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Candid Conversations About ADHD Medication
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Candid Conversations About ADHD Medication
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What came first? The Zombie or the Ritalin?
ISABELLA BLU PTITO-ECHEVERRIA Editor-in-Chief
As someone with ADHD, I live my sober life in an impulsive haze. I have the habit of committing to more than I can handle (be it socially or academically). I then lack the time-management and organizational skills to follow through with those commitments which often leads to me feel like an incompetent piece of shit. For that reason, my morning 30 milligram dose of methylphenidate, also known as biphentin or timed-release Ritalin, is my saving grace. On Ritalin, the jumbled puppy-like excitement in my head suddenly becomes one directed voice that gives me the clarity I need to complete tasks.
That being said, there is a common claim among those afflicted with a Ritalin prescription– that Ritalin ‘turns you into a zombie’. I’ve been on Ritalin since the age of 16, and it doesn’t make me feel like a zombie. If anything, it stops me from feeling like one.
Interested in comparing and contrasting the experiences of people treated for ADHD, I sought the perspective of my friend Achilles. As I wrote this, my friend Mae interjected with valuable insight which I’ve included. The following quotes are transcriptions of informal conversations about our experiences with ADHD treatment.
Achilles is quite vocal about his contempt for ADHD medication. Having cycled through a vast selection of ADHD medications like Concerta and Vyvanse, his journey began at the ripe age of 8.
Achilles: My parents were noticing my grades weren’t doing good or something, and I was like ‘Yeah, it’s hard to focus in class.’ I was like ‘I don’t like school, school sucks’ and I still don’t like school, school sucks. [chuckles] So it’s just the way I am.
I love school, but the way my brain works makes it difficult for me to succeed without a ‘boost’. Comparatively, Achilles hasn’t ever liked academic environments, so it doesn’t make much sense for someone like him to manipulate their biology into doing something they never wanted to in the first place.
While editing this article, Mae, who was prescribed Adderall at 7 years old, added:
I don’t think medication for an 8-year-old is necessarily any kind of problem-solving technique. I feel like medication as a high school student, when you actually have responsibilities, and you actually have assignments that you have to get in on time, that is a reason to be medicated [...] But when your projects and your homework is puzzles and filling in the blanks, I don’t feel like that amount of harsh drugs should be pushed onto a child.
She goes on to note that being put on Ritalin at a young age “makes our brains develop into the habit of being on medication. [...] We’d gone through puberty and the biggest growing phases of our lives on this mind-altering drug.” Prior to my conversation with Mae, I hadn’t considered the difference between being prescribed Ritalin after puberty versus prior to it.
Achilles’ experience coincides with Mae’s idea that developing psychologically under the influence of Ritalin can be problematic, addiction being a potential consequence. At 16, Achilles’ doctor swapped a prescription from extended-release Ritalin (which takes a diluted effect over the course of 8-12 hours) to instant-release. Me: Why’d the doctor do that? Achilles: Because I was having a crash at the end of the day. […] At the time, I didn’t realise it was a horrible idea, and I guess my parents didn’t either, because [they] didn’t realise ‘Oh, it’s a drug.’ They thought ‘It’s just medication!’ […] That’s when I stopped [taking ADHD medication]-- after Ritalin. Because I noticed I was getting super addicted. I was having a lot of cravings for it. Me: You were craving it? Achilles: Yeah, it was really bad. I was supposed to be taking like one a day and I started taking way more, like four a day. Me: Like at once? Achilles: No. Not at once, but like throughout the day so I could keep going and not feel like shit. And it got really, really bad, to the point where I wasn’t sleeping, I was just doing Ritalin, I wasn’t fucking eating. And when I would crash, I would just pass the fuck out in class. Like, I could barely walk out of the class… So that’s why I stopped. It was a legitimate problem. The hallways were, like, spinning [...] I think that was a mix of the sleep deprivation and then the crash of Ritalin.
Unlike specialists of other organs, psychiatrists’ approach to treating the brain swaps scans and bloodwork for questionnaires and paperwork. Using such an inaccurate diagnostic tool, taking a measure as drastic as prescribing speed to a child should be a last resort treatment for ADHD– not a default game of trial and error. Doctors who don’t specialize in the brain are even more disconnected from the wide reach ADHD has on our lives.
Me: What do you wish you’d had at that time instead [of medication]?
Mae: Well, um… I was always seen as lazy. I was always told I was lazy. I would always want to take the easy way out of things, right? The bare minimum. [...] Obviously I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing wrong. [...] Because I wasn’t writing as much as the other students were– because that’s not the way my brain worked, and that’s not the attention span I had– I was just labeled as these super demeaning and hurtful things. And nobody tried to understand. Even when I told them and my parents told my school in grade six like, ‘Hey, our kid has ADHD’ they were like, ‘Oh. That sounds like a her problem.’ [...] I think the one thing I wish I had was more empathetic people in my educational career.
Elementary school staff, at least during the times Mae and Achilles were kids, didn’t seem to receive any guidance on educating neurodivergent children. An ADHD brain will strug- gle to feel rewarded by a task if the gratification isn’t instant. This means that long tasks requiring sustained attention– like sitting still and listening to a lecture for an hour straight– are much harder to complete without breaks or encouragement in between. On a passionate roll, Mae continues:
I don’t think people realize that ADD or ADHD isn’t just academic difficulties. It’s difficulties with addiction; It’s difficulties with self-esteem; It’s difficulties with mental health. ADHD is often super comorbid with BPD, bipolar, anxiety, and chronic depression, and relationship issues. [...] You’re super invested and hyper focused, and then you put your whole soul and being into this one thing or person or activity [...] and then it takes too long and you reach a point where you’re tired of this and you completely give up.
The vast majority of neurotypical people don’t understand how debilitating ADHD can be. The trauma of being overmedicated, repeatedly labeled as ‘lazy’, being forced into an environment where you know you don’t belong, during crucial moments of our brain development, can’t possibly be a form of ‘treatment’. It’s malpractice on medical and educational fronts! I’m realizing now how lucky I was to have only been medicated after puberty, when I had adult responsibilities that required Ritalin to manage.
In short, while Ritalin may help you sit down and get an essay done, it won’t cure the inescapable dysfunction of our brains’ motivation and reward systems.
Photo VIA JOREN CULL
