the
Scribe
January 25 to January 31, 2010 [Volume 35. Issue 16]
Rawr. Page Five
editorial Clairvoyance and currency the scribe
January 25 to January 31
Page 2
Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly Sometime about two thousand years before the birth of Christ, men in what was then Mesopotamia looked at the sky and determined to decipher the will of the gods according to their celestial representatives, the stars (and also with the livers of sacrificial animals). This two-fold method served to support the idea of divine monarchy, and provided a popular scapegoat for ancient peoples – that is, we haven’t enough food and our neighbors are dying of plague because the gods willed it to be so, according to the night sky and that cow’s organs. The thing is, the idea caught on, and evolved into what today are called horoscopes. Horoscopes are the result of a divining process that determines what celestial bodies – particularly planets and a select group of constellations known as the zodiac – had influence over the time of any given person’s birth, thereby affecting the rest of their lives in a variety of ways, from emotional to financial. Horoscopes are determined by the location of planetary bodies in relation to one of twelve constellations as perceived from Earth. If, for instance, when you were born, the sun appeared to rise through the star group known as Aquarius, then it’s late January or early February, and you are an Aquarius, and you can breathe underwater, or something. Here’s the kicker. Because the earth rotates on a slanted axis, its view of the zodiac changes every 26,000 years or so, as the angle of its axis shifts. Therefore, the established dates of the horoscopic calendar are not now as accurate as they were several thousand years ago. In fact, they’re about a month off, and pseudo-scientists everywhere have had to revive a long-unused zodiac sign: Ophiuchus, the snake-holder. Horoscope loyalists
have been panic-stricken regarding the alteration to their sign – I, for example, nearly had an aneurism when I learned that my birthday falls in the window now occupied by Gemini, rather than Cancer, as I’ve divined all my life. Granted, the new calendar isn’t supposed to apply to anyone born before 2009, but now I don’t know whether to respond to the feelings of others to learn more about them, or to call someone with whom I’ve been lacking contact of late (seriously, those are actual horoscopes). And now, for something completely different.
The costs of higher education are rising all over the world. In late November, thousands of college students in England protested the pending trebling of their current college expenses, to about £9,000 a year, or approximately $14,000, according to The Huffington Post. In some areas, the protests evolved into small riots, injuring two London Metropolitan Police officers and resulting in numerous arrests. Some of the outrage stems from the current political party in power, the Liberal Democrats, who campaigned on a platform of eliminating tuition for higher education. Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, who has since reneged on that promise, was burned in effigy by protestors outside the Houses of Parliament. Here at home, CU Boulder sophomore Nic Ramos held his own tuition protest. Ramos, an economics major, owed $14,309.51 in out-of-state tuition last semester. And he paid it all. Every cent. In one-dollar bills. Ramos had to visit six different banks to garner the necessary quantity of ones, which he placed in $100 bundles in a large duffle bag. Ramos’ roommate accompanied him for protection as he collected the money. The full amount weighed more than 33 pounds. “It was never my intention to rag on the school or express anger,” explained Ramos during an interview with CNN, “I love my school and I know that they are doing everything they can to keep tuition low, but
it is just astronomical for one semester of school that a student has to have that much money just to get an education.” Ramos said that he wanted to provide a new perspective on tuition, both to students and to the university: “[I always appreciated] the sacrifices that my family is willing to make for me to go to school and be happy... but this just put it into a whole new perspective, to physically see that sacrifice. ...There’s nothing like seeing that many bills laid out on a counter.” The actual payment process was a cashier’s nightmare. “I walked in [to the bursar’s office] with this big, giant duffle bag,” recounted Ramos, “and walked up to the counter and said, ‘Hi, I’m here to pay my tuition….This is nothing personal against you guys. You’re probably not going to be too pleased with me right now, but I’m gonna be paying in all ones.’ “They looked at me like I was joking, and then I put this bag on the counter and unzipped it and pulled out the first stack of 100 onedollar bills, and it took about an hour in total [to count it all]. They were pretty cool with it, in the end. They were very understanding. They said, ‘Please don’t do it again. …We’ll remember you. We’re never going to forget your name.’” Ramos’ act of protest is a rarity here in the CU system. We as students often forget that we have a voice in how our schools are run. This week, though, we have a chance to speak up: CU Advocacy Day is this Friday, Jan. 28 from 7:30 a.m. to noon at the State Capitol (200 East Colfax, Denver). Campus leaders, CU President Bruce Benson, state legislators and some of the CU Board of Regents will be present. Go to express your concerns, to propose solutions, or just to get informed. Don’t forget to speak for so long that you end up losing your voice entirely. But what have these tales to do with one another? The altered zodiac, and a Boulder kid that pays in ones? The moral of the story, dear readers, is this: If you’re relying on star charts to advise your life, you should probably drop out and stop wasting your money, because no one here can help you. S
The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs
Editor-in-Chief.........................................Avalon Manly Managing Editor........................................Jessica Lynch Business Manager..........................................Matt Baatz Advertising/Sales Manager..........................Luis Hidalgo News Editor.............................................Joesph Ruffini Culture Editor.........................................Brock Kilgore Athletics Editor......................................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor...........................Cherise Fantus Photograhy Editor.................................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor.............................................Cherise Fantus Web Master.............................................Dorian Rogers Layout Designers..........................................J.D. Osorio ...................................................................Emily Olsen Reporters...................................................Alex Cramer ............................................................Ryan Piechowski .................................................................Sara Horton Photographer.........................................Michelle Wood Junior Reporters.........................................Amanda Putz ...................................................................Ryan Adams ..............................................................Jeremy Lengele ....................................................................Matt Sidor Junior Photographer...................................Brett Owens Contributors...........................................Steven Farrell Cartoonist............................................................Arno Distributor...........................................Donald Trujillo Advisor.....................................................Laura Eurich ---------------Cover Illustration by JD Osorio------------------The Scribe UC 106 (719) 255-3658 | (719) 255-3469 | (719) 255-3600 www.uccsscribe.com | scribe.eic@gmail.com
Information Letters to the Editor The Scribe strongly encourages letters to the editor. Letters intended for publication must not exceed 350 words, must be legible and include the writer’s name and contact information. Letters must be submitted to The Scribe via email at scribe.eic@gmail.com by 5:00 p.m. on Thursdays before publication. The Scribe reserves the right to reject letters to the editor that are libelous, obscene or anonymous and has the right to edit as necessary due to space limitations, spelling or other grammatical errors and AP style guidelines. Distribution Policy The following conducts are prohibited by The Scribe: Publication and news rack theft. A person commits the offense(s) of publication and/or news rack theft when he or she willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than one copy of any edition of a publication distributed on or off campus (a “publication” is any periodical that is distributed on a complimentary basis). Any person who commits these offences is responsible for compensating The Scribe for any reasonable costs incurred, including, where appropriate, the refunding of advertising fees. Archives Additional copies of the current publication volume are available in The Scribe’s office. The Scribe keeps issues from the past five volumes for internal use only. The Office of University Records will handle any request for additional issues from the past five years and before. Advertising If you, your club, organization or business wishes to advertise with The Scribe, please call (719) 255-3469 or email scribeadvertising@gmail.com.
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student life
January 25 to January 31
Page 3
all aboard
“This is your captain speaking; please fasten your seatbelts, because I’m blind and we’re goin’ down.”
failboat
You know that little laser pointer on your key ring that you use to blind professors when they wander in front of the projector? I mean, to find the dome light in your car at night? Well, it turns out that if pointed straight up, they can temporarily blind commercial airline pilots, thereby risking a reenactment of “Lost” outside our very own Denver International Airport. Thirty-eight laser-related incidents were reported at DIA in 2010, according to flightstory.net, ranging from posing a “distraction” to “near-flashblindness” of pilots in flight. Because light from laser pointers is indistinguishable from beyond about 12,000 feet, most incidents were reported during takeoff and landing; in some states, pointing perpetrators can now face federal charges.
the
“Boeing, Boeing”
My Little Pop Icon
Theatreworks’ most recent production premiered last week at the Dusty Loo Bon Vivant Theatre in University Hall. It’s the story of a man engaged to be married - three times over, to three different airline attendants, all of whom believe they are his one true love. The play runs through Feb. 13, playing Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights at 7:30 p.m. with matinees on Sundays at 4 p.m. It’s free for UCCS students; outside tickets range from $15 to $30.
Finnish artist Mari Kasurinen has put a new spin on the My Little Pony franchise of the 1980s, decking out the plastic horses in the getups of famous celebrities, from musicians to actors to fictional characters. Lady Gaga, Han Solo, Michael Jackson, the X-Men, Frida Kahlo, Batman and Elvis – who, for some reason, gets to be a unicorn – are all represented. The adorable little homages are going for as much as $250 on the Internet. “I tried Barbies, Action Mans, He-Man dolls, tin soldiers, plastic animals,” said Kasurinen, “They didn’t fit. Then I remembered that frustratingly pink My Little Pony. It was perfect!”
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news
Page 4
January 25 to January 31
Centennial Hall receives solar panels The news in brief Disorderly student arrested in Clyde’s
On Wednesday, Jan. 19, Thomas Traub, a UCCS student, enjoyed a few beers at Clyde’s. It was not until 6 p.m. that his behavior took a turn for the worse. As explained by the bartender on duty to Chief of Police Jim Spice, the student began “acting out,” and “started yelling at the TV and customers.” The bartender did everything right, Spice furthered, and immediately called Public Safety to assist with the disruptive student. Traub refused to cooperate and was charged with resisting arrest, obstruction of the peace and disorderly conduct. Traub’s receipt was later analyzed and the amount of alcohol consumed at Clyde’s was not responsible for the sudden change of behavior, said Spice. Traub was taken to the El Paso County Criminal Justice System to await trial. -JL S
New UCCS shuttle eases parking at Four Diamonds
Photo by Ariel Lattimore
The solar energy panels on top of the Centenial Hall building lay horizontally to keep wind from damaging the panels.
Sara Horton Shorton@uccs.edu Centennial Hall is the latest UCCS building to gain solar power technology. In December of 2010, a 25-kilowatt solar photovoltaic panel system was installed on top of the Centennial Hall roof. The photovoltaic system works by taking photons of light from the sun’s rays and converting them into electricity for the building. Kevin Gilford, the Office of Sustainability office manager, stated, “Centennial Hall will use approximately 1,200,000 kWh [kilowatt hours] of electricity annually; therefore, the solar system will provide approximately 3 percent of the electricity needs of the building.” He estimated the solar panels will save UCCS approximately $2,900 annually in utility costs. Solar panels typically have a 20 to 30
year lifespan, and they are expected to require minimal maintenance during that time period. Centennial Hall is not the only UCCS location with solar technology. The flagpole at Main Hall supports a solar panel and the UCCS sign on the corner of Austin Bluffs and Nevada is powered by solar energy. The Science and Engineering Building, like Centennial Hall, is also equipped with a photovoltaic system. “They are two photovoltaic systems but different technologies,” explained Gilford. He said the difference lies in the forms of the solar systems. Film is on top of the Science and Engineering Building, whereas Centennial Hall has more efficient panels. The solar panels have an 18 percent efficiency rate, which is measured by how well the panels convert light into electricity. “When I was research-
ing this project, that [rate] was very high,” claimed Stan Rovia, the project manager of the solar panel installation. Higher efficiency panels were installed instead of cheaper alternatives, which only had an efficiency rate of 15 percent. “Any electricity we can save is valuable,” assured Gilford, who also recognizes the solar panel installation as an important step forward in environmental education. Though solar panels may produce a small percentage of energy, Gilford stated that the solar panels will help reduce harmful emissions and green house gases in the atmosphere. Moreover, he hopes students will become more familiar with solar technology because it has been installed at the UCCS campus. Rovia said the Centennial Hall’s solar panel system cost $143,000 to install. However, $75,000
was covered by a rebate from Colorado Springs Utilities. The rest of the cost was paid for by the Spring 2008 Solar Referendum, which over 50 percent of students voted into action. The referendum called for each UCCS student to pay $5 per semester for 5 years. The referendum will continue to collect money for two and a half years, which will provide funding for future solar projects at UCCS. No new major solar projects are currently underway, but the Office of Sustainability is seeking student input for future projects. “We would love to have student involvement,” said Gilford. Students with questions or comments can visit the Office of Sustainability, which is located on the second floor of the Campus Services Building, or call them at (719) 2553089. S
In Memoriam
Last month, UCCS added an additional shuttle to their existing fleet in order to alleviate the anticipated congestion at the Four Diamonds Sports Complex parking area. The new schedule will allow for a bus to depart from the Four Diamonds lot every 15 minutes rather than every 30, as it has in the past. The new shuttle was purchased out of parking services revenue, like the money generated by permits and tickets, as are the ongoing maintenance and operating costs for the entire shuttle fleet. The new bus was purchased largely in response to the Cragmor Christian Reformed Church’s new policy of only allowing church patrons to use its parking facilities. The church issued the following statement regarding the matter: “We recognize that this may inconvenience those individuals who have become accustomed to parking in the church lot. However, since the parking lot is not lighted, maintained, or patrolled, we do not believe we can continue to provide free parking along with the personal safety and security that such use requires.” Cragmor representatives also stated that they are currently working with UCCS to explore further options on how students may be able to use the lot in the future. -JR S
Women’s softball to be glorified in bronze
Glenn Williams, long time supporter of UCCS athletics has recently enlisted the help of Loveland sculptor Denny Haskew and the National Sculptors’ Guild to create a bronze sculpture costing $155,000. The sculpture will be placed on the Four Diamonds Complex and will depict the image of a past UCCS women’s shortstop. Before this, Williams gave women’s athletics an endowed scholarship for women athletes. The idea for the sculpture, however, was first mentioned to Chancellor Pam Shockley-Zalabak at a campus dinner. His support began in 1993 after attending a UCCS softball game and meeting coach Scott Peterson in 2005. Williams believes it’s important to “level the playing field,” because softball, at this point, receives the least amount of money for scholarships. He also commended the chancellor and said, “She has done everything right.” Because of that, he’s willing to lend more than just a helping hand. -JL S
UCCS students, staff, faculty and administration mourn the losses of two dedicated academic servants, both of whom passed away during the winter sabbatical. Dr. James Mattoon, co-founder and director of the UCCS Biotechnology Center and professor emeritus of biology at UCCS from 1979 to 2000, passed away Dec. 24 in a Loveland, Colo. care facility at age 80. A memorial service will be held on Jan. 27 at 3:30 p.m. on the third floor of the Kraemer Family Library. Mark Bell, director of media services and UCCS media specialist since 2004, passed away in his home on Dec. 29. at age 59. A memorial service will be held on Feb. 1 at 4 p.m. in the El Pomar television studio. -Scribe Staff
Register this week for intramural sports
Intramural deadlines are upon us. Coming up this week are deadlines for indoor 5v5 hockey and 2v2 badminton. Both of these are free activities and will take place on Wednesdays. Basketball, both men’s league and corec will begin on Feb. 6 with the deadline on Feb. 2. The cost is $30 per team and will take place on Monday and Wednesday. Also starting next month is indoor soccer, again, for both men and women. As mentioned before, the cost per team is $30 and will take place on Tuesday. Lastly, water polo will begin on Feb. 10 with the deadline falling on Feb. 2. Students are greatly encouraged to participate in this season’s intramural schedule. -JL S
January 25 to January 31
news
Page 5
Third annual Blackout Night expected to inspire some F.I.G.H.T. in student body Matt Crandall mcrandal@uccs.edu As the month of January comes to a sporadic end while students manage to persevere through the first two weeks of spring semester, the time has come for what may be the most anticipated sports event of the year: Blackout-Night. In the weeks leading up to the event, students, faculty and fans alike are asked to wear as much black clothing and apparel as possible, encouraging each other to drape themselves in Mountain Lions gear and pitch black colors. Last year’s Blackout Night, which also marked the grand opening of the newly built and newly acquired Gallogly Events Center, saw more than 1,000 fans packed in tightly as the UCCS men’s and women’s basketball teams took on Regis during the Photo from Scribe Archives memorable evening. With a maximum seating ca- Last year’s men’s blackout game was a huge success, thanks to the players and the UCCS fans who rooted them on. pacity of 1,250, the Gallogly Events Center proved students were united, and I a part of a family [and] a part supplying free energy drinks duty, bearing outfits covered in to be a tremendous upgrade over the former Univer- felt a part of something bigger of something that is bigger and mini-sandwiches for stu- UCCS apparel and colors. Jourdan, Seay and fellow sity Center Gymnasium, which than me,” he said. “They had than themselves. That is what dents, respectively, and Sports fight songs, chants and a ton of Blackout Night is all about and Authority providing 1,000 free FIGHT Club member, Patrick could provide a mere 418 seats school spirit.” that is what it should always be ‘Blackout Night’ T-shirts. The Hayes, created a Facebook page for fans. The ensuing result of his trip about. Blackout Night was the UCCS Athletics Department called, “New UCCS,” which However, no one could have predicted the incredible end- to Boulder led Jourdan to form first event that our club held and OSA also contribute to the aims at spreading the club’s purpose and mission. Anyone ing of last year’s event. As the F.I.G.H.T. Club (Fans Initiating and right away it was a huge annual event. Growth Honor Tradition) with success. The students really got According to Jourdan, those can join the group, which curMountain Lions took the court fellow roommate, senior Matt into the event and took it above planning to attend the unforgetrently holds 632 members, with seven seconds left in overSeay. The club is dedicated not and beyond what we thought it table event are highly recomand is continuously updated time with a record crowd of only to spreading a positive could be.” mended to show up as early with new information regard1,337 fans standing on their This year’s third annual Black- as possible; the free T-shirt ing Blackout Night, along with feet, Ben Feilmeier sank a step- message of encouraging stuback three pointer to win the dents to be active and involved out Night event may surpass its give away is usually tapped other UCCS events. Blackout Night takes place game against Regis; within sec- with supporting UCCS athlet- predecessor of a year ago, with out within half an hour and is ics, but also to bridge the gap Sodexo bringing hot dogs and based on a first come first serve on Jan. 28 with a tailgate party onds, fans from all four corners between the student body and burgers for the 5 p.m. tailgate basis. Special prizes will be beginning at 5 p.m., followed of the Gallogly Events Center university, as a whole. festivity, event sponsors Mongiven away to the students who by a 6 p.m. women’s basketball came rushing upon the court in “F.I.G.H.T Club sees this ster Energy and Jimmy John’s go above and beyond the call of tip-off, and the men’s at 8 p.m. celebration that concluded the night as a start to a new beginfairytale ending. It was only a few years ago, ning at this University,” exhowever, that Blackout Night pounded Jourdan. “UCCS is was nothing more than an idea; a growing university that is in a vision. And it was the vision its adolescent stages of finding of one student that ignited a its identity. We are not Boulnew UCCS philosophy geared der, we are not CSU — we toward bringing school spirit are UCCS! This Night gives to a campus in drought, which UCCS an identity that is comwas in dire need of revamping. pletely unique compared to After returning home from other universities.” Although the evening is watching a CU-Boulder footcentered around UCCS basball game, senior Ben Jourdan had somewhat of a revelation ketball, the event symbolonce he returned to UCCS; izes a philosophy of togetherit was something that would ness which Seay and Jourdan change his attitude and mind- hope resonates throughout the set about Mountain Lion pride Mountain Lion community for years to come. forever. “Togetherness and pride “Basically, I went up to the University of Colorado in is what Blackout Night repreBoulder [a few years ago] for sents,” he added. “No matter a football game and something if the basketball team wins or [was] just different there. The loses, everyone who attends is
culture
Page 6
January 25 to January 31
a series of
Local
Escapes
I. The Fine Arts Center A UCCS identification card will grant free admission to the Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center’s (FAC) Taylor Museum, but there is more to the complex than just the permanent collection on the main level and the continually changing special collections upstairs. The building also houses the SaGaJi Theatre, where the FAC Theatre Company produces top-notch plays and musicals; and the Amuze restaurant and Deco Lounge where anyone, especially theatre-goers, can grab a bite to eat or a glass of wine. The Bemis School of Art also offers a wide variety of art classes to the public for reasonable prices. The landscape surrounding Colorado Springs is a form of natural art that is difficult to improve upon, but traditional forms of art have continued to be popular here. There is much precedent because ever since General William Jackson Palmer started the city in 1871 as a proper English colony, people came to expect proper culture in new western cities, especially the arts. The climate attracted tuberculosis patients,
many of whom were rich and influential, and the roots of what would become the Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center began to grow. The Colorado Springs Art Society was formed in 1913 and the Broadmoor Art Academy started classes in 1919. Julie Penrose, wife of Broadmoor Hotel founder Spencer Penrose, eventually donated their home to the Broadmoor Art Academy, on the same site where the FAC now stands. Along with Mrs. Penrose, Alice Bemis Taylor and Elizabeth Sage Hare are credited with bringing about the construction of the modern FAC in 1936. Brazilian architect John Gaw Meem designed the impressive Southwestern Art Deco building. Admittedly, I do not understand abstract art. Lines and splotches look like, well, lines and splotches to me, but the Taylor Museum houses much more than abstract art. In fact, most of the extensive collection (no where near all of which is on display) comes from Native American, Southwestern, Mexican and Central American artists. Highlights on display
right now include: Dale Chihuly’s colorful and infinitely fragile looking blown-glass sculptures, Mexican Popular Ceramics including an intricate market scene made entirely of individual pieces, and a contemplative display of Our Lady of Guadalupe figurines. My favorite room is full of Colorado artists and Colorado landscape art in the permanent collection. At the end of the long room hangs a painting of Elsie Palmer, General Palmer’s daughter, by John Singer Sargent. She is seated with an evil look in her eyes like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” It gives me chills to think about,
and is worth the trip to see. The Amuze restaurant at the FAC came highly recommended, but a peak at the menu online revealed high-priced lunch items. I reasoned that free admission to the museum might level out an excellent $10 cheeseburger. The Reuben was stuffed with real smokeflavored bison pastrami that paired well with the sweetness of the Swiss cheese and 1000 Island dressing. The crispy and creamy jicama slaw was good as well, but the sweet potato fries were not hand-cut, bland, and the whole plate was not worth $12.50. Try Wooglin’s Deli down the street instead. S
The Rundown What Colorado Springs Fine Arts Center How Much Free with UCCS ID
Where 30 W. Dale St., 80903
More Info 719.6345581 csfineartscenter.org
Story and photos by Brock Kilgore Top: “Orange Hornet Chandelier” by Dale Chihuly (2007) Above: “Liquid Transcendence” by Sushe Felix (1997) Left: “Untitled” by Enrique Chagoya (2006)
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athletics
January 25 to January 31
Page 9
UCCS looks to stay on ‘fast track’ Men’s basketball bounces back Alex Cramer
Ryan Piechowski
acramer@uccs.edu The UCCS Track and Field team was home to four Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference Champions in 2010. It appears that 2011 could be even better. Breaking eight school records and having an athlete provisionally qualify for nationals at the team’s first meet could have been considered a fluke. However, when the team broke five more school records at the second meet and had one athlete gain an automatic qualification for nationals, it’s more like a trend. This team looks like the real deal. UCCS continued their early season dominance at their third meet this past weekend—the CU Potts Indoor Invitational. Two more athletes provisionally qualified for nationals while more school records continued to fall. Track and field is unlike the rest of its brethren in the sports world because events vary so widely. “A track and field program is the most diverse athletic team in a college athletic department, hands down,” said coach Mark Misch. “We’ve got guys and girls, we’re the only ones who coach both, and the athletes who compete in the events are as different as night and day.” That being said, UCCS returns an array of conference champions who know how to compete at the highest level, and who would like nothing more than a repeat performance this season. Leading the charge early on is sophomore Lauren Graham. She was the RMAC indoor pole vault champion last spring and she’s currently the num-
rpiechowski@uccs.edu
Photo from gomountainlions.com Lauren Graham prepares to do a jump.
ber one pole vaulter in the country this season. Graham punched her ticket to the NCAA Division II National Indoor Track & Field Championships by way of automatic qualification at the Air Force AllComers meet with a vault of 12 feet, 9.5 inches. Like many of the athletes on her team, Graham balances her life well outside the track oval. Coach Misch summed up the talented sophomore best and said, “She has an outstanding GPA, she’s a nursing major, she’s in ROTC and she’s the number one pole vaulter in the country; she’s a student athlete and a great representative of our university in a lot of ways.” Like Graham, teammates Colby Elliott and Brien Hopkins have already qualified for nationals in the men’s indoor heptathlon. Returning RMAC Cham-
pions include outdoor long jumper Anthony Cardinale and three members of last year’s indoor 4X400 meter relay team—Jason Shaver, Chris Reynolds and Jon Christian. Team captains were also selected for 2011 last week. The captains include: Ashley Benfield, Allison Watson and Kaitlin Frier representing the women, while Canyon Parcell, Chris Reynolds and Jason Shaver will represent the men. When asked about the spring season Benfield left no room for doubt and said, “We want to move up in the relays. We have a lot of strong girls and a lot of mentally high-willed women too, so I know we’re capable of a lot of things.” Having the capability is one thing, but having the results show up in the box score can be another. This Mountain Lions team has both. S
With students and faculty back from break, the university is finally back in swing. And while many students have complained that their vacations flew by, the UCCS men’s basketball team thinks they’re lucky to have gotten one. Rather than go home and sit on the couch, the Mountain Lions have been hard at work. With both practices and games, the men had anything but a break. While many students rang in the New Year with family and friends, the Mountain Lions continued their up and down season with seven games during the semester breather. An empty campus means an empty Gallogly Events Center. And although UCCS dropped the first three of a rough five game losing streak to start the New Year, very few students were there to see it. In fact, UCCS lost six of their seven games during the break. Unfortunately, this seems to be a trend for the men’s basketball team. Since 2007, the team has lost 13 out of 20 games during semester intermissions. When asked whether the lack of fan support was partially to blame for the drop in production, senior forward Rob Howe said, “It’s tough to say. Coming back from break, a few guys have been
Accidents happen–but there is no need to panic
sick or injured and we were dealing with some internal stuff. I’d say a combo of things hurt us.” Howe wasn’t too quick to attribute the recent struggles solely to the semester respite, but recognized, “It does affect the team a little bit, but we always come on strong after break.” And come on strong they have. The Mountain Lions kicked off the new semester with a two game road sweep over Nebraska-Kearney and Chadron State. Howe, who hit career highs in points, assists and steals during the weekend, mentioned there is always the risk of lethargy and lack of drive when school is out. Even with the difficulties, Howe gives credit to his team for fighting through the tough times. “We were down, and a lot of stuff happened to us the last three weeks,” revealed Howe, “but to pull together like this is huge for us as a team.” The men have put the semester break struggles behind them and are looking forward to the remainder of the season. Howe says his squad has already moved on and stated, “While we have had it rough, we’re still in the hunt for a playoff spot especially after sweeping the Nebraska trip.” The Mountain Lions look to use their current momentum in this weekend’s home games against Western New Mexico and New Mexico Highlands. S
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opinion
Page 10
January 25 to January 31
Your affection may make me physically ill. Please stop.
Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu There’s something to be said about people in relationships, specifically those who participate in gratuitous amounts of nauseating affection. While this might appear selfserving of me, please stop treating your boyfriend like he’s your long-lost puppy from childhood that was hit by a car and has now come back to life to bring you eternal joy and companionship. It’s disrupting my mental health. For those of you who dare condemn me for my fragile state, I’m fairly certain their Eskimo kisses aren’t help-
ing you sleep at night, either. This isn’t to say that I don’t wish them all the best, I just think they would find more satisfaction in their bedroom rather than at my kitchen table. (Well, at least while I’m in the room.) Because here’s the thing, you love-drunk couples: your friends are slowly going to hate you. And not in a “I am just so jealous of what you two have!” but rather in a “If you kiss her neck one more time while I’m in the room I swear to God I will ram your head through the screen door” way. Did you catch the subtle difference? It’s not a matter of invidiousness or ill wishes, I promise. I’m not asking you to fight like brother and sister, pretend like you are sworn enemies or completely ignore one another in public. All I’m asking is for you to stop undressing each other with your eyes while I’m sitting in between you. It makes me feel uncomfortable. And slightly left out. You see, I speak from experience. Not long ago, I too
had a boyfriend. He was wonderful and we were completely infatuated with one another. Surprisingly enough, we still possessed an incredible amount of control and restraint when among friends. This isn’t to say our carnal desires never got the best of us, but we sincerely never wanted anyone to feel like the third wheel. The incessant kissing and playful name-calling is giving your friends a headache. And if you say “babe” one more unnecessary time I will jab you with my fork. Or worse. I think some of you have forgotten what it was like to live at home and have your boyfriend/ girlfriend over for dinner. Touching was kept to a minimum, remember? Would you run your hand up her thigh if her mother was sitting next to you? I doubt it. The point is, while you should love and show your significant other that he or she is a special part of your life, the checker at City Market doesn’t need a private showing. He might want it, but he doesn’t
DEAR DEVI US DU
Dear Large-and-in-Charge,
Let’s skip the nonsense and get right down to it: You’re large, she’s not and there is no denying that there is trouble in paradise. Usually I would make fun of you for a little while and then offer some advice, but in honor of the new semester, I figured we could get right down to business (unlike you and your girlfriend – ooo, got you anyway!). You mentioned that you’ve been dating for four months, which is a pretty solid time. Next time you’re getting ready to go at it, try to examine how she feels toward the situation. Is she apprehensive at all? She might be saying she’s ready for sex because it’s what you want, but really she doesn’t want to do the deed at all. Comfort with sex is everything. If your girlfriend isn’t feeling comfortable with where you’re having sex, when you’re having sex, why you’re having sex, if you enjoy having sex, blah blah blah…she is going to be tense. And the more tense she is, the harder it’s going to be for you to dock your ship. Luckily for you, I have a couple great ways you can warm her up: 1. Foreplay: Do you crack an egg on the skillet before it’s hot? No! Why would you do the same with your girlfriend? If you go right at it without setting the mood, she’s not only going to be apprehensive, but she won’t enjoy herself. And where’s the fun in that? 2. Lube: Do I need to elaborate? 3. Yoga: Yes I realize this is a lame answer, but stick with me for a second. Yoga’s effects on the body not only loosen core muscles in the hip/pelvis region, but also increase blood flow to the lower areas to increase feeling. In addition, yoga loosens muscles and helps relax the body overall. Want extra credit? Take the class with her: not only will it help you, but she’ll probably lay you for sticking it out. Win-win! Obviously there are tons of other methods you can apply to your situation, but you’ve got to start somewhere. These tips are pretty general so you have a starting point for solving the problem, but give you the flexibility to experiment and find the perfect solution for the bedroom. Worst-case scenario: get good at oral. -JD Osorio
Comic by Arno need it. His girlfriend probably wouldn’t like you very much. There could be bloodshed. Deep down, life really is all about balance. With that said, pick and choose moments to be overly lovey-dovey. (Try in your car on a deserted street, or in another state.) Refrain from calling your girlfriend “Sugarplum” or your boyfriend “Lovekin” every
five seconds. Maybe try using real words. Try to hang out with your friends again. Remember when you used to have a life? Reclaim it. And one last thing, please try to recall what it felt like when you were single and alone and thought the world might end if you saw your friend swapping any more spit with his new girlfriend. Thanks.
Dear Devious Duo, I’ve read this column a few times and thought that maybe ya’ll could give me some advice. My girlfriend and I have been together for four months; we’ve talked about it and have been trying to make love, but there’s one problem: Every time we try to go all the way, my stuff won’t fit! She says she feels a lot of pressure every time we try, and each time it never gets in there. What should I do?
Dear Big Stuff, Either: (A) your girlfriend lied to you about wanting to have sex, (B) she’s a virgin or (C) she is simply in need of more than a five-minute warm-up session. Because there is a chance that she simply does not want to have sex with you and doesn’t know how to tell you, it’s important for you to have an honest conversation, penis aside. Perhaps she feels pressured to please you – both verbally and physically – and doesn’t want to disappoint you after dating only four months. By telling you it won’t fit, she’s giving herself an easy way out of a difficult situation. It’s no longer her fault; it’s yours. I hope, for your sake, this isn’t the case. On the other hand, maybe she is a virgin. If this is the situation, then you must take your time. I don’t doubt you give her plenty of one-on-one attention, but if she is new to this, you are going to need to push her to the brink and dangle her over the edge by her heels before unzipping your own pants. There’s nothing worse than a guy that is “ready to go” after a three-second kiss. Just because you’re excited – we know, you’re always excited – doesn’t mean she is. Now for a corny comparison. Women are like ovens. Let’s say, for arguments sake, that you stuck a pan of enchiladas in an oven that hasn’t been turned on. You could wait around patiently for hours, but I promise, those enchiladas will never cook. Not even a little bit. Regardless of how nice you are, or how understanding or how encouraging you are, those enchiladas will never bring you the satisfaction you think you deserve. Like ovens, women need to be warmed up. We’re a mystery; it’s part of what makes men attracted to us. Because of this, if you do not spend an adequate amount of time exploring her and getting to know her body, she’s going to pack up her bags and turn her attention on herself. Above all else, communication is key; if you can’t talk about ways to heat up the foreplay then “your stuff” is never, ever going to fit. -Jessica Lynch
Have a question about relationships, love or...sex? Email your query to the Devious Duo at scribeonsex@gmail.com.
the
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Library rave leaves huge mess; Chancellor’s feelings hurt Cherise Fantus cfantus@gmail.com Students were surprised when they returned to the library last week to begin their semester of studying. Books were strewn about, empty cups and streamers littered the floor, and several librarians and students still lay passed out on the floor. These were the remnants of a rave that was thrown there over winter break. Campus officials are still trying to get to the bottom of what really happened, but the evidence is slowly piecing it together. Several students have been willing to talk
about what they could remember of the night. Pictures have surfaced all over Facebook, depicting students and faculty in questionable situations. Those found still passed out in the library have been questioned, though they have been unable to remember anything substantial. Sophomore Jonathan Beyers, who attended the rave, said, “It was awesome! The windows were all blacked out, there was a DJ behind the info. desk, and there were freaking people everywhere! Some girl even let me feel her up. It was the best night of my life!” Junior Susan Lovejoy
The news in brief Mark Wahlberg forbidden to wear shirt
A popular bill was passed into law this week by a shockingly unanimous vote. The new law prohibits actor Mark Wahlberg, 39, from wearing a shirt. Film directors will be forced to make concessions to accommodate the new shirtless policy, but none of them seem to have any qualms about that. “Date Night” Director Shawn Levy said, “I’ve been saying he shouldn’t be allowed to wear a shirt all along. Why do you think I didn’t let him wear one in ‘Date Night?’” It is the first law in history that covers only one person, but it will make millions happy. S
Zodiac changes induce identity crises As a result of the change in Zodiac signs, students are having trouble identifying themselves. Throughout introductions during the first week of classes, many students found it difficult to identify themselves. A student in ENGL 1900 made this introduction, “I used to be Sarah Howell, Libra, but now I’m a Virgo and I don’t know who I am. Is my name even Sarah? How old am I? Am I in the right class? I don’t know anymore!” She then burst into tears while ripping her ID card from her wallet and throwing it in the trash before running from the room. Similar situations were seen in nearly every classroom on campus as students struggle with this identity crisis. S Baby inherits tattoo gene, badass life expected After shocking America with the announcement of their engagement, Kat Von D and Jesse James dropped another bomb this week. They are having a baby. Ultrasound pictures that the couple provided to the press show a tiny tattooed fetus. Doctors say that though they have never seen it before, it appears as though having enough tattoos will eventually imprint that gene on their DNA. “I’m so relieved!” said the mother-to-be, “Now we won’t have to worry about tattooing the baby when it’s born!” S
K-12 students receive imagination, experience in exchange for transportation Colorado Springs school districts have been cutting bus routes due to lack of funding, but will be providing compensation for students who will soon be without transportation to and from school. “We’re sending every student a pair of 3D, wrap-around glasses,” said school board spokesperson Randy Kilborne, that alter the view projected by the glasses to mimic the passing houses and streets normally seen from the window of a moving bus. Product testing suggests that immense danger exists in the wearer attempting to cross busy streets or even navigate crowded sidewalks, but, Kilborne stated, “Hell, if a few get hit by cars, the school can settle out of court and afford to buy textbooks published more recently than 1975.” S
-Scribe Staff
Studying is more fun when your friends are there. And a DJ.
had this to say, “I don’t know, man. The last thing I remember is taking a pill with a smiley face on it that my history professor gave me.” Officials still don’t know who orchestrated
the event, but they are working hard to figure it out. Chancellor Pat Shocker-Zanzabar is outraged over the event. “I don’t know who did this, but when I find out, heads will roll! Maybe next time
TOP TEN
New Year’s resolutions you’ve already abandoned
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Hiking more - because when you get winded just walking up the stairs, mountains are not for you.
Remembering to buy T.P. - Dammit! There’s only one square left! Starting a blog - your Facebook and Twitter updates are enough constant information about every minute detail of your pitiful life, thanks.
Working out - all those beautiful people at the gym will just make you feel worse about yourself.
Making your bed every morning - you’re just going to fall back into it later tonight. Why bother?
Eating healthily - if there’s one thing college life has taught you, it’s that eating green food can only end badly. Actually doing homework - yeah, right. Like that was ever gonna happen.
No more “your mom” jokes - come on, man! They’re just so easy! ...Like your mom. Bettering yourself - as long as there are clubs, there will be girls who don’t care about your personality.
Procrastinate less - you can do it later, right?
-Scribe Staff
Photo courtesy of flickr.com they’ll think to invite me!” she said. The library has been cleaned up and is up and running for its intended purpose. Since so many books and computers were damaged during the
rave, there will be a fundraiser held within the next few weeks to raise money to replace them. While several ideas are still on the table, they are leaning toward throwing a rave in the UC. S
Michael Jordan makes Black Out appearance Jessica Lynch jlynch@uccs.edu This Thursday, UCCS basketball will be competing in the annual Black Out Night against Western New Mexico. While last year brought much excitement, free prizes and some awesome sandwiches, this year’s surprise guest, Michael Jordan, will out shine all other attempts to illicit school spirit. According to Pat Shocker-Zanzabar, “I met him a couple years ago in an elevator, and we really hit it off.” Although the news of his appearance was meant to be kept a secret, Stacey Balize spotted a private jet on top of the Gallogly Event Center last week and immediately updated both her facebook and twitter statuses. An estimated 750 people, including Balize’s friends, her technologically blessed family members who she wishes would stay off of facebook and a handful of random acquaintances, are now ready to storm the floor to touch Michael Jordan. Steven Jerald, a student who had a class with Balize freshman year, though
he’s forgetting which class it was or why he was taking it, explained, “When I read her status, I totally didn’t believe it. But it had already been liked 32 times, so I knew it must be true.” Other students shared a similar feeling of disbelief before allowing themselves to believe what the masses were telling them. Shocker-Zanzabar, who will fall deeply in debt at the end of the month, explained, “I had to give up my life savings to afford his visit, but I think I’ll definitely go down in history for this one.” She furthered, “And I’ll probably get invited to a lot more parties, too.” Michael Jordan is expected to appear for approximately five minutes before the women’s game and two minutes after the men’s game. He will be surrounded by 25 body guards and no autographs will be allowed. Cameras and phones will be confiscated at the door. “It’ll be the best five minutes of my life,” claimed Balize, and from the look in her eyes I wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up naked to the game. S