Parish, just south of the Plaza, and you’re likely to see a few individuals who bought their Ward Parkway mansions with money earned through charging the welfare class massive interest rates on short-term loans. (from David Hudnall’s “How KC’s Wealthiest Enclaves became a Shadowy Nexus of Predatory Lending,” December 5, 2013)

Justin Kendall: A lot of people got put into a bunch of unenvious positions at the end. It’s like seeing all those people get peeled away, and when you’re one of the last people standing, you’re like well, shit, it’s not the same.

Party’s over. You love something for so long, and then you just find that it doesn’t love you back anymore. Or maybe it’s that the people that love you aren’t there anymore.

In 2017, The Pitch went monthly. Gray newsprint was swapped for glossy magazine pages, quick-hit events previews

Most of the other piggies at this trough are influencers—an easily dazzled digital subculture armed with VSCO apps and an abiding desire to grow their personal brands. Short-term goals include getting invited to events like these and posting photos of the food, the space, and themselves—often all three—to their Instagram pages. Longer-term aspirations vary: some hope to transition toward traditional media, some just want national brands to mail them free shit, others are purely in it for the serotonin blasts they get from Instagram likes. They have names I am embarrassed to say out loud. (from David Hudnall’s “Everything is literally goals for the Instagram influencers devouring Kansas City’s food scene,” September 4, 2019) Scott Wilson: You had [in David] an editor who was still an active reporter and a skeptic, and that was enough for a year. If any publication does just enough to stay alive, to stay just viable enough financially to pay even one decent reporter, then yes, it’s still worth

it. It’s not a sustainable model, but it’s one that doesn’t have to go away.

Zach Trover, art director, 2002–08: It’s so different [now] from when I was there. The things I would make—putting a bloody Bambi head on the cover would not be a thing they’d do at all. But when they first started, being made in a record store, what they made wouldn’t have worked when I was there. It really is a good sort of picture of the time. You can go through the issues and what’s going on in the covers, and it becomes a history book in a really odd way—you can see what was trending and what was important.

David Hudnall: Alt-weeklies are a place to zoom in on subcultures that would not necessarily merit the attention of the prim and proper media gatekeepers, to the extent they still exist. And—here’s another way I can take a big poke at the Star. There’s lots of good reporters, but nobody at the Star has a unique voice. If you have an interesting voice, The Pitch is still a place where it won’t get beaten out of you.

Scott Wilson: You have to have a point of view. That’s the only thing that’s available to you now that’s free. Everything else is too expensive.

It’s 2020, and The Pitch is 40 years old.

In some ways, we’re back to where we started—a monthly publication held together by a bunch of scrappy weirdos and passionate stringers who love the city too much to stop complaining about it. We moved back to an office on Broadway not far from the old home of Penny Lane Records, where the paper was born. The one constant through 40 years of changes has been the paper’s focus: covering the weird parts of the city with a voice and a point of view. Stick with us, give us hell, pitch in if you can. We’ve got lawyers to hire and bar tabs to pay. We’d like to make it to 50. We have a lot of stories left to tell.

thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

15

COMEDY

REVERSE ESCAPISM MENTAL REBIRTH UNDER LOCK AND KEY BY LIZ COOK

I’ve been locked in a bungalow for the past four months with the worst kind of hypochondriac—a vindicated one. I should specify here, for the benefit of my mother-in-law, that I adore my husband, Tom—who is patient, who is kind, who has been warning everyone about the coronavirus since January like a doomsayer wearing a sandwich board.

But when I heard that escape rooms had reopened in the city, I thought visiting one might be therapeutic. Like many people, I’ve been struggling to cope with a sustained, atmospheric anxiety about an economic collapse crammed inside a global pandemic stuffed in a long overdue reckoning with systemic racism like the world’s worst turducken. I can’t—shouldn’t—escape from that. But I thought I might be able to escape from the River Market.

The Escape Room KC website describes the experience as “60 minutes of intense fun in a locked room,” which is how I’ve been trying to sell my husband on sex during the pandemic. I found a more accurate sales pitch elsewhere on the site: “intellectual alternative to movies and bowling.” Same.

I scanned the available rooms, most of which appeared to be unlicensed riffs on

fact, paid good money for this.

The man led us into a small cell and handed us a walkie-talkie in case we got stuck and needed help escaping, much like real prison. We had an hour to escape, he told us. Then he locked the door.

“Prison Break” is a room that combines everyone’s favorite things: math and the police. Once we escaped our initial cell, we found ourselves in what looked like the office of the world’s most paranoid homicide detective. Every drawer and door was padlocked; on one wall, a white board was covered with arcane symbols and half-finished equations. The only thing approximating a personal artifact was a calculator. I immediately set to work untangling a mysterious string of letters and numbers typed beneath a picture of Gary Oldman.

I like to think of myself as an intellectual person—as intellectual as movies and bowling—but I became fixated on that calculator to the exclusion of all other sensory input. I wasted a good 15 minutes pounding its buttons with sweaty fingers while frantically trying to remember the mathematical order of operations. I knew there was an acronym involved, but the only thing that

“For 60 frenetic, blissful minutes, I just thought about Gary Oldman and math.” other intellectual properties—The Da Vinci Code, The Theory of Everything—and selected Prison Break because it seemed the most metaphorically resonant.

So at 10:30 a.m. on a Sunday—the Lord’s Day—Tom and I left our house after four months of lockdown and paid a stranger $74.30 to lock us in a slightly different room. We both felt moderately safe.

To comply with social distancing, the escape rooms were all private, which meant we weren’t going to be thrown in with a bunch of face-touching randos who spent the weekend guzzling lake water with 1,000 Alpha Phis.

I signed a sheet for contact tracing purposes and let a strange man wearing a surgical mask handcuff both me and my husband. “Some people would pay good money for this,” I joked, forgetting that I had, in

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

came to mind was PEMIS. I was pretty sure that wasn’t it.

Tom wasn’t faring much better. He was pressing his ear against a combination lock and twiddling the keys like a cat burglar in a B-movie. “We should ask for help,” I said.

He ignored me and poked his finger into a hole in the wall.

Not wanting to spend the rest of my quarantine in an arithmetic police station, I grabbed the walkie-talkie. “I think we need a clue,” I said sheepishly.

The tinny voice of the employee crackled out a moment later. “If you’re trying to use the walkie-talkie, you have to hold the button down.”

Reader, I figured it out. After a generous hint from the employee, we bungled our way into a small, third room that was empty save a skeleton in an orange jumpsuit

strapped to an electric chair. This seemed an especially dark turn given the escape room’s premise—that we were helping a wrongfully convicted man escape a death sentence.

“Our friend is dead,” I told Tom. We grieved while a black light strobed overhead.

“YOU HAVE 15 MINUTES LEFT” blared a voice from the walkie-talkie. Forget the dead man, I guess.

We escaped with 10 minutes to spare after plugging a series of meaningless codes into a series of locks and keypads. The experience made me understand QAnon conspiracy theorists who see every banal piece of information as A Sign. I suspect you could recreate a similar experience at home by changing all of your email passwords while drunk. Still, I felt a dopey sense of satisfaction as I stumbled back into the lobby and posed for an embarrassing photo holding an embarrassing sign. My editor had instructed me to “get photos of [my] anxiety attack,” but for once, I didn’t feel anxious at all.

The strict time limit of the escape room had tricked me into doing something I am generally incapable of: focusing on a single task. I didn’t have time to think about coronavirus or the rapidly contracting media industry or the president’s Twitter. For 60 frenetic, blissful minutes, I just thought about Gary Oldman and math.

I stepped out into the scalding sun of a 90 degree day in Kansas City and asked Tom to take a picture of me in front of the

entrance. I felt cheerful for the first time in a long while. I even felt like I could breathe more easily—the air tasted fresher, somehow.

“Your mask’s loose,” Tom said.

Welcome to 2020. There is no escape.

GET OUT Escape Room KC 511 W 4th St escaperoomkc.com

thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

17

MUSIC

Get Smart! and their smoldering good looks

40 YEARS IN A BAND IS AN ACT OF REBELLION GET SMART! ON A CAREER OF ZERO EXPECTATIONS BY NICK SPACEK

It’s the very first day of a week of brutal heat when I hop in my car to drive out into the country south of Oskaloosa to meet with the members of Get Smart. By dint of luck, drummer Frank Loose is in town from Florida to practice with guitarist/singer Marcus Koch, and singer/bassist Lisa Wertman Crowe has joined us via Zoom from Chicago. It’s a surreal experience to go several miles down a gravel road off Highway 59, park next to a well-appointed, low-slung house under shade trees, and walk up to a house, only to hear the sounds of a punk band practicing inside.

I ring the bell, and I’m greeted by Koch’s two dogs, Pauly and Pogo, barking furiously.

Koch laughs as he opens the door—saying

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

the boxer and dachshund are “completely harmless” as they swarm around my ankles—and invites me in. Loose is sitting on a couch, and Crowe is on the screen of Loose’s MacBook. They both greet me, and I grab a seat across the living room—social distancing and all—and we start to talk.

Get Smart formed in Lawrence in the fall of 1980, and the band’s sound meshed perfectly with what was happening in independent music at the time. Contemporaneous with other area acts like fellow Lawrencians the Micronotz and Wichita’s the Embarrassment, Get Smart was a tight, angular three piece who also managed to sound big and reverberant. The band met when they were all living at the University of Kansas’s

Oliver Hall dormitory, and Get Smart was originally born out of friendship. “[Marcus] was playing the Sex Pistols in the room next door, and I was like, ‘Play it louder!’” Loose says, with the other two band members laughing at the memory.

“Nobody else wanted to hear it louder, but I did.”

Later on, Koch and Loose were sitting in the cafeteria, when Crowe (then Lisa Wertman) walked by. While Loose and Crowe were involved for a short time, Loose laughs when relating the story of a “short, passionate thing.”

“We became much better friends,” the drummer emphatically states as Crowe agrees. “I think I’m better as a brother, and she’s better as a sister.”

After Koch went home to Chicago for the summer, Crowe and Loose got their instruments and began practicing together, and when the guitarist returned to Lawrence in the fall of 1980, they began crafting the sound for the band which would soon make their debut, first playing a house party, then officially debuting on Halloween 1980 with a show at the Greek Sports Desk.

“The radio station [KJHK] was a catalyst for a lot of that, because otherwise, you wouldn’t have heard a lot of that music,”

VIRGINIA LEE HUNTER

BREAKOUT Get Smart The Bottleneck Saturday, November 7

Loose explains. “As long as you were in that 10-watt radius, you could hear it—the Ramones or the Clash or whoever.”

“There were a lot of people just eager for new music,” agrees Koch, explaining that both he and Crowe did stints as KJHK DJs during their time at KU. He points to the fact that the scene at the time was a line of continuity: “People listening to bands, people going to see bands, and playing the music.”

“As soon as we could, the whole idea was to get out and play live,” Koch continues, dogs barking the background. “We didn’t want to be a cover band. We wanted to produce our own music and be a part of an incredible scene. There was a lot of support for alternative music at that time. Everyone

MUSIC

went to Off the Wall Hall that was interested in music.”

Crowe takes this opportunity to read a quote from something she had written for Brendan deVallance’s Splooft Cough-Up, which she feels encapsulates what the scene was all about in that era. “‘The music that was on the radio and in the public consciousness in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s just wasn’t what was in our heads,’” Crowe reads. “‘We were too nervous, too excited, and too creative to let Foreigner or Journey be our musical wallpaper.’”

Within months of forming the band, Get Smart was touring up to Chicago and out to St. Louis, Lincoln—“anywhere that would host us,” says Koch. From there, it was their goal to then bring those bands back to Lawrence, creating a network of places to play and stay, and people with whom they formed further relationships. That’s important, says Crowe.

“Being in a band was an act of rebellion,” the singer and bassist explain. “Having the audacity to put a band together and go on the road to play shows was a rebellious act, because everything was so commercial back then. That’s part of what made it so incredibly exciting.”

For a band that formed the same year as The Pitch, the importance of print media was crucial to Get Smart, although it took a different form than what they got from KJHK. Much of the band’s first musical distribution came from having their songs featured on cassettes and flexi discs released by the likes of the Talk Talk and Sub Pop fanzines, but the members of Get Smart were rabid fans of the music press.

“We used to fight over copies of NME, because that’s where all our info used to come from,” recalls Crowe. “We used to have to have to sign up, so that they would hold copies for us, and I used to run there to get the issue every week because I was so excited to read about what was going on in England.”

“You would find fanzines at Love Records or Rock Therapy in Kansas City,” Loose says of using these publications as a resource. “You could go buy one from Lincoln or St. Louis, then you’d send your little tape to the writer there, and they would review it, and then you’d see where they were playing [in that city].”

That would work out well for Get Smart.

Loose notes that they have a spreadsheet containing all of the band’s shows, and over the six years he was in the band, they’d end up playing 300 gigs—nearly a show a week.

“But that was it,” Koch says. “There was never a time where we’d say, ‘We better not go out.’ It was more, ‘We have nothing. We’ll probably make nothing. Let’s go, anyway.’”

In the band’s first full year, 1981, Get Smart would release the “Numbers And Colours” flexi disc, their own Words Move

7-inch, and appear on both the Sub Pop 5 and Fresh Sounds from Middle America compilation cassettes with an LP’s worth of songs strewn across them. Their two LPs, 1984’s Action Reaction and 1987’s Swimming with Sharks, would come after they’d decamped Lawrence for Chicago in 1983.

Crowe and Loose had graduated from KU. Given that Loose’s degree was in graphic design, he knew that he could get a job no problem. Additionally, since Koch was from there, it gave the band a certain amount of safety netting, in that they could possibly crash in his parents’ basement, should things come to worst. The decision, however, wasn’t an easy one.

“We really kicked it around for a long time,” Koch recalls. “What we wanted to do was be in a hub of local music, but we also felt that it was important to reach as many venues and scenes as possible. We could have stayed in Lawrence, and sometimes, I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better, because Lawrence was a great hotbed for all of this stuff.”

Crowe offers a counterpoint as to why Get Smart took off for a larger city: “In Lawrence, at that time, the streets still rolled up on Sundays,” she explains. “really nothing to do, at least one day a week, and the idea of living in a big city was exciting.”

“I used to say that the police outnumbered the people in the summer,” agrees Loose.

The band is back to practicing again because they plan to perform live together for a 40th anniversary show at the Bottleneck on Saturday, November 7. It marks the first time the band’s been together in 30 years, and the first time the original lineup has played together since 1987, although Koch did knock out a set of Get Smart tunes at the Replay in July of 2008, backed by members of his Lawrence honky tonk band, Cryin’ Out Loud. As a matter of fact, when Loose left the band 33 years ago, he packed up his drum kit, and until January of this year, hadn’t gotten behind the kit since.

“Literally: When I stopped being in Get Smart, I sold the drum set and bought camera equipment,” the drummer says. While there’s a demo that Crowe, Koch, and Loose made with engineer Iain Burgess in 1987 for what was to be Get Smart’s third full-length that will be remixed and released, Loose sees this musical coming back together not just as a reunion, but a chance to make something new.

“For me, the reconnect isn’t simply to play the songs we made and loved, but to make a five-year plan: Let’s start writing new music and things like that, because I don’t just want to rehash things if I’m going to do it. I can just put the record on.”

Koch sums it up perfectly as we wrap up: “I haven’t been this excited about something in a long time.” thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

19

SPORTS

FOAM FIGHTERS ASSEMBLE MIDWESTERN VIKINGS, ORCS, ELVES, AND PIRATES BATTLE EACH SUNDAY

BY EDWARD SCHMALZ

“Lay on!” A grizzled looking fellow in his early forties with stubble on his face, wearing a full chainmail suit and a tabard shouts out, as two diverse groups of 25 people charge toward one another, wearing garb picked from history books and fantasy novels. Each of them wields a foam weapon of some sort.

The game they are playing is Dagorhir. An imitation of medieval combat, colloquially referred to as whacky bats or boffer battles by its myriad of fans and admirers.

game using Tolkien’s Elvish—with Dagorhir meaning “Battle Game.” Weise envisioned a theatrical game, but the game quickly took on a wargame feel, with enthusiasts being drawn to it because of the low cost of entry and the appreciation of the ridiculous. Now, 43 years later, the game continues to grow, routinely attracting over 50 people to parks for weekly practices, and hundreds more to big events, including Ragnarok, a week long, mega event held yearly in Pennsylva-

Dagorhir is a community of people who love to hit each other with foam weapons, but more than that, it is an accepting community of people who create space for everyone to play a role.

It’s not quite a LARP (live action role play), as although the players take on personas and use character names, the focus of the game is largely athletic. That being said, the vast majority of players are very self aware, enjoying an athletic opportunity to goof off and express themselves. It is to medieval warfare what paintball is to modern combat. And most importantly, it is a whole hell of a lot of fun.

Dagorhir was founded in Washington, DC in 1977 by Bryan Weise. Weise was a huge fan of Lord of the Rings and named the

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

nia. Kansas City’s group, Dominion of the Unconquered Sun, was founded in 1997 and meets nearly every Sunday at Meadowmere Park in Grandview, MO at 2 p.m.

At the core of the sport is the system of foam combat. Combatants wield foam padded weapons and attempt to disable and defeat other players by hitting them in their limbs or chest (headshots, save for archery, are expressly forbidden). Once a player has been hit in a limb, that limb is disabled. If you get hit in two limbs or on the chest or back, you are “dead” and have to walk back

to the “spawn point” before rejoining the game. There are a variety of different weapon types available, ranging from your typical sword and shield loadout, to spears, bows and comically oversized “red” weapons that can “break” shields. The unique diversity of weapons means that people of a variety of different sizes and athletic ability can be formidable fighters.

“I was not at all athletic prior to Dagorhir, and I’m still not,” says Sarah “Viv” Johnston, who spends her days programming computers and her weekends shooting suckers in the head. “But, now I look forward to spending three to four hours in the sun in the park every weekend working out.”

Most Dagorhir battles are combat versions of childhood classics. “Basically think of any game type from Halo multiplayer.

Now add foam weapons. That’s your typical dagorhir battle,” says Sean “Luxon” Yoder, a fifteen-year veteran of the game.

Game types include capture the flag,

GET OUT Dominion of the Unconquered Sun Sundays at 2 p.m.

Meadowmere Park in Grandview, MO unconsun.org

SPORTS

A group of Kansas City fighters rush forward to take out the ‘Black Knight’ in a forest battle between two realms.

FAYNE ERVING

Charlie “Akuma” Red and Sean “Luxon” Yoder are surrounded by adversaries from both sides and prepare to make a last stand.

FAYNE ERVING

team deathmatch, and MVP battles, with variants and obstacles sometimes added to the mix—with the goal of the game being simple enough for new players.

“You don’t want to break the rules of physics more than once,” says Tanner “Tulkas” Johnson, an organizer of KC Dagorhir. “If the game rules are simple and interesting, people will have a better time playing and focusing on beating each other up, rather than trying to follow complicated rules.”

Dagorhir is a community of people who love to hit each other with foam weapons, but more than that, it is an accepting community of people who create space for everyone to play a role. Outside of combat, that community stands. Participants craft weapons, design costumes or garb, and host

events that even the Renaissance Fest can only dream of.

“Walking through the camp at night is like walking through a feasting medieval camp, occupied entirely by your friends.

No one is a stranger at a Dagorhir event: everyone is a friend and fellow participant,” says realm treasurer Amanda “Lady Nessa” Luchento The Dagorhir prides itself on accepting everyone with open arms.

“My favorite thing about Dag is you can be whoever you want,” says Erin “Willow” Bishop, a transgender woman and dangerous shield maiden. “The Dag community, especially in Kansas City has been incredibly welcoming. Whereas HEMA [Historical European Martial Arts] and SCA [Society for Creative Anachronism] require a pretty hefty monetary investment to get on the field. You can walk onto a Dag field and after a 10 minute tutorial, be fighting the same day.”

For those who prefer not to craft their own accessories, Charlie “Akuma” Red sells garb and weapons at his Shawnee computer store Hyper Computer and Battle Games.

“I love seeing the different characters that people come up with, there is so much flexibility in Dagorhir, you can take on a historic persona, a high fantasy persona, or even one based on a ridiculous anime,” says Red, who loves hearing the stories of both new and veteran players. “It’s a great workout for people and a great way for people to connect. There is honestly nothing like it.”

Kansas City's oldest locally owned brewery greenroomkc.com | 816-216-7682 thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

21

SPORTS

Board Meeting cofounders (left to right) Elyse “Stubbyz” Zwikelmaier and Shelby Giertz in the North KC parking lot where they hosted the session.

Emma Bross skates one of the homemade ramps at the Board Meeting session.

SKATE BOARD OF DIRECTORS “BOARD MEETING” IS BRINGING TOGETHER ROLLER FOLX YOUNG AND OLD WORDS BY EMILY COX. PHOTOS BY CHASE CASTOR.

Paul Fish skates one of the homemade ramps at the Board Meeting session.

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

The skate park at dawn. It’s quiet, the air is cool, and there aren’t any dudes around to gawk, hassle, or intimidate. That’s how Elyse Zwikelmaier, aka Stubbz, started skating.

“When I started skating,” says Stubbz, “I was one of maybe three girls that actively skated around Kansas City. I was very alone, and honestly for the first year and a half that I skated, I would wake up at like 6:30 in the morning, and I would go to the skate park, and I would skate there because I knew I would be the only person there.”

She convinced her best friend, Shelby Giertz, to start skating too. And, Stubbz says, “we’ve been shredding together ever since.” Together they’ve formed Board Meeting, a skate collective for women and queer skaters to get together, skate, learn from and support one another.

As a new skater, Stubbz says, “I was motivated, so I learned stuff, but it was a really isolating and weird thing. I would try to be a part of the skate community. They’d have video premieres at the local shop, I’d always make a point to support it, because I am hyped on them. But I would be the only girl there. And after awhile, I was like, I don’t want to be the only girl here!”

They formed Board Meeting to build up a community.

SPORTS

Park benches got nothin’ on these skaters.

Zinnia chases her dad Zack Hancock with LeiLani Mansy in tow.

Elyse Zwikelmaier and Nikki Videmschek haul out a homemade ramp to spice up the session.

Shelby Giertz kicks on their custom gripped deck. thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

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SPORTS

“We saw this gap and this need of a support system and a way to hold each other accountable,” says Giertz. “It can be really intimidating to get into a male-dominated sport, as a woman or as a queer person or just as a beginner. Having people around who are really excited, and at all different abilities and all different levels, it just brings the stoke.”

Both Stubbz and Giertz were clear that it’s not necessarily about the individual behavior of men at skate parks that makes it feel unwelcoming. “There’s not a lot of ill-intentioned male skaters,” says Stubbz.

Being the only woman in any setting, living in the patriarchy that we do, can be a little nerve-wracking.

“Honestly sometimes it’s your own internal fear that’s more overwhelming than what’s actually going on at the park,” says Giertz. “Skateboarding is so hard. Being a woman or being a queer person and walking up to a skate park and it just being eight dudes fucking ripping...you know, just balls to the wall, going so hard, and you’re like, man I’m just here to like push around. Or as a woman you’re trying to carve a space for yourself at the park where there’s dudes who aren’t necessarily looking out for you or even expecting you to be there.”

“It’s much easier rolling up to a park,”

says Giertz, “when you’re with five other women or five other people who are your friends who support you.”

Of course, there’s still some men who could check their behavior. “There’ll be dudes that come up to me and try to like tell me how to do things and try to ‘help me,’” says Giertz, “and I’ve looked some of them dead in the eye and said, ‘Would you do this to a guy? A guy who was a beginner who was struggling, would you ever come over and offer the same assistance?’ Just straight up.

I’m not trying to be a dick, I’m not trying to be rude. Just legitimately to have them realize their own behavior. Just treat me like everyone else. I’m here to be stoked about skateboarding, just like you.”

Note to skater bros, and bros in any male-dominated sport who encounter a woman giving it a shot: Don’t give unsolicited advice, don’t assume they know less than you, and don’t treat them like a unicorn. It also would help if you didn’t talk about your dick all the time.

“I heard a guy the other day [at the skate park,]” says Giertz, “one of his friends did a trick, and he was like, ‘Big dick!’ I was like, what...I don’t understand how the size of your anatomy correlates to your ability to stand on something with wheels and flip around. It doesn’t make sense. I just want to

break all of that, all of that should be gone.”

There are better ways to celebrate. Giertz continues, “One of the girls who skates with us, I love the way she supports people; her language about skating is so beautiful. When someone does something really gnarly, she says ‘You are so brave, that was

were new learners. With that level of interest, they knew this should be more than just a once-a-year thing. And they were right.

Twenty folks showed up to their first event in January, only half of whom they knew personally.

Board Meeting launched not with a skate session, but with a video screening at Escapist, the oldest skate shop in town. Stubbz curated a 30 min selection of clips of women and queer folks skating from the 1960s to present. “There is this real misconception for people that women have not been involved in skateboarding at all, until maybe like the 90s,” says Stubbz. “That is totally not true. They’ve been there from the beginning.”

Rooting the launch of the collective in this history was intentional. “When you’re starting out skateboarding, you can really feel like you’re alone in it. With it being such a male-dominated sport, it can feel like women and queer people don’t have that

there’s no way around it, you just look like an idiot trying to learn, and so it takes a lot of confidence and hyping yourself up, and getting hyped up and supported by other people to really make you a great skater really brave.’ It’s beautiful. Skateboarding doesn’t have to be this toxic masculine, weird energy.”

When Stubbz and Giertz formed Board Meeting in January, they weren’t sure how many people would show up. They had been involved in organizing the annual Girls’ Skate Day at Harrison Street DIY, which regularly drew 50-100 women, many of whom

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space, or haven’t contributed, but either way, it’s not true. We should feel confident and feel that we have a right to this community as much as anybody else.”

They’ve had steady turnout at skate sessions since then, though after a pandemic hiatus, they’re now sticking to more frequent, but smaller sessions announced the day of, to make sure groups don’t get too large for social distancing.

Before the pandemic, Board Meeting was selected for Art in the Loop, with a plan to build a small skate park downtown. However, Art in the Loop has hit pause on that and other public art projects in light of the ongoing pandemic. Even if it doesn’t happen this year, “It’s just cool to know that we are supported, that people believe in what we’re doing,” says Giertz.

Creating broader community connections is a big goal for Board Meeting. Stubbz says, “We want to create long and significant ties with local institutions such as local skate shops and skate parks and make sure that these institutions are, not only being like, ‘oh yea you can come and skate,’ but actively being excited about females and queer people and skateboarding, actively promoting that.”

One way skate shops could show support is by hosting an event with a pro skater who is a woman. “That’s something that

skate shops control,” says Stubbz, “They basically will reach out to different teams, like ‘Hey, people want you out here,’ and they’ll come out. And there’s never been a pro female skater that’s come to Kansas City. I think that would be so unbelievable for people to actually see that. We have women in our community who totally rip, who skate very, very well, but to see someone whose on that pro level, that would be really amazing.”

Having a visible role model is a game changer for up and comers. While an event with a pro skater who is a woman would be inspiring to skaters of all stripes, Stubbs and Giertz themselves may be role models for young girls in the community, showing them that skating isn’t just for the boys.

Board Meeting can help change the culture so the sport is inclusive for kids from day one.

“A lot of boys have been skating since they were ten years old, they grow up learning how to skate,” says Stubbz, “but girls are not encouraged to do that. But I think that’s happening more often. There’s this little girl who just turned seven; she comes to the skatepark all the time with her little brothers, and skates. It’ll be so cool in another ten years to see them.”

If you’ve always been curious about skating, but don’t know how to get into it,

Board Meeting might be your spot. “We want people who have maybe never tried it before, never felt comfortable going to the skate park to come here and skate with us and feel more comfortable,” says Stubbz.

“We are open to all skill levels,” says Giertz. “We have girls doing kickflips and crazy wild amazing transition things who just freaking shred and we have people who it’s their first day on a skateboard. But no matter what, everyone’s just stoked to be there and really supportive.”

The supportive, communal vibe at Board Meeting means skaters are able to help one another learn. “There’s so many people with different abilities in our collective, so there’s guaranteed someone there who knows how to do something you’re working on,” says Giertz. “With that comes people sharing information and sharing knowledge and us challenging one another and supporting one another. It just kind of happens at the sesh, when you see someone trying something and you’re like, ‘Hey you totally got that! Have you thought about trying this other trick? If you can do that, you can totally do this.’”

Ultimately, Board Meeting’s got what you need: “There’s no need for anyone to do anything other than skate with us because we have the support and the advice han-

dled,” says Giertz.

“When you are skating with people you feel comfortable with,” says Stubbz, “you push yourself more, and you become more confident through the vehicle of skateboarding.” It’s more than just learning tricks— they grow confidence and community that changes their whole life. “[Skating] is so empowering,” says Stubbz. “It’s such a hard thing to do, even just learning how to push, and you just look so stupid learning how to do it, there’s no way around it, you just look like an idiot trying to learn, and so it takes a lot of confidence and hyping yourself up, and getting hyped up and supported by other people to really make you a great skater.”

A lot has changed since those early mornings skating by herself. “I know how lonely those beginning years were for me, and I just don’t want other people to have to deal with that, because they shouldn’t. I know firsthand how awful it can be. When I look at guy skaters I know, they’re always skating with their friends, they’ve been doing that since they’ve been growing up, they always have that support, it’s hard to push yourself on skateboarding when you’re alone, you really need that community to push you. The only way it’s going to grow is if we have community.”

thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

25

FILM

RE-EVALUATING 40 YEARS OF OUR OWN FILM REVIEWS WHAT DID WE GET RIGHT AND WHAT AGED EMBARRASSINGLY? BY ABBY OLCESE

er ending. That tracks with a lot of critical responses at the time. Empire wasn’t exactly beloved on its release, but it’s gone on to be the fan favorite.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Standout line: “Lee, whose truest gift appears to be comedy, either lacks the intelligence, maturity, and the sensitiv­ ity necessary for drama, or hasn’t the courage and the will to give racial confrontation true dramatic complexity.” - Stanley Crouch How has it aged? Crouch’s description of Lee’s work as “afro-fascist chic” is worth reading for how shocking a response it is, especially given the way Do the Right Thing reflects not just 1989, but our current cultural moment.

Crouch is a great writer, but time has shown Lee’s film to be a masterpiece. It’s true Do the Right Thing isn’t exactly subtle, but when it comes to expressing anger and naming racism, subtlety isn’t really the goal.

Do the Right Thing (1989)

Empire Stikes Back

The first take: Spike Lee’s breakout film was so controversial on its release that writers at The Village Voice actually ran four separate responses to the material, ranging from black cultural critic Stanley Crouch claiming Lee’s vision “is small and lacks subtlety,” to pieces singing praises of Rosie Perez and Bill Nunn’s performances to a multi-page feature by Thulani Davis praising it as a classic of “new black cinema.”

The first take: “(The Empire Strikes Back) is simply a minor entertainment, but I admire the moxie of betting $20 million on one-ninth of a matinee serial to be continued into the next century.” - Tom Allen, via The Village Voice Standout quote: “Has anyone in this Forcefed organization figured out that at the present rate of progression ‘Star Wars IX’ will come in at over $2.5 billion in the year 2001?”

How has it aged? Tom Allen was a bit off in his budgetary predictions here—Episode IX, The Rise of Skywalker, came out last year, and cost just shy of $300 million to make. Mostly it’s entertaining to see someone’s jaw drop at a major motion picture budget of $20 million, which is comparatively low for a studio feature these days. Allen is notably into Lando Calrissian (“a dashing rogue adventurer”), but doesn’t seem to care much for Empire’s middle-of-the-story status and its cliffhang-

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

The Lion King (1994)

The first take: “The movie is both a newly minted corporate mythos (the first Disney animated feature based on an original story) as well as the megabuck ultimate in ani­mated

Do the Right Thing

smoke and mirrors.” - J. Hoberman, via The Village Voice Standout quote: “A blood orange sun rising o’er the awesome perspective of an Afri­can savannah, this latest Disney animation opens with the apoca­lyptic pow of an atomic bomb bursting upon Yucca Flats.”

How has it aged? Far be it from your humble film editor to question the great J. Hoberman when it comes to knowledge of political symbolism in film, or the inner workings of show business. About half of this original review covers what The Lion King could mean for Disney’s bottom line moving forward.

While I’d be tempted to say “lighten up” here, Hoberman was, of course, right on the money in terms of discussing Disney as a brand.

I should know, I was six when The Lion King came out, and I spent the next several years of my life up to my eyeballs in movie-themed toys and clothes.

American Movie

We thought it might be fun to take a look back at the last 40 years of The Pitch’s film criticism, which encompasses reviews by local writers, as well as our history as part of Village Voice Media (RIP). We found some takes that haven’t aged all that well, and some that hold up like fire. There were also some particularly memorable takedowns. “Transformers twiddles its big fat, stupid robotic thumbs for the better part of two hours before jabbing them into your eyesockets and fingerfucking your brain in the last 20 minutes” is a particular favorite.

Here’s 40 years of Pitch reviews through the lens of decades of hindsight.

American Movie (1999)

The first take: “American Movie‘s power stems more from its penetrating honesty than its humor.” - Jon Niccum Standout quote: “Together, the mullet-haired, tattooed (Mark) Borchardt and the doughy, poodle-headed (Mike) Schank look like road crew members for a third-tier metal band.”

How has it aged? American Movie, a documentary about an aspiring filmmaker trying to direct a low-budget horror film from a Milwaukee trailer park, is one of the great cult films of the 90s. Chris Smith’s documentary is both painful and hilarious to watch as it chronicles the subject, Mark Borchardt’s delusions of grandeur as well as his poverty and dysfunctional family. American Movie was an underground success on its release,

and has continued to grow in esteem among film fans. These days, Borchardt seems to be doing pretty well, enjoying a healthy Twitter following and making cameos on the Adult Swim series Joe Pera Talks with You.

American Psycho (2000)

The first take: “In toning down Ellis’ detailed description of Bateman’s atrocities, writer-director Mary Harron and co-writer Guinevere Turner deliver a tastefully offensive film that comments on a specific time and place — New York in the Reagan ’80s. Ultimately, though, the film has no heart.” - Melina Neet Standout quote: “...The film’s cold, almost documentary feel makes it difficult to feel sympathy for a man capable of saying that he might ‘break into tears’ if he can’t get a table, and of teasing a wino with his money clip before he takes a knife out of his briefcase and kills him.”

How has it aged? I’ll give our critic some credit here. The first time I saw American Psycho, I didn’t know what to make of it, either. Harron and Turner’s adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’s novel, which alternates between scenes from Wall Street yuppie Patrick Bateman’s ultra-bougie life and the graphic murders he commits, is a wonderfully nasty film. It doesn’t take too much examination, however, to recognize the movie for the sharp satire it is. It’s true, Christian Bale’s Patrick isn’t sympathetic. His actions are despicable, and his peers are so vapid and self-obsessed that he can literally get away with murder without anyone noticing. However, that’s also kind of the point.

High Fidelity (2000)

The first take: “At times Cusack and co-screenwriters D.V. DeVincentis, Steve Pink, and Scott Rosenberg are too ‘clever’ for their own good, nearly letting the pop-culture references overwhelm an otherwise excellent script. The movie never slows down, though, thanks mostly to director Stephen Frears, who succeeds in matching Cusack’s sublime comic timing.” - Loey Lockerby Standout quote: “Nobody plays Gen X neurotics like John Cusack does...Cusack has a gift for being completely self-absorbed yet likable.”

How has it aged? For folks of a certain gen-

FILM

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl(2003)

The first take: “Vaguely based on the wonderful theme park attraction beneath which Walt Disney has been rumored to be cryogenically frozen, this Pirates is jaunty, exquisitely designed, gorgeously lensed and too routine by half.” Gregory Weinkauf, via The Village Voice Standout quote: “Orlando Bloom is the greatest actor who ever lived. He sure is hot.

His buttocks are amazing. To caress them would be to visit heaven. We must buy what we are told to buy.”

How has it aged? This feels like a window into a more innocent time, before...well, before a lot, but particularly before the fun-enough Pirates of the Caribbean and its ever-diminishing sequels became such a black spot on our pop culture landscape. Remember when we thought Jack Sparrow was a refreshing character, and Johnny Depp was suddenly everywhere you looked? Were we ever so young?

My best Pirates-related memory is this: One summer while I was working at a church camp, one of the campers convinced me to add The Lonely Island’s song “Jack Sparrow” to the end-of-camp dance playlist because he promised he had a clean version. He was lying, of course, and that night dozens of middle-schoolers danced while Michael Bolton spouted un-bleeped expletives over the stereo. It was incredible.

Iron Man (2008)

The first take: “Exemplary comic book fantasia” - Scott Foundas.

Standout line: “Though he remains best known for writing and co-starring in 1996’s hipster totem Swingers, Favreau honed his directing chops with a couple of richly imaginative, resolutely lo-fi kids movies, Elf and Zathura. If the larger-scale, bigger-budget Iron Man never quite ascends to those heights of tinsel-and-string splendiferousness, it maintains Favreau’s fondness for the handmade over the prefab.”

How has it aged? This is another instance where I wish I had a time machine to revisit a moment when Marvel films didn’t define most aspects of the moviegoing experience.

Technically speaking, I know what that felt like—I was in college at the time. Still, it’s kind of a trip to remember that on the weekend of its release, Iron Man wasn’t a sure bet, and Jon Favreau wasn’t yet the tried-and-true franchise hand he is today.

The Social Network

eration (mine) High Fidelity played a big role in how we talked about pop culture, especially music, with other people. The iconic line “It’s not what you’re like, but what you like” was my relationship mantra for way too long.

Time has been more critical toward the film’s white, male-centric narrative, which Hulu’s recent adaptation, starring Zoe Kravitz as a female version of lovelorn record store owner Rob, threw into sharp relief. Women and people of color can be record snobs, too, y’all.

The Social Network (2010)

The first take: “True to its moment, The Social Network is less interested in mapping this new system of human interaction than psychoanalyzing it through its quintessential user: Zuckerberg.” - J. Hoberman, via The Village Voice Standout line: “As written by (Aaron) Sorkin and played by Jesse Eisenberg, Facebook mogul Mark Zuckerberg is a character far more compelling than his story.”

How has it aged? The Social Network is one of those movies that kicked off a whole chunk of mini-trends and career phases, only some of which critics at the time picked up on. This movie was Rooney Mara’s coming out party, as well as Armie Hammer’s. It also kicked off a resurgence in popularity for Sorkin’s writing. He later tried to recapture lightning in a bottle with his script for Steve Jobs, mostly successfully, though it wasn’t quite the juggernaut this was.

Most notable, though, is an element this review never touches on: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ iconic, chilly score, which later won them an Oscar. This was Reznor’s first film score, which seems nuts, since he’s produced so much great work with Ross— and inspired so many copycat—in the years since, it sort of feels like they’ve always been around.

The Big Short (2015)

The first take: “Smart, profane and funny, The Big Short is Hollywood’s most welcome surprise of 2015: a hugely entertaining movie about the credit-default swaps that tanked our economy at the dawn of the Obama administration.” - Scott Wilson.

Standout line: “When the movie ends, you want to find Bernie Sanders in the lobby, then go home and put up an oil painting of Paul Krugman (who this week published a column approving The Big Short on both historic and popcorn merits).”

How has it aged?: It remains to be seen if Adam McKay’s mid-decade political auteur turn will continue bearing fruit as successfully as this film did (I’m one of the only people who actually liked 2018’s Vice). But it feels a little quaint these days to have to go to the movies to be reminded how angry I should feel about the state of the world. Anymore, I wake up, like most people, with my anger already set pretty high on the dial. I used to go to the movies for art that would rile me up. Today, all I need to do is check Twitter. thepitchkc.com | July 2020 | THE PITCH

27

KC CARES

Left: View of veterans community project village.

Matt Burasco. Center: Case managers Wes Williams and Erin Ressegieu vist with Kyndra, a Navy Veteran, in the VCP Village green space.

VCP Below: Thomas, an Army Veteran, moving into his new home in VCP Village. VCP

Food was graciously provided by partners such as Sysco, Loffreto Fresh Foods, Roma Bakery, Belfonte, Smithfield, and others.

VCP also helped organize a city-wide hub at Hope Faith where multiple agencies pooled resources and served together to provide food, health screenings, and case management. This activity was instrumental in helping prevent the spread of the virus throughout one of our city’s most vulnerable populations.

Within a few days of the city-wide shutdown from COVID-19, VCP coordinated resources to provide meals for homeless and at-risk individuals at partner agencies throughout the metro area.

KC CARES VETERANS COMMUNITY PROJECT

BY BROOKE TIPPIN

Recently, Veterans Community Project (VCP) had the honor of protecting the home of a 72-year-old Vietnam Veteran, Tom, with six combat medals to his name. When the COVID-19 pandemic struck, Tom’s business shut down and he soon found himself unable to pay bills for the first time in his life.

He was overwhelmed with stress and fearful of losing his home. Many people associate VCP with their tiny house village, but a large part of their work is helping a Veteran regain their footing when life has knocked them dangerously off balance. After meeting with Tom, one of the case managers made arrangements to pay his rent, coordinated resources with another agency to help with his utility bills, and had him registered at the VA to start connecting him to his benefits.

Tom was able to resume his work, and his case manager is optimistic that he will be just fine. “I doubt he’ll ever need us again, but he knows we’re here.”

Veterans Community Project is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit corporation founded by a group of combat veterans in Kansas City, Missouri who resolved to stand in the gaps of a broken system that left too many of their brothers and sisters behind. They aspire to use Kansas City as the blueprint for achieving similar successes in cities across the United States. Their long-term goal: eliminating Veteran homelessness nationwide.

VCP provides critical support services for Veterans through the Veterans Outreach Center and VCP Village. The Veteran Outreach Center (Troost) is a walk-in center that assists all Veterans with navigating the VA and their benefits, identification services, mental and physical health referrals, financial counseling, and employment sup-

28

THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

ports among other services. The VCP Village (89th Street) is an innovative community of 49 tiny houses for Veterans experiencing homelessness. A tiny house provides new furniture, appliances, housewares, bedding, food, and utilities. All of this is free of charge to the Veterans. More importantly, VCP Village provides sanctuary and the emotional space needed for the Veteran and VCP’s specially trained Veteran Support Services team

to thoroughly address the underlying causes of their homelessness.

Within a few days of the city-wide shutdown from COVID-19, VCP coordinated resources to provide meals for homeless and at-risk individuals at partner agencies throughout the metro area. Heroes at Cerner/Company Kitchen and Operation BBQ Relief cooked 45,330 meals, alleviating a lot of fear for those facing the pain of hunger.

On May 4th, VCP launched the COVID Response Program for Stabilization (CORPS). CORPS provides financial assistance and case management to Veterans experiencing a significant financial setback due to the negative economic effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. They are prioritizing assistance to those who have lost their primary/only income and are at risk for homelessness. Most Veterans only need a single “refueling” to carry them through the end of a furlough period or to the beginning of a new job. For those who need additional support, their case management team tailors a program that provides job skills training, financial literacy classes, or coordinated aid from our trusted partner agencies. Once each Veteran stabilizes, they track their progress for the next 12 months.

Because of this pandemic, VCP anticipates receiving more than four times the number of emergency assistance requests than they received last year. VCP passionately believe that anyone who took the oath to protect our homes shouldn’t be without one themselves. Given the current economic climate, many Veterans are at risk of becoming homeless over the coming months. If you feel called to donate or would be interested in volunteering in the future, please visit their website at VeteransCommunityProject.Org.

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SAVAGE LOVE

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THE PITCH | July 2020 | thepitchkc.com

Dear Dan: I’m a 32-year-old straight guy. My wife and I have been married for four years and together for nine. We have a great marriage and all is well. We have been quarantining at home since March. During this time, we have been exploring things sexually, which has been really fun. We have also been talking more about our kinks and fantasies. One thing my wife really wants to try is an MMF threesome. I’ve agreed, and she’s been talking about how hot it will be to make this happen once quarantine is over. She is particularly turned on by the fact that this would be my first sexual experience with another guy. The only issue is, in reality, it won’t be. The truth is that when I was in high school, a guy friend and I fooled around a few times. I have no regrets, but those experiences only served to reaffirm that I preferred women. I never did anything with another guy and I never felt the need to mention these early experiences to my wife. She just assumed I had never had a same-sex encounter. Now I feel like I’ve misled her or lied to her somehow. Should I tell her the truth or just let her believe our MMF threesome would be my first time with a guy?

Nervously Omitted Homosexual Occurrences, Mostly Oral Dear NOHOMO: If your wife reads my column, NOHOMO, then you’ve just told her the truth and the advice that follows is moot.

So here’s hoping she doesn’t read my column: You don’t have to tell your wife about the handful/mouthful of times you messed around with another guy in high school. If you’re like most straight guys with one or two cocks in your past, NOHOMO, I’m guessing you didn’t tell the wife because you didn’t want her to feel insecure or spend all her free time corresponding with advice columnists about whether her husband is secretly gay.

In fairness to the wife, NOHOMO, not every woman whose straight-identified male partner admits to a little same-sex messing around worries her boyfriend or husband is going to leave her for a dude or all the dudes.

But this worry is common enough to be something of cliché. A straight guy doesn’t even have to admit to having sucked one dick one time for his wife or girlfriend to worry he’s secretly gay; I get at least one letter every day from a woman who’s worried her husbands is gay because he like to have his nipples played with or his butts touched or because he has feelings. So while it’s not ideal that straight-or-mostly-straight guys don’t feel they can be honest with their wives about their long ago and far away same-sex experimentation, NOHOMO, it’s understandable that many straight guys err on the side of keeping that shit to themselves.

But your question isn’t, “Why didn’t I tell her then?”, but rather, “Should I tell her now?” And I don’t think you have to. She wasn’t harmed by this omission—you didn’t

deprive her of information she was entitled to—and disclosing now would only serve to deprive her of something, i.e. the excitement she feels about being there to witness what she thinks is your first same-sex encounter.

Dear Dan: My wife questions my use of the word gay as being potentially offensive, and I’d like to get your take. I’m male and my male friends like to flirt and joke about performing sex acts on each other. We’ve never actually carried through with it, but I consider myself on the “spectrum” and might be open to gay sex. My male friends and I say we’re being or acting gay (though we’re all practicing heterosexuals), and this is where my wife takes issue. For example, I might say, “We’re so gay!” in our conversations, but the word is used in a positive way. My wife makes the point that the word has a history of being used negatively, so may be considered offensive, and should only be used casually by people who are more legit gay. Should I stop using the word gay this way?

Gay Poser Dear Poser: Jesus, just suck off one of your male friends already—just get it over with— and then you have my permission to keep using “gay” as compliment, GP. Dear Dan: I’m a 35-year-old seemingly straight man, but in the past year—roughly corresponding with the longest sex drought in the history of my adulthood—I have had recurring wet dreams where I suck myself off. Probably a dozen or so of these dreams, all up, and I very much enjoy both sides of the transaction.

What do you think it means? Am I witnessing the stirrings of some latent bisexuality or am I just desperate? Should I heed the call?

Originally Unilateral Regarding Oral But Oneiromancy Reveals Opening Sexuality Dear OUROBOROS: I usually don’t allow elaborate signoffs, OUROBOROS, but I’m making an exception for yours because it’s brilliant. (To save my other readers the trouble of googling: “oneiromancy” is the interpretation of dreams to predict the future and an “ouroboros” is an image of snake swallowing its own tail, often used an infinity symbol.)

That said, I’m not sure there’s really any call to heed here—other than a call to start doing the kind of stretching that would allow you to suck your own cock if you were 1. to get limber enough and 2. your cock is long enough.

But a desire to suck one’s own cock—or even an attempt, successful or not—doesn’t mean a man is latently bisexual or gay. I assume you’ve been masturbating for more than two decades, OUROBOROS, and just as there’s nothing gay about all those handjobs you’ve given yourself, there’s nothing gay about the blowjobs you can only dream about giving yourself.

Dear Dan: I’m that rare gay man who doesn’t like sucking dick. It wasn’t hard for my VGL husband to find guys who wanted to blow him before quarantine, and for years I didn’t ask about it because I didn’t want to know the details. But I knew he had video on his phone of some guys blowing him that he sometimes watched, and I recently asked to watch one and I was completely shocked. It wasn’t just a blowjob. He spat in the guy’s face, called him homophobic names, and was just generally brutal. The intensity and violence wasn’t something I’ve ever detected in my husband or been on the receiving end from my husband. When I pressed my husband he shrugged and said, “That’s how a lot of guys like it.” I’m not sure what to do.

Gay And Gloomy Guy Extremely Disturbed Dear GAGGED: I read your letter three times and I still can’t tell whether you’re appalled or you’re jealous. Do you disapprove of your husband treating someone that way or are you disappointed that your husband has never treated you that way? If it’s the former, well, don’t watch any more videos of your husband throat fucking his subby cocksuckers. If it’s the latter (and I suspect it is), GAGGED, then you’re going to need to figure out how to articulate that clearly—something you failed to do your letter—so you can tell your husband you’d like it like that too. Not being used for oral like that, of course, since you don’t like performing oral sex. But maybe you’d like anal like that?

Dear Readers: This is gonna feel a little weird stuck onto the end of this week’s column, I realize, but I wanted to say something about protests all over the country and the world. While I haven’t been able to personally attend a Black Lives Matters protest over the last two weeks—I have deeply shitty lungs and I’m concerned about contracting coronavirus—I fully support everyone who has taken to the streets to protest the violence of systemic racism and the specific violence inflicted on the black people by racist cops. And while I can’t be at the protests, my husband and I made a donation to bail funds across the country to help out people who were arrested at them. (You can donate at actblue. com/donate/bailfunds.) Please keep marching, please wear your masks (they work!), and please—please—make sure you and everyone you know is registered to vote.

Question for Dan? Email him at mail@savagelove.net. On Twitter at @fakedansavage.

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